Ali G Indahouse

From Wikiquote
(Redirected from ALI G INDAHOUSE)
Jump to: navigation, search

Ali G Indahouse is a 2002 comedy film about Sacha Baron Cohen's character Ali G and how he is recruited to be a minister for Staines, his home district in London. But then he learns the government is much more sinister.

Cleaning Da Filth From Da PM's Hood(taglines)

Ali G[edit]

  • [repeated line] Keep it real!
  • [everyone's angry in UN] You know why they're so worked up in there? It's because they haven't had their tea yet! Come on!
  • Respect.

Prime Minister[edit]

  • Ali, come on, World War Three's breaking out, you need to do something!
  • What's he doing?
  • David, why is that man chained to the railings with his trousers down?
  • We're going to demolish Slough instead.

David Carlton[edit]

  • I think we should "keep it real."
  • [to Ali] You know, you are unbelievably stupid.
  • Now, I am going to shoot you!
  • (after Ali G and his gang break into Downing Street) This is a terrorist attack, shoot on sight!

Dialogue[edit]

Ali G: Jezzy, is you wearing green? I knew it - you is defected to the Ivy Heath posse, innit? Come on, let's stab him!
Jezzy: No no, wait! My mum, yeah, she put my yellow top in the wash with my brother's blue football socks even though they ain't colourfast.
Ali G: Alright. But you can tell that slag, that in the ghetto, washing non-colourfast synthetics at 60 degrees could cost you your life!

David Carlton: Ali, have you ever considered becoming a member of Parliament?
Ali G: What me wanna do that for? It's full of pricks!
David Carlton: That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?
Ali G: (nonchalantly) Yes.

David Carlton: Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?
Ali G: Unfortunately, I iz recently gone on the dole...
David Carlton: Really? When?
Ali G: Eight years and three months ago.
David Carlton: Says here you claim disability benefit, are you...?
Ali G: Yes, I iz actually spasticated. I iz got a terrible DJ-ing injury. I still ain't got full mobility in me main mixing finger.
(Starts to air-mix, winces, feigns pain and stops. Ali notices Carlton's sexy secretary watching, so he points at his crotch.)
Ali G: Everything down here's still working though... oh yes!

David Carlton: (Reading a speech Ali wrote) As of twelve o'clock all Rizla's will be free. To discourage their use, there will be a 25p-per-pound levy on panties. This will exclude thongs. Marijuana will be available on the NHS to treat chronic diseases such as itchy scrot. Fruthermore, I am a bell-end...
Ali G: HAHAHAHAHA, HAHA!
David Carlton: Look, Prime Minister, I really can't be expected to...
Prime Minister: Go on now, David!
David Carlton: (reluctantly) I like to take it up the batty. It is me favourite. I used to be a girl and wear knickers! Honest. Ask my mum!

(Ali gets up from his seat and slowly walks down the aisle as all ministers argue)
Minister: Will the minister for Staines return to his seat!?!
(the Prime Minister notices)
Prime Minister: What's he doing?
David Carlton: Uh, I don't know, Prime Minister.
(Ali walks up to the shouting minister and calmly puts his finger on his lips to shush him)
Ali G: Look at you all! All you ever do all day long is cuss each other! R-E-S-P-T-E-C-T. Do you have any idea what that spells?
Minister: Restepact?
Ali G: (confused) Yes. Restepact.
Prime Minister: Restepact?
Ali G: How can you all not be restepacting each other when you doesn't restepact each other in here?
Minister: The minister for Staines is to be removed from the House!
Ali G: (hurriedly) Here's two words you should remember: "Keep it real!"
Minister: (thinking quick) That's three words!
Ali G: Don't be a spinnah, "It" ain't a word - it's short for "innit", innit?

(During a government speech)
Ali G: You sucked off a horse.
Candidate: I did not, suck off a horse. It was a race, and I slipped, and landed on the horse's penis, which, due to the mating season, was erect.

(Ali G has just passed a new law allowing only "fit" refugees into Britain. Several women from Slovenia are passing through arrivals)
Guard: Fit. (women smile awkwardly) Fit. Fit. Fit. Wait... (he checks this woman's passport) Back to Slovenia.

(all of Ali G's gang and his rival gang are forming a human chain outside Downing Street)
Ali G: Turn on the headlights, put the engine on!
Gang member: Turn on headlights, put the engine on!
(all members whisper down the line to each other til it comes to the last member)
Final member: Bitch on the pension; suck my dong!
Driver: (confused) Should I turn the engine on?

(Ali G is forcibly rejected from the House)
Minister: The minister for Staines is hereby removed from the House!
Ali G: Is it because I is black?

Taglines[edit]

  • Cleaning Da Filth From Da PM's Hood
  • Vote Ali G
  • Tax Da Panty
  • Me Iz Introducin A White Paper
  • Blair Beware
  • Guess Who's In Da House?

Cast[edit]

External Links[edit]

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
Sacha Baron Cohen
  Films     Ali G Indahouse  (2002) · Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan  (2006) · Brüno  (2009) · The Dictator  (2012) ·  
  The Brothers Grimsby  (2016)  
  Other releases     Ali G, Innit  (1999) · Ali G, Aiii  (2000) · Bling Bling  (2001)  
  Television series     F2F  (1996–1997) · The 11 O'Clock Show  (1998–2000) · Da Ali G Show  (U. K.: 2000, U. S.: 2003–2004) · Borat's Television Programme  (2004)