Ali G Indahouse
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Ali G Indahouse is a 2002 comedy film about Sacha Baron Cohen's character Ali G and how he is recruited to be a minister for Staines, his home district in London. But then he learns the government is much more sinister.
- [repeated line] Keep it real!
- [everyone's angry in UN] You know why they're so worked up in there? It's because they haven't had their tea yet! Come on!
- Ali, come on, World War Three's breaking out, you need to do something!
- What's he doing?
- David, why is that man chained to the railings with his trousers down?
- We're going to demolish Slough instead.
- I think we should "keep it real."
- [to Ali] You know, you are unbelievably stupid.
- Now, I am going to shoot you!
- (after Ali G and his gang break into Downing Street) This is a terrorist attack, shoot on sight!
- Ali G: Jezzy, is you wearing green? I knew it - you is defected to the Ivy Heath posse, innit? Come on, let's stab him!
- Jezzy: No no, wait! My mum, yeah, she put my yellow top in the wash with my brother's blue football socks even though they ain't colourfast.
- Ali G: Alright. But you can tell that slag, that in the ghetto, washing non-colourfast synthetics at 60 degrees could cost you your life!
- David Carlton: Ali, have you ever considered becoming a member of Parliament?
- Ali G: What me wanna do that for? It's full of pricks!
- David Carlton: That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?
- Ali G: (nonchalantly) Yes.
- David Carlton: Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?
- Ali G: Unfortunately, I iz recently gone on the dole...
- David Carlton: Really? When?
- Ali G: Eight years and three months ago.
- David Carlton: Says here you claim disability benefit, are you...?
- Ali G: Yes, I iz actually spasticated. I iz got a terrible DJ-ing injury. I still ain't got full mobility in me main mixing finger.
- (Starts to air-mix, winces, feigns pain and stops. Ali notices Carlton's sexy secretary watching, so he points at his crotch.)
- Ali G: Everything down here's still working though... oh yes!
- David Carlton: (Reading a speech Ali wrote) As of twelve o'clock all Rizla's will be free. To discourage their use, there will be a 25p-per-pound levy on panties. This will exclude thongs. Marijuana will be available on the NHS to treat chronic diseases such as itchy scrot. Fruthermore, I am a bell-end...
- Ali G: HAHAHAHAHA, HAHA!
- David Carlton: Look, Prime Minister, I really can't be expected to...
- Prime Minister: Go on now, David!
- David Carlton: (reluctantly) I like to take it up the batty. It is me favourite. I used to be a girl and wear knickers! Honest. Ask my mum!
- (Ali gets up from his seat and slowly walks down the aisle as all ministers argue)
- Minister: Will the minister for Staines return to his seat!?!
- (the Prime Minister notices)
- Prime Minister: What's he doing?
- David Carlton: Uh, I don't know, Prime Minister.
- (Ali walks up to the shouting minister and calmly puts his finger on his lips to shush him)
- Ali G: Look at you all! All you ever do all day long is cuss each other! R-E-S-P-T-E-C-T. Do you have any idea what that spells?
- Minister: Restepact?
- Ali G: (confused) Yes. Restepact.
- Prime Minister: Restepact?
- Ali G: How can you all not be restepacting each other when you doesn't restepact each other in here?
- Minister: The minister for Staines is to be removed from the House!
- Ali G: (hurriedly) Here's two words you should remember: "Keep it real!"
- Minister: (thinking quick) That's three words!
- Ali G: Don't be a spinnah, "It" ain't a word - it's short for "innit", innit?
- (During a government speech)
- Ali G: You sucked off a horse.
- Candidate: I did not, suck off a horse. It was a race, and I slipped, and landed on the horse's penis, which, due to the mating season, was erect.
- (Ali G has just passed a new law allowing only "fit" refugees into Britain. Several women from Slovenia are passing through arrivals)
- Guard: Fit. (women smile awkwardly) Fit. Fit. Fit. Wait... (he checks this woman's passport) Back to Slovenia.
- (all of Ali G's gang and his rival gang are forming a human chain outside Downing Street)
- Ali G: Turn on the headlights, put the engine on!
- Gang member: Turn on headlights, put the engine on!
- (all members whisper down the line to each other til it comes to the last member)
- Final member: Bitch on the pension; suck my dong!
- Driver: (confused) Should I turn the engine on?
- (Ali G is forcibly rejected from the House)
- Minister: The minister for Staines is hereby removed from the House!
- Ali G: Is it because I is black?
- Cleaning Da Filth From Da PM's Hood
- Vote Ali G
- Tax Da Panty
- Me Iz Introducin A White Paper
- Blair Beware
- Guess Who's In Da House?
- Sacha Baron Cohen as Alistair "Ali G" Graham/Borat Sagdiyev
- Micheal Gambon - Prime Minister
- Charles Dance - Deputy Prime Minister David Carlton
- Kellie Knight - Julie
- Martin Freeman - Richard "Ricky C" Cunningham
- Rohan Mitra - Kate Hedges
- Barbara New - Nan
- Ray Panthaki - Hassan B
- Emilio Rivera - Rico
- Paul Clayton - Alan Swan Lake
- Olegar Fedoro - Russian Minister
- Tony Way - not Dangerous Dave
- Daniele Lavender - Maid (as Daniella Lavender)
- Capri Ashby - Nurse Nina
- John Scott Martin - Mr. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson