Arthur Guiterman
And I don't feel so well myself!
Arthur Guiterman (20 November 1871 – 11 January 1943) was an American writer best known for his humorous poems.
Quotes
[edit]- Amœbas at the start
Were not complex;
They tore themselves apart,
And started Sex.- "Sex", st. 1, in The Nation (May 4, 1921) p. 666
- 'Tis Sex that rules the lives
Of clowns and kings;
It gives us books and wives
And other things—Ambition, love and strife
And all the ills
And ecstacies of life,
And Freuds and Brills.- "Sex", sts. 5–6, in The Nation (May 4, 1921) p. 666
- They earned a name that lives in song,
Those woodsmen stout and plucky
Whose hair and rifles both were long—
The Hunters of Kentucky.- "The Tall Men", in The Saturday Evening Post (May 24, 1924) pp. 7–8
- The Fawns don't dine
When a Wolf's about,
And the Porcupine
Puts his quill points out.- "Safety First", st. 1, in The Saturday Evening Post (May 2, 1925) p. 148
- Variations: "Deer" not "Fawns" · "Sticks" not "Puts"
- Of all cold words of tongue or pen
The worst are these: "I knew him when ——"- "Prophets in Their Own Country", in The Saturday Evening Post (November 5, 1927) p. 198
- The tusks which clashed in mighty brawls
Of mastodons, are billiard balls.The sword of Charlemagne the Just
Is Ferric Oxide, known as rust.The grizzly bear, whose potent hug
Was feared by all, is now a rug.Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf,
And I don't feel so well myself!
- "On the Vanity of Earthly Greatness", in The New Yorker (March 22, 1930) p. 28
The Laughing Muse (1915)
[edit]- New York: Harper & Bros.
- The Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic Pup
Were playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up;
They looked upon the Creature with a loathing undisguised;—
It wasn't Disinfected and it wasn't Sterilized.- "Strictly Germ-Proof", st. 1
- The Prophet's Cam-u-el, that primal Desert Ship.
- "The Legend of the First Cam-u-el", st. 7
- The Pilgrims landed, worthy men,
And, saved from wreck on raging seas,
They fell upon their knees, and then
Upon the Aborigines.- "The Pilgrims' Thanksgiving Feast", st. 1
- Compare: William M. Evarts
- Commute with me, my Love, and be merry;
How vain in the City to dwell
When apple-trees blow in Dobbs' Ferry
And lilacs adorn New Rochelle!
White Plains is the Garden of Allah
And Pelham's the Pearl of the Sea;
There's bliss in the name of Valhalla—
Oh, fly to the Suburbs with me!- "The Passionate Suburbanite to His Love"
- Also in Life (July 11, 1912) p. 1,389
- Compare: Marlowe, "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love"
- It's lovely having grass and trees and flowers
(Of course, at times, mosquitoes are a pest).
Yes, life is life out here in Rangely Towers
(Of course Some People like the city best)!- "Our Suburb", l. 17
- The Cat on your hearthstone to this day presages,
By solemnly sneezing, the coming of rain!- "The First Cat", st. 7
- Oh, the saddest of sights in a world of sin
Is a little lost pup with his tail tucked in!- "Little Lost Pup", st. 1
The Mirthful Lyre (1918)
[edit]- New York: Harper & Bros.
- Hail Guest! We ask not what thou art:
If Friend, we greet thee, hand and heart;
If Stranger, such no longer be;
If Foe, our love shall conquer thee.- "Old Welsh Door Verse"
- Bless the four corners of this house,
And be the lintel blest;
And bless the hearth and bless the board
And bless each place of rest.- "House Blessing"
The Light Guitar (1923)
[edit]- New York: Harper & Bros.
- For Education is, Making Men;
So is it now, so was it when
Mark Hopkins sat on one end of a log
And James Garfield sat on the other.- "Education", st. 3
- Drab is the town as a shawl-hooded crone,
And dreary and cold with a chill all its own.
You ask them for bread and they give you a scone,
In Glasgow.- The Lyric Baedeker: Glasgow", st. 2
- Also in Life (September 22, 1921) p. 11
- The finest thing in London is the Bobby;
Benignant information is his hobby.- "The Lyric Baedeker: London", st. 1
- Also in Life (April 27, 1922) p. 1
- Oh, who would choose to be a traveler?—
That anxious railway-guide unraveler
Who spends his nights in berths and bunks,
His days in chaperoning trunks;
Who stands in line at gates and wickets
To spend his means on costly tickets
To Irkutsk, Liverpool and Yap
And other dots upon the map.- "The Traveller"
- Also in Life (June 8, 1922) p. 4
- He stood with his muzzle thrust out through the door
The whole forty days of that terrible pour!
Because of which drenching, the Sages unfold,
The Nose of a Healthy Dog always is Cold.- "The Dog's Cold Nose", l. 13
- The three-toed tree-toad
Sings his sweet ode
To the moon;
The funny bunny
And his honey
Trip in tune.- "Nocturne", l. 1
- I breathed a song into the air;
That little song of beauty rare
Is flying still, for all I know,
Around the world by Radio.- "Radiolatry", Epilogue
Death and General Putnam, and 101 Other Poems (1935)
[edit]- New York: E. P. Dutton & Co.
- Then up he rose, and forth they went
Away from battleground, fortress, tent,
Mountain, wilderness, field and farm,
Death and the General, arm in arm.
Death and General Putnam.- "Death and General Putnam", st. 8
- My sword is Strength, my spear is Song;
With these upon a stubborn field
I challenge Falsehood, Fear and Wrong;
But Laughter is my shield.- "Re-armed", st. 1
Gaily the Troubadour (1936)
[edit]- New York: E. P. Dutton & Co.
- Oh, the Brown Missouri Mule has a copper-plated throat,
And the welkin splits apart when he hits an upper note.- "Mule Song", st. 1
- Also in The Saturday Evening Post (April 26, 1930) p. 30
- Lightly we follow our cue,
Exit, pursued by a bear.- "The Shakespearean Bear", Envoi
- Compare: The Winter's Tale, act 3, sc. 3 (stage direction)
- Thus have I sorrowed,
Learning to my cost
That a book that's borrowed
Is a book that's lost!- "Lament in a Library", st. 3
- Also in The New York Times (June 28, 1930) p. 14, col. 7 (with "Much" not "Thus")
External links
[edit]
Encyclopedic article on Arthur Guiterman on Wikipedia
