Better Call Saul

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Better Call Saul (2015–) is an American AMC drama about the life of a small-time lawyer Saul Goodman (Bob Odenkirk) seven years before his appearance on Breaking Bad, though events during and after the original series are also explored.

Season 1[edit]

Uno [1.01][edit]

Saul Goodman/Jimmy McGill: Oh, to be nineteen again! You with me, ladies and gentlemen? Do you remember nineteen? Let me tell you, the juices are flowing. The red corpuscles are corpuscling, the grass is green, and it's soft, and summer's gonna last forever. [Chuckles, inhales sharply] Now, do you remember? Yeah, you do. [Clears throat] But if you're being honest...I mean, well, really honest, you'll recall that you also had an underdeveloped nineteen-year-old brain. Me, personally, I were held accountable for some of the stupid decisions I made when I was nineteen... [chuckling] Oh, boy, wow. And I bet if we were in church right now, I'd get a big "amen!" Which brings us to these three...Now, these three knuckleheads. And I'm sorry, boys, but that's what you are. They did a dumb thing. We're not denying that. However, I would like you to remember two salient facts. Fact one: nobody got hurt, not a soul. Very important to keep that in mind. Fact two: Now, the prosecution keeps bandying this term "criminal trespass." Mr. Spinowzo, the property owner, admitted to us that he keeps most portions of his business open to the public both day and night. So, trespassing? That's a bit of a reach, don't you think, Dave? Here's what I know: These three young men, near honors students all, were feeling their oats one Saturday night, and they just went a little bananas. [Chuckles] I don't know. Call me crazy, but I don't think they deserve to have their bright futures ruined by a momentary, minute, never-to-be-repeated lapse of judgment. Ladies and gentlemen, you're bigger than that.

[Leaving the courthouse parking lot, Jimmy pulls up to the attendant's booth and hands his ticket to the attendant]
Mike Ehrmantraut: [clears throat] Three dollars.
Jimmy McGill: Uh, I’m validated, see the stickers?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Well, I see five stickers. You’re one shy. It’s three dollars.
Jimmy McGill: [sighs] They gave me -- look. [sighs] I’m validated for the entire day, okay? Five stickers, six stickers -- I don’t know from stickers, because I was in that court back there saving people’s lives, so…[Mike rolls his eyes]
Mike Ehrmantraut: Well, gee, that’s swell. And thank you for restoring my faith in the judicial system. Now you either pay the three dollars, or you go back inside and you get an additional sticker. [hands back Jimmy's parking ticket]
Jimmy McGill: [mutters angrily] Son of a bitch. [scoffs] Fine. [takes parking ticket] You win. Hooray for you! [scoffs] [yells loudly at the driver behind him] Backing up! I have to back up! I need more stickers! Don’t have enough stickers! Thank you! Thank you -- very nice!
[Jimmy backs up his car, then drives and parks it next to a fence and a yellow barrier. He gets out of the car and shuts the door.]
Jimmy McGill: Employee of the Month over here! Yeaaah! [claps his hands] Hooray! Give him a medal! [to two police officers standing at a distance] Don’t do anything, fellas. Just relax, all right?

Jimmy: Lawyers – you know, we’re like health insurance. You hope you never need it. But, man oh man, not having it – no.

Jimmy: Let me tell you about a young guy. Actually, he's about your age. He lived a long way from here, in a town called Cicero, Illinois. And in Cicero, he was the man. I mean, when he strolled down the street, all the corner boys would give him the high five, all the finest babes would smile at him and hope that he would smile back. They called him Slippin' Jimmy, and everybody wanted to be his friend.
Skateboarders: "Slippin' Jimmy?" What the hell kind of name is that?
Jimmy: Well, I'll tell you now. Winters in Cicero are murder. You guys grown up out here in the golden west – you don't know, okay? I'm talking cold that'll freeze the snot right in your nose. I'm talking wind that'll cut through your jacket and carve you up like a Ginsu knife. In fact, most folks in Cicero were scared of winter. But not Jimmy. Jimmy waited around all summer. And when September finally rolled around, he'd feel that first cold wind come sweeping off Lake Michigan. He knew it was coming. Was it Christmas? Was it Kwanzaa? Better. It was slip-and-fall season. Soon as it was cold enough, he'd find a nice smooth patch of ice. State Street was good, Michigan Avenue was better. He'd pick a spot, wait for it to get busy, and he'd walk out on the ice and boom! He would diff it so hard, people would come running from five blocks away.
Skateboarders: Yeah, but did he collect?
Jimmy: Did he collect? Slippin' Jimmy had it dialed in. One good fall, he'd clear six, eight grand. That'd keep him in Old Milwaukee and Maui Wowie right through Labor Day.

[Jimmy is standing at a street corner with two skateboarders, planning a slip and fall scheme]
Jimmy: Betsy Kettleman’s her name. Every weekday between 2:25 and 2:50, she comes through here on her way to pick up her kids at Kit Carson Elementary. Now, you need a place where she’s gonna slow down, am I right?
Skateboarders: Yeah.
Jimmy: All right. Well. There you go. She slows down. She hangs a right. You come shooting out of there. You did what you did to me. You go ass over teakettle. You make it a blue-ribbon special. When she gets out of the car, you’re sufferin’ St. Sebastian, right? You’re the hammer, okay? You get in her face. You scare the bejesus out of her. Give me your phone. [Jimmy inputs his number]
Skateboarders: It’s kind of busy here. Don’t you think?
Jimmy: Well, witnesses are good. Witnesses are pressure. All right? Now, once you’ve got her good and rattled, then you call for an ambulance. But really, you’re calling for me. I'm number one on your speed dial, right next to your weed dealer. [Saul hands back the phone] You call me. I hotfoot it over here. I just "happen" to be driving by. I stop to see what the trouble is. And this is the most important part – you don’t know me. We’ve never met. You got it?
Skateboarders: Sure.
Jimmy: Okay. Now, I’m Mrs. K’s white knight. We go mano a mano. You light into me, okay? Get nasty. And no touching. Leave the hair alone. But otherwise, you know, open season. Yell. Stomp. Call me a douchebag. I’m gonna play it cool. Give me back some of the razzmatazz and once she’s seen the fireworks, you fold like a lawn chair – happy ending.
Skateboarders: When do we get our money?
Jimmy: After.
Skateboarders: After.
Jimmy: After. You get paid when I get paid. I’m the rising tide that raises all dinghies. Now, pop quiz – what’s the car?
Skateboarders: Mercury Sable wagon. Baby-poop brown.
Jimmy: Okay. Do you know me?
Skateboarders: No.
Jimmy: Damn straight. Go with God.

Mijo [1.02][edit]

[At the desert, Tuco interrogates Jimmy who is on his knee, pleading for his live.]
Tuco: You know what I smell. I smell lies. I smell pork. [Tuco places a wire cutter on Saul's finger]
Jimmy: No. That’s not necessary.
Tuco: Okay, we know you’re with the heat. The question is, who? Local? FBI?
Jimmy: No, no, no.
Tuco: DEA?
Jimmy: No, I’m a lawyer. Just reach in my pocket right now – right there!
[Tuco takes a matchbook out of Jimmy's pocket, looks at it and throws it away.]
Tuco: Truth.
Jimmy: That is the truth! I’m a lawyer! Guys, I passed the bar! Ask me anything! Not contract law, okay? I’m down at the court every day! People know me. I’m a known quantity – I am!
[Tuco applies more pressure on the wire cutter.]
Jimmy: I’m – I’m special agent Jeffrey Steele, FBI.
Tuco: FBI?
Jimmy: FBI. I’m undercover, okay? You got me. I’m the tip of the spear, and releasing me would be a smart move.

[Jimmy attempts to convince Tuco to spare the skateboarders.]
Jimmy: When I was at your abuelita’s place, you were gonna let them go. Way I see it, that’s because you’re tough, but you’re fair. You’re all about justice.
Tuco: That’s what I am saying – justice.
Jimmy: These – these two shit-for-brains? These two big-mouths? You – you already beat the living hell out of them. Do you think they’re ever gonna forget today? Never – 10 years from now, they’re still gonna be crapping their jockeys.
Tuco: It’s not enough.
Jimmy: Okay, okay. Then let’s talk proportionally. They’re guilty – oh, agreed. Now you have to decide what’s the right sentence?
Tuco: Like a judge.
Jimmy: Like a judge. Ever heard of the Code of Hammurabi – let the punishment fit the crime, eye for an eye?
Tuco: Eye for an eye. You want me to blind them.
Jimmy: No, no. All they did was trash-talk.
Tuco: So I cut their tongues out!
Jimmy: Wait. See, I’m advising that you make the punishment fit the crime.
Tuco: Punishment fit the crime. Columbian neckties – I cut their throats, and then I pull their lying tongues through the slits! Biznatch.
Jimmy: Or you – you could give them black eyes.
Tuco: Black eyes? That ain’t nothing.
No Doze: That one there, homes – he already got a black eye, fool.
Tuco: [turns to No Doze] Stop helping.
Jimmy: Or you could sprain their ankles.
Tuco: Sprain?
Jimmy: They’re – they’re skateboarders, right? That – that’s how they run their scam. They can’t skate. You – you hit them where they live.
Tuco: I ain’t spraining nothing, bitch. I’m gonna break their arms. And I’m gonna break their legs.
Jimmy: Arms? When – when did we get on to arms? Lets...
Tuco: I’m cutting their legs off.
Jimmy: But – we could go that way. But – we were talking about breaking. I think we’re heading the wrong direction.
Tuco: Okay. Break their legs.
Jimmy: How many legs?
Tuco: Two – they got two legs.
Jimmy: One leg – each.
Tuco: One leg – each?
Jimmy: They’re... One leg each, that’s a total of two legs. Uh, hey, look. They can’t skateboard for 6 months, and they are scared of you forever. You show everybody that you are the man, but that you’re fair, that you’re just.
[Tuco shakes Jimmy's hand and proceeds to break the skateboarders' legs.]

[Jimmy helps the skateboarders onto wheelchairs.]
Skateboarder: You – you are – you are the worst lawyer – the worst lawyer ever!
Jimmy: Hey, I just talked you down from a death sentence to six months' probation. I'm the best lawyer ever.

Nacho [1.03][edit]

Jimmy: Hey, you asked for me, and I have come. I want to tell you this was a wise move – very smart, because I’m here to help – everyone – all parties, but mostly you. Uh, those two detectives – they just gave me an earful. And what they were telling me is – it’s problematic. I’m gonna pitch it back to you so I know we’re on the same page. A neighbor lady saw a suspicious van parked across the street from the Kettleman’s house two nights in a row. She wrote down the license plate. It was your license plate. Cops tracked your van and you, searched it, and found blood on the floor. So... here we are. Um... um... they’re calling the FBI in on this, [Saul sits down] which makes it federal. That’s a bad thing, Nacho. That’s – that’s very bad, but if you tell me where the family is, if – if you give them up now – full cooperation, deep remorse – I feel very good about knocking your sentence down to the minimum – 18 years. They take this good-behavior thing very seriously, so start here, right here. Tell me the family is okay. Tell me the kids are okay. [beat] You want to tell me your thoughts and weigh in? Does this sound like a plan that you can get behind?
Nacho: You miserable piece of shit. You set me up.
Jimmy: I what?
Nacho: You gave my score to another crew, and now you’re setting me up.
Jimmy: I – what the what? Did the cops beat you? ‘cause you’re talking like a person with head trauma.
Nacho: You think you’re funny?
Jimmy: What are you saying? Are you saying that you have nothing to do with this? That was your van outside the house. You weren’t there?
Nacho: Yeah I was there. I was casing the place, figuring out the best way in and out, what time they went to bed – all that. They were fine when I left. That’s it.
Jimmy: You have nothing to do with the Kettlemans?
Nacho: I was never in the house.
Jimmy: What about the blood in your van?
Nacho: They DNA my ride, all they’re gonna find is the blood of your skate-rat twins, plus whatever piss and shit you leaked out when you were in there. Nobody's been in the back of that van since.
Jimmy: I... I don’t understand.
Nacho: Here’s what I understand, councilor. I told my plan to one other person. One – you. Now here I am, under arrest. Go figure.
Jimmy: I don’t know anything about a setup or another crew.
Nacho: You know what? I don’t even care. The cops are out there right now, poking into my business, and if they find something on me or my partners, for real, it’s gonna be bad for you – really bad.
Jimmy: Bad? Bad as in?
Nacho: You get me out of here today... or you’re a dead man.

[Jimmy doesn't have enough money or validation stickers when he shows up at the booth]
Jimmy: [angrily] FINE! FINE! You’re gonna make me walk back and get the stickers?! I will walk back and get the stickers!
Mike: I’m not making you do anything. Those are the rules.
Jimmy: [still angry] Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night. [Jimmy sees Mike not paying attention, so he reaches over and presses the button in the booth which raises the cross arm. It goes up and Jimmy drives away fast] SCREW YOU, GEEZER!

Jimmy: I called the Kettlemans after I hung up with you, I gave them a warning call.
Kim: A warning call?
Jimmy: Yeah, I was worried that my guy Varga was going after their money. And he was. He was gonna rip them off. I deduced it from a conversation that we had. It was lawyer to client, so there was, you know, confidentiality issues. But I called the Kettlemans anonymously to warm them.
Kim: Anonymously? You didn’t – Oh, god, you didn’t – you didn’t do the sex-robot voice, did you?
Jimmy: I did, with the tube and whole thing, which probably scared the living shit out of them, and they took off, which, you know, file that under “unintended consequence,” but you – you believe me now?
Kim: Um...
Jimmy: Great. Now we have to find them. I mean – or, better yet, get the cops to let Varga go because right now my ass is on the highway to the danger zone.
Kim: Well, why are you in danger?
Jimmy: Nacho Varga – he didn’t kidnap the family. But he’s a bad guy. He’s a very bad guy. And if the cops keep pushing him, they’re gonna find something. And when that happens, Nacho blames me, and then his guys turn me into a meat piñata.
Kim: Jimmy, tell the police.
Jimmy: No, there’s n– there’s no way I’m gonna rat on this guy. I will never be safe. No, I have to convince the cops that I’m right, get them to stop looking at Nacho, and catch the Kettlemans on the run.
Kim: And if they never catch them?
Jimmy: The Kettlemans? Well, you have met these people, right? They’re – they’re not exactly masterminds, right? They will be caught if the cops are looking for them. So tell them to, would you? The FBI, too – I heard they’re getting in on this.
Kim: Why would the FBI listen to me?
Jimmy: Well, Hamlin – they’ll listen to him, right? APD, at least. You – you talk to Howard. You explain things to him. He has clout with these people. [Kim sighs] What? Is – is that a no or...
Kim: Hamlin will never agree to it. The Kettlemans are our clients. This would mean incriminating them.
Jimmy: Oh, you – you see? That’s why people hate lawyers.
Kim: It’s Hamlin’s call, and Hamlin will never agree. And even if it were up to me, you know I couldn’t. I’m sorry. I just...
Jimmy: I get it. [Saul turns and leaves]
Kim: Where are you going?
Jimmy: I’m gonna go talk to Nacho. I’ll try to make him see reason. To beg!

Jimmy: Hey, hold up. How come you let me off the hook back there?
Mike: I'm going back to work. Why don't you quit while you're ahead and go on your way?
Jimmy: No, I refuse to believe it's because you have something resembling a heart inside your body.
Mike: You're not gonna have a heart inside your body in about five seconds.
Jimmy: Okay, don't tell me. I already know why you did it.
Mike: Yeah? Why's that?
Jimmy: 'Cause you believe me. That family kidnapped themselves.
Mike: All right, I believe you.
Jimmy: I knew it! I knew it! Finally, someone believes me! Why do you believe me?
Mike: I heard the details, your story makes sense.
Jimmy: Of course it does! Devil's advocate—like the cops said, the Kettlemans' cars are still at their house, there's no record of them leaving, how'd they get out of the country?
Mike: They didn't. Odds are they didn't get out of the neighborhood.
Jimmy: Wait...come again?
Mike: Look, when I was still on the job back in Philly, we had this case...
Jimmy: Whoa, hold up, "on the job," as in you were a cop, "on the job"?
Mike: This bookie disappeared after the Super Bowl. Cowboys-Steelers? Took $6 million in bets, skipped town when things didn't go his way. Now, everybody thought he was on the beach in the Bahamas or dead in the Jersey Pine Barrens—wasn't the case. He was two doors down from where he lived, in a foreclosed house. Hid there for six months without anyone suspecting.
Jimmy: But...but why? Why not run?
Mike: That's what everyone expects. It's human nature to want to stay close to home. And if this Kettleman figured out how to do it, that's what he did. Nobody wants to leave home.

Hero [1.04][edit]

[Nacho has been released now that he's been cleared of involvement in the Kettlemans' camping trip]
Jimmy: Well... I believe I did more than what you asked of me, so, uh, that would make us square, yes? Great. You need a ride?
Nacho: Camping? You expect me to believe that shit?
Jimmy: Yeah, I know it. The things people do, huh?
Nacho: They decide to go camping right after I run my little offer by you?
Jimmy: Could be argued that all of life is one great coincidence.
Nacho: Somebody told those people to, um, go camping. Somebody warned them.
Jimmy: They’re very woodsy. And between you and me, they’re pretty rash when it comes to the decision-making. I mean, they're not really the plan-ahead types.
Nacho: Yeah, I'd cut the cute attitude right about now If I were you. You ratted on me. There will be consequences.
Jimmy: Hey, if somebody warned the Kettlemans, it was probably somebody who was worried about those kids.
Nacho: You know how much trouble you caused me?
Jimmy: You didn't need any help getting caught, okay? The neighbor ID'd you. You were sloppy. Any trouble you might have... that's on you. Not to mention the blood in your van. Here's a thought... Ajax, Formula 409! You have no idea the tap dance I had to give those cops to get you out of here. You gave them probable cause out the wazoo. Now, and whoever that somebody is who may have warned the Kettlemans got them out of there before you did anything even more stupid. You should be thanking this Good Samaritan. Because whoever he is, he did you a favor.

[Jimmy and Howard are appearing before a judge, due to Jimmy erecting a billboard that deliberately imitates HHM's logo and branding]
Jimmy: Your honor, I'm a humble solo practitioner, merely trying to ply my trade in an aggressive and evolving marketplace.
Howard Hamlin: As I've argued repeatedly, this is trademark infringement. Mr. McGill's new logo is an absolute copy of ours.
Jimmy: I think it falls firmly under fair use.
Howard: Fair use? You're clearly profiting, so fair use doesn't apply.
Jimmy: It - there are only so many fonts out there. Does Mr. Hamlin outright own them all?
Howard: No, but we've been using this particular font for 12 years now, and it, in concert with our tri-rectangle graphic and Hamlindigo Blue, constitutes a trademarked brand identifier.
Jimmy: Whoa, whoa. Back up. Hamlindigo Blue?
Howard: Yes. That is our trademarked name.
Jimmy: Holy crap. You seriously named a color "Hamlindigo"? That is... yikes.
Howard: "Yikes"? From the man dressed exactly like me. Your honor, I feel like I'm in the mirror routine with Groucho Marx, like we should be standing, waving our arms at each other.
Jimmy: Really? I don't see it.
Howard: In addition, the name McGill appears in both logos, which, I believe, Mr. McGill is hoping to further confuse potential clients.
Jimmy: So I can't advertise under my own name now? I'm to be penalized 'cause I happen to share a name with one of HHM's partners? You can't take my name from me.
Judge: The name is not the problem here, Mr. McGill.
Jimmy: Uh, Mr. Hamlin certainly seems to think so. I mean, he wants me to change my name 'cause he claims that – that – what – it's some kind of threat to his business? Your honor. This is restraint of trade, okay? Whatever happened to the free market, huh? No, Hamlin here wants you to tell...
Judge: Okay, okay, I've... Enough. Mr. McGill, I've heard enough. All right, yes, you are within your rights to advertise using your own name. However, in my estimation, the billboard clearly and intentionally duplicates elements of the Hamlin, Hamlin & McGill logo. You're actively copying their established brand for your own gain. I don't see any other reasonable explanation.
Jimmy: Your honor, I...
Judge: Jimmy, Jimmy. Wise up. The billboard must come down within 48 hours.

Alpine Shepherd Boy [1.05][edit]

Richard Sipes: Jim, I saw you on the TV, that billboard thing. And I had me a pair of insights. Insight the first: you ain't afraid to put yourself out there. And insight the second: you believe in the real America – freedom, self-sufficiency.
Jimmy McGill: I do. I... I really do.
Richard Sipes: When I see a man like you driving that foreign shitbox of a car...
Jimmy McGill: Well, see, actually, it's...
Richard Sipes:'s a sign a good man can't get ahead today. It's a damned travesty. That's what it is.
Jimmy McGill: Well that may be, Ricky, but, uh... I refuse to consider myself a victim.
Richard Sipes: You know, we are once again at a point in our history where the fly-swatting hand of government is crushing the spirit of entrepreneurship. Taxes, OSHA requirements, the INS poking their big, fat nose into every mother-loving hire. It's damned oppressive.
Jimmy McGill: It's tragic. It's un-American.
Richard Sipes: Jim, I think you are just the lawyer I need, 'cause I got me a case – major – I say, a major case. Are you ready to clear your calendar?
Jimmy McGill: Ricky, I'm all ears.
Richard Sipes: I want to secede from the United States. Now, I got 1,100 acres of property here, self-sustaining with solar power and wells, a sovereign state immune to the business-killing regulations of the country in which it geographically lies. We are going to be America's Vatican City.
Jimmy McGill: Ricky... I'm your man. Yeah, let's do this. Let's show 'em all. Yee-haw!
Richard Sipes: Yee-haw!
Jimmy McGill: Yee-haw! [Ricky highfives Saul] Yes! We are doing this! Ah. Now, it's not gonna be easy, sir. I mean, the government is gonna fight us tooth and nail. We could end up in the Supreme Court – I'm talking thousands of man-hours – I mean, years of effort.
Richard Sipes: Are you ready for that?
Jimmy McGill: Me? I say bring 'em on.
Richard Sipes: Let's talk turkey. What's your rate?
Jimmy McGill: $450 an hour.
Richard Sipes: The hell with hourly. I want you on retainer. How about $1 million even – $500,000 up front and $500,000 when we're done?
Jimmy McGill: A million? That seems... fair.
Richard Sipes: Would you like that in cash? [Ricky takes out stacks of bills from the safe.]
Jimmy McGill: Uh. [Jimmy flips a stack of bills and sees Ricky's face on them.] Well...
Richard Sipes: Tax-free and backed by the full faith and credit of the sovereign Sandia Republic.
Jimmy McGill: It's, uh...
Richard Sipes: Son... You are getting in on the ground floor.
[Cuts to Jimmy driving away from the house at full speed]

[Roland Jaycox shows Jimmy into his garage]
Jimmy McGill: So, what do we got?
Roland Jaycox: Uh, I feel silly asking this. Yeah. But before I show you my invention, would you mind signing a non-disclosure agreement?
Jimmy McGill: You got it. No problem. [Jimmy signs the agreement.]
Roland Jaycox: It's my idea of a lifetime. If Fisher-Price or Playskool ever got their hands on this...
Jimmy McGill: No worries.
Roland Jaycox: You ready? [Roland lifts the tarp off an ordinary looking toilet]
Jimmy McGill: I may have seen one of these before.
Roland Jaycox: Not like this. This one has this little unit I've added. This is my invention. Do you have children?
Jimmy McGill: No.
Roland Jaycox: My wife and I have two boys, four and six. And let me tell you, toilet-training them? Nightmare, both times. They just didn't want to use the commode! So I wired a motion sensor to a voice chip and, well, no sense getting all technical. But it's all about positive reinforcement. Meet Tony the Toilet Buddy. And when you sit down to do your business, this is how he works. [Roland drops a wooden block in the toilet bowl]
Tony the Toilet Buddy: Oh, yeah! That's the way! [Roland drops another wooden block in the toilet bowl] Gosh, you're big! You're so big! My goodness! Look at you! [Another wooden block] Fill me up, Chandler! Put it in me!
Roland Jaycox: Chandler's my youngest. Loves it.
Jimmy McGill: Huh. [Another wooden block]
Tony the Toilet Buddy: Give it to me, Chandler! I want it all! Mmm! Ahhh!
Roland Jaycox: Anyway, it goes on from there. You get the picture.
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, I, uh...yeah.
Roland Jaycox: So, what do you think?
Jimmy McGill: It's a little...sexual, maybe?
Roland Jaycox: Sexual? What-what does that...?
Jimmy McGill: Suggestive, maybe-maybe that's a better word? Look, I'm not-I'm not saying this thing won't make you rich. I mean, some of your wealthier Pacific Rim nations, they'll love this, the crazy bastards.
Roland Jaycox: I created this for children...children, understand?
Jimmy McGill: Well, hey, Viagra was originally invented to treat hypertension. Look how that turned out.
[Cuts to Jimmy leaving the house with an angry Roland chasing after him]
Roland Jaycox: You're completely disgusting, you know that?!
Jimmy McGill: Hey, buddy, you're the one with the sex toilet.
Roland Jaycox: Get off my property!
Jimmy McGill: Hey, you know what? I hope you do make a fortune, 'cause Chandler's gonna need it to help pay for his therapy!

[Late at night, Jimmy is leaving the parking lot when he stops at Mike's booth]
Jimmy McGill: Heeeeey, there he is. The man in the booth, John Wilkes Booth, Booth Tarkington. Whatchu readin' there? The Complete Annotated Book of Rules for Parking Validation?
Mike Ehrmantraut: No, the rules for parking validation are actually pretty simple. Most people get it on the first try.
Jimmy McGill: Well, you’ll be pleased to know I have the requisite stickers. [hands over parking ticket]
Mike Ehrmantraut: [deadpan] Well, be still my heart.
Jimmy McGill: Aaand... you can have this, as well. [hands over business card] I’m doing elder law now. "Need a will? Call McGill." So, give me a call if you, uh — uh, if, uh, you happen to know any elders.
Mike Ehrmantraut: [slightly annoyed]' Good night. [presses button to lift the crossarm]
Jimmy McGill: Couldn’t have a bad one if I tried. [He drives away]

Five-0 [1.06][edit]

Jimmy: How you doing? James McGill here to see my client. [beat] What?
Greg Sanders: You look like Matlock.
Jimmy: Uh, no, I look like a young Paul Newman dressed as Matlock.

Jimmy: So I'm here because you want me to assault a police officer.
Mike: I am asking you to take a few ounces of lukewarm coffee and spill it on him. I doubt that satisfies the definition of "assault," but, hey, you're the lawyer.

Jimmy: Look, don't let Mr. Ehrmantraut's dancing eyes and bubbly, bon vivant personality fool you. He's actually, believe it or not, somewhat taciturn. Shall I fan you gently, so you don't go into shock?

[Mike is talking to his late son Matty's wife]
Mike: You let some things slide and you look the other way. You bust a drug dealer that has more cash than you'll ever earn in a lifetime. Some of it doesn't make it back into evidence, so what? You took a taste. So did everyone else. That's how you knew you were safe. It's like killing Caesar. Everyone's guilty. Matt wasn't dirty. I was. Everyone was in that precinct. That's how it worked. You turn in your buddy, you're screwing yourself. You go along to get along.
Stacey Ehrmantraut: And you went along.
Mike: [Chuckles, clicks tongue] I did. Yeah. I did.
Stacey: Okay. But you said Matt didn't.
Mike: No. Not Matt. Fensky got to Hoffman early, kickbacks from some gang or another. Protection, basically. And Hoffman went to Matty and offered to cut him in. Only fair, right? They were partners. And Matt did what you would think: He agonized. And then he came to me, wanted to go to the I.A., do the right thing, shut 'em down.
Stacey: Oh, my God. And you let him? That's why he got killed 'cause he was gonna turn on those guys?
Mike: No. No. I told him...[Sighs] "You know what a cop fears most? More than getting shot, more than anything? Prison. Getting locked up with everybody you put away. You threaten a cop with that, you make him dangerous." And that's what I told him. I talked sense. No one was getting hurt. "But if you go to the I.A., if you even look like you're going...?" He had a wife, a kid, responsibilities. "Take the money. Do something good with it." [chuckles] Well, I tried. I tried. But he wouldn't listen. My boy was stubborn. My boy was strong. And he was gonna get himself killed. So I told him...I told him I did it, too, that I was like Hoffman, getting by, and that's what you heard that night: Me talking him down, him kicking and screaming until the fight went out of him. He put me up on a pedestal. And I had to show him that I was down in the gutter with the rest of them. Broke my boy. I broke my boy. He went to Hoffman, he took the money, but he hesitated. Even looking like you're doing the right thing to those two meant that he wasn't solid – that he couldn't be trusted. I got Matty to take the money. And they killed him two days later. He was the strongest person that I ever knew. He'd have never done it, not even to save himself. I was the only one, I was the only one that could get him to debase himself like that. And it was for nothing. I made him lesser. I made him like me. And the bastards killed him anyway.
Stacey: Hoffman and Fenske, if they killed Matty...who killed them? What happened?
Mike: You know what happened. The question is, can you live with it?

Bingo [1.07][edit]

Kim Wexler: I know this is the last thing you want to hear. I think your chances of getting a favorable ruling from a jury are very slim.
Craig Kettleman: What does that mean?
Kim Wexler: We're not in a great position to win at trial.
Betsy Kettleman: But we came to you people because we were told you win cases.
Kim Wexler: Winning doesn't always mean "getting a favorable verdict at trial". We try to achieve the best possible outcome for our clients, given each individual case. Frankly, we've worked very hard to stave off an arrest. After the misunderstanding about your, uh, "camping trip", the D.A. was concerned you might be a flight risk.
Betsy Kettleman: [scoffs] A flight risk? We-we were practically in our own backyard!
Kim Wexler: That's exactly what we told the D.A. In any case, I think we've managed to come up with a deal that is very favorable under the circumstances.
Betsy Kettleman: A deal? I hate that terminology. A deal is what they got O.J.
Craig Kettleman: Well, Betsy, maybe we should, you know, hear it...
Betsy Kettleman: I'm just saying, it's a terrible term. [to Kim] What kind of deal?
Kim Wexler: If the prosecution decides to file, which is definitely the direction this seems to be headed, and if they choose to stack charges, Craig, you're looking at thirty years in prison.
Craig Kettleman: Thirty years?
Kim Wexler: That's the maximum, and given the nature of the charge and the current political environment, I'd say we should expect it. The public outcry in cases like these is a big factor. However, after much discussion with the D.A., who is also invested in keeping the press to a minimum, we have arrived at an arrangement, which would include sixteen months in a county facility.
Craig Kettleman: Sixteen months.
Kim Wexler: Down from thirty years. And you most likely wouldn't serve all of it.
Betsy Kettleman: But he would have to say he was guilty.
Kim Wexler: Admitting wrongdoing and making the county whole again goes a long way here. Hence the minimal sentence.
Betsy Kettleman: Uh, "making the county whole again"?
Kim Wexler: It includes the stipulation that you return $1.6 million in misappropriated funds.
Craig Kettleman: Give back the money?
Betsy Kettleman: [puts her hand on Craig's arm] But there is no money.
Craig Kettleman: There's no money.
Betsy Kettleman: We told you, Craig is innocent.
Kim Wexler: I understand. However, I'd like to emphasize again that this deal is Craig's best chance of minimizing jail time.
Betsy Kettleman: You're telling us there are drug dealers and murderers walking the streets, but instead of going after them, they want to put an innocent man in jail.
Craig Kettleman: There's no other way?
Kim Wexler: I'm sorry. I think, under the circumstances, this is your best option.
Betsy Kettleman: Murderers and rapists, and this is how they tr... [inhales deeply] Okay. There is no money. There never was. You have to take this to trial.
Kim Wexler: Look, you have a difficult, but nevertheless straightforward choice to make here. On one hand, you give up the money, plead-
Betsy Kettleman: [interrupts] Ah! I just told you, there is no money.
Kim Wexler: ...Plead guilty. It's painful, I know. And go to jail for a year and a half. But your other choice? [beat] That is no choice at all. If you go to trial, you'll most likely lose, and Craig goes to prison for decades. Your children will grow up seeing their dad through bars on visiting day. I know what I'd do. I'd take the deal. Two years from now, you can be starting over. It's tough, I know. But you're tough people. And your family is worth it. [beat] Why don't I give you a few moments to discuss this? I know it's a big decision.
Betsy Kettleman: We don't need to discuss it. You're fired.

[Jimmy finds that the Kettlemans have dumped Kim and want to hire him for their embezzlement case. He calls her from a restaurant bathroom]
Jimmy McGill: Hey, funny story: I found something that belongs to you, again.
Kim Wexler: Yeah? What?
Jimmy McGill: "Who?" Picture The 25th Hour, starring Ned and Maude Flanders.

Jimmy McGill: [to the Kettlemans] We can we all three just parachute down from cloud cuckoo land?

Kim: I know we're never supposed to say our clients are guilty, but, hey, not my client anymore. He's guilty as sin.
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, but there has to be something - some loophole or -
Kim: None that I could find.
Jimmy McGill: There has to be a way.
Kim: Not without the money. It's the only chip those Kettlemans have, and they refuse to play it.

[Jimmy enters the Kettleman residence]
Jimmy McGill: [looking around] Oh, I love what you've done with the place. Last time I was here, it was, uh... Well, not a contender for the cover of Good Housekeeping, that's for sure.
Betsy Kettleman: [chuckling] Do you have news about our case?
Jimmy McGill: I do, in fact. But before we get to the nitty-gritty, I think we should chat about your deal.
Betsy Kettleman: Uh, we told you, there will be no deal.
Jimmy McGill: You did, didn't you? However, circumstances have changed.
Betsy Kettleman: What circumstances?
Jimmy McGill: To answer that, um... might I suggest that you go and check on that money you insist you didn't take?
[Betsy laughs incredulously]
Jimmy McGill: In the upstairs bathroom, under the sink?
Craig Kettleman: Wait, how could you...?
[The truth dawns on Betsy first, and she leaps up and hurries up the stairs in a panic, cutting him off. Craig follows her up, while Jimmy waits patiently in the living room.]
Craig Kettleman: Betsy?
[There is the sound of clattering and rummaging upstairs]
Betsy Kettleman: No, no no no no no no!
Craig Kettleman: It's okay, Betsy. It's gotta be... it's gotta be in there somewhere.
[Betsy comes out of the bathroom and addresses Jimmy from upstairs]
Betsy Kettleman: What did you do with it?!
Jimmy McGill: By "it", you mean...?
Betsy Kettleman: [As she and Craig make their way downstairs] Where is it?!
Jimmy McGill: Oh! You mean the money? Uh, let me see. It's uh... [checks his watch] on its way to the D.A.'s desk, right about now.
Betsy Kettleman: What!? You...!? Oh, you thief!
Jimmy McGill: It takes one to know one, doesn't it?
Craig Kettleman: You took it? How did you take it?
Jimmy McGill: A good magician never reveals his tricks. Now here's what we're gonna do—
Betsy Kettleman: Oh, you don't tell us what to do. You stole from us. We... We will have you arrested!
Jimmy McGill: Uh, I can see how upset you are, and even on a good day, you and logic are... [places two fingers together and separates them with a whistling sound] But think about what you just said. Criminals have no recourse. And you two? You're criminals. Big time.
Betsy Kettleman: How dare you.
Jimmy McGill: Luckily, you have a very talented lawyer, who has found a way to minimize the damage you've brought upon yourselves.
Betsy Kettleman: Oh, you're fired!
Jimmy McGill: Oh, I quit, already. No, I'm talking about Kim Wexler. Now, you're gonna go back to her, you're gonna apologize for your hasty decision to terminate her services, and you're gonna fall on her mercy and take that deal.
Betsy Kettleman: We'll tell about the bribe you took.
Jimmy McGill: You could do that. You absolutely could, and I'd be in a mess of trouble, a real pickle...
[Betsy smiles smugly, thinking she's got him]
Jimmy McGill: ...But so would you, Mrs. Kettleman. Because right now, only Mr. Kettleman is on the hook, for the whole embezzlement kerfluffle. But the bribe, we're back to calling it a bribe? Yeah, that implicates you as well.
Craig Kettleman: It does not. It was all me.
Jimmy McGill: No, it wasn't. I'll make sure everyone knows that. Look on the bright side, you know? They could work out some kind of inter-prison visitation program, the occasional conjugal. Maybe it won't be all bad. [to Betsy] You, you'll probably wind up running your own gang. [He looks up at both of them, becoming somewhat solemn] Thing you folks need to know about me? I got nothing to lose. Christ, you should see my office.

RICO [1.08][edit]

Mrs. Landry: Sir, I need you to finish up -
Jimmy McGill: This is a demand letter informing Sandpiper Crossing of pending litigation for defrauding my clients through systematic overcharging. You're shredding in there! I'm not deaf! I can hear you! Stop right now! [Shredding continues] This here this makes it official, right? If you don't stop shredding right now, that's destruction of evidence spoliation! That's what it's called, and it's a felony! So call your lawyers right now and tell them I said that! Me! James McGill Esquire!

Rick Schweikart: Maybe you should walk me through what you're alleging here.
Jimmy McGill: I believe it's all in the letter.
Rick Schweikart: Uh, uh, I I'm not saying it's not, but it's a bit hard to read. Next time, I'd use double-ply.

Rick Schweikart: This is a shakedown, and we both know it. Now, if you push this any further, my hands will be tied. Sorry for interrupting your evening. Enjoy "The Magic Flute".
Jimmy McGill: [after Schweikart has hung up] Blow my magic flute.

Chuck McGill: You broke into a nursing home?
Jimmy McGill: Assisted living.
Chuck McGill: And you stole their garbage. My God.
Jimmy McGill: No, it was in public. There was no lock, no nothing. I just lifted the lid, and there it was. There's no reasonable expectation of privacy in that situation, is there? You can't say it's private if a hobo can use it as a wigwam!

Jimmy McGill: [to Rick Schweikart] Sedima establishes a pretty low threshold for RICO provisions to kick in. Interstate commerce is a bitch, huh? As soon as we establish a pattern to, what was your word? Uh, "overbillings"? I prefer the classic term of fraud. You're looking at treble damages. So your 100 grand? I think you know where you can stick it.

Pimento [1.09][edit]

Chuck McGill: Confidence is good. Facts on your side, better. Know what you're walking into.

Sobchak: So, what you packing?
Mike Ehrmantraut: A pimento.
Sobchak: Sorry, what?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Pimento sandwich.
Sobchak: [laughs] That's funny. Pimento. No, I mean, what are you carrying? You know, the piece? What's the make?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Pimento is a cheese. They call it the caviar of the south.

Howard Hamlin: It's easy money, Jimmy. No reason not to take it.
Jimmy McGill: Go to hell, Howard! I'm not giving you my case. And I'm gonna tell every one of those clients what a lying miserable pig fucker you are. I will burn the whole thing to the ground before I give it to you!

Howard Hamlin: The partners have made a decision and the why is not your concern.
Kim Wexler: I think it is my concern.
Howard Hamlin: And why is that?
Kim Wexler: Because he's my friend. And the way I see it, you're not treating him fairly.
Howard Hamlin: The way you see it?
Kim Wexler: I don't know what image you have of him, past or present, or whatever he did or said, but Jimmy is a good lawyer. And he works very hard.
Howard Hamlin: Did your friend send you in here to say that?
Kim Wexler: No. I'm saying it because I believe it.
Howard Hamlin: Well, duly noted. Want to know what I believe? I believe that you're way out of your depth in this matter. So the next time that you want to come in here and tell me what I'm doing wrong, you are welcome to keep it to yourself. Because I don't care.

Mike Ehrmantraut: The lesson is, if you're gonna be a criminal, do your homework.
Price: Wait. I'm not a bad guy.
Mike Ehrmantraut: I didn't say you were a bad guy. I said you're a criminal.
Price: What's the difference?
Mike Ehrmantraut: I've known good criminals and bad cops. Bad priests. Honorable thieves. You can be on one side of the law or the other. But if you make a deal with somebody, you keep your word. You can go home today with your money and never do this again. But you took something that wasn't yours. And you sold it for a profit. You're now a criminal. Good one, bad one? That's up to you.

Jimmy McGill: I'm your brother. We're supposed to look out for each other. Why were you working against me, Chuck?
Chuck McGill: You're not a real lawyer.
Jimmy McGill: I'm what?
Chuck McGill: You're not a real lawyer. University of American Samoa, for Christ's sake? An online course? What a joke. I worked my ass off to get where I am. And you take these shortcuts and you think suddenly you're my peer? You do what I do because you're funny and you can make people laugh? I committed my life to this! You don't slide into it like a cheap pair of slippers and reap all the rewards.
Jimmy McGill: I thought you were proud of me.
Chuck McGill: I was. When you straightened out and got a job in the mailroom, I was very proud.
Jimmy McGill: So that's it then, right? Keep old Jimmy down in the mailroom. He's not good enough to be a lawyer.
Chuck McGill: I know you. I know what you were, what you are. People don't change. You're Slippin' Jimmy. And Slippin' Jimmy I can handle just fine. But Slippin' Jimmy with a law degree is like a chimp with a machine gun. The law is sacred! If you abuse that power, people get hurt. This is not a game. You have to know on some level, I know you know I'm right. You know I'm right.

Marco [1.10][edit]

Jimmy McGill: I mean, what is it with this place? It's, it's like living inside an easy-bake oven. I mean, look out that window. It's, it's like a soulless, radioactive Georgia Oâ'Keefe hellscape out there, crawling with coral snakes and scorpions and - You ever see the movie "The Hills Have Eyes"? It's a documentary! God forbid your car breaks down. You have to walk 10 steps. You got a melanoma the size of a pineapple where your head used to be. And so you ask, "why?" Why? If if that's how I feel, why do I live here? Why?!
Senior: Excuse me. Are you gonna read that number?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah. I'm gonna read your number. And it's another "B". It's another frigging "B". Boy, of course. Why not? Why not?! And the next number...Uh, quick question, who here knows what a Chicago sunroof is? Anybody? You, sir? No? Okay. True story, uh, back home, uh, there was this guy named Chet. Now, Chet was a real asshole. He might have owed me some money. He might have slept with my wife before she became my ex-wife. The details don't matter. Suffice it to say, I was wronged. All right, so, one summer evening, I was out having a few drinks. One or two, maybe three. You get the picture? And, uh, who do I see? Chet. He drove up, and he double-parked outside a dairy queen and went in to get some soft-serve. Now, Chet drove - and this will give you an idea of exactly what kind of a douchebag this guy was - drove a white pearlescent BMW 7 series with white leather interior. So, I saw that thing, and I had, I'd had a few, like I said. And, uh I climbed up top, and I may have defecated, uh, through the sunroof. Not my finest hour, I'll grant you that. But that's what a Chicago sunroof is. Now you know. It's a real thing. I didn't make it up. I'm not the first person to do it. There's a name for it. Guy wanted some soft-serve, I gave him some soft-serve. I did not know that his children were in the backseat. There was a level of tint on the windows that I'll maintain to this day was not legal in an Illinois-licensed vehicle. But somehow, that's on me, I guess. Who leaves two cub scouts in a double-parked car with the engine running?! Come on. Now, Chet was connected, see? Like, uh, Cicero connected. So, usually, I'd be looking at malicious mischief, public intoxication, disorderly conduct, maybe, but he's got the D.A. saying indecent exposure, calling me a sex offender. What? One little Chicago sunroof, and suddenly I'm Charles Manson?! And that's where it all went off the rails. I've been paying for it ever since. That's why I'm here! I don't...You know what? [Sniffs] Any of this stuff you want, come get it. Kitty-cat notebooks for everybody.

Marco: Jimmy, you know what?
Jimmy McGill: Just s-save your breath, okay? You're gonna be fine.
Marco: This was the greatest week of my life.

Jimmy McGill: Help me out here. Did I dream it, or did I have $1,600,000 on my desk in cash? When I close my eyes, I can still see it. It's burned into my retinas like I was staring into the sun. No one on God's green earth knew we had it. We could have split it 50/50. We could have gone home with $800,000 each, tax-free.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Your point being?
Jimmy McGill: Why didn't we? What stopped us?
Mike Ehrmantraut: I remember you saying something about doing the right thing.
Jimmy McGill: I don't even know what that means.
Mike Ehrmantraut: You want to know why I didn't take that money? Is that what you're asking?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, that's what I'm asking.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Me, personally—I was hired to do a job. I did it. That's as far as it goes.
Jimmy McGill: Yeah. Well, I know what stopped me. And you know what? It's never stopping me again.

Season 2[edit]

Switch [2.01][edit]

[Mike is waiting in the parking garage for Daniel Wormald to pick him up. Moments later, Daniel pulls into the garage in a bright yellow Hummer H2. Upon seeing the car, Mike picks up his lunch bag and immediately begins walking away]
Daniel Wormald: Hey! It's me! [After a brief fumble, he backs the car up to catch up with Mike] Hello? Hello! It's me! I got a new car. Do you like it?
Mike Ehrmantraut: We're not taking that to the meet.
Daniel Wormald: How are we gonna get there?
Mike Ehrmantraut: I'll drive, in my car.
Daniel Wormald: Why?
Mike Ehrmantraut: This business requires restraint. That is the opposite of restraint.
Daniel Wormald: But...I like it. I mean, I'm proud of it.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Good. And you can be proud of it on your own time. Just not with me. I'm not getting in that.

Cobbler [2.02][edit]

[Daniel has shown up at Mike's parking lot in his bright circus wagon, having been summoned for police questioning]
Daniel Wormald: Well, if you must know, I was robbed. Somebody broke into my house and stole my property.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Your drugs.
Daniel Wormald: Yeah, but obviously ‭I didn't tell the cops that. I'm not stupid.
Mike Ehrmantraut: You've already spoken to them?
Daniel Wormald: A couple of them came by my house. But it's not the drugs that I care about. I mean, I care. It's my baseball cards I need back.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Your baseball cards?
Daniel Wormald: Yes. I have a very valuable collection of baseball cards, and someone stole them.
Mike Ehrmantraut: I guess I shouldn't be surprised I have to tell you this. But it's probably a bad idea that you willingly talk to the police, being a criminal and all.
Daniel Wormald: I'm not here as a criminal. I'm here as a crime victim. Just because I occasionally sell some pharmaceuticals, I no longer have a right to protection from crime? And I was very careful when I talked to them. I... they have no idea about my other business.
Mike Ehrmantraut: If you already made your report, why are you here?
Daniel Wormald: They called me. They have a few more questions. They are very dedicated to finding this thief.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Since you're new to this, let me explain it to you. They've invited you on a fishing trip.
Daniel Wormald: What's that? A fishing trip?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Those cops have no interest in helping you get your cards back. You're obviously under suspicion.
Daniel Wormald: There was nothing there for them to see.
Mike Ehrmantraut: I refer you to our previous conversation and this blinking neon sign of a vehicle that says "drug dealer." They suspect you. They will get you in there, pretend to be your friend, lull you into a false sense of security, and then they will sweat you. And you will break.
Daniel Wormald: I don't... I... [chuckles] I disagree.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Not open for debate. You go home now.
Daniel Wormald: But I have an appointment.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Break it. And if they call you, do not answer the phone.

[Jimmy is spinning a lie to the police about Daniel's secret stash]
Detective 1: So, fully clothed Mr. Wormald by himself doing what?
Detective 2: Yeah, come on, man. What?
Jimmy McGill: [sighs] Squat cobbler.
Detective 1: What's a s-squat cobbler?
Jimmy McGill: Squat cobbler. ‭You know what squat cobbler is.
Detective 1: No, I don't... I don't know what a squat cobbler is.
Detective 2: No, me neither. What is it?
Jimmy McGill: What? And you two guys are cops? Hoboken Squat Cobbler. Full Moon Moon Pie. Boston Crème Splat. Seriously? Simple Simon the Ass Man. Dutch Apple Ass. Guys, am I not speaking English here?
Detective 1: What the hell is a squat cobbler?!
Jimmy McGill: It's when a man sits in pie! He sits in a pie! And he... he wiggles around. Maybe it's like Hellman's Mayonnaise. It has a different name west of the Rockies. I don't know. But, uh, technically, he does a crybaby squat, so there's tears, which makes it more specialized. Not all pie sitters cry. But I'm gonna tell you something: This guy? He's a regular Julianne Moore once he gets ‭the waterworks cranked up.
Detective 2: Pies? What? Like apple?
Jimmy McGill: Guys, I'm not the filmmaker here, all right? Banana cream. I... uh, peach. Oh, and there... And there is a costume involved.
Detective 1: [snorts] You've got to be shittin' us.
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, like I would make this up. Hey, the world is ‭a rich tapestry, my friends. But trust me on this. You don't want to see it.

[Jimmy leaves the police station having successfully gotten Daniel off on the drug investigation]
Daniel Warmold: So, uh, we're good, right?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah. Great! [Chuckles] There is, however, one little, tiny hanging Chad.
Daniel Warmold: Well, what? What Chad?
Jimmy McGill: You're gonna have to make a video.

Amarillo [2.03][edit]

[Jimmy bribes a bus driver to "break down". After handing bribe money to the driver, he climbs on board]
Jimmy McGill: Howdy, folks! Could someone tell me if Mrs. Alma May Urbano is on board? Alma May Urbano? [A hand is raised] There you are. Hello, dear. Very good to meet you. My name's Jimmy. I tried to visit you at Sandpiper, but they wouldn't allow me to. Hey, you know what? It doesn't matter. I saw your bus broken down, here you are. Lucky me. Do you prefer to be called Mrs. Urbano or Alma May or just plain Alma? My last name is McGill, but you can call me Jimmy. Hey, everyone! My name's Jimmy McGill. I'm an attorney at law, but, uh, don't mind me. Just talk amongst yourselves. Now, Alma May, do you recall responding to a mailer from my law firm, Davis & Main, of Santa Fe, New Mexico?
Alma May: I... I don't know.
Jimmy McGill: Well, we were looking to help any Sandpiper residents who may have been overcharged for, uh, basic goods and services. Now, does that ring a bell?
Alma May: Oh! Maybe. Was it yellow?
Jimmy McGill: It's canary yellow. I picked that color myself. [Chuckles] Well, ma'am, I'm here to make sure you get your money back.
Amos: What are you talking about? Who took Alma May's money?
Jimmy McGill: Uh, well, now, that's a very good question. And thank you for asking, mister, uh...?
Amos: Amos... Amos Lydecker.
Jimmy McGill: Mr. Lydecker, Jimmy McGill. Now, nobody took anybody's money, uh, exactly. Okay? It's not like the Sandpiper people, you know, put on a ski mask and, uh, mugged Alma May here at gunpoint. So I want you to put that mental image right out of your head. See, what we're talking about here is more of a... it's just a discrepancy. It's, it's a little thing, it's fairly innocent. But we need to fix it. Do you follow me? [silence] Well, put it this way. Alma May, let's say you're out on a date with your boyfriend. You do have a boyfriend, right? [She shakes her head] Ah! You don't? Come on. You... Alma May's holding out on me. Do you have a nephew?
Alma May: Nephew? Oh, y-yes. Steve.
Jimmy McGill: Okay, Steve. Is he a good guy?
Alma May: Yes, very good.
Jimmy McGill: Okay. So, let's say you and Steve go out to dinner at, uh, well, Birdie's. That's where you're all headed today, right? All right. So, both of you have a great meal. It's chicken-fried steak and green beans, and it's all perfect. Here comes the check. "Hey, wait a doggone..." Twenty-four bucks for a side of buttermilk biscuits? "That doesn't sound right, now, does it?" No, it does not. It sounds like something got added up wrong. Well, naturally, you send your nephew Steve to talk to the manager, and naturally, the manager corrects the mistake. And what's more, he gives you a coupon for a free meal next time you come in. How about that? Good. Well, same kind of thing is what happened at Sandpiper Crossing. And nothing makes me sadder than to see people of the Greatest Generation... people like my own Nana and Bobo... gettin' overcharged by some great, big company. Even if it was an accident. Now, I know that the good people at Sandpiper want to make this right sooner or later, but you know what? Well, sometimes, it's just easier if you get your nephew Steve to go take care of it for you. And that's how I want you to think of me.

[Jimmy takes a phone call from Cliff after the broadcast of the commercial.]
Jimmy McGill: Cliff! Jesus, you're still at the office.
Cliff Main: You ran a commercial?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah. And oh my God, let me tell you, the response has been–
Cliff Main: You ran a commercial without ever showing it to me, without first consulting me and my partners! Did you actually think that was going to fly?!
Jimmy McGill: I was planning on telling you in the morning.
Cliff Main: The day after it aired?!
Jimmy McGill: I only ran it once, just in one small market. It was kind of an experiment, all right? Kind of under the radar. And in all fairness, you did tell me client outreach was my department.
Cliff Main: Don't be disingenuous. This commercial, I take it my firm's name is mentioned?
Jimmy McGill: Yes, uh... yeah.
Cliff Main: Jesus. Howard said you were a little eccentric. He didn't tell me you were a goddam arsonist!
Jimmy McGill: Cliff, to be fair, I don't think... I apologize if there was any misreading of the situation on my part, but there's a very positive headline here. We got 103 phone calls today, off a measly $700 ad buy. Now, that kind of return on investment you can't get–
Cliff Main: Tomorrow morning. Eight o'clock, my office, with the partners. And we want to see this thing!
Jimmy McGill: Cliff, when you see this, I know you–
[Cliff hangs up on Jimmy.]

Gloves Off [2.04][edit]

[Mike is in a motel room with an arms dealer, looking at sniper rifles]
Lawson: Good bolt-action rifle, if you jammed it, I'd wager ‭you were setting out to do so. Which brings us to the M40: tried and true, battle-tested. Essentially, the same rifle used by marine snipers since 1966. It's light, accurate, good for soft targets in the 800 to 1,200-meter range. [Mike inspects the rifle] You seem to know this one.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Oh, yeah. You could say that.
Lawson: That's the A1 model. There's not much change from the original. Biggest difference is the stock, it's fiberglass instead of wood. They changed it over in 1970 or so.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Good. Wood warped like hell. You get it wet, ‭you put it in the sun... gone. Somebody probably ‭shoulda figured that out before they sent it into a damn jungle.

[Kim has been called to a meeting with Howard and Chuck over Jimmy's unapproved TV commercial.]
Howard Hamlin: It's a simple question, Kim: did you or did you not know about this commercial?
Kim Wexler: I— yes. He showed it to me—
Howard Hamlin: He showed it to you?
Kim Wexler: Yes. A few days ago.
Howard Hamlin: And you didn't say anything, to anyone?
Kim Wexler: No. I didn't.
Howard Hamlin: You didn't think I deserved a heads-up?
Kim Wexler: I didn't realize— At the time, I didn't think it was necessary.
Howard Hamlin: Well you were wrong about that. We were caught flat-footed in front of our co-counsel, which I don't need to tell you does not reflect well on HHM. Or on you.
[There is a long pause between the three of them.]
Howard Hamlin: That will be all. You can go.
[Kim leaves the conference room.]

Chuck McGill: You have to admit that shows a lack of judgment on her [Kim's] part. She knows you. She should have known better.
Jimmy McGill: You are such an asshole.
Chuck McGill: Why? For pointing out that her one mistake was believing in you?
Jimmy McGill: For Christ's sake, could we get some perspective here? It was a simple little commercial, it aired once, that's all. And can I remind you it worked – it worked like a dream?
Chuck McGill: See, that's your problem, Jimmy. Thinking that the ends justify the means. And you're forever shocked when it all blows up in your face.
Jimmy McGill: What did I do that was so wrong?
Chuck McGill: You broke the rules.
[Jimmy scoffs]
Chuck McGill: You turned Kim into your accessory. You embarrassed Howard who, God help him, inexplicably vouched for you with Cliff Main. You made Cliff and his partners look like schmucks. Shall I go on? How he hasn't fired you for this positively mystifies me. "Perspective." You want perspective? I'll give you mine. You're my brother, and I love you, but you're like an alcoholic who refuses to admit he's got a problem. Now someone's given you the keys to the school bus and I am not going to let you drive it off a cliff.

Rebecca [2.05][edit]

[Jimmy visits Kim in the basement of HHM, where she has been demoted to document review again.]
Jimmy McGill: I'm telling you, Chuck is behind this.
Kim Wexler: No, you are behind this. I told you this would happen, and now I am paying the price. I should have known better. So now I'm keeping my head down and getting through this, and I'm most certainly not suing HHM.
Jimmy McGill: Kim—
Kim Wexler: Even if I won, who would hire me? That would be career suicide.
Jimmy McGill: All right. Then I quit Davis & Main.
Kim Wexler: What does that accomplish?
Jimmy McGill: It's the only way to get you out of dutch. Because this is about Chuck, whether you want to believe it or not. I give him what he wants, he lets up on you.
Kim Wexler: Wow, my knight in shining armor. That is some sacrifice, quitting a job that you've been trying to tank since day one.
Jimmy McGill: That's not true.
Kim Wexler: I dig myself out of this hole. You do your job, Jimmy. Prove you can go one week— hell, one day without breaking the rules of the New Mexico Bar Association or pissing off your boss. And don't insult my intelligence by saying you are doing any of this for me. You don't save me. I save me.

Chuck McGill: Jimmy ever tell you anything about our father?
Kim Wexler: Not much, no.
Chuck McGill: My dad — our dad — he was the personification of good. I'm not sure he could even see sin, in any form. Like he was born without the gene. He ran a little corner store in Cicero. Cigarettes behind the counter, penny candy. Nothing special, but it kept food on the table. And the neighborhood loved Dad. He knew everybody's name, what was going on in their lives. Just a little corner. He made it better. I was named after him. Before that, he worked for a lot of people over the years and his dream was to be his own boss. Put everything he had into that place. I was away at college when he put Jimmy to work there. Jimmy grew up in that store, watching our father. But Dad was not the world's greatest businessman, and eventually he ran into money troubles. I had a clerkship at the time, but I came home to help him get his books in order. Set the ship straight. Now, I'm no accountant, but I discovered $14,000 was just gone. Vanished over the years. Turns out Jimmy had pilfered it in dribs and drabs, just took it out of the till. My dad wouldn't hear it. Nope, not his Jimmy. He ended up having to sell. Six months later, he was dead. At the funeral, no one cried harder than Jimmy. My brother is not a bad person. He has a good heart. It's just he can't help himself. And everyone's left picking up the pieces.

[Mike Ehrmantraut is sitting at a diner when Hector Salamanca walks in and approaches his booth.]
Hector Salamanca: Mind if I join you?
[Hector sits across from Mike. Fran, the waitress, comes to the booth.]
Fran: Hi. What can I get you?
Hector Salamanca: Coffee, black.
Fran: It's coming right up.
[Fran leaves. Hector observes the bruises on Mike's face left by Tuco.]
Hector Salamanca: Mmm. He really did a number on you.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Sorry, I know you?
Hector Salamanca: The young man who did that to you is my nephew. Hothead, always has been. He thinks he's a boxer. He should have shown you respect. I apologize to you on behalf of my family.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Apology accepted.
Hector Salamanca: And you know what? He should go to jail. Best thing for him, teach him respect for his elders. But not for eight years. Less, much less.
[Fran comes back to pour Hector's coffee.]
Hector Salamanca: You see where I'm getting at?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Not really.
Hector Salamanca: The gun charge, that's eight years he's going away, maybe ten. Aggravated assault, the gun, plus he got your wallet.
Mike Ehrmantraut: That's right.
Hector Salamanca: I would like for you to tell the police that the gun was yours.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Would you?
Hector Salamanca: You both a little hot under the collar about whether you bump his car or not, but there was a scuffle and he got your gun.
Mike Ehrmantraut: My gun?
Hector Salamanca: Your gun from your pocket, he got it and that's how his prints got on it.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Then I'd be subject to the gun charge.
Hector Salamanca: You're an ex-cop. They go easy on you.
Mike Ehrmantraut: So you're a psychic.
Hector Salamanca: I even twist Tuco's ear, make him apologize. And he serves for battery, nothing else. I'm looking for the best possible outcome for everybody. And, for your trouble, you take home $5,000.
[Hector rises from his seat, leaves a tip, and begins to walk away]
Hector Salamanca: Think about it.

Bali Ha'i [2.06][edit]

[Mike is brought to the Salamanca hideout and put before Hector and the Cousins.]
Hector Salamanca: Tomorrow, you go to the district attorney and you explain to him that my nephew's gun was yours. The DA will ask you why you didn't say anything before. You tell him you forgot, you were rattled. Make up anything you want, I don't give a shit. But it's your gun.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Let's discuss my payment.
Hector Salamanca: Mm-mmm, that time is past. No five thousand for you.
Mike Ehrmantraut: The price is fifty.
Hector Salamanca: How about your payment is you get to live?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Not enough.
Hector Salamanca: Now you think you can negotiate with me? I say the word, my nephews go to a certain motel, pay a visit to your daughter-in-law and your little granddaughter. What do you think happens then? Consider your position carefully.
Mike Ehrmantraut: I get my money, or neither of us walk out of here.
[Mike reaches into his jacket, causing a reaction from the Cousins. Hector signals them to stand down.]
Hector Salamanca: You're willing to die for this?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Maybe I need the fifty thousand more than you do.
[Hector chuckles]
Hector Salamanca: [To Nacho, in Spanish] I told you, right? Giant balls. [To Mike, in English] How you manage to live so long with a mouth like that? Hmm? Fifty thousand, and the gun is yours.

Inflatable [2.07][edit]

Cliff Main: Excuse me, can I have everyone's attention please? Everyone can hear me? Good. Frankly, this is not a conversation I ever thought I would have in my professional career. But it's been brought to my attention that we have an ongoing situation in the washroom. Someone is not flushing. Once is an accident, maybe even twice. Three times, nah, it's a pattern.
Erin: And we're not talking about a number one.
Cliff Main: Yes, thank you, Erin. Now I'm not here to shame anyone, nor do I even want to know who did it. But—
Jimmy McGill: Uh, Cliff, it was me.
Cliff Main: Jimmy, I just said I didn't want to know!
Jimmy McGill: Hey, we need the water. I read somewhere the Santa Fe Watershed is down two full inches this year. Every time you flush a toilet, you waste a gallon of water. A gallon! What could be greener than this?
Cliff Main: They're low-flow toilets, Jimmy! From now on, flush!
Jimmy McGill: That's... good, good thinking.

Fifi [2.08][edit]

[Jimmy, his camera crew, and what appears to be an elderly veteran in a wheelchair meet with an Air Force captain in front of the "FIFI" B-29 Superfortress]
Jimmy McGill: Major Theodore "Fudge" Talbot. His mom used to deliver him care packages of fudge during the war and then share them with his friends. So that's the story, right guys?
Camera Guy: Yes.
Sound Guy: Yes.
Captain Bauer: Well sir, this must certainly bring back some memories for you.
"Fudge" Talbot: [mumbles]
Jimmy McGill: Too many to count, he says.
Captain Bauer: I got to say, Major Talbot, it's a privilege. So thank you for your service.
"Fudge" Talbot: [mumbles]
Jimmy McGill: He says you're welcome.
Captain Bauer: Oh. Well, um, boy. [to camera crew] I envy you guys. I mean, the stories you must have heard. You remember any good ones?
Camera Guy: Uh, bombing stuff.
Sound Guy: Bombing stuff.
Camera Guy: Bombing stuff.
Sound Guy: Like, like the war.
Captain Bauer: Did he fly over the Hump, or did he take off out of India?
[Jimmy grabs Fudge's shoulder and makes him feign a cough]
Jimmy McGill: Doing okay? You need some water?
[Fudge nods]
Jimmy McGill: Yes. Yes, sir. Nuts, I forgot his water.
Captain Bauer: Oh, hey. I can run back to the office, get him a bottle.
Jimmy McGill: You could? Fudge, the captain's going to run back to his office, get you some water. Okay, sir?
"Fudge" Talbot: [mumbles]
Jimmy McGill: All right, that's great. There's no rush, he'll be fine.
Captain Bauer: I'll be back ASAP.
[Captain Bauer runs across the airfield. After he's gone, Jimmy and the camera crew begin removing Fudge's breathing apparatus.]
Jimmy McGill: [to Fudge] I thought I told you not to say anything. Go stand by the front...nose, whatever.
[Jimmy and Fudge stand in front of "FIFI" while the camera crew sets up their equipment to shoot Jimmy's commercial]
Camera Guy: Where the hell did you find this guy? You couldn't get a real war hero?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, like they grow on trees. So this guy owes me. I defended him a while back when he couldn't pay.
Camera Guy: Defend him for what?
Jimmy McGill: You want to be a lawyer when you grow up? Just fix the—
"Fudge" Talbot: Public masturbation. Total bullshit.

Chuck McGill: Don't worry. I'm not here to extol the virtues of HHM. I'm guessing you've already had to suffer through Howard's hard sell first time around. So you've done your time, as far as I'm concerned.
Howard Hamlin: What hard sell? It was enthusiasm. I gave them cookies.
Kevin Wachtell: Cookies were good, as I recall.
Chuck McGill: No, I'm here to put your minds at ease. Kim Wexler is, indeed, the right choice to handle Mesa Verde. She's the obvious choice. She's young, she's brilliant, she's going places. Let's face it, Howard. She's the future. Two old guys like us, we're the past.
Howard Hamlin: Well, that's a sad thought.
Chuck McGill: Sad but true. [sighs] Banking law... needs to be exciting. It needs the next generation to come along and give it a big, old kick in the seat of the pants. Really wake it up. Let me tell you how boring I am. I read FEC and ISO reports for entertainment.
Howard Hamlin: He does. I can attest to that.
Chuck McGill: Well, I try to stay up on things. The rules are changing all the time. With everything that's happened with Enron and WorldCom, the government is extra vigilant. These days, the penalties for even the most honest of errors can be devastating. You need a sharp, young eye to catch that stuff. I mean, when you've specialized in this kind of work for decades on end, you tend to get kinda...
Howard Hamlin: Stale.
Chuck McGill: Stale. You get stale. You forget about things like, oh, I don't know, the Community Reinvestment Act. Any bank such as Mesa Verde looking to open a de novo branch is definitely going to need to show a healthy portfolio of CRA compliance. Duh. [chuckles] Obviously, you guys have all that covered, I'm sure. Riegle-Neal Interstate Banking and Branching Efficiency Act... there's another mouthful, huh? Boring! Still, if you were to run afoul of it, it could hold you up in court for years. And by the way, uh, if that were to happen to you folks as you go forward without us – which it will not – um, Howard has contacts at the Fed who could help sort things out.
Howard Hamlin: One or two.
Chuck McGill: Mm-hmm. And then there's the SEC's interpretation of Section 302 of Sarbox. Blah, blah, blah. [chuckles]
Howard Hamlin: Well, navigating that correctly could mean savings of several hundred thousand dollars.
Chuck McGill: They know that, Howard. Oh, I apologize. When you reach your golden years, you tend to get a little long-winded, ramble on and on about details. My point being, your bank is in excellent hands.
Kevin Wachtell: Look, I take your point. I do. But I have to say, I have complete confidence in Ms. Wexler.
Chuck McGill: You should. She was part of our team. She learned from us. You won't find better than Kim Wexler. But no matter how talented one individual may be, the needs of Mesa Verde are too big to handle alone. I wouldn't handle your coming expansion alone. Which is why you should consider, once again, enlisting a team of professionals.

[Jimmy gives direction to Fudge as his crew shoots the commercial in front of "FIFI"]
Jimmy McGill: You're part of the Greatest Generation. You fought the Nazis.
"Fudge" Talbot: Fought the Japanese.
Jimmy McGill: What?
"Fudge" Talbot: Fought Japanese. I fought the Japanese. This machine was used in the Pacific, where the Japanese are.
Jimmy McGill: Why don't you shut up and learn to take some direction?
"Fudge" Talbot: [indignant] ...Japanese.
Jimmy McGill: All right, fine. You fought all the...dirty...Axis Powers.

Nailed [2.09][edit]

[Chuck, Howard, Kevin, and Paige are appearing before the Banking Board to get approval to open Mesa Verde's new bank]
Chuck McGill: Mr. Commissioner? Is there something we can clarify?
Mr. Ughetta's Assistant: Uh, yes. Could you give us the address of the proposed Scottsdale branch again?
Chuck McGill: Certainly. It's 1216 Rosella Drive, Scottsdale, Arizona, 85262.
Mr. Ughetta: 1216? Okay, because the application I'm looking at today clearly gives the address as 1216.
Chuck McGill: 1216. That's correct, sir.
Mr. Ughetta: But in the original submission, we're seeing 1261 Rosella Drive.
Kevin Wachtell: [to Chuck] It is 1261.
Paige Novick: 1261.
Chuck McGill: [ignoring them] I think if you double-check, you'll see that 1216 is correct.
Mr. Ughetta's Assistant: There seem to be two different addresses here.
Paige Novick: Mr. Commissioner, I have a copy of our notice of intent, which was published in newspapers in Arizona and New Mexico. It clearly states the address is 1261 Rosella Drive—
Chuck McGill: Mr.–Mr. Commissioner, it-it–
Mr. Ughetta: 1261 Rosella Drive. Yes, I have a copy of the notice of intent too. But on the actual filing, the address reads 1216. So, which is it?
Chuck McGill: Mr. Commissioner, if I may confer with my clients?
Mr. Ughetta: Certainly, please.
Paige Novick: [to Chuck] It's absolutely 1261.
Chuck McGill: You are mistaken. And with all due respect, you're muddying the waters here.
Paige Novick: Muddying the wat-?! [hands documents to Chuck] Look. Just look!
Chuck McGill: Well, this is clearly an error.
Kevin Wachtell: It's 1261. I know where my own damn bank is.
Howard Hamlin: Now, let's just all calm down. I'm sure we can straighten this out—
Kevin Wachtell: I've got a building remodeled at 1261 Rosella. I don't know where the hell 1216 is.
Chuck McGill: I—I don't quite unders...[realizes] 1261?
Paige Novick: 1261.
Kevin Wachtell: Is this going to be a problem?
Howard Hamlin: No, I'm sure it won't be.
Chuck McGill: Um, Mr. Commissioner, I apologize. Unaccountably, there appears to be a discrepancy in our filing.
Mr. Ughetta: So the correct address is the one that appeared in the notice of intent, the 1261?
Chuck McGill: It would seem so. Uh, it-it-it— we'd like to request an–an adjournment of just a few minutes so that we can amend the filing to reflect the correct address.
Mr. Ughetta: Well, I-I can give you an adjournment, uh, but...I don't think we can get you back in today.
Paige Novick: If I may, when do you think you might be able to schedule us?
Mr. Ughetta: I'm being told by staff that they've already done the research for 1216 Rosella Drive. Our folks are going to have to go back to square one on the new address.
Chuck McGill: If we could obtain a provisional agreement today, to allow the branch to open—
Mr. Ughetta: No, no. With all due respect, it's up to you folks to submit accurate paperwork. Maybe next time, double-check.

[Chuck is sitting in the living room when Jimmy and Kim come by to pick up the Mesa Verde files]
Jimmy McGill: So Chuck, what's the deal with the locks?
Chuck McGill: Kim, I was hoping to have this conversation with you and you alone. However, I guess it's time to clear the air once and for all.
Kim Wexler: Clear the air about what?
Chuck McGill: [looks at Jimmy] He sabotaged me.
Jimmy McGill: [feigning ignorance] Why, what are you-
Chuck McGill: Please. Don't bother. You and I both know exactly what I'm talking about.
Jimmy McGill: I don't.
Chuck McGill: Yesterday morning was the worst professional humiliation of my life. A single transpositional error cost my client time and money, and permanently damaged my reputation. Then I realized, it wasn't an error. Not at all. A week ago last night, I was right there on that couch, barely conscious. And Jimmy showed up... [stands up from his chair] ...and he sent Ernesto away. My brother was going to take care of me. And in the dead of night, he went through my Mesa Verde files.
Jimmy McGill: All right, you know what? We don't have to listen to this-
Chuck McGill: She [Kim] does! [to Kim] You do, for your own good. [taps his hand on the Mesa Verde file boxes] And in these files are thirteen documents containing the address of Mesa Verde's proposed branch - 1261 Rosella Drive, Scottsdale, Arizona. Jimmy pulled each and every one. And he left me here, sweating and delirious, while he went off to doctor them. You'd need a photocopier for that. Where'd you go, some all-night copy shop? [Jimmy scoffs] With a little careful cutting and pasting, he created duplicates, virtually identical to my originals but with one key change: 1261 Rosella Drive became 1216 Rosella Drive.
Jimmy McGill: This is sounding like a lot of work.
Chuck McGill: No one ever accused you of being lazy. Every other sin in the book, but not that one. [to Kim] And if you're wondering if Jimmy's up to a little casual forgery, you should know in high school, he had a thriving business making fake IDs so his buddies could buy beer.
Jimmy McGill: You're gonna go all the way back to high school, huh?
Chuck McGill: Hey, you and Mozart, huh? You both started young. He came back here and put his new versions in my files. And then, the next day, my caring brother took his leave. He knew that I would use his modified documents to write Mesa Verde's submission to the state regulator. And so I did, over and over. I typed "1216" instead of "1261". I remembered thinking "1216 Rosella Drive. That's just one year after 1215, the year the Magna Carta was signed."
Jimmy McGill: Jesus, Chuck, you are unbelievable. So you're saying, if we look in [your files] here, all the addresses will be wrong?
Chuck McGill: Well of course you weren't gonna leave evidence behind. I'm guessing, yesterday morning, you waited until I left, then used your key to let yourself in, and returned the originals. No crime is complete without the cover-up.
Jimmy McGill: Oh, come on! I did this, what, for some business?
Chuck McGill: [to Kim] He did it for you. [long pause] Oh I'm sure you didn't know anything about it. I believe he went off on his own and did this as some kind of twisted romantic gesture.
Jimmy McGill: Chuck, I think you need to lie down with a cold washcloth on your head.
Chuck McGill: [to Kim; continued] And now that you know, you have no choice. This is about a client. A client who has been defrauded. As a sworn officer of the court, as Mesa Verde's attorney of record, you have no recourse but to go to Kevin Wachtell and make a full disclosure.
Jimmy McGill: This--this whole song and dance is all about getting his client back. That's all this is.
Chuck McGill: Not in the least. If knowing the truth, they still go with you-
Jimmy McGill: You can't stand the fact that they chose her over you.
Chuck McGill: [exasperated] I can't stand the fact that my own brother stabbed me in the back! I can't stand the fact that you've deceived and ruined this fine young woman!
Jimmy McGill: Ruined?! What is this, the 1840s? What are you talking about? She's not ruined-
Kim Wexler: Jimmy. [beat; Chuck and Jimmy look at Kim] If what you're saying is true, Jimmy could be charged with forgery. Fraud. Falsifying evidence. Even breaking and entering.
Chuck McGill: Frankly, I am sick about this. But facts are facts.
Kim Wexler: ...And what is your evidence?
Chuck McGill: My evidence? My evidence is knowing my brother for his entire life.
Kim Wexler: Chuck, I think there is another explanation. It's a simpler one: you made a mistake.
Chuck McGill: I did not.
Kim Wexler: You're working by lantern light, squinting over 10 point type for hour after hour. Mistakenly changing "1261" to "1216" would be the most natural thing in the world. It could certainly happen to me.
Chuck McGill: I did not make a mistake!
Kim Wexler: I believe you did.
Chuck McGill: Look, I understand that you have great affection for Jimmy! A great many people do! But please open your eyes here!
Kim Wexler: You made a mistake. And instead of just facing up to it, you accuse your brother of plotting against you. You come up with this elaborate scheme-
Chuck McGill: He's capable of this! You know he is!
Kim Wexler: I know he's not perfect. And I know he cuts corners. But you're the one who made him this way. He idolizes you, he accepts you, he takes care of you. And all he ever wanted was your love and support. But all you've ever done is judge him. You never believed in him, you never wanted him to succeed. [beat] And you know what? I feel sorry for him. [beat] And I feel sorry for you.

[Mike meets with Nacho at their usual place]
Nacho Varga: I've got something I need to know, and I need to know it fast.
Mike Ehrmantraut: What's that?
Nacho Varga: We got hit the other day. A truck headed south got hijacked. Someone stole a quarter of a million. Now Hector's flippin' out, lookin' for who did it. Thing is... I think it was you. They left the driver hog-tied, not a mark on him. Anyone in the game woulda capped him without a second thought. But this driver? He's still breathin'. I thought to myself, who's the guy who'll rip off a couple hundred thousand in drug money and leave a witness? Who's the guy ‭who won't pull the trigger? You. I'm not here to squeeze you. You wanna rip off the cartel, that's your business. But here's the thing. I'm picking up that driver, Hector's orders. We're gonna see what he knows, and if he knows you, that's bad for both of us.
Mike Ehrmantraut: That shouldn't concern you.
Nacho Varga: But he was in on it, right?
Mike Ehrmantraut: The driver ‭had nothing to do with it.
Nacho Varga: Then who?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Just me.
Nacho Varga: You're telling me you did this without someone on the inside? Not possible. How did you know about the truck? How do you know about the tires?
Mike Ehrmantraut: All I can tell you is, you guys aren't half as smart as you think you are.
Nacho Varga: So the driver doesn't know anything?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Not a thing.
Nacho Varga: He hear your voice?‭
Mike Ehrmantraut: No. ‭
Nacho Varga: Right now, Hector's looking at the competition, but he hears the driver say it was some old gringo...
Mike Ehrmantraut: He didn't hear me. He saw a guy with a ski mask, that's it.
Nacho Varga: And you're sure of that?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Yeah.
Nacho Varga: You better be right. [starts to walk away]
Mike Ehrmantraut: Why wasn't it in the papers?
Nacho Varga: What?
Mike Ehrmantraut: The truck robbery, the cops keeping it out of the papers?
Nacho Varga: The cops? The cops don't know shit about it.
Mike Ehrmantraut: How's that?
Nacho Varga: Is that what this is about? You wanted to put the cops onto Hector? Why? You are nothing to him. He forgot all about you.
Mike Ehrmantraut: I haven't forgotten him.

[Chuck and Ernesto visit the copy shop where Jimmy forged the Mesa Verde documents. Lance, the night clerk, has just been bribed by Jimmy to deny that he was there]
Lance: When the guy [Ernesto] showed me the picture, I thought maybe. But now that I'm seeing it again... ah, sorry, don't know what to tell you. Guess I was wrong.
Chuck McGill: Son, listen carefully. I am an officer of the court investigating a felony.
Lance: So you're a cop.
Chuck McGill: No, no I'm not. I-I-I'm a...
Ernesto: Mr. McGill, maybe we better get you home.
Chuck McGill: Ernesto, do not speak to me as if I were a child. I'm fine.
[Chuck begins to be affected by his electromagnetic hypersensitivity]
Chuck McGill: [to Lance] I am not a police officer. I am an attorney. And I have a moral and legal obligation to get to the bottom of this matter.
Lance: The bottom of what?
Chuck McGill: Forgery. Fraud. Falsifying evidence...
[Chuck's electromagnetic hypersensitivity becomes worse]
Chuck McGill: ...Breaking and entering.
Lance: [to Ernesto] This guy, is he okay?
Chuck McGill: There's nothing wrong with me!
Ernesto: Mr. McGill, maybe we should just take a break and—
Chuck McGill: Ernie, shut up! [to Lance] You think about the choice you're making!
Lance: I already told you he wasn't here. What do you want me to say?
Chuck McGill: I want you to speak the truth! I know he was here! I know what he did! Tell me what you told Ernesto! Stop trying to change your story!
Customer: Excuse me, sorry. How do we get this to do 11x14?
Chuck McGill: [to Customer] No, excuse me, we are having a conversation here!
Lance: [to Customer] You have to switch it to tray four, it's easier if I show you. [to Chuck] Look... Dude, okay. I-I don't want any problems here, so just... [Lance leaves the counter; to Ernesto] Get him out of here or I'm going to call the cops, okay?
Chuck McGill: Do not walk away from me! We are not finished here!
Lance: I am done talking to you, man!
[Chuck tries to walk after Lance, but is overcome by the electromagnetic fields. He passes out and falls down, hitting his head on the counter.]

Klick [2.10][edit]

[Jimmy sits with Chuck in his living room, which has been covered in Mylar tarps and duct tape]
Jimmy McGill: What if I told you you didn't make a mistake?
Chuck McGill: For Christ's sakes, Jimmy. Stop humoring me. Stop trying to talk everything right.
Jimmy McGill: I rapped you. It was me. I would have made Nixon proud. I changed 1261 to 1216. It was me. It all went down exactly like you said. I mean, exactly. I doctored the copies, I paid the kid at the shop to lie for me. It is insane how you got every detail exactly right. So you can relax, okay? 'Cause that brain of yours is chugging along at a thousand percent efficiency.
Chuck McGill: Are you telling the truth? Or are you just trying to make me feel better?
Jimmy McGill: I am saying it to make you feel better. Sure as shit wouldn't be telling you otherwise. But yes, it's the truth.
Chuck McGill: [angry] You'd go to such lengths to humiliate me?
Jimmy McGill: I did it for Kim! Wha– She worked her butt off to get Mesa Verde while you and Howard sat around sipping scotch and chortling! Hamlin Hamlin McGill? More like Scrooge and Marley! Kim deserves Mesa Verde, not you, not HHM! She earned it and she needs it! I did it to help her. But I honestly didn't think it would hurt you so bad. I thought you'd just say, 'Oh crap, I made a mistake' and go on with your life like a normal person! But oh no, wishful thinking!
[Long pause]
Jimmy McGill: So can I, uh, tell Howard you're not quitting or retiring or whatever?
[Chuck nods]
Jimmy McGill: And can we take all this shit down off the walls?
[Chuck doesn't respond. Jimmy starts to leave.]
Jimmy McGill: I'm going to go call Howard.
Chuck McGill: Jimmy.
[Jimmy stops]
Chuck McGill: You do realize you just confessed to a felony?
Jimmy McGill: I guess. But you feel better, right? Besides, it's your word against mine.
[Jimmy leaves the room, after which Chuck uses a pair of tongs to uncover and shut off an audiotape recorder.]

Season 3[edit]

Mabel [3.01][edit]

[Jimmy is confronted in his office by Bauer, the Air Force captain he tricked to shoot his commercial in "Fifi."]
Jimmy McGill: Hello hello. It's so good to see you again.
Bauer: I escorted you and your "clients" onto my base. I treated you with hospitality and respect. And I come to find every word out of your mouth is a damn lie.
Jimmy McGill: Captain, please. Why– Sit down, take a load off. Hey, I'll get you a complimentary coffee or a soft drink–
Bauer: And your so-called war hero, Fudge Talbot? No such person, never was.
Jimmy McGill: Granted, some artistic license may have been taken.
Bauer: You entered government property under false pretenses, sir.
Jimmy McGill: Now, whoa, whoa, whoa– I am no expert on your procedures and your protocols and whatnot, so if we failed to cross a T or dot an I, I sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding.
Bauer: No, it's not a misunderstanding!
Jimmy McGill: Step back! Now picture this, okay? What damage was done? Hey. Who was hurt, huh? Who's damaged? The base is still there, right? The B-52 is, I presume, still at–
Bauer: B-29.
Jimmy McGill: Huh?
Bauer: B-29. FIFI is a B-29.
Jimmy McGill: [scoffs]
Bauer: Oh, this is all just one big joke to you, huh?
Jimmy McGill: You don't like the commercial.
Bauer: No, no I don't. But this has nothing with do with the c–
Jimmy McGill: Well, constructive criticism is always welcome.
Bauer: But I just–
Jimmy McGill: But you should realize that most people find it uplifting. Patriotic, even.
Bauer: I–I...
Jimmy McGill: You check your recruiting numbers, though. I think you're gonna see an uptick. And you know what? If it turns out that Fudge wasn't actually in the war–
Bauer: Fudge is not a person. He wasn't in the war.
Jimmy McGill: Well, neither was Tom Cruise. And look at what Top Gun did for you.
Bauer: You lied to me. You lied to my face, and I can't let you get away with it.
Jimmy McGill: I–I think we just– We're just gonna have to agree to disagree. So can we get you that coffee to go, or...
Bauer: No, no! I'm gonna tell you what's happening now. You're gonna take that ad off the air. And if you play that ad one more time, I'm gonna go to the Judge Advocate and we will take you down – trespassing, false representation, stolen valor, the whole nine yards.
Jimmy McGill: Seriously? For eight seconds of a TV commercial?
Bauer: You take that ad down, or there'll be hell to pay. That clear enough for you?
Jimmy McGill: Make me.
Bauer: Yeah?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah.
Bauer: Make you?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, let's do this! You bring your commander down here and I'll explain to him how you let us on the base, red carpet treatment.
Bauer: B-b-because you lied your way in!
Jimmy McGill: Not how I remember it, and I got witnesses to back me up! Do you like being an Air Force captain, huh? Do you think the United States wants to bring action against an old man in a wheelchair?
Bauer: He was standing on TV! He wasn't even in a wheelchair!
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, well, periodically he is. And when he shows up at court, you better believe he'll be in a wheelchair!
Bauer: Because you're an ambulance-chasing piece of shit, 'cause you're always the same. You're always–
Jimmy McGill: Always on a high horse, always trying to make me feel like I'm...
[Jimmy catches himself. He calms down.]
Jimmy McGill: Look, um... I'm a lawyer, and this is what I do all day, every day. So how about this. I–I won't fly jet planes, you stay out of court. Does that sound good?
Bauer: You know, guys like think you're so damn smart, and you think you don't have to play straight with anybody. The wheel is gonna turn. It always does.
[Jimmy opens his office door for Bauer to leave.]

Witness [3.02][edit]

[Jimmy sticks his head in the trash bin at Los Pollos Hermanos, believing that a drop guy has left something inside.]
Gus Fring: Can I help you?
[Jimmy, taken by surprise, hurriedly takes off his watch and deliberately drops it in the bin.]
Jimmy McGill: Uh... My watch, uh, clasp is loose–it falls. I tried to reach it.
Gus Fring: Oh, well, I'm sorry. Allow me.
[Gus takes the trash can out of the bin.]
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, they say a nice watch band is as the watch. That's what they get for cheapin' out.
[Gus puts on a latex glove.]
Gus Fring: We'll find it for you.
[Gus sifts through the trash can as Jimmy hovers his shoulder.]
Jimmy McGill: Where the heck is it?
Gus Fring: Oh, don't worry. If it's in here, I'll– Ah, there it is.
[Gus retrieves Jimmy's watch from the trash.]
Gus Fring: Oh. May I clean this for you? We have alcohol wipes.
Jimmy McGill: Uh, no. It's been in worse places. Thank you. That was very nice of you.
[Gus hands Jimmy the watch.]
Gus Fring: No problem. It's my pleasure. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Jimmy McGill: No. Uh, thanks.
Gus Fring: You take care.

[Howard visits Chuck's house, where Chuck and a hired private investigator named Dave are waiting for Jimmy to show up and steal the audiotape in which he confessed to doctoring the Mesa Verde documents.]
Chuck McGill: What's up?
Howard Hamlin: Chuck, this has been going on for eight days now, and really no indication that it's going to work.
Chuck McGill: It will work.
Howard Hamlin: I think I've been very patient. But the cost of these round-the-clock private investigators is really starting to add up.
Chuck McGill: Howard, this is our duty as officers of the court. We have an ethical obligation to–
Howard Hamlin: Yes.
Chuck McGill: My brother broke the law. We can't just sit back and do nothing.
Howard Hamlin: I'm not talking about doing nothing. I just want up our minds. And be open to alternate strategies. Please, meet me halfway here.
Chuck McGill: [sighs] I suppose... I suppose we can limit the investigators to just nighttime hours.
Howard Hamlin: Nighttime?
Chuck McGill: Yes. Jimmy will most likely break in when he thinks I'm sleeping. I mean, I wouldn't put anything past him. It just makes the most sense he'll try to steal the tape under cover of darkness.
[Jimmy's car can be heard screeching to a halt outside.]
Howard Hamlin: You really think he's going to do that?
Chuck McGill: I do indeed.
Howard Hamlin: How can you be so sure?
Chuck McGill: Howard, I know my brother.
[Jimmy begins angrily banging on Chuck's front door. Chuck goes to the door while Howard and Dave hide in an adjoining room.]
Jimmy McGill: Chuck! Chuck! Open the damn door, Chuck! Open the door, dammit! Open it, Chuck!
Chuck McGill: Jimmy, go away.
Jimmy McGill: Open the door! Open it now!
Chuck McGill: I'm not opening the door. I'm not opening the d–
Jimmy McGill: I swear to God, Chuck!
Chuck McGill: Jimmy–
[Jimmy breaks in the door and pursues Chuck to his study.]
Jimmy McGill: You taped me?! You asshole!
Chuck McGill: Jimmy!
Jimmy McGill: You pulled that heartstrings con job on me?! You piece of shit! "Oh, my brain used to work, I'm sick, I don't know what to do!" Asshole! No wonder Rebecca left you! What took her so long?!
[Jimmy reaches Chuck's desk and finds the locked drawer where his audiotape of Jimmy's confession is being kept.]
Jimmy McGill: There it is!
[Jimmy tries and fails to pry the drawer open with a pair of scissors. He spots a poker next to the fireplace.]
Jimmy McGill: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!
[Jimmy takes the poker and pries open the drawer. He finds the tape player and pulls out the cassette.]
Jimmy McGill: Oh, is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Huh? For this, you destroyed our family? Are you happy now?! For what?! For nothing!
[Jimmy corners Chuck and rips the cassette apart with his bare hands.]
Jimmy McGill: Is that all there is, Chuck? Is that all there–all there is? Did you make copies? Huh, Chuck? Huh?! You tell me or I'll burn this whole goddam house to the ground!
[Howard and Dave step into the room.]
Howard Hamlin: Jimmy! Jimmy! That's enough!
[Jimmy, seeing Howard and Dave, deflates and calms down.]
Howard Hamlin: You need to step away.
Chuck McGill: [shaken] Howard? You were a witness to what happened here?
Howard Hamlin: I was.
Chuck McGill: [to Dave] And you?
Dave: I'm a witness.
[Long beat as all three men stare in silence at Jimmy, who is now at Chuck's mercy.]

Sunk Costs [3.03][edit]

[Mike kicks the gas cap and answers the ringing cell phone in the middle of a deserted road.]
Mike Ehrmantraut: Yeah.
Gus Fring: May I assume that you are armed?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Yes.
Gus Fring: I do not wish to see your gun. And if I don't, I promise you won't see mine. Are we in agreement?
Mike Ehrmantraut: We are.
Gus Fring: Expect two cars momentarily.
[Mike is approached from two directions by two SUVs. Victor emerges from one car, while Gus Fring and Tyrus Kitt emerge from the other. Mike presents the "DON'T" note to Gus.]
Mike Ehrmantraut: You care to elaborate?
Gus Fring: It's not in my interests for Hector Salamanca to this time.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Who is he to you?
Gus Fring: An associate of an associate.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Hm. How very specific.
Gus Fring: Who is he to you?
Mike Ehrmantraut: We had a disagreement. He threatened my family. I'm not gonna let that go.
Gus Fring: But you had let it go. You'd taken his money. Your family was no longer in danger. And yet, still, you robbed his truck. Shouldn't that have settled the matter? Most men would have walked away. But instead, you made an attempt on his life. Why?
Gus Fring: I understand that a civilian found the driver after you robbed the truck. Hector murdered this civilian, correct?
Mike Ehrmantraut: He wasn't in the game.
Gus Fring: I can't allow you to kill Hector. However, I am not completely unsympathetic to your sense of justice. You hurt Hector when you robbed that truck. You hurt his business. His pride. Quite effectively. And if you were to hurt him in the same manner again, I would not stand in your way.
Mike Ehrmantraut: You want me to rob another truck.
Gus Fring: If you feel so inclined.
Mike Ehrmantraut: I'm done with that.
Gus Fring: Then our business here is finished.
Mike Ehrmantraut: That's it?
Gus Fring: That's it.
Mike Ehrmantraut: No more tracker, no more of your minions following me? Just like that?
Gus Fring: Just like that. Of course, I trust that you are done with Hector Salamanca.
[Mike nods.]
Gus Fring: Goodbye, Mr. Ehrmantraut.
[Gus turns to leave.]
Mike Ehrmantraut: Wait.
[Gus turns back to face Mike.]
Mike Ehrmantraut: You want his trucks hit because you wanna disrupt his supply line. Hector's your competition.
Gus Fring: Why do you ask?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Because I'm not done with Hector Salamanca.

[Jimmy is smoking a cigarette, waiting for the police to arrive to arrest him after Chuck's entrapment.]
Chuck McGill: You won't want to hear it, but this is for the best. Please, Jimmy. Whatever you think of me, whatever colorful names you're calling me in your head right now, please understand I'm trying to help you. Here's what's going to happen. The police will arrest you. And I'm sorry, but I will be pressing charges. I told you there would be consequences. But I have to believe that you'll face those consequences and you'll come out the other side a better man. I know it's hard to see right now. But Jimmy, this is an opportunity. That's why I'm doing this, not to punish you. To show you – truly show you – that you have to make a change before it's too late. Before you destroy yourself, or someone else. And I believe you can change. You'll find your path. And when you're ready, I will be there to help you walk that path.
Jimmy McGill: Here's what's gonna happen. One day you're gonna get sick – again. One of your employees is gonna find you curled up in that space blanket, take you to the hospital, hook you up to those machines that beep and whir and hurt. And this time, it will be too much. And you will die there. Alone.

Jimmy McGill: I fucked up. Chuck bamboozled me, again. That tape? He made sure that Ernie heard it, right? 'Cause he knew Ernie, bless him, would tell me about it and I would come over, try to destroy it or steal it or whatever. Howard was there, and a P.I. if you can believe that. Just waiting for me to lose my shit and bust in. Chuck played me like a fiddle, and schmuck that I am, I fell for it. Moron. I'm sorry. I didn't call you, which is stupid, and I'm sorry about that too. But I didn't call you for a reason, okay? 'Cause this is my screw-up. I own it, okay? It's my responsibility to fix it. I know you wanna help, of course you do, 'cause you're wonderful. But you're up to your ears in Mesa Verde, and I can't – I won't – load this onto you too. We have worked too hard to let Chuck's bullshit vendetta threaten everything we're building. I won't allow him to endanger our business, no. I will fix this. Myself, me, Jimmy McGill – okay? You have gotta let me do this on my own.
Kim Wexler: Okay.
Jimmy McGill: Thank you.

Sabrosito [3.04][edit]

[Gus confronts Hector, who is sitting behind Gus's desk in his back office at Los Pollos Hermanos.]
Gus Fring: Don Hector.
Hector Salamanca: Took you long enough.
[Hector rests his feet on Gus's desk.]
Gus Fring: Don Hector, mine is a cartel business. But it is mine. And it is legitimate. My employees are civilians. Your actions here today have endangered them, my interests, and those of the cartel.
Hector Salamanca: I am the cartel. And from now on, you are my mule. You are going to bring my product north.
[Hector notices what looks like dog feces stuck at the bottom of his shoe.]
Hector Salamanca: Mierda.
[Hector takes a pen and picks the feces off on Gus's desk.]
Gus Fring: I understand that your supply line has been compromised, and this is most unfortunate. However, my trucks are already at maximum capacity.
Hector Salamanca: Make room.
Gus Fring: Don Hector, you must understand that I answer to Juan Bolsa.
Hector Salamanca: You want to cry to Bolsa, cry to Bolsa. Or hell, Eladio.
Gus Fring: Adding more product will threaten the reliability of the entire operation. May I ask, did Don Eladio approve this?
Hector Salamanca: I approve this.
[Hector rises from his seat and approaches Gus.]
Hector Salamanca: You are doing it.
[Hector leaves the office.]

Gus Fring: Excuse me, everyone. Could you all please take a moment and join me out here? Please, come. Come come come.
[Gus's employees gather around him.]
Gus Fring: I would, uh...I would like to apologize to each and every one of you, who yesterday had to endure the behavior of those men. It was unacceptable. Despite the difficult circumstances, you all acquitted yourselves impeccably. That said, if any of you wish to seek counseling due to lingering trauma, speak with me privately and it will be arranged. Also, you will all be receiving twenty-four hours of overtime, as I am sure, in one way or another, each of you brought this incident home with you. Yes, Lyle?
Lyle: Mr. Fring, uh...who were those guys?
Gus Fring: Well, some of you know that many years ago I opened my first Los Pollos Hermanos in Michoacán. Shortly thereafter, those same men showed up. They wanted money. And I-I...I'm ashamed to say that I paid them. You see, in that place, at that time, if I wished to conduct my business, I had no choice. But yesterday...yesterday, they came here. Here. They intimidated my customers. They threatened my employees. And, again, they wanted money. Now my friends, I-I must confess that I almost gave them what they wanted. But then, I thought, "No. No. This is America." Here, the righteous have no reason to fear. Here, those men have no power. And when they saw that I had no fear of them, they ran like the cowards they are, back across the border. They will not return. We will move on from this. My friends, I promise you that together, we will prosper.
[Gus's employees applaud.]

Gus Fring: You sent back the payment we agreed upon.
Mike Ehrmantraut: What I did, I didn't do for you.
Gus Fring: The man. The one killed for helping the truck driver. If I may make an observation, perhaps you were trying to correct something which cannot be corrected.
Mike Ehrmantraut: It's not the kind of thing I want to take money for.
Gus Fring: But the fact remains that your actions benefited me more than you can know.
Mike Ehrmantraut: That's your business. I'm just glad to have Salamanca out of my head.
Gus Fring: Well, perhaps in the future, you will consider working for me.
[Mike considers.]
Mike Ehrmantraut: Could be. That'd depend on the work.
[Gus nods and turns toward his car, then turns back around.]
Gus Fring: Would you care to know why I stopped you from killing Hector?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Like you said, it wasn't in your interest.
Gus Fring: A bullet to the head would have been far too humane.

Kyra Hay: The confession you've written is adequate, but, frankly, I-I sense a lack of remorse. And I, for one, would like to hear an apology. Charles deserves at least that much.
Jimmy McGill: Uh - Now?
Kyra Hay: Yes, Mr. McGill, now.
Jimmy McGill: Okay. [Clears throat] I was wrong.
Kyra Hay: Mr. McGill, could you at least look your brother in the eye?
Jimmy McGill: Chuck, I'm very sorry. I lost my temper, and I did some things so many things that I regret. I shouldn't have broken down your door. Doesn't matter how I was provoked. I-I shouldn't have done that. There's no excuse for that. Or for the things that I said. I regret it all, all of it more than you can imagine, because 'cause you're my brother, and no one should treat his own brother like that. Not ever.

Chicanery [3.05][edit]

[Jimmy visits Dr. Caldera at his veterinary clinic, holding a goldfish in a plastic bag.]
Dr. Caldera: Jesus, what are you doing, man? There's barely any oxygen in that bag! You're suffocating her!
Jimmy McGill: "Her?"
Dr. Caldera: Yeah, just because you don't see swinging dicks doesn't mean you can't tell a boy fish from a girl fish.
Jimmy McGill: Oh yes, now I can see the lipstick.

Kim Wexler: Did you consider taking [Jimmy] on as an associate?
Howard Hamlin: We did. Briefly.
Kim Wexler: Sounds like you didn't hire him. Why not, with that kind of grit?
Howard Hamlin: The partners decided it would be best to avoid the appearance of nepotism. We felt hiring Jimmy might damage morale.
Kim Wexler: Nepotism. Your firm is Hamlin, Hamlin & McGill, right? Who's the other Hamlin?
Howard Hamlin: My father.

Jimmy McGill: Earlier you talked about other diseases. Physical conditions, you said. So, okay, if you had – I dunno – lung cancer, would you have told Rebecca then?
Chuck McGill: If that had been the case, maybe I might have.
Jimmy McGill: So how is this different?
Male Committee Member: Mr. McGill, move it along.
Jimmy McGill: You don't have to answer that. I wanna get down to brass tacks. I want to be very, very specific here. This illness, what does it feel like? You mentioned it's painful.
Chuck McGill: It is. There's a tightness in my chest, difficulty breathing – and pain, burning pain. Pain spreads everywhere.
Jimmy McGill: Sounds horrible. Does it hurt right now?
Chuck McGill: There's always some discomfort, yes. Electricity is everywhere in the modern world. But I very much appreciate the indulgence of the panel for their accommodation here today. I can handle this fine.
[Jimmy makes a signal to Francesca, who leaves the courtroom.]
Jimmy McGill: Right. So with the lights out, you don't feel them?
Chuck McGill: If the current's not flowing, no.
Jimmy McGill: I'm sorry about the exit signs. I guess they couldn't kill those for you.
Chuck McGill: Well, they're not drawing much current and they're far away.
[Francesca comes back into the courtroom, followed by Huell. They take their seats.]
Jimmy McGill: [sighs]
Chuck McGill: Intensity drops off with distance, per the inverse-square law.
Jimmy McGill: Oh, whoa. Inverse-square? I'm not a physicist. Could you dumb that down a shade for me?
Chuck McGill: The farther away it is, the stronger the source needs to be to have an effect.
Jimmy McGill: Got it, got it. So, if I had a small battery – say, from a watch or something – and I got it close to you, close to your skin, you'd know?
Chuck McGill: I would feel it, yes.
Jimmy McGill: Can you feel more current coming from any particular direction right now? From the back wall, or from over there? Or up through the floor– Can you tell us where the nearest source is, right now?
Chuck McGill: Jimmy, do you have something in your pocket?
Jimmy McGill: Yes I do, as a matter of fact.
[Jimmy pulls a cell phone from his breast pocket and places it in front of Chuck.]
Jimmy McGill: My cell phone. From this distance you should feel it, and you don't, do you?
Chairman: Mr. McGill, you were warned to leave your electronics outside.
Chuck McGill: It's all right. It's all right. May I?
[Chuck takes the cell phone and opens the back.]
Chuck McGill: Just as I thought. There's no battery in here. You removed the battery. That's a sorry little trick, isn't it?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, you got me, Chuck. Dead to rights. I removed the battery.
Robert Alley: Objection.
Chairman: Sustained. Y-you've taken all the leeway you're getting, Mr. McGill. Wrap it up fast.
Chuck McGill: God, Jimmy! Don't you know by now this is real, I feel this? It's a physical response to stimuli. It's not a quirk. What do I have to do to prove it to you?
Jimmy McGill: I don't know, Chuck. Could you reach into your breast pocket and tell me what's there?
Chuck McGill: [scoffs] What now?
[Chuck reaches into his pocket and retrieves the battery to the cell phone. Startled, he drops it on the floor.]
Jimmy McGill: Can you tell the court what that was?
[Jimmy picks up the battery.]
Chuck McGill: A battery...
Robert Alley: Mr. Chairman, please–
[Huell stands up from his seat.]
Jimmy McGill: Do you recognize that man in back? His name is Huell Babineaux, he's on our witness list. You bumped into him in the stairway. He'll testify he planted this fully-charged battery on you over an hour-and-a-half ago.
Huell Babineaux: Hour and forty-three minutes.
Jimmy McGill: An hour and forty-three minutes. Thank you, Mr. Babineaux. [to Chuck] And you felt nothing.
[Jimmy turns on the cell phone and holds it to Chuck's face.]
Chuck McGill: No, no, no. No no, it's a trick, it has to–
Robert Alley: Enough is enough. I submit that Mr. McGill's mental illness is a non-issue. If he were schizophrenic...
Chuck McGill: Schizo– ?!
Robert Alley: would not take away from the fact that the defendant–
Chuck McGill: I am not crazy!
Chuck McGill: I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers, I knew it was 1216! One after Magna Carta, as if I could ever make such a mistake! Never! Never! I just–I just couldn't prove it! He–he–he covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him...
Robert Alley: Mr. McGill, please. You don't have to go into–
Chuck McGill: You think this is something? You think this is bad, this–this chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No, he orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof, and I saved him! I shouldn't have! I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was nine, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! "But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy!" Stealing them blind! And he gets to be lawyer?! What a sick joke! I should have stopped him when I had the chance! And you, you have to stop him! You–
[Chuck stops when he sees everyone in the courtroom – Jimmy, Kim, Howard, Rebecca, the panel – all staring at him in shock and dismay.]
Chuck McGill: I apologize. I lost my train of thought. Got carried away. Do you have anything else?
Jimmy McGill: No. Nothing further.

Off Brand [3.06][edit]

Hector Salamanca: So your father, his shop. Where does he get his upholstery?
Nacho Varga: ...From, uh, the distributor.
Hector Salamanca: And where is the distributor?
Nacho Varga: ...Jalisco.
Hector Salamanca: Jalisco. Uh, I want a new way to get my stuff over the border, a legitimate business.
Nacho Varga: Right, but the chicken man...
Hector Salamanca: Temporary. I want a new front, my own.
Nacho Varga: Don Hector, my father is a simple man. He is not in the business.
Hector Salamanca: You will teach him.
Nacho Varga: Don Hector, please...
Hector Salamanca: Don't worry about it, I take good care of Poppy. He make good money, a lot more than with his little sewing machine.

[Jimmy plays a videotape of his first commercial using the Saul Goodman moniker.]
Jimmy McGill [in ad]: What's that I see? Albuquerque's next TV star? It's you, small business owner! Struggling to make it in today's fast-paced economy? Thought television advertising was too expensive for you? Well you better think again! You can't afford not to be on TV! Look at you, you're a triple threat: great services, great products, and most of all, that face! You're a star! Wrap it all up in your natural charisma, and bam — you belong on TV! Better watch out for autograph hounds and paparazzi! And it gets better! I can have you on the air tomorrow! Yeah, you heard me right — tomorrow! Better get ready to be famous, Albuquerque! I can make you a TV star for a price you can afford! Call me, Saul Goodman! The world needs to know about you and your business! Call me now!

[Jimmy and Kim finish watching the video of the "Saul Goodman Productions" commercial. Kim is taken aback.]
Jimmy McGill: The guy at the station said he's never seen so many star wipes in a row. It's never been done.
Kim Wexler: "Saul Goodman."
Jimmy McGill: Yeah. It's like, "S'all good, man."
Kim Wexler: That guy has a lot of energy.
Jimmy McGill: Nah. It's just a name.
Kim Wexler: ...Huh.

Expenses [3.07][edit]

Mike Ehrmantraut: I need to know what you're planning.
Nacho Varga: What's it matter to you?
Mike Ehrmantraut: I know they're for Salamanca. Nitro pills. Your boss has heart problems.
Nacho Varga: You already got it all figured out. Why are you asking?
Mike Ehrmantraut: How are you going to make the switch?
Nacho Varga: [sighs] Hector keeps the pills in his coat pocket. When he hangs up his coat, I'll make the switch.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Hm. He goes down, then what?
Nacho Varga: His heart goes out, that's it.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Lot of eyes on Salamanca. You do this, how are you going to stop them from finding out it was you?
Nacho Varga: Are you trying to tell me not to do this?
Mike Ehrmantraut: I'm not telling you anything. Just want to make sure you know what you're getting into.
Nacho Varga: I'm not "getting" into anything. I'm in it. I've got no choice. Hector wants to use my dad's business. My dad is a straight-arrow, he won't stand for it. Which means he goes to the police, which means he's a dead man. And that's not happening.
Mike Ehrmantraut: You get caught, it could get worse.
Nacho Varga: You don't think I know who I'm dealing with?
Mike Ehrmantraut: No. I don't.

[Jimmy makes an appointment at the Santa Rosa Insurance Group to meet with Ms. Valco, a malpractice insurance agent.]
Ms. Valco: Hey there. Come on in.
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, hi. I called quite a few times about an issue I'm trying to address.
Ms. Valco: Do you know your policy number?
Jimmy McGill: No. Can you just look up my name, McGill?
[Ms. Valco types into the computer.]
Ms. Valco: Charles McGill of Hamlin Hamlin McGill?
Jimmy McGill: No, that's my brother. Um, I'm Jimmy. James McGill, solo practitioner.
Ms. Valco: Hmm, there you are. Looks like you're all paid up through the year.
Jimmy McGill: That's sort of the issue. Long story short, through a series of unfortunate events, my license has been suspended.
Ms. Valco: Yes, I see that here.
Jimmy McGill: Right. Well, I was hoping I could get a refund for the time I won't be a lawyer. Now that's only fair, right?
Ms. Valco: I'm sorry, Mr. McGill. It doesn't work like that. We don't refund for unused malpractice insurance.
Jimmy McGill: [sighs] But it's—it's a lot of money, for nothing.
Ms. Valco: I understand it seems that way, but if one of your clients decides they want to bring a suit against you, this continues your coverage.
Jimmy McGill: [snaps his finger] That's the thing. My clients, they love me. And they would never bring a suit against me. I'm extremely lovable.
Ms. Valco: I can see that, but it's company policy.
Jimmy McGill: What about we put the insurance on hold? And then if someone were to try to sue me – which they won't – then we just, uh, kick that old policy back into gear?
Ms. Valco: I understand your situation. I do. But there are rules preventing us from stopping and starting coverage. And I regret to inform you that when your license is reinstated next year, because of the suspension, your premiums are going to go up. Considerably.
Jimmy McGill: How considerably?
Ms. Valco: [pulls open a file drawer] Ummmm... Looks like roughly 150%.
[Jimmy is visibly shocked by this news. He stuggles to contain his emotions. Tears start to well up in his eyes.
Ms. Valco: Mr. McGill?
[Jimmy exhales and begins to weep.]
Ms. Valco: Oh, I... Mr. McGill, I'm sorry. I wish we could help you, but we just can't.
Jimmy McGill: I'm sorry. It's hard. Very, very hard. I'm just having a rough time. I just need a break. Just one break. I know...I know you can't do anything. I'm getting run out on this community service, and getting ripped off left and right, and my car won't start. My gal is disappointed in me. My brother... my brother is sick. And he's alone. I spent years caring for him, and now he hates me. The only family I got left and he hates me. He hates my guts.
Ms. Valco: Is this your brother Charles?
[Jimmy nods.]
Ms. Valco: Oh...
Jimmy McGill: I pretend not to care, but he's my brother. How can I not? He's mentally ill. He's...he's holed up in a house with no electricity. He's working by the light of gas lanterns, wha—? He's making mistakes with his clients, he's mixing up numbers on important documents, he...he...he had a complete mental breakdown at the bar hearing.
Ms. Valco: Your brother, had a breakdown in court?
Jimmy McGill: It's in the transcripts...
[Jimmy continues sobbing as Ms. Valco reaches for post-it notes and begins writing something down.]
Jimmy McGill: I...I'm really worried. I just... If he screws up with one more big client, I... It's just gonna destroy him. No, don't...don't write. What are you writing? No, don't write...
[Ms. Valco gestures and puts down her pen.]
Jimmy McGill: I...I didn't mean to say that. I don't want him to get in trouble with you guys 'cause of me.
Ms. Valco: Right.
Jimmy McGill: I... Um, sorry. I'm gonna go. You're not gonna do anything, are you?
Ms. Valco: I–I wouldn't worry about it, Mr. McGill. Please feel better.
Jimmy McGill: I'm sorry. Just, um, forget...
[Jimmy leaves Ms. Valco's office. As he walks away, a smirk grows on his face.]

Slip [3.08][edit]

[Mike visits Los Pollos Hermanos and talks to him in his backroom office.]
Mike Ehrmantraut: I've got a problem I think you can help me with. I've got cash I can't spend, about $200,000. If anything happens to me, my family will never see it. Now, it seems to me you opened this place to solve a similar problem.
Gus Fring: And you think that solution could be applied to you?
Mike Ehrmantraut: It's a one time arrangement.
Gus Fring: It would be unwise for us to be publicly associated, wouldn't you agree?
Mike Ehrmantraut: Because of the Salamancas.
Gus Fring: If they were to take notice, there will be consequences for both of us.
Mike Ehrmantraut: I'm thinking a paper transaction.
Gus Fring: Even so. Perhaps there is a way. One with a degree more difficulty, but one I may be able to arrange.
Mike Ehrmantraut: Would twenty percent overcome this difficulty?
Gus Fring: I will not take money from your family.
[After a beat, Gus stands up and extends his hand. Mike shakes it.]

Fall [3.09][edit]

Mike Ehrmantraut: This is a very nice office.
Lydia Rodarte-Quayle: Thank you.
Mike Ehrmantraut: You seem to be risking a lot for a drug dealer.
Lydia Rodarte-Quayle: "Drug dealer." If that's all you think he is, then you don't know Gustavo Fring.

[Hector and Gus face each other at an industrial location, flanked by their respective henchmen: Victor and Tyrus on Gus' side, and Arturo and Nacho on Hector's side. Hector communicates with Juan Bolsa via a cell phone placed on the table in front of him. The dialogue is in Spanish.]
Hector Salamanca: What's so important?
Juan Bolsa (over cell phone): Had a conversation with our friend by the pool. He's very pleased with our progress. He feels our consolidated transportation method is working. In fact, it works so well that our friend says this will be the only way, moving forward. Of course, your territory will stay yours forever. But this system has less exposure. Less risk. Everything moves through the Chilean.
Juan Bolsa (over cell phone): Can you hear me?
[Hector gets up and angrily throws the cell phone to the ground.]
Hector Salamanca: I hear you.
Gus Fring: Don Hector. I never asked for this. I do not want it.
[Hector keels over, on the verge of another coughing fit. Arturo tries to come to his aid.]
Arturo: Don Hector...
[Hector pushes him away and reaches for the vial of pills in his coat pocket, unaware that Nacho has tampered with them. He downs the whole vial, but he seemingly recovers with no ill effect. He turns to Gus.]
Hector Salamanca: Fuck Eladio, fuck Bolsa, and fuck you.
[Hector, Arturo, and Nacho leave.]

[Nacho is sitting at a table in his father Manuel's kitchen with a glass of milk. His father approaches him. The dialogue is in Spanish.]
Manuel Varga: Ignacio?
Nacho Varga: Hey, Dad.
Manuel Varga: I was falling asleep to the news.
Nacho Varga: Yeah, I know.
Manuel Varga: Are you all right, mijo?
[Manuel sits across from his son.]
Nacho Varga: Papa. A man is going to come to your shop. Soon. A bad man.
Manuel Varga: What?
Nacho Varga: He'll want to run the place for a while. And you'll have to let him. Do you understand?
Manuel Varga: And who is this man?
Nacho Varga: ...Hector Salamanca.
Manuel Varga: Salamanca?
Nacho Varga: I've been working for them again. I know what you're thinking. You can scream at me, disown me, never speak to me again. But whatever happens, you must do what he says. I know what you're gonna want to do. But you can't. You can't, Papa. Do what he says, this will blow over in a few weeks. If you don't... I swear. I swear it will be over soon.
Manuel Varga: How can I believe anything you say?
Nacho Varga: Promise me you won't do anything stupid. Promise me, Papa. Please.
Manuel Varga: Get out of my house.
[Nacho quietly gets up, empties the glass of milk into the sink, and leaves.]

Howard Hamlin: You're suing Hamlin Hamlin McGill?!
Chuck McGill: Come on in, Howard.
[Howard steps into Chuck's kitchen while he's cooking. He notices that Chuck has restored the electricity.]
Howard Hamlin: You turned the lights on?
Chuck McGill: I told you, I'm back to normal. And yes, I am suing HHM for breach of contract.
Howard Hamlin: Do you have any idea what you're doing?
Chuck McGill: I believe I do. I'm calling your bluff. This is my firm – I built it. Your father was working in a two-room office when I joined him. And you, I tutored for the bar exam. You're not kicking me out. If you can't trust my judgment as you say, so be it. But you're gonna have to pay me for my share. I believe it comes to around $8 million. We both know the firm doesn't have the money.
Howard Hamlin: You'd rather tear down HHM than retire?
Chuck McGill: You think I'm trouble now, as your partner? Imagine me as your enemy.
Howard Hamlin: Chuck. The damage that you're going to do...
Chuck McGill: If you'd like to discuss this further, we can in court. Until then... [shrugs] ...what else is there to say?

Lantern [3.10][edit]

Howard Hamlin: Seventeen years. Eighteen in July, actually. All those years we built this place together. And all that time I've supported you. Looked up to you, deferred to you. Because I always thought you had the best interests of the firm in mind.
Chuck McGill: I have!
Howard Hamlin: Mnh. You did. For a long time. But you've let personal vendettas turn your focus away from what's best for HHM. You've put your needs first. To our detriment.
Chuck McGill: I don't think that's accurate.
Howard Hamlin: And the moment that I mildly suggest, with empathy and concern, that maybe it's time for you to consider retirement... the first instinct you have is to sue me?! To sue the firm? Well, I... I-I don't even know. I-In what world is that anything but the deepest betrayal of everything we worked so hard to accomplish? In what world is that anything but the deepest betrayal of our friendship?

Chuck McGill: What was it you wanted, beyond proof of life?
Jimmy McGill: Oh. Uh, s-something happened, and it made me think about what–what went down between you and me. And so I wanted to say in hindsight, I could have made different choices.
Chuck McGill: Is that so?
Jimmy McGill: Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying it's all on me. It's not. But if I had to do it all over again, I would maybe do some things differently. I just thought you should know that.
Chuck McGill: That you have regrets.
Jimmy McGill: Yeah. I have regrets.
Chuck McGill: ...Why?
Jimmy McGill: Why? Because you're my brother. There aren't that many of us McGills left and, uh, I think we should stick together.
Chuck McGill: No, why have regrets at all? What's the point?
Jimmy McGill: What do you mean?
Chuck McGill: Well, look at you. You're in so much pain. Why are you putting yourself through all this?
Jimmy McGill: Because I wanted to tell you—
Chuck McGill: That you have regrets. And I'm telling you, don't bother. What's the point? You're just going to keep hurting people.
Jimmy McGill: That's not true—
Chuck McGill: Jimmy, this is what you do. You hurt people over and over and over, and then there's this show of remorse.
Jimmy McGill: It's not a show.
Chuck McGill: I know you don't think it's a show. I don't doubt that your emotions are real. But what's the point of all the sad faces and the gnashing of teeth? If you're not going to change your behavior, and you won't...
Jimmy McGill: I can change—
Chuck McGill: ...why not just skip the whole exercise? In the end, you're going to hurt everyone around you. You can't help it. So stop apologizing and accept it, embrace it. Frankly, I'd have more respect for you if you did.
Jimmy McGill: What about you, Chuck? Hm? You didn't do anything wrong? You're just an innocent victim?
Chuck McGill: Let me put your mind at ease, Jimmy. You don't have to make up with me. We don't have to understand each other. Things are fine the way they are. Hey...
[Chuck puts his hands around Jimmy's shoulders.]
Chuck McGill: ...I don't want to hurt your feelings. But the truth is, you've never mattered all that much to me.

[Hector, Nacho, Arturo, Gus, and Juan Bolsa confront each other in the lot of the upholstery shop belonging to Nacho's father.]
Juan Bolsa: Don Hector. Don Eladio wanted me to speak with you face-to-face so there's no misunderstanding. From now on, there will be only one route over the border for our product: the chicken trucks. And that is final. But you must understand, this is for efficiency only. There's no disrespect to you or your family.
Hector Salamanca: [gestures to Gus] What's he doing here?
Juan Bolsa: The boss wants you to settle this.
Hector Salamanca: I settle it right now, okay?
Juan Bolsa: [sighs] You have to work together. It's what the boss wants.
Hector Salamanca: The boss can suck me!
Juan Bolsa: I'd watch what I say if I were you.
Hector Salamanca: Who you think you are? You should be kissing my ass right now! Me and my family, we built this whole business!
Juan Bolsa: We all did, together.
Hector Salamanca: No, no! Salamanca did! Salamanca money! Salamanca blood!
Juan Bolsa: You have to calm down.
Hector Salamanca: That hacienda, I pay for it! And you treat us like dogs!
Juan Bolsa: Hector, this isn't personal!
Hector Salamanca: It is! It is personal–
[Hector begins having a heart attack. He tries to take his pills, not knowing that Nacho spiked them. He falls over and loses consciousness.]


External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: