Bones (Season 5)

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Bones (2005–2017) is a crime drama television series on the FOX Network, inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and novelist, Kathy Reichs. Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan specializes in reading clues left behind in a victim's bones. Consequently, law enforcement calls her in to assist with murder investigations when the remains are so badly decomposed, burned, or destroyed that the standard identification methods are useless.

The Harbingers In the Fountain [5.1][edit]

Booth: I do not like cats.
Sweets: Well, that's consistent with the person you were before your brain surgery.
Booth: I don't own a nightclub, I'm not married to Bones, you are not a singing bartender and I hate clowns. So, can I go back to work now?
Sweets: When our sense of reality is challenged - you know - really challenged, it can take some time to regain our footing.
Booth: Look, it's been six weeks since I put my brain box through the blender, there. I am back, baby, huh! Special Agent Seeley Joseph Booth!

[Angela has enlisted the services of a psychic, Avalon Harmonia, to perform a tarot reading on Brennan]
Avalon: This man was lost. You brought him the light that showed him the way home. Without it he would have died.
Angela: Booth was in a coma. Brennan read him the book that she was writing. When he woke up he thought that they had a whole different life together, he thought they were married. He thought that for days.
Avalon: You were joined at that time. You're still joined.
Brennan: [Getting up to leave.] Nothing either of you is saying makes sense.
Avalon: [Turns over another card] Were you pregnant?
Brennan: [Dismissively] What? No, of course not.
Avalon: I mean in your book.
Brennan: [Stares, surprised, for a moment] No, I deleted the book. I'm tired, Angela, I'm going to go check in at the office then go home. Nice to meet you, Miss Harmonia. [Leaves]
Angela: [About Brennan] Underneath the icy exterior beats a very warm heart.
Avalon: Her life is at a very critical turning point. Between great happiness - [She turns over a card.]
Angela: [Reading the card] That's "Death".
[Avalon gives Angela a meaningful look but says nothing.]

Cam: What's really on your mind?
Booth: [Sighs, troubled] All right, um, that place that, uh, I went to, you know, in my coma dream? It was just, Bones and I, it was so real.
Cam: [Bluntly] You're in love with Dr. Brennan.
[Booth is shocked, Cam just smiles gently.]
Booth: [After a pause] What I'm wondering is, am I the same guy?
Cam: A sweet, kick-ass FBI murder solver with hard fists and a lion heart? Mmm, yep, you're still him. My advice, for what it's worth, is forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.
Booth: Right, and tell Bones how I feel.
Cam: Yes. Except, be sure about your feelings, because if you crack that shell and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.

Sweets: Do you know what you're looking at?
Booth: Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you haven't been this close to one in a long time.
Sweets: It's a PET scan of your brain.
Booth: Hmm. Then I was wrong.
Sweets: This is called the ventral tegmental area, and this is the dorsal caudate body. Now these two areas have been proven to be linked to romantic love and sexual arousal.
Booth: If this is your version of dirty pictures, they're not working for me right now. [Closes the laptop computer.]
Sweets: No. [Reopens computer] This scan was taken before your operation. The green and blue areas indicate low activity. The same scan while you were in the coma: lit up like the fourth of July. You were dreaming of being in love, of being married, right? [changes image] The same scan, three days ago. Before your operation you were not in love. After your operation you were. Conclusion: your feelings are not real and will fade away, like every other symptom. Now, I think you and I both know that Dr. Brennan's hyper-rationale is really just a cover for a very vulnerable and sensitive core.
Booth: Well, great. So we're talking about Bones' brain, too, here now.
Sweets: So, if you breach those defenses and it turns out you don't really love her -- [puts PET scans on table] -- I left you hard copies.

Avalon: Dr. Brennan, how are you feeling?
Brennan: Well, they gave me medication, so I feel how I imagine people of average intelligence feel all the time. I came here to see if you ran away.
Avalon: No, I'm here looking for clues. Something I might have missed.
Brennan: In your cards? Because that is a waste of time.
Avalon: You say that after I sent Agent Booth to save your life.
Brennan: Well, you knew where the bodies were buried. You knew Dr. Leacock would attack me.
Avalon: [turns over a card] You were an abandoned child. [turns over another card] The world scares you, so you wrap it up neatly in bonds of reason, education and proof. All riddles are solvable to you, except for one.
Brennan: Yes, the riddle of how you knew where your sister was buried.
Avalon: No. The riddle you can't solve is how somebody could love you.
Brennan: [laughs dismissively] Well, I'm beautiful and very intelligent.
Avalon: The answer to the question you're afraid to say out loud is: yes, he knows the truth about you, and he is dazzled by that truth.

The Bond In The Boot [5.2][edit]

[Booth and Brennan discover a rotting corpse in the trunk of a James Bond style car]
Booth: Whoa! Ok, that is going to kill the blue book value.

Harold Prescott: I was told to assess whether you'd be the best agent with whom to entrust some very sensitive information.
Booth: [looks straight at Harold] This is my case.
Harold: [intimidated] State is supervising, Agent Booth. We...[Booth looks at him]...I approve the investigator.
Booth: Oh, you, I, ok. [sarcastically] An ex-Army Ranger with multiple commendations and a pristine record in the FBI isn't good enough for you or them?
Harold: You shot a clown.
Booth: It's a mechanical clown. [smiles mockingly] You tell me you've never wanted to do that?
Harold: [nervously] This one has to be done with discretion. I mean, um, it's not just your career, it's mine too. I mean, you're old but I'm still–– [Booth stands up and eyeballs him] [hands file over to Booth]
Booth: Right. Sit down. [Harold obediently sits down]

Cam: It appears Mr. Bray has lost his scholarship. No scholarship means no internship at the Jeffersonian.
Hodgins: We got drunk together last week. It carries great meaning for men.
Cam: He's one of us. Even Booth likes him.
Angela: Well, how did he react?
Cam: I haven't told him yet. I want to see if there are other funding options.
[Wendell walks in unnoticed]
Wendell: [points at Angela's monitor] What's that?
Angela and Cam: [stunned] HEY!!!
Hodgins: [grins awkwardly] Dude!! What's new? [Wendell looks at them strangely]

Sweets: Do you want my advice?
Brennan: No.
Sweets: Okay, if you really want to help Booth, you should let him teach you about plumbing.
Brennan: I'm a wealthy, accomplished woman. Why would I want to learn a menial skill?
Sweets: Well, for Booth, so he can regain whatever he feels he's lost. I think, for once, it would be beneficial if you were the student.

Sweets: Perhaps he's a double agent. I mean, Rutledge certainly fits the profile. They're usually intelligent male officers, who had poor father figures resulting in repressed anger and revenge fantasies.
Harold: Double agent?
Sweets: By betraying his country Rutledge is essentially choosing a new father. One who might treat him better than the last.
Brennan: Yes, but that would also fit Booth and he's not a double agent. Are you?
Booth: Stop. Watch it, Sweets!
Sweets: All elephants are gray, Agent Booth, but not all gray things are elephants.
Booth: [whispers] That's good for me, right?
Brennan: [whispers] Yeah.

Brennan: Shouldn't we be honest with each other?
Booth: We're honest! I mean, aren't you? I mean, I am.
Brennan: So you have no problem with me making so much more money than you.
Booth: No. [Brennan makes a face] Well, yeah, but it's -- it's a little weird. I mean, you're loaded. You're really loaded, and you still don't even have a flat screen. That's just kind of weird, to be honest. It's a little French, if you ask me.
Brennan: Don't you feel that your life would be different if you were wealthy?
Booth: Sure, but better? I wouldn't have to fly coach but what life throws us, it's what makes us who we are, right? Fighting through stuff. The good things, they're not any sweeter if you're rich. [looks at Brennan] Parker gives me hug because it's my weekend and me and you when we solve a case. I mean that's not about money, right?
Brennan: [smiles] No, no it's not.

Rutledge: I'm afraid protocol in the intelligence community isn't as simple as someone like you is used to. [Brennan looks to Booth]
Booth: Someone like me? Look, Rutledge, the more you tell us about your agent's assignment, the easier it will be for us to track down the guy who murdered him.
Brennan: That's what "someone like him" does.
Rutledge: As far as what assignment he was working on, that assignment is classified. And far beyond what I am able to share with...
Booth: With someone like me.
Rutledge: Yes.
Booth: FYI, you know what? I have Level 3 clearance and my SSBI was renewed two months ago, which allowed me to get this warrant. [shows Rutledge a warrant]
Brennan: [impressed] Well played Booth!
Booth: Thanks Bones!
Rutledge: [reads the warrant] Right. She doesn't have clearance. [points to Brennan] You can wait in the lobby, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: [as she is about to leave] You know, I can keep a secret.

Brennan: Rutledge said the bug was checked out in your name.
Mandy: I got the bug because I was afraid Greg was cheating on me.
Booth: So why didn't you mention this before?
Mandy: We weren't supposed to date! I guess it's not like the FBI. We're not allowed to sleep with someone we're working with.
Brennan: Is she talking about us?
Booth: We're not.
Brennan: No!
Mandy: Oh, it's okay. I'm CIA. My lips are sealed.

Hodgins: What kind of creep breaks up with someone over e-mail?
Angela: [chuckles] Like there's an acceptable protocol for crushing someone's soul.

Cam: [discussing the victim's multiple injuries] Anyone who can take that kind of abuse makes James Bond look like a weenie.
Wendell: [amused, looks up at Cam] Weenie?
Cam: [embarrassed] I'm sorry. I have no idea where that came from.

The Plain in the Prodigy [5.3][edit]

Booth: You know, when I was a kid, Bones, I always wanted to be a hobo. I wanted to ride the rails, play the guitar --
Brennan: Be malnourished, riddled with preventable disease.
Booth: You know what? You could make Santa Claus cry. You really could.
Brennan: [notices Booth's "Cocky" belt buckle] Hey, you're wearing your belt buckle again! Cocky.
Booth: Yeah. Ever since the whole coma thing I just kept staring at it thinking to myself, why would I wear something like this?
Brennan: Because you love it. You always have.
Booth: Yeah, that's what I landed on, Bones.
Brennan: Oh, well I'm glad you did, because I like it. It's Boothy.
Booth: Boothy?

Clark: I'm more of a lab rat, Dr. Brennan. Perhaps somebody more outdoorsy would be better.
Brennan: Clark, if there's spinal damage that corresponds to the compression fractures on the long bones, we could have cause of death. I need those bones. You're the most qualified. Don't scratch your neck with the gloves!
Clark: [affects a Southern accent] Well, is it all right if I get a drink of water, boss? You know, it's awful hot out there, and them tools is mighty heavy.
Brennan: Of course you can get water. Why are you talking like that?
Clark: Nevermind. I'll go.

Cam: Where's Dr. Brennan?
Hodgins: Doing an isotope analysis since the victim might be from another country or if that makes sense.
Clark: [analyzing the victim's bones] His cavity suggests his drinking water wasn't fluoridated.
Cam: When do teenagers start having sex?
[Clark, Angela and Hodgins look at her, stunned.]
Angela: [wide-eyed, in bewilderment] Hello!
Hodgins: [amused] If they could? They start in the morning and go until they drop.
Clark: [uncomfortable] Please tell me this is about the case.
Angela: This is about Michelle, isn't it? Is she having sex?
Clark: [to himself] Working here is like being on The View.
Cam: I meant what age.
Clark: [to Cam] Dr. Saroyan, um, may I be excused to attend to something more case-related?

Brennan: You just said you were having sex when you were sixteen.
Booth: That's different!
Brennan: Oh, so there's a double standard?
Booth: Of course! You know what, Cam needs to shut that down.
Brennan: I said that Michelle should wait until she's at least seventeen and a half.
Booth: Is that how old you were?
Brennan: No, I was 22.
Booth: Twenty-two?! twnent--, why?
Brennan: Don't -- why do you sound shocked?!
Booth: No, it's just that that's a good age. Twenty-two??
Brennan: It was an important decision! I gave it a lot of thought. I finally found a man who could provide a skillful introduction.
Booth: You make it sound like it was a class that you took. You know, the first time you should be in love. You know, totally goo-goo for the other person.
Brennan: Were you when you were sixteen?
Booth: Well part of me was.

Michelle: I'm scared. Is that weird? I mean, it's just sex, right? It's all over the TV and everywhere.
Cam: Whoa, there's no such thing as 'just sex', Michelle. Every time you give a bit of yourself to the person you're with. So it's okay to wait as long as you want.
Michelle: I don't want to lose Perry.
Cam: If Perry doesn't understand how you feel, he doesn't deserve you.

Booth: Michelle's family to me. I'm her number one uncle.
Perry: Really? She, she didn't mention...
Booth: I'm also a trained sniper. [reveals the gun in his shoulder holster]
Perry: Ok, wow, uh...
Booth: [puts his arm around Perry] Listen, Perry, all right? You're a red-blooded young man and uh, Michelle's – she's an attractive young girl. So I assume that you...
Perry: What? No, no, no!
Booth: Because Michelle deserves your respect, you understand?
Perry: I do! I do respect her. We were just going to the movies tonight.
Booth: All right. And if you behave anyway less than a gentleman to her, I'll find you. I think we understand each other, right?

Booth: Hey Bones, you met Perry, Michelle's boyfriend?
Brennan: Yes, nice to see you again. I heard about Princeton. You have a very bright future ahead.
Perry: I hope so.
Booth: Me too. Have fun tonight, okay?

The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood [5.4][edit]

Cam: Why are you standing there like a security guard? (Parker steps out from behind Booth).
Cam: Parker, hey!
Parker: Hi!
Brennan: [to Parker] The remains we've been called to examine were apparently barbecued. Would you like to see?
Parker: Totally!
Booth: No, no, no. A person did not get barbecued. Did they, Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: Yes. In a luau pit, which is why I'm surprised you'd bring Parker long.
Booth: No, I...Rebecca and her boyfriend won a night at the Green-brier, so little kid's with me. I got him.
Parker: Let's go see the cooked person!
Booth: Geez, you know our deal.
Brennan: Well, what's your deal?
Parker: We're not allowed to talk about the bad parts of Dad's work until I have armpit hair.
Booth: You don't have any armpit hair last time I checked. Not for a long time, kid (Angela appears in the background.)
Cam: Angela, would you mind...?
Angela: Oh, no, sure. I get the situation here. You're with me, Parker.
Parker: I want to see the barbecued body.
Angela: Well, I agree that does sound awesome, but I have face paints that your dad will never be able to get off, no matter how hard he scrubs. They're basically tattoos.
Parker: Okay, I'm with you.
Booth: You have a good time, all right? (Booth hugs Parker).
Booth: I'll come pick you up in a little bit, all right? (Cam and Bones walk to the exit).
Booth: Have with the face paints, kid. (To Angela) Hey, that's not true about the face paint, is it? (Angela smiles as she walks away with Parker)
Angela: You're with me, Baby Booth.

Cam: Were you guys aware that Arastoo doesn't really have an accent?
Booth: Yeah, he does. It's thicker than Ahmed the rug merchant. [to himself] Was that racist? It sounded racist.

Sweets: [watches Cam walk into his office without knocking] No, no, no. You can't just walk in here!
Cam: Arastoo Vaziri, our Muslim intern, he's been faking his accent. At first I go where everyone else goes, you know? [singsong voice] Terrorist!
Sweets: Wouldn't a terrorist fake not having an accent?
Cam: Is it crazy or just weird? Weird I can deal with, but crazy? [shakes head and begins to leave the office]
Sweets: Wait. What do you want me to do?
Cam: Crazy's your department.

Paula Lindbergh: I was afraid this would come up when I heard you took Trey in for questioning.
Booth: You're right, so start talking.
Paula: I should never have made Elliot move to the suburbs. In a way, I emasculated him.
Brennan: Oh, God. She's a therapist. She talks like a therapist.
Brennan: Interlocking lines of persuasion between members of the collective result in multiple duplicities.
Paula: Oh, my God. She's an anthropologist. She talks like an anthropologist!

Booth: It takes a village, Bones.
Brennan: I beg your pardon?
Booth: A village to raise a kid properly! It takes a village!
Brennan: Metaphorically. It doesn't mean we must all grow up in hamlets of 800 people or less.
Booth: Thanks. Will you be my village?
Brennan: Huh?
Booth: I need Parker to know that I lead a full and rewarding life.
Brennan: But you don't.
Booth: What?? Yes, I do!
Brennan: No, you don't. You work too much, you don't socialize, all which prevents you from having a sex life.
Booth: Okay, let's take a hint from the suburbs and just make it look good.
Brennan: Wait, you to know if I'll help you fool your son into thinking your life is gratifying?
Booth: Yeah! Will you do it?
Brennan: Well, how?
Booth: Come to dinner with us, have fun, laugh at my jokes.
Brennan: That might actually turn out to be fun, thus becoming a self fulfilling desire.
Booth: Right! So, you'll do it?
Brennan: [smiles] Yes! I will be your hamlet of 800 people or less.

Arastoo: [irritated, with an American accent] I am a scientist! Okay? Just like the rest of you. I can deal! So please just back off and let me do my job!
Cam: Wow.
Arastoo: [switches back to Jordanian accent] I apologize for my outburst.
Cam': Oh, you aren't even going to try to unring that bell are you?
Arastoo: [as he's leaving] I have to pray.

Parker: My friend's dad just got a new girlfriend. He goes with his dad to her place all the time to swim.
Angela: Oh, so he likes her. Well, that's good.
Parker: Do you have a boyfriend?
Angela: No, I'm on a celibacy kick. It's been five months and nine days, which in celibacy time is 400 years.
Parker: What does celibacy mean?
Angela: It's, um... I don't have a boyfriend, no.
Parker: How about my dad?
Angela: I don't think he has a boyfriend either.
Parker: No, he really, really needs a girlfriend. Really.
Angela: Why?
Parker: To sex up.
Angela: That's very succinctly put.
Parker: Could Dad sex you up?
Angela: Don't think I haven't considered that, but I'm sort of on the sidelines for now. But thank you for thinking of me. Okay. Ready?
Parker: Mm-hmm.
[She holds up a mirror]
Angela: Done.
Parker: Cool. How'd you do that?
Angela: I'm good. [high-fives Parker]

(The Jeffersonian. Medical-Legal lab - Angela's office. Parker is playing a video game, Booth and Angela stand talking.)

Booth: Whoa-whoa-whoa, wait a second. You and Parker discussed my sex life?
Angela: Well, we discussed your lack of sex life.
Booth: Angela, neither you nor him, especially him, know anything about my sex life.
Angela: Well, he knows that daddy ain't getting any, and he's concerned. He thinks you need a girlfriend... to have sex.
Booth: He said that?
Angela: Well, his exact words were, "To sex up." I think you need to talk to him honestly about your love life.
Booth: You kidding me? No offense, but I'm not talking about…
[Cam enters]
Cam: Hey...
Booth: What?
Cam: Want to run our friendly neighborhood suburbanites through the National Gun Permit Database, see if any of them own a .44? Hodgins found that in the pit. (She hands Booth the bagged bullet).
Parker: Hi, Dr. Saroyan. Do you have a boyfriend?
Angela: See? This is exactly how it started with me.
[Cam looks puzzled and amused]
Booth: (Walking to Parker). Come on. Let's go. Come on. I gotta get you back home, or your mom's gonna kill me, all right?
[They turn to leave – he looks at Parker's painted face]
Booth: Let me see this stuff. (To Angela). Does this stuff come off?
Angela: Oh, seriously. That's your big worry right now?

[Royal Diner. Booth and Bones sit at a table opposite Parker they all have plates of food and drinks]
Booth: This is fun. Isn't it fun?
Brennan: Yes. I'm having fun. (Whispering to Booth) Is he?
[Booth holds his drink in front of him to hide his face from Parker. Whispering to Bones]
Booth: Bones, you can ask him yourself.
Brennan: (To Parker). Hey. Are you having fun?
Parker: Milk shakes are fun, man, and I'm having a milk shake. (He holds up his glass). So, yeah, I'm having fun.
Brennan: That's an excellent syllogism.
Parker: She thinks I'm silly?
Brennan: What...what's wrong?
Parker: He needs a girlfriend.
Brennan: Well, why doesn't he have one?
Parker: I don't know. That's another thing we can't talk about until I have hair under my arms.
Booth: Hey, I got a good idea. What do you say we all go bowling, get out of here, huh?
Parker: Couldn't you be his girlfriend?
Booth: Buddy, you really gotta quit that.
Brennan: That would be inappropriate.
Parker: Why?
Brennan: Because... (She pauses). ...we work together.
Parker: That's a stupid reason.
Booth: (Hiding his face with his drink and whispering). You know what? Bones, I'm really not comfortable with the questions that you're asking.
Brennan: (Also hiding her face with her drink and whispering) Booth, could you maybe trust me for a second, trust that I can say the right thing? In the time that I've been with you, I've learned a lot about how to deal with people. (To Parker). Your father is very, very good with people.
Parker: Then why doesn't he have a girlfriend?
Booth: And we're off. (Bones glares at him). Okay. All right, all right.
Brennan: Can I ask you a question? Why do you think your father needs a girlfriend so much?
Booth: (Hiding his face again). Okay, look, Bones, there's a whole gender-parent dealy-bob thing going on here. You're just going to confuse him.
Parker: So I can have a pool.
Brennan: [discreetly to Booth] He doesn't sound confused.
Booth: A pool?
Parker: Lasky's dad got a pool with his girlfriend.
Booth: Oh, you mean Lasky with the, uh, third nostril?
Parker: Lasky's dad got a girlfriend. Then, they got married and moved to a house with a pool. Maybe, if you got married, you'd move to a house with a pool that I could swim in.
Brennan: Well, he seems extremely clear on why he wants you to get a girlfriend. I don't know why you didn't just ask him.
Booth: So, the whole reason you wanted me to get a girlfriend was so that you could have a pool?
Parker: Mm-hmm. Why else would I care?
Brennan: There is a pool in my building... (She starts removing a key from her key chain). …that the two of you can use as my guests anytime. (She places the key on the table. Booth takes it).
Parker: Awesome. That's awesome, right, Dad?
Brennan: No, not awesome. Simple Socratic method of solving a problem.
Booth: Nope. Mm-mm, Parker is right. You're awesome, Bones.
Brennan: Yeah. I'm awesome. (Parker nods.) Cheers. (Bones raises her glass and Parker clinks his own against hers).

A Night at the Bones Museum [5.5][edit]

Cam: What are you doing here, Sweets?
Angela: He's Daisy's trainer. If she attacks, he can put her down.

Angela: When I was in Rio, some kid graffitied a mummy in the National Museum. Next day, choked on his own tongue.
Cam: [stunned] Seriously?
Angela: Death shall come on swift wings to he who disturbs the peace of the mummy.
Cam: I guess I'd be angry too if someone pulled my brain out through my nose and stuck it in a canopic jar.

Angela: Hey! How could you not tell me you were on a date when I texted you?
Brennan: It was just drinks!
Angela: Celibate. Seeking crumbs. Spill.
Brennan: He's Booth's boss's boss. His name is Andrew.
Angela: Wait, this is his boss's boss? Was Booth upset?
Brennan: Yes. I don't know why.
Angela: Brennan, this could screw up the natural order of things, and Booth wishes that you were going out with him.
Brennan: I drink with him all the time, but with Andrew there is the potential for sex.
Angela: And not with Booth?

Sweets: Dr. Saroyan, I'm having some serious problems with Daisy. Can I ask your advice?
Cam: No.
Sweets: No, really.
Cam: Really. I have a sixteen year old, and believe me, when it comes to dating advice, I am batting a red hot zero.
Sweets: But you've been through this like a million times yourself!
Cam: Did you just call me old?

Booth: Bones doesn't feel pressure to act or do or say anything that she doesn't want to, and no one, no one, can make her. That's what makes her Bones.

Brennan: I have to speak. I hate these things.
Booth: What are you talking about, Bones? You're great at these things. Listen, you changed history. How many people can say that?
Brennan: You can. Every arrest you make changes history. You make the world safer.
Booth: With your help. So, Andrew. You were going to take him to this thing. At least that's what you told me.
Brennan: I was, yes, but you and I -- this was our case. I guess what goes on between us, that should just be ours. Isn't that what you said?
Booth: Yeah.

The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken [5.6][edit]

[Inside Angela's office]
Booth: I thought Hodgins would have something on this whole "suspended animation" thing. [hands Angela a folder]
Angela: [amused] Hey, you listen to Hodgins?
Booth: I listen to Wendell.
Brennan: [looks at the file Angela is reading] Woah...what is DARPA?
Angela: Uh, it's a Department of Defense agency. The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency. Hodgins says they're into some pretty weird stuff, like creating super-soldiers who don't need sleep and can kill with their laser beam eyes.
[Angela shows Booth her reconstruction of the victim's face]
Booth: [chuckles, looks at Angela facetiously] Yeah, what's that supposed to be?
Angela: Half man, half chicken.
Booth: Come on!
Brennan: I believe this to be fairly accurate.
Booth: Ok, so you want me to go ask the Defense Department if their experimental super-soldier is half man half chicken???

Hodgins: DARPA created a chicken soldier?
Wendell: I do not see the United States military making chicken soldiers. Eagle, maybe.
Hodgins: That's why we couldn't find his so-called fingers, because they're transformed into talons. I mean, talons would be much better weapons.

Protesters at chicken farm: Cluck you! Cluck you! Cluck you!

Booth: So how do you treat your chickens?
Security: Like delicious birds that people love to eat.

Josh Parsons: Are you here to protect them while they mistreat and torture the chickens on this farm and the people who live downwind of its foul emanations?
Booth: You practice that speech much, pal?
Brennan: We found Nick Rabin's body.
Booth: As of now, you are our number one suspect.
Parsons: Please, I didn't kill anyone. I'm an extreme pacifist.
Brennan: That's an oxymoron. You're either extreme or pacifist. You can't be both.

Booth: Dr. Sweets says you're the type of guy who couldn't kill except in self defense.
Josh: I never attacked anyone.
Booth: Oh really. 'Cause you tarred and feathered me.
Josh: It was corn syrup and paper feathers.
Josh: I will absolutely not turn over to you any information which was entrusted to me by the courageous individual who risked his or her job to aid innocent creatures who are unable to defend themselves.
Booth: [losing his patience] You know what? If you do not hand over the original footage I'm gonna charge you with assaulting a federal agent. [gets up to leave]
Sweets: Hmm, and that's what, a $200,000 fine and one year in a federal prison?
Booth: You know, if you're locked up, who's gonna speak up for the chickens, huh, pal?

[Sweets, Booth and Brennan are having lunch at the diner]
Sweets: [shows Booth the menu] Hey, today's special: chicken. Ironic.
Booth: Right... [discreetly aside to Brennan, shields his face with menu] Everything ok there Bones? I know when something's wrong with you. Something's wrong. What can I do to help?
Brennan: Angela and I had a fight.
Booth: [puts menu down] Nothing I can do to help!
Brennan: You want to hear about it?
Booth: No!
Sweets: Why not?
Booth: Why? Because her and Angela are best friends and Bones is gonna want me to take her side and agree that Angela was wrong. And then, you know, the two of them are gonna make up and then they're gonna be mad at me. So, no thank you!
Sweets: It's very interesting.
Booth: [to Sweets] You know, the way you say "very interesting" is very irritating. [to Bones] I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you, I'd kill for you, but I am not getting in the middle of two best friends.
[Brennan gets up to leave]
Booth: [grabs her hand] Woah, woah, listen, Bones. Everything is gonna be ok between you and Angela. All right? You two are like sisters.
Brennan: [sadly] I'm just not used to not getting along with people.
Sweets: Seriously? 'Cause it seems like–– [groans as Booth cuts him off by kicking him extremely hard under the table]
Brennan: Thanks, Booth.

Brennan: Angela'll come around.
Sweets: You're certain that she will.
Brennan: Angela will see the rational nature of my argument.
Sweets: She will come around.
Brennan: I already said that.
Sweets: [smiles] Hey, crazy thought. What if this time you're the one who came around?
Brennan: Saving one pig isn't a rational act. Are you suggesting that I point that out to Angela more clearly? Because that would make this conversation very much like a professional consultation.
Sweets: I'm suggesting, in a very friendly conversational way, that you help her save that one pig.
Brennan: But we agreed that that's a meaningless act.
Sweets: Meaningless by your definition, not by Angela's.
Brennan: My definition is correct.
Sweets: Yes, and if life were simply a debate, you would win hands down. But we know it isn't a debate. It's something much tougher. You know, our very work shows us that those people that call the world an abattoir, a slaughterhouse, they have a point. You handle that knowledge by imposing this gossamer web of rationality over the ugliness. Angela has a very different way of handling it. Sometimes you don't save the world, Dr. Brennan. Sometimes you just make your friend happy.
Brennan: Even when it's irrational? [Sweets nods]

Booth: I'm losing it. I'm not up to speed here. I woke up this morning and I realized that I didn't even know if I liked brown sugar on my oatmeal.
Brennan: Next time, call me. You like brown sugar on everything!
Booth: I'm the one who is supposed to know if people are lying. Who do I call for that?
Brennan: Sweets.
Booth: Sweets?
Brennan: You said he's like a human lie detector test.
Booth: I don't like things at half speed, you know? I'm a full speed kind of a guy.
Brennan: Well, even at half speed, you're twice as fast as anyone else.

Brennan: You noticed something! See! You've still got it!
Booth: You're not going to ask me what I saw?
Brennan: Do I want to know?
Booth: No. Do you want to know anyway?
Brennan: Nope. It can wait. I trust you.

The Dwarf in the Dirt [5.7][edit]

[At the firing range]
Carson: Booth, right?
Booth: Huh?
Carson: You're a legendary shot. I'm Carson.
Booth: I'm concentrating.
Carson: Heard you could shoot a hole through a dime on the run.
[Booth continues firing a round. He retrieves his target and his shots are all off target.]
Carson: Excuse me. Guess I got the wrong guy.

Sweets: There have been a few changes in Booth.
Wyatt: Since the brain tumor?
Sweets: Yeah, is that why he came to you? He doesn't trust me? Oh, right. How could I forget about cook/client privilege.
Wyatt: Chef/client privilege!
Sweets: Has he also told you about how now when he climbs stairs he leads with his right foot rather than his left? He holds his phone to a different ear. Coffee in his left hand.
Wyatt: How wretchedly observant of you.
Sweets: Not me: Dr. Brennan.

Todd Moore: You two think I killed Bryce, tossed him into a sink hole so I could take over the franchise?
Wyatt: Well, I was there when Agent Booth identified himself as FBI and you ran.
Sweets: Running away from the FBI is always suspicious.
Moore: [slams his hands on the table] I'm Canadian. My work visa expired a week ago. I thought you were gonna ship me back to Sudbury. Have you ever been to Sudbury? [Wyatt and Sweets shake their heads] You would've ran too.

Brennan: The only markings we know for sure came before the sinkhole are these three little nicks on his ribs.
Vincent: Could he have been stabbed?
Brennan: With what?
Vincent: The world's dullest knife.
Brennan: Perhaps something along the lines of a dull hatchet.
Vincent: To a little person a hatchet would be the equivalent of an ax. Assuming the accomplice was already lying in wait, surely he would have had the forethought to bring a more suitable weapon.
Brennan: Like a gun.
Vincent: Or a giant sword. Or a gun.

Wyatt: It's the most ill-conceived, sackless, vomitous, gargoyle of gastronimity I've ever encountered! It's preposterous!

Wyatt: I don't think Booth has brain damage.
Sweets: What's his problem?
Wyatt: May I ask why you didn't publish your book on Booth and Brennan?
Sweets: Is there a connection between my book and Booth's marksmanship?
Wyatt: I believe you didn't publish it because you're afraid of how Brennan and Booth would react to its conclusion.
Sweets: My book concludes that Brennan and Booth are in love with each other.
Wyatt: It's a scrummy conundrum, isn't it?
Sweets: I believe as a reaction to the childhood traumas of abuse and abandonment, Dr. Brennan utilizes her intellect to armor herself from intense levels of emotion, like love.
Wyatt: And Booth?
Sweets: Well, subconsciously he's sensitive to her vulnerability. He knows that acting upon his feelings for her would amount to a kind of assault.
Wyatt: I couldn't agree with you more.

Brennan: Maybe I should start packing heat again.
Booth: Packing heat?
Brennan: Yes, it's a colloquialism. I'm quite a good shot.
Booth: Hey, if the leprechaun was shot, where would the bullet be?
Brennan: I assume somewhere in the six tons of crap Hodgins hasn't sifted through yet.
Booth: Wait, wait a second. Did you just call forensic evidence crap?
Brennan: It's colloquial again. What do you think?
Booth: I like it. It shows that you're adapting.

Wyatt: Sometimes you have to help people against their wishes.
Brennan: I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to help him.

Wyatt: When you were in the coma, you got a glimpse of another world.
Booth: Great, and how does that help me aim my gun?
Wyatt: Temperance Brennan. You're in love with her. You're building a world around her. Family.
Booth: We're not compatible. She sees the world one way, I see it another way.
Wyatt: Of course! It's absolutely ludicrous, the idea of you together, but the heart chooses what it chooses, doesn't it? We don't really have a say in the matter.
Booth: She doesn't love me. I would know if she loved me.
Wyatt: May I counsel patience on this front. Hope and patience.

Wyatt: When it comes to a man and his gun, a woman is the natural cure.

The Foot in the Foreclosure [5.8][edit]

Angela: Booth must be cute with his grandpa, huh?
Brennan: His grandfather calls him "Shrimp". Booth seems to like it, which I don't understand.
Angela: Well, it's because it makes him feel loved, like when he actually was a shrimp.
Brennan: So the moniker is a sign of affection?
Angela: Very good, Brennan. You never had a nickname?
Brennan: Oh, no, just what Booth calls me; just Bones.

[Booth receives a call from a police officer about his grandfather Hank]
Hank: Wait a minute... [grabs phone from the officer] Seeley, I'm fine. I just took a subway to see my friend Willy Louis. I mentioned him to you. We were in the 82nd together.
Booth: [trying hard to keep his cool] Yeah. I remember, Pops.
Hank: Well, the son of a bitch up and died on me! They had the funeral three weeks ago and nobody even told me.

Brennan: But on her last visit with him, she weighed 234 pounds.
Clark: Baby had back. [disapproving looks from Brennan and Cam] Sorry... I don't know where that came from.

Booth: Are you sure you're all right?
Hank: Just stop asking me that. You never got lost. Just because I'm maturing people think I'm going senile.
Hank: Don't worry. If you ever need a little privacy with the bone doctor I'll make myself scarce.
Booth: Ok thanks but there's nothing going on between us.
Hank: You gay?
Booth: [stunned] What? No!

Hank Booth: Did I take these blue pills?
Booth: You took the yellow pills.
Hank: I feel like a damn chemistry experiment! They didn't have this stuff fifty years ago and everybody was fine!
Brennan: Actually, medicine has increased life expectancy quite a bit since 1959. Fifty years ago, you'd probably be dead.
Booth: Bones!
Hank: No, I like her. She's real. She's got balls.
Brennan: Well, ovaries, actually.
Hank: All right, you've got steel ovaries.
Brennan: Thank you.
Booth: Will you two, please!

Booth: Meg was dating?
Stephanie: No one special. I would've known. She used to meet different guys at Club Jiggle.
Booth: Club Jiggle?
Stephanie: For thin people who....let's say they appreciate people my size. [Booth looks at her in bemusement] I went myself a couple of times but it was too freaky. These skinny guys saying they wanna fondle my kankles and eat brisket out of my navel. Skewed me out.
Booth: [speechless] Brisket?

[Booth and Brennan are driving to interview a suspect with Booth's grandfather Hank sitting behind.]
Brennan: Being overweight wasn't always stigmatized. During the Middle Ages in Italy, the wealthy and influential members of society were called popolo grosso, meaning literally, fat people.
Hank: Is she always like this?
Booth: Well, Pops, she always has the facts, Pops. Always.
Hank: You should go on a game show. You'd clean up.
Booth: I tell her that all the time, but you know, she's already loaded.
Hank: She's got talent, charm, beauty, money and you're just friends? [Booth looks back at him in bemusement, speechless] I didn't raise you very well.
[Booth and Brennan look at each other awkwardly, still speechless.]

Brennan: [gets off the phone with Hank] He said he's gonna teach me how to kick your ass.
Booth: [scoffs] Hah! That'll be the day. I don't think so.

Hank: Everyone needs someone. Don't be scared.
Brennan: Scared, what? I'm not scared of anything.
Hank: It all goes by so fast. You don't want any regrets.
Brennan: I don't understand.
Hank: Yes, you do.

The Gamer in the Grease [5.9][edit]

Booth: Fishing is not a sport!
Brennan: What? Monuments to sporting events in ancient Egypt include fishing, as well as swimming and wrestling.
Booth: Come on! No sweat, no sport!
Brennan: Well -- oh! Boris Spassky at chess. He used to perspire profusely.
Booth: Why do you got to make things so complicated? Let me break it down for you, okay? Basketball, football, hockey: that's a sport. Board games, fishing: not a sport!
Cam: You'll probably go easy on the fried food after this one.
Brennan: Well, the International Olympic Committee is considering adding chess as a sport.
Cam: Not a sport.
Booth: See! Not a sport!
Cam: Neither is ribbon twirling, bridge or synchronized swimming.
Booth: Synchronized swimming, that's not a sport, that's for sure.
Cam: Oh, God. I'm in the middle of something, aren't I? Oh, look! Dead guy!
Booth: Yeah, look at that. The Colonel's not going to like this one.
Cam: Male, no sign of clothing, all other stats still unknown. He was found at the bottom of this grease receptical by those lovely gentleman over there.
Brennan: The remains are covered in flesh. Why am I here?
Cam: I don't know. I told Booth. Oh, God. In the middle again!

Fisher: He was beaten and stabbed. Somebody really went after this guy.
Cam: Those injuries didn't kill him. There's grease in all levels of the bronchi, which means our victim was alive when he was tossed into the vat. Cause of death is drowning and cooking, or vice versa.
Fisher: Saturated fats; they're a killer.

[Angela walks into her office and catches Hodgins, Sweets and Fisher watching a trailer of Avatar on her big screen monitor]
Angela: What's with the blue people?
Hodgins, Sweets & Fisher: The Na'vi.
Angela: I beg your pardon?
Fisher: Denizens of a lush planet called Pandora.
Angela: [walks in front of the monitor] You boys are not allowed to watch movies on my monitor.
Hodgins: Angela, this is so much more than a movie.
Sweets: Yeah, I mean we're sorry but the screen is so big!
Fisher: You got porn on this thing?
Angela: [unimpressed] Get out. Out!

Booth: Steve Rifton, 26-year-old mailman reported missing by his wife twelve days ago. You figured out he was a mailman and guess what? He's a mailman!
Brennan: Why are you surprised?
Booth: It doesn't surprise me. It amazes me sometimes how you can figure that stuff out. It's a mailman! You figured that out!
Brennan: [smiling] I'm good at my job.
Booth: Wait until you see what I've got here. Okay, here --
Brennan: Marked in red.
Booth: Right. Is Steve Rifton's postal route. And here --
Brennan: Marked in black.
Booth: Right, is the grease truck's route. See what I've done here?
Brennan: Obviously you've created a geographic Venn diagram.
Booth: No, no, incorrect. What I've shown is here is they've overlapped in the same area.
Brennan: You need to Google "Venn diagram."

Fisher: There's a lip here. I'm thinking a smooth, rounded edge.
Hodgins: Okay, Sweets said he had an appointment he can't miss, so --
Fisher: Follow me on this. The mailman is delivering his package to the "lady of the house", if you catch my drift. The husband comes home, finds the nearest blunt instrument, which is a cast iron frying pan. And WHAM! The postman who rang twice never rang again.
Hodgins: Yeah, yeah, that totally works. If the husband is a peacock wrangler who fights crickets after work in a creeping red Fescue field.
Fisher: Peacock?
Hodgins: Yeah, what I thought was silk turns out to be the thread from the after feather of a peacock.
Fisher: You and your particulates always ruining the day for me.

The Goop on the Girl [5.10][edit]

Brennan: I have to remove your clothing now.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: Well, there may be particulates.
Booth: Particulates.
Brennan: Evidence for Hodgins and flesh for Cam.
Booth: You know, the bomber said something about answering the call. What do you think that means?
Brennan: Many terrorists think they're acting upon divine instruction.
Booth: I don't think he was a terrorist. I just think he was a bank robber.
Brennan: There's spatter on the back of your collar.
Booth: Spatter?
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: I can take my own shirt off.
Brennan: No, don't! You'll compromise the evidence.
Booth: Right.
Brennan: I'm having Christmas dinner at my place this year with my dad. Considering you've been shunted aside by your own family, I'd like to invite you.
Booth: That's a sweet invitation.
Brennan: So, will you come?
Booth: I don't know. I was thinking about going up to Quebec to see Parker. I don't really care what Rebecca thinks.
Brennan: If you do that won't she retaliate by insisting upon coming to all your special times with Parker?
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: You have a perfect acromion. Stand up.
Booth: Whoa! Is there stuff on my pants?
Brennan: Vascular tissue on your cocky belt buckle.
Booth: All right. Slides right off. And now we're done.
Brennan: Nope. I have to remove your pants.
Booth: All right, you know, I'm just going to start reciting some saints. St. Joseph, St. Peter, St. Paul, St. John --
[Cam walks in]
Cam: [Sees what's going on] Anyone for mistletoe?
Brennan: I'm recovering evidence.
Booth: Just evidence! That's all!

Angela: [seeing Booth on a cart being pushed by Brennan only in his boxers] Uh, are we doing an experiments on Booth? Because if so, I'd like to help.
Booth: Make fun of the naked guy. Knock yourself out.

Daisy: [scraping evidence from a witness's hair] I'm not used to evidence that talks so it's a little disconcerting.

Hodgins: Where's your chest hair?
Booth: [retorts] I'm highly evolved.
Brennan: His pubic extension is entirely within normal––
Booth: [cuts Brennan off] Enough!

Cam: [walks in and sees Sweets with Daisy] Clear out, Sweets. We have to identify our Christmas in December bomber.
Daisy: Bye, Lancelot! Colon, end bracket, colon, capital D!
Sweets: Semi-colon, end parenthesis, less than sign, numeral 3!!
Daisy: Colon, capital P! [Sweets waves and leaves]
Cam: [in amazement] Oh, dear God. I'm going to yak.

Brennan: [to an uncooperative suspect Booth is attempting to handcuff] I should warn you that he's very hard to resist.
Booth: Thanks, Bones.

Booth: You were in the military, right? You trained in explosives.
Owen Thiel: So what? Explosives and ordnance is part of basic training.
Booth: [sarcastically] Don't think that they meant for you to use your "basic training" experience to, uh, rob banks.

Booth: So I decided to take you up on your offer.
Brennan: What offer?
Booth: You invited me to your house for Christmas dinner. You forgot you invited me.
Brennan: No, it's just -- no! My dad brought by my second cousin and I really didn't like her.
Booth: Well that makes sense.
Brennan: Why do you say that?
Booth: Because she's family. Ninety percent of the time, family just gets under your skin. That's the difference between family and friends.
Brennan: She's unapologetically dogmatic, she lives her entire life based on the quotations of Benjamin Franklin.
Booth: Maybe she feels the same way about you and your mania of logic.
Brennan: Mania?
Booth: Okay, enthusiasm.

Brennan: [referring to Booth who dropped by to discuss the case] That's my partner. He's FBI.
Margaret: His eyes are too small to be really handsome.
Brennan: Well, I have to admit, I find him pleasing to look at.

[Booth is coming out of the elevator and walking to his office when Owen Thiel comes up to him]
Thiel: Agent Booth.
Booth: [continues walking] I'm busy.
Thiel: Look, what you said about my broadcast blowing that guy up, I was hoping you could put me in contact with his mother.
Booth: [waves him off and continues walking] Stay away from her.
Thiel: [follows Booth] It was a coincidence. No way I could've known in a million years! But still––
Booth: [turns to Owen] If you don't feel responsible then why do you want to talk to this victim's mother?
Thiel: Hey, I was Army, man. Just like you. I served my country.
Booth: You don't even remember what this country stands for.
Thiel: Maybe you forgot.
Booth: [looks up] Sorry?
Thiel: Freedom of speech. I've a right to be heard.
Booth: Legally? Yeah! Maybe you should think about saying something worth hearing.

Angela: [walks out and sees Cam] Woah, you look peeved.
Cam: I went to wash my hands just now but there was no soap in the dispenser. There had to be–– [walks into room and sees Hodgins] Hodgins!
[Hodgins turns around and reveals a bomb vest strapped on himself]
Hodgins: [smiles] Hey! [sees Cam] Uh, you look irked.
Angela: [cuts in for a speechless Cam] She's mad about the soap.
Cam: [points to the bottles of soap on the table] Your analysis of the emulsion bomb included detergent.
Angela: You didn't actually get permission to recreate the bomb did you?
Cam: [still in shock, shakes head] Oh my god!
Hodgins: I needed to do this so Angela could recreate the explosion.
Cam: [turns to Angela] You told him that???
Angela: Don't let him turn this around on me.
Cam: [to Hodgins] I do not want an explosive device in my lab.
Hodgins: Relax, I did not connect the initat–– [takes pliers and cuts wire]
Cam: NO!!
Hodgins: [nonchalantly] It is perfectly safe!
[Hodgins cuts the wire and nothing happens, much to Cam's relief]

Brennan: Sometimes people are terrible.
Booth: I know.
Brennan: Cam says that the victim's mother is burying him on Christmas morning.
Booth: I heard that.
Brennan: It's just him and his mom, right?
Booth: He worked alone and never had any time for friends. What's wrong?
Brennan: Max told me that being alone at Christmas means that nobody loves you. She's burying her son. Alone. On Christmas. I think that's heartbreaking.
Booth: You know, when I say heartbreaking you say the heart is a muscle, so it can't break. It can only get crushed.
Brennan: Isn't it heart-crushing?
Booth: You want to go to his funeral?
Brennan: Yes, I would. Then she won't be alone.
Booth: You know what, Bones? Sometimes I think your heart muscle is bigger than people give you credit for.

Thiel: A man died this week. By all accounts, he was a...good man. Loved his mother. Worked hard. Shouldered his responsibilities. Man that any one of us would be proud to call a friend. I killed him with this microphone. I killed him by going on these airwaves and sharing my rage with you, spreading my rage. Now, you can say it wasn't my fault. It was coincidence. I thought about that. Thought about it a lot. Fact is—the fact is that if it weren't for me, he might still be alive. I'm so sorry for that. And I remembered something that I forgot over the last few years. That God is not just a god of anger and vengeance. My religious beliefs tell me that Christ did not die in vain. That He died to redeem us all. And I intend to show that this good, simple man also did not die in vain. That he redeemed one angry, shouting man. So these are the last words I will ever broadcast. I hope that they're the words you remember best. Peace on Earth.

The X in the File [5.11][edit]

Brennan: Her skeletal robusticity and large areas of muscle attachment suggest extremely good health.
Cam: A couple of weeks in the desert and no critters got at these remains?
Wendell: Perhaps there was a lot of green radiation from alien hyperdrive systems? [Cam and Brennan look at him strangely] Or something not crazy.
Brennan: The man who found them remarked that he saw several set of orange eyes staring at him from the darkness.
Wendell: Orange eyeballed aliens?
Brennan: Tapetum lucidum of the American coyote glows orange when light strikes the retina. What he saw were likely coyotes, not orange eyeballed aliens. [pauses] Oh, you're being facetious. That was funny.

[Booth is interrogating Marvin Breekman and has his laptop open video-conferencing with Sweets through his earpiece.]
Booth: So Mr. Breekman, you were abducted by aliens five years ago?
Marvin: Yes.
Booth: If aliens are so advanced why would they need probes?
[On Booth's laptop screen. Sweets is looking peeved that Booth is not following his suggestions.]
Marvin: I think they like it.
Booth: [subtly mocking] Why would you hook up with aliens if they like to anally probe you?
Marvin: There are two races of aliens and they do not see eye to eye.
Booth: [looks at Marvin] Right.
[After questioning Marvin]
Booth: [looks at him, unconvinced] I don't believe you. I think you're lying.
Sweets: [via earpiece] Sometimes I think you just pull me into these interrogations to show off. Wait Booth–– [Booth ignores Sweets and shuts his laptop]

[Booth is walking down the hall when Delmy barges in, startling him]
Delmy: Do you know who I am?
Booth: No. Do you know who I am?
Delmy: [following Booth] FBI? Military intelligence? That's an oxymoron, you know. A term that contradicts itself. I'm Delmy Polanco. I'm the most important UFO blogger in the world.
Booth: [continues walking, sarcastically] Important blogger? Talk about oxymoron.
Delmy: What can you tell me about the alien body?
Booth: I don't know anything about the alien body.
Delmy: Definitely FBI. I can practically smell the suit.
Booth: I don't wear a suit all the time, you know.
Sheriff: I see you've met Delmy.
Delmy: I'm looking for info into a foil-wrapped body with alien features, pieces of which have already been sent to the Jeffersonian Institution in Washington DC.
[The sheriff and Booth both look at her in confusion]
Delmy: [raises right hand] I'm invoking the Freedom of Information Act, which means you have to tell me what I want to know.
Sheriff: The Freedom of Information Act is not a magic spell, Delmy. It merely gives a citizen the right to request information.
Delmy: I'm gonna post all this on my blog tonight. And by tomorrow morning this whole town will be swarming with UFO nuts.
Booth: [glances at the sheriff] Trespassing again?
Sheriff: [smirks] Well, this facility is clearly marked private property. [takes out and shows Delmy his handcuffs]

Brennan: Oh, good! You got here for the good stuff!
Booth: What good stuff?
Brennan: The MRI. It's an older model but entirely serviceable.
Booth: Okay, for future reference, that's not the good stuff.
Brennan: Sure it is! Look at all those remodeled lateral muletas fractures. Also, signs of inflammation to the tendon fibers here and damage to -- [looks up to see the body appearing to sit up and screams in reaction]
[Booth draws his gun only to have it pulled from his hand by the magnet in the MRI. Brennan shuts the machine down; the body and the gun fall to the ground.]
Booth: [stunned] You know, I won't say anything about the scream if you don't say anything about the gun.
Brennan: [still in shock] Those terms are satisfactory.
Booth: Right.

Delmy: If I give it to you will you drop the trespassing charges and let me go?
Sheriff: If you don't hand it over I'll just charge you with obstructing justice and he'll charge you with interfering with a federal investigation. [looks at Booth, who smiles at her] Yeah...and maybe even murder. And you will pray for the good old days where all you were worrin' about were silly little trespassing and burglary charges.
[Delmy takes photos out of her bra and hands them to the sheriff and Booth]
Sheriff: Holy cow....[looks at photos] Oooo...I gotta get better at frisking!

Sweets: Dr. Hodgins, I'm kind of in the middle of --
Hodgins: You were right, Sweets. Everything is not fine. It's not fine at all!
Sweets: This is a good time.
Hodgins: I don't know if I want to crawl into a hole and die or run over Wendell and Angela with a truck.
Sweets: You know, it's natural to have these feelings.
Hodgins: I'm a better man than this! I want to be happy for them, I really do.
Sweets: It's easier for us to accept loneliness as long as the person we were once with is also alone.
Hodgins: Then when she finds happiness with someone else, oh man, it's like being stabbed in the heart.

Angela: [to Wendell regarding a melon with her face on it] Call that thing by my name one more time. I dare you.

Brennan: It's ridiculous to think that there's anything on this planet worth seeing which merits crossing what are literally astronomical distances.
Booth: Maybe aliens are anthropologists. Maybe they just want to study our religion, and sex, and love, and our funny languages and line dancing.
Brennan: That's an interesting possibility I hadn't considered.
Booth: Well they're living creatures. They like to reach out, Bones.
Brennan: Living creatures like to reach out and eat each other.
Booth: Oh, so what are you saying? That the aliens just want to come down here and drink our spinal fluid?
Brennan: Well, if the aliens are advanced enough to fly faster than light, then they can probably make spinal fluid.
Booth: Well you just said that aliens are nice.
Brennan: I did not!
Booth: You just basically said that aliens are nice anthropologists.
Brennan: I don't think so.
Booth: You think that aliens are you!
Brennan: [laughs] You got me! I'm one of them. I was sent down as an advanced scout.
Booth: Ha! I knew it! No probing! No probing!!
Brennan: [laughs] Hey, probing is a valuable way to gather information.
Booth: I know how you people like to probe!

The Proof in the Pudding [5.12][edit]

Cam: Strange question, I know, but I've gotta ask. [pulls EPT test from behind her back] Are you, by any chance, pregnant?
Brennan: No, I haven't had sexual intercourse in quite some time.
Cam: Do you want to know why I'm asking?
Brennan: You're holding a home pregnancy test. I assume it's positive and you're worried about losing the most important person in this lab.
Cam: No. Very modest. I'm asking because Michelle was here earlier this afternoon and the only other two people who you use that bathroom, beside me, are you and Angela.
Brennan: Well, Angela is currently sexually active.
Cam: Very true.
Brennan: With Wendell!
Cam: Very, very active!
Brennan: And even if they use condoms, Wendell is young! His sperm is likely to be extremely motile.
Cam: You are so cheering me up right now.

Brennan: Bone graft. It looks like a repair to a screw hole.
Cam: Huh. I count three metal plates.
Brennan: Indicating multiple corrective surgeries.
Cam: Which could help us positively identify these remains.
Brennan: Mr. White told us to regard identification as a zero priority.
Cam: I'm not as good as you are at doing as I'm told.
Brennan: [smiles] Thank you!

White: How did you get past the guards?
Booth: Uh...sniper training. They trained me how to walk really, really quietly.

Booth: [on the phone with Hacker] Any luck finding out what's going on?
Hacker: Nobody knows anything. Whatever this is, it's locked down pretty tight. You have any idea who these guys are?
Booth: Nahhh, they took me down with classic Secret Service protocol.
Hacker: Secret Service. Do yourself a favor. Don't tell any Reagan jokes or mention the Bush shoe incident. They get really mad.

Angela: A baby...I mean, you're linked to that person for the rest of your life, like way more than if you're married. I mean, you're linked to another human being. A soul.

[Sweets, Cam, Hodgins, Brennan and Booth are in Angela's office looking at a facial reconstruction which strongly resembles John F. Kennedy]
White: [walks in] You are not permitted to identify the victim.
Brennan: [jumps in] In order to recreate what happened to happened to the skull, we need to encase it in flesh.
Angela: [to White] It's totally non-descript. As you can see.
Sweets: [looks at White then at the screen] You know who I kinda see? Ricky Martin.
Hodgins: [plays along] Alex Trebek. [White shakes his head in frustration]
Cam: James Garner.
Brennan: [smiles] I see Booth.
Booth: You think that looks like me??
Brennan: [grins at Booth] Yes, I do.

Hodgins: Hey, uh, nice job with Bush and the whole flying shoe incident, by the way. I wanna compliment you on that one.
[White grabs Hodgins and punches him in the back]
Booth: [confronts White] Hey! You wanna try me instead of some big-mouth scientist? Huh?
[White stares at Booth and backs off]
Booth: [mutters] Yeah. Didn't think so. [turns to Hodgins] That Bush comment? To him?? [pulls Hodgins up] You're lucky he didn't paralyze you for life.

Booth: Hey, guys! Guys, listen, I'm going to need some science jibber-jabber to distract these guys.
Brennan: Oh, you know who can do jibber-jabber?
Booth: Who?
Brennan: Me!
Booth: Perfect! My lucky day.
White: You want my permission to shoot a cantaloupe with my side arm???
Brennan: Because you have forbidden us from taking samples in order to estimate the osteoconductivity of the oblique taphonomic remodeling pertaining to the mid-saggital plane, encephalometric transaction — or translation, if you will — of the intramatrix can be deduced by correlating the force-displacement values with the osteogenic and geogenic hydrogel nanocomposite we placed inside the surrogate.
White: Which is the cantaloupe?
Brennan: [smiles sweetly at an unamused Agent White] You understand me perfectly.

Cam: You two don't understand. Booth is a very patriotic man. He believes this is the greatest country ever.
Brennan: Being the best doesn't mean being perfect.
Sweets: It's naive to think that a country the size and influence of the US doesn't pursue secret agendas.
Cam: Kennedy's assassination wasn't a secret agenda, it was a black stain. A dark moment in history. Do you know how many people Booth has shot for his country?
Brennan: Approximately fifty.
Sweets: Wow. That's a lot of blood to have on your hands. It's the kind of thing that would keep a person awake at night.
Cam: And Booth did that because he trusted that it was right, and who did he trust?
Sweets: The government.
Brennan: [realizes] Oh.
Cam: If they lied about the murder of a president, they can lie about anything.

Andrew Hacker: [on the phone to Booth] Booth, are you being held against your will?
Booth: [scoffs] C'mon. I can get out if I wanted to.
Hacker: That's not the question I asked you. I asked you, is an agent of the FBI being held by persons unknown against his will?
Booth: Yeah. We all are.
Hacker: Then on behalf of the FBI I am annoyed by their arrogance.

[Sweets, Hodgins and Angela watch on as Booth single-handedly takes on the three GSA agents assigned to lock down the lab.]
GSA Agent: [corners Booth] What've you got, feeb?
[Cam cringes as Booth kicks the agent in the groin and subdues him.]
Booth: [handcuffing the agent] Good old American classic on that one, pal.
Angela: [laughs and applauds] Oh my god!
Hodgins: Man, you Butch Cassidy'd them!
Sweets: [cheers] That was totally ninja! Maybe some anger issues there but you kicked ass!
[Hacker enters building with SWAT]
Hacker: [via megaphone] Stand down and drop your weapons! This facility is officially under the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
[Booth looks at him incredulously]
Hacker: [embarrassed] Aw man. Ten seconds earlier and I would've been the hero right?

Hacker: I've been speaking with Mr. White here from the General Services Administration and we've come to the conclusion that any reports we all write should be carefully worded. As in, there shouldn't be any words in it.

Cam: Were you aware that JFK had scarlet fever in childhood?
Brennan: Hodgins informed me of that fact, yes.
Cam: Scarlet fever can cause osteomyelitis.
Brennan: It's very rare, Cam. It can happen in approximately one in a hundred cases. It's statistically unlikely that it was Kennedy.
Cam: You're a good person. I will never forget what you did for him.
Booth: [offers Brennan his arm before crossing the street] Shall we?
Brennan: [smiling] We shall.
Booth: You know, you must think I'm crazy for being so happy that it wasn't JFK.
Brennan: I'm very impressed. You wanted the truth, even if it was going to hurt you.
Booth: I learned that from you.
Brennan: Really?
Booth: Yeah. I mean, sometimes you have to go with your brain over of your gut.
Brennan: That's nice, but I prefer that you always go with your brain over your gut, because your gut cannot think.
Booth: Your brain can't digest a breakfast burrito. I'm just saying, to each their own!
Brennan: To each their own.

The Dentist in the Ditch [5.13][edit]

Hodgins: The spider eggs were on the body before it was encased in the clay. The heat in the lab caused the eggs to hatch and when you shone your flashlight they headed for the light.
Vincent: Based on mandibular indentation, the victim is late-twenties, early-thirties.
Cam: Dr. Hodgins, I can still see one in his mouth.
Hodgins: These badboys are frontinella communis. They're non-poisonous.
Cam: Yeah, but still with those gross spider faces and legs, though.
Hodgins: Are you okay there, Dr. Saroyan?
Cam: I'm just itchy all over. I'm gonna go burn all of these clothes and maybe my hair.

Brennan: You think your brother's girlfriend is hinky? Is that slang for pretty or buxom?
Booth: No, it's just slang for iffy.
Brennan: Well, iffy is already slang. I don't see the need for slang for slang.

Angela: Four years ago Jared's girlfriend was a hooker?
Brennan: An escort. I believe in the hierarchy of prostitution, an escort ranks equal to high class call girl.
Angela: And now she teaches grade school?
Brennan: Mm-hmm. I don't see any other injuries that could be cause of death. Apparently the rule is, once a sex worker always a sex worker.
Angela: You know, it really would have been better if Booth never ran her record.
Brennan: He said it was my influence. That it was the rational thing to do.
Angela: No, sweetie, he's rationalizing. Which makes what he did irrational, because he's rationalizing that Jared can't make rational decisions for himself. You do the same thing all the time. Maybe that's what he learned from you.

Hodgins: Do you know what Vincent Nigel-Murray is? He's a genius.
Brennan: Yes, but so are we all. Except for Angela.
Angela: Oh, right, and yet who do you turn to when you need pretty pictures?

Brennan: When Booth and I first met, I didn't believe that such a thing as love existed. I maintained that it was simply brain chemistry, but perhaps Booth is correct. Perhaps love comes first and creates the reaction. I have no tangible proof, but I'm willing to accept Booth's premise.

The Devil in the Details [5.14][edit]

Booth: Right now I'm worried about a safe distance between you and me.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Why? Because we're going to a church, and you tend to get blasphemous in churches.
Brennan: You're afraid if God smites me with lightning you could get hit?
Booth: Yeah, I'm usually standing right beside you.
Brennan: The Greek god Zeus also used lightning to incinerate his enemies, although Zeus apparently had better aim than your god.
Booth: Exactly. Stuff like that. Just don't say stuff like that.

[Angela tells the team that the victim has been identified.]
Cam: Is his last name Lucifer?
Hodgins: Can we please call him Hellboy until we find out otherwise?
Angela: We found out otherwise. [pulls up file on computer screen] Neal Lowry. Turns out he's the only missing guy with horns. Go figure.
Brennan: Where was his last known residence?
Arastoo: I'm guessing Mr. Stephen King's basement.

[In Brennan's car en route to a mental health facility.]
Sweets: Oh did I mention that I interned at a mental health facility in Philadelphia?
Booth: [mildly sarcastic] You interned and you lived in?
Sweets: You know that old saying about how all psychologists need psychological help? It's not true.

Hodgins: Are you asking me to do an experiment?
Cam: With Arastoo.
Hodgins: Why are you saying his name like that?
Cam: Like what?
Hodgins: Arastooooo. You're chewing on his name.
Cam: Arastoo said that he looks at the devil every day.
Hodgins: Maybe he has low self-esteem.
Cam: Or — you know what they call us, right?
Hodgins: They, being?
Cam: Muslims. Some Muslims. The ones over there trying to kill us.
Hodgins: Yeah, they call us the great Satan. Oh.
Arastoo: [walks in] Look here, what I found. Radiating microfractures in the cartilage of the victim's vestigial tail.
Cam: Radiating microfractures plus a ruptured intestine?
Hodgins: What does that mean?
Cam: He was slammed into something.
Arastoo: Perhaps, in fact, he did wrestle with an archangel and lose. As it should be. The devil lost, as he always must.
Cam: The devil lost?
Hodgins: As he always must. [leaves the room]
Cam: [out of Arastoo's earshot] What if Arastoo means us?
Hodgins: Arastoo is a very sweet, gentle guy, you know?
Cam: I know, but maybe in his heart he looks down on us! Do you want to work with someone who thinks you're the great Satan?
Hodgins: No! I don't want to be the Great Satan. I don't even want to be a minor demon.

Hodgins: [After Aristoo demonstrates his great proficiency with nunchucks] What are you...a Persian ninja?!

Brennan: You have faith that you will retain your faith? Why?
Booth: Because, Bones. The sun will come up and tomorrow is a new day.
Brennan: I know that feeling.
Booth: Really?
Brennan: Mm-hmm.
Booth: You know what it feels like to get your faith back?
Brennan: When I see effects and I am unable to discern a cause, my faith in reason and consequences is shaken.
Booth: Then what happens?
Brennan: Two plus two equals four. I put sugar in my coffee and it tastes sweet. The sun comes up because the world turns. These things are beautiful to me. There are mysteries I will never understand, but everywhere I look I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause. Even if I can't see it. I find that reassuring.
Booth: And life is good again.
Brennan: It is very good.
Booth: Yes, it is.

Dr. Copeland: I've listened to you take shots at my profession, and that's okay. I'm a big boy, a tolerant man, but I want you to think about something. I spend every working hour of every day trying to help people who are living in Hell. That's an honorable way to spend a life. Perhaps more honorable than figuring out what happened to dead people who are already beyond pain and suffering.
Brennan: Intentions, however misguided, do count. I understand that.
Dr. Copeland: I hope you won't think I'm too picky when I point out that that wasn't an actual apology. But perhaps it's the best you can manage.

Hodgins: The accelerant was common motor oil, available at any gas station.
Cam: Well, at least it wasn't brimstone, available only from Hell.

The Bones on the Blue Line [5.15][edit]

Hodgins: Page 187. [places Brennan's new book on the table] Would you mind reading it aloud?
Angela: Page 187. [playfully] I am not reading the sparky bits to you! You get somebody else to do that, sicko.
Hodgins: Okay, fine. Read it to yourself, then. [watches as Angela reads] That's that thing that I do. Nobody does that thing. It's my thing that I do.
Angela: Right.
Hodgins: It's not a well known thing. It's, you know, my thing that I do.
Angela: Right. I remember. I was there.
Hodgins: You told Brennan about that thing that I do!
Angela: It's a very good thing.
Hodgins: It's my thing! That I do! Did you tell her that it was my thing?
Angela: You mean did I give you credit?
Hodgins: Yes! Did you?
Angela: No.
Hodgins: Good, because I don't need her looking at me thinking about that thing I do.
Angela: Well that's good, then.
Hodgins: But now that thing I do is in print and every guy that reads that book is going to give it a shot. [sighs] Oh, well. You know I've got other things that I do. [Angela laughs] My advice: only sleep with guys that can't read, because otherwise you'll never be rid of me.

Daisy: [blurts] I'm very worried about Lance! [realizes what she just said] I didn't mean to say that out loud. I just thought it so hard that it popped out of my mouth.
Brennan: [looks at her strangely] Apology accepted.

Booth: [notices Sweets looking distracted] Sweets?
Sweets: [snaps out of it] Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
Booth: You sure you're ready to come back to work?
Sweets: I'm fine.
Booth: That guy in the subway, one way to look at it is that he died happy.
Sweets: [looks at Booth curiously] What?
Booth: You think about. Guy gets this great news. What does he do? He shares it with a stranger.
Sweets: You're gonna think I'm stupid for saying this but the whole thing, it felt like a message
Booth: Right, a message. I believe in messages.
Sweets: Yeah, it was like a message. "Go ye forth and live life to the fullest". Something like that.
Booth: [smiles] Live life to its fullest. Maybe we should do that more often. Moment to moment, day to day.

Brennan: I believe my books are popular because they introduce the reader to the world of forensic anthropology. Why aren't you writing? You usually write down everything.
Riku Inagawa: Why did it take so long for Dr. Reichs to have sex with Agent Andy?
Brennan: For the same reason that she used stable isotopes to determine that the victim spent her childhood in east Timur. The oxygen isotopes we ingest through food and water are incorporated into the hydroxocarbonic appetite of bone. You should be writing this down.
Inagawa: Will she ever tell Andy about her affair with Ryan?
Brennan: That was inconsequential fluff, Miss Inagawa.
Inagawa: It's why they fight in chapter six.
Brennan: They identify the lotus tooth in chapter six.
Inagawa: That is when their passion is released. Page 187.
Brennan: Why are you only asking about things that mean nothing?
Inagawa: Those are the things that mean everything.

[Angela is driving her car with Daisy in it]
Daisy: Where are we going?
Angela: Cam asked me to get you out of the lab.
Daisy: Why??
Angela: Because you keep sighing and moaning.

[Inside a pawnshop.]
Booth: Do you own a gun, Mr. Ceraficki?
Ceraficki: Of course, I own a gun! This is a pawn shop! I never have to use it. I mean, I wave it around from time to time, but --
Brennan: Why is he allowed to carry a guy after being arrested on a concealed weapon charge?!
Ceraficki: That was mistake. I accidentally put it in my pocket, you know, when I left work.
Booth: [ignores Ceraficki] Could I see the gun, please?
Ceraficki: She's right over here. [turns to get his gun]
Booth: [takes his gun out and points it at Ceraficki] Real easy there, pal! I don't want any sudden movements. No mistakes. That's it.
Inagawa: That is very sexy! Big Andy with a gun, protecting Kathy!
Brennan: No, no. He is not Andy and I am not Kathy. [smiles] It's even more exciting when he shoots someone with it.
Booth: [sternly] Bones.
Brennan: Well, it is, Booth, and it's very impressive! He never misses.
Inagawa: Andy sometimes misses!
Brennan: Yes! See?
Booth: Can I see that box of ammo right there?
[Ceraficki puts a box of bullets on the counter.]
Brennan: Ah ha! Gotcha, dirt bag! [Booth looks at her]
Ceraficki: Got me for what?
Booth: [to Inagawa, who is scribbling in her notebook] Don't write "dirt bag". [looks at Brennan in disbelief at what she just said]
Brennan: [incredulously] What? Got him.

Booth: I still can be surprised by people.
Brennan: Is that good or bad?
Booth: Bad, I think. I don't know.
Brennan: Well, if she's convicted, even with good behavior, she'll be in prison for the next fifteen years.
Booth: He said they're soulmates and he'll wait for however long it takes for her to get out.
Brennan: Soulmates?
Booth: Soulmates. Yeah.
Brennan: The idea of soulmates actually originated with Plato.
Booth: Yeah, from the clay that kids play with.
Brennan: No! The anc-- aw. [laughs] You're joking.
Booth: Me, joke? No. [smirks]
Brennan: The ancient Greek philosopher. His theory was that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs and two faces. Zeus was threatened by their power and split them all in half. Condemning us all to spend our lives trying to complete ourselves.
Booth: [smiles] I don't believe that's true.
Brennan: [laughs] I agree. It's ridiculous.
Booth: Right? [they smile]

The Parts in the Sum of the Whole [5.16][edit]

Brennan: What did you think we were going to talk to him about?
Booth: The whole, uh, love thing?
Brennan: The love thing? Oh, his conclusion that we're in love? I don't care about that.

Sweets: What mistake?
Booth: Hint: it's not what you think.
Sweets: You disagree with my conclusion that the two of you are in love, and the sublimating energies of that connection are responsible for the energy, vigor, and rigor that you bring to your homicide investigations.
Booth: I just told you it's not what you think and you immediately say what you think.
Brennan: That's your interpretation. We recognize your right to interpret.
Sweets: You do?
Brennan: That's your right as a psychologist to get everything wrong.

[In a flashback, Zack and Hodgins are performing an experiment to see if a baseball bat killed the victim. Their colleagues have gathered around to watch.]
Zack: [as Hodgins is about to hit him with the bat] Woah, woah, woah. Why are you the deliverer of the blow while I am the recipient?!
Hodgins: [unamused] Because you grunted when you picked up the bat.

[In a flashback, Brennan punches the judge who was Booth's prime murder suspect]
Brennan: Is this very bad?
Booth: [grins] I have been wanting to do that for years! You are so fun! That's great!
Caroline: That woman punched a federal judge. In the nose! Twice!
Booth: Well, self-defense. He was panicking, all right? We got it right.
Caroline: Fire her! And cut out ties! If we're lucky, Hasty sues her and not us.
Booth: Oh I can't do that.
Caroline: She should never have been in the field. I'm sympathetic. I have let a pretty face lead me down the paths of unrighteousness. [glares at Booth] Yours for example.
Booth: Nah, it's not like that.
Caroline: Of course it is. Watching you two together is like being at prom. But it's not high school now Booth. It's grown-up time. The beautiful scientist is fired! [Booth looks at her in astonishment] She just doesn't know what hit her. That oversight is what you must rectify. My advice? Get her drunk first.

[In a flashback]
Angela: [to Zack] I have a little math problem you can't solve. Can God create a bigger rock than he can roll? Think about it.

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Brennan: Are you a student here?
Booth: Special Agent Seeley Booth from the FBI.
Brennan: I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian Institution.
Booth: Do you believe in fate?
Brennan: [smiling] Absolutely not. It's ludicrous.

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Booth: I'd ask you out if I could.
Brennan: Why can't you?
Booth: Well, FBI rules again. No fraternizing with other agents or consultants.
Brennan: That's too bad.
Booth: I'm glad you think so.

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Booth: Listen, I've got something to confess.
Brennan: Is it the fact that you're a direct descendant of John Wilkes Booth? I already know that.
Booth: Wait, wait a second. How do you know that?
Brennan: From your bone structure.
Booth: Keep that under your hat for now, okay?
Brennan: [laughs] Okay.

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Booth: Hey excuse me, you know what, you really need to learn how to speak to human beings.
Brennan: I speak six languages .. two of which you've never even heard of.
Booth: You know what, you're a cold fish.
Brennan: You're a superstitious moron!
Booth: Get a soul!
Brennan: Get a brain!

Booth: I'm a gambler. [Brennan gives him a quizzical look] I believe in giving this a chance. Look, I wanna give this a shot.
Brennan: You mean us? [Booth nods] No, the FBI won't let us work together --
Booth: Don't do that, that is no reason -- [he kisses her, but after a moment she pushes him away]
Brennan: [close to tears] No! No!
Booth: [desperately] Why? Why?
Brennan: You -- you thought you were protecting me, but you're the one who needs protecting.
Booth: Protecting? From what?
Brennan: From me. I -- I don't have your kind of open heart.
Booth: Just -- just give it a chance, that's all I'm asking!
Brennan: No, you said it yourself: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.
Booth: Well, then let's go for a different outcome, here! All right, let's just hear me out, right? You know when you talk to older couples who, you know, have been in love for thirty or forty or fifty years, all right? It's always the guy who says, "I knew." I knew, right from the beginning.
Brennan: Your evidence is anecdotal.
Booth: I'm that guy. Bones, I'm that guy! I know.
Brennan: [crying] I -- I am not a gambler. I'm a scientist. I can't change! I don't know how. I don't know how. [Booth looks crushed] Please don't look so sad.
Booth: All right, okay. [sighs, then hangs his head.] You're right. You're right.
Brennan: Can we still work together?
Booth: [Booth hesitates, Brennan gives him a pleading look] Yeah. [wipes away a tear]
Brennan: Thank you.
Booth: But I gotta move on. You know, I gotta find someone who -- who's gonna love me in -- in thirty years, or forty or fifty.
Brennan: I know.

The Death of the Queen Bee [5.17][edit]

Booth: I can't believe you grew up in this area...
Brennan: Yes, I am an alumna of Burtonsville High.
Booth: Ever bring a boy out here and, uh-
Brennan: And what, touch his genitalia? No.
Booth: Whoa! 'Kay, I was thinking that, maybe, just a little smooching...
Brennan: I used to come here to find animals to dissect; I didn't have a boyfriend.
Booth: Well, maybe because you were cutting up little woodland creatures, maybe?

Brennan: Becky, right? I'm Temperance.
Sheriff Conway: Have I arrested you before, hon?
Brennan: No, you were my lab partner in Chemistry at Burtonsville High.
Sheriff Conway: Are you absolutely sure? I have an excellent memory.
Brennan: Positive. Though you are thinner now, which is better for you cardiovascular system. In High School, you were quite overweight, hence the derision from the other students.
Sheriff Conway: ...Yeah, I remember you now; you're Creepy Girl.

Sweets: Now, this first victim, Sarah Tidwiller, was a member of the class of '94?
Booth: And the second victim was killed just before the reunion of the same class, so it doesn't sound like a coincidence to me. The cops here agreed to keep everything quiet until we can ID the victim and catalogue the evidence.
Sweets: And this, uh, Ray Buxley, was a prime suspect in '94?
Booth: Yeah, he was the High School Custodian, but they didn't have enough to hold him.
Sweets: [reading file] Lives alone, low-status job, obsession with gruesome crime stories, surrounded by teenage girls - Very creepy. Like, Freddy creepy....

Angela: Is there a problem?
Brennan: This fracture was made by a blunt object, striking her face at an almost 90-degree angle.
Wendell: That's in my note, yes. And the remodelling gave us an approximate age - about 30...
Brennan: 33. She was 33.
Angela: Well, how do you know that?
Brennan: Because I'm the one who broke her jaw... with a tennis racket. This is one of my classmates... Evelyn Simms.

Carrie Turner: So, you actually look normal now.
Brennan: Thank you. I heard Evelyn ruined your career!
Carrie Turner: ...But you're not, are you?

Brennan: Why are you so suspicious of Mr. Buxley?
Booth: Why? Because, you know, he's psycho. He has access to the shop. And he has a huge knife.

Booth: Bones, you're tearing up.
Brennan: This is the prom I never got to go to...

Mr. Buxley: [knowingly] You're not here for the reunion, are you, Miss Temperance?
Brennan: No, Mr. Buxley.
Mr Buxley: Couldn't imagine that. So who's dead?
Brennan: Evelyn. These stars were made here, in the shop.
Mr. Buxley: The stars killed her?
Brennan: Do you know who made them?
Mr. Buxley: Yeah. Julie. She made all the decorations. She's a regular Martha Stewart.
Brennan: Julie?
Mr. Buxley: Yeah. Don't surprise me, though; One look at her, and you can tell she's off. You know them smiley ones... They always give me the willies.

The Predator in the Pool [5.18][edit]

Catherine: A seasoned law enforcement agent who still has empathy for victim. I'm glad to know you're out there.
Booth: At your service.

Brennan: [examining the remains] Where is the nearest place a tiger shark, a hammmerhead and a red snapper could co-exist?
Andrew Hacker: How about the aquarium? [Brennan and Catherine look at him]
Hacker: [jokingly] Hey you don't get to be the Deputy Director of the FBI by just dressing well and kissing ass. [no response from Catherine or Brennan] [chuckles] Ok that's most of it but I'm probably right about the aquarium.

Catherine: I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?... Maybe this weekend? Unless of course, I'm a suspect, cause I know you can't date me if I'm a suspect, right?
Booth: I ... I can't date anyone who's a suspect.
Catherine: I understand.
Booth: Yeah, right. It's FBI, rules regulations.

Brennan: He emailed me and said he had tickets to a play.
Booth: He emailed you for a play??
Brennan: I believe that play is Andrew's code for sex. Is it okay for us to talk like this?
Booth: Yeah!
Brennan: Well, when he invited me to the play I thought it was code for sex, so I said no.
Booth: Oh.
Brennan: But I said yes to coffee.
Booth: Maybe that's a code.
Brennan: Angela informed me that coffee isn't a code for anything.
Booth: I have a date, too.
Brennan: [surprised] Good.
Booth: Catherine Bryar.
Brennan: Everyone at the aquarium is a suspect.
Booth: And once she is eliminated as a person of interest --
Brennan: Why did Andrew call?

Brennan: What's wrong with these angelfish?
Marilyn Stoddard: They've been listless the past few days. Most likely from something they ingested.
Booth: Or someone.
Brennan: We should take these fish back to the lab.
Stoddard: No, you can't! These are a gift from Morocco!
Brennan: They need to be tested for trace evidence in a murder investigation.
Booth: We'll get them back to you. Don't worry.
Brennan: I may or may not get them back to you.

Booth: [aside to Sweets] Just tell me if any of these kids is a killer.
Sweets: It's pretty tough to tell your average nine-year-old from your average psychopath.
Booth: Don't say that, all right? I have a kid nearly that age.
Sweets: Children are still forming their sense of ethics at this age. Like I said, they're basically sociopaths.

[Booth and Hacker are discussing the suspect, a Russian mobster known as "Vladov the Impaler"]
Booth: Well, I'm not afraid to bring this guy in.
Hacker: You should be. You value your pension, you should be.
Booth: Ok, well, I'm not, even when you sound like Yoda.
Hacker: You want me with you when you talk to him?
Booth: Why?
Hacker: Vladov the Impaler? The nickname is self-explanatory.
Booth: Nah, I can handle it.
Hacker: Good. But I truly hope you don't get eaten by a sharks because your successes have done wonders for my career.

Brennan: I'm going to have coffee with Andrew.
Booth: Alright, have a good time.
Brennan: Thank you!
Booth: I'm going to see someone too.
Brennan: Dr. Catherine Bryar.
Booth: Case is closed.
Brennan: She's very nice. The two of you seem compatible.
Booth: Maybe. We'll see.
Brennan: She's easily as pretty as I am. I mean, using me as a standard.
Booth: Bones, you are the standard.
Brennan: Andrew is not as handsome as you, using you as a standard. He is however, taller. Catherine isn't as smart as I am.
Booth: Well, I'm not as smart as Hacker.
Brennan: You once said he was a doofus.
Booth: He is a doofus, a smart doofus.
Brennan: I hope you have a good time together.
Booth: Yeah, you too.
Brennan: [smiles] Thanks.

The Rocker in the Rinse Cycle [5.19][edit]

Cam: Check this out. [Cam, Booth and Brennan look into an industrial size washer at human remains] Good luck on the ID. Too bad they didn't do him on the delicate cycle, huh?

Booth: No. No. Uh, let's -- you think, we can go twenty minutes on this case without talking about testicles?
Sweets: Please.
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: Great.
Brennan: Booth has made a social contract with a marine biologist.
Sweets: Sorry?
Booth: [laughing] It's amazing that you go from injured testicles to the woman I'm dating. [turning to Sweets] And you, you're supposed to say, "Oh, that's interesting," in a very annoyed way.
Brennan: It's a logical transition.
Sweets: But it is very interesting.
Brennan: Booth and I are friends. Catherine is an intelligent, attractive woman, and I'm intrigued by their developing relationship.
Booth: That's nice. I think.
Sweets: Yeah. I think it is nice.
Booth: Thank you, Bones.
Sweets: Wow. You two seem to be handling dating very well. I'm impressed.
Brennan: Well, you've known me for two years, Sweets. You should expect to be impressed by me.

Brennan: Booth seems to like Catherine, don't you think?
Cam: I do. I'm glad. It's been a long time since he dated anyone.
Brennan I know. It's important for Booth to share his life. I prefer being alone.
Cam: But you're seeing Hacker.
Brennan: Yes, I like him. But not like Booth. I mean, not like Booth wants to like someone.
Cam: All organisms evolve and develop along patterns only recognized in retrospect. Your life doesn't exist outside the laws of nature.
Brennan: Then in ignorance, I await my own surprise. Although the odds of it to evolving into a commitment to another person are remote.

Booth: We have some unanswered questions about Kurt Cobain's death and maybe you can give us some insight.
Suspect: [jumps up in excitement] Seriously?
[Booth grins and takes out his handcuffs]
Brennan: I believe he was being ironic but if you do have information about this Cobain person I'm sure the FBI would appreciate that too.
Booth: [stares at Brennan] Thanks Bones.

Brennan: Our partnership is so important to me. You know that, right?
Booth: Sure. Yeah. Die for your partner. That's the way I look at it.

The Witch in the Wardrobe [5.20][edit]

Clark: Dr. Brennan wants me to identify the best solvent to remove polystren from the bones. So I put myself in the mindset of Dr. Hodgins and came up with this experiment.
Cam: I have a new appreciation for Dr. Hodgins.

Angela: (while Hodgins is giving her a massage) Oh, thank you God! Oh!
Hodgins: God is a little formal. Hodgins is fine.

Sweets: So, I've been thinking about dead cats.
Brennan: That ... doesn't seem like a good use of your time.

Booth: (upon seeing a naked ritual) Why is it that when these things happen, they always happen to the people you don't want to see naked?

Clark: Those naked ladies were trippin'.

The Boy with the Answer [5.21][edit]

Heather Taffet: You're so brilliant, Dr. Brennan. Why couldn't you find something as simple as the number?

Booth: Are you okay?
Caroline: Oh you mean because this case is a career killer? I'm cute, I can always find a job.

Caroline: So, how's your girlfriend holding up?
Booth: She's fine. She's not my girlfriend.
Caroline: Oh! So those looks between you --
Booth: Nothing.
Caroline: Right. Hope you're more believable on the stand.

[regarding Max trying to kill Heather Taffet]
Max: I was doing it for you.
Brennan: No, I don't want you to kill people for me. Just buy me a sweater like a regular dad.

Brennan: I'm tired of... all of it. I'm tired of dealing with murderers and victims and sadness and pain.
Booth: Bones, it's what we do, all right? We catch the bad people, make the world a better place.
Brennan: No Booth. That's what you do. And somehow I get caught up in it.

Heather Taffet: [to Brennan after Taffet's conviction] This isn't over.

Brennan: I have the sense that everything's changing.
Booth: Not everything. Look, we're still partners, and Taffet, she's put away. You feel good about that, right?
Brennan: You almost died, Booth. That could happen again. What if next time I can't get to you?
Booth: That's not going to happen again.
Brennan: [scoffs] I envy your ability to substitute optimism for reality.
Booth: You know what? Maybe you just need to take some time off. Go to a beach. Lay in the sun.
Brennan: I might need more than a little time.
Booth: [shakes his head] Don't make any decisions about your future right now.
Brennan: I'm just saying --
Booth: You know when a dentist gives you anesthetic and tells you not to operate any heavy machinery or make any important decisions within twenty-four hours? All right, this case was bigger than a root canal. Come on. Let's just go back inside and have one more drink. Come on, just one. [takes her hand and tries to pull her inside]
Brennan: No, I'm tired, Booth. I'm going to go home. [hails a cab]
Booth: All right. Come on, let's get you in the cab. I know, it's been a long day. [Brennan gets in the cab] All right? Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, right?
[The cab pulls away from the curb, Brennan looks over her shoulder at Booth as she rides away]

The Beginning in the End [5.22][edit]

(Booth and Parker are driving home from Parker's baseball game.)

Booth: Where did you learn how to throw a fast ball like that, huh? You were amazing.
Parker: You taught me.
Booth: No! No. Hey, I'm not that good. Right? Yeah.
Parker: Dad?
Booth: Yeah?
Parker: Are you going back to be a soldier?
Booth: Uh, why are you asking me that?
Parker: Mom said the Army called our house, looking for you.
Booth: I'm not in the Army anymore, Bub. I'm out, okay? I made a decision to stay with the FBI to be with you all the time.
Parker: So... it's my fault?
Booth: What's your fault?
Parker: It's my fault people will die?
Booth: No. That's-that's not what I meant.
Parker: I want you to save lives.
Booth: Yeah, well I do that here.
Parker: No, here you catch people that kill other people. There you would make it so people won't die. Isn't that better?
Booth: It was just a phone call, buddy. That's all. It's over with, alright? I've got an even better idea. What do you say we go get one of those huge, giant, root beer floats that you love so much, huh?
Parker: Sure.
Booth: Yeah, alright. That's my kid.

[After entering the apartment of the victim which is full of insects crawling and flying around]
Cam: I think I'll be happier downstairs with the dead stuff.

Brennan: The term garbage is relative. The only intrinsic value things have is what we give them. It seems odd now, but in Holland tulip bulbs were once as valuable as houses. Maybe we all overvalue things that are essentially worthless.
Angela: Well that was more than a comment on this case. What's going on, Brennan?
Brennan: What separates what I do here from what this man did?
Angela: So, going to Malulu is worth more?
Brennan: Maluku. Yes. The murders will never stop, but this find has real finite value. I'd be able to answer questions about our origin! Evolutionary tract! It has implications for history, science!
Angela: Listen, you're allowed to make life changes without picking a fight with your old life.
Brennan: But I need a break in my life. I'm worried all the time. Worried that Booth might get hurt on a case and I couldn't prevent it. Worried about what our partnership means.
Angela: So you want to get away from Booth?
Brennan: No, it's just -- I just need some perspective so that I can view my life with some objectivity.
Angela: Have you talked to him about it?
Brennan: The army wants Booth to go to Afghanistan to train soldiers in the apprehension of terrorists.
Angela: Is he going to go?
Brennan: Even though he said that he wasn't, it felt like he wanted to. Perhaps it's all for the best.
Angela: [scoffs] You two at opposite ends of the world? I don't think so.

Hodgins: [Booth has just hung up on him] You hung up didn't you. Booth? Yeah ok... [turns around and screams in surprise at the sight of Angela's dad] Ah! [embarrassed] That wasn't a scream. That was a yelp. Perfectly understandable. [regains composure] It's a crime scene so technically no one should be here.
Angela's dad: You're not afraid of me, are you?
Hodgins: [still shaken] You? No.

Daisy: So you’re coming?
Brennan: Agent Booth and I are partners, I have to discuss it with him first.
Daisy: He’s probably gonna go be a big hero in Afghanistan.
Brennan: He says he doesn’t wanna go.
Daisy: Lance said that Booth has the psyche of a true warrior, that is a miracle he hasn’t gone back long before this. Maybe you’re holding him back the same way he’s holding you back... I should’ve not said that... but sometimes my mouth just has a mouth of its own.

Booth: I don’t do really good with change, I guess.
Brennan: Well, you’re better than I am
Booth: The pyramids are better at change than you are. …It’s a joke. Hey, I was being affectionate.
Brennan: Oh. [Pause] Will you go back to the army?
Booth: It’s what best for me right now.
Brennan: I’ll only be gone for a year.
Booth: Me too. So, hey, what’s a year?
Brennan: It’s the time it takes for the Earth to make a full revolution around the sun.
Booth: In the scheme of things. You know, the grand scheme of things. I’m just saying a year, you know, it’s not too bad.
Brennan: Right.
Booth: Right?
Brennan: We can come back, pick up where we left off. Nothing really has to change
Booth: No, things have to change. You know what? Hey, I taught you about eye contact, you taught me about evolution. So… here’s to change.
Brennan: To change.

Cam: You've been here all night?
Brennan: Is it morning?
Cam: Yes.
Brennan: I've been here all night.

Cam: Are you really leaving the Jeffersonian?
Brennan: Yes, for a year. I can provide you with a list of forensic anthropologists who can do this job.
Cam: [smiles] No, Dr. Brennan, you can provide me with a list of forensic anthropologists.
Brennan: I don't know what that means. [watches as Cam walks away]

Booth: Sorry, I couldn't get a pass. I had to sneak off the base to come say goodbye. Listen, Bones, you've got to be really careful in that Indonesian jungle, okay?
Brennan: Booth, in a week you're going to a war zone. Please, don't be a hero ... please, just don't be you.
Booth: [takes her hand] One year from today we meet at the reflecting pool on the mall. Right by the...
Brennan: ...Coffee cart. I know. One year from today.

Brennan: (about her and Booth's trips) Perhaps it's all for the best.
Angela: You two at opposite ends of the world? I don't- I don't think so.

Parker: I want you to save lives.
Booth: Yeah well I do that here.
Parker: No, here, you catch people that kill other people. There, you would make it so people won't die. Isn't that better?

Cam: (at the airport) I've ... really enjoyed working for you, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: In fact, Dr. Saroyan, I worked for you.
Cam: We both know better.

Caroline: If it's gonna be your last case together, then do it properly.
Brennan: It's not our last case.
Booth: We'll be back in a year.
Caroline: Tight as a drum, that's what I want. And trust me, the way you two are running from each other, you'd better be damn sure of these little trips you're taking.
Sweets: Daisy's going to, uh, Indonesia. She doesn't really care if I go with her.
Hodgins: Ooh. Ouch!
Booth: Sweets, no offense but, you might be better off without her.
Sweets: Dr. Brennan was asked to head up the expedition, will you be better off without her?

Angela: Listen, you're allowed to make life changes without, picking a fight with your old life.
Brennan: But I need a break from that life. I'm worried all the time. Worried that Booth might get hurt on a case and I couldn't prevent it, worried ... about what our, partnership means ...
Angela: So you want to get away from Booth?
Brennan: No, it's just (pauses) I just need some perspective so that I can view my life with some objectivity.

[In the interrogation room]
[Booth sets the gnome in front of Rocky]
Rocky: You mind turning him around?
Booth: Why? Because the gnome knows what you did and you don't like him staring at you with his soulful little eyes?
Booth: You attack him with a kitchen knife or machete?
Rocky: No, no. He saw. [points to gnome] I pushed the guy and I took the gnome. That's all.
Booth: You expect him to answer, Rocky? [glances at gnome]
Rocky: He already did. He said, shut up and get a lawyer.
Booth: [mockingly] Smart. Smart gnome.

Sweets: You don't think the success might make them change their minds?
Caroline: You know what? You're a nice kid, but today is a good day for you to grow the hell up.

Sweets: So what, I should just go? I should just, give up my career and my life and my friends and my practice, and go to Indonesia?
Hodgins: Hey, I'm about to risk dismemberment just to impress my scary father-in-law.
Sweets: How are you gonna get past the dogs?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna start the car?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna get the car through the gate?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna evade the angry bikers?
Hodgins: Ugh, I haven't got a clue.
Sweets: Okay. Good plan, what do I do?
Hodgins: Survive and tell the story of my love.

Angela: Okay, what I did was modify my mass recognition program -- patent pending -- to scan the photographic reconstruction of the crime scene, to find areas of comparatively less chaos.
Hodgins: Awesome.
Cam: (surprised) You understand what she's saying?
Hodgins: Not in the least, but I am so turned on by her brain. I'd like to see her brain totally naked.
Sweets: It's a terrible image. It's just terrible.