[Greg tries to rescue Rowley, but another teenager knocks him flat on his face. As Greg picks himself up, the sound of a record scratching is heard and the music comes to an abrupt stop.]
Susan: [over P.A.] GREG HEFFLEY!!!! This is your mother. Everything is going to be okay. Stay where you are and your father is going to come rescue you. I repeat, everything is going to be okay. Okay? Here he comes. Here comes Frank. I see him. He's on his way, okay?
[Dad picks Greg up and carries him off the rink.]
Frank: I know. I know.
Girls: Tee hee hee hee!
Susan: [over P.A.] Okay. All right, everyone, go back to skating!!!
[As Dad sets Greg back on his feet, everyone resumes skating.]
Frank: You all right?
Rodrick: Hey, Romeo. How'd it go with the new girl?
Greg: [grunts and lunges at Rodrick] EEG! EEG! [screaming] WHOOOA!!!!
[Greg lands onto a girl's birthday cake. Rodrick laughs. Greg picks himself up off the smashed cake, his face covered in frosting.]
Little Girl: [to Greg] You ruined my birthday, you...JERK!!!!
Greg: It's unbelievable. Even at school, Rodrick is ruining my life.
Rowley: Shh. [whispers, pointing to Rodrick who is sleeping on the couch] He might hear you.
Greg: Nah! Watch.
[Greg drums loudly on Manny's toy drum in Rodrick's face. He remains asleep.]
Rowley: Holy cow!
Greg: He once slept through an entire day.
Rowley: Hey Greg, maybe we should-
Rodrick: CAN IT, CHUNKY CHEESE!!!
Rodrick: This is huge, I've gotta call the band. W-We've gotta practice. THIS COULD BE OUR BIG BREAK!!!
Susan: Ah, ah, ah, wait a second. Aren't you forgetting something?
Rodrick: What? I showered yesterday. Smell.
Susan: Okay, okay, okay, okay. We agreed that you'd give a drum lesson to Greg.
Greg: You were serious?
Susan: Who knows? Maybe you guys will really like it and we can form a family band. [gasps]
[The whole scene shifts over to the entire Heffley family, wearing matching outfits and performing with musical instruments.]
All: [singing]Hello, world. Here's a song that we're singin'. Come on, get happy! A whole lot of loving is what we'll be bringin'. We'll make you happy!
[Greg opens his Xbox 360 game system to put a video game in, and finds a huge chocolate chip cookie stuffed in the disc tray.]
Rowley: Hey! A cookie.
Greg: Manny, what have you done?
Manny: I'm onwy thwee.
Susan: [walks in] What's going on? What'd you do to him?
Greg: Nothing, he ruined my video game.
Susan: [gasps] He didn't anything on purpose, did you honey?
Manny: No, I didn't.
Susan: No, he didn't. He's only three.
Manny: I'm onwy thwee.
[Manny pokes his tongue out at Greg as Susan takes him away.]
[Rodrick pulls up in front of Greg and Rowley in his van.]
Rodrick: Get in.
Greg: Why? What are you doing here?
Rodrick: Mom said she'd pay "Mom Bucks" if I drove you home from school. [both laughing]
Greg: We'd rather walk.
Rodrick: Get in. Now!!!! [gets out and opens the back door for Greg and Rowley. Greg immediately notices that the back seats are gone.]
Greg: What happened to the seats?
Rodrick:: Oh, I needed the room for my new equipment.
[Greg and Rowley hop into the van.]
Greg: How would you have the money for that?
Rodrick: Oh, you know..."Mom Bucks". [slams the door shut.]
Greg: There's no way. You only earned like...five.
[As Greg and Rowley sit down on the floor, Rodrick starts the van and floors it.]
Greg and Rowley: [screaming] WHHHHHOOOOOOA!!! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!!!!!!!!
Greg: It looks fake. It has to look real.
Rowley: But how do I fake it if I'm actually falling backwards?
Greg: Maybe you need a gimmick so people notice you. Oh. Wear this on your head. [Rowley puts his underwear on his head] Now do it again.
Rowley: Why can't you be the one that falls backwards in the chair?
Greg: Because. I'm not the one wearing the underwear on my head.
All: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANDPA!!
Grandpa: Next year, I want a chocolate cake!
Greg: That is if you're alive next year.
[Grandpa looks hurt]
Susan: [angrily] Greg!
Greg: Honesty, Mom!
[Greg looks down and sees he has chocolate on his pants]
Susan: Oh, Greg! It looks like he has a candy bar on there.
Little Girl: POOP! HE'S POOPED HIS PANTS!
Greg: No, it isn't what it looks like! It isn't! It's chocolate! Chocolate, see?
Greg: Rodrick, help! The door's closed!
Rodrick: Yeah and it's staying closed. I don't need a middle schooler ruining my party.
Greg: What? I thought it was our party.
Rodrick: It's my party. Now keep QUIET or I'll lock you in the dryer!!!!