Dude, Where's My Car?
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After a night they can't remember, comes a day they'll never forget.
- Wait a second. Let's recap. Last night we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying. [Chester slaps him] Thanks, dude.
- I refuse to let us go down in history as the dudes who destroyed the universe.
- I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.
Alien Nordic Dudes
- We will now use the power of the Continuum Transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersey.
- Jesse: Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
- Chester: [opens the cupboard to find it's entirely full of pudding] I'd say it's entirely possible.
- Jesse: Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
- Chester: Can he also bong a beer?
- Nelson: Nah. All he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.
- Chinese Food Intercom: And then?
- Jesse: And then... (laughs nervously) I'm gonna come in there... (grows livid) and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN!'!
- (pause; Jesse almost gives in)
- Chinese Food Intercom: (repeatedly) And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!
- (Jesse furiously smashes the speaker box, but Chester and Nelson pull him back inside the car, and they drive away)
- Chinese Food Intercom: (severely damaged) And then...?
- Jesse: Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
- Chester: Oh, that's my alter ego.
- Jesse: Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was my alter ego.
- Chester: No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
- Jesse: Oh, yeah.
- Jesse: Wait a second. I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
- Chester: Maybe you should go sit on the toilet?
- Jesse: No. No. You know what the feeling is? It's love!
- Chester: Is that what that is?
- Jesse: Yeah. I'm in love with Wanda and you're in love with Wilma.
- Chester: Yeah!
- Jesse: You see. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends... we can change.
- Chester: We can?
- Jesse: Yeah, and you know what else? I'll bet you that we did buy them super cool anniversary gifts. You know why? 'Coz we love them.
- Chester: And we wrapped them really cool wrapping paper?
- Jesse: Yeah.
- Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery
- Seann William Scott - Chester Greenburg
- Jennifer Garner - Wanda
- Marla Sokolof - Wilma
- Kristy Swanson - Christie Boner
- David Herman - Nelson
- Hal Sparks - Zoltan- Cult leader
- Charlie O'Connell - Tommy
- John Toles-Bey - Mr. Pizzacoli
- Andy Dick - Mark