Ed, Edd n Eddy (season 2)

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The following is a list of quotes from the second season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

Know It All Ed[edit]

Eddy: the pickles was to the end dexter
dexter: spongebob crying
spongebob: HOW TO LIKE THAT OH HAVE I DONE?! [Still sobbing]
dee dee: please. Calm spongebob stop to crying i love it i love you, what até you crying? [she heartwarming spongebob]

spongebob: the brain laughs maniacally did im crying

Dear Ed[edit]

spongebob: OH HAVE I DONE?! [Still sobbing]

mr krabs: SPONGEBOB LOOK AT YOURSELF THE VILLIAN IS HERE RUN!!!


Spongebob: [he starts to scream hard]


Narrator: the next vomits the ThE nExT mOrNiNg

Knock Knock, Who's Ed?[edit]

(Ed is bouncing high in the air, laughing with each jump)
Eddy: This idea's too good, even for me.
Edd: (struggling under the weight of a bag of gelatin) A triumph, Eddy.
Ed: (bouncing on a diving board) Belly flop!
Eddy: Slow down, Tarzan. We're not ready yet.
Edd: This lime-flavored gelatin should replicate the look and feel of a real ocean. (pouring it into the water)
Eddy: I can't see, is it done yet?
Ed: (in his underclothes) Done what?
Edd: The directions state it takes fifteen minutes for the–
Eddy: Fifteen minutes? It's supposed to be instant gelatin. What a rip! (pushing Edd into the pool wall. The walls around the water shake) RUN!!! (as he and Edd do so, the walls collapse, revealing a giant, square gelatin pool)
Ed: Jiggly.
Eddy: (returning) I smell cash, boys. Every kid on the block will want to cool off in this stuff! Tell me, am I drooling?
Ed: Up periscope! (dives in and sinks close to the bottom. There he stays, held in place by the gelatin)
Edd: I must have overestimated the viscosity of the gelatin.
Eddy: The greatest scam in the world! Gone.
Edd: Eddy. Look. (Ed sucks in all the gelatin. He then grins and lets the green goop stream out from the gaps between his teeth) Well, I think I'll skip lunch today.
Eddy: Let's take him home and hide him.

(Ed's room is decorated with banners and posters announcing a monster movie marathon)
Eddy: (reading) "Marathon"? "Don't miss"? "All day movie"? Ed, what's up with all these signs?
Ed: To remind me not to forget.
Eddy: How to blink and talk at the same time?
Ed: (shoving a TV guide at his friends) No, the monster movie marathon.
Edd and Eddy: Movie marathon?
Ed: Eight hours of horror cyclops movies!
Edd and Eddy: Cool!
Eddy: Count me in! (jumps into a chair Ed has just pushed forward)
Ed: (leaping onto Eddy's lap) Tell me a story, Eddy.
Eddy: Get off me!
Edd: Room for one more?
Eddy: What are ya?
Edd: (squeezing in) Comfy?"
Eddy: Okay, Ed. Snack me.
Ed: Snack?
Edd: Certainly, Ed. After all, we are your guests. Which makes you, the host.
Eddy: Yeah. C'mon, Snack Boy, fork 'em over.
Ed: I am a host. (rolling up his pant leg to reveal several small packages stuck to his leg) Snack for Double D? (plucking a hair-covered package off and offers it)
Edd: Stop wait I couldn't. Not before Eddy.
Ed: (moving the snack to Eddy) Snack for my guest.
Eddy: It's hairy, Ed.
Ed: Oh, I will get you another one, Mr. Eddy.
Eddy: (backing away) Oh, um, let me just check the kitchen.
Edd: (following) Don't you leave me here.
Ed: I got this one for Christmas.

1 + 1 = Ed[edit]

Eddy: Ed! What are you doing in my bed?
Ed: I can't sleep, Eddy. I keep thinking; how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?
Eddy: (forcing a smile) Ed? (Ed makes an inquisitive noise) GET OUT OF MY ROOM! (He boots Ed out of bed, then settles back down)
Ed: Ow! My buttocks hurt. (Ed's attention is drawn to the lava lamp) Why does goo float?"
Eddy: (irritated) HIT THE ROAD! (There's a crunching noise. Ed has eaten the lava lamp) What the?! MY LAMP!!!"
Ed: (picking Eddy up by his foot) Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?

Ed: Eddy! Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?
Eddy: If you're gonna strain your peanut brain, think of something more important! Like... How to get your face on a dollar bill.
Ed: Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?
(Eddy stares blankly at Ed)
Eddy: Uh, Double D up yet?

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed[edit]

Ed: Okay I give up! It's no fun being the last human! So can I be a bumblebee?

(Eddy crawls on his fingers down the hall)
Eddy: Eddy, you're the man with the scam. You're the big... (He realizes too late that he's reached the stairs) Uh...
(Eddy goes tumbling down the stairs. Outside, Ed is talking to Nazz)
Ed: So if I join you at the party, can I be a tarantula? Or maybe a salamander?
Eddy: Party? Wait! (He tries to get out of the bucket) Hey! I'm stuck! Ed! (He falls onto his side) Don't forget Cockroach Eddy!

Ready, Set... Ed![edit]

(Ed crams the kids inside the rocket car with a broom)
Ed: Room for one more!
Kevin: Touch me with that broom and I'll tear off your eyebrow.

(The Eds' rocket car has taken a hairy ride down an obstacle course, leaving the Ed's in pain)
Ed: I think I swallowed a turtle.
Eddy: What country are we in?
Edd: We're home, Eddy. And we've broken everything but a record.
Ed: Can I wear a dress again? Haha!

Hands Across Ed[edit]

Rolf: Hallo. I will be performing my country's traditional Dance of the Hairless Otter-
Eddy: Next! No budget for subtitles....

Floss Yer Ed[edit]

Ed: (holding two coconuts) Can I shave them?
Edd: Ed, you don't shave coconuts, you eat them.
Ed: Like report cards?

In Like Ed[edit]

Ed: Um, Double D? (holding up coat hanger) What's this do?
Edd: That's just a coat hanger, Ed.
Ed: Oh. Mum's the word.

(Edd is using x-ray glasses to check out the packages)
Edd: This one appears to be another teddy bear, Eddy.
Eddy: It's those x-ray glasses, they're busted.
Edd: Eddy, think about it! Packages with ribbons, piñatas and funny hats? I think we've made a terrible mistake.
Jimmy: Holy mackerel! Here goes! Do your stuff!
Sarah: Go Jimmy! (the bat narrowly misses her. The pinata begins to crack)
Jimmy: My candy, my candy! (lifting the blindfold) Hot diggity dog!
(Out of the pinata fall a few pieces of candy and Ed)
Ed: (holding up handfuls of candy) Look what I found!
Sarah: Ed! (growling in angry)
Ed: (getting in fighting position) Do not taunt The Claw.
Sarah: Ed! (leaping on her brother, angrily) You idiot, who said you could come?!
Ed: Presents!
Sarah: Huh?
Ed: (rushing towards the table and begins opening the gifts with his friends) What'd you get? What'd you get?
Sarah: What are you doing?
Eddy: (opening a box) I think the question is, what are you doing with...(searching and finding what he wants)...this? (the apparatus is a sewing machine)
Jimmy: I'm so misunderstood. I wanted a pony! (rushing from the living room, crying)
Kevin: There goes the birthday boy. You dorks wrecked another party!
(The kids stand in a line before the Eds, prepared to wreak vengeance upon the hopeless dolts)
Eddy: Good one, Double D.
Edd: Um...it's just a misunderstanding!
Eddy: (grabbing the vapor barrier) Good luck catching us, as we'll be invisible to the naked eye with this baking-powder vapor barrier! A shroud, one might say.
Rolf: You said a mouthful.
Kevin: It's poundin' time.
Eddy: You'll never take us alive!
(Eddy throws the vapor barrier to the floor, where it explodes. The Eds are in a field of pure, stark white. It is like a snowstorm swept through the room)
Edd: Now do you see the importance of extensive testing?
Ed: Uh, where'd everybody go?
Eddy: Huh?
(They look around the room. It seems as though the kids have all disappeared)
Edd: Messy, messy, messy.
Eddy: Big deal. Let's run away before they get back!
Kevin: (off-screen) Where were we?
(All around the room, kids step away from the walls. They are all completely covered in white, and irate)
Eddy: (chuckling nervously) Hi Kev.
(Sarah, Jonny, Rolf, Nazz and Kevin begin to advance on the Eds)
Ed: Oh, cool! This reminds me of the movie "Zombies from the Deep Freeze: A Cash Cow." This is the part where we'll be torn to pieces, stuffed into ice-cube trays and frozen and used to cool their drinks.
Edd: Non-alcoholic, I hope.
(Jonny chuckles evilly as the kids advance to within touching range of the Eds)

Who Let The Ed In?[edit]

(The kids have spotted Eddy's fake prize-grabbing machine).
Jimmy: Did it fall off a truck?
Sarah: That's how my brother was born!
Kevin: Prize grabbers are cool.
Eddy: Whoa, that was fast.

(Edd and Eddy are sitting on swings, but not swinging)
Edd: I must express my concern of accomplishing anything with Jib around. I'm at quite a quandary.
Eddy: Forget your laundry. (getting off the swing and throws it forward) I hate Jib! (the swing comes around and hits him in the back of the head, knocking him into a tree. Angered, he starts fighting with it to show his frustration. He finishes and goes off, but comes back to kick it. He hurts his foot and makes noises of pain)
Edd: We need expert advice.
Eddy: Expert, huh? Let's go. (leads Edd off-screen)

Homecooked Eds[edit]

Eddy: Why don't you Kankers get lost!
Ed: And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!
Kankers: Lovey-dovey!
Eddy: Ed, you dolt!

Kevin: What's a trailer doing on my--TRAILER?!

Rambling Ed[edit]

Eddy: [to Ed about Sarah] Get over it! If she told you to jump in a lake, with a rock tied to your head, and wait for naked photos of you to develop, so she could hand them out to all the kids in the cul-de-sac, would you?
Ed: I had socks on, Eddy.
Edd: Eddy, family matters are best left to experts who deal with situations like– [The doll hits him in the head.]
Ed: Nice shot, Eddy!
Eddy: Now, if you had your own place, you wouldn't have to take orders from anyone! You'd be your own boss. Pretty cool, huh? Ed? Ed, whaddya think? [manipulates Ed] I like it, Eddy! I have one eyebrow and the brain of a bug.
Edd: Going out on one's own requires planning, Eddy. There's so much work involved that–
Ed: [manipulating Eddy] Relax, Double D, I'll help him pack!
Edd: Yes, well, let's be sure to pack hand soap.



Ed: My place is the cat's tuxedo. [pets the cow] Right, poochie?
[The cow moos]

To Sir With Ed[edit]

(The tub and a giant deluge of water crash through the first floor ceiling. When the wave subsides, the kids are drenched and a broken pipe is showering water on Kevin. Ed stands up in the tub and catches the head of the frozen sculpture, which is assumably broken into many pieces in the bathroom)
Ed: Chicken head! (faints)
Eddy: (covering his naked body) What's everybody doing in my house?!
Nazz: (all soaking wet) THIS IS NOT COOL! BEDTIME NOW, MISTER!
Eddy: Bedtime?
Nazz: You have to do what I say. That's what your parents hired me for.
Eddy: My parents hired you to date me?
Nazz: (taken aback) Date? (seeing the humor) Uh, they hired me to babysit you, dude.
(By now Kevin is in stitches)
Edd and Eddy: (confused) Babysit?
Kevin: (laughing) Dorky thought he had a date with Nazz!
Rolf: Is Rolf's Nana next?
(Ed joins in the laughter, and pretty soon the whole gathering, except Edd, is laughing at Eddy)
Edd: (handing his friend a towel) Boy, Eddy, I would be so embarrassed.
(Eddy jumps onto him for the misinterpretation)

Key To My Ed[edit]

Edd: (to Rolf after being punted by Eddy)...so I feel mankind should reassess its position on the Darwin graph...(straightened up)...before total social abandonment.
Rolf: You need to eat more fiber, head-in-sock Ed boy!

Ed: (singing) You're too fat for me! I'm too fat for you!

Urban Ed[edit]

Ed: Let's drive to the city, fellas!
Edd: We're too young to drive, Ed.
Ed: My dad has a shovel.
Eddy: If we can't get to the city, then let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac!
Edd: I suppose I'd better find some tape.....
Ed: Not to mention a duck!

Eddy: Pigeons don't go 'oink', Ed!
Ed: I'm a gazelle! Oink!

Stop, Look, and Ed[edit]

Eddy: Hey, Rolf! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Rolf: Who is this Jack? I know no Jack!
Edd: Don't listen to him, Rolf! Eddy only wishes to eviscerate social order as we know it! [turns to see Ed riding Rolf's pig Wilfred down the sidewalk]
Ed: Ed on a pig!
Edd: Ed, you can't do that!

Edd': You've broken me, Eddy.
Eddy: Hmm?
Edd: Set me free and I'll join you in destroying everything that separates us from the primates.
Eddy: Now we're making progress!
Ed: (holding Edd's ant farm) Yum! Like cheese?
Edd: No, Ed. Progress, not... [seeing what Ed is holding] PROCESS!!! [flailing helplessly] Put them down, Ed! You leave my ants alone! [Ed drops the ant farm. Edd gasps and wraps his legs around Ed's neck] 5,239 ANTS, ED!!! [strangling Ed with his legs] PICK THEM UP!!! PICK THEM UP!!!

Honor Thy Ed[edit]

Eddy: (notices a spider on the doorknob) Hit the road! (Plucks the spider off the doorknob and the doorknob falls off. The Eds watch the doorknob as it rolls across the floor until it falls into a hole with a crash)
Edd: (with woe) Tell me that didn't happen!
Ed: It didn't happen!

Scrambled Ed[edit]

Ed: (takes out a bottle of mustard from his jacket and squeezes it; a pencil pops up) Alley oop! (hands the mustard pencil to Edd) Here's your mustard, Double D.
Eddy: He asked for a pen!
Ed: He asked for mustard. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?

(Sarah and Jimmy enter Sarah's room)
Jimmy: After you, doctor.
Sarah: Thank you, Nurse.
(The two catch sight of Edd slumbering on Sarah's bed)
Jimmy and Sarah: AAAAHHH!!!!
(Sarah rushes over to Edd and points to the door)
Sarah: DOUBLE D, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!
Edd: (drowsy) I'm a sleepy sleepy sleepy...(His voice trails off and he falls asleep again)
Jimmy: Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?
Sarah: I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead! (Sarah shakes Edd roughly. Edd rolls over onto his back and sighs contentedly. Jimmy yelps) He's worser than I thought! Let's operate!

Rent-a-Ed[edit]

(Jonny's house is destroyed after Ed broke a support beam)
Kevin: (feeling the pain) Oh, man. (to the Eds) You guys are in so much trouble!
Eddy: Tell me about it, I lost my money.
Edd: How can you even think about money at a time like–
Eddy: Oop! Found it! (He picks up his money can) Did you miss me?
Kevin: (gleefully while cracking his knuckles) Jonny's gonna– (Jonny kicks the door down on top of him)
Jonny: (angrily to the Eds) Homewreckers! Look how unhappy Plank is! (He holds up the spa sign. One of the four wooden pieces used to construct it is Plank)
Jimmy: (woozy) Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
Ed: He's reaching for Jimmy!
(Jonny has indeed picked Jimmy up and uses the sign as a shield)
Eddy: (scared) "Relax, Jonny, we're repairmen. We'll fix it."
Jimmy: I'm scared of heights!
Jonny: (swings the horn-haired Jimmy at the Eds without further ado) Touché!
(Jimmy's horn slices through Ed's bonds, and Ed joins his friends in their attempt to escape)
Ed: Run!
(Jimmy is thrown at Eddy, and Jimmy hits the ground in front of him and sticks like a javelin. Eddy slowly backs up)
Jimmy: I think I'm gonna be sick.
(The kids have circled the cornered Eds)
Ed: We are surrounded!
Edd: Let's just do the right thing, Eddy, and work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home.
Eddy: Yeah, right. They'll never catch...(rips off his shirt to reveal his original costume) THE FLYING EDUARDO BROTHERS!!!!
Edd: You're still wearing that thing...?
Eddy: Hup hup!
Ed: Ho ho ho, hip!
(The Eds performed circus tricks again)
Rolf: Not again! Those good-for-nothings are good-for-nothings!
Edd: Careful, Ed!
(Ed uses his leg muscles to launch his friends into the stratosphere)
Ed: (backing up to catch them) "Hip hip, um, arf arf!" (standing on a fire hydrant)
(Edd and Eddy come down on Ed with such force that Ed is plunged into the pavement. The ground under them begins to bulge. Suddenly, the hydrant erupts, propelling them into the air)
Kevin: (laughs) Hey, the Ed-weirdo brothers ain't too bad.
(All the kids laughed)
Eddy: (on top of the spout) Thank you! Thank you very much! You're beautiful!

Shoo Ed[edit]

(The Eds are in a shed, attempting to make Jonny the most annoying person in the cul-de-sac. Ed laughs as he pulls down a bed reminiscent of Frankenstein)
Eddy: Ready?
Edd: As I'll ever be, Eddy. (Eddy pulls the sheet off)
Ed: (repulsive)
(Ed, Edd and Eddy look at Jonny, who's wearing a suit)
Edd: (annoyed) A suit?! Annoying?! (putting Jonny's suspended legs down only for Jonny to raise them back up) I spent two hours counter-balancing chains, and all you can come up with is a suit?!
Eddy: What's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of.
Edd: My father wears a suit!
Eddy: Exactly.
Edd: Well I suggest something a little more on topic. Anchovies. The person who invented this smelly salty fish dish should have been imprisoned for the rest of their life. (turns to Jonny and tries to feed him) Open wide please.
Jonny: I smell something fishy! (he dodges)
Edd: Please, Jonny. (Jonny laughs and dodges again) Please, Jonny!
Jonny: Plank says fish is– (Edd stuffs the spoon full of anchovies in his mouth and brushes his teeth with it. Ed then squirts some glue under Jonny's sandal, then he sticks a block of wood under it)
Ed: I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot.
Edd: Ed, why did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot? And why these chains?! And why the suit?! Why Jonny?!
(A long pause)
Eddy: Jonny, people really like it when you say "WHY" ALL THE TIME!
(Edd grumbled silently)
Jonny: They do?! "Why?!" "Why?!" "Why?!" "Why?!"
Ed: And people really like it when you poke 'em on the head. (poking Eddy's head)
Eddy: Ed!
Ed: See? Eddy likes it.
Jonny: (laughs) YEEEEE-HAAAAA! (A cloud of anchovy stench blows out of giant mouth as he speaks)
Eddy: Jonny! That's gold! Do it again.
Jonny: YEE-HAA!
Ed: (waves off the breath cloud) Low tide.
Jonny: YEE-HAA!
Eddy: Oh man, we're gonna be rich! C'mon Jonny, let's get cracking!
Jonny: No problem, Eddy! (He cracks his knuckles)
Ed: (covering his ears) WHAT A PEST!!!!
Edd: That's disgusting.
Ed: (running away from the noise) MAKE HIM STOP!!!!
Eddy: I'm sorry, did I say rich? I meant SUPER-RICH! Let's pester!

Ed In A Halfshell[edit]

Sarah: (sweetly) Oh, Ed!
Ed: (shakily) Uh, yes, old obnoxious little sister of mine?
Sarah: (takes out Ed's model rocket) See what I got?
Ed: (shocked) THAT IS MY 1/30 SEC. SCALE ORBITAL PLANET RETRACKER NO. 2 MODEL ROCKET!!!!
Sarah: (threateningly) Take care of Jimmy, or I'll pulverize your stupid model!
Ed: (pleadingly) Have mercy, depraved sibling! (hugging his sister's legs) I will take care of Jimmy. Honest.
Sarah: (smiles) Good.
Jimmy: (hugging her legs timidly) Sarah, I beg of you, don't leave me in this den of lions.
Sarah: Don't worry, Jimmy. If these nimrods give you any trouble, just– (taking a whistle out of her pocket) –blow this whistle. (putting the whistle around Jimmy's neck)
Jimmy: Really?
(Sarah leaves)
Ed: Have a good day, rotten to the core cherished one.

Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed[edit]


Ed: My turn to spin! [spins himself around and points the bottle at Eddy upon stopping] Eddy, truth or dare?
Eddy: Okay, dare, Ed.
Ed: Okay. I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling Row, Row, Row Your Boat through a car wash. [Edd and Eddy look at Ed, flummoxed]
Edd: Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please.
Ed: (after a long pause) Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D.
Edd: Eddy act like me? Why, that's–
Eddy: Stupid, Ed! You blew your chance to–
Edd: Y'know, Eddy. It could be quite intriguing. Why, I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me.
Eddy: Let's see, where do I start? [proceeds to mimic Double D] "The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat."
Ed: Good Double D, Eddy.
[Double D chuckles]
Eddy: (pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch) "Oh, dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain." [pretends to concentrate]
Edd: (sarcastic) Ha, ha, ha. Very good, Eddy. (spins the bottle) Can we resume playing? (The bottle settles on him) Oh dear.
Eddy: Ha! I dare ya to be Ed! Go on, flatter him.
Edd: Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy.
Ed: I can do Eddy, I practiced. (pushes his eyes together and starts speaking in a loud, raspy voice) "Can it, Double Dweeb!"
Eddy: Whaddya mean you practiced?
Ed: "Shut up, Sockhead!"
Eddy: Please, 'Eddy'. You're invading my personal space! (pushes Ed away. The Eds laugh hysterically)
Eddy: Well...?
Ed: Do me, Double D!
Eddy: We're waiting.
Edd: Very well. Uh, let's see now. [turns around and manipulates his face. When he faces his friends again, his eyes are spread out across his face] Buttered toast.
(The Eds laugh again)

Rolf: Ho ho! There you are, one shy of a full deck Ed-boy! Rolf requires your assistance. [pulls the can off to reveal]
Ed(d): Who is there?
Rolf: Imposter! You are not Ed-boy!
Ed(d): Gravy.
Rolf: [confused] Hmm.
Edd(y): [wearing Double D's clothes and a sock on his head] Pardon me, Rolf, but I have compost a theory. Once upon observation of this small rock, I have discovered actually mutated from a big rock. Intriguing.
Double D: [running like Ed] Haw haw haw! [slips] Curse Ed's horrible posture.
Rolf: [turns his head to see Ed, dressed like Eddy, lounging in a chair] Oafish Ed-boy! [hurries over] Rolf requests the presence of your colossal feet, as it is time to squish the raspberries.
Ed(dy): I'll help if I give you a quarter, Rolfy boy.
Rolf: [scratching his head] What? [grabs Ed] Your shenanigans try Rolf! Come, as the raspberries will spoil. [runs off with Ed(dy)]
Edd(y): Oh, dear.
Ed(d): Look at him go, Double D.
Edd(y): That leaves just I and you. Ed, now that they've left, let's make fun of Eddy behind his back.
Ed(d): Like we always do?
Eddy: Ah hah! I knew it!
Edd: You're so gullible, Eddy. Or as Ed would say, "Gravy!". [runs after Rolf] Haw haw haw!
Edd(y): Wait for me. I'm slow and out of shape!

Rolf: Hurry, as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Ed-boy.
Ed(dy): Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken! [hugging it] Pet the chicken, pet the chicken… [sees Ed(d)] The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it. Stupid.
Edd(y): Excuse me, 'Eddy'. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals.
Ed(d): I love chickens, Eddy.
[The Eds laugh heartily. Rolf, who is stomping the raspberries, glares at them]
Rolf: Ed-boy!
Ed(dy): [poking Edd] Wake up, Monobrow.
Edd: [normally] Oh right. Yes. Ahem. [turning around to face Rolf as Ed] I am Ed.
Rolf: [hassled] You are not Ed-boy! I must have the large Ed-boy here now. So please, Ed-boy, raspberries to squash! Thank you.
Edd(y): Rolf said, "thank you"! Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?
Ed(dy): Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan. [pulls Eddy's sock over him and walks behind Edd] Hey, burnhead. I will now inflict pain on you.
Edd: What? [Ed swings Eddy, knocking Edd into the raspberry silo] Buttered toast?
Rolf: No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slowpoke Ed-boy. Rolf needs juice for his great thirst!
Edd(y): Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct.
Edd: (whispering from the muck in his own voice) "Parched"! The word you're looking for is "parched"!
Ed(dy): Yeah, right, Lumpy! Parched is a fish! [laughs]
Edd(y): Intriguing.
Rolf: You are not Ed. (ranting) You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!
[Suddenly, the berry juice begins to drain from its container]
Ed(dy): You know what they say, Double D. [shoves Eddy's mouth to an opened pipe on the side] "If you're thirsty, take a drink." [Eddy chugs it down and swells up] Gee, Double D. You really let yourself go. [jumps on Eddy and spits the pipe out] Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Double D.
Edd: [popping out of Eddy's sock] You really think I'm a genius?
Eddy: Hey, I'm (you,) Double D! I'm the genius!
[a red-tinted Rolf opens Eddy's mouth and climbs out]
Ed(dy): I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Eddy! (laughs)
[The "Eds" laugh]
Rolf: Rolf has never been so confused.



Hot Buttered Ed[edit]

Edd: (making a shadow puppet) Did you know shadow puppetry was one of the oldest forms of entertainment? (made a shadow puppet of a skeleton)
Ed: Like walnuts?

Ed: The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double D.

High Heeled Ed[edit]

Jimmy: Why can't the Eds think of something nice to ride, like a dolphin? (falling through the open manhole)
Nazz: Boys will be boys. (She and Sarah walk on, oblivious to Jimmy's predicament)
Jimmy: (landing in sludge) Sarah? (turning around to face the masked Edd) Gym teacher! (faints)
Ed: I am Edapuss, because I am a...
Eddy: (pushing Ed away) Hang on, he hasn't paid yet. Numskull. (to Jimmy) Welcome to Ed's Swamp Ride. That'll be twenty-five cents.
Jimmy: Sarah!
Sarah: (returning to the manhole) Jimmy! What happened?
Jimmy: I fell on my tushy, Sarah!
Sarah: Don't move! I'll save you! (pulling out a modified fishing pole and casts it in. She catches Jimmy and hauls him out) Pee-yew, Jimmy, you stink!
Nazz: (covering her nostrils) That's putting it mildly.
Eddy: (from the sewer) Hey! Why don't you let the guy have some fun, huh?
Sarah: You're in a sewer, idiot. It's dirty, and stinky...
Eddy: It's called ambiance! It's a swamp ride, get it? What do you girls know about...(a sign is thrown down at him) No skin off my nose, Sarah. I'm sure Kevin, Rolf, even Jonny will-
Sarah: They went go-karting!
Eddy: (popping out of the hole) Go-karting?
Sarah: And they won't be back till supper. Bye bye! (She throws the manhole cover back on the manhole. As a result, Eddy is hit by the cover and plummets back down into the sludge screaming)

Jimmy: (giddy) Pinch me I'm dreaming! Whee! (in the pants) I feel just like Elvis Presley. Jealous? (the golden paint develops cracks) Oh no! (gasped) When will the torment end? (falls, and the paint on the pants shatters into tiny pieces. He is wearing Ed's pants)
Nazz: (finding out) That wasn't gold, fakers!
Sarah: (furious) You gypped us!
Edd: Exposed.
Eddy: Busted.
Ed: Nope. Can't think of a word.
(Nazz snatches the $5 bill from Eddy)
Jimmy: (a bag over his head) The shame!
Nazz: Here's your money, Jimmy. (Jimmy removes the bag. To the Eds) Grow up. (leaves with Sarah)
Sarah: Wait till you get home, Ed.
Jimmy: Charlatans. (leaves with the girls)
Ed: Spending extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing.
Eddy: (confused) What's with you?
Edd: Ed's trouser-less state seems to have jogged an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain.
Eddy: Ed? Is that you?
Ed: ......HUG ME!!!!
Eddy: Well, that didn't last long.
Ed: HUG!!!! (hugs Eddy)
Eddy: Ed!!!!

Fa-La-La-La-Ed[edit]


[Ed exposes the scam to the kids]
Edd [tearful]: Oh, I'm so ashamed... [breaks down, whilst Ed comforts him]
Ed: There, there, Double D. Santa forgives.



Eds: [singing at Rolf's front door] We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas– [Rolf opens the door wearing festive native clothing. Confused, Eddy and Double D stop singing, while Ed continues]
Ed: [singing] We wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash!
[Wilfred oinks]
Rolf: (puts a strip of bacon into the Eds' cash jar) No cash. A fine strip of bacon, yes?

Ed: [decorating a Christmas tree] "Am I a good elf, Double D?"
Edd: [helping] "Santa would be proud, Ed. You did a wonderful thing by bringing the spirit of Christmas to the cul-de-sac."
Ed: "That is 'cause I'm an elf, Double D."
[A large Santa bag hops its way into the park where Ed and Edd are.]
Eddy: [lifting the bag] "I'm back! Surprise!" [He heaves the bag onto a tree stump and dives in.]
Ed: "What'd I get, what'd I get?"
Eddy: [popping up with a jawbreaker] "I love Christmas!"
Edd: [happy] "Eddy! Jawbreakers?"
Eddy: "A yuletide haul, Double D."
Edd: "It's absolutely magnificent! Oh, Eddy, you shouldn't have."
Eddy: "Had to cash in that jar of Christmas cheer, you know." [Ed steals the jawbreaker.]
Edd: "Ed, that's my jawbreaker!"
Eddy: "Relax, Double D. There's plenty more where that–" [He looks at the now empty tree stump.] "WHERE'D THEY GO?"
Ed: [offscreen] "And what would you like for Christmas, young man?" [Ed has taken the bag and is playing Santa.]
Jimmy: "A jawbreaker."
Ed: [stuffing one in Jimmy's mouth] "There you go!"
Jimmy: "Yummy!"
Eddy: "ED!" [He looks around the lane.]
Rolf: "Jawbreaker is good, yes?" [Rolf feeds one to Wilfred. All the kids are enjoying them.]
Eddy: [despairing] "HE GAVE AWAY ALL MY JAWBREAKERS!"
Edd: [trying to hold Eddy back] "Eddy, wait! You're wearing out the soles of my shoes!" [Edd loses his grip.]
Ed: "Ho ho ho!" [He looks in the bag.]
Eddy: "Ed!" [He dives at Ed, but Ed moves to the side, and Eddy hits the Christmas display.]
Ed: "And one for the elf. I gave jawbreakers to all, so to all a good night."

Cry Ed[edit]

Jimmy: Murphy's law, do your stuff! (The clothespin gently taps his foot) Ouch! (He clutches his leg) My foot! It's broken! Owie!
Sarah: Jimmy?
Jonny: That clothespin went right for him, Plank!
Sarah: You okay, Jimmy? (The kids congregate around him)
Jimmy: Did someone get the number of that launderade?
Nazz: Poor Jimmy!
(Eddy comes down in a kiddie pool standing on his tongue as his grand finale)'
Eddy: Ta-da! (He sees all the kids leaving)
Jonny: Plank says clothespins are known to attack at the blink of an eye!

Eddy: It was horrible! (fakes coughing) Did I say it was horrible?
Ed: (Dramatically) Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a bloodcurdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling grasp! (pretended to chomp with his teeth in his mouth)
Edd: (Rolling his eyes) Please.
Rolf: Rolf has seen this meatball! It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night!
Kids: [captivated] Whoa!

External links[edit]

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