The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

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The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (2003-2008), created by Maxwell Atoms, is an American animated television series that aired on Cartoon Network. The two main characters, Billy and Mandy, have obliged the Grim Reaper to be their best friend forever after having won a bet over a sick hamster.

For details about characters see the character list.

Season 1[edit]

Meet the Reaper / Skeletons in the Water Closet [1.01][edit]

[Billy and Mandy meet Grim for the first time.]

Billy: Look! It's Santa! Santa Claus!

Mandy: That's not Santa, you stooge. That's the Grim Reaper.

Billy: ...Do I still get presents?

Grim: Um... no... actually, I'm here for the hamster.

Billy: Oh boy, oh boy! You brought presents for Mr. Snuggles?!

Grim: No... I'm taking him away.

Billy: To the North Pole?

Grim: No. I'm...(Mr. Snuggles bites Grim) Ah! Oof! Oof! Look, I'm just doing me job, but I´m afraid its curtains for Mr. Snuggles.

Billy: ... You got him curtains?

Mandy: You'll have to forgive Billy -- he's an idiot.

Grim: I never lose.

Mandy: Good. Neither do I.

Grim: (upon losing the game of limbo) This isn't fair! I'm the Grim Reaper! MASTER OF THE FORCES OF LIFE AND DEATH!!

Grim: (his head sitting next to Mandy) I loathe you. (Mandy smiles)

Harold: Gladys! Now, slowly. What the heck are YOU trying to say?

Gladys: B-B-B-Billy! (wails)

Harold: Yes...

Gladys: Our son!

Harold: Yes!

Gladys: Our son has turned into a big spooky skeleton! (cries)

Opposite Day / Look Alive! [1.02][edit]

Grim: You and that wretched girlfriend of yours are bad enough seperately, but together... you're insufferable.

Billy: Insufferable? I don't even know what that means. And hey, Mandy's not my girlfriend! She's just a FRIEND, who happens to be a GIRL, just like I happen to be a BOY, and you happen to be a SKELETON. It's the differences that make our planet so rich, diverse, and wonderful!

[Rainbows in the background]

Grim: I still hate you, though.

Billy: You think that was too mean?

Mandy: He said he didn't want to. You know what that means!

Billy: You're right.

Mandy: Oh, Grim!

Grim: Yes...

Mandy: My little dog Saliva's feeling all so sad and lonely, could you cheer him up?

Grim: Cheer him up yourself!

Mandy: Oh, Grim! Won't you please cheer him up one little kiss ought to do it. You know, you want to.

Grim: Ugh! I am NOT going to kiss your stinky, smelly, drooling mutt!

Grim: (sobbing) I hate you so much! I'm so miserable!

Billy: That's good, cause misery goes nice with PIE!

Grim: That's it! I've HAD it! (slices the pie)

Mandy: Hey, thank you slicing the pie, Grim.

Billy: Yeah! And we REALLY deserve a nice treat about NOW!

Mortal Dilemma / Get Out of My Head! [1.03][edit]

Mandy: You know, Billy... you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose... but you can't pick your friend's nose.

Harold: Son, it's awfully hard to read the paper through your butt.

Grim: [singing, while in Milkshake's (Billy's cat) body]

Look at me, I'm a kitty cat!

I wear a bowl of peanuts for a hat.

If I eat them all, I will get fat.

Blah blah blah, I'm a kitty caaaaat!

[Billy and Grim are watching B production horror film]

Billy: This is scary! Let's watch something else!

Grim: Aw, come on! I've seen scarier stuff in your toilet!

"Billy": True.

Mandy: Hey, Irwin!

Irwin: [to Billy in Mandy's Head] (screams a little bit) Uh... Hi, Mandy.

Fiend Is Like Friend Without "R" [1.04][edit]

Boy: Dinobonoids!

Nergal: You've come back to save the children?

Mandy: Yeah, what's up with that?

Grim: Umm... well... I'm just taking them with me so I can eat them later.

Grim: That was a great idea kicking Nergal in the shin. I wonder why I didn't think of that?

Mandy: That's because you have no brain. Speaking of no brain, where's Billy?

Billy: [talking to a cardboard cutout of Mandy] Gee, Mandy, it sure was a great idea kicking Nergal in the shin like that. [many hours later] Hey, did you do something to your hair?

Recipe for Disaster [1.05][edit]

Woman: Eat pepper spray, you freak! [sprays Grim in the face]

Grim: [after the spray clears] ...It doesn't hurt; I have no eyes.

Grim Vs. Mom / Tastes like Chicken [1.07][edit]

Harold: Honey, are you OK?

Gladys: Never better! I just needed some time to relax after my skeleton episode!

Harold: There is somebody I would like you to meet. [introduces Gladys to the Grim Reaper.] This is Billy's new friend, George, Grimmy... or something.

Gladys: Hello, Grimmy! I've been waiting for you. [starts to point Grim out with her mop] It's payback for chasing me out of my house! (Grim's face in her eyes)

Grim: But... (Gladys hits him with the mop and shakes it)

Gladys: (pointing and shaking her mop to Grim) STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY! He's allergic to the undead!

Gladys: It's time to kick it up a notch!

Grim: (A shaker almost hits him) Whoa! Hey! You almost hit me with that! (Another shaker hits him in the face) Now was that really necessary? (Other shakers hit him; he mutters obscenities) Is that your best shot?! (Now the cupboard throws hims in the face with two shakers in his eyes) Hey! Wh-What happened? (He turns around) Who turned off all the- Ah-ah-aah-ah-choo! (As he sneezes, the two shakers immediately pop out of the sockets, he sighs. And, as the dust clears, he sniffles a little)

Grim: She may have won the battle, but she has not won the war.

Phil: I've just brought the shrimp on the barbie!

Harold: Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Grim: Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee!

This quote is taken from "Meditation XVII" of Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, a 1624 metaphysical poem by John Donne: "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

Grim or Gregory / Something Stupid This Way Comes [1.08][edit]

Billy: I'm a mummy! Made out of toilet paper!

Grim: Atrocia, you've stolen my heart. Good thing I've got three or four more in the freezer.

[Mandy enters with a halloween costume.]

Billy: Hey, Mandy, what are you supposed to be?

Mandy: I am a ruthless high-priced prosecuting attorney.

Grim: Then what's with the claws?

Mandy:[Pauses and looks at them.] They're for rending human flesh.

Mandy: Since you're now Grim, and therefore have no stomach, I claim all your candy.

[Gregory starts to sniffle.]

Billy: See what you did, Mandy! You made Grim cry!

Mandy: I'll let you know when I start to care.

[Mandy busts the door open, hitting Billy straight in the mouth with a super soaker, then turns around and does the same to Grim. She walks up to Billy]

Billy: Ooh... why is the ground shaking?

Mandy: That's called "shellshock". [points super soaker at him] And this is called a "coup de grâce".

Nergal: Hello! Hel-oh, it's you.

Mandy: Nergal.

Grim: You are unpleasant to be around.

Nergal: Oh come on, what did I ever do to you? [Mandy and Grim just stare] Heh heh... I mean, besides the kidnappings and electrocutions?

Billy: Go back to the center of the world, you bum! [throws cotton candy at him]

Mandy: Hope is wasted on the hopeless.

[Billy is teaching Nergal how to make friends]

Billy: Remember, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Nergal: [to Pud'n] Nice shot, bucko! [to a woman standing in the road] You're not completely hideous! [to a fat kid eating ice cream and pizza] You're tremendous...ly adorable.

Nergal: [attempting friendly conversation with Pud'n on a ferris wheel] Obviously I should have known that when the boils became infected I would be... [conversation fades out as the wheel turns as the audience is left to guess what else is said] ...by this point the stench was unmerciful and took thirty... [fades out again - upon returning, Pud'n is looking thoroughly unwell] ...the wounds were boiling over with some sort of viscous... [fades out again - Pud'n is then heard vomiting] ...by Tuesday the whole ear canal was infested with... [fades out again, Grim and Mandy look unimpressed]

A Grim Surprise / Beast and Barbarians [1.09][edit]

Gollum: Are you here for the ring?

Mandy: What ring?

Gollum: He wears the ring will have the power to someone embarrassed and something are dead who will obey the disaster's command. He's very horrible!

Mandy: Oh, yeah. I could use one of those. You have such a ring?

Gollum: Of course, I'm the keeper. But first, you must answer my riddle.

[dramatic music, close-up at Gollum's face]

Gollum: What is black and blue... and red all over?

Mandy: That would be you if I don't get that ring... pronto!

Billy's Growth Spurt / Billy and the Bully [1.11][edit]

Sperg: I'm afraid of you! YAAAAAA! (He runs away)

Mandy: Well, that takes care of that.

Billy: (with a pity expression) Aw, did you have to be so hard on him? SPERG! WAIT UP! (He runs after Sperg).

(Sperg is crying and weeping in his bedroom)

Billy: Gee, Sperg, sorry 'bout you being a chicken and all.

Sperg: (tearfully) All I ever wanted was to be loved. To care... to be cared for! (sobs weakly)

Billy: Here.

Sperg: Thanks.(Sperg blows his nose of the pink napkin)

Billy: Let's be FRIENDS!"

Sperg: (Sniffs tearfully) Really, even after all those wedgies?

Billy: Friendship is better than wedgies!"

Big Trouble in Billy's Basement / Tickle Me Mandy [1.12][edit]

Grim: Man's loneliness is only his fear of life.

New Mandy: [repeated line] Play! Play! Play!

Little Rock of Horror / Dream a Little Dream [1.13][edit]

Billy: Hey Mandy, wanna play? I've got bread. [holds up a loaf of bread]

Mandy: I'm busy. Go play in traffic.

Brain-eating Meteor: ...and bring me some BRAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!

Billy: OK! Don't wory new buddy, I'll get ya' all sorts of brains!

Dream Mandy: Give us cookies

Make my bed

Let's play soccer

With your head!

Give up, give in

Do what we say

You must obey

Season 2[edit]

Toadblatt's School of Sorcery / Educating Grim / It's Hokey Mon! [2.01][edit]

Nigel Planter: That was my best idea ever!

Mandy: That was my idea.

Nigel Planter: Man, I'm awesome!

[Nigel is about to be pummelled by the giant one-eyed dwarf as punishment]

Nigel Planter: Oh come on! It was all Mandy's idea! I swear!

Mandy: Don't be so modest, Nigel. Take credit where credit is due.

TV Announcer: We now return to Love Problems

Actor: I love you... but I have a problem.

[Mandy turns off the television]

Grim: Hey! I was watching that!

Mandy: Come on bonehead, it's time to go to school.

Grim: I am the Grim Reaper, I don't have to go to school.

Billy: This episode, you... DO!

Grim: [whining] But I don't wanna!

Mandy: We all gotta go sometime.

Mandy: [talking about Grim] He's an exchange student, from the underworld.

Mindy: ... Where's that?

Mandy: Why don't you go there and find out?

Irwin: I miss Grim.

Billy: We don't need Grim! We have Abe!

Abraham Lincon: Four score and ten years ago... or was it twenty? Our great forefathers... Oh, why can't I get this? WHY?!

Irwin: He's scaring me.

Billy: Don't look at him.

Mandy: And what would you two dweebs do with real-life Hokeymonsters?

Billy: Oh oh! We'd be like rock stars! Or news anchormen!

Billy and Irwin: Chicks would dig us!

Night of the Living Grim / Brown Evil(part 1) / Brown Evil(part 2) [2.02][edit]

Billy: It's time to eat some slime!

Billy: We're being attacked by non-toxic edible green slime monsters!
Mandy: Have you been drinking out of the toilet again?
Billy: Y-Maybe...

[House is been surrounded by zombies.]
Grim: Don't look at me mon, I already put these dudes down once.

Mandy: It's Hoss Delgado!
Grim: It's Hoss Delgado?
Billy: It's Pat the Baker!

Mandy: The zombies are after brains, so we sent Billy out to fight them.
Billy: I'm the man!
Mandy: Correct, he is the man. The man with no brain!

Mandy the Merciless / Creating Chaos / Really Odd Couple [2.03][edit]

[In a tall spire in the middle of a futuristic city, Grim approaches Mandy who is sitting on a massive throne]

Grim: Empress, the new Billy has just arrived.

Mandy: [Computer Voice] Excellent. Send him in.

[A "Mandy-bot" wheels in a tube containing a Billy with a number on his shirt, smashing the tube open on the floor so he spills out]

Billy clone: Where... am I?

Mandy: Hello, Billy.

Billy clone: Mandy, is that you? There's something different about you, I can't put my finger on it... is it your hair!

Mandy: You didn't notice I'm now a hideous, disgusting, worm-like creature?

Billy clone: ...Are you sure it's not your hair?

Grim: I swear these Billy's get dumber with each cloning.

Mandy: Out of the way. We're going fishing.

Billy: Ooh, can I come?

Grim: No way, mon. Last time you moaned from boredom the entire time.

Billy: But I won't moan this time, I promise! Cross my heart, and hope to... not live!

Grim: That can be arranged.

Mandy: If we take you fishing with us, you promise not to moan of boredom the whole time?

Billy: Yeah!

(on the boat)

Billy: Mooooaaaan... mooooooaaaaaan... MOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAN...

[Billy is staring at a freshly painted wall]

Eris: You're watching the paint dry?!

Billy: Shh, this is the best part. [goes back to staring]

Who Killed Who? / Tween Wolf [2.04][edit]

Grim: Hey Mandy, watch me pull a werewolf out of the hat!

[Grim is watching a B production horror film]

Mandy: Grim, we have a werewolf problem.

Grim: Yeah. The real werewolf would never use that brand of razors.

Mandy: No, the real werewolf. Billy must have got it from your stupid hat.

Grim: And is he tearing him limb by limb?

Mandy: No...

Grim: Aw.

Gladys: Honey, we can't keep the dog. It's a filthy disease carrier and smells like garbage.

Billy: But I smell like garbage and you keep me!

Grim in Love / Love is Evol Spelled Backwards / Crushed [2.05][edit]

Grim: There's nothing that a bucket of spiders can't fix.

Mandy: As I was saying, romance is for the weak-minded.

The Crawling Niceness / Smarten Up / The Grim Show [2.06][edit]

Billy: Bugs are the groosiest! I hate bugs! Hate! HATE! HATE!

[pause]

Billy: I'm bored.

Mandy: Go get me a soda, stupid.

[arrives at the trunk]

Billy: Ah, let's see. [digs through trunk] Soda, soda... sadistic doll, bag of grave dust, ritual dagger, monkey paw, ouija board, eye of newt, devil's triangle, dark prince stone, shampoo, giant egg... [throws out egg, but quickly catches it before it hits the ground] GIANT EGG?!

Billy: Oh, good! You came to squish the bug?

Mandy: No. [punches Billy] We're here to kick the crud out of you for waking us up at 3 a.m. to squish a bug!

Billy: You don't get it, man! It was a big bug!

Jeff the Spider: Oh, there you are! I figured it out and I'm so sorry. You're obviously alergic to banana bread. Anyway, I didn't mean to interupt, I'll just go finish alphabetizing your toys. [walks away whistling]

Grim: Billy, did that come out of my trunk?

Billy: Maybe, just squish it.

Grim: No. I warned you not to touch my trunk! [kicks Billy towards a flower vase and leaves]

Billy: Mandy, you gotta help me!

Mandy: My services don't come cheap.

Billy: [kisses Mandy's foot] Please. [kisses Mandy's foot twice] I'll do anything!

Mandy: You'll give me your allowance for the next six months, and the next time I tell you to get me a soda, I expect to see results!!

Billy: Yes, just squish it.

Billy: Is it done? Did you squish it good?!

Mandy: Jeff and I had a long talk...

Billy: And then you squished him?!

Mandy: ...well, he made this very nice sweater for me.

[short pause]

Mandy: I'm going home.

Son of Nergal / Sister Grim / Go Kart 3000! [2.07][edit]

Nergal Jr.: But dad, I don't want to go to camp. I won't fit in with all the other kids.

Nergal: Fit in? Now, why would you think that you won't fit in?

Nergal Jr.: Dad, I'm an egg!

Grim (as Go Kart).: I'm a bone-machine, man!

Terror of the Black Night / Battle of the Bands / Halls of Time [2.08][edit]

Mandy: No. I never lose. I just choose not to win.

[On a renaissance fair.]

Grim: I had so much fun with the real Black Plague, but this just stinks!

Grim: Don't make me go medieval on your -

Irwin: [interrupting] As I was saying...

Billy: Dad? Dad?! DAD!

Harold: For the last time Billy, I'm not Dad. I'm... MOOOOOGAAAAAAR!

Billy: I didn't know you could fly!

Harold: Fly? [He realizes he can't fly and begins to fall to the ground] AAUUUUUGGGH!!!!

Irwin: I'm pretty sure my mother doesn't allow me to go to the netherworld.

Grim for a Day / Chicken Ball Z [2.09][edit]

[Billy changed place with the Grim Reaper for a day. He is preparing for his first day at the work.]

Billy: Being the Grim Reaper is so much fun!

Mandy: Now when you're the Grim Reaper, you'll need Grim's list.

Billy: What's Grim's list?

Mandy: His "To-Do" list!

Billy: "To-Do" what list?

[Billy stares confused.]

Billy: Yes... To-Do list...

Billy: I am the Grim Reaper... Come to-!

Old Man Voorhees: Yes, yes, of course you are. How the time flies... who knew it was Halloween again?

Billy: Halloween?

Old Man Voorhees: There you go, little fella'! [gives Billy a candy and closes the door.]

Billy: [whiney voice] But I'm the Grim Reaper!

[Billy and Grim have finished switching bodies.]

Mandy: I need to stop drinking steak sauce.

[Mandy is teaching Billy to do martial arts.]

Mandy: Put your hands up, Billy! [Mandy hits him] I said defend yourself! [Mandy hits him again] Come on, Billy. [Mandy hits him again] Come on, Billy! [Mandy hits him again] COME ON, Billy! [Mandy hits Billy yet again, and his nose deflates] What's with you, Billy? You'll never learn to defend yourself at this rate!

Billy: I think my brain oozed to my nose.

Mandy: Grim, I want you to make me a black belt so I can enter the junior karate championship.

Grim: Listen, you! I'm tired of wasting me powers on your dumb little requests. It's always "Grim-do-this, Grim-do-that". I'm sick and tired of it!

Billy: Grim, I wanna be spider-monkey!

Sperg: You got something to say to me, Squirt?

Mandy: Your mother has a job and is a respected member of the community.

Sperg: No one talks about my mother that way!

Mandy: You look like a nerd.

Billy: When I left you, I was but a nerd. Now, I am the master!

[A reference to the original Star Wars film.]

Mandy: Give it up Billy. You can't win!

Billy: [bleches] BEURRRPPPP!!!!

[Billy and Mandy are in the Junior Karate Tournament, beating each other up]
Announcer: They're doing the most horrible things to each other! I've never seen someone's spine bend that way!

Mandy: It looks like I'll have to use my full power to fight you, Billy.
Billy: Bring it on, Babycakes.

Grim: I can't believe I'm free of those little brats.

Eris: And I got jiggy with the chaos!

Grim: Everyone wins!

Mandy: No, I win. AND I WANT MY 50,000 DOLLARS!

Billy: And I want a snow cone!

Billy and Mandy's Jacked Up Halloween [2.10][edit]

Grim: That was a great trick, Mandy.

Mandy: All in a night's work. [eat a piece of candy]

Billy: Why do people do tricks on Halloween?

Grim: I suppose that's partly my fault. [eats a chocolate] You see, it all started a long time ago, here in Endsville, when it's just a tiny village. Now, every village has its problems, and Jack was Endsville's problem. Now, Jack was just a pleasant guy; it's just that he had this one weakness... he loved pulling pranks... Now everyone enjoys a good laugh every now and then, but the problem with Jack was that he just didn't know when to stop... Rumor had it he'd stay up through the night inventing new tricks, then he'd laugh himself to sleep... 'Til the townspeople couldn't take it no more, so they devised a prank of their own that would teach Jack a lesson once and for all! They sent a prank gift to the queen and signed it from Jack.

Mandy: [skeptically] Endsville had a queen?

Grim: Hey! Who's telling this story?! Now, everyone knew the queen had no sense of humor, but she did loved to receive gifts... especially candy. But when she opened her gift from Jack, well... the rest is history. Jack had to be taught a lesson... That's when I made the scene. Well, it was his time, but the guy refused to go... I underestimated his power...

Billy: And then...?

Grim: He took me scythe! Well, he wanted to strike a bargain so he could keep playing pranks for all eternity. If I granted him eternal life, he give me back my scythe.

Billy: Did you give it to him?

Grim: Well, I had no choice. I granted him eternal life. But the Grim Reaper does not like being tricked, so I decided that Jack would not be showing his face around town again... ever!

Billy: Y-you cut his head off?!

Grim: Yep. [casually eats more candy]

Mandy: Wow, Grim. Impressive. Didn't think you had it in you.

Billy: What happened next?

Grim: I hear that Jack got himself a pumpkin and wears it as his new head... Time passed, and so did the story of Jack O'Lantern. It is said he still lives in that old house, untouched by time... trapped by a ever-changing world that does not understand him. Every Halloween night, Jack emerges with a sack full of tricks, and he plays terrible pranks on the people of Endsville... So Billy, that's why people trick on Halloween.

Billy: Oh, that is the lamest story I ever heard! I'm so sure - Jack the evil pumpkin-head prankster! Well, I don't buy it!

Billy: [knocking on Jack O'Lantern's door with scythe] Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

The door opens, and Jack pokes head out. Billy continues to knock on Jack's head, stops when he finally notices him, and then knocks a final time.

Jack O'Lantern: [irriated] WHAT??

Billy: Trick, or treat. [holds out bag]

Jack O'Lantern: [menacingly] Do you know who I am?

Billy: ...No. Trick or treat!

Jack O'Lantern: Very well, then. Trick! [throws skunk into bag, slams door]

Billy: Wow! My very own pet skunk! Hey, little guy, my name's Billy- [gets skunked] He likes me.

Jack O'Lantern: [comes out house with sack] Out of the way, kid. As you can see, I have more important pranks to pull. So get lost, and take that phony scythe with you. [pushes scythe away]

Billy: Phony?! Hey! This scythe ain't phony! It's the real thing!

Close up on scythe blade shows Grim's name and address.

Jack O'Lantern: [gasps] The real scythe?! Give it to me!

Billy: Oh no, Grim said the scythe could open a vortex to the Underworld, and, in the wrong hands, it could be a... a...

Jack O'Lantern: A disaster? [pulls feather from hat, proceeds to tickle Billy with it]

Jack O'Lantern: The oldest trick in the book, and you fell for it, my boy. Now I have the scythe and all of its terrible powers!

Billy: [laughs] You're fun! You wanna trick-or-treat with me?

Jack O'Lantern: Trick-or-treat with you? ... Sure. Do you mind if I bring a few... "friends"? [grins menacingly, drools]

Billy: [naïvely] You could never have enough friends.

Jack O'Lantern: I'm beginning to like you, kid.

Billy: So where are your friends, Jack? All I see around here are a bunch of stupid pumpkins!

Jack O'Lantern: Patience, my boy. Here they come.

Jack lifts the scythe and slices open a spacial rift in the clouds, unleashing hundreds of demons from the Underworld.

Jack O'Lantern: Allow me to introduce you to my friends! ... With the Grim Reaper's scythe at my side, chaos will reign! Be free, spirits of the Underworld! Take these pumpkin for bodies and live again! Together, we will rule the night and take our revenge on the people of Endsville! Now it's our turn to walk the streets while the people of Endsville coward in their homes! The sun will never rise again, and it will be Halloween every night... FOREVER! [laughs manically]

Billy: Now that's what I call Halloween spirit.

Billy: Hi, Grim! How's your Halloween been so far?

Grim: Billy! Where's my scythe?!

Jack O'Lantern: You mean this? Yachachacha cha!

Grim: Jack O'Lantern! Give me my scythe!

Jack O'Lantern: Sorry, but I'll be needing it to control the universe! [thrusts scythe threateningly at Grim] And cut your head off like you did mine!

Billy: Oh, have you two met? Grim, Jack. Jack, Grim.

Grim: [strained] We've met!

Jack O'Lantern: Well, relax, old friend. Don't lose your head!

Irwin: Hi, Mandy! I'm Little Bo Peep, and I've lost-

Mandy: [coldly] Your mind, you lost your mind, Irwin.

Jack O'Lantern: Three hundred and sixty-four days a year, I can't even go to the ding-dong grocery store to buy pudding! And do you know why?

Billy: [raises hand] Ooh, ooh, is it because you're a pumpkin-headed freak?

Jack O'Lantern: Yes! And why is that?

Billy: Is it 'cause Grim cut your real head off?

Jack O'Lantern: Yeees... And tonight, I'm going to return the favor! [evil grin]

Billy: You're going to cut Grim's head off? Don't be an idiot. [pushes scythe away from Grim's neck] Grim's head is removable; observe.

He removes Grim's head repeatedly to prove his point.

Jack O'Lantern: Ah, but any head cut off with the Grim Reaper's scythe stays off... FOREVER!!!

Billy: [frowns] That's a different story. Sorry, Grim ol' boy, tough break. Well... [walks away] We sure had some good times together, eh, Grim?

Grim: [guffaws] You're just going to leave me here?!

Jack O'Lantern: Now, now, that's no way to get a head!

Grim: That's not funny...

Jack O'Lantern: Come on, now, [snaps fingers] where's your sense of humor?

A tree demon ties Grim up and forces him to lean over on a tree stump execution-style. Jack O'Lantern laughs deviously and walks away. He returns with a basket, whistling casually as he drops it under Grim's head.

Grim: Oh, poop.

While walking away, Billy whistles casually. Then a lightbulb goes on over his head as he realizes the whole decapitation issue. The lightbulb smashes on his head.

Billy: [panicked] Grim's in trouble! [starts to run, yelling] Help, police!

Mandy: You screwed up again, did you?

Billy: [still panicked] Mandy, I've met Jack O'Lantern and he got Grim's scythe and he's crazy! And then we got candy and crush cards [calmly] and that was fun... [panicked again] But then, we found Grim and then Jack, him. Ooh, and now he's going to cut off Grim's head and I don't know what to do cause it's going to be cut off forever and stuff! And why the heck are you pouring super-hot sauce into that milk, girl?

[at the end.]

Billy: You know Grim, if you didn't give me the scythe in the first place, this kind of thing would never happened!

Pause.

Grim: I hate you, Billy.

Season 3[edit]

Spider's Little Daddy / Tricycle of Terror [3.01][edit]

[Billy places a dirty burger on his tongue]

Mandy: Uh... [Billy looks at the burger and sees a family of flies on a picnic blacket, sitting on the burger]

Daddy Fly: Do you mind?! [He whacks Billy on the nose. Billy screams as Mandy covers her ears. Billy drags his tongue along the ground, and spits out the burger. It flies towards his house, where Grim holding a bucket and sponge is standing in his room, wearing a pink apron and a red cloth on his head.]

Grim: Finally! After seven hours of cleaning up after them brats, everything is spotless. [Silence for two seconds. Suddenly, gthe burger crashes through the window, creating a chain reaction of everything and the shelves falling down and breaking. One of the drawers catches on fire, turning the sprinklers on.]

Grim: [down on his knees, sobbing] Wwwhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy?

[Back at the park]

Billy: Ah! Ah! Ah! I hate bugs! Oh, my gosh! What if I turn into a bug right now?!

Mandy: Let's do a bug test. Tell me the first thing that crawls into your little brain. Lady?

Billy: [quivers] Bug!

Mandy: June?

Billy: Bug!

Mandy: Yo, sucker, don't be...?

Billy: Buggin'!

Mandy: Yep. You're turning into a bug.

Billy: Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu... [goes crazy] ...BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!!!

[In the bathroom, Jeff the spider, hanging from the ceiling, looks through an airvent and watches the people in the park.]

Jeff: Wow. Who knew fathers and sons could be so happy? [sighs] If only I had a chance to show my dad what a great son I turned out to be. [Looks at some photos on the wall] But all I have to remember him by are these... [starts to cry] baby pictures! [The pictures show Billy holding Jeff as an egg, Billy sitting on the egg, Billy screaming in horror, Jeff waving, and Jeff watching Billy run out of the door screaming.]

[Billy wakes up and sees Jeff]

Jeff: Are you OK? [Billy looks terrified] It's alright, Dad. It's me, your son, Jeff! [Zoom in on Jeff's ugly face, claws, and dripping fangs] Happy to see me? [Billy stands up, looking scared. A centipede crawls down from the wall onto Billy's hat. Billy jumps in fear.] Hey, Dad, are you gonna eat that? [He takes the centipede and gobbles it up. Billy runs out of the bathroom, screaming. Mandy watches.] No, Dad, wait! You can have the bug! Oh, what did I do wrong?

Mandy: You're being too nice.

Jeff: Mandy, I don't think you can be too nice. I mean, maybe too forgiving, but too nice? [Mandy breaks the canopy above the door, making it fall on Jeff.] Oops. You dropped your canopy.

Mandy: See? Too nice. Look, nice gets their attention. But mean puts the hook in 'em. Just looks at Irwin. [Mindy walks up to Irwin, who's holding a double scoop ice cream]

Irwin: Hi, Mindy. Want a lick of my... [Mindy knocks the ice cream in his face]

Mindy: Oops. Later, loser. [walks away]

Irwin: I love you. [Jeff stares for a second]

Jeff: Wow! That's all it takes? Mandy, I want you to teach me to stop being so nice, and start being mean, cruel, and evil. More like you!

Mandy: I'l do it for a hundred bucks.

Jeff: A hundred bucks?! Well, for you... two hundred! [Gives her the money]

Mandy: Meet me at Billy's house at 6pm. And bring a bad attitude.

[Mandy opens Billy's door, revealing Jeff hiding in the bushes]

Mandy: Hey, Jeff.

Jeff: [whispering] Psst! Mandy! I'm over here!

Mandy: [sarcastically] Oh, you're definately Billy's son.

Jeff: OK, Mandy. Time to play hardball with Dad. And to show him I mean business, I made him some pony tear truffles. [Holds out a tray of them. Mandy facepalms. Billy comes outside, not noticing Jeff]

Billy: Hey, Mandy! Guess who got the crazy high score?

Jeff: You?

Billy: Yep, me. [sees Jeff] AAAAAAAAAH! [hugs Mandy in fear] It's that freaky giant spider, and he's made pony tear truffles! [tries one] No white chocolate. RUN!

Mandy: Attack.

Jeff: [throws the tray away] Grr! Dad? Dad! [crashes through the door. Mandy watches]

Mandy: This is gonna be good. [Jeff corners a terrified Billy]

Jeff: Dad, I know that maybe I didn' turn out the way you planned, but gosh darnit, I'm your son! And I cordially request some love! [whispers] How am I doing?

Mandy: Meaner!

Jeff: Right! Strike the courtual part! [Billy screams and grabs a table] Dad? [Billy slams the table down on Jeff's head]

Billy: [grabbing a boombox] Get away from me, freak! Yaaah! [Slams the boombox on Jeff, then starts throwing more furniture at him]

Jeff: It's working, Mandy! [Gets hit in the head with a lava lamp] He's showering me with gifts! [Billy runs away] Oh, Mandy! I can feel the warmth of Daddy's love, surging through my shattered lenses!

Mandy: This is gonna be harder than I thought. Time for Plan B.

Sir Raven: And thus our story ends. If you've been paying any attention, it's because you're a nerd with nothing better to do. And what of Billy you ask? Well, he got himself a new unicycle...

Billy: I'll call you... UNI!

Sir Raven: And what of everybody else? Who cares? They bore the snot out of me. THEEEE ENNND!

Sir Raven: Alas, poor Billy, destined to walk the sepulchered streets of suburbia. A doomed husk of a child. Don't cry for him... DO NOT CRYYY!!

Billy: My bike rocks! Oh, the wheels are like circles!

Billy: Wow, what a cool tricycle! I'll name you... TRIKY! Come on Triky, lets have some FUN!

Billy: Hey, guys, guys! Do you notice anything new?

Irwin: [he and Pud'n snicker] What is that, yo? Is that a tricycle?

Billy: Yup! His name is Triky.

Irwin: [he and Pud'n snicker, but burst out laughing] Incoming data packet for Billy: only big babies drive tricycles!

Billy: That's not true!

Irwin: [teases Billy with a baby bottle] Ready for your bottle?

Billy: [about to cry] I'm not a big baby! I'm a young adult!

Irwin and Pud'n: [singing] Baby Billy, Sitting in a crib; Dripping mashed potatoes all down his bib.

Billy: [crying] You're wrong! Triky is cool! And I haven't worn a bib in months! [while riding the tricyle, he sobs all the way home, going to the kitchen to drink his pint of milk, he then burps; continues crying all the way to his room, lying on his bed] T-they-- They didn't even give me a chance!

Billy: Triky wouldn't hurt anyone, he is cool like that!

Pud'n: And what about me? Look what your mean tricycle wrote on my full body cast!

Billy: [reading from Pud'n's cast] Your pain has only begun. I'll be back to finish the job. You stink! Love, Triky... it could be any Triky!

Weird kid: Hello, Billy.

Billy: How'd you know my name?

Weird kid: I guessed.

Weird kid: Yes, it's totally free, but there's one thing: You must promise to love it FOREVER, and EVER, and EVER... and ever.

Billy: I promise! [thunders strike, black background.]

Weird kid: MUHAHAHAHA!

Billy: [stares at him confused.]

Weird kid: ha, ha... Oh, I'm sorry, I just remembered one really funny joke, about a duck and a [church bells]... never mind, it's time for you to go! And remember: you must love it forever... forever... forever...

Billy: OK! Thanks Mr. Kid!

<

Weird kid: You're monkey people, all of yoooouuuuu...

Sperg: [he walks to the edge of the cliff, where the sidewalk leads to] This is where the sidewalk ends baby!

Billy: Don't do it! [Sperg throws Triky] TRIKYYYYYYY!

Sperg: Well... That was even more satisfying than I thought!

Billy: [riding Triky, sees Sperg and drives right past him]Hi Sperg nice day gotta go.

Sperg:Get back here, Meat.[Billy drives back to Sperg] Just when I thought you couldn't get no lamer, you show up on that thing.

Billy: I don't care what you say about Triky! They're just words, and words can't hurt me!

Sperg: That's why I got these![shows he's wearing two huge spiked metal gloves.]

Billy: [gulps] Wh-what are they for?

Sperg: Atomic Wedgies![gives Billy a wedgie]

Billy: [high pitched] OOOWWW! THEY WORK WELL!

Dumb Luck / No Body Loves Grim [3.02][edit]

Grim: No child, that's not bad luck. You're just stupid!

Grim: [scanning Billy] Just as I suspected. His brain is caught in a weird juju vortex, and his good luck matrix is in the red. This could only mean one thing: Catastrophe Snail!

Billy: Catastrophe Snail?!

Grim: Right in your noodle.

Mandy: But how did it get there?

Grim: It must have been in that restaurant when Billy spilled the salt. I told him to throw salt over his shoulder to prevent bad luck, but Billy panicked. He reached for the salt, but he grabbed the pepper. That's when the snail must have appeared on Billy's shoulder. Salt would've have fizzled that slimeball, but Billy threw pepper. And at that time, the whole place was sneezing. So, that snail slipped right into Billy's ear with nobody noticing a ting. Once the Catastrophe Snail gets in your head, he plugs his shell right into brain. And once he's plugged in, mon, he'll be reprogramming your mind to have nothing but bad luck only. Dig it?

Catastrophe Snail: I love my job!

Grim: Yeah, mon. And if we don't pull him out soon... I guess it's fatal.

Billy: [screaming] He's messing with my head!!!

Catastrophe Snail: [after being evicted from Billy's brain] This is definitely NOT my lucky day.

[He laughs stupidly]

Li'l Porkchop / Skarred for Life [3.03][edit]

Harold: So son, wanna go fishin'?

Billy: NO!

Harold: That's the spirit!

Harold: No, no, no son... Fish don't have feelings, they're made of foam latex!

[Thinking that a pelican is Billy.]

Harold: Son, I never said you this before, and I probably won't ever say it again, but... I love you son.

Harold: It's not the size of the fish that counts. It's how you cook 'em!

Billy: Thanks, Mr. One Eye.

General Skarr: My name is Mr. Skarr!

Billy: How come you got only one eye? Are you sensitive about it? Because if I had only one eye, I would be sensitive about it. You should wear an eye patch like a pirate, then all you need is a puffy shirt. Do you own a puffy shirt? You look like you would.

General Skarr: I'll show them what real power is! Take my love, my pain, and ALL of my anger!!!

[A reference to G Gundam.]

Mandy: So, we were thinking of setting you free.

Grim: Really?

Billy: Yeah. All you gotta do is say you're a little girl.

Grim: I'm... a little girl.

Mandy: I'm not sure I bought it.

Billy: Yeah! Are you a pretty girl?

Grim: [high-pitched, feminine voice] I'm very pretty! Look at me! I'm queen pretty! Aren't boys just so dreamy? I can talk on the phone for hours about nothing!

Mandy: Grim...?

Grim: Let's brush my hair! And paint my toes!

Mandy: ...you can stop. We were only kidding.

Grim: Oh, it's fun to accessorise! Let's all ride some magical pink ponies! I'll name mine Sparkles Fantastic!

General Skarr: Give me that! [General Skarr takes off with Grim's scythe.]

Grim: Hey! It's not polite to steal from little girls!

Billy: [wearing Skarr's military uniform] Hey, everybody, look! I'm a used car salesman!

Billy: So, as I was saying, there are lots of words that rhyme with "cheese"!

General Skarr: [making cornbread] Real corn makes it special.

General Skarr: What ARE you?!

Mandy: I'm just a pretty little girl.

Ernest: ["welcoming" General Skarr to the neighbourhood, shouting] CUUURSED!! CUUURSED! Woe to all who live in that house, for they shall only know PAIN!! PAAAIIIN!! [calmly] Oh, and welcome to the neighbourhood. Here's some nice jellatin the wife made. It's got bits of fruit and stuff. [awkward pause] Okay, well, bye. [he leaves, and shouts offscreen] CUUURSED!!

[Billy has just learned of Skarr's past]

Billy: That story was so beautiful, it gave me gas. [farts] But don't you ever miss your old job?

General Skarr: [fondly] Miss commanding regimented forces of destructive power? As we encircle the globe with our terrible iron fists of might? [raising his voice and slowly becoming more maniacal] Crushing down all the pathetic fools who dared stand before us? Gorging our bellies on their cries for mercy, until at last, I ALONE STAND AS THE GLORIOUS DARK LORD OF ALL THE KNOWN UNIVERSE?! [gasps for breath before suddenly calming down] Not at all. Don't miss it.

Billy: You... disgust me! I thought you were baaad. You ain't bad, you ain't nothin'!

General Skarr: [On phone] Hello?

Billy: [Whispering] Ultimate power.

House of Pain / A Grim Prophecy / Mandy Bites Dog [3.04][edit]

Grim: You don't want to make me mad! I get angry when I'm mad!

Mandy: Grim! It's chore day, you slacker. Stop monkeying with that Hill Billy dork and go clean the toilet.

Lord Pain: THIS IS NOT THE MASTER!

Billy: You won't make friends with that attitude!

Mandy: Oh, by the way, I'm borrowing your leg.

Grim: Hey!

Mandy: I need it to get the remote from behind the couch.

[As a child, Grim is about to become the Grim Reaper, as per his mother's wishes]

Grim: I don't want to be the Grim Reaper. I just want to sing and IIIie-Iiee will!

Grim's Dad: Enough! You'll do what your mother tells you. Singing is for birds and sissies.

Cave Witch: [seeing Grim as a child, on his first day of the Grim Reaper] I have been expecting you.

Grim: M'name is Grimmy and I've come to reap your immortal soul.

Cave Witch: I know who you are, for I have forseen it in my FIRE! I have seen your future as well, a terrible future: a future where you are controlled by two mere children for all eternity...

Billy: [to Lord Pain] I like the way you break stuff.

Mandy: Hey, shut the door! What are ya, raised in a barn?

Harold: [tying things to the roof of his car] See, Mandy? Only a man can tie a knot like that.

Mindy: Wow, Mandy, what a great dog you have. Did you teach him to pee himself and run away?

Grim: Cerberus was a monster! He didn't just eat my homework; he ate me dad!

Mindy: So Mandy, what's it feel like?

Mandy: What?

Mindy: Being a loser all the time. Does it burn?

Mandy: Boy, Saliva, you really are a pathetic dog... but I guess you're my pathetic dog.

Cave Witch: [to audience] I have seen your future as well: you will soon suffer an eternity of COMMERCIALS!

[She cackles wickedly]

Billy: [after using snapping turtle bikini wax] No more unsightly nubs!

Nursery Crimes / My Peeps [3.05][edit]

Billy: You know what, Pinocchiochiochiochiochiochiochio? You're funny.

Pinocchio: Funny? Why... there's nothing funny about being made of wood.

Billy: ...wuzzat you say?

Pinocchio: I sure wish I was a real boy, like you!

Billy: Uhh...yeah...well... I gotta go!...

Pinocchio: Yeah! And the only way for me to to become a real boy, is to devour the flesh of the real boy. Can I please eat your flesh?

Billy: AAAAH! [running in terror]

Mandy: [After being trapped in the story-book] Someday... you will all PAY (her angry voice echoes throughout the room as the episode ends)

Billy: [thinking a really big kid is Mandy because his eyes are so bad] Boy, Mandy, you've been packing on the pounds lately!

[Billy is terrified at the thought of visiting the optician]

Billy: Nooo!! He'll steal my soul!

Grim: Well, if he doesn't, I get second dibs.

[From Billy's point of view, Grim and Mandy appear to be drawn in anime style]

Mandy: [speaking Japanese] Kare no me wa mada kichigai da.

Grim: Hmm.

Billy: I can't understand a thing you're saying! [Grim zaps his eyes again. Billy now sees Grim and mandy in a child's cartoon] Mandy? Grim?!

Grim: [happy voice] I finally think he's back to normal. [Child Mandy giggles. Billy's eyes turn angry and show Grim in each one]

Billy: [roars] Oh, so you're laughing at me?! Gimme that! [snatches Grim's scythe] You're trying to mess with me, aren't ya, Grim? Well, I'm not gonna letcha! Ya hear?! I'm not gonna letcha!

Grim: I assure you, your suspicions are completely unfounded. Mandy and I are only here to help you.

Billy: [babbles crazily; his teeth rattle] Stay away from my eyes! [He swings the scythe at them]

Grim: Billy, this is madness! [Billy chases them, swinging the scythe at them]

Billy: HAAAAAAAAARGH!

Nigel Planter And The Chamber Pot of Secrets / Circus of Fear [3.06][edit]

Nigel: 'cause i'm being hunted by the darkest most evil villain to ever walk the face of the Earth!

[whispers] Lord Mouldybutt. The mere mention of his name causes things to break.

Billy: I am a golf ball. I am a golf ball. Oh, what a golf ball I am.

Grim: You do realize that you're watching static?

Mandy: Yeah.

Bully Boogie / Here Thar Be Dwarves [3.07][edit]

Billy: It's our picnic fixings!

Grim: Picnic? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No . You remember what happened last time, don't you?

[flashback to Billy, Grim and Mandy at a picnic in the park]

Billy: Please pass the egg salad.

Sasquatch: [popping out of the bushes] RAGGLE FRAGGLE!

[grabs Billy and runs away]

Billy: Ahhhh! Somebody help me!

[Grim and Mandy go back to eating, flashback ends]

Billy: Yeah, that was pretty special. Wanna see my emotional scars?

Mandy: [coming into the room] What happened here? Did the refrigerator throw up?

Grim: Billy want us to go on a picnic.

Mandy: No way, José. You remember what happened last time?

[shows the same flashback of Billy, Grim and Mandy having a picnic]

Gladys: [coming into the room] Have you crazy kids been flashing back in here?

Grim: Yah. We've been trying to talk Billy out of going on a picnic.

Gladys:: A picnic? Oh, honey! No! No! You remember what happened last time!

[shows the same flashback again]

Harold: [coming into the room] What is this, a party?

Gladys: Dad! Talk some sense into your son! He wants to go on a... picnic!

Harold: After what happened last time? You all remember that, right?

[goes to flashback again, only this time, it shows Harold putting on a sasquatch suit behind some bushes]

Billy: [off screen] Please pass the egg salad.

Harold: [leaps out of the bushes] RAGGLE FRAGGLE!

[is heard running off with Billy]

Billy: Ahhhh! Somebody help me!

[flashback ends]

Harold: (Laughs) I say we let the boy go!.

Billy: Rock on!

Billy: [Singing] Walking in the woods, walking in the woods, just lookin' for a place where to eat all our foods! [A scruffy Yogi Bear peeks out of the bushes, his eyes bloodshot and clothes torn]

Yogi: Psst! Psst! Hey, little girl. Come here for a second. [Billy comes over to him] That's a nice pic-a-nic basket you got there.

Billy: Yeah, it's OK. [Pause]

Yogi: You got some nice sandwiches in there, I bet.

Billy: Sure, I suppose.

Yogi: [Steps closer] I think this is a good place for your pic-a-nic.

Billy: [Uneasily] Yeah, I don't know.

Yogi: [Bends down to take the basket] Here. Let me set it up for you. [Booboo, who is also scruffy and ugly, sticks his head out of the bush]

Booboo: You get the food yet, Yogi?

Yogi: Shhhh!

Billy: L-look, I think I really oughts to get going.

Yogi: Hey, that's cool, man. Let me just... gimme that basket! [Tries to grab the basket, but Billy runs away]

Booboo: [who is fat with big nipples] Don't let him get awaaay! [Yogi gives chase, wild-eyed, waving his arms in the air, and yelling gibberish. He stops, gets down on all fours and sniffs the ground while Billy hides behind a tree]

Yogi: I know you're close, you dirty human!

Billy: Hey, I'm not dirty, I just had a bath fifteen days ago! Oops![He covers his mouth as Yogi glars at him. He then chases him again] Aaaaaaaah! Aaaah! [Billy runs into a cave] Hey, ya dumb bears! You can't get me now! I'm in a cave!

Yogi: He's right, Booboo. We bears are terribly afraid of caves.

Booboo: Why are we so lame, Yogi?

King Beardbottom: We're stuck with mushrooms! Here, try one.

Billy: It tastes like my cat!

King Beardbottom: They taste like everyone's cat! It's been 300 years and I still hate the taste. I've worked with mushrooms for so long, even my sweat smells like 'em! Here, take a whiff.

Billy: [Sniffs Beardbottom's armpit] Whew, you ain't kiddin'!

[the King Beardbottom is telling the story about the origins of the war]

Billy: [appearing in the flashback] Hey, wait a second! Hold up. How can you be mad at the Elves? You chose to trade cookies for mushrooms!

Druid: Hey, did that kid just step into the flashback?

Other Druid: What manner of sorcery be this?

Censoring Trooper: Alright listen up you little radish munchers, this battle is about to become way too exciting to show our younger viewers. Instead I will show you this soothing image until the fight is over. SWEET MOTHER OF FOG YOU SHOULD SEE THIS! Cookies and mushrooms flying through the air like june bugs in a swamp! Whew it appears to be over, lets go back to the- Whoa ho ho! That was entirely my bad! I misread the signals! I knew a guy named "Joe". He misread the signals in a combat situation - now he eats everything through a mechanical straw!

Billy: Stop it! Stop the fighting! Why do you have to hate each other? Can't you see you're just like peas and mashed potatoes? Some people don't like them to touch each other if they're on the same plate. But it's okay... it's okay if they touch! Because they both get chewed up by the mouth!. And sent down the oesophagus and dissolved into the stomach and absorbed into the intestines and, oh ho, I won't go any further than that. But the point is, we're all just nutrients in the great big digestive system called LIFE!

[Grim and Mandy are washing a car.]

Grim: I wonder how Billy's picnic is going.

[Billy flies past them really fast]

Billy: HEY GRIM! HEY MANDY!

Grim: That answers one question, yet raises so many others...

Boogie: What happened to your face?

Boy: Dude, I'm like fifteen. We all look like this. What are you, my mom?

Boogie: No, I'm-the boogeyman!!

Boy:[unimpressed] ...I don't even believe in you. Go talk to my little brother.

[Billy and Irwin are watching TV]

Irwin: This show is awesome!

Lady on TV: Hey Doc, what're ya doing with my legs? [buzzing sound] AAAAAAHHH!!!

Doctor on TV: Oh, stop it! I'm just shaving you!

Billy: Oh, Grim. The TV wants to talk to you.

Grim: TV?

[Boogie, still disguised as the television, is sitting on the couch holding a glass of wine]

Boogie: Hello, grim.

Grim: [perplexed] Hello, TV...

Substitute Teacher / Which Came First? [3.08][edit]

Billy: Look, I'm a billy goat! Baaa! Baaa!

Billy: And I'm a hungry as a jaybird on a diet on the fourth o' July.

[Cracks a giant egg.]

Billy: Oh! Look! I'm Rocky Balboa!

[Eats egg, then screams as tongue shrivels and falls out.]

[the scientist crawls out of a cave nearby, pecked and bruised]

Scientist: I forgot to mention that super-chicken eggs have acid yolks.

[a giant chicken foot grabs him and pulls him back]

Mandy: Alright, you dumbclucks! There's a new pecking order! [Proceeds to slice at the giant chicks with Grim's scythe]

Pud'n: Giant chickens from the sky! Now we don't have to eat each other to survive.

Sperg: Tough luck for you, kid! [Goes back to eating Pud'ns limbs]

[Sperg throws an eraser at Junior, hitting him in the head]

Nergal Jr.: Can he [coughs] can he do that, Ms. Butterbean?

[Sperg tosses and apple at Ms. Butterbean, who puts it in a drawer that is full of them]

Ms. Butterbean: Why... yes, yes he can. He's bigger than you.

Nergal Jr.: I'm not interested in the test. I'm interested in REVENGE!

Mandy: Now you're talking. I can't support cheating [glares at Billy who looks sheepish] but revenge is something I can really get behind.

Sperg: [about to be wedgie'd] But... Ms. Butterbean, you can't do that! You're a teacher!

Nergal Jr. [as the teacher]: I can do whatever I please! I'm bigger than you!

[Scene switches to Billy, Mandy and Grim, who watch fascinated. Unpleasant noises are heard.]

Billy: Oh, look, Sperge's gots the same BUNNY underwear I do. [Pauses in "thought".]

Season 4[edit]

Super Zero / Sickly Sweet [4.01][edit]

Harold: So son, today we are building a tool shack. Even a complete idiot can do it!

Grim: Like you?

Harold: Yeah, like you. Now, it's all about location. [starts yodeling loudly]!

Grim: What the heck are you doing?!

Harold: Checking the acoustics! [continues]!

Grim: I'm going home.

Harold: That's it! [drops material at Grim] The best location is always closest to the house.

Announcer: And now we return to Captain Space Heifer.

Ninjas: You win this round, Heifer!

Captain Space Heifer: Yes... I do... But I couldn't have done it without my... Heifer farm's brand fruit-at-the-bottom all natural-styled yogurt!

Ninjas: It's partially hydrogenated!

Captain Space Heifer: QUIET YOU!!! [Captain melts Ninjas with his laser eyes.] It's partially hydrogenated! Buy some today. If you don't, I'll melt you too! [starts laughing.] ... I will.

Harold: While you kids are talking, I'm gonna pick my nose! Just wanted to give you the heads up.

Mandy: Do you know what is this?

Grim: Uhh... orange juice?

Mandy: Wrong! This is an empty Orange Juice container. Sombody drank it. They probably wanted me to get scurvy from lack of Vitamin C!

Billy: [trying to find an evil empire to destroy with his superpowers] Hello? Evil empire? Legion of doom? Plague of society? Threat to mankind, where are you?

Billy: [still trying to find an evil empire, he looks down and sees a bunch of bacteria] Infinitesimal evil! In the name of the Earth, and all that is clean and fresh! Environmentally safe, and partially hydrogenated! I... uh... I! Uh, I... uh... ...AH SHOOT MAH YOGHURT!

Mandy: I'm gonna open up my own personal can of Powerpuff on you two.

Grim: The only thing I keep in me' robe are terrible cursed objects! [makes scary noises]

Billy: [pulls out the Mask of the Beast] You mean like this one?

Grim: Yes, exactly like that.

Billy: Oooooh... it's a pair of butt wings!

Grim: Isn't about time for you to go?

Mandy: Yeah, the evil empire remember?

Billy: Captain Spring Green Squeaker reporting for intergalactical duty! In the name of truth, justice, and YOGURT![armpit squirts yogurt on Mandy and Grim.][Laughs]

Grim: [takes out notepad and pencil] What can I get for Billy?

Billy: Ooh! I wanna be green!

Grim: Okay, green!

Billy: Spring Green.

Grim: Spring Green.

Billy: [squeals] Ooh! And I want to squeak!

Grim: [confused] Squeak?

Billy: Yeah, every time I move. Squeak. And uh....

Mandy: Billy, pick a real superpower. [Milkshakes walks by covered in yogurt.] So, what'll be?

Captain Space Heifer: [echoing] It's partially hydrogenated!

Billy: And to shoot Heifer Farms Brand fruit-at-the-bottom all-natural styled yogurt FROM MY ARMPITS!!!!!!

Bearded Billy / The Nerve [4.02][edit]

[Billy asks his dad why he shaves his beard.]

Harold: Well, you see son, if Daddy shaves his face, mommy shaves her legs!

Hoss Delgado: Stupid... but clever.

Billy: Uh, mom? The bathroom is talking to me again. Should I get my vitamins?

Billy: All the ladies love me!

Harold: Hey, boy. Trying to think, huh?

Billy: Uh, no. I don't do that anymore.

[After drinking the hair tonic Grim souped up, Billy watches the hair grow on his face]

Billy: Oh, I like that! Rugged Billy! [Hair grows more] Mountain Billy! [Hair throws into a thick beard, and Billy laughs] Hillbilly!

Mandy: (about Billy) Listen, Hoss, what you have there isn't a sasquatch. What you have there isn't far enough up the evolutionary scale.

Billy: You spent the reward money on a new TV?! Awww!! I wanted a baby iguana!

TV commercial: Bacon-flavored toothpaste? Why didn't anybody think of it before??

TV commercial: Get a jump on puberty or just look cooler than ever before!

Grim: [after Billy takes him by surprise] Billy, what are you trying to do?! Scare me to me?!

[After Billy steals and eats Mandy's nerve]

Grim: Billy, it worked! It worked! Now, what do you say we take Mandy and--

Billy: PIPE DOWN, YOU TALKIN' WIND-CHIME!! YOU TALK WHEN I TELLS YOU TO TALK, YOU FOLLOW?!

Grim: [nervous] I follow.

Mandy: (to her nerve) Now you listen up, pal. You are not what makes me Mandy. I don't need some pompous polyp to be dark, foreboding and charmingly cynical! I am what makes me Mandy! You got that?!

Test of Time / A Kick in the Asgard [4.03][edit]

Mandy: Okay Grim, when the rainbow appears, you take me to the end of it, and I'll shake down the leprechaun for its gold.

[an army of Norsemen are fighting each other. Billy walks up to Thor]

Billy: You don't always have to solve your problems by fighting, you can work through them by talking things out. Or, by buying expensive gifts.

Harold: [Viking cuts Harold's pompadour off] Hey! My brain was in there!

Brain: Put me in the freezer!

Harold: Young man, you can be rude, break furniture, run up phone bills, shave the cat, and even harrass your mother! But when you mess with the pomp, it's GO TIME!

Gladys: [as the Viking tries to attack her while she defends herself with a chair] See, Harold? I told you it was not a good idea for Billy to have doughnuts three times a day!

Billy: [referring to the root beer fountain] Didn't you say that I had unlimted access to the fountain?

Heimdall: Well, yes, but-

Billy: But nothing! I am still accessing.

Billy: T by x over y plus M divided by 365 divided by E squared by Pi OF COURSE! [gets pie from fridge] PIE!

Five O'Clock Shadows [4.04][edit]

[Grim is aghast to see Mandy and her shadow as the same and Billy and his many, many shadows at once]

Mandy: Well, Grim, it looks like you'll have to take us all home.

Mandy's shadow: And we'll play together...

Mandy: ...forever...

Mandy's shadow: ...and ever...

Mandy: ...and ever...

Mandy's shadow: ...and ever.

Billy's shadows: And ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever...

Billy: ...AND EVER!!!

Mandy: Grim, destroy her!

Complete and Utter Chaos / Attack of the Clowns [4.05][edit]

Mandy: You're gonna make me ask, aren't you?

Billy: Ask what?

Mandy: What's with all the oranges?

Billy: They're not oranges, they're tangel-elos!

Mandy: Okay... what's with all the tangelos?

Billy: Clowns hate tangelos. Messes with their equilibrium.

Mandy: Who told you that fungus?

[Oranges man walks away, whistling nervously]

Mandy: Billy, you've got to get over this ridiculous fear of clowns.

Billy: Hey! Who you calling ridi-culous? Well, what about your fear of professional figure skaters?

Mandy: That's not a fear. I just don't trust the way they spin is all.

Billy: You gotta believe me, Mandy! The clowns are nothing but ULTIMATE EVIL! They wanna become the dominant species on the planet, and they'll destroy us all to make it happen!

[shouts at the top of his lungs]

Billy: Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all!

Billy: [sitting at his desk in class with his fellow students; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [at the chalkboard, attempting to solve a math problem; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [at his locker in the hallway; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [in Biology class, dissecting a frog; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [on the swingset at recess; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [in the lunch line; calmly to the lunch lady] I'll take the chicken.

Billy: [sitting at the lunch table with Mandy and Irwin; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [doing sit-ups with the other kids in gym class; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [in the Boy's bathroom, we see Billy's feet underneath a closed stall; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [feeding the school pet; shouting] Destroy us all!

Billy: [getting off the bus with Mandy; shouting] Destroy us all!

[he walks home off-screen, still shouting]

Mandy: [annoyed] All right, that's it!

[Mandy has been carrying Grim (in several pieces) around in her backpack]

Grim: Okay, we need to talk about this backpack thing. It's very demeaning. I'm the Grim Reaper, for goodness' sake. I used to have a chariot of four-hundred burning horses. My arrival on the scene would be a raging thunderclap of fear! Now it's "Hey, have you seen Grim?" "Yeah! I think he's wedged between a history textbook and a tuna-fish sandwich!"

Grim: See, Mandy? All we had to do was shake him and yell. It's the answer to everything!

[Billy punches him in the face]

Grim: Me face!

Inner Frat Boy: What's up, Billy? You look a little down.

Billy: Who're you?

Inner Frat Boy: I'm your Inner Frat Boy, dude.

Billy: Wow! I didn't even know I had an Inner Frat Boy!

Inner Frat Boy: Well, Sure. Everybody has an Inner Frat Boy. Since your here, it must mean you need my help. [belches]

Billy: Well, as a matter of fact I do have a problem. These really scary clowns keep on scaring me!

Inner Frat Boy: Aw, clowns aren't scary, Billy.

Billy: They're not?

Inner Frat Boy: No, they're just different. And just because someone's different doesn't mean you should be afraid of them. It means you should be angry at them! How dare they be different?! What, my way of life ain't good enough for ya?!

Billy: So you're saying I should beat them up?

Inner Frat Boy: Billy, fighting outside of a hockey rink is wrong. But I'm imaginary, so do what you gotta do.

Billy: Thanks for all your help, Inner Frat Boy.

Inner Frat Boy: No problem, Billy! [Pulls out a paddle] Now, ya ready for your paddlin'?

Billy: Uh, no.

Inner Frat Boy: (Sounding disappointed) Oh... okay...another time, then...

[Grim and Mandy, dressed as clowns, pursue Billy into a beauty parlor with 1980s music playing in the background]

Grim: And people think I'm scary.

[He calls out to the women in the parlor]

Grim: 1983 ended a really long time ago, ladies!

Mandy: [dressed as a clown] Billy! Don't fear us! We're here to make you smile!

Grim: [also dressed as a clown] And for cryin' out loud, stop wettin' yourself!

[Grim tries to juggle but the balls hit Billy in the face]

Mandy: What was that?!

Grim: I TOLD you I can't juggle! I wanted to do the routine with the umbrellas, but you said "No"! (Billy tries to crawl away) And WHERE do you think YOU'RE going?! (Picks Billy up by the collar of his shirt and shakes him) Listen! STOP BEING AFRAID OF CLOWNS! STOP IT, YOU NINNY! STOP IT, OKAY?! STOP BEING AFRAID OF CLOWNS!

Billy: Gotta go to my happy place, gotta go to my happy place, happy place, happy place...

Billy: [singing while playing with a toy truck] Keep on truckin', truck-truck-truck-truckin'!

Eris: Hey, guess what? Chicken butt! But seriously, did you know at Flabburger they actually throw away food that's been under a heat lamp for more than thirty-six hours? So, I brought you dorks lunch.

Grim: [transformed into a hideous monster; sarcastically] Here Eris, put it on my slimy flippers.

Mandy: [also a hideous monster; sarcastically] No, Eris, put it in my claw of a head. Or rest it on Billy's udders.

Billy: [shoots milk out of his nose] Heh heh, I gots an udder.

Whatever Happened to Billy Whatsisname? / Just the Two of Pus [4.06][edit]

Billy: I'll win Mandy back, or die trying!

Grim: Let me know if you need help with the last part!

Bobby: Listen Billy and listen good! I want you gone!

Billy: Can I go to the arcade, then?

Bobby: What? No, NO! I mean I want you to disappear, permanently! Your friends don't like you, you're nothing but a burden to your poor Mother and Father! They all choose me over you, so there's no reason for you to even be here! I'm giving you twenty-four hours to get out of here! Or I'll get rid of you myself!

Billy: Who are you? Why are you doing this?

Bobby: If I told you, I would have to destroy you!

Billy: But, weren't you going to destroy me, anyway?

Bobby: Well, yeah, but... NOW YOU'VE ONLY GOT UNTIL MORNING!!!

Billy: Alright, Bobby, it's on at dawn

Chocolate Sailor / The Good, The Bad and The Toothless [4.07][edit]

Billy: [to the box of Chocolate Sailors] You won't be disappointed this time, Chocolate Sailor. You'll see. I'm gonna be the best dang sailor in the whole dang army! I'll sell gazillions. Together, we'll make major booty, 'cause you're so BOOTYLICIOUS!

Tooth Fairy Cowboy: [to Billy] What's so funny?!

Billy: Do you have a shrunken head?

[A man with a very large body but a very small head appears in front of him]

Man: What do you mean by that?

Billy: Holy freak show! I mean, nothing.

Man: So are you going to buy something, smart guy?

Billy: Nope, I'm broke. Penniless. A Pauper. Too poor to pay attention. Too cheap to buy this cheesy crud!

[Man picks Billy up and kicks him into space]

Billy: Nice kick!

Toys Will Be Toys / That's My Mummy [4.08][edit]

Billy: Washing my hair, washing my hair... wait a minute, this isn't shampoo, it's DOG-! (The screen fades to black just when Billy is about to say "poo")

Gladys: Oh sorry, Billy. We weren't laughing AT you, we were laughing WITH you!

Harold: I was laughing at him.

Irwin's Dad: Yes, Irwin's mom is actually a mummy. Nobody can tell you who to fall in love with, but we've managed to make it work all these years. Leaving a whole lot of questions that don't need to be answered.

Mandy: Eh, works for me.

Grim: Me too.

Billy: ...But how did you and Irwin's mom...

Irwin's Dad: Leaving a whole lot of questions that don't need to be answered.

Billy: Grim, why do the good die young?

Grim: Well, it's mostly because I get confused.

[Pud'n is holding Professor Gaylord]

Pud'n You're a pretty girl.

Grim: Milkshakes, where are you going?

Triceratron: [hiding behind the unconscious Milkshakes] To destroy all that is good. ...I mean, meow.

The Secret Snake Club [4.09][edit]

Mandy: So you're telling me the whole point of this stupid club...

Wiggly: ...is to resurrect an ancient snake creature and make him eat the cool kids, leaving nerds to rule the world! Yes.

Grim: [to the Snake Nerds] You disgust me, too! You're all old enough, so wear some deodorant! I've been trying not to vomit in my own mouth all day!

[CIA Agent is in another room, speaking via intercom]

Agent: (To Billy) So, you wanna join the organization.

Billy: What organization?

Agent: The CIA.

Billy: J-J-J!

Agent: What?

Billy: ...Q-R-S-P-U-Z! Now I know the ABC's, next time won't you sing with ME?

[CIA Agent is in another room, speaking via intercom]

Agent: Do you think you have what it takes to join us?

Billy: I have a rash on my butt!

Agent: Ok...

Billy: My mom tells me not to touch it, but I touch it anyway! [pause] Please don't tell my mom!

Agent: Uuhh, sure.

Billy: Are you invi-siable?

Agent: No Billy, I'm in a different room.

Billy: The bathroom?

Agent: Billy, how would you like it if we wiped your mind and turned you into a covert warrior?

Billy: I LIKE FRENCH FRIES!

Wiggly: Yes! Come, Lord Shnissugah! Come and make us kings!

[the basement door opens, but the scene abruptly changes back to Irwin's club]

Billy: You sickos are in big big trouble!

Irwin: The CIA is on to us! Run, girls! [he runs to an open window] You ain't gettin' jack on me, yo! [he jumps out, and a CIA agent moves to follow him]

Billy: No. Let him go. He seems to have forgotten this classroom is on the third floor.

[Irwin is arrested by the CIA.]

Irwin: This isn't right! This episode was supposed to be about snake nerds! SNAAAAKE NEEEERDS!

Shnissugah: What are you, crazy in the head?! Cool kids are full of transfatty acids! Do you have any idea what that would do to my indigestion?

Wild Parts / The Problem With Billy [4.10][edit]

Grim: You mortals are always picking your noses: [flashbacks] in your car, at the mall, in your car, at work, in your car, at school, in your car...

Billy: Hey, that's me!

[The Nasalmancer is digging through Billy's nose]

Billy: Hey, now! Get yo fo' shizzle out of my nizzle, Dawg!

[Billy's and the Nasalmancer's noses collide and blow up]

Nasalmancer: (to Billy) You blew my nose... up!

Billy: (to the Nasalmancer) You blew MY nose... up!

He's Not Dead, He's My Mascot / Hog Wild [4.11][edit]

Billy: Hey! It's the Fluffy Cat... Fluffy... Cat.

Mindy: You've already said that!

Billy: (stupidly) Oh, yeah...

Grim: Why does the fate of humanity always end up in the hands of an idiot?

[Harold is telling Gladys how much his new bike costs]

Harold: ... and it only cost us Billy's entire college fund!

Gladys: (Grabs Harold by the collar) WHAT did you say?!

Harold: I said "Its only cost us Billy's entire college fund!"

Gladys: Oh... well, it must be nice.

[Billy complains after Mandy tells him to tell Harold he destroyed the bike and "face the music"]

Billy: But I hate music! All kinds! Especially soft rock!

The Bad News Ghouls / The House of No Tomorrow [4.12][edit]

Grim: Just who is that Sassy Cat character anyway?

Mandy: It's some stupid cartoon character based on some stupid cartoon media icon used to build this whole stupid amusement park.

Grim: Cartoons are stupid.

Mandy: I agree.

Master Control: [monitor activates] I am Master Control, computer of the future.

Billy: Aaahh! [jumps on Grim's arms]

Grim: That'd better be sweat dripping down your leg, boy.

Master Control: I am programmed to run all of the machines at this attraction. My intelligence is beyond measure; I know everything there is to know, and I'm not too shabby at checkers.

Grim: Wait, how can you know *everything*?

Master Control: I just do, so there.

Grim: If you know everything, then what's the meaning of life?

Master Control: Life has no meaning; only machine intelligence is truly significant on a cosmic scale.

Grim: Hmm, I didn't think he'd get that one right.

Billy: Oh, yeah? Then what's my favorite color?

Master Control: Blue.

Billy: What's the best kind of bean?

Master Control: Pinto.

Billy: Why is the sky blue?

Master Control: Because of the refraction of sunlight through the water droplets in the sky.

Billy: Why do I ask so many questions?

Master Control: Because you're stupid!

Billy: What's the color of my underwear?

Master Control: White...

[Master Control raises an eyebrow]

[Master Control puts on an annoyed face]

Master Control: ... with pink frilly lace.

Billy: [checks in his pants] WOW! It really DOES know everything.

Billy: [singing] Sassy cat, sassy cat, full of sass, full of sass, if you dont like her you can kiss... her... BUTT!!

[Mandy decides to leave the funhouse despite the robot threat]

Funhouse worker: Oh, man! She's a goner!

Grim: I'd like to say it was nice knowing her...

[Mandy walks to the door, completely indifferent to the chaos and destruction around her. When she makes to the door, the robots swarm her]

Mandy: [sarcastically] Oh no, whatever shall I do? [Pulls out a nearby plug, which turns off the robots] You idiots coming or not?

Worker: Wow, she's BAD!

Grim: You have no idea.

Happy Huggy Stuffy Bears / Secret Decoder Ring [4.13][edit]

Grim: I'm so BORED!

Mandy: I know what you mean. I've been watching Billy pick stuff out of his ear for the last two hours. And the worst part is... I can't stop watching.

Mandy: Money is the root of all evil. I think I need more money.

TV Commercial: ...and, if you get to the Endsville mall in the next four minutes, you'll get a free Happy Huggy Stuffy Bear!

Billy: [thinking] Wait! Something was said... something good! Was it peanuts? No, something with free... was it FREE peanuts! No, peanuts are never free. What was free!

TV: Free toys!!!

Billy: *grunts as he attempts to remember*

TV: free BOYS!!!

Billy: *long pause* ... FREE BOYS!!!!!

Mandy: What's wrong with the TV?

Grim: Nothing, I'm just waiting for Billy to realize it isn't on.

Billy: [staring at a blank screen] ... Ooh, I LOVE this show!

[Irwin gets a Happy Huggy Stuffy Bear from Mandy]

Irwin: A gift from Mandy! I will call you... Mandy Two! And I will teach you the meaning of LOVE...

Happy Huggy Stuffy Bear: I love you.

Billy: I love YOU.

Happy Huggy Stuffy Bear: I'll be your friend.

Billy: I'll be YOUR friend.

Happy Huggy Stuffy Bear: I'll do your bidding.

Billy: [in a trance] I'll do your bidding. Pardon me I have bidding to do. [leaves]

Mandy: Is Billy drooling more than usual.

Grim: Just be happy it's drool this time.

Eris: Mind control doesn't work on people who think.

Grim: One little, two little, three headless huggy bears, four little, five little, six headless huggy bears, seven little, eight little, nine headless huggy bears, and I still have a million to go!

Mailman: Delivery for Mandy.

Billy: Oh, big money! No whammies!

Billy: Hey, Grim! Why'd you cut off the head of my Huggy Stuffy Pony Bear?

Grim: Because it made you into a zombie.

Billy: Oh. You bears are all alike. You love us, you turn us into zombies, your heads get cut off, and leave us brokenhearted.

Eris: Just think, Mandy. You, me, all the control, all the power, ALL THE FREE CHICKEN! Legions of zombie children to assist us in our quest for chaos! IT CAN ALL BE OURS!! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Season 5[edit]

Wishbones [5.01][edit]

[Billy and Irwin are in Billy's wish world, dressed as Jonny Quest and Hadji respectively]

Billy: Why you talkin' funny?

Irwin: [with an Indian accent] Because I am from Calcutta, in the mystical east.

Billy: No you're not, you live down the block, and what's with that weird thingy on your head?

Irwin: [normal voice; shouting] It's a turban! It's what I wear! I'm from the mystical east! I'm in character yo, so why don't you just GET OFF ME?!

[Pud'n has found a wishing skull and wished for a bunny, a pet bunny that will love him.]

Evil Bunny: I love you Pud'n. Do you love me?

Pud'n: I love everyone, especially you.

Evil Bunny: Do you regret wishing for me, Pud'n?

Pud'n: How could I do that?

Evil Bunny: Pud'n, have you ever heard of, Tough Love?

Pud'n: What's that?

[The bunny roars and hits Pud'n]

Pud'n: What was that for?

Evil Bunny: Sometimes, love hurts, Pud'n... and I love you a lot.

[proceeds to a beat-down]

Evil Bunny: Cake won't save you from my love, Pud'n.

Evil Bunny: (after being blown up, amerges from wreckage with skin and flesh falling off of him. His skull and bones are visible)It's ok, Pud'n. I forgive you. I forgive you because I love you, and I love you... to death.

Pud'n: [screams]

Thromnambular: I'm a skull that's made for wishes. If you wish for a cake, it will be delicious.

Nergal Jr.: Cake, eh...

Spurg: What are you looking at?

Thromnambular: Contradiction young man, from what I can see, for you are the one who is looking at me!

Mindy: I guess not everyone can be as beautiful as I am or as popular as I am. But as beautiful and popular as I am, I bet there are some people who've never even heard of me: people in countries like Paris or Toronto, or in cities like Africa. I wish I was a big star!

Thromnambular: I can make you the biggest star of all. But the bigger they get, the harder they fall!

[wish number 8 is granted]

Thromnambular: So it's down to you; and it's down to me. One wish left and I will be set free!

Mandy: Don't sell yourself short. You're worth more than free.

Grim: Okay, Thromnambular. I guess we're both trapped in situations we don't like. So let's help each other out. I wish I was free from Billy and Mandy forever, and that you were free from your prison of wishes so that you'll never make another wish again!

Thronambular: I heard your proposal, let's broker a deal. I'll grant you your wish and we'll see how you feel!

Grim: [as the wishing skull] NOOO!!!!

Thromnambular: [as the Grim Reaper] Muhahaha!

[At Mandy's auction of Thromnambular.]

Harold: I gotta have it! I didn't learn my lesson the first time!

Mandy: Billy, do you want to be a TV star?

Billy: I wish!

[Mandy tosses Billy in the washing machine]

Mandy: Wish granted.

Dream Mutt / Scythe for Sale [5.02][edit]

Grim: Do you realize what could happen if me scythe gets into the wrong hands?!

Billy: I sure do! I mean, no.

Grim: It could cause mass destruction and chaos, creating an imbalance in the universe, and bringing about the end of time as we know it!

Billy: You make funny faces when you're angry.

Dumpster Grouch: You see, kids. Playing with scythes isn’t cool, or fun!

Guy in a Broken Car: It's dangerous!

Dumpster Grouch: So, if you ever see a scythe, don’t pick it up!

Guy in a Broken Car: Tell an adult immediately!

Wiggy Jiggy Jed: If Jed don't get a bed, he gets red in the head.

Harold: When it comes to matters of the heart, Billy is-

Mandy: Doomed.

Harold: ...Yeah.

Wiggy Jiggy Jed: I said, if Jed don't get no bed, HE GETS RED IN THE HEAD!!! And one heck of an appetite.

Jeffy's Web / Irwin Gets A Clue [5.03][edit]

Mandy: I missed you, but my aim is improving.

Billy: Hey, pal. Don't be sad. You're a nerd! So what? Nerds play an important role in the world.

Irwin: Like what?

Billy: Well, nerds are like the moist towelettes in the universe. They make other people feel better about themselves.

Irwin: Thanks, Billy. I guess.

Billy: Glad I could help.

Duck! / Aren't You Chupacabra To See Me? [5.04][edit]

[Duck keeps blowing raspberries]

[Librarian appears]

Librarian: Young lady, is this any way to behave?

Mandy: No, I suppose not. Walking up and yelling at someone while they're trying to work does seem quite rude.

Librarian: Young lady, I do not tolerate such behavior.

Mandy: Well, that's really your problem, not my problem, is it?

Librarian: I will not stand for this!!

Mandy: There's an empty chair right there.

[The librarian is infuriated.]

Mandy: Look lady, can you have your meltdown somewhere else? I've got a history report due tomorrow on the history of corn... and you're kind of distracting me.

[Grim is asleep]"

Grim:"Hi honey, I'm home! Man, even the flies were dropping like flies. [sniffs] What that smell."

[Grim walks up to his lion-esque Wife]

Grim:"Hello dear, whats cooking?"

Wife:"AAAAAAAAAHG!"

Grim:"My favorite. Oh, What did I ever do to deserve a wife as good as you?"

Wife:"AAAAAAAAAHG!"

[Much later, Grim and his "wife" are lying by the fire]

Grim:"I just love these quiet evenings, don't you?"

Wife:"AAAAAAAAAHG!"

Grim:Wait, this is not my beautiful home!This is not my beautiful wife! [Screams]

Billy:Same as it ever was. (Repeated multiple times)

Grim: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

(Reference to "Once in a Lifetime")

[Billy, Mandy and Grim are watching tv]

Guy on Tv: Labbie, Timmy has fallen into a well again! Go save him, Labbie!

Mandy: Do we have anything else to watch?

Billy: But if we turn it off now, we won't know what happens to Labbie!

Mandy "Oh, Labbie. You're our hero. Here, take this golden dog bone as a token of our gratitude."

Grim: "Woof, woof."

Guy on TV: Oh, Labbie! You're our hero! Here, take this golden dog bone as a token of our gratitude.

Labbie: Woof, woof!

Billy: Hey, are you guys puh-psychic?

Grim: No, you pea-brain. We've watched this movie 60 times in a row.

Billy: It's over!

Grim: Woo hoo! Yes, now what shall we do?

Billy: LET'S WATCH IT AGAIN!

[Few hours later]

Guy on TV: Run, Labbie! Run like a wind!

Billy: I can't believe that Timmy fell into the well again. I mean, wouldn't he get sick of falling into it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over-and over and over and over, ooh, it's over; let's watch it again!

Mandy & Grim: NO!!! (Grim takes out the tape) Grim: No more Labbie!

[Mandy and Grim walk into Billy's living room, the whole place practically destroyed]

Grim: Billy, what happened here?

Billy: I don't know...I fell asleep, and I had this crazy dream that I was naked at school, and the chubakablehbleh attacked me!

Grim: Billy! Oh, my Gosh! What's that?!

Billy: What's what?

Grim: Over there!

Billy: I don't see...

Grim: On your back!!

Billy: On my hat?

Grim: Curse you boy! On your back!

[a chupacabra has latched onto Billy's head]

Grim: I think it's tryin' to suck his brains out, mon!

Mandy: Poor thing's gonna starve.

Grim: [glances at Rudolpho] So, what are you... in for?

Rudolpho: I beat the snot out of a guy... for farting!

[Grim looks down and spots the duck ready to blow a raspberry]

Grim: [desperately] Guard!

Rudolpho: Just the sound of it makes me so angry!

Grim: [more desperately] Guard!

Rudolpho: Angry!

Grim: [as desperate as possible] Guard!

Guard: [finally arrives] All right, Reaper, your bail is here.

Irwin: I came here as soon as I got the call, yo.

Grim: [relieved sigh] I knew I could count on you, Irwin.

Irwin: [hands a piggy bank to the guard] Here you are, Officer.

Guard: Gee, thanks.

[throws the piggy bank across the room, breaking it]

Guard: How much was in that piggy bank?

Irwin: Four dollars and thirty-two cents.

Guard: So, you like to be a jokester, do ya, Mr. Funny Guy? Mr. Comedian, eh?

Irwin: I don't understand.

Guard: Well, the bail is thirty-five hundred dollars!

Irwin: [sobbing] I was only trying to be helpful!

Guard: Now get out of my jail, out!

Irwin: [runs out, sobbing] Sorry, Grim!

Guard: Yeah, yeah, you'd better run!

[calmly]

Guard: I'd like to think I'd make a difference.

Irwin: That was wiggety-whack, yo.

[finds the duck]

Irwin: Hey, a duck!

Grim: At the rate this duck is getting people in the trouble, I predict this cell will be full in about... four hours.

Caption: Two hours later... [fart sound]

Grim: Man, he's working fast!

Hector Con Carne: I'm not even on this stupid show anymore!

Billy: Oh, I get it! We're playing a game where we make stuff up, right? Okay...I see a big green eleflant! he plays the drums and listens to FREEDOM ROCK!

Zip Your Fly / Puddle Jumping [5.05][edit]

[Mandy's head has been swapped with fly's head.]

Pud'n: Mandy looks kinda funny.

Mandy: I'm not a fly, Billy's Dad. It's me, Mandy. I need you to get Grim.

Harold: I get it! You're one of those talking flies that try to look like people!

[Mandy sees a poster with Billy]

Mandy: Look, it's Billy, and he's racing with wieners.

Grim: You mean Irwin and Pud'n?

Mandy: No, wiener DOGS.

Runaway Pants / Scythe 2.0. [5.06][edit]

{Grim is in the Garage trying to sharpen his scythe}

Billy: Of course your wasting your time sharpening that piece of crud!

Grim(angry) Why you little...{Scythe shatters and the lights go out}

Billy{In the Dark} Where'd all the pieces go {A light is turned on and it shines thru the holes in billy's face} Wow!! Look at the lights!!!

Mandy:{ Holding a flashlight}Power tools in the dark? Darwin should be paying you goons a royalty.[a possible reference to the Darwin Awards

Scythe 2.0: I was never meant to be used as a hedge trimmer, a drain cleaner or a depilatory aid! I was meant to carve a swath of despair and destruction through the world of men, to blacken the skies and redden the seas, leaving nothing behind but entropy and uncomfortable silence...

Grim: Yeah, yeah, be quiet. One of these guys is gonna win a million bucks for milking a goat with his mouth!

The Firebird Sweet / The Bubble With Billy [5.07][edit]

Grim: You'll have to use your feminine wiles to get him to talk.

Mandy: (groans) I hate Billy.

Eris: (furious) Thud!! THUD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?

Thud: (nervous) Having some cereal.

Eris: And what have I said about having some cereal in the boardroom!?

Thud: Uhhh?

Eris: (spraying Thud with spray bottle) Bad Thud!!

(Thud backs away in terror while Grim and Mandy look on, weirded out)

Thud: No, no!!

(Thud, in a panic, drops the cereal bowl and Mandy picks up a piece while Eris threatens him with the spray bottle)

Thud: (begging) No, please, no!!

Mandy: Hey, Eris!

Eris: (whips head around) What!!?

Mandy: You got a piece of food stuck between your teeth.

Eris: (looks down at her teeth) No, I don't...

(Mandy flings an AppleScrap into the gap in Eris's front top row of teeth.)

Mandy: You do now.

Eris (startled) What in the... (the firedird comes of Billy's head and latches onto Eris')

Mandy: (trying to be nice) Billy, we've known each other now for what seems like a nightmarish eternity. And though I insult you and lie to you daily, steal your stuff, make fun of you, your family, and anyone who looks like you, I still don't feel like I (frustrated grunt) know you. Why don't you tell me more about yourself?

Billy: If I told you, you wouldn't understand. I'm a very complex and multi-layered person.

(He blows tiny gum bubbles)

Billy: (speaking very rapidly) But if you really want to know more about me, it's all here in my new autobiography! Hot off the presses! Complete and unabridged!!

Billy Idiot / Home Of The Ancients [5.08][edit]

Billy: We're here to see Mrs. Fingerwiggle.

Mandy: Pollywinkle.

Billy: Hairyankle!

Mandy: Pollywinkle!

Billy: Terrytingle?

Mandy: Pollywinkle.

Billy: Molly Ringwald!

Mandy: Pollywinkle! Oh, forget it.

Harold: I'm no quitter... and I'm NOT girly... I'm a ballet dancer!

Harold: No one steals Billy's soul. That wasn't in the school curriculum.

Mrs. Pollywinkle: Oh, yes it was. It was on the first page of the brochure in bright red letters.

Harold: Yeah, but you didn't count on one thing: I can't read!

Grim: What's going on up there? The whole place is falling apart.

Mandy: Yet another school that Billy's ruined.

[why Grim talks to a bush]

Pud'n: Maybe he's apologizing for peeing on it so much.

[After Grim's plan disasterously fails at the end.]

Mandy: The road to stupid is paved with good intentions.

Grim: Uh, excuse me, sir? Do you have time for an informal survey? What do you think is more frightening, these three scary monsters... [Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula and Wolf Man make scary noises] ...or this glass of water?

Man: Water! Eh, eh, WATER!

Grim: Look mon, I'll give you five bucks. Five bucks! If you say those monsters are scarier than the water.

Dracula: Dracula thirsty. Gonna drink this water.

Grim: Dracula, please don't!

Dracula: You can't tell Dracula what to do! Dracula a grown man. Do what he wants!

Man: Can I please go now?

Dracula: Wolfman swallowed a squirrel whole. Dracula told him to chew, but no one listens to Dracula!

My Fair Mandy [5.09][edit]

Posters on the school wall: Scurvy Prevention Week; Lets all agree with vitamin C!

Mandy: Mindy, beauty pageants are ridiculous contests for ridiculous girls.

Mindy: Oh, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. Man-deeeee. You ugly people are so predictable. But since you were born hideous and beast-like, it's not my place to judge.

Mindy: Putting makeup on you is like putting diamonds on a doo-doo. Give it up, Mandy. I was Little Miss Rickets last year, Little Miss Toe Jam the year before and, GIRRRRL, I'm gonna be Little Miss Scurvy this year.

Principal Goodvibes: Look Mandy! I've got a lemon for a head! I guess that makes me... craaazy?

Mandy: Hello, Principal Goodvibes.

Principal Goodvibes: Mandy, I overheard the hurtful things that Mindy said to you. And I think she's got a point. You have to look deep inside, and realize that the only person who can decide if you're truly pretty... is a panel of three judges! Here's a pageant entry form.

Mindy: You're not really going to enter the Little Miss Scurvy pageant, aren't you, Mandy?

Mandy: Scared of the competition?

Mindy: I'm scared that the judges will mistake you for a big doo-doo monster and chase you out of town with torches.

Grim: Oh, yeah? We'll see who chases whom with torches.

Billy: Yeah! Mandy'll take your pants off!

Grim: Beat your pants off...

Billy: BEAT your pants off.

Mindy: Oh, I'm soooo sure she'll win. And in case you didn't know -- that was sarcasm. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get a rib removed.

Crabina: [about Mandy] What does this girl's attitude say to you?

Billy: It says bad things. Things I'm not supposed to repeat. Make the bad things go away! (cries) I'll be good Mommy! I promise.

Crabina: Exactly. She is what we refer her as "sour grapes".

Crabina: Gentlemen, prepare for shock and awe. The plain, drab Mandy you knew before is dead.

Billy: GRIM, SHE MURDERED MANDY!

[Grim slaps Billy upside the head, causing his nose to fall off]

Grim: It's a figure of speech, dummy!

Grim: Look at these little girls all tarted up. What kind of sad, needy person would force them to do that?

Mom #1: Don't forget this is Mommy's big day.

Mom #2: The bigger you smile, the more beautiful Mommy looks!

Mom #3: Baby, it's time to earn Mommy's love!

Principal Goodvibes: And say hello to our impartial judges: General Skarr... Cap'n Greengums... and Mindy's mom!

Mindy's Mom: Hi, honey!

Mindy: Hi, mommy!

Grim: Impartial my big, boney...

Principal Goodvibes: BUT, before we begin, let's stop and think about why we are here...

Audience Member: My wife made me come!

Principal Goodvibes: (Scowls, then resumes) Scurvy is a terrible, terrible disease... Isn't that right, Cap'n Greengums?

Captain Greengums: Arr, I used to have a set of perfect gums, over which the tavern wenches swooned! But then, I got the scurvy! They had to replace me gums with... with... KOSHER PICKLES! [Starts to cry, and hugs Skarr] And I hate pickles!

Principal Goodvibes: Statistics show the number one cause of scurvy is ignorance! Please do not boil your fruit juices. I cannot stress this enough, people! [farts] Now with that out of the way -- let the pageant begin!

Principal Goodvibes: Gom Jabbar!

Mindy: It BURRRRRNS! [pulls out hand]

Captain Greengums: Arrrr, that'll cost 'er some points.

Sir Raven: Will Mandy win the pageant? Will she ever smile? I don't care. Instead, here's an important commercial message.

IMPORTANT... COMMERCIAL... MESSAGE !!!

(Grim, Billy and Mandy are dressed up as The Power-Puff Girls. Suddenly, the hotline rings)

Professor Utonium: Girls! Girls, wake up! Mojo Jojo just snuck into the movie theater without paying!

Grim: Yeah, yeah. We're on it, professor.

Grim: Okay. We keep flying, we don't look back, we NEVER talk about this again!

Billy: Yep.

Mandy: Uh-huh.

Sir Raven: YOU FOOLS!! YOU'VE MESSED WITH THE NATURAL ORDAAAAAA!!

One Crazy Summoner / Guess What's Coming to Dinner [5.10][edit]

Gladys: Oh for goodness' sake, Harold, what on earth is a giant anaconda doing in my kitchen?!

Harold: Pretty much whatever it wants, I'm thinking.

Nigel Planter: So, will you help me?

Billy: Nope.

Grim: Not really.

Mandy: Who cares?

Dorko Malfly [waves the wand and to Nigel Planter] I hope your show turning into a cartoon! [Dorko laughs evilly]

Hoss Delgado: So there I was, facing 12 feet poop elves. Didn't have anywhere to run-

Principal Goodvibes: Umm, excuse me, but how could they be elves if they were 12 feet tall?

Hoss Degaldo: It was a leap year.

Goodvibes: But, that still doesn't explain-

Hoss Degaldo: You sharp-shootin' me, Goodpudding?

Goodvibes: Uh, I was just-

Hoss Delgado: Are you stepping in my cornflakes?!

Goodvibes: No, I was just-

Hoss Degaldo: Lemme tell you something about stepping into people's cornflakes... it's a weird way to eat cornflakes.

Hoss Delgado: [interrupts Goodvibes] Come on Goodlamb, out with it! Is our little Reamus on the bullet train to Smartsville, or is he riding the slow pony to the rubber forest?

Goodvibes: Well, I think...

Hoss Delgado: [pulls out a giant green spork] Think hard.

Eris: Do you like lobster, Mr. Goodpoop?

Principal Goodvibes: It's good "VIBES", and yes, I love lobster.

Eris: How about giant alien zombie lobster?

Principal Goodvibes: Well, I can't really say...

[giant lobster picks up Principal Goodvibes]

Mandy: Rollington Academy is for...

Billy: Geniuses! Which I is one of am!

Billy: Ask me a question. Give me a challenge. Anything at all.

Grim: Who developed the theory of relativity?

Billy: That is a trick question, Grim. Everyone knows fruit bats are mammals.

Grim: [after Billy is hit by a flying croquet ball] What? It wasn't me. If I wanted to get rid of you two, I'd use something bigger. Like a truck.

[a truck falls out of the sky and crushes him]

Eris: [indicates Hoss] This is Billy's dad. [indicates herself] I'm Billy's mom, [pulls out a trout] and this is a trout. [she proceeds to smack Goodvibes around the head with it

Principal Goodvibes: ...Why'd you just hit me with a trout?

Eris: Because the mackerel wasn't fresh.

Mommy Fiercest / The Taking Tree [5.11][edit]

[Billy's mom has been transformed into a little girl]

Billy: Bread-fairy elf-gnome, indeed! You're nothin' but a filthy stranger, and my mommy tells me not to accept bread from filthy strangers!

Gladys: But Billy, I am your (Gladys' tic kicks in) Mommy!

Billy: My mom's ancient and grappling with the onsets of menopause.

Gladys: GO TO YOUR ROOM!

Billy: Heheheh, you're fun! A little odd, but fun! I'll name you...Corn!

[At the movie theater, Billy decides what movie he wants to see]

Billy: Weeeellll... Y-I don't make any life-altering decisions without consulting my friend Mr. Bread first. [Irwin runs out of the Exploding Penguins theater]

Irwin: I've sure gotta go to the bathroom, yo!

Billy: Sorry, guys, but when Bread's gots to go, he gots to go!

Gladys: (Repeated throughout the episode) He's MY baby!

Grim: Don't make me use my Kung Fu...

Mandy: You were on a children's Kung Fu class?

Grim: Silence, non-believer!

Billy: This pillow stuffing tastes like I'm choking! (Gagging noise)

[Billy's dad notices Grim's scythe.]

Harold: Say, Grim left his magic stick thingy!

[He grabs the scythe]

Harold: [talking like a commercial announcer] Hello, friends! Tired of living? Those Sunday brunches gotcha down? Well, I can relieve all that ails 'ya with this magic stick thingy! Side effects may include missing limbs, hair loss, and not living anymore!

[Harold gets zapped with the scythe and turns into a child.]

Billy: But I'm looking for Captain Fathead!

Mandy: Your dad's in the garage.

Mandy: [after seeing Billy's butt through the hole in the back of his pants] I've just lost my ability to see! I can still feel your butt looking at me.

Reap Walking / The Loser from the Earth's Core [5.12][edit]

Billy: Hey Grim, do you want one chocolate pickle or two?

Billy: It's empty, just like my soul.

Mandy: I would ask if you're okay... but I don't care.

Grim: I sense a disturbance in the force.

Gladys: I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids!

[The camera shows the Scooby-Doo cast]

Mandy: No, over here.

[Camera pans down to Billy and Mandy]

Nergal: And so you see, Billy, I'm a sad, sad failure. I can't ever show my face in that household again.

Billy: [cheerfully] Well, maybe you can show some other parts of your body.

Nergal Jr.: Drop dead! I have no father.

Nergal Jr.: Are you all better in the head now?

Grim: Lady! I'm the Grim Reaper not the Happy Morning Sunshine Reaper!

Ecto Cooler / Schlubs [5.13][edit]

Lord Byron: We will write a witty poem about Sperg's mother. Your words will be as 10,000 arrows in his buttocks!

Lord Byron: [after stopping Billy from attacking Sperg] No, Billy. A gentleman is a GENTLE man. We are pacifists by nature. The pen is mightier than the sword.

Billy: What about an AXE?

Lord Byron: Huh?

Billy: Crossbow?

Lord Byron: No.

Billy: A phase plasma rifle with a forty watt range?

Lord Byron: Let's just get you a pen.

Lord Byron: You must not fear, Billy. Fear is the death that brings total obliteration!

Lord Byron: Trained well and strong with coolness you are... But not that strong. [disappears]

Mandy: [to Atilla the Hun and Rasputin] You and you, get teaching. [to Abraham Lincoln] Honest Abe, you get the chips.

Ghost of Abraham Lincoln: Why is it always my job to get the chips?

Billy: But I thought you were AGAINS fighting. Like Switzerland.

Lord Byron: Switzerland is a cursed, selfish, SWINISH country of BRUTES, located in the most romantic region in the world...

Prank Call of Cthulhu [5.14][edit]

Billy: You STILL knew it was me?! I even dressed up as a stupid cowboy so nobody would recognize me! I HATE CALLER ID SO MUCH!!! IT'S RUINING MY LIFE, GRIM!!! MY LIFE!!! MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!

Grim: (After Mandy asks why he's crying) Billy, and... and his... UGLY friend... They made a call during the week, and I've only got a limited amount of weekday minutes! That is so EVIL, mon! And I know evil - I'm the Grim Reaper!

Mandy: Get ahold of yourself. They were probably playing around with your phone making phony phone calls. Where are they, anyway?

Grim: Oh, I don't know. They probably got sucked through the phone into another dimension beyond time and space, yadda-yadda-yadda, and we're all doomed if they awaken the Great Cthulhu, 'cause he'll probably come up and destroy the universe. Let's go watch television.

[Billy is transforming into a Lovecraftian monster]

Mandy: Your nose looks like a cuttlefish.

Billy: Chicks dig cuttlefish!

Mandy: And your mouth looks like a big, disgusting sucker.

Billy: Chicks dig--

Grim: Don't go there.

Mutated Endsville citizens: [singing] It looks like it's Endsville for Endsville!

The Endsville we all loved was just a fluke!

We have tentacles, sharp teeth and great big gills,

But the sushi in this town all tastes like puke!

It looks like it's Endsville for Endsville!

The Endsville folk have really lost the fight!

We have sunk into some weird amoebic ooze,

So flush it down and don't forget to wipe!

Christmas special[edit]

Billy and Mandy save Christmas[edit]

Grim: I never liked the livin' undead... walkin' around all dead but alive... Makes a mockery of my job.

Grim: Oh come on, Mandy. I always wanted to save Christmas with a vampire sidekick. Ever since I was a little boy...

(Flashes back to Grim as a child in kindergarden.)

Grim: (out loud to no one in particular) Someday I'll save Christmas wih a vampire! (cheesy smile)

(A snowball hits him in the face.)

Baron Van Ghoulish: Besides, you don't want the Head Vampire, you want the "Head" Head Vampire.

Mandy: The "Head" Head Vampire?

Baron Van Ghoulish: Yes, they did this whole reorganization thing a couple of hundred years ago. It doesn't make much sense to me... eh what was I talking about? Oh yes, yes, the "Head" Head Vampire. I think he was at my Labor Day Soiree. I'd definitely know him if i saw him.

Mandy: If he spilled something on your rug, I'm sure you'd recognize him.

(Van Ghoulish hisses at her.)

Grim: How come every time I take you kids to a mall it burns to the ground?

Billy: I blame the economy.

Mandy: [to vampire Santa] You're lucky Death was here to save you this time, fat man!

Grim: [after knocking on Santa's door and nobody answering] Strange, the door is locked and nobody is answering.

Mandy: If you saw the Grim Reaper at your door, would you answer?

Grim: Good point. But there should at least be some frightened screamin'. (reaches into pocket) Hang on, I got something for this.

Mandy: What?

Grim: (pulls out a key) A skeleton key!

(A snowball hits him in the face.)

Baron Von Ghoulish & Grim: Hurrah!

Baron Von Ghoulish: Now we're off

Grim: Yes,we're off

Baron Von Ghoulish: We're off to save Christmas

Grim: Off to save Christmas

Baron Von Ghoulish: And we're cold

Grim: Super cold

Baron Von Ghoulish: Yes,we forgot our jackets

Both: Yes,we did not bring our jackets,so we'll freeze and we will...

Mandy: Can it,you two. Alright, Baron if you know the way let's hear it, because we're lost.

(singing continues)

Both: And we're lost! Oh so lost,and we can't feel our fingers. No we can't feel our...

'Mandy: I said knock it off. (Sees Baron Von Ghoulish & Grim in a block of ice) Great,I get to spend Christmas Eve with a couple of dorksicles.

Season 6[edit]

Billy Ocean / Hill Billy [6.01][edit]

Captain Deadwood the Heartless: They call me Captain Deadwood, the Heartless, Arrrr! But don't let the name fool ya'... I'm not a real captain.

Billy: I've never been a real son to anybody before! Except my real dad...

Geppetto: My name is Gepetto. I carved Pinnochio from wood. But you're not like Pinnocio, are you?

Billy: Well, I'm not a cannibal!

Pinocchio: Hey! I'm not a cannibal either! [His nose gets bigger]

[Mandy gets sprayed by cow's milk]

Grim: What's this? [He sees a retro cartoon phonograph] Hey, Mandy, I've figured out what's making that music. [Mandy gets up] You okay?

Mandy: Do I LOOK okay?

Grim: It's hard to tell; you sort of always look that way.

[Mandy gets sprayed by cow's milk again]

Grim: [laughing] Now that's comedy!

Mandy: [REALLY furious; screams] I hate retro cartoons! (The retro phonograph hears this and becomes infuriated)

Grim: SHE said it! (They both start to run away)

Grim: Me Spidey Senses inidicate that whatever's making that music is turning everything into a retro cartoon.
Mandy: Grim, you don't HAVE Spidey Senses.
Grim: ... Now that complicates things.

Gepetto: Pinocchio, it's not that I don't love you anymore. It's just that I love Billy more. And you're dead to me.

Pinocchio: I've always wanted a father!

Captain Deadwood the Heartless: And I've always wanted a son!

Both: Oh, nice meeting you. [Both leave]

Keeper of the Reaper [6.02][edit]

Billy: Destroying stuff makes me feel so ALIVE!

Mandy: I second that emotion.

Grim: Ditto.

Harold: Honey, remember what I promised would happen someday?

Gladys: You got the surgery?

Harold: Even better! I got transferred on work!

Billy: Transferred?

Harold: Aren't you excited? We get to move to another town and leave behind everything that has meaning to you!

Billy: But I don't wanna leave. I just finished marking my territory.

Grim: Stop it! Just stop it! You're behaving like spoiled children! I suggest you behave like spoiled adults, and settle this in court.

Billy: Fine! I'll see you in court! [He appears in a tennis court]

Grim: Wrong court, dummy.

Judge Roy Spleen: Let's get this party started. Do you, Billy, take Mandy to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Billy: I DO!

Judge Roy Spleen: And do you, Mandy, take Billy to be... [security guard whispers in his ear] Wait, not a wedding?

Mandy: This whole charade is pointless! Grim should belong to me!

Billy: Shut your dirty pie hole! He should belong to me!

Judge Roy Spleen: Both of you shut your dirty pie holes! You will follow the rules of the underworld court, or so help me, I'll make you sit in the chocolate pudding chair! The stains will never come out of your clothes!

Billy and Mandy: :gulp:

Judge Roy Splean: Got it?!

Billy: Don't worry Irwin, the monsters won't hurt you... unless they decide to hurt you.

Billy: Irwin, if you would, please read to this court your pre-written words that I, Billy, not MANDY, is the best person to take custody of said Grim.

Irwin: I'm wet and naked. Can I get some pants please?

Billy: READ IT!

Irwin: I believe... Billy is the best person... in all of the universe to take care of Grim. To keep him fed and clothed... and without him there will be nobody to unleash a deep reservoir of love...

Grim: Reservoir of love?! Sick.

Irwin: I wanna go home, please!

Billy: Not until you read the part about my warehouse of COMPASSION!

Mandy: Objection! He's leading the witness.

Billy: I'm not leading him. I'm just trying to make him say exactly what I want him to say.

[Jeff is being questioned by Mandy in the court.]

Jeff the Spider: Hi, everyone.

Billy: :gasp:

Mandy: Could you tell the court your relationship with Billy?

Jeff the Spider: He's my dad.

Jury and Court: Ewwwwwww!

Grim: Billy only hatched the egg, people. That's all.

Jury and Court: Ohhhhhhhh.

Mandy: And how would you rate Billy as a caregiver?.

Jeff the Spider: Pretty good, I guess... except he's never remembered my birthday... or paid child support... in fact, he usually just jabs me with a big stick. OW!

Billy: (Begins to jab Jeff with a really big stick) I'll jab you good, you filthy bug!

Jeff the Spider: Why don't you love me, dad?! I'll be anything you want me to be!

Billy: I want you to be dead!!!

Mandy: No further questions.

[Li'l Porkchop is being questioned by Mandy in the court.]

Mandy: Li'l Porkchop, how long were you Billy's pet?

Li'l Porkchop: Eleven minutes.

Mandy: And what did he do to you, in those eleven minutes?

Li'l Porkchop: Horrible, horrible things... I don't want to talk about it! I still wake up, every night, screaming... Screaming! (quietly) Screaming...

Mandy: No further questions.

Billy: So, Mandy? You think you can make me look bad?! Well, guess what, Mr. Missy-miss? I don't need you to make me look bad! I can do that all on my own. And now, you force me to play dirty. [Billy starts playing in mud, laughing] I'm a dirty boy. I'm a dirty, I'm a dirty boy!

Mandy: Billy, you've just evolved a notch up the idiot ladder.

Billy: Such biting comments, Mandy. But now, they'll bite you - in the butt! I call to this court, Mandy's mom and dad!

Mandy's dad: It's not that we don't LOVE Mandy...

Mandy's mom: We love her very much!

Mandy's dad: It's just that we're...uhh...kinda scared of her.

Mandy's mom: I'm usually too afraid to even make eye contact!

Mandy's dad: When she was born, wolves came to try and raise her as one of their own. Sometimes I wonder if we were wrong to stop them...

Fred Fredburger: Gosh, I love paperwork... especially the part where I get to write my name. F, R, E, D... F, R, E, D... B, U, R... G... E... R! Fred Fredburger! Yes!

n do we get hammer-thingies?

Judge Roy Spleen: This is a gavel! And, NO,

[About the judge's gavel.]

Fred Fredburger: I like the hammer-thingie. Wheyou do NOT get one!

Fred Fredburger: (About Wiggy Jiggy Jed's hat) Hey, can I try on that hat? I think it's important. I think it's important that I try on the hat, because...

Judge Roy Spleen: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Fred Fredburger: Judge?

Judge Roy Spleen: No, shut up!

Fred Fredburger: ...Judge?

Judge Roy Spleen: SHUT UP!

Fred Fredburger: Judge?

Judge Roy Spleen: I ORDER YOU TO SHUT UP!!

Fred Fredburger: Judge?

Judge Roy Spleen: WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?!?!?! (Silence)

Fred Fredburger: ...Judge? (Judge Roy Spleen finally gives in and he gives Fred the hat)

Fred Fredburger: Yes.

Chorus: It's obvious to everyone here,

it's obvious to everyone here, it's obvious to everyone that...

Fred Fredburger: I have to make poo-poo!

music stops

Fred Fredburger: Judge, the nachos made my poo-poo really stinky.

Mandy: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Billy is a doofus. Just look at him. If you give Grim to Billy, he'll abuse him, abuse him in all the wrong ways.

Billy: It's true.

Mandy: But, if you give Grim to me, I'll abuse him in all the right ways!

Grim: gulp

Fred Fredburger: Hey, hey... are you gonna cry?

Billy: [crying] Sh-Shut up!

Scooby-Doo: She [Mandy] makes fun of the way I talk. I mean, look at me, I'm a stinkin' dog!

Fred: Uh Judge, where are the nachos?

Judge Roy Spleen: There aren't any nachos!

Fred: Oh, then, where are the hot dogs?

Judge: There are no hot dogs!

Fred: Pizza?

Judge: No!

Billy: Tacos?

Fred: I like tacos!

Judge Roy Spleen: (Bashes Billy and Mandy together) Don't encourage him!

The Love That Dare not Speak Its Name / Major Cheese [6.03][edit]

Grim: (About Billy's choice to be the grim reaper when he grows up) So you want to be me when you grow up. I don't know whether to be flattered or terrified.

Mandy: Since when has Billy ever been with a girl? So who is this pathetic, lonely, desperate, desperate, desperate, desperate, desperate, desperate creature?

Grim: That's right, I can change my size because I'm SUPERNATURAL!

Billy: Is it me or is Grim getting lamer?

Grown-up Mandy: Remember, kids: Love only leads to pain.

Billy: (To Blandy who is a monster now) I don't care about that, Blandy! I still love you!

Blandy: I don't mean you, I meant Grim.

Billy: (to Grim, angrily) I'LL KILL YOU!!!

Blandy: Billy? I thought I was marrying Grim.

Grown-up Billy: (to Grim, angrily) I'LL KILL YOU!!!

Modern Primitives / Giant Billy and Mandy All-Out Attack [6.04][edit]

Pud'n: Captain Deadwood, they called him. But don't let the name fool you... He's not REALLY a captain...

Mrs. Butterbean: Thank you, Pud'n, for that... Interesting show-and-tell...

Pud'n: I don't need your pathetic sympathy!

Mrs. Butterbean [angrily talk to the mean old caveman, Fred Flintstone, drove roughly in Mrs. Butterbean's car] You do know, that now you'd kidnapped me, I expect to be married.

[doorbell rings]

Mandy: Grim. Door. Now.

[Grim walks off screen and returns with Billy and Irwin]

Grim: Here you go, your highness. Lord Idiot and Count Weenie.

Billy [sobbing]: Goodbye old friend, may you find you destiny in the future, mighty Jake Steel. The future, where cars will fly and we'd all have nano machines in our bloodstream that will enable us to tell the time without a watch. The future..the future.

Mandy: He's not dead, Billy. We just re-buried him in your front yard. What a waste of an episode.

The Wrongest Yard / Druid, Where's My Car? [6.05][edit]

Grim {after turning into a penguin] Wait a minute, my spirit animal is a penguin? I was hoping for a tyrannosaurus.

Herbicidal Maniac / Chaos Theory [6.06][edit]

[Eris turns into a praying mantis and eats Hoss Delgado alive]

Eris: When a praying mantis devours her mate, it's because she loves him. When I do it, it's because I'M CRAZY! HAHAHAHA!!

Hoss Delgado: You've never truly been loved until you've been eaten by a giant bug.

Pud'n: Mister Skarr, there's a candy bar in the pool!

General Skarr: Ahh, Billy! [spots Billy's parents] ...And some other people.

[Skarr has been transformed into a plant-like creature]

Harold: You know, Skarr, there's something different about you lately. I can't quite squeeze my finger on it.

General Skarr: Different? [laughs nervously and gulps] It must be my... healthy glow of victory.

Harold: No... it's your hair! [indicates the giant leaf growing out of Skarr's head] You finally got one!

General Skarr: Billy, how would you like to see something really special?

Billy: Ooh! Is it a lady covered in ants wearing a loaf of bread as a hat, 'cuz I'd really like to see that, mmm-hmm.

General Skarr: [bewildered] N... no.

A Grim Day / Pandora's Lunch Box [6.07][edit]

Mandy: What do you want, bonehead?

Grim: Billy's off to his Grammy's for the day, so I guess you have custody.

Mandy: No can do, slim.

Grim: Huh?

Mandy: This is the one day of the year that's all about Mandy.

Grim: But I thought every day was all about Mandy.

Mandy: True, but this is the one day of the year that I pamper myself. Manicure, pedicure, facial, massage. The works.

[Grim looks confused]

Mandy: Okay, I sit on the couch, stuff myself with cheesy foam and watch demolition derby. The point is, I need a break!

Woman #1: Can you believe she said that?

Woman #2: No kidding?

Woman #1: Yeah, I'm just kidding.

General Skarr: Who dares challenge Skarr! Prepare to meet my DOOM!

Grim: I guess it's your turn Billy... I mean Pud'n.

Pud'n: Hey... you are that nice mister Skarr, with all those pretty flowers?

Grim: I can't believe that you actually saved the humanity. But you hate humanity!

Mandy: I won't be tricked into unleashing a never-ending sorrow on humanity. When the time comes, I'll do it on my own.

[About Dora the Explorer]

Billy: Is it that one about the little girl who wanders around the jungle with no parental supervision, avoiding crisis and conversing with the local wildlife with the aid of her foreign language-speaking monkey?

Mandy: Grim, you're gonna tell me how to stop her, and you're gonna do it now.

Grim: And why should I do that?

Mandy: [angrily grabbing Grim by the neck of his cloak] You're gonna tell it! Or so help me, I will pull your stupid cloak through your eyes and use it as reins to ride your bony butt back to the darkest pits of the Underworld FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!!

Grim: Aghh, okay! Sorry I asked, you little psychopath.

Mindy: [to her cheerleading squad] Don't stop! Get it! Get it! SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE!

Dora: [after trying to make Mindy open her lunch box for some time] Look, are you gonna open my lunch box and look inside or not, you big loser! [Mindy, the girls and Irwin screams]

Mindy: [stamering in shock] Wh-what? I-I-I'm not a lo-loser! You're the... [Dora walks away] Hey, get back here! I'm not through humiliating you, you... you bean!

Dora: "Er, mind if I join you."

Mandy: "Anyone who can do THAT do Mindy can join us!"

Mindy: [in increasingly panicked voice]I'm not a loser. Loser...bean, BEAN, LOSER!

[Mindy screams in frustration, hits herself with the remains of the 7-Layer Dip and passes out]

Grim: [To Skarr] " Blah Blah Blah Scythe. Blah Blah Blah Blah Scythe. Blah Blah Blah! Ultimate Power!"

Billy and Mandy vs. the Martians [6.08][edit]

Irwin: Mandy! Take my hand!

Mandy: No, I know where that things been.

(Credits)

Billy: (Talking quickly) Ergh, I feel like a just ate a quarter tonne or raw meat, went into a coma for 6 days and fell out of a moving vehicle in to a pile of vooomiitt.

Iriwin: That's exactly what happened yo! Except, it's only been an hour.

Dumb-Dumbs and Dragons / Fear and Loathing in Endsville [6.09][edit]

Boss Del Guapo: Prepare the scythe wipe.

Giant Scorpion: My babies!

Dracula: Well, maybe if you didn't make your babies so delicious, Dracula wouldn't have to eat 'em!

Dracula: Get your butt up. Dracula still gotta make it to the Early Bird Special.

Grim: Why are you such a selfish old man?

Dracula: Whatchoo' say? Nobody calls Dracula old!

Grim: What do you know about me?! Nothing! You don't even know my name!

Dracula: Your name is Dummy, and if you knew anything about anything, you'd notice there's an Early Bird Special every... single... day of the week!

Grim: You just don't understand! You'll never understand! Never! [runs away crying]

Dracula: No fried fish for Dracula then.

Grim: [after being stung by the giant scorpion] Dracula... Dracula! Hurry, I'm in terrible pain! You gotta suck out my poison!

Dracula: Nuh-uh, Dracula don't suck.

Grim: But you're a vampire! Vampires suck... Blood!

Dracula: Nah, see that's a myth. Dracula scrape with his fangs and lick up the blood. Like this... Scrape...then lick. Scrape...then lick.

Grim: (getting progessively weaker) But what about my poison...

Dracula: Didn't Dracula just tell you about the scrape-and-lick? Now, Dracula's gonna say it again for dummies who don't pay attention! Scrape and lick!

Grim: Ooooh... [Falls on the ground]

Dracula: Scrape and lick!

Tusken Raider: Raggle-Fraggle!!!

Grim: Aagh! A sand man!

Tusken Raider: Actually, we prefer "people of sand".

Dracula: Great, now HOW is Dracula supposed to get to the Early Bird Special? This is all Skeleton Man's fault. Dracula wanted to call a limo!

Grim: There AREN'T any limos in the desert!

Dracula: You can't tell Dracula what IS or AIN'T in the desert!

Grim: Okay then, show me a limo.

Dracula: (glancing around, then points off screen) There! Dracula see a limo.

Grim: (looking annoyed) That's a cactus.

(Camera cuts to Dracula sitting on cactus)

Dracula: This limo hurt Dracula's butt!

Mandy: Ordinary morality is for ordinary people.

Dad Day Afternoon / Scary Poppins [6.10][edit]

Hurter Monkey / Goodbling and the Hip-Hop-Opotamus [6.11][edit]

Goodvibes: Save the Buck tooth Hippo! Save the Buck tooth Hippo! Save the Buck Tooth Hippo!

Hip Hop Kid: Yo Goodvibes! Yo' momma's so hairy, Bigfoot takes pictures of her.

H2O: Word.

Irwin: Hippo? He looks more like a fat cow.

Grim: [After a long, awkward silence] He's dead.

Goodbling: Oooh no you didn't! I know you didn't just insult my homey, H2O, dog!

Irwin: It was a mistake yo! I'm sorry!

GoodBling: Is Goodbling gonna have to insult yo' Momma?

Irwin: No, please!

Goodbling: Yo' momma's so....

Grandmama: She's so what?

Irwin: Grandmama!

Goodbling: Grandmama?

Grandmama: Yo' momma's so ugly that people go as her for Halloween.

Goodbling: Yo' momma's so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

Grandmama: Yo' momma's so ugly, she made an onion cry!

Goodbling: Yo' momma so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone!

Grandmama: Yo' momma's so stupid, she tooked a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Grandmama: Now let me tell ya somethin! Yo' momma...soooo ugly... I tell ya she's sooo ugly... she needs two bags to cover her face! Mmm-hmm! That the pound wouldn't take her away! (Very fast) No, they wouldn't! That Dracula would drink her blood!

Dracula: Dracula wouldn't touch her with Wolfman's teeth!

Grandmama: Yo' momma's so stupid, she cheated off Billy's test!

Spidermandy / [6.12][edit]

Jeff: Will you be my mommy?

Mandy: Does a chicken wear underwear?

Jeff: Hmm... [imagines Billy in a chicken suit and underwear] Well, I'd have to say...

jdfdfdsajfbilly

_________________________________________________

Grim: Ah your awake, most kids who drink half a cup of spider venom don't live to tell about it. But then most kids aren't friends with the Grim Reaper.

Season 7[edit]

Everything Breaks / The Show That Dare Not Speak Its Name [7.01][edit]

(Billy comes crashing through the ceiling where Harold is having breakfast and reading a newspaper)

Harold: Didn't your mother just tell you not to break through the ceiling?

Billy: You mean today?

Harold: (angrily) Just eat your breakfast! (Billy smells his bowl of porridge)

Billy: Hey! These aren't pancakes! (He throws the bowl out the window and it explodes in mid-air)

Billy: Phew!

Harold: (angrily) Are you nuts or just crazy?! (Billy thinks)

Billy: Is that a trick question?

The Secret Snake Club vs. P.E. / King Tooten Pooten [7.02][edit]

Billy Gets an "A" / Yeti or Not, Here I Come [7.03][edit]

Yeti: You know what hatches from this egg?
Billy: A two-headed grandma?

Nergal's Pizza / Hey, Water You Doing? [7.04][edit]

Company Halt / Anger Mismanagement [7.05][edit]

Sweeet van, Lary

  Bunny: Pat my belly -pauses-. -Deep hoarse voice- PAT MY BELLY.

Waking Nightmare / Beware the Undertoad [7.06][edit]

Exercise Dude: You! I need your bicycle!

Bicycle Guy: What? Why?

Exercise Dude: BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY!!

The Most Greatest Love Story Ever Told Ever / Detention X [7.07][edit]

Nergal Jr.: What's it feel like, being in love, Irwin?

Irwin: It's like a beautiful flower inside your chest that's trying to burst out through your ribcage.

Billy: Like my dad's heartburn!

[Irwin is too nervous to give Mandy the Valentines card he made for her]

Nergal Jr.: Irwin, you HAVE to give Mandy your card. You put your soul into making it! Your blood. Your sweat. Your tears!

Billy: ...Your puke!

Irwin: (After Nergal Jr. gets Mandy to go out with him) YOU... STOLE... MY... WOMAAAN!

Nergal Jr.: I've gotta stop making my hand big like that.

Irwin: I'm not the cool stud you think I am!

Billy:SCARY CLOWNS! THEY'LL DESTROY US ALL!!!

Billy: What the- Sp-sp-sp-sp-SPIDERS!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Heartburn[edit]

Dick: "Irwin!"

Dick: "Go give that pacifier back to that baby!"

Dick: "How would you like it if he stole your mouse head collection?"

Mandy's episode comments[edit]

When you change the channel, we start talking about you behind your back.

It's not enough to succeed -- (Computer Voice)Others must fail.

Shouldn't you be playing outside or something?

What, you again? Hey it's your life.

Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.

Shut up! Prepare for the show.

This is the end. Smash your television.

Are we having fun yet?

What are you looking at?

How about a little fire, scarecrow?

No matter how bad it seems, it could get worse. (Screen flashes to reveal her as a green, ugly monster)

Whatever you do, don't look behind you.

Turn it up, so you can hear the screaming.

Dying is easy, comedy is hard.

We're back... with a vengeance.

You can change the outcome of this cartoon with the power of your mind.

I missed you... But my aim is improving.

Imperio!

It's you and me against the world. We attack at dawn.

Push the button, pull the chain, here comes the chocolate Choo-Choo train.

Control-Alt-Delete.

Today's password is...Mmfthh Yyagghh.

Can you feel the love?

Is it weird in here, or is it just you?

Dance. Dance like you've never danced before.

Pull my finger!

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law!

Happiness is a Waxen, Two-Headed Baby.

It's Cruel... and Unusual.

Punishment is its own reward.

If you are what you eat, I could be you in the morning...

Caution. Contents may have shifted during shipping.

(burying the viewer)You're down to earth, but not down quite far enough.

Evolution takes no prisoners.

Sometimes you drink the milk; sometimes the milk drinks you.

We accept you. We accept you. One of us.

By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.

Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste but they detest at leisure.

As you value your life and your reason, stay away from the morgue.

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

Grim: I do! I do!

We all go a little mad sometimes.

This statement is false.

Billy: Hello! Where am I? Who are you people?

I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not me.

The less we know, the better we feel.

Violets are blue. Roses are red. We're coming aboard. Prepare to eat lead.

Quick, jump into the TV while they're not looking!

You have disappointed me for the last time.

(as a dentist) This will only hurt for 22 minutes...

(wearing a teddy costume) Don't think about polar bears.

Cartoons will rot your brain. (spoken backwards)

Raggle Fraggle.

(In Grim's voice) Things are not always as they seem.

Evil. Pure and simple from the 8th dimension.
Echuta!
What Ever You Do, don't look behind you.
Avert Your Eyes!
Ignorance is bliss.
Revenge is a dish best served with corn.

Songs[edit]

Brains![edit]

Artist: Voltaire

Meteor: Well hello there, little boy, don't be shy
Step right up, I'm a reasonable guy
Don't be frightened by the look in my eye
I'm just your average evil meteor from out of the sky

Billy: Hey, what are you trying to do, suck my brains out?

Meteor: Well I'm just shy and scared of this place
I'm just a fish out of water from outer space
You can see that the trip has left me tired and drained
So why don’t you be a pal… and bring me some BRAINS

Billy: Okay! Don’t worry, new buddy. I’ll get you all sorts of brains.
(later after bringing BRAN by mistake) Where do I find these so called 'brains'?

Meteor: Go down to your neighbour's place
See the dull expression on his face
You’d be doing him a favour if you brought him to me
He ain’t using his brain, he’s just watching TV

Go down to Mr McGee’s
He hasn’t had a thought since forty-three
His brain is the portrait of atrophy
He ain’t using it, why not give it to me?

BRAINS, BRAINS, I won’t lie
I’ll eat their brains till they’re zombified
Sure they might think it’s deranged
But they won’t give it a thought after I’ve eaten their BRAIN

BRAINS, BRAINS, it’s okay
It’s not a matter if it isn’t grey
And if at first they think it’s strange
They won’t think twice if they don’t have a BRAIN

Go down to the Wonton shop
My fortune cookie says that I just can’t stop
I’ll suck the noodle right out of their heads
And half and hour’s later I’m hungry again

Creep in to the doughnut stop
Sneak in tip-toe past the cop
Pick me up a cruller and a cupful of tea
And any other sweetbreads you happen to see

BRAINS, BRAINS, I won’t lie
I’ll eat their brains till they’re zombified
Sure they might think it’s deranged
But they won’t give it a thought after I’ve eaten their BRAIN

BRAINS, BRAINS, it’s okay
It’s not a matter if it isn’t grey
And if at first they think it’s strange
They won’t think twice if they don’t have a BRAIN

BRAINS, BRAINS, I love ‘em, I need ‘em
My tummy jumps for joy when I eat ‘em
Big ones, fat ones, short ones, tall ones
They’re so delectable, especially the small ones

No time to cook ‘em in a skillet
My belly’s rumblin’, I got a need to fill it
I don’t fry ‘em, the heat’ll only shrink ‘em
I just grab myself a straw and I drink ‘em up!

You've been swell to go around
And bring me every single brain in town
But with all these brains, I can't help but think
That there isn't one left out there to drink

Now fess up boy, come on, heck!
Is there someone that you're tryin’ to protect?
Bring her down here to meet her end
And I promise I'll be your bestest friend

BRAINS, BRAINS, I won’t lie
I’ll eat her brain till she’s zombified
Sure she might think it’s deranged
But she won’t give it a thought after I’ve eaten her BRAIN

BRAINS, BRAINS, it’s okay
It’s not a matter if it isn’t grey
And if at first she thinks it’s strange
She won’t think twice if she don’t have a BRAIN

BRAINS
Bring me her BRAIN
Bring me her BRAIN
Bring me her BRAIN!

Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Shnissugah[edit]

King Cobra (in a parody of Bob Dylan):

In a time forgotten long ago,

A world where people were more slow,

And there was no such thing a TV show,

That’s where we go.

Oh, the ancient jungles of Canada, see

Nerds roam wild, roam strong and free,

And spend their days drinking herbal teas,

Man, then were happy.

Because someone protected them with pride,

He made the bullies run and hide,

Oh, then wind up on his insides, oh what a ride.

And his name was the great snake, Shnissugah!

No one could mistake Shnissugah,

His house was near Lake Ontario, Shnissugah!

Children sing... Shnissugah,

One day soon he'll come back again,

Into this world of nerd-hating men,

And time now will be like times then times ten.

Under the Ocean[edit]

Ziggy the Crab: Billy, mon! We've been waitin' for ya! Welcome to the sea, where everyone is free!

But don't you ever tink about escapin', because under the ocean...

Under de ocean

Where everyting's wetta

And it sure beats the ghetta!

So try to behave

Or you'll rot in teh grave

of water and salt!

And it'll all be your fault!

So take it from me,

Your crustacean M.C.

Don't drink teh watah

cuz it's full of fish pee!

So don't bring no drama.

Leave that to yo momma!

Come-ah to the Bahamas

Riding a llama.

Sweatin' in teh sauna

while eatin' a banana!

Billy: Nah, I don't wanna. [Billy eats Ziggy]

Like an Angry Woman[edit]

Through miles of sand and bleached white dirt

They shambled on til their ankles hurt

The buzzards sailed high overhead

Riding on currents of thick hot dread

And the sun burned their hearts like an angry woman

It scorched their souls like an angry woman

Oh, like an angry woman

And then out of the west blew a breeze of luck

Eighteen wheels on a big black truck

An angel of mercy what was wrapped in steel

With an unwashed man stickin' up behind the wheel

And the road stretched on like an angry woman

And the cab smelled like french fries like an angry woman

Phee-yew... An angry woman (What's that smell?)

Sun dropped low down in the sky

Like a pair of pants on an urban guy

Their stomachs cried out with a rumblin' roar

'Til they just 'pert near couldn't walk no more

They tried to eat a cactus like an angry woman

And scorpions chased them down like an angry woman

An angry woman...

He drove fast, he drove far,

He busted them dunes in his big ole car

The buzzards fled at the sight of him

The sight of the one that they call Grim

They went over the speed limit like an angry woman

They caused property damage like an angry woman

Oh man, just like an angry woman

Darkness[edit]

Grim: The clock strikes twelve

a cool wind blows

but I've got no fear

cause we're not alone.

I am the weenis

I am the strong

and this is how I feel the most at home.

Cry, cry, everybody cry!

Cause the world has gone awry

Darkness fills the sky and the reflections in your eyes.

The floorboards creak

The windows black. The shutters slam

There's no turning back.

SO LET'S--

Cry, cry, everybody cry! 'Cause the world has gone awry. Darkness fills the sky and the reflections in your eyes.

Darkness... Darkness... Darkness....

Cry, cry, everybody cry!

Cause the world has gone awry

Darkness fills the sky and the reflections in your eyes.

Keeper of the Reaper[edit]

(The two different sides of the court are arguing about who should keep Grim)

Right side: Billy!

Left side: Mandy!

Right side: Billy!

Left side: Mandy!

(The song starts)

Billy: Please vote me the Keeper of the Reaper.

I wanna be the Keeper of the Reaper!

His skinny white bones are mine to own,

To do with as I see fit!

Give him to me and I promise my love won't quit!

Mandy: I disagree about the Keeper of the Reaper.

It should be me who's the Keeper of the Reaper.

Grim's not a toy for an idiot boy,

Who can't even tie his shoes! (Billy's shoelaces are held by a wooden peg)

If Billy wins, then we all surely lose!

Grim: Don't I get a say in the Keeper of the Reaper?!

I'll make you all pay for the Keeper of the Reaper!

All my rage is bound up in this cage,

Held back by these iron baaars!

I'll never get rid of these mental scaaars!

Judge Roy Spleen: I don't care who's the Keeper of the Reaper!

I'm losing my hair over Keeper of the Reaper!

A mountain of stress is crushing my chest!

I'm going blind in one eye!

AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID GUY!!!! (points at Fred Fredburger)

Fred Fredburger: (while eating some nachos) Don't worry, I found some nachos! Yes.

(Judge takes nachos away, and hits Fred on the head with his gavel)

Billy: Time to break it down - old school style!

Grim is the corner in my square!

Mandy: Grim's the chocolate in my eclair.

Billy: Grim is the freshener in my air!

Mandy: Grim's the conditioner in my hair.

Billy: Grim's the pic-a-nic IN MA BE-AR!

Mandy: Grim is the cushion on my chair.

Billy: (with a French accent) Grim is the Renaissance in my fair!

Mandy: Grim is the anger in my stare.

Billy: Grim is the stain in my underwear!

Mandy: Somehow I knew you were gonna go there.

All: We all need a Keeper of the Reaper!

I wanna see the Keeper of the Reaper!

Fred Fredburger (over others): I just want some naaachos.

Grim: All this singing is driving me nuts!

All: Why not just cut Grim in half?

Fred Fredburger (over others): Now I miss my naaachos.

Judge: My ulcer's eating away at my guts!

All: That would be a real, big laugh!

Mandy: I totally hate

That we have to debate

Billy: That whether it's me or yooou!

All: It's obvious to everyone here,

It's obvious to everyone here,

It's obvious to everyone that...

Fred Fredburger: I HAVE TO GO POO-POO!!!

(Everyone stops singing)

Judge: What?

Fred Fredburger: I, er... I have to go poo-poo.

Land of the Dead[edit]

Artist: Voltaire

A minotaur's my butler, a cyclops my valet

A centaur drives my chariot that takes me down the way

On a river made of fire, through a street that's paved with bones

I've got a dozen zombie-skeletons to walk me to my throne

In the land of the dead, heck boy ain't it grand?

I'm the overlord in the Underworld, 'cause I hold Horror's Hand

In the land of the dead, I'm darkside royalty

I'm far renowned in the Underground, and you can't take that from me

Whoa! [Whoa!] Whoa! [Whoa!] Whoa! [Whoa! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!]

Cerberus, my lapdog, is as loyal as can be

My bed is paved with skulls, I'm in the lap of luxury

I've got a dragon's blood jacuzzi, the gorgons think it's cool

And a seven-headed hydra living in my swimming pool

In the land of the dead, heck boy ain't it grand?

I'm the overlord in the Underworld, 'cause I hold Horror's Hand

In the land of the dead, I'm a darkside royalty

I'm far renowned in the Underground, and you can't take that away from me

No, you can't take that from me

Scary-O[edit]

Billy: Scary-o, Scary-o
I'm scared but not very though
Scary scary scary-o
I'm not scared from head to toe

Well I'm scared not very though

I'm not afraid of the pointy sword
If it's not me, its pointing toward,
I'm not worried I'll fall over aboard
and pop my head open like a gourd

Tattooed pirate: And pop his head open like a gourd

Billy: I'm not afraid of poisonous bugs
If they don't show their ugly mugs
I'm not afriad of all you thugs
Since I know all you really need are hugs

Pirates: Since he knows all we really need are hugs

All: Scary-o, Scary-o
I'm scared but not very though
Scary scary scary-o
I'm not scared from head to toe

I'm scared not very though

Mandy: Grim, let's beat it while they are distracted (spoken)

Billy: I'm not afraid of big earthquakes
As long as the ground doesn't shake
and I'm not scared of rattlesnakes
If they don't bite but feed me cake.

Pirates: If they don't bite but feed him cakes

Billy: And I'm not scared of horror's hand
but tell it to my freak out gland
and I'm not scared, I can't see land
I AM KIND OF SCARED OF BEING EATEN BY THE BAND,

(Drum sound)

All: Scary-o, Scary-o
I'm scared but not very though
Scary scary scary-o
I'm not scared from head to toe

I'm scared not very though

Billy: Im afraid I'm not scared at all
Tatoo pirate: Not being kicked or keel-hauled
Boogie: My goodness he's so brave and tall
Creeper: There's no finer boy I can recall

Mandy: I don't know if I'm thankful or appalled.(spoken)

Billy: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I'M SCARY-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH
I'M SCARY-O
I'M SCARY, I'M SCARY, I'M NOT SCARED NOT VERY THOOOOOOOOOOUGH
SCARY-O, SCARY-O, I'm not scared at all OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH,
I'm not scared, I'm not scared
I could use something to eat
I'm really really hungry

Pirates: Oh Scary-o, Scary-o
I'm scared not very though
Scary-o scary-o
I'm not scared from head to toe (continuously)

Mandy: What is Billy doing, we need to get out of here. (Spoken)

Billy: What do you mean what I am doing, I'm singing, There's always songs in animated mooo-vies. (spoken)

Mandy: Get out of there or I'll give you something to be scared of. (Spoken)

Grim: Over here. (Spoken)

Main characters: (while falling) Screaming

Boogie: (while dancing) Scary-o, I'm not scared from head to toe

Mandy: Now that's scary.

External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about:

The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Meet the Reaper / Skeletons in the Water Closet [1.01][edit]

Opposite Day / Look Alive! [1.02][edit]

Mortal Dilemma / Get Out of My Head! [1.03][edit]

Fiend Is Like Friend Without "R" [1.04][edit]

Recipe for Disaster [1.05][edit]

Grim Vs. Mom / Tastes like Chicken [1.07][edit]

Grim or Gregory / Something Stupid This Way Comes [1.08][edit]

A Grim Surprise / Beast and Barbarians [1.09][edit]

Billy's Growth Spurt / Billy and the Bully [1.11][edit]

Big Trouble in Billy's Basement / Tickle Me Mandy [1.12][edit]

Little Rock of Horror / Dream a Little Dream [1.13][edit]

Season 2[edit]

Toadblatt's School of Sorcery / Educating Grim / It's Hokey Mon! [2.01][edit]

Night of the Living Grim / Brown Evil(part 1) / Brown Evil(part 2) [2.02][edit]

Mandy the Merciless / Creating Chaos / Really Odd Couple [2.03][edit]

Who Killed Who? / Tween Wolf [2.04][edit]

Grim in Love / Love is Evol Spelled Backwards / Crushed [2.05][edit]

The Crawling Niceness / Smarten Up / The Grim Show [2.06][edit]

Son of Nergal / Sister Grim / Go Kart 3000! [2.07][edit]

Terror of the Black Night / Battle of the Bands / Halls of Time [2.08][edit]

Grim for a Day / Chicken Ball Z [2.09][edit]

Billy and Mandy's Jacked Up Halloween [2.10][edit]

Season 3[edit]

Spider's Little Daddy / Tricycle of Terror [3.01][edit]

Dumb Luck / No Body Loves Grim [3.02][edit]

Li'l Porkchop / Skarred for Life [3.03][edit]

House of Pain / A Grim Prophecy / Mandy Bites Dog [3.04][edit]

Nursery Crimes / My Peeps [3.05][edit]

Nigel Planter And The Chamber Pot of Secrets / Circus of Fear [3.06][edit]

Bully Boogie / Here Thar Be Dwarves [3.07][edit]

Substitute Teacher / Which Came First? [3.08][edit]

Season 4[edit]

Super Zero / Sickly Sweet [4.01][edit]

Bearded Billy / The Nerve [4.02][edit]

Test of Time / A Kick in the Asgard [4.03][edit]

Five O'Clock Shadows [4.04][edit]

Complete and Utter Chaos / Attack of the Clowns [4.05][edit]

Whatever Happened to Billy Whatsisname? / Just the Two of Pus [4.06][edit]

Chocolate Sailor / The Good, The Bad and The Toothless [4.07][edit]

Toys Will Be Toys / That's My Mummy [4.08][edit]

The Secret Snake Club [4.09][edit]

Wild Parts / The Problem With Billy [4.10][edit]

He's Not Dead, He's My Mascot / Hog Wild [4.11][edit]

The Bad News Ghouls / The House of No Tomorrow [4.12][edit]

Happy Huggy Stuffy Bears / Secret Decoder Ring [4.13][edit]

Season 5[edit]

Wishbones [5.01][edit]

Dream Mutt / Scythe for Sale [5.02][edit]

Jeffy's Web / Irwin Gets A Clue [5.03][edit]

Duck! / Aren't You Chupacabra To See Me? [5.04][edit]

Zip Your Fly / Puddle Jumping [5.05][edit]

Runaway Pants / Scythe 2.0. [5.06][edit]

The Firebird Sweet / The Bubble With Billy [5.07][edit]

Billy Idiot / Home Of The Ancients [5.08][edit]

My Fair Mandy [5.09][edit]

One Crazy Summoner / Guess What's Coming to Dinner [5.10][edit]

Mommy Fiercest / The Taking Tree [5.11][edit]

Reap Walking / The Loser from the Earth's Core [5.12][edit]

Ecto Cooler / Schlubs [5.13][edit]

Prank Call of Cthulhu [5.14][edit]

Christmas special[edit]

Billy and Mandy save Christmas[edit]

Season 6[edit]

Billy Ocean / Hill Billy [6.01][edit]

Keeper of the Reaper [6.02][edit]

The Love That Dare not Speak Its Name / Major Cheese [6.03][edit]

Modern Primitives / Giant Billy and Mandy All-Out Attack [6.04][edit]

The Wrongest Yard / Druid, Where's My Car? [6.05][edit]

Herbicidal Maniac / Chaos Theory [6.06][edit]

A Grim Day / Pandora's Lunch Box [6.07][edit]

Billy and Mandy vs. the Martians [6.08][edit]

Dumb-Dumbs and Dragons / Fear and Loathing in Endsville [6.09][edit]

Dad Day Afternoon / Scary Poppins [6.10][edit]

Hurter Monkey / Goodbling and the Hip-Hop-Opotamus [6.11][edit]

Spidermandy / [6.12][edit]

Season 7[edit]

Everything Breaks / The Show That Dare Not Speak Its Name [7.01][edit]