Unaccompanied Minors

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Unaccompanied Minors (also called Grounded: Unaccompanied Minors) is a 2006 comedy film about six kids who find themselves snowed in at an airport on Christmas Eve.

Directed by Paul Feig. Written by Jacob Meszaros and Mya Stark.

Charlie Goldfinch[edit]

  • Oh man, Harvard's never gonna accept me with a police record! And I am not going to community college!

Dialogue[edit]

Donna: Mom! I'm eleven! I'll look like a loser getting my picture with Santa!
Mrs. Malone: You'll look like someone who's grounded if you don't. Now, go sit on Santa's lap.
[Donna reluctantly goes to sit on Santa's lap, who then places his hand on her shoulder]
Donna: Hey! [hits the hand away] Hands off, fat boy! [punches Santa in the gut and walks away]

Katherine: I don't wanna see Santa!
Spencer: Y'know what, then let's just go, okay?
Katherine: I don't wanna go!
Spencer: Then get on Santa's lap.
Katherine: I DON'T WANNA!

[While waiting for news about their flight to Pennsylvania, Katherine makes a dejected face]
Spencer: Oh no, did you bite your tongue again?
Katherine: When I wrote to Santa, I forgot to tell him that we were gonna be at Dad's house, and it's all the way in Pennsylvania! How is he gonna find us now?
Spencer: Oh, you mean that Santa guy that you're scared of? Him? I mean, he's not even gonna... [Katherine looks worried. Spencer sighs] He'll find you. The Tooth fairy gave him directions. She works with NORAD.
[Katherine sighs in relief]

Spencer: [Upon seeing the chaotic UM room] Oh man, it's like "Lord of the Flies" in here.
Flight Attendant #1: Help us!
Flight Attendant #2: Zach, we're flight attendants, not riot police - You've got to find someone else to take over!
Zach: You guys, there is no one else. The storm is huge! Just think of it like being in the air, okay? With a normal passenger load, and secure all exit, and, y'know, discourage anybody from going to the restroom.
[The flight attendants run out of the UM room]

[Valerie is with her sister in her extravagantly decorated house]
Judie: [digging through a bowl of candy] Hmm, I think bought defective M&M's. You know, some of these are W's. [Valerie looks depressed] Oh c'mon, Val, lighten up! It's Christmas. I know that you're worried about the kids; they're gonna be fine. It's Christmas eve, we're gonna do more decorating...
Valerie: No, no, Judie. You don't have any more decorating to do.
Judie: Yes, I have to finish. I have six more boxes of lights in the garage!
Valerie: This is creepy...
Judie: You're just poisonous, aren't you? Thanks for being such a great sister.

Spencer: I would like a table for one in the "no little sisters" section, please.
Restaurant Hostess: Aren't you a little young to be flying by yourself?
Spencer: Not at all.

Spencer: Nachos! My mom never lets me eat those, you know, so an order of those. She's banned all sodas from the house, so extra-, extra-, extra-large root beer.
Restaurant Hostess: My mom never let me eat mozzarella sticks.
Spencer: Mine either. Two orders. On to dessert, huh?
Restaurant Hostess: You don't have a tapeworm, do you?

Security Guard: [Seeing the mess in the Equipment Storage] Sweet Jehoshaphat!
Beef: [points to his Aquaman action figure] He did it!

Restaurant Hostess: [returns to find Spencer gone] Oh, you've got to be kidding me. [sees his IOU note, which reads: "IOU $74.38. Please e-mail my dad at Davenport.sam@gmail.com for payment. P.S. The mozzarella sticks are for you."] He didn't even eat the mozzarella sticks.

Charlie: So, we're going to the lodge?
Porter: I think I have an answer to your question; Are you out of your juice-drinking little minds?!

Donna: So where are we staying?
Porter: What's wrong with right here?
Grace: It smells like a horse died in it.

Donna: Watch it, Dr. Evil.
Porter: Oh no, did I offend you? Well, I don't know what else to call someone who commits grand theft auto, reckless driving and destruction of property all in the course of ten minutes.
Donna: Someone cooler than you'll ever be.
Porter: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Whoo! That's fantastic! I didn't know we had Ellen DeGeneres in the house! [to Spencer] And what about a young man who orders the heart attack special and can't pay for it? [to Grace] Or a girl who exfoliates herself all over the airport lounge? [to Beef] Then, the abominable snowman who transforms the Emergency Equipment Center into his own private amusement park and then blames it on Aquaman? Aren't you a little too old to be playing with dolls? I mean, what are you, like, forty?
Zach: Actually, Beef is twelve, sir.
Porter: Good Lord. And Charlie Goldfinch, my most frequent underage flyer, and formerly model passenger. Karaoke, son? Was it worth it?
Charlie: I had a song in my heart. [Mr. Porter gives him a look] Oh my gosh, I'm a juvie.

Beef: My uncle says that Christmas is when Frosty the Snowman fights with the Devil.
[Everyone stares at him]
Donna: It talks.

Beef: [to Spencer] I'll go get your sister a Christmas tree. [runs off. The others stare after him]
Donna: We are never gonna see him again, are we?

Grace: [putting her glasses on] Once a dork, always a dork.
Spencer: You are so not a dork.

Charlie: [to Donna after she kisses him] Wow! Man, you're so hot!

Taglines[edit]

  • Six kids, snowbound in an airport on Christmas Eve, without supervision. Someone please call security.
  • Silent night... Yeah, right.
  • Six unaccompanied minors will become one unbelievable family.
  • All flights cancelled. Christmas isn't!

Cast[edit]

  • Dyllan Christopher as Spencer Davenport
  • Lewis Black as Oliver Porter
  • Gia Mantegna as Grace Conrad
  • Tyler James Williams as Charles "Charlie" Goldfinch
  • Quinn Shephard as Donna Malone
  • Wilmer Valderrama as Zach Van Bourke
  • Brett Kelly as Timothy "Beef" Wellington
  • Dominique Saldaña as Katherine Davenport
  • Paget Brewster as Valerie Davenport
  • Rob Corddry as Samuel "Sam" Davenport
  • Wayne Federman as Airport Attendant
  • Mario Lopez as Part-Time Substitute minors watcher
  • Jessica Walter as Cindi
  • Rob Riggle as Head Guard Hoffman
  • David Koechner as Ernie
  • Tony Hale as Alan Davies
  • Cedric Yarbrough as Melvin "Mel" Goldfinch
  • Kristen Wiig as Carole Malone
  • Al Roker as Himself
  • Teri Garr as Aunt Judy (uncredited)

with a cameo by The Kids in the Hall's Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, and Mark McKinney as Mr. Porter's men

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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