Half Baked is a 1998 film that is a cult classic and a touchstone for many in the marijuana community, who feel that its humor, silliness, and wisdom were long overdue. It has helped bring the stoner film back into popularity.
- Abrakadabra? That`s the newest slang, all the kids are saying it! Abrakadabra my niggha!
- Kenny's Sweet Virgin ASS!
- [Thurgood when finished with work] Free!!
- I'm sexy... I'm a scholar... people like me
- You guys smoke ENTIRELY too much reefer.
- I got some booty, I got some booty!
- I, myself, am a master of the custodial arts..or a janitor if you wanna be a dick about it.
- Let me tell you something: I love weed. I love it! But not as much as I love pussy!
- Abba Zabba....You're my only friend
- Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!
- I'm right behind you. Turn around and ask me for a heffer with cheese, yo. Why you gotta make me feel inferior cause I'm on the grill, B? Damn!
- Nasty Nate: So the next time I come for you, I'm gonna want some cocktail...FRUIT!
- Sir-Smokes-Alot: I want to talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted.
- Sir-Smokes-Alot: I'm impotent, man! Get away from me, bitch!
- Kenny: Ya hear that? I'm somebody's bitch!
- Brian: Get some...sour cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerkey, some peanut butter. Get some Hagen-Dagz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and we'll make some s'mores man. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, we need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, water, a whole lotta water and.......Funyuns.
- Brian: Don't worry. Don't worry. l'm not gonna do what everyone thinks l'm gonna do: Flip out, man! All l wanna know is: who's comin' with me? Who's comin', man? Who's comin' with me?
- Enhancement Smoker: You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy shit, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO.
- Sir-Smokes-Alot: Doctor says I need a back-iotomy!
- Brian: You smoke?
- Mary Jane: No my grandmother died from lung cancer.
- Brian: That's all the more reason to toke up man! It'll ease the pain!
- [Thurgood explains to the detective that they will seem less suspicious in an undercover sting if they are high.]
- Brian: I just wanna say that that was a great idea, Thurgood. I mean how do you come up with...
- [cut off]
- Scarface: Just smoke it, yo.
- (After just discovering their apartment demolished by Samson's henchmen)
- Thurgood: (answering phone) Mr. Nice Guy - party accessories.
- Samson: Well did you get my message?
- Thurgood: Who is this?
- Samson: This is SAMPSON, smarty pants!
- Thurgood: Operator with an emergency breakthrough from your sister. (high-pitched voice) "Samson, it's Sheila! Mama fell-"
- Samson: SHUT UP, BITCH!!!
- Samson: I'm gonna take your little Mexican friend here and I'm gonna kill him.
- Scarface: I'm Cuban, b!
- Samson: Yes, Cuban B!
- Brian: I'll pretend I'm jamaican man! Yeah!
- Thurgood: You have smoked yourself retarded!
- [Kenny is on his way out to get munch]
- Kenny: Hey, if I`m not back in 10 minutes call the police.
- Thurgood: If he ain't back in 10 minutes, we callin' Dominoes!
- Brian: Lady, you want seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I'll give you five.
- Woman: Uh-uh. He autographed it himself...
- Brian: Okay, I'll give you four.
- [Brian, Scarface, and Thurgood are sneaking into the refer lab]
- Scarface: Man, you didn't say nothing 'bout no door, yo!
- Thurgood: Just chill out, man. I smoked weed here all the time. This door's never locked.
- [Scarface opens the door, the alarm goes off]
- Thurgood: I didn't say the alarm would be off, though. I just said it's never locked.
- Scientist: Janitor? Uh, janitor?
- [taps Thurgood, who gets frightened]
- Thurgood: Ah! Oh..sorry 'bout that. What is it, scientist?
- Scientist: I know this isn't your responsibility but, uh, could you be a dear and run this down to the supply department for me? It's on the second floor. [hands Thurgood a note]
- Thurgood: Just run this down?
- Scientist: Yes, but make sure you bring the order right back to me. I need it A.S.A.P.
- Thurgood: Gotcha. Hey, I know this isn't your responsibility but just mop the rest of this shit up [hands him a mop] I'll be right back.
- Thurgood: Yea. Um, So how long's [your dad] been in [jail]?
- Mary Jane: Four years next month.
- Thurgood: Four years. And what exactly was he selling?
- Mary Jane: Marijuana.
- Thurgood: FOUR YEARS JUST FOR WEED?! DAMN!
- Mary Jane: Just? No, no, no, no. Not just. Marijuana is terrible. It's a gateway drug. I mean, everybody knows that it leads to other stuff.
- Thurgood: Yeah, mostly junk food.
- Kenny: [to police horse] Hey girl, you hungry?
- Overweight woman: [walking by] Fuck you, nigga!
- Thurgood: I'm here today because I'm addicted..to marijuana.
- Rehab patient: You in here 'cuz of marijuana?! Man, this is some BULLSHIT!
- Bob Saget/Cocaine addict: Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke.
- Rehab patient: I seen him [do it]!
- Bob Saget/Cocaine addict: Now that's an addiction, man. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?
- Thurgood: No, I can't say I have.
- Bob Saget/Cocaine addict: I didn't think so.
- Rehab patient: Boo this man!
- Samson: Delilah, get me "eight fourteen".
- Delilah: [to another woman] Eight fourteen.
- Thurgood: [whispers to Scarface and Brian] What the fucks "eight fourteen"?
- [she pulls out a crossbow]
- Thurgood: AH! I'm sorry y'all, I don't want to be the first nigga to die from a crossbow.
- They'll do anything to save their best bud.
- Warning: this movie may cause the munchies, cotton mouth, and memory loss!
- A comedy about best buds!