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- Shhh, Kevin... you had me at "Duh".
- Nicole Kidman's not going to Tom Cruise's wedding. It's not that she's bitter, it's just that she's an actress and she doesn't feel like working that day.
- [On the phone] You're a player. No, you're the playa! You! Okay, we're *both* playas! See you at the Cheesecake Factory!
- [About "Memoirs of a Geisha Kong"] They totally used Chinese gorillas! I'm offended.
- That's when Hip-Hop Harry pulled out a gun and shot the kid.
- [On David Beckham's first soccer game in America] Americans learned a lot about soccer that day; for instance, it's played by people who are over 10 years old.
- Dr. Kevorkian was on Larry King Live last week - which had to look pretty tempting for him.
- Pepe, show me on the puppet were the puppet touched you.