Joseph & Lindsey

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Joseph & Lindsey (2020-present) is an American adult animated Plotagon series created by Jay Randolf and directed and written by Ernie Brown and Patrick Smith for YouTube. There are similarities between this series and The Adventures of Caillou in terms of plot and character development. The series follows a young and mature couple, Joseph and Lindsey, who are the wealthiest and most popular couple in Plotagon City. Even though Joseph's maniacal ex-girlfriend Beryl is furious that Joseph dumped her because she cheated on him with Joseph's long-time buddy Jayson without his knowledge. In order to get Joseph to go out with her, Beryl comes up with a scheme to split Joseph & Lindsey apart. Her intentions, however, end up failing.

Season 2[edit]

Comfortable Robots [2.3][edit]

Randall the Robot: So, I was just thinking.. When are you going to be mine?
Wanda the Female Android: I already have a boyfriend. Sorry Randall.
Randall the Robot: Are you fucking kidding me Wanda? Who is it?
Wanda the Female Android: You don't need to fucking know!
Randall the Robot: Yes I fucking do!
Wanda the Female Android: No you fucking don't!
Randall the Robot: Why did you never tell me you had a fucking boyfriend? How long have y'all been dating! What does he have that I don't have? You motherfucker you!
Wanda the Female Android: For one, I don't have to! And it's none of your business!
Randall the Robot: Oh ok then. Fuck, you, Wanda![1]

Jeremy the Dinosaur: Am... Am I, interrupting you guys?
Wanda the Female Android: Nah, you're all good.
Jeremy the Dinosaur: You sure?
Wanda the Female Android: Yeah.
Jeremy the Dinosaur: Because it seems like you guys were fighting, so you know I had to check this room to see what was up.
Wanda the Female Android: Oh, ok.
Randall the Robot: Hey, bro, take this ho with you please. I am not, and I'm saying, I am NOT dealing with her bullshits anymore.

[Love music plays]
Randall the Robot: Wanda, I apologize for being rude to you and stuff, hitting you and calling you names.
Wanda the Female Android: Well Randall, I guess I'm sorry for cheating on you with a human, leaving him to sleep with another robot. I am also sorry for calling you names, hitting you like I just did earlier.. And all of that. Please forgive me..
Randall the Robot: [Inhales and exhales] Ok, I guess I forgive you now.. Can you still be mine now?
[Wanda nods her head yes]
Randall the Robot: Yes! Thank you!
Jeremy the Dinosaur: See? I told you. Now enjoy being with Wanda.
Jeremy the Dinosaur: You did good, Jeremiah, you did good.

Lindsey: Hey Joseph, have you seen my black shirt?
Joseph: Uh, no, I haven't seen you put one on? Are you sure you had a black shirt?
Lindsey: Yeah, I'm pretty sure..
Joseph: Did you check the closet?
Lindsey: Oh, it might be in there Joseph!
Joseph: Lemme check.
Lindsey: Ok.

The Most Powerful & Dangerous Computer Virus [2.5][edit]

Joseph: Are you serious? What happened!
Randall the Robot: Well, Wanda said she accidentally installed the most dangerous computer virus in Plotagon history, RAIVirus.
Joseph: Are you fucking serious right now? We just got that computer not too long ago! Let me see what's up with her!
Randall the Robot: Um, ok, try not to snap her neck, you are a pretty buff guy..
Joseph: [Sarcastically] Ha! Very funny!

Joseph: What the hell?
Wanda the Female Android: It was an accident, I accidentally installed it..
Joseph: How the hell do you accidentally install a virus?
Wanda the Female Android: As computer robots, we install and delete viruses with a single click..
Joseph: You put the most dangerous virus on my computer? Matter of fact, I can already tell.
Wanda the Female Android: Please, don't kill me..
[Joseph's irritation intensifies, Wanda gets nervous, after, intense music stops]
Joseph: I'm not going to kill you, don't worry. I just found out I have enough money to buy another computer. It's going to be the same computer, but it has more features.
Wanda the Female Android: Oh, that's a relief, I thought I was going to die..
Joseph: Oh, well, ok. I'll get another computer tomorrow. Just don't mess with the computer.
Wanda the Female Android: Ok.

Claude: Oh shit! The virus is so powerful - it's going to crash!
Donny the Skeleton: Goddamnit.. It's going to crash any second now.. Some cases like this, it'll crash in about five seconds.
Claude: We just got this computer!
Donny the Skeleton: Don't bang on the keys, you're going to-[Donny gets interrupted by the computer error sound]
[Awkward silence]
Voice: [Voice coming from computer] A problem has been detected and this PC has been shut down until further notice. If this is the first time you've seen this message, it's because your computer has detected a virus that caused the computer to crash. Try restarting your computer by pressing the power key.

[Lindsey and Joseph hug]
Joseph: Man, I had a great time last night!
Lindsey: Same here!
[Glass heard breaking. Suspense sound and intense music play again]
Lindsey: What the hell? Did somebody just.. break something?
Joseph: Yes and it's coming from upstairs..
Lindsey: What the hell is even happening?
Joseph: Someone probably broke the house computer because the most dangerous computer virus infected it. Now I think the computer's dead..
Lindsey: The house computer got infected with a computer virus?! Shit! Was it the RAIVirus?
Joseph: Yes, it was the RAIVirus. Now, we probably no longer have a house computer.

[Muzak jingle and rap music plays]
Illtyd: Hey, Myron, did you hear the news?
Myron the Alien: Yes, I heard it, the RAIVirus is now spreading through computers and all stores that sells computers aren't open until this pandemic stops.
Illtyd: This shitty ass pandemic, is why I can't go on dates with my girlfriend.
Myron the Alien: You couldn't go on dates?
Illtyd: No, and I'm so angry about it!
Myron the Alien: Damn. Wait, what was your name again? I forgot how to pronounce it.
Illtyd: My name is Illtyd. You pronounce it as 'ill', and then 'teed'.
Myron the Alien: So, Illtyd?
Illtyd: Yes.

Secret Hideout [2.7][edit]

Gabrielle: So your boyfriend cheated on you?
Abigail: Yes, I didn't even know! He is such an asshole!
Gabrielle: You never told me you had a boyfriend?
Abigail: I didn't tell you because I thought you'd get mad at me..
Gabrielle: I wouldn't.
Abigail: But that doesn't matter, I'm very, very upset! I can't believe he'd do this!
Gabrielle: I'm very sorry.. Do you wanna go back to the living room?
Abigail: Yeah, sure.. [Sighs] Well, guess what, I really don't fucking care! He came out of the closet yesterday!
[Gabrielle and Abigail laugh]

Joseph: What the hell is even... Ok, we can go home now.
Lindsey: Oh come on Joseph, let's explore the place.
[Joseph gets worried and looks around]
Joseph: The broken windows, and the place smelling like shit and pee in here... Matter fact, I think it's time to go back home and watch Love Birds or something.
Lindsey: Yeah, it does smell in here.. But we can handle it!
Joseph: Ok, well, fine..

Joseph: Ok Lindsey, it's time to go.. This place smells like piss and shit!
Lindsey: I think it's time to go too. But can we check one last thing before we go?
Joseph: [Inhales and exhales] Fine.

Cold Cases [2.10][edit]

Joseph: What the fuck is this Plotagon Logic shit!

Lindsey: Hey Joseph. Um, why are you angry?
Joseph: For some reason, our fucking 100 grand, our relationship money, is missing!
[Suspense music plays]
Lindsey: Wait, what? Our money's gone?
Joseph: Yeah, apparently, all of the fat ass stacks of cash that was beside the suitcase can grow fucking legs and run a-fucking-way! And fucking no, all windows and doors are locked, so no one even stole it, so how did it go missing?
Lindsey: Do you realize that's our relationship money, our money we can keep to ourselves?
Joseph: So it's over?
Lindsey: No, it's not over, but we need to find that money.. Where was the money?
Joseph: I left it beside the suitcase in our room, now it just disappeared like fucking Houdini!
Lindsey: Can we go look for it?
Joseph: There's probably no fucking point in doing so. Doing so will result in something going missing too, in other fucking words, disappearing, but in this living room!
Lindsey: Can we at least try?
Joseph: Yeah, fine, let's do it.

Love Birds Episode 3 [2.11][edit]

[Frederick and Victoria kiss, Victoria hugs Frederick]
Victoria: I love you Freddy.
Frederick: I love you too Vicky.
Victoria: What should our couple name be?
Frederick: I don't know, but what I do know is that you will be mine forever until we die.
[Frederick caresses Victoria on the cheek]

Joseph: Wait, I didn't know Caillou's parents were on this!
Lindsey: I didn't know either!

Doris: Boris, the day you asked me out, I was so happy to say yes!
Boris: I could tell. I asked out the right woman, and that woman was you.
Doris: Thank you Boris.
[Doris and Boris kiss]

[Cadence hugs, pats, and shyly kisses Isaias]
Isaias: Wait, you kissed me?
Cadence: I had to.
Isaias: Oh ok, well I love you Cadence.
Cadence: I love you too, Isaias.
Isaias: I'm proud to have you as my girlfriend.
[Isaias kisses and hugs Cadence]

Trained to Become the Perfect Brother to Her [2.12][edit]

Abigail: So you're telling me you have disappearing powers?
Jeremy the Dinosaur: Yeah. Do you want me to prove it?
Abigail: Yeah.
Jeremy the Dinosaur: If you say so.. Poof.
[Jeremy disappears]

Wanda the Female Android: Ok, look, this is your first day in. Do not leave the house unless if you have to, but you have to come back within two hours! Failure to do so will result in you not seeing me, nor this house ever again!
Arthur the Male Android: Ok, I promise you, I won't leave for dumb reasons..
Wanda the Female Android: You better not!

[Rap music plays]
Arthur the Male Android: And yeah, that's how I left the house without no one noticing!
Anthony the Crash Test Dummy: Well, my story is the same as yours, but different. I have a crazy ass girlfriend and she likes being home alone, I don't know why.
Arthur the Male Android: She might be talking to another dude? You probably have to go check on her, Anthony.
Anthony the Crash Test Dummy: Wait, what did you just say?
Arthur the Male Android: You probably have to go check on her?
Anthony the Crash Test Dummy: No, the line before that..
Arthur the Male Android: She might be talking to another dude?
[Danger music plays]
Anthony the Crash Test Dummy: You're right, I'mma go check on her, I don't know what she's doing!

Lindsey: Wait, so your brother broke y'all's promise?
Wanda the Female Android: Yes, he is such a motherfucker for doing that!
Joseph: Damn, he just probably needs to be a better brother.
Wanda the Female Android: Exactly what I'm saying!
Joseph: How about we train your brother to be the brother he's supposed to be?
Wanda the Female Android: Really, y'all will do that, for me?
Lindsey: Yes.

Season 3[edit]

So serious! [3.2][edit]

Claude: Are you taking care of some business soon, like saving days and stuff? Some tell me you're a superhero.
Basher: Yes.
Claude: Wow, so serious! Saving days must be a difficult task for you?
Basher: No, not really.
Claude: Wow, really? You must be used to it! So serious!

Gabrielle: So I hear you barely talk to people and that what makes you serious and stuff.
Basher: Yes.
Gabrielle: But anyways, do you have to go?
Basher: Yes, gotta take care of some business.
Gabrielle: Wow man.. Has anyone made a comic about you?
Basher: Some kid did two years ago or something.
Gabrielle: I bet he loves serious superheroes, and you might be one of them, because of your seriousness.

Lindsey: So Joseph, are you sure you don't want anything?
Joseph: I'm very sure, but, thanks for asking me.
Lindsey: No problem babe.

Taking Care of a Spoiled Child [3.3][edit]

T.Q.: So, you guys are 'bout to watch Love Birds too?
Joseph: Yeah, I didn't know you was here, T.Q.
T.Q.: Listen, I snuck inside, but they found me but I was allowed here anyway.
Joseph: Oh, ok. Wait a damn minute, where's the remote? I just had it on the table..
Lindsey: I don't know where the remote is, but hopefully it's in the couch cushions.
[Knocking is heard]
Joseph: Let me answer the door to see who that is.
T.Q.: Ok, I'll go get the snacks.
Joseph: [Doorbell rings] Let me just say they aren't patient

Oliver II: Dad, when are they going to answer the door! We've been waiting all day!
Jerry: We just got here. Give them time.
Oliver II: I don't have all the time left!
Jerry: You spoiled brat! [Slaps Oliver II]

Joseph: Come in.

Oliver II: Finally!
Jerry: Shut the fuck up Oliver Edward Suggs the Second. Now, you are going to go in there and act civilized, got it?
Oliver II: [Sighs] Okay fine.
Jerry: I need to go to the store to get some new clothes for you for school tomorrow, make sure you behave!

Joseph: Who are you?
Oliver II: It doesn't matter, listen, you are going to give me a new iPhone, the new PS5, the new Xbox Series X, and a new car, got it?
Joseph: First of all, no, second of all, who told you to talk to me that way, third of all, I don't know who you are. And fourth of all, why the hell do you need a fucking car, knowing you're not old enough to drive, dumb ass motherfucker!
Oliver II: Well, my dad said you're supposed to babysit me.
Joseph: I don't know you, for one. Your dad got me fucked if you think I'm babysitting you, knowing I don't even know you. And how the hell am I supposed to contact your dad?
Oliver II: Let me do it.
Joseph: Fuck no.
Oliver II: Yes, let me do it.
Joseph: Fuck, no.
Oliver II: Yes! Yes!
Joseph: Fuck! No!
Oliver II: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Joseph: Fuck! No! Hell no!
Lindsey: Let's start off with questions. What's your name?
Oliver II: My name is Oliver.
Lindsey: Well we need a way to contact your father so we can get in touch with him. Where is he?
Oliver II: None of your business! I want an iPhone 12!
Lindsey: You spoiled ass.

Oliver II: Give me food! I want a steak!
Joseph: Fuck you, you know that right?

Oliver II: Give me a hot dog, give me a hot dog, give me a hot dog, give me a hot dog, give me a hot dog, give me a hot dog!
Joseph: NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP! You're getting a steak.
Oliver II: I don't want a steak!
Joseph: You're getting what the fuck you asked for, Oliver, so you're getting a steak.
Oliver II: You know what, I'm not even hungry anymore!
Joseph: [facepalms] Why didn't you fucking eat before you came here, dumb ass?
Oliver II: I didn't want to1
Joseph: Fuck you.

Oliver II: Hey, where are you going, you still haven't gotten me anything to eat!
Lindsey: Joseph tried to, but you couldn't make up your mind! You are so spoiled!
Oliver II: [Suspense sound intensifies] Why does everyone keep calling me that!
Lindsey: Well, maybe because you are!
Oliver II: No I'm not! I want some food!
Lindsey: Make some food yourself asshole, see I tried to be nice to you, but you want to be rude to me and my boyfriend, that's why he cussed you out!
Oliver II: Fix me some food now!
Lindsey: Hell no! I'm not fixing you shit, you need to do stuff by yourself, you're only like, eleven.
Oliver II: I want food!
Lindsey: Fix it your goddamn self, Oliver, because I'm not doing shit for you anymore!
[Lindsey speeds off]

The Reveal [3.4][edit]

Lindsey: Why the fuck are you here?
Beryl: Who the hell are you?
Lindsey: That shit doesn't have anything to do with what I'm talking about, Beryl the bitch, the question is, why are you over here bitch!
Beryl: To visit Joseph, see, me and Jayson broke up because apparently, I'm too lazy to do shit.
Lindsey: Well, Beryl, Joseph's fucking mine, not yours!
Beryl: Look bitch I really came here to drink so I can tear up this bitch!
Lindsey: Well look you dumb fuck, if you came to get back with Joseph, know that he's mine goddammit, not yours! And there is also no damn way you're drinking nor you're trashing the fucking house! So get the fuck outta here! [Pushes Beryl]
Beryl: I know you didn't just fucking push me!
Lindsey: I did, and I'mma do it again! [Pushes Beryl again]

Lindsey: You won't believe who I just saw!
Joseph: Who?
Lindsey: I saw Beryl, she said she wanted to visit you.
Joseph: Hell no, I'm not seeing her!
Lindsey: She said she plans to drink and trash this place.
Joseph: [Laughs] Trash the place? Like that'll ever fucking happen, because she's not trashing fuck, she is trash.
Lindsey: Exactly, she's so damn trash, she even smells like trash!
Joseph: I'm not smelling her, I don't even wanna look at her! [Knocking is heard] Lemme go check to see who that is. But it better not be dumb ass Beryl!

Joseph: Fuck, that's Beryl.
Lindsey: Well, she needs to leave us alone with her bitch ass! What did she say?
Joseph: Hmmm...
Voice: [In Beryl's voice on phone] Joseph, open the damn door right now.
Joseph: So that's what she said?
Lindsey: She needs to leave us the fuck alone!
Joseph: For that, I'm not answering her!

Joseph: What is it, Beryl!
Beryl: I need to talk to you!
Joseph: About what?
Beryl: Look, me and Jayson broke up today and, I was wondering--
Joseph: No no no, let me stop you right there. I have to tell you something.
Beryl: What is it?
Joseph: [Suspense reveal plays] I filed a restraining order against your ass, saying you have to stay within 20 feet away from me.
Beryl: [Intense music plays] What? Why didn't you tell me!
Joseph: I shouldn't have to. So you better fucking back up, otherwise you're going to jail!
Beryl: No, make me!
[Joseph pushes Beryl]
Beryl: Don't you push me! You can't make me, and you're not making me go to jail!
Joseph: Look goddammit all you have to fucking do is stay the fuck away from me goddammit, so stop trying to cause a fucking massacre! That's it, I'm calling the damn police so you can get the hell outta here!

TQ's Girlfriend [3.5][edit]

Joseph: So, you're telling me your girlfriend's coming here?
T.Q.: Yep! I'm so excited to meet her!
Joseph: Well, if you're trying to take her somewhere, I would suggest the Plotagon Lobby, because it's so chill!
Lindsey: Yeah, because that's where me and Joseph go to cuddle!
T.Q.: Well great because that's where we're going. I'm going to have a great time!
Joseph: That's good!
T.Q.: Is that her?
Joseph: It might be, let me go check.
T.Q.: Ok, if it's her, let me know.

T.Q.: Lindsey, I'm so excited for this!
Lindsey: Hope you have lots of fun with her!
T.Q.: Oh, I will!

Tea has been spilled [3.7][edit]

Joseph: What are we doing here?
Abigail: I need to get some flowers for me and my new boyfriend.
Joseph: What do you mean by new?
Abigail: My last boyfriend cheated on me with another girl..
Joseph: Damn, that sucks.
Abigail: Yeah, I know.
Abigail: Well, my new boyfriend treats me nice and we are planning to be in Love Birds!
Joseph: That's good!

Creepy Child [3.8][edit]

Carrie: So would that be all for you?
Jasmine: Yes.
Carrie: Ok, that'll be $12.99.
Jasmine: Ok.
[Cash sound]
Carrie: Thank you, your food will be ready in 5 to 10 minutes.

Jade: Hey there mister.
Joseph: Oh, hello there, how are you?
Jade: I'm doing perfect, anyways, my mom is making me order by myself because I'm beginning to be a big girl.
Joseph: Oh, okay.

Looking for His Parents [3.9][edit]

Joseph: I hope that kid isn't around.
Lindsey: What's his name?
Joseph: I don't know, he never told me.
Lindsey: Oh ok.
Joseph: I just hope that kid just doesn't follow me around, I don't like that. I don't even know him.
Lindsey: Ok, well, where are we going?
Joseph: We are going to the Plotagon Lobby, to just chill, but that kid's probably in the damn lobby, waiting for me! [Sighs] I doubt the kid's going to do that, he's probably still at home.
Lindsey: Oh ok. So tell me, how did you meet the kid?
Joseph: At the Plotagon Café, I was just sitting down in one of the armchairs and I encounter the kid looking at me weirdly, scheming, saying he was going to follow me around. That kid's a bunch of buffoonery, I don't get why his parents let him do that! They need to watch their motherfucking child!
Lindsey: And it sounds like his parents are buffoonery too.
Joseph: Yes, I'm telling you, they are. They're making the child do what the fuck ever, even though they're supposed to watch him!
Lindsey: Sounds like bad parenting.
Joseph: Exactly, they're bad fucking parents! That child better not do it again!

Joseph: Look, kid, you need to stop following me, your parents might be worried about you now.
Vincent: Cheese nipples. [Laughs]
Joseph: Aren't you like, nine, twelve, or something? If yes, you are too damn old to be making these jokes which aren't even fucking funny.
Vincent: I'm eleven.
Joseph: Then you are too fucking old to be making jokes like that, I don't even know why I'm still talking to you. You're supposed to have been fucking gone.

Lover Boy [3.10][edit]

Joseph: Um, who are you?
Melinda: Um, hi. [Laughs] I'm Melinda, what's your name? I wanna get to, um, you know, know you more..
Joseph: I'm Joseph.
Melinda: That's a nice name, Joseph.
Joseph: Thanks.
Melinda: So, um, are you single?
Joseph: Are you trying to ask me out or some shit?
Melinda: Um, [Laughs] yeah.
Joseph: Well, I'm taken by the most beautiful girl in my life.
Melinda: Well guess what, you are still mine.
Joseph: Wait what, how?
Melinda: Do you like my new shoes?
Joseph: Yeah, they're-[Interrupted by Melinda]
Melinda: I just got them yesterday, where are you going, what's your zodiac sign, how old are you, what's your middle name-[Interrupted by Joseph]
Joseph: Whoa whoa whoa, what's with all of the personal questions? We just met, and I'm pretty sure I'm not even your boyfriend. Because you said that, I'm thinking you're single. Well, it's honestly pretty obvious you're single since you asked me to be your boyfriend, even though I'm already taken-
Melinda: Yeah I know, by me.
Joseph: No, I'm not taken by you, I'm taken by my girlfriend-
Melinda: I'm your girlfriend.
Joseph: No no no, I'm taken by Lindsey, my current girlfriend. Yeah, I take that you're single, looking for a boyfriend, you fucking simp. Stop simping over me.
Melinda: No no no, I'm not single anymore, you're mine now, and I'm also no simp.
Joseph: Okay, look, I'm actually starting to get very apoplectic with enrage right now because of you, what the fuck did I just fucking say, I'm taken by Lindsey!
Melinda: Um, who's Lindsey?
Joseph: My one and only girlfriend.
Melinda: I'm your one and only girlfriend.
Joseph: No the fuck you're not.
Melinda: Oh yes I am.
Joseph: I'm taken by somebody else and that somebody else is not-
Melinda: Lindsey, it's me. That somebody else is me.
Joseph: No, that somebody else is Lindsey.
Melinda: It's me.
Joseph: Look goddammit it's fucking Lindsey! How many damn times do I have to tell you!
Melinda: Until you admit you are mine.
Joseph: Damn simp.

Season 4[edit]

They are after me! [4.1][edit]

Joseph: And then, she tried to ask me out, knowing I'm taken. But she couldn't accept that the fact that I was fucking taken.
Lindsey: Well, all she needs to freaking know is that you're mine, I'm yours, and that's that! You're mine forever, I'm yours forever!
Joseph: Exactly, I tried telling her, but wants to interrupt me! [Sighs] Let's just head home and not worry about it.
Lindsey: Yeah, let's just go home and not worry about the shit that happened.

Claude: Wait, they did?
Joseph: Yes, and I kept telling them no, but wouldn't take that the fact that I'm fucking taken.

Joseph: Wait hold on what?
Melinda: Oh, hi, Joseph. Yeah, it's me again.
Joseph: Wait, how the hell did you find me, and this damn house?
Melinda: Um, let's just say you have a secret admirer.
Joseph: You followed me.
Melinda: [Laughs] Yeah, I did.
Joseph: How did you follow me without me, nor anyone even noticing?
Melinda: I hid in the bushes, while you were by yourself, with your girlfriend, and some other people.
Joseph: And I was in the lobby most of the time, so where were you?
Melinda: I was above you. [Silence] Do you like my new hairstyle?
Joseph: Good and all but my girlfriend Lindsey is probably waiting on me to go inside, so I have to go inside now.
Melinda: I'm your girlfriend.
Joseph: No you're not. I had three girls ask me out and you are one of them.
Melinda: But I, Melinda, am your girlfriend.
Joseph: Let me go inside.


  • Joseph Ramirez - Joseph
  • Lindsey Wright - Lindsey
  • Claude Ramirez - Claude
  • Gabrielle Ramirez - Gabrielle

External links[edit]

Joseph & Lindsey quotes at the Internet Movie Database

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