Joseph & Lindsey (season 1)

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

This is a list of most episodes from the first season of Joseph & Lindsey.

Season 1[edit]

Long Lost [Episode 1][edit]

Gabrielle: What a great day to be at the park!
Abigail: I know! This is so amazing!
Gabrielle: I'm getting a call, from Joseph!
Abigail: Joseph? Oh my god, I haven't seen for so long!

Joseph: I can't believe we are watching the Love Birds show! Gabby and T.Q. are going to be missing this!

Love Birds [Episode 2][edit]

Lindsey: Wait a second, is that...
Joseph: My high school teachers? [Surprising music plays] What the hell!
Abigail: How'd they get there!
Joseph: They said they wouldn't wanna be on TV! I can't believe my teachers are liars!

[Mike and Brittney eskimo kiss, kiss on the lips, and hug. Brittney caresses Mike.]
Brittney: I love you and my brother!
Mike: I love you too, babe. Brittney, ever since I met you, the day I met you, the day I met you, my heart went poof! in love. Love and attraction was all over my body! I was falling in love with you and I was attracted to you. The day you accepted my date request, I fell in love so much!
Brittney: [Laughs] Thanks Mikey.
Mike: No problem Britt. Anything straight up for you.

Donny [Episode 3][edit]

Joseph: Why didn't you come and watch the-- Oh yeah, you was watching it in my room.
Claude: Yeah, your room is so warm and cold and so nice! You even got all the things I don't have!
Joseph: Yeah, I'm rich. I got almost $1 billion! I got $900 million from Love Birds! Now I'm $900 million richer!
Claude: $900 million for being on that show? Wow.. I heard they were giving out $1 million to people who appear on the Love Birds show!
Joseph: Yeah they were, but not anymore since they wanted people who had appeared on that show to become a billionaire, making billions.
Claude: Oh. I really wanna be in that show!

I'll find a way to get outta here [Episode 4][edit]

Officer Michelle Way: You will stay here, facing 30 years to life. Your bail is $20,000.
T.Q.: Are you serious?! $20,000?! And I'm facing 30 to life? All I did was speed 140 fucking miles per hour!
Officer Michelle Way: You caused a crash that left two people deceased and a woman paralyzed from the neck down.
T.Q.: No, no, no! This is wrong! Usually, people'll face 10 to 15 years in here for murder and usually people'll face 20 to 25 years in prison for the murder of two people!
Officer Michelle Way: [Sighs] Well, all that matters is that you are in jail now and simultaneously, someone will be in here to bail you out.

Lindsey: We have to bust T.Q. out of jail!
Joseph: But how are we going to do that? Wait, I got an idea, let's just see how much his bail is and if it's cheap, we can get T.Q. outta here easily! Why did we not think of that earlier?

Jeremy [Episode 5][edit]

Illtyd: Sorry I crashed into your car, my sister messed up the engine and the car just spazzed out.
Joseph: You crashed into my car?
Illtyd: Yeah, I'm sorry..
Joseph: You're okay, I'll get another car tomorrow..

Jeremy the Dinosaur: Shit, I've been spotted!
Joseph: Who are you?
Jeremy the Dinosaur: Um, I'm Jeremy, the dinosaur..
Joseph: Jeremy?
Jeremy the Dinosaur: Yeah..
Joseph: Aren't you extinct?
Jeremy the Dinosaur: I was supposed to be.. But this is fiction, I can shoot lasers outta my eyes, I also have disappearing powers. See, watch this. Poof.
[Jeremy disappears]
Joseph: Jeremy?
Illtyd: Uh oh, I think, I kinda ruined your engine.. Look I'm sorry please don't kill me I'll do anything please please please please please!
Joseph: [Sighs] Look, I won't kill you. Like I said, I'll get another car tomorrow. Accidents happen, you're fine.
Illtyd: Well good. [Sneezes] Bless me.

Lindsey: Hey Joseph!
Joseph: Hey Lindsey, what's up?
Lindsey: Why were you outside for a long time?
Joseph: Oh well, the bad news is that Illtyd had crashed my car..
Lindsey: Wait what? How did he do that?
Joseph: No it's fine, his sister messed up his engine.. And then his car spazzed out and crashed into my car. But it's okay though, I got enough money to get another car from some elsewhere.
Lindsey: Oh, that's a relief, I thought Illtyd did it on purpose and I thought he was drunk.
Joseph: Yeah, I thought that too, until he apologized for crashing my car.
Lindsey: That's a relief!

Joseph & Lindsey Meet the Anderson Family [Episode 8][edit]

Joseph: Wait, Lindsey never misses an episode of Love Birds, what happened? She loves Love Birds, she'll even stay up for it, where is she even at anyway?
[T.Q. bites his nails in worrisome]
[Knocking is heard, surprising music plays]
Joseph: Shit! That must be Lindsey! What are we going to tell her, T.Q.?
T.Q. I don't even know man, she's going to freak out when she finds out she missed the Love Birds episode! This was the special episode!
Joseph: I know...
T.Q.: I'm outta here!

Joseph: I can go in first.
Lindsey: Ok babe.
[Joseph and Lindsey kiss]

Boris: Hello there, welcome to the Caillou/Anderson family!
Joseph: Yes sir, you must be Mr. Anderson, I'm Joseph Ramirez.
Boris: Hello Joseph, you can go ahead and take a tour of the house. But don't visit the room that says 'Rosie's Room'.
Joseph: Ok thank you sir.

Boris: Whoa, you're kinda looking fine!
Joseph: Hey! Stop!
Boris: Oops, sorry.

Staying the Night [Episode 9][edit]

Joseph: Do you guys have Love Birds?
Caillou: Yeah! Do you wanna watch it? I'll go help my mom with the dishes.
Joseph: Love Birds is my favorite show ever! Of course I'd wanna watch it!
Caillou: Ok, lemme turn it on channel 82, then I'll go help Mom.
Joseph: Alright.
[Caillou turns the channel]
Caillou: Ok, I'm going to go help my mom.
Joseph: Have fun with that!

Joseph: The news?! I literally just watched the news before I watched Love Birds at home!
Lindsey: I know right! Usually it doesn't do this!

You must be Caillou's siblings [Episode 10][edit]

Lily: Hey Rosie, I have to tell you something.
Rosie: What is it, Lily?
Lily: When are you ungrounded?
Rosie: When Cody finishes college. I wanna escape my room, but I don't wanna get grounded..
Lily: Yeah, well about that, mom said you're grounded until Agnes and Amanda graduates.
Rosie: Wait, what? Why! I never did anything to get grounded for that long..
Lily: Mom knew you were planning to escape your room so apparently she knew everything. She knew you were trying to leave a decoy.
[Sound intensifies]
Lily: She also knew that you were trying to obviously sneak out..
[Sound intensifies again]
Rosie: Is she a psychic?
Lily: No.. I hate to say this but she probably saw last episode.
Rosie: Damn it! What the fuck!
[Another suspense sound plays]
Rosie: Oh crap, please don't tell her! I didn't mean to cuss!

[Suspense sound plays again]
Doris: ROSALINA ELIZABETH ANDERSON! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR ROOM, JUST GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW!
Joseph: Hey! Can you please keep it down, I'm trying to sleep!
Doris: Oh, my bad.

Aliens [Episode 11][edit]

Lindsey: So what do you wanna do now?
Joseph: I don't know.
Lindsey: Ooh, maybe we should kiss, hug, tickle, and caress each other all day!
Joseph: Um, okay..

Lyndon the Gray Alien: Um, I'm Lyndon the Gray Alien...
[Scary reveal sound plays]
Joseph: The fuck?
Lindsey: Oh shit! He's an alien! Protect me, Joseph!
Lyndon the Gray Alien: No no no, why would I harm anyone? I'm nice.
Lindsey: Because you'd kill us and kill others too!
[Lyndon shrugs]
Lindsey: You scared the absolute shit out of me so hard, I jumped outta my seat to avoid getting targeted!
Lyndon the Gray Alien: I'm not going to kill you! What part of that do you not understand!
Lindsey: [Sighs] Fine.