Laren Grey Umphlett

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Laren Grey Umphlett (b. 1974-06-21) is a writer, philosopher, satirist, and blogger. Author of "The Power of Perception" and "The Poetic Realities, The Poetic Fantasies".


  • Like simple-minded goldfish, we often believe the boundaries of our bowl to be the entire ocean.
    • The Power of Perception.
  • I dismiss the pachyderms and the asses in favor of my axons and dendrites.
    • The Power of Perception.
  • Humans are proof that God exists.
    Humans are proof that God does not exist.
    The sky.
    The apes.
    The fear.
    • The Power of Perception.
  • Reality is non-directional, layered, and potential- all things at once and non-real in the sense that real is an unknown, so "real" is undefined and can not be experienced. Only your experience can be experienced, and that does not encompass everything or anything.
    • The Power of Perception.
  • There is a major difference between a scuba diver and a drowning man. One is in control of his experiences, the other is in over his head.
    • The Power of Perception.
  • Then time stands up and walks out of the room. Then the room stands up and walks out on time. Then you stand up.
    • The Poetic Realities, The Poetic Fantasies.
  • Nature has no categories.
    • The Poetic Realities, The Poetic Fantasies.

External links[edit]

  • Laren Grey Umphlett's "Apes Gone Askew!" blog: