Men in Black: The Series/Season 3
The Worm-Guy Guy Syndrome [3.1]
[edit]The Cold Sweat Syndrome [3.2]
[edit]- Alpha: You must have nine lives, K. Let's see if you have any left. [fires repeatedly on the ice below]
- J: Good thing the guy's a lousy shot!
- K: He's not aiming at us. Those plasma orbs will melt the ice cap.
- J: And?
- K: Flood half the planet.
- Alpha: Always so negative, K. Don't you think Nebraska deserves a beachfront?
(Jack Jeebs and Dak Jeebs emerge from the snow, now fused together)
- Dak: It was bad enough sharing a bathroom with you!
- Jeebs: Yeah, well would it kill you to brush your teeth once in a while!?
The Puppy Love Syndrome [3.3]
[edit]- L: What are you doing here, Frank? Cafeteria's closed.
- Frank: Ah, the just love to razz me. We're like family. Agent L, this is Veronica. My date.
- L: Really? (shakes Veronica's hand) You know we do give free eye exams.
- Frank: (growls at Agent L) (to Veronica) Uh, better keep moving.
- L: Psychological counseling too.
- J: Technology from nine different galaxies and MIB still can't make an alien suit that doesn't itch.
- K: Steady, sport. If we don't convince this gang we're the new Pazzims on the block, an itch will be the least of your worries.
The Lost Continent Syndrome [3.4]
[edit]- J: You know, I was thinking we could chill out a while, have a clam-bake, but no! Zed calls and there went my hula lesson.
- C: I'm free! I'm free! No more MIB! Keep paddling!
- C's alien companion: Why don't you try paddling, bigmouth?
- C: Y... you can talk? TWO YEARS YOU HAVEN'T SAID A SINGLE WORD, AND YOU CAN TALK!?
- C's alien companion: Couldn't get a word in inchwise.
- C: [laughs like a maniac]
- Alien: What? So now it is illegal to suntan?
- K: It is when you're wanted in three galaxies.
- J: Join MIB. See the world. Become Mr. Limpet. They don't mention that part.
The Way Out West Syndrome [3.5]
[edit]- K: (reading the stone tablet on the statue) Tamed the Wild Wild West and rescued Baxter from ruin. (speaking to J) You give the sheriff any advice?
- J: No.
- K: (reading the stone tablet on the statue) Sheriff V.T. "Slick" Clemens!?
- J: Okay, maybe a few small pointers.
- L: If saving the world was easy, anyone could do it.
- K: We're on the job, pilgrim. Get in, get out, remain as inconspicuous as possible.
- J: Not easy. We're gonna stick out like sore thumbs.
- K: Speak for yourself, tenderfoot. (gives his tie a slight pull and his entire suit transforms into a cowboy outfit)
- J: (pulls his tie and nothing happens) Hey! Where are my duds!?
- K: Gotta plan ahead.
The Mine, Mine, Mine Syndrome [3.6]
[edit]- [As silverfish swarm around her]
- Queen Bug: Ah, well-wishers. Who says New Yorkers aren't friendly?
- [The Emperor Worm uses a tape to try to learn English]
- Emperor Worm's tape: The ants in France dance mainly without pants.
- Emperor Worm: "The ants in France..." "The France in pants..." [Presses the fast-forward button]
- Emperor Worm's tape: I am large and in charge.
- Emperor Worm: I am large and in charge!
- Emperor Worm: I demand you trick-or-treat me with respect! I am large and in charge!
- Queen Bug: Guess what, chubbo? I'm larger! (bursts out of her schoolgirl disguise)
- [J and the Emperor Worm have been captured by the Bugs]
- Emperor Worm: You can take away our livestock, but you can't take away our forest fires!
- [The Bugs stare at him in utter confusion]
- Worm 1: We need a suite.
- Worm 2: The bigger, the butter. Uh... better.
- Worm 1: Fit for a king, actually.
- Hotel Clerk: I see. King bed. Double occupancy?
- Worm 2: It's not for us.
- Worm 1: (gestures in Emperor Worm's direction) It's for him.
- Emperor Worm: (in his human disguise) Good aftershave from my big big bottom.
- Hotel Clerk: (looks awkwardly at the two worms)
- Worm 1 & 2: He's from Minnesota/He's from Barcelona. (both look at each other) He's from Barcelona/He's from Minnesota. (both look at each other) He's from Jersey!
- Jeebs: [Wakes up from his nap after hearing the bell ring]] K! J! What brings you here?
- K: Pair of insects.
- J: We think they've been power shopping.
- Jeebs: You check Bloomie's? They have a much larger selection. [K blows Jeebs' head off, then it grows back] When will I learn?
The Bye-Bye Worm Syndrome [3.7]
[edit]The Lights Out Syndrome [3.8]
[edit]- Worm 1: We're taking a moonwalk?
- Worm 2: We got the moves.
- Worm 3: Check it out!
- Worm 4: (Moonwalks) Michael Jackson, eat your heart out!
[J approaches K, whose sense of sight has now been restored]
- J: Blind, and you still saved the world.
- K: Couldn’t have done it without my partner.
- J: True. So, maybe I earned a little quality time with the LTD?
- K: My thoughts exactly. Why don’t you start with a wash and wax?
- J: What?! [J turns to the camera with a a disappointed look on his face]
The Out to Pasture Syndrome [3.9]
[edit]- Worm: Things are getting better around here already. [another worm whispers into his ear.] Oh. Sorry, J. You must feel bad about losing your partner, huh.
- J: Hey, you get lemons, you make lemonade.
- Worms: [in unison] EEEWWWW!!!
- J: Since when is [Agent L] a field agent!?
- K: Since 7:00 this morning.
- J: But I thought...
- K: N-nn. Still too green to be paired with a recruit.
- J: Green!? Kermit the Frog is green! I'm...
- L: Easy, partner. That's the chief you're mouthing off to.
- Alpha: You really outdid yourself this time, Zed. The retirement charade, sending Agent J to feed me false information... But did you really think you could outwit me? You see, Zed, I possess the intellect of four superior races... and the brute force of one stupid one. You're out of your league, old boy.
- [Alpha's alien body is destroyed, leaving him a deteriorated human]
- Alpha: Go on, Zed... destroy me. Do it!
- Zed: No. You're a mere mortal now. You'll be punished like one.
The Sardines and Ice Cream Syndrome [3.10]
[edit]The I Want My Mummy Syndrome [3.11]
[edit]- Zed: East Village. Our Crypt Van Winkle just up-ended a cab.
- J: Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the sarcophagus this morning. Ha ha ha. (Zed, K, L, and Frank give him weird looks. Then Zed takes a sip of his coffee) You guys gotta lighten up.
- J: So, how is it that you're an expert on Egyptian history?
- Frank: I happen to be a cultured, well-read alien about town.
- J: Who roots through garbage cans.
- Frank: Y'know, the ancient Egyptians were way ahead of their time. Engineering, astronomy, architecture, and the worship of dogs.
- J: Thought the dudes answered to cats.
- Frank: Cats got all the press but dogs ran the show.
- K: Read us a story.
- J: And keep it down to a low growl.
- Frank: Hieroglyphics from the old kingdom. 3500 BC. "To release the demon within is to doom the world".
- K: Any mention of Socclarian?
- Frank: That's the ancient name of the magical scepter that the mummy will use to bring death, destruction, and pestilence. If you believe in that kind of mumbo jumbo.
- Disguised Alien: Get me off this planet! Now!
- Jeebs: No advanced reservation, height of the season, gonna be a surcharge.
- Disguised Alien: Fine. Whatever. Just make it quick.
- Jeebs: Something giving you the heebie-jeebies?
- Disguised Alien: A Hyperian in mummy's clothing.
- Jeebs: A Hyperian? Here? You sure?
- Disguised Alien: Ugh. Positive. I saw those animals wipe out an entire city on my home planet. (takes off his disguise) Still gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
- Jeebs: Didn't happen to notice if mummy dearest had the Scepter of Socclarian on him, did you?
- (K presses a button on his watch electrocuting the Hyperian binding both him and J)
- J: Why do you always get the cool stuff?
- Frank: Way to go, mush mouth. I was this close to being high and mighty forever.
- Jeebs: Heh! You!? That scepter hand my name written all over it!
- Frank: Funny. I don't remember seeing the word "idiot" written on it!
- Museum Guard: [The mummy] spoke. Something like "social" or "soccal" or...
- Frank: Socclarian?
- Museum Guard: Hey! The dog! It talked!
- K: You've been working too many nights. (neuralizes the guard)
The Baby Kay Syndrome [3.12]
[edit]The Bad Doggie Syndrome [3.13]
[edit]- Tunston King: You will learn respect for our king!!
- J: The only "king" with my respect is Martin Luther.
The "J" is for James Syndrome Syndrome [3.14]
[edit]- [Last lines]
- J: Agent J is back in black!