Phineas and Ferb (season 3)
The third season of Phineas and Ferb first aired on Disney Channel on March 4, 2011, and on Disney XD on March 5, 2011. The season features two step-brothers on summer vacation trying to make every day the best day ever, while their sister tries to bust them. The five main characters are: brothers Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher, secret agent Perry the Platypus (who's also the pet of Phineas and Ferb), the evil scientist Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and the brothers' older sister Candace Flynn. Recurring characters are across-the-street neighbor the boys' mother and father Linda Flynn-Fletcher and Lawrence Fletcher, Major Monogram, Carl the Intern, Jeremy Johnson, Baljeet, Buford Van Stomm, Stacy Hirano, and more.
The Great Indoors
(A rock falls on Adyson's head)
- Ferb:Sorry, Adyson
- Adyson: (Dazed) The salamanders are back.
- Stacy: By the way, the best part was when you used him as a table. (closes curtain) BUSTED!
Run, Candace, Run
- Candace: (Angrily) Don't you have a catchphrase to say or something?
- Phineas: What is she talking about? Hey, have you seen Perry around?
- Phineas: 'Cause I haven't.
Last Train to Bustville
- Phineas: My steering wheel is a little loose, I think that-
- Phineas: Well yeah, can you hold it while I tighten it?
(She holds the steering wheel around Phineas)
- Phineas: Well, that's perfect.
Phineas' Birthday Clip-O-Drama!
- (After a series of non-sensical clips...)
- Candace: What the heck was that?
- Baljeet: That is what I said! "Oh, let's give all the weird stuff to Baljeet! Who cares if it does not make sense out of context?"
- Doofenshmirtz: (after getting hit and turning inside-out) Oh, great! Now I need to make an Outside-In-Inator!
The Belly of the Beast
- Stacy: We're going to need a bigger captain.
- Buford: I am a shark. I can poop in the ocean!
- Baljeet: You're not going to, right?
- Buford: Keep pushing, dweeb.
- Stacy: So, did a shark really eat your leg?
- Captain Kid: Probably, but he definitely chewed on my arm.
- Candace: Well, at least we'll all get wet. (a giant jet of water hits her and no one else) Really...Really!
- Phineas: [looking up with Ferb] Huh, so how do you think our cows will do on the moon?
- Ferb: Well, photosynthesis will start to create oxygen and then eventually an atmosphere. Our bovine friends will be fine.
- Phineas: Cool. We'll know where to go for ice cream.
- Irving: Phineas and Ferb say bake at 350 for one hour. Serves two. Speaking of 'serves two,' I was thinking, you know, after you girls are done here maybe we could... (Candace shuts the door in his face) Okay, that's cool too. We'll just... we'll just put a pin in it for now.
- Candace: I don't know, Stacy; I've got a bad feeling about this. What am I going to do if it isn't even edible?
- Stacy: Well, technically, it is English food....
- Baljeet: Hey! What do you mean you blame Baljeet?!
- Male Singer: Well, it was clearly your responsibility.
- Baljeet: Where are you getting your information from, disembodied reggae space voice?!
- Male Singer: Hey, I have a name you know.
- Baljeet: Oh yeah, what is it?
- Male Singer: Well... it's... disembodied reggae space voice, but that's a coincidence! You didn't know that.
- Baljeet: Uh, look who's sensitive. Besides, Buford could have brought the marshmallows.
- Buford: Hey, leave me out of this.
- Phineas: Guys, guys, we have limited time here. Baljeet, could you please stop arguing with the soundtrack?
- Baljeet: He started it!
Ask a Foolish Question
- Phineas: We're going to make a super computer!
- Buford: What? Your mom wants a super computer? What is she? Some kind of nerd?
- Phineas [to Linda]: Whole-grain & fat-free. You know us so well.
- Linda: Yes, yes I do.
- Buford: How would I know what adults like. What am I a computer?
- Phineas: (referring to a zoo platypus) Hey, it looks like you, Perry. Of course, it doesn't look nearly as smart.
- Perry: [chatters]
- Candace: I'm borrowing your platypus.
- Phineas: Ok. Have fun!
- (Perry chatters)
- Candace: (to Perry) Will you stop squirming? You're a platypus. It's not like you have somewhere to be.
- Phineas: You know, Ferb, I've been thinking since there's nothing more fun than fun, why not add fun to everything? (Ferb takes out a piece of paper, folds it in half and sets it on his nose) Fun shoes... Fun oatmeal... Fun origami...well, origami's already fun. (sees the paper on Ferb's nose, that looks similar to a house) Fun...house! Great idea, Ferb! We'll turn our house into a funhouse! By, you know, adding fun!
- Major Monogram: Oh... the Marsh Maneuver! I haven't seen one of those since 1974!
- Carl: '74? You had a perm back then!
- Major Monogram: Stay off the Internet, Carl!
- Phineas: You know what, Ferb? This is gonna be the most interesting thing we've ever built.
- Ferb: And the tallest.
- Phineas: Yes, and the tallest.
- Ferb: And the heaviest.
- Phineas: Wow, we're chatty today, aren't we?
- Phineas: We made Candace the best phone ever.
- Candace: Hey! Wait a minute! All this phone does is ... make phone calls.
- Linda: Sorry, Candace. You lost four phones in four months. I got you the cheapest replacement I could find. If you lose this one, it's life without a phone for Candace Flynn.
- Candace: Life without a phone for Candace Flynn? But, but that's me!
- Candace: (while hanging off of a cliff) Talk about a cliff-hanger. (cell phone makes a "rim shot" sound)
- Candace: (runs to her broken cell phone) Oh no, Phonesy! What have they done to you? (grabs some pieces of the phone) Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me?
- Phineas: (gets close to Candace) I can hear you, Candace.
- Candace: Oh great! It still works! Yeah, Phineas, I was just telling you that ... (realizes Phineas and Ferb on her side)
- (Candace leaves garage)
- Buford: She's gone! Lets talk about her!
Magic Carpet Ride
- Ferb: Does anyone else want to be king of the world?
- Phineas: Eh, keep it, bro. It suits you.
- Candace: I don't get it, I thought these things are right about everything, I mean, look. [cracks and reads the final fortune cookie quietly; hands it to Stacy]
- Stacy: [reads fortune cookie] Don't believe everything you read; Words to live by.
Bad Hair Day
- Stacy: A hair emergency, the worst kind.
- Linda: Wow, you are good!
- Phineas: Girlfriend, please.
- Phineas: [to Candace] Your hair looks simplicious!
- Ferb: Have you tried tossing your head back?
- Stacy: Hey, where's Perry?
- Candace: (glares at Stacy)
- Stacy: What, I'm like the only one who hasn't said it.
- (Mrs. Johsons reads the dart gun instruction manual.)
- Mrs. Johnson: Congratulations on your purchase of this dart gun. There are many others like it, but this one is yours.
- Phineas: What if bounce houses were made for bigger kids?
- Buford: Hey!
- Phineas: Slightly bigger kids. And what if they just happened to be totally amazing? I stand before you today and I hereby declare that... that uh, a little help Ferb? [Ferb turns on a fan blowing leaves and newspapers toward Phineas] That nobody has yet done justice to the bounce house concept, and that it is up to us to show the world what a bounce house can truly be. For if not us, then who? And if not now, then when? And if not when, then...something else! Gentlemen I know what we are going to do today, but first, answer me this: Where's Perry? [Fan stops] No seriously, where is he? I don't- I haven't seen him.
Phineas and Ferb Interrupted
- Candace: What the heck is wrong with these two?
- Buford: It's like they were hit with a dull and boring ray.
- Perry: [opens his eyes and begins to back away]
- Baljeet: Oh, I speak boring. And getting a Whittling Badge is soooo exciting. [walks to Phineas and Ferb]
- Buford: Meow! Cat fight!
- Baljeet: So, nice weather we are having.
- Phineas: You know, I was just saying to Ferb that the atmospheric pressure seems low today. Which would suggest cloudy skies yet it's completely sunny. Although it would be interesting to take an exact barometric reading. Did you know that while meteorologists used millibars to chart atmospheric pressure, a barometer has a second scale, or ring, which reads in hectopascals? Of course, it doesn't matter what measure you choose if your barometer doesn't have its sensory range...
- Baljeet: [becomes dizzy listening to Phineas]
- Baljeet: I have never gone so far into deep dull before.
- Phineas: Hey, I know what we're going to do today! [everyone gets excited] We're going to watch golf on television!
- Candace: What?! [takes the blueprints] Okay, we got to jump start these guys.
A Real Boy
- Norm: Good morning, sir!
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Eh...
- (Norm throws a dozen eggs, shells and all, into a frying pan.)
- Norm: One egg or two?
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: None. I don't like the way you make them. You always leave the shells on!
- Norm: I like mine crunchy!
- Buford: Hey look! It's one of those...things!
- Baljeet: Yes, a big one!
- Phineas: Well, you know those little spring suction cup thing that you put down and never know when you're gonna pop up in the air?
- Phineas: I don't know, but Ferb and I built a big one.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Sure, it would be nice to have a son, I mean in addition, someone to have a nice game of catch with, but...
- Norm: Sir, you can have a game of catch with me! I have always thought of you as my fath-
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Norm, you're in my light!
- Norm: -therrr.
- Norm: You like playing ball with me, your son.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Really, I like that?
- Norm: Yes.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What else do I like?
- Norm: Crunchy eggs for breakfast.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I do? Man, what kind of weirdo am I?
Mommy Can You Hear Me?
- Candace: Mom, turn around!
- Linda (to Candace): Do you think you can entertain yourself up here alone?
- Candace: Sure, I can count useless limbs. One.
- Candace: Stacy, you got to help me.
- Stacy: Okay.
- Candace: (hugs Stacy) Thank you!
- Stacy: I am such an enabler.
- Truck Driver [to Phineas]: Delivery. Hey aren't you two a little young to be receiving a seasoned grill, 300 pounds of coffee, 200 pounds of fatback, four tons of lumber and assorted wheat, rye and pumpernickel breads.
- Phineas: Think about it. Age really isn't the issue here, right?
- Truck Driver: You got a point there, kid.
- Lawrence: That's what I love about you Americans, you're like big fun children.
- Linda: Yes, yes we are.
- Candace [to a customer]: Hash browns or fruit?
- Customer: Hash browns!
- Candace: You're havin' fruit!
- Customer: Aww...
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, I can't fight you and drive at the same time!
- Customer: Do the Eggs Southwest have bacon in them?
- Candace: Ferb! Bacon on the Southwest?
- (Ferb gives a thumbs-up.)
- Candace: Yeah, there's bacon.
- Customer: Is the bacon good?
- Candace: It's bacon...
- Customer: Okay, I'll have...
- Candace: Not gettin' any younger here.
Tour de Ferb
- Greg Lemond: That's the spirit! USA! USA!
- Baljeet: I am from India.
- Candace: Giant Skiddley Whiffers?! That is so bustable! And yet, so tempting. But so bustable! And yet, so tempting.
- Phineas: You wanna play?
- Candace: Yes! I'm the sneaker!
- Buford: I get dibs on the truck!
- Cyborg: Booyah!
- Phineas: I claim the fedora and Ferb picks the nose!
- Sound: Rimshot
- Baljeet: [mad and on the yellow unicorn] You know, real unicorns are pink. I'm just saying.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You know, fire is the leading cause of fire.
- Baljeet: When do I get to go! (gets tossed a electronic die that flashes 1) This is going to be a long game.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You have to leave! It's not safe for little kids. I mean, for practically adults. Flee! Back to the city! Away from danger!
- Vanessa: Like what?
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: [points to the bushes] Like that!
- Perry: [pops out from the bushes in a bear costume and growls]
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: See?
- Vanessa: Alright, that's enough! Really, Perry, really? I expect more from you.
- Perry: [looks down in shame]
My Fair Goalie
- Buford: [to Ferb's cousins after they call a soccer ball a football] You dweebs! That's a soccer ball! This is a football!
- Phineas: Does anyone have a piccolo? Buford?
- Buford: Gah! Someday, someone's gonna ask for some obscure musical instrument, and I won't have it. [takes out piccolo from pocket]
- Phineas: Impossible? The only thing that's impossible is impossibility.
- Beckham: I'm terribly gobsmacked!
- Phineas: Yeah, I guess I could smack a little gob, myself.
- Phineas: So, how did it go Dad?
- Lawrence: I'm not absolutely sure, boys, but I think I just became the king of the pharmacists.
- Phineas: Awesome!
- Phineas: Oops! Outer ring. We'll try again.
- Buford: Zero! Write that down, Baljeet!
- Baljeet: Oh, yes. By all means, I do not want to forget to add zero later.
- Rodney (to Dr. Doofensmirtz): You broke my Izer!
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Inator! Inator!
- Rodney: Shut it!
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No, you shut it!
- Lawrence: Today Danville, tomorrow the world!
That's the Spirit
- Buford: What kind of person hands out these weird orange peanuts? We gotta find a better neighborhood.
- Phineas: That's strange. I've never seen this place before. You'd think we would have noticed it.
- Buford: I'm gonna give those orange peanuts a second look.
- Buford: The light under his chin makes his story pretty convincing.
- Baljeet: Actually, there is no scientific evidence for the existence of ghosts.
- Buford: What do you know? You're a daffodil.
- Baljeet: Daisy!
- Buford: Case closed.
- Candace: Oh please.
- Russel: Oh this always happens.
- Phineas: Don't panic everyone.
- Buford: I think that's my hand.
- Phineas: Wait a minute. If you're a ghost and you have a pumpkin on your head, what does that make you when you were alive?
- Ferb: The probability of a humanoid-vegetable hybrid is exceedingly remote.
The Curse of Candace
- Candace: Well, I can lift heavy objects, and I can levitate, and...and I can't see my reflection in the mirror.
- Ferb: Sounds like a vampire to me. [Ferb backs up into the doorway, shielding his face]
- Phineas: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Come here, Ferb, come here.
- Phineas: And why would marathoners be following anyone besides, you know, three guys from Kenya.
- Lawrence: Well, this isn't much of a horror movie. Where are the rock and roll musical numbers?
Escape from Phineas Tower
- Phineas: The entire galaxy. That enough elbow room for you?
- Ferb: Well, for today.
- Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, my brother and I are here today to give you a thrilling display of escapement arts as we attempt to extract ourselves from this. The most complicated trap ever devised my man or child, a computer controlled tower, so fiendishly clever, that its blueprints had to be viewed in a smoked mirror to avoid driving its creators insane!
- (During Dr. Doofensmirtz's flashback)
- Young Roger Doofensmirtz: Sweet Aunt Bephy, you have always been my favorite.
- Aunt Bephy: Roger, so polite. Heinz?
- Young Dr. Doofensmirtz: That's some mole!
- (To the present time)
- Dr. Doofensmirtz: Heh, it takes a long time to clean out a chicken coop with a spoon.
- Baljeet: (after Phineas and Ferb enter the escape tower) Legally speaking, what is our liability here?
- Phineas: What's Perry doing in a pillory?
- Ferb: Actually those are stocks, a pillory forces the wearer to remain upright, exposing them to poking and prodding from passers-by.
- Phineas: Wow, I'd expect that kind of esoteric knowledge to come from someone a little older; 50 or 60, or perhaps a septuagenarian.
- Phineas: I think that Buford's saliva must have combined with the potatoes' DNA to make some sort of Buford potato hybrid.
- Lawrence: Goodbye, boys. Have a great day. I'm off to work.
- Phineas: Goodbye, Dad, have fun buying from auctions and private sells preforming minor refurbishments to the purchase items, marking up the prices and selling them to your customers.
- Ferb: Our dad sells antiques.
- Phineas (about Ferb Latin): All the fun of Pig Latin but it's safe for vegetarians to use.
- Phineas: By jove, I think she's got it!
- Norm: I'm ack-berb
- Norm: Ank-therb Ou-yerb.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, is that Swedish?
A Phineas and Ferb Family Christmas
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey, aren't you Kelly Clarkson?
- Kelly Clarkson: Yes, yes I am.
- Phineas: Everyone's come together for the holidays, but Perry's still not here.
- Ferb: Every family Christmas special needs a little false drama.
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait, wait. What's going on here? Is it Christmas already? What happened to Fall? I'm totally unprepared.
- Phinabunk (Phineas): Mei Isabelock, Gerb n mi maka wha.
- Gerb (Ferb): I guess we should wait for tomorrow before we tell them our new language.
- Phinabunk (Phineas): Yes, yes, we should.
- Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: Okay. But, where's Perry?
- Can-tok (Candace): Phinabuk and Gerb! Can-tok in charga!
- Phinabunk (Phineas): Can-tok in charga? Du mhakka satellakkah?
- Princess Isabella: Doofus Khan, he has been a plague on our land for far too long!
- Phineas (sees Perry rippling): What's he doing?
- Ferb: That's a ripple dissolve. He must be having a flashback.
- Phineas: Does he know that we can't see it?
- Elderly Phineas (after many years of building the Great Wall of China): Well, that took longer than expected.
- Elderly Ferb: But, it is a great wall.
- Elderly Phineas: Yeah. So, what you wanna do tomorrow? (Ferb glares at him and leaves) What? I kid. We can rest, how about a game of mahjong?
- Phineas: There it is, the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness.
- Buford: You know what I hate about the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness, just to get there you have to cross the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness.
- Baljeet: Who name all this thing?
- Buford: That guy over there, the Redundant scribe of Redundantness.
- Phineas: Holy mackerel! how did you guys defeat all these soldiers?
- Soldier: We're okay.
- Buford: There was nothing to it. (starts rippling)
- Phineas: There's no time for flashbacks! We have to go!
- Buford: What flashback? I'm just rippling! It relaxes me.
- Regent Monogram: Doofus Khan, you are very...
- Doofus Khan (Dr. Doofenshmirtz): I know I am, but what are you? Nah! Ha, you like the tongue? Set me back a week but totally worth it.
- Regent Monogram: Carl, duck!
- General Carl: No actually sir, it's a dra... (The mechanical dragon's tail hit him) Ow! Oh, that kinda duck.
- Ferb-a-lot (Ferb): Yeah. Okay, I'm down with that.
- Carl: Sir, you're crushing my spirit.
- Major Monogram: Yes. Yes I am.
- Ferb-a-lot (Ferb): Behold evil wizard Millifishmirtz, I hold the sword Excaliferb. This mystical vorpal blade was given to me by The Lady of the Puddle. Get a good look at it, for it is the instrument of your demise! (the blade of the sword falls off the hilt) Well, uh, okay. So big deal, the end comes off.
- Phineas: Whoa! This must be the sprite, Isabel.
- Phineas: Apparently you are going to guide us on a quest.
- Millifishmirtz (Dr. Doofenshmirtz): (laughs) Finally, my greatest nemesis vanquished. Now, Perrible the Dragonpus prepare to meet your dim... doom, I mean doom. Prepare to meet your.. Man, talk about blowing the moment.
- Millifishmirtz (Dr. Doofenshmirtz): I am not afraid of anything! Except, you know, girls, whales, squid... I should really make a list... (Notices that everyone is looking at the sky) Wait, what are you looking at? (sees the genetically twisted Candadere)
- Candadere (Candace): Phineas and Ferb-a-lot, you are so busted!
- Millifishmirtz (Dr. Doofenshmirtz): Would you look at that, it's a, uniwhale scorpiopegasquidacorn girl. What are the odds? Actually, it's a bit more ridiculous than scary.
Phineas and Ferb and the Temple of Juatchadoon
- Phineas: You fiend, you think we're just gonna give it to you?!
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, yes I do.
- Phineas: By the way, anyone else find weird that we're saved by an anthropomorphic platypus?
- Ferb: The world holds many mysteries, and what seems strange to one maybe common place to another. The fez was weird though, I mean we're not in Egypt.
- Phineas: Someone around here bound to knows something
- Phineas: Exactly, we don't know if it really exist?
- Phineas: What?
- Phineas: Isabella! You dirty double crosser!
- Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, you totally 1-upped my entrance!
- Vivian: (to Baljeet) That was very smooth of you to rescue us at the last moment.
- Baljeet: That is just how I'm playing it, babe.
Monster from the Id
- Candace: What's that
Candace: Rubber ducks?
Baljeet: Do not ask me! It is your subconscious!
Ferb: She has a rich internal life.
Buford: Yeah, she's real messed up.
(In the real world)
Irving: He just showed up and jacked in!
(In Candace's mind)
Candace: You can't come in here!
Buford: It's a free country.
Candace: No it's not! It's my head!
Candace: Jeremy, it's beautiful! I really love it. Thank you. Wait a minute. Where's Buford? (Is Candace's mind)
Buford: (to id) I don't care what Freud said about your selfish need for satisfaction. You're alright with me. (id growls)
Major Monogram: So, we need you to investigate, Agent P. Monogram out. Carl, fade out! (Carl pushes a button on a remote which turns the room pitch black, and the only things visible are the eyes of Agent P, Carl and Major Monogram) You can go now, Agent P. (he does so) Okay, Carl. You can turn the lights back on. Carl? (man laughing manically) Stop it, Carl!
Carl: That wasn't me!
Buford: Smells like my grandma's house.
Buford: Have you met my grandma?
Phineas: You know what I like about our friends? We say things like, "We're gonna douse you in ant pheromones." And they're just like, "Okay, whatever". They're so cool.
The Remains of the Platypus
- Dr Doofenshmirtz: I'm a genius!! For real this time
- Dr Doofenshmirtz: It's gonna get hot in here!!! (rips off lab coat, leaving him in just his underwear)
- Carl: Happy place! Happy place
- Phineas: Just dump it there like a caged guy in a squirrel costume! (Ferb stares) What? I stand by that metaphor.
- Major Monogram: Check it out. (draws details on the hand he traced) Look! It's Agent T! (shows the drawing to Perry, who stares in shock) What? Too soon?
- Major Monogram: Cheese
Mom's in the House
Candace: There is a madness to my method.
Stacy: You've got three seconds.
Candace: Everything Phineas and Ferb build -- disappears when they're finished. So if I can keep them from finishing the thing they're building, it will never disappear! I call it Busy Bee Busting. B. B. Busting, for short.
Stacy: You know what? I'll see you, La-La-Later.
Original Doofenshmirtz: Heads I win! Tails You Lose! Doofenshmirtz head 1: Really Thats the best you got? Doofenshmirtz head 5: Kind of obvious. Doofenshmirtz head 6: Juvenile. Doofenshmirtz head 3: I liked it. All Doofenshmirtzs except the original and 3: You would! all Doofenshmirtz heads look at the original Original Doofenshmirtz: You know, you guys are annoying too.
Perry the Actorpus
- Phineas: We can spend the rest of day with you for a change!
- Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! We're gonna put a hat on Perry!
Buford: (With a tear in his eye) It's beautiful!
Baljeet: Buford?! You are crying!
Buford: (Removes the tear off his eye and puts it on Baljeet) No, I'm not, you're crying!
Bully Bromance Breakup
Phineas: ICE CHALET!
Buford: I just don't know what to do. There's a nerd-shaped hole in my heart. There's a nerd-shaped hole...
Baljeet: A bully-sized hole...
Both: A big, honkin' hole in my heart!
Doofenshmirtz: Wait a second! You're singing?! I-I know what this means! You're leaving, aren't you?
Baljeet: I am sorry for my outburst earlier.
Buford: No, I'm sorry for putting the GPS on you; Consider it gone!
Buford pulls off one of Baljeet's overall buttons and they fall down.
Baljeet: Oh yes, this is much less humiliating.
Buford: Don't worry, I'll get the duct tape.
Baljeet: He meant on my pants, right?
Quietest Day Ever
Mom: Oh hi kids. I want to thank you for being so quiet all afternoon, unlike someone I know.
Candace: But but-but...
Phineas: Hey Mom, how your test go?
Mom: Well lucky for Candace I just passed. Anyone for pie?
The kids:(Everybody jump for joy except Ferb) ME!
Mom:(In a stern tone.) Mush Candace.
Candace:(Pushes Mom away who is still in the computer chair.) Sigh.
The Doonkleberry Imperative
Vanessa: Doofenshmirtz is my last name, Heinz is my Dad.
Candace: Doofenshmirtz, what's that like Chinese?
Vanessa: It's Drusselsteinian.
Candace: Right, from Drusselsteinia.
Vanessa: I'm heading over my dad's house if you want to look for your book.
Meapless in Seattle
Candace: I mean if I did half the things they do, I'd get so... busted.
Stacy: (Stacy opens the Flynn-Fletcher's front door) Uh-oh. I just lost you, didn't I?
Candace: Stacy! If I do what Phineas and Ferb were doing, I will get busted and them along with me! It's a sacrificial bust!
Stacy: I almost got you...
Candace: I can take the hit-
Stacy: ...out the door...
Candace: -but they'll never see it coming!
Stacy: ...to the mall.
French Audio Teacher: The spaceship is right behind you. Le vaisseau spatial est juste derrière vous.
Phineas: Hey look, there's Mom!
French Audio Teacher: Your children are climbing in the spaceship now.
Phineas: Hi Mom!
French Audio Teacher: Vos enfants sont à la hausse dans le vaisseau spatial aujourd'hui.
Phineas: We're going to outer space!
French Audio Teacher: Oh for the love of, would you turn around?
Phineas: See ya!
French Audio Teacher: Oh pour l'amour de, serait que vous tournez autour?
Linda: Well when is that ever going to come up in conversation?
Phineas: Is... Isabella. Hey wait a minute, Isabella we had the secret cute weapon all this time. You!
Phineas: Don't you see, you can take him. He's only cute on the outside, but your cuteness goes right to your core.
Phineas: It's a scientific fact.(Picking up the Cute-tracker 2.0) I had to put an 8000 Ohm resistor in the cute-tracker just to keep you from burning it out. (Long pause, then Phineas fidget and pushing buttons on the Cute-tracker 2.0)
Narrator: And now, a trailer for an episode that we also have no plan to make.
Baljeet: Pay attention up there!
Candace: Jerry the Platypus?
Phineas: Ferb, aren't those extinct?
(Meap walks away from his ship as it explodes.)
Jeremy: As a matter of fact, I object to this union.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I'm just a guy who's a sucker for the sounds of mass transit.
(Meap and Suzy fight each other in the Bango-Ru convention, as seen in the Meapless in Seattle trailer)
Narrator: The Chronicles of Meap, Episode 42.
Narrator: Meap Me in St. Louis.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey, wasn't that Suzy stuff supposed to be in this one?
Delivery of Destiny
Carl: (with high-pitched voice) Uh, I'm gonna go sign for the package.
Major Monogram: Carl, your voice just got squeaky! I know that squeaking!
Carl: Where do I sign?
Major Monogram: CARL, WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME?!
Carl: (with normal voice) Sir, Agent P doesn't have his tools. I took them out to clean and repair them.
Major Monogram: Something inside me just... broke.
- Baljeet: Buford, what are you doing?
- Buford: The forest is filled with patch-crazed Europeans and I'm a bear in the woods. What do you think I'm doing?
- Phineas: Ooh! Ooh! I know!
- Buford: Am I on speaker phone? Get me off speaker phone!!!
The Mom Attractor
Candace: What are you guys doing?
Phineas: Well you know how we do something new everyday?
Candace: [sarcastically] No!
Phineas: Oh, well, we build a big project or do something--
Candace: I'm aware of the concept Phineas, I was just being sarcastic.
Phineas: Really? Hey, that was pretty good. I totally fell for it. Hey Ferb, I totally fell for it.
Candace: I'm trying to think of things that Mom likes.
Dad: Oh, so many things, really. Music, hobbies, you kids. Ooh! You know, what she really likes, is my famous Rhubarb Crème Brulee. I used to make it for her all the time when we were dating. Oh, it made her so happy. (Candace gets up and leaves) You know, I should get out my toque and blowtorch and make one for her today. What a good idea Candace. Thank-you.(The sound of the door opens and closes) Candace? Well, all right then.
Buford: No you should not, I created the world's largest wedgie machine.
Baljeet: Uh, you tried to eliminate the atmosphere, one time.
Buford: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Major Monogram: Enter. Agent P, we have a situation.
Doofenshmirtz: Is this about that grape joke? Who told on me? Was it the duck?!
Major Monogram: That's not why I called you in. Get a look at this! This is Newton the Gnu. He was assigned to Dr. Diminutive, but it appears that some bonehead blew his cover on the blogosphere. We still haven't found out who it was. In the meantime, We need you to bring him in. Get on it, Agent P! Oh, and, uh, take Doofenshmirtz with you.
Doofenshmirtz: A ride-along? Sweet! I can wear my new fedora!
Major Monogram: Get out of here! (Doofenshmirtz and Perry leave, then Carl is seen with a mail cart) Carl, get in here! When you're done delivering the mail, I want you to wash and wax my car. You know, a little wax on, wax off? It'll teach you karate.
Carl: No, it won't.
Doofenshmirtz: (notices Vanessa feeling very depressed after breaking up with her boyfriend Johnny on the phone) So, what's wrong, Vanessa? You seem upset.
Vanessa: Nothing. It's just..... Johnny, he's such a boy. I'm sick of it! No ambition, no depth....
Doofenshmirtz: You always go for the wrong type of guys, these bad boy types.
Vanessa: (smiles) Dad, perhaps you haven't noticed, but you're evil. (hugs him)
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, there's good evil and there's bad evil. Am I right, Rodrigo?
Rodrigo: Exactly. (makes a crazy face at Vanessa, who then smiles at him)
Vanessa: Dad, look out! (She tries to help Dr. Doofenshmirtz, but couldn't because she is wearing Perry's initial trap, which is the boot-like trap.) Oh, you have got to be kidding me!
Rodrigo: (Explains his plan using the blackboard that Dr. Doofenshmirtz used earlier.) You see, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, I'm going to manipulate your propellers at precise angles and literally tear the Tri-State Area apart!
Doofenshmirtz: But, hey, DUMMY!!! If you destroy the Tri-State Area, what will you have left to take over?!! Hmm?
Rodrigo: The world.
Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Take over the world?! That's crazy!!! That's almost left-boot-trap crazy!!
Vanessa: Oh, would you get off that? Making matching boots is normal! You with the one boot, that's what's crazy!
Rodrigo: Join me, Vanessa, and together we will take over the world. I'll let you get a tattoo. I think boots should come in pairs, like people.
Vanessa: Join you? I don't work for him! That's my father, you dweeb!!
Rodrigo: Well, yeah, I just thought we had a moment.
Vanessa: (scoffs) A moment?
Vanessa: Yeah, I know. What a dip, right?
What a Croc!
Candace: I just can't believe it's gone!
Irving: Aw, don't be blue. All we've gotta do is wait a couple of hours—
Candace: Ew, disgusting!
Irving: What? My brother will be here with my backup. What were you think— (realizes) Oh, that is disgusting!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh nice try but the mustache thing was still weirder.
Doofenshmirtz: (meeting his inner self) Hey, you look a little familiar.
Doofenshmirtz's inner self: I should. I'm the inner you.
Doofenshmirtz: Inner me? Are you the one who's been making the good -inators?!
Doofenshmirtz's inner self: I was trying to HELP YOU, YOU NICOMPOOP!!!
Doofenshmirtz's inner self: That's it, just a little more. Not so hard, you'll over-tighten it! Like your brain! Now, let's get a glimpse at what this baby can do.
Skateboarder: Ugh, dude, what happened? Dude, is this cake?
Woman: The cake is hugging us!
Man: Don't worry, it's not so bad! We can eat our way out!
Ugh! I can't eat it now, it's covered in paper!
(An angry Doofenshmirtz and his inner self seeing Perry flying away after he destroys the three -inators)
Doofenshmirtz: So much for that -inator.
Doofenshmirtz's inner self: (scoffs) Tell me about it.
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, what are you doing here? This isn't a dream!
Doofenshmirtz's inner self: Oh, isn't it?
(pause for a moment)
Doofenshmirtz: NO!! No, it isn't!!
Doofenshmirtz's inner self: (realizing that Doofesnhmirtz is right) Aw crud. (disappears into a puff of smoke)
Sci-Fi Pie Fly
Candace: (sighs) Listen, Stacy. UFO. Me day. No blow up in face! FACE!!!
Stacy: (on phone) Well, now that you've put it crazy...
Sipping With the Enemy
Lawrence: Hello lads!
Phineas: Hi Dad!
Lawrence: What are you boys doing?
Phineas: I was just telling Buford about phone booths.
Buford: And I'm not buying it!
Lawrence: Oh no Buford, they were real. They were tiny rooms where you could talk on the phone in private.
Phineas: Yeah! And you'd have to put coins in them to make calls.
Buford: You guys are blowing my mind!
Lawrence: Speaking of coins... What's this here? Behind your ear? (Reaches behind Phineas's ear.) It's a quarter!
Buford: How did you do that?
Lawrence: A magician never reveals his secrets. (Walks away)
Buford: Your dad's really great at tricks!
Phineas: Not really, I just keep a bunch of quarters behind my ear 'cause he enjoys it so much. (Pulls a handful of quarters from behind his ear.)
Tri-State Treasure: Boot of Secrets
Judge: And please join me in welcoming the winners of the Danville Young Film Makers contest, Phineas and Ferb!
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, crud.
Major Monogram: Come in. Sit down, Agent P. We have a serious problem. It seems that someone, and I'm not saying who, someone has spilled on the couch in the lobby.
Carl: Sir, I--
Major Monogram: A very expensive couch when we bought it in 1985.
Carl: Sir, all I did was turn the cushion over, the stain was already...
Major Monogram: If the responsible party is present...
Carl: Sir, it was Agent M. He spilled a latte in 1990.
Major Monogram: Ugh. We were hoping to get him here a couple of years out of that couch...
Carl: Any who?
Major Monogram: Any who, our surveillance operatives have been getting some mixed signals from Doofenshmirtz. He was observed at the Danville Library, checking out books on Eastern Australia and hydrostatic cell fusion. We haven't come up with any ideas about what he's up to.
Carl: Maybe he's trying to recreate Pangaea, sir.
Major Monogram: Like I said, we haven't come up with anything yet.
Doofenshmirtz: I mean, you destroy the Tri-State Area and what are you ruler of? Rubble. And where's the panache? The je ne sais quoi?
Dr. Diminutive: He's an amateur.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm not talking to you!
Buford: Little bit of garlic, a little bit a butter... (Gets interrupted by Baljeet)
Baljeet: Do not worry Isabella. You do not have to have every patch.
Doofenshmirtz: Aw man, you know I made a Move-A-Bunch-Of-Inator-inator at one point, this would have been really good time to use it. I don't know how that slipped my min-
Carl: Enough of you mindless prattle minion. Show me my -inators.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, okay, sheesh. Testy. First of all is the disintegrator-inator which-
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, then we also have the Galaxy-inator which-
Doofenshmirtz: The Deresinator
Doofenshmirtz: The Over-Hang-in-
Doofenshmirtz: The Upper-decker-
Doofenshmirtz: The Pickle-slicer-
Doofenshmirtz: The stand-and-
Doofenshmirtz: The Boar-
Where's Perry? (Part Two)
Carl: You fool! Without Agent P.'s paw print, I can't unlock the computer. And without the computer, I can't take over the Tri-State Area.
Major Monogram: Nice recap.
Carl: Quiet back there! You! Which -inator zapped him?
Doofenshmirtz: You know, ah... I really am clueless.
Carl: About the -inator, or just in general?
Doofenshmirtz: I'm not sure I understand the question.
- Jeremy: (voiceover) Hey, it's me. So, I was trying to tell you before...
- Carl: HE'S NOT HERE!!!! (Kicks Perry away) Where, IS he?!
- (Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet and Isabella are sinking in quicksand while Buford watches from a cliff)
- Phineas: Hey, Isabella, anything in the Fireside manual about escaping from quicksand?
- Buford: Hey, guys, I landed up here, should I come down?
- Baljeet: No! Throw down that vine! (Buford picks up the whole vine) Just one end!
- Buford: Ok, but I don't know what you're gonna do with half a vine.
- Baljeet: (to Phineas) Is it me? It is him, right?
- Phineas: (to Buford) Now, Buford, pull! (Buford grunts, but the vine doesn't move) On the vine!
- Buford: Oops, sorry!
- Phineas: (aside, to Baljeet) It's him.
Phineas: And stop looking for Perry? Are you kidding? He's our pet! He's more than our pet. He's our friend. And, I know he's out there. (shows reactions of Buford, Isabella, and Baljeet respectively)
Baljeet: We are in Africa.
Buford: Pretty much sums it up.
Ferb: Well, has he been wrong before?
Buford: How wide are we willing to open this up?
Carl: Sir, there's something I still don't get. I'm absolutely positive Agent P got hit with the Go Home-inator. So, why did he end up in Africa of all places?
Major Monogram: His family.
Major Monogram: They were here in Africa. Home is where the heart is, Carl.
Carl: True, sir.
Major Monogram: Don't touch anything!
Doofenshmirtz: I didn't!
- (The evil Phineas robot uses his spider-legs to attack Candace and begins charge a laser)
Phineas robot: I know what I am going to destroy today
- (Fires his laser but the robot Candace pounce in front of the real one getting heavily damaged, but she fires her own laser at him, making him fall backward and explode)
Candace robot: You're busted
Narrator: Buford Van Stomm, world renowned chef, winner of the Palme de Mouton, runner-up of the Tri-State Area chili cook-off, and master prepare of the cuisine to the crown-
Buford: Hey, get that camera out of my face!
Narrator: He's also kinda mean.
Buford: You bet your boots.
Girl 3: Uh-oh, Dr. Baljeet! Who are they?
Baljeet: Just some old friends. In post-apocalyptic battle gear. Okay, maybe "friends" is stretching it a bit.
Girl 3: Jeepers! (A boat is seen passing through a drawbridge)
Baljeet: GI hope you have got your carry on stowed, because we are ready for take-off. (He skillfully jumps over the bridge with his motorcycle, flying into the sky. The band of truckers attempt to duplicate Baljeet's actions, but only get to the other side of the bridge)
Trucker 1: Dude, you are so lucky.
Trucker 2: Yeah, I know. I gotta slow down.
Girl 3: (Now dangling by Baljeet's hand, who is dangling on a piece of railing from a helicopter) Whoa, that was close!
Baljeet: As long as we are up here, how about we fly to a little island I know?
Girl 3: Oh, thank you, Dr. Baljeet.
Girl 3: What?
Baljeet: It is Dr. Ninja Baljeet. You forgot the "ninja" part.
Girl 3: Really?
Baljeet: I did not go through 6 years of ninja school just to be called Dr. Baljeet. It is Dr. Ninja Baljeet, okay?
Jeremy: Hey, Suzy. What are you doing out here, and what's with the lumpy table?
Suzy: Oh, uh, it's my lemonade stand.
Jeremy: Lemonade stand? Where's the lemonade?
Suzy: I... drank all of it?
Jeremy: Holy guacamole! You sure are a handful. (leaves)
Norm: I made more lemonade!
Suzy: About time! We just lost a customer! Now help me fix this lumpy table!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I'm sorry. Is this Studio A?
Narrator: No, this is Studio--Hey, wait a second. You just wanted to get into this episode, didn't you?
Doofenshmirtz: What?! No! No!
Narrator: Yes, you did!
Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I did.
Narrator: Get out!
Doofenshmirtz: Okay. But, I can totally read that faster than you.
Doofenshimrtz: Okay, okay, grumpy.
Narrator: Batteries not included.
Doofenshmirtz: Batteries not included!
When Worlds Collide
Baljeet: Based on my calculations, the planet will be here by midnight!
Buford: That's great news!
Baljeet: Our planets are going to collide! You do know what that means?
Buford: Sure, it's like when you have two sets of keys, and you keep one in the car.
Baljeet: No, it means - (realizes what Buford just said) NO! (facepalms)
What'd I Miss?
Phineas: (voiceover) It all started simply enough. I got up early to help Isabella earn her surf patch.
Phineas: (voiceover) And I told her it was no problem.
Phineas: No problem!
Phineas: (voiceover) It was at that point that I decided to stop narrating.
Road to Danville
Rodney: Pizza- (loud crash as Agent P's jetpack crashes in the theater, sending the woman and Rodney flying off the stage) AAAAH!!!
Doofenshmirtz: Pizza delivery!
(crowd claps and cheers for Doofenshmirtz as the curtain closes)
Unnnamed evil scientist: (impressed by Doofenshmirtz's performance) What an entrance!
This Is Your Backstory
Doofenshmirtz: He was always kicking sand in my face. When I was in the sandbox: sand. My first date: sand! Balancing my checkbook: sand! The beach-- Oddly enough nothing. But I couldn't relax, because I kept waiting for it.
Norm: Well, Boris owns a car dealership now, and declined to appear on this show. But he did send some sand! (A huge mound of sand falls on Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, at least he cared enough to do that.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Balloony, I missed you so mu- (Balloony pops) BALLOONY!
Norm: (Laughs) We're just having fun with you! That wasn't the real Balloony.
Doofenshmirtz: (Crying) It wasn't?
Norm: No, of course not. The real Balloony popped three weeks ago. (Doofenshmirtz resumes crying)
Doofenshmirtz: It's a pitiful existence I lead, Perry the Platypus. Do- Do you pity me? You should because I am pitiable. Everyone should pity me. Eh, you don't have to say pity too many times before it stops sounding like a word. Pity. Pity. Pit- See? That is only like two times and it's already just gobbledygook. Gobbledygook, too. I can't- I can't even get through that once. Gobbledy- Now see, I am not even consider the last syllable and it's already... (sighs) Great. Now, I am forgetting what I was talking about... Which is another reason to pity me! YEAH! Back on topic, baby!