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Pizza Movie

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Pizza Movie is a 2026 absurdist stoner comedy film about two high college students who face an unexpectedly epic journey when they must navigate two flights of stairs to retrieve their pizza delivery, turning a simple task into a surreal adventure.

Written and directed by Brian McElhaney and Nick Kocher.
College is a trip.

Jack

[edit]
  • If you don't think I deserve the basic human decency of a second chance then fine, go ahead. Tape me to the top of that clock tower and pelt me with water balloons full of piss. But if not— [cut to Jack taped to the top of the clock tower being pelted with water balloons full of piss] Goddammit.
  • [Montgomery: I think our heads explode if we say curse words?] Goddammit. [head explodes] Fine. Okay. I'll just say, like, "dang it". [head explodes] "Darn it"? [head explodes] Alright! I'll make up my own. Cremble sauce. [head explodes]
  • We can say "cunt", but we can't say "cremble sauce"?
  • We gotta get that fucking pizza.

Montgomery

[edit]
  • Well, no one's got dirtier undies than me. [pause] Not from poop, to be clear. [beat] Or cum...
  • Cheese and rice! I just wanted a quiet night, and now I'm gonna get chainsaw-fucked by the Rat King from The Nutcracker!
  • Hi Ashley, how's your night going? Grood? [to self] "Grood"? Shart. [head explodes]
  • I mean, maybe you could stand to think a little bit more about other people's dicks.

Other

[edit]
  • Football Bro: Yo, we got kegs, beer pong, and I'm legally required to tell you I'm a registered sex offender.
  • Sidney: My name is Sidney Putt. I am 31 years young. I like to dress up as the Grinch in a diaper while sucking down a bunch of helium [baby voice] so I sound like a baby.
  • Snackatron 3000: You agree not to fall in love or lust with Snackatron. You may not teach Snackatron to be racist, and you may never ever ride Snackatron.
  • Blake: Early internet message boards predicted the coming of the chosen face. One so distinct, so peculiar, so utterly freak-ass, it would profoundly beguile every phone's Face ID. A skeleton key.

Dialogue

[edit]
Ashley: Well, I guess technically, it's new wave, non-consensual Death Metal Folk.
Montgomery: Uh, what type of instruments is that?
Ashley: So, George plays guitar, Simon's on horns, Tina's on drums, and I play Dudley.
Montgomery: You play Dudley?
Ashley: Yeah! I hook him up to this machine that simulates the pains of childbirth, and then I create harmonies from his extracted screams.
Sidney: And I guess I'm just looking for ways to connect with the other RAs. Um, like, you know, what do you guys do in your free time?
Montgomery: Oh, not much. Sometimes I Google "is my penis foreskin too long?"
Sidney: Hm. Yeah, well... I guess I meant more like communal activities. Like, do you guys go to the gym together or exercise or—
Montgomery: I only go to the gym to sneak peeks at other guys' foreskin to see if mine is way longer than normal!
Jack: [whispered] What the fuck?

Cast

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