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Christmas Special 2007
- Ray: Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat, but it's positively svelte compared to big fat Ed Gamble, ladies and Gentlemen!
Live show 4
- Ray: Raji fifaji, picklaji fifaji, fifaji picklaji, that's why you're called Raji.
- Raji: What?!
- Ray: Right, Raji, right, tell me when to stop...
- Raji: Stop.
- Ray: Ding dong ding dong you'r nose is this long.
- Raji: See that, right....
- Ray: Right, Raji, tell me when to stop...
- Raji: (witheringly) Stop.
- Ray: Ding dong ding dong you are a twat.
- Ed: I think we might pull it off this week.
- Ray: Do you think?
- Ed: Did someone just laugh at "Pull it off"
- Ray: That's all we have to do tonight.
- Ed: OK then, brilliant.
- Ray: Ooh i tell you, this week's show's going to be a "big one".
- Ed: Knobs!
- Ray: Although it could be quite hard in bits....... and spunk coming out the end of it.
Live Show 5
- Ray: What is it what you call a deer what doesn't know about nothing? Blind.
- Raji: No, no eye deer.
- Ray: No, but you're twisting it round, it works either way.
- Ed: No, it doesn't work either way.
- Ray: Here's another one, right, what do you call a blind deer? Whatever you want, they can't hear you!
- Raji: No, because... No! No! No!
- Ray: Here's another one, right, here's another one, right, now hang on, this is a bit complicated, this one... right, what is a nun, right...
- Ed: Oh for fuck's sake...
- Ray: what is a nun what has a javelin in it, right, and can't turn around in the corridor? Why! A newspaper! So that's a good one.
- Ray: Right, what, right, what is black and white, right, and you read it, right, and it isn't a penguin...?
- Raji: (As Ray says "A newsp...") That is a newspaper.
- Ray: DON'T RUIN THE PUNCHLINE, RAJI! What's brown and sits in my livingroom outstaying its welcome?
- (Split section music starts)
Series 4 Episode 4
- Raji: ...And whereabouts does Fearn Cotton live?
- Ray: On my face mate, on my face.