Robot Chicken: Star Wars

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Robot Chicken: Star Wars is a 2007 episode of the television comedy series Robot Chicken, airing as a one-off special during Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block on June 17, 2007.

Palpatine[edit]

  • [on the phone with Darth Vader] Vader! How's my favorite Sith?... Whoa whoa whoa... whoa, whoa. Just - slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? (BLEEP)! OH, (BLEEP)! (BLEEP)! (BLEEP)!... Who's "they"?!... What the hell is an "Aluminum Falcon"? (sighs) OK, OK, so who's left?... Are you (bleep)ing me?!... Well, where are you?!... Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal?... Oh, you must smell like... feet wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon. (holds his phone back) Oh, oh, oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet!... Do you have - do you have any idea what this is going to do to my credit? (phone beeps, he sighs) Hang on, I've got another call. (switches line) What?! I'm very busy right now!... Oh! Oh, well - well, where are they going?... Oh, all right, um... just get me a turkey club... Eh, coleslaw, I guess. I'm not even gonna eat it... Well, what are you getting?... See, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, I'll just stick with that. OK, bye - wait, what?... Oh, and a Cherry Coke. Thanks. (switches line) Sorry about that. (sighs) What?... Oh, oh, "just rebuild it"?! Oh, real (bleep)ing original. And who's going to give me a loan, jackhole, you?! You got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite?! Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here, or I'm going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Padama-may or Panda Bear or whatever the hell her name is!!! (covers receiver) Oh, jeez, he's crying! (giggles, then into phone) Hey, hey, hey, hey. C'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just - just. Look, you know, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap right now. Death Star blown up by a bunch of (bleep)in' teenagers, you know? I didn't mean to snap. (makes "jack-off" motion) Oh, uh - just get back here. OK. OK. Bye. I - ye - I... (whispers into phone) I love you, too. (hangs up)

Dialogue[edit]

Luke: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Palpatine: Your faith in your friends is yours.
Luke: (under his breath) Heh, faith in yo momma.
Palpatine: What was that?
Luke: I said yo momma's so fat, Jabba the Hutt said DAAAAAMN!
Palpatine: Well, your mother is so ugly she put the 'ug' in 'ugnaught!'
Darth Vader: Ah, yo momma fight!
(Cut to next scene. Luke and Palpatine are on stage in front of a crowd)
Luke: Yo momma's so stupid, she spent all day saying 'am not' to R2!
Crowd: Whoa!
Palpatine: Your mother is so fat, that Ben Kenobi said 'That's no moon, that's yo momma!'
Crowd: Whoa!
Luke: Yo momma's so dumb, she brought Jar Jar that comes with pickles pickles!
Crowd: Whoa!
Palpatine: Your mother is so stupid she, she thinks, she thinks that uh, a lightsaber has fewer calories!
(Music cuts. Crowd fallls silent)
Crowd: I don't get it.
Palpatine: It's lite. You know, cause it's 'lite,' and it's got less calories... and it's good... pfft for your body, that's how stupid your mother is.
Luke: Yo momma's so STUPID, she went to Bangkok to get a TIE fighter!
Crowd: Whoa! Yeah! And Luke wins!
Palpatine: (being carried off by Darth Vader) What are you doing?! What are you doing?! Put me down! I - (screams)
(Darth Vader throws Palpatine into the reactor core)

Darth Vader: Turn to the dark side and join me.
Luke: I'll never join you... You killed my father!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: That's not true! That's impossible!
Darth Vader: And Princess Leia is your sister!
Luke: That's not true! That's... improbable.
Darth Vader: And the Empire will be defeated by Ewoks!
Luke: That's... very unlikely.
Darth Vader: And as a child, I built C-3PO!
Luke: Huh?
(time passes)
Darth Vader: (sipping his cup of coffee) And the Force? Well, that's just microscopic bacteria in your bloodstream called Midichlorians.
Luke: (smoking a cigarette) Look, if you're not gonna take this seriously, I'm out. (leaves)

Cast[edit]

  • Seth Green - Announcer, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Homeless man, Imperial officer, Jenna Bush, Max Reebo, Nerd, Ponda Baba, Space slug #2,[1] Qui-Gon Jinn
  • Candace Bailey - Girl, Princess Leia Organa
  • Abraham Benrubi - Darth Vader
  • Bob Bergen - Luke Skywalker
  • Ahmed Best - Jar Jar Binks, Stormtrooper
  • Donald Faison - Evazan, Mace Windu
  • Joey Fatone - Himself
  • Keith Ferguson - Han Solo, C-3PO, Imperial droid
  • Mark Hamill - Luke Skywalker (Spoilers sketch only)
  • Hulk Hogan - Abraham Lincoln
  • Tom Kane - C-3PO
  • George Lucas - Himself
  • Seth MacFarlane - Emperor Palpatine
  • Malcolm McDowell - Head Imperial officer
  • Breckin Meyer - Admiral Ackbar, Announcer, Boba Fett, Janitor, Space slug #1
  • Dan Milano - Boy, Cantina bartender, Luke Skywalker
  • Chad Morgan - Laura Bush, Princess Leia Organa, Weather girl
  • Conan O'Brien - Ponda Baba's boss, Zuckuss
  • Robert Smigel - Emperor Palpatine parody
  • Adam Talbott - Jawa
  • James Van Der Beek - Bush's aide

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about: