Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (1999–present) is a long-running crime drama, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Special Victims Unit, a special squad dealing with sex crimes and crimes against children.



Narrator: In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

Season 1[edit]

Payback [1.01][edit]

[An investigation into the sexually-motivated stabbing of a cab driver leads the detectives on a trail back through time to Bosnian war crimes.]

Stabler: Okay, so it's not a robbery, but stabbings aren't necessarily sexual. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Is there a specific reason you called us out?
Detective: Whoever did this sliced off his "cigar" and took it with him. Is that specific enough?
[Benson and Stabler look at the victim, then look at each other.]
Benson: Works for me.

Jeffries: Doesn't sound like there's much doubt on the COD.
Munch: Do you think your conclusional pole vaults are personality- or gender-driven?

[After testifying in court, during which the defendant flashed the jury and was forcibly removed]
Benson: Hey. How'd it go?
Stabler: He's in Bellevue.
Benson: Jury came back that fast?
Stabler: He waved his flag at them before they had a chance. Nobody saluted.

Benson: Question. Who'd want to cut your penis off?
Victor: Take a number.

Victor: [to Stabler] Hey. You doing anything Saturday night?
[He purses his lips and makes a kissing motion at Stabler. Stabler smiles.]
Stabler: Oh, I'd hurt you.

Captain Cragen: Didn't 2 of Spicer's married johns take a bust?
Benson: Yeah, about 6 months ago. Vice was targeting the piers.
Captain Cragen: I'm sure their wives must have been thrilled.
[Munch chuckles behind Cragen. Cragen turns to look at him.]
Captain Cragen: What are you doing?
Munch: Eavesdropping.
Captain Cragen: Good, you're up to speed. What do you say you go interrogate a husband?

Munch: Are we missing some key piece of information here?
Stabler and Captain Cragen: Shut up, John!

Munch: A military plane drops JFK's coffin into 9,000 feet of water 3 years after the assassination. You don't find that suggestive, perhaps even a tad disquieting?
Cassidy: No.
Munch: No? The Justice Department waits 33 years before they impart this tidbit on the American people, and then they say they did it because it wasn't evidence? What are you, sheep? Will you believe anything?
Cassidy: [sheep-like] Naaaah.

[Jeffries enters the break room, where Cassidy, Cragen, and Munch are eating lunch.]
Jeffries: You guys going to eat all this?
Munch: Suppose we say yes.
Jeffries: Suppose I'm just being polite.
Munch: That will be a first.
Cassidy: It's cool. John doesn't eat vegetables.
Jeffries: Yeah? The way I heard, that's not all John never gets
[Jeffries leaves with a container of Chinese food. Cassidy sucks on his fork.]
Cassidy: Ouch.

Munch: I'm never setting foot in the city of Baltimore again, as long as I'm on this mortal sphere.
Cassidy: Why? You're rich. Did your 20, got your pension, and you're on the job here.
Munch: I earned that pension with the sweat of my mind, while surrounded by intellectual insects. Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only another detective, but a member of my own squad.

Captain Cragen: We don't get to pick the vic.

[Benson is physically ill after visiting a horribly mutilated blind victim of Serbian ethnic cleansing.]
Stabler: Remember that Tom Hanks movie where he managed the girls' team? [hands Benson a piece of gum] "There's no crying in baseball."

Stabler: So you don't think she murdered him.
Benson: [lying] No. I don't think she murdered him. She said she was in her office until around one. That was after he was killed.
Stabler: And no one else was there.
Benson: And no one else was there.
Stabler: And no one else was there. That is an anti-alibi.

Benson: Look. We know there are 2 killers, so. How are we going to find the other one?
Stabler: You mean the other one who also didn't do it?

Captain Cragen: I read the autopsy report. Now do you really believe that those 2 ladies were walking around with 5 and 7-inch knives in their purses every day?
Benson: I think we did the one thing that's going to allow me to sleep tonight.
Captain Cragen: You just used your "Get out of Jail Free" card on this case, Olivia. There's only one in the pack.

A Single Life [1.02][edit]

[The apparent murder of a solitary single woman resonates with Benson, who finds too many similarities between herself and the dead girl.]

[The squad is looking at pictures of the victim.]
Stabler: 8 stories up, 8 down.
Cassidy: Looks like she was shot out of a cannon.
Captain Cragen: Guy on steroids?
Munch: No, the Yankees are on a road trip.
Stabler: Yeah, they're down in Baltimore, kicking a little Oriole ass.

Benson: How about plain old testosterone-driven rage?
Jeffries: Her boyfriend?
Munch: Or girl. You could toss 100 pounds without breaking a sweat.
Jeffries: Toss you, you skinny-ass geek.
Munch: See? The rage?

Munch: The whole thing's a pyramid scheme.
Cassidy: What whole thing?
Munch: Laptops. We've become a nation of laptoppers, writing orders on our laptops, more laptops- whatever happened to pens?

Munch: [reads the title of one of the victim's articles] "How to build a better orgasm" in "Cosmopolitan." Somebody might kill for this.

Neighbor: Excuse me. How long does that girl's apartment remain a crime scene?
Benson: Why?
Neighbor's husband: We're next on the list for a one-bedroom.

Benson: Queens is a suburb? Since when?

Benson: Yeah, I'm a regular monk.
Stabler: Monkette.

Lawyer: So you're an expert on sex crimes, is that correct?
Cassidy: Well, we all have something to learn.
Lawyer: I'm sure. Can you tell us the technical or "psycho-sexual" term if you will, for fondling a stranger?
Cassidy: [hesitantly] Fromage...?
[Scattered laughter in the court.]
Lawyer: I believe it's "frottage."
Cassidy: Right. "Frottage."

Stabler: This woman makes J.D. Salinger look like a Shriner.

Dr. Daniels's lawyer: He was in Ms. Quinn's apartment briefly, at lunchtime, at her request, to attend to a crisis.
Benson: Or an erection.
Dr. Daniels: That's insulting.
Stabler: Really. I thought it was the absence of one that was insulting.

Journalist: What happened to Big Fatso? Coronary?
Stabler: Nah, retired and moved to Florida.
Journalist: Ah, same diff.

[Questioning a news anchor about his relationship with the victim.]
News anchor: "Knew her." Does anybody ever really know anybody?
Stabler: Don't get philosophical with us. You're just a teleprompter jockey; we're just cops.

Munch: From the Greek, Cassidy, "Necro-", death, "-philia," love of. You try it.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Again.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Or "Egyptian Love" according to Henry Miller. Necrophilia.
Cassidy: Necrophilia.
Munch: Good man.

Benson: [reads] "There's a tiny catfish feared more than the piranha. It's called a-"
Captain Cragen: Candiru.
Stabler: Say what?
Captain Cragen: This is beautiful. Tell him.
Benson: "It will swim right into a man's penis and lodge itself there by erecting sharp spines-" Ow.
Stabler: [adjusts his seat] "Erecting sharp spines." There's a fish with a sense of irony.

Cassidy: Did you know necrophilia is not only with dead people?
Benson: [to Munch] Do you see what you started?
Cassidy: No, I got it off the Net. Supposedly some famous actor out in Hollywood, hires hookers to lie in an ice bath. Waits until they turn blue with the cold before diving in.
Munch: Let's move on. "Compulsive onanism."
Cassidy: "Onanism." [chuckles]

Benson: She was molested, you know that. That cold facade of hers?
Stabler: Maybe it's just living in Colorado.
Benson: She dresses more Fifth Avenue than Rocky Mountain.
Stabler: I'm...having a fashion police blackout.

...Or Just Look Like One [1.03][edit]

[When a young model is viciously attacked with a claw hammer and dumped outside a hospital, the SVU teams up with Briscoe and Green to investigate what happened.]

[as Stabler and Benson approach Vanessa's apartment, after Benson knocks, out come Detectives Lennie Briscoe and Ed Green]
Stabler: Hey! Lennie Briscoe, what the hell you doin' here?
Briscoe: We heard there was good dim sum down here. Say hi to my partner, Eddie Green.

[Briscoe and Green enter the SVU squad room.]
Munch: Hey, Lennie.
Briscoe: It's like a nightmare.

Briscoe: You are looking at the fruits of 4 hours of dumpster diving along 59th Street. 9 dumpsters in all.
Stabler: You trying to tell me the 2 of you went dumpster diving?
Green: Hell, no. We supervised a couple of uniforms. I don't do disposable diapers.

Ken: Hey. Uncle Lennie.
Briscoe: [shakes hands with his nephew] Ken, good to see you. Say hi to Eddie Green.
Green: [shakes hands with Ken] Hey.
Briscoe: Listen, uh, cool it with the Uncle Lennie stuff around the station house. Okay?
Ken: Yeah, so, what do you want me to call you?
Green: Why don't you guys save this for family court?
Briscoe: Well, just call me Briscoe.
Ken: Well, what are you gonna call me?
Briscoe: Briscoe.

Hysteria [1.04][edit]

[The murder of a young woman in provocative clothing leads detectives to uncover the presence of a pattern killer targeting prostitutes in New York City.]

Jeffries: That's an open and shut case, Munch. Try not to screw it up with your insane rambling. And stop looking at my ass.

Stabler: I'd never let my daughters go out dressed like that.
Benson: Yeah, right. Just wait.
Stabler: What does that mean?

Munch: Back to the dead whore.
Jeffries: Jerkwad, have some respect for the victim.
Munch: Hey, I respect hookers. At least they earn their money up front, unlike ex-wives, who get you with that lucrative back-end deal.
Jeffries: Oh, so you're saying all women are whores?
Munch: Don't be ridiculous. I don't know all the women in the world.
Captain Cragen: Children!

Captain Cragen: When you were at the 3-1, did you know a cop named Sal D'Angelo?
Briscoe: The 70s are a blur.
Captain Cragen: Tell me about it. Closest I ever came to time travel.

Briscoe: D'Angelo's a bastard. C'mon. So are you. So am I. We're all bastards.

Wanderlust [1.05][edit]

[The murder of a travel writer brings detectives to concentrate on his landlord and her daughter.]

[After reading aloud an excerpt from a travel book written by the victim.]
Munch: His wanderlust is one adverb short of Robert James Waller.
Jeffries: "The Bridges of Madison County."
Cassidy: That was incredible.
Munch: How about incredibly banal? Short and muscular sentences displaying total absence of original thinking.
Cassidy: I was talking about the movie.

Munch: Unnerving, isn't it? That such a degrading death could overshadow such a remarkable life?
Cassidy: It's like Rockefeller dying on top of his mistress.
Munch: It's still my preferred way to go.

Stabler: Drama's a major food group for teenage girls.

Munch: It's true a good Mrs. Robinson's hard to find, but women maturing faster than men? Conspiracy. The government's been covering up the harmful side-effects of RBGH, a hormone that farmers are using to produce more milk.
Cassidy: Like McGwire taking Creatine to bulk up, right?
Munch: The farmers don't take the hormones, Cassidy. The cows do.
Jeffries: So is there anything you just...accept?
Munch: Yeah. Compliments.
Jeffries: No wonder you're so skeptical.

Captain Cragen: Your feelings will always be a part of your police work. The more you try to deny that, the more control they'll have over you. We work with different permutations of sex all day, sometimes all night long. Don't worry when you feel something. Worry when you don't.

Sophomore Jinx [1.06][edit]

[A rape/murder at Cragen's old school pits detectives against a secretive administration determined to protect their prize basketball team, while Munch finds himself sympathizing with an intelligent suspect.]

Stabler: What do you think we're looking for, a rock, a brick, maybe?
Uniform: Who's going to look for that?
[Stabler and Benson look at him.]
Uniform: Me?
Benson: Yes.

Benson: Blood alcohol level was .27.
Captain Cragen: Wow. Triple the limit. There was a time I yearned for a girl who could drink like that.

[Munch and Cassidy interview Mosley, a college basketball player.]
Munch: So you and Jean studied French literature?
Mosley: Yeah, why?
Munch: Well, I mean, "Communications," "Basics of Broadcasting..." But Rimbaud?
Mosley: Sure. I know that "First Blood" speaks of the existential angst of being jerked around by forces beyond your control.
[Cassidy looks bewildered. Munch and Cassidy leave the interrogation room.]
Cassidy: ...What did he say?
Munch: What a wonderful job he thinks the police are doing.

[On being ordered to produce a semen sample.]
Basketball player: I can't do this.
Stabler: What, you have a fight with your right hand?

Stabler: I never lived in a dorm. That's what I wanted to do. I even knew where.
Benson: Where?
Stabler: Are you ready for this? Everglades University.
Benson: Everglades?
Stabler: Yeah. Playboy magazine rated universities by their sexual temperature. E.U., always at the top of the list.
Benson: Beautiful. I can see you had your priorities in order.
Stabler: Thank you.

[Reporting on a sperm count of the 2 suspects.]
Jeffries: Cougar and Mosley's little swimmers were shipshape.
Munch: No kidding.
Jeffries: Yeah- remember when, John?
Munch: I could say the same thing to you, babe.

Carmichael: What did they call it before we invented the terms "date rape" and "sexual harassment?"
Captain Cragen: "Boys will be boys?"

Carmichael: I need physical evidence on the murder.
Captain Cragen: We'll need to recanvass the crime scene.
Carmichael: Do that. Meanwhile, search his home and office.
Captain Cragen: I think I'm falling in love with you, Abby.

Lawyer: C'mon, miss, you're badgering my client.
Benson: It's "Detective," not "miss."

Mrs. Mosley: [welcoming Cassidy and Munch into her home] Charles. It's Mutt and Jeff.
Cassidy: [to Munch] Which one's Mutt?

Uncivilized [1.07][edit]

[The SVU team is hit hard by the molestation and murder of an 8 year old boy, and attention focuses on a registered sex offender living in the neighborhood.]

Cassidy: You ever think about having kids?
Munch: Why, when I have you?

Munch: Look, when something out of the ordinary happens, you look for what else is out of the ordinary before the out of ordinary happens.
Mark: Don't patronize (pronouncing it patron-ize) me.
Munch: Actually, it's pat-ronize.

Munch: When I was a little kid, my parents told me never to eat sweets.
Captain Cragen: So as an adult you overcompensate?
Munch: Yeah.
Cassidy: I'm guessing your parents also said you should never get married.

Advocate: Not all sex offenders are repeat offenders.
Stabler: You show me a first time offender, I'll show you a guy who's never been caught before.

Stalked [1.08][edit]

[An rape-homicide hits close to home when the victim is an Assistant District Attorney, and SVU rallies when the murderer fixates on Benson.]

[Munch gestures to Cassidy.]
Munch: We've only been partners a few months but the man is starting to think like me. Only slower.

Cassidy: Yeah, go ahead. Rain on my parade.
Munch: I don't just want to rain on your parade. I want to blow up all the floats.

[Munch wiggles his finger through a doughnut at a parolee who was convicted of forcible sodomy and is currently working at a doughnut bakery.]
Munch: Does this turn you on?
Parolee: What do you want?
Munch: Isn't it a little dangerous for you to be around all these helpless doughnuts?

Munch: Guys, check this out. Teddy Kennedy lands in the water at Chappaquiddick on July 18th. Neil Armstrong lands on the moon July 20th. Think about that.
Jeffries: And?
Munch: You don't find that amazing?
Jeffries: Nope.
Stabler: You're learning, Jeffries.

Benson: He's stalking her.
Captain Cragen: Impossible. We don't have a stalking statute in New York, ergo there's no way to stalk anyone.

[Upon hearing news that one of their suspects was found dead of an overdose in a small town by the Canadian mounties.]
Munch: Poor guy.
Benson: Poor guy?
Munch: Imagine trying to score smack in a place called Moosonee. Must've been hell. Easier to cop yak turds.

Benson: I sure as hell wouldn't drive to Queens to save your ass.
Stabler: Yeah you would.
Benson: Well, that's only because you have a wife and kids.

Stocks & Bondage [1.09][edit]

[The puzzling death of a heavily pierced and scarred investment analyst could be suicide, accident, or homicide. But the course of the investigation opens up a whole different can of worms when the victim's employer comes under scrutiny.]

Cassidy: I don't get S&M. I mean, "Hurt me, that turns me on?" Come on, what's up with that?
Munch: It starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked.
Cassidy: Yeah, tattoos are just the gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.
[Stabler slings his arm around Cassidy's shoulders and bares his tattooed arm.]
Stabler: You guys have finally figured me out, huh?
Jeffries: Seriously. Did you get off on the tiny little pinpricks of pain?
Stabler: No, I get that from working with you.

Munch: The powers that be always protect themselves and the FBI are their hired guns-
Cassidy: [finishes for him] -fronting for the Trilateral Council, the World Bank, and the Mansons.
Captain Cragen: Masons.

Closure [1.10][edit]

[An episode follows an investigation into the dead case rape of a young woman named Harper, from the point the rapist leaves to the identification of the suspect 6 months later.]

Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?
Benson: Uh, I'm not.
Stabler: Your stomach just dropped 2 floors, Olivia. The unconscious does not lie.
Benson: I'm not lying. (beat)Not much.

Benson: Is it that obvious?
Stabler: I'm your partner. For better or worse.

Cassidy: When you get married-
Benson: If I get married.
Cassidy: As long as you have this job, your marriage will be an affair.

Captain Cragen: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask that you smell the defendant.

Stabler: You get to Tribeca a lot?
Lawyer: You don't have to answer that.
Stabler: What questions can your client answer?
Lawyer: Anything that's a matter of public record. I want to know what my client's being charged with.
Munch: [to Stabler] You don't have to answer that.

Bad Blood [1.11][edit]

[The murder of a gay man on the rooftop of a building could be a hate crime that leads back to his own family, the wealthy and influential leaders of a moral coalition that believes homosexuality can be cured.]

[Munch walks into the squad room and finds his colleagues filling out forms.]
Captain Cragen: Police union found us better health insurance.
Cassidy: This form is longer than the last book I read.
Munch: Don't you see what they're doing?
Jeffries: Yeah, they're looking out for you, Munch. Psychiatric coverage increased to 80%.

[Cassidy turns his form back in to Cragen, who looks at it.]
Captain Cragen: Uh, there's 2 "R"s in "hemorrhoids."
[The rest of the squad looks at Cassidy.]
Cassidy: I'm a desk jockey. What do you want from me?

[Regarding a pending interrogation.]
Munch: More specifically, he's mad at you.
Stabler: Which is why we thought you'd have better luck with him.
Benson: Yeah, I mean you're smart and God knows you're patient.
[Munch goes in to interrogate the suspect.]
Hale: I am not a homosexual.
Munch: Okay.
Hale: Part of my job was to keep an eye on Seth. Mr. Langdon is seriously eyeing a run for a congressional seat. But the scandal of having an openly homosexual son- well, look at the damage a lesbian sister caused Newt.
Munch: Actually, she was a half-sister.
Hale: She may have been a half-sister, but unfortunately for Newt, she was all lesbian.
Munch: You don't think Newt's problems had anything to do with his ethics violations or him being a pedantic megalomaniac who espouses family values while serving his cancer-stricken wife with divorce papers while she's on her hospital deathbed? Did that ever occur to you?
[Cragen turns away from the window, where he is monitoring the interview.]
Captain Cragen: Anybody know where Cassidy is?
[Cut to new scene. Cassidy is now interviewing the suspect.]

Russian Love Poem [1.12][edit]

[A millionaire's murder leads SVU to a pair of Russian escorts, one of whom turns up dead]

[Discussing the embarrassing death scene of the victim.]
Munch: They still didn't have to shove a banana where the sun don't shine. That's just rude.

[Discussing the victim's love life.]
Cassidy: For a 50 year old, this guy had a lot of energy.
Captain Cragen: What's that supposed to imply?
Cassidy: Oh, nothing. I'm sure you and John have just as much.

Katya: This is America. You can't do this.
Benson: Sweetheart, let me let you in on a little secret. Cops are the same everywhere.

Disrobed [1.13][edit]

[The murder of a judge leads SVU to a prison for pay scandal involving the purchase of sentences and paroles for criminals.]

Munch: Nice view.
Cassidy: Yeah, at night, too.
Munch: You've been here at night, too?
Cassidy: Yeah, you know. On a...a case.
Munch: Case of what?
Cassidy: Well, you know, like a date. With a friend.
Munch: What friend is that?
Cassidy: Guy. Buddy of mine. Pal.
Munch: Uh huh.
Cassidy: What?

Munch: I want you to seal this crime scene tighter than an accountant's ass.

Munch: Afternoons he often spent at the library. He told his secretary he needed time alone.
Cassidy: To think deep, legal thoughts behind the wheel of his Caddy, fly open to the breeze.

Munch: "Hello and welcome to Parole Fone. If you want to pay with sex, press one. To make a donation to a phony charity, press 2."

Captain Cragen: Let her go.
Stabler: Why?
Cragen: Because her attorney said we have to.
Attorney: All right. I'm asking.

Captain Cragen: If I could, I would exhume the body and kick his ass.

[To an abusive husband in prison hitting on Benson.]
Stabler: Why don't you play "The Dating Game" with someone who shares your clinical diagnosis.

Cassidy: Whatever.
Munch: My generation pioneered that succinct abstraction, but to me it still means diddly.

Limitations [1.14][edit]

[Benson and Stabler try to persuade a reluctant victim to name her rapist before the statute of limitations runs out]

Stabler: All right. We're gonna talk to some of the detectives who originally investigated.
Captain Cragen: Munch, that okay with you?
Munch: Sure, it'd be like visiting the Special Victims Unit alumni association. All the people that used to sit at these desks. Where are they now?

Jennifer: [about her rapist] He's a changed man. We prayed together.
Stabler: You prayed with your rapist.
Jennifer: Yeah. To turn him in after that would be a betrayal.

Victoria: You have the power of life and death over this piece of crap.
Jennifer: I don't want that kind of power.
Victoria: But it's true, isn't it? So just drop the Lamb of God crap and tell us his name.

Entitled [1.15][edit]

[SVU tangles with a wealthy, powerful family to close a cold case involving a serial killer]

Munch: Vanity, thy name is woman.
Jeffries: It's frailty, not vanity, you misogynist.

Jack: I hope to God we're right on this.
Captain Cragen: I hear Logan's learning to love Staten Island.

Munch: One minute you're getting your doorknob polished, the next you're sweet talking St. Peter.

Munch [to Rodgers]: Will you ever have dinner with me?
Dr. Rodgers: Not while I can still feed myself.

Jeffries: He was shot with a Black Talon?!
Munch: Cop killers. They haven't been made since 1994.
Jeffries: Yeah, because they killed too many cops.
Munch: Nah, the real reason was, it was instantly recognizable. Bullet makers want anonymity. If you can't prove where the bullet was made, you can't sue the manufacturer. Where would we be without lawyers?

Helen: [looks at a line-up] #3.
Captain Cragen: Are you sure?
Helen: Yeah. It was dark, but it wasn't that dark. I'd remember him 'til the day I die. That face, those glasses…
Stabler: It's not an audition, Ms. Katish, just, are you sure?
Helen: All right. How's this? And the winner is, #3!

Munch: You're enjoying this, aren't you?! All these guys trying to sweet-talk you into giving us a little crumb of information!
Pruitt: Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's the high point of my life.
Munch: Better than shooting those people in cold blood, you little reptilian GEEK?!
Pruitt: Oh, it's bad cop now, right?
Jeffries: John, easy.
Munch: You did it, you piece of crap! I know it! You know it!
Jeffries: Seriously, come on!
Munch: No! I'm gonna kill this guy myself.
Pruitt: Call him off, call him off!
Munch: I'm gonna Mike Tyson you, you bastard!
Pruitt: Come on. Is this legal?
Jeffries: Probably not.
Munch: [whispers in Pruitt's ear] I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

The Third Guy [1.16][edit]

[SVU investigates the rape and robbery of an elderly woman]

Captain Cragen: How could you give the defense that kind of ammunition in writing? I asked you...
Dr. Skoda: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I put a little sticky on your desk by his DD5, that's all.
Stabler: Well, what was on this bombshell sticky?
Dr. Skoda: "Retarded," and a question mark.

Munch [to Alfonso]: Look at me, take a good look. In 15 years, you're gonna be as old as I am.

Benson [to Carlos]: You jerk us around, you jerk your deal off the table.

Munch [about Walp]: He was fired from McDonald's. That alone will win the case for him.

Misleader [1.17][edit]

[Benson and Stabler investigate the murder of the pregnant daughter-in-law of a prominent religious figure]

Munch: Not the Benjamin Hadley? More powerful than Pat Robertson, able to leap a tall Democrat in a single bound, President of Midvale College, which used to be a Podunk nothing; now it's suddenly a think tank for the neo-conservative movement?
Benson: Although that's an oxymoron.
Munch: I love you, Olivia.

Benson: I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.
Stabler: Yeah, like you carry a purse.
Benson: That's 'cause you carry it for me.

Burglary Detective: Why don't you take all the burglaries in Manhattan?
Benson: We only want the one where the burglar spills his seed in the victim's u-trou.

Burglary Detective: So we didn't call you. So no one wants to call you. Ever. You know. You guys are up to your necks in perversity 24/7 and my men don't understand why it is you picked your squad.
Stabler: It's people like you that makes our squad necessary.
Burglary Detective: Yeah. Well, my people don't want whatever it is you got. You're tainted. 10 bucks says the only other cops you hang out with are Brooklyn SVU.
Stabler: You lose. Bronx SVU.

Stabler: (to the burglary detective) Don't touch me. I don't like to be touched.

Benson: Frick and Frack.
Stabler: Alfonse and Gaston.
Munch: Slappy and Happy.
Jeffries: You know how it is. You spend time with someone, eventually they will corrupt you.
Munch: Sure. It's a major historical force that drags great people to the lowest common denominator.
Benson: With you around, we're all doomed.

Chat Room [1.18][edit]

[A teenager's report of being raped from someone she met in a chat room leads the detectives into the middle of a child porn ring]

Stabler: Do we look like imbeciles to you?
Keith: They're just pictures.
Stabler: THEY'RE NOT JUST PICTURES!! They're underaged girls, they're scared, drugged and being photographed without their permission.

Stabler: [to Keith] Look. Someone comes to me and says they want to store illegal stuff in my garage, he's either my best friend or I'm getting something out of the deal.

Kathy: [about Internet predators] Why can't you arrest them? You know they're out there.
Stabler: [gesturing to the computer across the room] Honey, they're in here.

Stabler [to Cragen about a victim's story]: He flashed her. He perved her in ways she's not even aware of.
Captain Cragen: Okay. How about this? He entered into an improper relationship with a minor.
Stabler: You just said no real sex. According to her story.
Captain Cragen: He doesn't know that. He doesn't know what she told us.
Stabler: Oh. Now, Captain. You're not suggesting we lie to the poor man, are ya?
Captain Cragen: Absolutely not. Role-playing. Fantasy. Make-believe. That crap he's been peddling to us about victimless crimes.

Captain Cragen: [after the FBI has interfered with SVU's investigation] Don't you ever bad-mouth my people in their own station house.
Agent Schreck: Better get used to it. 'Cause when I tell Langley how an operation that involved 9 regional bureaus got blown, your name is gonna be prominently featured.
Captain Cragen: It's spelled C-R-A-G-E-N. And we were doing what we always do, which is to take pedophiles off the street!
Agent Schreck: 4 collars, at the expense of hundreds more, who, right now, are getting e-mail telling them the cops are on 'em.
Captain Cragen: It's a hell of a lot more than you did for us!
Agent Schreck: It was an undercover OPERATION!!
Captain Cragen: You were in my city investigating sex crimes, and you didn't seem fit to give me a heads-up?!
Agent Schreck: We're dealing with virtual world, which is everywhere and nowhere!
Captain Cragen: But eventually, you gotta put real-life cuffs on a real-life perp!
Agent Schreck: It's not just you! We were in Los Angeles and Chicago and dozens of other places! It's for the right reason. We wanted to bring in the big predators.
Captain Cragen: That's why the bad guys were runnin' rings around us.
Agent Schreck: Why?
Captain Cragen: Because they're workin' together, and we're not.

Contact [1.19][edit]

[The squad investigates a serial rapist targeting women on subways. Meanwhile, Benson begins dating an ambitious crime reporter]

Attorney: My client wants to be first in line.
Captain Cragen: You want to be number one. What, is that your lucky number or something?
Avelino: Yeah, it happens to be my lucky number.
Captain Cragen: Number one it is. Good luck.

Ganzner: You close your eyes ... is that it ... to have sex?
Benson: I have sex with my eyes wide open.

Captain Cragen: [to Benson] Never turn your back on a reporter.

Munch: [to a transit cop] I'd like you to sit on the 3rd rail.

Remorse [1.20][edit]

[A TV reporter is raped, and detectives try to find the rapists and keep her safe]

Munch: [to P.K.] Got a name for this guy?
P.K. : Tommy something ... Irish.
Jeffries: There are, like, 2,000,000 Irish in New York, P.K.
P.K.: [gives a thumbs up] Good luck.

CSU Tech: [about Logan] I don't think she suffered.
Munch: She suffered.
Tech: I mean she was killed instantly.
Munch: I know what you mean.

Munch: [to P.K.] Go buy yourself a blunt.

Nocturne [1.21][edit]

[Detectives apprehend a music teacher for molesting boys, and Stabler tries to get one his former victims to testify - only to find that he is hiding something]

Elizabeth: Daddy, why does Christmas only come once a year?
Stabler: Because Santa Claus' credit cards are all maxed out.

Benson: I bet I know what you're thinking.
Stabler: Bet you don't.
Benson: Even the best parents can't protect their children.
Stabler: Gutter at home. Part of it is broken. I need to fix it.
Benson: Well, you can't do everything.
Stabler: You'd feel everything for them if you could. All the pain.
Benson: Sometimes I just look at the kids and I think, "Why? Why do it at all?"
Stabler: Because you want to more than anything in the world. 'Cause you want to love them every day.

Hickley: [about Holt] He'll be eligible for parole in 38 years.
Evan: But he's almost 60.
Hickley: Yeah. Isn't math wonderful?

Evan: You hate me.
Stabler: I don't hate you. I look at you and I try to see that little child being abused. But now...
Evan: You see an abuser.
Stabler: Yeah, yeah I do. I see a guy who, if he ever got near my child...

Evan: I don't know what made Holt the way he is. But I do know why I am the way I am. And it stops here. Now.

Slaves [1.22][edit]

[Detectives investigate a sadist who imprisoned a young woman in his house]

Morrow: Honey, I'd like a mineral water, no ice.
Benson: And I'd like your balls in a blender, but ain't life a bitch?

Dr. Taylor: Have you ever experienced any sexual dysfunction since taking this job? And I'd appreciate a serious answer.
Munch: Once.
Dr. Taylor: Thank you. When did that happen?
Munch: Not sure, but it was definitely within the last 10 minutes.

[Stabler talks to Dr. Taylor after a particularly brutal case]
Dr. Taylor: How long does a case like this stay with you?
Stabler: A while.
Dr. Taylor: What do you do to turn it off?
Stabler: Go home, kiss my wife, hug my kids.
Dr. Taylor: Do you share these cases with your family?
Stabler: No. I don't let that world touch my family.
Dr. Taylor: That world is everywhere. You can't put them on 24-hour surveillance.
Stabler: True, but I don't have to be their tour guide.
Dr. Taylor: You have to work with a lot of cases involving children. How do you handle it?
Stabler: [pause] Have you ever seen an 8-year-old with no soul? I have.
Dr. Taylor: And what do you do when you see that?
Stabler: I think... I think a lot. About the crime, about the victim, about people who do those sorts of things.
Dr. Taylor: And what do you think about?
Stabler: How I could get away with killing them.

Season 2[edit]

Wrong Is Right [2.01][edit]

[SVU investigates a teenager who murdered his guardian, while Stabler fights to keep his job. First appearances of Alex Cabot and Fin Tutuola]

Alex: Captain Cragen!
Captain Cragen: Miss Cabot?
Alex: Alex.
Captain Cragen: Yeah. Right. Of course.
Alex: Let's not start off on the wrong foot. My assignment to SVU preceded the "behavior problems" under you command.
Captain Cragen: Behavioral problems?
Alex: I'm trying to be polite.
Captain Cragen: Tip-toeing around the road kill?
Alex: Where there's smoke...
Captain Cragen: Who do you sleep with Ms. Cabot? Are you so new at this that you haven't run into somebody you wanted skip due process with? I'll apprise you ASAP, if ASAP can be tomorrow, you understand I have "behavioral problems".

Alex: You want me to secure a search warrant for the offices of a defense contractor to search classified, national security files for evidence in a sexually motivated homicide?
Munch: Is that a problem?
Alex: [sighs, picks up the phone and dials] Judge Hermann, please. [pause] This is Alex Cabot with the D.A's office. [pause] Uncle Bill... look, I need a favor.

Munch: Reevaluation stinks.
Jeffries: Truly. Best crime stats in 30 years and they're reevaluating?
Munch: It's how it works. We get rid of the criminals they fear, they start fearing us. Public hates tough cops 'til they need one.

Alex: [to Goren] A child molester only has power as long as his secret is kept. You tell the truth, his power is gone.

Dr. Skoda: How long have you been on the force?
Stabler: 14 years.
Dr. Skoda: In all those years, how many murders have actually made sense?
Stabler: None. But ... some I understood.
Dr. Skoda: But this one ... you let get under your skin. Why?
Stabler: This one my daughter saw.

Benson: [after Stabler's talk with Dr. Skoda] Hey. How'd it go?
Stabler: I talked too much. Again.

Stabler: You're protecting your win-loss ratio.
Captain Cragen: Elliot.
Alex: It's okay, Captain. Detective Stabler's judgment is clouded by the stress of the Morris Commission's review and the fact that Michael did what he fantasizes about: kill a perpetrator.
Captain Cragen: It's not my fantasy and I stand with Detective Stabler on this.

Stabler: [to his daughter] What are you doing up?
Maureen: I couldn't sleep.
Stabler: What's the matter? You got nightmares?
Maureen: You have to sleep to have nightmares.
Stabler: Right. What was I thinking? You want something to drink?
Maureen: No. Dad. What that boy Michael did to that man...
Stabler: That man was supposed to take care of Michael. And instead he molested him. He abused him physically, he betrayed his trust and I think Michael...just had enough.
Maureen: So what happens now?
Stabler: He's probably gonna go to prison. All he's gotta do is tell the truth. What is it with you kids?
Maureen: It's hard to talk to adults.
Stabler: Why?
Maureen: You're always judging us. You expect us to be like you and get mad if we're not. It's just easier to talk to our friends.
Stabler: What if you don't have any friends?
Maureen: Everybody's got friends.

Captain Cragen: [to the Morris Commission] This little boy's mother stuck his hands on a frying pan until his fingers burned off ... this rape victim required 12 hours of surgery to have a steel plate put into her head after her attacker pummeled her with a claw hammer ... this one didn't make it ... is there anybody on this panel who doesn't share Detective Stabler's anger for the perpetrators? This man is a good cop. As his commanding officer, I stand with him and every good cop who faces these horrors day after day and has the strength to keep his impulses in check. Now if you can look at these pictures and not understand that, the problem here isn't Elliot Stabler, is it?

[after Stabler talks with Captain Cragen about the Morris Commission hearing about if he could keep his job]
Kathy: Well?
Stabler: The Morris Commission cleared me.

Honor [2.02][edit]

[SVU investigates the rape and murder of an Afghan woman, and learn that it was an "honor killing" perpetrated by her own brother].

Alex: A man stands up and takes responsibility. A man isn't afraid to face the consequences of his actions.

Stabler: Wilding's back in vogue.
Benson: I hate that word: "wilding." Like it's some kind of party.

Captain Cragen: It's pucker time, folks!

Captain Cragen: [about the victim, Nafeesa Amir] What, it's her fault she was raped?
Benson: She brought shame and dishonor to her family. They behead women for that where she comes from.
Munch: My first wife dishonored me. I had to pay her alimony.

Aziza: I already lost Nafeesa. I don't want to lose Jaleel too.
Benson: But Nafessa hasn't lost her honor.

Closure: Part 2 [2.03][edit]

[A victim from a past case interferes with detectives' pursuit of her rapist]

Harper: [about Cleary] He is the last thing I'm afraid of. If I can get over that, I will have my life back completely.

Captain Cragen: [about Cleary] We couldn't keep him. Not our fault.
Stabler: Wanna tell the victim that?

Harper: You're gonna burn in Hell.
Mr. Klein: I'm Jewish, Miss Anderson. There is no Hell.

Cleary: As one hungry man to another - is there anything better than gorging on fresh meat?
Stabler: You won't be eating out anymore.

Legacy [2.04][edit]

[An abused 7-year-old girl lies comatose as the detectives investigate members of her dysfunctional family to determine the source of the abuse]

[Munch interviews a young girl]
Munch: Hi Jennifer, I'm Detective Munch.
Jennifer: That’s a funny name, Munch.
Munch: You think that’s funny? I guess if I ever have kids I'll have to call them "munchkins".

Stabler: This whole case is like a jigsaw puzzle.
Captain Cragen: Well, let's look at the pieces we've got. One suspect eliminated, one cooperating, and one hiding behind his lawyer.
Fin: Picture's gettin' clearer.

Baby Killer [2.05][edit]

[The squad is assigned to a special case: to investigate the fatal shooting of a little girl by her 7-year-old classmate]

Munch: Carrying a concealed weapon is a felony.
Mrs. McCreary: I don't. I leave it at home so the appliances can defend themselves.

Stabler: [last line] Welcome to the Gaza Strip.

Noncompliance [2.06][edit]

Mark Nash: I dream of angels but I live with demons.

Mrs. Nash: Mark doesn't scare me, detective. Pathetic, narrow-minded people do.

Asunder [2.07][edit]

[The wife an NYPD detective accuses him of rape, forcing SVU to strike a delicate balance between justice and departmental politics]

Munch: Perhaps you'd be more comfortable with a female detective.
Patricia: I'd be happy to talk to anyone with a brain.
Munch: There are 5 stages of grief. Don't go through them all at once.

Munch: All you've proven here today is that women are still chattel.
Alex: Only if they want to be.

Det. Santiago: You call this finesse? I've had calls from the brass wanting to know, did I orchestrate an undercover operation with SVU, and the press has already gotten a whiff of it. What kinda Mickey Mouse club is this?!
Captain Cragen: See, actually, I hate that little black rodent. Now, Dick Tracy, that was a club. You got this great decoder ring and a really cool watch.

Taken [2.08][edit]

[during her allocution, Siobhan describes Russell Ramsay's enrollment in her scam]
Siobhan: We just looked on the Internet for a sex offender. I mean, they got a whole website with pictures and MOs. And I picked Ramsay, because he wasn't as gross as the others. And he didn't look dangerous, and he liked 'em young.
Alex: How did you go about seducing him?
Siobhan: Our cousin Kyle was the advance man. He followed him around a few days and got his schedule down, and then I just showed up at his bar. I gave him the duplicate room key that Kyle had made, and I told him when to be in my room.
Alex: Well, the plan hinged on Ramsay showing up. How could you be certain he would?
Siobhan: Well, he's an ex-con with a loser job who likes young girls. I mean, it's a no-brainer.
Alex: Still, something could've gone wrong.
Siobhan: I would've plan-B'd it.
Alex: What is plan B?
Siobhan: Honey, no man passes up free sex.

Pixies [2.09][edit]

Captain Cragen: What ever happened to just hanging out on the jungle gym?
Stabler: Went the way of your 8-track tape.

Fin: Talking in Greek. You're full of surprises.
Munch: If I don't keep some mystery, you might grow bored and stop loving me.

Consent [2.10][edit]

Harry: You sons of bitches. You said I wouldn't have to take a needle.
Munch: Yeah, well, we lied.

Fin: A lapdance is a pretty strong signal.

Abuse [2.11][edit]

[Benson tries to help the neglected daughter of a pop star]

Benson: Your daughter needs help. I talked to a psychologist.
Ricki: You did what?!
Benson: This psychologist can help her. The thing is, she needs to see the both of you together.
Ricki: Leave us alone!
Benson: Ricki, your daughter needs help.
Ricki: Get away before I call the police.
Benson: Miss Austin, I am the police!
Ricki: Then it's damn lucky I have my own security!

Captain Cragen: You're on desk duty.
Benson: Captain, I can explain.
Captain Cragen: You can't follow my orders on the street, you try keepin' my files straight.
Stabler: Captain?
Captain Cragen: [to his other detectives] And in case anyone else here has Detective Benson's hearing problem, read my lips or buy the Cliff notes: No one is to go near Ashley Black again. That includes her family, school, house, and any employees therein.
Benson: You can't do this. Somebody's gotta help her.
Captain Cragen: Really? Well, thanks to you, now none of us can!
[he tosses a restraining order notice on Stabler's desk]

Secrets [2.12][edit]

[The rape and murder of a teacher isn't what it seems, when her sexual history comes to light]

Captain Cragen: The law isn't always about justice.
Alex: Who let you in on our dirty little secret?

Munch: You must have some innermost secret.
Fin: I'm a Republican.

Victims [2.13][edit]

[Detectives suspect a neighborhood watch captain oif killing sex offenders]

Stabler: I had my own "Alan Cryder". Insurance salesman ran his business out of a converted garage in Queens. Well liked, would invite the neighbourhood kids up for ice cream and stories. One day, a 6-year-old girl goes missing from a playground in Soho. Long story short, we find her underneath the floor boards of his office along with 3 other children, all in various stages of decomposition. But he's gone and I'm left with a cold case. 2 years, nothing but silence and headaches. I wasn't sleeping a lot, I kept having these recurring nightmares where my own children would be underneath the floor boards that I couldn't pry up. And, one day, I'm just gassing up my car in Chelsea and there he is. And before I know it, I've got his face sandwiched between his windshield and the muzzle of my gun. And I'm yelling "freeze" and I realize that I'm yelling at myself. Because I can't stop my finger from pulling the trigger and I am praying for him to blink, I'm praying for him to twitch, just do something to give me an excuse. And then I see a face inside of his car. It's a girl, this beautiful little 6-year old girl with these big eyes. I figured she'd seen enough.

[Stabler is in the SVU Squad room about to go home]
Captain Cragen: Elliot, how'd it go with the doc?
Stabler: She said the bandage probably kept most of Gloria's blood from entering the wound.
Captain Cragen: Good.
Stabler: [holds up 2 medicine bottles] Just in case, she gave me a month's supply of antiretrovirals.
Captain Cragen: Then what?
Stabler: Wait and see.
Captain Cragen: That's gonna make for a hell of a month. Listen, if there's anything....
Stabler: I got it covered.
Captain Cragen: Well, you got my number.
Stabler: Captain. Thanks.

Paranoia [2.14][edit]

Fin: You know where you are?
Homeless Man: It ain't an outhouse. It ain't the White House. So it might be the station house.
Fin: Good guess.

Benson: Hey. You feeling any better?
Stabler: Yeah. I caught some sleep up in the crib. How's Smythe?
Benson: She's awake. She's ugh, she's going to be okay.
Stabler: Say anything?
Benson: No. You sure you're okay?
Stabler: You tell Cragen about what happened last night? Me getting sick?
Benson: You heard what I said. You were standing right there. I haven't seen him since. Why?
Stabler: Boss wanted to send me home.
Benson: But he didn't. Good decision. But that stuff right there.... [points to the can of diet cola he is drinking] that'll kill you.

[Benson notices Stabler having breakfast]
Benson: Got your appetite back.
Stabler: Feels good to eat like a human being again.
Benson: You get the test results?
Stabler: Clean bill of health. Negative for HIV, hepatitis. [Benson smiles back at him; holds up a glass of O.J.] Salute.

Countdown [2.15][edit]

Alex: I need you to authorize this deal.
Phillips: Counselor, I am a public servant, and the public at large does not want this boil on the butt of humanity living to a ripe old age.
Alex: Charlie, think of the mother.
Phillips: I am. And I'm sure that she'd wanna see him to die.
Alex: Maybe. But she probably wants to know what happened to her daughter also.
Phillips: And what about the mothers of all his other victims? They want him dead. The city wants him dead. Even protesters against the death penalty wanna see this guy dead.

Captain Cragen: How goes it, Elliot?
[Stabler spits out bad coffee]
Munch: Hey! I made that! 19 hours ago, mind you, but still, a little tact.
Stabler: [looks at an empty can] Hey, Munch, why do you do this? You always do this. [to the captain] He puts the lid back on an empty can!
Munch: It's just my way.

Munch: [as Fin applies eye drops to his eyes] Can I have some of that?
Fin: No.
Munch: Please?
Fin: No.
Munch: Come on!
Fin: Can't share eye drops. That's how you get pinkeye.
Stabler: Just give him the eye drops, will you?

[the captain comes out of the bathroom stall; his detectives await him]
Captain Cragen: I'm not tipping all of you.

[the captain finds the squad room in a dreadful mess]
Captain Cragen: Damn it! This place is a pigsty!
Benson: You're the one who said no janitors.
Captain Cragen: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks, Olivia. It's my fault.

Runaway [2.16][edit]

[Detectives have to track down a runaway daughter of a police officer, which leads them to New York City's rave culture]

[Fin and Munch are undercover in Bolger's office]
Bolger: [pointing at Munch] Who's that?
Fin: That's my Jew.
Munch: Shalom.
Munch: Your Jew? Your Jew? What if I called you "my boy"?
Fin: I'll be your boy, John.

Alex: I'm willing to speak to you. However, you have no legal authority to compel me to answer any questions.
Officer: We are well aware of that, Miss Cabot. We're only trying to get to the truth.
Alex: Aren't we all.

Alex: If you are looking for someone to denigrate Captain Cragen or the unit, find someone else.

Captain Cragen: A girl O.D.'d and died alone. Her father, a decorated cop, 30-year career, over, no pension, his family in shambles. But you know what really, really scares me? That all you people are concerned about is some lying, murdering sack of crap.
IAB Officer: In this country, that lying, murdering sack of crap has rights, too, Captain.
Captain Cragen: Tito... Jill Foster... They're both dead. What about their rights?

Folly [2.17][edit]

Benson: Do people have sex in bed anymore?

Benson: The earth moved.
Stabler: And he saw stars.

Fin: I am not staying in here with all these cancer-causing particles flying around.
Munch: Stop worrying. As an African-American you're statistically far more likely to die of diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease.
Fin: Or a bullet.

Manhunt [2.18][edit]

Munch: [to a serial rapist and murderer known as the Bowery Stalker] Shoplifting. Kind of an undignified end to such an ambitious operation.

Munch: [to the Bowery stalker] You had us stumped for over a year, Daryl. Your operations manual reads like a textbook in tactics and resource management. I've offered it to the curriculum committee at the Academy. I think the next generation of cops could learn a lot from you.

Fin: Even Aunt Mary thinks he's a hero.
Munch: Yeah, well Aunt Mary is a few tea bags shy of a full pot.

Parasites [2.19][edit]

Ava: In my country, the police help no one.

Alex: [about a suspect with diplomatic immunity] He could run me down, leave skidmarks, and we still couldn't give him a speeding ticket.

Pique [2.20][edit]

[Dr. Warner conducts the autopsy on the victim with Benson and Stabler in the room.]
Dr. Warner: External examination found no traces of semen. Further testing...[pulling out an organ and placing it in a scale dish] showed spermicides usually found in condoms.
[Benson and Stabler look on in disgust]
Stabler: This is fun.

[Benson and Stabler are at a suspect's mother's home, trying to locate his current address, though they avoid telling her that her son's a suspect]
Grace: I don't like cryptic conversation. They require a prevaricating nature, which I do not possess. So either you tell me what this is all about...or you can locate Jason using whatever means you have at your disposal.
Benson: Do you know what obstruction is, ma'am? This is a murder investigation, and we need to speak with your son. Now.

Dr. Huang: [about Jason] He suffers from piquerism, counselor. The knife represents his penis. It is not disposable.

Judge Barry: [during Jason's arraignment] How do you plead?
Milton: Not guilty, your honor.
Judge Barry: Miss Cabot?
Alex: Remand, your honor.
Milton: The Mayberrys are an old, upstanding family in New Jersey. My client is not a flight risk. His mother, Grace Mayberry, will produce him for trial.
Alex: Because of his trust, as well as his mother's wealth, he has means and opportunity to flee. The defendant is charged with heinous crimes. The murder victim was 7 weeks pregnant.
Milton: Objection!
Judge Barry: [pounds gavel] That was a nice try, counselor. Don't do it again.
Alex: My apologies.
Judge Barry: Bail is set at 1,000,000. Post or enjoy my hospitality. [bangs gavel again]

Scourge [2.21][edit]

[Benson and Stabler find Daniel Varney in Our Lady of Lords mopping the floors]
Stabler: Daniel?
Daniel: [stops mopping] Yes. I'm Daniel.
Stabler: Hi. Can we talk to you a second?
Daniel: Who are you?
Benson: We're the police.
Daniel: [frightened] His avenging angels cometh. [drops his mop]
Benson: We just wanna ask you a question.
Daniel: [murmurs incoherently] You cannot hide in the presence of the Lord. He sent you to judge me?
Benson: No, no. Not to judge you. To help you.
Daniel: Why?! I served him. I was... I... They were unclean, and I cleansed them in their own blood. I saved a child, a lamb that was pure...
Benson: Daniel? Daniel, come with us. Come with us.
Daniel: [pulls out his knife] Wasn't I good enough? Wasn't I good enough? Why do you send your angels for me? Why do you want to destroy me when I bring them your message? They were unclean. Why? Why do you send your angels for me? Why? Why do you want to destroy me when I bring them your message?
Benson: No. Not to destroy you. He wants to reward you.
Daniel: HE WILL JUDGE ME! Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come, thy will be done...
Benson and Daniel: [in unison] ...on Earth as it is in Heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses...
[Stabler knocks Daniel to the floor; Benson kicks the knife out of his hands]
Daniel: Pray with me!
Stabler: Get the arm.
Benson: [grabs Daniel's arm] Got it.
Stabler: [slaps the cuffs on Daniel while he continues murmuring] Daniel Varney, you're under arrest for murder. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

[while in arraignment]
Judge Petrovsky: Mr. Newvine, how does your client plead?
Daniel: Are you God?
Judge Petrovsky: Just an overworked judge, Mr. Varney. And I ask the questions. Not you. Guilty or not guilty?
Daniel: How can you judge me if you're not God?
Judge Petrovsky: Mr. Newvine, control your client.
Newvine: We plead not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect, your honor. [to his client] Daniel, please!
Judge Petrovsky: Miss Cabot?
Alex: Remand, your honor. The defendant is clearly a dangerous...
Daniel: NO!!! [he punches Newvine; the court officers restrain him] YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME! You don't sit in judgment of me! You don't sit in judgment of me! YOU DON'T SIT IN JUDGMENT OF ME! You can't judge me! You can't judge me!

Daniel: I have to ask you something.
Benson: What?
Daniel: Why didn't you shoot me?
Benson: Because I didn't want to hurt you.
Daniel: But you must.
Benson: I must what, Daniel? I don't understand.
Daniel: Kill me. Please. Please. I can't take any more pain.

Season 3[edit]

Repression [3.01][edit]

Southerland: [after he is questioned about the murder of his son-in-law] If you're asking me if I'm glad he's dead, the answer is yes. If you're asking me if I killed him, the answer is no, although I would like to buy the fellow who did it a drink.

Dr. Huang: [about the use of sodium amytal] It's called False Memory Syndrome. I think of it as the power of suggestion run amok.

Wrath [3.02][edit]

Benson: We've gotten warrants based on less, why are you stonewalling?
Alex: This is different and you know it. Once a judge hears the suspect's history, he's gonna bend over backwards for the guy.
Benson: I saw him, Alex. Plummer is stalking me.
Alex: How did he know where you were when he was in the interview room being questioned?
Benson: He must've overheard.
Alex: Okay, how many businesses are in the area near Chauncey's?
Benson: I don't know, several. Why? Where are you going with this?
Alex: Any decent defense attorney is going to say that Mr. Plummer was in the area running errands, that it was just a coincidence.
Benson: He has killed 4 people and we're doing nothing.
Alex: How many drinks did you have? Olivia, the system made a mistake before, now everything we do is under a microscope.
Benson: [pause] I wasn't drunk.

Benson: We blame all kinds of people for creating monsters. Why not ourselves?

Stolen [3.03][edit]

Fin: 3 marriages, no children. You ever consider adopting?
Munch: The kindest thing I could ever do for a kid is not adopt.

Alex: [after the captain blows up at a suspect] You lost your cool. You are too emotionally-invested in this case!
Captain Cragen: Damn right.

Rooftop [3.04][edit]

Alva: You happy now?
Stabler: Mrs. Tate, I'm sorry about Leon.
Alva: Don't you dare say you're sorry. You're glad he's dead. He didn't kill those girls, but you killed him anyway. You murdered him.
Fin: Mrs. Tate, Detective Stabler was doing his job.
Alva: My son was innocent.
Fin: Your son was gonna kill somebody with his HIV. We had to stop him. We didn't put the needle in his arm.
Alva: You didn't. But you all stick together, don't you? (storms off)

[during arraignment on the drug charge]
Judge Preston: Remand, Miss Cabot? On a third-degree possession charge?
Alex: Mr. Harris provided the drugs to young women. The People believe he is a danger to the community.
Judge Preston: Counsel, approach. [Alex and Conrad approach the bench] Miss Cabot, I have 40 more cases on the docket, and you're wasting my time on this frivolous garbage?
Alex: Your honor, it is the People's position that we...
Judge Preston: You screwed up your murder case, and now you want me to do your dirty work for ya? Not gonna happen. Step back. [the attorneys return to their positions] Bail is set at $2,000, cash only. [bangs gavel] Next case.
Rodney: [charges at King] You son of a bitch!
[he punches the defendant and gets him in a stranglehold]
Rodney: You killed my sister, man! He's a cold-blooded murderer!
Judge Preston: Officers! Officers! Officer! Clear the court!
[King bites Rodney on the arm; the court officers and detectives break up the fight]
Rodney: He just bit me! The bastard bit me!
King: [escorted out] C'mon! Bring it! Come on!
Judge Preston: Remove that man!
Rodney: You can't fight like a man, but you kill little girls!
Fin: We'll take him!
Rodney: Take me?
Fin: Yeah. You under arrest for assault.
Rodney: Whoa! He gets away with murderin' my sister, and you takin' me?!
Fin: Shh! Just shut up.

[the detectives catch King]
Fin: It's over, your highness.
King: You ain't got nothin' on me.
Munch: Just takin' a bite outta crime.
Benson: Just like you took a bite outta Rodney Thompson's arm.
Stabler: You left your DNA. Thought you were smarter than that.

King: [on the verge of a death sentence for the murders] I want a deal.
Fin: [snickers] Want a deal? How 'bout right before we execute you for killin' those girls, I bring you your last meal? How's that?

Tangled [3.05][edit]

Dr. Warner: Perp goes through the trouble of bringing a semi-automatic with him, why not just shoot the guy?
Benson: Where'd the fun be in that?

Dr. Huang: Do you gamble, Elliot?
Elliot Stabler: Only with birth control.

Cragen: It's a case of he said, she said, he's dead.

Redemption [3.06][edit]

[Investigating a series of rapes/homicides resembling those of the 'Soho Strangler', Stabler is paired with John 'Hawk' Hawkins, who put a man away for those crimes 18 years ago. Unfortunately, it begins to look as if that man was innocent all along.]

Fin: [after meeting Hawk for the first time] Who the hell was that?
Stabler: Wyatt Earp.

Hawk: [about Benson] Your partner always so friendly?
Stabler: She just doesn't like you.
Hawk: [amused] Wait 'til she gets to know me.

Stabler: [about Hawkins' style] I just don't like grand-standers.
Hawk: I thought you were going to say grandfathers. That was a tough one to lose.
Stabler: [angrily] That jury sent him home to rape that kid all over again.
Hawk: Did you make your case?
Stabler: I had him nailed.
Hawk: Then you did your job.
Stabler: [snorts] That's not good enough anymore.
Hawk: Well it has to be, 'cause that's all there is.
Stabler: I told that little girl that everything was going to be okay.
Hawk: And I told the parents of Roger's victims that he'd rot in prison.
Stabler: Well at least you put him away for 18.
Hawk: Yeah, well, at least you gave that little girl a few days' peace. We never win this war, Elliot.
Stabler [sighs] Just so tired of losing.

Stabler: Oh God bless the lawyers.

Hawk: [reviews old files after he has been drinking] I took 18 years from an innocent man. There's no way I can make that right.
Stabler: So what're you going to do, quit? What are you going to tell the parents of those girls? You made them a promise, and if you're the man I think you are, you'll keep it.

[Hawk has chased the killer to the roof of a building; when Stabler catches up, the suspect is clinging to the ledge as Hawk watches, ready to let him fall]
Stabler: Hawk? Hawk, don't do this.
Hawk: Don't do what, partner?.
Stabler: We both know this isn't right.
Hawk: We both know the system sucks. This way it's just natural selection. [steps on the suspect's hand]
Stabler: Hawk, you do this, you're no better than he is.
Hawk: He sure as hell won't kill anybody else.
Stabler: This is no way to end it. Come on.
Hawk: He's an evil man, Elliot.
Stabler: And all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
Hawk: You gonna let an old drunk do all the work? Gimme a hand.
[Stabler walks up to him, and the two help the suspect onto the roof and cuff him]

Sacrifice [3.07][edit]

Fin: Can't you call in a favor?
Alex: After working with this unit, I don't have that many left.

Benson: Entry wound from the back. He was running away.
Stabler: That tends to happen when you're looking in the barrel of a gun.

Inheritance [3.08][edit]

Dr. Huang: Some geneticists theorise that violence is inherited.
Benson: It's not my fault. I was just born to kill.

Benson: [about a man who was convicted of rape and murder] Does he have a choice? Does anyone?
Dr. Huang: You don't hurt people, Olivia. You protect them. You're proof that we do have a choice.
Benson: Or ... or maybe I'm just lucky.

Care [3.09][edit]

Fin: Why do we always get stuck looking for the needle in the haystack?
Munch: Takes me back to the Easter egg hunts of my youth.
Fin: You're Jewish. Your parents hid eggs?
Munch: My point exactly. All those hours of futile searching.

Benson: What exactly is a gorgon?
Dr. Huang: Are you familiar with Medusa?
Stabler: Glenn's abuser is a woman.

[during Glenn's testimony, Dorothy drops her cane, shocking him]
Alex: Your honor, I object to the blatant ongoing intimidation tactics by the defendant!
Dorothy: I didn't do anything.
Glenn: LIAR! You beat her! You beat her the whole day.
Dorothy: I took you in when no one else wanted you!!
Glenn: Cassie was crying, and you kept hitting her. She tried to run away, and you made Aunt Jane tie her down. She was so little. You were supposed to protect her. But you beat her with the cane all day. You killed her! You killed her!

Alex: Who died?
Stabler: Dorothy Rudd.
Alex: Please tell me you're kidding.
Munch: Just got a call from Rikers. Massive heart attack.
Fin: Bitch didn't even suffer.
Captain Cragen: Anybody else feel cheated?
Benson: Prosecution abated by death. Sucks.
Stabler: That's it. No vindication, nobody pays.

Ridicule [3.10][edit]

Stabler: Female rage is a growth industry.

Benson: So we're saying all men are sex-hounds, and only women can feel violated?

Fin: [about Amelia] Her secretary said she should be done by now. These day traders live pretty good; short hours, spa days. What the hell is she doing in there?
Munch: Beauty treatments take time; mud baths, silica dissapation, exfoliating facial. Time and money ... some women learn early how to waste both.
Fin: Your ex-wives made you bitter.
Munch: Not bitter, just resigned.

Monogamy [3.11][edit]

Benson [to Stabler] Hey, you know everyone in that room is on your side. But we're not mind-readers.

Stabler: [about his marital troubles] It never goes away, y'know? Each case a little more horrific than the last. I go home, what am I supposed to do, talk about my day at work? "Honey, today a guy cut a baby out of his wife's stomach. Pass the gravy, please."
Benson: So you just don't talk at all? That's no solution, Elliot.
Stabler: One of us has to be able to sleep at night. She thinks I'm shutting her out.
Benson: You are. That's exactly what you do. You keep this up, you're gonna ruin the best thing you've ever had.

Dr. Huang: Most species aren't naturally monogamous.
Munch: That explains my marital history.

Protection [3.12][edit]

Alex: [while offering a deal] Life without parole.
Fuentes: What kind of a deal is that?
Alex: The kind that keeps you breathing.

Munch [about questioning a young boy] I'll go. I speak 10-year-old.

Prodigy [3.13][edit]

Munch: [while looking at a board filled with thumbtacks representing chemical plants] Garden State, my ass. I guess chemical capital of the world didn't have the same zing.

Benson: [about the dead bodies in the park] He's got a wedding ring. Is this a married couple?
Stabler: Trust me, married couples don't have sex in parks.

Baker: Criminology 101, detective. If you're gonna break the law, you don't want witnesses around.
Stabler: You think you're real cute, don'tcha?
Baker: 23 cheerleaders can't be wrong.
Stabler: I know where you live, I know where you learn and I know where you bury your kill. You get used to my face 'cause you're gonna be seeing it every time you turn around.
Baker: Don't lose your head, Detective. You're having enough trouble finding one.

Stabler: [to Poletti] That year you're doin' on your head? Add 25 more and choke on it.

Counterfeit [3.14][edit]

[A woman's body is found near her car after she was raped. Detectives Benson and Tutuola are paired to discover what the motive was, as well as why was her car's trunk full of forged drugs.]

Fin: All right, nice dress.
Benson: Yeah, it was a nice date. Where's Munch?
Fin: He banged in sick.
Benson: He's such a hypochondriac. How many times has he had anthrax this week?

[Munch walks in on crutches]
Fin: I can't wait to hear this.
Munch: Your sympathy is overwhelming.
Benson: What happened to you?
Munch: Skydiving, hard landing.
Stabler: He wiped out riding his friend's Harley.
Cragen: Now the only thing he'll be riding is a desk.

Benson: These cases have too much in common. Same area, same time of night...
Fin: Paula Grace was front page news. There's enough details for Franscesca to fake hers.
Benson: There is no way that she could have faked being that traumatised. I'm telling you Captain, this woman was raped.
Fin: I just don't want to send the rat squad on some witch hunt and screw some innocent cop.
Benson: Neither do I.
Fin: Could have been anybody in a uniform, didn't have to be a real cop.
Benson: Doesn't matter. This woman is a rape victim until we prove otherwise.

Execution [3.15][edit]

Stabler: Alex, how many phone calls from victims have you gotten asking why you lost a case and what you're gonna do about it?
Alex: I've had my share.
Stabler: And how many times do you actually get a second chance?

Munch: Tell me again how my partner failed to get his weapon re-certification?
Benson: He choked!
Fin: I didn't choke!
Benson: Okay. You got poor marks for shooting off your gun early.
Munch: It happens to everybody. You know, they have a pill for that now.

Popular [3.16][edit]

McKenzie: Kids tend to lie when their backs are against the wall.
Stabler: Adults too.

Captain Cragen: Since when is oral sex not sex?
Benson: Since Bill Clinton said it wasn't.

Surveillance [3.17][edit]

[Benson and Stabler watch surveillance tapes of a couple having sex]
Benson: He, uh, really seems to favor that one position.
Stabler: Least he's consistent.
Benson: Boring, I think, is the word you're looking for.

Dr. Huang: He may believe he's in a relationship that doesn't even exist.
Munch: Sounds like me with my 4 ex-wives.

Guilt [3.18][edit]

Stabler: Barnett's being processed. We're headin' to Mulligan's to celebrate.
Fin: You're probably not gonna wanna do that.
Benson: And why's that?
Fin: Dad's mad.
Captain Cragen: [to Benson and Stabler] Get your asses in my office.

[Alex finds Judge Petrovsky coming out of an elevator]
Judge Petrovsky: Stalking me, counselor?
Alex: I need a search warrant.
Judge Petrovsky: What are we searching for?
Alex: Videotapes of Roy Barnett engaged in sex acts with minors.
Judge Petrovsky: You're kidding! Where are they?
Alex: Sam Cavanaugh's house.
Judge Petrovsky: [scoffs] His mother would rather see you dead than let you search the place. Information from a reliable source? Don't start.
Alex: He was a victim of Roy Barnett's until 5 years ago.
Judge Petrovsky: Which is old news. What's the rest of the story?
Alex: He's in Sing Sing for aggravated sexual abuse-1 plus a separate fraud conviction.
Judge Petrovsky: I can't believe you're even asking!
Alex: Roy Barnett is a serial child molester. He will not stop.
Judge Petrovsky: Neither of which is a reason to grant a warrant.
Alex: The tapes are.
Judge Petrovsky: You have no idea whether they even exist.
Alex: This is our last chance. I have to risk it.
Judge Petrovsky: I won't order a search based on the dubious word of a convicted pedophile! You look like Hell, Alexandra. Get some sleep.

Kressler: Linda Cavanaugh never consented to any search! The Assistant District Attorney lied her way in by claiming the apartment was a crime scene.
Alex: Sam Cavanaugh's alleged suicide attempt was never investigated.
Judge Petrovsky: Miss Cabot, you're not going to sell that here. Don't even try it.
Kressler: This was a blatant 4th Amendment violation, sanctioned and indeed carried out by the People. Therefore, any evidence found must be suppressed.
Alex: Mr. Barnett's 4th Amendment rights were not violated. Linda Cavanaugh's certainly were, but she isn't the defendant. Mr. Barnett is. He has no standing to contest a search of someone else's home.
Kressler: Are you actually arguing that you can march in like the Gestapo and search any private residence?!
Alex: I'm arguing I can search any private residence that doesn't belong to your client, and it will have no bearing on these proceedings.
Judge Petrovsky: While I deplore the Assistant District Attorney's actions, I am forced to agree that the illegal search of Linda Cavanaugh's residence is a civil tort. The defendant's privacy was not violated, and therefore, he has no legal standing to contest the search. Motion to suppress the evidence is denied. Miss Cabot, I scarcely know where to begin. The liberties you have taken. The disdain you have shown toward the law in this court are highly unethical and a disgrace to your position. Be assured I will recommend your office to look into your actions. And you have done yourself a real disservice in my courtroom. I won't forget it.

Alex: I take full responsibility for my actions.
Donnelly: Of course. You did it for the greater good, the safety of society. Bull. You did this for you.
Alex: I did this for hundreds of Barnett's future victims.
Donnelly: One. One victim. Sam Cavanaugh. Did it work? Did it assuage your guilt?
Alex: No. I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon.
Donnelly: I've got news for you. It won't happen. Ever.

Justice [3.19][edit]

[In investigating the sexual assault of a 16-year-old, it's discovered that the victim is the rebellious stepdaughter of a judge, who is an old friend of Cragen's with dark secrets.]

Donnelly: Need I remind you that I am responsible for the integrity of this entire bureau?
Alex: A judge has used the power of the court to further his own agenda. If the light we shine on him isn't brighter than the light we shine on the public, then this bureau has no integrity.

[Stabler thinks Thornburg may have abused his stepdaughter]
Captain Cragen: Thornburg? One of the most respected jurists in the state?
Stabler: Which doesn't mean squat to me if he raped an 11-year-old girl.

Greed [3.20][edit]

Benson: 3 fireplaces. Guy could have come in through the chimney.
Stabler: Maybe we should be looking for a guy in a red suit.

Benson: I got coffee cups, candy wrappers and half eaten sandwiches. They should really think about cleaning this out every 2 years.

Denial [3.21][edit]

[Benson and Stabler enter to find Dr. Warner inspecting a dessicated finger under a magnifying glass]
Dr. Warner: It's official. The finger's dead.

Alex: The People have requested remand.
Judge Petrovsky: Well, you're not gonna get it. 300,000.
Alex: Objection!
Judge Petrovsky: Overruled.
Alex: Your honor, I must object. Since you've rebuked me from manipulating the law to my own advantage, your ruling seems hypocritical.
Judge Petrovsky: That's enough. One more word out of you, and you'll be enjoying my hospitality.
Alex: Ma'am, I urge you to reconsider, or you will force me to file a grievance.
Judge Petrovsky: You're in contempt. Bailiff!
[the ADA leaves the courtroom]

Claire: You have no idea what it's like to have a mother who doesn't give a damn about you.
Fin: [reads newspaper] Violin's gonna start in any minute.

Claire: [to Fin] I could hug you, but I can tell you don't like to be touched.

Season 4[edit]

Chameleon [4.01][edit]

Fin: Cause of death was between two and four hours ago... pre-release.
Stabler: Is that significant?
Fin: No, that's just cold.

Lewin: Do you really think the first woman the state executes should be a single mother, prostitute, rape victim...
Donnelly: Serial killer.

Dr. Huang: I'm not confident with calling the suspect a serial killer.
Fin: How many guys she gotta whack until you're confident?

Benson: Sit down in the chair, Maggie.
Maggie: Where's Elliot?
Benson: Just us girls now. Sit! That act of yours was a whole lotta fun to watch. But you should know that it's not gonna work with me.
Maggie: What act?
Benson: Pretend to be a victim, you can pretend to be a whore, you can pretend to be whatever it is you wanna be. It's a joke. Maggie, you're done.
Maggie: Where's my son?
Benson: Oh... see, that's not gonna work either.
Maggie: I do not believe that you are talking to me this way. I was raped more times than I can remember!
Benson: Right, and your mom died, and your dad beat ya. [slides a paper towards Maggie] Your mom's alive. No dad on the birth certificate. You never knew him, did you? Was your mom a pro, too?
Maggie: Where's my son? I need to see him.
Benson: Your son? You're never gonna see that kid again. You murdered 7 men for a hotel room and a manicure.
Maggie: They raped me!
Benson: You want the whole world to think that you're a victim? Well, Maggie, you're getting your wish. Because the state's gonna kill you.

Deception [4.02][edit]

[Benson and Stabler find Lawrence and Gloria arguing over custody of Chloe]
Lawrence: [about Gloria] She raped my son. God knows what she did to my daughter.
Gloria: Our daughter!
Lawrence: You don't deserve to be a mother! You're disgusting!
Gloria: Yeah, make up some more stories. Everyone knows it so you can get out of child support when I divorce you!
Lawrence: I'm gonna kill you if you touch my children again!
Stabler: [holds him back] Mr. FULLER! I don't wanna hear another threat like that. Now, am I clear?

Munch: [to Kyle] You have the right to an attorney. You want my advice? Don't take one that's on your mother's payroll.

Alex: During the course of their investigation, SVU detectives discovered the defendant left his jurisdiction, violating the conditions of his bail agreement.
Langan: This was obviously not an attempt to skip bail, your honor, as evidenced by the fact that my client was on his way back to New York before the detectives knew he was gone.
Alex: The sole purpose of this trip was to travel to the state of Virginia, which allows non-residents to obtain marriage licenses without waiting periods or blood tests.
Judge Ridenour: [surprised] He skipped town to get married?
Alex: Virginia also allows a person under the age of 18 to marry with the permission of a legal guardian, despite the fact that the defendant was, in fact, marrying his legal guardian, his stepmother, Gloria Stanfield, currently under investigation for child abuse and murder.
Langan: None of this is relevant to the matter of bail, your honor.
Alex: But it is relevant to the defendant's trial. This marriage is an attempt to abuse spousal privilege and circumvent the very investigation which may land the defendant in jail.
Judge Ridenour: [about Kyle and Gloria's marriage] Whether or not the defendant intended to avoid prosecution, he violated his bail agreement. Bail is revoked. The defendant is remanded. [to Kyle] Congratulations on your nuptials, young man. [bangs gavel]

Gloria: [to Kyle as she's arrested for the murder] You have no idea what you're doing.
Kyle: No. I know exactly what I'm doing, Mom.

Vulnerable [4.03][edit]

Munch: [after observing the victim who has Alzheimer's] Sad. When this steel trap starts to rust, call Kevorkian.
Fin: Consider that done.

Stabler: I never want to grow old.
Benson: In our line of work, be careful what you wish for.

Lust [4.04][edit]

Fin: [to Munch] I told you you should've left that mutt in the car.
Munch: You know how many dogs die in locked cars every year?
Fin: You know how many cops shoot their partner and get off on a justifiable?

Munch: There's a fine line between the right to privacy and prevention.
Benson: People have a right to know if they've been exposed to HIV.
Munch: Yeah, I just get a little nervous when the government starts drawing up lists.
Fin: Please don't get him started. He goes off on black helicopters and we'll be here all night.

Arthur: [during the interrogation] I was alive again for the first time in years. Greta was going to take it away. I had to stop her.

Disappearing Acts [4.05][edit]

Claudia: You cannot interrogate the prisoner about the federal case against her or anything related to it.
Benson: What if her criminal affiliations directly relate to the attack?
Claudia: Well if Miss Curry's business associates were involved, she'd be in the morgue.

Captain Cragen: I got a call from the US attorney's office with assurances; as soon as we make an arrest they will produce Amanda Curry for trial.
Benson: How are we supposed to do this without the cooperation of our complaining victim?

Angels [4.06][edit]

Dr. Warner: Jansen's genitals weren't exactly cut off. They were surgically excised ... Removed with a scalpel by someone who knows anatomy, and pre-mortem. [points to Stabler's neck] An amateur would have cut his throat straight across. Jansen's killer made precise cuts on the carotid artery here, and here, after... [starts to point to Stabler's groin]
Stabler: You don't need to demonstrate that part.

Tony: So, what's this conspiracy that you're charging me with?
Munch: Facilitating the rape of children in foreign countries.
Tony: There's no state law against that.
Stabler: Federal law. We turn our tape over to the U.S. Attorney, you're toast.
Tony: Federal statutes require proof of a sex act. That means they need a victim. Where they gonna find one?
Munch: No wonder this guy doesn't need a lawyer. He's got the law memorized with all his other NAMBLA buddies.
Tony: NAMBLA? I'm not one of those freaks.
Stabler: How many boys they pass around to you?
Tony: I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
[Stabler throws Tony against the wall and roughs him up a little]
Stabler: You think I am some dumb cop?
Tony: I had nothin' to...
[Stabler cuts him off with a jab to the gut]
Munch: Elliot!
Stabler: Think you're smarter than me?!
Tony: I need a doctor!
Stabler: You're gonna need a morgue, pal! You are nothing but a lowlife pimp who sells children. You sent Bret Jansen on a sex tour. Him and a friend made a video doin' a 10-year-old boy.
Tony: Friend? I don't know about any friend.
Munch: Yeah, right, just like you didn't know your customers have been smuggling back little sex toys of their own.
Tony: Listen, Jansen and Lynch did that on their own. I had nothin' to do with it!
Stabler: You got nothin' to do with anything, do you? How 'bout sex tours? Do you know anything about them? Huh? Do you book sex tours?!
Tony: Yes! Yes!
Stabler: How many do you book?
Tony: Couple dozen. Over the years.
Stabler: Yeah? Just a couple dozen?
Tony: I swear, I'm not one of them! I was just in it for the money!
Stabler: Which the Feds are gonna take away from you while you're sittin' on death row for slicin' up Bret Jansen.
Tony: What?! I had nothin' to do with that!
Munch: That's funny, because somebody did to him exactly what he joked about doin' to you.
Tony: That rat bastard.
Munch: Gotta be more specific. There's a lot of 'em running around in this case.
Tony: Lynch! I told him about Jansen's joke that he was gonna cut my balls off. He's using it to set me up!
Stabler: Why would he wanna kill Jansen?
Tony: Because Lynch handpicked José for Jansen. Then Jansen called Lynch, said he wanted his money back when José and Ernesto escaped.
Munch: When's the last time you spoke to Lynch?
Tony: Before Jansen was killed. Lynch called, said he wanted to know why the video of his trip hadn't arrived yet. I told him it was on its way. [pants] Make me a deal. Make me a deal, and I will give you Lynch on a silver platter.

Stabler: You're under arrest for the murder of Jansen and for sexually abusing your son.
Walt: No! No. I didn't force Shawn. He seduced me. How could I deny him? I never beat him like Jansen beat his boys! It's not the same thing!
Stabler: No. It's worse. You had sex with your stepson, and you don't think there's anything wrong with that? What kinda sick bastard are you?

Dolls [4.07][edit]

[after seeing Munch and Fin arguing]
Stabler: Lover's quarrel?
Fin: It's gonna be a domestic disturbance if Munch don't get outta my face.

Terry: Girls are lucky. They can play with dolls. Boys aren't supposed to.
Fin: I had dolls.
Terry: You did? What kind?
Fin: You know, G.I. Joe, Batman.
Terry: Those are action figures.

Ronnie: What's your problem?
Fin: Your daughter's dead, and there's not one cell in your junkie body that gives a damn!

Waste [4.08][edit]

Stabler: She's been in a coma. I don't understand why you called us.
Dr. Sedaly: Because of the pneumonia, I ordered a chest x-ray, and the lab automatically ran its standard tests. Hers turned up positive.
Stabler: For what?
Dr. Sedaly: A baby. She's 6 weeks pregnant.

Captain Cragen: Counselor, question. Umm, what would it take to blanket-DNA an entire facility?
Alex: A constitutional amendment.

Juvenile [4.09][edit]

Stabler: [sees Dr. Warner enter the restaurant where he and Benson are eating lunch] An ME out of the lab? It must be big.
Dr. Warner: I got the report back from the contents of the vomit.
Benson: Am I gonna wanna stop eating for this?
Dr. Warner: Roast beef, mozzarella cheese, corn, and raisins. Luckily, it had only been in the stomach a few hours, so it was only partially digested.
Benson: All right, I'm done. [pushes her salad away]

Bernardo: These are scientific studies proving that an adolescent's brain is significantly different than an adult, that in fact our brains aren't fully formed until we are in our early twenties
Donnelly: And I can present scientific studies which prove my cat is trying to kill me in my sleep.

Resilience [4.10][edit]

Stabler: [about 2 other children] Can you tell me who they are?
Sally: That's Philip, and that's Antoine.
Stabler: Who's their mom?
Sally: Mom is.
Stabler: Okay. Who's their real mom?
Sally: My mom is, stupid! They're my brothers.

Benson: You used your own daughter.
Angie: No. Those men did. Randall and Eno.
Benson: They swear that they didn't!
Angie: But they're lying!
Stabler: Either you let them rape your daughter, or your husband took their semen out of you and did it himself.
Angie: That's disgusting.
Stabler: YOU'RE DISGUSTING!! YOU ARE! Your own child!

Damaged [4.11][edit]

[The SVU team cooperates with a Homicide detective when a 6 year old shooting victim tests positive for gonorrhea.]

Detective: If Missy had kept her mouth shut, could've been a perfect crime.
Captain Cragen: Hey, you don't know there's been a trampoline in the room, you won't dust the ceiling for prints.

Captain Cragen: Tell me this isn't as bad as it seems.
Alex: Oh, it is.
Captain Cragen: And Missy's immunity is etched in stone?
Alex: We can't touch her. We're screwed.

Missy: You can't kill me. I'm already dead.

Risk [4.12][edit]

Fin: [on phone] I'm not tryin' to be difficult. Odafin Tutuola. Tutuola! You need me to spell it for you? C'mon!

Tucker: You need anger management, Captain.
Captain Cragen: And you need to kiss my ass!

Rotten [4.13][edit]

Edmunds: We got called out on a domestic case. The husband and wife were going at each other, as soon as we walked in the door, I didn't see the gun. Cooper jumped in front of me and held the bullet in his hand.
Benson: And you've been repaying the favor since?
Edmunds: He saved my life.
Benson: He did it for 2 Mercedes and a condo.

Benson: You wouldn't do what they did.
Fin: It's not like I haven't thought about it, every cop alive has.
Benson: There's a difference in thinking about it and actually doing it.

Mercy [4.14][edit]

[Patty informs her parents of her recent abortion]
Roger: You're pregnant?
Patty: No, Daddy. Not anymore.
Roger: You stupid slut.
Stabler: Mr. Swanson...
Roger: What, you just spread your legs for the first dropout punk who comes sniffin' around?
Stabler: Sir, calm down. Calm down.
Benson: [to Patty] We know that you didn't mean to hurt anyone.
Mrs. Swanson: For God's sake, Patty, what happened?
Patty: I killed my baby. God, I killed my baby. I'm so sorry, Daddy.
Roger: What did you do? What?!
Patty: I went to this place on 96th Street.
Stabler: A clinic?
Patty: Yes. [to her father] I'm so sorry. I just didn't know where else to go.
Roger: You had an abortion? Without my permission?!
Benson: The law says that she doesn't need it.
Roger: Like Hell, she doesn't!
Stabler: I've asked you to calm down. Now I'm tellin' you to sit down. Sit down.
[Roger sits back down]
Benson: Patty, we're gonna need your okay to check the story with the clinic. All right?
Patty: All right.

[Stabler walks up to Fin after Patty confessed to her parents about her abortion]
Fin: How'd it go?
Stabler: Only crime here is that her father's a prick.
Fin: And a wife-beater.
Stabler: What'd you say?
Fin: Swanson has half a dozen domestic violence collars. His wife never pressed charges, but the local precinct knows their address by heart.
[as the Swansons are about to leave, Roger approaches Stabler]
Roger: Listen to me, Detective. You ever speak to me that way again, and I'll make damn sure the police commissioner hears about it. We play golf together.
Stabler: [nods] Does he know about your handicap?
Roger: My handicap?
Stabler: The one that makes you slap your wife around.
[Roger doesn't say a word]
Stabler: Well, good. I've got your attention. You raise to hand to her or your daughters again, I'll be payin' you a visit.
Roger: Is that a threat?
Stabler: Yeah.

Munch: Excuse me if I’m alarmed by the total disregard for human rights in this country.
Fin: If you got a problem with it, why don’t you get your bony ass outta here?

Donnelly: Someone killed a child. It’s our duty to speak for the victim.
Alex: So now we’re the pregnancy police? We’re violating a woman’s rights for what amounts to a Hail Mary.
Donnelly: This isn’t about abortion rights, Alex. We are talking about a one month old infant.
Alex: Okay, so what if that does work? What are we supposed to do, question every single woman who bought an EPT kit at the drugstore?

Emmett: [her closing summation] Andrea Brown's actions had one purpose. One. To spare the child she loved years of horrible agony leading to an inevitable death. When you go into the jury room, ladies and gentlemen, you must decide if this woman deserves to go to prison for at least 25 years. But before you answer that question, ask one of yourselves: "If this were my child, what would I do?" And if that question gives you pause, I pray you decide that Andrea Brown has already suffered enough.
Alex: [her summation] Andrea Brown ground up a lethal dose of antidepressants and fed it to her baby. The defense doesn't dispute these facts, but they argue Mrs. Brown acted out of the noblest of motives. Let's examine these motives. Andrea Brown had an extramarital affair and got pregnant. When she found out the baby wasn't her husband's, did she tell him? No. Did she tell Steve Kellerman that he was the father? No. Did she tell Dr. Platner, when pressuring him for a prescription, an act she knew could land him in prison? No. From the start, Andrea Brown's primary concern was preserving her marriage, her image, and her lifestyle by hiding at all costs her affair. She knew that the longer Sarah was alive, the greater the chances someone would find out that Daniel Brown was not the father. So she killed her daughter, a helpless child who had not yet begun to suffer the effects of Tay Sachs. All of this to conceal the fact that she'd slept with another man. The defense would have you believe this was an act of mercy. It wasn't. This is a clear-cut case of murder.

Pandora [4.15][edit]

Schwartz: I used to think I was alone. Now I know I'm not. You want to lock us up? Go ahead. That won't shut us up. There are millions of us, and we aren't going away.

Bishop: Tough gig. Gotta love it, though.
Stabler: No, you gotta hate it. That's the only way you'll be any good at it.

Tortured [4.16][edit]

Alex: Thank you. You've offered a provocative theory. What it lacks in substance, it makes up for in pretty colors.

Bernardo: So...say I had the urge to call opposing counsel an uptight, self-righteous little bitch. My frontal lobe knows that means sanctions and it keeps my mouth shut.

Privilege [4.17][edit]

Stabler: You call beating the crap out of her intense? Huh? You little prick. You did this to her.
Drew: Yes, I did do this, but she wanted me to.
Benson: No! No woman wants this!
Drew: Carmen did! This was her thing!
Benson: So you beat and rape her because it was "her thing"?

Candace: What have you done?
Douglas: I let you turn my son into a monster!

Desperate [4.18][edit]

Priscilla: We request a speedy trial date. My client is eager to prove his innocence. An opportunity the ADA denied him in the grand jury.
Alex: The District Attorney is under no obligation to inform...
Judge Ridenour: I know the law, Miss Cabot. I also know your reputation for bending it.

Tommy: [to Dan, before his testimony] You killed Jill.

Appearances [4.19][edit]

Munch: Both parole officers claim they're squeaky clean.
Stabler: Squeaky clean sex offender, now that's a new one.

Stabler: Billings is a sleaze bag who turns women into little girls.
Alex: He makes a mockery of the law. Jurisprudence has to evolve with the technology.
Mr. Moredock: This is gonna be a great fight, Alex. I'm glad I taught you so well.
Alex: You also taught me res ipsa loquitur: "The thing speaks for itself." If it looks like kiddie porn and smells like kiddie porn, it is kiddie porn.
Mr. Moredock: Maybe it's you who should evolve with technology, Alex. There was no kid in the kiddie porn.

Dominance [4.20][edit]

Duethorn: This city's a 3-ring circus, and SVU's the freak show.
Fin: And you want to be the ringmaster.
Duethorn: I want to know what makes them freaks.

Fin: You had a threesome?
Maria: Yeah, until it became a twosome... and I wasn't one of the 2.

Fallacy [4.21][edit]

Alex: [about a transgender murder suspect] I guess I'm more sympathetic to Cheryl than a prosecutor should be.
Branch: Maybe you'd like to defend her instead.
Alex: She sure could use better representation than that self-serving snake Berger.
Branch: Reptile though he may be, Morty Berger is a damn good attorney. He deserves a worthy adversary. Think about this: Who's going to give Cheryl a fair chance -- you, or some other prosecutor who'll put her gender on trial?

Berger: I told Cheryl about your deal. But she wants to go to trial.
Alex: She does or you do?
Berger: Do you know why I became a lawyer, Alex?
Alex: Uh, to see your face on TV?

Futility [4.22][edit]

Russ: The rape charges on my client are bogus. And how did he get hurt between his home and the station house?
Alex: I don't know, how did he? [looks at Fin and Stabler]
Fin: He fell.
Russ: Bull.
Alex: The only injuries I see are Mr. Gardner's torn knuckles from punching Detective Benson in the face, so unless you want to add the assault of a police officer to the list of charges, I suggest you move on.

Benson: Your one night as a bachelor, and you went grocery shopping? That's pretty pathetic.
Stabler: It was a grocery store with strippers.

Grief [4.23][edit]

Alvarez: [to the detectives] Why would you stick a plunger up Abner Louima's ass?

Alex: [her closing argument] Some of you may believe that Perry Williams raped Vanessa Bevins in that alley. But Perry Williams is not on trial here. In fact, he never got his day in court at all. So, in the eyes of the law, he is innocent until proven guilty. Even if his guilt had been established, beyond a reasonable doubt, he could not have been executed for his crime. Ray Bevins executed Perry Williams. He shot a man who was on his knees, begging for his life. Now, some of you may think that he deserved to die. But you have to ask yourselves if he would execute a man whose guilt had not been proven. We have all felt the need for revenge at some point in our lives. We have all lashed out in pain and anger, and we have all thought that justice means an eye for an eye. But is that justice? Does Perry Williams' family now have the right to kill Ray Bevins? Does Ray Bevins' family then have the right to retaliate against Perry Williams? When would it stop? An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

[after Ray's conviction]
Stabler: Ray, I'm sorry.
Ray: I'm not.

Perfect [4.24][edit]

Fin: [about Dr. Lang's practice] Sounds like the lunatic fringe of medicine.
Munch: It makes you feel good. What's wrong with that?
Fin: That's the same excuse people use to get high. The doc's nothing more than a dealer with a license.
Munch: What he's doing is perfectly legal.
Fin: Don't tell you're thinking about taking his stuff.
Munch: I've considered it. Why shouldn't I add some lean muscle to what you so lovingly call my bony ass?

Judge Petrovsky: Dr. Lang, you are out of order!
Dr. Lang: This entire trial is out of order! Don't you understand, I'm trying to save you! I'm trying to save the human race.
Judge Petrovsky: Sit down, or I will have you removed.
Dr. Lang: The cat's out of the bag, folks!
Judge Petrovsky: Bailiffs, remove the defendant.
Dr. Lang: [as he's escorted out] Science and the future wait for no one. If not for me, someone will clone a human being.

Soulless [4.25][edit]

Munch: One of the perps was a 6-foot tall white man. Makes you a viable suspect.
Seth: This is bull!
Fin: No, that's racial profiling. Sucks, don’t it?

Benson: You think that your mother can't be broken? You think you're in total control of her? You just watch me!
Mitch: Bring it on, bitch.

Season 5[edit]

Tragedy [5.01][edit]

Stabler: If she dies because you're holding out on us, I will personally stick that needle in your arm myself, you little prick.

Benson [to a suspect covering for her lover]: "Stand By Your Man" sounds much better when Tammy Wynette sings it.

Benson: I've got a psychic who says she can channel Annika for the right price.
Munch: Let me guess. She's in a cold, dark place near a body of water.

Manic [5.02][edit]

Moredock: It's a fact that Aptril causes anxiety and insomnia.
Alex: I suffer from anxiety and insomnia. I don't go around and shoot people.

Alex: I need your advice.
Dr. Huang: Lie down on the couch.
Alex: Not that sort of advice.

Mother [5.03][edit]

Javier: I didn't want to let her in.
Stabler: Why did you?
Javier: She sounded desperate. [pause] Okay, she gave me 40 bucks.

Stabler: Lady, I've got 4 kids. If I ever talked to one of them like that, I'd arrest myself.

Loss [5.04][edit]

Munch: [offers Felix a cola] There you go, Felix.
Felix: Papa, that's regular. I said diet.
Fin: You're gonna want the sugar, so drink it.
Felix: 'Kay. You people wanna treat me like that? That's fine.

Stabler: Look, we had a good run. Conviction rates are up. We had to get screwed sometime.
Benson: Cesar Velez can probably do more damage to Zapata now than the justice system ever could.
Alex: It just-- It never seems like enough, you know. The Feds'll get Zapata for killing Donovan. But what about Livia Sandoval? She dies without any justice, and we're supposed to be happy about it? We tell ourselves that we speak for the victims, but we don't. We can close cases. But the victims, even if they survive, their lives are ruined. I just get so sick of it.
Stabler: Alex, we can't always win.
Alex: But that's just it. Even when we win, we don't.

Serendipity [5.05][edit]

Novak: I wanted straight homicide. No living victims, all the glory.
Benson: Lesson #1: Nobody is prepared to handle the children.

Novak: Got a minute?
Branch: When you save a young girl's life, you get 2. Have a seat.
Novak: I can't do this.
Branch: Sure you can. Just bend your knees and let gravity take over.

Coerced [5.06][edit]

[after Kevin has confessed to what he has done]
Stabler: It's not coercion.
Dr. Huang: You pushed Kevin into a psychotic break so I would drug him so you could coerce his confession.
Stabler: I did what I had to do to save that boy.
Dr. Huang: Great. What are you gonna do next? Bash in people's skulls to make 'em talk?
Stabler: You know, your way, Adam wouldn't have been found until he was starved to death.
Captain Cragen: All right, that's enough, both of you. Did the medication hurt Kevin?
Dr. Huang: No.
Captain Cragen: Then what's the harm?
Dr. Huang: Unless a court forces him to, it's Kevin's choice whether to take it. We don't have the right to make that decision for him.
Stabler: Do me a favor. Stop treatin' this perp like he's your patient.
Dr. Huang: He became my patient the second I gave him that injection!
Stabler: Then do me a favor. Start thinkin' about the victims here. The kid he kidnapped. The 2 people he stabbed. They're your victims, Doc! Not Kevin!
Dr. Huang: You made Kevin a victim, and I'm gonna testify on his behalf if this goes to trial, which Kevin will win since you handed the defense its case!
Stabler: How'd I do that?
Dr. Huang: They're gonna make you say that he wasn't rational until he was medicated, which means he's not responsible for his actions before then. You get it now?!

[Stabler, Novak, and Kevin confront Randall Haber and his attorney]
Attorney: What the hell is this?
Stabler: Randall Haber, you're now under arrest for the murders of Lester Hale and Martha Davis.
Haber: Murder? Martha Davis committed suicide.
Stabler: We exhumed her body. She died of severe heat stroke.
Kevin: Because you told them not to turn on her air-conditioning.
Haber: A jury's gonna believe him? He murdered that grocer in cold blood.
Stabler: Which only happened because you withheld his medication and kicked him out on the street. That makes you responsible for Lester Hale's death.
Attorney: Okay. One count of Man-2 with a sentencing recommendation.
Haber: Are you crazy?! I'm not makin' a deal.
Kevin: Why did you tell the aide to cut Martha's wrists? I heard you.
Haber: He doesn't know what he heard. He's a mental patient!
Novak: He's back on his medication. He's perfectly lucid, and he's our star witness. 2 counts, Man-1, concurrent. He does his 15.
Haber: 15 years?
Novak: That, or a jury can sentence to to 25 to life. [opens the door] It's your choice.
[Haber confers with his attorney]
Haber: Deal.

Choice [5.07][edit]

Balthus: [holds up a sandwich] Why isn't this in an evidence bag?
O'Halloran: Because it's my lunch.

Benson: Did you know that in just one night of drinking, fetal alcohol syndrome can set in?
Stabler: I didn't know that.
Benson: If your wife got pregnant again, would you allow it?
Stabler: If Kathy got pregnant again I'd shoot myself.

Abomination [5.08][edit]

Munch: If an overbearing mother and a distant father cause homosexuality, how come I'm not gay?
Fin: Maybe you're in denial.
Munch: That would explain a lot.

Stabler: [reads a letter] "All queers will burn in the eternal fires of Hell, so sayeth the Lord." Somehow I doubt that's a direct quote.

Control [5.09][edit]

Captain Cragen: So either Gorman was snipped by a homeless guy, or had a voluntary penectomy. [pause] Not a word I get to use everyday.

[Benson is suspected of stabbing Gorman to death]
Benson: You didn't even ask me if I did it.
Stabler: I know you didn't do it. You would've shot the bastard.

Shaken [5.10][edit]

Stabler: I love my children. And if one of them was sick, I would do anything in the world to make them better. But I would also pray to God that if all hope were gone, he'd give me the strength just to end their suffering.

Stabler: [choked up] I could've killed my kid over a lousy carpet!

Escape [5.11][edit]

[An escaped sex offender takes Benson hostage, and sends the detectives on a search for the truth regarding his case.]

Captain Cragen: [Introducing a federal marshal] Deputy Eckerson is requesting our assistance.
Stabler: Wow. Pigs really do fly, huh?

[Fin escorts Jeremy in cuffs down the corridor.]
Jeremy: I didn't do anything.
Fin: Sure you did. You obstructed justice, hindering prosecution, plus you're a lying piece of crap, but we're not gonna charge you with that one.

Brotherhood [5.12][edit]

Stabler: Spin it any way you want, Counselor. You know Rob Sweeney's guilty.
Henry: I've known Rob since he was a freshman. He's a good kid.
Stabler: He's a rapist.
Henry: Nice ink on your arm. How many men in your platoon got heatstroke and broken bones trying to earn that tattoo? You were pushed as far as you could go so you would bond as a unit. That's what a fraternity is all about.
Stabler: Rob Sweeney doesn't give a damn about "bond".

Stabler: For what it's worth, you did the right thing.
Henry: [pauses] It used to be about brotherhood.

Stabler: Rob Sweeney, you're under arrest for aggravated sexual abuse.
Rob: I didn't abuse anybody.
Benson: What do you call beating up a pledge with a hockey stick?
Rob: Pledge hockey?
Stabler: You have the right to remain silent, smart ass. You give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. In the unlikely event that Daddy can't afford one for you, the court will appoint one to you.

Hate [5.13][edit]

Captain Cragen: Whatever this is, let's be careful not to say Muslim men like to burn their wives.
Munch: No. If they want to burn people, they fly an airplane full of gasoline into an office building.
Huang: Excuse me, but they were extremists.
Munch: Sorry. But my next door neighbor's Iranian. At airports, even he's scared when he sees Middle Eastern passports. I mean, let's get real. People know it's wrong, but they think it anyway.

[Novak walks through the door]
Captain Cragen: Casey.
Novak: Who talked to a reporter about this burned woman?
Captain Cragen: And it's nice to see you, too.

Ritual [5.14][edit]

[during Martin Bosa's interview, Fin shows up with Mabuda]
Martin: You've come to beat me again. I am not afraid of you.
Fin: You should be afraid of her.
Martin: What can a woman do? Claw my eyes out? [laughs]
Mabuda: Deport you. Your passport's been revoked.
Benson: Meet Nigerian Under Consul Kema Mabuda.
Martin: I have a few friends home in Nigeria. Perhaps it is time I paid 'em a visit.
Mabuda: Have them visit you, at Kirikiri Prison, while you await your execution.
Benson: They use a firing squad there, right?
Fin: Yeah. And the warden thinks that's too easy, so he ties you to a pole in boilin' sun, then he has his firing squad start on your ankles and work their way up real slow.
Stabler: How soon can we get him on a plane?
Martin: [convinced] If I tell you what you want to know...?
Mabuda: [nods] I'll ask for leniency.
Martin: There's a truck arriving tonight.

Novak: You have 2 choices: cooperate, and spend the rest of your life in prison; or don't, and die by lethal injection.
Professor Shay: Am I supposed to be intimidated? New York State hasn't executed anyone in 40 years.
Novak: You're right. But, given your crime, a jury will be willing to break tradition. So, go ahead, gamble. It's your life.

Families [5.15][edit]

[Benson cuffs a runaway suspect]
Benson: What's your name?
Suspect: Screw you!
Benson: Screw You, you're under arrest for attempted rape until we nail you for the other 11.
Suspect: Prove it.
Stabler: [to a witness] Does he look familiar to you?
Witness: [looks at the suspect] That's him. That's the bastard who tried to rape me!
Benson: See, Screw You? Wasn't that easy?

Stabler: Aidan, your father was also Shannon's father.
Aidan: Shannon's not my sister.
Stabler: Our DNA tests prove she is.
Aidan: How can you know this?
Stabler: Because Shannon was pregnant, and we tested the fetus's genes.
Aidan: The fetus? Oh, God.
Stabler: Aidan, listen to me. This is not your fault. None of this is your fault.
Aidan: No. No. She was my sister?! [sobs] I had sex with my sister?! [retches]

Home [5.16][edit]

Novak: Bringing up Adam with paranoid fears isn't against the law. I mean, you can raise your kid to be a racist so long as it doesn't cause harm.
Stabler: Well, there's your difference, right there. This is like vehicular homicide: Adam is the car, Marilyn's behind that wheel. Her paranoia drove his actions.

Marilyn: [to Dr. Huang] You see, for me, you're just a short little man with a nasty little mind, and you're trying to twist my words and get me to say things. You think I'm stupid. And you're right, I am, for sitting here and listening to you.

Marilyn: [to the jury] You're trying to take my children away from me. I know how you people are: Police, district attorneys, DYFS, you destroy families! Be careful. If you don't live your lives by their rules, they'll come after your kids, too.

Mean [5.17][edit]

Novak: [of the defendants] They're monsters. They're mean, vicious little girls who think that they can do whatever they want, and up until now they've gotten away with it. But not anymore.

Stabler: I love these little cliques. They're like the Mafia. Nobody knows nothing.

Brittany: [about Page and Andrea] No. They didn't do anything.
Capt. Cragen: I'm glad you're saying that, Brittany, because it's consistent with your friends' stories, that they're innocent, and you killed Emily all by yourself.
Brittany: They're not sayin' that.
Capt. Cragen: You better believe they are, little girl.
Granger: Okay. I think that wraps it up for today.
Brittany: No. What are they saying?
Capt. Cragen: That you killed Emily, because she stole your boyfriend. Oh, and that you're nuts.
Mrs. O'Malley: They're clearly lying.
Brittany: Shut up! You're not helping!
Benson: Brittany, sit down.
Brittany: No. Where are they? I want them to say this to my face! [turns to the door to shout at the others; slams it hard] Huh?! BITCHES!!! SAY IT TO MY FACE!!!
Capt. Cragen: [attempts to restrain Brittany] All right! That's enough! That's enough! C'mon, Brittany! That's enough!

Careless [5.18][edit]

Stabler: What about that autistic kid in Milwaukee last year? Parishioners held him down. They were laying on top of him to cure him.
Benson: That could explain the ring mark. [she walks around behind Cragen and wraps her arms around him to demonstrate] Someone holds Jamie, he struggles, they hold him tighter.
Captain Cragen: [breathless] Until he can't breathe. Thank you, I enjoyed that.

Plummer: I saved thousands of children and I'll only be remembered for losing one.

Sick [5.19][edit]

Novak: Let's talk about the Tripley scam.
Nora: Well, that was April's lie. And I believed it.
Novak: We have the scrapbook.
[Nora looks on at Conrad, then turns to the ADA]
Nora: Well, it's not as though he's an innocent victim, is it? He's a pedophile. He deserved it!
Novak: I'd just as soon clear this one off the books, so fill in the blanks and I won't charge you with the fraud counts related to it.
[Conrad whispers into her client's ear, then turns to Novak]
Conrad: It sounds like you know everything already.
Novak: Crime lab found a hair in April's underwear.
Nora: During the party, I snuck into his room, and I took it from his hairbrush. When they asked me for the clothes she'd been wearing, I'd already planted it.
Novak: Do you have any idea how much damage you've caused?
Nora: But you agree with me! He deserved it!
Novak: He deserves to go to jail! Thanks to you, he can claim he's the victim of a false allegation every time a legitimate one comes up in the future!
Nora: Sorry.
Novak: I don't believe you. But you'll have a good long time to pay for it in prison.
Conrad: We just made a deal.
Novak: I'm not charging her with fraud on Tripley. I'm charging her with fraud on the cancer scam.
Conrad: Münchausen.
Novak: Bull! She's been working this for a year. Totaling all the bake sales, canister donations, and Internet solicitations, she's bilked people out of 60 grand!
Conrad: What are you offering?
Novak: Not a thing. I'm taking you to trial.
Nora: Please! Please! Think of April! There is no one else to look after her!
Novak: You've gotta be kidding me! What you were doing nearly killed her! I'm charging you with fraud and attempted murder.
Nora: But you heard what she said! I'm sick!
Novak: No jury's that stupid. They'll see it wasn't Münchausen. Just pure unadulterated greed.

Lowdown [5.20][edit]

Fin: [of closeted black men] It's different for black men. They go out, have sex with other men, then come home, have sex with their woman, and pretend they're straight. [pause] Don't look at me, I just know stuff.

Dr. Warner: I tested Jeff York's blood, high viral load. When did you 2 date?
Benson: 5 years ago. We only slept together once, and we used protection.
Dr. Warner: Condoms are effective, not perfect. It only takes once.
Benson: I know; I'm gonna get tested. I just haven't had time.
Dr. Warner: Why don’t we do it here? Right now.
Benson: Melinda. I’ll do it.
Dr. Warner: Olivia, how many rape victims have you told to get tested?
Benson: All of them.
Dr. Warner: Would you tell them it’s alright to wait?
Benson [long pause] OK.
Dr. Warner: Sit down and roll up your sleeve. No paperwork; I’ll do it myself.

Criminal [5.21][edit]

[after the captain has informed Vega of new evidence clearing him of Wheeler's murder]
Vega: A mistake?! That's the best you can say? We made a mistake?!
Captain Cragen: I'm sorry. I'll talk to the ADA, get you outta here right away.
Vega: [sarcastically] My hero.
Captain Cragen: I wanna make things right.
Vega: There's nothin' you can do.
Captain Cragen: I can try.
Vega: Can you bring Rebecca back to life?! Can you give me back my career?! [Cragen walks up to him] Get outta my face.
Captain Cragen: You're usin' again. Not even trying to hide it.
Vega: Makes the time go quicker.
Captain Cragen: You need to get cleaned. I can get you help.
Vega: [sits back down] Your help put me here.
Captain Cragen: You change your mind, you know where to find me. [to the guard] On the gate!
[the gate opens; Cragen is about to leave]
Vega: Who killed Rebecca?
Captain Cragen: Somebody who wanted to hurt you. Any ideas?
Vega: Besides NYPD, no. So, this guy rented a car like mine?
Captain Cragen: Yeah.
Vega: Where from?
Captain Cragen: A place on Houston. I'll keep you posted.
Vega: I won't hold my breath.

[the police find Vega strangling Kyle Luhrmann at gunpoint in Central Park]
Luhrmann: You gotta help me! He's crazy! He's gonna kill me!
Captain Cragen: I don't blame him! But let him go, Vega!
Vega: He killed Rebecca!
Luhrmann: I didn't do anything to her! I swear!
Vega: Tell 'em what you did, or I'll blow your head off!
Luhrmann: [tries to breathe] I killed her!
Vega: Why?! What she do to you?!
Luhrmann: I loved her, but she told me she was marrying you. I went to her apartment and gave her one last chance. She blew it.
Vega: You're dead.
Captain Cragen: Put the gun down. You got your confession. You shoot him, you're dead. You kill him, you lose your daughter, too.
Vega: Gabrielle's better off without me!
Captain Cragen: She came to see me. She begged me to bring you home.
Vega: The only way I'm leavin' here is in a body bag!
Captain Cragen: Not if you let him live. He confessed to murder. He's finished. Let me help you.
Vega: Nobody can help me.
Captain Cragen: You're still thinkin' like a junkie. Fine. Go ahead, kill him. Show me you're still a murderer, too.
[Vega slowly and remorsefully releases Luhrmann, sobs, and drops his gun, but just as he is about to approach the captain, Luhrmann grabs the gun and is about to shoot Vega]
Cop: GUN!
[other cops shoot Luhrmann; Luhrmann hits the ground dead]

Painless [5.22][edit]

Stabler: Christina brought him breakfast. He rapes her for lunch.

Dr. Solway: Why do you care if I live or die?
Munch: Because my father killed himself. When I was a kid... I thought it was my fault. The night before he blew his brains out, he punished me for being a wise-ass. I told him I hated his guts. Those were the last words I ever said to him... It haunts me to this day. You're the only person I've ever told.
Dr. Solway: Why me?
Munch: Because we're the same. I feel guilty; my father was suffering, I couldn't help him. You feel guilty, because of what you did to Christina.

Bound [5.23][edit]

[Detectives pursues a serial killer who stalks elderly women.]

Answering machine message: Hey, Spevak. You're late again. You better pay up, Doc, or we're coming over.
Fin: Doesn't sound like Mastercard.

Dr. Huang: I looked at the autopsy photos of the first 3 victims. [Tosses rope to Stabler] Strangle me?
Stabler: [Grinning broadly] I'll try.
Dr. Huang: [hastily reaches for the rope] I'll hold the rope.

Judge Terhune: [opens the house door to find Novak standing outside] What the hell do you want?
Novak: I'm so sorry to bother you at home, Judge Terhune, but it's urgent.
Judge Terhune: Well, I'm in the middle of something pretty important myself.
Man's voice: [from inside] Joe! Are you foldin' this hand?
Judge Terhune: No! [to Novak] Look. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon in. C'mon.
[Novak follows him inside]
Novak: I just need your honor's signature.
Judge Ridenour: You just hit the jackpot, dearie.
[Novak stops at the door of a room; inside there are several judges playing poker]
Judge Terhune: [sits down at the table] I'm in. I believe you all know ADA Novak.
Novak: Judge Ridenour, Judge Petrovsky, Judge Wyler, Judge Bradley. I've had this nightmare before, only I was naked.
Judge Petrovsky: Charming.
Judge Terhune: What could be so important that it couldn't wait until morning?
Novak: An exhumation order.
Judge Wyler: Better sign it, Joe. Corpse might be a flight risk.
Novak: Your honor, this body may be the key to solving 6 murders.
Judge Terhune: And I take it the family won't consent, hmm?
Novak: The suspect is the sole survivor. We want to exhume her mother. We think she killed her, too.
Judge Ridenour: Mom's death ruled a homicide?
Novak: No. But we have new evidence.
Judge Terhune: And you want me to disturb the sanctity of the dead on your say so?
Novak: I have a very convincing, but long argument that'll disturb the sanctity of your poker game.
[Terhune signs the order]
Novak: [sighs] Thank you.
Judge Terhune: Go. Go. Go! Go! [throws his chips into the pot as Novak leaves]

Poison [5.24][edit]

Novak: Why did you tell the defendant to seek psychiatric help so this tragedy doesn't occur again?
Judge Taft: She was upset.
Novak: Because it sounds like you think she really did poison her daughter.
Judge Taft: It was a mistake! Is that what you want me to say, Miss Novak?! One mistake in almost 3 decades on the bench?!
Novak: Didn't you make another arguably bigger mistake when you wrongfully convicted Rosalin Silvo of murdering her daughter and sent her to prison for 10 years?!!
Judge Taft: That's a totally separate issue, and completely immaterial to this case!
Novak: You can't object, Judge Taft.
Judge Bradley: But I can, Miss Novak. Get back to the case at hand.

Novak: Did you tell Karen Campbell to suffocate her daughter?
Judge Taft: Absolutely not.
Novak: But you talked to her even though it was clearly improper.
Judge Taft: It was a mistake!
Novak: You don't make mistakes, though. You make judgments! Who's innocent, who's guilty! You saw Rosalin Silvo, and she was a whore. That means she's a bad mother. And then you saw Karen Campbell. Why did you talk to her, judge?!
Judge Taft: [to Judge Bradley] Your honor!
Novak: Why talk to Karen Campbell?! Why talk to a woman that tried to murder her daughter?!
Judge Taft: I didn't know!
Novak: Didn't know what?! That she'd turn around and try to do it again?!
Judge Bradley: [bangs gavel] That's enough! Miss Novak, try that again, and you're in contempt. [to Taft] Sir, you will be, as well, if you don't sit down. Now.

Judge Bradley: [after Karen is convicted of her daughter's murder] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you've performed your duties admirably, and I thank you for your service. And may I say, for the record: This is a crime that could've been prevented. While this trial exemplifies the very best aspects of our legal system, it has also highlighted its flaws. It is my sincere hope that in the future, those flaws can be corrected. The defendant will be held over for sentencing. This court is adjourned. [bangs gavel]

Head [5.25][edit]

[The discovery of a hidden camera in a public toilet turns into a chase for a pedophile when the voyeur's recordings show a sexual assault on a minor.]

Munch: Gives whole new meaning to "live, streaming video."
Dr. Huang: You're either looking for a urophiliac, that's a sexual attraction to urine, or a coprophilia...
Benson: Okay. Let's not go there.

Fin: [on the phone, regarding the toilet cam] To be honest with you, I have no idea how we're gonna identify the victims.

Munch: [waits for the voyeur suspect to answer the door] If there's any poetic justice, we caught him in the bathroom.

Season 6[edit]

Birthright [6.01][edit]

Captain Cragen: $3,000 worth of damage to the car?
Stabler: What can I tell you? I zigged when I should have zagged.

Stabler: King Solomon said, "Bring me a sword. Divide the living child in 2. Give half to one mother, half to the other."
Novak: Except I can't split the baby.
Stabler: Solomon didn't have to.

Benson: Mrs. Osborne, we're gonna have to place you under arrest.
Michelle: For what?
Benson: Conspiracy to commit kidnapping.
Michelle: Go ahead. You'll see I'm right.

Benson: Michele, this has got to stop now, okay? We know everything. Anna was on the police report from your husband's accident. She died in the car with him.
Michelle: No, they never found her remains.
Benson: Michelle, they were hit by a gasoline tanker. There was nothing left. I'm sorry. But you know what I'm telling you is the truth.
Michelle: I know my daughter is alive!

Benson: Casey, you've got to plead her out.
Novak: Why would I do that?
Benson: Because what happened was a mistake.
Novak: Michelle is uncontrollably driven to kidnap someone else's child.
Benson: Her little girl biologically!
Novak: But not legally. I can't let Michelle off the hook just because you feel guilty you didn't believe her.
Benson: Well, then give her a break because she's also a victim. What that fertility doctor did to those 2 women is genetic rape. And don't tell me that that doesn't bother you on some level.
Novak: Talk to the doctor, confirm what Michelle and the Bransons say and I'll consider a deal.

Debt [6.02][edit]

Novak: We found Jiao’s body buried under your whorehouse in Flushing.
Ricky: Check the property rules, Mrs. Chan owns that place, sweet old lady.
Novak: Grandma didn’t slit Jiao’s throat.
Ricky: How do you know?

Customs Officer: We use to raid sweatshops every week for making phony handbags, designer jeans, even T- shirts, but since 9/11, we put all our manpower into DVDs.
Benson: Boot-leg movies pose a threat to national security?
Officer: When al-Qaeda’s selling them. Interpol raided a sleeper cell found 20,000 copies of The Lion King. Cheap to make, the profit margin’s higher then drugs and a hell of a lot less risky.
Stabler: Using Mickey Mouse to fund terrorist attacks on America. What next?

Obscene [6.03][edit]

B.J.: Do you wake up every morning and think, "How can I trample on the First Amendment today?"
Novak: I wake up and think, "How can I put away a rapist?"

Stabler: [reads hate-mail] "Roses are red, Violets are blue. When Jessie is dead, her corpse I will..." You get the idea. There's hundreds like this.

Novak: What did I do wrong?
Donnelly: What, aren't you going to even say "hi" to your boss?
Novak: Hi. What did I do wrong?

B.J.'s Assistant: They yanked us off the air before the best part.
Fin: Something heavy fell on B.J.'s head?

Scavenger [6.04][edit]

Benson: [about the suspect] A serial killer kleptomaniac who's afraid of the dark.

Dr. Huang: What did your mother do to you?
Humphrey: Please, with you people, it's always the mothers.

Novak: I just set a new world record getting these warrants. Not to mention risking my life interrupting Judge Terhune's poker game, again.
Munch: [to a guard] Open it. [to the ADA] Poor baby. I've been up for 40 hours.

[Stabler's phone vibrates]
Humphrey: Why, detective, is that your phone vibrating, or do you just find me terribly exciting?
Stabler: 911 from the wife.
[he answers the phone; Benson is on the other end of the line]
Benson: I talked to Novak. He gives us her location, she'll take the death penalty off the table.
Stabler: Oh, I don't know. You know how I hate letting these kids get away with that kinda thing. Okay. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
Humphrey: [suspiciously] Oh, no "I love you" this time? It rings one more time, and we're DONE!!! AS IS JEANETTE!!

Outcry [6.05][edit]

Benson: I've never met a victim who testified against their attacker and regretted it afterwards.

Stabler: You know Tandi's face was on the TV and newspaper all weekend long. How come you didn't report seeing her?
Cadet: I guess I just didn't put 2 and 2 together.
Stabler: Yeah, I could see where that would be a problem for you.

Stabler: Do you think you could recognize her again?
Cashier: Sure could. [Elliot pulls a picture out and shows it to him] That's her.
Stabler: You've been very helpful, Thank you. [walks outside where Olivia is on her phone with Fin]
Benson: Fin, it's Liv. Look, can you check with the lab for food wrapper and soda cans found at the scene? Yeah, great, thanks. [hangs up the phone]
Stabler: Don't get your hopes up.
Benson: He didn't recognize Tandi's photo?
Stabler: He recognized my daughter Kathleen.

Tucker: I've known Tandi since she was 8. I watched that girl grow up. I supported her family when her father was sick. I've loved her like a daughter and to suggest that I might harm her is disgusting.
Stabler: I'm touched.

Conscience [6.06][edit]

[after Dr. Morton's acquittal]
Stabler: You manipulated us, just like Jake did.
Dr. Morton: There's one big difference. Jake would've killed again. I won't.

Charisma [6.07][edit]

[A pregnant 12-year old puts the SVU unit on the trail of a charismatic cult leader, but when tragedy strikes some of them find there are some horrors they cannot handle.]

Huang: What do you most remember seeing after you entered the house?
Stabler: Dead bodies.
Dr. Huang: Anything specific about them?
Stabler: Bunch of dead bodies.

Dr. Huang: Then you think this is a big waste of your time.
Munch: Hell, no. I think we should all sit around all day and chat about our feelings.
Dr. Huang: Well, what do you want to talk about?
Munch: Well, it doesn't really matter. We can all talk until we're blue in the face. It's not going to change the fact that the human race is ever-evolving and will always come up with elaborate, repulsive, and depraved ways to kill each other.
Dr. Huang: And that's really the hard part for you, isn't it?
Munch: What?
Dr. Huang: That you can still be repulsed. As cynical as you try to be, you can still be sickened.
[Munch looks away]

Benson: If you want I can try to find the father of your baby. Do you know his name?
Melanie: Abraham.
Benson: And who's Abraham?
Melanie: He's my husband.

Benson: I'm afraid that... I won't be able to handle it.
Dr. Huang: But you are. By acknowledging that it affects you. That's the way you handle something traumatic.
Benson: Well, I guess the real problem is that I'm afraid that... that it's not working. [starts to cry]

Benson: Now, those women out there might be brainwashed, but you're not. You know exactly what he is: A murderer and a child rapist.
Sarah/Cindy: That's not true!
Benson: You knew who he was and you let this happen! You let all those children die!
Sarah/Cindy: It was God's will!
Benson: No, Sarah! It was your will! You can blame God, and you can blame Abraham, but we all know the truth! You did this! You sat there, and you watched as a man raped one of your children and then murdered the other! You might has well have killed him YOURSELF!!
Captain Cragen: Olivia!
Benson: [calmly] He has one of your children and he has your unborn grandchild.
Sarah/Cindy: This is a test. I won't be tempted.
[Benson leaves the room in disgust]

Eugene: How can you stand it? How can you invite this depravity into your mind? Your body? Your soul? They will kill you. Every horror, every torment afflicts your body. Like a cancer. It's devouring your, and you can't see it. Open your eyes.
Benson: You know, I just thought that you were just another con artist. Seeking out people who were starved for anything that would give them meaning in their life. They're easy marks. You talk about God, the apocalypse and they give you all their money. But you are much more pathetic than that. You actually believe your own hype. You've conned yourself.

Eugene: All these men have come to kill me!
Benson: Shut your mouth, Eugene!
Eugene: Why?! Because they know! They know that I am greater than man! I am greater than God! And they're afraid of what I can do!
[a gunshot is heard and Eugene hits the ground dead; Melanie is holding the gun and she starts sobbing; Benson rushes over, takes the gun away, and comforts her]
Benson: It's okay. It's okay. Put the gun down. It's okay.
Melanie: That was a lie.
Benson: What was?
Melanie: He said he was greater than God. But nobody is.

Doubt [6.08][edit]

[Myra has accused Stabler of touching her inappropriately]
Captain Cragen: In 12 years, there has never been a complaint against this man.
Scarry: Men change, especially when their wives file for legal separation. My investigator found the court documents. He also found out that she took the kids and moved in with her mother.
Stabler: [angry but controlled] You have no right to use my personal life to make your case.
Scarry: I don't give a damn about your personal life unless it effects my client, and it does. Stay away from her! I want Detective Stabler off this case, and I want SVU to do its job.
[Stabler leaves; Benson goes after him]
Benson: Elliott, hey, stop! What's going on?
Stabler: I touched her in an inappropriate manner, didn't you hear?
Benson: I don't believe that. Forget that. What's going on at home?
Stabler: Nothing.
Benson: Hey, would you talk to me?
Stabler: Kathy left me.

Benson: Elliot, what happened between you and Kathy?
Stabler: Well ... the job made me kind of hard to live with.
Benson: She should try working with you.

Weak [6.09][edit]

Benson: [to Gina] You think you got a good enough look at him to work with a sketch artist?
Gina: He was behind me most of the time. White guy, hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head, big sunglasses, smelled like an ashtray. Guess it's not going to help you with your sketch unless it's a scratch and sniff, right?

Benson: [about Miranda Cole] As best I can tell, she was raped by terrorists.

Munch: Visit with mom, evening of rape, what would Freud say?

Dr. Hendrix: [to Thomas Mathers] Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Thomas: Lots of guys don't find a right girl.
Benson: That's true. I mean, being single's not easy.
Thomas: You would not look at me twice if I asked you out, you would not give me a time of day, so don't pretend you understand what I'm going through. I don't need your pity.
Stabler: You're just looking for the right girl. And one day you'll rape her and live happily ever after.

Benson: [to Elliot] I can't believe that you are gonna take a shrink's opinion over actual facts.
Dr. Hendrix: [offended] Bye.

Stabler: What's your problem? She's a cop. That's all I need to know.
Benson: No, Elliot. She didn't think that being a cop was good enough, so she quit.
Stabler: Is that what this is about, some inferiority complex?
Benson: You know, I get that you are on the rebound and everything, but if you could keep it out of work that'd be great.

Haunted [6.10][edit]

Chief Muldrew: Captain Cragen, how's Detective Tutuola?
Captain Cragen: He's still in surgery, Chief.
Chief Muldrew: Those damn reporters. They're more interested in the gun than a cop fightin' for his life.
Munch: The vultures wanna crucify him,... sir.

Fin: Who's the best at undercover in your squad?
Sandoval: I'm your guy.
Fin: No offense, but my grandmother wouldn't sell an aspirin to you.

Fin: Cold pills?
Sandoval: Yep, and matchbooks.
Fin: Thousands of them.
Sandoval: You need both to cook crystal meth.
Fin: Well, that explains the pole-cams and the booby-traps. Meth makes you paranoid.
Sandoval: Beyond paranoid. I once collared a heavy tweaker who shot his dog because he was afraid he was gonna rat him out to the cops.

Contagious [6.11][edit]

Holly: [about to get an IV] I wish my dad was here.
Stabler: You'll see him in a while. What's your most favorite thing you like to do with your dad? I got twins your age, and we like to go to the beach together.
Holly: My dad takes me to the beach, too. We build sand castles. I don't like needles.
Stabler: Okay. Hold onto my hand. Now close your eyes and pretend that you're at the beach building sand castles with your dad. And if it hurts, you squeeze my hand really hard, okay?
Holly: What do you do when something hurts?
Stabler: I think of my kids.

Munch: [to a tip caller] We don't need a psychic. You're that good. Who's gonna win the Super Bowl?

Mark: I never touched Holly Purcell!
Benson: She's at your house all the time. She's in your class at school. You couldn't stop thinking about her.
Mark: Holly's like one of my own daughters!
Stabler: You give private lessons to your daughters, too?
Mark: You're disgusting! How dare--?!
Stabler: I'm disgusting?! [pins Mark to the wall] Holly told us what you did to her!
Stabler: You tore her up, and she's got the scars to prove it! [releases Mark]
Mark: I don't know what in Hell is going on around here! But I'm not saying another word! I want a lawyer!

Identity [6.12][edit]

[The death of a gang member seems to be related to a sexual assault, but Benson and Stabler discover when they find the victim that things are not exactly what they seem.]

[Finding a can of paint in an allegedly 'ex'-graffiti artist's locker.]
Munch: Looks like someone's still got the aerosol monkey on his back.

[In interrogation]
Logan: I don't know how to dumb this down for you anymore. It. Wasn't. Me.

Dr. Blair: [Regarding gender reassignment surgery] Any plastic surgeon will tell you, it's easier to dig a hole than to build a pole.

Benson: Dr. Blair, do you realize that disseminating pornography to a minor is a felony?
Dr. Blair: I showed them art books.
Stabler: Doc, I saw the art in your office and even I was uncomfortable at how many phalluses were on display.
Dr. Blair: That's because you're a bourgeois American, completely uptight about sex. It's what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.
Stabler: You lost me at bourgeois.

Quarry [6.13][edit]

[Benson has one last interview with Lucas Biggs on death row]
Benson: Somebody murdered Deacon Brinn. Somebody you knew that you abused him.
Biggs: I never abused Deacon or any of the boys. I loved them.
Benson: Your love ruined their lives.
Biggs: I didn't do anything wrong.
Benson: Come on, Lucas. You know that's not true.
Biggs: What'd I do wrong? I was born with these feelings. I don't know why I have them. They were always there. Wasn't exactly like I had a choice.
Benson: Neither did the 117 boys you molested.
Biggs: I never hurt them. It never hurt me.
Benson: You were abused.
Biggs: [after a moment of pause] My father left when I was a baby. And when I was about 9, this man moved across the street. He was the only one I could talk to. He loved me, he cared for me. And touching me was how he showed it.
Benson: I'm sorry.
[Biggs starts to break down in tears]
Biggs: I never meant to hurt the boys!
Benson: Lucas, Deacon Brinn is dead. And the killer knew what you did to him. Just tell me who you told.
Biggs: No one!
Benson: There has to be somebody. In jail. Somebody who knew you back then. Somebody who knew about you and Deacon.
Biggs: There was a little boy. He used to follow Deacon and Jeffrey around. And Deacon used to look at him the way I looked at boys.
Benson: What was his name?
Biggs: Avery. His name was Avery.

Benson: Before you and Kathy had kids, did you ever wonder how they were going to turn out?
Stabler: All the time, still do.
Benson: At least you know what you're passing on. Half my genes are drunk and the other half are violent and cruel.
Stabler: And look how great you turned out.... It's not all about the genes, Liv. All you can do is love your kids.
Benson: Good night.

Game [6.14][edit]

[The squad is puzzled at the murder of a random woman until they discover that it is linked to a popular video game.]

[Fin and Munch interview a computer game designer.]
Designer: That sequence was an easter egg.
Fin: A what?
Munch: That's a hidden treat players can access for extra fun.
Designer: You're not as old as you look.

Designer: Stu used to work here. We had to fire him because he snuck copulating bunny rabbits into a children's game we make.

Novak: [her closing argument] Did Garrett and Louise get the idea from a game? Yes. We get ideas all the time. From books, from TV, from friends, from life, from everywhere. We don't act on them. We know that the idea doesn't justify the deed. Don't let Mr. Gates blind you to the facts. Real people ran over a real person, and then they beat her to death. Melody Quinn felt real pain. She bled real blood. And she died a horrible and lonely death. It was not a game. Now, did Melody's killers know what they were doing? Well, their taunting of Larry Tauber, the one member of their trio with the humanity to feel regret, proves that they did! Garrett Perle said it himself. It was a joke! Well, you know what? Murder is no joke! So don't let them use a game as an excuse for their cruel and callous actions.

Garrett: [after his and Louise's conviction] Bang-bang. You're dead.
Judge Seligman: Get him outta here!

Hooked [6.15][edit]

Stabler: How many teenage girls do you know who are too busy to have boyfriends?

Benson: When we were kids, our parents told us we were too young to date just one guy.
Stabler: Now you pray your kids only date one guy.

Stabler [about the victim, Lisa Downey]: How did this happen? 6 months ago, she was just another 15-year-old girl.
Benson: Until she started hooking up with half of Queens. After that it's no big deal to have sex for designer clothes or prostitute yourself at a hotel.
Captain Cragen: She winds up as Trudy Strutz, Porn Star.
Stabler: She winds up dead on a roof.

Ghost [6.16][edit]

[just as Connors is about to be released before trial]
Novak: [to Benson and Stabler] Arrest him. [to the judge] Your honor, my detectives are here to re-arrest the defendant.
Kressler: On what charges?
Novak: The murder of Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot.
Kressler: Your honor, this is a blatant attempt to unlawfully detain my client.
Judge Preston: Save it, counselor. Alex Cabot was a friend of mine. I'll see you both at arraignment. [bangs gavel]
[Stabler slaps the cuffs on Connors]
Connors: You can't prove I killed her. And the dead can't talk.
Stabler: Liam Connors, you're under arrest for murder.

Agent Hammond: What the hell are you people doing?
Captain Cragen: Agent Hammond, most people knock first.
Agent Hammond: You should've called me before your detectives arrested Liam Connors for the murder of Alex Cabot.
Captain Cragen: Connors blew up one of your agents. I didn't expect flowers, but I thought you'd be pleased.
Agent Hammond: If Connors goes to trial, I'm called to testify, what am I supposed to do?
Captain Cragen: Do your job.
Agent Hammond: That's exactly what I'm gonna do. I just came to tell you that you're on your own. I'm not gonna ruin my career by committing perjury. Do we understand each other, Captain?
Captain Cragen: She's alive. You son of a bitch! You stashed Alex in witness protection.
Agent Hammond: You didn't know.

Alex: Do you have a question?
Kressler: Only one. Did you see my client shoot you?
Alex: I saw his gun aimed at my heart.
Kressler: Please, Miss Cabot, just answer the question. On the night that you were shot, did you see Liam Connors anywhere in the vicinity?
Alex: No, but he's a coward. He likes to run away. [to the defendant] Did you leave a family behind in Ireland, Mr. Connors?
Kressler: Your honor?
Judge Preston: Miss Cabot, please.
Kressler: You have absolutely no idea who shot you, do you?
Alex: Oh, I have an idea. It's the kind of man that likes to rape a woman to make her talk.
Kressler: Let me rephrase the question. Did you see Liam Connors shoot you?
Alex: No. But I know it was him.
Kressler: Objection, your honor!
Alex: It takes a lot of balls to shoot an unarmed woman and a sleeping child!
Kressler: Your honor! Objection!
Alex: [to Connors] It's too bad your aim wasn't a little better!
Kressler: Objection, your honor!
Connors: You think you're safe?! [jumps out of his seat while the court officers restrain him] They know where you are! You should've stayed dead!
Judge Preston: ENOUGH! We're in recess until Mr. Kressler can control his client. You may step down, Miss Cabot.

Rage [6.17][edit]

Gordon: Every cop has a weakness, you just gotta know how to exploit it. They treat you like you're an imbecile, if you're not careful, you start to believe them. It's a game for them, they get off on it. They got these huge egos, that's their biggest problem. All you gotta do is let them know who's in charge. Not them, you. They used to call FBI agents gangsters with badges, they were one step away from being the worst criminals in society. Stabler's like that, big time.
Fin: Who's Stabler?
Gordon: Jarhead detective.
Fin: You know Stabler?
Gordon: I do, and he knows me too. He's been thinking about me for a long time. He tries to hang you with your own words. Catch you in a lie. You're dead when that happens.
Fin: So what do you tell him?
Gordon: The truth will set you free.

Munch: I was never much into sports. My high school basketball coach said I looked like a retarded gazelle with a spastic disorder. Mr. Daley. Real loving guy.

Captain Cragen: So, Elliot screams at him for a few hours. What was the plan after that?
Fin: Don't know. That was the end of the plan.

Stabler: It's weird because, back then with Dana, I thought I knew it all. It didn't matter that we couldn't find the place where you murdered her. It didn't matter that we couldn't prove where you dumped the body. I knew you were guilty. I thought that was enough, but we both know how that turned out. See, back then I thought you were a pedophile. In their own sick way, pedophiles think they love children. They build a relationship with them. They believe that they have an emotional connection to the child. You know how to get a pedophile to confess? Offer them the opportunity. Some of them feel so guilty about it, they're just dying to tell you. But that's not you, is it, Gordon? I was all wrong. Working at SVU, I've learned the difference between a pedophile and a man who rapes children. You don't care about the kids — you hate the kids. It's not about attraction or power or dominance — it's about annihilation. You defile and destroy her because she has what you never will: hope, trust, potential.
Gordon: [smirks] Is that why I do it?
Stabler: That's part of it. The other part, the part I've been trying to get at all night, is the rage. You're very good at hiding it — it's unbelievable — but I know it's there. I can see it even when you're sitting still, like now. Gordon, you're kidding yourself if you think you're controlling it. It's controlling you. Every lie you tell to cover your inadequacies… every perceived insult you think you're getting… just feeds it.
Gordon: You're lecturing me about rage? Are you kidding?
Stabler: I'm not.
Gordon: What do you know about controlling anything?
Stabler: I don't murder people.
Gordon: Give it time. You say you see something in me. Well, I see something in you, too. You think you control? You can't. You're controlled by your boss, by your job, by your wife… your kids… What would you be if all those controls went away?
Stabler: [quietly] I'd be you.

Stabler: Did you think I froze? Is that why you fired first?
Benson: [sadly] I fired first 'cause you would've killed him.
Stabler: He deserves to die.
Benson: Maybe he does, but he wanted you to kill him. He wanted you to always remember that you took his life. Not because you had to, but because you were angry.

Pure [6.18][edit]

Sebastian: Here's my card, my name's Sebastian Ballentine.
Stabler: The Sebastian Ballentine?
Sebastian: You've heard of me?
Stabler: No.

Suspect: I deserve an apology in writing!
Munch: You'll be receiving one in the mail in 6 to 8 weeks.

Stabler: What is it with this virgin compulsion? Afraid you're not gonna measure up to other men?
Sebastian: Oh, no, no, I'm more than adequate in bed. But the expression on a girl's face her first time is ... incomparable.
Stabler: These girls weren't having sex. They were being raped.
Sebastian: Their faces were palettes. Shock, confusion, panic, fear, and always just a soupçon of pain.
Stabler: Why did you come back? If you hadn't, you know, you might have gotten away with it.
Sebastian: I had to see what I'd set into motion. Your expressions were priceless. This place was like a beehive I'd poked with a stick. And also, I like to help.

Stabler: They're gonna try to extradite your sorry ass back to Canada. I'm gonna make sure you stay right here.
Sebastian: I believe you really mean that. I kinda grew on you, didn't I?

Intoxicated [6.19][edit]

Stabler: Romeo and Juliet killed themselves, not their parents.

Benson: You saw how she humiliated Carrie in front of the entire squad. I don't like her.
Captain Cragen: Well, she has a right to be upset.
Benson: She's upset, because she thinks Carrie's gonna end up just like her-- Pregnant without a man.
Captain Cragen: Denise Eldridge believes a crime was committed against her daughter.
Benson: Denise Eldridge is a fruitcake.
Stabler: Well, dessert is served. [shows Denise in the squad room]

Captain Cragen: Olivia, my office! [they both enter his office] Why is Denise Eldridge screaming to One PP that you talked her daughter out of a rape kit?
Benson: Carrie didn't want it.
Captain Cragen: Now that's exactly what Simone Bryce told Carrie's mother. That's funny how a children's rights attorney just happened to show up at the ER.

Denise: My daughter's been violated. Whose side are you on?
Benson: Hers. [leaves]

Benson: You know I'm right.
Stabler: What, that Denise is a fruitcake? Yeah. But she's trying to protect her daughter.

Simone: Olivia, what are you gonna do?
Benson: I have to tell the D.A.
Simone: Hold on. You know it wasn't murder.
Benson: Why didn't you present that as evidence?
Simone: She refused to talk about it. [pauses] You remember what that was like.

Benson: My mother was an English professor. When I was 16, I started dating one of her students. He was a senior, he was 21 years old. And he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. Because I wanted to get away from my mother. She found out and she told me that if I didn't stop seeing him, that she would have him kicked out of college. And I told her that I was moving out. She was half way through a bottle of vodka and she dropped it. It shattered all over the floor. And then she picked up the jagged edge of the bottle and...and she came at me, screaming, 'I'll never let anyone else have you.' And so I kicked her, hard. And then I kicked her again. And she went flying across the room, into the wall. And she slid down to the floor. I'd never hurt her before. I ran out. I was so afraid...
Novak: You didn't kill your mother, Olivia.
Benson: I know what it's like to want to. That's how I know Simone Brice. I called her back then. She was a law student, and she helped me survive it.
Novak: Why didn't Carrie say something?
Benson: Because then the abuse becomes real. If you keep quiet, you can pretend that it's not.

Night [6.20][edit]

Benson: Casey, I had to go 3 blocks to find an open coffee shop. If you went home, I'm gonna kill you.

Benson: [to Casey] You feel like a cup of coffee?
Novak: Every second of every day.

Blood [6.21][edit]

Captain Cragen: [to Elliot] How many times do you think you can break the rules and get away with it?

Fin: With men, it's just business. They take what they want: money, drugs, sex. With a woman, it's personal.

Jenny: Do you have children?
Stabler: Yes.
Jenny: What would you do if one of them got into trouble? You'd help them. It was my job to raise Kevin right - I failed. I won't fail him again. So don't ask me to betray him, because I never will.

Jenny: You arrested Kevin?
Benson: He'll be in a treatment program. He's getting the help he needs, and you can live your life without being afraid.
Jenny: What life? You took my son away. What have I got to live for now?

Parts [6.22][edit]

[Upon learning that a disembodied head had traces of semen in her mouth.]
Fin: He didn't even let her gargle.

Huang: He disarticulated her after he killed her.
Munch: What's the fun in that?

[Munch and Fin head into a synagogue to find a suspect.]
Munch: Put this on.
[Munch hands Fin a yarmulke.]
Fin: I look Jewish to you?

Stabler: Cause of death?
Coroner: Heroin trip.
Fin: This girl didn't OD.
Coroner: No, I mean she tripped on the subway stairs because she was high.

Munch: Let's hope the rest of her is in there. Resting in pieces.

Body seller: Listen. It's not what you're thinking.
Stabler: Oh, you have no idea what I'm thinking.

Munch: No one should have to choose between obeying the law and watching their son die.

Goliath [6.23][edit]

Benson: [to Officer Vaill about Officer Callahan] Are you sleeping with him?
Officer Vaill: Let me be very clear, Detective Benson. I'd be more inclined to have an affair with you.
Benson: Got it.

Fin: Callahan's either a great guy or an unpredictable bastard, depending on who you talk to.
Benson: That's helpful.
Fin: It's better than Munch's "evil twin" theory.

Novak: [holds a newspaper] Take a look at this.
Captain Cragen: Yeah, we've seen it.
Novak: So has Arthur Branch, meaning I'll be a special kind of pain in your ass until this is sufficiently explained.

Stabler: What the hell's all this? [sees the columns of boxes in Casey's office]
Novak: U.S. army's version of "bury me in paper." Their response to my subpoenas.

Branch: [to Novak] Conference room, NOW!
Stabler: What's that about?
Novak: Oh, probably just another of the subpoenas I sent out.
Stabler: For what?
Novak: Donald Rumsfeld.

Dr. Trainer: Of the 4 drugs that work, 3 have to be taken daily. Quiniam is once a week. Easier to make sure soldiers take it.
Novak: When they're not killing themselves.

Novak: [to Dr. Trainer] Do you believe Quinium to be a safe drug?
Dr. Trainer: Miss Novak, what we have not discussed is the fact that malaria is a highly deadly disease. It kills over 2,000,000 people worldwide every year. Every 12 seconds, a child dies from malaria.
Novak: That's very sad, Dr. Trainer. You didn't even attempt to answer my question.

Novak: [to Dr. Trainer] We had a shot at changing things, making them listen, making them stop. I don’t understand why you didn’t come to me, I could have helped you. And when the truth came out, they never could have touched you.
Dr. Trainer: Ms. Novak, you are very young, and that is not the way the world works.

Season 7[edit]

Demons [7.01][edit]

[Stabler poses as a sex offender to gain Ray Schenkel's trust]
Ray: Get the van. We'll have a good time with it.
Stabler: You're not a fag, are you?
Ray: No. I thought we could use it to pick up girls. [pause] You in?
Stabler: Oh, yeah.

Ray: [to Stabler, after learning the truth] I've always been a great judge of character. So I've been sitting here wondering how I could have been so wrong about you. [pause] Maybe I wasn't. Some of what you said was a load of crap, but not all of it. I can see it. You and me, we're brothers under the skin.

Design [7.02][edit]

Dr. Warner: The only explanation is a technique called "Electro-ejaculation".
Fin: I don't like the sound of that.
Dr. Warner: [picks up a metal rod attached to a power box] Nothing to it. Insert this end in the rectum and electric shock causes an involuntary ejaculation.
Munch: I thought I'd heard of every sex crime.
Fin: Damn, who thinks this stuff up?

Benson: Novak let you off, didn't she?
April: Yeah.
Benson: I'm glad.
April: Why?
Benson: Because you don't deserve to be a mother and I'm gonna make sure you never see that child again.
April: Good. Maybe the kid might have a chance.

911 [7.03][edit]

Benson: [about Maria] Nobody would invent the nightmare that she has been through! Why are you trying to poke holes in her story rather than trying to find her, because Munch found some spook toy?!
Captain Cragen: Whoever's doing this likes spook toys. He's already using at least one device.

[Fin approaches Munch and Benson looking at incriminating photos of Maria]
Munch: Detective Tutuola, come and pollute your soul with some child porn, my friend.

Ripped [7.04][edit]

Stabler: I've known Luke since he was a baby. Always a sweet kid.
Benson: Well, you haven't seen him since before he hit puberty. And he's not so sweet anymore.

Dr. Hendrix: [to Stabler] You're not weak. You're so busy being strong and helping everyone, you've got nothing left for yourself. It takes a lot more balls to talk about your problems than to beat the hell out of a ghost.

Strain [7.05][edit]

Captain Cragen: Early bird catches the perp.

[Benson goes undercover as a hooker]
Benson: [to Cragen] Hey lonely tonight? [in her normal voice] Twelve o'clock, there's a skinny kid, black shirt, blue jeans, hustling a guy in a gray sweater. He could be MKS."

Raw [7.06][edit]

Judge Schuyler: Now, before we begin, let's just make sure that everyone is familiar with the rules of my courtroom. I have a zero-tolerance policy for shenanigans. I appreciate that emotions are running high. But you must control them if you wish to remain. That means no outbursts, and no foul language. Capisce, Mr. Redding?
Brannon: Yes, your honor.
Judge Schuyler: I understand you wanna change the plea you made at arraignment?
Brannon: Yeah. I wanna plead guilty.
Judge Schuyler: Please stand.
[Brannon and Horowitz stand up]
Judge Schuyler: You may now allocute.
[Brannon is silent]
Judge Schuyler: Describe your crime for the court.
Brannon: Uh,... I shot the 2 Jew kids and the porch monkey.
Woman in gallery: May you burn in Hell, you racist pig!
Judge Schuyler: [bangs gavel] Order! Madam, sit down, or I'll have you removed! And as for you, Mr. Redding, I'm rejecting your plea offer.
Horowitz: But, your honor, there's a deal in place.
Judge Schuyler: My courtroom, my decision, Mr. Horowitz. And I find this deal reprehensible. [to the ADA] You should be ashamed of yourself for agreeing to it, Miss Novak.
Novak: I apologize.
Judge Schuyler: A blatant hate crime, countless children traumatized, 2 of them maimed, and one precious young life snuffed out.

Judge Schuyler: [to Brannon] If you should choose to go to trial, and are found guilty, I will show no leniency. Your parole officer's parents haven't even been born yet.
Brannon: No. No way in Hell. I want the deal I was promised!
Judge Schuyler: Court officers, remove the prisoner.
Brannon: [as he is escorted out by the court officers] Yeah, screw you, old man! RA-HO-WA! RA-HO-WA! RA-HO-WA!
Judge Schuyler: [bangs gavel] Order!
Star: Have you been brainwashed by the Jew-controlled media?
Judge Schuyler: Silence!
Star: Or are you just another corrupt lackey of the Zionist-occupied government?
Judge Schuyler: All right. Remove that woman.
Star: White power.
Judge Schuyler: The fine for contempt of my court is $500, young lady.
Star: [as the court officers take her away] What are you gonna do?! You gonna criminalize the First Amendment?!
Judge Schuyler: You've just made it $1,000. Court officers, lock her up.
Star: Free the political prisoner!
Judge Schuyler: That's 1,500!
Star: Keep countin', Mr. Judge!

Name [7.07][edit]

[Fin finds a 25-year-old lunch box]
Fin: [to Munch] Do Twinkies last forever? I'll give you 20 bucks. Take a bite.

Stabler: I just don't want you to get your hopes up.
Mrs. Padilla: Hope is all we have, Detective Stabler.

Starved [7.08][edit]

[D.A. Arthur Branch looks at Novak's story in the papers]
Branch: What the hell were you thinking?
Novak: Cora's mom went to the papers. How's that my fault?
Branch: You gave her the bologna, and she made the sandwich! Says so on page 3. You told her to shout her story to the rooftops.
Novak: She's frustrated, and she's voiceless. And the law can't help her.
Branch: Which is the reason you have no business involving yourself in this mess.
Novak: We speak for the victims. And you taught me that.
Branch: Crime victims. Nobody's committing a crime here.
Novak: Mike Jergens did! So should a rapist who's been her husband for a week get to pull the plug on Cora?
Branch: She married him.
Novak: He conned her! He doesn't know what Cora really wants.
Branch: And you do?
Novak: Her mother does.
Branch: Based on what? Letters? Diaries? A memorable conversation? A living will?
Novak: Based on the mother knowing her child.
Branch: That's not enough.
Novak: There's a difference between law and justice.
Branch: Casey, I agree. But this is not your fight.

[Novak turns on the TV, which shows NY1 coverage of a picket in front of the courthouse]
Branch: "Protect the disabled". Looks like there's no stoppin' mama now.
[on NY1, Virginia speaks to the press]
Virginia: This rapist is trying to kill Cora. Do not let him do it. Please. I know my daughter. I know she wants to live. Help me fight back. This is legalized murder. Please! Help me send a message to the judge, to protect the disabled.
[Novak mutes the TV]
Branch: Don't let a tragedy turn into a circus. Convince Mrs. Kennison that the case oughta be tried in a court of law. Not in a court of public opinion.

Rockabye [7.09][edit]

Novak: The baby was more than 24 weeks old, it could have lived outside the womb.
Devere: But tragically it did not, so it is not a person, not a baby, not an unborn child; it is a fetus. My client is already handicapped by the law, let's not add insult to injury.
Novak: The only insult is to the English language.

Devere: There are people in this country who want to take us back to the 50's, and look what we've got - a 50's crime.

Storm [7.10][edit]

[the detectives return to the squad room, only to find that all the evidence is gone]
Stabler: What the hell?
Benson: Everything's gone.
Stabler: The whole de-con routine was a scam.
Munch: Why, Santa? Why?

Captain Cragen: [to Benson, after his talk with the chief] I don't like bein' bossed around by some G-man in a $1,000 suit.

Alien [7.11][edit]

[An investigation into the near-fatal beating of a 12-year old boy uncovers a suspect whose trial becomes about the rights of same-sex parents.]

Small girl: One time, this big boy, he pushed Sean. He fell down.
Fin: What was the big boy's name?
Girl: I don't know. But he's bad. I saw him smoking.

CSU: [Displays bagged scissors] Found these in the school dumpster.
Fin: She means I found them under the tuna casserole. All she did is stand and point.

Stabler: In the 6 months since Zoe and Kate took St. Victor's to court, the whole family's been harassed. They've even changed their phone numbers twice.
Fin: Didn't do any good. Broken windows, graffiti on the doors. Zoe's filed 6 reports. Nobody's ever been charged.
Munch: Since when did New York become a red state?

Fin: But Zoe wanted to make a point. Take the school to court. Win one for the cause.
Munch: Someone's got to fight the fight.
Fin: It shouldn't be an 8-year-old.

Novak: How'd it go?
Benson: Great. I love putting 8-year olds in lockup overnight.

Infected [7.12][edit]

[When the accused killer of a teen's mother is released due to lack of evidence, the youth exacts his own justice by killing the man.]

DJ: Man, I ain't carrying, all right? And you can search me.
Munch: (Opens a front-loading washing machine and finds dozens of packets of crystal meth) Look at what I found.
Fin: Oughtta be worth a couple of grand.
DJ: Can't pin that on me.
Fin: Yeah, but I might be able to pin a murder on you, DJ.
DJ: What?
Fin: The rape and murder of Monica Phelps.
DJ: No no no. I did not murder her.
Munch: (Studies bottles of detergent on top of the machine) So what should I use? Lemony goodness, or Mount Stream?

DJ: Thought she was working at a hot dog stand. She wouldn't be frying franks if she was dealing. Now wasn't I helpful.
Munch: Very. (turns on the laundry machine)

Carthage: (to underage girl in motel room) Why don't you just take off your clothes, and we'll have ourselves a good time.
Stabler: (bursts into room with a drawn gun) Can we have a good time too?
Fin: (entering) Me too. I bet we can all have a lot of fun.

Granger: He was attempting to have sex with a minor, and you know this because you can read his mind?
Benson: We know this because he paid a minor $2,000 to have sex.

Devere: Some of you might think that Nathan Phelps acted out of simple vengeance. Ted Carthage murdered his mother, so he murdered Ted Carthage. That is what the assistant district attorney will argue. She will tell you that anyone who kills out of retaliation should go to jail. I agree with her. But that is not what my client did. Did he hate Ted Carthage? Absolutely. Did he kill him? Yes. So, if not out of retaliation, what made Nathan do it? This is a new study published in Science magazine. It found that people who have witnessed gun violence are twice as likely, sometimes 3 times as likely, to commit an act of violence themselves. Nathan witnessed Ted Carthage shoot his mother. And just as this study predicts, he reacted with violence. This study equates gun violence with an infectious disease. Anyone exposed to it is infected. Now, you may not agree or like this study. Gun manufacturers don't like it, either. It goes against their mantra: "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." But this study points to something that is almost unspeakable in today's gun culture, and that is that the blame for violence can be directly placed on the gun. Once you see someone squeeze the trigger, it's easier to do it yourself. Nathan saw his mother shot to death in front him, and at that moment he contracted the disease. It wasn't his choice, any more than it is your choice to catch a cold after someone has sneezed on you. Violence is the disease. Guns are the virus. And we have an epidemic on our hands.

Novak: Does witnessing a murder justify a murder?
Benson: It doesn't justify it. But it might explain it.

Devere: He's not testifying, period!
Judge Donnelly: Let him.
Devere: And let him incriminate himself?
Judge Donnelly: Exactly
Devere: Are you crazy?
Judge Donnelly: [to Novak] What do you think?
Novak: A jury's been sworn in on a criminal case, a witness has testified. Do you see where this is heading?
Devere: If you screw us over on this-
Novak: Trust me.

[during Nathan's testimony]
Geddes: Why did you kill Ted Carthage?
Nathan: I don't know.
Geddes: Didn't he kill your mom?
Nathan: Yeah.
Geddes: So are you lying when you say you don't know?
Nathan: I'm not lying.
Geddes: Was your mom a prostitute?
Nathan: I don't know.
Geddes: Did you have a nice apartment when she was alive?
Nathan: It was okay.
Geddes: Was there a lot of crime in the neighborhood?
Nathan: I guess.
Geddes: Did you have a nice life, Nathan?
Nathan: Yes.
Geddes: Doesn't sound like it. How old were you when your dad was stabbed to death?
Nathan: 6.
Geddes: If you could, would you shoot the guy that stabbed your dad, just like you shot Ted Carthage?
Nathan: No.
Geddes: No?! Why not?! He stabbed your father!
Nathan: I don't wanna kill anybody!
Geddes: Sure. You did. You were angry.
Nathan: No!
Geddes: Yeah, Ted Carthage killed your mother. You hated him!
Nathan: Stop it!
Geddes: You didn't kill because you saw the gun! You wanted to hurt him! You hated him, and you wanted him to die!
Nathan: [furiously jumps out of his seat] YES! I HATED HIM! ALL RIGHT?!!

Devere: Your honor, at this time, the defense would move for a mistrial.
Judge Malloy: Miss Devere, you can't do that. This is a hearing. Not a trial.
Devere: My apologies, Judge Malloy. That motion wasn't made to you. I'm speaking to Judge Donnelly. Nathan Phelps was compelled to incriminate himself in these proceedings. The testimony is admissible in his criminal trial and violates his right against self-incrimination. It's grounds for a mistrial.
Judge Donnelly: Motion granted. The criminal case against Nathan Phelps is dismissed with prejudice.
Geddes: What?!
Novak: In that event, Judge Malloy, I move to dismiss this proceeding. Now that there is no case against Nathan Phelps, there is no reason to investigate this research.
Geddes: Your honor, this is a setup, perpetrated by the DA's office.
Judge Malloy: Mr. Geddes, I'd agree with you, except you're the one who called Mr. Phelps to the stand. This action is dismissed. Court is adjourned.

Geddes: Killer got a foster family. That's nice.
Novak: You're a jerk, Geddes.
Geddes: Yeah, and you got a murderer off.
Novak: Nathan Phelps would be serving the sentence I had already negotiated had you not gotten involved. So why don't we put the blame where it really belongs? On your bosses?

Blast [7.13][edit]

[When an 8-year-old girl is kidnapped on her way home from school, DNA tests on the blood found in the abductor's abandoned van reveal she has leukemia.]

Stabler: "Password protected."
Morales: My 6-year old could hack this.

Stabler: No way. You're not doing this.
Dr. Warner: I can take care of myself.
Stabler: No offense, but med school doesn't exactly prepare you for something like this.
Dr. Warner: The Air Force did. They paid for medical school. I did 2 tours at Ramstien during Desert Storm. I know how to handle myself around men with guns.

Danny: No. Everybody stays. They're my ticket out of here.
Stabler: You don't need them. You've got me. I'm a cop. So's every guy out there. They're not going to risk my life. As long as you're with me, you're safe.

Taboo [7.14][edit]

Captain Cragen: This nutcase is a serial baby killer.

Stabler: You look just like him.
Ella: Who?
Stabler: [shows pictures of the baby] Your son.
Ella: I don't have a son.
Stabler: Carried him 9 months. You didn't want him. You had legal options. You have a problem with abortion? That's your choice. I understand that. There's adoption. [Ella shakes her head] You chose to give birth!
Ella: You have the wrong person.
Stabler: You chose to walk 6 blocks with him, right past a firehouse! A hospital where, under safe haven laws, you could've just left him anonymously!
Ella: Why are you yelling at me?
Stabler: Because you tossed him in the trash like the garbage you are!! All those choices... How is that even an option?!

[during Ella's arraignment]
Judge Preston: How do you plead?
Ella: Not guilty.
Judge Preston: I'll hear the People on bail.
Novak: Well, a million has a nice ring to it.
Berger: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Novak: The defendant is a flight risk.
Berger: To where? Jersey? She's a U.S. citizen.
Novak: Given the severity of her crimes, and the fact that she killed a baby once before...
Berger: My client was never charged with that crime. In fact, there was no crime. That fetus was stillborn.
Judge Preston: Mr. Berger!
Berger: Your honor, this poor girl lost a child. How dare the People twist that tragic incident to suit their own needs.
Novak: You have got to be kidding.
Berger: No! You are. My client doesn't have as much as a parking ticket!
Novak: I'm sure if she did, she'd just throw it in the trash along with her babies.
Judge Preston: Oh, all right. That's enough out of both of you. As I believe the defendant is not a threat to anyone but her own offspring, the court is requesting that in exchange for a lower bail amount, she does not get pregnant again before trial.
Berger: That's unconstitutional!
Judge Preston: I'm not ordering that she be sterilized, Mr. Berger. [to Ella] But if you do become pregnant again, young lady, you will be found in contempt of this court, and bail will be rescinded.
Berger: Your honor has no right to legislate procreation.
Judge Preston: You think you could manage to comply with that order, Miss Christensen?
Ella: I don't know.
Judge Preston: Bail is set at 2,000,000, cash or bond. 10-minute recess. [bangs gavel]

Berger: Are you familiar with Kendall's study of postpartum women, which showed: "Psychiatric hospital admissions increase 7 times in the first 3 postpartum months compared to pre-pregnancy, and represent the peak prevalence for psychiatric disorders for women."?
Dr. Huang: I'm aware of the biologically vulnerable state of women following childbirth.
Berger: So, their brain chemistry can be altered. Their hormones go crazy. Uh, sorry. I'm gonna anticipate an objection to that one. Lemme rephrase. [pauses] Their hormones... go kooky.

Manipulated [7.15][edit]

[After a woman's body is found, Benson and Stabler delve into her private life and finally learn that in addition to being a respected lawyer, she was also a stripper.]

Fin: Hey, Tim. I hear you got a great wiener.

Stabler: A man's DNA doesn't just pop up inside a woman without his participation.

Benson: What do PMCs do?
Munch: Profit from the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Fin: Don't get him started on Dick Cheney again.

Munch: I miss the day when revenge just meant shooting someone.
Dr. Warner: And I miss the days when I never had to say I ran more DNA tests on that semen.

Gone [7.16][edit]

[Donnelly finds Novak in a restaurant having a drink]
Judge Donnelly: I'd prefer shrimp cocktail for an appetizer.
Novak: This is the entree.
Judge Donnelly: [takes a seat next to her; to the waiter] Club soda, lime. [to Novak] That liquid lunch isn't going to change what happened.
Novak: Yeah, but it'll help me forget.
Judge Donnelly: You played the hand you were dealt.
Novak: I had to look Jennifer Durning's parents in the eye and tell them that their daughter would never get justice, because I let Nick Pratt and Doug Waverly get away with murder.
Judge Donnelly: Well, that wasn't your fault. But it will be if you let them get away with another one and don't try to stop it.
Novak: We haven't found Jennifer, so what makes you think Jason's gonna be any different?
Judge Donnelly: Because whoever planted that bug in my office knows what happened to him. And you are going to find that person if you have to interrogate everyone who works in that courthouse. Trial's over, Casey. Put the gloves on for round 2.

Stabler: [after arresting Nick and Doug for Jason's murder] You like sea bass? You'll just love what we pulled out of the river.

Class [7.17][edit]

Novak: I waited tables in law school and served my classmates. It sucked, but it didn’t make me kill anyone.

[a man solicits a prostitute from his car]
Vegas: My name is Vegas.
Man: I've never done this before.
Vegas: Don't worry baby. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Fin: All the gin joints in this city, we had to walk into yours.

Venom [7.18][edit]

Fin: Prisons are full of innocent people and we both know what color most of them are.

Captain Cragen: Nobody in my department cuts corners or goes for an easy close.
Fin: And that's your opinion, Captain?
Captain Cragen: And for your son's sake, you better be grateful it's the only thing that matters.

Teresa: You and I need to talk.
Fin: Talk or yell?
Teresa: That's up to you.

Fin: All this is about the family?
Darius: You're damn right it's about the family! Every last one of you is gonna have to be in that courtroom. You're gonna have to testify. Your lives out in the open for everyone to judge, same way you all been doing to me since day one. [to Fin] They gonna know what kinda cop you are, and what kind of husband and father you weren't. They gonna know all about my brother's sexual habits and his collusion. And I guarantee once that comes out, everybody's gonna wonder why he's not being charged too. They gonna think his cop father has friends in your office, Ms. Novak. And I hope you have a damn good explanation, 'cause cover-up makes for a nice headline. Never mind a no-good mother is dead and her poor baby is missing, even though the baby is better off. So yeah, I'm going to prison, but not for as long as you think. 'Cause once Theresa Rendall takes that stand and has to tell the truth, that festering bitch is gonna have to claim me for the first time in her miserable life. And let's see her shake me after that. So you wanna bury me? You go right ahead, 'cause I'm taking you all down with me when you do.

Fault [7.19][edit]

Dr. Warner: [about Stabler] Sometimes all that brooding intensity is just annoying.

Stabler: If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it... I know you would have taken that shot, Olivia.
Benson: No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids?
Stabler: I don't know. I just couldn't get that boy out of my head.
Benson: What about me?
Stabler: Look, we both chose each other over the job. We can never let that happen again. Otherwise... we can't be partners.
Benson: I can't believe you're saying that.
Stabler: Look, you and this job are about the only things that I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that. I couldn't take it.

Captain Cragen: Olivia, what's up?
Benson: I want a new partner.

Fat [7.20][edit]

Blaine: Pervert. What, you get turned on by little children?
Hamzid: What are you saying?
Blaine: I'm sayin' the little whore came in here and stole your tobacco license, so you wanted to pay her back.
Hamzid: Okay! She got me angry. She called me names. She laugh at me. But I swear, I didn't touch her!
Stabler: Blaine.
Blaine: So, that's why you took her outside and hit her over the head?!
Stabler: Blaine!
Blaine: WHAT?!
Stabler: Nice shoes. Are those Quattros?
[Blaine looks down at Hamzid's shoes]

Blaine: No wonder your partner dumped you.
Stabler: What'd you just say to me?
Blaine: You screwed her, and now you're tryin' to screw me. [Stabler punches him, and both detectives get into a fight] GET OFF ME!!
[Fin and Cragen approach and try to break up the fight]
Fin: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! C'mon, guys! Easy! Easy!
Blaine: [released from Stabler's grasp] Get off me! Get off me!!
Captain Cragen: THAT'S ENOUGH!!! Blaine, my office. Now! [to his other detectives] Everybody, back to work! Fun's over! [walks up to Stabler] What've you got to say, Elliot?
Stabler: Either you get rid of him, or I quit!
Captain Cragen: You get changed, and get in my office.

[Rudi comes across Tommy and Granger, who are about to leave the squad room]
Rudi: Hey! Hey! You! Hey, I'm talkin' to you. 'Member me? [points his gun at Tommy]
Granger: He's got a gun!!
[Rudi pulls the trigger, shooting Tommy; Tommy hits the ground; Stabler and Blaine, guns on hand, approach the scene]
Stabler: Drop it! Drop it!!
[Stabler grabs Rudi's gun as Blaine heads for Tommy's lifeless body]
Blaine: Somebody call a bus!!
Rudi: Did-- Did I kill him?

Web [7.21][edit]

Fin: 4 packs of coolers and a pack of condoms. What do you plan on getting frisky with the Hamburglar?

Benson: I wasn't planning on coming back.
Stabler: It's in your blood.
Benson: That's the problem.

Influence [7.22][edit]

Derek: Psychiatry is a corrupt instrument of social control. And no offense, Ms. Novak, but you're a lawyer.
Novak: And you're a rock star. So you'll understand if I don't defer to your expertise on the subject.

Derek: They strap you down to a special table that flips over. So that you don't choke on your own vomit. Then they inject you with a muscle relaxant. Then they tape electrodes to your forehead and then turn up the juice. When your toes starts twitching, that means you're having a major convulsion, which is what they want. It's what they call "healing".
Novak: Why did they do this procedure?
Derek: Because...they said I was psychotic depressive.
Novak: And, in fact, didn't you attempt suicide three weeks prior to your parents committing you?
Derek: It was a mistake.
Novak: You took enough pills to cause permanent brain damage.
Derek: And the cure for that was for them to pass huge amounts of electric current through my brain. ECT fried my memory. Huge chunks of my childhood gone! It was painful, dehumanizing torture. I'll never know how much damage they did to me.
Novak: That sounds like a terrible ordeal. But tell me, after you got out of the hospital, did you ever attempt suicide again?
Derek: No.
Novak: And now you're a rich, successful musician with millions of fans. Isn't it possible that psychiatric didn't ruin your saved it?

Season 8[edit]

Informed [8.01][edit]

Stabler: You are a jinx.
Agent Lewis: Who? Me?
Stabler: The last year at the courthouse, when I got shot, you were there. You are bad luck. Every time you show up, I nearly get killed.
Agent Lewis: You are still above ground, hon. Maybe I'm your good luck charm.

Benson: Elliot told me to tell you you are nuts.
Agent Lewis: That's just concussion talk.

Agent Lewis: Hey Liv, what caliber gun do you use in the NYPD?
Benson: 38.
Agent Lewis: Oh, mine's 40.
Benson: That gun there, that's a 9 mil.
Agent Lewis: Aah, mine's 10. And you know what they say: Size does matter.

Agent Lewis: Domestic terror charge is gonna put you under 40 years to life, Mitchell.
Benson: It'd be in your best interests to tell us where Haley is.
Mitchell: I don't have a clue!
Benson: He's not very bright.
Agent Lewis: Nope. Obviously not. Dum-dum tried to put dynamite in a freezer.
Benson: You put a cop in the hospital, Mitchell.
Agent Lewis: Do you have any idea how bad it is for you, Mitchell?!!
Mitchell: Do you?! You can't keep raping the Earth! This little campfire is nothing compared to what's coming!
Agent Lewis: What's comin', Mitchell?
Benson: What's comin'? We're listening.
Mitchell: Don't worry. You won't be able to miss it. It's gonna light up the sky.

Clock [8.02][edit]

Stabler [to Beck] Welcome to the world of gray.

Kathy: Why haven't you signed the divorce papers? It's been months, Elliot. You won't talk to me. You won't talk to my lawyer. The kids are asking if we're getting back together. I've run out of things to say.
Stabler: What do you want?
Kathy: An answer.
Stabler: I don't know.
Kathy: Well, I guess that's an answer.

Recall [8.03][edit]

Captain Cragen: [about Beck] What time did she get here?
Fin: She never left.
Munch: Some people should not be allowed to drink coffee.

[after Lorraine's testimony leads to Trenway pleading guilty to Nikki's rape]
Nikki: Miss Delmas, how can I ever repay you?
Lorraine: Move on. Live your life. Don't lock yourself away like I did.

Uncle [8.04][edit]

Beck: Maryellen had so many bite marks on her body, doctors couldn't count 'em all.
Brent: Well... one man's bite is another man's hickey.

Novak: The bite mark evidence was thrown out.
Beck: Well, get it back in.
Stabler: Judge already ruled on it.
Novak: And because that evidence was our case, he threw out the indictment.
Beck: How could you let that happen?
Novak: [sarcastically] I guess I suck.

Stabler: Just so you know... everybody loses it their first kid case.
Beck: I'll get used to it.
Stabler: When that happens, transfer out.

Confrontation [8.05][edit]

Beck: Having a baby by your rapist isn’t something you hide from your husband. That’s just twisted.
Stabler: My old partner’s a child of rape.
Beck: That was a different era. There were no abortions, no options.
Stabler: You saying it was easy for Olivia's mom?
Beck: I`m saying decisions are simple when you have no choice.

Stabler: If you make your wife give up that child, she'll resent you for it for the rest of her life.
Husband: Could you raise a rapist's child? Could you?
Stabler: [pause] Go home. Talk with your wife.
Husband: What is there to say?

Infiltrated [8.06][edit]

Porter: Your partner back in New York - does he find you as annoying as I do?
Benson: We're best friends.
Porter: But does he find you annoying?

[Benson is arrested while undercover, and appointed a young public defender]
Mellott: My name is Delray Mellott, and I'm your assigned public defender--
Benson: What are you, 12?
Mellott: I'm 25.
Benson: Oh, this is great!

Underbelly [8.07][edit]

Thomas: Mr. Peters? Here? This late? You gotta be kidding. Partners are all outta here by happy hour.
Munch: Well, you got any idea where he might be?
Thomas: He doesn't share his social calender with first year associates.
Fin: Come on, man. Help a brotha out. My Captain's gonna put me on permanent midnights if I don't find him.
Thomas: And if I don't get this distribution exactly right, my ass will be on the street. Sorry, "brotha".
Munch: Guess the only color he cares about is green.

Stabler: [about Beck's tattoo] Let's have a look, see if your guy is as good as you say he is.
Beck: Take my word for it.
Stabler: I'll show you mine.
Beck: It wouldn't be a fair trade.

Cage [8.08][edit]

[After a van plows into the river with children aboard, Beck and Stabler find themselves investigating a controversial therapy called rebirthing for out-of-control children.]

[Stabler approaches a van being hoisted out of the river.]
Stabler: John. What've we got?
Munch: Van tried to take a shortcut to Brooklyn. The river got in the way.

Fin: Van was registered to Frank Hovis of Albany. Unmarried, no kids, couple pops for assault.
[Captain Cragen looks at a photograph of the women's shoe recovered at the scene.]
Captain Cragen: Anything on Cinderella?
Fin: Nah. Maybe Frank's a tranny.
[Munch arrives with a tollbooth photo of the van's occupants, a balding male driver and a woman in the passenger seat.]
Munch: Cinderella's definitely a woman. Frank needs to join the Hair Club for Men.

Captain Cragen: Dani doing okay?
Stabler: Yeah.
Captain Cragen: See a future for her here in SVU?
Stabler: Sure.
Captain Cragen: Don't want your old partner back.
Stabler: Since when was that up to me?

Mrs. Hovis: I haven't seen Frank in years.
Munch: We think he may have been in an accident, Mrs. Hovis.
Mrs. Hovis: Well, excuse me if I don't bust out weeping. The only time I hear about that deadbeat is when you cops come looking for him.
Munch: Mind if we check around?
Mrs. Hovis: Yes I do. I'm a respectable woman, I live alone, and I don't want the neighbors talking.
[Fin comes around the corner of the house, holding a pair of men's pants.]
Fin: They already are. Found these on your clothesline. Where'd they come from?
Mrs. Hovis: How should I know? Must've fallen out of a plane on the way into Kennedy.
Munch: I think I hear someone inside.
Fin: Don't worry, ma'am. We'll protect you.
[Munch and Fin push their way past Mrs. Hovis into the house.]
Mrs. Hovis: Hey!

[Fin pushes open the broom closet door and finds Frank in his underwear, crouching inside.]
Fin: Frank, that's pathetic.
Mrs. Hovis: [Acting astonished.] How'd he get in there?

[Stabler is stabbed in the chest with a pen.]
Beck: You gonna faint on me?

Beck: I couldn't have stayed so calm.
Stabler: Yeah you could. You know the right thing to do.
Beck: Just because you know what's right doesn't mean you do it.

Kathleen: Are you serious, dad? A kid stabbed you?
Kathy: Your father probably yelled at him.
Kathleen: Yeah, for not doing his homework.

[In the hospital, after Eden sets fire to Beck's apartment.]
Beck: Why'd you do it?
Eden: So you'd never leave me.
Beck: You could have killed us both.
Eden: Then we'd be together.

[Stabler finds Beck distraught outside Eden's hospital room.]
Stabler: Dani. This is not your fault.
Beck: I can't do this.
Stabler: Why?
Beck: I fix things. It's who I am. But I can't fix that little girl.
Stabler: That's not what we do.
Beck: But I wanted to. And I thought I could.

Beck: How do you keep doing this job?
Stabler: Because I have to.
Beck: Why? We don't make a difference.
Stabler: Dani, you can do this.
Beck: Are you asking me to stay?
[Stabler hesitates.]
Stabler: Dani, I can't. You've got to be here for yourself, not for me.
Beck: Yeah. [Beck looks through the window at Eden.] Bye, Elliott.
[Beck walks away.]

Choreographed [8.09][edit]

Stabler: You offering to be my partner?
Captain Cragen: I'm not your type.
Stabler: [grins] I don't know. Maybe I'd have better luck with a guy. Women keep leaving me.

Stabler: I'd give you a kidney.
Benson: Not if I gave you mine first.

Scheherazade [8.10][edit]

[Stabler agrees to hear the dying confession of a cancer patient, but first he and Benson do some digging into what possible crime Tierney's guilty of and come up with an unsolved case that goes back 47 years.]

Benson: It's never too late to help a victim.

Benson: What kind of father molests his daughter and then every year, sends her a birthday card to remind her?
Tierney: I don't know what your dad did to you, sweetie, but you need professional help.

Stabler: Eternal damnation is not a police matter.

Stabler: [To Huang] All you shrinks talk about is closure.

Dr. Huang: You can't rush Scheherazade.

[After Stabler tells Mrs. Colino that they found her husband's body, shot in 1971.]
Mrs. Colino: [To poker partners] Girls! I'm a widow!
Old woman: Congratulations. You want in this hand?

Stabler: Well, for once, Catholic guilt's a good thing.
Munch: I thought we Jews had a corner on that market.

Burned [8.11][edit]

Stabler: I'm the longest relationship you've ever had with a man. You've no idea how bad things can get when a couple goes south.
Benson: And 8 years in this unit tells me that I don't need to be married to know when an abusive man is escalating.

Benson: So, are we okay?
Stabler: I just need space to disagree with you so that I don't feel like it's going to cost me our partnership.
Benson: You never been gun-shy before.
Stabler: Yeah, well, you know, things change.
Benson: Well, like you said, you're the longest relationship that I've ever had with a man. Who else would put up with me?

Outsider [8.12][edit]

[Fin teams up with a Brooklyn SVU Detective Lake when he's called on to investigate a rape at his son Ken's college.]

[After a rape victim that Ken brought in runs away.]
Ken: I blew it.
Fin: Fix it.

[Fin walks into an Edgar Allen Poe restaurant where the waiters are dressed in outlandish costumes.]
Waiter 1: We're a themed restaurant, sir.
Waiter 2: We dress up as Edgar Allen Poe characters. I'm the raven.
Waiter 1: And I'm the telltale heart!
Fin: [Flashes badge] And I'm the cop.

[Fin and Lake approach the dockyard to find Henry]
Fin: Any ships left yet today?
Foreman: [about a ship] No, she's the first one out.
Lake: Stop the lines.
Foreman: You nuts?! Why? [Lake flashes his badge] [over radio] Stop the lines.

[after Fin and Lake have arrested Henry]
Henry: Now, will there be a trial?
Lake: Count on it.
Henry: Televised?
Fin: You bet.
Henry: Look! Look. [the three look ahead; squad cars and the press approach] They're already here. Just for me.
Fin: Now you're really gonna be famous.

Loophole [8.13][edit]

[An anonymous tip and photographs that look like child porn leads the SVU to something utterly unexpected when Benson goes down to a poisonous gas being experimented on tenement residents by their landlord.]

Passerby: Yo. What're you doin'?
Fin: Given' the little boy a donut.
Passerby: Why you wanna give the kid a donut?
Fin: Why you have a problem with us giving him a donut?
[Benson flashes her badge.]
Passerby: Oh. All right. Cop's best friend.

Benson: When was the most recent burglary?
Passerby: I don't know, like, the night before last. How come you guys don't know that?
Fin: We too busy eatin'.

[Discussing a speculation that a robber who broke into an apartment found what appears to be kiddie porn and forwarded it anonymously to the police]
Fin: Just because a guy makes a living breaking into other people's apartment, doesn't mean he likes kiddie porn.

[When Munch arrives late to a briefing and chimes in with information.]
Fin: Oh. You're late 'cuz you were doing something useful.

[When a suspect in interrogation starts using Q-tips on his ears.]
Fin: You gotta do that in front of us?
Suspect: I got a Cerumen problem.
Fin: You gonna have a face problem if you don't stop, and what the hell is cerumen?
Munch: Earwax.
Suspect: See, he knows.

Fin: On the fifth floor you heard somebody bust into an apartment through 5 slabs of concrete with a cerumen problem.
Suspect: I must've been having a good ear day.

Captain Cragen: Where did you find this Looney Tune?

Fin: Look, we don't speak your dialect of crazy, okay?

Benson: I don't need to go to the hospital Captain.
Fin: Captain HAZMAT is ready to move in.
Captain Cragen: Take her. Restrain her if you have to.

[Regarding Munch]
Fin: Leave it to the prince of paranoia to take it up a notch.

Dr. Warner: No. This time, Munch isn't crazy.

Novak: You are thinking like a victim, 'Liv. if you were thinking like a cop, you'd realize that it's not that simple.

[Stabler wanders into the squad room late at night and finds Benson there.]
Stabler: I thought the joint would be empty.
Benson: I thought the doctors said you had to be on house arrest for 2 weeks.
Stabler: I can't stay away.
Benson: It's almost midnight.
Stabler: I didn't want Cragen to see me.
Benson: Yeah. I know the feeling.

Benson: It's easy to be passionate when you're one of the victims.

Stabler: What do you tell victims? Get help. The problem is you're not following your own advice right now.

Stabler: It means sometimes the only way to beat someone at a dirty fight, is to get right down into the gutter with them.

[Morales attempts to hack into a corporate wireless network; he and Benson dodge security, looking for a signal. They enter the men's bathroom.]
Morales: I'm in.
Benson: It had to be in the men's room.
Morales: Well, I have a signal and nobody can see us.

Dependent [8.14][edit]

[after Charlotte's attempted suicide has led her to the hospital]
Stabler: Mr. Truex?
Sidney: What'd you do to my daughter? Hm? She gonna be okay?
Benson: She's sleeping. The doctor says she's gonna be fine.
Sidney: Oh, fine. Sure. Sure. She's lucky you didn't kill her.
Stabler: We didn't slit her wrist.
Sidney: No. But you interrogated her WITHOUT A LAWYER PRESENT!! You told her she did it! You made her suicidal with your accusations and innuendo!
Benson: No. The drugs that she was on made her depressed, and her own guilt made her suicidal.
Sidney: She's innocent, detective.
Benson: Well, you know that's not true, since you're the one who saw her at the house.
Sidney: I had a head injury. I dunno who I saw. And stay away from Charlotte. As soon as she's discharged, I'm takin' her home.
Stabler: She's going to Rikers.
Sidney: Over my dead body!

Charlotte: My dad says a lot of things that aren't true. He's a lawyer. He lies for a living.

Stabler: [to Kathy]: It's been a rough couple of days. And I've had a couple of days to think about what's important. I love my job and I love my family. And I nearly lost both of them. I wanna come home.

Haystack [8.15][edit]

Captain Cragen: Ms. Marino must be here for the obligatory grieving-mother footage.
Stabler: Nothing like a parent's worst nightmare for must-see TV.

Judge Donnelly: [upon hearing that Kendall is innocent] Pity. Guy sounds like a douchebag.

Philadelphia [8.16][edit]

[Benson finds out that Simon is her half-brother]
Stabler: Why don't you go talk to Marsden?
Benson: And say what? "Hi, I'm Olivia. Your dad raped my mom." And, "Oh, I found you because I illegally ran my DNA."

Dr. Hendrix: In my opinion, Detectives Benson and Stabler have a degree of mutual reliance and emotional dependence that compromises their effectiveness as police officers.
Captain Cragen: In other words ...
Dr. Hendrix: They're too close.
Captain Cragen: You recommend I split them up?
Dr. Hendrix: If you want to lose your two best detectives.

Sin [8.17][edit]

Benson: Who today has 10 kids?
Stabler: Not even Catholics.

Stabler: [to a priest] So I confess to murder, what do you do? "Say five Hail Marys, hallelujah"?

Responsible [8.18][edit]

Munch: You could start a bonfire with all the alcohol this one drank. What's your poison, honey?
Regan: Shut up, you dirty old man.
Munch: Who you calling old?
Matt: You can't keep us in here!
Fin: I'm sure your daddy will bail your ass out.
Munch: I called him two hours ago. Looks like daddy thinks he could use a night in jail.
Fin: You finish processing the princess, and I'll take them all down to central booking.
Luke: You can't do this! I want my parents!
Munch: Yeah, and I want the troops home, the Kyoto protocol signed, and a Tijuana oil job from Miss February.

Lillian: [to Benson] Your partner's cute. Bet he likes 'em younger.

Florida [8.19][edit]

Micky: Is it just me you got a thing for or is it all men?
Benson: Oh, you’re the one with a “thing” problem, Micky… Those two girls said you got soft when you raped them. Is that why you hate all women?
Micky: What I hate is a bull dyke who gets a little power and thinks she has to use it.

Simon: Olivia, please believe me, I didn't rape anybody, I'm not a rapist!
Benson: I don't believe rapists, and I know you are one, Simon.

Annihilated [8.20][edit]

Kathleen: [to Stabler] We're your family, not a booty call. Either come home, or don't, there's no in between.

O'Halloran: [while recreating a murder with Stabler] You can aim it a hundred different ways, but unless you break my wrist you're not going to be able to make that mark. Now try shooting yourself.

Pretend [8.21][edit]

Gates: I want to report a rape.
Stabler: One of your clients take advantage of you, counselor?

Scott: Now, I lost my best friend. My only consolation is that Riley died doing what he loved. I am going to have to live with what I did to him for the rest of my life... which, I expect, will suck.

Denise: [about her underage boyfriends] I never stopped loving them. But they all grew up, and I... didn't.

Screwed [8.22][edit]

Fin: You told Darius about the drugs and the gun, didn't you?
Ken: 10 years ago! I mean, I looked in the glove box and found the stash. As usual, you screamed at me. I was ten.
Fin: There you go again. Will you change the channel?
Ken: That right there is why I always went to Darius. Mom was so busy blaming you and you were so busy working, there was no one to hear me. How could I know he'd use it against you? How could I know he'd have a reason to?
Fin: I wasn't there for you. Okay, you're angry. I get it. Get over it, man! Get a therapist. Work it out. I'm not trying to hear this right now!

Kathy: You said you wanted to work things out. You said that you were ready to come home.
Stabler: Look, Kathy, I'm sorry.
Kathy: I don't care. Not about my pride, or my ego, or anything else. I need you to come home now, Elliot. Not for the kids. For me.
Stabler: What's changed?
Kathy: I'm pregnant.

Season 9[edit]

Alternate [9.01][edit]

Benson: What's going on?
Captain Cragen: I've been temporarily reassigned. Chief of D's office.
Benson: Why?
Captain Cragen: You aided your fugitive brother, Elliot covered up his kid's DUI, Fin's stepson butchered 2 people and walked. Somebody's gotta take the heat.
Benson: But we're the ones who screwed up.
Captain Cragen: On my command. 1PP calls that "failure to supervise".
Benson: That's insane!
Stabler: You want insane? Guess who they put in charge.
Munch: I had nothin' to do with that! If drafted, I will not run, if elected, I will not serve.
Fin: You are lyin' like a politician. You took the Sergeant's' exam right behind our back. What's up with that?
Munch: I took it last year on a bar bet.
Captain Cragen: [hands Munch his key] Enjoy your new office, Sergeant Munch. Don't let the power get to your head.
Lake: It was an honor serving under you, sir.
Captain Cragen: I'm not dead yet, Detective Lake.
Stabler: We'll get you back, Captain.
Captain Cragen: Try and behave yourselves.

Munch: I knew there was something hinky about her. It was so obvious.
Fin: Did superpowers come with that promotion?

Dr. Huang: [about Janis] Tell me about her alters.
Benson: So far we've seen Dr. Young, a little girl, and a mean Russian.
Stabler: And I bet she does a great Christopher Walken too.

Lake: [to Fin] I'm not saying I didn't see crazies in Brooklyn, but you guys are cuckoo magnets.

Avatar [9.02][edit]

Eric: I'm about to seriously freak out 5,000,000 people.

Lauren: I've loved him since I was 15. What? You think a 15 year old can't fall in love.
Stabler: I have teenage daughters who fall in love all the time.

Impulsive [9.03][edit]

Benson: Casey, you're drowning right now and, unless Stabler can convince that guy to change his mind, I can’t even throw you a life jacket.
Novak: I'm a big girl. I know how to swim.

Stabler: Earl Romaine, you're under arrest for the rape of Shane Mills.
Romaine: Screw you.
Lake: Sorry, you're not his type.

Savant [9.04][edit]

[Detectives attempt to solve the horrible beating of a woman, the only witness to which is her mentally impaired daughter, who has Williams Syndrome.]

Katie: I'm Katie.
Munch: Sergeant Munch.
Katie: Munch. That's funny. Can I have a hug, Munch?
Munch: No, you may not. I'm a stranger. You shouldn't even be talking to me.
Katie: Okay. Bye.
[she walks up to Fin's desk]
Fin: Somethin' I could do for you?
Katie: Are you mad at me?
Fin: Didn't Sergeant Munch just tell you not to talk to strangers?
[Katie nods; Fin winks at her and signals her to leave him]

[After interviewing a group therapy group for parents of neuro-atypical children]
Benson: How's Kathy?
Stabler: Over 40 and having a baby. I just can't stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen.
Benson: So why don't you see a doctor?
Stabler: We're Catholic. Means it's better not to know.

Woman in clinic: [To Fin and Lake] Has the doctor told you if it's a boy or a girl?
Fin: Excuse me?
Woman: It's so hard for gay couples to adopt. A surrogate's really your only option. [Fin and Lake look at each other.] I don't get why they think that it's better to keep kids in the system than to send them into a gay home. You seem like a nice couple to me.
[Lake grins broadly and puts his hand on Fin's thigh. Fin looks incredulous.]

Stabler: And now we can't touch him?
Captain Cragen: The Patriot Act trumps rape and attempted murder every time.

Porter: You'll force me to make a formal complaint.
Fin: Where you shove that is up to you.

Novak: What would I be up against using Katie as a witness?
Munch: Anxiety, ADD, and they have trouble taking criticism.
Fin: That sounds like you, Munch.

Nicholson: [Opens his door to find Novak, Stabler, and Fin standing outside] Get the hell away from my door. You've got people thinking I tried to kill my wife.
Stabler: We need to speak to your daughter.
Nicholson: No, you will not speak to her. Not now, not ever. You've got her anxious and upset now leave her alone. [Tries to close door]
Novak: [Blocks the door] I'm Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. Here's how this is going to play out. Now we will end up at a hearing and the judge will side with me, because you cannot stop us from questioning the only witness to the attack.
Nicholson: I'm her father.
Novak: And your also a suspect Mr. Nicholson. It's about time you faced facts.

Novak: The Patriot Act. This convoluted piece of legislature isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Stabler: Do you care at all or is this guy just a pawn to you?
Porter: You're a bastard.
Stabler: I get that a lot.

[Novak is attempting to prove that Katie can sworn-in at a trial]
Novak: Your honor, I submit that this witness can be sworn.
Judge Petrovsky: So ordered. [bangs gavel]
Katie: [puts her hands over her ears in pain] Don't do that!
Novak: She has very sensitive hearing.
Judge Petrovsky: I... I'm sorry.
Katie: That's okay. Can I have a hug?
Judge Petrovsky: [awkwardly] No. Maybe later.

Harm [9.05][edit]

Stabler: Security cameras across the globe. Munch'll never leave his house again.

Dr. Warner: [about the torture Sutton performed on Iraqi prisoners] So much for 2500 years of 'first do no harm'.
Dr. Huang: That's a little black and white.
Dr. Warner: Sorry, I didn't realize the Hippocratic Oath was written in shades of grey.

Dr. Sutton: Our country is at war. I have skills that can help. Do you really expect me not to use them?
Dr. Warner: You took an oath. You don't get to take a time-out because we're at war, because it's difficult to uphold. The oath was written for times like these.

Svengali [9.06][edit]

Benson: You mutilated women.
Morten: There's beauty in everyone. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find it.

Novak: Well, you were great.
Morten: Did you like it? Bet you didn't know what was gonna happen next.
Novak: You put on quite a show. You got her off, she's going to a psych ward.
Morten: Is that a frown on your pretty face?
Novak: Actually, I think Cecilia is going exactly where she belongs. So are you.
Morten: You're backing out on the deal.
Novak: No, you're being transferred to a federal prison.
Morten: I thought you'd be a sore loser.
Novak: You're gonna love Florence Super Max. 23-hour lockdown, no visitors, no mail, no phone calls. No human contact for the rest of your life.
Morten: You can't do that to me.
Novak: Why don't you wave bye to all of your fans?
Morten: We made a deal.
Novak: And it's a masterpiece. How do you like my work?
Morten: [as the cops take him to their squad car] You used me. You set me up! This isn't right! It's not fair!

Blinded [9.07][edit]

Stabler: You know, I'm gonna have a child in a month. That's scary enough. But the thought that I was never gonna be able to see that child, that terrified me. Saul Picard? Bring him on.

Saul: I don't deserve to live. Don't you understand? If the state thinks that killin' me will stop one pervert from doing what I did to those poor little girls, then it's worth it. Please. Let me go home to die.

McCoy: Congratulations.
Novak: For what?
McCoy: The excellent job you did as Saul Picard's defense attorney. Judge Bradley called me.
Novak: Jack, I...
McCoy: I told him he must be mistaken, since I only have prosecutors working in this office. At least I thought I did. Until I got this. [hands Novak a notice]
Novak: Who gave this to you?
McCoy: What matters is what's in it. 5 years ago, the cops responded to a disturbance call in your apartment. You told the officers it was a mistake, but it isn't true, is it?
Novak: My fiancee Charlie, he attacked me. He was a schizophrenic, and he was off his medication. When the police saw the cuts and bruises on my face and neck, they wanted to arrest Charlie. But I thought I could help him. So, I identified myself as an ADA, and I begged them not to take him in.
McCoy: You abused the authority of this office for personal reasons back then, just like you're doing now!
Novak: Sick people like Saul Picard shouldn't be put to death!
McCoy: The last time I checked, the Supreme Court still says you can't execute a mentally ill person in this country.
Novak: And what if a jury found him responsible, because he was lucid when he decided to stop taking his medication?
McCoy: That's not your problem. That's why he has a defense attorney.
Novak: No defense attorney could make a jury see past what he did to those little girls.
McCoy: So you weren't about to take a chance he'd be convicted?
Novak: Because he belongs in a hospital, not a prison cell, and you know it.
McCoy: I'll tell you what I know. You're going to stay on this case through the 730 hearing, and you're going to behave yourself, because if you don't, I'm not only going to fire you. I'll make sure the bar yanks your license. And if you don't think I have the juice to do it, try me.

Fight [9.08][edit]

Fin: [Looking at an internet photo of Lake in a boxing ring.] Get outta here. That's not you.
Lake: Bet your ass it is.
Captain Cragen: [reads] "Naptime Wins in A.C."
Fin: What, they call you Naptime because your boring stories put everybody to sleep?

Fin: Kona woulda beat yo' ass.
Lake: I would've held my own ... for a couple of rounds.
Fin: I would've liked to see that. Don't expect me to cry at your funeral.

Fin: [studying a Confederate flag on a frat house's wall.] 'sup with that flag?
Frat boy: KDA was founded by a direct descendant of Jefferson Davis. We're very proud of our heritage.
Fin: You know you lost the war.

Clerk: Docket ending 2500. People v. Jadon Odami.
Judge Cohen: On the charge of murder in the second degree, how do you plead?
Woodrow: Not guilty, your honor.
Jadon: That's not what I told you to say.
Woodrow: You were coerced during interrogation.
Novak: Your honor, there was no coercion. The defendant freely confessed.
Woodrow: Really? What, his mother just happened to pop in during the middle of his interview?
Jadon: Your honor, I killed Julie Donovan. I plead guilty.
Judge Cohen: Listen to your attorney, son.
Jadon: [turns to his attorney] You fired. [unamused, Woodrow shakes his head and leaves the courtroom] Okay. He's not my lawyer now.

Paternity [9.09][edit]

[Stabler and Benson just found out that Tommy isn't Jake's son and are walking through the precinct hallway while discussing whether or not to tell Jake]
Benson: He has the right to know.
Stabler: It's not our place to tell him.
Benson: Jake is raising a child that biologically isn't his. He's married to a woman who's being unfaithful. You think that ignorance is bliss?
Stabler: First of all, Tommy *is* his son. And Jake is the only father he's ever known. Now they love each other. Why do you want to mess with that?
Benson: Because it's not fair to Jake or Tommy.
Stabler: If Leah Keegan wants to tell her husband that Tommy's not his, that's her choice, not ours.
[Benson spots Jake sitting in a chair, having overheard what Stabler just said]
Jake: What do you mean? Tommy's not my son?

Stabler: Kathy wants to name him after me.
Benson: Just what the world needs. Another Elliot Stabler.

Snitch [9.10][edit]

Danielson: Please tell the jury what happened.
Chuckwei: I was walking home from work on 168th Street when I saw a man beat a boy with a metal pipe.
Danielson: [shows a photo of the victim] This is the victim, Damon Moore. Is he the boy you saw?
Chuckwei: Yes.
Danielson: And the man who beat him to death, is he in this courtroom?
[in a moment of silence, Chuckwei stares at King, who stares back; afterwards, Chuckwei points at him]
Chuckwei: That is the man. There.
King: He's a liar. The cops are makin' him lie!
Brayden: Dennis, shut up!
Chuckwei: No! NO! [jumps out of his seat] You murdered that boy in front of a crowd of people! And in front of GOD!!
King: [storms out of his seat, topples the table, and charges at Chuckwei] You're a dead man! You're a dead man! Ya hear me?!
[Stabler grabs King and pins him to the ground]
Judge: Order! ORDER! Get the jury out of here! Court officers!
[the court officers grab King]
King: Get 'em off! Get off me! [to Chuckwei] You're dead! Your family's dead! Everything you love is dead! You're dead!
Judge: Take the defendant to lockup!
[Benson and Stabler walk up to Chuckwei]
Benson: Are you okay?
Chuckwei: Yes. I'm no longer afraid.

Streetwise [9.11][edit]

[The rape and murder of a wealthy teen seems to point detectives to a gang of street kids.]
Lake: The earring was hawked by Sunshine Smith, who lives at 6789 Peekaboo Lane. That's a fairy tale, friend.
Pawn shop owner: Now that you read it back to me, it does sound a tad bit suspicious.

[Reviewing pawnshop tape]
Lake: Man, you know it's illegal for underage kids to pawn.
Pawn shop owner: Hey, guy gotta eat.
Fin: You need to go on a diet.

[As Stabler handcuffs Cole]
Cole: You're gonna break my wrists!
Stabler: I'm Irish, but I'm not that lucky.

Signature [9.12][edit]

[Benson works with FBI profiling agent Lauren Cooper when a dead man and woman are found in central park due to an anonymous tip. The woman is though to have been killed by a serial killer called 'the woodsman'.]
Agent Cooper: I don't think we need to hear anymore.
Dr. Warner: I speak for the dead and I'm not done.

Agent Cooper:[about woman's body] At least he didn't chop her up into little pieces. At least he let her keep her head.

Benson: Are you Lavender?
Club Owner: Its La-Vonder, do I look like a damn flower to you?

Benson:[to Cooper] Are you okay?
Cooper:[crying] No. I said I wasn't used to dealing with victims.

[Benson is preparing to interrogate Cooper]
Cooper: You must get a lot of confessions in here. Can't wait to unburden the soul, confirm your deepest suspicions. They want absolution. They want to be able to sleep at night.
Benson: Can you sleep at night, Lauren?
Cooper: I sleep. Just. Fine.

Lake: [to himself] I'm gonna blow your freakin' brains out.
CSU Tech: [Overhearing] You better not be talkin' to me.

Benson: Just how close were you 2?
Cooper: He was like a father to me!
Benson: Is that what they're calling it these days?

Cragen: (about Agent Cooper) She executed Mr. Moore
Chief Muldrew: You mean the serial killer.

Novak: It doesn't matter what he did, Larry Moore was murdered. That is a Class-A fellony.
Lydia: I presume you live on Planet Earth. Where're you going to find a jury pool that doesn't think the guy deserves to die?
Novak: That has no baring on the law.
Lydia: Explain that to John Q. Public. There'll be months of media spinning. Trotting out the murdered womans family members in support of a rogue FBI agent.
Novak: Agent Cooper stalked and shot a man in Central Park and you want to give her a pass?
Lydia: This office is not going to let you spend $2,000,000, on a case you can't win.

Cooper: [As Lake and Benson arrive to arrest her] Proud of yourself?
Benson: I would have been proud to help you collar the bastard who murdered 24 women. That would have satisfied me.
Cooper: That wasn't good enough.
Benson: [Quickly takes away Cooper's gun] Why not?
Cooper: You know why. How many dead babies have you stood over? How many rape victims? You can't tell me you never wanted to put your gun under the bastard's chin who raped a 2-year old.
Benson: [pause] I have too much to lose.
Cooper: I don't.

[Benson begs Cooper to make a deal and mitigate her sentence]
Benson: Take the deal, Lauren. It's a way out.
Cooper: No.
Benson: Why the hell not?
Cooper: Because those who fight monsters better make damn sure they don't become them. [pulls out her gun]
Lake: GUN!!
[Cooper shoots herself]

Unorthodox [9.13][edit]

[A 12-year old Jewish boy is sexually assaulted, and the search for his rapist leads Benson and Stabler into the Hassidic community.]

Stabler: You know, I was up all night with the baby. And it got me thinking.
Novak: You want me to send Jack to Family Court.
Stabler: I want to do what's right, Casey.
Novak: Sleep deprivation's making you soft, Elliot.

Munch: You can tell the Grand Rebbe he can kiss my tuchus. My Yiddish is a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure they just told our friend here to keep us away from the synagogue.

Inconceivable [9.14][edit]

Benson: What they are doing is trapping her in a child's body forever.
Stabler: Parents have to make hard choices. This last pregnancy, Kathy was over 40. That carries a higher risk of things like Down Syndrome.
Benson: And, you know what? Eli turned out perfect, so spare me the perils of women over 40 having babies.

Clerk: Docket ending 25801. People vs. James and Victoria Grall. One count assault in the second degree, one count grand larceny, one count burglary.
Judge Petrovsky: How do you plead?
James: Not guilty, your honor.
Eva: They should be charged with murder!
Judge Petrovsky: Court officers, remove this woman!
[the court officers escort Eva out of the courtroom as James and Victoria look on with remorse]
James: She's right. We should be charged with murder.
Judge Petrovsky: Would the People like to amend the charge?
Novak: No, your honor. The defendants are only grandstanding to further their political agenda.
James: If you were fit for your job, you'd seek justice for these lost souls.
Victoria: It was an accident.
Judge Petrovsky: Mr. Hunter, control your clients.
Hunter: As your honor well knows, according to New York law, life does not begin until a baby draws breath.
James: It begins at the moment of conception.
Novak: Even in the cases of abandoned newborns, a murder charge cannot be brought if it's determined the infant was stillborn.
Judge Petrovsky: The charges stand.
Hunter: Actually, your honor, the grand larceny should be dropped to petty larceny. Human bodies cannot legally be sold, and therefore have no monetary value.
Novak: The couples who went to Hudson Cryobank each spent tens of thousands of dollars to get those embryos.
Hunter: That was for services provided. It wasn't a sticker price of an embryo.
Judge Petrovsky: That's an issue for your trial judge. I'll add on the lesser charge and hear the People as to bail.
Novak: $100,000 each.
Hunter: Excessive. The defendants are not a flight risk. They have ties to the community.
Judge Petrovsky: Bail is set at 10,000 each, cash or bond. [bangs gavel] Next case.

Undercover [9.15][edit]

[Fin catches Harris trying to kill Benson]
Fin: Let her go now!
Harris: Get the hell outta here!
Fin: Police! Move away from her! Move away!
Harris: She's trying to escape!
Fin: And you had to drop your pants to stop her?

Benson: Lowell Harris, you're under arrest for raping Ashley Tyler.
Fin: And the attempted murder of a police officer.
Harris: You're a cop?
Benson: Who's the bitch now?

Dr. Warner: How'd you know to ask Ashley about the mole?
Benson: [evasive] She remembered.
Dr. Warner: But you couldn't have known she was right.
Benson: [pause] I saw it... when he had me in the basement.
Dr. Warner: Olivia, did he rape you?
Benson: [quietly] It's the closest I've ever come.

Closet [9.16][edit]

Balthus: My client doesn't know what happened that night, he's confused.
Novak: What, he confused committing murder with a little slap and tickle?

Lincoln: [after his brain damage has forced him to retire from football] I had it all. Career, someone I loved ... football gave me everything. Then took it all away.

Authority [9.17][edit]

Munch: "Just following orders." That's the preferred defense of every war criminal from Eichmann to Milosevic.

[Rook is holding Benson hostage and trying to get Stabler to inflict pain on her via remote control]
Rook: I put my faith in a little god in a white coat and he killed my wife and son. PUSH THE BUTTON!
Stabler: No.
[Rook pushes the button and a female voice screams]
Rook: PUSH … THE … BUTTON!!!
Stabler: I can't do it.
Rook: No? Why?
Stabler: Too many people have suffered already.
Rook: Then you, Elliot Stabler, are a human being. Congratulations, you are not a sheep like I was. You're a man. Thank you.

Trade [9.18][edit]

Bartlett: Great body.
Benson: Excuse me?
Bartlett: The coffee. Though I`ll bet yours is smooth and robust.

Bartlett: I didn't bribe anyone.
Novak: [sarcastically] No. That $50,000 payment to juror #4 was charity.

Cold [9.19][edit]

[Novak enters Judge Donnelly's chambers]
Novak: You wanted to see me, Judge Donnelly?
Judge Donnelly: Yes. The DA is declining to re-file charges against Thomas Crane.
Novak: He raped and murdered Alisa Hernandez, and he gets to keep his badge?
Judge Donnelly: Because of your actions, counselor.
Novak: With all due respect, ma'am, this doesn't concern you.
Judge Donnelly: It does now. [hands Novak a notice]
Novak: I'm being called before the bar.
Judge Donnelly: At my insistence.
Novak: Why?
Judge Donnelly: Because you lost perspective. And because I sit on the peer review board, and I cannot allow you to commit a Brady violation and lie to the court without consequence.
Novak: The reports weren't finished, your honor! I sent them back!
Judge Donnelly: You lied to Petrovsky, and now, you are lying to me. The lab reports were dated and stamped! We are civil servants, Casey! No one is falling on their sword for you. What I want to know is why.
Novak: Because the bad guys can't always win. He deserved to pay.
Judge Donnelly: And so do you.
Novak: How much trouble am I in?
Judge Donnelly: Censure. Possible suspension.
Novak: For how long?
Judge Donnelly: A year. Maybe more.
Novak: What should I do?
Judge Donnelly: Something else.

Season 10[edit]

Trials [10.1][edit]

Captain Cragen: Fin, grab Elliot and go check out the Lydia. [Fin does not leave] There a problem?
Fin: You know my beef with Stabler. He's a total head case. I'd rather have any other partner.
Captain Cragen: It's not ladies' choice today, detective. Suck it up. Do your job.
Fin: You got my request for transfer 3 months ago. Any idea what's holdin' that up?
Captain Cragen: Nope.
Fin: You signed off on the 5-7?
Captain Cragen: And gave you a glowing recommendation. If you like, I'll call the Chief of D's office, see where it's at.
Fin: That's great. Thanks.
Captain Cragen: No problem. In the meantime, you've got an assignment.

Munch: Ah, the smell of stale beer and quiet desperation. Did I ever tell you about the bar I owned in Baltimore?
Fin: 'Bout a kazillion times.
Munch: I'd like to open one up here, but the real estate's a bit pricier.

Munch: I'm gonna need investors. You interested?
Fin: What you smokin'?
Munch: Come on. Then we'd get to still be partners after you left the squad. That is, if you're really leaving.
Fin: Watch me.
Munch: You know, if one more person dumps me, I'm gonna start taking it personally. Aside from my wives, there was Jeffries, Cassidy, Meldrick, Stan "The Big Man" Bolander. Stan the Man was my mentor in Baltimore, just like I am yours. Circle of life, my friend. Circle of life.

[after Stabler's credit card case has been solved, Kathleen walks up to him]
Kathleen: Dad!
Stabler: Kathleen, what are you doin' here?
Kathleen: You had my boyfriend arrested? What the hell?
Stabler: What are you talkin' about?
Kathleen: Tony didn't steal your credit card. I had to buy some books for school, so I borrowed it when I was home on Sunday.
Stabler: You didn't buy any books! You never told me you had a boyfriend.
Kathleen: Well, I do, and you'd better make it right.
Stabler: I'd better make-- What did you just say to me? What did you just say to me?!
Benson: Ell.
Kathleen: Tony didn't do anything.
Stabler: [heads back to the squad room] We're not gonna talk about this now. And you're gonna get that thing removed from your leg!
Kathleen: You have a tattoo. [leaves]

Confession [10.02][edit]

Berlin: [to Stabler] You have kids, I can tell. Can I see some family photos? [pause] I promise not to drool.

Lisa: I love my husband.
Munch: I know you do, Lisa.
Lisa: I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. [in tears] But I don't wanna die!
Munch: That's good to hear. Have a seat.

Swing [10.03][edit]

Stabler: Patrol dumped this one on us, why? Because a whack job was found naked in the shower?
Benson: Elliot!
Stabler: Last week it was because a guy had his johnson out taking a piss in the alley. What's next? Fido puppy humping in the dog run?
Benson: Elliot! I called you in.
Stabler: Why, because your "Spidey Sense" tells you she was a rape victim?
Benson: Because she's your daughter.

Stabler: My daughter needed a shark, you're the deadliest one I know.
Maddox: Thanks?

Lunacy [10.04][edit]

Amateur Pornographer: Sex is dangerous. At its heart it's a power stuggle between a man and a woman.
Stabler: Not if you do it right.

Finley: C'mon, Elliot. It doesn't have to go down this way. We can solve this together. 2 marines.
Stabler: You killed that woman. You dumped her body in the river. You had the nerve to shake my boy's hand!

Retro [10.05][edit]

Dr. Hutton: I have patients waiting.
Stabler: God help them.

Dr. Warner: You're a murderer and a false prophet.
Dr. Hutton: That's what they said about Jesus Christ.

Babes [10.06][edit]

Fidelia: Do you want to see the awesome stroller I picked out?
Benson: Fidelia, this is a baby we're talking about, it's not an accessory, it's not a bracelet or a pair of earrings or a slammin' pair of jeans. This is a living breathing human being you're bringing onto this earth.
Fidelia: You think I don't know that?
Benson: If you did you'd be petrified about your future. Do you know the odds of a teen mom finishing high school? Forget college, or any other dream you might have. Life as you know it is over. There's no going to the mall or hanging out with your friends. I mean, you might see them, but it'll probably be in line waiting for food stamps, or all of you going to the doctor trying to get an appointment at the free clinic.
Fidelia: Daddy, make her be quiet.
Gordon: That's enough, detective.
Benson: Do you know the health risks to babies of teen moms? Dyslexia, retardation, um, increased risks of blindness, cerebral palsy.
Fidelia: Daddy!
Gordon: Don't you blame my daughter. She's just a child.
Benson: That is my point exactly.

Wildlife [10.07][edit]

Gots: That girl done seen more nuts than a can of Planters.

[Stabler comes back into work from traction after a gunshot]
Fin: [to Benson] Told you he wouldn't take a day off. You owe me 50 bucks.

Persona [10.08][edit]

Judge Donnelly: Did you ask Linnie how she escaped?
Benson: No. Does it matter?
Judge Donnelly: She asked for a meeting to discuss a plea bargain. I let her use the bathroom, she crawled out the window.
Benson: So you took the fall?
Judge Donnelly: For years, whenever a rookie ADA pulled a stupid move, it was known as "doin' a Donnelly".

Brent: You've got a lot of nerve, detective.
Benson: Why? Because you can't tell me what to do?

PTSD [10.09][edit]

Benson: So they're taking recruits with criminal records now. What's one more murdering bastard with a gun?

Benson: Would you have killed him?
Sgt. Pruitt: Would you have shot me?
Benson: I can't answer that, and you deserve to know why. I was sexually assaulted 6 months ago.
Sgt. Pruitt: Quit kicking yourself.
Benson: That's easy to say, and hard to do.
Sgt. Pruitt: It takes practice. You'll get there.

Smut [10.10][edit]

Benson: You can’t tell me that there’s no connection between porn and rape.
Fin: Whoa, whoa, whoa, look. I've enjoyed adult entertainment a time or 2 and I have never forced a woman.
Benson: So after what we see all day, you go home and watch women being degraded to get off?
Fin: All women don’t feel the same way you do about porn. My girl digs it. Plus you've got women running multi-million dollar porn production companies.
Stabler: Women making porn? That’s like the whore on the corner working her way up to pimp. Doesn’t make it right.
Fin: Lighten up, choir boy. You don’t have to be a perv to like porn.
Benson: Oh, yeah? Then how come people don’t put V for Vagina next to Vertigo on their bookshelves?
Fin: 'Cause they’re afraid of being judged by prudes like you.

[having seen footage of a rape in court]
Lutz: Turn it off!
Greylek: Are you sure? [looks at his crotch] Because that's not an objection you're raising.

Stranger [10.11][edit]

Stabler: [suspect starts to run away from Stabler and Benson] Got a runner! [the suspect turns and runs away; Benson and Stabler follow] Vasco, stop!
Fin: [punches the suspect in the face; the suspect falls to the ground] We got a dropper!

Vasko: Where's Kristen? I would like to see her.
Benson: And I would like to see you castrated with a rusty steak knife. Neither are going to happen, but we can both dream.

Hothouse [10.12][edit]

Alik: [notices the ADA] Ah. [laughs] The boss lady.
Greylek: Save the grin, ass-wipe.

Burke: You ever see a nerd spaz out? It's ugly.

Snatched [10.13][edit]

Geno: [about a jewelry heist] My whole life I never made a haul half this rich.
Stabler: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

[Fin helps Stabler restrain a suspect]
Stabler: I had him!
Fin: Yeah, like Custer had the Indians.

Transitions [10.14][edit]

Sid: Are you a dancer?
Benson: No, Sid. I`m a detective, remember?
Sid: Oh... You're pretty enough to be a dancer.
Benson: Thank you, Sid.
Sid: [to Stabler] You're not.
Stabler: That's the cross I bear.

Stabler: So you steal from the rich pharmaceutical companies and give to the poor transsexuals? You're kinda like Robin Hood and Maid Marion all rolled into one, huh?

Lead [10.15][edit]

Stabler: How do you know when a lawyer is lying?
Benson: When his lips are moving?

[while investigating Dr. Keppler's murder]
Fin: What are we waitin' on?
Stabler: Cragen. He says we don't touch the place until Greylek sees it, just in case IAB wants to screw with us again.
Munch: You sure Greylek's not on one of her "I gotta be at the crime scene" crusades?
Fin: [looks ahead] That's not Greylek.
[the other detectives look ahead and notice Captain Cragen arriving with the original ADA: Alexandra Cabot]
Benson: Alex!
Alex: What have we got?

Stabler: Where's Greylek?
Alex: New administration called her back to the justice department. DA let her leave immediately.
Benson: And McCoy drafted you to fill in.
Alex: I wasn't drafted. Jack asked me.
Benson: No one told us about it.
Alex: I only accepted an hour ago.

[Alex and Granger gather in Judge Moredock's chambers after Jeff's testimony]
Granger: I want her brought before the disciplinary committee for badgering Jeffrey. My clients are furious.
Alex: Clients?! Jeffrey Lynwood is your client. Not his parents. [to the judge] I'm moving to disqualify Mr. Granger as counsel.
Granger: Oh, she's posturing.
Alex: You're a sleaze bag! You're letting Jeffrey's father call the shots, because he can pay you and Jeffrey can't.
Granger: I'm acting in my client's best interests.
Judge Moredock: Your client has as much business on a witness stand as I do riding in a rodeo! Only a horse's ass would ignore his diminished mental capacity.
Granger: You're outta line, your honor.
Judge Moredock: And you are a disgrace to the defense bar, Mr. Granger! And if you don't get your act in line, I'll grant her motion and report you to the disciplinary committee. Now, get out!

Ballerina [10.16][edit]

Birdie: [after learning that she is dying] No one ever said that life was fair, only that it was eventful.

Birdie: [to her nephew] Oh, Chet. 30 years at your Aunt Birdie's side, and you never learned not to cross her.

Hell [10.17][edit]

Okello: Everything I touch, everything I love, I corrupt.

Munch: He goes by many names- Satan, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub, Old Nick...
Stabler: Let's not forget Ryan Seacrest.

Baggage [10.18][edit]

Stabler: [to Angela about Mark] He scare you?
Angela: Yes! He once tied a cat to a bus. He dropped another one off a sixth-story walk-up. He's a mistake, I don't know whose - mine or God's!

Moran: Serial murder's gone global.

Selfish [10.19][edit]

[Alex texts on her phone during Ashley's arraignment]
Judge Cohen: How does the defendant plead?
Devere: Not guilty, your honor.
Judge Cohen: I'll hear the People on bail.
[Alex is still texting]
Judge Cohen: Miss Cabot, are we keeping you from some important business?
Alex: [stops texting] Uh, I'm sorry, your honor. The People request remand.
Devere: What?
Alex: The defendant has established a pattern of theft and obfuscation. We consider her an extreme flight risk.
Devere: Miss Walker has no criminal record. To keep her locked up over these 2 charges is ridiculous.
[Alex resumes texting]
Judge Cohen: That sounds a little extreme, even for you, Miss Cabot. And if you don't put that phone down, I'm gonna hold you in contempt!

Crush [10.20][edit]

Benson: She's not a sex offender, and you're ruining her life.
Judge Marsden: You know, I am so tired of these kids waltzing in here thinking they can do whatever the hell they want and get away with it. Someone has to take a stand.
Benson: Is that it? Or do you just get off on the power?
Pond: Olivia.
Judge Marsden: Mock me again, Olivia, and I'll hold you in contempt.
Benson: How? I thought this was just a friendly chat.
Judge Marsden: That's it.
Pond: Your honor, you don't have the authority to sanction Detective Benson...
Judge Marsden: Watch this. Officer? Take Detective Benson and Miss Pond down to the lockup; they're in contempt.

Judge Marsden: Officer, take the respondent into custody. We're adjourned. [slams gavel]
Stabler: The only one going into custody is you. [flashes his badge]
Judge Marsden: What the hell is this?
Copeland: The end of a nightmare for hundreds of kids.

Liberties [10.21][edit]

Brunsen: Look at this! Pants ruined. Loot at this: bite marks! I should be in the hospital getting checked for rabies!
Benson: I seriously doubt you gave the dog rabies.

[Stabler interviews serial child killer Roy Lee Dotson]
Stabler: You a member of NAMBLA?
Dotson: Nah. I'm no homo. I like boys and girls. They're pretty much the same at that age - no grass on the field.

Zebras [10.22][edit]

Harrison: Judge, you're a lone beacon of hope in the struggle against global mind control.
Judge Donnelly: Save it. You're a murderer walking on a technicality. If it were up to me, you'd be in the nuthouse where you belong.
Stuckey: You're the nut for letting him go.
Judge Donnelly: Is everybody crazy today? Five minute recess. [bangs gavel] People! Take your meds.

Stuckey: I have been a busy little zebra, haven't I?

Season 11[edit]

Unstable [11.01][edit]

Benson: Where's Alex Cabot?
Paxton: Training in Albany. When she's finished, she'll take my spot in Appeals.
Stabler: Appeals? Well, no disrespect, but we do things a little differently down here in New York City.
Paxton: Oh really? I was trying homicides when you were fresh out of the academy, walking a beat, and trying not to piss yourself.
Captain Cragen: Executive ADA Paxton got the first capital conviction when Pataki brought back the death penalty.
Paxton: That's right, so when I say stop playing fast and loose with defendants' rights, that's what you'll do, or you won't be working here.
Captain Cragen: That is the commissioner's decision, Sonya, not yours.
Paxton: That's where you're wrong, Don. There have been far too many overturned convictions - especially in the 'he-said she-said' unit. So, McCoy sent me here to clean the house. Oh, and 1PP thinks it's a really swell idea, so why don't you walk me through it?

Paxton: I thought there were no open rape cases matching this M.O.
Stabler: There aren't. Maybe the victims didn't report it. My gut is telling me that he's done it before.
Paxton: Or maybe it's your acid reflux.

Paxton: 53 convictions have been overturned in the state, Don. Even 1 is too many.
Benson: Those men were exonerated through DNA. There's a difference.
Paxton: Falsely imprisoned for decades, I might add, because detectives didn't do their jobs in the first place.
Stabler: Well that isn't the case here, Miss Paxton. Tate's guilty.
Paxton: Really? Oh. Well that's great then. You don't mind calling me after you re-interview Katie Harris, and show her a sequential photo array.

Sugar [11.02][edit]

Vance: Yes, I helped her financially, but I was a lot more than her sugar daddy. I loved Emily.
Stabler: Oh God, here we go.
Vance: I took her her to museums. I encouraged her to go to college. I tried to broaden her horizons.
Stabler: [to Benson] Detective, how many times have we heard that song?
Benson: "The Ballad of Loving John"? At least once a week.

[Paxton interviews Vance's assistant, Lizette]
Lizette: On Wednesday night, Vance dropped by my place, so we could share a cab to dinner. It must have been 5:30.
Paxton: And his mood?
Lizette: Fine. He asked if he could pour drink, but he's done that before.
Paxton: And at dinner, he was the same old super-boss he always is?
Lizette: Pretty much.
Paxton: And just for the record, you would never lie for him, right?
Lizette: No.
Paxton: Even after he bought you that very impressive rack?
Lizette: Excuse me?
Paxton: Well, come on. A pair that nice has got to make a girl feel pretty grateful, right?
Lizette: That's none of your business. [stands up to leave]
Paxton: Sit down. Hon, everything's my business. Your boss, your boobs, your belligerent little attitude. You need to start telling me the truth or I'll throw you in lockup. With that cute little body of yours, it'll get you all the attention you can handle.

Solitary [11.03][edit]

Stabler: I don’t work for you.
Paxton: I’m not gonna watch you brutalize a prisoner in custody.
Stabler: I didn’t lay a finger on him.
Paxton: Oh, really? Could've fooled me.
Stabler: I was transferring him to central booking.
Paxton: Well, under the circumstances, that’s not appropriate.
Stabler: It’s my case!
Paxton: No. You’re not the case, detective. You’re the victim! [Stabler looks offended] I'm sorry. Does that word offend you? Big strong Elliot Stabler can’t be anyone’s victim, right?
Stabler: You don’t know me.
Paxton: Trust me. I read your file.
Stabler: You wanna know something? You’ve had a hard-on for me since the day you walked into this squad.
Paxton: No, hon, not at all. I got problems with anybody who doesn’t play by the rules.
Stabler: No. Your rules! You act like the law's Holy Scripture. You don't give a damn about the law. You want control. You don't know me. You know me? I know you. I see perps like you walking here everyday of the week. They gotta have control. The whole world falls apart, but inside they're scared, weak, damaged--
[Paxton slaps him]

[Stabler enters Paxton's office, after spending 2 days in solitary, at his own choice]
Paxton: Where the hell have you been?
Stabler: The hall. I wanna drop the charges.
Paxton: Don't be a wuss, Stabler. You took a bad trip in your own head, and now what? You feel sorry for Donovan? Well, that's your problem. Mine is convicting a would-be cop killer, who thinks doing a little time gives him the right to whack the first cop who looks at him cross-eyed.
Stabler: It's not that simple.
Paxton: Actually, it is. If Donovan walks it's open season on law enforcement, for any perp that did a day in the hall.
Stabler: Look, you don't have to set him a precedent. Just cut him a deal.
Paxton: If I plea-bargain Donovan, he's out in 5 years, and then what? Does he run down the cop who pulls him over for speeding? I won't take that chance.
Stabler: I'll report you for assault. The DA will suspend you.
Paxton: Go ahead. [pauses and then smiles] Thought so. You may have lost your balls in lock-up, but I still got mine.

Hammered [11.04][edit]

[Paxton enters the interrogation room in the middle of an interview with Dalton]
Paxton: Ugh! Cut the crap! Jeez!
Stabler: Need somethin', Sonya?
Paxton: Yeah. For him to admit he killed and raped Audrey Hale. [to Stabler and Benson] I got tired of watching you 2 play patty cake. Sorry.
Dalton: How can I admit something I don't remember? Look, I had a history of blackouts in my drinking days. One time, I woke up in a hotel room in Phoenix. I had no clue how I got there.
Paxton: [mocks] "The liquor made me do it! My partner made me do it!"
Dalton: He did! He admitted it!
Paxton: Please. It's not like he slipped you a Mickey. And he's not the one who killed Audrey. You are. You lured her to your place, found out what she did for a living, and then you killed her in a drunken rage.
Dalton: I'm not even anti-abortion!
Paxton: Okay. So, her profession was just a fluke. Then why did you kill her?
Dalton: I don't know! I swear, I have no memory of what happened that night.
Paxton: Fine. Maybe this will jog your memory.
[she shows Dalton a video with a recreation of the crime scene, with his image]
Dalton: That's me.
Paxton: Yeah.
Dalton: You can't show that to a jury, can you?
Paxton: No. Not with your likeness. But everything else. I made this one just for you.
[Dalton shuts the computer]
Dalton: I wanna talk to a lawyer.

[during Dr. Sopher's testimony]
Kressler: Dr. Sopher, you conducted a study involving the brain imaging of alcoholics.
Dr. Sopher: Yes, and the results indicate...
Paxton: People renew their objection to this hearing in its entirety.
Judge Moredock: Counselor!
Paxton: It doesn't matter what voodoo science she trots out as an excuse. Intoxication has been banned as a defense to rape and murder dating back...
Kressler: The People didn't meet their burden for rape. That charge was dropped!
Paxton: [corrects herself] Banned as a defense to murder, dating back to the 19th century.
Kressler: Would your honor remind Miss Paxton that the entire point of a Frye hearing is to consider the admissibility of new science at trial.
Judge Moredock: I do have other matters to consider. Objection overruled.

Paxton: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I warn you: What you are about to see is graphically violent. And forensic evidence proves that these are the indisputable actions of the defendant.
[she plays the video of the recreation of Dalton beating Dr. Hale to death; however, Dalton's face is photoshopped on it]
Kressler: Objection! Move for a mistrial, your honor!
Dalton: No! She can't play that! She told me the jury couldn't see this one!
Judge Moredock: Bailiff, remove the jury!
Paxton: Wrong one! [stops and ejects the disc] Your honor, I have no idea how this happened.
Judge Moredock: Counselors, my chambers!

[at the behest of the judge, Benson enters the courtroom with a breathalyzer]
Benson: Where would you like me to administer the test, your honor? Right at the defense table?
Dalton: Guess again.
Judge Moredock: Unfortunately, the prosecution.
Benson: No. You can't be serious.
Paxton: Could you please clear this up, Olivia? They're trying to ruin my reputation.
Judge Moredock: I have no desire to ruin your reputation, counselor. [to Benson] Detective, were you drinking with Miss Paxton last night?
Benson: I wasn't drinking.
Judge Moredock: Was she?
Benson: I saw her consume two drinks.
Judge Moredock: So you did lie to me. How many drinks did you have after Detective Benson left?
Paxton: I object to this line of questioning, your honor.
Judge Moredock: Then blow!
Paxton: No. I can attest, as an officer of this court, that I am not intoxicated.
Benson: Sonya, your eyes are bloodshot and watery, your speech is slurred, and you stink of booze. Now, blow.
Paxton: I thought you were my friend.
Benson: Just do it.
Paxton: Don't do this to me, Olivia. Please don't do this to me.
Benson: You did this to yourself, Sonya. Now, blow.
[Paxton exhales steadily into the breathalyzer; Benson removes it]
Benson: I got it.
Judge Moredock: Bring it up here. Let me see.
Paxton: I saw it, your honor. It's .07. It's legally sober.
Judge Moredock: I was hoping for a 0.
Benson: It's still climbing.
Judge Moredock: For the record, your blood level count is .082.
Paxton: That's residual from last night. I'm fine, your honor. I am ready to proceed.
Judge Moredock: Counselor, you have a problem. I'm ordering you removed from this courtroom.

[Benson and Dalton exit the courthouse after Dalton's trial has ended in a mistrial and dismissal]
Benson: I hope you know that you're the luckiest man alive.
Dalton: Ya think? No matter how long I live, no matter what I do with the rest of my life, my obituary is already written: Dalton Rindell, the man who killed Audrey Hale.
Benson: It's still all about you.
Dalton: I've destroyed so many lives.
Benson: You finally owning up to it? You know, you can never serve time for this, no matter what you tell me. So, why don't you get it off your chest? Tell me.
Dalton: After seeing all the evidence, after watching that prosecutor falling down drunk, ruining her own career, it was like looking in the mirror. [shook up] I finally realize that I'd done it. I killed her.
Benson: Why?
Dalton: [sobs] I swear, I don't know. I swear to God! [inhales] I had no reason to hurt her. My doctor told me that in an alcohol blackout, maybe I might've known exactly what I was doing. But the memory never formed. And it never will. Maybe the stress from my business going under made me snap and I took it out on her. I don't know. How am I supposed to live with that?
Benson: I don't know.

Hardwired [11.05][edit]

Alex: I finally claw my way out of appeals, and you guys bring me this cluster.

[SVU captures members of O.S.L. and throw them into a holding cell]
First suspect: I still don't understand what I did wrong.
Fin: I'm throwin' you in a cage full of pedophiles. See if they can help you figure it out.
Second suspect: I've never seen that kid before in my life.
Captain Cragen: Pictures don't lie. We got him sitting on your lap.
Third suspect: I don't have anybody to watch my shop.
Benson: That's the least of your problems, baby raper. [she shuts the cell] Bet you didn't think NYPD would be hosting this year's Our Special Love convention.
[Stabler brings O'Donnell in]
Stabler: Hey, all you vermin! You can thank your leader, Kevin O'Donnell, for keeping such meticulous records. Enjoy, Kevin.
O'Donnell: You can't leave me in here! [Benson shuts the cell] I want my lawyer.
Benson: She'll meet you in arraignment, tomorrow.
[O'Donnell looks behind him and sees all his customers staring at him]

Benson: Eva. You don't have to move.
Eva: But Thomas pays the mortgage and he's never given me any of the passwords on any of our accounts.
Benson: So? We'll go to the bank, we'll show them your ID, we'll empty the accounts, we'll start a new one in your name and then we come here and change the locks.
Eva: Really?
Benson: Yeah!
Eva: [sighs with relief] Damn, girl, you got a little gangster in you, huh?

Spooked [11.06][edit]

Munch: [bringing in coffee] Breakfast of champions is served.
Stabler: Anyone ever tell you you're a god?
Munch: Partake of the nectar of the gods now, bow to me later.

[The detectives suspect that Terri is a government agent]
Stabler: Why is Terri being paid $61,000 a year by a company that only exists on paper?
Munch: Not a company - The Company.

Users [11.07][edit]

Dr. Huang: There are 2 kinds of parents: those who will do anything to help their children, and those who will pay any amount to have someone do it for them.

Enzo: I'm clean, Martin. And you can rot in jail.
Martin: [to Dr. Huang] You gave him Ibocane. You'll lose your license. I'm reporting you.
Dr. Huang: I already reported myself. 30 days suspension of my license. It was worth it.

Turmoil [11.08][edit]

[outside the Supreme Court steps, Alex notices EADA Paxton]
Paxton: Alex!
Alex: I thought you stood me up.
Paxton: Sorry, I couldn't make it through the door. Guess I'm not quite ready.
Alex: Why don't you tell me what you want?
Paxton: Just to give you some much needed advice. Don't give the State Bar anymore ammunition.
Alex: I didn't blow a trial by breathing vodka onto a judge, and I sure as hell wasn't forced to take a breathalyzer in open court.
Paxton: Actually, it was scotch, and drunk or not, I've never been accused of a Brady violation.
Alex: I take my oath very seriously, and I did not withhold evidence from the defense.
Paxton: Look, even if it was the cops who didn't turn over every scrap of evidence, you're still culpable. They'll yank your license.
Alex: Benson and Stabler would not do that.
Paxton: They're good cops, but their loyalty is to each other, not to you.
Alex: I know you didn't get along with Stabler, but this is low, even for you.
Paxton: I don't have any ax to grind.
Alex: No, you just want to bury it in their backs.
Paxton: Who are you gonna blame when you lose your job, Alex?
Alex: You're telling me not to trust them.
Paxton: No. I'm telling you to do your job and watch your ass.

Dickie: Ever sleep with your partner, detective?
Benson: Never. Are we done playing games?

Perverted [11.09][edit]

Stabler: You look terrible!
Benson: Stop with the sweet talk…

Captain Cragen: Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses a penis.

Clerk: Docket ending 6041. People v. Olivia Benson. The charge is murder in the second degree.
Judge Ridenour: Sorry to see you here under these circumstances, detective. How do you plead?
Benson: Not guilty.
[the biker gang barges into the courtroom]
Biker: Guilty!
Judge Ridenour: Remove whoever shouted that! Anybody else disrupting my court'll be held in contempt! Capisce?!

Stabler: [opens Benson's fridge] You have absolutely no food in this house.
Benson: They have this great thing, it's called delivery.
Stabler: Planning a tropical getaway? [holds up travel brochures]
Benson: A girl can dream, can't she? Stop snooping.

Anchor [11.10][edit]

[after seeing Fin's misconduct on the news]
Chief Muldrew: "Special violence unit"?
Fin: Randall Carver's a leech.
Chief Muldrew: And you're a police officer. For how much longer is up to you.
Fin: I didn't rough him up.
Captain Cragen: You're saying the camera's lying?
Fin: You know what, gimme the rip. I don't care. I'm-a find this killer before another kid dies. [leaves]
Captain Cragen Fin!
Chief Muldrew: No. No, keep on goin', Tutuola. Out the door, on to your next career. I'm sure you'll enjoy being a mall cop.
Fin: Okay, I'm sorry. I lost my cool with Carver and I shouldn't have.
Chief Muldrew: Now, go say it again to that asswad who's making our lives Hell!

Fin : [to a suspect who's about to jump out the window] Better grow wings or I'm gonna blow your brains all over the street down there!

Protester: [is yelling on a bullhorn outside the police station] SVU what do you say? How many kids gonna die today?
Fin: [to Munch] Hold this [hands Munch a box] Gonna see how far I can kick that bullhorn up his ass.
Munch: Don't dirty your shoe, Fin.

Gordon: I'm just a social thermometer taking the people's temperature.
Alex: Rectally?

Quickie [11.11][edit]

Benson: How about a threesome?
Peter: You got a hot girlfriend stashed somewhere?
Benson: I got a hot boyfriend.
Peter: That's not really my scene... but I'll try anything once.
[Fin comes up from behind and handcuffs him]
Peter: Hey! I'm not into S&M!
Fin: You're under arrest, idiot.

[just after the judge has ordered recess]
Rebecca: Your honor, may I say something to the court?
Judge Preston: No! I've already issued my ruling. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Rebecca: I'm sorry, your honor. Peter?!
[she sprays Peter with acid; Peter screams in pain while the detectives restrain Rebecca]
Judge Preston: Call an ambulance!
Rebecca: Now you look like the monster you are!

Shadow [11.12][edit]

[Benson and Stabler inspect an apparent murder-suicide]
Benson: Hubby had a gun. Why did he use an axe?
Stabler: You've never been married.

[Captain Cragen and Dr. Huang face the Chief of Detectives]
Chief Muldrew: Your pet cops finally went off the deep end. Arresting Anne Gillette at her parents' funeral?!
Captain Cragen: They were obeying my direct orders, sir.
Chief Muldrew: You knew I ordered Detective Ramsey to close this case.
Captain Cragen: I didn't think that trumped a double homicide.
Chief Muldrew: This isn't a moment for you to think. Your detectives didn't arrest Anne Gillette for murder. Penny-ante witness tampering is all I heard.
Captain Cragen: For now.
Chief Muldrew: And you can prove that she's the killer?
Captain Cragen: Not yet.
Chief Muldrew: Then why the hell did you arrest her in the middle of Park Avenue?
Dr. Huang: She's dangerous.
Chief Muldrew: Is that your clinical opinion, Dr. Huang?
Dr. Huang: Do you want me to use bigger words? Fine. She's a psychopath with extremely violent tendencies.
Chief Muldrew: Stop showing off. [sighs] Bring her down for murder, and I'll back your play. But screw the pooch, and I'm gonna let the crap roll downhill.
[he leaves]
Captain Cragen: They better crack her, or we're gonna have a lotta shoveling to do.

Benson: [about Anne] Sounds like she hasn't found herself, but why would the Prestwick Foundation want her on the board?
Detective Ramsey: Daddy gave them 10,000,000.
Stabler: I got my daughter a job at Target. Didn't cost me a dime.
Detective Ramsey: I'm sure your daughter's more qualified to sit on the Prestwick Foundation board.

Anne: You have no idea what I'm capable of.
Stabler: I saw your parents' bodies.
Anne: If you really think I could do that to someone I love, then what do you think I could do to someone you love?

P.C [11.13][edit]

Alex: That was quick. She didn't punch you again, did she?
Stabler: Ah, you know, some women just don't want to talk man to man.
Duffy: Stabler!
Stabler: I wish she would refuse to talk to me.
Duffy: Look, you pig-headed son of a bitch. You can't drag an innocent- [notices Alex] Hi. Babs Duffy.
Alex: Alex Cabot. I will leave you 2 alone.
Duffy: You don't have to.
Stabler: No, you want to say something, let's do it in the box.

Stabler: [to Benson] I get hit, you get hit on.

Savior [11.14][edit]

Mike: Look, I don't know what you're talking about.
Stabler: Young hookers. You've got a thing for them.
Mike: Absolutely not. I'm a married man.
Stabler: How about that 14-year-old you were caught diddling?
Mike: I was a kid.
Stabler: Mike, you were 22.
Mike: She looked older. I prayed for forgiveness. I never made that mistake again.
Stabler: Until you met Maggie Ortiz.
Mike: Never seen her before.
Stabler: No?
Mike: No.
Stabler: How about Abby Mannion?
Mike: I don't know her, either.
Stabler: Your penis does. Your semen was found inside her.

Confidential [11.15][edit]

Benson: [about Morgan] Sounds like he went to the Bernie Madoff school of investing.

Clerk: Docket ending 245. People vs. Richard Morgan. Charges are--
Judge Maskin: Is this right? 230 counts each, grand larceny and fraud in the first degree, and 20 counts of income tax evasion?
Alex: Your honor, you're looking at Bernard Madoff, the Karate Kid edition.
Block: That's prejudicial, Judge. I want her censured.
Judge Maskin: I don't see any jury here, Miss Block. And she certainly isn't going to prejudice me. How do you plead, Mr. Morgan?
Morgan: Not guilty.
Alex: The defendant has a private plane and ample means to flee the country. We request remand to Rikers.
Block: Remand is excessive. My client wasn't charged with a violent crime.
Alex: Yet. Mr. Morgan is also being investigated for rape and murder.
Judge Maskin: And when he's charged with either of those, he'll await trial in Rikers. The defendant will surrender his passport and be confined to his home with an electronic monitoring device. Bail is denied. [bangs gavel] We're in recess.

Witness [11.16][edit]

Kressler: How well did you know Lainie?
Nardalee: Not at all.
Kressler: So you weren't girlfriends? You didn't share any secrets?
Nardalee: No.
Kressler: So, you wouldn't know if what you saw was my client fulfilling Lainie's fantasy.
Nardalee: That girl was being raped.
Kressler: How do you know that? You just said that you didn't know my client or Lainie.
Nardalee: I know when a woman is being raped.
Kressler: Are you a mind reader?
Nardalee: I was raped.
Kressler: Objection, your honor.
Nardalee: I've seen many women raped. I know that look.
Kressler: This is unresponsive.
Nardalee: I know that look. That dead look in the eyes when you imagine you are anywhere but there.
Kressler: Please direct her to answer the question.
Judge Andrews: Mr. Kressler asked you a question. Are you a mind reader?
Nardalee: No, your honor. I am not.
Kressler: Isn't it a fact that you are in this country illegally?
Alex: Objection! Relevance.
Kressler: It goes to her character. She lied to get into the country. Maybe she's lying about this.
Judge Andrews: I'll allow it.
Kressler: Miss Ula, isn't it a fact that last week, you were in a detention center?
Nardalee: Yes.
Kressler: And aren't you only testifying here today, in exchange for Miss Cabot getting you out?
Nardalee: No!
Kressler: Is it true that you were to be deported, because of close ties to a terrorist organization?
Nardalee: That is a lie!
Kressler: Aren't you married to a known terrorist?
Nardalee: It was a forced marriage!
Kressler: And you claimed he raped you.
Nardalee: He and all his friends!
Kressler: And now you see rape everywhere. No further questions.

Alex: Miss Ula, why did you come into this country?
Nardalee: To escape the epidemic of sexual violence taking place in the Democratic Republic of Congo. The men who raped me were fighting for control of the mines that produce tin, tungsten, and tantalum, the conflict minerals you so desperately need to make your cell phones and computers!
Kressler: Objection. What does this have to do with this trial?
Alex: He called her character into question and insinuated she was a member of a terrorist organization. He opened this door!
Judge Andrews: Overruled.
Alex: Miss Ula, do you see rape everywhere?
Nardalee: The women in my village were raped. The women in the militia camp were raped. I was raped repeatedly, by so many men, I lost count. They put their guns in my sex, and one of them pulled the trigger. I was in the hospital for over a year. It left me incontinent. So, yes. I have seen rape EVERYWHERE! That is how I know that girl was raped.
Alex: Thank you. Nothing further.

[after Bryce is convicted of Lainie's rape]
Nardalee: I can't believe I helped put a rapist in jail! I never thought it was possible. In the DRC, the men don't even fear being punished.

Disabled [11.17][edit]

Judy: Any idea what I'm looking for?
Fin: No.
Judy: You owe me.
Fin: Don't I always?

Benson: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
[Cara blinks once for "yes"]
Benson: You're not the first.

Bedtime [11.18][edit]

Benson: [while interrogating Bogdon] The truth hurts! And Jane was gonna splash it all over the front page. Of course, she'd have to use small print.

Benson: Gotta tell ya, I never would have pegged a woman for it.
Stabler: You surprised by a killer woman? Try missing an anniversary.

Conned [11.19][edit]

Dr. Huang: Lots of divorces start at drunken wedding receptions.

Dr. Stanton: It wasn't rape! We love each other!
Dr. Huang: You took advantage of a child.
Dr. Stanton: No! You don't understand! Andrew is a man. He is my soul mate!

Beef [11.20][edit]

Stabler: I don't trust a guy who wears drawstring pants.

Munch: DNA sweat stains, so now you have to watch where you sweat.
Dr. Warner: Wonders of science, baby.

Torch [11.21][edit]

Stabler: What'd you call us down for?
Marlowe: Well, when you got 2 dead little girls, the Ledger's gonna run it on the front page.
Stabler: So you want answers before they hit you with the questions.
Marlowe: Yeah. The only time I like to be surprised with my pants down is on my birthday.

Marlowe: You told me good prosecutors get convictions and...
Marlowe and McCoy: Great prosecutors get justice.
McCoy: I tell that same speech to all new ADAs.
Marlowe: Well, I believed you, so now I'm asking you to believe me.

Ace [11.22][edit]

Benson: Looks like Lily left her brains behind..
Stabler: Who the hell took her body?

Dr. Beresford: Tell me something: who rapes a pregnant woman?
Stabler: Well, for every kink, there's a perv with a dream.

Wannabe [11.23][edit]

Benson: [as Stabler photographs Hankett's birthmark] Looks like Florida to me.
Stabler: To me it looks like guilty.
[Hankett starts to lower his pants]
Benson: Whoah, we don't need to see anything south of Key West!
Hankett: Leave me alone.
Benson: Keep it in your pants, okay?
Stabler: Sit down. Sit down
Benson: Keep your pants on Mr. Hankett.
Stabler: Now you are not denying being a flasher, are you Mr. Hankett?
Hankett: What just happened, that was an accident, okay? It just kind of fell out.
Benson: Just like it did in the electronics store?
Stabler: What, you have an epileptic seizure while you were trying to put it away?

Marlowe: Nothing? Don't tell me you came back empty-handed.
Stabler: I got Fletcher right here. I caught him impersonating Liv.

Shattered [11.24][edit]

Benson: [tries to stich together Dr. Warner's gunshot wound] I don't think I can do this.
Dr. Warner: Then get ready to watch me die.

Dr. Warner: [after getting shot] Back off, vultures! I'm not dead yet!

Season 12[edit]

Locum [12.01][edit]

Mackenzie: I would be more comfortable with the female detective. The nice one?
[cut to Benson interrogating her]
Benson: You're an idiot.

Captain Cragen: Hold up. Liv, I'm gonna have to pull you.
Benson: Why?
Captain Cragen: You're gonna have to finish interviewing Mackenzie. Her mom is demanding a penis-free environment.

Bullseye [12.02][edit]

[Benson and Stabler unplug Jeff's video game as he is playing it]
Jeff: WHOA! Where the hell'd you come from?
Stabler: The real word. Join us.

[Stabler shows Amber a picture of her daughter, Rose]
Amber: Not my daughter.
Stabler: Now, you just said that you have a daughter named Rose.
Amber: I do. Somewhere.
Stabler: That's not her?
Amber: It looks like her, and this girl's been living in our apartment. But she's an imposter.

Behave [12.03][edit]

Benson: [about Vicki's 2000 rape kit] Why'd it take so long to test it?
Winters: 'Cause we have thousands of kits sitting in the freezer. How bad's your backlog?
Benson: We don't have one. Every kit is tested after an assault, and the results are forwarded back to us and to the D.A.
Winters: [gets a phone call] That was the lab. The DNA from Vicki's rape kit is degraded.
Benson: Oh, I can't catch a break!
Winters: But the tech's willing to testify he's got enough matching alleles to ID.
Benson: I'm gonna collar this guy's ass, and then I'm gonna send it to you on a silver platter.
Winters: It's yours. California has a 10-year statute. The clock ran out on Vicki's rape three weeks ago.
Benson: You knew all along that you couldn't prosecute?
Winters: But I knew you could. Go get the prick.

Vicki: [to Harris] Now I'll always know where you are. Be a good boy. [slams the cell door shut] Behave yourself.

Merchandise [12.04][edit]

[Benson and Stabler observe child prostitutes during a stakeout]
Benson: They're not your kids, El.
Stabler: I know.
Benson: We can't save them all.
Stabler: I'd settle for just one.
Benson: As long as we keep criminalizing victims instead of going after their perps, it's never gonna happen. We should at least arrest their johns.
Stabler: So what? It's a slap on the wrist. I mean, Spitzer walked; he was a former prosecutor.
Benson: Guy gets caught with an under-aged hooker, the charge should be rape!
Stabler: Hard time isn't a deterrent.
Benson: Neither is the death penalty. It's just the price of doing business. It's time to treat these bastards like the scum they really are.

Fin: [to the pimps] Fact: you are all now my bitches!

Wet [12.05][edit]

Dr. Huang: Lindsay Elding was poisoned. [shows mushrooms on the media screen]
Munch: By who? The Smurfs?

Benson: I'm not the one who stabbed the Captain with a pickle!

Branded [12.06][edit]

Benson: Are you proud of yourself? You trashed her.
Hardwicke: My job's to win the case.
Benson: No, your job is to make sure that justice is done! Convicting Camille isn't justice.
Hardwicke: That's for the jury to decide.
Benson: The jury is going to throw the book at her because you turned her into some crazy slut. Congratulations!

Stabler: [looking at a picture of Camille] Her with her dad before he was sent away to Bellevue?
Benson: We're all branded, I guess. By our parents, our childhoods.
Stabler: Think you turned out all right.
Benson: Makes one of us.

Trophy [12.07][edit]

Stabler: [Discussing the victim, who was found in a load of commercial laundry] We know where the load came from?
Dr. Warner: Mercy Hospital.
Benson: This was no mercy killing.

Stabler: When you get the itch you call your bitch!

Penetration [12.08][edit]

Agent Lewis: I need you to run this rape kit as a Jane Doe.
Benson: Who's the victim?
Agent Lewis: Me.

Agent Lewis: The PAT's plan was to spark a revolution by killing a cop. And you guys served up that state trooper on a silver platter. Then, after all of New York's finest would attend the funeral, they would just blow everybody else up. [tosses a grenade towards Stabler and he catches it]
Stabler: Hey, hey. I don't have a good track record with you and explosives. [Nervously hands grenade back to her]
Agent Lewis: Oh relax, Nancy. The pin is in it.

Agent Lewis: [to the man who ordered her rape] I'm going to get past this. Unlike you, I'm going to have a life.

Gray [12.09][edit]

Benson: Who you calling?
Stabler: Hardwicke. Seeing what we should do with Chuckles here.
Fin: I'm ahead of you. Hardwicke's in Albany meetin' with the AG. The temp ADA's on the way.
Stabler: Well, hopefully, it's somebody who knows how to sort through this mess.
Paxton: How 'bout me, hon? Messes are my specialty. [enters the squad room] Hey, Stabler. Miss me?
Benson: [surprised] Sonya, what are you doin' here?
Paxton: You mean, how did I escape the drunk tank?
Stabler: No, she means, why us?

[Chuck opens the door to his room, expecting to see Carla]
Chuck: Carla, baby? Daddy's here. [drops his pants] You called, Chuck-a-luck delivers, big time! [suddenly, the lamp turns on; on Chuck's bed is Paxton] Whoa! [puts his pants back on]
Paxton: Doesn't look that big to me.
Chuck: Who the hell are you?
Paxton: Sonya Paxton. I'm from the District Attorney's office. I heard you had something that could really rock my world, but...
[Benson, Stabler, and Carla enter]
Benson: Hey. Funny. You never told us you had a girlfriend.

Stabler: Chuck Mills, you're under arrest for abortion in the second degree.
Chuck: I want a lawyer!
Paxton: Get a good one, 'cause I'm gonna kick your ass.
Chuck: There's nothin' in that tube but lube!

[Stabler tells Paxton about what Kathleen had done]
Paxton: Your daughter?! You didn't have the balls to do your own dirty work, so you sent your kid to break the law for you?!
Stabler: Nobody broke the law!
Paxton: What is wrong with you people?! GOD! How many Brady violations do you have to get slapped with?! You can't keep screwin' up like this!
Stabler: If you would just shut...! Just shut up for one second. I can explain.
Paxton: No, no, you shut up! I'll explain to you. Okay?! You just handed Chuck Mills a get-out-of-jail-free card!
Stabler: Chuck Mills isn't going anywhere, because I didn't tell my daughter to take the file.
Paxton: Oh! Right! Right! And I should believe you, because you have a reputation for playing by the book, and it's beyond reproach!
Stabler: You know somethin'?! I hope you're not on the sauce right now, 'cause I got a policy against strangling drunks. Go have a drink.

Rescue [12.10][edit]

Stabler: A bar graph of penis size?
Munch: You were expecting a pie chart?

Calvin: I made this for you in art class. It's you.
Benson: Calvin, it's beautiful!
Calvin: I signed it.
Benson: "Calvin Benson". [pause]
Calvin: Because you rescued me.
Benson: [choked up] Go to school.

Hardwicke: [of Vivian and Sarah] Codependent and drug-dependent. It's like Sid and Nancy, except they're both Nancy.

Pop [12.11][edit]

Clerk: Docket ending 419. People vs. Henry Shaw Roberts. One count each: Assault in the second degree, criminally negligent homicide, endangering the welfare of a child.
Judge Preston: Busy man, Mr. Roberts. How do you plead?
Hank: Not guilty.
Hunter: On all counts, your honor. And the homicide charge is a stretch.
Hardwicke: The defendant forced his stepson to fight a 10-year-old and bet on the winner. What would you call the death of that child?
Judge Preston: I'll let the grand jury decide. Bail, Miss Hardwicke?
Hardwicke: Remand, your honor. When he's not promoting kiddie fights, the defendant spends his spare time beating up his wife and stepson.
Hunter: My client has never been arrested. He has a steady job and strong ties to the community.
Judge Preston: First offense, Miss Hardwicke. Can you live with 50,000 bail?
Hardwicke: If it's cash only and comes with an order of protection for Mrs. Roberts.
Judge Preston: So ordered. Mr. Roberts, you are not to come within 200 feet of your wife, your stepson, or your home.
Hank: Then where the hell am I gonna stay?
Judge Preston: Rikers Island, if you violate the order. Unless you'd rather go now.
Hunter: That won't be necessary. Mr. Roberts will abide by your ruling.
Judge Preston: Then we're done, aren't we? 10-minute recess. [bangs gavel]

Possessed [12.12][edit]

Stabler: I hope you die a slow, painful death! Have a nice day.

Hardwicke: The guy's not dumb. He went to law school.
Fin: Since when was that mutually exclusive?

Mask [12.13][edit]

Protester: When God makes you pregnant, stay pregnant; when God make you barren, stay barren.
Stabler: When God gives you a uterus, maybe we'll listen to your sermon.

Dr. Huang: [about a rapist who wears a god mask] He's a narcissist.
Stabler: Well, yeah, he thinks he's a god!

Dirty [12.14][edit]

Rivera: This a conjugal visit?
Danielson: You're never gonna have sex ever again. At least not the consenting kind.

Sunny: So what, I took the money? I earned it!
Benson: Let me ask you something: was it worth it?
Sunny: Talk to me in 10 years when you have nothing: no family, no future and a dead career. How's that sound?
Benson: I'm not you Sunny, I'm nothing like you.
Sunny: Then why are you so scared?

Flight [12.15][edit]

[Benson and Stabler approach a billionaire rapist's private jet]
Stabler: Hayes has a female pilot. That's interesting.
Benson: Something tells me his glass ceiling is the mirror over his bed.

Benson: Jordy is no different from any other predator. He's just better dressed.

Spectacle [12.16][edit]

Stabler: It's called the bystander effect. No one does anything because they think someone else will.

Stabler: I get that Engels was traumatized, but why kidnap an innocent girl?
Dr. Huang: Control. His parents' deaths and his brother's kidnapping took it from him; this is his way of getting it back.
Fin: A-hole couldn't get a hobby?

Pursuit [12.17][edit]

Stabler: Want me to cut my vacation short?
Benson: No, I'm covered. I'm good.
Stabler: Well, Fin may have your 6, but he's definitely not me.
Fin: No, I'm better. I actually watch her back, and not her backside.

Alicia: I don't have the stomach for it anymore. 25 years looking for this piece of garbage, and he gets a gym membership and cable while his victims rot in the ground or bleed out a bathroom floor.

Bully [12.18][edit]

Benson: So she brings home a date, opens something from the company cellar, and he attacks her.
Stabler: So much for romance.

Fin: I screwed up my shoulder busting in your back door - don't make me break my fist on your face.

Bombshell [12.19][edit]

Cassandra: Doug and I are in love.
Benson: It's still incest.
Stabler: Twincest.

[during Doug and Cassandra's arraignment]
Judge Andrews: Lot of charges here, Miss Hardwicke. I hope you aren't trying to substitute quantity for quality.
Hardwicke: Your honor, the defendants are serial con artists who've defrauded countless victims.
Seaver: Then why isn't the gallery overflowing with 'em?
Hardwicke: [turns to Jerry in the gallery] One is seated right there. Jerry Bullard.
Seaver: You mean the man who's willingly paying for my client's defense.
Hardwicke: That's irrelevant.
Judge Andrews: Mr. Shankman, wanna pipe in here on behalf of your client?
Shankman: Yes. Yes. My client would like to plead not guilty, your honor.
Seaver: As does mine.
Hardwicke: And the People request remand for both defendants, who have displayed quite a talent for trickery, coercion, and threats. Both use aliases, both lack community ties, and both are an extreme flight risk.
Seaver: Your honor, I don't know about this other suspect, but my client has no history of violence and has never been charged with a crime.
Doug: Uh, me, neither. I've never even been fingerprinted.
Judge Andrews: Sir, if you have something to say, you need to say it through counsel.
Doug: [about his attorney] But he's not sayin' anything.
Hardwicke: Your honor, in addition to the charges before you, the defendants are also suspects in an out-of-state murder. It would be irresponsible to allow them to go...
Judge Andrews: Are you asking for an extradition hold?
Hardwicke: Well, no. Special Victims collected the defendants' DNA and sent it to Miami PD. But we're still awaiting confirmation.
Judge Andrews: Then you're tap-dancing while I should be at lunch. Bail will be set for each defendant at $250,000. Both will surrender their passports. [bangs gavel]

Benson: You sure this guy's out here? The only thing I've seen in the last half hour is a five pound rat.
Stabler: Yeah, you've got it bad? I just saw a transvestite that looks like Munch.

Totem [12.20][edit]

Craig: All I did was brush against her, she starts screaming I groped.
Stabler: That's old news, Craig. Where were you yesterday?
Craig: Having a camera shoved up my ass. Colonoscopy. Wanna see the pictures?
Stabler: A letter from your doctor will do.

Stabler: Welcome to the perv parade that leads to nowhere.

Reparations [12.21][edit]

Fin: Hardwicke's in Miami at a Bar conference. Any idea who's our temporary ADA?
Novak: How 'bout one back from the dead?
[Casey Novak herself enters the squad room, to Stabler and Fin's surprise]
Stabler: Casey Novak!
Novak: Alive, and fairly well.

[Novak tries to get the victim of a 47-year-old rape to testify]
Novak: I know that reliving the rape is painful...
Lorna: You don't know the meaning of the word! Have you ever been looked upon as something less than human? Denied service? Spit on? Beaten? Raped repeatedly?

Bang [12.22][edit]

Ken: Why do you have such a hard-on for me?
Stabler: 'Cause you can't keep yours out of unsuspecting women.

Ken: C'mon, admit it, detective. You know you want to bang your partner. Watch her grow swollen with your child. And why not, man? She'd give you beautiful babies.

Delinquent [12.23][edit]

[Hunter Mazelon has falsely accused Stabler of molesting him]
Stabler: I don't touch children. I protect them.

[Hunter threatens to "screw" Munch's sister]
Munch: Did he just threaten my hypothetical sister?

Captain Cragen: Do you need a remedial English course, Elliot? How do I make you understand the words "Stay away from Hunter Mazelon"?

Smoked [12.24][edit]

[The detectives arrest Ronson as he's cutting a customer's hair]
Customer: But, he's not finished. When can I reschedule?
Stabler: About 25 years.

Greer: You're not going to let them arrest me?
Greer's Boss: Yes, and shake their hands when they're finished.

Season 13[edit]

Scorched Earth [13.01][edit]

Alex: All I ever heard about was how Mike Cutter was a crusader for justice. What happened to you?
Cutter: If we press a case that we can't win, we just tell the next victim that she's better off staying silent.
Alex: If we let DiStasio walk, we send a message to the rest of the world, that in New York, the law doesn't apply to the rich and the powerful. We are here to even those scales - not cut and run.

[Benson arrives in the captain's office]
Captain Cragen: Elliot put his papers in. There was nothing I could do.
Benson: He's earned it.
Captain Cragen: And then some. You wanna talk?
Benson: No.
Captain Cragen: Wanna take a day?
Benson: I'm fine.
Captain Cragen: Liv, I'm sorry.
[Benson leaves the office]

Personal Fouls [13.02][edit]

Captain Cragen: Folks, this is Detective Second Grade Nick Amaro. He just transferred in.
Rollins: Second grade already, huh? You must have caught some pretty big fish.
Amaro: Nah, just kissed a lotta ass.

Supreme: [to Fin] Hey man, you got your 20 years yet? Once you put your papers in, why don't you come work for me? I take real good care of my soldiers.
Benson: No job for me, Supreme?
Supreme: [grins] I don't know, sweetheart. Can you dance?

Blood Brothers [13.03][edit]

Benson: There's no florist-client privilege.

Kathleen: My husband is a diplomat. He wants everyone to like him. I don't. If you use this girl's lies to hurt my son, you are going down hard.

Double Strands [13.04][edit]

Munch: Somebody please take over for me - I'm gonna go chew some glass.

Munch: [to Amaro] Back when I got my shield, all we had to go on was blood type and fingerprints. We went with our gut. You know what, kid? I miss those days.

Missing Pieces [13.05][edit]

[Fin and Rollins approach an apartment]
Rollins: Apartment 1A. Arnold Savatsky. A level-2 offender.
[Fin knocks on the door]
Fin: Trick or treatǃ
Arnold: [behind door] I'm not supposed to open the doorǃ
Fin: [knocks again] Policeǃ
Rollins: Bein' a good boy.
[Arnold opens the door]
Rollins: Happy Halloween, Arnold. You plannin' on handin' out any candy today?
Arnold: Come on. Every year the same thing? I know the drill. Stay inside, no costumes, no kids.
Rollins: That's right, Arnold.
Fin: See you next year.

Rollins: [knocks on another apartment door] Trick or treatǃ
Man behind door: Who wants a treat?ǃ
[the door opens, revealing a clown with candy on hand]
Fin: NYPD. What the hell you doin', Bozo? [the clown tries to shut the door, but Rollins stops him; Fin grabs the clown] Didn't your parole officer tell you not to open up the door on Halloween?ǃ

True Believers [13.06][edit]

Munch: Counselor Ellis.
Ellis: Have we met?
Munch: Sergeant John Munch. I admire your second act.
Ellis: Um, I'm not sure I get the joke.
Munch: I'm not joking. You can be NYPD and still believe in "innocent until proven guilty".
Ellis: Well, I'm about to put that to the test.

Russian Brides [13.07][edit]

[Fin and Rollins bust a front for a prostitution ring, and Fin intimidates an employee who's sucking on a lollipop]
Fin: You're goin' to prison. You hear me? Prison. There you'll be suckin' on something else.

Irina: [to Cragen] You worry about children, you worry about your staff; who worries about you?

Educated Guess [13.08][edit]

Amaro: You think I want to talk to him? I want to tear his head off.
Benson: My old partner, he, uh... There were a few times he came pretty close.

Gia: [about her rapist] In the real world, he's sane and I'm not.

Gia: Some girls travel or go to college to get away. Me, I vacation at La Guardia Psychiatric Hospital.

Lost Traveler [13.09][edit]

Alex: You want a deal? Your client tells us what we wanna know, and he does time.
Cutter: And how much is up to you.
Exley: What? The Ledger would love nothing more than to have a test case involving First Amendment and NYPD. Please, go ahead. Try us.
Captain Cragen: You three are playing this while there's a missing kid out there?
Cutter: Yeah, let's cut to the chase, Mr. Exley.
Exley: Okay. Griscomb gives you everything he has on the missing boy's phone records, he gets full immunity from prosecution.
Cutter: No, this is how it works: Wiretapping is federal. It's out of our hands. He give us something we can is use, we'll mis-D the felony eavesdropping. Take a minute to think about it. And by a minute, I mean 59 seconds.

[Rollins moves on a suspect without telling Amaro]
Amaro: How 'bout a heads up?
Rollins: How 'bout you keep up?

Spiraling Down [13.10][edit]

Stanton: I didn't know it was a ladies' room.
Amaro: You were aware there was a woman in there.
Stanton: Well yeah, but I wasn't paying any attention to that. It was so dark in there I could hardly see anything. I told you all that when you arrested me.
Amaro: Me? You mean Detective Tutuola?
Stanton: Yeah, all you guys look a lot alike.

Ellis: [about Stanton] I'd ask that he be released of his own recognizance, but I'm not sure he'd be able to find his way home.

Theatre Tricks [13.11][edit]

Rollins: Can I ask you something? How long have you been at SVU?
Benson: Don't ask.
Rollins: I mean, how do you handle dating with the things you see day in and day out? How can you trust any man?
Benson: I trusted my partner.
Rollins: Yeah, well...
Benson: I haven't given up. There are good guys still out there.

Holly: Do you know what I had to do to get that audition? Down on my knees with that pig, and Crane, and all those guys? I'm so tired of being the ugly duckling, and just once, I wanted you to know what it felt like to feel dirty, to want to give up!
Megan: I thought you were my friend! You had someone rape me!
Holly: It's about time something bad happened in your life, don't you think?

Official Story [13.12][edit]

Rand: Ask yourself, counselor, is this the battle you want? Because war is my business. And business is good.

Amaro: Look, I have a daughter myself, Mr. O'Keefe. I understand how you feel.
O'Keefe: Really. Does your daughter flinch when you try to hug her? Does your daughter wake up screaming in the night? Was your daughter raped so brutally that she'll never be able to have children?
Amaro: We're gonna get these guys.
O'Keefe: Prove it.

Father's Shadow [13.13][edit]

Amaro: [finding a bottle of pills in Sandow's desk] Erection meds.
Munch: Maybe he needed help with his "artistic process".

[Eddie tries to commit suicide by cop after finding out his father is a rapist]
Benson: Eddie, don't!
Eddie: Why do you care?
Benson: Because I know what you're feeling.
Eddie: No, you don't!
Benson: Yes, I do. My father did terrible things to women, to my own mother. You have a choice. I'm nothing like my father. You don't have to be like yours.

Home Invasions [13.14][edit]

[Rollins has admitted to being a gambling addict]
Captain Cragen: I've been exactly where you are, I know how this job can weigh on you.
Rollins: What do you mean?
Captain Cragen: I used to drink. And I mean drink. Soon as I got off duty, I was at the bar pounding. And then I started having a few on the job. You know, just to get through. I thought nobody noticed. Now, my captain could've canned my ass. Should've. But he got me help instead.
Rollins: Wow.
Captain Cragen: You're a good detective, Amanda. I don't want to end your career.
Rollins: I don't want that, either.
Captain Cragen: So I'm gonna get you help. But you screw up again, you're gone.

Captain Cragen: What've you got?
Amaro: It's the lab report on the tissue samples from Sidney Eckhouse's autopsy. Father and daughter tested positive for the same strain of herpes.
Captain Cragen: Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Hunting Ground [13.15][edit]

Benson: Bastard likes to hunt? Let's see how he likes being in the crosshairs.

Fin: [about Winger] He nurses birds back to health, and he kills women.

Child's Welfare [13.16][edit]

Captain Cragen: [about Benson's half-brother Simon] Anything you wanna tell me?
Benson: It's... complicated. I have a niece.
Captain Cragen: Congratulations. What does he want from you? Liv, the last time your brother showed up, he nearly cost you your shield.
Benson: Captain, he was being framed!
Captain Cragen: And now, what does he want?
Benson: He's the only family I have.
Captain Cragen: And believe me, he knows it. You watch your step.

Rollins: Somebody's gonna remember an incident from 3 and a half years ago? What are the odds on that? [Fin gives her a worried look] Easy. It's just an expression.

Justice Denied [13.17][edit]

Fin: My rope man in CSU got something.
Rollins: You have a rope man?
Fin: Yeah. [pause] Maybe I've been at this job too long.

Benson: You're not a waste of time, you're a waste of a life.

Valentine's Day [13.18][edit]

Rollins: Hey, so that no-name cell Christine called? I ran down the other incomings. It's a bunch of Wall Street guys ordering "deliveries" from the health food store.
Fin: Yeah? Let's go find out what kind of "protein powder" they're talkin' about.

Novak: The thing that scares me about cases like this is there's always another shoe.
Exley: You know why I love cases like this? There's always another shoe.

Street Revenge [13.19][edit]

Amaro: We're pulling video, checking licenses, doing stop and frisks on white males...
Fin: That's a nice change of pace.

[Amaro and Maria have an argument in front of the squad; they storm off]
Munch: That right there is why I stopped marrying Italian women.

Learning Curve [13.20][edit]

Munch: Brenzino, Talon, and Talopi. Are those fish, or is that a law firm?

[Ken's fiancee, Alejandro, has been brutally beaten in a gay-bashing]
Fin: How's he holding up?
Ken: I don't know. I can't go in.
Fin: What?!
Ken: When Alejandro went into surgery, I thought I should call his father. When he saw me holding Alejandro's hand, he flipped out, said he was the next of kin, and had me thrown out of the room.
Fin: Where is he?
Ken: Dad...
Fin: He's a father, I'm a father; let me talk to him. Ken, for once let me do something for you. I got this.

Father Dearest [13.21][edit]

Benson: How's the new assignment?
Dr. Huang: A single, gay, Chinese-American man living in Oklahoma who's opposed to the death penalty... it's heaven.

Albert: [about Barnes] He's got a hundred kids out there, and he never thought for one second what it was like for them growing up with a hole in their lives. In pain. Fatherless.
Amaro: So you became that father. Posed as Donor 141, arranged to meet the girls...
Albert: I just wanted to give them a father's love.

Strange Beauty [13.22][edit]

Dr. Warner: Tattoos used to be subversive. Now, kindergarten teachers have them, which means the fringe has to go even further. I've seen stretched earlobes, forked tongues, plates under the skin. Amputation is the next frontier.

[Dr. Brightman has just revealed that he's gay]
Attorney: If this gets out, it will do irreparable harm to his reputation.
Benson: Not as much as a murder charge.

Rhodium Nights [13.23][edit]

Party guest: [to Rollins] You ever use your handcuffs in bed?
Rollins: You ever get laid without paying for it?

Exley: [about Wilson] She has evaded arrest for 10 years. Why do you think that is? Because she's got the goods on everyone you work for and everyone you could ever consider working for. You have no idea how deep this goes. I usually get top dollar for my legal advice, but here's some for free: walk away, little people.
Benson: We'll do our job, you do yours.
Exley: What, you and your DA friend Haden? You're in way over your head, sweetheart.
Amaro: Watch yourself, counselor.
Exley: You think your marriage is rocky now, kiddo? Wait 'til your wife finds out about you and your star witness.

Season 14[edit]

Lost Reputation [14.01][edit]

Munch: Cragen's being set up and we're chasing celebrity crotch grabbers.

Foster: You have friends in the D.A.'s office. Vet me all you want. I am no one's friend. But I have everybody's respect.

Above Suspicion [14.02][edit]

Munch: Doctors are like cops - they don't like making promises.

Munch: And you wonder why I'm into conspiracies. We're living in one.

Benson: We're gonna go for a walk.
Foster: Why?
Benson: Because I have to arrest you. And I don't want your daughter to see.

Twenty-Five Acts [14.03][edit]

Benson: SVU: it's the only unit where the victim's word isn't good enough. You have to prove that a crime was committed.

Cain: [to the crowd as he is being arrested] NYPD, folks - they're so desperate to bury their hooker scandal that they'll do anything to keep me quiet!
Munch: Shut up.
Cain: Court of public opinion, baby - that's my wheelhouse.
Fin: Shutting down rapists - that's ours.

Acceptable Loss [14.04][edit]

Benson: Captain. I didn't see you come in.
Captain Cragen: You probably didn't recognize me without the orange jumpsuit.

Fin: I took a two week coffee break and nobody noticed.

Eames: [about suspects] They all have a reason. Something.
Benson: And that's how you break them. Get them to tell their story.
Eames: Isn't that how you do it?
Benson: Well, I don't normally do it leaning over sideways. [mimics Eames' leaning posture]
Eames: [laughs] I learned that from my partner at Major Case. It was his way of keeping eye contact.
Benson: It's a little eccentric.
Eames: You have no idea.

Manhattan Vigil [14.05][edit]

Munch: [about Lomitan] This guy's like the Zelig of missing child cases.
Benson: If he's our guy, he's been carrying this secret around for 13 years.
Rollins: Ya'll interviewed him back in '99. How did it go?
Munch: He was mad at me because I didn't treat him like a brother officer.
Captain Cragen: Good. Do it again.
Munch: With pleasure.

Benson: You're not goin' anywhere, Louis. It's over. Wanna know why? Because we've got witnesses putting you at all of those crime scenes. Nobody likes a chomo, Louis, especially not in state prison.

Friending Emily [14.06][edit]

[Rollins finds her sister doing cocaine]
Rollins: I can't have this in my house. I'm a detective.
Kim: Right, but gambling's fine.
Rollins: Actually, I'm done with that. If you wanna come with me to a meeting...
Kim: Actually, I was thinking I could follow you around. You know, learn the job a little bit? [angry] I wanted to be a cop first. You took that from me!

[Rollins forces Parker out of her apartment and away from her sister at gunpoint]
Kim: You didn't have to do that! I didn't ask for your help! [storms out]
Rollins: [sadly] You're welcome.

Vanity's Bonfire [14.07][edit]

Rollins: Dia said Kent sent her a picture of his, uh, "king". Any way to verify that?
Dr. Warner: Not without comparing another picture of it in its original state. You wanna ask for that?

Gillian: What parents really want to is to protect their children. Please, let me protect my daughter. It's the last thing I will be able to do for her. Please.

Lessons Learned [14.08][edit]

Benson: [to a support group of sexual abuse survivors] Gentlemen, if I may? I've been doing this for a long time, and I understand the shame and the stigma. But keeping the abuse secret... doesn't make it go away.

Barba: Gonorrhea - the gift that keeps giving.

Dreams Deferred [14.09][edit]

Jeannie: I help you out, what do I get?
Benson: We'll work something out.
Jeannie: I want dinner. I want a steak.
Benson: You got it.
Jeannie: And a baked potato.
Amaro: Sure. We'll see if we can get you a cup of coffee, too.
Jeannie: [smiles] Thanks, honey.
Amaro: [smiles back] You're welcome, darlin'.

Amaro: We can help you. We can get you off the street.
Jeannie: What else am I gonna do? What am I gonna write on my resume, "whore"?

Presumed Guilty [14.10][edit]

Benitez: You're arresting Santa? Come on!
Fin: Should have called your reindeer!

Father Shea: [about Father Menendez molesting Angelica] He swore to me that it would never happen again.
Benson: And you believed him? Pedophiles are gifted liars.
Father Shea: Yes, I did. See, I left my daughter at that parish, and Rita keeps an eye on him. And then, once a year, I come in to take his confession. For a decade. I don't believe he's hurt anyone else.
Benson: Is that how you sleep at night?
Father Shea: [sighs] Who says I do?

Beautiful Frame [14.11][edit]

Gunther: I'm not sure why we're here.
Barba: You're not? Your client either knowingly provided a weapon that was used in a murder, or he failed to report it. Either way, he's in trouble.
Gunther: Not if you give him queen for a day.
Barba: Sold. We'll throw in a tiara as long he tells us everything.

Carol: You're gonna blackmail me into doing what's right? Who's taking advantage of who now?

Criminal Hatred [14.12][edit]

Fin: The only thing worse than he said/she said is he said/he said.

Benson: You're going to claim that a gay man married to another gay man hates gays?
Barba: Watch me.

Monster's Legacy [14.13][edit]

Ellis: Got any vacation days accumulated?
Benson: Oh, I don't know... 50, 60 weeks?

[Detectives arrest Schultz for abusing several boys]
Schultz: You think you're protecting them by arresting me? I'm the only father they ever had!

Secrets Exhumed [14.14][edit]

Benson: FBI Agent Lewis, this is my partner, Detective Nick Amaro.
Agent Lewis: Nice to meet you, sunshine.
Amaro: You, too. Hey, can I ask what the FBI's interest is in a New York cold case?
Agent Lewis: We think he's a serial. He's our prime suspect in three other rape/murders - Sacramento, Philadelphia, Washington, besides two in New York.
Amaro: But the DNA matched a Manhattan case, makes it ours. And these aren't federal crimes.
Agent Lewis: How about we work together on this?
Benson: Just so you know, Nick, when she asks, it's not really a question.
Amaro: Yeah, I'm getting that.

Munch: Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Deadly Ambition [14.15][edit]

[Rollins has filed an order of protection against her sister's abusive ex-boyfriend]
Parker: Amanda can't keep me from my baby.
Benson: You want us to bring you in right now? [he stays silent] I didn't think so.

[SVU puts up Rollins' bail]
Captain Cragen: Don't jump bail, or we'll all be living with Fin.

Funny Valentine [14.16][edit]

[Caleb holds a TV press conference on his domestic violence arrested]
Caleb: Ya'll know me. I'm a lover, not a fighter. I love Mischa, she knows that. She knows what really happened. She's not gonna let NYPD send another innocent black man to jail!
Barba: [watching on TV] Oh, that's good to know. I guess we can all go home.

[Mischa refuses to leave Caleb, even after he repeatedly abuses her]
Fin: So what do we do now?
Munch: We wait.
Barba: For what?
Benson: The inevitable.

Undercover Blue [14.17][edit]

Amaro: Really? You and Cassidy?
Benson: A: I didn't tell you because it's none of your business. B: It's really not that big of a deal. And C, Nick: I didn't tell you because I didn't want this.

[Cassidy has been cleared of a bogus rape charge]
Benson: Brian, you didn't do anything.
Cassidy: Once accused, always under suspicion. Even from you.
Benson: From me? Brian, I believed you.
Cassidy: I'd like to believe that. [starts to leave]
Benson: Whoa, Brian, Brian... So what, we're over now?
Cassidy: I don't know. [pause, smiles] Wanna get a drink somewhere and not talk about it?

Legitimate Rape [14.18][edit]

Purcell: How many innocent men have you arrested?
Benson: Only one, and when I found out he was innocent, I fought for his release.
Purcell: One, out of thousands of others. Men, they're all rapists, right?
Barba: Objection. Argumentative - and ridiculous.

Benson: Remember when you asked about my father, and I told you it was a long story?
Amaro: Yeah.
Benson: It's not that long.

Born Psychopath [14.19][edit]

Dr. Huang: I'm conflicted about labeling a 10-year-old a psychopath. But...
Captain Cragen: But?
Dr. Huang: I've had a chill like that 2 times in my life... with death row serial killers.

Amaro: [after getting shot] I always forget how much this hurts.

Girl Dishonoured [14.20][edit]

Benson: If anyone here has been sexually assaulted, or know anyone that has, it's never too late to come forward. Denying the pain doesn't make it go away.

Benson: It's all about control. I mean, they do their own investigations. If the school decides no crime has been committed, it's dropped. No press, no police.
Barba: We need to go after the school.
Fin: And charge 'em with what?
Barba: That's the great part about being a D.A.: I don't have to decide that right now.

Traumatic Wound [14.21][edit]

Gabby: [after her assailants are convicted] I thought they were my friends. I trusted them.
Benson: Well, if it makes a difference, a man who doesn't even know you went through a lot of trouble to help you.

Amaro: [about his ex-wife] In hindsight, when she came home from Iraq, she was textbook PTSD. I didn't see it. I took it personally. I think it cost me my marriage.
Rollins: Have you told her that?
Amaro: No, it's a little late. I don't think she wants to hear it.
Rollins: Maybe the first step is to stop beating yourself up.

Poisoned Motive [14.22][edit]

Amaro: You think bragging to cops about shooting cops is a good idea?

Fin: We were making one last buy from Escobar, and the next thing I know I got a .38 pressed against my skull. Luis jumped in. The gun went off. Luis got hit, once in the hip and once in the knee. I left Narcotics that day.
Amaro: It wasn't your fault.
Fin: Yeah, just like it wasn't my fault with Rollins? Do yourself a favor, Nick: Walk behind me.

Brief Interlude [14.23][edit]

Amaro: [of the victim] The way she was dressed, she's gotta be a working girl.
Benson: Nick, you gotta get out more - everyone dresses like that now.

Rollins: So, the smart kids are selling pills to MILFs now?

Her Negotiation [14.24][edit]

Benson: After what you did to her, you're lucky I didn't kick your teeth in.
Lewis: What I did, you should be so lucky someone does that to you.
Amaro: Shut the hell up or I'll take you out right now and wipe that stupid smile off your face.
Benson: Nick, it's all right. I wanna hear this. I should be so lucky? How?
Lewis: Well, sure, sweetheart. What do you want to hear?
Benson: Whatever you got.
Lewis: You mean, like, how disturbing it would be to make a fine, educated, cultured woman like that disrobe? How humiliating it would be? How she might have covered herself with her hands?
Benson: Go on.
Lewis: You want to hear about how I tied her to the bed. Not too tight, so I could watch her struggle. Or do you want to hear how I made her get down on her knees and forced myself inside her? Is that your thing? Or do you wanna hear about the pyrotechnics? How I put out cigarettes on her? [smiles] Yeah, gotcha. You want to hear how I branded her private parts with keys and hot hangers.
Amaro: All right. I know you're getting off on this, but you know what? I wanna know how you got in that apartment.
Lewis: That's by the numbers. [to Benson] Men are from Mars, right, detective? He wants the logistics, but you... you want the emotions.
Benson: I do. So tell me more.
Lewis: A 60-year-old woman. She did things she never expected to do... things she never knew were possible... with her fingers, with her mouth. Do you wanna hear how, in the evening, she said she would do anything as she begged for her life? Or how, in the morning, she begged me to take her out of her misery? Which do you think I enjoyed more?

[Benson returns to her apartment, only to find a familiar face pointing a gun at her]
Lewis: Welcome home, Detective Benson.

Season 15[edit]

Surrender Benson [15.01][edit]

Benson: [to Lewis] My partner, my squad, the entire department will hunt you down. You think that you've put people through hell. It will rain back down on you.
Lewis: You know what? Let it rain.

Benson: My old partner, he'd know what to do. He wouldn't question himself after what you've done. He would kick your teeth in, break your legs, break your arms, break your back, break your face.

Imprisoned Lives [15.02][edit]

Captain Cragen: I knew it was too soon for you to come back to SVU.
Benson: If you can't trust me, then I'm done.

Benson: You know, what I've seen is that people who have gone through unfair, horrific experiences is that they have this will. And when they get support; a chance, they cannot only survive, they can thrive.

American Tragedy [15.03][edit]

Barba: On the night that you saw Mehcad Carter, did you see a "field hand", a "jungle animal"... or simply a boy trying to make his way home?
Cohen: Objection.
Jolene: No, I want to answer that. I saw a hooded man following me. I told him to back off, and he came through my gate.
Barba: So, if it had been a white man walking behind you, would you have told him to get back, would you have pulled your gun?
Cohen: Objection!
Jolene: If it had been a white boy, I wouldn't have been afraid.
Barba: So let's be clear. Mehcad Carter didn't have to do anything. He didn't have to say anything. He just had to be a black boy standing on your sidewalk, and that gave you the right to shoot him.
Jolene: That's not what I said.
Barba: Isn't it?

[Jolene has been acquitted of Carter's death]
Benson: What happened?
Munch: Fear won out.
Barba: I'm sorry.
Fin: It's not on you. It's just the way it is.

Internal Affairs [15.04][edit]

Captain Cragen: Munch put in his papers.
Benson: What?! No, he didn't.
Captain Cragen: Yeah. The Mehcad Carter case hit him pretty hard. Liv. It's okay, Liv. Nothing changes, except what has to.

Cassidy: Liv, you do believe me about the escorts?
Benson: Stop talking.
Cassidy: I swear, I didn't...
Benson: [seductively] Has anyone ever told you to just stop talking?
Cassidy: [smiles] Yeah, all the time.

Wonderland Story [15.05][edit]

[Benson gets called into a case during Munch's retirement party]
Munch: Ladies and gentlemen, Olivia Benson, the Mother Teresa of SVU. Was it something I said?
Benson: [laughs] No, John, it was everything you said.

[last line; Munch gets one last phone call]
Munch: [picks up] Homicide. [pause] I mean, SVU. Hold on. I'll get you a detective.
[he puts the phone on hold, grabs his box, and leaves the office]

October Surprise [15.06][edit]

Amaro: [about Lindsay Anderson] Last night I friended her on Facebook.
Fin: Tell me she poked you.

Fin: Hey, Muñoz sends out some selfies, that's not a sex crime. All I know is I don't wanna see any more of 'em.
Amaro: It's more than that. This clown wants to be mayor. He opened himself up to blackmail. This could just be the tip of the iceberg.
Rollins: I think we saw more than just the tip.

Dissonant Voices [15.07][edit]

Zara: Daddy, how do I get on "American Diva"?
Amaro: The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice.
Zara: What? You're weird, daddy.

[The squad finds out too late that Jackie was falsely accused of child molestation]
Benson: I keep going over it in my head... those kids did not sound coached.
Amaro: We had the DNA. We were just doing our jobs.
Barba: People lie, people make mistakes... this comes with the territory.
Rollins: You guys tell yourself whatever you want. This didn't have to happen.

Military Justice [15.08][edit]

Rollins: Does Maria still work for the Pentagon?
Amaro: She's Public Affairs for the DoD. It's two separate departments.
Rollins: Yeah, but D.C. is such a small town. Everybody knows everybody. Has Maria given you any reason for dropping Zara off tonight?
Amaro: No.
Rollins: Good, because if she's hiding something, it'll give her more reason to do you a favor.
Amaro: Is that really how women think?
Rollins: [smiles] No, just one woman.

Admiral Albers: [after Amelia's rapists are convicted] Amelia, I'm proud of you. Coming forward, you had more guts than any of them.

Rapist Anonymous [15.09][edit]

Dr. Warner: After sex, most men feel the urge to urinate, which clears the urethra. He didn't get the chance. And the amount of fluid is consistent with his having ejaculated very recently.
Fin: Melinda, English?
Dr. Warner: He came, and then he went.

[The squad trades work horror stories over dinner]
Dr. Warner: So, it turns out she is lesbian. He is transgender. And we found the murder weapon lodged in his anal canal
Benson: Hey, try the hot soppressata.
Fin: My favorite is still the sherling we found humping that passed out vic. [the others laugh] And he tells me, "I thought she was dead." Turns out it just a little co-fetish.
Benson: Hey guys, uhm, maybe we don't talk shop?

Psycho/Therapist [15.10][edit]

Barba: Lewis will plead guilty to multiple counts of rape and sodomy. It's 25 to life. He'll die in prison.
Benson: He wants to testify in graphic detail about the things he did not do to me? He did not rape me. He did not sodomize me. He does not get to do that! No. No!

Benson: Lewis knew that I had it in me. He goaded me into beating him. And, you know what? Once I started I couldn't stop. He got me to turn into exactly what he is.

Amaro's One-Eighty [15.11][edit]

Captain Cragen: I didn't want to announce this until Nick's situation got resolved, but it's done, and so am I. I'm leavin'.
Rollins: What? Now?!
Amaro: Hey, is this part of the deal? Was this their pound of flesh? Because if it is...
Captain Cragen: No, no, no. No. This is my call.
Fin: Where you gonna go, Cap'n?
Captain Cragen: Around the world, actually. Eileen has 2 tickets for a 6-month cruise, and I have enough accrued leave to take me through my mandatory retirement date. If I stay, I make less than if I leave.
Rollins: Cap, cruise. Okay. If anyone's earned it.
Captain Cragen: I'm proud of my time here. And I'm honored and grateful to have worked with the finest unit of detectives I've ever known. Nick, you're gonna get through all this. You're too good a cop and too good a man not to. Amanda, I was never sorry that I brought you up from Atlanta. I would do it again. And, Fin, what can I say? For a guy who never should've been an SVU detective, you're okay.
Fin: Right back at you, Captain. Nobody could ever take your place.
Captain Cragen: Well, for the meantime, Detective Benson will. She's ready. Now, it's not easy going from player to coach, so don't bust her chops. [to Benson] But if they do, you bust 'em right back.
[everyone else in the squad room applauds]

[Cragen clears out his office; Benson enters]
Benson: We should throw you a party.
Cragen: I don't like parties. This is good. Um, word of advice?
Benson: Oh, please! [laughs]
Cragen: I gave my whole life to NYPD, and I forgot to live my own. Me and Eileen, it's a Hail Mary. It's a shot at happiness. You know, people used to say this to me all the time, and I never understood what they meant. But take care of yourself. You deserve it.
[he and Benson share an embrace]
Cragen: Oh, and, Olivia,... Do somethin' with the place, will ya?

Jersey Breakdown [15.12][edit]

Barba: Sergeant, you up for a trip to the Garden State?
Benson: I'm acting squad commander.
Barba: Heavy lies the crown. Detective Rollins?
[Rollins nods; Benson gives her a concerned look]
Rollins: Don't worry, I'll stay away from Atlantic City.

Moscone: So it's true what they say about SVU.
Amaro: Yeah, what's that?
Moscone: Everyone's a victim to you guys.
Benson: And it's true what they say about New Jersey prosecutors. There are no victims, there are no prosecutors, only meal tickets.

Betrayal's Climax [15.13][edit]

Rollins: Rebellious teenagers, forbidden love...
Fin: West Side Romeo and Juliet.
Rollins: We know how well that turned out.

Benson: You threatening me? I got the biggest gang in the city. You think your guys are loyal? Go ahead. Test the NYPD. I dare ya.

Wednesday's Child [15.14][edit]

Abraham: Some street guy with a diabetic kid with an attachment disorder out in the freezing cold? Tell me there's a happy ending.

Rollins: [reads adoption records] Charles and Alexa Smith, One East 161st Street, Bronx, New York.
Fin: Really? I didn't know anyone lived at Yankee Stadium.

Comic Perversion [15.15][edit]

Galloway: [during standup routine] You're right, you're right. Rape isn't funny. [pause] Now gang rape - that's hilarious!

Galloway: I'd like to dedicate my arrest to Lennie Bruce!

Gridiron Soldier [15.16][edit]

Fin: You ask me, the only difference between a football team and a gang is that gangs don't wear helmets and knee-pads.

Fin: You're under arrest.
Becker: Arrest? For what?
Fin: Rape.
Becker: Of that boy? He's as queer as a $9 bill. Whatever he got, he wanted.
Rollins: Not him - of Eddie Thorpe.
Becker: You can't just come in here and start making accusations.
Fin: We're not. Eddie is.
Becker: Eddie? You think he's got the balls to testify with me staring right at him?
Rollins: Not when he first got here, but you spent a few years toughening him up. Stand up. Let's go, coach. [Fin handcuffs him] Take it like a man.

Gambler's Fallacy [15.17][edit]

Benson: [of Amaro and Rollins] Those two, I wish they'd just get a room already.
Fin: I'll pretend I didn't hear you say that!

Fin: [to Rollins] Whatever you're doing, I want you to stop now; I am not ready for another partner!

Criminal Stories [15.18][edit]

Jimmy: You want my source's name? I'll give it to you. Write this down, it's a funny name: G-O-space-F-U...
Benson: I got it, Jimmy, I got it.

Jimmy: Don't ever cry for Jimmy Mac. I always land on my feet. I'm 55 years old, my profession is dying, my ex-wives all hate me, my credit cards are maxed out because I've got three kids in college, and I've never felt better in my life.

Jimmy: Tutuola? Two T's. Two U's.
Fin: One ola.

Downloaded Child [15.19][edit]

Amaro: [after he hears what Jenny's husband has done to her] All right, two choices: I go beat the crap out of this guy, or we call Barba.

Benson: You're smiling, Barba. Why does that freak me out?

Beast's Obsession [15.20][edit]

Lt. Murphy: You can't be in charge of a man hunt when you are the target of the man you are hunting!

Lewis: I'm fixed on you, and until I'm dead I'll always be in your head, just like your mother had somebody in her head. We're joined at the hip now, aren't we?

Post-Mortem Blues [15.21][edit]

Strauss: Lt. Murphy, what is the important thing you want the grand jury to hear?
Lt. Murphy: I know for a fact that Sergeant Benson's televised confession was not true. I know, because I ordered her to make the so-called confession. She did not commit police brutality, nor did she perjure herself. It was a gambit. A police tactic to lure the weasel out just enough so we could get him.
Strauss: Thank you, Lt. Murphy.
Lt. Murphy: I don't even know why we're here! Sergeant Benson performed an act of extraordinary bravery. She singlehandedly confronted a career sociopath who raped and tortured elderly women, little girls. He killed cops and innocent civilians. You've heard days of testimony regarding the sergeant's actions, but has the prosecutor discussed Lewis' conduct at all?
Strauss: Lt. Murphy!
Lt. Murphy: His history of barbarism? Lewis spent his entire life sadistically inflicting his power over people! Thanks to Sergeant Benson, he's where he should be! William Lewis will never hurt anyone ever again, unless you allow him to exert his power over you.

[Benson has been cleared]
Lt. Murphy: It was the truth that will set you free.
Benson: That's not what I heard.
Lt. Murphy: Well, there are little truths, and there is the larger truth. I told the larger one.

Reasonable Doubt [15.22][edit]

Maddox: Kathryn is just trying to get back at me for my decision to uncouple.
Lt. Murphy: Was that before or after she caught you in bed with her little sister?

[Maddox's maid has gone back on her testimony]
Fin: Dohna was crystal clear when I talked to her. Frank must have gotten to her.
Benson: How?
Barba: She's Tibetan; for all we know, he called the Dalai Lama.

Benson: If Frank is a pedophile, at least he's out of their lives.
Amaro: And if he's telling the truth, she gets to grow up with a full-blown narcissist who convinced her to lie.
Benson: Either way, God help that child.

Thought Criminal [15.23][edit]

Montlieff: That... that girl and I were just talking
Rollins: About sex! With a 14-year old!
Montlieff: No, I saw her, she's... she's not 14!
Rollins: That doesn't matter, you thought she was
Montlieff: Wait, so... so I am arrested for thinking?

Efron: There is not one shred of forensic evidence of criminal behavior.
Barba: A grenade with the pin pulled has not blown up yet, but it's still a danger to those around it.

Spring Awakening [15.24][edit]

Munch: Seriously, Nick. I'm gone for, like, half a year and you were already arrested twice? Talk about a cry for help.

[Munch walks up to Benson just as Lt. Murphy leaves]
Munch: I knew that guy. Who the hell is he?
Benson: Mary Poppins.
Munch: What?
Benson: Never mind.

Rollins: [about Langan] He's tall.
Benson: Yeah, like that's a skill set.
Rollins: You two have history?
Benson: I don't date lawyers.
Rollins: Since when?

Season 16[edit]

Girls Disappeared [16.01][edit]

Benson: [to Joaquin] I promise you, you better start talking, or they're gonna find you hanging in your cell. I promise you that.

Benson: [to Noah] I have good news. The man who hurt your mommy will never hurt anyone ever again. It's over. [hugs him] I love you.

[just as Amaro is released, he walks up to Joaquin's cell]
Joaquin: What are you here for? A favor? You're goin' down. 'Cause I'm tellin' anyone who'll listen you took a bribe.
Amaro: UC's call that evidence. I'm not as dirty as I seem, Joaquin. I'm here with bad news. Everyone's cuttin' deals. They're linin' up to turn on Angel.
Joaquin: What about me?
Amaro: I'm afraid it's too late. They don't need you. You're lookin' at life without parole.
Joaquin: [vainly attempts to punch Amaro] This ain't over, Amaro!

American Disgrace [16.02][edit]

Calhoun: I'm sorry, who are we talking about, now?
Barba: Tiana Rayens, the Shark Wear Center girl.
Shakir: And she kept her panties?
Rollins: Yeah. They had semen on them, along with the dress.
Barba: Better than an autograph.

[Sonny brings in a pizza]
Rollins: That for all of us?
Sonny: Oh yeah. Goat cheese and sun dried tomato.
Fin: Figured you for a pepperoni guy.
Sonny: I'm full of surprises.

Producer's Backend [16.03][edit]

Sonny: Hey, Rollins, you see this? This time, she's accused of leaving the scene of an accident. What's with these girls? Child stars at nine, sexual icon at 15, flame-out by 20.
Rollins: Yeah, I know about this. Tensley Evans. Nick told me - he caught the case.
Sonny: Nick? That guy's a disaster magnet.
Rollins: I liked you better with the 'stache.

Rollins: I know you don't trust Tensley, but seriously, that guy...
Amaro: I hear you. You're asking me to let it go, I've let it go
Sonny: [walking into the squad room] There's no underage drinking, drugs, who knows... Sorry, am I interrupting?
Rollins: No, no, we were just leaving.
Sonny: Oh. It, uh.. just looked like something else.

Holden's Manifesto [16.04][edit]

Holden: I would know how to take care of you, worship you. But all of you beautiful girls throw yourselves at men who are mean and selfish. Sweating, grunting brutes. You reject me, a nice guy, smart, superb. I dress well, I take care of myself. I would have taken care of you, but those days are gone. You had your chance. You do not deserve me anymore. You don't deserve to live.

Amaro: After Eric Decker and the stop and frisk lawsuits, 1PP has been very clear: don't make a scene.
Dodds: Then why are you opening your mouth right now?

Pornstar's Requiem [16.05][edit]

Barba: So, she made one "first-timer" pornographic video.
Rollins: In New Hampshire.
Fin: One of the few places you can still make porn without a condom.
Barba: Live free or die.

Benson: Let me guess, you got a call from Hudson.
Dodds: I did. They want to know why an SVU sergeant is demanding they re-evaluate school policy.
Benson: Because they expelled Evie Barnes, which constitutes victim blaming. It's egregious behavior.
Dodds: That may be your opinion, but it's their decision. It has nothing to do with you, SVU or NYPD. Stay out of the president's office.
Benson: Does your concern have anything to do with the fact that Hudson University is New York City's largest landlord?
Dodds: Grow up, sergeant. You're good at your job - stick to that. If you wanna change policy, get into politics. But last time I checked, you're a cop.
Benson: [reluctantly] Yes, sir.

Glasgowman's Wrath [16.06][edit]

Charlie: Please, don't threaten me with drugs. Just treat me like a man.

Perry: I was simply following orders.
Benson: Whose orders?
Perry: Glasgowman. He comes to me at night. We communicate. He gave me my mission. If I failed, he would take my breath away at midnight. I had to prove my loyalty.
Barbara: Perry, where are you getting this?
Schwartz: Barbara, let her talk. Perry, how did you prove your loyalty?
Perry: By taking innocent blood.

Chicago Crossover [16.07][edit]

Teddy: [to Halstead and Rollins] You two look like you're ready to party.
Halstead: Back up.
Teddy: You, me and her? Well, I can be the bread, the meat or the spread.

Voight: You call this an interrogation? Why don't you put on some music and dance with the guy?

Spousal Privilege [16.08][edit]

Fin: I've learned two things from my 15 years here at SVU. One, you can't take this job home with you.
Rollins: I'm working on that.
Fin: Two, you can't take anyone from this job home with you.

Benson: [to Paula] I'm sure there are times that he makes you feel incredibly special, but that doesn't make up for the times that he lays hands on you.

Pattern Seventeen [16.09][edit]

Dodds: [to Benson] You're in the hot seat, Sergeant.
Fin: You see that, that's why I never took the Sergeant's exam.

Benson: Rollins, word of advice: when you're coming up with an excuse, don't oversell.
Rollins: Copy that.

Forgiving Rollins [16.10][edit]

Rollins: Guys are gonna talk, whether we sleep with them or not. You think Sam Reynolds wanted everyone to know that I turned him down? You think you're Chief Patton's first "good girl"?
Det. Taymor: So everything they said about you and why you left, none of that is true?
Rollins: No.

Reynolds: I'm not gonna pass any judgment here, Amanda. You slept with the Chief to get ahead, and it backfired. That's on you.
Rollins: Patton's a liar.
Reynolds: He's a man I know and trust. Look, I know how ambitious a girl you are. Reese too. But take my advice and let sleeping dogs lie.
Rollins: Get the hell off my street.
Reynolds: All these years, you've been giving me the good girl act. You were just keeping yourself wide-eyed and wet for the big boss. No piece for your old friend Sam?
[she knees him]
Reynolds: You bitch! I'm reporting you!
Rollins: Yeah, you do that. And make sure you tell your wife I said hello.

Agent Provocateur [16.11][edit]

Fin: You're under arrest for the rape of Madison Baker.
Russo: I know you guys hate me, but I didn't do this. I'm being set up.
Sonny: "Falsely accused". Life imitates art. I get it.

Benson: [to Lenny Simmons from LMZ as he is arrested] I know this is gonna be hard for you, but you have the right to remain silent.

Padre Sandungera [16.12][edit]

Nicolas: [to his son] You know why you hate me? Because I'm your flesh and blood, Nicky.

Barba: I know what it's like to have to face down your old man. Mine's dead 15 years, and my hand still curls into a fist whenever I think of him.

Decaying Morality [16.13][edit]

Sonny: Who wants to call the sergeant?
Fin: The new guy.
Sonny: Still?

Barba: [to Sonny] Boo-ya, Fordham Law.

Intimidation Game [16.14][edit]

[Fin, Rollins and Sonny are at a video game convention]
Rollins: A bunch of overgrown boys staring at a screen, pressing buttons. Isn't there a basketball game on or something?
Fin: You seen the Knicks lately?

Fin: They are not noobs.
Rollins: Noobs?
Fin: Short for newbies.
Sonny: [rolling his eyes] Yeah, that's much shorter.

Rollins: This security footage, it's like trying to find a geek in a geek-stack.

Undercover Mother [16.15][edit]

Lt. Murphy: I hand the reins over to you, you gotta bollocks everything up?
Benson: I missed you too, Declan.

Benson: If you kill her, you die too. Is she really worth it?

December Solstice [16.16][edit]

Barba: Rectal-probe electro-ejaculation? That sounds like a sex crime in and of itself.

Sonny: [to Barba] Am I right, Counselor?
Barba: Seldom.

Parole Violations [16.17][edit]

Barba: Donna Marshall can't deny sex, so she admits consensual. Classic "she said he said", in reverse.

[After a brutal cross-examination]
Bella: This isn't fair. They're making Tommy out to be the bad guy.
Sonny: Welcome to my life.

Donna: You don't know what it's like. You cops, you lock these animals up, and you never have to deal with again.
D'Angelo: Donna...
Donna: I'm supposed to rehabilitate them. I gave up my life, my marriage for this job. And then Tommy Sullivan comes in all buzzing about his pregnant girlfriend and his wonderful new life.
Benson: That doesn't give you the right to do what you did to him.
Donna: I tried to help him! I tried to help all of them! And then, you know what they do? They take your hand and they drag you down to their level! They don't want to change. They will never change.

Devastating Story [16.18][edit]

Benson: They thought this would be the case to change rape culture and it did. It set the clock back 30 years.

Rollins: [to Sonny] When's the last time a car-jacking victim was asked, "Are you sure you didn't want your car to get stolen?"

Granting Immunity [16.19][edit]

Benson: [to a mother who refused to immunize her child for measles] You may want to think about shutting your mouth. My son wouldn't have pneumonia if it wasn't for you.

Amaro: Did I miss an episode of "Girls?" Remind me what a "rainbow party" is?

Daydream Believer [16.20][edit]

Nadia: Let me go.
Dr. Yates: Oh, all the girls say that. "Please don't kill me, I'll do whatever you want." Pretty soon, you'll beg for your life. And, little secret? Towards the end, you'll cry for your mama.
Nadia: Not me.
Dr. Yates: Oh, you will.
Nadia: You know what's gonna happen to you?
Dr. Yates: [chuckles] You're a funny girl.
Nadia: If you kill me, Hank Voight is gonna track you down and make you wish you'd never been born. [spits in his face]
Dr. Yates: [while gagging her] That's enough small talk for now.

[Dr. Yates examines photographs of Nadia's death]
Dr. Yates: Doctor, could Miss Decotis' injuries have been caused by her prostitution?
Dr. Warner: It's unlikely. She was savaged.
Dr. Yates: Savaged, you say? How so?
Dr. Warner: In addition to the blunt trauma and strangulation, there were cuts on her nipples and external genitalia.
Dr. Yates: And her anal sphincter, was that torn?
Dr. Warner: Yes, it was.
Dr. Yates: And these injuries, though not fatal, they would've been painful?
Dr. Warner: Very. She died a slow death.
Dr. Yates: How long did she survive after the first attack started?
Dr. Warner: 30 minutes. Maybe longer.
Dr. Yates: And she would've been in agony all through it?
Judge Barth: Mr. Barba, not to put words in your mouth, but I'm willing to entertain an objection if you have one.
Barba: I'm fine, your honor.
Dr. Yates: Doctor, was she in a lot of pain?
Dr. Warner: Yes. I'm sure she was.
Dr. Yates: Were there signs of struggle?
Dr. Warner: Yes. The skin was torn around the ligature marks.
Dr. Yates: What goes through a victim's head in their final moments?
Crane: Your honor, may I please speak with my client?
Dr. Yates: No, I'm not done here.
Crane: Short recess.
Dr. Yates: Sit down!
[Crane takes her seat]
Dr. Yates: [to Dr. Warner] Back to Nadia. Would the terror, the fear, have flooded her with adrenaline?
Dr. Warner: I can't answer that.
Dr. Yates: Would she have awareness of what was going on? Would she understand that these were the final moments of her life?
[Dr. Warner remains silent]
Dr. Yates: Come on! Doctor, we are both medical people! Use your knowledge!
[he suddenly looks around and sees that the entire courtroom is staring at him]
Dr. Yates: [nervously] Or... Or don't.

Perverted Justice [16.21][edit]

Sonny: Justice delayed does not have to mean justice denied.
Ellis: So... you're new here.

Derek: It's the truth that's supposed to set you free, not a lie.

Parent's Nightmare [16.22][edit]

Benson: Tucker. To what do I owe the pleasure?
Tucker: What, I can't just pop in?
Benson: No.

Benson: The court gave you custody, but the question is, Dana, can you take care of him?
Dana: Look, I love Owen, but I am afraid to do this by myself. And Sam is a really good father, and I think that Owen needs him. Can you tell the DA?
Benson: That's not your decision. The DA will plead this down to unlawful imprisonment. It's a misdemeanor, but Sam could get 6 months.
Dana: 6 months? How will I support myself?
Benson: You'll have to figure it out. Get a job. There are a lot of working mothers.
Dana: It's been so long. I wouldn't even know where to start.
Benson: So learn. You have a child, Dana. It's not about you anymore. You need to be the parent, not Owen.

Surrendering Noah [16.23][edit]

Sonny: Hey, anybody heard from Sarge? She's late.
Fin: She's dealin' with a lot right now.
Benson: [enters] Oh, good. You're all here. So, I just met with Barba. The judge threw out Johnny D's motion, so it looks like we'll be goin' to trial in a few days.
Amaro: Well, you're not gonna testify, are you?
Benson: I have to. I was the first one on scene.
Sonny: Yeah. If Barba doesn't call you, the defense definitely will. They're gonna try and cast shade on you.
Fin: Still say we should've shot him.
Rollins: [exasperatedly] Okay, Fin.

Ariel: Johnny D treated me, treated all of us, like we were nothing. Like we were worthless. Just a body to own, to beat, to rape, to kill, so he could make money. I lived in fear. I cried every day, until I couldn't cry anymore. Then I just became numb. Like all of you. But we're free now, and Johnny D doesn't own us. He doesn't control us. We don't have to be afraid anymore.
Benson: And testifying is the only way to prove that. So promise yourselves, promise each other, that you will get on that stand tomorrow, and that you'll tell the truth.

[Amaro has decided to leave SVU]
Amaro: I know I wasn't what your last partner was for you...
Benson: No, you weren't. I grew more in 4 years with you than I did in the 12 years I was with him. That relationship, whatever it was, didn't allow for anything else. With you, with your support, I have a family.
Amaro: Yes, you do.
Benson: You helped me grow.
Amaro: I appreciate you saying that.
Benson: So whatever happens, Nick Amaro: friends for life.
Amaro: Friends for life.
[they embrace; Fin makes a toast]
Fin: To family.
All: To family.

Season 17[edit]

Devil Dissections [17.01][edit]

Criminal Pathology [17.02][edit]

Sonny: Hey, you up for a flight?
Rollins: No, not really.
Sonny: Tough luck, our plane leaves in 40 minutes.

[Dr. Rudnick joins Dr. Yates for lunch at the Greenhaven mess hall]
Dr. Rudnick: Dr. Yates?
Dr. Yates: [surprised] Carl.
Dr. Rudnick: Mind if I join you?
Dr. Yates: Suppose so.
[Dr. Rudnick takes his seat]
Dr. Yates: It's been a while.
Dr. Rudnick: Yes. We have a lot to catch up on.

Transgender Bridge [17.03][edit]

Institutional Fail [17.04][edit]

Barba: Are you the most incompetent manager in the world who can't tell the difference between a false report and a legitimate one? Or did you instruct case workers to falsify reports to meet productivity goals?
D'Angelo: Objection! Badgering!
Judge Defecco: I'll allow. The witness will answer.
Barba: So which is it, Miss Grayson?
Janette: I didn't want any of this to happen.
Barba: You didn't want to advance your career by ignoring innocent children's pain and death, or you didn't wanna get caught?
D'Angelo: Objection!
Janette: I'm asked to do what the courts can't do. What the cops can't do.
Barba: You are asked to do your job!
Janette: Oh! GOD himself could not do this job!
D'Angelo: We need a recess, your honor.
Janette: You wanna judge me? You wouldn't last an hour in my world. And if I go, who's gonna be on the front lines? [points at Barba] You?! [points at the judge] You?!
D'Angelo: Your honor!
Janette: I mean, you dump the most hapless cases in the world on us every day! More and more! We get the dregs of humanity, children raised by WOLVES! And you see them come in this court in and out, week in and week out. They come to you as criminals. Do ya ever stop to think: "Gee, what happened before that?"?
Judge Defecco: Miss Grayson, do you need a break?
Janette: Oh! Now you wanna gimme a break? After 25 years of "Make your quota, Janette!" "Push that paper!" "Hit those numbers!" Right, Matt? Right? It's impossible! And everybody knows it. You all know it. But you wanna scapegoat me. You wanna make me feel bad. You wanna take me down so you can feel better about yourselves. See? 'Cause you pretended like you don't know that there are poor people out there in the city. Broken people. You don't turn away from the homeless guy on the subway? 'Course you do. Everybody does, 'cause it's too much. You wanna put me in jail for this? Look in the mirror, my friend. Look in the damn mirror.

Principal cast[edit]

External links[edit]