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- Holy buckets...she wants me to give her the D.
- Who's gonna pound on it? Say it: 'Ian's gonna pound on it.'
- I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. I mean seriously, what are the odds?
- Oh, did you have a moment? A little moment? You're an idiot.
- Which do you like better, the shaft or the balls?...You like 'em both, don't you.
- Put a little sack into it, powder puff.
- No way. No way my little brother's takin' it in the chili ring! You go and bang a female woman like the good Lord intended. And Ian...fill up the tank, would ya, buddy? Cause it's gettin' a little low.
- I'm into you, and...I'm hard.
- Hey, I was born to fertilize!
- Do you have a phone number? ...You don't! Oh, okay.
- You should pee on us!
- You gotta get the monkey.
- Nice hair. It'd look...look better in my crotch.
- What up, English?
- I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. And gambling...went to Vegas once. [pause] And buttfucking.
- Girl at Theme Park: I would've blown, you know!
- He's leaving virgin territory.
- Josh Zuckerman as Ian Lafferty
- Amanda Crew - Felicia Alpine
- Clarke Duke - Lance Johnson
- Seth Green - Ezekiel
- James Marsden - Rex Lafferty
- Katrina Bowden - Ms. Tasty
- Alice Greczyn - Mary
- Michael Cudlitz - Rick
- David Koechner - Hitchhiker
- Dave Sheridan - Bobby Jo
- Mark L. Young - Randy
- Charlie McDermott - Andy
- Cole Petersen - Dylan Lafferty
- Allison Weissman - Becca
- Andrea Anders - Brandy
- José Duarte - Brandy's father
- Kim Ostrenko - Ian's stepmother
- Brett Rice] - Mr. Lafferty
- Susie Abromeit -Tiffany
- Brian Posehn - Carny
- John Ross Bowie - Dr. Teddescoe
- Sasha Ramos - Kimberly
- Jessica Just - Lindsay
- Caley Hayes - Sandy
- Fall Out Boy - themselves
- Kyle Gass - Trucker