Eric: I can't believe it! I can't believe it! My best friend is a homo!
Guy: What are you talking about?
Eric: You're heavy, but you're light in your shoes. You like pro wrestling, but you're sensitive. Girls love to talk to you, but you never seem to hook up. One plus one plus one equals... GAY!
Guy: What do you mean by that? Is it... is it my hair?
Eric: No, it's not your hair, is cause you're trying to *fuck* me!
Guy: What are you talking about? I'm not trying to fuck you. That's just... wrong dude!
Eric: I mean, I thought we were friends.
Guy: I'm really tired of getting shoved around by you. You're gonna play by our rules for awhile okay!...is...is that ok?
Eric: No, it's not fuckin' okay!
Eric: [after Guy tries to ask a girl out on a date, Eric looks down at Guy's pants and sees his erection] Hey, Look! Chubby's got a chubby!
Eric: Don't worry, fatty. It's natural.
[Eric smiles, then runs away]
Chris: I was a popular guy. I had friends, I had power. I was respected. You and me, we were friends. We could talk about anything, and we did. No, no, no, no, no! God! Let me talk! Let me say my piece! I was respected. I was loved. Women adored me. Men too. You had to ruin it! Nothing could have taken away my future. My pride. Except for you! You! You had to do it. You just had to open your big mouth! Remember the time that you told me that you wanted your sister? Did I tell anyone? No. Did I tell the entire school? No. Did I tell his sister? no. But could you do that for me? Could you return that courtesy to me? No, no you couldn't. One stupid little comment, just one and my life is ruined!
Chris: Who hasn't looked at their cat and thought just that?
Chris: Meow! They looked at me and they said 'meow'. Everywhere I look, Meow! Everybody I saw, MEOW! Hey Victor, MEOW. Meow they said, meow! Meow, meow, meow, meow! Hey Eric, MEOW! Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, fucker! They were meowing me! Everybody was meowing me! All the fucking time! Meow. It was a meowfest and I was the meow! Meow motherfucker! Meow motherfucker! Everywhere!