South Park/season 28
South Park: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 | Movies/Specials: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, The Streaming Wars, Joining the Panderverse, (Not Suitable for Children), The End of Obesity | Video Games: The Stick of Truth, The Fractured but Whole, Snow Day!
South Park (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado.
Episodes
[edit]"Twisted Christian" [28.01]
[edit]- Butters: [walking up to Clyde, Kenny and Tolkien] Hey, fellas, fellas! You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?
- Clyde: What time?
- Butters: [making a hand gesture] Around 6-7!
- Kids: [all doing the same gesture] 6-7!
- PC Principal: All right, everyone, listen up. I’ve got a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom, and some satanic numerology shit going on. So I want to remind you, this is a power christian school, and I am a power christian principal, and we will be PC! So now I want you to hear from someone who is the authority on biblical prophecies. This person is an absolute expert on the end of days, and the coming of the Anti-Christ. Please welcome, Mr. Peter Thiel.
- Jesus: [entering PC Principal's office] PC Principal, do you have a minute?
- PC Principal: Sure, Jesus, what do you need?
- Jesus: I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here.
- PC Principal: Of course you fit in. This school has been a zest-pool of heathen, left-wing little bitches, and only our faith is gonna set them right.
- Jesus: Could I ask… exactly what branch of Christianity are you?
- PC Principal: The kind who loves his country and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags.
- Jesus: Yeah, see, I really think I don't belong here.
- PC Principal: Look, I understand it's a tough transition. You know, the Vice Principal here had the same conflict as you. But she's really come around.
- Jesus: The Vice Principal? Your wife?
- PC Principal: That's right. [talks to the speaker on his desk] Could you send in Strong Christian Woman please? She was saying the same thing that this wasn’t a place for her anymore but just this last weekend she converted to Christianity.
- Strong Woman: [knocks on the door] You wanted to see me?
- PC Principal: Yeah, Strong Christian Woman, I was just telling Jesus about our faith.
- Strong Woman: Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing.
- PC Principal: She converted on Saturday. What do you think, huh? You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?
- Jesus: N-n-never.
- PC Principal: Look, I know it's a hard adjustment, but just stick with it, and you're gonna fit in here just fine, Jesus.
"The Woman in the Hat" [28.02]
[edit]- Randy: How was school today, bud?
- Stan: It was fine.
- Randy: Look, Stan, I know it's been hard for you the past month without us having a home (and having a roof over our heads).
- Stan: Yeah, it sucks.
- Randy: I've tried to find work but there's just not a lot out there. And with the Government shutdown, I can't get my job back with the U.S.G.S. Times are hard, and I know we all miss Tegridy.
- Stan: I don't miss Tegridy, Dad. I just hate that our family is living in a Motel. It's really embarrassing.
- Randy: Well, that's what I need to tell you, Stan. There's some good news: We're moving out of the motel.
- Stan: Wait, really? We can live in a house again?!
- Randy: Well, no, we can't afford to live in a house, so, we're moving in with your Grandpa.
- Stan: Moving in with Grandpa?!
- [Cut to the Marshes moving into Grandpa Marvin's room at Shady Acres; Shelley is making her bed and Sharon is sweeping]
- Marvin: This is a bunch of bullcrap! First, you all stick me in this place, and then you all come along?!
- Randy: Pretty nice, huh, guys? There's a TV, a microwave, and we have Bingo on Thursdays!
- Stan: There has to be somewhere else we can live.
- Randy: Come on, Stan, you have that place over there by Grandpa's shit pan.
- Stan: You can't make me stay here, this is completely inhumane!
- Marvin: That's what I said. Didn't work.
"Sora Not Sorry" [28.03]
[edit]Studio Ghibli: TOTORO IS STUDIO GHIBLI IP!
"Turkey Trot" [28.04]
[edit]- Mayor McDaniels: All right, people. It's almost Thanksgiving, and that means the annual Turkey Trot is nearly upon us. How is it that we haven't found one sponsor to help pay for this event?
- Police Officer: The White House is demanding we release the prisoner, or they're going to send in Pete Hegseth!
- [Yates pauses, confused]
- Sgt. Harrrison Yates: Who's Pete Hegseth?
- Yates: Alright, I sure don't wanna tango with you guys. How about you just press this secret button in the floor here, and the jail cell doors will all open.
- Hegseth: [bending over, looking at the floor] The secret button?
- Yates: Yeah, you see, it's right there! [kicks Hegseth in the ass, knocking him over] Now get your little bitch ass out of my town.
- Hegseth: Oh, you-! I dare you to do that again!
- [Cut to Yates doing that again, this time kicking Hegseth out of the police station's front doors]
"The Crap Out" [28.05]
[edit]- Stan: [off-screen] The past few months have just been... really awful. There were these ICE raids and my dad's company went out of business. Then we lost our house and had to move into the old folks home with my grandpa. [cut to him in the counselor's office] It's like everything keeps changing and I really don't know how to cope with it.
- Jesus: [tuning an electric guitar; disinterested] Uh-huh. And how exactly do you feel like shit has changed, bro?
- Stan: Well, Jesus, it just seems like people aren't really as kind and giving as they used to be, you know? Like, I just got some money from Saudi Arabia and I'm thinking of sharing it. 'Cause I feel like that's what everyone needs right now. Like, a big Christmas miracle?
- Jesus: Sounds like some socialist bullshit to me, bro.
- Stan: Jesus, I don't wanna live in an old folks home anymore, okay?! Now, I don't know what's made you change like this, but we need some god damn Christmas magic!
- Stan: [enters the restroom, reluctantly goes to the toilet, and looks down at the bowl] I don't know if you can hear me, but I've been kinda wishing for a Christmas miracle. If miracles can still even happen, please, make it happen now?
- [After a moment, a light shines from behind him and starts flickering; The Woodland Critters magically appear]
- Woodland Critters: Yay!
- Beary: Look, guys! It's Stanny!
- Woodland Critters: Stanny!
- Stan: [turns around; horrified] Oh, no!
- Beavery: Did you miss us, Stan?
- Stan: OH, NO! [quickly runs out of the restroom]
- [The Woodland Critters follow Stan outside the retirement home]
- Stan: [angrily] What do you guys want?!
- Beavery: Well, didn't you hear, Stan? Satan's gonna give birth to the Anti-Christ!
- Beary: Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby and there's gonna be a big crap out!
- Chikadee-y: And nobody loves a crap out more than us!
- Stan: Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, this doesn't make any sense! You guys are just something that Cartman made up in his head!
- Beary: [looking at each other] Uhh, are you really gonna over-analyze a crap out?
- Rabbity': No way, crap outs have no rules!
- Woodland Critters: [run up to Stan, cheering]: Yeah!
- Squirrely: Alright, y'all. Stan was just here to help the Prince of Darkness, so we gotta do what he says.
- Stan: I didn't wish for that! I didn't know anything about Satan having a baby or crap outs!
- Beavery: But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan. And this crap out's gonna make everything better!
- Stan: [thinking about it] It is? Are you sure?
- Woodpeckery: Of course! Crap outs are the best!
- Foxy: Come on, let's get to it!
- Toby: [giving out Christmas letters to all the elders] Christmas letters from home. Here you go. Some Christmas joy from your loved ones. There you go. [approaches Stan] Hey, there's one for you today. [gives him a letter]
- [Stan sees that his letter is from Jesus, opens the envelope, and reads it]
- Jesus: [voice-over] "Dear Stan, I'm writing this because I owe you an apology and a thank you. You asked for a Christmas miracle, and I didn't listen. So now, go to this address."
- Stan: No way! [exits the retirement home and walks down the streets; he arrives at his old residence being decorated with Christmas lights saying: "Merry Christmas Stan", and notices the letter came with a key; runs into the house and sees the old interior, smiling in happiness with himself; exits the house and gazes up at the night sky] Thank you. Thank you!
- Jesus: [in a constellation appearance] I'll be here Stan, watching over everybody. Be good, and remember, never give up on the things that you commit to.
