SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 17

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run / Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie / Plankton: The Movie / Search for SquarePants | Spin-offs: Kamp Koral (s1, s2) / The Patrick Star Show (s1, s2, s3, s4, s5, s6, s7) | Specials: SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout, The Tidal Zone, Kreepaway Kamp, Snow Yellow, Sandy's Country Christmas, SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up

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SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned a movie, followed by several short films, and video games.

Episode 1

The Nerds [17.1a]

Bubble Bass: Come forward and show my royalness what collectibles you have brought. SpongeBob: [holds out the comic on a pillow] We have humbly brought this for you to judge. Bubble Bass: [takes the comic] Oh, very well. I never miss a chance to sharpen my rapierlike scoring. [reads through the comic] Hmm. SpongeBob and Patrick: [biting their nails] Bubble Bass: Hmm. Mmm. SpongeBob and Patrick: [biting each other's nails] Bubble Bass: Hmm. This comic isn't good. SpongeBob and Patrick: [shatter] Bubble Bass: It's the best comic ever created! SpongeBob and Patrick: [re-materialize] Yay! Bubble Bass: Now, go forth and duplicate this book for comic book stores across the ocean! While I review it on my blog. [begins typing on a computer] The world shall know its greatness. [Bubble transition to Squidward walking downtown.] Squidward: [humming] [A couple of nerds are reading Super Imbeciles. Squidward: Are they reading my comic book? [A bus goes by, and everyone inside is reading the comic.] Squidward: Was everyone on that bus also reading my...? Huh? Comic book? [sees that some nerds on electrical poles are reading the comic] What's going on? [everyone around him is reading the comic] Where did all these copies of my stupid garbage comic book come from? SpongeBob. Nerd: [holding out a pen and the comic] The creator! Sign! Squidward: [tries to walk away but gets stopped by another nerd] Nerds: Sign! Sign! Sign! Squidward: [crawls away, screams and runs away to the Krusty Krab] SpongeBob: [flips a patty, which ends up on the ceiling] Squidward: [enters the kitchen and catches his breath] There's a mob out there! And it's your fault for making me make that stupid comic book. SpongeBob: You're welcome. Squidward: [stammers] What? SpongeBob: These are your fans, Squidward. They love your comic book. We made lots of copies to put in the comic book store. Patrick: [staring at the copier, then shuts its top] And now the whole town loves you for finally making art. Squidward: Art?! That's not art! That's junk I slopped out to make fun of you two idiots. SpongeBob: But you always wanted to be famous. [holds his hands out to make a rainbow] Squidward: I wanted to be famous for making art, not comic books. I do not want to be associated with nerds like you! Nerds: Sign! Sign! Sign! SpongeBob: Uh, I think it's a little late for that, Squidward. [Squidward looks out to see the nerds wanting him to sign their comics.] Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Mr. Squidward. I'll take care of this. Squidward: Oh, thank you, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: Alright, listen up! This here be a place of business? Nerds: Aw. Mr. Krabs: Squidward will only sign your comic with a purchase of a Krabby Patty. Nerds: [cheer] Squidward: [sighs] Typical. French narrator: [narrating time card] Hundreds of autographs later... [It is now dusk, and there is a long line of nerds waiting for their comics to be signed at the Krusty Krab.] Nerds: Sign! Sign! Sign! Squidward: [exhausted, signs another comic] Next. Bubble Bass: One Krabby Patty, and one autograph. Squidward: Would you like fries with that autograph? Bubble Bass: Of course. But I'd also like a second issue of your comic book. Squidward: Oh, no. I have cheapened myself enough for you ingrates. [leaves] No more! [Bubble transition to Squidward angrily walking through town.] Squidward: [grumbling] Nerd: [comes out of a trash can] Where's the second issue? Nerds: [coming out of various places] Where's the second issue? Squidward: [runs away from the nerds and enters a phone booth] Stay away from me! [dials the police] Policeman: Police, what's your emergency? Squidward: This is Squidward Tentacles. I'm trapped in a phone booth surrounded by a bunch of nerds. Send help! Policeman: We'll send help when you make a second issue. Squidward: [slams the phone to hang up] Alright, you win! [exits the phone booth] I'll make a second issue. [the crowd carries him] If the great unwashed masses want a second issue, they'll get it! This time, I'm gonna give them real art. [Bubble transition to Squidward painting.] Squidward: Dig deep, Squidward. Make art. [begins painting, then rips the easel] Huh? Must go deeper! [Squidward steps on paint tubes to squirt onto blank comic pages on the wall. Then, he hammers a scalpel, pours a bucket of paint on the camera, and crumples a piece of paper to toss away. He kicks away a board and cries on the floor. He sobs as he continues painting and cries on the floor again.] Squidward: [finishes painting] I did it. I did it! I made art! Comic art! [Bubble transition to Near Mint Comic Books, where a crowd of nerds are waiting outside.] Loudspeaker: Super Imbeciles second issue out today! Creator Squidward Tentacles here in person. Squidward: Alright, mouthbreathers. You begged me for a second issue, and I delivered a masterpiece. Nerds: Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Squidward: Get ready for the greatest comic you've ever seen. Super Imbeciles II: The Quacken's Lament. [The nerds all purchase the comic, even beating up the cashier. They begin reading the comic, which is just a bunch of abstract drawings of SpongeBob and Patrick.] Nerds: Wha...? Bubble Bass: [clears throat, reads through the comic] Hmm. Hmm. Nerd: Uhh... Bubble Bass: Mmm. Mmm. I declare this comic book to be... garbage. Squidward: Wait, what? Nerd #1: The artwork stinks! Nerd #2: The story is ostentatious and the dialogue is one long poem that doesn't even rhyme! Nerd #3: I'd rather look at the sun than read another page of the "Quacken's Lament." [looks at the sun, making his eyes burn] Ahh, that's better. Squidward: Ingrates! I poured my heart and soul into that book! It's not my fault you don't have the intellectual and artistic sensitivity to understand my work! Quacken: Ahem! [enters] I am sensitive enough to know that your portrayal of Quackens is offensive! Squidward: Quackens exist? Quacken: Let me put it this way. [breathes fire that burns Squidward to a crisp] Hah-rumph! [leaves, followed by the nerds] Nerd: This is terrible. Squidward: Well, at least I'm finally finished drawing comics. SpongeBob and Patrick: [enter wearing costumes] Super Imbeciles unite! SpongeBob: Where are all your fans? Squidward: They all hated the second issue. I have no more fans. SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. Patrick and I will always be your fans. Patrick: Yeah, and we'll never stop asking for new issues. Squidward: [groans as he turns to ash; camera irises out on his remains]

The SquarePants Method [17.1b]

Director: Cut and print! Let's go, people! [gives the Krusty Krew free tickets] Here's three tickets to the movie premiere. Thanks for being part of the magic. SpongeBob: Well, at least the movie will be good advertising for the Krusty Krab, right? Squidward and Mr. Krabs: [groan in pain and disintegrate into ashes] French narrator: [reading timecard] 2 to 3 years of post-production later... [The big movie premiere is finally here! A large crowd of people are lining up at the theater, waiting to see it. Mr. Krabs and Squidward are amongst the audience sitting with several familiar Bottomites.] SpongeBob: [comes in wearing a big Krabby Patty hat and 3D glasses and carrying popcorn and soda] Uh, pardon me. Whoops. Pardon me. Pardon me. [takes his seat and sips some soda] [The movie starts with some opening titles, and it begins with the opening shot of the Krusty Krab.] SpongeBob: [gasps] Mr. Krabs, there it is! Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Shhh! Marlin Branzino: [rings the bell] Order up! [laughs] [Just then, the restaurant gets crushed by two giant robots consisting of Robot Mantis and an Optimus Prime lookalike as they emerge from the sky and begin battling each other.] SpongeBob: [excited] Wow! This movie is incredible! Squidward: [angrily] This movie is garbage! Mr. Krabs: [angrily] This movie is over! [walk out in a huff with Squidward] Come on! [grabs SpongeBob] SpongeBob: Aww! But I wanna see if the robots fall in love! [The two robots kiss in the film right when the Krusty Krew walk out of the theater.] Mr. Krabs: I can't believe it. They blew me restaurant up at the very first scene! They couldn't even see the sign! [grumbling] Oh, what a ripoff. Squidward: How did I ever admire that lousy hack, Marlin Branzino? SpongeBob: Hey, Marlin! Here for the big premiere? Marlin Branzino: No way, man. I never watch myself on the screen. I'm here to start practicing for my next role as... [digs into his briefcase and dresses himself as Squidward] an annoying cashier! [plays the clarinet horribly like Squidward does] Squidward: [gets creeped out by Marlin's costume, screams and runs away from him] Marlin Branzino: [chases after him] Please! Give me your wisdom! One of your old magazines? A used doily? Anything? Director: And... cut! Beautiful! Print it. That's a wrap.

Episode 2

Kiss of the Nematode [17.2a]

[The episode begins at the park with clams chirping in the sky, and SpongeBob is skipping along, meeting and greeting several critters along the way.]

SpongeBob: [skips around the park] Lalalalalalalalalalala! [stops and sniffs and sighs] What a beautiful day to say hello to all of my favorite little critters. Hello little worm! [grabs a worm and kisses it, winks and continues to skip] Lalalalalalalala! [stops in front of a snail] Hello little snail! [kisses it and has slime cover his face] Moisturizing! Lalalalalalalalalala! [continues to skip and stops in front of nematodes] Hello little nematodes! [kisses three of them, but one is jumping away from him, SpongeBob grabs him] Aww, don't be shy! [kisses him, transforming him into a guy]

Guy Fishman: Do you mind?

SpongeBob: Ah! You're not a nematode anymore? That means I must be magic! [waves his hands and runs around] I am magic! I am magic! I am magic!

Guy Fishman: Sorry pal, but you're not magic! You just happened to break an old witch's curse that turned me into a nematode. Get it!

SpongeBob: An old witch cursed you? That means, you must be a prince! [zooms into his eyes] I kissed a prince! [jumps on a bench] I kissed a prince! I kissed a- [stops when Guy Fishman approaches]

Guy Fishman: No, I am not a prince either! I am just an ordinary guy! Guy Fishman! [points]

SpongeBob: Oh! Well I am SpongeBob [shakes hands and sits down] So, if you're just some guy, then why did a witch curse you?

Guy Fishman: Allow me to expound: [flashes back on Reef theater] You see, long ago I made the mistake of taking the last seat at the movie theater. [Guy Fishman and Blobba Yaga come in with popcorns] Unfortunately, the old witch Blobba Yaga wanted the same seat. [the seat has a spotlight on it where Guy Fishman and Blobba Yaga stare at each other for the seat. Guy Fishman rushes and takes the seat.]

Blobba Yaga: [gets angry and pulls the curse] Take my seat and pay what's owed! Live thy life as nematode! Aah! [curses Guy Fishman to a nematode and sits on the seat]

SpongeBob: [flashes forward to present, SpongeBob whirls himself and laughs] Ripple Tickle!

Guy Fishman: [coughs, SpongeBob then silently sits] Your kiss must have broken the spell!

SpongeBob: Aha! Then, you're welcome! [points at Guy Fishman and tries to kiss]

Brainless Brawn [17.2b]

[The episode opens at Larry's Gym. A muscular fish lifts a giant barbell as Larry walks by.] Larry: Lift that weight, you're doing great. Wayne: Thanks, Larry. [the weight drops on his feet] Yowch! Larry: Ha, no pain, no gain, Wayne. Wayne: Thanks, Larry. [Two women are curling their biceps with weights.] Larry: Girls doing curls rocks my world. Women: [clink their weights together] Larry: [lifts anchor weights] I'm big and strong, and that ain't wrong. Members: [hoo-ing] SpongeBob: Hey, Larry. Check me out. [pushing something with a handle] I'm pumping iron, too. [it is revealed he is struggling to iron his clothes] Whew! Larry: Yeah, SpongeBro, I've been meaning to ask, can you do your housework at home? Patrick: [banging on a vending machine] Larry: And what's with Patrick? He's got a membership but he never works out. He just eats peanuts from the vending machine. SpongeBob: Yeah, he goes nuts for peanuts. [Patrick presses a button on the vending machine to make it push out a bag of peanuts. The bag tears open before it can drop and a single peanut pops out and flies in the air.] Patrick: Peanut! [picks up a guy lifting weights on a bench] Peanut? [tosses the guy and bench aside] Larry: Whoa. Purple man: [uses a pull down machine] ♪ Roll, roll, roll your boat. ♪ Patrick: [gets under the bench and lifts it with his head] Peanut? Larry: Double whoa. Patrick: [lifts a treadmill that a woman is walking on] Where'd it go? [the peanut is launched again] Come on! Larry: [close-up of Patrick's muscle-less body] He's got absolutely no muscle tone. How can he lift so much weight? SpongeBob: Easy. Patrick doesn't know that he can't lift it. Larry: Doesn't know? [Patrick lifts up a mat along with the man standing on it] Patrick's ignorance of the laws of physics [Patrick walks on nonexistent stairs] allows him to be extra powerful? SpongeBob: That's right. By the way, I signed Patrick up for the annual weightlifting games tomorrow. Larry: But Larry's picture's on the poster. [holds up a box of awards] Larry wins every year. Larry can't let Patrick win. [Patrick eats the peanut while lifting a rack of weights] How does Larry get brainless brawn like Patrick? [a weight falls on a man's head] I got it! I'll follow Patrick and copy his training. I'm skipping leg day. Today is brainless day. And put some pants on. [Patrick leaves the gym, and Larry follows. Patrick gets in front of a boat, where he sees his reflection.] Patrick: Hey, buddy. I don't appreciate you imitating me. Larry: Wha? Patrick: I don't look like that! Oh, and I don't sound like that! [bashes his head on the boat, damaging it] Let that be a lesson to ya. [hums while walking away] Larry: This is nuts, but here goes. [bashes his head on the boat multiple times] Boat owner: Hey, what are you doing, you crazy? Larry: Relax, bro. It's brainless day. [bashes his head in again two more times before the boat owner starts the boat] Wait! Just a few more reps! [the boat drives away, making him bash his head on the road, then his head gets run over by a boat with large wheels] Ow! If pain is gain, Larry's in a world of gain. [Bubble transition to Patrick walking by a barbed fence. He uses his head as a propeller to fly over the fence. Larry watches Patrick's actions.] Patrick: [humming as he puts some trash on the trash can lid] Larry: Eugh. This must be his diet regimen. Patrick: [eats the trash and the lid, then wipes his mouth with a cloth; hums and walks away] Larry: [copies Patrick's actions] Guh! It's putrid. [eats some of the trash] Yuck! [eats some more trash] Ugh. [he sees two kids are watching him] This is what you gotta do to get your muscles pumped, little bros. Kids: [look at each other, then laugh at Larry and leave] Larry: [stomach grumbles] Ugh. I need my stomach pumped, too. [throws up in the trash can] [Bubble transition to Jellyfish Fields, where SpongeBob and Patrick are jellyfishing.] SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughing] Larry: [watching with a pair of binoculars] Jellyfishing is great exercise. But how can jellyfishing make me strong and brainless? Patrick: [catches a jellyfish with his hands, which electrocutes him] Whoo-hoo! [gets electrocuted again] Wha-hoo! [gets electrocuted again] Larry: Eccentric, unorthodox, and brainless. Now Larry sees. [A jellyfish flies into a hive on a coral tree.] SpongeBob: Go get 'em, Patrick. Patrick: [bounces on SpongeBob and climbs the tree, then punches the hive, causing jellyfish to swirl around him; laughs and gets electrocuted] [Patrick falls to the ground and is now covered in hives.] Larry: So hardcore! The jelly stings have made him super swole! Patrick and SpongeBob: [cheer] SpongeBob: [laughs as Patrick carries him away] Larry: [picks up a rock] Well, here goes. [uses his tail to hit the hive again, which makes a giant jellyfish come out] Neptune's nose hairs! You're a big boy. [chuckles nervously] Just do it, jelly dude! [screams as he gets electrocuted] My quads! My abs! [gets covered in hives, and his shell breaks] The burn! The burn! I feel the brawny. [gets set on fire] Burn! [Bubble transition to nighttime, where Patrick puts on his night clothes.] Larry: [watching with binoculars] Early to bed, huh? A good night's sleep is great for the mind and body. But is it brainless? Patrick: [stretches and yawns, then his rock crushes him] Larry: [gasps] Leaping lampreys! He's been crushed! [is about to lift Patrick's rock] Wait, Larry. This could be some sort of new isometric exercise. His muscles work against the weight of the rock to build strength while he sleeps! It's so simple, it's genius. Hmm. [sees a giant rock] Ah, this'll do. [tries to lift the rock, then uses a lever to lift it and gets under the rock] Okay, Larry. Nighty night. [kicks away the lever and gets crushed] Son of a monkey. This hurts. [The next day, SpongeBob knocks on Patrick's rock. The rock opens up with Patrick on it.] Patrick: [gets off the rock] Good morning, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: Good morning, Patrick. Are you ready for the weightlifting games? Patrick: The what now? Larry: [groaning] Patrick: Who's that? [he and SpongeBob go investigate] SpongeBob: Sounds like Larry. Patrick: [lifts the rock to reveal Larry] Larry: [dizzy] Leedle-leedle-leedle lee! [his head shape changes to be more like Patrick's] Patrick: And a leedle-lee to you, too! Okay, bye. [lets go of the rock] Larry: [lifts up the rock and tosses it away] Do you guys wumbo? [picks up a peanut] Ooh! I found the peanut. Patrick: Wow! Let me see! Larry and Patrick: Ooh. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. SpongeBob: [takes the peanut] I'll hold onto this, guys. I need you to focus. It's time for the weightlifting games! Let's go! Larry and Patrick: Yay! [walk in opposite directions before SpongeBob grabs them to put them on course] SpongeBob: Whoa, fellas. This way. [Bubble transition to Oyster Stadium. Perch: Welcome to the annual Bikini Bottom Weightlifting Games! Audience: [cheers] Perch: This year's event promises to be a beautiful symphony of muscle tears and groin pulls. The contestants are warming up. Old Man Walker: [tries to lift his walker, but falls over with it] Sandy: [lifts a tire, causing the bolts on her suit to break and make water go into her helmet] Oh, no! [runs away] Plankton: [lifts up a bag of chips] Heh-heh! [the bag tears open and collapses on him, screams] Perch: We haven't even started, and we're already down to only two contestants! Larry the Lobster and... huh? Patrick Star? Let the games begin! Audience: [cheers] [Patrick and Larry do nothing while SpongeBob looks at them.] Patrick: [drooling] Duh... Larry: [drooling] Duh... SpongeBob: Uh, guys? [pushes on Patrick and Larry] You gonna compete? The contest is started. Huh. Aha! [gets out a peanut] Peanut! [throws the peanut ahead] Larry and Patrick: Peanut! [chase after the peanut] Perch: And there they go! [Patrick lifts two weights] Patrick starts with an amazing feat of power! Patrick: No peanut. [drops the weights] [The peanut goes past an anchor.] Perch: Here comes Larry, breaking his own record! Larry: [lifts the anchor] No peanut. Patrick: [lifts a whole truck, then slams it on the ground] Perch: Amazing! Patrick: No peanut. Audience: [cheers] Larry: [carries a train] Peanut? Perch: Colossal! Larry: No peanut. Perch: [as Patrick lifts an entire large building] Stupendous! Patrick: Aw, no peanut! Larry: [sees the peanut go by] Peanut? [the peanut goes down a small hole, which he digs into] Audience: [cheers] Huh? [Larry lifts up the entirety of Bikini Bottom.] Perch: That's with an incredible feat of strength. For the 25th straight year in a row, the winner of the Bikini Bottom Weightlifting Games is Larry the Lobster! Larry: [uses his tongue to try to get the peanut] Hey, SpongeBob. Can you get that peanut? SpongeBob: [picks up the peanut] Oh, my dear Larry. The peanut was only a motivation. You've already won. You were always strong, but lifting the entire city was a smart move. Larry: Smart? Yes, I see. Peanut motivation! I'm not brainless. I'm smart! [turns back to normal] Whoa! I'm strong, alright, and I'm smart enough to know that Larry can't hold up all of Bikini Bottom. You better run. My arms are about to give! [Patrick emerges from underneath Larry.] Patrick: Peanut! Where's that peanut? SpongeBob: [gives Patrick the peanut] Right here. Patrick: Thank you! [eats the peanut] Larry: Dude! [he, SpongeBob, and Patrick all get crushed by Bikini Bottom falling back down] [The trio emerges, now all dumb.] Patrick: [holds up the peanut] Peanut. [the peanut bounces away] All: Peanut! [chase after the peanut] Perch: Is it me, [turns dumb] or are those guys nuts?

Episode 3

SpongeBob SpareParts [17.3b]

[The episode begins with the French Narrator narrating at the Krusty Krab.] French Narrator: Ah, lunchtime at the Krusty Krab. [Squidward yawns, stretches, and goes to read his magazine] Where we find our Krusty Krew overwhelmed by hungry customers. Squidward: [hearing the French Narrator's narration] Huh? [Right on cue, an angry mob of customers surround him and start complaining.] Captain Cruel: [looks around with a telescope] Where's my Krabby Patty? Incidental 40: If I don't get my order soon, I'm having grilled octopus for lunch! Squidward: Would you hurry up with those patties, SpongeBob?! The cannibals, I mean customers, are getting restless! [gets pulled back] SpongeBob: Aye-aye, Squidward! [flips a huge batch of patties onto the grill; pants until his right arm suddenly twitches and cracks] Patty cramp! Oh, well. It's just a little charley seahorse. [his arm neighs like a seahorse] I'll just use my other arm. Good thing I'm patty-dextrous. [but his left arm twitches and cracks as well] Yeow! Double cramp! [struggles to move his arms, but they both wrap around SpongeBob and tie him in a knot] Squidward: [comes back in with a baby gnawing on his head] SpongeBob, what's the holdup?! [sees SpongeBob all tied up with his cramped-up arms and sighs] Mr. Krabs, we have another frycook fiasco! [gets pulled back] Whoa! Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Holy appendix affliction! That's the worst case of spatula syndrome I've ever seen! SpongeBob: I'm fine, Mr. Krabs. I can still make patties. See? [tries to hold his spatula but it flips off his fingers] Mr. Krabs: Sorry, laddie. If we don't feed these customers soon, they're gonna gobble up Squidward. [the customers chase Squidward around outside; groans] Time to activate the emergency frycook. [Mr. Krabs pushes the red emergency button to activate the emergency frycook, which is just a kitchen sponge tied to a rope. SpongeBob goes into one of his childish fits and cries a fountain of tears out of the Krusty Krab while the customers continue to chase Squidward. We go to Sandy's treedome where Sandy comforts SpongeBob as he continues to cry.] SpongeBob: [crying and sniffs] I don't know what to do, Sandy! I've worn out both of my arms! I'll never flip a Krabby Patty again! [cries] Sandy: Aw, don't you fret! I got plenty of spare parts lyin' around. [opens her shed and a pile of spare items come out] I'll fix ya right up! [digs through the items and finds a spiked gauntlet] No. [finds a club] No. [finds one of Patrick's pants, much to her disgust; finds two robotic arms] Ah, these'll do! [removes SpongeBob's injured arms and screws the robotic arms onto him] SpongeBob: [giggles] That tickles. Sandy: That oughta do it. Give 'em a test flip! [gives SpongeBob his spatula to test his robotic arms] Heads up! [throws some acorns to help him test his robotic arms] SpongeBob: [catches the acorns with his spatula] Woo-hoo! [happily spins around with his new robotic arms] Sandy: I think you're ready, partner! [SpongeBob uses his new robotic arms to fly back to the Krusty Krab.] SpongeBob: Guess who has new arms? [SpongeBob finds the customers who have gone crazy over their hunger and are about to roast Squidward over a fire like a bunch of savages.] Squidward: [spits the apple out of his mouth] It's about time! Mr. Krabs: [grabs SpongeBob and drags him back into the kitchen] Thank the Navy's gravy! You're back! Me emergency frycook isn't workin' out too well. [Mr. Krabs' "emergency frycook" is on fire due to being over the grill for so long.] SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. [throws out the "emergency frycook"] I'll take it from here. [Using his new robotic arms, SpongeBob whips up a lot of batches of Krabby Patties for the customers to eat, much to Mr. Krabs' delight. With the customers now taken care of, SpongeBob then frees Squidward and puts out the fire.] SpongeBob: [whistles as he flips one patty, but shrieks upon seeing the condiments section empty] I've cooked so many patties, I'm running out of ingredients! Hmmm... Time for a little visit to the Krusty garden. [goes outside to the back, pushes the dumpster to reveal a beautiful garden growing behind it, and picks some of the ingredients he needs from it; humming while working] Don't forget the pickles. [grabs the pickle jar; pants] Phew! Now to grab some buns from the bun shed. [goes to grab the shed until suddenly, both of his legs twitch and crack] Squidward: Hurry up with those patties, SpongeBob! The mob is hungry again! [gets pulled back again] SpongeBob: [sees his worn-out legs] My spongy legs can't keep up with my fancy new arms. Time for another upgrade. Oh, Sandy! Sandy: [appears from the barrel] What can I do ya for? SpongeBob: My legs are too weak and too slow. Sandy: Two new robot legs comin' right up! [installs two new robotic legs onto SpongeBob] Here ya go! SpongeBob: Ee-hee! Woo! [zips around the kitchen with his new robotic legs; laughs] Now, that's a speedy set of stems! [SpongeBob goes to serve the customers their foods and drinks. He even sprays soda into their cups and in their mouths.] Mr. Krabs: [fills up his bag with money from the cash register] Hoo-hoo! SpongeBob's fancy new limbs are makin' me tons of money! [giggles] SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! What do you think of my lightning-fast legs? I can be everywhere all-at-once! [zips around really fast] Squidward: You're so speedy, why don't you do my job too? SpongeBob: [gasps] That's so generous of you! [hops in the cash register boat] Squidward: It's a sacrifice, but I'll try to bear the pain. [falls asleep] Bubble Bass: Hmm... Should I get a Krabby Patty or Salty Seadog? Krabby Patty or Salty Seadog? Krabby Patty? Krabby Patty? French Narrator: Ten minutes later... [SpongeBob feels very tired with Bubble Bass hogging up the cash register.] Bubble Bass: Or Salty Seadog? SpongeBob: [tired] I wish I could just read his mind... Sandy: [appears from the cash register] Let me guess: new eyes? SpongeBob: Yeah! [inhales and blows his eyeballs out] Bubble Bass: Hmm... Sandy: With these high-tech peepers, you can scan customers brains and know their order before they do. [installs robotic eyes into SpongeBob's sockets] SpongeBob: [scans Bubble Bass's mind and sees that he wants a Krabby kid's meal] Hmm... You want a Krabby kid's meal with extra toys. Bubble Bass: [gasps] You're right! Oh, huzzah! [Squidward wakes up in shock upon hearing that SpongeBob actually got the order right. Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is frying up a batch of patties. He adds a pinch of salt to them.] SpongeBob: [tastes one of them] Oh. It'll take forever to taste test all these patties. If only my fleshy sponge mouth could keep up with my new limbs. Sandy! Sandy: [appears from the barrel] What is it this time? New bellybutton? Upgrade your spleen? Bionic butt? SpongeBob: Oh, Sandy, I need a new face! [hugs Sandy's helmet in desperation] Sandy: [concerned] SpongeBob, you're almost 80% face as it is. There won't be nothin' left of the real you. SpongeBob: [muffled] I'll do whatever it takes to be the best frycook I can be. French Narrator: The next day... [The following day, Mr. Krabs enters the kitchen with a cup of coffee.] Mr. Krabs: How's my favorite money-makin' frycook doin? Whoa! [Mr. Krabs finds that SpongeBob is entirely replaced with a robot version of himself, named SpongeBorg.] Mr. Krabs: You, uh, look a little different today, kiddo. SpongeBorg: I am now 100% cybernetic. Hence forth refer to me as SpongeBorg. Mr. Krabs: I'll call you whatever you want. As long as you keep making me rich. [sips his coffee] [SpongeBorg flips patties and takes off his hat. The patties go into his robot body, cooks them, and serves them all on a plate.] SpongeBorg: Order up. Mr. Krabs: Good job, boy-o! [laughs] [As Mr. Krabs laughs, he accidentally spills a small drop of his coffee onto SpongeBorg, causing him to short circuit and malfunction.] Mr. Krabs: [gasps] SpongeBorg: [sparks electricity] Network detected! Malfunction! Activating defense mode! [activates his defense mode] Mr. Krabs: Yipe! [screams as he dodges SpongeBorg's lasers] [SpongeBorg then goes to attack the customers in the restaurant.] SpongeBorg: Attack! Destroy! [saws a table in half and shoots lasers all over the place] Mr. Krabs: [calls Sandy] Help me, Sandy! This newfangled SpongeBob has gone loco! Sandy: Uh-oh... I'll be there in two shakes of a cyborg's antenna! [Sandy soon arrives back at the Krusty Krab with a box. She is horrified at the SpongeBorg violently attacking everyone.] SpongeBorg: Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! [shoots lasers everywhere] Sandy: Shoot! I gotta do something! [digs through her box and finds SpongeBob's body parts] Aha! [pulls out SpongeBob's repaired arms and legs] Good thing I didn't throw these away. [dodges an incoming laser and takes out SpongeBob's body] Okay, let's do this. [puts his arms and legs together while adding the Krusty Krab hat] And the final touch. [puts his eyes together] Hmm... Ah! Of course! [puts his brain back in, which brings him back to life] And voilà! One genuine SpongeBob SquarePants frycook extraordinaire! SpongeBob: Hey, you fixed my arms! Sandy: I took the liberty of tuning up your old parts. They should be as good as new. SpongeBob: [gets grabbed by SpongeBorg] Whoa! SpongeBorg: [scans SpongeBob] Scanning brain for order. SpongeBob: Oh, I'm not ordering. The only thing I'm hungry for is flipping patties. How 'bout I cook a Krabby Patty for you? SpongeBorg: Customer? Cook patty? SpongeBob: [holds up a patty] Go on! Give it a taste. SpongeBorg: [eats the patty] Delicious! What a tasty patty! [but the patty gets stuck in his cogs, which causes him to short-circuit and shut down] Mr. Krabs: What happened? Sandy: [groans] Guess all those patty juices weren't too healthy for SpongeBorg's mechanic digestion. SpongeBob: [carries SpongeBorg's body] Aww, I feel bad for the little guy. He really cared about a quality patty. Mr. Krabs: Don't worry. I have a job for him that will maintain his sense of quiet dignity. [Later, SpongeBorg is shown to be strapped onto the Krusty Krab sign outside where he is greeting the customers as they enter the restaurant.] SpongeBorg: Welcome to the Krusty Krab. Welcome to the Krusty Krab. Welcome to the Krusty Krab. [turns evil again] May I take your order?

Episode 4

The Lady In The Lighthouse [17.4a]

[The episode begins with Mrs. Puff driving up to her school in her boat and whistling.] Mrs. Puff: [gets off the boat and arrives to her school] Huh? [finds her school in a big mess with vandalism of graphitti and boat crashes all over as well as the sign saying "My Butt's Boating School"] Oh, my word! No! [The scene cuts to her at the Krusty Krab where she explains her dilemma to Mr. Krabs] Oh, Eugene, my school is ruined! Mr. Krabs: [offscreen as SpongeBob is noticing Mrs. Puff from the Kitchen] There, there, dear. Mrs. Puff: I'll have to close down until get everything cleaned up. Who knows how long it could take. SpongeBob: [comes in] Oh, say it ain't so, Mrs. Puff? Who could do such a thing?! Mr. Krabs: I suppose we'll never know. Well, I better get back to work. Me money won't count itself. SpongeBob: Wait! [stops Krabs] I know how we could not never know. Mr. Krabs: [confused] Say what now? SpongeBob: We have the greatest gumshoe, the sharpest shamus, the privatest of eyes, right here! Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff: Huh? SpongeBob: I'm talking about Squidward! He'll solve this mystery. Squidward: [at the cashier arm crossing] Not interested. SpongeBob: [comes toward him] Please, please, please, Squidward! For Mrs. Puff's sake! Squidward: Sorry, SpongeBob, but I'm very comfortable. There's nothing that can possibly move me from- Wha-? [suddenly customers burst in from the front door] Customers: Krabby Patty! Krabby Patty! Krabby Patty! Squidward: On second thought, [puts on his detective hat and the scenery turns black and white] I'd never leave a dame in distress. I'll take the case! [The Scene cuts to Squidward narrating in black and white scenery as he and SpongeBob are in the boat with Mrs. Puff] Squidward: [narrating] Rain hammered down, like the whole city was made of nails. But I didn't mind, it matched my mood. Another night, another mystery. Another case for: "Squidward Tentacles, Jazz Detective." [title shows onscreen] Mrs. Puff: [picks up the title] Please refrain from using titles while the vehicle is in motion. [throws the title outside and it breaks] Squidward: So, tell me what happened. Some sap scribbled on your school? Mrs. Puff: You'll see, it's a disaster! [They arrive to the Boating School and Squidward gets off the boat] Squidward: Do you have any enemies, Mrs. Puff? Anyone who'll want to see you loud at the Boating School racket? Mrs. Puff: Me? Oh my, no! No one from my past even knows I'm in Bikini Bottom. Squidward: [goes behind the boat] Just as well, [touches the boat wheel trace] our boat tracks are the only ones here. The perp must've walked. We're looking for someone from town. Mrs. Puff: Well, I did have a small kerfuffle with Larry the other day. SpongeBob: Squidward, [uses a magnifying glass to look at a broken boat wheel and Squidward arrives] these slashes could've been made with a lobster claw. Squidward: Looks like it's time to renew our gym memberships. Come on! SpongeBob: Okay! [takes off glass and reveals a huge eyeball which disrupts Squidward as they leave] [Squidward and SpongeBob take the boat and leave as dirt from the wheel covers Mrs. Puff] Mrs. Puff: Huh! I guess I'm walking home. [The scene cuts to Squidward narrating while driving the boat with SpongeBob] Squidward: [narrating] Larry always has had more brawn than brains. But a vandal, I didn't see it. Still, in this line of work you follow the clues. [he and SpongeBob arrive to Larry's Gym] Even when they lead you into a lobster trap. [The door opens as they walk] It was the night of a big fight, half the town was here to see who would prevail. [offscreen as Larry is in a boxing ring fighting] The baron of beefiness? The master of muscle? Larry: [boxing and grunting] Huh! Yeah! Squidward: [continues] Larry the Lobster? Or the challenger, Old Man Walker? Larry: [throws punches at Old Man Walker and grunts continuously] Huh! Yeah! Huh! Old Man Walker: I've never felt so alive! [gets punched] Squidward: [goes to the ring] Larry! Sorry to interrupt, we have a few questions for you. Larry: Larry's happy to help! [throws punches at Old Man Walker] What sort of questions? SpongeBob: I'll handle this Squidward. Why is the sky blue? Where do clams go when it rains? Why is the moon out during the day sometimes? Squidward: [slides SpongeBob down and sighs] We heard you had a little dust up with Mrs. Puff the other day. Mind filling us in. Larry: Sure! She was lifting weights. Suddenly inflated and then she bent my barbell bro. [shows the barbell being bent] Squidward: And would you say that was enough to make you seek revenge! Larry: Revenge? No way bro, Larry's a gentle giant. [punches Old Man Walker] Old Man Walker: [gets punched and talks gibberish] SpongeBob: [shows up] If you didn't vandalize the boating school, how'd you explain this? [removes boxing glove from Larry to show wheel traces from it] Squidward: Trademarks! Just like what you get from slashing Mrs. Puff's tires. Larry: Wait! Larry can explain. [The boxing glove held by SpongeBob drops a big tire, a stack of bricks, a big safe, an iron wire and a huge flail into the ground] Uh? All that was in there to make Larry's gloves uh... even softer? Old Man Walker: [jumps out of the items] My turn! [punches Larry flying away] Larry: [screams and flies away] Incidental 13: [holds Old Man Walker's arm] The winner! Old Man Walker: What did I win? [gets taken by the crowd] Where are you taking me? Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob. This boxing match was a KO for our case too. No leads here. [The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Squidward going back to the boat] SpongeBob: [puts on seatbelt] Oh, we're never gonna solve this case. Squidward: [puts on seatbelt] We're not late yet, there's one place we can always go for a lead. The most wretched joint in all of Bikini Bottom: The Salty Spitoon. If anyone knows anything about our vandal, it would be one of Sally's lowlife patrons. SpongeBob: And they make a pretty good Milkshake. [screams] Yipee! Squidward: [narrating and cuts to the Salty Spitoon] The Salty Spitoon was just as dank and dreary as I remembered. This place was truly the bottom of Bikini Bottom. [shows inside where a few Salty Spitoonites are drinking and breaking glass and shows Squidward and SpongeBob inside] My partner was right about one thing though, they did make a pretty good Milkshake. [SpongeBob and Squidward roll around sitting and drinking Milkshakes] Mine was Strawberry. [finishes Milkshake, breathes and wipes cream off his mouth] Alright SpongeBob, time to start asking some questions. [walks towards one of the Salty Spitoonites] You there, what do you know about the Boating School...- [gets interrupted by a sudden music player change by SpongeBob] SpongeBob! Quit playing that song! SpongeBob: [turns the music player off] Squidward: So, back to the Boating School...- [gets interrupted again and screams approaching towards SpongeBob] I told you not to play that again, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward, but I put a 20 in it and it already picked my favorite song 100 times in a row. [shows the music player having 99 on its counter and it flips to 98] Only 98 more times to go. Squidward: [grunts and throws SpongeBob to the music player and it falls on SpongeBob] SpongeBob: I'm Okay! Mrs. Sally Spitoon: [arrives] Heh! Tough guy aeiy! Squidward: Sorry about that. Mrs. Sally Spitoon: Nah! That's the sort of thing we like around here! In fact it was so tough I might have a little info for ya. I know someone who hate school and likes painting. This might be your guy. Squidward: This guy got a name? Mrs. Sally Spitoon: Sure does! Red Herring! SpongeBob: [arrives with discs on top] Oh boy Squidward, with a name like that he has to be our perp... our perp... our perp... our... [gets repeated due to the music player effect and Squidward taps it out making SpongeBob dizzy] Squidward: Come on SpongeBob, we're gonna hook us a Red Herring. [The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Squidward driving on the boat] SpongeBob: Look Squidward, that must be him! [they stop towards the Red Herring who is painting a wall nearby, they get off the boat and approach him] Squidward: [approaches and grabs Red Herring] Listen up, punk. I've got questions and you're gonna answer them. Really easy lad, ya hear! [eyes get closer on him] Red Herring: Oh yeah! [screams] Or what? Squidward: Or my partner will get the answers the hard way. [points at him] SpongeBob: [giggling while holding a horn on one hand and is scratching nails on chalkboard on the other, as well as having an eel from his head playing a party blowout to fabricate more noise] Red Herring: [gets afraid of him and is backed in a wall] No, no, anything but that! I'll talk! I'll talk! Squidward: Good. Is your name Red Herring? Red Herring: Yeah! How'd ya know? Squidward: We heard you hate school and love to paint. [shows Red Herring have red paint on his hands] Then we saw your um... work? [shows the wall written in red: "SKOOL IZ 4 DUMMIES"] Red Herring: Yeah! What's wrong with it? Squidward: Oh! Ah... nothing. We're not here about your spelling. We're here about the Boating School you vandalized last night! Red Herring: Last night? It couldn't have been me. I was hosting my public access painting show, on Live TV. [winks as the scene cuts to him painting inside a live-action TV in full color; flashback on TV] And in this corner, We'll paint the nice little trees. [sprays graphitti on the tree in the painting] Just for us. Squidward: [cuts to present] Live TV, eh? Hmm. [guesses] Pretty good alibi. Looks like we caught the wrong fish. SpongeBob: [starts crying and flying away tears] We're never gonna find our perp...! [continues to cry and his eyeballs fall on his mouth and back into his tears continuously] Red Herring: Uh, Is he gonna be Okay? Squidward: [zooms on his face] I doubt it, he was never okay to begin with. SpongeBob: [continues to cry and sniffs] Oh Squidward, don't you see? If we don't solve this case, Mrs. Puff may never open her boating school again. [sniffs] I'll never get to take another Boating Lesson! [continues to cry] Squidward: [gets an idea and figures something out] Of course! That's it! [leaves and drives in his boat away and the water from the tire gets thrown at SpongeBob] SpongeBob: I guess I'm walking home. [The scene cuts to Mrs. Puff's Boating School Lighthouse where Squidward arrives in his boat] Squidward: [gets off the boat] Mrs. Puff! Mrs. Puff! [looks up towards the lighthouse as the lightning strikes. Squidward climbs up the lighthouse and grunts. He finally reaches the top of the lighthouse with the glowing light on] Mrs. Puff! You here? I solved the case! Mrs. Puff: [shows up sweeping the lighthouse] Oh really? Squidward: Indeed! The identity of our mysterious vandal is you! [points at her with another lightning strike happening behind him] Mrs. Puff: [gasps] Me? Squidward: That's right! You were here last night! You vandalized your own School! You cried in front of everyone to seem innocent! And you did it all just to get out of giving SpongeBob another Boating Lesson! Mrs. Puff: [claps and walks toward Squidward] Very good, Mr. Squidward. You've got me. But now that you know, I can't have you ruining my plan! [points broomstick towards Squidward and screams as Squidward is held back on edge] Squidward: [looks below as he is intimidated] Wait! I said I know, I didn't say I care. In fact, I think it's a great idea! Mrs. Puff: You do? French Narrator: The Next Morning... [The episode is back in full color as SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs go to the Krusty Krab and notice it has been vandalized.] Mr. Krabs: [gasps] What happened to me restaurant? [points at SpongeBob] We can't open until you clean this mess up! Now get to work! SpongeBob: Aye-aye, Mr. Krabs! [The scene cuts to Goo Lagoon where Squidward and Mrs. Puff are relaxing in it and there is red stain on Squidward and Mrs. Puff's hand meaning they vandalized the Krusty Krab as well as a bucket of red paint in front of them and the music player next to Squidward. They click their cups and drink and Squidward taps the music player to play] Squidward: [narrating] Case Closed! SpongeBob Distracted! Work Avoided! Another Mystery Solved by: "Squidward Tentacles: Jazz Detective." [title shows onscreen and the episode ends]

Bitter Groans and Gardens [17.4b]

[The episode begins with Squidward tending his garden near his front lawn.] Squidward: Oh, my garden is perfect! I'm sure it'll win first prize: this year's Bikini Bottom garden competition. A luxury trip to the Mediterranean Seabed. [imagines himself on the beach at the Mediterranean Seabed with a Squidward lookalike fanning him with a leaf] Basking in the sun, olive oil covering my suntanning body, eating grapes off the vine, and best of all, no SpongeBob. [sighs while eating grapes in his imagination] [Suddenly, SpongeBob invades Squidward's imagination by taking over the lookalike's place.] SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward. Squidward: [bites his hand by accident, snapping him out of his daydream] Y'ah!!! SpongeBob?! Where did-?! What?! What?! What do you want?! SpongeBob: I wanted to tell you how much I love your garden. Squidward: [flattered] Really? Why, thank you, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: [sniffs the flowers and sighs] Oh, yeah. The flowers really spruce up the place. But, you know... Squidward: You said you'd love my garden. SpongeBob: I do! I just have some notes. Squidward: Notes? Well, if you know so much about it, go plant your own garden! SpongeBob: Great idea, Squidward! I'll dig right in! [leaves] Whee! [laughs] Squidward: [resumes watering his garden but suddenly becomes paranoid] Wait. What if SpongeBob really is good at gardening? N'ah! He lacks the artistic eye, the green thumb, and the grey matter to compete with me. [stretches and yawns] I need a beauty nap. Gotta look fresh when I'm accepting first prize. [heads inside to nap] French Narrator: One beauty nap later... Squidward: [opens door after nap and taps his chest] Ah! I awaken refreshed and- what the what? [he gets surprised by SpongeBob's garden nearby] [SpongeBob's garden in front of his house shines as Squidward approaches] SpongeBob: [slides next to Squidward] What do you think of my garden? [whispers] You're my inspiration. Squidward: [keeps staring] Oh my, it's beautiful! SpongeBob: What was that, Squidward? Squidward: [slaps himself] Um, I said, "uh, not bad for an amateur." Now leave me alone! [yells at SpongeBob and leaves] SpongeBob: He said it's not bad. Oww! [claps his hand and cheers in excitement] Squidward: [goes to his garden] Why did I encourage him? [slides down to his garden] If I'm still gonna win, I need to up my gardening game. [The scene cuts to Squidward continuing to plant seeds in his garden and getting worked up on it.] Squidward: Phew. Huh? [sees SpongeBob nearby continuing to grow more gardens] SpongeBob: [hums as he grows more gardens with water from his hose while skipping around] Squidward: [hammers a nail into a wood to build a garden gate and he gets worked up from it as he is almost done, he sighs and rubs sweat of his head] Phew. [looks to see SpongeBob] SpongeBob: [waves to Squidward and continues to water his garden as vines come out a form a garden gate] Huh? [he points at it] Squidward: [trims leaves to make a bush version of himself with a pruner and looks to see SpongeBob doing more progress again] SpongeBob: [trimms leave and kisses the bush causing it to bloom flowers of color with Jellyfishes, Hearts and Krabby Patties.] Squidward: [jaw drops at SpongeBob's garden and attempts to do the same, by kissing his bush, but the bush gets offended and slaps him instead. He growls in anger and goes to SpongeBob who is wiping flowers.] How are you doing this? You don't even have a green thumb. SpongeBob: [looks at his thumb] You're right, I don't. [his feet go towards Squidward] But I do have green toes. [whirls them around Squidward. A green grass beard and flowers grows from Squidward and SpongeBob continues to skip, sing, and forms a tiny rainbow] Squidward: [removes the beard] Looks like if I'm gonna win this competition. It's time for the oldest trick in the gardening handbook: Sabotage! [he goes to break rakes and shovels near SpongeBob's house and jumps on them] SpongeBob: [comes in] Squidward? What're ya doing? Squidward: What? Is it too harden to garden without tools? [grunts] SpongeBob: It is! That's why I borrowed yours. [points at Squidward's nose] Squidward: [gets surprised and looks at what is written on the rake handle] "Property of Squidward" Typical. [leaves in disappointemnt] SpongeBob: Boy, there sure is a lot about gardening that I don't understand. Squidward: [throws a bunch of items from a shack as he finds a bag of vermins] Let's see your garden grow when it's chocked with weed seeds. [Squidward goes to SpongeBob's garden. SpongeBob hums while walking and Squidward throws the weed seeds at the flowers nearby] Squidward: [laughs evily] It's working! [the rotten seeds bark at the flowers, but the flowers and roses hug them and they become delicate flowers much to Squidward's surprise.] Squidward: What? These seeds must be mislabled. [he runs towards his garden and throws them at his flowers. While he laughs, he witnesses the effect actually working with his own garden as the rotten flowers beat up the flowers around] That does it! No more Mr. Nice Squid! Time to bring out the heavy aerotillary! [cuts to him riding a plane with a toxic container in the back] Alright, wise guy! Let's see your garden survive a radioactive cloud. [sprays the radioactive cloud on the garden and causes the flowers and grass to wither in black] It's working. Oh, I need to get closer. [however, only temporarily as the flowers shine even brighter with the radioactivity causing it to sprout in vibrant colors, rivers and horn playing flowers as well] SpongeBob: [opens door and notices the change] Ah! Maybe I do have a good green thumb. Squidward: [in his plane flying and observing the change] What? [he leans closer] How is this garden becoming more beautiful? Even his clarinet plant plays better than me. [he and the radioactive container fall off the plane and Squidward screams. They land on Squidward's house, as the radioactive material spreads throughout his house and on Squidward himself as he removes his helmet. Squidward looks at his watch] Oh no, it's time for the garden contest judges to make their routes. How am I gonna win that Mediterranean vacation now? My garden is ruined. I'm a loser! [cries but gets an idea] Unless... I do the unspeakable! [Squidward goes to SpongeBob in his garden.] SpongeBob: Hi Squidward, how's the garden? Squidward: Terrible! It's completely ruined! You've got to... [stutters] You've got to... [continues to stutter] You've got to help me, alright! You've gotta help me! [grabs SpongeBob and begs him] SpongeBob: [gasps] Squidward: [frowns and removes his hands off SpongeBob] SpongeBob: [approaches him] Of course, Squidward! My pleasure. [The scene cuts to them in front of Squidward's garden] SpongeBob: Oh my, it's very... avant-garden! [giggles] Squidward: How did you do it, SpongeBob? [poses into ground] How did you grow garden so quickly? SpongeBob: [takes out a seed] First, I make sure that each and every seed knows that it is loved. [kisses seed and plants it] Squidward: [rolls his eyes] Oh boy, and then... SpongeBob: Then I spray everything with this Miracle Plant Grow Formula that I bought from the druid at the Renaissance Fair. [he takes it out and sprays it on a flower and it grows] Squidward: You're kidding me? SpongeBob: Oh no, I would never kid about druids. Check it out. [kisses a flower and sprays it] Squidward: [jaw drops] SpongeBob: [skips around the garden, spraying and kissing the flowers, which causes each of them to grow back] French Narrator: Meanwhile Across Town [The judges who are Mayor, Lady and Incidental F4 come to Incidental 82's garden and hum to each other while they write down their notes and judge. They do to Larry's Gym and take notes] Larry: Show 'em what yer working with, boys! [he and two coral trees next to him flex their muscles and biceps. The coral trees however send their thorns flying over to the judges which disappoint them as they write it down] Mr. Krabs: [he is watering his tree that has money on top and sniffs it] Ah! The judges won't notice if one dollar is missing from me money tree. [takes a dollar and kisses it. The judges come in and notice Mr. Krabs swirling around his money as he took it all out of the tree] Money, money, money! Money, money, money, money! [notices and judges and glares] Keep stepping! [the judges step away and leave. Mr. Krabs giggles and plays with money] [The judges head to the Chum Bucket, but are unfathomed with the sight of Plankton's garden that is filled with chum] Plankton: [sitting in a fence] What's the matter? Never seen a chum garden before? [gets sucked into the garden by one of the chums, the judges get disgusted and run away to the next house] SpongeBob: [continues skipping, spraying and kissing flowers in Squidward's garden] Squidward: [taps his foot rapidly in anticipation of the judges] SpongeBob: [kisses the ground, sprays it as a flower grows. He and the flower giggle with each other] Squidward: [taps his head and notices the judges coming and gets startled quickly. He runs towards SpongeBob spraying a flower] Oh, What's taking you so long? The judges are headed this way? SpongeBob: One cannot rush Mother Nature! Squidward: [grabs the Spray Formula] Watch me! [opens the jar and starts emptying it and spreading it everywhere] SpongeBob: Careful Squidward, that stuff is strong. Squidward: Yeah! Yeah! I got it! Now beat it, skippy. [he runs around emptying it throughout the garden] SpongeBob: Okay, La-la-la-la-la! [skips to leave] Squidward: [throws the formula all around the house and field and gets some spots on himself] Oh, great! This stuff better not stain. [The judges arrive to SpongeBob's house as his garden blooms in brightness which astonishes the judges] Lady: It's... Beautiful! Mayor: And so Whimsical! [They hum to each other] Incidental F4: Oh indeed! SpongeBob: [comes in] Glad you like it! Incidental F4: I think we should give First Prize right here and now! SpongeBob: Oh, I don't compete, I just garden for the thrill of it. Besides the real jewel of Bikini Bottom Gardens is next door. Mayor, Lady, Incidental F4: Really?! [they drop their papers and pencils and run to Squidward's house] [Squidward's house has transformed into a full green glowing garden and the judges gasp at its sight] Lady: It is truly glorious! Incidental F4: My breath is taken away! Squidward: You... really like it? Mayor, Lady, Incidental F4: Huh? [look around] Mayor: Who said that? Squidward: Up here! [the judges look up and see Squidward who has been revealed to have become a tree] Incidental F4: Now that's what I call, "Dedication to Gardening." Mayor: It's the most amazing thing I have ever seen! Squidward: [moving his teeth] Yes, I am beautiful! Gaze upon me! Lady: We should award him First Prize! Mayor and Incidental F4: [nod] Agree! SpongeBob: [comes in] Congratulations, Squidward! I knew you could do it. Squidward: I won? I really won! [shakes as a tree] Mediterranean Sea, here I come! [tries to get out but cannot] Wait! I'm rooted in place! [shakes] How can I travel if I'm rooted in place? Mayor: [guesses] Hmm? Good point. I know! [pulls a brochure] We'll give the vacation to your friend here on your behalf. Incidental F4: Works for me! Squidward: [grunts in dismay] SpongeBob: [gets the brochure from the Mayor] Thanks, Squidward! You can count on me to have a great time for you! [leaves] Squidward: [sighs] Well, at least I'll get some peace and quiet. [Multiple clams and sea bunnies get on top him chirping and nibble on him] Hey, get off me! Get! Cut it! Get! Cut it out! Quit it! [screams] Just stop the nibbling!

Episode 5

The Fry Cook And The Elves [17.5a]

[The episode opens at the Krusty Krab.] SpongeBob: Todo do do do! [humming and walking into the Krusty Krab. He swings on the sign pole and slides right into the Krusty Krab] Good Morning, Krusty Krab! [the kitchen door is causing noise and Squidward is going to the register boat and listening to his headphones] Huh? [SpongeBob enters the Kitchen] Oh! Mr. Krabs: [holding a broom against sea urchains] Out! Out! Ya filthy little pigs! [tries to hit them but trips over. Gets back up and swings broom at them. One of the sea urchins bite his buttocks and he screams] Me bridges have been breached. [picks the sea urchin and when he notices the other three urchins standing in front of the backdoor, he throws the sea urchin at them like a bowling bowl] Yah! [the sea urchin hits them outside and he closes the door] SpongeBob: Nice bowling form, Mr. K. Mr. Krabs: [grabs a bun] Cut the nibble edges off of these buns and get them in rotation. [walks away] [Scene bubble transitions to SpongeBob cooking Krabby Patties] SpongeBob: [gets radio waves from his holes] Uh-oh! My holes are tingling. Someone's watching me. [slides to next of the backdoor and looks down] Sea urchins: [whimpering and getting hungry] SpongeBob: Oh, it's you guys. I better take care of you before Mr. Krabs sees you. [clicks a button in the spatula, revealing an axe] Sea urchins: [gasp] SpongeBob: [giggles as he swings his axe in horror mode cutting the patty] Sea urchins: [whimper and shiver in fear, and then sigh when SpongeBob hands them cut pieces of a Krabby Patty] Ah! SpongeBob: Go ahead! Mange! So cute. [goes inside and closes door] [The sea urchins transform into elves.] Nack: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's eat. [he and the other elves go to eat patties] French Narrator: [narrating time card] One Busy Day Later... SpongeBob: [exits Kitchen] That was quite a long day. [Mr. Krabs comes in counting money] Eh, Mr. Krabs? I'm better it's over now. [takes off hat] Mr. Krabs: [puts hit hat back on] Not for you, boyo. Special order from King Neptune just came in. [shows him an order of King Neptune in a scroll written on it "The Royal Majesty King Neptune requests an order of 10,000 Krabby Patties by 8am." SpongeBob: Ten Thousand Krabby Patties by 8am! [looks stunned] Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Yeh-heh-heh! I know, isn't it wonderful? [puts scroll in his pocket and grabs SpongeBob to the Kitchen] Have fun kiddo! [leaves] SpongeBob: [deflates] Mr. Krabs: [drives away in his boat during the nighttime]

Episode 6

Plankton's Squeeze Play [17.6a]

Squidward: [growls as his body gathers back together on the kitchen floor] What did I tell you about locking the freezer when I'm inside?!

SpongeBob: [freaks out and covers his eyes] I didn't know it was casual Friday! I'm so sorry, Squidward. I can't believe I locked my best friend in the freezer!

Squidward: I've told you before: we're not best friends!

SpongeBob: D'oh! That joke gets funnier every time. [takes the patty and exits the kitchen]

How the West Was Dumb [17.6b]

[The episode begins with SpongeBob sitting on a rolled-up green mattress bound with yellow ropes to mimic a saddle in his living room, watching a black-and-white western movie on his television.] SpongeBob: Yee-haw! Cowboy: [on television] Howdy, partner. SpongeBob: [uses a bubble wand to blow a colorful, neon bubble cowboy hat onto his head and bubble cowboy boots onto his feet, then blinks his eyes as they turn into bubble binoculars] Howdy. Gary: [slithers past the TV screen] Meow. SpongeBob: [dips his wand again and blows a spinning bubble lasso] Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay! [He throws the lasso, wrapping it around Gary's shell, and pulls himself forward to hop on Gary's back] Easy there, little snaily. [He pats Gary's shell] Giddyup, Gary! Ride 'em! [Gary's eyes turn blood-red with anger. He grunts, slamming his shell into the floor, flattening himself completely before springing back up. SpongeBob is launched upward, bouncing violently off the walls and ceiling before crashing through the front wooden door, leaving a silhouette-shaped hole.] [Cut to the exterior of the pineapple. SpongeBob is lying flat on his back. His bubble boots and hat pop. He groans, sits up, and the bubble boots and hat instantly reform.] SpongeBob: Huh. I guess Gary doesn't wanna play horsey. That's okay! I know just where to go to get my Wild West on! [SpongeBob skips down the road, whistling and singing.] [Bubble transition to Sandy's treedome.] SpongeBob: [skips toward the airlock door] ♪ I'll be comin' round the treedome when I come. ♪ [He presses the bright red doorbell button] Sandy: [o.c., through the intercom speaker] Who is it? SpongeBob: [leaning in close, speaking in a thick cowboy drawl] I'm a-puttin' together a posse, ma'am. We got acorn rustlers in town. [The heavy steel airlock door suddenly explodes outward, flattening SpongeBob underneath. Sandy leaps out, wearing a cowboy hat, red bandana, and a gold star badge, spinning a rope.] Sandy: Acorn rustlers?! Where?! Let me at 'em! [SpongeBob lifts the massive metal door off himself, giggling as bubbles rise from his hat. Sandy looks down, spits a piece of straw out of her mouth, and glares at him.] SpongeBob: [giggles] Sandy: [her face turns hyper-realistic and menacing] Very funny, SpongeBob. But I don't joke about... acorns! [Her face snaps back to normal animation.] Sandy: What you doing in here? SpongeBob: Can you teach me how to be a real cowboy, Sandy? Please? [He clasps his hands, eyes sparkling] It looks like a heap of fun! Sandy: Sure I can! First, let's see what you already know. Can you spit? [SpongeBob takes a deep breath, inflating his body like a yellow balloon, and spits. A single thick drop of blue drool leaks out, dangling slowly from his chin. Sandy watches it drip onto the sand, unimpressed.] Sandy: We'll work on that. All right! Now show me your mustache! SpongeBob: [grunts and strains, turning deep red. A massive, bushy brown mustache sprouts on his face, which is suddenly covered in actual baked beans.] Sandy: Perfect! And extra points for already having beans in it. [SpongeBob stretches out a long tongue, licking up some of the beans, before his mustache is sucked back into his face.] Sandy: Well, golly, SpongeBob, that's just about all there is to being a cowboy. The only thing left to cover is horsemanship. Good thing I just finished repairing Sparky! [Sandy presses a button on a remote control. A metallic garage door slides open, revealing Sparky—a blue robotic horse with lightbulbs for ears and a vacuum hose for a tail.] Sandy: [walks over to Sparky as he steps out] Good boy. [She feeds him a metallic peach with a screw for a stem] SpongeBob: And I have a bubbly bronco right here! [He shakes his jar of bubble soap and blows a horse-shaped bubble, hopping onto its back] Sandy: [hops onto Sparky's saddle] To get your horse going, just give him a little giddyup! [She taps a red button on Sparky's side with her boot] [Sparky's rear legs transform into burning rocket boosters, launching him forward in a massive cloud of dust that completely covers SpongeBob.] SpongeBob: Giddyup, please. [The bubble horse remains completely still] Sandy: [rides back, coughing] Those bubble boots ain't gonna get your horse moving, SpongeBob. You need spurs! SpongeBob: Oh. [He taps his chin] Huh. I have just enough bubble soap left! [He brushes soap onto the heels of his boots, blowing spinning bubble spurs] [The bubble spurs spin rapidly. The bubble horse whinnies and bolts forward, catching up to Sandy.] SpongeBob: Whoa there, bubble feller! Sandy: Looking good, SpongeBob! I think you're ready for a real cowboy adventure! SpongeBob: Oh, I don't know, Sandy. What if I pop my pony? I'm all out of bubble soap. [He holds up his empty bottle] Sandy: Ain't no problem! I outfitted Sparky here with a bubble sniffer. [She taps Sparky's blinking radar device] We can hunt down more on the way. There ain't nothing more cowboy than riding out in search of your fortune! [Mr. Krabs walks past on a nearby path, carrying a red rubber hot-water bottle filled with money. He stops as his eyes pop out of his head.] Mr. Krabs: Fortune?! SpongeBob: Wow! Just imagine... all that treasure could be mine! Sandy: That's right! You'll be one wealthy bubble blower. [SpongeBob rides away on his bubble horse, laughing excitedly.] Mr. Krabs: [peeks from behind a rock, rubbing his claws greedily] Fortune? Treasure? Wealth? That should all be mine! But should I really jump their claim? [He rubs his chin, thinking] Of course I should! This crab's going desperado! [He pulls a black cowboy hat out of his pants and grabs a green hobby horse with a seahorse head] Good thing I still have Pearl's old hobby horse. [A fiery background appears behind the hobby horse as it whinnies fiercely. Cut back to Mr. Krabs smiling.] Mr. Krabs: Hi-yah! [He rides off, grunting] [Bubble transition to a desert canyon. SpongeBob and Sandy ride past as golden sponge tumbleweeds roll by.] [Sparky's lightbulb ears blink green as he sniffs the ground.] Sandy: Sparky's picked up the scent! [Sparky stretches his neck over a cliff edge, pointing down toward a river.] SpongeBob: Oh, boy! [slides down the cliff on his bubble horse, splashing into the river] [SpongeBob's head pops out of the water.] SpongeBob: This stream looks like the perfect place to find bubble soap! [He pulls a black frying pan from his back and scoops up some mud] [He pans the mud, revealing glowing colorful bubbles and a single gold nugget.] SpongeBob: Darn! Just bubbles. Just have to get these pesky gold nuggets out of here. [He flings the gold nugget over his shoulder] Sandy: [rides Sparky into the river] Whoa there, partner. Sorry to burst your bubble, but these might be fool's bubbles. [She grabs a bubble and squeezes it, making a dull squeak] Yep. SpongeBob: [disappointed] Oh, nerts. [On top of the cliff, the gold nugget SpongeBob threw lands on Mr. Krabs' snout with a clink.] Mr. Krabs: [gasps, his eyes spinning like gold coins] Gold?! [He grabs the nugget] If SpongeBob's throwing this away, imagine what he's keeping! [He laughs greedily] That's the kind of sugar Papa likes! He-he-he-he! [He runs along the cliff edge] [Bubble transition to a steep rock wall.] [SpongeBob is climbing the cliff wall, sweating and straining.] SpongeBob: Just... a... little... further... [He grabs a loose rock, which breaks off, sending him falling] ...got... it... [Sandy rides Sparky vertically up the rock wall, spinning her lasso.] Sandy: Howdy! SpongeBob: Oh, yeah, flying is easier. [He blows a giant hot air balloon bubble around himself and floats up to the top of the cliff] [He lands safely next to Sandy at the top of the cliff, and the bubble pops.] [Sparky vacuums up a small puddle of water. His lightbulb ears turn green.] Sandy: This must be the place. Thanks, Sparky. Now let's get to work! [SpongeBob scoops mud into his pan again.] SpongeBob: I don't get it. Where are all the bubbles? [He steps backward, bare foot landing on a glowing green rock.] SpongeBob: Ouch! [He hops on one foot, clutching his toe] Stupid rock. [He grunts, lifting a massive gold boulder and throwing it off the cliff] No, darn it, it's just more gold. [Underneath where the boulder sat, a massive geyser of colorful bubble soap shoots out of the ground.] SpongeBob: Wow! Sandy: Hot dog, SpongeBob! You must've hit the bubble lode! [Sparky licks up the bubbles. Sandy scoops the bubble soap into two large burlap sacks, tying them shut.] [At the bottom of the cliff, the gold boulder lands directly on Mr. Krabs, crushing him flat.] Mr. Krabs: Ow... my aching back... [groans, taking a bite of the sand] Tastes even better than a Krabby Patty. I'll see you in two to five days. [Bubble transition to nighttime. Glowing jellyfish constellations light up the sky.] Sandy: Now that the day is done, it's time to make camp for the night. SpongeBob: [excited, holding a can of beans] Just like real cowboys? Sandy: That's right! [She pulls a lever on Sparky's saddle] [Sparky's leg turns into a buzzsaw, slicing logs into a neat pile. He then shoots fire from his tail exhaust to light the campfire.] [Two sleeping bags are set up. SpongeBob sits on a log. Mr. Krabs peeks over the cliff edge at the two burlap sacks.] Mr. Krabs: [whispering] The treasure! Sandy: And no cowboy campout is complete without a little cowboy song! SpongeBob: Oh, goody! [He shoves a massive spoonful of beans into his mouth, chewing loudly] Sandy: [plays her acoustic guitar and sings] ♪ When you're a cowboy, you don't say hello, you tip your hat and say howdy. ♪ [A real-life squirrel wearing a cowboy hat tips its hat on screen.] Sandy: ♪ You don't drive to work 'cause you'd look like a jerk, ride a galloping horse, buckaroo! ♪ [The real-life squirrel rides a brown horse next to a blue convertible on a highway.] Sandy: ♪ There's no watching TV or looking at screenies, a cowboy would find that stuff strange. ♪ [SpongeBob continues eating beans, stacking the empty cans.] Sandy: ♪ They work all the day, and then hit the hay, and dream about riding the range. ♪ [The real-life squirrel holds a pitchfork in a barn, then falls asleep under a green blanket on a pile of hay.] Sandy: ♪ Oh, cowboys sing about cowboys, when the cowboying day is all done. ♪ [Mr. Krabs sneaks into the camp, unplugs Sparky's power cord from a cactus outlet, and ties SpongeBob's bubble horse's leash to the cactus.] Sandy: ♪ 'Cause cowboys are cowboys, and if you're a cowboy, then nothing else seems quite as fun. Yes, cowboys are cowboys, and if you're a cowboy, then nothing else seems quite as fun! ♪ [Sandy finishes her song. She places a pink blanket over the sleeping SpongeBob.] Sandy: Night, SpongeBob. [She climbs into her sleeping bag and falls asleep] [Mr. Krabs sneaks over, hoisting the two burlap sacks onto his back.] Mr. Krabs: [giggles quietly] Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold... [grunts] Oof. Thought the gold would be heavier. Guess I don't know my own strength! [He walks away, but accidentally kicks an empty bean can, which clatters. He freezes, sweating, but relaxes as SpongeBob and Sandy continue to snore.] Mr. Krabs: Phew. [He continues walking, stepping in a puddle of spilled beans and leaving a brown sticky footprint on the ground.] SpongeBob: [wakes up, gasping] My... beans! Sandy: [wakes up, grabbing SpongeBob's face] My beans, SpongeBob! We've been bushwhacked! Look! [They see Mr. Krabs running away with the sacks.] Mr. Krabs: Hi-ho, hobby horse! Away! SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?! Sandy: Quick, saddle up! [Sandy hops onto Sparky, but Sparky's lightbulbs flicker out and he whinnies weakly.] Sandy: Oh, no! Sparky's done lost his spark! SpongeBob: [points to the sky] And my bubble bronc is bobbing away! [The bubble horse floats up past the moon] Sandy: Don't worry, partner. A cowboy always has a backup plan. Activate manual mode! [Sandy pokes her fingers into Sparky's nostrils. Sparky's side panel opens up, and Sandy inserts a backup battery. Sparky's legs fold in as rocket thrusters emerge, igniting with fire.] Sandy: Let's get that varmint! Yah! [Sparky rockets forward, leaving a trail of fire] [Mr. Krabs runs, panting, with the sacks. He hears a rocket roar and looks back, terrified.] Mr. Krabs: Huh?! [Sandy and SpongeBob are catching up quickly.] Mr. Krabs: Ah! Hot springs! [He runs through a field of boiling hot springs. The hot water causes his woolen pants to shrink tightly, turning them into tiny striped underpants] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ah! [He runs out of the water, shivering] [Sandy and SpongeBob rocket right through the hot springs behind him.] [Mr. Krabs runs into a dense patch of tall green cacti.] Mr. Krabs: Ouch! Oof! Ow! Ow! Ow! [He gets poked repeatedly as he squeezes through] [Sandy and SpongeBob rocket easily over the cacti.] [Mr. Krabs runs out of the cacti, panting, and stops as his eyes pop out.] [A toll booth appears with a pink-striped barrier. A green fish wearing sunglasses sits inside.] Toll Booth Agent: Stop. Toll booth. Mr. Krabs: Let me through! Toll Booth Agent: That'll be one dollar, sir. Mr. Krabs: [throws a dollar bill at the agent] Keep the change. [The barrier lifts. Mr. Krabs runs through, and the barrier immediately closes behind him.] [Sandy and SpongeBob approach on Sparky.] Sandy: Out of the way! [She flips a switch labeled with a horseshoe on Sparky's neck] [Sparky's snout turns into a horseshoe launcher, firing metal horseshoes.] [The horseshoes wrap around Mr. Krabs' neck, claws, and legs, pinning him to a large rock.] Mr. Krabs: Oof! [Sandy and SpongeBob ride up and stop in front of him.] Sandy: It's the end of the line, Eugene! Mr. Krabs: The treasure's mine! All mine! No one can take it from me! [He bites into one of the sacks] SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, don't do it! [The sack pops, and a high-pressure stream of colorful, concentrated bubble soap squirts directly into Mr. Krabs' eyes.] Mr. Krabs: [screams in pain as his eyeballs swell up into massive, bloodshot pink bubbles] Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh! [The giant balloon eyes float Mr. Krabs up into the air. He floats helplessly as the bubbles release small bubbles, whimpering.] [Suddenly, the balloon eyes pop with a loud bang. Mr. Krabs falls from the sky and lands flat on his back, groaning in pain as his eyes return to normal.] Sandy: [walks up to him, looking down] Sorry about your bubbles, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: [jumps onto Mr. Krabs' chest, posing heroically] That's okay, Sandy. The real bubbles are the cowboys we bronco'd along the way. Sandy: [crosses her arms] SpongeBob, that don't make a lick of sense. [A close-up shot of Mr. Krabs groaning on the ground plays as a black circle iris-out transition closes in on his face, fading the scene to black.]