Talk:Charlie Brooker

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There, I complied with your silly cleanup rules. I'm sure this page is 10 times more informative now it has lots of pointless bullet points and italicised text. Boy, do I love bureaucracy! 20:53, 20 December 2006 (UTC)

I completed the cleanup, which included removing quote marks and adding categories. ~ UDScott 21:09, 20 December 2006 (UTC)
I've readded the cleanup tag for one remaining task that I've left uncompleted: making source information explicit. Contrary to our anonymous friend's rant above, this is not pointless bureaucracy. Web pages are routinely moved or removed from websites, so bare hyperlinks frequently break. Even with historical tools like Google and the Internet Archive, we can't always find the original source with only a URL. But this is a much easier task when complete information on the source is provided, like article title, date, publication, author, etc.
I have fleshed out and reformatted a number of sources, and in the process found one "Screen Burn" quote that seems to be no longer available on the web. (I probably could have found it if I'd had a URL or a publication date.) However, I'm out of time for the moment, so I ask for assistance in finishing this "pointful" cleanup. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 03:08, 19 August 2007 (UTC)


Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable and precise source for any quote on this list please move it to Charlie Brooker.


  • While aspirational adverts serve a purpose, i.e. selling you stuff, aspirational programming doesn't. It just feeds the void, the sense of lack, the gulf between them and you. It stokes it up and up and up like a low self-esteem engine until finally where can you turn for a solution...[pointing to a homeless alcoholic (really an actor)] where d'ya think?...The solution being change yourself. Yeah! Toss your wardrobe out, wear the same uniform as the rest of us! Or look how smouldering and happy Nigella is, maybe cookery'll save you. Or saw your face off and get it remade properly! Yeah, maybe that'll help, maybe then you'll fit in! Surely it's a rum state of affairs when TV actively encourages you to hack yourself apart in the name of self-worth! I mean, hacking up a stranger, that I can understand, but this is just sick!
  • Now, let's get something straight, OK, I love Doctor Who. It somehow bypasses the cynical, nasty, gnarled bit of my brain completely, and plugs straight into my gurgling overgrown child. I love the fact that it's a big populist drama driven by ideas. Plus, it scares kids shitless, and I hate kids, so the longer they spend cowering in terror, the better.
  • What is the point of getting an orchestra to record a great version of the Doctor Who theme tune, and then getting someone in to jabber all over the top of it? Talk about putting the cunt into continuity!
    • On the revived series of Doctor Who
  • "Ann Widdecombe versus prostitution" sounds like the world's ultimate Hobson's choice.
  • The fact is that all men in advertising these days are swaggering blokey cocks.
  • [Advert voiceover] Who said you can't lose weight and enjoy yourself?
    [Brooker] I don't know, Bobby Sands?
  • Say what you like about Gordon Ramsey, he's not afraid to call a spade a fucking cunt.

Big Brother[edit]

  • When we look at Big Brother, do we grasp what it means to be alive in the early part of the 21st century? No. It's a gaudy circus act in which apes get goaded with sticks while the public throw rocks at them. As the world floats ever closer to a third world war, TV shows like Big Brother are essentially little more than brightly-coloured, lightbulb-studded arrows, pointing away from the problem.
  • A man so slow he probably has to whistle before he goes to the toilet so that he knows which end to shit through.
    • On Jack Tweed, Jade Goody's then-boyfriend from series 3 of Screenwipe, while reviewing Celebrity Big Brother 2007

You Have Been Watching[edit]

  • People comment that Ronnie Biggs is the new Robin Hood. You remember Robin Hood? He gave a train driver brain damage then pissed off to Brazil.