Talk:Rik Mayall

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• "I don't consider myself a comedian…more of a phenomenon."
• "Ha-ha! Missed both my legs!"(After being hit in the groin with a cricket bat)
• "My enormous penis, obviously." (On what he considers his greatest achievement)
• "I found a shiny silver penny on the floor of my house today."(After his quadbike accident)
• "What does a man with a two foot cock have for breakfast? Well, this morning I had a boiled egg."
• "I don't like to talk about myself because I don't want people to know who I am."
• "Whenever I'm nearta the theatre I ask myself this question...."
• "Whenever I'm nearta a friend in the theatre I ask him this question with my eyes *Rolls eyes* He sighs, and replies like all the other guys... "I don't know""
• "It takes more than a firetruck to stop Drop Dead Fred!"
• "Who's up for snot flicking?"
• "If something's not working properly, the best thing to do is tear it apart to make it better."
• "Oh, and how many cows have you seen sitting next to the fire, nestling over slippers Alan? Not a lot! Oh go and fetch a paper from the newsagents, Daisy!" (In a debate with 'Vim Fuego' over whether cows are domesticated animals on the Bad News Album)
• "I say, what a smashing blouse!"
• "Is my skid-mark showing?"
• "You thorough and total wank-biscuit!"
• "Fire away duckie, I'm all ears!"
• "I have a one way ticket to oblivion and I'm going to raise hell getting there!"
• "I may be packing the kind of tackle you'd expect to find swinging between the hind legs of a grand national winner, but I'm not completely stupid".
• "You bastard! You complete and utter bastard!".
• "It says nothing. Except "I don't know, ask Vanessa Redgrave." But I don't know Vanessa Redgrave!"
• "Hey-ho, another day. Good morning, world. You bastard!"
• "Listen to me, buster. You're just a door. I'm Rik fucking Mayall!"