The Ladies Man
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- If you are a rich lady, and I have boned you...Please meet me at the Nacho Cart. If you are a rich lady, and would like to be boned...Please meet me at the Nacho Cart
- You just ate some human shit!
- You're a bad mailman! And this is not from Jimmie Walker!
- [Leon Rounding off the show] "What is Love? What is this longing in our hearts for togetherness? Is it not the sweetest flower? Does not this flower of love have the fragrant aroma of fine, fine Diamonds? Does not the wind love the Dirt? Is not love not unlike the unlikely not it is unlikened to? Are you with someone tonight? Do not question your love. Take your lover by the hand. Release the power within yourself. You heard me, release the power. Tame the wild cosmos with a whisper. Conquer heaven with one intimate caress. That's right don't be shy. Whip out everything you got and do it in the butt! By Leon Phelps"
- First of all I will say something classy like.... Hey Baby can I buy you a Fish Sandwich?"
- Leon answering a call: " Yeah, well, you suffer from homo-unerectus. That means your wang is hugeified not by women but by a man
- So.....you....don't want a fish sandwich?
- How long have you been uhh nunnin' it up? Ya thas coo.
- Yeah, that's Da Butt
- Listen, I was wondering. Can I ask you a question? Uh... was your father a meat burglar? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole 2 fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress
- Don't you worry Julie, I'm a man of action; I have a plan for this type of thing. There is only one thing to do... I must go and have sex, and wait for something to randomly happen. It will work out, you'll see. It will randomly work out.
- Well I still live in the streets, and occasionally find myself waking up in the streets.
- And Lance, well you're clearly gay. I think we all know that. But you tried to oil me up, and thats not cool.
- I am Julie's piano, I am Julie's piano. That's a song I wrote for you Julie.
- Hey there sweet thang, can I get some more hot sauce. I"m sorry, what were you saying sweet thang?
- Well that's nice. I got everything but the glass.
- Yes. Dually noted.
- Because there's more motion, in the ocean.
- If you've got the corvosier we can put some of that in here too, haha
- Man, id like to take a bite out of your butt.
- Caller #1: "Yes, uh, Ladies Man. I-I have a problem. I'm having a hard time finding the right lady. I-I've dated a few, but none of them are hot enough"
Soul Station Manager
- Mr. Phelps, I see you've listed 'debit' under your hobbies?
- IT'S JERRY'S BIGGEST, FUNNIEST YET! (original ad - all caps)
- "He's wacky!" - "He's Shweet!" - "He's the most!" - "He's the end!" - "He's dopey!" - "He's fast!" - "He's silly!" -"He's the nuts!"
- Everyone's talking about Jerry Lewis as The Ladies Man???
- He's a handyman in a Hollywood hotel -- for girls only!