The Loud House/Season 1
The Loud House Season 1
Left in the Dark (1.1)
- Lincoln: [marks calendar] It's finally here: the live season finale of the GREATEST! SHOW! EVER! [to viewers] All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself: "Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show." And you'd be right; every Sunday at eight it's the same thing. [flashback of his sisters fighting over the remote] But tonight, I have a plan.
- Lucy: Sorry, Lincoln, I can't miss my vampires. Edwin is so cold and tormented and mysterious. Sigh. If only he wasn't from another century...
- Lincoln: [gets an idea] Another century! That's okay, Lucy. You watch your show on the big color TV. I'll just go watch my show on Dad's crummy old black and white TV.
- Lucy: Black and white are my favorite colors.
- Lincoln: Yeah, it'll make watching my show a little bit more... spooky!
- Lucy: Spooky is also my favorite color.
- [Many of the Loud kids murmur in confusion about the power outage.]
- Lori: All right! All right! Everybody just calm down!
- Leni: Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!
- Lori: No, you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?
- Lincoln: I was just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out.
- Lori: Of course it was your fault, Lincoln.
- [All the other sisters complain about what their brother did.]
- Lincoln: What? All I did was plug in some dumb old TV!
- [The sisters still won't listen to their brother.]
- Luan: Hey! I know why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other! [laughs as her siblings sigh] Get it? Get it?
- Lisa: That one was so good, it deserves a cookie. [hands her one]
- Luan: "Oh, thanks. [eats it] "So anyway, what did one light bulb say to the other? [suddenly starts glowing]
- [Clyde enters the room]
- Clyde: Cadet Clyde reporting for duty! [notices Lori] L-L-Lori? Red alert. Red alert. Does not compute. Circuit overload. Must abort mission. [leaves]
- Lincoln: [to the viewers] I told you it gets awkward.
Get the Message (1.2)
- Lana: No running in the hallway!
- Lincoln: Huh? What are you talking about?
- Lola: Lana, is this maggot giving you lip? [writes a ticket]
- Lana: We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home.
- [They stick the ticket to Lincoln's head with gum]
- Lola: If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes.
- Luan: [in a cardboard jail cell] Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months! [laughs] Get it?
- Lola: That's five more minutes, dirtbag!
- Lincoln: Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear."
- Lana: NO SWEARING!
- Lincoln: Clyde, what have I done?! I called Lori a [a guitar riff is heard over his voice] when she's actually a [harp strings are heard]!
- Lori: [plucking her nose, while talking to Bobby] If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little-- [notices Lincoln's letter on the floor] What's this? [picks it up and reads it] "Why Lori is the worst sister ever"?! Bobby, I gotta go. I'm gonna turn Lincoln into a human pretzel! [Lincoln is scratching his head and jumps in shocked as Lori burst out of the bathroom with the letter on her hand showing the letter to him] LINCOLN! WHAT IS THIS?!
- Lincoln: Well, it's time to do the official dance of the Loud House: the Running Man! [puts on his new googles and starts to dance away from Lori's wrath]
- Lori: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GONNA-- [Luna emerges, censoring Lori's rant of rage with her rock music]
Heavy Meddle (2.1)
- Lynn: [carrying a boy] I found him!
- [the Loud sisters surround the boy Lynn is carrying]
- Lori: How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that.
Making the Case (2.2)
- [Outside the Loud House, Lincoln comes back depressed]
- Lincoln: I sure hope that worked. [opens the door only to find out that his sisters are STILL furious] It didn't work.
- Lori: [sternly] Lincoln...
- Lincoln: [apologetically] I know I embarrassed you and I can't undo it, and I'm sorry, but the least I could do was embarrass myself right along with you, that way we'd all be even!
- Lynn: Even? You think this makes us even?
- Lincoln: Well, I was trying to-
- Lynn: Yours was way worse!
- Lori: [cheerfully] Yeah! That video was hysterical!
- [The girls surround Lincoln and ensure him that they forgive him]
- Lincoln: So, we're good?
- Lucy: We're good...brother.
- Luan: Sorry you didn't win the trophy.
- Lori: But we really appreciate what you did and thought you deserved something. [hands him a tiny trophy]
- Lincoln: Wow. Thanks, guys.
- [Lola and Lynn hug him and Luna pats him on the head; he runs to the case and places the trophy in his spot]
- Lincoln: Most Improved Brother. [to the viewers] I did it. My sisters no longer despise me, Cristina's switching classes, and I finally made the case.
- [Another flatulent sound occurs and the other girls look at Lori suspiciously]
- Lori: It was my shoe!
Driving Miss Hazy (3.1)
- Lincoln: Okay, first, fasten your seat belt.
- [Lola puts her beauty pageant sashes on them to simulate the seat belts]
- Leni: That was easy.
- Lincoln: Next, check your mirrors.
- Leni: Why?! Do I look bad?!
- Lincoln: No no no! No! I meant-
- Leni: Stop the car! I can't drive in this hideous condition! [comes back now wearing a helmet] That's better.
- Lincoln: [sighs] Lesson 12: Avoiding road hazards. There's a squirrel in the road. What do you do?
- [Lily, in a squirrel costume, speaks squirrel language]
- Leni: Aahhhhhhhhh!
- Lincoln: This is a brake pedal. What does the brake pedal do? [beat] White shoes after Labor Day!
- Leni: Ew, stop!
- Lincoln: Exactly. This is the gas pedal. What does the gas pedal do? [beat] Boots from the 60's.
- Leni: Go-go!
No Guts, No Glori (3.2)
- Lincoln: [drinking lemonade] Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game. [gets out a copy of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter and smells it.] Love that new game smell. [Suddenly picks up another scent; one that worries him] Wait a minute. [sniffs again] Is that...Oh no!
- [Soon, his sisters start picking up the scent as well]
- Lucy: Sniff. Sniff.
- Lincoln: Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing. [checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is...] Date night! Which can only mean one other thing!
- Rita: Lori's in charge, do what she says, bye! [leaves]
- Lincoln: NOOOOOOOOO! She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the Queen of-
- Lori: [from upstairs] NO! [unplugs Luna's amplifiers] NO MUSIC! [tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash] NO MUD PIES! [approaches Leni who's talking on the phone] NO-
- Leni: Way! That's totes cray cray.
- Lori: [hangs up Leni's call] No phone calls. AND NO VIDEO GAMES! [takes away Lincoln's game]
The Sweet Spot (4.1)
- Lincoln: The back row is so far away from Mom and Dad, that it turns into the wild, wild west.
- [Flashback; Lola and Lana look at each other angrily while Lincoln is seen with a comic book and soda between them]
- Lola: Stop looking at me.
- Lana: You stop looking at me!
- [Lola and Lana fight near Lincoln; The fight stops shortly with Lincoln looking messy]
- Lincoln: Come on! We haven't even left the driveway yet!
- Lynn Sr.: [crying over the destruction of Vanzilla caused by the siblings fighting over the best seat of Vanzilla] That was my first car, and my dad's first car, and his dad's first car!
- Rita: (enraged] ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, BACK INSIDE! THE ROAD TRIP IS OFF! YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND SITTING TOGETHER IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL YOU LEARN TO GET ALONG!
A Tale of Two Tables (4.2)
- Lana: Hey, Lincoln, do you like seafood? [sticks his tongue out to show chewed food See? Food. Bleh!
- Lola: Hey, Lucy! [puts fries on outside of her mouth as if they were vampire fangs] I vant to suck your blood!
- Lincoln: Can I have my dinner in peace?
- Lana: Did you say "peas"?
- Lincoln: Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you- [flatulence]
- Lynn Sr.: Lincoln Loud, that is enough!
Project Loud House (5.1)
- Lisa: [with a first aid ointment] Here's the antidote.
- Lincoln: Thank you! [suspicious] Wait a second...
- [He tests it on Walt the bird, who suddenly puffs up like a blimp]
- Lincoln: [annoyed] The real antidote?
- Lisa: Fine. Hairless apes: two, science: zero. [gives him the actual antidote and goes to the car]
- Lincoln: [hands it to a relieved Leni] Here.
- Lucy: [reads one of her poems] Failure. It's all your fault, this streak of bad luck. No escape from this cycle in which you are stuck.
- Lincoln: Stop! I've got a poem for you now, it's called "Lucy"! Dark as night, hair like tar. Take your spooky self to the car.
- Lucy: Sigh. Once again, your poetic brilliance has put me to shame.
In Tents Debate (5.2)
- [the Loud sisters complain about their vacation campsite]
- Lynn: That place is the worst! Bears always steal our food!
- [Lily roars like a bear]
- Leni: And we have to sleep on the hard ground!
- Lola: And poop in the woods!
- Lana: I like pooping in the woods.
- [Lincoln runs out of his room screaming in pain from sunburn]
- Lincoln: News flash: giving me a sunburn is NOT the way to win my vote!
- Lori: Huh? [peels the label from the sunscreen bottle] "Sodium hydrochlorite: avoid contact with skin?" This has Lisa written all over it!
- Leni: So, that's how you spell "Lisa"?
Sound of Silence (6.1)
- [flashback: Lola tries to apply mascara when a frog croaks from behind her and makes her mess up]
- Lana: Aw, you're a burpy-durpy today! Isn't he the cutest?
- Lola: [chuckling menacingly under a wicked grin] So cute...
- Lana: [about to feed the frog] Who's hungry? [notices he's missing] Seymour? Where'd you go? [sees Lola whistling and carrying a shovel] Nooo!! [end flashback]
- Lana: I mean I can't prove she took out Seymour, but I never saw him again.
- Lola: [comes into Lincoln's room] Lincoln, is this too much mascara? Be honest. It's super-super-super important!
- Lincoln: [having muted Lola out] Ahh... I couldn't agree more!
- Lola: [confused] Agree with what?
- Lincoln: Right back at ya!
- Lola: Okay, you're weird.
Space Invader (6.2)
- [Lincoln goes up to Lynn and Lucy's room where the other girls are listening; Lynn and Lucy are having a fight]
- Lynn: You're always Miss Gloom and Doom! Like, would it kill you to smile once in a while?!
- Lucy: It would.
- Lincoln: What's going on?
- Lori: Lucy and Lynn are going at it. Again.
- Luan: I'd make a joke about fighting, but I can't think of a good punchline. [laughs] Get it? Get it?
- Lisa: [recording] Human subjects seem to be proving Charles Darwin correct.
- Leni: I can't bare to watch! [puts cucumber slices over her facial mask] That's better.
- [A jock strap comes flying out of the room and the others duck in time to avoid it]
- Lori: I'd hate to get in the middle of this one.
- Lincoln: I totally agree.
- [Lynn and Lucy grab some spaghetti and start to fight with it]
- Lincoln: Uh-oh.
- [they start fighting for amusement and laughing, and Lincoln joins in]
- Lori: Welp, I'm outskies.
- Luan: Yeah, it's way pasta our bedtime.
Picture Perfect (7.1)
- Lincoln: I've figured out the perfect present for Mom and Dad! [holds up camera] Ta-da!
- Lana: You're giving them Dad's old camera?
- Lola: Wow, you are cheap!
- Lincoln: No, not the camera; a photograph of all of us!
- Lori: Why use that old thing when you can just use a cellphone?
- Lincoln: Because that would be like painting the Mona Lisa with a crayon.
- [The girls are offended by Lincoln making them look normal]
- Lori: So, that's what this is all about! You don't like us the way we are.
- Lincoln: Well you see, that is to say--
- Lori: Okay, guys, let's all put on perfect smiles for Lincoln's perfect picture, because heaven forbid we be our actual literal selves!
Undie Pressure (7.2)
- [Luna is listening to the radio and listens to an announcement.]
- Jay Rock: [over the radio] Hey, cats and kittens, this is Jay Rock here! I'm giving away Mick Swagger tickets to the caller with... the best British accent!
- [Hearing this, Luna's eyes widen. She looks back and forth, slinks away to behind the curtains. and calls the radio station on her phone.]
- Jay Rock: [on the phone] Hello, you're on the air! Let's hear your best British accent.
- Luna: [whispering; in a British accent] Come on, love, hand over those tickets.
- Jay Rock: Yeah, sorry, caller, I can't hear you!
- Luna: [whispering, slightly louder] Come on, love, hand over those tickets!
- Jay Rock: If you don't speak up, you can't win!
- Luna: [shouting] HAND OVER THE BLEEDIN' TICKETS, MATE!
- [Lincoln opens the curtains to reveal Luna to the other sisters.]
- Luna: [sheepishly in a Swedish accent] Herdie-verdie?
- [Buzzer noise]
- Lola: [eyes beneath hair] You may have outlasted those amateurs, but now you've gotta deal with a real professional! [dramatic spotlight is cast on Lola, revealing that her face is messy]
- Lincoln: I'M NOT GIVING UP! FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS COMFORTABLE! [snaps the seat of his leggings, giving him pain] Ugh, gotta do something about these pants.
Linc or Swim (8.1)
- [Lincoln finally jumps in, but the lifeguard blows her whistle and catches Lincoln with a skimmer]
- Lifeguard: Loud family, out!
- [the Loud kids leave the pool]
- Lori: But we were just having fun.
- Lily: Poo-poo.
- Lifeguard: Fecal incidents are not fun.
[people in hazmat suits scrub the walls of the emptied pool to get rid of Lily's "poo-poo"]
- [The girls are having a pool party right in their backyard while Lily is streaking]
- Lincoln: [chasing her with her diaper] Lily! No skinny dipping! [gets splashed by Lynn and sees Lisa adding some kind of chemical] Lisa! No! What do you think you're doing?
- Lisa: Testing sanitation levels. I've concocted a special serum that will detect and eliminate urine, AKA tinkle, in H2O.
- Lincoln: I'm sure no one here would...
- [Lisa adds the serum, which vaporizes the water into a pink smoke within seconds, revealing that her older sisters somehow tinkled in the pool]
- Lisa: Hmm... unprecedented levels.
- Luan: Marco!
- Leni: Marco!
- Luan: No, Leni. I'm Marco. You're Polo.
- Leni: Then who's Leni?
Changing the Baby (8.2)
- Lincoln: Hey, Lana, you wanna try half of my peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich?
- Lana: I eat some grody things, but that is disgusting. [sniffs it and retches; runs to the bathroom]
- Leni: Help! [Lori and Lincoln rush to her rescue and see her in Lily's crib] Oh, thank goodness. I got in here to show Lily my fashion magazine, but now I can't get out of this baby prison! [bawls like a baby, so Lincoln and Lori help her out] Agoo.
Overnight Success (9.1)
- Lola: [barges in with a makeup kit] Princess Makeover Time! [sees Lincoln's friend Liam] Ooh, a new toad! [she gives him a full makeover against his will, and Liam runs out the house]
- Liam: Huh? Aah! I look like my MeeMaw!
- Lola: Some people just don't appreciate beauty. I made your eyes pop, kid!
- Lori: Okay, who wants pizza bites?
- Clyde: Abort, abort, system shutting down.
- Leni: Sheesh! Are there peanuts in everything?!
Ties That Bind (9.2)
- Lori: [sees Leni with her tanktop] Is that my shirt?! Take it off!
- Leni: I can't. [pointing to Mr. Coconuts] There are boys here!
- [Mr. Coconuts raises his eyebrows and Luan covers his eyes]
- Luan: Ah, coconuts!
- [Lincoln overhears another conversation between his parents from the vent.]
- Lynn Sr.: What do you mean we got a bun in the oven?!
- Lincoln: [gasps] You guys! [runs off to tell his sisters]
- Lynn Sr.: You know I'm gluten free!
- Lincoln: Sometimes in life, you just gotta take chances. You know what they say: no risk, no re-wha!
- Clyde: What's a "re-wah"?
- Lincoln: [notices the bike is missing] My bike! It's gone!
- Clyde: [to his mannequin] Manny! You were supposed to watch the bikes!
- Lori: See, Lincoln? We all have to deal with hand-me-downs; we just learned to make the best of them.
- Lincoln: You don't have to deal with them, you're the oldest!
- Lori: Are you kidding me? This isn't really a tank top! It's literally the top of Mom's old girdle!
- [the other Loud sisters are disgusted]
- Lynn: Well, enough chit-chat. I gotta get to my competition. [takes Lori's hand-me-down bike.]
- Lincoln: You're gonna ride that?!
- Lynn: [annoyed] What choice do I have? [rides off]
- Luan: [threateningly to Lincoln] You'd better not let Colonel Crackers get stolen!
- [The rest of Lincoln's sisters go back inside, tired of Lincoln's behavior.]
- Colonel Crackers: "Hey! You heard the lady!"
- [Lincoln looks on in remorse and fear.]
Sleuth or Consequences (10.2)
- [Lincoln shuffles deck of cards with pictures of his sisters on onto his desk]
- Lincoln: One of you is the perp, but which one?
- Lucy: [comes out of nowhere] Hey, Linc. [scares Lincoln] I might have a tip for you.
- Lincoln: Really? Wait. Why do you wanna help?
- Lucy: I don't care about being grounded. My life is just an endless mental prison, anyway. But it's not fair that you have to miss your thing.
- Lynn: Woohoo! My team did it! We're number one! [diarrhea] Ooh! Time for Number 2! [hurries to the bathroom]
- Lana: Dad! I think we're gonna need Big Bertha again!
Butterfly Effect (11.1)
- Lincoln: [he and Charles see that Lisa's room is a mess] Yikes. I better go tell Lisa.
- [Lincoln's imagination: Lisa observes the damage in a dark, stylized environment]
- Lisa: [turning red with anger, with her teeth sharpened] You've... COMPLETELY DESTROYED MY LIFE'S WORK! I DESPISE YOU, AND YOU NO LONGER EXIST TO ME!
[a wall of fire burns in the background behind her, along with a cultist choir]
- Lincoln: Boy, am I glad that nightmare's over. [hears a bicycle bell outside, looks out and sees Lori and Clyde riding a tandem bike dragging a string of cans and a sign reading "JUST MARRIED"] (Except that one.) Ahh!
The Green House (11.2)
- Mrs. Johnson: What's that? You hate polar bears, you're a polar bear hater!?
- Lincoln: [still muffled, his head above the ceiling] No! I love them! They're cool!
- [kids boo at Lincoln]
- Female Student 1: If you make us lose, Lincoln, you'll be an outcast!
- Girl Jordan: You might as well throw your social life out the window.
- [the Loud sisters unplug the TV, and are revealed to wear nothing but potato sacks for tops and bandages for shoes, stink, and begin scolding Lincoln furiously]
- Lori: Game over, Lincoln!
- Lincoln: It's not what it looks like!
- Lori: We're up there making all these sacrifices, and you're down here playing some stupid computer game?!
- Lincoln: OK, so maybe it is what it looks like.
- Lynn: If you don't wanna give anything up, why should we?
- Lincoln: But... but... [shows poster] Polar bear?
- [The girls are starting to feel remorse again, but this time, they snap out of it.]
- Lola: Aww... Wait a minute, you can't use that on us anymore!
- Lori: Come on, girls. Let's go get our stuff back.
- Leni: [holding up her glass of air] And a refill!
Along Came a Sister (12.1)
- Mrs. Johnson: Frank needs to be fed twice a day, and under no circumstances should he be let out of his cage. [chuckling to herself] Unlike me this weekend...
- [The kids glance awkwardly at each other]
- Leni: Oh, I need milk.
- [She opens the fridge, where Frank happens to be on the milk bottle]
- Lisa: Wait! [slams fridge shut] You're lactose intolerant!
- Leni: No, I'm not. I'm tolerant of everyone, whether they lack toes or not.
- Leni: [Frank plops right onto her glass] Ha! Nice try, Luan, but I'm not falling for another one of your fake spiders, though this one looks pretty real. [Frank blinks] AAAAH! SPIDER! [busts out the bug spray]
- non-Leni Loud kids: Nooo!
- Leni: [unleashes a massive spray cloud and runs off] WORST SURPRISE PARTY EVER!
- Lincoln: I'll miss you, Frank, but I'm glad things are gonna be back to normal around here.
- Leni: [brushing her hair] 20. 21. 22. 23.
- [it is revealed that Frances laid her egg sac in the vents; the babies hatch and scurry into Leni's room]
- Leni: AAAAAAAAAH! SPIDERS!
Chore and Peace (12.2)
- Lincoln: "Can I get a little help here?"
- Lori: [refuses to help him] Can't you see I'm doing the laundry? [laughs] LOL, Bobby!
- Lincoln: [unable to hold the bag] WHOA! [gets crushed; finally gets the bag out to the curb only to find that the weight from it has torn a hole in it and the trash has been scattered everywhere] Dang it.
- Luna: So, what'a ya think, Chunk?
- Chunk: It stinks.
- Luna: Way harsh, dude.
- Chunk: Not the song, your room. Chunk's gotta blow. [leaves]
- [The doorbell rings; Lincoln answers it]
- Reporter: Hi, we're from the Miss Cute N' Mean pageant, here to do a behind the scenes interview with Miss Lola Loud.
- Lola: [singing as she comes down in her trash-themed ensemble] Here she is! The next Cute N' Mean! [fart]
- Reporter: Ew! More like Miss Gross N' Gnarly! Interview over! [the crew leaves]
- Lincoln: Hang on, Lily! I'm coming! [dives into laundry flooding the basement, but starts to "drown"] So...much...underwear!
- Lori: [pulling him out] Yeah, and that's just Dad's.
For Bros About to Rock (13.1)
- Lincoln: Clyde! Line's moving!
- [They try to get their spot back, but their place in line loses completely]
- Sean Gantka: Hey! No cuts, kid!
- Mollie Freilich: Back of the line, line cutter!
- Lincoln: But that was our spot! [Two people ignores him. To Clyde, pushing him] Come on.
- [A cop disguised as a scalper gives Lincoln and Clyde tickets]
- Lincoln and Clyde: We're in! [they are handcuffed]
- Cop: You're in alright: "in"-carcerated!
- Clyde: Are those good seats?
- Cop: Buying scalped tickets is illegal. Let's go, hooligans!
- [Bobby, a mall cop, unknowingly sees through Luna's disguise]
- Bobby: Hey Luna!
- Captain: You know their mother?
- Bobby: That's not their mother! That's his sister! Nice wig by the way.
- Captain: "Wig"?!
- [Luna giggles nervously]
- Scoots: Oh, snap.
It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud, House (13.2)
- [the Loud kids fight over a quarter Lincoln finds]
- Rita: What are they fighting over this time? A nickel under the ottoman?
- Lynn Sr.: Nope! A quarter down the sofa.
- Rita: We better stop them before they start biting.
- Lincoln: [Lola bites him] Ow, Lola!
- Lynn Sr.: Too late!
- [the parents see the kids cheering over the treasure]
- Rita: I have to admit, it's nice to see them sharing money and not fighting over it.
- Lynn Sr.: Yep. All part of Sharon's plan.
- Rita: Was destroying the house part of Sharon's plan?
- [overview of the damaged house interior]
- Lynn Sr.: No. No, it was not.
- Rita: Well, now she can Sharon DeCleanUp! [hands him a broom]
Toads and Tiaras (14.1)
- Lana: Darn you, Lincoln! I am in... but wait, what if Lola finds out? You know what she's capable of.
- [an image of Lola looking on wickedly with hellfire and an evil choir is shown, causing Lincoln and Lana to shudder with fear]
- Lincoln: [sees a cameraman] I didn't know this was going to be on TV. Good thing we don't get the Princess Channel!
- [Though, Lynn Sr does just that so that a recuperating Lola can watch the pageant]
- Lola: Thanks for getting me the Princess Channel, daddy!
- Lynn Sr.: No problem, sweetie. It was either that or the sports channel, and who needs that, huh? [crying]
Two Boys and a Baby (14.2)
- [Luan and Lynn eating weird food]
- Lori: Ew! When was this pudding made?!
- Lisa: [examining the can] Seeing as this flag on the label only has 48 stars--
- [Lily shoots her farts against Lincoln and Clyde, who run for the window and gasp for fresh air]
- Clyde: It's practically radioactive!
- Lincoln: Huh. Radioactive, you say?
Cover Girls (15.1)
- Lisa: [from Lincoln's bedroom window] Approach at a 63 degree angle! :[Lincoln jumps but crashes into his wall, making a big hole. Luan covers the hole with a poster.]
- Lisa: Correction: 62 degrees!
- [Lincoln weakly gives a thumbs up.]
- Rita: [coming upstairs] Lucy? Lynn? How's the cleaning coming?
- Lincoln: [determined] This calls for...the Trunk! [opens up his trunk and takes out some items; now wearing a wig like Lucy's hair and imitating her melancholy demeanor] I scrub and scrub, yet the stain of human suffering remains.
- Rita: [uneasy] Okay.
- [Now Lincoln is disguised like Lynn.]
- Lincoln: [imitating Lynn] Not me, Mom! I'm knocking these dust balls out of the park!
- Rita: [carrying a bunch of towels] Good to hear. [Lincoln sighs with relief] Leni, how's your spring cleaning coming?
- Lincoln: [lunges into Lori and Leni's doorway; imitating Leni] Good! As soon as I find those springs, I'll clean them!
Save the Date (15.2)
- [Lincoln comes home after school]
- Lori: You MONSTER! [throws a tissue box at Lincoln]
- Lincoln: Ow! What was that for?
- Lori: You made Ronnie Anne CRY!
- Lincoln: Cry? I didn't mean to! Wait, how do you know?
- [Lori throws a teddy bear at Lincoln, who jumps out of the way]
- Lori: Bobby told me... [starts to cry] RIGHT BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH ME!
- Lincoln: What? Why does Bobby care? [Lori throws a couch cushion at Lincoln, prompting him to duck; she opens a photo album showing a picture of Bobby and Ronnie Anne together]
- Lori: Because Bobby is literally Ronnie Anne's brother! He said he could never date someone related to someone who hurt someone he's related to! Or something like that!
- Lincoln: Ronnie Anne has a brother?! I thought she was raised by trolls.
- [Lori throws a bunch of CDs in rapid fire fashion; Lincoln shields himself with the cushion]
- Lori: D'AAAAHH!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT BOBBY WAS TALKING ABOUT!
- [Lori chases after Lincoln, who hides behind the chair; he trips, and Lori catches him and holds him up by his shirt]
- Lori: You have to make things right with Ronnie Anne!
- Lincoln: Okay! Okay! I'll call her right now and apologize! [picks up the phone]
- Lori: NO! [hangs up the phone] Nuh-uh! Actions speak louder than words! Bobby has to see you being nice to her. That's the only way he'll get back together with me! Which is why we're going on a double date!
- Lincoln: WHAT?!
- Lori: It's all been arranged! We have a reservation at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet at six! AND YOU'LL! MAKE HER! FEEL! LIKE THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL! IN THE WORLD!
- Lincoln: [gags] I'd rather lick the bathroom...
- [Lori picks up the end table and threatens to crush him with it]
- Lincoln: I'll go iron my khakis!
- [Lincoln runs out of the scene]
- [Joy Cunningham goes over to Lori and kicks the blonde in the crotch, making Lori drop the end table on her]
- Lori: Ouch! Right in the round tables.
- Joy Cunningham: Good for you! You deserve it! Lincoln didn't insult Ronnie Anne! Name Dropper and Green Trunko told him to!
- Lori: I'll apologize for my bossiness!
- Fear: NO! Nuh-uh! Expressions speak louder than actions and words! We literally have to see you being nice to Lincoln.
- Anger: He's right! [sternly] What would you do if you're so smart, Lori?
- Disgust: Take this you literal stupid blonde!
- [Disgust punches Lori's eye, making it swell]
- Sadness: You get another kick in the crotch!
- [Sadness kicks Lori in the crotch; only this time, Sadness grabs out a knife and stabs her in the groin}
- Fear: Let that be a lesson to you! Lori!
Attention Deficit (16.1)
- [Lincoln and Clyde walk by Flip's juice cart]
- Clyde: Oh, hang on, Lincoln. I'm gonna get volcano Lori a juice. Running from Bobby's tormented screams has made her thirsty.
- Lynn: Hey, Lincoln! [examines him] You look different.
- Lincoln: My sideburns are even.
- Lynn: No, it's more than that. Your skin is glowing, you look taller, and you smell like... [smells him] ...organic Brussels sprouts? Okay, what gives?
- Lincoln: I spent tonight at Clyde's. His dads helped me with my volcano and served me food with no foil and asked me about my day!
- Lynn: Get out! That sounds amazing! [thinks for a second] Hey, do you think they could help me with my baseball swing?
- Lincoln: Sure. I think Clyde said one of his dads played ball in college. Why don't you come over after school tomorrow?
- Lynn: Oh, that would be awesome! [playfully punches his arm]
- Lincoln: Ow! Lynn, do you mind? Clyde's dads just gave me my vaccinations.
Out on a Limo (16.2)
- [Limo arrives at Burpin' Burger and takes the drive-thru]
- Employee: [On audio box] Welcome to Burpin' Burger. May I take your order?
- Luna: Eleven burgers and fries, love.
- Lincoln: Don't forget one for Kirby.
- Kirby: Thank you, sir. I mean, Lincoln.
- Lincoln: [to the viewers while holding a burger] The only thing better than being a man in a limo is being a family in a limo.
- [Everyone is enjoying their burgers when Tetherby's limo drives up to Lincoln's]
- Tetherby: I say, Loud, it's good to see you back in a limo. What say you ditch the riffraff and come back to the club?
- [Tetherby's invitation surprises Lincoln as he darts his eyes at his sisters and Kirby who are afraid he'll leave them]
- Lincoln: You know what, Tetherby? How about some... [he and his sisters squirt Tetherby and his limo with mustard] ...mustard to go with that baloney!
- [And with that, they drive off, singing the Burpin' Burger jingle]
- Lincoln: ♫Hungry, y'all? Look no further!♫
- Loud Kids: ♫Come on down to Burpin' Burger / Grade B Beef and special spice / When it comes back up, it's twice as nice!♫ [burp on cue]
House Music (17.1)
- [Luna has a fantasy]
- Mick Swagger: And now, I'd like to introduce the greatest musical discovery of my 40 year career: Luna Loud!
- [Luna starts rocking out as the crowd chants "Luna"]
- Leni: [singing] ♫Backup backup backup!♫
- Luna: No no no no. Leni, you don't actually sing the words "Backup". You sing what's on the page.
- Leni: Oh. Got it! [singing] ♫What's on the page! What's on the page! What's on the pa-haaaaaage!♫
- Red Hemka: [sternly] Oh, I got an even better song! This one's called, Leni is a stupid blonde!
A Novel Idea (17.2)
- Rita: Hey, come on. I know it's not as exciting as Dad's office, but you're Lincoln Loud. You can make anything fun.
- Lincoln: Well, I guess that's true. Okay. I'm in.
- Mr. Grouse: Nice dress, Loud!
- Lincoln: [coughs] Right after I change.
- Lincoln: Just another routine job for Agent-- [sees the girls] Oh, for crying out Loud!
- [the girls and Dad are all having a suction cup dart fight]
- Lincoln: [trips over the floss and the supplies from the cabinet of fun fall on top of him] Dang it!
April Fools Rules (18.1)
- Lola: Arms up, Lincoln! Your turn for bubble-wrap.
- Lincoln: [puts his hand in front of Lola] Not this year, Lola. I'm not getting pranked.
- [Loud girls chatter]
- Lola: It's never been done!
- Lynn: Are you crazy?
- Lincoln: Ladies! Ladies! I got a plan! I'm simply gonna lock myself in my room till the day's over. I've got snacks, video games and a hose to pee in, which I call the Tinkle Tube. Patent pending.
- Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lola and Lily: Ew!
- Lana: Cool!
- Lincoln: [points to his window] It goes out the window! The point is, I'll never have to leave my room so Luan will never get me.
- [The siblings look frightened as they hear Luan coming up the stairs while holding a sausage]
- Luan: Ooh! It's Pranksmas Eve...and I'm just bubbling with excitement. [pops a piece of Lola's bubble wrap and walks away]
- Lola: I'm gonna need more bubble wrap! And a fresh pair of undies.
Cereal Offender (18.2)
- Woman: Ahh! There's a child in the frozen peas! Ahh!
- Lincoln: [finds that it's Lisa] Lisa! What are you doing?
- Lisa: Research for my cryogenic freezer. The future needs my brain.
- Lincoln: I don't believe this.
Lincoln Loud: Girl Guru (19.1)
- Clyde: [he and Lincoln try to make balloon animals; one of them pops] Lincoln! Look professional! We've got a customer!
- Liam: Uh, I'll take the, uh, cheeseburger?
- Clyde: It's a bunny rabbit.
- [Lincoln and Clyde both run down the hallway when Kat screams and an explosion is heard]
- Zach: I was trying to impress you with my basic chemistry skills!
- Kat: You burnt my braids, you doofus!
- Zach: He told me to do it!
- Kat: What?!
Come Sale Away (19.2)
- Luna: [knocks on the door] Hello, ma'am!
- Lola: [shoves Luna aside] Did you buy a blanket?
- Luna: [shoves Lola aside] From a garage sale today?
- Woman: I didn't buy a blanket, but I did buy this hunk of junk! [holds up a vacuum cleaner which explodes in her face] I want my money back!
- Luna and Lola: Uh, [point at each other] she sold it to you!
- Flip: [pouring chemicals into a washer fluid bottle] I'm lovin' these 2-for-1 chemicals, I'm gonna make a fortune selling them as windshield wiper fluid! Ha ha, suckers! [boom] Well, the lil' Psychic Girl was right. Business is booming.
Roughin' It (20.1)
- [Lincoln is knitting headbands with Luna]
- Luna: You got it bro! These accessories will make our outfits rockin!
- Lincoln: Rocking!
- Luna: And if you braid the strands real tight, they're strong enough to use as ropes. Right, Chunk?
- Chunk: [pulling on a rope] Right as rain, love. [notices the piano is too big for the window] We're gon'a need a bigger window though.
The Waiting Game (20.2)
- Lincoln: I don't get it. How could Chandler not invite us? I loaned him a pencil in math class and held the bathroom door open for him!
- Clyde: And I made eye contact with him everyday like this! [takes off his glasses revealing his astigmatic eyes] Who wouldn't want this face at a party?
- Lincoln: Hey, ready for your dance? You're not wearing that, are you?
- [Lori wearing her employee uniform with her dance dress hung up on the door.]
- Lori: I'm not going to the dance. My boss is making me work tonight to pay for all the free stuff I gave you. Instead of Romance Under the Sea, I'm gonna have mozzarella under the fingernails. Thanks a lot, Lincoln. [leaves for her overtime shift]
The Loudest Yard (21.1)
- [two stinkers named Hank and Hawk confront Lynn and Lincoln]
- Hank: What team are you on?
- Lincoln: The Royal Woods Roosters!
- Lincoln & Lynn: [waving their hands high up] Cock-a-doodle-doo!
- Hawk: Nice cheer. When we play you, you're cock-a-doodle-doomed!
- Hank: Yeah! I'm gonna pluck me a few feathers! [their laugh which irks Lynn]
- [At Lincoln and Lynn's big game, the rest of the Loud family are at the big game; Lori is using binoculars to find Lincoln]
- Lori: I literally don't see Lincoln anywhere. [spots him right in front of her face and shrieks in surprise]
Raw Deal (21.2)
- Leni: I can't wait to see Pop-Pop! [her siblings look at her confused] The guidebook said there was an old geezer in the park.
- Lincoln: Geyser, not geezer. See? Here it is. [shows her said geyser in the guidebook]
- Lisa: Well, Lucy, I guess you'll be throwing out those silly cards now that you've been completely discredited.
- Lucy: Wrong, I can prove fortune telling is real with one last prediction: [draws one more card] "The end is near!"
- Lisa: Oh please, gimme a-
- [end card in the style of Lucy's fortune telling cards with a dowl on it]
- Lucy: Told ya, he cards don't lie.
Dance Dance Resolution (22.1)
[Lincoln's sisters scare him]
- Leni: So did Ronnie Anne ask you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?
- Lincoln: [stammering] Uh, yee, uh, um...
- Lori: I bet she was so excited. The Sadie Hawkins is literally the most important dance in a girl's life.
- Lincoln: [acting melancholy] Hi, I'm Lincoln.
- Haiku: Hi, Lincoln. Wanna hear my poem? "Empty, lonely, dark. The universe is weeping. I have no tissues." Okay, your turn.
- Lincoln: Uh... "Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water..."
- Haiku: Oh, yes. The futility of teamwork. Deep stuff.
- [Lincoln's dates confront Lincoln]
- Lincoln: You guys, I'm sorry. I can explain.
- Tabby: Wait, let me go first. I'm sorry to say this, Lincoln, but would you mind if I hung out with somebody else for the rest of the night? I really hit it off with that guy, Liam.
- Giggles: Yeah, and I'm having a really great time with Zach.
- Haiku: Yes, and I enjoy Clyde. We share the same pain.
- Polly: Same with me and Rusty; though, the pain is mostly his.
- Lincoln: Sure. No problem. I'm glad you're all having fun.
A Fair to Remember (22.2)
- Lori: What do I do? I'm sick of Lincoln crashing our dates, but it makes Bobby so happy. He says Lincoln's like the brother he never had.
- Leni: I know; why don't you hang out with Bobby's little sister Ronnie Anne, she could be like the sister you never had! [Lori and Lucy just awkwardly stare at her for that statement]
[As he waits for his brother, he hears Lori crying]
- Car Salesman: Miss, your vehicle is okay. He's in the service department fixing it.
- Lori: He's not my vehicle. I literally don't think I have a vehicle anymore! [cries]
One of the Boys (23.1)
- [Lisa presses the button on the watch and a portal opens up.]
- Lincoln: Holy moly! Awesome! [proceeds to enter it, but stops] Wait, why are you doing this for me?
- Lisa: I need beta testers. Now, are we doing this, or am I sending Lana to a dimension where she's a toad?
- Lincoln: Oh, we're doing it!
- [Gus' Games and Grub]
- Loki: Five pies for ten guys!
- Lane: I sure hope Mom and Dad gave us enough... dough! [laughs] Get it?!
- ALT. Lynn Sr.: Hey, boys!
- Leif: PILE ON DAD!
- [Lynn Sr. screams as his sons pounce on him.]
- Levi: We got you!
- Lars: Say uncle.
- Loni: [confused] I thought he was our dad.
- ALT. Lynn Sr.: [begging for mercy] UNCLE!
- [The boys run into the house, cheering and laughing.]
- ALT. Lynn Sr.: [groans in pain] Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have daughters.
- Lori: [livid] That was literally mine! You are so gonna pay!
- Lincoln: [fearing] Please don't stick my head down the toilet!
- Lori: What? I meant with money.
- Lincoln: Oh, of course. That's more than fair.
- Lola: [scoffs] Breaking Lori's watch? You sir, have no class! [storms off]
- [The sisters all go back to bed.]
- Lincoln: I'm so glad my sisters are nothing like my brothers.
- Lynn: Hey, Lincoln, I almost forgot something. [pantses him and runs off laughing]
- Lincoln: Except for Lynn.
A Tattler's Tale (23.2)
- Lincoln: [to the viewers] What can I say? We're not angels. Sometimes, we mess up. But the great thing is, if you need to get something off your chest, you can always trust your siblings. [a knock at the door is heard] Well, not all of them.
- [Lincoln walks up to the door and opens it, revealing to be Lola; She enters the room]
- Lola: Whatcha guys talkin about?
- Lisa: Quantum physics!
- Lynn: Monster trucks!
- Lori: Bobby!
- Leni: Politics!
- Lynn: Baseball!
- Luan: Jokes!
- Lana: Global warming!
- Lola: You're telling secrets again, aren't you? It's not fair! I never get included!
- Lincoln: That's because you're a tattle-tale, Lola.
- Lola: [scoffs] I am NOT! [Lincoln and the others look at her with disbelief while a cricket chirps] Okay, I'll admit I used to be a tattle-tale, but I changed! [Everybody still doesn't believe her as they murmur to each other; Lola growls loudly, tosses her tiara aside in fury, and screams at the top of her lungs] MOM! THEY WON'T LET ME IN THEIR SECRET SECRETS CLUB!!!
- [As Lola storms out of the room, Lincoln quickly shuts the door; Lisa checks her list of secrets]'
- Lisa: Mmm. So where were we?
- Lincoln: I broke Dad's disco ball, Lori scratched the car, Luna caused the blackout, and Lucy ruined Mom's wedding dress. Who's next?
- Lana: [raising her hand] Ooh! Ooh! So you know how Dad was yelling at Charles for chewing up his boots? [giggles] That was me!
- [The siblings begin laughing]
- Luan: [with realization] Wait a second. Weren't those steel toe?
Funny Business (24.1)
- Lincoln: Boy, we are killing it. But I've been thinking, maybe you should do a little less of the talky stuff and more of the pratfalls.
- [Enraged, Luan drops all of her supplies and turns to Lincoln, he's shocked]
- Luan: Are you kidding me?!
- Lincoln: What?
- Luan: Look, Lincoln. Just because you got a few laughs does not make you an expert on clowning. There's a lot more to it than just falling on your butt.
- Lincoln: Well, the audience sure seems to like my --
- Luan: Lincoln, enough! No more pratfalls. I am the clown. YOU are the assistant. Now go refill these whoopee cushions.
- Lincoln: But they're already inflated.
- Luan: [deflates them at her brother's face] Not anymore!
- [Luan walks to the house, opens the door, then slams it]
- Lincoln: Oh, yeah?! Well, that would've been funnier if you'd fallen on your butt!
Snow Bored (24.2)
- Lisa: This just in: there will not be a snow day tomorrow. Once I spray my super strength salt across the city roadways, we shall have no trouble accessing school.
- Loud Kids: BOO! [they throw pillows at her]
- Lola: WHY WOULD YOU RUIN OUR SNOW DAY?!
- Lisa: [clears her throat and pulls a chart down] For every school day you miss, your brain functionality decreases by approximately 0.006%.
- Leni: But Lisa, snow days are F-O-N! Fun!!!
- Lisa: [presses a button and the chart goes up] I rest my case. Besides, I fail to see how frolicking in frozen temperatures like a bunch of nincompoops is fun.
- Lincoln: What if we could show you how fun snow days can be? Then would you call off the salt?
- Leni: Yeah! [chanting] F-O-N! F-O-N!
- Loud Kids: F-O-N! F-O-N!
- Lisa: FINE! But only because I can't stand to hear you spell erroneously.
- [The others walk away cheering]
- Leni: Wait - I thought we were spelling "fun"?
The Price of Admission (25.1)
- Old Man: I got hearts, kidneys, and ears-- [rises up a hoe and digs deep into something]
- Lincoln: The Harvester! [runs away]
- [it's actually just Mr. Grouse tending to his garden]
- Mr. Grouse: Romaine lettuce, kidney beans and ears of corn. You never heard of a guy growing his own vegetables before?
- Lincoln: Okay, Question 63: What does "going Dutch" mean, and does it have anything to do with Dutch ovens?
- Lori: Hmm. [phone beep] Session's over, Lincoln. I have to talk to Bobby; he started his new pizza delivery job tonight.
- Bobby: Check it, babe. I spelled your name with pepperonis. [the pizza, pepperoni spelling "Lory", slides right out of the box] That's coming out of my paycheck.
One Flu Over the Loud House (25.2)
- Lisa: In case we're attacked, this concoction will slow down the infected. [blasts Lincoln]
- Lincoln: [tasting the concoction] Tastes like chicken soup.
- Lisa: That's because it is chicken soup. [hands gun to him]
- Lincoln: Safe Haven, we're back in. What is this crisis you were talking about?
- Clyde: I made a peanut sauce for the Sante Fe egg rolls. But then I realized someone might have a food allergy.
- Lincoln: That's the crisis?! We're fighting for our lives, Clyde! No one has a food allergy!
- Clyde: That's a relief, 'cause this sauce really ties the dish together. Safe Haven out.
Study Muffin (26.1)
- [The doorbell rings and Lincoln answers it to find a good looking fellow at the door.]
- Hugh: Um... I beg your pardon. Is this the Loud residence?
- Lincoln: Yep. You must be my tutor. I'm Lincoln.
- Hugh: [shakes Lincoln's hand] I'm Hugh. Quite chuffed to meet you.
- Lincoln: Uh...the chuff is all mine. Come on in.
- [They both head inside and begin their study session.]
- Lincoln: I really appreciate this, Hugh. I have a big multi-subject test coming up, and I need to ace it.
- [Enter Lori on her phone.]
- Lori: So, I'm like, if you literally don't know the difference between dance team and color guard- [gasps at the sight of Hugh and drops her phone; now stammering.] Ba...ba...ba...
- Lincoln: Lori, you okay?
- Lori: [speechless] Er...um...yes. [picks up her phone] I was just going to get a...hunk of meat. I mean, a...dish of cereal. Er, tall drink of water?
- [She turns and smacks into the wall, dropping her phone again.]
- Hugh: Miss, you dropped your mobile.
- [He picks it up and hands it to her. Lori fawns awkwardly and Lana enters with a net.]
- Lana: I heard a goose! I call dibs! [sees Hugh and gets the same reaction as Lori; blushing] Ba...ba...ba...
- [Enter Leni wearing a facial mask.]
- Leni: I heard a sheep. [removes the cucumber slices on her eyes and sees Hugh] AAH! MY FACE! [runs off]
- [The rest of Lincoln's sisters minus Lily show up with their things. They see Hugh and react like Lori and Lana]
- Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola and Lisa: [blushing] Ba...ba...ba...
- [Leni returns without her facial mask.]
- Leni: Hey, guys. Lincoln, I didn't know you were entertaining. Hi. I'm- [sees Hugh up-close and reacts the same way] Ba...ba...ba...ba...
- Hugh: Um, hello. I'm Hugh, Lincoln's tutor. It's lovely to meet you all.
- Sisters: [infatuated] Ba...ba...ba...
- [Family meeting in the living room.]
- Lincoln: You guys are unbelievable! The minute a good-looking guy with an accent shows up, you all go completely bonkers!
- Leni: That is so not true! [she is revealed to be wearing a sweater decidated to Hugh] I've got these Hugh sweaters in small, medium and large.
- Other sisters and Lynn Sr.: Ooh!
- Lincoln: This has to end. I need to study, or I'm gonna flunk 5th grade! So from now on, Hugh is off-limits!
- [The girls complain about this and walk away with disappointment.]
- Lynn Sr.: [in a British accent] Now, girls. You heard Lincoln.
- Lincoln: [agitated] Uh, that means you too, Dad.
- Lynn Sr.: [disappointed] Oh! [walks away]
- [The next day, Lincoln returns home from school with a disappointed look on his face.]
- Lynn: How'd the test go, bro? You aced it?
- Lincoln: [angrily] No! I got an F! [slumps on the floor]
- Luan: [takes the test and looks at it] Oh, and a frowny face. That's cold! [pulls out a phone] I know just Hugh to call! [laughs] Get it?
- [The girls start fighting over who should call him.]
- Lana: I'm calling Hugh!
- Lola: No, me!
- Lori: I'm calling Hugh!
- Lincoln: I don't get it. I thought I knew all the answers. [sighs] Ms. DiMartino is definitely gonna flunk me now.
- [The girls stop fighting.]
- Lynn: Wait. Ms. DiMartino?
- Lincoln: Yeah. She's been our substitute teacher since Mrs. Johnson broke her leg riding a mechanical bull.
- Luna: Dude, no wonder you're failing. Ms. D is so smokin', guys go completely bonkers around her.
- Lori: Yeah. Even Bobby nearly flunked because of her. Of course, that was BL: Before Lori. [grimly] Or he never would have noticed her.
- Lincoln: But that couldn't happen to me! [thinking] Could it?
- Lincoln: [realizes] Holy shmoly! You guys are right! I do go completely bonkers around Ms. DiMartino, just like you guys did around Hugh!
- [The girls are all wearing Hugh sweaters.]
- Leni: I don't know why you keep saying that. By the way, if Hugh and I ever got married and had a baby, here's what it would look like. [shows an online baby picture she made]
- Lisa: Oh, Leni, you're delusional. Because I'm gonna marry him, and our progeny is gonna look like this. [shows her online baby]
- [The girls start fighting again, this time over who will marry Hugh.]
- Lincoln: Guys, you gotta help me! I don't wanna flunk fifth grade! Clyde could end up as a tattooed litterbug!
- James and Dexter: EVERYONE! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- [Again, the girls stop fighting, when James and Dexter yell at them. And puzzled by what Lincoln said.]
- Lincoln: It made sense when he said it.
- Luan: Maybe you can get Ms. DiMartino to let you retake the test.
- Lincoln: But as long as she's anywhere near me, I'm still gonna blow it!
- Lisa: Well then, the solution would be to remove her from your field of vision. Observe. [she takes Lori's phone with Hugh's pic] Lori, what is Bobby's full name?
- Lori: Roberto Alejandro Martinez- [shown the pic and fawns] Roberto Alejandro- [shown the pic and fawns again] Roberto- [shown and fawning again]
- Lisa: And now to delete.
- Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, and Lola: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
- [Lisa deletes the Hugh image which is now replaced with a picture of Lori taking a duckface selfie.]
- Lori: [shakes her head and comes to her senses.] Roberto Alejandro Martinez-Millan Luis Santiago, Jr.
- Lisa: Case closed.
- Lori: AAH! DANG IT!
- [In the kitchen, Lincoln is taking out the trash when he hears Lori scream]
- Lincoln: [to the viewers] Sounds like someone got trapped in the bathroom again.
- [Inside the bathroom, Lori, wearing a bathrobe and towel on her head, is holding the doorknob to the bathroom door, which just broke off; She growls at this]
- Lori: Somebody let me out! Bobby's coming over to study, and I only have three hours to get ready! [Lori struggles to open the bathroom door, when suddenly, she slips; She grabs hold of the shower curtain, but it rips off; The pole holding the curtain bonks Lori on the head; Lori growls even louder at this string of events] THIS HOUSE IS LITERALLY FALLING APART!!!
- Lincoln: [to the viewers] Lori's right. With 11 kids, four pets... and two parents who insist on fixing everything themselves, our house is a bit of a, how do I put this nicely, disaster.
- Lynn Sr.: All right, everyone, back inside.
- [Lynn Sr. attempts to open the door, only for the door handle to break off]
- Loud Family: Dang it!