The Loud House/Season 3
The Loud House (2016–present) is an American animated television series created by Chris Savino for Nickelodeon. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
Tripped! (Episode 1)
- Rita: I know it's hot, but just pretend you're at the beach.
- Leni: In this? Ugh! No!
- Lori: [eating bean chips] Anyone want a low-cal bean chip?
- Lucy: Vomit.
- Lori: They're delicious and supes high fiber. [fart]
- Lisa: Yes, apparently.
- Lori: It was the seat! See? [deliberately spreads farts around and everyone groan in disgust] Now it's not doing it!
- Lynn Sr.: Chins up, family. This vacation isn't over. Surely, some good Samaritan will give us a ride. [notices a car coming] Oh, here we are.
- female passenger: Keep going! Don't make eye contact! [they bury their faces in some maps as they drive by]
- Lincoln: Aw, come on!
- Lynn: Weak!
- Lisa: It's clear what the problem is here. No motorist is going to pick up a family of 13. I suggest we employ a technique known as Hide the Iceberg. We put our best 10% forward, and conceal the rest.
White Hare (2.1)
- [Lincoln runs off to a forest near a bunny hole]
- Lincoln: Whew! Hope I didn't stink up the jacket. I'll hide here until the bus comes. [a bunny hops up to Lincoln] Hey there, little guy. [the bunny twitches his nose to Lincoln, then numerous female bunnies join their brother as Lincoln counts the rabbits] 23, 24, 25!? Man, that's a lot of sisters, I can't even imagine what that would be like.
- Lynn: [off-screen] Wake Up, LazyBones!
- [Lincoln gets startled by this and jumps up, hitting a branch causing him to fall unconscious]
- Leni: Lincoln, you're perfect just the way you are.
- Lori: You're kind.
- Leni: You're fashionable.
- Luna: You're rockin'.
- Luan: You're funny.
- Lynn: You're tough.
- Lucy: You're deep.
- Lana and Lola: You're friendly.
- Lisa: You're smart.
- Lily: You Yincoln Youd.
- Pop-Pop: Hey, family, I'd like you all to meet my main squeeze [brings his said squeeze to the doorway] Myrtle.
- Rita: Nice to meet you, Myrtle! Let me introduce everyone.
- Myrtle: Oh, no need. Let's see if I have this right: Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lincoln, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa and Lily. [who laughs]
- Lynn Sr.: Wow, in birth order! That's impressive.
- Lori: Don't we have a birthday party to get to?
- Pop-Pop: You know it!
- Seymour: Can I come too?
- Pop-Pop: You're gonna have to, Seymour. I can't move my arms anymore! [everyone laughs]
Roadie to Nowhere (3.1)
- Flip: Ready for this?
- Rita: [looking at her records] Actually, Flip, we've been ready for you for ten years.
- Flip: Don't bust my chops! You try runnin' a 24-hour convenience store! [Rita sees Flip's mouth and takes things out]
- Rita: What is this?
- Flip: My meat molar, a tooth fell out so I made a replacement with some beef jerky. [Luna faints]
- Mr. Grouse: Holy Toledo! How do you pull that off?
- Luna: Guess I learned a thing or two about computers from recording music.
- Mr. Grouse: Well you've got a future here, young lady.
- Luna: Really?!
- Mr. Grouse: You betcha, and it's a heck of a gig, great job security and a solid retirement plan.
- Luna: Sweet, sounds a lot better than living in
A Fridge Too Far (3.2)
- Lincoln: [dreamily] Mmm! Mac 'n' cheese bites!
- Liam: [whispers] Hey! Psst! Lincoln! What’d you get for Number 1?
- Lincoln: [dreamily] Mac 'n' cheese!
- Liam: Thanks, buddy.
- Zach: Really? I thought the Native Americans gave the Pilgrims corn.
- Liam: If Lincoln says mac 'n' cheese, that's good enough for me.
- Lincoln: Wait. I didn't see any chocolate cake in the fridge!
- Rita: Well, that's because I stashed it under the couch. What, I can't claim any leftovers?
- Lynn: I'll go score us some. [races into the living room]
- Rita: Lynn, wait! [the bomb goes off, and Lynn is covered in blue paint]
Selfie Improvement (4.1)
- Lori: Perfect Carol Pingrey has to one-up me in everything I do.
- [Flashback 1: Camp Bluebell]
- young Leni: Don't feel bad, Lori. You sold almost as many cookies as Carol.
- [Flashback 2: Prom]
- Leni: Oh, don't feel bad, Lori. You got almost as many votes as Carol.
- [Flashback 3: Golf]
- Leni:(jumping up and down) Yay, Lori! You got way more points than Carol.
- Lori: Thanks, Leni, but let me explain golf scoring again!
- Lori: So all of our competing has literally been pointless?
- Carol: It's true. Those selfies were getting out of control. I had to adopt that Corgi, and he's mean!
- Lori: I fell into a grave twice!
No Place Like Homeschool (4.2)
- Lori: Workbook page one: Please read all contents carefully.
- [ice cream truck noise]
- Lana: Ooh, ice cream truck! [they run outside]
- Mr. Grouse: Hey, Louds! I see you're enjoying my new CD of classic ice cream truck jingles. Ooh, this one really swings.
- Lynn: OK, now that that's out of the way, we really gotta buckle down.
- Lisa: To increase out chances of success, I suggest we find an environment free of any and all distractions.
- Lucy: I don't think you'll all fit in my coffin.
- Lisa: I have an alternate suggestion.
- [the kids are in the backyard near Lisa's bunker]
- Lynn: Wow, you're going to let us inside your super top-secret bunker?
- Lisa: Yes, but don't get any ideas. I will be changing the access code.
City Slickers (5.1)
- [Lori reads a subwap map.]
- Lori: [sighs] Okay, Two stops to 45th St.
- Subway announcer: This is an express train to 250th St.
- Lori: Wait. What?! Ahh! [the train leaves]
- Lori: [her city girl fantasy ends when she sees Vanzilla towed away] Hey! That's my van! Come back!
- Bobby: Babe, watch out for horse butts!
Fool Me Twice (5.2)
- "Leni": I love my new perm! I can't wait to show all my friends!
- Leni: Ahh! [faint]
- "Luna": Dudes, stop! I think I want to take this thing in a new direction. [polka]
- Luna: Bogus! That's not even good polka! Aw! [faint]
- "Lana": [run away] Ew ew ew! A worm!
- Lana: I wouldn't run from it! I'd eat it! [faint]
- Lynn: Uh, why is my double playing against that dweeb? It's not gonna be much of a competition. ["Lynn" throws the match] No! My 300 game winning streak! [faint]
- "Lori": Thanks for coming all the way here to meet me, BooBoo Bear, I just really missed you. [fart] Oh, that was my shoe. [fart] That was my other shoe. [fart] I have some extra shoes in my bag.
- Lori: Ahh! [slams TV to floor and faint]
Net Gains (6.1)
[Lynn and Flip are driving down the road in Flip's van to get new ringers]
- Lynn: [elderly] Too old. [babies] Too young. [inmates] Too rough.
- Inmate: Hey, Flip!
- Lynn: [curious] You know that guy?
- Flip: [denial] Nope!
- Lynn: [emos] Too sad. [dogs] Too canine. [tall girls] Whoa, wait, pull over there. [stop] Sweet Lou Dunbar. [talks to tall girls] Hey, you guys are amazing, how would you like to play in the Royal Woods Girls League?
- Morgan: We'd love to but we can't. We don't live in Royal Woods!
- Lynn and Flip: Huh?
- Megan: You're in Beaverton; Royal Woods ends at that sign over there.
- Flip: Oh, does it now? [moves said sign nearby] Problem solved. [a police siren goes off]
- Cop: Step away from the sign, sir.
- Flip: Great job, team. One free Flippee for all of ya!
- The Turkey Jerkies: Yeah!
[Flip hands them a free Flippee for all five - a cup with five straws, literally meaning one Flippee]
- Lynn: Seriously, dude? [The end]
Pipe Dreams (6.2)
- Lynn Sr.: Kids, hey, what are you doing home from school so early?
- Lincoln: Ask Lisa.
- Lisa: One little nuclear accident and everybody overreacts!
- Lana: What's going on here?
- Rita: It's our, uh, uh, new book club.
- Lisa: The Itsy Bitsy Spider? What's to discuss about a spider who's washed down a spout then goes back up again?
- Lynn Sr.: Shh! Lisa! Spoiler!
- Lori: Why is there water in your closet?!
- Leni: Why is there a bathroom in your closet?
Fandom Pains (7.1)
- Lucy: Oh, Edwin. I know it's too late to get Tristan back, but maybe it's not too late for my sisters. [pauses the show and goes to Lori and Leni's bedroom] Lori? Leni? [empty] I guess it is too late, I blew it.
Rita Her Rights (7.2)
- Lisa: [coughs] Apologies, turns out my flea powder is more potent than I realized.
- Rita: We have fleas?! Oh great!
- Lana: Mom, check out my newest flea! I call him Brad ‘cos he lives in my pit.
Teachers' Union (8.1)
- Coach Pacowski: [whistle] Line up! Today you'll be running the obstacle course.
- Girl Jordan: Is it legal to have barbed wire in school?!
- Coach Pacowski: You're first, Ms. Mouthy!
- Mrs. Johnson: Alright class, I'm gonna break it down for you. I had a lousy date last night and I'm not in a good mood, so it's pop quiz time! [students groan] Pull out a sheet of paper and number it one to ten. "Question 1: Your Mom's houseboat counts as a boat, true or false?" [the school janitor arrives and she falls in love with him]
- Lincoln: [ducks under desk] Hey, Lori! Listen, I've got another friend who needs my dating help. [Lori gibberish] No, it's not me!
Head Poet's Anxiety (8.2)
- Lincoln: Keep reaching for those dreams.
- Luan: Aw, thanks, you're so supportive. [goes into the house]
- Lincoln: The more success she has, the less time she has to prank us.
- Clyde: Ah. [whoopie cushion] Guess she still has time.
- [After Lucy reads her poem under Luan's wing, their non-Leni sisters boo, as part of a test to give Lucy "thick skin"]
- Leni: Oh, I don't wanna do this.
- Luan: It's for her own good.
- Lola: I'll show you how it's done. [to Lucy] That poem is terrible! I've been more moved by Lynn's farts!
- Lynn: Aw, thank you.
- Lola: You smell weird, your hair is wrong, and I would not recommend you to my friends!
- [Luan gives Lucy a knowing smile, and Lucy comes up with a new poem:]
- Lucy: "Mean little blonde, you throw stones and sticks. But what would you know? You're only six."
The Mad Scientist (9.1)
[Lisa video chatting with parents when siblings barge in]
- Lori: What?
- Luan: Wait, Lisa's leaving us?
- Lola: What's an "institute?"
- Rita: Honey, you've never been away from home. Plus, you're four.
- [As Lynn, Sr. starts crying]
- Lisa: Now, now, pater familias. What you're experiencing is merely the release of an endorphin called leucine enkephalin, which helps to improve mood, and rid the body of toxins. You'll be over it shortly. [he sobs harder] Some people take longer than others.
- Lisa: What? You guys don't know The Dream Boat? It's my family's favorite show! Oh, you're in for a treat! Let me just catch you up a little bit. Last season Karen made Blaine walk the plank, but now he's the one setting sail for love, and these gals here are-- [the other scientists have left] Oh.
Missed Connection (9.2)
- Lori: [sees a snake in her drawer] Why is a snake in my sock drawer?!
- Lana: She needed a warm spot to lay her eggs.
- Fireman: Aw, spoilers!
Deal Me Out (10.1)
- Lincoln: Hey, Lana. Think you could teach us some car repair stuff?
- Lana: [laughs for a while] Oh. You're serious.
- Chaz: We've been into Ace since we were like seven!
- Lincoln: Really? You never felt like you were too old?
- Becky: No way! We'll never be too old for Ace.
- Lola: Get out of my way, or I'll find you in your cell after lights out!
- Lana: Lola, you really gotta stop watching those prison shows.
- Lisa: I call this emergency sibling meeting to order! Something stinks in this household, and I'm not referring to our collective chicken nugget breath. [pulls a white board covered with equations and charts out of her closet] According to my calculations, there is a direct correlation between the amount of time Clyde has been over, and the number of privileges approved by Lincoln. Someone who fancies himself a wit might call this "playing the friend card".
- [The sisters gasp and start complaining]
- Lola: I got this! During guard change, I'll sneak up on him in the shower!
- Lisa: Um, sister, that won't be necessary.
- Lisa: By my calculations, [pulls out chart] with this many people in the house, we could be approaching a threat level of: "Stampeding T-Rex."
- Male friend: Hey! I was watching that!
- Female friend: Too bad!
- Middle-aged female friend: No! Too bad for you!
- Female friend with Texas accent: Gimme the remote! I wanna watch the sports channel!
- Lisa: Uh-oh. Make that "Erupting Volcano"!
- [a cop enters the room]
- Cop: Okay, kids, break it up! Party's over.
- [people leave the house]
- Lori: Wait, Leni! You don't leave, you live here.
- Leni: [walks back inside] Oh, right!
Pasture Bedtime (11.1)
- Rusty: [eats a giant sandwich] Wait a minute--hot sauce?! I thought that was ketchup! Ohh! My allergies! [face swells up] Yikes, ladies! I can't be seen like this!
- Zach: [applies hair dye] Oh, yeah! Time to lay down some intergalactic grooves. [hair falls out] What the! “Warning: May cause severe hair loss in redheads?!”
- Lincoln: Wow, Liam, this is some good bacon.
- Clyde: Yeah, I'll say. Can't get enough!
- Liam: Well, you can thank Virginia. [the rest are shocked] Well, she did lose the wrestling match, she knew the rules. [Virginia pops up] Aw, that was just a little country humor. Heh. [stern tone] But seriously, don't cross me again!
Shop Girl (11.2)
- Lola: Alright. Step aside and watch a pro do it. Lori, your assistance.
- Lori: Ahem-- I'm in a hurry, Lola! Let me cut! [Lola attacks her instead] Ow! How are you so freakishly strong?!
- Lola: [pinning Lori down] I hope you like da taste of floor!
- Leni: Tackle, pin, catchphrase: got it!
- Lola: Hmm, if being nice does that much for Leni, I wonder what it could do for me. [walks up to a buff man] Hey, mister? How would you like my fries?"
- Buff Man: Oh, no thank you. I’m trying to watch my cholesterol.
- Lola: Go ahead. Take them.
- Buff Man: No, really. I'm good.
- Lola: TAKE THE FRIES!
- Buff Man: What is up with this mall?!
- Lincoln: Maybe stick to what you know, Lola.
Gown and Out (12.1)
- Lola: Woah! Are those sequins French crystal?
- Claudette: Oui. All of my gowns are made in Paris. Aren't yours?
- Lola: [chuckles nervously]
- [ribbon dance]
- Lincoln: It's like she's one with the ribbon.
- Lori: Literally.
- Lola: As partial as I an to a sparkly tiara, I'd have to say that a girl's most important accessory is her brain.
Breaking Dad (12.2)
- Lynn Sr.: Emergency! Daycare is closed for the day. The Koch kid flushed a diaper down the toilet again and flooded the place. Can you come home and watch Lily?
- Rita: Oh, honey, my day is packed. The Fox quintuplets are all getting their cavities filled and we only have enough gas for four of them.
- Pam: What?!
- Mr. Grouse: Loud, your daughter won’t stop crying. I turned off my hearing aid, but I can still hear her! You gotta come home.
- Lynn Sr.: Now, now, Mr. Grouse, no need to panic. It’s just a easy fix, okay? Just speak to her with a British accent.
- Mr. Grouse: Oh yeah, I could do that, or you could just get your butt back here.
- Lynn Sr.: Give it a try. I'll guide you through it, okay? [British accent] Cheerio! Jolly good! Pip pip!
- Mr. Grouse: This is ridiculous. Cheerio. Jolly good. I forget the rest. [Lily cries stop]
Ruthless People (13.1)
- Lynn Sr.: [sees hole in the wall] Oh, what the heck did you do, LJ?
- Lynn: Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Mom. I've been getting pretty ripped lately. [kisses her biceps]
- Pop-Pop: Here we are. Bernie said you can stay in his room while he's visiting his lady friend in Boca."
- Lincoln: Sweet. Okay, what should we do next? Play a game? Watch a movie?
- Pop-Pop: I love that spunk, kiddo, but it's almost lights out.
- Lincoln: But it's only 6:00.
- Pop-Pop: That late? No wonder I'm bushed.
- Lola: Can I at least get a glass of milk?
- Pop-Pop: Sorry, honey, no liquids allowed before bed. Nighty-night!
What Wood Lincoln Do? (13.2)
- Lincoln: Woodworking's just not my thing. Every time I try to build something, I get jelly legs, my vision goes blurry, my hands get sweaty, my ears start ringing.
- Clyde: Ah, like me blowing up balloons. [Flashback: Clyde's dads and Lincoln see him wheeled into an ambulance] Tell my story. [flashback end]
- Lincoln: Exactly.
- Rita: Okay, let's see if we can crack this together: "Attach the bottom step to the side rail using a flat head screwdriver".
- Lincoln: Here we go.
- Rita: That's a Phillips head screwdriver. This is a flat head.
- Lincoln: There's more than one type of screwdriver?
- Mrs. Johnson: Lincoln, how'd you like to earn some extra credit?
- Lincoln: Sure, never say no to that.
- Mrs. Johnson: Great, I need a dresser built ASAP, my mother's coming to visit this weekend and she always complains there's no place to put her gurdles. Since you're such an expert woodworker, you could build one in no time.
- Lincoln: [nervous] Oh, uh, I'd love to, but I have so much homework.
- Mrs. Johnson: You're excused from homework.
- Lincoln: Well, I have to eat right after school, or my blood sugar gets low.
- Mrs. Johnson: I'll feed you.
- Lincoln: I have to walk our dog?
- Mrs. Johnson: I'll send my dog walker over. [Lincoln stutters; victoriously] So we have a deal. Thanks so much!
- Mrs. Johnson: [runs outside, and finds the pieces of the dresser all over the lawn; gasps] Oh, my!
- Lincoln: Clyde, get out of here! Save yourself.
- Clyde: No way, I can help! I know. We'll tell her you built the dresser, and I was so jealous how great it was, that I pushed it out the window!
- Lincoln: Clyde, you're a good friend, but I don't want you to lie for me. In fact, I'm done lying, period.
- [Later, outside]
- Mrs. Johnson: So your mom built the step stool, and the birdhouse belongs to your pet?
- Lincoln: [remorsefully] Yeah, I'm really sorry that I lied.
- Mrs. Johnson: Well, Lincoln, I'm pretty disappointed, this isn't like you. I-I think you need to clean this up and go home.
- Lincoln: Okay. [turns to begin to clean up but sees Walt, still glaring madly at him] Hey, is there any chance I can get that birdhouse back from you?
- [At school, Lincoln enters the classroom and Mrs. Johnson is typing on her computer]
- Lincoln: [walks up holding a step stool] Mrs. Johnson, I just wanted to let you know that I made a step stool. I don't expect you to change my grade, I only did it to prove to myself that I could.
- Mrs. Johnson: Actually, I haven't done the grading yet. [picks up the step stool to examine] I'm proud of you for giving it a try. I can tell how hard you worked. There's blood all over this.
- Lincoln: Actually, that's ketchup. Maybe barbecue sauce.
- Mrs. Johnson: Well, I think I'm going to give you a pass.
Scales of Justice (14.1)
- Lana: The Fishmans are getting kicked out of their home.
- Lynn Sr.: Have they tried calling a lawyer?
- Lana: They're fish! And they live in the pond at Tall Timbers Park, but now some jerks wanna pave paradise and-
- Luna: Put up a parking lot?
- Lana: No, a mustard warehouse.
- Luna: Well the mustard warehouse probably will have a parking lot.
- Lisa: You don't need a lawyer or signatures. The 'Fishmans', as you so charmingly refer to them, are actually acipenser fulvenscens. Street name: lake sturgeon.
- Leni: The Fishmans are doctors?
- Lisa: Ugh! Not surgeon, Leni, sturgeon. Which are endangered and therefore protected.
- Lana: Wait, are you saying--?
- Lisa: That nobody can touch their habitat. It's a federal law.
- Lana: Yes!
- Lisa: As you may recall, in 1973, Congress passed... [Luna's trumpet drowns out words] Luna, I'm trying to speak here.
Crimes of Fashion (14.2)
- Scoots: Make way! Mama's late for a toga party!
- Lincoln: Uh oh! I think we messed up again.
- Clyde: Mrs. Stops, scoot! I mean, Mrs. Scoot, stop!
- Scoots: Here's your 20 bucks, I don't need a receipt.
- Fiona: I brought this at Stader's after my shift. Sorry, Mrs. C. I know we're not supposed to shop at our competitors, but it was such a good deal.
- Ms. Carmichael: Well I can't say that I approve but- Wow, they are giving this away. Do they have it in a 12?
Absent Minded (15.1)
- Lincoln: I think you'd make a great principal.
- Clyde: Thanks, buddy, I'll try not to be too hard on Lincoln Jr.
- Lincoln: What?!
- Principal Huggins: McBride. I got you something, your very own golf cart, here's the key.
- Clyde: Wow, she's beautiful, but why are you doing this?
- Principal Huggins: I heard about everything you did for our school. Even scrubbing Coach's boat so he could get his allowance. [tosses the keys to Clyde] You've earned it, son.
Be Stella My Heart (15.2)
- Lisa: [watching TV with the sisters] Male sibling lacking melanin, care to join us in viewing the Dream Boat?
- Lincoln: Eh, I'm not really in the mood. [walks to the stairs, when suddenly one of the characters on the Dream Boat says something]
- Kelly: I'm really torn, they're all great guys, but I'm still not sure who I want to be my first mate. Guess I'll just wait 'til one of them blows me out of the water.
- Lincoln: Oh, so that's what Stella's doing.
- [At gym class Lincoln and his friends are miffed and not look each other]
- Zach: In case anyone's interested, I'm out of the snake formation.
- Liam: Well, I actually left it earlier than you. I just didn't tell you.
- Rusty: The snake formation is officially dead.
- Clyde: Fine by me.
- Lincoln: Me too!
- [a whistle blows and they look down at the dodge balls, then each other. Lincoln picks one up and about to throw it, but is pelted by Rusty]
- Rusty: That's for the meatball! [gets pelted by Zach] Ow!
- Zach: That's for the mustard! [gets pelted by Liam] Oof!
- Liam: That's for blinding me! [Clyde throws a dodge ball at him but hits Lincoln instead who yells in pain]
- Clyde: Take that!
- [They then proceed to attack each other, Coach Pacowski blows his whistle and angrily walks toward to them to break them up, while Stella, Girl Jordan, Penelope and the other students watch in bemusement]
- [At lunch, Stella was eating her sandwich alone as Lincoln and his friends approach her]
- Lincoln: Hey, Stella. [Stella turns to face them] We just wanna apologize for how we acted.
- Liam: Yeah, you were right. Just cause you're a gal and we're fellers don't mean ya had to be fixin' for a romance.
- Rusty: What we don't know about women, could fill a library.
- Lincoln: We just hope you can forgive us, because we all really liked hanging out with you, as a friend. [Stella looks at them and turns back to her sandwich and they think she is now mad at them] Um, okay, well, that's cool. I guess we'll just, uh, see you around.
- [Stella looks at them sadly leave]
- Stella: [Lincoln and his friends are about to leave the cafeteria] Hang on! [They stop and listen] Lincoln, what's in that thermos?
- Lincoln: My dad's homemade tomato soup.
- Stella: [thinks about it] I'll trade you my fruit salad for it.
- Lincoln:: Deal! [Walks over to Stella, followed by the others]
- Liam: Hey, uh, how about swapping them there rice cakes for some hush puppies?
- Stella: Definitely.
- Zach: Any chance you'd trade your juice box for a tuna kit?
- Stella: Sorry, dude. That's where I draw the line.
- [Lincoln and his friends burst out laughing, while Zach is bummed out. Stella gestures for the boys to sit with her and they happily do so]
- Clyde: After lunch, we can work out our new snake formation.
- Stella: Just wanna throw it out there: have you guys ever considered a scorpion formation? It's 22% more effective. [the boys ooh]
- Lincoln: We're listening.
Sitting Bull (16.1)
- Lori: Hey, Leni, can you sit for the McCauleys tonight?
- Leni: Sorry, I can't. I'm sitting for the Lewises. I'm giving Tia and Salome makeovers, they're one and two, it's time.
- Lori: Hmm, okay. I guess I'll have to tell the McCauleys no one's free.
- Leni: What about Lynn? She's 13, that's when we all started taking babysitting jobs.
- Luna: I don't know, dude. She's not exactly the nurturing type.
- Luan: And we don't want to blow our reputation as Royal Woods' best babysitters.
- Lori: Well, that is true. But you guys, it's only fair that we give Lynn a chance.
- Lori: [answering the phone] Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. McCauley. What? She did? She did? Angry possum? But, but- Okay, goodnight. [hangs up]
- Leni: [She and the others walk over.] What happened?
- Lori: Lynn terrorized the McCauley kids, so now we're all fired as their babysitters.
- Leni: [in unison] What?
- Luan: [in unison] No way!
- Luna: [in unison] Bogus!
- Lori: I think we need to have a little talk with her.
- Lynn: I don't get it. I thought we had an awesome night.
- Luan: Lynn, you made a five-year-old hang upside down and do crunches.
- Lynn: Yeah, and his abs will thank me.
- Lori: We're sorry, but you can't be in the babysitting group anymore.
- Lynn: [now upset]What? Come on! It's not my fault those kids didn't know how to have fun! Give me a decent family and I'll show you I can crush it!
- Lori: Sorry, but we just can't afford to lose any more clients.
- Lincoln: [pops in] I'm still available.
- Lynn: Get out of here, Stinkin'! [throws her football at him and he falls to the floor.]
- Lori: This is literally what we're talking about. [She and the others leave the room.]
- Lynn: [flops onto her bed and growls in frustration; to herself.] Lynn Loud does not accept defeat. I'll show those guys I got what it takes.
The Spies Who Loved Me (16.2)
Really Loud Music (Episode 17)
- [As the family dances to "Best Thing Ever"]
- Lucy: I should hate it... but I don't!
- Lisa: Likewise. Curse this inane yet diabolically catchy tune!
- Lynn: [takes Edwin from Lucy and throws it to the ground, resulting in Edwin's nose breaking off.] Alright! Up top!
- Lucy: Look what you did to Edwin, you monster.
- Lynn: What? You wanna go?
- Luna: They just don't get it, Mick.
- Mick: Don't worry, love, I do. [Luna is surprised her poster came to life.] This is a tough business. Only one in a million makes it. You gotta do what you gotta do. Besides, it's not like you're selling your soul.
- Luna: Right! That's what I'm saying.
- Mick: You're still you. You're still Luna Loud.
- Doug: Do you know what you've just given up?!
- Luna: Yeah, but I know what I'm keeping. The real Luna Loud!
[Luna faces the crowd as they cheer her on and she winks to the viewers.]
House of Lies (18.1)
- Lisa: Greetings, family. Can I help you?
- Lola: You sure can. You can stop using your terrible glasses!
- Lori: They're literally driving us crazy!
- Lisa: Look, I'm simply doing what's best for this family. Every lie drags us closer to chaos and ruin.
- Rita: Sweetie, I agree, but sometimes a little white lie helps smooth things over.
- Lisa: I firmly disagree. There's no such thing as a good lie. [walks out]
- Lynn Sr.: [sighs] Okay, it's clear what we have to do.
- Lincoln: Tell the truth?
- Lynn Sr.: No! Destroy those ding-dang glasses!
- [Lisa's lie-detecting cameras leave everyone too angry to eat with each other]
- Lisa: I admit eating alone isn't ideal, but I still think this is for the best.
- Camera: [alarm blares] Lie.
- Lisa: No, it isn't! I'm doing my family a service, and I'm certain they'll thank me someday.
- Camera: [alarm blares again] False. You no longer believe that.
- Lisa: [slumps in her chair] Okay, fine, you're right. This experiment has been a disaster. I thought enforcing honesty would save my family, but instead, it brought them to ruin.
- Camera: Talk about irony.
Game Boys (18.2)
- Clyde: Lincoln, can I talk to you for a sec? In private?
- [Lincoln looks at everyone awkwardly, then slips under the table to join Clyde]
- Lincoln: What's up, Clyde?
- Clyde: Well, I've been following you around all day because I was worried about the Snap. I never wanted to let you borrow it in the first place.
- Lola: Ooh, drama!
- Lynn: Fight! Fight! Fight!
- Lincoln: Would you guys grow up?!
- Lisa: Says the guy having a confab under the dining room table.
Everybody Loves Leni (19.1)
- [Leni flops down on her bed, sighing unhappily]
- Lori: Leni, your sighing is literally ruining my texting. What's wrong?
- Leni: I don't know what to do. I feel torn between two groups of friends. How do I make them both happy?
- [Lincoln clears his throat]
- Lori: Lincoln, what do you want?
- Lincoln: I think I know how to help Leni. When I started hanging out with Rusty and Zach, Clyde and Liam felt left out. So I invited everyone to hang out together, and now we're all BFFs.
- Leni: [confused] So, you're saying my friends should hang out with your friends?
- Lincoln: [facepalms] No, bring your friends together.
- Lori: [impressed] Huh. That is surprisingly mature advice for an eleven year old.
- Lincoln: Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write my name on my new Ace Savvy underwear!
- [He is revealed to not be wearing pants. On the way out, he pulls a marker from his underwear and slaps his rear]
- Lori: I literally take that back.
- Leni: We're gonna have so much fun tonight. I planned a bunch of stuff for us to do.
- Jackie: Yogurt covered pretzels, [gasps] and Sixteen 1/2 magazine, my favorites.
- Mandee: Ooh, sparkling water. Eww, who drinks pomelo flavor?
- [Doorbell rings]
- Leni: Oh, good, the other guests are here. [comes down with Miguel and Fiona] ...and, I got your favorite drink.
- Miguel: Oh, I didn't realize this was a party party.
- Leni: It's just the five of us, [hugs them all] I can't wait for you guys to get to know each other. [Jackie, Mandee, Miguel, and Fiona glare at each other with enthusiasm; little later, giving her friends sets of cards] I thought we could play a 'getting to know you' game, on each card, is a fun fact about someone in this room, your job is to guess who. Miguel, you can go first.
- Miguel: [reading] "I like pumpkin spice lattes." I'm gonna guess Mandee.
- Mandee: [surprised gasp with interest] You're right! How'd you know?
- Miguel: If your name's Mandee, liking pumpkin spice lattes is pretty much your entire brand.
- [Jackie and Mandee both glare offended at him]
- Leni: Wow, you guys know each other so well already. Jackie, your turn.
- Jackie: [reading] "I have a winning smile." Well, that must be about Mandee.
- Leni: Actually, it was about Miguel.
- Jackie: Hmm. I don't see it.
- Miguel: [gets up] I'm done with this game.
- Mandee: Huh, which card says, "I'm a quitter?"
- Leni: Uh, why don't we try something else? [pulls out Froot Tangle] Okay, I'll go first. Right foot, apple. Mandee, why don't you go next?
- Mandee: Leni knows I'm good at this game. Oop, left foot, pineapple.
- Miguel: I'm pretty good at it, too. I'm a part time yoga instructor, so... [does a yoga pose for his move] Right foot, grape. Leni, I didn't tell you, yesterday, I had to deal with a total penny.
- Leni: Oh no, that's awful. [to Jackie and Mandee] A penny's what we call someone who tries using an expired coupon.
- Fiona: You kind of have to work with us to get it. [rolls right hand, orange]
- Jackie: Leni, did you see Rashida's prom-posal to Brandon? [Rolls right hand, pineapple] It was so, addy-addy bing bang.
- Leni: [to Miguel and Fiona] That's our friend word for 'adorable'.
- Mandee: You kind of have to go to school with us to get it.
- Miguel: My pomelo!
- Fiona: My bag!
- Mandee: It was an accident! I'm sorry I'm not a part time yoga instructor.
- Jackie: Leni, this was a terrible idea. Why did you want us to hang out with them?
- Miguel: Well believe me, we didn't wanna hang out with you.
- Mandee: [gasps] We're leaving.
- Fiona: Don't bother, we're leaving.
- Leni: Guys wait, we didn't get to eat the 'new best friends' cake I baked.
- Mandee: Sorry, Leni. And by the way, Miguel, everyone likes pumpkin spice. [leaves, followed by Jackie] Except maybe, stuck up part-time yoga instructors.
- Lincoln: Wow, poor Leni. She's literally bending over backwards for her friends.
- Miguel: Didn’t Leni tell you that fuchsia was last season’s color?
- Jackie: Mmm, yeah she didn’t tell you that you can’t pull off those jeans.
- Leni: [answering her cellphone] Hello?
- Jackie: Leni, what the heck? Where are you?
- Leni: Oh, hey. How’s the pop-up sale?
- Fiona: Never mind that, you ditched us. Do another group of friends we don't know about?
- Leni: I'm sorry. I knew that no matter who I went to the sale with, I'd be upsetting someone. So I decided to stay home. I'll let you guys go. I don't want to ruin your day. [hangs up]
- [Mandee, Fiona, Jackie and Miguel all now feel horribly terrible]
- Jackie: [griefly] Wow, Leni missed her favorite sale because of us.
- Fiona: [remourseful] Ugh, we are the worst.
- Leni: [marches over and opens the door, but her friends are right there] Oh, you're here. Well, good. There's something I have to say to you.
- Miguel: Actually, there's something we have to say to you.
- Leni: No, me first! If you can't share the store, then you're going to have to march over to the room, and grow me up! Wait, that's not right. Dang it, I was gonna practice this on the bus!
- Mandee: Leni, never mind that. We came to apologize.
- [Leni becomes surprised]
- Miguel: We've been acting like total jerks, and we're sorry we got so jealous.
- Jackie: Even if the four of us aren't gonna be besties, we can at least try to get along.
- Fiona: 'Cause the last thing any of us want is to lose you as a friend.
- Leni: [touched] Aww, that's so sweet. Thanks, you guys. Hey, do you want to come in? I was just watching 'Vest Friends Forever'.
- Miguel & Jackie: I love that show! [The two look at each other surprised then smile at each other]
- Kurt: Ha, right? I mean, how could you go wrong.
- Fiona: [eating a piece of Leni's 'New Best Friends' cake] That vest, is so addy-addy bing bang.
- Mandee: Hey, this pomelo's really tasty. Good call, Miguel.
- [Frosting Leni on the cake winks, episode ends]
Middle Men (19.2)
- [After Lynn reveals the truth about being picked on during her first days at middle school]
- Lynn: I finally figured out that if I acted tough, people would stop messing with me. And since it worked for me, I thought it could help protect you guys too.
- Lincoln: Wow, I had no idea you went through all that.
- Clyde: Me neither. And it was nice of you to try and help us, even though it's gonna lead to a lot of pain...! [groans]
- Lynn: No, it's not. Because I'm gonna take the heat for you guys.
- [She stands up to confront the angry students, but Lincoln and Clyde stop her]
- Lincoln and Clyde: No, no, no!
- Lincoln: We have to go. Some of those kids might still be here next year. They're gonna think we're wimps who let other people fight our battles.
- Clyde: Though, when you think about it, would that really be so bad? [Lincoln frowns at him] Okay, okay.
Jeers for Fears (20.1)
- [Elementary School; Lincoln and Clyde hear some of their classmates talking while looking through their lockers]
- Richie: I hear the screams are so loud, you can't even hear yourself scream.
- Trent: I hear it's so scary, they give you diapers before you go in.
- Chandler: I hear a deranged clown chases you with barbecue tongs.
- Lincoln: What are you guys talking about?
- Richie: The Royal Woods House of Terror just opened up for the season and we're finally old enough to go. [pulls out the brochure] Check it out, zombies, vampires, mutants, all waiting to pounce on you the minute you step inside.
- Chandler: [covers the brochure] Dude, don't bother telling them about it, they'll never go. Everyone knows they're the biggest chickens in our class.
- Lincoln: Oh yeah?! Then how come we already got tickets to it, Chandler?
- Clyde: We did? [Lincoln nudges him; now nervous] Oh, right, we did! I totally forgot, because I'm so excited, and not at all terrified.
- Chandler: Oh, really? When are you going?
- Lincoln: Uh, tomorrow night.
- Chandler: Cool. Then we'll get our tickets for tomorrow night too. That way, we can all go together.
- Clyde: [feigning excitement] Great. Looking forward to it.
- Chandler: I'll bet you are. [folds the brochure into a paper airplane and throws it at Clyde's head as he and his friends leave]
- Lincoln: Oh man! What did we just do? How are we gonna get through the House of Terror?
- Clyde: I won't even get up to pee at night if my Blarney night light isn't on! [gets out his phone] I'd better call Dr. Lopez. [waits to answer but no response] Oh no, it went to voicemail! [breathes into a paper bag]
- Lincoln: Wait... [plucks the brochure airplane out of Clyde's hair] I've got an idea. Maybe we can toughen ourselves up before tomorrow night, so we'll be able to handle the House of Terror, and I know who can help us.
- Lincoln: Oh man, the bail out door was much farther than I thought.
- Clyde: They really, need to work on their, signage.
- Lincoln: [sees Chandler and his friends approaching] Hey, guys, how'd you get out before us?
- Chandler: Ooh, well, uh...
- Trent: We took the bail out door, that place was way too scary. [Chandler angrily elbows him in the arm] Agh!
- Richie: Guess you guys made it all the way through.
- Lincoln: [as he and Clyde turn around and see that the door they ran out of was the exit, which two other kids run out of in the same manner they did; amazed] Yeah, I guess we did.
- Chandler: Are you gonna rat us out to everyone at school for being chickens?
- Lincoln: Nah, that wouldn't be cool.
- Chandler: Oh, you guys are alright. I'm sorry for always messing with you.
- Lincoln: Forget it.
- Clyde: Yeah, we're good.
- Chandler: Hey, you guys wanna go to Gus' for some pizza?
- Lincoln: Sure.
- Clyde: Sounds great.
- Lincoln: Wow, friends with Chandler, who would have thunk it?
- Clyde: Do you think we should tell him we only made it to the end because we couldn't find the bail out door?
- Lincoln & Clyde: Nah.
- Lincoln: That'll be our little secret.
Tea Tale Heart (20.2)
- [Lola grabs a brick and tied the doll up]
- Lola: SO LONG, SISTER!!!!
- [Lola throws the doll in the pond]
The Loudest Thanksgiving (Episode 21)
- Rita: [clinks her glass] I'd like to make a toast. Bobby, Lori. I just want to say how much it means to have you here with us. [tears up] I don't know if I can't get through this.
- Lori: [touched] Oh, Mom.
- Hector: [clinks his glass] Uh, excuse me if I might. I'm sure it means a lot to you, Rita, but with all respect, it means more to us.
- Rita: Well, Hector, that seems really unlikely because nothing means more to us, 'kay?
- Rosa: Oh, really?
- Rita: Yeah.
- Rosa: Is that so?
- Rita: Yeah, that's right.
- [Lori and Bobby look at their relatives worried and the mountain of food melts down.]
- Hector: Forget the toast. I can say it so much better with music! [starts playing his guitar] We love Bobby and Lori more than... [Lynn Sr. elbows Luna and she dashes off] ...Anyone in the world.
- Luna: [brings in her axe and starts playing, cutting Hector off] FAMILY!
- [Her playing is then cut short when her axe gets unplugged, revealing that was Carl's doing and she glares at him]
- Carl: Oopsie.
- Lola: [viscously] How DARE YOU! [violently attacks Carl]
- Frida: Control your children! It is not safe to have Thanksgiving in this house!
- Rita: Well, if you don’t like it, YOU’RE WELCOME TO LEAVE! Not you, Bobby, you can stay.
- Frida: That’s what you want, isn’t it? To steal our precious Roberto away from us?! [hugs Bobby tightly]
- Lynn Sr.: [hugs Lori as well] Oh, oh, like you haven’t been trying to steal Lori from us! Well guess what, BUCKO, it’s not gonna happen!
- Lori: [pleading] Guys, guys, please stop!
- Louds and Casagrandes: STAY OUT OF THIS!!
- Rosa: Why would anybody want to spend Thanksgiving here, gnawing on your "dry-bird?"
- [Lynn Sr. breaks down, sobbing]
- Rita: [comforting her husband as he sobs] The turgooseon is delicious, the only problem is, you're lumpy gravy!
- Gravybot: [enters the dining room] Did someone say gravy? [squirts gravy on Rita as she shrieks]
- Rosa: [bumps Gravybot aside] No. They don’t deserve it.
- [Gravybot smashes into the wall and gravy flies up and splatters on him, he then malfunctions out of control, squirting gravy everywhere, and all over on Frida's painting]
- Frida: [gasps horrifyingly] My painting!
- Lori: I'm sorry, Boo-Boo Bear, I know you were looking forward to having a real Thanksgiving this year.
- Bobby: It's not all bad. [holds up some turkey jerky] I found this half-off turkey jerky.
- [Suddenly, Vanzilla and the Mercado van pull up and both families run out and inside the gas station, trampling Flip]
- Flip: Jumping jerky! Holy hot dogs! [gets up afterwards]
- Bobby: Whoa, how did you guys find us?
- Carlos and Lisa: Tracking devices. [both look at each other]
- Lynn Sr.: You left before trying my twice-baked tart.
- Rosa: [scoffs] They would prefer my flan.
- Lynn Sr.: Flan, shman. [chanting] Tart, tart, tart–!
- Bobby: Stop! Don’t you guys see? This is why we left. We couldn’t stand the fighting and competing.
- Lori: We don't want to choose sides. So maybe from now on, we should just spend Thanksgiving by ourselves.
- [Both the Louds and Casagrandes all now feel sadly guilty over how they’ve all been acting from earlier]
- Rosa: Well, nobody wants that.
- Lynn Sr.: We certainly don’t.
- Maria: Bobby, Lori, I’m sorry we’ve been acting so childishly.
- Rita: We're sorry too. It’s just hard to let go of your kids. [to the Casagrandes] You know what? You should get Lori and Bobby for Thanksgiving.
- Hector: Well, goodness knows we haven't done anything to deserve that. They should spend it with you.
- Flip: Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just rotate every year, huh? Much like the juicy hot dogs I'm selling at a mere 40% mark-up. Holiday discount.
- Bobby: Works for us.
- [They all agree and engage in a big group hug.]
- LJ: I'm glad we figured out future years, but what about right now? I'm starving!
- Bobby: Well, we've got hot dogs and sunflower seeds and 20 kinds of artisanal jerky. Maybe we could throw a dinner together here.
- Lynn Sr.: I'm game.
- Rosa: Me too.
- Frida: We could make this place look festive. I think I have some leftover decorations in the car.
- Rita: I'll help you.
Predict Ability (22.1)
Driving Ambition (22.2)
Home of the Fave (23.1)
Hero Today, Gone Tomorrow (23.2)
The Write Stuff (24.1)
Racing Hearts (24.2)
- Lori: Come on, Leni, hurry up. Other people live in this house too, you know.
- Leni: But Lori, Mom said no running on the stairs.
- Lori: Oh. Sorry, Leni. I didn't real... Wait. If you're not hogging the bathroom, who is?
- Luna: It's me, dude.
- Lori: Luna? Are you... primping?
- Luna: I'm just getting ready for the Royal Woods Astonishing Quest. Sam's my partner, s-so I want to look good.
- Lori: Sam? Shut up.
- Leni: Tell us everything.
- Lori: This is your first date, isn't it? You must be so nervous.
- Luna: Nah, just stoked. I know Sam and I are gonna be perfect for each other.
- Lori and Leni: [Smiling] "Eee!
- Lynn: Excuse me, ladies. Mind wrapping this up? I got some calluses to scrape off.
- Lori: It's all yours, Lynn. We gotta head to the Quest anyway.
- Leni: Sorry you're banned this year.
- Lori: Though, to be fair, you were a tiny bit, um... [Clears throat] aggressive last time.
- [Flashback to the previous year's Astonishing Quest.]
- Lynn: Whoo! [Tackling people out of her way.] Move it, slowpokes! [Gloating her victory in front of other participants.] Kiss my first place heinie, losers! Whoo!"
- [End flashback]
- Lynn: I don't know what you're talking about. But anyway, I moved on. Now, whose file can I borrow?
- Helen: [Hops off the scooter and throws the pie onto the ground.] Eat my crust, losers! [She laughs, until her mask falls off, revealing her to actually be Lynn, who realizes that she's been exposed.]
- Mayor Davis: Lynn Loud?! I thought I banned you! [Plays a siren sound effect.]
- Lynn: Uh oh, floor it, Scoots!
- [Scoots speeds across Lynn, who hops back on, and they escape.]
- Mayor Davis: [Chases after them] Get back here with that trophy!
Stage Plight (25.1)
Antiqued Off (25.2)
- Lola: Learn to take a compliment sweetie