The Loud House/Season 5
The Loud House (2016–present) is an American animated television series created by Chris Savino for Nickelodeon. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
Schooled! (Episode 1–2)
- Lincoln: Things are pretty crazy around the Loud House this morning. It's the last day of school, and there are a lot of changes this year. For starters, Lori's leaving for college. And Lily's starting preschool, which means she had to be potty-trained. That's great, 'cause, y'know, no more dirty diapers, but it's also not, because that's one more sister hogging the bathroom. I saved the biggest news for last: it’s my first day of middle school! Flawless hair. Check. Most kids would be nervous, but not this guy. I made customized checklists for my friends and me, so nothing can go wrong... if I make it out of here alive.
- [Outside the house, Lori has all her stuff packed up for college and loaded into her car]
- Lori: Guess it’s time to say goodbye. [sees her family, including the pets, in front of her, all tearing up] Aw, guys. Bring it in for a-
- [Everybody rushes in to hug her]
- Rita: Okay, guys, come on. Your big sister needs to get on the road.
- Lynn Sr.: [walks up] And this isn't goodbye, it's just see you later. Well, champ, [sticks out his hand] put 'er there.
- Lori: [hugs her dad, gets in the car, pulls out, and waves farewell to her family] Bye!
- [The family wave their farewell goodbye in return]
- Rita: Honey, let go!
- Lynn Sr.: [latching onto the back of the car as Lori drives off; sobbing] DON'T GO! DON'T GO!
- Lori: [reading the sign] "Quiet Floor. Silence at all times"? [gulps nervously] I'll literally never survive.
- Lincoln and Lori: I have to get out of here.
- Lincoln: Excuse me, can I talk to the principal? [sees and notices something familiar about the middle school's secretary] Cheryl?!
- Meryl: Oh, no, sugar, I'm Meryl, Cheryl's sister. And I'm sorry, but Principal Ramirez is busier than a beehive in a bouquet of babies' breath. Let me see when she's free though. Can you do Christmas? Of next year? [Lincoln groans and the bell for lunch rings] Oopsie doodle, that's lunch. [puts an 'Out to lunch' sign up]
- Principal Ramirez: [comes out of her office, unhappy] Meatloaf again? Ugh, Meryl, did I not stress to the lunch staff not to serve meatloaf on Tuesdays? That's what I make for dinner, I can't have it twice.
- Ramierz: [over P.A.] Will Lincoln Loud please report to the principal's office?
- Lincoln: Oh, what now? [gets up from his desk and leaves for Principal Ramirez’'s office]
- Ramierz: Lincoln? [Lincoln gulps nervously] I actually have some good news. You've proven yourself to be a pretty determined kid. So, I pulled some strings and found a way to get you what you want.
- Lincoln: Oh, thank you, thank you! My friends are gonna be so happy!
- Ramierz: You'll be challenged in a cooler classroom, etcetera, etcetera…
- Lincoln: You just aren't free poppers for life, Principal Ramirez!
- Ramirez: Because you'll be attending a new school! It's just across the river.
- Lincoln: [shocked] Wait, what?! A new school?!
- Ramirez: Yeah, it wasn’t easy, but I was able to enroll you since I know the principal there. He owes me a favor.
- Lincoln: But-but…
- Ramierz: I cashed it in, so this better be worth it, Loud. And (if you're wondering) by the way, it's in Canada! [pulls out and waves 2 Canadian flags]
- Lincoln: [in horrified shock] (I'm going to…) Canada!?
- Rita: Lily, sweetie, we need to talk.
- Lily: Uh-oh.
- Lynn Sr.: We know you're potty-trained.
- Lily: What? Uh, no, no, no, no! Look. [tries to poop, but can’t]
- Rita: Lily, it's okay, we know that preschool is a big change, so Mommy and Daddy decided, you can stay. It's fine if you're not ready to leave home.
- Lily: Yay! Lily stay home forever! [starts bouncing]
- Lori: [enters the house, breaking down in tears] Mom, Dad, I'm not ready to LEAVE HOME! [hugs her parents, crying]
- Lynn Sr.: What is happening?
- [At the middle school, the bell goes off, Lincoln and his friends are in the cafeteria]
- Lincoln: Alright, I'll give up my pancakes, if someone has bacon.
- Liam: [offscreen] We'll take that trade. [Liam is standing by the window with a moose holding a bucket full of Canadian bacon] What? I'm giving him a home.
- [Liam's friends can't help but laugh at this]
- Lincoln: Well, I'm off to the Hoff.
- [Lincoln gets up from his seat and waves at them ready to leave the cafeteria but not a very happy Clyde rushes to him and hugs him]
- Clyde: I never thought I'd be so happy to see you go to Bolhorner's class.
- [The others join in on the hug and Lincoln smiles endearing at them]
- Stella: So good to have you back.
- Rusty: Bring it in, guys.
- Liam: For sure.
- [They hug him happily and Rusty notices something]
- Rusty: Uh, guys, some upperclassman are starting to stare.
- Lincoln: [smirking] Let 'em.
- [They happily give Lincoln a big squeeze hug who could do is smile]
The Boss Maybe (3.1)
- Leni: [walks in the kitchen, seeing Lynn and Lola fighting over money] What's going on guys?
- Lynn: Lola's trying to take my money!
- Lola: It's MY MONEY! I spotted it!
- Lynn: I was the one who fished it out of the sewer!
- [Their fight resumes]
- Leni: Come on! Stop fighting! Please? [Lola and Lynn briefly pause and resume back to fighting]
Family Bonding (3.2)
Life of the Party (4.1)
Kernel of Truth (4.2)
- Meryl: Can't a girl get some quiet around here? [Clyde backs away nervously] Okay, now what do y'all noisy little jitterbugs need? But hurry, my show's back from commercial in thirty seconds.
- Zach: Well we found an old news set, it was pretty cool. Rusty dented the camera when he dropped it.
- Rusty: Why would you tell her that?
- Lincoln: We need to talk to Principal Ramirez. It's urgent.
- Meryl: Well, I don't know, she's with someone. [her show returns] Ooh, it's back on, just go on in.
Ghosted! (Episode 5)
Blinded By Science (6.1)
- Lisa: Have hey no humanity?! They're treating Flip like a lab rat! [the rat gives her an annoyed look] What, are you giving me that look 'cause I've offended you as a lab rat, or is it because I treated Flip the the exact same way? [becomes worried]
Band Together (6.2)
- Luna: I'm so sorry! I was just trying to have some fun. Like I did with my old band.
- Katie: Look, Sweetie, you're not with the Moon Goats anymore. It's time to get serious.
- [Reg takes a napkin out of the dispenser, only for him and Jolly Jim to get glitter bombed]
- Luna: Sorry. I had that planned before this talk.
Cow Pie Kid (7.1)
- Lynn: Whoa, Liam! Why didn't Stinkoln ever tell me that you had such an incredible arm?!
- Liam: Uh, I dunno.
- Lynn: [grabs him up close] Hey, hey, hey. You wanna play some baseball? Our team could really use you!
- Liam: Sounds fun! But the only sport I've ever played was hog-wrasslin'.
- Lynn: No prob. You got the best trainer in the biz! And with you on the mound, I might be able to turn this season around.
- Lynn: Welcome to the team, Cow Pie Kid!
- Liam: Woo-hoo! A celebration like this calls for a pig pile! [jumps into a mud puddle, two pigs join him, and Lynn joins in as well]
- Lisa: This high-powered laser will realign the nerves and muscles in your arm and resynchronize your pitch.
- Liam: Yikes, is it gonna hurt?
- Lynn: Nah.
- Lisa: It'll be pain like you've never known.
- Liam: [gulps nervously, gets electrocuted as Lisa pulls the switch] Naw. Ain't nothing more than a skeeter bite.
- Lucy: [mixing up a potion; reading her spellbook] Strand of red hair, stinger of a bee. Cure Liam's arm so he can... ahem. [Fangs turns the page] ...pitch-pain free. [completes the potion and puts one drop on Liam’s arm]
- [Lightning strikes]
- Lynn: Anything?
- Liam: [impressed] Ho, ho. Howie! That's unbelievable. I got no pain at all.
Saved by the Spell (7.2)
- Meryl: [snaps out of the hypnosis, looks around] Now how did I get here?!
Season's Cheatings (8.1)
A Flipmas Carol (8.2)
- Cheryl: [waving her fist angrily at Flip] Call this a Christmas tree?! For shame! [threateningly] I hope this misdeed haunts you like an undigestible ham bone in the gullet!
No Bus, No Fuss (9.1)
Resident Upheaval (9.2)
- Lincoln: [dressed up as Myrtle walks to Clyde, who's dressed up as Nana Gayle; sounding like Myrtle] You must me Nana Gayle. I'm Myrtle. So nice to meet you.
- Clyde: [turns around] Nice to meet... [clears throat to sound like Nana Gayle] Nice to meet... [gasps] Lincoln?
- Lincoln: Clyde? What are you doing?
- Clyde: What am I doing? What are you doing? There's no way you can pull off-- wow, you did an incredible job with Myrtle's cat-eye makeup.
- Lincoln: Thanks. It's subtle, yet makes a-- wait a minute. You're just trying to psych me out.
- Clyde: I don't need to, 'cause you don't stand a chance. I'm winning that room for Nana Gayle!
- Lincoln: I'm winning it for Myrtle!
- [Lincoln and Clyde then growl at each other]
Silence of the Luans (10.1)
- Lincoln: [pacing back and forth in front of the basement door] You may be wondering why I have my David Steele squirt blaster loaded full of gravy. I'm on guard duty. Today's April Fool's Day. Yes, April Fool's Day, A.K.A. a living nightmare led by a rampaging lunatic named Luan. OK, she doesn't look like a rampaging lunatic in her school photo, but trust me, that changes on April 1st. Luan uses this holiday as an excuse to torture our family with prank after prank.
- [Lincoln makes his way into the living room, gets knocked out by an explosion; everything forwards in slow motion as he comes to and the family gets pranked left and right]
- Leni and Lynn: [in slow motion; covered in goop] We've been gooped!
- [Another explosion sends Lucy and Lincoln flying as Lincoln makes his way to the couch]
- Rita and Lynn Sr.: [in slow motion; covered in peanut butter and jelly] We've been PB and J'ed!
- Lola: I thought we locked up that lunatic up!
- Lincoln: We did! She's still in the basement! I was just down there!
- Lola: Well, how is this happening?!
- [Another explosion from the kitchen occurs]
- Luna: [smokey from the kitchen] Do not go in the kitchen, brahs.
- Lisa: [falls down the chimney] Or anywhere near the fireplace.
- [The family gathers at the living room]
- Lana: I think I hate cars now.
- Rita: [hugging her husband as he babbles] Lily, you're grounded until you're 16. [a torrent of onion water lands on the family] Make that 21.
- Leni: [tastes the water; disgusted] Ugh, it's onion water.
- Luan: Actually, that one was me. [everyone groans] I swear, I really was retired, but after today, Lily has reignited my passion for pranking.
- Lily: [fist-pumps] Yes!
- Luan: Hey, wait. Lily, that's why you did all this? To get me out of retirement?
- Lily: Duh.
- Luan: Aw, thanks, you get me.
- Lynn Sr.: [shocked] Two of them? We've somehow raised two of them…
Undercover Mom (10.2)
- Gary: I've been undercover the last six months for that series I'm writing on the dangerous and seedy underworld of gardening.
- Rita: Oh, wow! I didn't even recognize you! Nice work on that piece, by the way.
- Gary: Thanks. Going undercover is a great way to get people to open up. When they don't know who you are, they'll really let you into their lives.
- Rita: Let you into their lives, huh? Thanks, Gary. [bursts into Jeese's office] Jesse, I have a great story idea!
- Jesse: Whoa, stop the presses. It's Rita Loud and she's excited!
- Rita: Picture this; I go undercover at Royal Woods High for a hard-hitting story on teen life.
- Jesse: I can see the headlines now. Teen Scene: What's It Mean? This could be big, Rita. Let's do it!
- Rita: Whoo-hoo! Thanks, Jesse.
- [Vanzilla pulls up at the High School; Rita steps out, dressed as a high school teenager]
- Lynn Sr.: Uh, hon, don't you think you should get to class? You don't wanna be late on your first day undercover.
- Rita: Just a sec. I'm building a social media presence. [takes a selfie] It'll be so cray if I don't have one. Speaking of which, can you go to SwiftyPic and drop a heart emoji on my latest post?
- Lynn Sr.: You lost me at 'cray.' Well, Brita, ["BREE-tah"] have a nice day.
- Rita: It's Brita. ["BRIH-tah"]
- Rita: [voice-over of her article] "I was supposed to go to Royal Woods High in search of a story on teenage life, but what I really was in search of was connection. As a mom with three high school girls, it's sometimes tough to accept that your kids are growing up. This story gave me an excuse to stay in their lives just a little bit longer, but it wasn't fair to them. What I learned in my time at Royal Woods High was that, as parents, we need to let our kids grow up and become independent, trusting that they'll come to us when they need to."
School of Shock (11.1)
- Mayor Davis: Great work, Leni. How are you liking the internship so far?
- Leni: O-M-Gosh, Mayor Davis, it's the best! I learned how to fix a copier.
- Assistant: Dang it, the copier needs toner.
- Leni: Ooh, I just got a great new toner. [applies makeup to the copier] And I got a lipstick you'll love. [adds lipstick]
Zach Attack (12.1)
- Chandler: Alien flyby? [chuckles] Count me in. I can't wait to say "I told you so" when there's no UFO. Also, his mom makes really good cookies.
- Girl Jordan: [bored] What time's this alien ship supposed to fly by? It's been two hours. And how much longer is Rusty going to play that French Horn?
- [Rusty is doing not very well playing the French Horn]
- Zach: [looking over the notes] I don't get it. Could I've gotten the day wrong?
- Classmate: Hey! what's that?
- [A silhouette UFO is seen in the clouds]
- Zach: Guys look! There it is! There's the ship! Looks like the aliens are sending us a message! [the silhouette UFO emerges from the clouds, revealing it's just Flip in his biplane with a message saying 'EAT AT FLIP'S!!!'; bummed] Oh.
- Chandler: [walks up to Zach; laughs] Hey, Gurdle, [eats a cookie] told you so! That felt good.
- Zach: [reading the newspaper while walking] Ugh, this is really bad. What am I gonna do?
- Katherine Mulligan: This is Katherine Mulligan reporting live from the streets of Royal Woods, where people have one question: "Do aliens walk among us?" [notices Zach walking up to her] Ah, young man. Katherine Mulligan, Royal Woods News. Do you believe there are extraterrestrials in Royal Woods?
- Zach: Yes. I mean, no! I mean, I have to go. [runs away]
- Katherine Mulligan: Well, that incredibly suspicious little boy has me convinced. THE ALIENS ARE COMING FOR US ALL!
Flying Solo (12.2)
- Clyde: Guys, being a Treblemaker is... ♫ The best part of my day! ♫
- Liam: Yeah, I still can't believe Zach, Rusty, and Stella chose home ec with Mr. Bolhofner.
- Lincoln: Well, Rusty thought they'd get to eat cookies all the time.
- [Home ec room; Mr. Bolhofner is lecturing Rusty, Zach, and Stella]
- Mr. Bolhofner: Today, we're gonna learn how to make cricket cheesecake. I was once stuck 45 miles up the Amazon, but I still eat like a cake.
- [Rusty, Zach, and Stella shudder terrifyingly]
Hurl, Interrupted (13.1)
- Margo: I can't wait to ride Whipped Scream again! [shows a video of the roller coaster ride on her phone] I’ve watched this like a million times.
- Maddie: I heard about this kid that went on it just one time, and he never stopped barfing! [she, Margo, and Paula turn to Lynn, looking very petrified] Oh, you're awfully quiet, Lynn. Aren't you pumped for Dairyland?
- Lynn: Pfft. Of course, I am. Who's saying that I don't wanna go to Dairyland, huh? Anyone who says that is getting an elbow to the glutes.
Diamonds are for Never (13.2)
Rumor Has It (14.1)
- Clyde: How great is it that Mrs. Salter is chaperoning? She's the best.
- Zach: Yeah, but why does [points to Mr. Bolhofner] he have to come?
- Stella: You know about Bolhofner, right? I heard from Cici, who heard from Girl Jordan, that he's an escaped convict.
- Zach: I heard from Chandler, who heard from his mom, that he's a cannibal. They call him "Skullhofner."
- Liam: I heard from Lunch-lady Pat that he's a mobster. He can make a feller just plain disappear.
- Mrs. Salter: So, some bad news - looks like the wrong bus was reserved. We're not gonna have enough seats.
- Mr. Bolhofner: No prob. I'll just drive whoever's left in the school van. It's got room for plenty of bodies. [With a sinister grin, he looks at the friend group, who shudders, clearly terrified; This is also enough to scare the other three kids who are waiting into the school bus; The group looks at this, confused, then turn their attention to him; all are terrified, save Lincoln] Looks like you chuckleheads are riding with me. Let me grab the keys and a crowbar.
- [Clyde's inflatable shirt deflates]
- Clyde: Plenty of... bodies?
- Stella: A crowbar?!
- Zach: We're gonna be Skullhofner chow...
- Lincoln: Guys, relax. The Hoff's my homeroom teacher. I'd know if he was a convict, or a cannibal, or a mobster. Trust me. We've got nothing to worry about.
- Mrs. Salter: GO, before Bolhofner gets back!
Training Day (14.2)
- Stella: Hey, guys. Meet Jazzy, my new rabbit. [unveils a cage with Jazzy inside; Lincoln, Clyde, and Liam are in awe]
- Lincoln: Hi, Jazzy, you want a clover? [offers Jazzy a clover but throws it at him in the face] Guess you're more of a grass guy.
- Clyde: And an old soul. I can see it in his eyes, Stella.
- [Jazzy viciously starts biting the cage from inside, making the boys yelp]
- Stella: There's a reason Jazzy is in this carrier. He's one bad bunny.
- Clyde: Wait, why is he turning around?
- [Jazzy turns his behind on Clyde; Lincoln and Liam watch as he pees on him]
- Stella: Sorry, Clyde.
- Clyde: No need to apologize, Stella. Dr. Lopez says all creatures express anxiety in their own way.
- Stella: I don't know what's going on with Jazzy. I've tried everything. My parents said I have the weekend to get him under control, or else he has to go live in my aunt and uncle's house. They're pro wrestlers, so nothing bothers them.
- Clyde: You only get a weekend? That doesn't seem fair. Hmm, Ken and Judy are usually so reasonable.
- Stella: They said they can only afford to replace so many torn-up rugs. And sofas. And minivans.
- Lincoln: Sorry, Stella. Wish we could help.
- Stella: Me, too. I was really looking forward to being a rabbit person.
- Lana: [whistles, getting their attention; leading her pets to a table] Let's go, guys. One, two, three, four. Two, two, three, four. [Bitey starts bitting on Geo's hamster ball, scaring him] Hey, Bitey. No biting. [Bitey let goes of Geo, saluting] And here's a snack for all of you. [offers snacks to the pets]
- Stella: [amazed] Whoa! Lana's like a pet whisperer!
- Lana: Cliff, you're not holding the sharing stick. You know the rules! Now, what do you wanna share?
- Cliff: [holds up the stick, making pistol gestures] Pew-pew! Pew-pew-pew-pew!
- Lana: We’ll play laser tag after our snack.
- Lola: [burts out of the garage on her car, going out of control] What's wrong with this thing?! Lana, you told me you fixed it!
- Lana: I did, calm down! You're being such a shmirkin-beagle!
- Lola: [gasps] That's funny, coming from a real figgle-snaggle!
- Clyde: Um, come again?
- Lincoln: They have their own twin language. Even Lisa can't crack it.
- Lynn Sr.: Lana, I'm sorry. Jazzy can't stay here anymore.
- Lana: But where am I gonna train him?
- Rita: Oh, honey, maybe Lana and the bunny could just use the basement.
- Lucy: [appears, holding the family's photo albums Jazzy peed on] I was just down there, and he peed on our family photo albums.
- Rita: Lana, you've gotta train Jazzy somewhere else.
- Lana: Fine.
- [Lana and her pets enter home and sadly collapses on the couch]
- Rita: Hey, sweetie, how's the rabbit training going?
- Lana: Terrible. I lost Jazzy. Could you drive me to Stella's so I can tell her the bad news?
- Rita: Of course, and hey, why don't we post some flyers on the way? And when we're done, I'll treat you to some ice cream. [Leni enters the living room, badly beaten] Did you get trapped in a car wash again?
- Leni: No, worse! We had to close Reininger's early. There was a rampaging bunny on the loose! It was like Easter, but awful!
Director's Rut (15.1)
Friday Night Fights (15.2)
- [The family eats dinner at Lynn Sr.'s restaurant, Lynn is feeling bummed and depressed]
- Rita: I've never seen her like this. She doesn't even care that the twins are doing a deep dive on her dinner.
- Lynn Sr.: [pops up with a meal tray] Look, LJ-- round two of my cheer-up meal. Mozzarella sticks wrapped in bacon, wrapped in chicken fingers, wrapped in a cheesesteak!
- Lynn: Sorry, Pops. I'm not really in the mood. [Lynn Sr. gasps in shock; Lisa walks over to her] If you're here to try to make me feel better, don't bother. It ain't gonna happen till we win.
- Lisa: Mm... I may be able to, uh, 'help a sister out with that,' as they say. I'd like to offer your team my services as an analytics coach.
- Lynn: Huh? Like, numbers and junk?
- Lisa: Precisely. Your play calling is statistically flawed.
- Lynn: [storms sarcastically furious over to Lisa] I'm no Al Einstein, but I'm pretty sure we just got our butts beat!
- Lisa: I am aware of the proverbial posterior thrashing, and will find a mathematical fix. Promise.
- Lynn: No! You've done enough! I put my trust in you and your numbers, and it ruined my team! I don't want your help anymore! [storms crossly away]
- Lisa: [groans and tears up] Oh, no. [sobs] Oxytocin and endorphins...
- Touchdown Bot: ...street name, 'tears.' [gives Lisa a tissue box]
- Lisa: [takes a tissue and wipes her eyes] Mathematics have failed me! [sobbing and wiping her nose] And I have failed my sister.
Grub Snub (16.1)
- Clyde: [sighs] Gus' Games & Grub, you never disappoint. [makes a toast with his friends] After a long week of sixth grade, there's nowhere I'd rather throw back a few cold glasses of water. [drinks his glass of water and sighs again] That's good tap.
- [As Lincoln and his friends are about to eat their spaghetti pizza…]
- Stella: [sees Leni and her friends entering] Oh. Lincoln, isn't that your sister?
- [Lincoln turns to see her sister and her friends have showed up]
- Leni: [sees and notices her brother] Hey, Lincoln! It's like totes packed in here. Mind if we share your booth?
- Lincoln: Well, it's already… [Leni and her friends squeeze in the booth, squishing him and his friends together] Full.
- Mandee: [gasps] Is that spaghetti pizza?
- Jackie: Yum!
- Miguel: We're starving.
- Fiona: Oh, can I have a slice?
- Lincoln: Oh. I guess. [The teens devour down the whole pizza] So, what are you guys doing here?
- Clyde: Yeah. Don't you guys usually hang out at the mall?
- Jackie: Usually. [eats a garlic knot] But, Dim Yum is closed.
- Miguel: Yeah, but the skee ball is open. Come on, let's play some games!
- [Leni's group leave the table to go play arcade games]
- Zach: They ate all of our pizza. Now they're playing all of our games?
- Liam: Ya'll, they're takin' over this place like skeeters on a sugar sucker.
- Lincoln: Guys, it's okay. It's only for an afternoon. We can still have fun.
- [Miguel gets a high score on skee ball, winning tickets as his friends cheer; Rusty, Zach, and Stella walk up]
- Rusty: Mind if I get next? I don't get A's very often.
- Fiona: Sorry, dude. Miguel's gonna be here for a while, he's on a roll.
- Jackie: Only 10,000 more tickets and he has enough to win the Rip Hardcore Waffle Iron!
- Teens: Waffles!
- Clyde: I've been saving up my tickets for years trying to win that! [sulks in disappointment]
- Leni: OMGosh, this was totes fun. This place is great! Who knew?
- Lincoln: We did. Anyways, thanks for coming. Have fun at Dim Yum tomorrow!
- Fiona: Oooh, sorry, we weren't clear before. We meant Dim Yum is closed… forever.
- [Lincoln and his friends gasp in horror and Rusty begins coughing while drinking]
- Leni: See you guys tomorrow!
- Miguel: And you better believe your boy's getting his hands on the rest of that Rip Hardcore kitchenware line!
- Lincoln: Don't worry, guys. I'll make them see that this is our hangout. I'll be friendly, but persuasive. Charming, but mature. Casual, but firm. [Outside of Gus'; begging on his knees] Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
- Leni: I'm really sorry, Lincoln. But Gus' is the only hangout that works for all of my friends.
- [Leni's friends all nod in agreement]
- Lincoln: Seriously? There's nowhere else? What about the Burpin' Burger?
- Miguel: How dare you? I'm recently vegetarian.
- Lincoln: Okay, what about the Burnt Bean?
- Jackie: I don't do hot liquids.
- Lincoln: Well, what about the-
- Fiona: [shushing Lincoln up, putting her finger on his mouth] We could do this all day, but we're not going to. See you tomorrow.
- Lincoln: [growls angrily; transition to the Middle School cafeteria, talking to his friends while standing on Rusty’s sandwich] We cannot sit by while our hangout is taken over by garlic knot-loving teenagers. We need to reclaim Gus', our beloved home away from home. Because they may take our waffle irons, but they will not take our freedom!
- Rusty: Could you get off my sandwich?
- Lincoln: Oops. [steps off the sandwich, fixes it up and gives it to Rusty] Sorry.
- Stella: Uh, Lincoln, super inspirational speech and all, but how do we get rid of Leni and her friends?
- Lincoln: Do you think I would have stomped on Rusty's lunch if I didn't have a plan?
- Lincoln: Time for plan C. Gus' famous ice bar.
- Rusty: Which ice are we going with? Cubed? Shaved? Flaked? Still? Sparkling? Diet?
- Lincoln: Nope. Pebbled. Leni hates it. She says it's like chewing baby rocks. Liam, think you can get these into her cup from over here?
- Liam: You're darn tootin' I can!
- [As Lincoln puts a scoop of pebbled ice into Liam's hand, he winds up his shot and gets in Leni's glass of water when she’s not looking]
- Leni: [drinks her water and shrieks in disgust] Ew, ugh, baby rocks!
- Gus: [alerted] Ma'am, what's wrong?
- Leni: It's that awful ice, I can still feel it in my mouth and it's stressing me out.
- Gus: Then Gus' shall provide a way to relax. [claps his hands and a waiter brings a massage chair and lets Leni sit in it] Get comfortable, you're gonna be here for a while. [turns on the massage chair as Leni is relaxing]
- Lincoln: [fully fed up] Gah! That's it! [marches with his friends to his sister, confronting her] Leni, we're done with you hanging out here!
- Liam: Yeah, now get! Don't make us huck more ice at ya'll.
- Leni: The baby rocks was you?! Not cool, Lincoln.
- Fiona: [now annoyed] Yeah, if you're gonna pull dirty tricks, there's no way we're leaving.
- Lincoln: There's only one way to settle this... we have a competition to see who gets to call Gus' their hangout. Losers are banned forever! [sticks his hand out for Leni to shake]
- Leni: Let's do it! [shakes on it while sitting in the massage chair, causing her brother to vibrate along]
- Lincoln: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Gus' Game-a-thon. Here's how this works. We compete in a series of challenges. The group with the most Gus points wins. [a waitress arrives at the table with a plate of hot wings and sets it down and leaves] Round One; Whoever eats the most hot wings gets a Gus point. You and me, Leni. Go!
- [The two siblings start eating the hot wings as their faces turn red from the burn, keeping eating, growl angrily at each other, and eat another]
- Leni: [as the pressure gets too much for her] I'm sorry, I just can't! [throws the wing into the air, hitting Gus in the eyes]
- Gus: AH! Hot sauce in my eyes!
- Lincoln: [jugging a cup of water] That's the end of Round One. It's Team Lincoln - 1, Team Leni - 0.
- Rusty: You aren't gonna win if you don't speed it up.
- Clyde: The skies are not a playground, Rusty.
- Fiona: How is Clyde beating you?
- Miguel: Flying is hard. Plus, I'm afraid of heights.
- Gus: Whoa, this is really heating up. [The Dance Battle game machine starts to smoke; to Lincoln and Leni] No, I'm serious, you need to stop! My machine is about to break!
- Leni: But we don't have a winner yet!
- [Sparks emerge from the machine]
- Lincoln: Keep dancing, everyone!
- [Lincoln's team and Leni's team all hit the dance floor together and start dancing; Miguel bumps Liam off and Jackie kicks Clyde off while spinning; Both teams start to have a smackdown as they all get annoyed enough and the crowd starts to run as their fight ranges all over the place]
- Gus: Come on, guys!
- [The two groups keep on fighting, demolishing the whole arcade, knocking over the ice bar statue, even trample on Gus; They now end their fight at the booth, all exhausted]
- Leni: Did we win?
- [The two Loud siblings gasp in horror at the whole place, completely damaged they've done while fighting; Gus is carried out by two employees, injured]
- Lincoln: [sighs sadly] I think we all lost.
- [Everybody sits outside of Gus' on the curb, bummed out]
- Miguel: You know what the worst part is?
- Zach: All the splinters in my butt? [pulls out a splinter]
- Miguel: I'm still so hungry! [starts to sob]
- Lincoln: Leni, I'm sorry.
- Leni: I'm sorry too. We shouldn't have just barged in and taken over. Gus' was your place first.
- Lincoln: Thanks, but I shouldn't have made such a big deal about you guys sharing it. Now none of us have a place to hang out.
- Gus: [walks up with a leg cast; unhappy] Oh, don't you worry. I know how all of you can still hang out here.
She's All Bat (16.2)
- Dante: Look! Our familiars have found something from beyond the grave!
- [Thorn bites Principal Huggins from behind the tombstone]
- Principal Huggins: Youch! Shoo, shoo! Go on, get!
- Haiku: Sigh. Why must they always be alive?
- Huggins: Oh. There you kids are.
- Lucy: Hello there, Principal Huggins.
- Huggins: I was sent here with a very important matter to discuss with your club. [takes out a document from his coat]
- Lucy: "School Clubs Act of 1874?"
- Huggins: It states all clubs must have at least 7 members.
- Morpheus: How oddly specific.
- Huggins: You need to have another member by tomorrow, or your club must disband.
- [The Morticians react in dismay]
- Boris: This cannot be.
- Dante: But no, this can't be!
- Huggins: Sorry, kids, but rules are rules. Good luck. [leaves with a double thumbs up; screams off-screen as Thorn bites him again]
- Lucy: Fear not. We'll just show everyone at school how great our club is. Then they'll be dying to join. Ha-ha, ha.
- [During lunch period…]
- Lucy: Sigh. We asked everyone at school, and they said no. 'Twas the final nail in our coffin, the Morticians Club is dead.
- Dante: Wait! There's one person we haven't asked.
- [Camera pans over to Lola's silhouette]
- Lola: It's Lola!
- Haiku: Lola's our last hope. Lucy, you have to go ask her to join.
- Lucy: I, uh, never interrupt Lola while she's strutting. Family rule. [Dante snatches her food out and swaps it out for a Morticians' Club poster] Uh, no. Please. [The Morticians push her towards her glamorous sister; whimpering] Guys, you don't understand. She doesn't like funeral marches, she won't wear black… Trust me, she's not right for our club.
- Persephone: This is the only way.
- Lucy: Fine. [walks towards her sister]
- Lola: [laughs] Remember, I do private pageant coaching! My usual hourly rate applies.
- Lucy: Lola, I have to ask you something. [speaks quickly] The Morticians Club needs one more member, or we'll have to break up. Would you join? What? Not interested? Well, thanks anyway.
- Lola: Wait! Believe it or not, there is a heart under all this fabulousness. I have always considered it my personal mission to spread glitter and glamour to every corner of this earth. So yes, I'll join.
- Morticians: Yay.
- Lucy: [unimpressed] Yay.
- Lucy: I call this meeting to order.
- Haiku: Psst. Lucy, shall we start off with a few words from our new member?
- Lola: Oh. I didn't prepare a speech.
- Lucy: That's okay, Lola.
- Lola: [pushes Lucy aside] JK, JK. (Just kidding, just kidding.) [clears her throat] For as long as she can remember, Lola Loud has been a giver. It all started when--
- Lucy: [bangs her skull gavel, stopping her sister's speech] Well said. Thank you for your words.
- Lucy: [sits next to Fangs] I knew Lola would take over my club. That dumb school clubs act ruined everything. I wish Principal Huggins had never found it. Wait, that gives me an idea. [Later in her and Lynn's room, forging an amendment; laughs diabolically while writing]
- Lisa: [shouting; off-screen] Lucy, please! Your diabolical laughter is upsetting my unstable isotopes!
- [Lucy continues laughing diabolically, but quietly]
Much Ado About Noshing (17.1)
Broadcast Blues (17.2)
Camped! (Episode 18)
- [The Loud siblings are in the dining room eating breakfast, their dishes are soggy wet]
- Lincoln: Do these eggs seem… blegh!
- Lola: Soggy?
- Lana: I kinda like them. [squeezes both of her eggs, causing the yolks to fly into the air; she eats them; Lynn and Lisa are disgusted]
- [Map view of Michigan; as the Loud family drives to Camp Mastodon, Lynn lets out a big fart]
- Louds: Lynn!
- Lynn: Not my fault. You're the ones who dared me to drink a whole bottle of hot sauce.
- [Vanzilla's windows pull down, letting the stinky fart cloud out; A moose walks in, smells the cloud, causing its fur to puff and fall out from its body]
- Lori: [sighs] This is the life, huh? This place is literally amazing. [takes out her phone to call Bobby but there's no cell service; groans] I just wish there was better service.
- Leni: I think the service is just fine.
- Lincoln: [running up with his father] Guys! Guys! Dad and I found a... [catching his breath] a treasure map! It leads to gold!
- [The family gasps in excitement]
- Lola: Gold is a nice signature color!
- Leni: Totes!
- Lincoln: No, no, no. If we find it, we can help Dad save the camp.
- [The family cheers in agreement]
- Flip: [rises his head from the river water; lurking] If I didn't know any better, I's say that sounds like Captain Kidd's lost treasure! [giggles] Flip's gotta get some of that!
- Lori: [groans in disgust] Crawling through the dirt is literally so gross.
- Rita: That's just tree sap, honey. Nothing to worry about. [notices a squirrel on top of Lori’s's head, gasps, and shoos it away] There, there.
- Lori: Ooh, got service! Ugh, lost it. Ooh, got service! Ugh, lost it. [sees a silhouette figure lurking through the trees and takes a photo]
- Lynn Sr.: [finally reaches the top of the butte, goes to the edge of it] I AM THE STRONGEST MAN ALIVE!!! [echoes]
- Lori: Um, I hate to rain on your victory parade, Dad, but we're being followed. [scrolls through some pictures on her phone to the one of the silhouetted figure lurking, but close-up; the family gasps]
- Lincoln: Maybe it's the ghost of Captain Kit.
- Lisa: Mm... negative. It's Flip - I saw him lurking in the lake while we were discussing the treasure.
- Lynn Sr.: He must be after the gold. Let's pick up the pace! What's next, son?
- Lincoln: The clue said we were supposed to "head into the dark."
- Lucy: [points to a skull-shaped cave entrance in the distance] HEAD… into the dark.
- Lincoln: [steps forward; surprisingly terrified] Whoa…
- [The other family members are terrified too]
- Lucy: Ha-ha. Because it's a skull. Get it?
- Lynn: [walks up to Lincoln] Hey, check this out! [shouting] STINKOLN! [echoes; laughs at him as he shoots her an unimpressive glare]
Dad Reputation (19.1)
- [Luna and Luan's room; Luna screams into her pillow]
- Mr. Coconuts: Hey, what's the prob, doll?
- Luna: I agreed to play with Dad and his group tomorrow. If I'm seen with a dad band, no one will take me seriously as a rocker again!
- Luan: Well, why don't you just tell him no?
- Luna: [covers her eyes] This is why! [uncovers her eyes, revealing she's imitating her father's puppy eyes]
- Luan: Yeesh. He gave you the old sad dad peepers, huh? [climbs down the ladder; Luna groans] Oh, come on, is a band really that embarrassing?
- Mr. Coconuts: What's nagging you now, toots?
- Luna: I gotta play with Dad's again at the festival in the park! Everyone in town will see me.
- Mr. Coconuts: Oh, relax. Here's how you get out of it: fake an injury, just like I did when I was supposed to perform with Bananas for the Queen of Sweden. I said I had knobby knees.
- Luna: [gasps] That is so good! Thanks, dude!
Dream a Lily Dream (19.2)
- Mr. Grumpy: Another nightmare is literally going on again!
- Lori: We gotta do something!
- Yo-Yo: Another nightmare, you say? Not to worry! Yo-Yo, is on the job!
How the Best Was Won (20.1)
- Stella: Hey, Kangaroos! We won't be doing our news show today. Instead, we're doing a game show to settle the question: Who are the real best buds in school? Okay, let's meet our teams-- Team one, Clincoln McCloud. Team two, Zusty Spurdles. Let's begin round one! Each team has answered a series of questions about each other. Now, they'll reveal their answers to see how well they know their bestie. Each correct answer is worth one point. Lincoln, what is your best friend, Clyde's favorite movie?
- Lincoln: "King of the Rings!"
- Clyde: He's right! It's "King of the Rings!"
- Stella: Point for Clincoln McCloud! Rusty, what is Zach's favorite movie?
- Rusty: Easy, "Attack of Mutant Alien Toddlers from Mars, Part 10."
- Zach: No! Part 9! Everybody knows those movies went downhill after that!
- [Team Clincoln McCloud share their high-five]
- Stella: Zach, what is Rusty's favorite meal?
- Zach: Liver and onions!
- Rusty: He's right. It's liver and onions.
- Stella: Point for the Zusty Spurdles!
- Rusty: Yeah!
- Zach: Boom!
- Stella: Lincoln, what is Clyde's favorite meal?
- Lincoln: It's my dad's Mac 'n' Cheese bites.
- Clyde: [sighs] That used to be my favorite. But since Nana Gayle moved here, she's been making me beef bourguignon. Sorry, I thought I updated our spreadsheet.
- Lincoln: There's nothing I like more than cooking with my best friend.
- Zach: [mimicking] "There's nothing I like more than cooking with my best friend."
- Rusty: You guys sound ridiculous.
- Clyde: You're just mad because you know we're gonna win this!
- Lincoln: Yeah. You guys have been faking it this whole time. You're not even real best friends. [Rusty and Zach gasp in shock, grumble, and throw eggs at him and Clyde in their faces] So, you wanna play dirty?! Well, I hope you like your eggs scrambled!
- Principal Ramirez: Our next category is Best Detention Getter! And the Middle School best award goes to…Chandler McCann! [quickly] Chandler can't be here because he's in detention, so I accept this award on his behalf. [normally] Next up, Best Buds! And, the MSB award goes to…Rachel and Girl Jordan. [Girl Jordan and Rachel gasp, squeal, and hug each other in delight] Our final category is Best Friend Group. The MSB award goes to…The Action News Team!
- Liam: Hot dog, we won!
- Lincoln: [gasps suspiciously] Wait, what? I didn't even know 'Best Friend Group' was a category!
- Principal Ramirez: It wasn't. But your classmates were so touched by your on-air makeup, that they created a new award category just for you!
- Zach: We won?
- Liam and Rusty: Yeah, siree.
- Stella: Best friend group in the whole school!
- Rusty: [cuts close to the camera] This is quite an honor. I wasn't expecting this. I just have a few people to thank. My dad, my cousin, Derek, and his twin-chillas, my cousin Aaron and-- [Liam sneaks in and pushes him off screen; holds him back and appears back on-screen] And my girlfriend! You don't know her. She goes to a different school!
Animal House (20.2)
Lori Days (21.1)
- [Evening dinner time; The Loud family are eating green beans and mashed potatoes for dinner]
- Lana: [unsure about her plate] Dad, these green beans taste weird.
- Lynn Sr.: Well, that's because I washed them, sweetie.
- Lana: Okay, interesting choice. [takes out a brown shaker labeled, "DIRT" and adds it to her plate] Dash of dirt, anyone?
- Lisa: [scoffs] It baffles me that we share the same genetic material.
- Lana: Right back at ya, sis. We all saw the results of your latest failed experiment. Where's that thing supposed to live?
- Rita: I don't even want to know.
- Lori: [on video chat eating Chinese food from Fairway University] I do! Tell me what happened, Lisa.
- Luna: Never mind, Lori. You had to be there.
- Lori: [pulls up in front of the house, runs to the front door and enters, excitedly] I'm back! [Cliff is the only one to greet her as he coughs up a hair ball] Huh, was kind of hoping for a bigger reaction.
- Lori: [giving Lola golf putting advice] You can see the greens break slightly to the left of the dinosaur's tail. [Lola prepares to take her shot, holding the putter like a baseball bat] Uh, Lola, that's not how you hold the club to putt.
- Male Teen: [behind them, getting impatient] Ugh! It's not that hard! Just hit the little ball into the big dinosaur.
- Lynn: [madly gets in his face] You're gonna be dino-sore when I'm done kicking your butt, buddy!
- Luan: [highfives Lynn and gasps, liking her pun] Nice one.
- Lynn: Look, my sister's a professional golfer, so stop rushing her or you're gonna have to deal with me! [bends a golf club and ties it in a knot]
- [The teens back away scared, one falls in the pond, followed by the second, and the teen who yelled at Lori gets his shirt caught on the windmill and lands on the pond, too]
- Lisa: That was my club.
- Luan: [to the angry course worker while coming out of a bush] Oh, let me guess, you want us to get our "putts" out of here. [laughs, and the worker glares at her next and ducks back into the bush]
- [The Loud siblings leave the golf park]
- Lori: [dragging Lynn and Luan behind her] I think that's enough puns for today.
- Luan: Ah, I think they want us to "asia-go." [laughs as Lori glares at her] Oh, sorry, Lori, I couldn't resist.
- Leni: It's okay, Lori, we'll get Vanzilla out of the pond.
- Lori: No, it's not that, Leni. This whole weekend was a bust. I came home to reconnect with you guys and nothing went right. You were all off doing your own thing and then, when we did spend time together, it was a disaster. [gets up] I feel like I'm not even a part of this family anymore.
- Lynn: What?! That's nuts.
- Lisa: Today was not a disaster. In fact, I would call it a normal Loud family Sunday.
- Luna: Yeah, dude. What's more Loud than getting kicked out of places?
- Luan: Or rolling Vanzilla into a pond?
- Lincoln: And even though you're not with us everyday, you're always gonna be part of this family.
- Lucy: Even in the afterlife.
- Lori: [sighs] Thanks you guys, I really needed to hear that.
- Leni: Group hug.
- Lori: No! No, I'm already dirty enough.
In the Mick of Time (21.2)
- Chunk: Can't you just tell your friends that you couldn't get Mick?
- Luna: It's beyond that, dude! Everybody in school thinks he's coming! What was I thinking? [makes an impression of Mick, sarcastically] "Oh, hey, Luna, of course I'll play your dance. I don't have anything better to do. I'm just the biggest rock star on the planet."
- Chunk: On the plus side, you'd do a right great Mick impersonation.
- Luna: Thanks, dude. I guess that's something. [realizes] Wait, that is something!
Fam Scam (22.1)
Farm to Unstable (22.2)
- Rusty: Anyone want to trade me for these delicious sardines? My dad says they're the ocean's candy.
- [His friends react to the disgusted smell]
- Zach: Your dad also says anchovy's the only good pizza topping so, no.
- Rusty: Hey! Don't yuck at my Dad's yum, bro!
- Liam: Hey, I'll get in on that, Rustman. [trades his pork sandwich for the sardines]
- Rusty: Whoa! This has three kinds of pork in it! Pleasure doing biz with you, farm boy.
- Liam: Oh, I didn't do it for me. I did for Carol Anne. She loves her sardines.
- Zach: Uh, Liam, why'd you bring Carol Anne to school?
- Liam: Oh, this ain't a social visit. Tomorrow's the biggest Hunnicutt farm stand of the season. My family depends on it to keep the business running. [groans] I still got a million things to do.
- Rusty: I don't wanna tell your family how to run the farm, but they sure are dumping a lot of work on you.
- Liam: Actually, I'm flying solo. Mee-maw sprained her ankle while mud-wrestling Virginia, and my dad and my brother, they're at an egg convention.
- Rusty: Sorry, Liam. Wish there was something we could do.
- Lincoln: [thinks about it] Hmm…wait a second. There is something we can do. We can all go to Liam's farm early tomorrow and help.
- Liam: [hesitant] Oh, I couldn't ask y'all to do that.
- Lincoln: No problem.
- Stella: We're happy to help.
- Zach: That's what friends are for.
- Liam: [giggles] Aww, shucks. Y'all are the best.
- Cheryl: We'll take two bundles of your fresh sheep's wool. We're making dresses for our double date later.
- Meryl: Errol and Daryl are taking us to that new kitten cafe. [pulls out her phone showing Mee-maw a photo of the twin boyfriends, Errol and Daryl] Now that's two cups of sugar.
- Mee-maw: I hope y'all have fun.
- Meryl: Thanks!
- [As the sky turns sunset…]
- Mee-maw: [puts a closed sign on the counter and looks at all the money] Hoo-wee, this was our best farm stand ever!
- Liam: Yes, sirree! Whoo-hoo!
- [As Liam's friends celebrate, it gets cut short when all the customers come back angrily]
- Scoots: What are you punks trying to pull?!
- Mee-maw: Mr. Grouse, what happened to you?
- Mr. Grouse: [angrily with his face all green of envy] What happened is I ate your rutabagas! [holds up a rotten rutabaga and starts gagging]
- Scoots: You call this milk?! [opens the bottle upside-down and pours the slow-moving sludge down] I call it sludge!
- [Cheryl and Meryl are covered in itchy scratchy lumps while wearing their woolly-made dresses]
- Meryl: You're tellin' us. We tried on our new dresses made from your wool and got the itchies!
- Cheryl: We had to cancel our double date with Errol and Daryl!
- Liam: But our products can't be the cause of ya'll's misery. Everything we sell is fresh.
- Mr. Grouse: Eh, could've fooled me. I'm never coming back to this farm stand again!
- Customers: [angrily shouting in protest] We want our money back! I demand a refund! Give me my money back!
- [Liam's friends gasp in horror as the angry customers throw their items at Liam and Mee-maw, returning them, getting their money back, and leave the farm]
- Mee-maw: Oh, Liam, this is a crying shame. We need that money to keep the farm going!
- Liam: [sulks and suspiciously notices something] Huh. Something's weird here. [picks up a rotten rutabaga; His sticker covering Flip's price tag peels and comes off, shocking the duo]
- Mee-maw: What's a Flip sticker doing on our bagas?
- Lincoln: [miserable] Um, this is our fault. We couldn't handle the hard work so, we took a shortcut.
- Zach: We bought everything at Flip's.
- [Liam and Mee-maw both gasp]
- Mee-maw: [with her facing turning red with anger; to Rusty] Red, take me inside!
- [Rusty hyperventilately wheels her inside home]
- Liam: [to his friends; annoyed and frustrated] Oh, man. I can't believe y'all did this. [walks away miserably]
- Stella: [guilty] Man, we messed up. If we'd just done the work in the first place, this wouldn't have happened.
- Clyde: [sighs] I think we all need an emergency session with Dr. Lopez. She offers a great group rate.
Diss the Cook (23.1)
- Rusty: Aw, yeah, it's Turkey Leg Tuesday!
- Chef Pat: Next! [places turkey legs on their plates, putting a particularly large one on Clyde's; Lincoln squeals in anticipation at seeing this…only she serves him one that's very measly]
- Lincoln: Wait, Chef Pat, I think-
- Chef Pat: NEXT!
- Liam: That thing is tinier than a tick on a tack.
- Lincoln: I don't know why I get my hopes up. This has been happening ever since we started middle school.
- Lincoln: Hey, Lynn, something's going on with Chef Pat. It feels like she has a grudge against me and I don't know why. I've never done anything to her, and I was hoping that since you know middle school better than me-
- Lynn: Wait, Lincoln, Chef Pat has some weird grudge against me, too! I've been getting bogus lunches ever since I started middle school, while my friends have been chowing down on grade-A grub! That's how I made up the ham shake.
- Lincoln: It can't be a coincidence that Chef Pat has it out for two people in the same family.
- Lynn: Well, I didn't do squat to her! Maybe one of our sibs did.
- Lincoln: We've gotta find out. I can't keep getting bad lunches. You with me?
- Lynn: Heck, yeah, I am! I'm getting tired of liquid meat. [drinks her ham shake, wipes her mouth, and burps in her brother's face]
- [Back at the Loud House, Lincoln has made up a board with pictures of Chef Pat and his other four older sisters]
- Lincoln: If we're gonna find out who wronged Chef Pat we'll need to use the three D's of detective work… Diligence, distraction and disguise. [Lynn rolls her eyes and leaves his room] We may not find the answer tonight, or tomorrow, or even this week. But when we do, all of our hard work will be worth it.
- Lynn: [returns and takes the marker off her brother's ear] Just talked to everyone, nobody knows why they got bad lunches. [crosses off Luan's picture] Luan said the food was so bad she couldn't even make pun of it. [crosses off Luna's picture] Luna gave up after a week and started eating in the band room. [crosses off Leni's picture] And Leni said the slop she got was "totes yuck."
- [The last picture of Lori is shown]
- Lincoln: That only leaves one sibling who could have wronged her.
- [Fairway University; they video-call Lori, via laptop as she answers]
- Lynn: What did you to do to Chef Pat?!
- Lori: [exclaims in startle] Gah! Whoa, hi to you guys too.
- Lincoln: She's holding a grudge against the Louds, and it's making our lunch period miserable.
- Lori: Chef Pat? I didn't… [realizes something] Oh, wait. I just remembered. It was the first day of middle school. [Flashback to that day, she walks into the cafeteria excited about her new cell phone without looking] I had just gotten a brand-new cell phone.
- [She bumps into the back of the line, causing the students to fall on the floor like dominoes; As Chef Pat exits the kitchen, the soup lands in her face and she growls angrily at young Lori, who quivers and runs out; flashback ends]
- Lincoln: Uh, this is bad. Real bad.
- Lori: That's not even the worst part. The soup was so thick and cheesy, it wouldn't come out of Chef Pat's hair so… she had to shave her head.
- Lynn: Did you ever apologize?
- Lori: I was mortified. I never showed my face in the cafeteria again.
- [Flip's food and fuel; Lincoln and Lynn are serving their lunch periods there, getting themselves Flippees]
- Lincoln: I don't get it. Why is Chef Pat still punishing us?
- Flip: [pops out of the Flippee machine] You two crossed Chef Pat, huh? Well, she's a tough cookie, chiefs.
- Lynn: How do you know?
- Flip: [pulling himself out of the machine and walks to the table where Mr. Grouse is sitting] Me and Pat go way back to high school. [removes his high school yearbook from under the table, causing it to topple, spilling Mr. Grouse's drink]
- Mr. Grouse: Hey! My lemonade!
- Flip: [opens his yearbook and points to them a photo of Pat beating him at dodgeball] See right there? That's us playing dodgeball.
- Lincoln & Lynn: [impressed] Whoa.
- Lynn: That's you?
- Flip: Yeah, those were pre-nacho cheese days.
- Lincoln: [sees younger Rita cheering for Pat in the background and gasps] Lynn, look who else is in this pic. Is it possible Chef Pat has a beef... with Mom?!
- [Back at the Loud House, Lincoln and Lynn confront their mother]
- Rita: No way, Pat and I were besties, all through high school. [opens up her high school yearbook] See? This picture was taken on the last day of school. [points to them a photo of herself, Pat, and Mrs. Gurdle, all smiling together] There's me, Chef Pat, and Zach's mom. I remember this like it was just yesterday.
For Sale by Loner (23.2)
Fright Bite (24.1)
The Loudly Bones (24.2)
Runaway McBride (25.1)
- [McBride residence; Harold, Howard, and the cats are dancing to waltz music in the living room]
- Harold: Hurry, Clyde! You're missing waltz night. It's your turn to choose what's up next.
- Clyde: [enters the living room] Actually, I'm really sorry Dads, but I have to miss our weekly waltz night. I'm going to the school football game with Lincoln and the gang. I hope that's okay.
- Harold: Yeah, of course. Go have fun with your friends.
- Howard: Go, Kangaroos! Hope they dunk a lot of home runs.
- Clyde: Thanks, Dads. I love you guys! [leaves]
- Harold: Howie, we're losing our baby. Ever since Clyde started middle school, he's been spending more time with his friends and less with us.
- Howard: Oh, believe me I know. Before long, he'll be off to an Ivy League college, marry a chiropractor, become a world-renowned pastry chef, and move to Bordeaux, and we will never see him! [hyperventilates in a paper bag] I'm calling Dr. Lopez. This is an emergency.
High Crimes (25.2)
- Lincoln: [high-pitched voice] That one is our bad. Weird. Why do I sound like an elf?
- Clyde: [laughs; also high-pitched] Me too.
- Lincoln: It's like we're breathing helium. [sees the basement is full of balloon helium] Whoa, we are breathing helium! That machine looks like it's sucking it out from the walls!
- Clyde: What's with all the balloons?
- Lincoln and Clyde: [gasp in realization shock] I know who the culprit is!
- Lincoln: Come on out, Vic!
- Vic: [reveals himself out of the shadows in front of them, clapping slowly; high-pitched] So, you figured it out. The guy with the family balloon business wanted access to the ginormous helium deposit under Sunset Canyon.
- Clyde: You almost got away with it, too!
- Lincoln: You even put on roller skates to throw us off!
- Vic: Well, aren't you just a regular David Steele. Too bad I have a getaway plan. You'll never stop me! [picks up a helium canister from behind his back and throws it at the boys]
- Clyde: [as he and Lincoln wrap up Vic] Guess you can say, that wraps up this case.
- Lincoln: Yep. Just one thing left… What to do with Vic?
- Scoots: As head of the board, I say he fixes everything! Come on, let's hit the hardware store. You're buying!
Appetite for Destruction (26.1)
- Rita: Lily! No climbing on the parmesan! [Lily growls and bites her mother's finger, causing her to yelp] Lily! That is very disrespectful!
- Lynn Sr.: We taught you not to be rude! [to his children] Okay, which one of you taught her to be rude?!
- Siblings: I don't know. It wasn't me.
Frame on You (26.2)
- [Middle school corridor, the Action News Team and Meryl gather together by the lockers]
- Rusty: I'm innocent, I swear!
- Lincoln: Did Principal Ramirez say why she thinks it was you?
- Rusty: [opens his locker and takes his belongings out and stuffs them in his bag] She wouldn't tell me who, but, there were witnesses who claimed to see me throw the stink bomb. And now, I'm suspended for a whole week.
- Meryl: [crying and wailing in anguish] I hate having to escort one of my baby birds off property!
- Students: [angrily at Rusty while Meryl escorts him down the corridor] Thanks for ruining our dance! Nice job, clown!
- Byron: [angrily waving his fist] DANCE RUINER!
- Clyde: This is a travesty of justice! We have to clear Rusty's name.
- Lincoln: This calls for an Action News Team special investigation!
- Principal Ramierz: Hey! What are you doing here? As a substitute teacher, you should be in class. I'll show you where it is. By the way, I love the heels.
- [The Action News Team question Dirk in the corridor]
- Dirk: I was in the gym bathroom when the stink bomb went off. Mr. Bolhofner was showing us how to wrestle a bobcat. It shredded my suit! [shows his said suit]
- Stella: Pfft, anything could've done that.
- Principal Ramierz: [through speakers] Attention, students: Don't forget today's pep rally! Oh, and there's a bobcat on the loose. [whispers] Don't just stand there, Bolhofner. Go get it!
- Rusty: Why, Girl Jordan? Why'd you do the Rustman wrong?
- Girl Jordan: Because, I was mad at you.
- [Flashback to home ec class, Girl Jordan is watching her sponge cake in the oven being baked]
- Girl Jordan: Rusty and I were home ec partners. It was our final project: Sponge Cake. It was flawless, until…
- Rusty: [practicing his dance steps, distracting her] Check out the Rustman's new moves! [accidentally bangs into the oven and opens the door; feeling his back in sore pain as Girl Jordan's cake sinks flat]
- Girl Jordan: [gasps] Nooo. [gets a failing grade on a piece of paper from Mr. Bolhofner] It was the first F I ever got! [fiercely] I knew I had to get him back. [growls with revenge at Rusty as he keeps dancing; cut to her getting a suit from his dad] I rented the same style white suit Rusty wears to every school event. I found a red clown wig. [puts on said wig in the girl's bathroom; cut to hiding behind a doorway with Rusty talking to some friends] I even studied his voice.
- Rusty: And they were like, "No way you could eat that entire hoagie, dawwwwg!"
- Girl Jordan: [mimicking Rusty's voice impression] Dawwwwg. [normal voice] That's when I knew I was ready. [cut to the incident in her Rusty disguise, throws the stink bomb on the floor and runs away laughing as it explodes; Flashback ends, to Rusty] I'm really sorry. I went way too far.
- Rusty: Aw, I'm sorry about the cake.