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The Nice Guys

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The Nice Guys is a 2016 American neo-noir buddy action-comedy film. Set in 1970s Los Angeles, the film focuses on private eye Holland March and enforcer for hire Jackson Healy who team up to investigate the disappearance of a teenage girl.

Directed by Shane Black. Written by Shane Black and Anthony Bagarozzi.
They're not that nice.  (taglines)

Holland March

[edit]
  • I work in a cesspool. Sex, more sex. My wife, she used to say I make a living off rumpy-pumpy. Whatever. She was English. I don't know what the fuck it means either.
  • [repeated line] Fucking Chet.
  • All right, which one of you cock-and-balls wants to make twenty bucks?
  • That's what my daughter's got to deal with, the Chets of the world, and that fucking kid.
  • [intoxicated] Hi everyone, I'm Amelia. She's about... [makes height gesture with his hand] Dark hair. Answers to... [sees topless mermaid swimming in pool] the call of the wild. Just kidding. I forgot her name, but you know, if you see you, just... if you see, let me know, and tell me... tell me my name.
  • Jesus tap-dancing Christ!
  • So you're telling me you made a porno where the point is the plot?
  • You know who else was just following orders? Adolf Hitler.
  • I think I'm invincible. It's the only thing that makes sense. I don't think I can die.

Jackson Healy

[edit]
  • Marriage is buying a house for someone you hate.
  • So I did something about it. I acted. I didn't plan to, I didn't, you know. I just did it. I took that guy out. I didn't even get paid for it. So I ended up with a bullet in the bicep and 500 bucks of hospital bills. It was stupid, really. When I think about it, it was the best day of my life.

Others

[edit]
  • 1 Party Girl: All I told him was that if you want me to do that, then don't eat the asparagus.
  • Pornookio: It's not my nose that grows.

Dialogue

[edit]
Holland March: Jesus Christ! One at a time!
Janet: You took the Lord's name in vain.
Holland March: No I didn't, Janet. I found it very useful actually. Ok, Janet?
Holly March: [Healy is waiting outside] Why don't we invite him in?
Holland March: No animals in the house, sweetheart.
[March and Healy are looking for Amelia at a demonstration where a bunch of people are lying motionless on the steps of the city hall wearing gas masks]
1 Protestor: We can't talk to you. We're dead.
March: No I— Yeah I get it. You know. I think it's very clever. I'm hip. But this is actually a really serious matter.
1 Protestor: So is this! We've all been killed!
March: No you haven't.
2 Protestor: Fuck you man, we're dead!
Bystander [smoking] They can't talk to you man, they're dead.
Healy: [to bystander] What's the protest about, do you know?
Bystander: [to protesters] Any of you know why you're protesting?
2 Protestor: The air!
Bystander: [to Healy] Air.
March: You are protesting the air?
2 Protestor: The pollution! The birds can't breathe!
Healy: So all of you died 'cause of the pollution?
2 Protestor: [nodding] Right.
Healy: What about the gas masks? They didn't... save you?
March: [when the guy can't answer Healy's question] This is fucking... Alright!
[starts walking down and accidentally steps on a protester's hand]
3 Protestor: [screams in pain and pulls her hand] Fucker!
March: Sorry. I thought you were dead.
Kid on Bike: You guys wanna see my dick?
March: Nobody wants to see your dick, dude.
Kid on Bike: 20 bucks?
March: We already paid you 20... what am I saying?
Healy: So, you know the old lady, right? Did you believe her?
March: What about?
Healy: When she said she saw Misty alive that night, did you believe her?
March: God, no. She's blind as a bat.
Healy: Uh-huh.
March: She has actual coke bottles for glasses. You paint a mustache on a Volkswagen, she says, "Boy, that Omar Sharif sure runs fast."
Holly March: Dad, there's like whores here and stuff.
Holland March: Sweetheart, how many times have I told you? Don't say "and stuff". Just say "dad, there are whores here".
Healy: The place reeks of marijuana. They're smoking it.
March: I can't smell.
Healy: What?
March: I got hit in the head a while back. I lost my sense of smell.
Healy: You can't smell?
March: Yeah.
Healy: You're a detective, and you can't smell?
March: Yeah.
Healy: Aw, this just keeps getting better and better.
March: Wow, that's really insensitive.
Healy: You didn't fall down the fucking hill, did you? Did you fall down the hill?
March: I had, like, two, three drinks, tops.
Healy: Yeah, that's why you can't walk straight.
March: Oh, excuse me. I'm carrying a dead body and I have his schwantz in my face. So, I'm sorry I'm not Bakishnarov.
Healy: You can't even say Baryshnikov.
March: I was in the pool.
Healy: You were in the pool?
March: Yeah.
Healy: Why?
March: I had to question the mermaids. What were you doing while I was working?
Kuttner: My name is Judith Kuttner. I work for the Department of Justice.
March: Okay. Well, that explains basically nothing.
Healy: Hey, that's where I know you from, right? The TV. You're prosecuting that car company thing.
Kuttner: The lawsuit for the catalytic converter. Yes. That's half my day. The other half I spend on pornography.
Healy: Hmm.
March: What kind? Like which films? What's your favorite?
Healy: No, no. Uh, anti. Anti-porn.
March: Right.
Healy: Like a crusader.
Holly March: You're the world's worst detective.
Holland March: I'm the worst?
Holly March: Yeah!
Holland March: The world's worst?
Bartender: Guys, listen. You don't go up there, all right? Trust me. These New York guys are up there. Uh, business guys. They got fucking bodyguards. Kind of had their balls removed. What's that called? Huh?
Healy: Marriage?
Healy: John Boy. Oh, just something that Blueface mentioned, yeah.
March: What do you mean, he mentioned? Mentioned how?
Healy: Oh, you know, he... "There's a guy coming to kill you." That kind of crap. Yeah.
March: We should probably just stay here.
Healy: Smart move.
Healy: [pauses] Unless, of course, he's up there killing her right now.
March: Nobody's getting killed at the Burbank Airport Hotel.
Healy: Because?
March: That would be national news.
Healy: Yeah, so?
March: Oh, so when's the last time you were on national news?
Healy: February.
March: Really?
Healy: Yeah.
March: For what?
Healy: I got shot, in a diner.
March: Where?
Healy: In my arm. I told you this last night.
March: We should call the cops.
Healy: No. It'll take too long.
March: You just said it was the right move to stay down here.
Healy: No, I said smart move. Different.
Holland March: [to Holly] You're supposed to be at Jessica's.
Jessica: Yeah, sorry, Mr. March. My sister kicked us out. She's having a guy over.
Holland March: Your sister's such a slut.
Jessica: Yeah, I know.
March: You seen Chet, the projectionist?
Buddy: Yeah, he just left like 10 minutes ago, went for a drink. And you are?
March: In a hurry. Thanks, buddy.
Buddy: How'd you know my name was Buddy?
March: Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt.
Healy: People got hurt.
March: I'm saying, I think they died quickly. So I don't think they got hurt.
[last lines]
March: To the birds?
Healy: Hallelujah!

Taglines

[edit]
  • Nice pair
  • They're not that nice
  • A simple case, is the crime of the century.

Cast

[edit]
In addition, Robert Downey Jr. has a brief uncredited cameo as the corpse of Sid Shattuck
[edit]
Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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