Thinkin' Lincoln--the Greatest Webcomic Since Sliced Bread is a webcomic created by Miles Grover that has run since July 11, 2005.
Abraham Lincoln: In other news, having laser vison is awesome! #1-How Ironical
Queen Elizabeth II: Lincoln though--you were totally a pipe-smoker. #2-Exploring Batman's Sexuality
Lincoln: I was behind the fourth wall, but you broke it. #3-Magic Powers
Lincoln: So my car (which is NOT made of Lincoln Logs, by the way) has a CD player in it. The volume control for some reason goes up to 63. What the heck is up with that?
George Washington: Isn't it obvious, man? Think about it! 63. 6 and 3. What is the number of the Beast? Three sixes of course. But there's more -- if you know your history you know that Satanists have been infiltrating the auto industry since its earliest years, with the express purpose of subliminally converting children to the devil's will. And think about this: what letters do six and three correspond to in our alphabet? F and C, which of course stand for fornication cult! Think about it...
Lincoln: *sigh* Dude, just shut up. You are like, a turbo-tard.
Washington: Yeah, kinda like your MOM! #4-Fornication Cult
Lincoln: I AM THE BEEF HAT OF YOUR DESTINY!! Hoo! That was awesome. #6-Absurdist Humor
Elizabeth: JEEVES! CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION TO THE INTERNET! #7-What's That Thing... the Internet?
Lincoln: What the crumpet?! #9-The Mirror of Renob
Lincoln: Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal...
Washington: Oh man, that old tired speech again? Give it a rest! Guess what -- I'm one of those fathers, and I don't want to hear it! You don't hear me going around giving my farewell address all the time, do you? #10-Wise Advice
Lincoln: Good thing I remembered that groundhogs are afraid of their shadows or whatever that rule is! And now I've got his gun! With it, I will become a vigilante! I'll fight crime! I'll rob from the rich and give to the poor or something! By day I will be a mild-mannered ex-president (deceased), but by night I will be... LINCOLN MAN.
Elizabeth: WAIT! Do you really think vigilantism is the answer? Isn't robbing from the rich still morally wrong?
Lincoln: Haha! I totally forgot I used to be a lawyer! To answer your question, no I guess I don't really believe that vigilantism is the answer. I'm not even sure I know what the question was! But I guess I believe that to have an orderly society we must follow the laws we have established and not take those laws into our own hands! If the laws are bad, we must change them, not break them. And regarding the morality of robbing from the rich to give to the poor, while it is nobly intentioned, I guess it's still wrong! Really it is just forced socialism -- a system those rich people did not agree to! It may have made sense in Robin Hood's time, but not in ours. Hey, I just realized -- lawyers are kind of like vigilantes! Except not! #14-This Looks Like a Job For...
Lincoln: So the moral of the story is don't use these pseudo-words! Or I will say mean things about you on several internet forums which I frequent! #16-Specious Pluralii
Lincoln: Yo! Yo! Yo! / I'm the man they call Abe. Oh! / I'm here to tell y'all a fable! / 'Bout a foo called Wash-ing-ton / Who ain't got the skillz to get it done
Washington: Hey Lincoln -- I'm thinkin' / -- you're sinkin' -- you're done. / Your rhymes are -- so tired / -- you're fired -- I won. / Just give up -- you just suck -- / So listen up -- to Washington
Lincoln: Look who's on the dolla, / look who's on the five. / Look who has to swolla / all the other's jive. / Georgie boy can't step to this / Lincoln holds the cards / Georgie boy can't handle this / Lincoln wins awards
Washington: Look at the five, / listen to that jive, / but just remember who made it / out they presidency alive!
Lincoln: Below the belt! #17-Rapu Big Battel
Lincoln: Washy, pay attention. We're not talking about funny comics, we're talking about this one. #18-Not To Be Continued
Alt Box Messages
They were not very dignified pants. More pantaloons, really. #5-Meet Charles Darwin
GREETINGS FROM THE FUTURE. I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE. THE MESSAGE IS THAT I WASN'T A VERY GOOD COMIC WRITER WHEN I MADE THE COMIC YOU ARE READING. #7-What's That Thing... the Internet?
Now Jose can finally find out the answer to that thing about woodchucks chucking. Also maybe what chucking wood even means. #11-The Device
Shadows are the scariest things to a groundhog. #13-You Just Can't Trust Groundhogs
Writing unfunny jokes about jokes being unfunny: a questionable tactic? #19-You're So Meta And You Don't Even Know It