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Chrissy: You know Jack did the right thing. Fighting is uncivilized. You know if women ran the world there'd be none of these stupid wars.
Mr. Roper: Yeah, all the countries would nag each other to death.
Chrissy: Just do what I do.
Jack: And what will you be doing?
Chrissy: Duh! The same thing you're doing, only first.
Mr. Roper: I came up to shampoo the rug.
Chrissy: Why? Does it have dandruff?
Cindy: If my man was cheating on me I'd break every bone in his body!
Jack: You'll do that on your wedding night.
Jack: Is something burning?
Janet: Oh NO! I left my underwear in the oven.
Chrissy: Too bad hot pants are not in style.
Mr. Roper: I bet this cot told some great stories.
Mrs. Roper: I wish ours could.
Mrs. Roper: I need a new stove
Mr. Roper: There's nothing wrong with the stove you have.
Mrs. Roper: I better not break up the set.
Mr. Roper: What set?
Mrs. Roper: An old stove, and old husband, and they both take too long to heat up.
Jack: I have a surprise for you girls!
Chrissy: Oh, I love surprises. It's funny that you never suspect them!
Larry: I just wanted to know if you wanted to spend an evening with a beautiful, young lady.
Jack: No thanks, pal. I'd rather spend an evening with Janet.
Chrissy: I asked Jack to help me make the bed and we couldn't get the sheets on the mattress. I'd pull my corner and his would fall off and he'd pull his corner and mine would fall off. [as Mr. Roper enters] We made a complete shambles of the bedroom!
Mrs. Roper: Oh, that must have been funny.
Chrissy: No matter how hard we tried, Jack and I could not get it on! Then we started laughing and Janet walked in and she found the two of us in bed.
Mr. Roper: Hold it, hold it. Where is Jack now?
Chrissy: He's in there with Janet. He's trying to get it on with her. Jack is so clumsy about those things!
Mrs. Roper: So's Stanley.
Mr. Roper: Wait a minute! I want those two out of that bedroom right now!
Mrs. Roper: Why? You want them to drag the bed out on the front porch and make it there?
Mr. Roper: [shocked] WHAT?!
Jack: Hi, Mr. Roper. Hi, Mrs. Roper.
Mrs. Roper: Oh, hi, kids!
Jack: [to Janet] Don't ever ask me to try that again!
Mr. Roper: I knew Jack wouldn't change. You can't tinker with a tinkerbell.
(The Bake-Off, S3E19, 27 Feb 1979)
Characters and cast
- John Ritter as Jack Tripper (Seasons 1–8)
- Joyce DeWitt as Janet Wood (Seasons 1–8)
- Suzanne Sommers as Chrissy Snow (Seasons 1–5)
- Jenilee Harrison as Cindy Snow (Seasons 5–6)
- Priscilla Barnes as Terri Alden (Seasons 6–8)
- Richard Kline as Larry Dallas (Seasons 2–8)
- Norman Fell as Stanley Roper (Seasons 1–3)
- Audra Lindley as Helen Roper (Seasons 1–3)
- Don Knotts as Ralph Furley (Seasons 4–8)
- Ann Wedgeworth as Lana Shields (Season 4)
- Paul Ainsley as Jim (Seasons 1–5)
- Brad Blaisdell as Mike (Seasons 5–8)
- William Pierson as Dean Travers (Seasons 1–6)
- Peter Mark Richman as Rev. Luther Snow (Seasons 3–4)
- Anne Schedeen as Linda (Seasons 2–3)
- Jordan Charney as Frank Angelino (Seasons 6–7)
- Gino Conforti as Felipe Gómez (Seasons 6–7)