Thumbtanic
Thumbtanic is a thumb animation spoof of the movie Titanic. It is similar to Thumb Wars.
Dialogue
[edit]- [First lines]
- Sub Pilot: [discovers the drawing of the young, naked woman] She's naked...and she ain't wearin' any clothes too! [cracks up laughing]
- TV Anchor: [on TV] Yeah, I like that little squirrel, too. This just in; an amazing discovery today: A drawing of a naked lady found at the bottom of the ocean. Sources close to the drawing say, quote "Not only is she nekkid, but she ain't wearing any clothes, too." [chuckles]
- Old Geranium: [surprised while watching the news] Well, I'll be a canned ham! [picks up the phone] Hello? Anybody? The woman in the picture is me! [then falls asleep]
- TV Anchor: [interviewing Old Geranium] Tell us your story, old one.
- Old Geranium: Well, ah...I, uh...
- TV Anchor: Give us but a rare glimpse behind the withered curtains of your mind.
- Old Geranium: All right. It was a...
- TV Anchor: [interrupts her] Grace us with the marvelous tale of aged wisdom that is locked within the deep, withered pit of the crusty remnants of your aged, ragged brain.
- Old Geranium: Fine. It was a...
- TV Anchor: [interrupts her again] Grace us with the marvelous tale of withered, decrepit wisdom; spew forth from your lined, grey, wrinkled piehole the secrets locked deep within the past. [Old Geranium snores and falls over] Are you all right?
- Old Geranium: [with her face on the floor] Fine. [slowly gets back up]
- TV Anchor: I would like to help, but you're...kinda smell like an old person.
- Old Geranium: [sits down] That's alright.
- TV Anchor: Are you ready to go back to Thumbtanic, stinky?
- Old Geranium: [determined] Yes. I...am. [snores and falls over again]
- Ship Conductor: ALL ABOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRDDD!!!
- Male Thumb 1: Good gravy, what a ship!
- Female Thumb 1: What lovely big ship!
- Male Thumb: It's a big ship.
- Captain Smith: Oh, my ship is beautiful, isn't it?!
- Female Thumb 2: This ship must go on for miles!
- Male Thumb 3: Lovely ship.
- Male Thumb 4: Lovely ship.
- Big Thumb: IT'S A BIG SHIP.
- One-Eyed Thumb: Woo-hoo!
- Geranium: [yawns] I'm tired of being rich. I want to be poor: dance with paupers, and have sex in a car. Oh, I do so want to be poor.
- Scottish Servant: You want to be poor?! Are you half crazy?! I work eighteen hours a day, for a mere shilling a week; then I return to a freezing room the size of a closet! Oh, I would pack myself in excrement if it meant just staying one degree warmer.
- Geranium: I do so want to be poor...except for all those parts.
- Jake: [upon seeing Geranium for the first time] Just how I like 'em, all big and big-like.
- Geranium: [upon seeing Jake for the first time] Hm. I hope he'd like it big.
- Jake: [in his mind] She's bigger than me.
- [During the sunset]
- Jake: [spreading his arms at the bow] I'M THE KING OF THE GLOBE! WOO-HOO!
- Moderator: Hello. That'll be about it. [Jake is confused] Time's Up. Next.
- [Cut to the same scene with a different thumb]
- Dentist: I'M A DENTIST! YAY!
- Moderator: [offscreen] Next.
- [And again]
- 'Really A Woman' Guy: I'M REALLY A WOMAN! WEEEEEE!
- Moderator: [offscreen] Next, please.
- [We cut to the whole bunch of male thumbs waiting in line]
- Elbow-Cleaning Man: I'M CLEANING MY ELBOW!
- Guy Who's Ulcer Free: I'M ULCER FREE!
- Bed-Wetting Man: I'M A BED-WETTER! No that's not cool.
- Elvis Presley: Hail to the king, baby. Say, read it. Get my cape.
- [Later that evening]
- Mr. Prickle: Captain, I want to go faster.
- Captain Smith: But Mr. Prickle, we're already going fast.
- Mr. Prickle: Yes I know, but I want to go unreasonably fast. Faster than what's safe, do you hear me?
- Captain Smith: Uh, very well. [into an intercom in the engine room] All hear this: increase speed beyond reason! [turns to Mr. Prickle] Happy?
- Mr. Prickle: Yes, I believe I am. [leaves]
- [In the engine room]
- Thumb Foreman: Okay! Let's get even hotter and sweatier!
- [An exercise-video beat starts playing; the stokers all shovel coal very fast]
- Thumb Stoker: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Love the heat! Love the heat! Love the heat!
- Geranium: [spreading her arms at the bow] I'm flying, Jake! I'm really flying!
- Jake: [to himself] Big deal. I'm the king of the globe...fatty.
- [The Captain is dining with a group of rich thumbs when the lookouts spot an iceberg; one sticks his head in the bell and begins ringing it]
- Rich Female Thumb: What is that annoying bell?
- Captain Smith: [visibly worried] Oh, that's a warning alarm from the lookout tower!
- Rich Female Thumb: No wonder they're worried. They're not rich!
- Rich Male Thumb: Say, what did one poor person say to the other?
- Rich Female Thumb: What?
- Rich Male Thumb: Who cares?!
- [The rich thumbs all laugh]
- Thumb Officer: Everyone please remain calm. We have a minor sinking problem.
- Captain Smith: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! [thumb crowd panics and runs away] WHERE IS MY LIFE JACKET I MUST HAVE MY LIFE JACKET I MUST HAVE MY LIFE JACKET I MUST HAVE-
- Thumb Officer: You're wearing it, captain!
- Captain Smith: I'm what?!
- Thumb Officer: You're always wearing it! [walks away]
- Captain Smith: [noticed the life jacket he's wearing all the time] Oh. Hehe.
- Mr. Prickle: [runs up to him] Captain!
- Captain Smith: What?!
- Mr. Prickle: I demand we sink faster!
- Captain Smith: What?!
- Mr. Prickle: Surely we can submerge this beast at a faster clip! I shall die the fastest! If you'll please excuse me, I'm heading for the low end. Ta ta. [leaves]
- Captain Smith: [annoyed like in the picture behind him] Oh!
- Thumb: OH NO! IT'S A GIGANTIC SPIDER!
- [A huge spider is crawling near the front of the ship, and the crowd panics]
- Geranium: That Spider, Jake, it's coming for us!
- Jake: Don't worry! [pulls out a ray gun and shoots the spider, causing it to retreat back into the ocean] That's right. Go back to the hell from which you came.
- Geranium: You can't blast away an ocean, Jake. [breaths with her nose]
- Jake: I know. [Geranium continues breathing] I know.
- Thumb: Hooray! We're saved! [thumbs begin cheering, until the ship begins sinking faster] WE'RE GOING TO DIE!
- Piano Thumb: Shay! This isn't that bad! [Looks up and gasps; a piano falls off the ship and hits him]
- Jake: When we hit the water, swim for the surface and breathe above the water! Breathe the air, not the water! [Geranium is clearly annoyed] Don't breath the air! Or any mixture of air and water! You know, like...!!! [speech bubbles as the ship sinks]