Will & Grace (season 9)
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Will & Grace (1998-2006, 2017-2020) is a popular U.S. TV series. The main characters are: Will Truman, a gay attorney; his best friend, Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm; Karen Walker, a very rich, alcoholic socialite; and Jack McFarland, an effeminate gay struggling actor. The show takes place in New York City.
11 Years Later [9.01][edit]
- Karen: You're not still living together, are you?
- Will: No! Well, she's living here right now...
- Grace: Staying here. For just a couple of weeks until the dust settles.
- Jack: On your genitals?
- Grace: On my divorce.
- Jack: Because of your genitals?
- Grace: You are so woke. I used to be woke... now I use my pussy hat to smuggle candy into movies.
Who's Your Daddy? [9.02][edit]
- Bridget: Rosario sent me up. I'm here to represent the staff. We'd like a raise.
- Karen: Gimme a break, Mrs. Potato Head!
- Bridget: Rosario said, "Don't leave until the woman pays us what we're worth."
- Karen: Did she call me the A-word, the B-word, or the C-word?
- Bridget: Yes, ma'am.
- Will: For me, my coming out was pretty typical. My mom cried, my dad drank, and my grandmother got rabies. Unrelated, but just a rough weekend all around.
Emergency Contact [9.03][edit]
- Jack: I don’t work today! It’s so expected. You’re my lawyer - get me out of this.
- Will: In the case of McFarland v. Reality, the Supreme Court ruled: Grow Up.
- Tasha: Why is your friend at the lady doctor?
- Karen: Why does anyone go to any doctor? Fear and pills.
Grandpa Jack [9.04][edit]
- Will: Wow, Elliot, look at you. You're a real Texan.
- Elliot: Yeah. I drink Kool-Aid and I don't separate church and state.
- Jack: [to Skip] This place can't fix you, because you aren't broken.
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying [9.05][edit]
- Beverly Leslie: Well, well, well. I must have died during surgery, because the Devil herself is before me.
- Karen: Why, Beverly Leslie. I thought they'd torn down all the corroded, old Confederate statues.
- Jack: You know what hurts more than the money? Although, make no mistake, the money hurt a great deal! I thought you were a good person!
- Theodore: Well, that's entirely on you, because I have given you absolutely no reason to think well of me.
Rosario's Quinceanera [9.06][edit]
- Karen: Sorry I'm late, but I got here as soon as I wanted to.
- Lorraine Finster: You married my father. I slept with your husband. That makes us family.
A Gay Olde Christmas [9.07][edit]
- Will: I am done with Christmas! Who feels like celebrating anyway, with all the crap going on nowadays?
- Jack: I don't understand you, Will. This is the one time a year when fat people are supposed to be jolly.
- Will: It's not going to snow. There's no such thing as miracles. Christmas is for spoiled rich kids. And Santa is just another old white perv we once trusted.
- Grace: Oh, my God, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.
- Will: I was downstairs wringing the Christmas goose.
- Grace: Don't you think you should do that in private?
Friends and Lover [9.08][edit]
- Jack: Don't mind me, I just need to get a few things. I'm entertaining a gaggle of gays across the hall.
- Will: I believe the correct term is "a giggle of gays".
- Jack: Ah, she stands corrected. Grace, where's your shame pizza?
- Grace: I do not have...
- Jack: Grace...
- Grace: Vegetable drawer.
- Jack: [examining the pizza] This is a pepperoni pizza, but there's no pepperoni, just crop circles of cheese...
- Grace: IT CAME THAT WAY!
- [Will and Grace find out they're sleeping with the same man]
- Will: Well, this is a first.
- Grace: Yeah.
- Will: We did say we wanted to do crazy things. To feel young.
- Grace: Well, sexuality is fluid now. It's what young people do.
- Will: You know what young people don't do? Say "That's what young people do".
There's Something About Larry [9.09][edit]
- Grace: I'm being nice. Pretending to care about something when you want to kill yourself is what a human being does.
- Jack: Thanks for lending me your car, Karen. It's so fancy! What kind is it?
- Karen: A black one. Oops, I mean an "African-AmeriCar". Better watch out for the PC police. Now, take me to Jew-dorf Goodman, you big, mincing butt pirate!
The Wedding [9.10][edit]
- Will: I need closure, Grace. I need to find out why he broke up with me.
- Grace: You don't.
- Will: It's two minutes of his time. What could go wrong in two minutes?
- Grace: Ask every girl who ever got pregnant at her prom.
- Grace: Did you just steal a badge from a cop?
- Karen: Did you just eat an entire tray of sliders?
- Grace: I'll keep your secret if you keep mine.
Staten Island Fairy [9.11][edit]
- Grace: Will! I just got amazing news!
- Karen: Grace got an STD!
- Grace: I did not say "STD", I said "QVC".
- Karen: Well, they're both ways to get something cheap that looks awful.
- Drew: If I'm gay, isn't coming out of the closet a good thing?
- Jack: It was once. But you know how people thought eggs were good for you, but then we discovered they weren't?
- Drew: But eggs are good for you.
- Jack: Tell that to the chicken who just lost a child.
The Three Wise Men [9.12][edit]
- Jack: Mother always said the best way to get over one guy is to get under, behind and sideways with another one.
- Will: All right, I am off to the tennis club. I know what you're thinking - didn't I already work out this morning? Yes, but if I burn off a few more calories after work, I can hit the pressed juicery. I know, those things are pure sugar, but what can I say, I love 'em.
- Karen: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait - oh, my God, I didn't know this was going to be a story about juice! You know what, back it up, start at the beginning, and really drag it out this time, okay?
Sweatshop Annie & The Annoying Baby Shower [9.13][edit]
- Karen: [on the phone] One pound of proscuitto, one pound of mortadella, five kinds of cheese, from mild to stinky, big vat of coleslaw... [to Jack] Almost done.
- Jack: Are you ordering a deli platter?
- Karen: Having phone sex with Stan.
- Grace: This is all your fault!
- Will: How is this my fault?
- Grace: Because you made me write down my feelings like a WASP instead of eating them like a Jew!
The Beefcake and the Cake Beef [9.14][edit]
- Grace: Oh my God, you scared me! I thought someone was robbing the place!
- Jack: I'm not robbing the place, I'm just rifling through drawers looking for money.
- Grace: Why are the hot ones always gay or Nazis?
One Job [9.15][edit]
- Grace: We are going to Schenectady.
- Will: Schenectady? But that's where your family lives.
- Grace: We are going there to celebrate my mom's birthday. It was her dying wish.
- Will: I thought her dying wish was for you to get breast implants.
- Grace: She had a lot of dying wishes.
- Will: My dad always wanted me to watch golf with him.
- Martin: Really? What's your handicap?
- Will: That I hate golf.
It's A Family Affair [9.16][edit]
- [after a family dinner party has gone badly]
- Grace: I'd like to thank you again for inviting my dad.
- Will: My pleasure. And thank you for inviting my mom.
- Grace: Yeah. I thought when I did it, "Oh, that'll show him!" I forgot that I live here too.
- Jack: Estefan, this is Will and Grace. Will, Grace, Estefan.
- Estefan: [looking at Grace] Oh, this is Will! Look at him, with his square jaw and wild mane of red hair!
- Grace: What? No! I'm not Will! I'm obviously a woman!
- Estefan: Maybe you are not the one to say what is obvious.
- Jack: He's got you there, Grace.