Battletoads

Battletoads is a beat 'em up video game featuring three anthropomorphic toads named after skin conditions (Rash, Zitz and Pimple).

Battletoads (NES)

Level 1

Professor T. Bird

• "I've located the Gargantua, 'toads! She's hidden beneath the planet's surface!"
• "Get ready, 'toads! Down to the surface on the turbo-cables!"
• "Keep it movin' along the surface, 'toads! And watch out for the Psyko-Pigs!"
• "Work your way along the surface, 'toads – and hurry! Pimple n' Angelica are in deep trouble!"

Level 2

Dark Queen

• "So, Hookbill, your frogs did well! But let us see how they do against my birds of prey – pray the birds don't get them! Ha-ha-ha-ha...!"
• "Arrrrgh! You've made porkmeat out of my Psyko-Pigs!"
• "They'll never make it against my Saturn Toadtraps, you feathered freak!"
• "Down into the dark, Battlejerks – and see how you fare against the Retro-Blasters!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Let's get mad, bad and crazy, 'toads! Use the turbo-cables to tackle that chasm!"
• "Watch out, 'toads! There's bound to be a whole toad-load of trouble down in that crater!"
• "It's a vertical drop for about a mile – and there are things movin' down there, so you better take care, 'toads..."
• "Sensors indicate that the chasm descends for about a mile – watch out for booby traps!"

Level 3

Dark Queen

• "Don't get too cocky, snotskins – there's plenty more where that came from!"
• "So, you managed to avoid my traps, eh! Well, it takes a booby to beat a booby, I always say!"
• "You're gonna have to get faster if you want to make it, Pond Patrol!"
• "Give up now, before the Mutant Ratpack gets you, wart-heads!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Sensors indicate speed bikes dead ahead! Go get 'em, 'toads!"
• "It's the need-to-speed from now on, 'toads!"
• "Better step on it, 'toads – the Ratpack's hot on your heels!"
• "You gotta be like green lightnin' if you're gonna make it through here, 'toads!"

Level 4

Dark Queen

• "So the Rat Rockets didn't get you, huh! Well, the Ice Spikes certainly will!"
• "You annoying frogs! I'll have you chopped up into a gourmet lunch and the pieces deep-frozen for eternity!"
• "You play leapfrog well with those speed bikes, my green friends, but unfortunately, you can't take them with you!"
• "Curse your warty hides! I'll bring down ice and fire upon your ugly heads!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Let's break the ice, 'toads! It's party time!"
• "You're gonna be slip-slidin' away, 'toads, if you don't watch your step!"
• "Brrr! It's cold enough down there to freeze the yarbles off a Zalladian Behemoth!"
• "I'm getting sub-zero readings nearby! So hang loose, 'toads – anything could happen in there!"

Level 5

Dark Queen

• "You know what they say, don't you – out of the frying pan and into the surf!"
• "Watch out for the breakers, Battlebarf! Because they're going to break you into little green pieces!"
• "Oh, you're gonna be surfin' – surfin' D.O.A.! That's dead on arrival, Pond Patrol!"
• "When I say there's going to be a wipe-out down there, you can bet on it, Prattletoads!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Surf's up, 'toads! Let's kick those spaceboards into action!"
• "You're doin' great, 'toads! The Dark Queen will be foamin' at the mouth when you ride through this little number!"
• "Don't worry 'bout it, 'toads, 'cuz the Dark Queen don't surf!"
• "Hang ten, 'toads! Surf City, here we come!"

Level 6

Dark Queen

• "Is it true that the toad's greatest enemy is the snake? Well, we'll soon find out! Ha-ha-ha-ha...!"
• "Give it up, toadies! You'll never make it past the giant snakes!"
• "Take it from me, swampbreath, you won't be going any further!"
• "What?! You've made it through?! I'll make you pay for your impudence!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Time to grab a piece of tail, 'toads – and hang on tight!"
• "Watch out, 'toads! Sensors indicate somethin' long and slippery slitherin' toward you!"
• "Slither up outta there, 'toads! You're gonna have to scale the cavern to find the exit!"
• "Yee-ha! Ride them snakes, toadboys!"

Level 7

Dark Queen

• "So, you think you're hot, huh, 'toads!? Well, it looks like it's going to get hotter down there – much hotter!"
• "C'mon, Toadies, light my fire!"
• "Burn, Toadies, burn!"
• "You're good, I'll give you that – good enough to burn!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Looks like the Dark Queen's got a warm reception planned for the Battletoads!"
• "Things are really heatin' up down there, 'toads!"
• "Wow, 'toads! You'll be really hot and bothered by this little sizzler!"
• "Better jet your way outta this one, 'toads!"

Level 8

Dark Queen

• "The Gargantua won't be a pushover, Wartbodies, it's far too big for that!"
• "I can't believe you've gotten this far! Prepare yourselves for a sticky green end, Toadies!"
• "You may think the heat's off, slimebacks. Well, think again, because there's plenty more where that came from!"
• "The higher you climb, swamp scum, the further you'll fall!"

Professor T. Bird

• "The only way is up, 'toads – so let's go for it!"
• "When the goin' gets tough, the 'toads get goin'! Up and at 'em, guys!"
• "You 'toads are definitely movin' up in the world!"
• "Sensors indicate you've accessed a duct in the Gargantua! Be careful, 'toads!"

Level 9

Dark Queen

• "You 'toads are definitely asking for it, and since I don't want to disappoint you, here it comes – your timely demise!"
• "Now, that makes me mad. And when I get mad, I get nasty. And when I get nasty, I usually end up maiming something – like you, f'rinstance!"
• "Well, well, well – fancy seeing you here! What an unpleasant surprise!"
• "Don't get too confident, wartybottoms, because I can assure you that you won't be going any further!"

Professor T. Bird

• "We're making good headway, 'toads – don't let up now!"
• "It's a maze in there, 'toads! So, keep a cool head, and you'll be okay!"
• "Go through the steel spaghetti, 'toads – and watch out for booby traps!"
• "I'm getting a whole load of weird readings on the sensors, so, take care, 'toads!"

Level 10

Dark Queen

• "Rest assured, wartfeatures, the next level's gonna go like a bomb! Ha-ha-ha-ha...!"
• "Okay – c'mon and make my day, Toadies!"
• "Your arrogance would annoy me, Battlebarf, if it wasn't for the fact that you're going to be bombing out very soon!"
• "You shall pay for your impertinence, slimeheads – with your lives!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Get ready, 'toads! You gotta race the rodent and defuse the bomb!"
• "Hey, 'toads! You have three bombs to defuse before the Ratpack blows us all to Toad-Heaven!"
• "Put on your running shoes, 'toads, and race the rat to the bomb at the bottom!"
• "The bomb's at the bottom, so get ready, 'toads – and come on down!"

Level 11

Dark Queen

• "Curse your green hides! You've done it again!"
• "Up and down and around they go, but where they fry, only I can know!"
• "Oh, no! The bombs are all defused, and the wartheads are still alive!"
• "Pretty spunky, 'toads – but it isn't over yet!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Hold on tight and get ready for a fight! The Battletoads are outasight!"
• "Get a grip, guys! Let's motivate!"
• "It's time to travel on the Clinger-Winger, 'toads!"
• "There's a crazy roller-coaster comin' up, 'toads! So, keep a cool green head!"

Level 12

Dark Queen

• "Welcome to the Revolution, Battlejerks! This is where you lose your heads!"
• "Top of the world, Toadies! Come and get me if you dare!"
• "Nooooo! I can't believe you swamp scum have made it this far! I can see I'm going to have to get nasty!"
• "Come to the tower, boys, and let's see what you've got!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Things are lookin' up from here on, 'toads! And I do mean up!"
• "Well, it's one small step for a 'Toad, one giant leap for toadkind! Go for it, guys!"
• "Let's make like the green machine, guys, and motor on up to the top of the tower!"
• "Holy Hip-hop, 'Toads! The Dark Queen's at the top of the tower just waiting to be creamed!"

Game Over

Professor T. Bird (continuing after game over)

• "Whad'ya' mean 'bad scene'? I'll give ya' bad scene if you don't get back here with Pimple and Angelica!"
• "Phew! That was painful to watch! Okay, practice is over, guys, let's go for it this time!"
• "What the frog's goin' on, 'toads?! Get back there and fry the pork!"
• "Yes! The Dark Queen just phoned to say she sent you home, because you obviously weren't feeling too good!"

Dark Queen

• "Ha! Just as I predicted. A complete and utter victory for the home side, and a hopeless failure for the beak and his quaggy croakers! This domain belongs to me! Ha-ha-ha-ha...!"
• "Was that really the best you can do! Mmmm! I wonder what roast vulture and frogs' legs taste like!? Mmm!...Chomp!...Crunch! Chew! They...Mmmm...taste...Mm-hmm-good..."
• "Ha-ha-ha-ha...! Care to try your luck again? - 'Cuz it's only luck that got you this far, swampbreath!"
• "Oh, dear, how unutterably sad. You lose and I win. You 'toads couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag!"

End of game

Dark Queen

• "I guess you slippery suckers think you're pretty hot stuff, huh? Well, you don't cheat the Dark Lady that easily! Till next time, Cattle Loads!"
• "What?! I lost! This can't be! I'm the Dark Queen! Wrong is better than right, dark is stronger than light! Grrrr! I hate you, Battletoads! I'm outta here!"
• "No! This can't be true! My entire defense system, beaten by a couple of mucus-lobbing slime-jackets! Better disappear, real quick, before something really nasty happens! Adios, Fountain Freaks!"
• "Robo-Manus? Blaggie! Speak to your queen! Have those vile slush-hoppers crushed your craniums...? Well, don't worry – I'll restore you both. You snot gobblers will pay for this!"

Professor T. Bird

• "Wow! You guys oughta bottle that skill and charisma – you'll make a fortune!"
• "Whoo! Alright guys! There's nothin' like the sweet smell of success to clear out those clogged sinuses!"
• "Okay, let's break out the sodas and junk-food – It's party time!"
• "Waydigo, 'toads! The big guy's back and the princess is saved!"