Beetlejuice
From Wikiquote
Beetlejuice is a 1988 comedy film about two recently-deceased ghosts who enlist the help of a "bio-exorcist", Betelgeuse, to help remove a new family from their old house.
- Directed by Tim Burton. Written by Michael McDowell, Warren Skaaren and Larry Wilson.
Contents |
[edit] Betlegeuse
- Let's turn on the juice, and see what shakes loose.
- I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
- We've come for your daughter, Chuck.
- Attention, K-Mart shoppers!
- Nice fucking model!
- Whoa, Here I come, baby!
- Ah, ah, ah! Nobody says the "B" word!
- Go ahead! Make my millennium!
- Cute couple. Look nice and stupid too.
- Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!
- It's show time!
- Ah, what do we have here? The Maitlands. Cute couple. Look nice and stupid.
[edit] Lydia
- [Explaing to the Maitlands why she can see them] Well I read through that handbook for the recently deceased, it says live people ignore the strange and unusual. I myself am strange and unusual.
- [Her stepmother Delia's] sleeping with prince valium tonight.
- I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you "Night of the Living Dead" under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?
- (writing) I am alone. (scratches out; writes) I am utterly alone.
- [After her father offers to build a "dark-room" for her photography hobby] My whole life is a dark-room. One...big...dark...room.
[edit] Adam
- I don't see anything about heaven or hell. This book reads like stereo instructions.
- Now that's a big fella! Whoa!
[edit] Delia
- I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me!
- If you tell me what you do, I'll tell you why my husband will fire you.
- Why are you doing this to me?! This is my art and it is dangerous! Do you think i want to die like this?!
- Come on, they're dead, it's a little late to be neurotic.
- A little gasoline, blowtorch. No problem.
[edit] Otho
- I just hope it wasn't yet another of your dreary suicide attempts. You know what they say about people who commit suicide, in the afterlife they become civil servants.
- Don't mind her, she's still upset that someone dropped a house on her sister.
[edit] Dialogue
- Adam: Handbook For The Recently Diseased.
- Barbara: "Deceased".
- Adam: Deceased.
- Barbara: I don't know where it came from, look at the publisher.
- Adam: Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press.
- Barbara: She can't see you right? In the book, chapter two, it say the living won't usually see the dead.
- Adam: Won't or can't?
- Barbara: It just says won't. God this book is so stupid I can't understand anything in it.
- Adam: Barb, honey, we're dead. I don't think we have very much to worry about any more.
- Charles: And look at that kitchen. You're finally going to be able to cook a decent meal.
- Charles: What do you think honey?
- Lydia: Delia hates it. I could live here.
[Delia spraypaints "Mauve" on one of the walls]
- Otho: You read my mind.
- Delia: I did?
- Otho: So few clients are able to read my mind, they're just not open to the experience.
- Delia: I can't believe we're eating Cantonese, is there no Szechaun up here?
- Lydia: I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.
- Delia: This is our first meal in this house so why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one.
- Charles: Don't bait your mother Pumpkin. As soon as we get settled we'll build you a darkroom in the basement.
- Lydia: My whole life is a "dark room". One...big...dark...room.
- Delia: So you were miserable in the city and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.
- Juno: Get em out yourself, it's your house. Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.
- Barbara: Well we don't quite get it?
- Juno: I heard, tore your faces right off, it obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you.
- Gentleman, who was apparently burned to death: Want a cigarette?
- Adam: Ah, No thank you.
- Gentleman: Yeah, I'm trying to cut down myself.
- Lydia: I told them you were too mean to be afraid
- Delia: Don't you dare speak to others about me, the only thing that scares me is being embarrassed in front of the few hip people I can get to set foot in this part of Connecticut, so lets play family just for tonight.
- Adam: What are your qualifications?
- Betelgeuse: (suddenly calm and speaking in a very cultured voice) Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague (twitches, starts to drop façade) and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen "The Exorcist" about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it! Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! Now what do you think?! You think I'm qualified?
- Bernard: Delia, you are a flake, you have always been a flake. If you insist on frightening people, do it with your sculpture.
- Betelgeuse: [Lydia asks Betelgeuse why he won't tell him his name] Because if I tell you, you tell your friends... your friends are calling me on the horn all the time, And I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a hell. Okay? A living hell.
- Lydia: Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
- Betelgeuse: It's show time.
- Juno Improvise !....use your talents...Do what you know !
[edit] Taglines
- In This House... If You've Seen One Ghost... You Haven't Seen Them All.
[edit] Cast
- Winona Ryder — Lydia
- Michael Keaton — Betelgeuse
- Geena Davis — Barbara
- Alec Baldwin — Adam
- Catherine O'Hara — Delia
- Jeffrey Jones — Charles
- Glenn Shadix — Otho
- Sylvia Sidney — Juno
- Dick Cavett — Bernard
[edit] External Links
- Beetlejuice quotes at the Internet Movie Database

