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Being John Malkovich

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I have been to the dark side and back! I have seen a world that no man should see!
Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you realize what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?

Being John Malkovich is a 1999 film about a puppeteer who discovers a portal that leads literally into the head of the actor John Malkovich.

Directed by Spike Jonze. Written by Charlie Kaufman
Ever wanted to be someone else? Now you can. (taglines)

Craig Schwartz

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Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.
  • Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?
  • Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.
  • I'd fuck me. [Watching television documentary on his puppeteering when he's in John Malkovich's body.]
  • Maxine. Maxine. I love you, Maxine. Oh, look away. Look away [Looking through Emily's eyes at the end]

Maxine Lund

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Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.
You are so full of shit Maxine!
  • Do you have any idea what it's like to have two people look at you, with total lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?
  • Behind the stubble and the too-prominent brow and the male-pattern baldness... I sensed your feminine longing. And it just slew me.
  • Sounds great. Who the fuck is John Malkovich?

Lotte Schwartz

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  • Help! He's locking me in a cage!
  • Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.

John Malkovich

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That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever for the love of God!
  • I have been to the dark side. I have seen a world that no man should see.
  • That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever for the love of God!
  • It's my head, Schwartz! It's my head!

Charlie Sheen

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Hot lesbian witches! Think about it! It's fucking genius!
  • Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.
  • Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover.
  • Hot lesbian witches! Think about it! It's fucking genius!
  • You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte, I tell you that as a friend.

Others

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  • Dr. Lester: Forever doomed to watch the world through someone else's eyes.

Dialogue

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Lotte: You are so full of shit Maxine!
Maxine: I know.
Lotte: For the first time, everything just felt right.
Craig: It's just a phase. It's the thrill of seeing through somebody else's eyes.
Maxine: So I've been thinking...Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?
Craig: Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine. He's a celebrity.
Maxine: Good. We'll sell tickets!
Craig: Tickets to Malkovich?
Maxine: Exactly! $200 a pop!
Dr. Lester: Ah, tell me Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying?
Lotte: Oh yes, Dr. Lester, absolutely. You were just explaining the, um, nutritional value of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form, which I personally couldn't agree more with.
Dr. Lester: Oh, be still my heart!
John M.: The...this...the weird thing is this Maxine likes to call me Lotte.
Charlie Sheen: Ouch! That is hot! Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover...Sounds like my kind of gal! Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?
John M.: What are you talking about, done with her? Tonight really freaked me out!
John M.: Charlie, I don't know anything about the girl, man! She could be like a fucking witch or something!
Charlie Sheen: That's even better! Hot lesbian witches! Think about it! It's fucking genius!
Dr. Lester: Any questions?
Craig: Well, just one. Why are these ceilings so low?
Dr. Lester: Low overhead my boy! We pass the savings onto you! Hahaha!
John M.: I have been to the dark side and back! I have seen a world that no man should see!
Craig: Really? For most people, it's a rather pleasant experience.
Craig: I've fallen in love, and this is what people who've fallen in love look like!
Maxine: Well, you picked the unrequited variety. It's very bad for the skin.
Dr. Lester: Floris! Get Guinness on the phone!
Floris: Ah, yes sir, Genghis Kahn Capone. Fine.
Dr. Lester: Damn fine woman, Floris. I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine.
John Malkovich: That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever for the love of God!
Craig: With all respect, sir, I discovered that portal. Its my livelihood.
John M.: It's my head, Schwartz, and I will see you in court!
Craig: And who's to say I won't be seeing what you're seeing... in court?
Craig: There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike.
Maxine: Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is John Malkovich?
Craig: He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century.
Maxine: What's he been in?
Craig: Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you realize what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it.

Taglines

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  • Ever wanted to be someone else? Now you can.
  • Ever Wanted To Be Someone Else?
  • Be All That Someone Else Can Be.

Cast

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Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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