(Redirected from Benchwarmers)
- I love beef stew!
- Hold on my moms texting me...No Way! We're having macaroni tonight that means garlic bread.. Yes!!
- Is bad ass one or two words?
- For years I thought the sun was a monster. But I am here to tell you that it's not a monster! IT'S NOT A MONSTER! [cries]
- Fine, you can eat the thin mints at my funeral, Richie.
- Richie told me about that killer lose in the neighborhood, He is killing anyone named Howie! That’s my name, That’s My Name!
- Howie, you're a freak.
- Keep it under a billion, that's all I got... on me hahaha.
- If you build it, nerds will come.
- Richie: I... love... salad.
- Old Man At The Video Store: I smell Cinnamon rolls...
- Gus: My wife is the only one who gets to twist these man titties.
- Gus: Clark, don't pick your nose in front of me, please.
- Clark: I'm not picking, I'm scratching.
- Gus: What are you scratching? Your brain?
- Clark: Yeah, 'cause it's huge.
- Richie: He just did that steroid free!
- Clark: What's steroids?
- Richie: Something that makes your pee-pee smaller.
- Clark: Ohh... there must be steroids in macaroni!
- Gus: I think this is a sign that you should get a car.
- Clark: My mom said I should hold off on getting my license for another year. [Extends arms forward and then retracts] You know, just to make sure my reflexes are fully developed.
- Howie: I`m not afraid of the sun anymore.
- Wayne: That`s good, buddy. How's the moon treating you?
- Howie: Not a fan!
- Howie: That's so great...what does all the way mean?
- Wayne: [whispers in Howie's ear]
- Howie: [squeezes suntan lotion and screams] Aaaaaah!
- Number 7 Robot: Ha-ha-ha! I heard you stunk!
- Clark: Shut up, Number 7!
- Number 7 Robot: You shut up!
- Clark: I'll kill you!
- Clark: Gus!
- Richie: Gus!
- [Gus is busy mowing a lawn and cannot hear them calling]
- Clark: He can't hear us.
- [He picks up a rock in Gus' yard and throws it at Gus in an attempt to get his attention. Gus runs over the rock and it blasts out, hitting Richie in the groin]
- Richie: [Falls on the ground] Ohh! Ah...
- Gus: [Finally hearing them] Hey fellas. [Walks over to them] You okay, Richie?
- Richie: [Standing up] Yeah, I'm fine, just... purple nuts.
- Brad: Clark? Richie? I hardly recognize you two clowns without the underwear on your head!
- Richie: Brad, wow, you have really not slimmed down.
- Brad: Oh, eat me! So I hear from Jerry that you tools think your atheletes now?
- Richie: That's funny. I didn't know athlete had three sylables. Ath-a-lete! Thats ama-za-zing!
- Brad: You think your hot shit cause you know words!
- Clark: Hey, Brad, why don't you be a stud and point us toward the register? Or register-er!
- Brad: My team practices today at 5! Swing by if you she-men want to lose!
- [He punches a dummy]
- Richie: You can't handle the truth!
- Brad: Bring it!
- Clark: SUCK IT!
- Kyle: I'm gonna call the cops!
- Clark: We are cops! We're Navy Seals!
- Kyle: Navy Seals aren't cops!
- Troy: Aren't you our paperboy?
- Clark: I'm undercover.
- Kyle: Time to meet your makers!
- Clark: Makers of what? Poop?
- Wayne: Is that beer?
- Carlos: [stumbling] No it's Gatorade, honkey. Just give me the ball.
- Mel: Now, Richie, do you have any kids?
- Richie: Never had a date.
- Mel: Clark?
- Clark: Never spoke to a girl.
- Mel: Gu... [Pauses a bit, realizing that what Clark said was weird] Gus?
- Gus: Uh, my wife and I are kind of working on it.
- Richie: Clark, we don't play baseball.
- Clark: I told Gus we'd be there, Richie. And if we don't go, that makes me a liar. And that's not what I'm about. Not now, NOT EVER!
- Kid catcher: One out! Gonna be two outs!
- Richie: Yeah, I bet you're a really good catcher...of doughnuts in your mouth.
- [After 2 strikes, he gets a foul tick]
- Kid catcher: I caught it. You're out.
- Richie: But I ticked it! It hit the bat!
- Kid catcher: You're still out.
- Richie: You're still fat!
- Gus: [to Nelson] Hey. Are you the kid who got farted on earlier?
- Mel: Yes. This is my son Nelson. He's become quite the fart magnet for the neighborhood bullies.
- Nelson: I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.
- Clark: When I was your age, Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.
- Nelson: His son just did that to me last week!
- Clark: This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider.
- Mel: It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this. [Mel activates the car with his watch]
- K.I.T.T: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T.
- Richie: [to Mel] Who are you?
- Mel: Oh, I'm just once of those nerds who grew up...to make billions.
- Rob Schneider as Gus
- David Spade as Richie
- Jon Heder as Clark
- Jon Lovitz as Mel
- Nick Swardson as Howie
- Craig Killborn as Jerry
- Molly Sims as Liz
- Tim Meadows as Wayne
- Amaury Nolasco as Carlos
- Bill Romanowski as Karl
- Reggie Jackson as Himself
- Max Padro as Nelson
- Danny McCarthy as Troy
- Sean Salisbury as Brad
- Matt Weinberg as Kyle
- John P. Farley as Swimmer Boy
- Terry Crews as Steven (Poker Guy #1)
- Dennis Dugan as Coach Bellows
- Joey Gnoffo as Marcus Elwood