Billy Madison
From Wikiquote
Billy Madison is a 1995 film about a hotel heir who goes back school, first through twelve grade, two weeks per grade, to inherit his father's company.
- Directed by Tamra Davis. Written by Tim Herlihy and Adam Sandler.
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[edit] Billy Madison
- I can see your lips moving, but I can't make out the words... I'm deaf! Oh, Veronica Vaughn... Sooo hot... Want to touch the hiney... Ruff!
- It's nudey magazine day!
- He called the shit poop!
- Well, I could think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would involve a buffalo, live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.
- Whoa, whoa whoa, Ms. Lippy! The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for his pupppy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits? You get your ass out there, and you find that fucking dog!
- Well, I made the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before, and, to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck.
- That's QUACKTASTIC!
- Actually, I got this shirt from Frank.
- Is that it, Dad? Did the penguin tell you to do this?
- JUST DO IT!
- You know I like Snack pack, why can't you just give me the snack pack?
- To...to...to...today, Junior!
- Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing.
- Shampoo is better; I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better; I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh, really, fool? Really! [He notices a gold swan on the edge of the bathtub.] Stop looking at me, swan!
- [Billy after he hallucinates and sees the penguin at Veronica's house][drunkenly]Oh. I see how it is. So sorry to interrupt!
- You ain't cool, unless, you pee your pants.
- All the kids my age pee their pants, it's the coolest.
- ( after Ernie hangs up the phone ) YOU BLEW IT!
- Chlorophyll? More like BOROPHYLL!
- I choose Business Ethics.
- [Menacingly] O'Doyle, I think you and your family are headed for a big fall... [Chirpy] but right now, I gotta study.
- Eric is pregnant!! Congratulations Big Fella!!!
- Er Dad do we have to discuss this with Captain Dipshit in the room?
[edit] Clown
- Hey, kids it's me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head! Ha Ha!
[edit] Principal
- Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
[edit] O'Doyle Family
- O'Doyle rules!
[edit] Dialogue
- Billy Madison:(Faking sickness so he can skive off of school. He lays in bed with a mouth thermometer he heated with his desk-lamp) I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
- Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
- Billy Madison:(Sounding disgusted) Oh, my God, I'll go to school.
- Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ace. I know from experience, dude, if you know what I mean.
- Billy Madison: No, you don't.
- Bus Driver: Well, not me personally, but a guy I know...Him and her *got it on*! Wooo-eee!
- Billy Madison: No, they didn't.
- Bus Driver: No, no, they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, huh?
- 3rd Grader: Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl
- Billy Madison: Kid can't even read.
- Ernie: Cut it out dude, you're gonna get us in trouble.
- Billy Madison: T-T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR!
- 3rd Grader: Hey, look everybody! Billy peed his pants.
- Billy Madison: Of course I peed my pants! Everyone my age pees their pants; it's the coolest!
- 3rd Grader: Really?
- Billy Madison: YES! You ain't cool...unless you pee your pants.
- 3rd Grader: Hey, look! Ernie peed his pants, too. Alright!
- Old Farm Lady: If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
- Billy Madison: OOH! That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! Let's go.
- O'Doyle: Mortal Kombat for the Sega Genesis is the best game ever made.
- Billy Madison: I disagree. It's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is better.
- O'Doyle: Donkey Kong sucks!
- Billy Madison: Wanna know somethin'? You suck!
- Lunch Lady: Here ya go! Have some more Sloppy joes. I made'em EXTRA sloppy for ya's; I know you's kids like 'em sloppy.
- [The lunch lady laughs evilly.]
- Billy Madison: Lady, you're scaring us!
- Billy Madison: You want some of this milk?
- Veronica Vaughn: That milk belongs to that classroom.
- Billy Madison: But they don't gots to know about it. It could be our milk.
- Veronica Vaughn: No milk will ever be our milk.
- Billy Madison: Now that wasn't very nice. How 'bout you Sideburns? You want some of this milk?
- Janitor: I'd rather have a beer.
- Lunch Lady: I have some sloppy joes here for ya, nice and extra schloppy!
- Billy Madison: Lady, your scaring us.
[edit] Taglines
- Billy Madison's going back to school... Way back.
- To inherit his family's fortune, Billy is going back to school... Way back.
- There's a new name for dumb.
- A comedy about an overwhelming underachiever.
[edit] Cast
- Adam Sandler — Billy Madison
- Bridgette Wilson — Veronica Vaughn
- Bradley Whitford — Eric Gordon
- Darren McGavin — Brian Madison
[edit] External links
- Billy Madison quotes at the Internet Movie Database

