Billy Madison

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Billy Madison is a 1995 film about a hotel heir who goes back school, first through twelve grade, two weeks per grade, to inherit his father's company.

Directed by Tamra Davis. Written by Tim Herlihy and Adam Sandler.
Billy Madison's going back to school... Way back.

Contents

[edit] Billy Madison

  • I can see your lips moving, but I can't make out the words... I'm deaf! Oh, Veronica Vaughn... Sooo hot... Want to touch the hiney... Ruff!
  • It's nudey magazine day!
  • He called the shit poop!
  • Well, I could think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would involve a buffalo, live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.
  • Whoa, whoa whoa, Ms. Lippy! The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for his pupppy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits? You get your ass out there, and you find that fucking dog!
  • Well, I made the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before, and, to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck.
  • That's QUACKTASTIC!
  • Actually, I got this shirt from Frank.
  • Is that it, Dad? Did the penguin tell you to do this?
  • JUST DO IT!
  • You know I like Snack pack, why can't you just give me the snack pack?
  • To...to...to...today, Junior!
  • Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing.
  • Shampoo is better; I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better; I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh, really, fool? Really! [He notices a gold swan on the edge of the bathtub.] Stop looking at me, swan!
  • [Billy after he hallucinates and sees the penguin at Veronica's house][drunkenly]Oh. I see how it is. So sorry to interrupt!
  • You ain't cool, unless, you pee your pants.
  • All the kids my age pee their pants, it's the coolest.
  • ( after Ernie hangs up the phone ) YOU BLEW IT!
  • Chlorophyll? More like BOROPHYLL!
  • I choose Business Ethics.
  • [Menacingly] O'Doyle, I think you and your family are headed for a big fall... [Chirpy] but right now, I gotta study.
  • Eric is pregnant!! Congratulations Big Fella!!!
  • Er Dad do we have to discuss this with Captain Dipshit in the room?

[edit] Clown

  • Hey, kids it's me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head! Ha Ha!

[edit] Principal

  • Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

[edit] O'Doyle Family

  • O'Doyle rules!

[edit] Dialogue

Billy Madison:(Faking sickness so he can skive off of school. He lays in bed with a mouth thermometer he heated with his desk-lamp) I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy Madison:(Sounding disgusted) Oh, my God, I'll go to school.
Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ace. I know from experience, dude, if you know what I mean.
Billy Madison: No, you don't.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally, but a guy I know...Him and her *got it on*! Wooo-eee!
Billy Madison: No, they didn't.
Bus Driver: No, no, they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, huh?
3rd Grader: Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl
Billy Madison: Kid can't even read.
Ernie: Cut it out dude, you're gonna get us in trouble.
Billy Madison: T-T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR!
3rd Grader: Hey, look everybody! Billy peed his pants.
Billy Madison: Of course I peed my pants! Everyone my age pees their pants; it's the coolest!
3rd Grader: Really?
Billy Madison: YES! You ain't cool...unless you pee your pants.
3rd Grader: Hey, look! Ernie peed his pants, too. Alright!
Old Farm Lady: If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy Madison: OOH! That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! Let's go.
O'Doyle: Mortal Kombat for the Sega Genesis is the best game ever made.
Billy Madison: I disagree. It's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is better.
O'Doyle: Donkey Kong sucks!
Billy Madison: Wanna know somethin'? You suck!
Lunch Lady: Here ya go! Have some more Sloppy joes. I made'em EXTRA sloppy for ya's; I know you's kids like 'em sloppy.
[The lunch lady laughs evilly.]
Billy Madison: Lady, you're scaring us!
Billy Madison: You want some of this milk?
Veronica Vaughn: That milk belongs to that classroom.
Billy Madison: But they don't gots to know about it. It could be our milk.
Veronica Vaughn: No milk will ever be our milk.
Billy Madison: Now that wasn't very nice. How 'bout you Sideburns? You want some of this milk?
Janitor: I'd rather have a beer.
Lunch Lady: I have some sloppy joes here for ya, nice and extra schloppy!
Billy Madison: Lady, your scaring us.

[edit] Taglines

  • Billy Madison's going back to school... Way back.
  • To inherit his family's fortune, Billy is going back to school... Way back.
  • There's a new name for dumb.
  • A comedy about an overwhelming underachiever.

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

Wikipedia
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