Blazing Saddles

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search

Blazing Saddles is a western comedy film directed by Mel Brooks and released by Warner Bros. in 1974. In a parody of westerns, a black railroad worker is appointed Sheriff of an all-white township by a nefarious politician.

Never give a saga an even break!

Contents

[edit] Lyle

  • Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin' around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert an' twenty degrees!... Can't be more than a hundert an' fourteen!

[edit] Hedley Lamarr

  • There might be a legal precedent. Land snatching. [search books] "L-l-land. See snatch."
  • [monologue to the camera] If I could find a sheriff who so offends the people of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town! Wherever will I find such a man? [breaking fourth wall] Why am I asking you?

[edit] Jim

  • [as Bart puts on his guns to fight Mongo] No. Don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him you'll just make him mad.
  • What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

[edit] Lili von Shtupp

  • Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, C'mon in.

[edit] Taggart

  • [on testing for quicksand] Horses? We cain't afford t'lose no horses, you dummy! Send in a couple'a niggers.
  • [while being harassed by musical film director] Ah'm werkin' fer Mel Brooks!! (Punches director in the stomach after uttering this).
  • [Upon seeing a gate come down from a constructed wooden toll booth] LePetomaine Thruway. Now what'll that asshole think of next? Does anybody got a dime? Somebody has to go back and get a shitload of dimes. [Men groaning]

[edit] Mongo

  • Mongo only pawn in the game of life.
  • Mongo love chocolates! [Eats "bon-bon" which is really a miniature explosive...and he himself explodes.]

[edit] Dialogue

Lili von Shtupp: Tell me, schatze, is it twue what they say about the way you people are... gifted? [sound of zipper opening] Oh, it's twue. It's twue. It's twue, it's twue!
[response omitted from final cut]
Bart: I hate to disappoint you, ma'am, but you're suckin' on my arm!
Bart: What's your name?
Jim: My name's Jim, but most people call me...[long pause] Jim.
Bart: Well Jim, since you are my guest and I am your host, what are your pleasures. What do you like to do?
Jim: Oh, I don't know. Play chess...[long pause] Screw.
Bart: Well let's play chess.
Jim: [taunting Klansmen] Oh boys! Lookie what I have here! [pulls Bart out from behind a rock]
Bart: Hey, where da white women at?
Taggart: I got it, I got it!
Hedley Lamarr: You do?
Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em!
Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...
Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?
Taggart: Naw--We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on!
Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous!
Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out...
[People cringe back and a woman faints —he pulls out a letter—people sigh, almost sounding disappointed]
Bart: By the power invested in me by the honorable William J. Le Petomane—
[People start cocking guns and pointing them at Bart]
Bart: —I hereby assume the duties of sheriff in and for the township of Rock Ridge.
Reverend: Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not let anger rule the day! [waving Bible] As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to saaaayyy!
[A hole is shot through the Bible; the Reverend turns to Bart]
Reverend: Son, you're on your own...
[The people are about to shoot Bart at his opening speech—until he takes himself hostage]
Bart: [in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar and pressing the muzzle of his gun against his own neck] Hold it! The next man that makes a move, the nigger gets it.
Dr. Johnson: Hold it men—he's not bluffing! [all but Howard Johnson drop their guns]
Dr. Samuel Johnson: Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it!
Bart: [still gruffly, to Howard] Drop it, or I swear I'll blow this nigger's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN! [pickaninny voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he saaaayyyy... do what he saaaayyyy... [Howard slowly drops the gun]
[Bart slowly moving towards the sheriff's office, still holding himself hostage]
Harriet Johnson: Isn't anyone going to help that poor man?
Dr. Samuel Johnson: Hush, Harriet! That's a sure way to get him killed!
Bart: [pickaninny voice] Oh, Oh he'p me! He'p me! He'p me! Somebody He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! He'p me! [gruffly] Shut up! [covers his own mouth, pushes himself into the office] Oh, baby, you are so talented--and they are so dumb!
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto!
Hedley Lamarr: Ditto?! Ditto, you provincial putz?!
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives...
Taggart: God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
Hedley Lamarr: Shit-kicker...
Taggart: What do you want me to do, sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gun slinger in the West. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists!
Taggart: [finally finding a pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir?
Hedley Lamarr: Groan!
Lyle: [Taunting the mainly-black railworkers] When you was slaves, you sang like birds. Come on! Let's hear a good, old nigger work song!
[Enraged, the workers move to attack him, but are stopped by Bart. He promptly proceeds to sing.]
Bart: [Crooning, Sammy Davis, Jr.-style, with fellow railworkers providing backing vocals] I get no kick from champagne... Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all...[the bullying supervisors look immensely confused] so why then should it be true?... that I get a belt - outta you... Some get a kick from coca-yeai-yeaiiiinnnneee...
Lyle: Hold it! Hold it! What the hell is that shit?! I meant a song! A real song! Something like [singing] "Swing low, sweet chariot"...
[The railworkers mumble to each other in mock confusion]
Lyle: Don't know that one, huh. Well how about "De Camptown Ladies"?
Bart: De Camptown Ladies?
Railworkers: De Camptown Ladies?
Lyle: Oh, you know! "De Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah! Camptown Race Track five miles long, oh-de-do-da-dahy!"
[The white supervisors begin joining in, complete with ludicrous dancing actions, much to the amusement of the railworkers. Suddenly, Taggart rides in aboard a galloping horse, shooting wildly into the air, interrupting the song, and scattering the white supervisors aside.]
Taggart: What in the Wide World of Sports is a-goin' on here? I hired you people to get some track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!
Buddy Bizarre: CUT!!!!! What in the hell do you think you're doing here? This is a closed set.
Taggart:[Runs up to Buddy] Piss on you! I'm workin for Mel Brooks!
Buddy Bizarre: Not in the face.
[Taggart complies and punches him in the stomach]
Buddy Bizarre: Thank you.
[Bart dresses himself as a carnival barker and stands by a wishing well]
Bart: Step right up, ladies and gentlemen and...Mongos! Dive, dive, dive for buried treasure! This is the exact spot where the Spanish Armada was sunk by the British Navy [They're in the middle of a desert on the Western Frontier!], leaving millions and millions of Spanish dubloons at the bottom of the sea!
Mongo: [excited] Spanish balloons? Mongo take chance!
Taggart: We'll head them off at the pass!!
Hedley Lamarr: "Head them off at the pass!?!" I hate that cliche!!
[shoots Taggart in the foot]

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
Retrieved from "http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Blazing_Saddles&oldid=1375645"
Personal tools
Namespaces
Variants
Actions
Navigation
Toolbox
In other languages