Bones (TV series)

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Bones (2005–) is a crime drama television series on the FOX Network, inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and novelist, Kathy Reichs. Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan specializes in reading clues left behind in a victim's bones. Consequently, law enforcement calls her in to assist with murder investigations when the remains are so badly decomposed, burned, or destroyed that the standard identification methods are useless.

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Pilot [1.1][edit]

Brennan: Angela, nothing Pete and I ever did was messy.
Angela: Then you were not doing the right thing.

Booth: Alright listen, a decomposed corpse was found this morning at Arlington National Cemetery...
Brennan: Arlington National Cemetery is full of decomposed corpses, it's a cemetery.
Booth: Yeah, but this one is your type of corpse, it wasn't in a casket.

Booth: What's it going to take?
Brennan: Full participation in the case.
Booth: Fine.
Brennan: Not just lab work. Everything.
Booth: What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.

[Booth and Brennan are arguing about the case after questioning the victim's parents.]
Booth: Which they won't read because they don’t want to, especially because towards the end Cleo and her parents weren't even speaking.
Brennan: They told you that?
Booth: You know, getting information out of live people is a lot different then getting information out of a pile of bones. You have to offer up something of yourself first.
Brennan: What exactly did you do in the military?
Booth: You see. You see what you did right there Bones? You asked a personal question without offering anything personal in return and since I'm not a skeleton, you get zilch. Sorry.

Zach: Right away Dr. Brennan.
Booth: He's got no sense of discretion that kid, typical squint.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: Well when the cops get stuck we bring in people like you. You know, squints, you know to squint at things.
Brennan: Oh you mean people with very high IQs and basic reasoning skills.
Booth: Yeah.

Brennan: [looking at the screen] What exactly am I supposed to be squinting at?
Booth: It's like pornography; you'll know it when you see it.

Goodman: I do not view you as property, Dr. Brennan. You are one of the Jeffersonian's most valuable assets.
Zack: An asset is, by definition, property.
Goodman: What's the rule, Mr. Addy?
Zack: You only converse with PhDs. You do realize I'm halfway through two doctorates. Two halves make a whole, so mathematically speaking...
Goodman: Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy.

Jack: Pond was not only warm and teeming with microbes, which accelerated decomposition, but it house black carping koi which fed on the body.
Angela: Can I, as the only normal person in this room, say "ew"?

Brennan: Split the difference. Mixed race.
Angela: Lenny Kravitz or Vanessa Williams?
Brennan: I don’t know what that means.

Booth: A case this big. The director is going to create a special investigation unit and if I line all my ducks up in a row, I can maybe, I can head it up.
Brennan: I don't know what that means, but I think I could be a duck.
Booth: You’re not a duck, okay. On this one we stick to the book. Cops on the streets. Squints in the lab.
Brennan: Well in that case, the Jeffersonian will be issuing a press release identifying the girl in the pond.
Booth: If you do that I'm a dead duck. What are you trying to do?
Brennan: Blackmail you.
Booth: Blackmail a federal agent?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: I don't like it.
Brennan: I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to.
Booth: Fine. You're in.

Brennan: What if Booth's right? What if I'm only good with bones and lousy with people?
Angela: People like you.
Brennan: I don't care if men like me.
Angela: Okay, interesting leap from "people" to "men," but I'm sure it means nothing.
Brennan: I hate psychology. My most meaningful relationships are with dead people.

Booth: Thought I’d find you here. You know, you being a good shot and doing martial arts, it’s all your way of dealing. Who knows better than you how fragile life can be?
Brennan: Maybe an Army Ranger sniper who became an FBI homicide investigator?
Booth: Ah, you looked me up, huh?

Oliver Laurier: Did he kill Cleo?
Booth: Yeah, he killed Cleo.
Oliver: Okay, then, I'm down with him bleeding to death.

Angela: Is the FBI gonna lay charges against Brennan?
Hodgins: She only shot him in the leg. Once.
Booth: She didn't give him a warning. She just shot him. With alcohol in her breath.
Goodman: It was her first shooting. Not that I'd expect her to be perfect right out of the gate.
Zack: How much warning did you give people before you sniped them?
[Booth glares at Zack and walks away.]

Brennan: I don't have an accountant.
Booth: Get one.
Brennan: [chuckles] Ok, how does that work?
Booth: You need to get out of the lab, you know. Watch TV. Turn on the radio. Anything.

Brennan: I know exactly how the Ellers felt about Cleo. [pauses] My parents disappeared when I was fifteen and nobody knows what happened to them.
Booth: Me being a sniper...I took a lot of lives. What I'd like to do before I'm done is to try and catch at least that many murderers.
Brennan: [scoffs amusedly] You don't think there's some kind of "cosmic balance sheet"?
[Booth looks away from Brennan]
Brennan: I'd like to help you with that.

The Man in the S.U.V. [1.2][edit]

Zack: Smokey here had access to the president, why would he attack a café?
Brennan: "Smokey"?
Zack: It's how I deal with stress.
Hodgins: Targeting everyday places causes panic. People stay home, the economy is crippled. It's Terrorism 101, man.

Booth: We're dealing with someone here who devalues an entire culture: terrorizing people by using God to justify mass murder.
Brennan: You're making it personal. That doesn't help.
Booth: It is personal, Bones. All of us die a little bit on one like this.

Angela: Look, I... I know you needed help out there... at the crime scene. And I wanted to... but...
Brennan: It's okay. You see it. I don't anymore. I don't know what's worse.

Booth: Okay, what is so funny?
Brennan: I just never figured you being in a relationship.
Booth: Why? Do you think something's wrong with me?
Brennan: Not wrong. You just have alpha male attributes usually associated with a solitary existence.
Booth: What, me? You're solitary.
Brennan: No, no, I'm private, it's different and we weren't talking about me.

Hodgins: I graduated top of my class, Rhodes scholar, the youngest member inducted into the Academy of Physical Sciences, but she still makes me feel like a cretin.
Zack: She apologized to me.

Angela: Apparently they live together a few days a week, but he was very clear that she has her own place.
Zack: Should you be intruding into their lives like this?
Angela: Oh yeah.

Angela: Please, she's been sleeping alone for months! She has enough pent-up sexual energy to power a small Midwestern city.

Brennan: We'll find out who killed him, Booth. We've got Hamid's body. You can always count on the dead.

Hodgins: [after Angela tells them she talked to Booth's girlfriend.] She's spying for you?
Brennan: No. No!
Zack: If you have nothing in common, it's difficult to sublimate intense sexual attraction. And we hear it's been a while.
Brennan: [glares at Zack] Okay, stop.
Angela: He is there for the taking, honey.
[Booth arrives]
Booth: Okay, I couldn't get his medical records.
[everyone stops and stares at Booth wordlessly]
Booth: What?
Brennan: [quickly] Nothing.

Booth: [after he kicks open a door.] Okay. Anybody asks, that door was open.

[Booth and Brennan are frantically scouring the convention center for the bomber]
Brennan: If you see him will you shoot?
Booth: Well, he might not have the bomb.
Brennan: You don't believe that.
Booth: I'm not taking out a target, Bones, unless I'm sure.
Brennan: Is that how you make it easier? Calling him a target?
Booth: [turns and glares at Brennan] You know, you picked a really odd time to have this conversation.

Brennan: I thought you FBI guys like your medals.
Booth: No pleasure in taking someone's life.

The Boy in the Tree [1.3][edit]

Angela: God, Etruscan burial crypts are so boring.
Hodgins: Oh man, I know. I mean silt profiles?!...you know what we need.
Angela: A murder investigation

Zack: She said "Take a hint." But when I asked "What hint?," Naomi said if she told me what hint, that it wouldn't be a hint any more, it would be a statement.

Booth: Ah, you know, I'm glad we had that little chat about being nice to the locals.
Brennan: I don't like sheriffs. They are elected into office, which means their goal is being re-elected, not finding the truth.

Brennan: [after catching the head that fell from the tree] We're going to need an evidence bag.
Booth: Heads up!
[the rest of the body falls in front of Brennan]
Brennan: I am going to need a bigger bag.

Booth: I don't... I don't like people who think they're better than other people.
Brennan: Some people are better than other people.
Booth: Uh, you know what you said right there, that is so un-American. All men are created equal; either you believe that or you don't.
Brennan: Some people are smarter than others; there's no use being offended by the fact. What are we going to tell Nestor's parents?
Booth: We tell them that their son was found dead. "We're looking into it. Sorry for your loss," and we are.
Brennan: What?
Booth: Sorry for their loss. It's sad, try to remember that.
Brennan: Uh, I'm not a sociopath.
Booth: You're bad with people, okay. No use being offended by the fact.

Brennan: You're the least subjective person I have ever met.
Booth: [sarcastically] Thank you.
Brennan: It's not a compliment.

Zack: I had sex with Naomi in Paleontology.
Angela: You mean, actually in Paleontology?
Zack: No, at her place. I thought it went great, but I could be wrong, because apparently what I think is wild and kinky is just basic. And since she never called me back, I'm wondering if it's because I lack imagination in the sack.
Angela: You know what, Zack? I’m thinking this is more of a guy-guy conversation.

Zack: Sometime when you're not busy, I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions?
Booth: If you even try, I will take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes.

The Man in the Bear [1.4][edit]

Brennan: Residual cross-section striae.
Booth: Hmm... Just because you say it in that definitive tone doesn't mean it means anything to me.

Goodman: It's time to live a little, Temperance. Connect with other people.
Brennan: Are you suggesting that I take this opportunity to have sex with Booth on a field trip?
Goodman: Good God! Where's Dr. Freud when you need him?

Goodman: [to Brennan] Come on, now, you have partially-digested, dismembered skeletal remains to examine. That should put a smile on your face.

Booth: You're a smart ass, you know that?
Brennan: Objectively I'd say I'm very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.

Booth: You know, it's beautiful here. It feels good to be out of the city.
Brennan: [sarcastically] Yeaahhh, where murderers feed their victims to bears.

[Booth and Brennan arrive at a small town in Washington state]
Booth: Small town America. [shuts car door] Gotta love it
Brennan: This is not a small town. Chiantla, Guatemala, 150 people, no running water. That's a small town.
Booth: I said small town America, not small town Guatemala. And I've been there too, by the way.
[...]
Brennan: [smugly] What took you to Guatemala? Ecotourism?
Booth: [turns to face Brennan] I went down to shoot somebody through the heart from 1500 feet. [walks away]

Hodgins: All I am saying is, why cut somebody into pieces?
Zack: Pack'em up tighter; maybe, say, in a suitcase.
Hodgins: How did a bear open a suitcase?
Zach: I saw a documentary once where a bear got into a car and drove away.
Hodgins: [sarcastically] That was not a documentary. It was a cartoon.

Sherman: Did you ever hear of the bone gatherers, collecting bones so that the dead can make their journey to the next world?
Brennan: Not even sure I believe in the next world.
Sherman: Doesn't matter what you believe in. You're a bone gatherer. That's a good thing, helping the spirits move on.
Brennan: Thank you. It's probably the best job description I will ever get.

Angela: Oooh very pretty.
Hodgins: Lovely, it's a sporeo carb called tubercurosum after a week in bear poop.
Angela: Thank you for ruining my moment.

Angela: Did you work all night?
Hodgins: Yes, I shaved the truffle.
Angela: Is that anything like spanking the monkey?
Hodgins: I found boring dust.
Angela: Is there any other kind?
Hodgins: Boring dust is produced by beetles, which means the tree the truffle grew on was infested.
Zack: That's not going to impress Toni.
Hodgins: That's not why I did it. I did it to serve justice and capture a murderous cannibal.
Angela: That'll impress the hot courier.
Hodgins: I am back in the game.

[Angela and Dr. Goodman examine a Native-American stone wheel embedded with symbols.]
Goodman: This one is for spirit, the heart... this one for knowledge... and this is for courage.
Angela: So, we're looking for, maybe, a scarecrow, tin man, or a lion?

Booth: Well maybe Adam found out that you were poaching so you made sure he wouldn't talk.
Sherman: Yeah, so I ate his arm and ate someone's heart for dessert because that's the type of guy I am.

Zack: Why do we have to face her together?
Hodgins: You want this settled or what?
Zack: I would like this settled.
Hodgins: What are you doing here?
Angela: Are you kidding? It's like watching the clash of the horny titans.

A Boy In a Bush [1.5][edit]

Goodman: When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated it. It's a subpoena, a Grand Jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril.
Brennan: You're not going to fire us if we don't go.
Goodman: No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spots to Lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride.
Zack: The shuttle smells like feet.

Zack: These are the smallest remains I've ever worked on.
Brennan: That's a valid observation, Zack, but it's not helpful to the investigation.
Zack: Sorry, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: I was at Waco. Branch Davidian compound. I helped identify children who had been killed in the fire, seventeen of them.
Zack: So, you're saying I'll get used to it?
Brennan: No, I'm saying you will never get used to it. We're primates, social creatures. It's coded into our DNA to protect our young, even from each other.
Zack: So I'm always going to feel terrible?
Brennan: What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just... put your heart in a box.
Zack: I am not good with metaphor, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: Focus on the details.
Zack: Details, yeah. I can do that.

Brennan: I'm afraid Angela might quit.
Booth: I'm amazed she stuck it out this long.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Well, because she's human. I'm sorry, Bones, it's just that, you know, Angela didn't get the same training the rest of you got on Planet Vulcan.

Brennan: Do you remember me, Sean?
Sean Cook: The museum lady, the one who's so smart.
Brennan: Yeah, I'm pretty smart.
Attorney: [sarcastically] And very modest.
Booth: Oh, believe me, she is being modest.

Zack: What do we talk about?
Goodman: Your work, of course.
Angela: Zack's work consists of removing flesh from corpses. Hodgins dissects bugs that have been eating people's eyeballs.
Hodgins: Leave me out of it, I am not going.
Goodman: And how do you see your job?
Angela: I draw death masks.
Goodman: Is that really how you see it?
Angela: Don't you?
Goodman: You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro! You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body. You give victims back their faces. Their identities. You remind us all of why we're here in the first place, because we treasure human life.
[Angela absorbs this and, on the verge of tearing up, embraces Dr. Goodman]
Goodman: Oh for God's sake.
Brennan: What happened?
Zack: Apparently, all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone.

The Man in the Wall [1.6][edit]

Angela: TGIF? You've heard of that?
Brennan: Yeah, it's some kind of acronym, but my inbox is full.
Angela: We know that's not true.
Brennan: There's a TV show that needs research, not that they listen.
Angela: We're going.
Brennan: I really should catalog that skull. It's in the museum's exhibit on the French Revolution.
Angela: Yeah, Pepé Le Pew is more important than booze and boys.
Brennan: I don't think that's his name.

Angela: We are so gonna tear it up tonight!
Brennan: That's slang, right?
Angela: Right.

Booth: Are you two high?
Angela: Only by accident, so it doesn't count.

Brennan: Do you ever go on vacation?
Zack: I take my vacation when you take your vacation.
Brennan: What do you do?
Zack: Go back home to Michigan, see the family. I have three brothers and four sisters.
Brennan: Do you enjoy that?
Zack: God, no. I made the mistake of telling them I work with corpses and skeletons. They think I'm a freak.
Brennan: Then why do you go?
Zack: It's my family... They love me.

Hall: I've been investigated for years. Why do you think they never got me on anything?
Booth: Because you're so smart?
Hall: Because Terrence Baskin is my past. I'm one hundred percent clean now. This is my life now. This and my record label, not crystal meth... not gang-banging.
Brennan: Yet much of the iconic quality of urban music lies in the perceived or actual rivalry between the principal artists.
Hall: Where did you find her?
Booth: Museum.

Booth: Randall Hall, he’s behind this. Randall Hall, okay? He killed these two people. We know it, he did it. We just can't touch him and there's no evidence linking him to the drugs, the cash or either body except for a couple of damn bone dimples.
Brennan: I'll keep looking at the remains, maybe find the evidence we need.
Booth: I can't let it stand.
Brennan: What?
Booth: You know what? I'm going to spread the pain. Okay, that's my new motto.
[Booth turns and leaves. Brennan chases behind him.]
Brennan: Wait, I can help spread pain. Wait!

A Man on Death Row [1.7][edit]

(Booth and Brennan are in a conference room in the FBI building, sitting across from each other. Booth is filling out a form.)
Booth: Name?
Brennan: You know my name.
Booth: Bones, you are making an official request to the FBI to be allowed to carry a concealed weapon. I have to follow protocol.
Brennan: It's ridiculous.
Booth: Fine. Then we're done here. Do you want to get some coffee?
Brennan: My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan.
Booth: Reason for wanting a gun?
Brennan: To shoot people.
Booth: Not a good response.
Brennan: It's the truth.
Booth: You know, I'm writing self defense in the performance of my duties pursuing suspected felons as contracted out to the FBI.
Brennan: So I can shoot them.
Booth: (gives her a look but continues undeterred) Have you ever been charged with a felony?
Brennan: Charged or convicted?
Booth: Charged.
Brennan: You know I have.
Booth: I have to ask the questions.
Brennan: Bureaucratic nonsense.
Booth: Nevertheless, name of arresting officer.
Brennan: You. Special Agent Seeley Booth. Do you need me to spell that for you?
Booth: I think I can sound that out.
Brennan: So, when do I get the gun?

(Booth stamps the application form and shows it to her. It says DENIED)

Booth: You can't have a gun.
Brennan: Why not?
Booth: Because you were charged with a felony.
Brennan: Write down that you were wrong to charge me.
Booth: Oh, there is no space for that.

Booth: Bones, you don't need a gun. If anyone needs shooting, I'll do it.
Brennan: But what if you're injured or dead and someone still needs shooting? I'm not hoping it will happen, I'm just stating the possibility.
Booth: Come on, you know what, Bones? You're a professor, all right? You're not an FBI agent. Use your mutant powers...just talk people to death.

Booth: I told them not to let you in this building. I gave them your picture.
Amy: Which is why I wore the tiny skirt.
Booth: Very cute. (Walks past her)
Amy: Amy Morton.
Brennan: Temperance Brennan.
Amy: You work with Booth?
Brennan: Yes. I'm a forensic anthropologist.
Amy: I'm a defense lawyer; I tend to work against Booth.
Booth: If it's all the same, I'd prefer you two didn't bond in any way.

Epps: (about the death penalty) They say it's like going to sleep, but you're on fire, and you're paralyzed, so you can't scream. I mean that's all you got sometime, you know? The scream.

Hodgins: I demand another beetle. Jeff's got a groin pull.
Zack: Arthropods do not possess groins. Pay up

Booth: Hey Bones, what're you doing this weekend?
Brennan: I've got plans.
Booth: Come on, I'm serious.
Brennan: Between your girlfriend, the corporate lawyer, and the defense lawyer on the side your weekend must be completely booked. What is your thing with lawyers?

Brennan: I'll ask the others, but I won't order them. They might have plans.
Booth: It's Friday night and they're racing beetles.

Brennan: Let's pretend we're objective scientists and not indulge in conjecture.

Angela: Look at this guy. He's cuter than a monkey with a puppy.

Hodgins: (Answering the phone) Hodgins.
Zack: Most recondite codes have a complex numerical cypher.
Hodgins: That's a fun factoid, Zack. Thank you.
Zack: 1-2-4-0-2-5-1-0-2-2-1. That's the number they found on the victim.
Hodgins: You're the one with the photographic memory. I'm the one that's good with the ladies.

Zack: (Ranting maniacally) I was out taking the pictures you needed and there was a sign and numbers on the ground and I thought, "Why assume a quasi-randomly generated function-oriented paradigm?"
Hodgins: Zack! When you talk that fast, human beings can't hear you.

Amy: So, you seeing each other?
Brennan: Who?
Amy: You and Booth.
Brennan: No. No, we're working together.
Amy: Cause, I'm picking up a bit of a sex vibe.
Brennan: No, that's tension. (A little frustrated) He has a girlfriend.
Amy: Tall, blonde, beautiful?
Brennan: (nods) Lawyer.
Amy: Figures. Should've jumped him when I had the chance.
Brennan: You're really interested in Booth?
Amy: You aren't?
Brennan: No.
Amy: Well then why are you helping him?
Brennan: Because he asked me, he said please.

Cullen: (to Booth about Brennan) Got the squints involved. Well if she shoots anybody this time, I sure the hell hope it's you.

Judge Cohen: (Wearing an open robe and boxer shorts) These are not the robes I like to wear to work, Ms. Morton.
Brennan: Sir, if you can maybe tie your dressing gown?
Cohen: It's one in the morning. Deal with it.

Cohen: Dr. Brennan, if those shadows turned out to be pieces of bone, I'd be extremely angry.
Brennan: Thank you, Judge Cohen.
Cohen: For making a veiled threat?
Brennan: I thought you were threatening me because you had decided to sign the exhumation order.

Troy: (Sees the exhumed body on the lab table.) Oh god!
Angela: Don't look, sweetie.
Troy: You're not an artist. You're a freak. You people are all freaks.
Angela: This job is so hard to describe online.

Booth: I think there are doubts when it comes to an execution, there shouldn't be any doubts.
Prosecutor: He doesn't have doubts, he has cold feet.
Booth: Do you think I won't pop you one just because we're standing in the judge's kitchen?

Brennan: I believe in the death penalty.
Amy: What?!
Brennan: There are certain people that shouldn't be in this world. The people who hacked hundreds of innocent children to death in Rwanda; beheaded them at their desks at school! The people who did that, they should be executed.

Brennan: Are you going to help?
Booth: Well I would but, psh, this is a $1200 suit.

(Booth and Brennan are digging in the marsh for evidence)

Brennan: What would you usually be doing?
Booth: What?
Brennan: If it were a normal weekend.
Booth: You wanna discuss this now?
Brennan: Compared to you with your multiple sex partners.
Booth: You know, that's none of your business, okay? I'm not having sex with Amy and I've never, ever cheated on any woman that I've ever been with. Never!
Brennan: I just asked what you'd normally be doing!

(After Brennan breaks Epps' wrist bone)

Brennan: Are you going to arrest me for assault?
Booth: From what I saw, purely self defense.
Brennan: Maybe I shouldn't carry a gun after all.
Booth: Hell, you can have mine.

(Booth and Brennan at Wuang Fu's)

Booth: You know, I'm sorry for wrecking your weekend for nothing.
Brennan: No, not for nothing.
Booth: Ah, you know what I mean. You know all that running around it didn't change anything. Epps was guilty, he was always guilty.
Brennan: There was doubt. We had an obligation to respect that doubt. We all share in the death of every human being.
Booth: Very poetic.
Brennan: No, very literal. We all share DNA. (Very earnestly) When I look at a bone it's not some artifact that I can separate from myself. It’s a part of a person who got here the same way I did. It should never be easy to take someone's life. I don’t care who it is. (Booth stares at her intently for a long while) What? (He continues to stare and a smile begins to form on his lips) What? What?
Booth: You know you've been practicing your Nobel prize speech just a little too much.

The Girl in the Fridge [1.8][edit]

Zack: [excitedly] The Anthropology Journal is publishing our piece on the evolution of the Coronals suture.
Brennan: Worthy interruption.
[Zach offers his fist to Brennan, who looks confused.]
Zack: You're supposed to bump my fist with yours.
Brennan: Why?
Zack: I'm told it's a widely acknowledged gesture of mutual success. [puts his fist down defeatedly]
Angela: [amused at Zack and Brennan's exchange] I love it when you two impersonate earthlings.

Angela: He's hotter than you said.
Brennan: Michael?
Angela: Any other ex-lovers come knocking on your door today?
Brennan: The "ex" in ex-lover is not a variable it's constant like, the speed of light.
Angela: Save your dirty talk for the hunky professor.

Brennan: I'm not working tonight. I have a dinner.
Booth:: [surprised] What? Wow. I just assumed that the two of you would be eating off an autopsy table.
Brennan: Not tonight!
Booth: I was being...uh...Tomorrow's fine. Call me tomorrow.

Hodgins: Using a refrigerator to hide a body... kinda perfect, isn't it?
Zack: A good way to remove the victim without being detected. The rubber gaskets seal in the odor.
Angela: Maybe the company should use that in their ads.

Angela: You know, you can take the day off. You deserve one day.
Brennan: Michael wanted to look at our equipment.
Angela: ...I'm gonna let that one go...

[Hodgins and Zack stare at Michael and size him up]
Hodgins: You were Brennan's professor?
Michael: She was 23, an adult.
Hodgins: [mocking] That's what Clinton said.
Zack: You run through a lot of students?
Michael: That was a long time ago and Tempe was a very advanced more collegial student.
Zack: I'm a pretty advanced student.
Michael: No offense, but, um, I'm not interested.

[Michael is analyzing the skeleton while Zack videotapes him. Booth subtly gives him and Hodgins a thumbs-up and they return the gesture]
Angela: [amused] Did you just give Zack and Hodgins a sign of encouragement?
Booth: You know what, that's the first time I've been able to look at them without imagining knocking their heads together.
Goodman: [smiles] Agent Booth, you're accessing your inner squint.

Defense lawyer: Any evidence Maggie Schilling wasn't a willing participant in sexual activity involving those cuffs and other paraphernalia?
Booth: Her winding up in a fridge kinda tells me she really wasn't that into it.

Brennan: The jury likes Michael better than they like me, apparently that's a problem. Are they stupid?
Goodnam: Compared to you, yes, they are stupid. However, compared to you most of the world is a little stupid. You have many skills Temperance, not one of them includes communicating with the average person on the street which is exactly what juries are made of.
Brennan: I'm a better forensic anthropologist than Michael Stiers.
Goodman: Which is why two years ago I hired you instead of him.
Brennan: Michael applied for this job?
Goodman: Yes.
Brennan: His credentials are better than mine.
Goodman: Yes, but you are the more rational, reasoned empirical scientist and you care and if he tries to convince you otherwise, tell him to go to hell.

Brennan: How I feel doesn't matter. My job doesn't depend on it.
Levitt: But it's informed by it. Are you as cold and unfeeling as you seem?
Brennan: I see a face on every skull. I can look at their bones and tell you how they walked, where they hurt. Maggie Schilling is real to me. The pain she suffered was real. Her hip was being eaten away by infection from lying on her side. Sure, like Dr. Stires said, the disease could contribute to that if you take it out of context; but you can’t break Maggie Schilling down into little pieces. She was a whole person who fought to free herself. Her wrists were broken from struggling against the handcuffs. The bones in her ankles were ground together because her feet were tied. And her side, her hip and her shoulder were being eaten away by infection. And the more she struggled, the more pain she was in. So they gave her those drugs to keep her quiet. They gave her so much it killed her. These facts can't be ignored or dismissed because you think I'm boring or obnoxious, because I don't matter. What I feel doesn't matter. Only she matters; only Maggie.

The Man in the Fallout Shelter [1.9][edit]

Angela: Now, how am I going to enjoy this party knowing that my best friend in the whole world is in the lab, eyeball to eyeball with Skeletor?
Brennan: Who?

Angela: Okay, you people listen to me. There is a party going on upstairs, okay? A Christmas party, we're going up there. We're going to talk to some people, we're going to sing some carols, we're going to drink some eggnog. [to Booth] You are going to kiss me under the mistletoe. On the lips. [to Zack and Hodgins] I might kiss you guys under the mistletoe too. [to Brennan] Maybe even you in a festive, non-lesbian manner. But we are going to that party.

Hodgins: You wanna know the true meaning of Christmas? It's being inside a 300-year-old inn with a French Canadian masseuse when there's ten feet of snow outside.
Zack: Christmas is going home to Michigan and heading into the woods with your brothers to cut a twelve-foot Christmas tree and you all decorate it together. Brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, forty people who all love you and are happy to see you. That, my friend, is the true meaning of Christmas.

Angela: It's all so tragic. A cheap wedding ring sewn into his suit. Two tickets to Paris. It makes you wonder, who was the girl? Can you imagine what it was like for her, waiting and wondering, never knowing what happened?
Brennan: I don't have to imagine.

Booth: Bones, it's after midnight. Hmm? Christmas Eve day. Both an eve and a day. It's a Christmas miracle.
Brennan: Still enjoying your medication, I see.

Booth: You don't seem too upset about missing Christmas.
Brennan: Indications are that Christ, if he existed, was born in late spring, and the celebration of his birth was shifted to coincide with the pagan rite of the winter solstice so that early Christians weren't persecuted.
Booth: What are you, like, the Christmas killer?
Brennan: It's the truth.
Booth: No, it sounds like the truth because it's so rational, right? But the... you know, the true truth is you hate Christmas, so you just spout out all these facts and you ruin it for everyone else.
Brennan: I ruin the true truth with facts?

Booth: Christmas is the perfect time to reevaluate your standing with...(points upward)
Brennan: A helicopter pilot?

(Goodman, Angela, Zack, Hodgins, and Booth discussing how to set up a Secret Santa)

Zack: I could build a random generator.
Goodman: Wouldn't it be best to match complementary people in a premeditated manner?
Hodgins: I've got five numbers in my head, and five letters. You tell me the number, I tell you the matching letter.
Goodman: Are the letters sequential or the numbers sequential?
Hodgins: Sequential. We'll go in order from youngest to oldest.
Zack: Six.
Hodgins: There is no six!
Goodman: A through E and 1 through 5?
Zack: Six!
Booth: (holding out a jar with names in it) Okay, just...pick a name, if you get your own, put it back.
Goodman: Oh. That could work.

Brennan: Anthropologically speaking, gifts are a way of asserting dominance in a group. Now imagine an entire holiday devoted to self-promotion, especially in this materialistic culture. How can you expect me to get behind that? How can you get behind that?
Booth: Wow, that's... that's deep. It's a very deep pile of crap.
Brennan: You came to me with information this morning, a peace offering. But it was to make you feel better, not me. Proves my point.

Hodgins: Wow, was that a shot, because I apologized. I mean, Goodman* doesn't get to see his family, Zach* doesn't get to see his kids, Booth doesn't get to see his son. At least I'm an accidental Grinch, with all due respect, you're the grinch on purpose.
Brennan: I have no idea what you're saying to me.
  • In the episode which aired Hodgins switches the names Goodman & Zach in his rant.

Brennan: You have a son?
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: You've never mentioned that.
Booth: [deadpan] Well, nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.

Booth: Okay, could we just stop bringing up the whole Christ myth thing? Some people believe it's more than just a myth.
Brennan: Well, who besides you?
Goodman: [cuts in] That would be me, Dr. Brennan. I'm a deacon at my church.
Angela: I do. Christmas and Easter, anyway.
Hodgins: Although I believe organized religion is just another political movement designed to control the masses, it doesn't mean God doesn't love me.
Zack: [Brennan turns to him] Hey, I'm a rational empiricist all the way, unless you talk to my mother. [discreetly] Then I'm Lutheran.
Brennan: [nonchalantly] I can understand why you'd be sensitive, Booth. You've a child out of wedlock.
[Everyone looks around shifts uncomfortably. Booth looks away sadly.]
Angela: Sweetie.
Brennan: What?
[Angela glares at her and Brennan notices Booth's facial expression]

Booth: [teases] Who's the Secret Santa now?
Brennan: [chuckles] STOP.
[Zack's voice-controlled robot starts doing push-ups, much to their amusement]
Booth: That weirdo assistant of yours just made me the coolest dad in the world.
Parker: Daddy! Daddy!
Booth: [picking him up, giving a him a kiss, handing him the robot] Hey, look, look at this thing.
Parker: Can it flip?
Booth: How cool, it can, flip, trip, swim, whatever you want. [whispers to Parker] Can you say ‘Merry Christmas’?
Parker: [to Brennan] Merry Christmas!
[Brennan smiles and waves at Parker. Parker waves back.]

The Woman at the Airport [1.10][edit]

Brennan: X-rays, pictures: we're going to do this without touching the actual skeleton as much as possible.
Zack: Kid gloves?
Brennan: Latex should be all right... Zack, were you being metaphoric?
Zack: I decided to give it a shot. Which is also metaphoric.

Brennan: I can't go to Los Angeles. I have an Iron Age warrior to authenticate.
Booth: Iron Age warrior? When was the Iron Age?
Brennan: Fifteen hundred years ago.
Booth: Fresh body bits; just a little bit more urgent.
Brennan: You do realize there are a lot more fresh bodies than there are perfect specimens from the Iron Age?
Booth: You know, when you say things like that, it's just to bug me, right?

Goodman: His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well-used. He's old for a warrior, yet how did he die, Mr. Addy?
Zack: Looks like tuberculosis.
Goodman: A proud man. Not the ending he would have wanted. Yet he was surrounded by family and friends. A good death.
Hodgins: Oh, please. Now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings.

Zack: What's with Goodman and Hodgins?
Angela: (sighs) They're guys, they should just lay 'em out on the table and measure.
Zack: Lay what out on the table and measure?
Angela: Okay, awkward moment.

Kostov: You have the most beautiful bone structure.
Brennan: I can't take credit, it's genetic.

Brennan: You're ordering a prostitute from my cell phone?!
Booth: I'm wondering if Rachel ever took part in one of those two-on-one specials?
Hodgins: Hey! The old two-on-one special! Classic!
Zack: What's a classic?
Booth: That's great. Just send me whoever she worked with the most.
Brennan: You're ordering a hooker to my hotel?!
Zack: Did I hear you say hooker?
Hodgins: Hey, how come I never get to go on these out of town trips?
Booth: Because you have much looser daily allowances than I do.
Brennan: Well, have fun.

Zack: This is the type of situation where people say, "Oh my God."
Hodgins: Pretend you're a person and say it.
Zack: Oh my God.

Brennan: She thought she was ugly. She did everything she could to make herself beautiful, and all she did was make herself more invisible.
Booth: Everybody in this city thinks they're ugly, and nobody is. I'm starting to get why you hate anonymous death so much.
Brennan: We were born unique, our experiences mold and change us, we become someone, all of us, and to have that taken away by murder, to be erased from existence against our will it's just...
Booth: Evil.
Brennan: Unacceptable. These bones you bring me, I give them a face, I say their names out loud, I return them to their loved ones and you arrest the bad guy. I like that.

The Woman in the Car [1.11][edit]

Stacy: Um, Dr. Brennan, your book has sold over three hundred thousand copies. How do you juggle twin careers as a best-selling author and crime-fighting scientist?
Brennan: Well, I do one, then the other.

Pickering: Didn't I see you on television this morning, Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: How could I possibly know what you watched on television? Booth, I have to talk to you.
Pickering: Yeah, it was definitely her.
Goodman: Maybe work your way up to Dr. Brennan.

Booth: FBI!
Suspect: US Marshals!
Booth: US Marshals?
Brennan: Forensic anthropologist! That's why no gun.

Sam Cullen: Well, at least nobody got shot. (to Brennan) Probably because she didn't have a gun.

Pickering: When was the last time you saw your husband?
Angela: My husband?
Pickering: Yes.
Angela: [surprised] Oh. [laughs] Oh. [chuckles] Wow, you mean that actually took? Really, it didn't seem legal. We were in Fiji. You know, there was a fire dance. You know how those things can be, right?
Pickering: I really don't, Miss Montenegro.

Lawyer: As a lawyer, the legal term is nuts, and a pain in the ass.
Trent: Oppositional defiance disorder and paranoia is what I read.
Lawyer: Like I said, nuts and a pain in the ass.

Pickering: What I need to do here is to establish that you are not a threat to the security of this country.
Zack: I'm getting a degree in Forensic Anthropology; I'm halfway through another in Engineering. What are you afraid I will do? Build a race of criminal robots that will destroy the earth?
Pickering: Do you have that kind of fantasy often?
Zack: Very often.
Pickering: Does it concern you that such adolescent thoughts are a sign of emotional retardation?
Zack: I've been told I'm working on it.
Pickering: Can you understand why that concerns us?
Zack: Not really.

Booth: I was hoping you'd turn out to be gay. And have only one ear.
Ken Weeks: [sarcastically] Yeah, I get the gay thing a lot because I'm so cute. But the one ear thing? That's unique to you.

Booth: Mr. Decker. You and Donovan....you have a code word? Something to let him know that you sent me?
Decker: "Paladin", tell Donovan "Paladin".
Cullen: Paladin. Defender of the faith, protector. Suits you, Booth.
Brennan: You know what, you tough guys are all very sentimental.

Brennan: [disgusted] Who does this? Cuts a finger off an eight-year-old boy?
Booth: Mercenaries, professionals. They don't feel a thing.
Brennan: I feel things, Booth.
Booth: Never said you didn't, Bones.
Brennan: I'm a "professional", too. I do better work if I only see the finger and not the child. It doesn't mean I'm like them.
Booth: Look, I know that, Bones, but what I also know is that they made a big mistake sending us that finger.
Brennan: Why? Because it made you mad?
Booth: No. Because you're gonna use it to catch them. So, you gather up your squint squad. Let's get to work.

Booth: [discussing the evidence with Zack and Hodgins] Asbestos from break pads, leaded gasoline, mechanic bench you kmow ...plus the mother was electrocuted by current from a generator. We're looking for an abandoned gas station or mechanic shop off the grid. Now, you guys are geniuses! [walks away]
Zack: How do we find that?
Booth: Work for the FBI, you idiot.
Hodgins: [deadpan] Way to go, Zack. We went from geniuses to idiots in three seconds.

Pickering: Can you tell me what you were doing in Cuba?
Brennan: Only if you tell me first.
Pickering: I beg your pardon?
Brennan: I don't know your security clearance.
Pickering: Well, what is your security clearance?
Brennan: You should check with the State Department.
Pickering: I'm from the State Department.
Brennan: Then that should make it easy for you.
Pickering: When you were in Cuba, did you meet with a man [consults notebook] named Juan Guzman?
Brennan: [holds up finger, dials a number from memory] Hello, it's Dr. Brennan from the Jeffersonian; you told me to call you if anyone ever asked about you know...him. [In response to question] Someone from the State Department, named Samantha Pickering. [she hands the phone to Pickering]
Pickering: [picks up phone, annoyed] Pickering. Yes Sir, yes, I'll wait here. [hands the phone back to Brennan to hang up, looks shocked]
Brennan: Any more questions?
Pickering: No. Uh, no, in fact the entire review is suspended. I'm to wait here until someone comes to destroy my notes.

[Booth and Brennan are in Booth's SUV en route to rescue Donovan]
Booth: SWAT's gonna check them all out but I think it's the rural one we want.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Because I used to do this kind of work.
Brennan: Rescuing people?
Booth: Or being the person they needed to be rescued from.
[...]
Brennan: Why don't we ever take my car?
Booth: Do you have bulletproof vests in the trunk?
Brennan: No.
Booth: That's why.

The Superhero in the Alley [1.12][edit]

Booth: No, you don't have to solve the whole case just tell me if I'm looking at a murder, maybe, you know, pull a quick I.D.?
Brennan: Don't use your charm smile on me.
Booth: What? It's a mark of respect. That's all.

[Booth and Brennan are looking through the room of a teenage murder victim.]
Booth: Unbelievable. [sighs and goes over to pick up some comic books] This is quite the collection of comic books.
Brennan: Hodgins said that the cellulose mass was a graphic novel. He sent it to Angela for analysis and recovery.
Booth: Sweet.
Brennan: Sweet?
Booth: Ah, he has Batman #127, featuring The Hammer of the Thor. This is worth about three hundred bucks.
Brennan: Booth, are you a nerd?
Booth: First of all, you mean geek. And no, I'm not, okay? It's quite normal for an American male to read comic books.
Brennan: I find it hard to believe you have anything in common with Warren Granger.
Booth: Oh, you mean isolated, with an inner secret life? No, okay. I'd say you were more like Warren.

Goodman: All writers reveal more of themselves than they intend on every page.
Booth: You know, I've gotta tell you, I never bought all that English 101 stuff. Sometimes a river is just a river.
Brennan: [to Goodman] With all due respect, my writing, for example, is pure fiction.
Goodman: Dr. Brennan, I fear you reveal much more of your worldview in your writing than you realize.
Brennan: Such as?
Goodman: Such as, archaeologists make good administrators because they enjoy tedium.
Angela: Such as, artists are doomed to a life of loneliness because they are unable to think beyond instant gratification.
Booth: Such as, you know, FBI guys are hot and Angela here wants to have sex with me.
Angela: Yeah.

Brennan: You said before that Warren reminded you of me. You think I'm just like him, that he hid from life by immersing himself in a fantasy world where he fought crime. And I do the same thing, only I don't have superpowers. I... I have science.
Booth: No, Bones you do fight crime. It's not a fantasy, as far as any normal person is concerned, you do have superpowers.
Brennan: You're just saying that to me.
Booth: No, I don't do that.
Brennan: Yes, you do. You lied to Warren Granger's mother to make her feel better. That seems to be your superpower.

Booth: Well, in your book, your partner's a former Olympic boxer who graduated from Harvard and spoke six different languages. In real life, you got me.
Brennan: So what you're saying is that reality falls far, far short of the fictional.
Booth: Yeah. Thanks a lot, Bones.

The Woman in the Garden [1.13][edit]

Brennan: I read a book about improving work relationships. It's not fair to expect you to tell me everything.
Booth: I appreciate the effort, Bones.

Booth: Great. Now he's ignoring us in two languages.

Hodgins: Typically, gravediggers are necrophiliacs looking for a little action.
Angela: Umm... ew.

Booth: [flipping through Miguel Villeda's file, mockingly] According to this, you are one fierce, fierce guy.
Villeda: Well, it didn't stop your guys from picking me up.

Hodgins: [after Booth tells him to "suit up", excitedly] Field work. Cool! Do I get a gun?
Brennan: [to Booth] You can't arm Hodgins and not me.
Booth: [annoyed] What is it with you people and guns, huh?

Brennan: Why would a gang leader co-operate?
Booth: (sarcastically) Because I'm going to ask him very very nicely Bones.

Hodgins: And here's the kicker. There was also evidence of genetic material from a Franklinia alatamaha on his shoe.
Booth: You're kidding! I'm in shock...Frankie Alabama? You don't say.
Brennan: Did you hear what I said about sarcasm?
Hodgins: It's a rare flowering plant that hasn't been seen in the wild since 1800. The only known specimen in this area, outside of a specialized botanical garden, was given to Senator Alan Corman as a gift. Oh, I love going after senators...
Booth: Whoa, just, you know, simmer down there, Hodgins, we're gonna check out the botanical garden first.
Hodgins: [shrugs] Fine. It's at the White House.
[Brennan and Hodgins laugh and high five]
Booth: Okay, you guys should do that even less than normal people.

Booth: You put a hit out on my partner?
Ortez: She's not FBI.
Booth: [punches him in the face, grabs him and points his gun right at his throat] I never said anything about FBI. She's my partner, see. And if anything happens to her, I will find you and I will kill you. I won't think twice. Come here, look in my eyes. [pushes barrel of the gun into his mouth and cocks it] Look at my face. If anything happens to her, I will kill you. This is between you and me, and nobody sees, nobody knows.

The Man in the Fairway [1.14][edit]

Brennan: Zack, this is the third time in a row we've investigated without Booth.
Zack: I don't like it.
Brennan: Why? He mostly ignores you.
Zack: Ignoring me is Booth's way of acknowledging my presence. It's a guy thing.

Zack: What makes this one of our cases?
FAA Agent Dyson: I beg your pardon?
Zack: We're kind of special, we're elite, we don't just sort through any set of bodies. [Brennan looks at Zack strangely]
Dyson: It was a State Department flight with a bunch of VIPs on board. Is that special enough?
Zack: I apologize if I've offended you. Usually we have an FBI agent who mediates our interpersonal encounters.

Booth: FBI doesn't have jurisdiction on a golf course.
Brennan: Well who does?
Booth: I don't know, try the PGA. Uh-huh, you know, you've done a couple of cases without me and you miss me.
Brennan: Zack misses you, not me.
Booth: Zack and I don't even talk!
Brennan: He seems to think it's a male bonding ritual.
Booth: Maybe he's right.
Brennan: No it's not.
Booth: Could be.
Brennan: [smirks] You told him that so you wouldn't have to talk to him!
Booth: Well, it was nicer than shooting him!

Brennan: I suggest we try to match this reconstruction with escort ads, both internet and print in the D.C. area.
Zack: Oh, I'll do that!! ...Was that overly enthusiastic?

Brennan: Assume the victim was frozen solid when he was fed into the chipper.
Zack: No way!
Booth: [to Brennan] The correct response would be "yes way."
Brennan: Oh. [to Zack] Yes way.

Brennan: I feel like kicking him.
Booth: That's normal after a pursuit, we try not to do that.

Angela: What's goin' on? Why's every guy from the Jeffersonian here?
Hodgins: They're scientists. This is a fascinating scientific inquiry.
Angela: Oh my god. They're all out here because your going to feed something through this wood chipper.
Hodgins: Not just something. [pulls sheet off of table] Ta da! Frozen pig!
Angela: Uhh...
Zack: The morphology of pig bones is almost identical to human bone.
Hodgins: By feeding the pig through the wood chipper we'll be able to determine a dispersal pattern of the fragments.
Zack: By comparing the pulverized pigs remains to the fragments we found at the golf course we'll be able to tell if this is the actual wood chipper the victim was fed through.
Angela: Liars! You just want to see what happens when you toss some frozen pig into a wood chipper.

Booth: Hey, you know, your people are my people.
Brennan: What, I have people? Hey, I have people.

Two Bodies in the Lab [1.15][edit]

Hodgins: [about the victim who is supposedly a mobster] Should we really be involved in mob stuff? I mean, they're really into the whole killing thing.

Brennan: I have trekked through Tibet, avoiding the Chinese army. I think I can handle meeting someone for dinner.
Booth: Fine, you know what? You have fun with Dick431 or whatever his handle is.
Brennan: Yeah! I will!
Booth: Good!
Brennan: Thanks!
Booth: Fine!
Brennan: Good!

Hodgins:: I'm doing the fecal flotation right now... Wow, don't get to say that a lot.

[Booth is looking at Brennan's music collection.]
Booth:: Tibetan throat singers... Rock on, Bones.

Booth: Did they gather all the evidence from the explosion?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: You're sure?
Brennan: Yes. Booth, I was there. They were very thorough and I was very annoying.

[In the hospital]
Booth: I don't even know if I have to stay here.
Brennan: You got blown up.
Booth: Pshaw. I've been worse.
Brennan: You have burns, lacerations, two broken ribs, greenstick fracture of the clavicle...
Booth: Okay...I got blown up. [reaches for pudding on table] Can you...can you hand me one of the puddings?

Angela: Let's talk revenge, bloodlust.
Brennan: The cathartic release we are looking for can only be achieved when we successfully gather enough evidence to neutralize the person or persons responsible for putting Booth in the hospital.
Zack: Neutralize can mean either kill or arrest?
Brennan: Yes, it can mean either.

Hodgins: This conspiracy thing is a lot more intense when you're in the middle of it.

[After Booth groans in pain]
Hodgins: Maybe you shouldn't have had all that pudding.

The Woman in the Tunnel [1.16][edit]

[seeing the rats eating the body]
Brennan: May I borrow your gun?
Booth: Why do you want my gun?
Brennan: I'm not gonna shoot anyone, I promise.
Booth: It's not a hammer or anything.
Brennan: We've been working together for months Booth, a little trust would be nice.
Booth: Careful.

[In the interrogation room]
Booth: You have a distinguished military record, Harold. 10th Special Forces Group. You know, I was with the Rangers.
Harold: [agitated, sarcastically] What? So you're gonna tell me "Harold I know what you been through. I've been there too. You know? I know how you ended up how you ended up." You tellin' me that??
Booth: [calmly] Yeah, I'm telling you that.

[analyzing the medallion evidence]
Goodman: Oh my God!
Angela: [to Hodgins] Aren't you gonna go after him?
Hodgins: Nope.
Angela: Why not?
Hodgins: Because he is now officially in charge of that medallion.
[Angela and Hodgins knuckle-punch]

Brennan: Maybe you could try the "hey we're brothers-in-arms" thing on him.
Booth: Ok, that, what you just said right there, Bones, that was cynical. All right? That was glib and cynical.
Brennan: Really?
Booth: [seriously] Yes. Really. I know what that guy has been through.
Brennan: You killed a pregnant woman who's holding a child? [looks intently at Booth]
Booth: [pauses] Look, if you really want to know what I've done, I'll tell you. But you better be ready for the truth. [glances at Brennan]
[Brennan says nothing]
Booth: Good choice, Bones.

Helen: Harold said he was afraid of me?
Booth: Said he was afraid of a blonde.
Helen: How do you know it wasn't Charlize Theron?
Brennan: Who's that?
Booth: It's an actress. She's being sarcastic.
[...]
Booth: You know, you amaze me. You know Treasure of the Sierra Madre but you don't know Charlize Theron. [looks at Brennan, half-jokingly] You know who you are? You're my grandmother.

Booth: Bones, I mean, you do realize that you are discussing motive right now? Psychology, not hard evidence.
Brennan: It won't happen again.

Goodman: If you don't mind some conjecture. [looks around to Brennan]
Brennan: You're the boss.
Goodman: This fellow knew that something of value was being stolen.
Hodgins: [cuts in] Came down with an accomplice. [Brennan looks at him] I apologize. I've been hanging around Booth way too much.
Brennan: It's a valid hypothesis. No doubt one of many.
Zack: They argue, one killed the other for the treasure. Doesn't that mean the vault will be empty when we find it?
[Hodgins looks up at Zack in astonishment]
Zack: [mutters to himself] Oh my god, they got me too.

Brennan: You're nervous.
Angela: I'm not nervous. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to crazy people unless I'm dating them.

Brennan: [checking the map on the cellphone] Okay, I bet Tic-Toc Team is here...two levels above us.
Booth: Don't call them Tic-Toc team, okay? They're Tac Team, it's short for tactical.
Brennan: But, wait, can I just have a gun at least until they get here?
Booth: [sighs and takes out the gun from his sock] Here. It's not for shooting rats, it's for psychos with climbing axes.

Booth: [talking through the radio]Tic-Toc Three.
Tac Team: Did you just called us..Tic-Toc??
Booth: (realizing his mistake) Tac Team Three, standby.

Booth: Kyle hit the Duke with the candlestick in the crypt.
Goodman: That's very good! Very good. [laughs]
Booth: Right. [laughs]
Brennan: What? What's the joke?
Booth: Clue?
Brennan: What clue? [Booth and Goodman laugh] What clue?
Booth: Unbelievable, Bones.
Angela: What's funny?
Brennan: I have no idea.

The Skull in the Desert [1.17][edit]

Hodgins: Oh, vacations in the desert. It's like lunching in the dump.

Brennan: [on the phone to Booth] It took all of my charm—
Booth: All of your charm? Oh boy.
Brennan: Just to get the sheriff to let me look at the skull. When I asked him to let me send the skull to the Jeffersonian, he told me I am not a cop and I don't have any jurisdiction.
Booth: Which is true. Okay, look, what do you want me to do?
Brennan: I want you to get federal on his ass.
Booth: [smiles] Oh!

Booth: Yeah, you know I'm touring the hottest places in the universe. Next stop (toss a bag at Brenan) here you go... Hell.

Brennan: Wait outside while I get dressed.
Booth: No. Unh-uh. The sun's been up for an hour out there. It's already the surface of Mercury. I can stand here, and close my eyes, eat my doughnuts. Best I can do, okay?

Brennan: No offence to you, but you're a stodgy traditionalist when it comes to relationships, buddy!
Booth: Stodgy? Stodgy.

[Booth, Brennan and Angela are stranded in the desert after the sheriff goes to look for his sister.]
Booth: Either of you two bring any water? [The girls show him their small water bottles.]
Brennan: Why? You worried?
Angela: About what?
Brennan: Because we are way past where Jesus lost his sandals.

Brennan: Because nothing in this universe happens just once, Angela, nothing. Infinity goes in both directions, there is no unique event, no singular moment.

Brennan: Obviously, you subconsciously sifted through the rational facts of the case and processed the most likely scenario.
Angela: I'm sure that's it.
Booth: Yeah, what else could it be?
Angela: Well it's the only rational explanation.
Brennan: Are you guys making fun of me?

The Man with the Bone [1.18][edit]

Brennan: Why do the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?
Booth: Don't be such a snob, Bones, okay? Not everyone gets to play in a multi-million dollar lab, you know... with skylights.
Brennan: It's because as a society we feel the need to hide death away. The people who deal with the dead are viewed as freaks.

Booth: [looks at Hodgins] Do you really think that treasure exists down there?
Hodgins: What do you think? [nods and grins at Booth]
Brennan: [looks at both of them cluelessly] Why are you guys smiling?
Booth & Hodgins: [grin at each other] Pirates. [both chuckle]
Angela: It's a guy thing, sweetie.

[Booth and Brennan are trying to get everyone's attention]
Brennan: F.B.I! You're all under arrest!
[All the workers stop what they're doing and look at her]
Booth: Come on, Bones, you don't get to say that I'm the one with the badge.

Angela: Worth killing for?
Brennan: There was a case once where a woman was killed, dismembered and burned because her friend thought she'd taken her favorite pair of slippers.
Angela: Cheery.

Brennan: [to Dr. Goodman] Bones don't just disappear. I thought this was a secure facility, you assured me this was a secure facility. I could be working at Stanford, you know? This never would've happened at Stanford!
Goodman: We spend three-quarters of a million dollars annually on security!
Brennan: Obviously that's not enough. [Booth comes in] I want my bones! Did you find my bones?
Booth: Ooh, maybe you just want to, you know, chill a little?
Brennan: Chill?
Booth: Yeah. You know, take a pill?
Brennan: Listen, dude, my lab was violated, my bones were stolen, so I think I'll remain warm for a little while longer.
Angela: Honey, maybe you should focus on your breathing.
Booth: Breathing.
Angela: Count to ten.
Booth: Count to ten.
Angela: Have a shot of Jack.
Booth: Shot of Jack.

Security Guard: I didn't see the harm.
Brennan: In stealing human remains?
Security Guard: After 300 years, it's not like he's got a family grieving for him out there.
Goodman: Think of me as a grieving parent.
Booth: Grand theft, buddy. You're looking at eight years.
Goodman: If I don't kill you.

Booth: You know, you need a better screening process down at the museum.
Goodman: Ironic, given we contract that out to the FBI.

Brennan: Music...Shhh, it's down there. [gesturing]
Booth: That's not music...it's bagpipes.

[Booth and Brennan arrive at a shaft to confront a suspect, who is unaware that they are nearby.]
Booth: Guy was a Navy SEAL.
Brennan: So? You were a Guide.
Booth: A Ranger. I was a Ranger, Bones, ok? I was not a Guide. Guides, they show you waterfalls, they sell you cookies. Was a Ranger.
Brennan: What's he doing at the shaft?
[Brennan goes towards the suspect, Booth holds her back]
Brennan: Are Rangers afraid of SEALs?
Booth: What? C'mon Bones. No, Rangers aren't afraid of anybody. SEALs are pretty good though.

The Man in the Morgue [1.19][edit]

Sam: It's a mojo, this one is meant to silence the dead so they can't speak.
Booth: Well usually dead people are pretty much silent on their own.

Booth: Voodoo... [laughs] Who's gonna believe that stuff?
Brennan: It's a religion, no crazier than... well, what are you?
Booth: Catholic.
Brennan: They believe in the same saints you do. And prayer. What they call spells, you call miracles. They have priests.
Booth: We don't make zombies.
Brennan: Jesus rose from the dead after three days. [Answers phone] Brennan.
Booth: Jesus is not a zombie, right?! I shouldn't even have to tell you that.

Zack: Ha! Voodoo amnesia, that's a good one.
Angela: Yeah, it's great. Brennan's fighting zombies in New Orleans, and we're stuck here.

Detective Harding: [to Booth] You found a prosecutor to defend her? Interesting tactic.
Brennan: I've told Detective Harding everything I know so far-
Caroline: She's a fool!? [to Booth] You didn't tell me she's a fool!
Booth: No, she's a a brilliant forensic anthropologist.
Brennan: Wa..I have three degrees. I-I've pioneered research in-
Caroline: What's that? [pointing to the evidence]
Brennan: A gris-gris bag, I find it in my hotel- [tries to hold evidence but Detective Harding took it away] -room. I'm assuming the person who left it there was trying to frame me, so the tooth is..probably Graham's.
Caroline: Three degrees and still a fool!

Caroline: I am doing you a favor taking this case, Booth. But as the lady cop says, I'm a prosecutor. And as it stands now, I could try this case in my PJs and still get a conviction.
Brennan: Well, shouldn't you get to know your clients before you make snap judgments?

Brennan: Why are you nice to me?
Booth: Because. Because they think they get away with it.
Brennan: What?
Booth: They burn their victim, they blow him up, they toss him in the ocean, they bury him in the desert, they throw 'em to wood chippers. Sometimes, you know, years go by. They relax. Then they start living their lives like they didn't do anything wrong. Like they didn't spend somebody else's life in order to get what they got. They think they're safe from retribution. You make those bastards unsafe. That's why I'm nice to you.
Brennan: I couldn't do that without you, Booth.
Booth: Yeah. So, um, you should be a little nicer to me, huh?
Brennan: I really should.

Booth: And they put a forgetting spell on her!
Brennan: Booth!
Caroline: Hey, I can work with that. This N'awlins, baby.

Angela: You know what? This whole state of affairs where Brennan runs around fighting crime, it's stupid. It's nuts. Don't you agree?
[...]
Angela: What is going on with her?
Hodgins: Angela, she started to change the day she met you.
Angela: What???
Hodgins: She sees how you do it. All fun and involvement and pizzazz. Big, ya know? Big life. Booth came along and gave her the opportunity but she got the idea from you. Brennan wants a big life like yours.

[The murderer starts chanting voodoo spells. Brennan steps forward and pokes him in the eye.]
Brennan: I find very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye.

Hodgins: They put the voodoo on you, baby! [Brennan glares] I didn't really mean to call you baby.

The Graft in the Girl [1.20][edit]

Booth: About a month ago, his daughter, Amy, was diagnosed with cancer. Meso––
Brennan: Mesothelioma. Lung cancer.
Booth: Exactly. So she is not doing so well, so it's a lot easier for us to come to him right now.
Brennan: Huh.
Booth: Huh what?
Brennan: Nothing, it's just...that's an extremely rare form of lung cancer, odd for someone Amy's age to contract—
Booth: No, no no no, no probing, 'kay? Not to Cullen, not to his family. This will take five minutes, we go in there, we do the show and tell, we leave him with the case, and then we're outta there. Is that clear?
Brennan: I just think it's peculiar––
Booth: No.
Brennan: But I––
Booth: No!
Brennan: You have to admit––
Cullen: [before Booth can answer Brennan] Booth! Dr. Brennan. [walks up to them] How appropriate. You two bickering in an adolescent wing.

Brennan: Doctor, you performed Amy Cullen's graft, correct?
Dr. Ralston: Yes but I just do the procedure, Miss Brennan.
Booth: Dr. Brennan.
Dr. Ralson: MD?
Brennan: PhD.
Dr. Ralston: [smiles] Well, those who can't do do research. [Booth is about to confront him but Brennan holds him back]

Booth: How do you listen to this all day?
Brennan: I find intelligence soothing.

Booth: She hated the guy, my guess is she got 10 G's stuffed in her mattress back in Trailerville.

Booth: So, is it him?
Brennan: It's him. But here's the kickster—
Booth: Kicker, Bones. Here's the kicker.
Brennan: Oh.

The Soldier on the Grave [1.21][edit]

Goodman: It's difficult knowing Kent will never play again. Makes the war so real.
Hodgins: Which is odd, because it was all fiction that got us there in the first place.
Goodman: So you don't think we should stand up to tyrants?
Hodgins: Sure. I've been waitin' for the press to do that for three years now.

Brennan: [imitating John Wayne] "Listen, cowboy. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."
Booth: What was that? The Duke? That was horrible. That was, like, Jerry Lewis.
Brennan: Was not.

Brennan: Now you're a mind reader?
Booth: Maybe. You want me to guess your weight?
Brennan: You do and you could lose a tooth.

Hodgins: Are you defending what's going on over there?
Angela: No, Mistakes were made, obviously.
Hodgins: Yeah! Like establishing military bases over there instead of investing a fraction of what this war costs into alternative energy projects.
Angela: Nothing is that simple.
Hodgins: To me it is! We are ruled by the corporate oligarchy, face it.
[...]
Angela: [retorts to Jack] You want to make the world a better place, Jack? Try shutting your yab long enough to hear something other than the sound of your own voice.

Angela: How's Booth doing?
Brennan: He's angry, I think I said some things.
Angela: Sweetie.
Brennan: He wasn't being objective, I just had to get him to focus.
Angela: You have to think before you speak.
Brennan: Why? I can say anything to you without thinking about it first.
Angela: Yeah, men aren't like us. They're much more fragile and needy. The fact that they think we're the needy ones is a testament to our superiority.
Brennan: [smiles resignedly] Yeah, I guess I forgot.

Hodgins: I hate to say conspiracy, but, my peeps, we've got a conspiracy.

Hank: Look at the two of us. You with the badge, me in the courtroom, both trying to find justice.
Booth: That's why we fought, right?
Hank: That's what they told us.

[Brennan and Angela are discussing the case]
Brennan: This is hard for Booth, he's idealistic.
Angela: Well, it's nice to somebody who wants to keep honor and responsibility alive.
Brennan: But I feel like Booth thinks I'm taking that away from him.
[...]
Angela: You're just doing your job, he knows that.
Brennan: I guess. [...] Tell Booth we're on the same side, I'm not the one who's disillusioning him, it's my findings, but when I look at him, I–– [sighs] I don't know what else I can do.
Angela: I do.
Brennan: [scoffs] Ange.
Angela: As a friend, Brennan.
Brennan: Yeah, the whole "friends with benefits" thing. [shakes head] That's...that's not happening.
Angela: I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about being there for him. Knowing when a simple touch is enough.
Brennan: Maybe I could write him a note....I could be very articulate on paper.

Booth: People always surprise you.
Brennan: That hasn't always been my experience.
[Silence]
Booth: I've done some things.
Brennan: I know.
Booth: No, you don't.
Brennan: [earnestly] But it's ok.
Booth: [hesitantly] Not...not that it's a secret. It's not. I have to be, uh, honest...about myself. I...I have to be able to tell someone.
Brennan: You will in time, Booth. [pauses] You will.

Booth: It's never just the one person who dies, Bones, never. We all die a little bit, Bones. With each shot we all die a little bit.

The Woman in Limbo [1.22][edit]

Booth: You licensed for this job?
Russ: You're a cop?
Booth: You know who would recognize a cop?
Russ: Other cops?
Booth: And crooks.

Russ Brennan: I call every year... on your birthday, you never pick up.
Brennan: Take a hint.

Angela: Hate is a lot easier to deal with than love, especially disappointed love.

Booth: McVicker likes to bash in people's heads, maybe we'll get lucky and match the weapon he used on your mother.
Brennan: It's unlikely.
Booth: In that case, we'll still ruin his day.
(Booth leaves)
Russ: Tempy, that theory explains why Mom never came back for you during those one and a half years before she died.
Brennan: What's your excuse, Russ?
Russ: You're the one that left me! You needed someone to blame and you chose me.
Brennan: I was fifteen years old!
Russ: I was nineteen. My parents were gone, my sister hated my guts, everyone's telling me that she'd be better off in foster care.
Brennan: You didn't even ask me!
Russ: I tried, Temperance, you wouldn't talk to me, you still wouldn't be talking to me if Mom's bones didn't show up. And I kept trying, every year every year on your birthday. You're the one that gave up. You turned your back on me and you made yourself a new family.

Brennan: Why are you letting me drive?
Booth: It's a reward.
Brennan: For what?
Booth: For totally pissing off a hitman.

Brennan: Sometimes people need to explain things to me, I guess.
Russ: You have to let them talk to you.

Booth: [making a toast] To us.
Russ: Whoever the hell we are.
Brennan: To what we're becoming.

Season 2[edit]

The Titan on the Tracks [2.1][edit]

Cam: Hey, Hodge-Podge, all engines reverse. First we identify beyond a shadow of a doubt. Then we get paranoid.
Hodgins: Cool. As long as paranoia's on the schedule somewhere.

Cam: You're chattering me to death because you hope I'll forget that you called me a wank-tard.
Hodgins: It's a... made-up word. No meaning.

Brennan: Tell me that's not a real skeleton.
Zack: No, we made him out of calcium phosphate and hydroxyapatite.
Hodgins: And spam.

Cam: If it happens again, I will take action. And I am from New York, which means that I will take New York action. Am I clear?
Brennan: Not at all.
Zack: I'm from Michigan.
Hodgins: Dr Saroyan means she'll make us watch musical theatre.

Brennan: Don't you have to read him his rights before you strangle him?

Booth: Yeah, Bones doesn't intimidate.
Cam: Then... what?
Booth: Have you seen the way she stares at human remains before she makes a decision?
Cam: Yes.
Booth: You're human remains and... she hasn't made a decision yet.

Lisa Supac: (after advising Dr. Brennan and the rest of the team the Turko will only get 10 years for his involvement in the train crash) It's 10 years or nothing. I can only work with what I'm given, and the forensic work on this was not good enough.
Brennan: What?
Lisa Supac: You were fooled by fake dental records, you baked some spam.
Cam: What did you want us to do?
Lisa Supac: Your jobs.
Booth: Hey!
Cam: No, Ms. Supek, you want us to do your job. My people gave you all the evidence you need to fry Turko with any reasonable jury.
Cam: We gave you everything you needed to arrest Turko.
Lisa Supac: Arrest is not a conviction.
Cam: We definitely gave you enough to reject his plea bargain and indict him in the wrongful death of a Senator.
Lisa Supac: Indictment is not a conviction.
Booth: You accept that plea bargain and the investigation stops.
Brennan: Indict him. Give us time to get you what you need.
Cam: If you accept this plea bargain, you don't deserve to be a Federal Prosecutor.
Lisa Supac: Dr. Saroyan!
Cam: Yeah, it's scary. The whole country'll be watching the trial and you don't want to go in with less than a sure thing. But you put my people on the stand as expert witnesses and that's a sure thing.
Brennan, Hodgins, Angela: Not Zack.
Cam: You can tell the story of what happened using the evidence these people provided, and if you any ability as a prosecutor you'll win the case.
Lisa Supac: Are you finished?
Cam: No, Ms. Supac. In the future when you have problems with my team, you'll register them with me, in private, not by grand standing in a public forum.

The Mother and Child in the Bay [2.2][edit]

Cam: What do you want?
Angela: George Clooney naked on a white sand beach, but I can give you faces after the skull's been reconstructed.

Booth: Yeah I know there’s a lot of animals at the zoo. Monkeys are Daddy's favorite! Did you see? They're just like people!
Brennan: Actually 3 million base pairs of the genome differ in protein coding and other functional areas.
Booth: What?
Brennan: Genetic differences between chimps and humans.
Booth: (Whispers) I’m talking to a four-year-old, Bones. (Louder, into phone). Oh. Yeah. You’re spending a lot of time with Drew, huh? Oh, that’s great. Okay, you gotta go eat. Okay, go eat. Make sure, Okay, I love... (The call ends and he hangs up the phone) Yeah.

Booth: You want me to what?
Brennan: Stab the body for me. We need to match force with the injuries recorded on the remains.
Booth: Okay, I'm stabbing the body.
Brennan: It's a replica. We're all going to do it. You're just the closest to Kyle Richardson.
Booth: Okay, you know what? That's great. I'll be there in twenty. But in the future you just got to ask me differently, Bones, because you know what? Come over to your place to stab a body? That is just freaky.

Angela: We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love.

Zack: The force used to make the injuries on the bones was 24 newton-meters. And the winner is, with 24 newton-meters...Angela.
Angela: What?
Hodgins: Congratulations.
Angela: Really?
Brennan: Height and weight?
Angela: Oh god. U-uh...ugh. Five-eight, one hundred and hun...dre....
Brennan: What?
Angela: 135. It's all muscle.

Brennan: You think Richardson can rise to the occasion? Be a decent father?
Booth: He's got Carlie's parents to help him and I like to think that people can change.
Brennan: Faith and hope, right?
Booth: Right.
Brennan: Angela threw in love, too.
Booth: Love is good.

Brennan: (about Richardson) He didn't kill her.
Booth: No, but he ran. How do you just cut your family out of your life like that?
Brennan: What about Abraham?
Booth: You're gonna throw religion in my face right now?
Brennan: I thought you find answers in what you believe.
Booth: Well, that's the one Bible story that I just don't like. I mean, God commands Abraham to kill his own son and he does.
Brennan: Abraham does not kill Isaac.
Booth: But old Ab, he had the intention.
Brennan: I thought what he had was faith.
Booth: Look, I have faith. But if God himself came down, pointed at Parker and said I want you to, you know, that ain't gonna happen.
'Brennan: God's messenger stopped Abraham?
Booth: Yeah. You know, grabbed his hand the last second right before the knife was about to go in.
Brennan: Ok, then the lesson I would learn from this myth -
Booth: Myth?
Brennan: Fits the definition.
Booth: Ok, fine.
Brennan: That when it comes to your children your love has to be absolute. The messenger represents goodness, what you know to be right, ergo you have to remain open to what you know is true.
Booth: (smiles) Are you sure you're not religious?
Brennan: Science all the way.
Booth: Science all the way.
Brennan: Hey, even an empiricist can have a heart, Booth.

Brennan: I understand killers, I just don't know how mothers can do it. I mean, dogs can be trained in a couple of weeks. Kids, mothers have to give up their lives for years.
Booth: No, no. When you're looking at your kid, you don't feel like you're giving up anything.
Brennan: So, you'd do it again?
Booth: What?
Brennan: You'd have Parker, even with everything you're going through?
Booth: What kind of question is that?
Brennan: Wouldn't it be easier if Parker wasn't caught in this drama of yours, with Rebecca, new boyfriend?
Booth: God, no, no, Bones! He's my son. Whatever we're going through, it's not about that and he knows that.
Brennan: That's what parents say when they want to justify themselves.
Booth: You know, I haven't walked out on Parker, alright? I would never have done what your parents did.
Brennan: I didn't say you would, I just - I don't know. You're the father, I don't know anything about raising kids.
Booth: Parker's fine.

(Booth and Brennan in the diner. Booth just finished talking to Parker on the phone)

Brennan: New boyfriend spending a lot of time with your son?
Booth: Yeah. So, you got any new information for me Bones?
Brennan: (referring to Parker) I'm sorry.
Booth: Yeah, there's no need.
Brennan: It must be hard, not being able to see him when you want to.
Booth: See, this is information that I already know, Bones. Why don't you, let's say we just discuss the case, hm?
Brennan: (sees that he's upset) Sure.
Booth:You know, I'm his father. Parker knows that. I mean, that's, that's what's important, not some stupid trip to the zoo.
Brennan: No, absolutely.
Booth: Right.
Brennan: Yeah.
Booth: Done.
Brennan: Of course.
Booth: Boom.

Cam: (about the main suspect) Looks like he's not walking this time Seeley.
Hodgins: Ironic, since he's running now.
Angela: Hodgins, you know Booth is bigger than you, right?
Hodgins: Right. (looks at Booth) Wasn't your fault, dude.

(Booth and Brennan in the car on their way to the crime scene)

Brennan: I don't see why I couldn't drive.
Booth: Cause you're agitated.
Brennan: No, I am not.
Booth: You know what? You've turned this into a competition between you and Cam.
Brennan: I just like to be first on the scene, that's all, to protect the evidence.
Booth: She's not going to disturb anything.
Brennan: No, it's all tissue and blood and DNA with her. She doesn't appreciate the skeletal system. You can take the I70, it'll be quicker.
Booth: Don't backseat drive, ok?
Brennan: Haha, I think I know who's agitated.
Booth: Someone is annoying me, ok? That's different.
Brennan: Your ex.
Booth: Huh?
Brennan: That's who's annoying you. (teasingly) Because she has a new man in her life.
Booth: That's funny, you know, ok. I am concerned about my son. I wanna know what kind of guy this new boyfriend is and you know what? If she's not gonna tell me, I'll find out on my own.
Brennan: You're gonna run a background check on him?
Booth: You have kids and we'll talk.
Brennan: That's a lot to ask for a little conversation.

Brennan: And I'm supposed to know who that is?
Booth: Yeah. Disappeared a year ago, she was pregnant? Oh come on, Bones, you have to get a TV. Oh, hey, or at least, hey, thumb through a People to check out things.
Brennan: Was it in the Journal of Forensic Anthropology?
Booth: Oh, you know, I forgot to renew my subscription. You know Bones, you really need to take up some other interest.
Brennan: Well, I'm reading Ted Gioia's History of Jazz, was she mentioned in there? Or maybe in McGee's Science and Lore of the Kitchen. Or perhaps I should develop an interest in the mainstream media's exploitation of crimes for their entertainment value.
Booth: (amused) You know, that's amazing Bones, you can be really snotty sometimes.

Brennan: The knife is consistent with the one that caused the wounds. We've fitted it with an instrumented blade that will give us a digital readout of the Newton meters of each stab.
Zack: It's a dual-mass drop system.
Hodgins: Cliff notes version: We all stab. One of us is the killer.
Booth: Thank you!
Angela: Sort of like a real creepy party game.

Brennan: Do you want children?
Cam: What?
Brennan: Children?
Cam: Maybe, if I can find one that sleeps late and cleans. Does this apply to the case in any way?
Brennan: No, just curious. Most people think it's odd when a woman doesn't want children but obviously, you don't.
Cam: Are you pregnant?
Brennan: No! I'm not.
Booth: Why are you looking at me?
Cam: Well as long as you're not leaving the lab every two minutes to pee...
Brennan: No intention of it.
Cam: So all this back and forth was for nothing. Good to know.

Cam: The last place I worked had a drunk sketch artist...

Hodgins: It's beautiful here.
Booth: Yeah, you know that's important for a murder.

Cam: (to Hodgins) Dozing off Hodgepodge.

Zack: There was a dead fish under the plastic.
Hodgins: Ooo and it's not even my birthday.

Cam: I love being a hero.
Brennan: A heroine.
Cam: Mmm, sounds too druggie. I'm going with hero.

Booth: Don't we have some stabbing to do?
Angela: Yes. I hate my job.

Brennan': Committing yourself to one person isn't in the interest of the species. I mean, you have multiple partners.
Angela: Don't say it like that - I date.
Brennan: The notion of a committed relationship, it's fantasy. Look at Booth. Fighting with his ex, his son caught in the middle.
Angela: We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love. Someday you'll meet somebody.
Brennan: I don't need anything more than what I have now.
Angela: Talk about a fantasy.

Cam: Let's just hand the prosecutor what she needs so I can have a nice weekend knocking back shots and playing poker.
Brennan: Yeah, that should motivate us.

Hodgins: Woo! Seems to be a lot of Gamophyta!
Booth: Is that good?
Hodgins: I won't know until I compare it to the samples in the lab.
Booth: Then why did you act so excited?
Hodgins: I guess I just like Gamophyta.

Parker: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Booth: Parker!

Parker: Look what I did.

Booth: Wow! Look at that!

Booth: (To Parker) Um, listen, you stay here with Dr. Brennan, okay? I’m gonna go talk to your mommy, all right? (Booth walks to Rebecca and Drew) Listen, uh, this is how it’s gotta go down? I gotta meet your boyfriend with Parker here?

Drew: Look man, we’re here because we wanna...

Booth: I’m talking to Rebecca.

Rebecca: Look this was.. this was Drew’s idea. And I told him that it was gonna be a bad one.

Parker: Dad, look!

Booth: One second, bud.

Bones: Booth?

Drew: Parker wanted you to see what he made for school. And he kept saying how much he wanted us to meet, that we’d be friends. (Booth looks at Drew, not impressed yet) Look, I got a kid I don’t get to see much, myself. I know what it’s like. And I swear the...the explosives were for work.

Bones: Booth?

Rebecca: Okay, look, look, look, look, look. We are what we are. And..and...and you can fight it if you want but you’re just gonna fight with yourself.

Drew: Maybe this isn't a good time. Maybe later. (Booth looks over at the table and see Parker looking at him sadly over his diorama)

Booth: No, no. It’s... it’s a good time. Let me buy you a cup of coffee, all right?

Drew: You sure?

Booth: Nah, it’s cool, have a seat.

Rebecca: Seriously?

Drew: Thanks, man. (Bones stands up to allow them all to sit but Booth stops her)

Booth: It’s okay, Bones. You can stay.

Bones: It’s a family thing. Bye, Parker. (she waves)

Parker: Bye.

Booth: All right, what do we got here, huh?

Parker: A di...a diorama!

Booth: Woah!

Parker: It’s the zoo. Drew helped me.

Booth: The zoo? I hope you thanked him, huh?

Rebecca: Yeah.

Booth: You did, huh?

Parker: We got to go to the zoo. He knows all the animals.

Booth: All the animals? Wow! Okay, well maybe afterwards we could, uh, all go out to dinner if it’s okay with your mom.

Rebecca: Yeah. That...that sounds good.

Parker: My dad knows a burgers place.

Booth: Yeah. I used to take him there after his T-Ball. Tell Drew about the burgers.

Parker: He says they’re as big as my head.

Booth: Yeah, big as your head. We can all go, we can even bring Drew.

The Boy in the Shroud [2.3][edit]

Hodgins: That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Zack: Romeo and Juliet, Act Two, Scene Two. The quote concerned most aptly describes the central conflict of the play. Which I totally do not understand.

Zack: I'm not used to bodies looking so much like actual human beings.

Brennan: I can't work like this!
Cam: Are you telling me I should start looking for your replacement?
Angela: Dr. Saroyan, I don't want to be overly dramatic or anything, but if you lose Brennan, you lose us all.
Cam: Really?
Angela: Really, and Booth too.

Cam: [to Hodgins] When it comes to bugs, slime, crud and compost, you're the man.

Hodgins: I found the murder weapon!
Angela: Oh, you are good.
Hodgins: You have no idea.
Zack: Are you having a moment?

Angela: It's a strange place for two people in love to end up.
Hodgins: What, a forensics lab?
Angela: No a squat in an abandoned pipe factory.
Hodgins: Right, yeah, right...

Cam: Booth, if Dr. Brennan were to quit.
Booth: What?
Cam: If she were to leave the Jeffersonian.
Booth: Well, the squints would flee this institution like the French army.
Cam: And you?
Booth: Well, I do as I'm ordered.
Cam: No you don't, Seeley.
Booth: Okay here we go. What's going on Camille?
Cam: What if I fired her? What would you do?
Booth: I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.

Hodgins: [after Booth tells him to distract a suspect] Why me?
Booth: Well, because, apparently, I look like a cop.
Hodgins: What do I look like?
Booth: What are you, my straight man? Go!

[Hodgins interrupts Cam, Angela, Brennan and Zack with news that he has a critical piece of evidence]
Angela: [smiles] You are good!
Hodgins: [grins at Angela] You have no idea.
Zack: [incredulously] Are you having a moment? [Hodgins' smiles fades and he glares at Zack]

Brennan: Booth says that I have something about "control issues" and the "weight of the world".
Cam: [smiles knowingly] That sounds like Booth.
Brennan: I think he meant that if I'm going to share responsibility for these cases I'm going to have to learn to stop controlling everything too. Does it make sense? Psychology is not....I really, really hate psychology.
Cam: Not everyone's brain works as fast as yours. I have to mull sometimes. Are... are you familiar with that concept?
Brennan: Yes. I just always thought that it was a waste of time.

Brennan: He [Booth] reads the people the way that you read pathology reports or I read bones.

The Blonde in the Game [2.4][edit]

Booth: Run her through the database, get an ID.
Cam: Why don't you just ask him?
Booth: Well because the last time Bones saw Epps, it got violent.
Cam: You'll be there to protect her.
Booth: She's not the one who needs protecting. Bones broke his wrist
Brennan: He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.
Cam: Better not take Dr. Brennan.

Booth: Do you have a dog, Bones?
Brennan: I always wanted a pig...
Booth: A pig?
Brennan: Very smart, despite the popular misconception, very clean.

Hodgins: Hey Angela! You look great today.
Angela: Thanks Hodgie! This is my boho rocker, artist, mid-week, take-a-deep-breath-and-pout look.
Brennan: Hodgie??

Booth: You know, if you had a pet pig, what would you name him?
Brennan: [looking at him as though the answer is obvious] Jasper.

Brennan: [examining a St. Agnes medal] S.A.H.S.
Booth: St. Agnes High School. Except, Sarah Koskoff went to public school. [mutters] Oh god.
Brennan: What? What does it mean?
Booth: [dread] It means, I have to go talk to a nun.

Brennan: (entering the suspect's house and finding a dog they encountered earlier) Oh great! Him again. I don't have a pine cone.
Booth: (pulls his gun and advances on the dog) Listen dog, I will shoot you in the head if you don't cut it out right now! (dog stops barking and heels)

Hodgins: I can't just guess, I have a process!

Brennan: He murdered Sarah. He was about to murder Helen. You know, why should I feel upset about shooting him? I mean, if I was going to be upset, which I'm not, it would be because Epps thinks he beat us, so...
Booth: He didn't.
Brennan: I know.
Booth: You're upset because you think he beat us. [Brennan looks up] You know what? He did.
Brennan: Beat us?
Booth: [nods] Yeah.
Brennan: You just said he didn't.
Booth: Well, I changed my mind.
Brennan: What, in the last three seconds??
Booth: You're afraid that Epps turned you into him. Into a killer. You have to come to grips with the fact that you killed another human being. Because when you kill someone, there's a cost. [Brennan nods] A steep cost. [pauses] I know, I've done it.
Brennan: I did the right thing.
Booth: I know. [Brennan looks at him and tears up] I was there.

Booth: I got something for you.
Brennan: A bottle of hard liquor?
Booth: Next best thing. (takes a small pig figurine out of his pocket, puts it in the palm of his hand, and moves very close to Brennan) Meet Jasper. (both smiling, Brennan takes Jasper from Booth's hand and looks at it) You're gonna be okay?
Brennan: Yeah.
Booth: Definitely.

The Truth in the Lye [2.5][edit]

Brennan: And if you’re not helpless, then why did you sleep with her?
Booth: Oh, I really don’t recall saying that I did!
Brennan: Well, you didn’t have to. I could hear it in your voice. I might as well have walked in on you having sex.
Booth: Oh, you didn't, and we weren't.
Brennan: It's nothing to be ashamed of, Booth. Humans act upon a hierarchy of needs, and sex is very highly ranked. It's an anthropological inevitability.
Booth: [sarcastically] Thank you, Bones. I really appreciate you boiling me down to your anthropological inevitabilities.
Brennan: Sure. Any time.

Brennan: Ok, you're smart.
Booth: [smirks] Ya know, it's my job, Bones. It's, you know, what I do for a living.

Zack: I'm going on police business.
Hodgins: So proud. [to Cam] Wait, does he mean out? In the world?
Cam: We'll pin our phone number on his shirt.

Brennan: Are you sure this is the best time to tell them?
Booth: After two days of nagging me, it's just now you're getting cold feet?
Brennan: I don't nag.
Booth: [dismisses Brennan] Oh, well, you know, it's an anthropological inevitability for women to gossip and nag.

Hodgins: Man, what I would've given to be a fly on the wall when you told those wives.
Brennan: You would've been swatted, trust me.

Angela: Maybe he dissolved himself so there'd be more of him to go around... I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Hodgins: I'll save you a seat.

Angela: What you thought were teeth marks, Dr. Saroyan, turned out to be Chinese characters engraved along the side.
Hodgins: What do they say?
Angela: They say, "What make foolish man think I speak Chinese?"
Hodgins: I thought you were half Chinese!
Angela: And I think you're half Swedish. Let's hear some Swedish!

Brennan: So, you never said how it ended up with Rebecca.
Booth: Well, yeah, it ended. The only time we'll ever spend is with Parker.
Brennan: You sure that's what you want?
Booth: You know what, Bones, it might be all anthropology to you but there are certain people that you just can't sleep with. I mean, you can pretend that it's just sex. You can lie to yourself and you say that it's all good but...there's too many strings, too much at stake, too much to lose.
Brennan: [nods in agreement] Yeah, I can see that.

The Girl in Suite 2103 [2.6][edit]

Brennan: [to Booth] You seem uncomfortable. Does his size make you self-conscious?
Booth: Bones.
Brennan: It's a condition: skeletal dysplasia. Pseudoachondroplasia or S.E.D. congenita?
Booth: Bones!
Brennan: What?
Radswell: Dr. Brennan, I can see that you're a straightforward person. And as much as I appreciate that quality, what you're asking me is neither your business nor relevant.
Brennan: But it is my business because I’m a forensic anthropologist. But you’re right, it’s not relevant.

Booth: So maybe the bomber got caught by his own explosion.
Brennan: Her own explosion.
Booth: Wait — the bomber was a female?
Brennan: Sciatic arch. Doesn't lie.
Cam: Neither does the vagina.

Hodgins: Oh, I could kiss you.
Angela: That would require permission, which I deny.

Hodgins: I'll go tell Booth that the bomber is alive and six feet tall.
Cam: [As Hodgins runs out of the office] You'll tell who what? There's a loop, people, and I'm in it! [to Angela] Not only am I in it, but I'm the big, curvy part.

Booth: Come on Alex, baby steps. [realises his mistake] No offence.
Brennan: [laughs] I just got that. It's baby steps because you're so small. It's probably offensive.
Alex: Sorry, I can't help you.
Brennan: Sorry.

Alex: If the computer says confidential then it's confidential! I find it best not to argue with computers.
Booth: [irritated] Well, you the one who authorized the block if it had come from higher up the food chain.
Alex: Go through channels. Make a request.
Booth: [deadpan] Go to hell, Alex.
Brennan: [amused] Why are you being so mean?
Booth: [to Brennan] 'Cause "go to channels" is just diplomatic double-talk for "get lost".

Booth: We cheat diplomatic immunity here in DC, we catch a murderer. That's great. They do it in Upper Kamikazestan and our boys end up on a red-hot spit over a slow fire.
Brennan: There's no such place as Kamikazestan.

[Booth and Brennan observing Hodgins approached and led away by federal agents]
Brennan: Shouldn't we do something?
Booth: You kidding? Hodgins being abducted by men in black? It's a dream come true.

The Girl with the Curl [2.7][edit]

Cam: [walks over to the autopsy table] Everything ok here?
Booth: [staring at the corpse] Yeah, sure, hey, you know...those things?
Cam: You know, murder and stuff. Just another day at the office. How about you?
Booth: Same old, same old.

Hodgins: What is she, a midget stripper???

Angela: Childhood should be all about swings.
Hodgins: Swings?
Angela: Yeah, you know, how high can I go? If I twist the chains, how fast will I spin?
Hodgins: Or if I try and jump off before the swing stops.
Angela: Exactly.
Hodgins: I miss that feeling.
Angela: Yeah. Me, too.
Brennan: I miss organic chemistry class. Those were good times.
Zack: I miss my first microscope.
Booth: [sarcastically] Great, yeah, and I miss normal people. Can we move on?

Hodgins: Listen, Angela, we've been dancing around this for months now, like two pieces of neodymium caught in a magnetic field.
Angela: Is that good?
Hodgins: Yeah. But if the field weakens, they fly apart.

Brennan: Any major alteration of our underlying architecture demeans us. You know, we all have aspects of ourselves we might wish were different.
Zack: Yes, I wanted larger biceps before I became comfortable with my mental acuity.
[...]
Booth: [in disbelief] So mom bound, starved and drugged her. That's heartwarming.
Brennan: Our society puts a premium on beauty, common in declining cultures.

Brennan: When she won it reflected well on you. That way you wouldn't have to deal with your own physical identity.
Mrs. Swanson: [looks at Brennan in disbelief then looks at Booth] I don't like her.

Angela: Hodgins asked me out.
Brennan: Is that why you’re hiding in here?
Angela: I'm not hiding. I need advice.
Brennan: What — on a personal matter?
Angela: Yes.
Brennan: From me?
Angela: Yes.
Brennan: But romance is sort of... This is like me asking you advice on phylogenetic systematics.
Angela: Phylogenetic systematics. I have no idea what that is.
Brennan: Exactly.

Girl 1: Is that a real skeleton?
Brennan: Yes. The shape of her hips indicated she'd already given birth.
Girl 1: How old was she?
Brennan: 12
Liza: She should've waited to be married before she had sex!
Girl 1: [In a hushed voice] You said sex!
Liza: [Cute grin]

Brennan: [To a group of nine-year-old girls] So yours is a cultural structure predicated in the equation of beauty with power. You instinctively align yourselves with someone who holds the greatest potential for a societal supremacy. It's a Darwinian pressure you're too young to bear. [girls stare at her in bewilderment]

Jeremy Farrell: Ok, so what, I'm a bad kid? Because I'm a good kid.
Booth: Hmm [gives a mock smile, indicating his doubts] What do you call this look?
Jeremy: It's not a "look".
Mrs. Farrell: [sarcastically] Emo, it's called emo.
Jeremy: [protesting] No it's not.
Mrs. Farrell: [ignores Jeremy's protests, to Booth] It's short for "overly emotive"
Jeremy: No Mom no it's not, ok? I like these clothes, I like this hair. It's not "emo", it's not anything.
[awkward silence]

Brennan: [on the phone to Booth] You might as well let her go, Booth.
Booth: Why?
Zack: She has very nice, symmetrical buttocks.
Booth: [speechless]

The Woman in the Sand [2.8][edit]

Booth: (to Agent Zhang) So, I dragged out one of the top forensic anthropologists across the country on the word of a prostitute?
Brennan: What difference does her profession make?
Booth: I'm backing you up.
Brennan: You're judging.
Booth: I wasn't judging, I had your back.
Brennan: Yeah, your voice was judging.

[Brennan is holding an icepack to Booth's head]
Agent Sugarman: Sorry Booth, I just couldn't have you blowing my cover.
Booth: [grins at Sugarman] Hahhh...yeah, as they taught us in Quantico, Walt, I wasn't about to.
Brennan: Do you know everyone in this town?

Cam: Ok, Marisol. You're not under arrest. You're just here as evidence. So, when this nice agent leaves you here--
Marisol: I'm gonna kick your skinny ass.
[Zack, Angela and Hodgins all look at Marisol in shock.]
Cam: [unamused] Honey, I'm from the Bronx, don't think for a second you scare me.

Nick: Another Army fighter Joe? How many of these has-beens you getting a week?
Joe: At least this one still looks like he’s in shape.
Brennan: Yeah my man's in great shape. Believe me.
[Later, Booth wins the round]
Brennan: So much for my has-been Army fighter.

Hodgins: (whilst taunting Zack into the aspects of a fight) You're a Vulcan and a dull Vulcan at that.

[Booth and Brennan watching the crowd cheering on the fight]
Booth:It's human cock-fighting.
Brennan: More like lesser surrogates engaged in battles on behalf of the elite lords who don't have the courage to fight themselves.
Booth: Right, you know what? (snaps his fingers) Come back to me Roxie, huh?
Brennan: Ooo, look at all the sweat!

Zack: It's as if his vertebra was cut with a razor blade.
Hodgins: Or a razor wire. Luca Brasi.(Cam, Angela and Zack all look confused) The Godfather? Please, someone, buy a DVD player!

[looking at the reconstruction on the computer]
Angela: How could anybody do this to themselves?
Hodgins: You know, 900 B.C., the Greek ruler Theseus had two men sit in chairs and beat each other to death for entertainment.
(Cam and Angela just stare at Hodgins)
Hodgins: Just saying, it's nothing new.

Cam: Just ship both sets of remains here - along with dust, bugs, the works. If there's a forensic link to these murders, we'll find it.
Brennan: As long as you keep me in the loop...
Cam:As if we could actually keep you out.

Brennan: (referring to her shoes) how does anyone actually walk in these things?
Booth: Oh you know them boots they ain't made for walking sweetheart (slaps Brennan's butt)
Brennan: Okay that was completely over the top.

Booth:I don’t want anyone knowing we’re FBI.
Brennan: That’s easy for me, I’m not.

Booth: (referring to Brennan’s little show in the gym) That was amazing! What got into you?
Brennan: It’s from when I used to watch old movies with my dad--he really liked Clara Bow.
Booth: Bones, Clara Bow was in silent movies.
Brennan: Oh...then I guess that's just how I imagined she'd sound.

[Booth and Brennan are in their hotel room, dressing up as Tony and Roxy]
Brennan: (coming out in a rather chaste black dress) What do you think?
Booth: (sarcastically) I have enough Bibles, thank you, but try next door.
Brennan: You said I could be a school teacher.
Booth: Not the spinster kind who lives with her sister but, you know, the hot one who makes the boys crazy. Here (hands her a dress) put on the one that I picked out, alright?
Brennan: Okay, but don't be so bossy. (She disappears into the bathroom.)
Booth: We're newly-weds I said. Taking Sin City by storm, ready for action.
Brennan: (from the bathroom) But you know, marriage is such an archaic institution.
Booth: (exhales in frustration) Listen Bones, I know what I'm doing. Okay? I've done this before, just stop arguing.
Brennan: I'm not. It's just, you know, I don't need a piece of paper to prove my commitment.
Booth: Fine. We're engaged.
Brennan: Why would I be okay with engagement?
Booth: Whatever Bones, alright? We're a loosely committed couple of hot high rollers with money to burn. Cause that's what's gonna get us in the door.
Brennan: (comes out of the bathroom in a stunning little black dress) Like this?
Booth: (staring and swallowing) Yeah, like that.

Brennan: Oh my God! I completely forgot you can't be here Booth, you're a degenerate gambler.
Booth: Former gambler, okay not degenerate. I've been through the program okay. And you know he's on the move!
Brennan: What if you get a sudden urge to gamble while you're here? It's like sending an alcoholic to a distillery. Do you need to sit down?

Brennan: They call this America’s playground?
Booth: We're 15 miles outside of Vegas, Bones. This is America’s frying pan.

Booth: You never told me the second reason why you bet on me.
Brennan: Well, it's silly.
Booth: No, try me.
Brennan: Beginner's luck. I haven't lost anything since I've been here. And I... I figured if I bet on you...
Booth: I couldn't lose.
Brennan: Sounds silly, right?
Booth: Sounds familiar. Thanks.
Brennan: You're welcome.

Aliens in a Spaceship [2.9][edit]

[Booth and Brennan are sitting next to each other in a church.]
Brennan: I'm okay with you thanking God for saving me and Hodgins.
Booth: That's not what I thanked Him for. I thanked Him for saving ... all of us. It was all of us, every single one. You take one of us away and you and Hodgins are in that hole forever. (Booth looks at Brennan whose eyes are glistening with tears.) And I'm thankful for that.
Brennan: I knew you wouldn't give up.
Booth: I knew you wouldn't give up.

Cam: How are we going to get our hands on eight million dollars?
Zack: Hodgins is rich.
Cam: He is?
Zack: "Rich squared to the power of ten times four" is how he puts it

Hodgins: (blurts) I'm nuts about Angela. Over the moon. Stupid in love with her. That's why I bought her that ... that crazy, expensive perfume. A man gives you a bottle of perfume like that, it says ... it says, "I love you". (Brennan nods) There. I said it out loud.

Booth: I need you to be Dr. Brennan.
Zack: (quoting Brennan) I don't know what that means.

Booth: I got about 100 agents working that angle. What does this mean, right here. (taps monitor) What does that mean?
Zack: You're forgetting something, Brennan and Hodgins are out of air.
Booth: Great, you wanna give up, huh? This is Bones we're talking about and Hodgins. You really think they didn't find a way to extend their air supply? Hell, they found a way to send us a message, to ask us for help and you wanna give up because of math.

Booth: We're running out of time.
Zack: Minor correction. Dr. Brennan and Hodgins will run out of air in four seconds. We are out of time.

Booth: Dr Brennan, she's pretty good at making dead people tell her things.

[Booth and Brennan are in a church. Booth has just finished praying.]
Brennan: What did you ask for?
Booth: That's between me and a certain Saint. Although, I did ask for a little help finding the Gravedigger.
Brennan: Good move. What's that smell?
Booth: Candles. And I said thanks. You should try it some time.
Brennan: If I were going to pray, I would have done it just before we set off the explosion.
Booth: And you didn't?
Brennan: No, see, if there was a God, which there isn't -
Booth: Shhhh. (looks around) Do you see where we are?
Brennan: And if I were someone who believed He had a plan ...
Booth: Which I do ...
Brennan: Then I'd be tempted to think He wanted me to go through something like I went through because it might make me more open to the whole ... concept

Hodgins: I can't sleep, Angela.
Angela: I thought that they gave you something for that.
Hodgins: No, I mean I'm afraid...that if I close my eyes, when I-- when I open them I gonna be back in that car, buried, running out of air.
Angela: Okay. Then you should come home with me.
Hodgins: What?
Angela: When you open your eyes, I'll be there.
Hodgins:Yeah?
Angela: (nodding) Yeah.
Hodgins: (nodding) Okay.

Brennan: We should get as far away from the explosion as possible.
Hodgins: Already am. (holds out hand) Care to join me?

Zack: Hodgins is all about dirt and Angela

Hodgins: (to Brennan) If you can perform surgery out of thin air, then I can pull a little thin air out of thin air. [

Hodgins: This thing you found in my leg is anodized plastic film coated in metallic tape with dried out adhesive. It's a bumper sticker.
Brennan: You mean like "If You Can Read This, You're Too Close"?

Zack: (coming to realization) 6, 7, 16. Carbon, nitrogen, and sulfur on the periodic table of elements. They are buried in coal-rich soil.
Booth: You gotta narrow it down, Zack.
Angela: Keep going, Zack.
Zack: The mineral components in coal are all the same. It's the organic components that provide a unique fingerprint. They're called macerals. They fluoresce at different levels. A reflectance of 1.4 is quite rare, suggesting a high concentration of inertinite.
Booth: Zack, tell me what that means.
Angela: It means he knows where they are.

Thomas Vega: You just need to deal with the facts. If you can't put the ransom together in the time he gave you, your partner is dead.
Booth: (furiously throwing Vega on the table and choking him) Here's the deal, alright? You have a relationship with this guy, what they call symbiotic. You benefit from each other. So know this, huh? That deadline comes around and my partner is still in the ground, I will end you. You understand? Three hours to live. (lets him go) Better hurry.

Cam: (to Angela) Hodgins seems to write everything in some kind of code. I might have to get Zack over here to break it.
Angela: It says that the traces of aluminum found on the clothing were almost certainly from the kidnapper's vehicle. Like a box. In the back of a trunk, or a van.
Cam: You can read that?
Angela: Yeah, Hodgins sends me a lot of notes.

Cam: What do you say we go to New York for the weekend?
Booth: (skeptical) Yeah, I don't know.
Cam: C'mon! We're two adults with no obligations. (continues as Booth's phone rings) Let it go to voice mail. We're not cheating, we're not hurting anybody, Seeley.
Booth': Then why are we keeping our relationship such a secret, Camille?
Cam: Because we work together, and we're professionals, and it's nobody's business, that's all. So, come to New York. We'll go to a musical.
Booth: (laughs) Talking and singing, and talking and dancing, and more singing… ya know? Heh. If you wanna stop what we're doing, just say so.
Cam: You can fantasize about pulling out your gun and shooting everyone on stage, you know you like that.

Zack: (referring to Hodgins) You should give him a chance.
Angela: Excuse me?
Zack: I apologize. I didn't say anything.

Hodgins: (not knowing Angela is in the room) If you haven't figured out the stun-gun, then I am this week's "King of the Lab" because I found something huge.
Angela: You compete to be "King of the Lab"?
Hodgins:(surprised) No. (laughs nervously) Hey, Angela. I didn't know that you were ... this sucks. I'm gonna go catch Brennan, then bolt for the night

Brennan: Had it occurred to you that God is a lot like the Gravedigger?
Booth: (stammers) What? What?!
Brennan: He lays down the rules, no way to question Him or negotiate, then it's almost as though He doesn't care how it works out. Either you do as He says, make some sacrifices and are delivered, or you don't and you end up in Hell.
Booth: You know what I'd appreciate? If you didn't say things like that, because I really don't want to get struck by lightning.
Brennan: You go to church every Sunday?
Booth: Yes, I do.
Brennan: Can I come with you?
Booth: No, you can't.
Brennan: Why? It might help me to understand.
Booth: I am not gonna help you disrespect God in His own house, okay? If you wanna do some kind of, you know, anthropological study, turn on the religious channel.

Zack: The amount of blood suggests that at least one of them bled out. Probably the one with the injuries. I've also noted a constellation of identical non-metric variants. Extraforamina.
Booth: Does that mean they were twins?
Brennan: How did you know?

Hodgins: Can this possibly work?
Brennan: I'm not really an explosives expert, but the dash might shape the charge enough to blow out the windshield. If we're less than four feet beneath the surface, this charge could blow us to freedom.
Hodgins: And if we're buried more than four feet deep?
Brennan: Then the concussion will turn our brains into jelly.
Hodgins: Well, then we can run for Congress, so it's a win-win.

Brennan: Booth will find us.
Hodgins: You have a lot of faith in Booth.
Brennan: No, faith is an irrational belief in something that is logically impossible. Over time I have seen what Booth can do. It's not faith.
Hodgins: No offense, and I'm not just saying this because you filleted me with a knife, we are out of air. We don't know if our message got out, much less if anyone understood it, and we are buried underground. What you have is faith, baby. (Brennan laughs) Sorry, the "baby" thing is a reflex...

Angela: Did you try just dialing the number?
Booth: (agitated) I tried all the dumb guy normal stuff, okay? That's why I'm talking with the brain trust, alright? (slaps monitor with text message) Think! Eggheads, work it!

Brennan: Four to six seconds to enter a message and hit speed dial.
Hodgins: I figured out a text message using eight key strikes.
Brennan: How's your text messaging?
Hodgins: Thumbs like lightning. I can do it.

Hodgins:Someone ran me down with a car.
Brennan: We knew that already.
Hodgins: Yeah, but now that we've proved it, I find I'm really annoyed.

Zack: Dr. Brennan doesn't like it when we jump to conclusions.
Cam: I'm sure she'll appreciate we're on a deadline.

Booth: God does not make mistakes.
Angela: I don't know - putting testicles on the outside doesn't seem like such a good idea.

Hodgins: Aluminum.
Brennan: Aluminum.?
Hodgins: Well, the Brits say "aluminium", but that sounds so, well... British.

Booth: God doesn't make mistakes.
Angela: Mmm, I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a great idea. [Booth nods in reluctant agreement.]

Brennan: What are we surrounded by?
Hodgins:Pain. Despair. And a subsoil accumulation of agglutinated aridisols.
Brennan: Dirt.
Hodgins: You know I don't like the term dirt.
Brennan: Tell me something I don't know.

Brennan: What I'm going to do is make a long incision in the fascia to release the pressure inside.
Hodgins: And how--how long is a "long incision?"

The Headless Witch in the Woods [2.10][edit]

Booth: Cause of death?
Brennan: Well, since I can't find a skull, I'd say... his head got cut off.

Zach: My palms perspired profusely during that film.

Booth: We're partners, you know, together all the time, all right? You're a woman, and I'm a man. I never had a relationship like this where we were, like, two guys — except you're not, you know, a guy.
Brennan: No. No, I'm not. Should I feel odd about wanting to hang out with Will?
Booth: No, of course not. 'Cause essentially you're a guy, like me, but not really.
Brennan: That would mean that to me, you are, essentially, a woman. Yeah, I can see that.
Booth: No, no, no, no. I'd prefer not to be a woman, if you don't mind.
Brennan: I'm merely trying to follow your reasoning, Booth.

Booth: Our perceptions are always colored by what we hope, what we fear, what we love. We did the best we can.
Brennan: I'm afraid my best isn't good enough. I can read bones, not people.
Booth: Well, you had no trouble seeing through me.

Brennan: It's a good thing I like being alone.
Booth: You know what, Bones? You're not alone. Okay? Come here.
Brennan: Booth...
Booth: Hey, you're my partner. It's a guy-hug. Take it. [They hug in a very non-guy-hug way.]

Judas on a Pole [2.11][edit]

[Zack is defending his dissertation in front of Brennan and other board members when Booth walks in.]
Booth: Hey, Bones, come on. We've got a body. Went up like a Roman candle... [sees Zack and grins at him] Hey, Zack! How's it going?
Zack: So far they don't like me.
Booth: [deadpan] Shocker.

Brennan: Dad called you? You're sure it was him?
Russ: He said "You and your sister are in danger" and he hung up.
Brennan: [smiles] I spend half my time with a sniper-trained FBI agent. I feel safe.
Russ: Tempe, I know someone is watching me.
Brennan: What's your evidence?
Russ: I can feel it on the back of my neck. [pauses] Spend some time in jail, you develop a sixth sense. [Brennan looks at him intently]
Brennan: Maybe you should stay with me for a few days.
Russ: Tempe, I have work and I have...I have Amy and the girls.
Brennan: What about your "sixth sense"?
Russ: Hey!
Brennan: [laughs] What?
Russ: [smirks] You can't not believe in something one second and then use it against me in the next.

Booth: This is worse than watching.
Brennan: What do you mean?
Booth: This is hunting.
Russ: Hunting??
Booth: As in "kill".

Booth: Okay, who else knows about this?
Hodgins: Us and you. That's it.
Booth: Let's keep it that way.
Hodgins: I've seen this movie. I get killed on the way home.
Booth: Then don't go home. [walks out]
Hodgins: [laughs, then stops abruptly] You serious?

Brennan: I wouldn't let anyone else call you a loser, Russ. What makes you think you're allowed?
Russ: I love you, too.

Booth: Bones, I'd take a stand up crook over a crooked cop any day of the week.

Deputy Director Kirby: You're what's known as a real pain in the ass, Agent Booth.
Booth: Yes sir.
Kirby: I just had my testicles handed to me by the Attorney General of the United States of America.
[...]
Kirby: [...] You're suspended without pay. Gun, ID, security card, please.
Booth: Sir, I'm entitled to the reading of the charges against me.
Kirby: The charges against you? That I was pissed upon from a very great height!

[At the Jeffersonian forensic platform, Cam, Brennan, Angela and Hodgins are gathered around a table while Booth is standing at the side. Zack is analyzing evidence on a computer.]
Brennan: Can they do that, just kick you out without any warning?
Booth: The two guys standing behind me with the guns seem to think so.
Zack: As you can see, Harper's ribs and sternum were practically obliterated by the two shots to his torso.
Angela: Zack, Booth got fired.
Brennan: Suspended. Not fired.
Cam: "Suspended" is FBI speak for fired.
Booth: God, you know what hurts the most? They took the car. Got no wheels.
Zack: The bullets themselves, removed from the body, of course, but Hodgins found some very small fragments.
Hodgins: Copper, lead, polymer. [smirks] This is a conspiracy, baby.
Cam: [seriously] Guys, what we're dealing with here is that Booth won't be working with us anymore.
Booth: I got my own gun. It's just...why'd they have to take the company car???
Zack: I assume that the only way Booth will get his car back would be to solve the case on his own and we'd help.
Booth: [turns around to face the squints] Oh, no, no...no, I can't let you guys do that.
Brennan: Anyone who wants to help Booth raise their hands.
[Everyone raises their hand and look at Booth]

Zack: Dr. Saroyan, when I get my doctorate, I'd like to work here.
Cam: [looks at Zack intently] Zack, you're an excellent scientist but an important part of the job is appearing as an expert witness in court.
Angela: Oooph.
Zack: Oooph what?
Cam: Jurors have to take you seriously and frankly, you look like a weekend fill-in at a college radio station.
Hodgins: [smiles at Zack sympathetically] Truth hurts, dude. Learn from it and grow.

Brennan: I wish you wouldn't keep letting me hug you when I get scared.
Booth: Hey, I get scared and I'll hug you. We'll call it even.

Max: [to Brennan] Listen to me, if you find somebody that you can trust, you hang on to them. Remember that.

Brennan: I just... I'm just one of those people who doesn't get to be in a family. That's—
Booth: [places his finger underneath her chin, lifting her head up] Listen, Bones, hey. There's more than one kind of family.

The Man in the Cell [2.12][edit]

Booth: [after an inmate attempts to touch Brennan through the prison bars] Woah woah, stay close, ok? A lot of these animals haven't seen real women since Reagan was president.

Brennan: [examining remains] Victim was male, approximately 30 years of age. He matches Epps' general size and build. [smugly] Contortion indicates a, uh, painful death.
Booth: [deadpan] Well, after killing fourteen of these girls that we know about, it's just what the doctor ordered.

Angela: Did you really call me "the heart of the operation"?
Hodgins: Yeah. That's before you called me short.
Angela: Hey, Zack called you short. I think you're just the right height.
Hodgins: Yeah?
Angela: Short men have better leverage.
Zack: I'm feeling uncomfortable.

Angela: How do you deal with the fear?
Brennan: I have this. [takes out huge gun from her purse]
Angela: Oh, my God! That thing is huge. Whoa, wow, that's like movie huge.
[Booth enters.]
Booth: Where the hell did you get that?
Brennan: The mall.
Booth: [incredulously] The mall?
Brennan: Yeah. It's pretty big, right? Bigger than the one you have. [Angela chuckles]
Booth: Excuse me. It's not the size that matters. It's how you use it.
Brennan: Well, I think size is pretty important.
Booth: The point is that you shouldn't have a gun in the first place.
Angela: If you do have one, bigger is always better.
Booth: You're not helping.
Angela: Right. Yeah, this does seem like a private conversation.

[Brennan has just purchased a huge gun for self defense]
Booth: You know, people see you with that, the next thing you know everyone in this place is gonna start packing.
Brennan: This is America. Get used to it.

Booth: What’s that smell?
Brennan: It’s mold. It grows in the fat creases of morbidly obese people.
Mrs. Epps: What is this about? Did you bring me here to make fun of me?
Brennan: I merely stated a fact, Mrs. Epps. You need to lose weight. Obesity also causes diabetes, heart damage, liver failure. Not to mention the wear it puts on your joints.
Mrs. Epps: I have a glandular condition. A little compassion and understanding, that's what I really need.

Zack: My doctor said most of my injuries didn’t come from the explosion but from being slammed into the floor. [to Booth.] Apparently you’re extremely strong.
Brennan: [to Booth.] Did you have to be so rough on him?
Booth: (plaintively) It was a bomb. I was being, you know, heroic.

Booth: Parker comes here every day at 4 with his nanny. (Sees the nanny, grabs her elbow.) Rose! Rose, where’s Parker?

Rose: On the merry-go-round. He was just there! (Booth jumps onto the merry-go-round, Brennan runs around the other side.)

Booth: Parker! Parker!

Bones: Parker!

Booth: (Running between the rows of horses.) Parker! Parker!

Bones: Parker! Parker!

Rose: Parker!

Bones: Parker?

Rose: Parker!

Booth: (Freaking out.) Parker. Parker!

Bones: (Looking away, sees Parker at the ice-cream vendor.) Booth.

Booth: What?

Bones: Over there.

Booth: Parker. Parker! Parker!

Parker: (Running towards Booth, carrying an ice cream cone.) Daddy!

Booth: Hey. (Picks him up, hugging him tightly, hand behind his head.) Oh, God. Alright.

Parker: Look! A man bought me ice cream.

Booth: Alright. Alright. (Throws down the ice cream.)

Parker: That was my favorite!

Booth: I’ll buy you another one, okay? Just listen to me. What did this man look like?

Parker: A man. He said he was your friend.

Booth: What did he say to you? Did he say anything else to you, Parker?

Parker: To use my napkin.

Bones: (Picking up napkin.) Booth. (Takes napkin from Bones, reading it aloud,) “My name is Parker. Ask me how I can solve this case.” ( To Parker.) Alright. What else did he tell you?

Parker: Nothing. He was just nice.

Booth: Okay. Just listen to me, Parker. Alright? This man is trying to hurt Daddy’s friends, okay? So I need you to think. What else did he say to you?

Parker: I didn’t do anything wrong. He said he was your friend.

Booth: You never talk to strangers, okay?! You never! (Parker beings to cry. Booth hugs him.) I’m sorry, buddy. It’s okay. Alright? I’m sorry.

Rose: What’s going on, Mr. Booth?

Booth: There’s just an investigation going on, okay, Rose? (Pulls Parker away and looks at him.) I’m gonna have these agents take you and Parker home and keep you safe. Alright? (Pulls Parker into another hug.) I’m sorry. It’s okay.


Booth: Come on, Parker. I’ll put you up there.

Parker: No, Daddy. I don’t wanna get on. (Booth picks Parker up and puts him on the merry-go-round.)

Booth: Up. Up. There you go. Alright? (Strapping him in to the ride. Bones enters, watching silently. Booth kisses Parker on top of his head.) Knuckles. (Booth and Parker bang knuckles. Booth walks away as the ride starts, he looks on as he Sees Bones.) Hi. How’d you know I was here?

Bones: Saturday morning. How’s Parker?

Booth: Yeah, I’m afraid I freaked him out the other day. He’s really scared of this place. Now I gotta put that right. (Sitting down on a bench.)

Bones: That’s you all over- putting things right.

The Girl in the Gator [2.13][edit]


[Booth is trying to listen to an important call, but an ice cream truck is playing loud music nearby]
Booth: [speaking into his phone] Did you say the Everglades? Look, I can't hear anything because of this INSANE MUSIC!
[Booth takes out his gun and shoots the musical clown head on the ice cream truck three times. The music stops playing. People nearby run and scream. Brennan is shocked.]
Ice cream man: YOU SHOT MY CLOWN!
Booth: [speaking into his phone] Great. Flight number?
Ice cream man: [off screen] Hey! Hey! He shot my clown!
Booth: Okay thanks. [turns to Brennan] Okay, we're all set.
Brennan: [still shocked by what just happened] That... was not good.
[The clown head's nose bursts into flame]

Sully: Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: Agent Sullivan?
Sully: Uhuh, name's Eugene.
Brennan: Oh, uh ok Eugene.
Sully: Nah, not me. I'm Sully, short for Sullivan.
Brennan: Oh then, who's Eugene?

Abby: I thought maybe she'd hooked up.
Brennan: Hooked up? Hooked... up? Oh... with, uh, anyone in particular?
Abby: We met so many guys. You know how it is.
Sully: I'm guessing she doesn't.

Hodgins: I clicked on a pop-up and got caught in a pornado.

Brennan: You know, anthropologically speaking, you follow a very ancient tradition.
Monte: Okay... entrepreneur?
Brennan: Pimp.

Booth: Hey, Doc, why is it that every time I answer the phone, you walk away?
Dr. Wyatt: Why do you answer the phone, knowing it'll make me walk away?

Wyatt: According to the FBI report, there was no way you could save Epps' life. Your partner's report says the same thing. An FBI sniper on the upside roof saw everything through his scope. According to all witnesses you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Booth: (depressed) Yeah, so?
Wyatt: So why in a fit of pique did you endanger innocent people in a public thoroughfare by discharging your firearm?
Booth: I'm a good shot. I didn't put anybody in danger.
Wyatt: How many people have you killed?
Booth: I lost count.
Wyatt: Oh, you could remember 180 bricks but not how many lives you've taken?
Booth: Epps makes fifty.
Wyatt: Fifty what?
Booth: (weighed down) Fifty kills.
Wyatt: But Agent Booth, you didn't kill Epps! You tried to save him, remember? Perhaps I better put it as a question: did Howard Epps slip from your grasp or did you release him? (Booth ponders the moment Epps fell in a flashback, he can't answer) Oh, come now man, this is a simple enough question. Was he indeed your fiftieth kill or did you just happen to be there when he died?
Booth: (very vulnerable) I - I don't know.
Dr. Wyatt: A man like you? In control of every situation and you don't know?
Booth: I don't know...I had him and then I lost him and something happened in between. (almost in a whisper) I don't know.
Wyatt: I believe you. Because for a man like you to admit you don't know, to relinquish control, that could indeed argue a disruption in yourself - that was large enough to motivate you to shoot a clown.
Wyatt: You tend to do things well, don't you? Make coffee, build BBQ machines.
Booth: It's not really a machine.
Wyatt: Solve crimes, raise a son, love women, leave women. Whatever you aim at you hit.
Booth: Is that bad?
Wyatt: By no means, of course not. Except ...
Booth: Oh, okay, here we go. Let me have it, Doc.
Wyatt: Except it is indicative of a need to control your environment.
Booth': Again I ask, is that bad?
Wyatt: No, of course not, no. Except ...
Booth: Except?
Wyatt: Except when you shoot a clown.
Booth: You know, you make it sound like he was walking around making balloon animals.
Wyatt: For the most part your rebellions are small.
Booth: Rebellions?
Wyatt: The colorful socks, the funky belt buckle. They're a mechanism, quiet rebellions. A way of asserting your personal control over a homogenizing organization like the FBI. But shooting a clown is not a quiet rebellion. Shooting a clown is quite literally deafening.

(Booth is knocking at Dr. Wyatt's door)
Booth: Hi.
Wyatt: Did we have a schedule?
Booth': Listen, I really need to get back to work, so why don't you give me one of those clown restraining orders and just sign my paper?
Wyatt: Have you had an insight then as to why you shot at that clown?
Booth: (Booth's cell rings) Yeah. You know what? I've had some insight. It's right here. (pointing at the display of his phone) That's my Bones calling, my partner.

Booth: Dr. Wyatt.
Wyatt': Ah, Agent Booth is it? Yes, Gordon. Gordon Wyatt. (extends his hand to Booth but instead of his hand Booth pulls out a piece of paper from his back pocket)
Booth: Great. You the shrink?
Wyatt: Shrink, yes, meaning psychiatrist.
Booth: That's great, Doc. How's about you just sign my piece of paper here and I'll get back to work, right?
Wyatt: Certainly. (Booth hands him a pen) No, no, I have a pen. Do you mind if I ask what exactly it was that you did?
Booth: Yeah, I shot a truck.
Wyatt: Ah, full of terrorists no doubt or plutonium or fleeing felons, was it?
Booth: Nah, it was an ice cream truck.
Wyatt: You have a good reason for firing on it?
Booth: Yeah, the music, it was bothering me.
Wyatt: Ah.
Booth: Yeah, there was a speaker in the clown's mouth? Yeah, I just pulled out my gun, you know, bum-bum-bum. It was gone.
Wyatt: (folding the paper without signing it) So, the FBI sent you to me because you shot a clown?
Booth: Not a real clown.
Wyatt: (handing Booth the paper back) I suggest you cogitate on the underlying reasons why you shot that clown while I make us some tea. (goes into the house)
Booth: Cogitate? Tea

Brennan: (Asking Monte about his trip from Ft. Lauderdale to Daytona) Any girls ride with you?
Monte: As much as I hate to disappoint you, uh...fact is I'm not entertaining like I used to.
Sully: (Sarcastically) Aahh, getting too old to exploit little drunk girls?
Monte: You seen the videos? They exploit themselves.

Booth: I told the ice cream guy I was sorry, alright, I-I-I even bought him a new clown head, so just sign the paper. (tries to hand the pen and waver to Dr. Wyatt)
Wyatt: I must apologize, but I've got to go off and get some ingredients for my mortar. Um, why don't we reschedule?
Booth: We can't reshcedule, alright, I-I-I got to get back to work.
Wyatt: Oh, well, in that case, um ... why not finish off uh preparing this area here. Could you do that? All the specifications are on the plans. You are fit for physical labor aren't you, I mean the uh clown didn't return the fire did it?
Booth: (gets up and throws down the pen) Oh, yeah and uh what if I said the plastic clown did fire back huh?
Wyatt: Brilliant! Now, while I'm gone what I want you to do is to consider what you were really aiming at when you drew a beat at that unfortunate clown.
Booth: Hey buddy, when I aim at something, I hit it.
Wyatt: Precisely.

Wyatt: You know what? I'm in America. We are men. Let's drink coffee, not tea, ay? (examining Booth's handiwork) Oh, I say. Marvelous job.
Booth: Thank you. (takes a sip of the coffee) That's not coffee.
Wyatt: Ah, what is it?
Booth: I don't know what the hell it is, but it sure as hell isn't coffee, Doc.

Monte: (pointing at Brennan) This is you, isn't it?
Brennan: Please don't point your finger at me.
Monte: I knew the first time I saw you, here comes another feminist crusader, out to spoil some good, all-American fun. (shoves his hand close to Brennan's face; Brennan grabs his hand and twists it around his back) OW! Get off, get off!
Brennan: (to Sully) Self defense, he assaulted me.
Sully: Yes, he did.

Wyatt: Earlier you said you weren't used to drinking tea with men which suggests to me that you're usually pretty rigid in your assignment of gender roles.
Booth: What? No, no. My partner is a woman, okay? A woman who needs my help.
Wyatt: But are you currently involved with anyone?
Booth: Just broke up with someone, okay? Me. And I ended it.
Wyatt: How long had you been involved with her? Or him.
Booth: Her! Let's get that straight, okay? Her. Couple of months this time.
Wyatt: This time?
Booth: We'd gone o- we'd gone out, b-before a-a f-few years ago, and I, I, ya know, we ah, I broke it up when ah, ya know, my ex wanted to give it another go. Ah! That's it. I shot the clown because I can't let go of the women in my life. Thanks, Doc. Alright. Now I can go back to work and you can sign the (faking a British accent) papa.
Wyatt: Excellent theory, but quite wrong! And, we're out of time. Tomorrow I'll wait for you?

Angela: I knew it was a gator. Brennan told me it was a gator. And yet ... wow.
Hodgins: Definitely confirms one thing. We have the coolest jobs ever.

(Brennan is in Florida talking on the phone to Booth who is in Washington)

Brennan: I thought you said you'd be down on the next flight.
Booth: I haven't met with the shrink, yet.
Brennan: What shrink?
Booth: Well, the department psychiatrist has to sign a piece of paper saying, you know, that I am not nuts before I get my gun back, so I got an appointment tomorrow.
Brennan: (sarcastically) Great, now I have to break in this Agent Sullivan?
Booth: Sully's a great guy, okay. And for your information, you never broke me in.

Zack: How would someone eat gold?
Angela: Not eat, drink. Goldenrod.
Brennan: Goldenrod?
Angela: It's this 100 proof cinnamon schnapps that we drank in college. It's infused with real gold flakes, purely for decadence sake.
'Brennan: How did it taste?
Angela: Well, it's way worse coming up. I can tell you that.

Monte: They all want to be a Hotty Body - I walk into a place and the shirts fly off, making what used to be a rush kinda, I don't know, mundane.
Brennan: Because you objectify them - you never see what makes them human.
Monte: (laughs incredulously) Man, you have to spend all day with her?
Sully: Yeah, an actual woman - you ought to try it sometime.

Angela: (to Zack) Just because you have a doctorate now doesn't mean I won't use you as a swizzle stick.

Sully: You can only admit evidence that is in plain view, although in this bus that could be DNA on virtually any surface.
Brennan: That's an image.

Wyatt: You know, in an effort to understand your culture better I've been trying to embrace this very American practice of preparing meat in the garden.
Booth: Barbeque.
Wyatt: Hmmm, it's a delightful word isn't it? Barbeque.

The Man in the Mansion [2.14][edit]

Brennan: Why do you call your psychiatrist "Gordon Gordon"?
Booth: 'Cause that's how he introduces himself. You know, "Hi, I'm Gordon. Gordon Wyatt."
Brennan: Like "James. James Bond."
Booth: "Bond. James Bond." Not "James. James... James"... whatever.

Angela: For once can you just pretend that you're the girl?
Brennan: Why is everyone so anxious for me to be a girl?

Wyatt: Why don't we talk about the case you're working on at the moment?
Booth: Why?
Wyatt: Well, I am trained as a forensic psychologist. I might be able to help.
Booth: Okay, fine, great. I have a dead rich guy, works with at-risk youth, gets brutally murdered after confiscating a couple pounds of heroin from one of his kids.
Wyatt: Interesting that the first word you used to describe him is "rich."
Booth: Uh, second. The first description was "dead."

Hodgins: It's my letter of resignation.
Brennan: Your science was dead-on perfect. That's all I care about. I don't need your resignation. [to Cam] He didn't actually tamper with evidence!
Cam: Dr. Hodgins endangered a case by hiding his relationship with a suspect.
Hodgins: I'm saving Dr. Saroyan the trouble of firing me.
Brennan: Well, how much trouble is it? "You're fired." That's no trouble at all! I mean, a child could do it.

Caroline: Listen up, you people. The verdict is gonna come down any minute. Maybe we'll win. Maybe we'll lose. But this I do know, you people have got to get your sand together, you hear me? Booth and you scientist-android-brainiacs, you got somethin' very special here. But you are losing it. [to Booth] Dropping serial killers off of balconies. And [to Angela] blabbing suspect's names to vengeful fathers. [to Cam] Cuttin' into heads before their times, gettin' poisoned. [to Zack] Gettin' blown up because you go grabbin' things you shouldn't have. [to Hodgins] Taking photographs from frames. [back to Booth] Getting a perfectly good car smashed to bits for NO good reason. [to all] Get it together! Start using your over-sized heads! This is the real world. [to Hodgins] Now, I know bug man here handed in his resignation. My official Justice Department recommendation is the following: we win the case, he gets his job back; we lose, Booth shoots him.

The Bodies in the Book [2.15][edit]

Cam: Only five days? This is an extreme rate of decomp.
Hodgins: Blue crab season. They'll feed on anything, dead or alive. Vegetation, fish, flesh.
Cam: Ugh. Opportunistic little bastards.

Sullivan: Well, two hands are better than one, Booth.
Booth: Well, last time I checked, I had two hands. See?
Angela: Testosterone spill on aisle four.

Hodgins: So, for kicks you read —
Cam: Feminist trash. You know — woman finds her power, leaves her oppressive husband, discovers freedom and fulfillment with an artist who knows how to cry and make love like an animal.
Hodgins: So, sex books.
Cam: Pretty much, yeah.

Sullivan: When you can't stop thinking about someone when they're not around, that's not a fling. When you remember their touch just like they were still next to you? That's not a fling. If you need to be alone with this, fine... but we both know what we have.

Hodgins: Be careful with fire ants, they're extremely dangerous.
Zach: I think the victim would agree with you.

The Boneless Bride in the River [2.16][edit]

Booth: Don't knock therapy, okay? Dr. Wyatt has helped me realize there are certain pressures that build up on the job, and I need creative ways—
Brennan: We do everything together.
Booth: —of dealing with them.
Brennan: What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?
Booth: You, Bones. You don't have to contend with you.

Brennan: Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.
Booth: Kit and caboodle.
Brennan: Whatever.

Brennan: No bones, no Bones... I was the second "Bones."
Cam: Oh, very witty.

Cam: So what? You got a part of the groom instead of the bride?
Booth: Bones stole it!
Brennan: Uh, not stole — swapped.
Booth: From an old Chinese lady's mantle.
Brennan: I brought a bunch of chimpanzee bones and pulled the old ah, switchamacallit.
Booth: Switcheroo.
Cam: Whatchamacallit.
Booth: Two different things.

Zack: Positive ID on both sets of remains. William Chang and Li-Ling Fan.
Angela: [looking at both skeletons and their pictures] Wow, they kind of go together.
Cam: Because they're deceased?
Angela: Yeah. But more than that, they are exactly the same level of hotness.
Cam: Which is zero, because they're skeletons.

The Priest in the Churchyard [2.17][edit]

Booth: I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.
Brennan: Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.
Zack: Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.
Booth: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!
Brennan: And at one time most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.
Booth: [to Zack] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all. [to Brennan] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!
Brennan: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God, I'll burn in hell?
Booth: Ooh, that's tempting.

Booth: We're definitely not working well together.
Brennan: Because you are bossy and judgmental.
Booth: Problems between people — it's never just one person's fault.
Brennan: What about Hitler? He did pretty well on his own.

[Cam has walked in on Hodgins and Angela kissing]

Cam: Ahem. Do I have to throw cold water on you two?
Angela: We were, uh, just...
Cam: I know, just try to keep it off the internet. So, I have bad news. We've all been exposed to Coccidioidomycosis, a fungal infection from the graveyard dirt we've been breathing. Symptoms include nausea, weakness, fever...
Hodgins: I feel fine.
Angela: Yeah, me too.
Cam: ...decreased labido...
Hodgins: I'm listening.
Cam: We're all gonna get shots.
Angela: Yeah, that sounds good.
Hodgins: Very good, yeah.
Cam: Thought so.

Wyatt to Booth: So your problem with Dr. Brennan is that you don't know what will or will not catch fire or where you stand.

Brennan: Observation isn't just seeing Dr. Wyatt, it's experiencing. Ideally, I'd prefer being inside Booth's head. Seeing and feeling things the way he does. Then maybe I'd understand.
Wyatt: Be one with him.
Brennan: In a scientific sense.

Brennan: [About the chalice, a possible murder weapon] Can we take this, or do we need to serve a warrant on God?

Wyatt: [to Brennan] In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage in your psycho-social development. Which, by the way, is an issue you should address, because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life.
Brennan: I hate psychology.
Booth: You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is your fault.
Wyatt: Mmm, on the contrary. [to Booth] If anything, your issues are more pronounced, given that your behavior has been affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for someone else's destiny.
Brennan: That makes sense.
Booth: Oh, now you like psychology.

[Inside an interrogation]
Brennan: Booth kicked me out of here.
Wyatt: For you to say "kicked out", meaning you've acquiesced the idea that this is his domain.
Brennan: Domain. Yes. He's good at questioning people. He can tell when they're lying.
Wyatt: Can you?
Brennan: I've learned a lot from him about people.
Wyatt: But?
Brennan: It's not that Booth has a sixth sense. There is demonstrably no "sixth sense" to have. Obviously, he reads minutia of body language, pupil dilation....
Wyatt: Yes...you don't sound very satisfied with your own argument there, do you?
Brennan: [sighs] Booth likes say, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Bones, than are dreamt of in your science." That's a bastardization of a writer named Shakespeare from a play called Hamlet.
Wyatt: [thinking] Yeesss, yes...I was––I was, um, I was aware of that. [pauses] So, if you're so uncomfortable here, why come?
Brennan: Because.....something goes on in here. He does something!
Wyatt: And you want to find out what it is, dissect it so that you can do it yourself.
Brennan: Yes!
Wyatt: So that you can do it without Booth. So that you won't need him anymore.
Brennan: [denies] No!
Wyatt: No?
Brennan: No. I just want to observe.
Wyatt: [scoffs] Pshhh. Surely if you want to observe you can do that on the other side of the mirror there. [points to the tinted glass] Instead of insisting on being in this room with him out of your element.
Brennan: Observation isn't just seeing, Dr. Wyatt. It's experiencing. Ideally, I prefer being inside Booth's head. Seeing and feeling things the way he does. Then maybe I...I'd understand.
Wyatt: Be one with him.
Brennan: [agrees] In a scientific sense.

Cam: [after testing Father Matt for poison] The good news is, we know how to make you feel a lot better.
Hodgins: Bad news is, someone is trying to kill you.

Wyatt: I stand by my diagnosis.
Angela: You stand by the FBI. Your first priority is to get agents back in the field solving murders.
Wyatt: Your romanticism is endearing. But as the Bard says, "Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies that apprehend more than cool reason could comprehend."
Angela: He also says "Journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man's son doth know."

The Killer in the Concrete [2.18][edit]

Hodgins: Waffle-soled shoes and a track suit.
Cam: You know who wears track suits?
Zack: Athletes?
Cam: No, huge tubs of lard or retired people.

[Brennan is at Booth's office discussing the case]
Brennan: So you think "Icepick" might still be alive.
Booth: As a friend of mine likes to say, don't jump to conclusions...[gets up and smiles smugly at Brennan] until all the evidence is in.
Brennan: If the facts are in then it's not "jumping to a conclusion". I never said that.
Booth: I never said that the "friend" is you, ok? [walks out]
[Brennan looks on, speechless]

Max Keenan: Hey, I haven't committed a crime in over fifteen years. I'm straight.
Brennan: Except for killing, gutting and burning the Deputy Director of the F.B.I.
Max Keenan: He was trying to kill Russ, and then he was going after you. It is not a crime to protect your family.
Brennan: Well, some fathers do it without killing.

Cam: Okay, time to step out of your comfort zones, people.
Hodgins: What comfort zone?
Cam: We've stopped working. I'd like to start again.
Zack: We process evidence. There's no more evidence for us to process.
Hodgins: He's right. We process, Booth interprets.
Angela: I'd like to give it a try.
Zack: [frustrated] We suck at interpretation.
Hodgins: We absolutely blow.

Angela: I can't fight or shoot a gun; but if something bad happens, I can spit with deadly accuracy.

Angela: What can't you tell me?
Brennan: By definition, I can't tell you.

Angela: [to Brennan] You just lied your ass off to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Hodgins: That is so hot.

Brennan: Why didn't you just tell him about Kennedy?
Booth: Well, you know, I needed to give you time to find me. Been tortured worse.

Spaceman in a Crater [2.19][edit]

Cam: Why do you know that?
Zack: My knowledge is vast.
Cam: Why did I ask?

Booth: The telescope is pointed up at the planet Pluto.
Hodgins: Pluto's no longer a planet. It was demoted.

Brennan: Did you ever get drunk together?
James: What?
Booth: What my partner is trying to ask is if you two were buddies. Did you go out and have drinks and exchange confidences?
Brennan: Yes, that's what I asked.

Brennan: Maybe it wasn't a U.F.O. that Cal saw.
Booth: Ah.
Brennan: He could've seen something else.
Booth: Yeah, like a death beam or a space baby.

Angela: Hey, do you aliens use any weapons resembling a...
Zack: A broadsword?
Hodgins: How about a lightsaber?
Zack: No. Those can cut through any known substance. The victim would've been completely dismembered.

Booth: So we're going with the theory that this was once human?
Brennen: I've never read about an alien encounter in which the aliens wore loafers.
Booth: How much do you want to bet Hodgins has?

Booth: [observing the autopsy] Blowflies on aliens. Who knew.
Hodgins: [looks up at Booth] You're taking a shot at me because I happen to believe we are not alone in an infinity of space?
Brennan: It's not the believing in extraterrestrial life that's odd.
Booth: It's the believing that they're visiting us.
Hodgins: This guy is wearing loafers. Aliens don't wear loafers, people. [Booth and Brennan look at each other]
Cam: Even if they wanted to pass unnoticed amongst us?
Booth: Before taking us over?
Hodgins: Ohhhh. Oh, this is harassment. It's illegal to mock people for their fundamental beliefs.
[...]
[Brennan and Zack determine from the x-ray that the man has been in space]
Booth: [in disbelief] And so he fell from space. In a pair of loafers.
Cam: Hodgins left too soon.

Zach: Little green men?
Hodgins: Grey, they're grey... Not green, grey. Being half alien you should know that.

Hodgins: (preparing to propose) I am madly in love with you, Angela. You- you are the most amazing woman that I have ever met. My life is so much better since we-
Angela: Oh my god.
Hodgins: What?
Angela: Are you breaking up with me?

Booth: Speaking of marriage, Hodgins is gonna propose to Angela tonight.
Brennan: Huh.
Booth: What?
Brennan: I guess right now it looks to me like marriage is having someone who will slap your enemies and then toss their dead bodies out of airplanes.
Booth: Try not to mention that to Angela.

The Glowing Bones in the Old Stone House [2.20][edit]

Brennan: I believe that dopamine and norepinephrine simulate euphoria because of certain biological triggers like scent, symmetrical features...
Booth: Symmetrical features.
Brennan: Yes, it's an indication of a good breeder. You appear to be a very good breeder. [Booth is dumbfounded]

Booth: [walks onto the platform] Ok, squint squad, why does she look like a glow stick?
Hodgins: [rhetorically] Why does everyone think my job is so easy?
Cam: [looks at the body] Wow, no kidding. Twirl her around, we can pretend we're at a rave. What's the good word, Hodgins?
Hodgins: [protests] Hey! I am not a party trick!

Booth: [walks in on Cam cutting off the corpse's finger] Oh god, what are you doing? Plugging a dike or something??

Hodgins: [after pouring his heart to a dumbfounded Booth] You put on that macho front but inside you understand....
Booth: [confused] I don't understand.
Hodgins: ....words the mind can't grasp.
Booth: Well, you know what, I'm just trying to catch a murderer but you seemed to have gone way past that.
Hodgins: Means a lot. Knowing that you get it, man. Most guys, they're not secure enough to admit that.
Booth: [stares at Hodgins in bewilderment] I have a headache. [turns away to answer a phone call] Abby just–– [Hodgins gives him a big bear hug]...woke up. I need you figure out what that stuff is. [awkwardly] Ok... [pulls Hodgins off] ...it's so much easier just to fight and shoot guns. [walks away while Hodgins grins happily]

Brennan: I'd back down if I were you. He shot a clown once.

Hodgins: Whoa, wait a minute.
Cam: What is it?
Hodgins: A-ha, unidentified particulates. The two sweetest words I know.
Cam: I don't even want to think about your pillow talk with Angela.

Booth: Talk to me, squints, as close to English as possible.

Hodgins: Look, I'm Abby. [to Zack] You're Carly.
Zack: Why am I always the murder victim?
Hodgins: Sit.
Brennan: [chuckling] Zack’s always the murder victim.

Stargazer in a Puddle [2.21][edit]

Brennan: Dad, what are you doing here?
Max: I heard you were getting married.
Brennan: What? No! Angela's getting married to Hodgins, not me.
Max: Oh...uh, the bug guy...that's great! [Booth starts to handcuff him]
Booth: [to Max] Will you shut up, please! [catches Brennan looking at him, awkwardly to her] Uh, long enough for me to Mirandize him.
Max: [sarcastically] You got the right to remain silent....got it! [to Brennan] We'll talk more later.
Booth: [apologetically] Look, I'm sorry, Bones, but he killed the Deputy Director of the FBI. I'm just doing my job.

Booth: [in the interrogation room with Max] Max, you know I like you and I hate to hurt Bones but it's my job to catch you. And I'm very good at my job.
Max: Well, you'd have to be to work with my daughter. [stands up and extends hand to Booth] What do you say, shake hands with the old con....[Booth puts his hands on his hips and refuses to return the handshake]...or is that bad for the FBI image?

Zack: Your estimate was correct. This hole is consistent with a 22-caliber slug. I learned "slug" from Cam. It's a colloquialism for projectile.

Angela: This time, Art made Science her bitch.

Angela: Hey Brennan, I'd like to ask you a favor. Well, it's not so much ask a favor as, as, as extend an honor. I mean, I hope you see it as an honor and you don't think of it as some onerous duty, which I don't think you will, but then again I've never done this before, and of course—
Brennan: Angela, just ask.
Angela: Will you be my maid of honor? [Brennan looks close to tears] At the wedding? [Brennan hugs her] Is that yes?
Brennan: I'm completely, totally honored.
Angela: Really? I thought I'd have to tell you what a maid of honor—
Brennan: I don't even care how awful the bridesmaids’ dresses are. I'm so glad you asked me.

Hodgins: Those sea chimps went after that pork by-product like piranhas after a skinny-dipping missionary.

Billy: [after Hodgins asks for his permission to marry Angela] You're making a huge mistake, son.
Hodgins: Marrying Angela?
Billy: No. If Angie finds out that a man – you – asked another man – me – for her hand or any of her fine parts, horrible complications will ensue.
Hodgins: I didn't think of that.
Billy: You could get us both killed.
Hodgins: Ok...good advice. [he and Billy shake hands] You got anymore?
Billy: Always play it in the key of G demolished.

Ruth Keenan: Hi Temperance, it's Mom. I don't know when or if you'll ever see this, but I hope to put it in your hands myself and see you again with my own eyes. This is a hard, hard world. Your father and I left you and Russ to save your lives. People would have killed you to get us. That's not what this is about. Today is your sixteenth birthday. I'm so sorry not to be there to tell you all the things a mother should tell her daughter when she turns sixteen, and sorry not to give you this. [holds up the ring Brennan's father gave her] It's an heirloom. And starting today, it's yours. I don't know how long it will take me to get it to you, but I promise you I will. You're going to hear a lot of things about your parents, especially your father. He is a good man. It was my insistence to leave you kids. Max would have kept us together, fought until the end. I'm not sure he'll ever forgive me for that. So please, Temperance, I need you to forgive me. And if you can’t forgive me, I beg you, honey, if you can’t forgive me, please forgive your father. Remember you were loved in this world, cherished. What I did to you may have been wrong, but I did it out of love. I did it out of love.

[Booth, Brennan, Cam and Zack are in the church foyer preparing for Hodgins and Angela's wedding. Zach walks up to Booth from behind.]
Zack: Have you been to Iraq?
Booth: That's classified information and you aren't cleared for that.
Zack: Does it hurt to get shot?
Booth: [in disbelief] What??
Zack: I've been blown up. That wasn't as bad as I expected. But I've never been shot.
[Later]
Zack: Booth, is there any sense in ducking when someone shoots at you?
Booth: Your body ducks whether you want to or not. [Zack nods] Why?
Zack: [hands Booth an envelope] You can read this later then explain it to everyone.
Booth: Why me?
Zack: You know more about duty and honor than anyone else I know.

Season 3[edit]

The Widow's Son in the Windshield [3.1][edit]

Brennan: How did this skull get here?
Booth: Ask our eyewitness. [runs off] Let's go, buddy. [brings a teenage boy over to Brennan]
Boy: I am not high.
Brennan: Neither am I. Why is he telling me that?

Booth: Mr. Sumner, I have to ask, were you aware of your wife's infidelity?
Leo Sumner: What you really want to ask, Agent Booth, is if I killed the boy for abetting my wife.
Caroline Julian: I have a far more interesting question. [deadpan] Why didn't you come armed with the biggest baddest lawyer in town?

Cam: [to Booth] You arrested the Deputy Director of the Secret Service for voyeurism? That is awesome.

Private Investigator: So your husband signed his name to the marriage license with an X?
Angela: Yeah.
Private Investigator: So you married a guy without knowing his name.
Angela: It was Fiji, okay? I was on vacation.

Cam: Usually when you get all blustery, it's cause you think something's your fault.
Booth: Yeah, well, you know, I did arrest her father for murder. She could be having trouble with that.
Cam: Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership.

Booth: There's only one place that uses the pink rock in its foundations. It's an old deserted bank on the Anacostia River.
Cam: Bingo, baby.
Brennan: Why "bingo, baby"?
Booth: I checked into the ownership of the place.
Brennan: Why "bingo, baby"?

Booth: Angela and Hodgins are fine, Zack is back, Cam is locked in. What I need to know, Bones, is are we solid? Because, you and me, Bones, we're the center.
Brennan: And the center must hold. [They shake hands. Booth chuckles.] What?
Booth: I thought you were gonna kiss my hand again.
Brennan: I didn't kiss your hand. You put it over my cup.
Booth: Felt like you kissed it.
Brennan: Did not.
Booth: Did too.
Brennan: Did not.
Booth: Did.

Soccer Mom in the Mini-Van [3.2][edit]

Angela: [introducing herself to Agent Frost] Angela Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions [nods toward Hodgins] and him.

Max Brennan: I always liked Booth. Nicest guy to ever arrest me.

Sam Riley: [to Caroline] Damn lawyers! Working in the case for 30 years, and you don't think it deserves a damn phone call? [Caroline walking away] HEY!I'm talking to you!
Caroline: No!You're yelling at me, and my ears are starting to ring. Now, I'm sorry that after 40 years as an agent for the FBI, you're still a LITTLE girl. But I'd like to find out who killed June Harris. So how about ye' stop whining...and help, okay cherie?

Cam: Hitting the top of the shoulder wouldn't be a severe injury.
Zack: She could bandage herself and still be ambulatory.
Cam: You know, you could say "walk around" instead. I wouldn't fire you.
Zack: "Walk around" implies aimlessness, which I'm not able to determine.
Cam: Can't believe I still ask these things.

Sam: [to Booth] She must be really good in bed. Otherwise I don't see why you'd keep her around.
Brennan: Yes, I am. Very good. But Booth would have no direct knowledge of that fact.

Booth: [drunk] God, you know, I love this place. I love it. I love this country. You know, I tell ya something. If I was working law enforcement back in the day when they threw all that tea, all right, in the harbor – I'm good, all right, I'm – I'm good. I would have rounded everybody up and we'd still be English.
Brennan: You think?
Booth: Yup. Yup. Definitely.

The Death in the Saddle [3.3][edit]

[Brennan confronts a fleeing suspect]
Brennan: Stop, or I'll kick you in the testicles!
[Booth catches the suspect and slams him into the building, knocking him out]
Brennan: You are strong!
[...]
Booth: Tell you what. You and me, we're gonna work on the cop talk.
[Later in the interrogation room]
Tom: [to Booth] What did you hit me with?
Brennan: A building.
[...]
Tom: Why did you throw me into the wall?
Booth: Why did you run?
Tom: Well, you're FBI.
Booth: [sarcastically] Well, I'll need a little bit more than that.

Tom: Why can't they see that if they revere horses sexually, then eating the flesh is an act of holy communion?
[Booth and Brennan are sunned and speechless]
Booth: You know, there's crazy pony players and there's really wacked out crazy pony players.

Booth: Hey.
Brennan: Hay, is for horses...
Booth: [laughs slightly] That's funny Bones.
Brennan: I found it on this website about horses.
Booth: Yeah?

Brennan: Where do horses stay in a hotel?
Booth: The bridle suite.
Brennan: That's correct. How did you know the answer to the bridle suite joke?
Booth: I have a five-year-old son.

Angela: I know about this hypnotism thing. I was a magician's assistant at a little gypsy carnival in Brazil.
Cam: Now that's an opening line.
Angela: Ugh. Mysterio was really cute, and I was younger then, and... the whole being sawed in half thing was actually kinda hot.

Lucky: So you say you're with the FBI.
[Booth takes out and shows Lucky his ID and badge]
Brennan: That is the third time he's shown you his ID.
Lucky: [smirks, holds a picture of the victim] Why would I know this man?
Booth: Because we have his credit card history and you're a part of it?
Brennan: Sir, why are you being so difficult?
Lucky: Not difficult. [lowers voice] Discreet.
Booth: [glances at Brennan and back to Lucky] What do you do? Run a service for cheating husbands?
Brennan: [half-jokingly to Booth] Call in the SWAT team. They're anything but discreet.
Lucky: Ok, ok. That's Mister Ed.
Brennan: "A horse is a horse. Of course, of course"?
Lucky: That's the general idea, yeah.

Booth: [about sex games] It's wrong. It says so in the Bible.
Brennan: It does not.
Booth: Then it was left out by mistake.

Booth: Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places. Some, they just give up hope because in their mind, they're thinking "Oh, there's nobody out there for me." But all of us, we keep trying, over and over again. Why? Because, every once in a while... every once in a while, two people meet, and there's that spark. And yes, Bones, he's handsome, and she's beautiful, and maybe that's all they see at first. But making love... making love... that's when two people become one.
Brennan: It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.
Booth: Yeah, but what's important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close.
Brennan: To what? Breaking the laws of physics?
Booth: Yeah, Bones. A miracle... Those people — role-playing, and their fetishes, and their little sex games. It's crappy sex, at least compared to the real thing.
Brennan: You're right
Booth: Yeah, but I ...[laughing] Oh, wait a second. I just won that argument?
Brennan: Yep.

The Secret in the Soil [3.4][edit]

Hodgins: [finding a rare insect] Hello, my exotic princess!
Cam: What a charmingly inappropriate greeting, Dr. Hodgins.
Zack: I think he was talking to the bug.
Cam: Well, now I feel a bit... rejected.

Brennan: "He who smelt it, dealt it."
Booth: How do you even know that phrase?

Brennan: Okay, stop. You don't know Booth. You don't know me. You have a limited view of us based on superficial data you've accumulated on a standardized questionnaire and a subjective analysis from talking to us that is not at all scientific. So back off.
Sweets: Just trying to help.
Brennan: By questioning his humanity?
Booth: Okay, Bones, now you're going a little bit overboard. He's just a kid, right? I mean, the worst thing that's probably ever happened to him was he lost at Mortal Kombat.
Sweets: Are you normally this protective of him, Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: We're partners. Our lives depend on being protective of each other.
Sweets: And you feel the same way, Agent Booth?
Booth: Sweets, I can only hope that one day you know what a real partnership is.
Sweets: You have a very deep connection to each other. That was obvious, even from my superficial observations and standardized questionnaire. You complement each other.
Booth: No, she never compliments me. Did you compliment me in the questionnaire?
Brennan: "Complement," not "compliment." "Ple." He means that we complete each other... uh... as a team.
Booth: Yeah, right.
Brennan: I'm sensing a but.
Sweets: However...
Booth: Same as a but...
Sweets: [doggedly continuing] I have observed some underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Booth: Issues?
Sweets: Yes, there's clearly a very deep emotional attachment between you two.
Booth: We're just partners.
Sweets: And why do you think I would have thought otherwise?
Booth: 'Cause you're 12.
Brennan: Don't read into anything that Booth said. We're professionals. There's a line that doesn't even need to be there.
Booth: Not at all. I mean, if there were no more murders, I would probably not even see her.
Brennan: That's very true.
Booth: We might have coffee.
Brennan: Probably not.
Booth: What, you wouldn't even have coffee with me? [He's obviously hurt, Sweets is temporarily forgotten as he and Brennan lean towards each other to finish the conversation.]
Brennan: Well, in your scenario, we wouldn't even know each other, because there are no murders.
Booth: Were, I said, no more murders.
Brennan: Then fine, we could have coffee. So that's the extent of our relationship, coffee?
Booth: [Solid, now that he and Brennan have talked.] So, let's move on, Sweets.
Sweets: [Nods, but there's a tiny smile on his face from watching Booth and Brennan talk.]

The Mummy in the Maze [3.5][edit]

Zack: I will be the back end of a cow.
Hodgins: So, no costume.
Zack: Naomi from Paleontology has agreed to be my front.
Hodgins: So many jokes, so little time.

Angela: And get him to sign the divorce papers.
Private Investigator: By "get him," do you mean force him to sign them?
Hodgins: If necessary. Do you have a gun?
Angela: Or just remind him of who I am and ask him politely.
Hodgins: What are you, Canadian?

Brennan: Megan Shaw is still alive.
Hodgins: What do you want me to do?
Zack: He wants us to guess.
Hodgins: Well, my guess is Hawaii.
Cam: Not Hawaii.
Booth: W-Well, guess again, but better.
Hodgins: Nop, sorry.
Angela: Booth, THEY don't guess.
Booth: Who's they?
Cam and Angela: [pointing at Brennan, Zack and Hodgins] THEM!
Booth: Well, that's just stupid
Zack: We do not guess.
Booth: You know what? You're a horse's ass!
Zack: [referring to his Halloween's costume] Cow! I'm a cow! See my udder?

Amber: Here's what Mr. Barasa said, 100% verbatim, word for word.
Hodgins: "Verbatim" means word for word.
Amber: What?
Hodgins: You sort of said it twice.

Brennan: Is that your costume?
Cam: Uh, yeah.
Brennan: It's sexually alluring.
Cam: Thank you, I'm Catwoman. [Brennan looks at her blankly] The superhero.
Brennan: Oh!
Cam: One of the most powerful female superhero figures.
Brennan: I don't think so.
Cam: Are you kidding? Catwoman?
Brennan: Can you fly?
Cam: I have nine lives.
Brennan: Super strength, super speed, force people to tell the truth?
Cam: I think I'm pretty fast.
Brennan: Pretty fast is not super speed.

Brennan: [to Zack and Hodgins] Who's stronger? Catwoman or Wonder Woman?
Zack and Hodgins: [together spontaneously] Wonder Woman.
Brennan: I concur, vehemently!

Brennan: It's a Halloween party. We could be Wonder Woman and — what's Superman's secret identity?
Booth: Clark Kent.
Brennan: Yes. We could be Wonder Woman and Clark Kent after a really, really bad date.
Booth: Yeah, bad date because you shot me.
Brennan: It was only a flesh wound. And you dropped me on my head.
Booth: After you shot me, okay? I think I got you on this one. Okay, Wonder Woman?

[Booth is confronted by the serial killer Pete Geller, who is dressed as a clown, while Brennan tries to escape with the victim. Geller shoots at Brennan but misses and ducks behind a metal board to avoid Booth.]
Booth: One shot.
[Geller is obscured from Booth's view. Booth shoots Geller and kills him with a single shot]
Booth: One hell of a shot.
[Brennan emerges with the victim.]
Booth: Now can you see why I hate clowns?

The Intern in the Incinerator [3.6][edit]

Cam: Would it be insensitive to mention that my father's sixtieth birthday is coming up?
Booth: Sixty already? Wow.
Cam: Uh-huh. We're having a big birthday dinner for him on Thursday night.
Booth: All right. You give him my best.
Cam: You can do it yourself. You have to come with me.
Booth: What? No. Not your family.
Cam: I can't spend the night defending the fact that I still live alone to my family.
Booth: You never told them we broke up?
Cam: You want to make a man miserable on his sixtieth birthday?
Booth: You want me to pretend that I'm your boyfriend?
Cam: Yes, between 6:30 and 10 on Thursday.
Booth: Ugh. Camille, you're an adult. You can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks.
Cam: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. (brightly) One day he'll die!

Booth: Look, we are not looking for Gorgonzola today!
Brennan: Gormogon. Gor-Mo-Gon.

Aldridge: Why am I talking to you?
Brennan: What time did you leave the Jeffersonian that night?
Aldridge: Shortly after 11. Dr. Brennan, surely I merit someone higher up on the food chain than an FBI consultant.
Brennan: Kyle, I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect. But that won't work with me.
Aldridge: Why is that?
Brennan: Because I'm smarter than you are.

[Hodgins walks in and finds Booth hanging around his lab area]
Hodgins: [curiously] Why are you here in my area?
Booth: Cam's sister kissed me.
Hodgins: [amused] Dude....
Booth: Don't call me dude! All right, listen, I was supposed to be Cam's boyfriend but only between the hours of 6:30 and 10. She kissed me at 6:20 so technically that doesn't even count. Cam went to her office to get something. Felicia, she just grabbed me and planted one on me. I didn't even see it coming. I didn't even have a defense maneuver plan.
Hodgins: [shakes head] Wow....all right, all right, uh.... How are you...[looks around discreetly] how are you gonna break it to Cam?
Booth: What? Why would I do that?
Hodgins: You want her to find out from her sister?
Booth: [in dread] This is worse than when we were a couple.
Hodgins: [chuckles, Booth glares at him] Sorry... [struggles to contain his laughter]
Booth: [unamused by Hodgins laughing at him] I really should take my gun out and shoot you now.
Hodgins: [puts on a serious face] I'm sorry....that's serious. [breaks into laughter again]
Booth: You're not helping.

Booth: I know your password too. It's daffodil.
Brennan: I never told you that!
Booth: [grins smugly] What, I got eyes! I mean, you guys aren't exactly CIA material.
Hodgins: Daffodil?
Brennan: What, they're pretty.
[...]
Brennan: And I'm changing my password.
Booth: Daisy.
Brennan: How did you know?
Booth: It's your second-favorite flower. I know you, Bones. Try a planet! [Bones enters another password] Jupiter! [Brennan looks shocked while Hodgins looks on in amusement]

Felicia: Why didn't you tell me you guys split up?
Cam: You want him? Take him. I don't care.
Felicia: I don't want him.
Booth: You don't?
Felicia: [to Cam] No. I was just trying to get back at you for being so perfect all the time.
Cam: So you admit it.
Felicia: Like you're a saint? [to Booth] She used to go into my closet with all my dolls and say that they were having a party, but that I wasn't invited.
Cam: You were five, and they did not like you.

The Boy in the Time Capsule [3.7][edit]

Zack: I had a Michael Jackson glove. I've never mentioned that before.
Hodgins: I loved Chevy Chase. [pats Zack on the back] We all have our crosses to bear.

Angela: Oh my god, I'm getting flashbacks to braces and stirrup pants and really, really bad side ponytail.
Hodgins: Certainly grew out of it. I wore Doc Martens that weighed more than I did.
Brennan: Apparently Booth was fine. He was a football player.
Angela: Right. He was one of those guys.

Cam: I remember getting grounded every weekend. So many rules to break, so little time.
Hodgins: [amused] You were the nerd fantasy.
Angela: I was all about Barbie.
Hodgins: She was my first anatomy lesson. Confused for years.
Cam: What about Ken? I felt so sorry for him.

Booth: This is crazy. It's — it's not right. Tell him that it's not right.
Brennan: Is it?
Booth: Oh! You're on his side. Why don't you go play Voltron with him?

Booth: So this girl, she had this game where she would ask me a question -
Brennan: What kind of question?
Booth: It doesn't matter, okay? So if I got the question wrong, I'd have to take off a piece of my clothing. So of course I knew all the answers, but I pretended that I didn't.
Brennan: So you could take off your clothes.
Booth: Exactly. Now, my point is, I'm standing there, you know, in my socks and my St. Christopher medal, and she runs off. She runs off with the sleeping bag and all my clothes and I'm standing there starko.
Brennan: Well, why would she do that?
Booth: Well, I suppose she heard I was under the bleachers with another girl the week before.
Brennan: Okay. This is a story about sexual prowess, Booth. You're bragging!
Booth: [laughs] I had to run across the campus buck naked!
Brennan: You're laughing about it now! You enjoyed displaying your penis. It showed alpha male mastery.

Booth: [telling about an embarrassing episode from high school] So this kid, right, we're walking past and he calls us Philistines. You know what that means, right?
Brennan: Yes, an uneducated person.
Booth: Well, I didn't. I said, "Hey, I'm not Philistine, I'm Catholic."
Brennan: [chuckles] Okay, that's sort of embarrassing.
Booth: [serious] That's not the embarrassing part. My friend, he hangs the kid over the stairwell by his ankles. I laughed, Bones. I should have protected him, and I laughed.

Booth: You know, evolution is long, long process. It takes hundreds of years.
Brennan: Thousands.
Booth: Why do you always have to correct me?
Brennan: To help you evolve.

The Knight on the Grid [3.8][edit]

Cam: Dr. Brennan looked a little hurt when I told her you asked me to come out here instead of her.
Booth: No. Bones's feelings, they don't get hurt. She's not like you.
Cam: Like me?
Booth: Yeah. A girl.
Cam: Yeah. The word you're looking for is "woman," who, incidentally, makes more money than you.
Booth: Touchy!
Cam: What can I say? I'm just a girl with feelings.

Brennan: I can't freak out every time somebody Googles me.
Booth: Cam, she goes nowhere alone.
Brennan: Cam, don't listen to him.
Booth: Cam, who are you more afraid of, me or her?
Brennan: Booth—
Cam: Whoa! [holds up a hand] So this is what it's like to be a kindergarten teacher.

Booth: My idea of art is a half-naked woman on the side of a van.
Sweets: That's interesting.
Booth: No, it's not interesting, Sweets, 'cause it was a joke.

Sweets: It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords, man. There's always only two of them.
Booth: Did you just Star Wars us?

Brennan: There are levels of bad guy, Russ, and you’re not even on the first level.
Russ: Why do I feel like you just called me a sissy?

The Santa in the Slush [3.9][edit]

Booth: Aw. Three days before Christmas, and someone killed Santa.

Cam: So someone was definitely murdered. Someone did not like their Christmas present.

Hodgins: [to Angela] Our victim... was kicked by a reindeer.
Angela: Oh. Get the hell outta here!
Zack: [points to a screen] The sacrum.
Angela: Wait. The evidence actually adds up to an old, fat man with a white beard, in a custom-made Santa suit who smoked a clay pipe and got kicked in the ass by a reindeer?

[Booth and Brennan are checking out the victim's address]
Booth: Oh my god...
Brennan: What?
Booth: He lives in a toy store! [laughs]
Brennan: [as she and Booth enters the victim's home] Watch out for reindeer.
Booth: [sarcastically] Yeah, really funny.

Brennan: Where did he work?
Ralph: Uh, employment agency called Temp Time. On 7th, by the Convention Center.
Booth: Ha! Couldn't have been Santa!
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Because Santa wouldn't have worked at a temp agency!
Brennan: Well, why not? His work is seasonal.

Booth: No. It's not a lie lie, Bones. It's more like everybody agreeing that, up to a certain age, kids deserve to live a different kind of truth.
Brennan: Okay. By that reasoning, what we should do is figure out a lie Russ could tell the girls so they wouldn't know he's in jail.
Booth: That is a brilliant Christmas idea.
Brennan: It was intended to be a scathing and incisive comment.

Caroline: I want you to kiss him under some mistletoe.
Brennan: Kiss Booth?
Caroline: That's right, cherie.
Brennan: Why?
Caroline: Because it will amuse me.
Brennan: Why?
Caroline: Because the two of you are all "Dr. Brennan" and "Special Agent Seeley Booth," and it's Christmas, and I have a puckish side that will not be denied.
Brennan: Puckish?
Caroline: What's the matter? You don't think I can be puckish?
Brennan: I never thought about it until now.
Caroline: You want me to write that letter, you kiss Booth, on the lips, for [counting] one steamboat, two steamboats...five steamboats.
Brennan: That's blackmail!
Caroline: That's correct.
Brennan: That's unethical.
Caroline: That's the deal, cherie. Take it or leave it.

Brennan: Booth, who is a very honest person, says that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.
Booth: I'm being misquoted.
Sweets: Booth is absolutely right.
Booth: She got the gist.
Sweets: There is a fictional element to Christmas.
Brennan: You mean the whole "birth of a Savior" rigmarole?
Booth: It is not rigmarole!
Sweets: No, Dr. Brennan, it's the feeling of Christmas. What people call the Christmas spirit. It's a kind of dream or hope we carry with us from childhood. But as adults—
Booth: Are you including you in that?
Sweets: As adults we're imbued by the pragmatic routines of daily life, which make it difficult for us to regard anything with childlike wonder. But, you know, it's all right for us to try. We put on silly hats, drape trees in sparkly lights and wrap gifts in garish paper, and that's good for us. It's not only all right to allow children the transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility.
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: Okay?
Brennan: I found that very helpful.
Booth: That's what I've been saying the last four days!

Booth: Vermont is gonna be great, buddy. Snowboarding just like when we went to Liberty.
Parker: Mom says it's better than Liberty.
Booth: Well, she's right.
Parker: Can't you come?
Booth: Parker....
Parker: If you tell mom that I don't wanna go, then we could spend Christmas together, like we always do.
Booth: It's not gonna happen this year, buddy. When you get back, me and you will have our own Christmas just the two of us.
Parker: Without Captain Fantastic.
Booth: You know, we shouldn't call Brent, Captain Fantastic anymore.
Parker: Why? You do.
Booth: Well, I won't anymore.
Parker: But it's funny.
Booth: No. It's disrespectful and if your mom likes someone, then we should respect that and like them too.
Brennan: (interjecting) Is that true?
Parker: You like Brent?
Booth: Yeah, I do...
Brennan: Wow!
Booth: Bones!
Parker: Are you gonna be all alone at Christmas?
Booth: Me? Nah, I'm not gonna be alone. I'll be with Bones and all of our friends.
Brennan: I'm going to Peru.
Booth: See, we're all going to Peru.
Parker: You're having Christmas in Africa?
Brennan: No, actually Peru is...
Booth: Is Africa. Isn't that right, Bones? Okay. I'm gonna be just fine so come on. Go wash up before your mom gets here to pick you up, alright? Come here, buddy. [Parker gives him a hug]
Parker: I love you.
Booth: I love you too buddy. Go ahead.
Brennan: You lied a lot to him.
Booth: It's the magic of Christmas, Bones.

[Booth’s Office. Booth is on the phone with Rebecca and Parker is sitting on his lap, playing with Booth's FBI ID card.]
Booth: (into the phone.) He’s fine, Rebecca. No. Just listen. I will get him back to you in time, tomorrow, before you leave for Vermont.
Parker: I hate Vermont.
Booth: No, I didn't tell him to say that. (he pauses) He didn't have to find the FBI. He just went up to a cop on the street, told him he was lost and said that his dad works at the FBI.(Booth hugs Parker and they smile at each other)

[Booth’s Office. Booth is helping his son put his jacket on.]
Booth: Come on. In you go. That's it. Okay, buddy, here's the deal We get to spend Christmas day together, then I gotta take you to Vermont. Understand?
Parker: Okay. Will you miss Africa?
Booth: Africa? No. I'd rather spend time with you. (he gives Parker a hug)
Parker: Do we got a tree?
Booth: We got two trees!
Parker: Two trees?
Booth: Two! (they touch knuckles)
Parker: Why?
Booth: Come on. I'll show you. Come on.

Brennan: Ugh. (then into phone) Booth?
Booth: Bones? hey! Good news. Turns out I got Parker for Christmas after all.
Brennan: Christmas magic, right?
Booth: Hey, so we figured we call and uh, wish you a little, uh, Yuletide cheer.
[He puts the phone to Parkers ear]
Parker: (into the phone) Merry Christmas, Bones!
Brennan: Thanks, Parker!
Max: Hey, if that's Booth you wish him Merry Christmas from me, will ya?
Brennan: (into phone) My dad says “Merry Christmas”.
Booth: Hey, listen, Bones... uh... I got a little something for ya.
Brennan: Oh, I got you something too. We can, uh, exchange gifts in a couple days.
Booth: Go to the window and open up the blinds, now.
Brennan: What?
[Bones goes to the window and opens the blinds. She sees Booth & Parker, standing by Booth's car, with a Christmas Tree all lit up. They wave at her and she waves back.]
Brennan: (to her family) Hey! Everybody, it looks like we got our tree, after all.
Emma: What? A tree?
Hayley: Oh my gosh. So exciting!
Parker: (waves) Merry Christmas!
Brennan:(into the phone) I love my gift, Booth.
Booth:(into the phone) Merry Christmas, Bones.
Emma & Hayley: This is the best Christmas ever!

The Man in the Mud [3.10][edit]

Sheriff: [to Booth] Is she serious about the mud?
Brennan: As serious as a gas attack.
Booth: Heart attack, Bones. As serious as a heart attack.

Booth: What a shock for that couple. I mean, they slide naked into the hot mud bath and a skeleton hand pokes her in the, you know—
Brennan: Anus.
Booth: Bones!
Brennan: What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth.
Sweets: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues?
Booth: Why? Because I don't wanna talk about, you know—
Brennan: The anus.
Booth: You really like that word, don't you?
Sweets: Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work?
Booth: Well, it's better than talking about, you know—
Sweets: The anus?
Booth: What is it with you two?

Booth: You know, you can play the field... and not plow it.
Brennan: That was distasteful.

Brennan: Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.
April: Yes, I lo-ove fish. They're just like people.
Brennan: No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.
April: She's funny.
Brennan: I am? Wha– ? Why is that funny?
Booth: I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.
Brennan: Oh.
April: You look in their eyes and you can see their little souls. It's in every part of their coloring.
Brennan: Fish don't have souls.
Sweets: [obviously trying to end the conversation gracefully] April just means they're pretty.
April: [starting to get angry] Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. [To Brennan] What I meant was, we're all made up of the same stuff; that makes us human.
Brennan: Well, on a quantum level, that's true. Although the word "stuff" is not accurate.
April: [To Sweets] See?
Sweets: [shocked] O-okay.
April: He kills about a million people a night!
Sweets: In a video game.

Booth: Your friend's name Garth Jodrey?
Tim: How'd you know that?
Booth: [points to the name plaque on his desk] Special Agent Seeley Booth. Special.

Player Under Pressure [3.11][edit]

[Booth is shooting hoops at the basketball court while at a college campus investigating a case.]
Brennan: The truth is, athletes are basically emotionally arrested in boyhood, acting out childish games as though they have adult importance. The only thing more juvenile are grown adults who watch sports.
Booth: [confronts Brennan] What'd you gotta say stuff like that?
Brennan: [surprised] What? You mean the truth?
Booth: All right. You know what? I'm a jock, so when you say those, you know, things that you say, what are you saying about me?
Brennan: Nothing! You grew out of it!
Booth: No, I did not. My shoulder cracked out on me. Otherwise I would've gone all the way with it. [turns to leave]
Brennan: What???
Booth: And another thing, all right, I fought in a war! So if sports is a, uh, "childish" substitute, I can live with that! [walks out of the court]

[Booth is arresting a suspect.]
Brennan: I thought you said you were just going to talk to him!
Booth: Yeah, well, I saw his face and I got mad.

Brennan: Is she crying because she loved him, or because she lost a mansion?
Booth: [mouths] The mansion.

The Baby in the Bough [3.12][edit]

Booth: [baby cries] You hear that?
Brennan: Sounds like a cat...

Booth: [talking about a baby] He looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle?
Brennan: Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical power over infants!

Brennan: Coochie-coo? [The baby cries.] Oh, no, no! No need to fuss! Obviously something is upsetting you. Children have toys. You must have some. Let me see [finds a purple elephant in the diaper bag, holds it up to the baby] You know, elephants are not purple. This is wrong.

[Brennan is trying to coax a child not to cry.]
Brennan: Dancing phalanges! Dancing phalanges! [waggles her fingers in front of the baby] I know Booth thinks bones are dry and boring but... Show me your phalanges! [The baby uncurls one fist in a little wave.]

Booth: You know, you look very mom-like with that baby monitor.
Brennan: I have a responsibility under state law as a foster parent. I've already bought him toys and clothes.
Booth: Ah. So you’ve bought him some clothes?
Brennan: Well, I sent an intern, who apparently loves bears, which in reality would devour a small child.

[Brennan’s cellphone, nestled in Baby Andy’s car-seat, rings]
Brennan: Brennan.
Zack: I made some discoveries regarding our victim. Is this a good time?
[Baby Andy clutches at Brennan's necklace.]
Brennan: No no no no no.
Zack: Ohh-kay...
[Zack hangs up.]
Brennan: Zack? Hello? [Brennan dials]
Zack: Dooooctor Addy.
Brennan: Uh, it’s Doctor Brennan.
Zack: Oh. Is this a better time?
Brennan: [To Andy, who is again clutching at her jewelry] No no no.
Zack: [confused] Then why’d you call back?!
Brennan: I wasn’t speaking with you, Zack.
Zack: [even more confused] I believe you are.

Brennan: Strontium is an element found in most rocks.
Hodgins: Human beings absorb it through the consumption of local vegetation and water. Over time the isotope collects in the bones, meaning—
Booth: You could use it to figure out where someone's from. [Brennan and Hodgins look shocked.] That's right, people. I am a constant surprise.

The Verdict in the Story [3.13][edit]

Sweets: Dr. Brennan, everyone you work with, including your therapist—
Booth: Former therapist.
Sweets: —is endeavoring to imprison your father. That's wicked stressful.
Brennan: Booth is right. It doesn't bother me.
Sweets: No, Booth is wrong. Yes, it does.

Max: Oh, he’s a full-grown scientist?
Clark: I shave, sir. I have a driver’s license. I've won a couple fist fights. I've saved a life. I've lain with women. I've been hustled at pool. I've defied my father’s wishes. I have broken hearts and I have been heartbroken. So, by all the markers of this society, I am a grown man.
Max: Oh. You've "lain with women"?
Russ: Is he gonna talk like that at Dad’s trial?

Caroline: [to Booth] Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle. [to Hodgins]] No badges saying "Resist authority" or "The truth is out there." [to Zack] Do not cut your own hair the day before the trial. [to Angela] Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you. [to Sweets] Use your fully grown-up words. [to Cam] Eat. Last time, your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.

Angela: Sweetie, this is one of those times when I know what's right and everybody else is confused.

Booth: Okay. You're not Dr. Brennan today. You're Temperance.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: The scientist part of you got sidelined temporarily.
Brennan: I still don't know what that means.
Booth: Bones, just, take the brain, okay, put it in neutral. All right? Take the heart, pop it into overdrive. [makes engine noises and mimes driving a race car]
Brennan: [smiles] Sometimes I think you're from another planet. [laughs] And sometimes I think you're really very nice.

The Wannabe in the Weeds [3.14][edit]

Brennan: How does a former sniper have a grass allergy? I mean, wouldn't a sneeze give away your position?
Booth: Bones, ok, I worked in the desert. Sand, not grass.

Brennan: Does Tommy share your affection?
Pam: Why do you ask it like that? Because I don't look like a scarecrow? [to Booth] Like her?
Brennan: Hey. Wha- what are you coming after me for? [to Booth] Do- do I look like a scarecrow?

Brennan: Until I was thirteen, I wanted to be the next Cyndi Lauper.
Booth: I'd say you're kidding, but I don't think you know how to kid.
Brennan: The other girls and I referred to her as "rad." [laughs] My mother said I sang just as well.
Booth: As well as Cyndi Lauper?
Brennan: Yes.
Sweets: Mothers do that. It's healthy.
Brennan: No, it wasn't just flattery. My mother told me I sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" better than she did.
Sweets: It was an expression of affection, Dr. Brennan, not an objective evaluation of your abilities.
Brennan: Well, I think you're wrong.
Booth: Okay then, go ahead, belt it out.
Brennan: No!
Sweets: Yeah, come on. Give us a few bars.
Booth: Come on...
Brennan: I can't just burst into song. I have to have music and an appropriate atmosphere of frivolity.
Booth: Diva, forensic genius, best-selling author, better than Cyndi Lauper...

Sweets: Mocking will not change my opinion. I have been mocked many, many times before. That came out wrong.

Zack: My regimen is easily completed in my apartment. Treadmill for 30 minutes, 100 sit-ups, push-ups and leg-lifts, and then 20 minutes of free weights. I'm deceptively strong.
Cam: I am deceived.

Brennan: Hey! Break down the door!
Booth: It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door!

The Pain in the Heart [3.15][edit]

[At Booth's funeral]
Caroline Julian: I knew Seeley Booth. He was a good man who earned my respect and affection. [aside] And I don't like many people. [continues] Booth had a selfless commitment to his work, first in the military and then the FBI.

Brennan: I knew I shouldn't have gone to that funeral. It was a complete waste of time, just like I said.
Booth: Wait a second. You thought that my funeral was a waste of time?
Cam: I thought it was a lovely service, Booth.
Booth: Thank you! You know, I expected to see more people though...
Hodgins: I always imagined a lot of ex-girlfriends crying.
Booth: Yeah. Me, too.
Angela: You guys are pathetic.
Brennan: [to Booth] Just know I won't be attending your next funeral.

[Brennan walks in on Booth in the tub.]
Brennan: I need to talk to you!
Booth: Okay, what the hell, Bones? I'm in my house, in my bathroom, in my bathtub! How the hell did you get in here, anyway?
Brennan: Well, that fake rock by your front door wouldn't fool anybody. Why are you wearing a hat that dispenses beer?
Booth: Hot tub plus cold beer equals warm beer. Hat equals solution. But why are you—
Brennan: And that cigar? Very unhealthy.
Booth: Okay. What the hell do you want now, Bones, 'cause I'm not really feeling too relaxed.
Brennan: You should have told me that you weren't dead.
Booth: I already explained this to you. The Bureau has to vet everyone when there's a security issue. I was just following protocol!
Brennan: Protocol?
Booth: Yes!
Brennan: We've been partners for three years, Booth, and you've broken protocol before! Sometimes putting my life in danger, which makes sense because you clearly don't have any real concern for me!
Booth: (stands) I took a bullet for you!
Brennan: Once! That only goes so far! (pause) Would you like a towel?

Brennan: (Booth is walking around the lab table, staring) Booth?
Booth: Hey Bones, I'm thinking here.
Brennan: Thinking about what, exactly?
Cam: Well, it's a pickle. The platform's a crime scene, but we need to access it to investigate the crime.
Angela: A "cake and eat it too" situation.
Zack: Is it a cake or a pickle?
Hodgins: It's Schrödinger's cat.
Zack: That I understand. Cakes and pickles meant nothing to me.

Cam: [describing a bone to Caroline Julian] Gormogon went after this like Henry VIII after a chicken leg.

Cam: A toothless cannibal just can't cut it in today's competitive serial killer climate.

Cam: If you wanna do one of your experiments just say it.
Zack & Hodgins: We wanna do one of our experiments!

Booth: Bones broke into my house last night.
Brennan: There was a key!
Booth: All angry because nobody told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol!
Sweets: Broke into your house?
Brennan: There was a key.
Booth: And barged into my bathroom.
Sweets: What were you doing?
Brennan: He was drinking beer and reading a comic book.
Booth: I was taking a bath!
Sweets: You read comics and drink beer naked?
Booth: Wait a minute. Bones bursts into my bathroom, all right, and I'm weird for being naked?

Brennan: [confronting Sweets in an angry whisper] You think I don't recognize an experiment when I see one? You experimented on us.
Sweets: Beg your pardon?
Brennan: Not telling me Booth was alive, you wanted to quantify our reactions for your own research. You took advantage of us. Booth and I agreed to let you observe us. We did not agree to be used as lab rats, so you better cut it out.
Sweets: Dr. Brennan, why are you talking so fast?
Brennan: Because if Booth hears why you did what you did, he'd beat you up.
Sweets: Don't you think that would be an overly aggressive act?
Brennan: Not at all. So you better not do it again.

Brennan: I've always been proud of you, Zack. I've never met anyone more rational and intelligent. But there's a fault in your logic.
Zack Addy: With all due respect, you aren't cognizant of his logic.
Brennan: Assumption number one: Secret societies exists.
Zack Addy: Accepted. Hodgins has been explaining this to me for years.
Brennan: Assumption number two: The human experience is adversely affected by secret societies.
Zack Addy: Accepted.
Brennan: Assumption number three: Attacking and killing members of secret societies will have ameliorating affect on the human experience.
Zack Addy: Accepted.
Brennan: All of your assumptions are built on a first principle, Zack. To wit, the historical human experience as a whole is more important than a single person's life.
Zack Addy: Yes.
Brennan: Yet, you risked it all so you wouldn't hurt Hodgins.
[Brennan moves closer to Zack and touches her forehead with his as both their eyes tears up.]
Zack Addy: There's... You're correct. There's an inconsistency in my reasoning.

Season 4[edit]

Yanks in the U.K. [4.1 + 4.2][edit]

Brennan: In fact, taking a right turn on a red light here is the equivalent of turning left in the wrong lane at home.
Booth: I'm turning right. [takes a right turn and almost hits a bus, stops the Mini in the middle of an intersection and gets out of the car, screaming] I hate England! I hate London! I'm glad we had a revolution!

Wexler: Inspector Pritchard, meet Dr. Brennan.
Pritchard: Charming.
Wexler: She’s exactly like me.
Pritchard: Charming, tenacious, salacious, sophomoric, euphoric, noble, ignoble, fatuous, horrid, morbid, torpid and tedious.
Wexler: Flattery will get you absolutely nowhere, Cate. So you found Portia Frampton?
Pritchard: Well, the way we usually work, Ian, is I drag the bodies out of the Thames and you use your extraordinary capabilities to identify them.
Booth: Bones! They’re like the English version of me and you.

[Booth tries to get out of the Mini Cooper.]
Booth: Ahh! Getting out of this thing is like being born!

Booth: Every man in this country would like to sleep with you.
Brennan: Are you being nice to me or awful to the British men?

Angela: My heart isn't yours to claim. It's mine to give away.

Pritchard: Oh, I am not the jealous sort, and you are painfully naïve if you think my sex life was limited to Ian, as I’m sure yours was not.
Brennan: But I didn’t sleep with Ian.
Pritchard: You didn’t?
Brennan: No.
Pritchard: Why not? You obviously fancied each other.
Brennan: Yes, I noted several physiological responses to his presence which can only be explained by sexual attraction
Pritchard: So why didn’t you sleep with him then?
Brennan: Because of Booth.
Pritchard: Ohhh, you know, I suspected that you two might be more than just partners.
Brennan: Oh, no. That’s incorrect. Booth advised me not to sleep with Ian because Booth didn’t want me to be another notch on Ian’s bedpost.
Pritchard: See, I rather saw it as climbing Everest. Of course it’s been done before but the experience is still breathtaking.
Brennan: You have a strong sexual appetite and you’re not hamstrung by social moralizing. I can empathize with that.
Pritchard: Thank you.

[Angela calls Brennan's phone; her voicemail answers.]
Brennan: Hi. Technically you have not reached Temperance Brennan; but if you leave a message, it will reach her. Me. Temperance Brennan.

The Man in the Outhouse [4.3][edit]

Sweets: Does it seem that your partnership provides a surrogate relationship, making it more difficult to form other bonds?
Brennan: A surrogate relationship wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing because then I could avoid the sting of rejection, which, however fleeting, is still uncomfortable.
Booth: Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place.
Brennan: No, relationships are temporary.
Booth: No, that's not true, Bones, you're wrong, okay? There is someone for everyone, someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with, all right? You just have to be open enough to see it, that's all.

Brennan: Anthropologically, 83% of societies are polygamist.
Booth: Now you sound French. Being faithful is what separates us from the chimps.
Brennan: Actually, it's a gene called HAR1F.

The Finger in the Nest [4.4][edit]

Hodgins: [notices Sweets observing him] Why are you spying on me?
Sweets: [facetiously] Could it be because I'm the dupe of an organ of the shadowy forces that secretly run this country?

[Booth and his son, Parker, are walking through a park, talking. Booth has a football in his hands.]
Booth: You know what the most beautiful thing in the world is?
Parker: Mom says a sunset.
Booth: Okay, well, one of the most beautiful man-made things.
Parker: Mom says the Mona Lisa.
Booth: Okay, look, all due respect to your mom, buddy, but a perfectly thrown spiral is way better than any of that stuff, okay, so let me show you how you do this. You put your hand up here like that, spread your fingers wide.
Parker: My hand’s too small.
Booth: It’ll grow, alright? Okay, hand there to steady the ball. Lift it up to your ear (Parker lifts the football up near his chin.)
Booth: No, your ear, not your chin, silly. Alright.
Parker: What’s it saying?
Booth: It’s saying, "Throw your old man a deep pass for a touchdown!" Hey! (Booth runs out to catch the football then runs back to tackle Parker.)
Booth: What? What you got? Whoo! (They both go down and Parker looks up into the tree they’re playing beneath.)
Parker: Hey, there’s a bird’s nest.
Booth: Where?
Parker: There.
Booth: Cool, huh? Hey, you want me to lift you up so you can see inside?
Parker: How about I knock it down with a perfect spiral?
Booth: No, no, no… don’t do that, you don’t want to do that. That’s somebody’s home, okay, buddy? Something could be alive in there, okay? (Parker nods understanding.)
Booth: So you want me to boost you up so you can see?
Parker: Sure.
Booth: Alright, you ready?
Parker: Yeah.
Booth: One, two, three and up. (Booth lifts Parker so he can see into the nest.)
Booth: What do you see up there?
Parker: Higher, a little higher.
Booth: Higher? Okay. (Parker looks into the nest.)
Parker: I see something.
Booth: Well, if it’s an egg, don’t touch it because if the mommy bird comes back…
Parker: It’s not an egg.
Booth: What is it? (Parker lifts something out of the nest and looks at it.)
Parker: It’s somebody’s finger.

Booth: Parker had a nightmare.
Brennan: About severed fingers?
Booth: No, it was a singing frog.
Brennan: I don't see the connection. But then I'm one of those people that thinks when you dream about a banana, it's probably just a banana.

Booth: Okay, yeah, I get it. You saw a whole lady's corpse when you were a little girl and you were fine.
Brennan: Yes. Although, for some reason that I do not understand, I kept staging my own death. Pretending that I drowned in the bathtub, faking electrical shock. It really freaked my parents out. And once, when Russ found me hanging, he had to go see the school psychologist.
Booth: [mildly sarcastic] But otherwise you were fine.
Brennan: [earnestly] Yeah.

(FBI Building. Sweets is on the computer, typing when there’s a knock and Booth enters towing Parker behind him.)

Booth: Hey, Sweets. You got a minute for me and Parker here?
Sweets: Wow, there you are, actually right here in my office without an appointment or… Hi, Parker. I’m Dr. Sweets.
Parker: [to Booth, when introduced to Dr. Sweets] His face doesn't look like a baby's behind!
Booth: [puts his hands over Parker's ears] Look, okay, he's having nightmares, he's not eating, he doesn't wanna go to school and suddenly he's afraid of meteors!
Sweets: Giant flaming rocks from outer space. Who wouldn't be afraid?
Parker: You know I can still hear you.
Booth: Okay, hum, hum, okay, got it? Hum. (Parker starts humming.) I know all this is connected to him finding that finger.
Sweets: I’m not some radio advice hack who performs diagnoses over the phone.
Booth: This is exactly why I brought him here in person cure him.
Sweets: No. It doesn’t really work that way. Therapy with a child is…
Parker: (As Booth lets go of him.) Ah, I thought I was going to run out of breath.
Booth: Yeah, I’m going to run out of breath when I run upstairs to get that warrant from that senile judge. Ten, fifteen minutes? Is that good enough time? Okay, see you! Bye, have fun!(While Sweets shakes his head Booth runs out of the office and shuts the door behind him)
Parker: (Sits down on the couch and puts his feet up on the coffee table.) Are you my babysitter?
Sweets: (Sits down across from Parker.) Parker. That is exactly what I am.

[Booth walks into Brennan's office and finds her using her laptop computer while curled up on the sofa with Ripley.]
Booth: Uh, the dog should be, you know, in the cage. He killed Seth Elliot.
Brennan: Well, it's not his fault! He's actually a very nice dog, [cooing to Ripley] aren't you? [to Booth] He reminds me of you.
Booth: Me?
Brennan: He's got warm and reassuring brown eyes, and he's capable of great violence.
Booth: Okay, great. Thanks a million.

Booth: [about Parker] I told him to walk away if it's for himself and to stand up and fight if it's for someone else.

[Brennan and Booth have just finished burying Ripley]
Brennan: On behalf of humankind and the universe, I'd like to apologize for what happened to Ripley. He was born a cute little puppy, and then the people who adopted him wanted to kill him because they were too stupid to realize that he would grow into a big dog.
Booth: That's good.
Brennan: Ripley was a good dog. He didn't want to fight, but he did it to please his master. And he didn't want to attack a human being, but he did it — to please his master. [holding back tears] You know, it wasn't Ripley's fault his master was cruel and selfish. Like all dogs, Ripley only saw the good in people. Dogs are like that. People should take a lesson.

The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond [4.5][edit]

Angela: These are children's shoes, but they're size 11.
Cam: So you think our victim was a giant toddler?
Brennan: That would show up in the bones.
Cam: Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform.

Sweets: These action figurines, they're awesome.
Booth: Still living at home there, huh, Sweets?
Sweets: No, I have my own place, and before that I lived with a woman. All right?
Brennan: Was that woman your mother?

Booth: Sweets, what are you doing?
Sweets: I'm putting myself in the mind of an obsessive-compulsive in order to figure out where I might conceal a memory-enhancing, psychosexual proxy.
Booth: Right, right. What's that mean?
Brennan: Masturbatory aid.
Booth: Oh. Check the shoes.
Sweets: Good.
Brennan: What? He's not going to find it in the shoes. (Sweets holds up a photgraph) Do all boys keep their masturbatory aids in their shoes, or is that particular to you?
Booth: That's for me to know and you to find out.

Zack: I'm king of the loony bin!
Hodgins: Yeah, you are.

Tushman: The publishing game's changed. You know what I mean, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: No, I do not.
Booth: Try me, Mr. Tushman.
Tushman: Book writing is no longer about good writing per se. It's about marketability. A book of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.
Brennan: Because I'm a very good writer.
Tushman: You're serviceable, but your success is contingent upon your image as a hot scientist chick.
Brennan: That's not true, is it?
Booth: Of course not! Don't call my partner a chick! What's the matter with you?

Hodgins: I just wish Zack was here, that's all.
Booth: You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back!
Zack: I know where to find the victim's head.
[Everyone turns and stare at Zack}
Cam: This is not good.
Brennan: How did you get out?
Zack: You don't appear happy to see me.
Booth: Oh, we're not!
Brennan: I am. I really am. (runs to hug Zack, others follow except for Booth)



Booth: What are you doing?
Brennan: I'm throwing out my book.
Booth: It's still on your hard drive, right?
Brennan: No, not any more it's not.
Booth: You erased it? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
Brennan: I don't want to be a writer any more.
Booth: Oh, why? Because of what that publisher said? He was an idiot. Did you see his glasses?
Brennan: Well, I don't want to be a sexy scientist.
Booth: Well, that's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are.

The Crank in the Shaft [4.6][edit]

Sweets: Well, uh, first I think it's important to find out what went wrong, why you were involved in an unsuccessful relationship.
Angela: Who said it was unsuccessful?
Sweets: You're not together anymore, are you?
Angela: Do you love your parents?
Sweets: Yes.
Angela: But you don't live together anymore, does that mean your relationship with mom and dad was unsuccessful?
Sweets: I don't think it's the same.
Angela: I do. Sometimes you have to move on, whatever your feelings.

Fisher: I should've found that earlier. [sighs] Dr. Brennan's gonna fire me, isn't she? I guess, while I was trying to see the metaphorical sun I totally forgot that the chances of survival in an unfriendly cosmos––
Cam: Have you considered Prozac, Mr. Fisher?
Fisher: Already on it.
Cam: Then double your dose 'cause you're bringing me down. And that's hard to do 'cause I've worked with death for years and you are making it all look like good times now, so get it together, ok, Eeyore?

The He in the She [4.7][edit]

Brennan: Do you consider yourself to be one of my "brighter grad students," Mr. Nigel-Murray?
Vincent: Yes, and so do you, Dr. Brennan.
Booth: I am not calling this kid Mr. Nigel... anything.
Vincent: Vincent. Or Vince, or Vinny, Vin... Vincenzo. Actually, uh, I had this girlfriend, once, who used to call me "Vino Delectable" because of how my–– [notices Booth and Brennan looking at him strangely] uh, you don't... need to know that.

Cam: We already have Agent Booth to make lame jokes. Let's stick to facts.
Vincent: The rods in the human eye are sensitive enough to detect the light emitted by a struck match from as much as a mile away on a clear night.
Cam: Okay, let's stick to relevant facts.
Vincent: The sockets have been ground down.
Cam: Okay, that could be useful. [looks expectantly at Vincent, who smiles but says nothing] Especially if you have an explanation.
Vincent: Plastic surgery. Oh, uh, she had [gestures with his hands in front of his chest] fake boobs, too.
Cam: "Sockets," "eyeballs," "boobs" — I wouldn't use these words when conferring with Dr. Brennan.
Vincent: I know. With her it's all "supraorbital nimbus" and "mammary implants." But you seemed a more colloquial sort.
Cam: Well, in that case, what about the "backbone"?

Hodgins: Does Brennan put "Mr." before your name?
Vincent: Yes.
Hodgins: That's her very subtle way of saying you're not a doctor.

Vincent: Can I ask you something?
Hodgins: Is there any way to say no?
Vincent: What ever happened to whoever it was who used to work here before me?
Hodgins: He joined forces with a serial killer who was the last in the long line of cannibalistic murderers specializing in knocking off members of secret societies and building skeletons out of their body parts.
Vincent: Wow, I hope that doesn't happen to me.

Sweets: [discussing the location of the victim's son] I'll bet he's within twenty miles of the church he fled as a confused adolescent.
Booth: [smiles at Sweets] I'll take that bet.
Sweets: All right. How much?
Booth: [pulls out a $20 note] 20 bucks.
Sweets: [reaches for wallet] Deal.
Booth: Deal. [he and Sweets hand the bills to Brennan]
Brennan: [collects money, somewhat confused] Thank you.
[Booth and Sweets grin at each other]
Brennan: [to Booth] If you're making the wager how come I get the money?
Sweets: You're the bank.
Booth: You're the bank, lady.
[Brennan smiles smugly at the bills]

Cam: [about the victim] "He"?
Vincent: Mmm-hmm. Triangular pubis, no evidence of a ventral arc. The pelvic bone speaks. It says, "I be male."
Cam: The pelvic bone can say whatever it wants to say. This part here [points in the general direction of the lower body] says female.
Vincent: What part's that?
Cam: It's called a vagina.

The Skull in the Sculpture [4.8][edit]

[Brennan and Booth approach a darkened office building.]
Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What goes first?
Brennan: Gun goes first.
Booth: That's right.
Brennan: What if you get shot?
Booth: Don't say things like that, all right? You're going to jinx me.
Brennan: Well, if you're relying on superstition for safety, perhaps I should carry the gun.

Brennan: [She walks up while Daisy and Cam are discussing the sculpture, and dumps a giant container of flesh-eating beetles onto it. They look at her with consternation.] I was going to say that I slipped, but I don't like to lie.
Cam: You dumped a bucket full of Dermestes beetles onto this work of art. They'll strip the flesh off our victim in no time.
Brennan: [nodding] Within 30 hours. Am I fired?
Cam: Au contraire. Remind me of this moment around Christmas bonus time.

[Booth, Brennan, Cam and Hodgins look on in shock as Dr. Sweets and Daisy kiss on the forensic platform.]
Hodgins: I am shocked.
Brennan: Yeah. They should not be doing that on the forensic platform.
Cam: That's a method of termination I've never tried. Bravo, Dr. Sweets.
Booth: They'll never work. They're, like, complete opposites.
Brennan: I agree. For all her faults, she's a woman of science. Sweets bases his life on the vagaries of psychology and emotion. There's no common ground.
Booth: Right.
Brennan: You need common ground. What else is there?
Booth: Absolutely.
[Booth and Brennan look at each other as Sweets and Daisy walk away together.]

Cam: [to Sweets about Daisy] She's very smart, very able and she has the knack for turning reasonable people into flaming gas balls of fury.

[Booth joins Brennan, Cam and Hodgins on the loft and watching Sweets and Daisy down below]
Booth: What's going on?
Hodgins: Sweets is firing Daisy for us.
Cam: We're wondering what his method will be.
Brennan: He'll explain to her logically that this environment is not conducive for either her or us and as a scientist, she'll realize that he's right.
Booth: [shakes head] Nah, Sweets is a lot sneakier than that. He'll use some kind of psychological Jedi mind trick to make her think it was her idea to quit.

The Con Man in the Meth Lab [4.9][edit]

Police Trainer: [after a flaming body lands on a police car] We're gonna need a... um... a fire extinguisher. Then maybe some sort of... trauma counselor?

Brennan: [to Booth's brother Jared] It is nice to meet you, Jarhead. I can see the family resemblance. Your facial structure is even more symmetrical than Booth's.
Jared: [to Booth, aside] Is she coming on to me?
Booth: No, it's just the way she talks.

Jared: This kind of event would make Seeley very nervous. I don't mean he's incapable. My brother's very, very capable. It's just..it's like Seeley's afraid of success. He stays in his comfort zone. Drove our dad nuts.
Brennan: Really...
Jared: Maybe that's what made him a good sniper. He doesn't like to visible above the ridge line so he keeps his head low. Instinct.

Brennan: I didn't have sex with him, Cam.
Angela: Didn't have sex with who?
Cam: Jared Booth.
Angela: Good.
Brennan: Why good?
Cam: Because... because...
Angela: Because he's Booth's little brother, and it would just be a creepy way to have sex with a Booth without having sex with the real Booth.
Cam: Kudos, Angela. I would not have had the guts to say that out loud.

Jared: Having a big brother is like having an extra dad, only a dad who protects you from your real dad, and always thinks of you as a kid

Cam: Dr. Brennan, I don't want you to think this is an intervention.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Sweets: An intervention is when a group of loved ones bands together to help one of their own make a difficult decision.
Cam: Oh, um, then this is an intervention.
Brennan: Are you my loved ones?

Brennan: [toasting Booth] Anthropology teaches us that the alpha male is the man wearing the crown, displaying the most colorful plumage and the shiniest baubles. He stands out from the others. But I now think that anthropology may have it wrong. In working with Booth, I've come to realize that the quiet man, the invisible man, the man who's always there for friends and family... that's a real alpha male. And I promise my eyes will never be caught by those shiny baubles again.

The Passenger in the Oven [4.10][edit]

Flight Attendant: [having caught Booth in first class, reclining next to Brennan] Sir, you need to return to coach.
Booth: See, we're partners. We like being together.
Flight Attendant: Your sexual relationship is not relevant, sir. This is first class.
Brennan: Why does everyone always think we have a sexual relationship when we barely ever even touch each other?

[Booth visits Brennan in the first-class section of the plane.]
Booth: Are you tired of working with me?
Brennan: No, it's not that. But the identification and analysis of ancient remains, that's why I became a forensic anthropologist.
Booth: You're bored. The spark is gone.
Brennan: I'm a scientist first.
Booth: Right. Yeah. A scientist first. I get it. I understand.
Brennan: Hey, if you get caught up here, does that make me an accessory?
Booth: [smiles] An accessory to an upgrade.

Booth: [sees Brennan wearing cats-eye glasses while examining remains] Bones. All right, what I want you to do is take off your glasses, shake out your hair and say, "Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?"
Brennan: [looks confused] Why?
Booth: Never mind.

Booth: You want to get off the plane to see those old Chinese bones. I'm sorry.
Brennan: It's not your fault.
Booth: Yes, it is. Because I'm the one who dragged you out of pure science and pulled you into murder-solving.
Brennan: That's not how I remember it.
Booth: Really?
Brennan: Yes. As I recall, I had to force you to take me into the field.
Booth: [smiles] Really?
Brennan: Yes. You didn't want to, remember? [smiles] This is all my fault.

The Bone that Blew [4.11][edit]

Booth: Okay, what do we got?
Brennan: This one is a portion of the sacrum. It's definitely human. There's char marks. [sniffs the bone]
Booth: Oh, God. You know I hate when you sniff and smell dead things!

Booth: Your dad works here now?
Brennan: Not my idea.
Cam: She wants me to fire him.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: This is a crime lab! My father is a bank robber and an accused murderer!
Cam: Booth's killed more people than Max has and he works here.
Booth: Don't bring that up! Why did you have to bring that up?!

Max: Are you sleeping with my daughter?
Booth: No.
Max: Why? Are you gay?
Booth: [half-laughing] No.
Max: Is she not attractive enough?
Booth: [somewhat angry] Bones is beautiful.
Max: Is it because of me? Because I killed one man and we both know he deserved it?
Booth: All right, just cut it out, Max, all right? I'll talk to her. Probably ain't gonna get anywhere with her, but I'll talk to her.
Max: You're a good man, and I want that for her. Now, I gotta go blow up some soda for some kids.

Max: I've decided I'm leaving the Jeffersonian.
Sweets: Why?
Brennan: Because I fired him.
Sweets: You can do that?
Max: Oh, yeah. Believe me, she can do it.
Brennan: Well, it's all about proximity to forensic evidence.
Max: Don't take any offense, but that's a lot of crap. It's about a proximity to me. Right?
Sweets: Well, in my opinion, it isn't your father's presence that's causing you anxiety. It's the memory of his absence.
Brennan: I can understand quantum mechanics, but I can't understand you.

[Down below, Max is getting Parker to put candy mints in a tube suspended in the bottle of soda.]

Booth: (proudly) Look at him! Parker's never liked science before.

Bones: So, are you still thinking of sending him to Woodbury?

Booth: I torched the application. I'm thinkin' there's something to be said for middle class. You sure he's gonna be all right?

Bones: Sure! Well, probably.

Booth: Probably, like, what do you mean, probably? What the hell are they doing anyways?

Bones: Disrupting the surface tension of a two-liter cola.

Booth: Right.

Max: Is that the last one? All right, put it in the tube. And then we'll both take a step back.

Booth: Don't fire Max. You know, let him keep his job. He's a teacher, not a janitor.
Brennan: I can't overlook the sanctity of the forensic lab, Booth.
Booth: Yeah. Maybe you can overlook it for me.
Brennan: For you?
Booth: Yeah. Personal favor.
Brennan: Like a partner thing?
Booth: [smiles] Partner thing.
Brennan: [chuckling] I know you, Booth. You're trying to do me a favor by telling me it's a favor for you.

Booth: No. Mm-mm, no, I... I can't afford that school. I can't enrich Parker, not with the science thing, but... you can, Max can. [Below, the cola shoots a stream directly into the air, raising up to the height of the lounge Bones and Booth are standing in. Parker and Max react excitedly.]

Parker: Whoa! Do it again? (to Booth) Daddy! Daddy! look what I did! I blew it up!

Booth: Yeah, I saw little man.

Bones: Look at my dad!

Booth: Look at my little boy there with your dad.

Bones: Okay. Yes. All right.

Booth: Thanks, Bones.

Double Trouble in the Panhandle [4.12][edit]

Texas Ranger: How do you think they died?
Oklahoma Officer: They left Oklahoma, hit Texas, then died of despair.
Texas Ranger: Nope, they're definitely Oklahomans. If they were from Texas they would have had sense enough to carry water.
[...]
[Brennan ascertains that the victims are conjoined twins]
Booth: Twins conjoined at the ass!
Oklahoma Officer: Oh, they are definitely from Texas.

Sweets: Um...Can I offer you a piece of advice?
Booth: Well, that's why we called you, Sweets...
Dr. Sweets: Don't try too hard to be their friends. Act like you're more interested in each other than any of them, all right? They will come to you.
Brennan: Okay, thanks, Sweets. [she hangs up]
Booth: So, uh, sex, right?
Brennan: Uh, good idea.
Booth: 'Kay.

[they start to shake the trailer]

Brennan: Okay, well I think what we need to do is get a syncopated rhythm going, that takes advantage of the natural frequency of the springs...
Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, are you this spontaneous during real sex?
Brennan: Yes, I am.

Fire in the Ice [4.13][edit]

Brennan: Booth. Booth!
Booth: [who has just come to after hitting his head] Bones, what are you doing on the ice?
Brennan: I get nervous when you fall down and don't get up.

Brennan: Agent Perotta, she really enjoyed working with us.
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: But you're the only FBI agent I want to work with.

Hodgins: We're not idiots.
Wendell: I feel like an idiot. [Hodgins glares at him]
Cam: [to Wendell] You don't speak right now. Either of you.
[Hodgins continues glaring at an intimidated Wendell]

Caroline: [after Perotta defends Hodgins and Wendell] You've been taken hostage by the squints, Agent Perotta.

Perotta: My people were right.
Cam: Your people???
Wendell & Hodgins: We're Booth's people.

Booth: Hey, you know what? Forget about Agent Perotta. All right? Nothing is gonna change between me and you.
Brennan: Well, entropy is a natural force that pulls everything apart in a subatomic level. Everything changes.
Booth: Not everything, Bones. [pushes Brennan around on the ice, and they laugh] Not everything.
Brennan: You're gonna make me fall!
Booth: I'm never gonna make you fall. I'm always here.

The Hero in the Hold [4.14][edit]

Booth: Any lock worth picking is worth kicking.

Booth: No offense but I've been drugged, electrocuted, stuffed in the beetles toy. You're...you're a hallucination, that's what you are. You're a hallucination!
Teddy: Aw, that's nice. I show up to help and you toss me off as a hallucination.
Booth: You're dead, Corporal. I felt your heart stop.
Teddy: No use crying over spilt milk, Sergeant.

Teddy: You really haven't changed, Sarge. Once you knew what had to be done, nothing could stop you.

Teddy: You got any kids, Sarge?
Booth: Yeah, I got a boy.
Teddy: What's his name?
Booth: Ah..you're probably gonna take this wrong.
Teddy: Why, what'd you did? You named him something stupid? Like Cutter. What, Tanner? Brady? [pauses, horrified] Oh god, you didn't name him Sebastian!
Booth: Parker. I named him Parker.

Jared: I'm in military intelligence. We don't "hijack" dead bodies.

Jared: I can make a few calls.
Brennan: No! This is not a situation where you make a few phone calls.
Jared: That's who I am, Tempe. I'm the guy who makes a few calls.
Brennan: Booth has never turned his back on you. You're a selfish coward and you never deserved him! [storms off]

Hodgins: [about the Grave Digger] I'd like to kill you. I hate her. I think I could murder her.
Brennan: If any group of people could murder someone and get away with it, it would be us.

Booth: You never told her [you loved her]?
Teddy: I was twenty. It was hard.
Booth: I. Love. You. It's three words, really not that hard.
Teddy: What, you've never loved somebody and didn't say it to 'em? (Booth is silent) See, maybe that's why I'm here: to get you to say "I love you" to somebody.

Jared: It will really annoy my brother, the Army Ranger, to be saved by a squid.

Teddy: So, just to sum things up, the ship's about to explode and now there's no way to stop it.
Booth: Rub it in. I got you killed twice.

Sweets: Character is who you are under pressure, not who you are when everything’s fine.

Teddy: How are you gonna complete the circuit from a hundred yards away, at which distance you might survive the blast?
Booth: [annoyed] One thing at a time, ok?
Teddy: Ok. [gets up and leaves]
Booth: First time I've ever heard of a cowardly ghost. What a wuss.

The Princess and the Pear [4.15][edit]

Sweets: May I call you Bones in future moments of shared camaraderie?
Brennan: Don't call me Bones.
Sweets: Sure about that, Bones?
Brennan: Please, don't.

Brennan: What's wrong?
Booth: Nothing. Come on in. How about some coffee? Caribbean bean!
Brennan: You hurt your back again?
Booth: Nope. No, no, no. It's that obvious, huh?
Brennan: Your gait suggests you restrained your anterior longitudinal ligament.
Booth: Yeah, well, I blame the couch, all right? I fell asleep last night watching the game. Look, I figured you fixed my back last time. Really, I just thought that maybe you could fix it again. So use your little magic knuckles and hit it up, and we're ready to go.
Brennan: Booth, if this has become a recurring problem, you should see a specialist.
Booth: Right. I get it. All disclaimers apply. Here we go. Hit the back. Chop, chop. We've got a case!

[Brennan has just finished fighting the Black Knight and retrieving Excalibur after he ran her and Sweets off the road. Dr. Sweets has blood all over his face and has just managed to lift his head from the airbag]
Sweets: Mad props.
Brennan: Thanks.
[Later]
[...]
Booth: [on the phone with Brennan] So, why wasn't Perotta with you?
Brennan: I was with Sweets.
Booth: That's like being protected by a Smurf!

Hodgins: [notices Fisher looking depressed] What's with the long face there, "sunshine"?
Cam: [to Hodgins] Mr. Fisher just broke up with his girlfriend and he's feeling a little down. [Fisher is sighing and groaning at the side]
Hodgins: What about me? My girlfriend and I broke up and I gotta see her at work everyday.
Fisher: Well, obviously it hasn't blackened your soul like it has mine.
Hodgins: There was some light charring.
Fisher: I'm dead inside.
Hodgins: Ok. You win. Happy?
Fisher: [looks up at Hodgins] Not that I can ever remember.
[Hodgins and Cam look at each other.]

Perotta: Booth is right. You're like a portable polygraph.
Sweets: He didn't mean that in a good way, though, did he?

[Booth has taken a lot of Vicodin for his back pain.]
Perotta: How are you, Agent Booth?
Booth: The only reason that I am not coming in right now is because Bones told me not to, but she's your responsibility. Nothing can happen to her, okay? If anything happens to her and all that silky black hair, all that soft skin —
Perotta: I will not let her out of my sight. You have my word. Now we should really get back to the case, Agent Booth.
Booth: Am I stopping you? [hangs up]
Perotta: Right. I'm going to round up as many black knights as I can at Imagicon. In the mean time, please don't go out in the field without me.
Brennan: I don't need a sitter. Booth gets needlessly protective sometimes. I have no idea why.
Perotta: You really don't, do you?
Brennan: No.

Cam: Hodgins, are you trying to help someone? Because that is not your character.
Hodgins: [steals a glance at Fisher] The way I see it, Fisher's like a deep cover agent who infiltrated the enemy to uncover secrets. In order to do so he had to suffer a night of passion with a beautiful but dangerous enemy.
Fisher: You have no idea how dangerous.
Hodgins: [looks at Cam with "puppy eyes"] He's sort of my hero.
[Cam rolls her eyes]

Fisher: Nothing will pass these lips again, Dr. Saroyan. Even if a scary, hot woman in black leather uses the pear of anguish on me. [shudders] Which I'm actually afraid she would.

[In the interrogation room]
Brennan: You started out as a serious historian at Yale. You studied Medieval warfare and Chaucerian literature at Oxford. You're a published poet.
Peter Kroon: [sarcastically] You're wondering how a man with all my potential ended selling artifacts to fantasy geeks.
Brennan: [shakes head innocently] No. I don't care.

The Bones That Foam [4.16][edit]

Vincent: [referring to the corpse that is being examined] Forgive me, doctors, but...is his skin moving?
Cam: Ooh...God, that's strange.
Brennan: Insect activity?
Hodgins: Never seen insects like that...'cept in Alien.
Vincent: I'm secreting adrenaline.

Vincent: Our foamy friend seems to be petrifying right before our very eyes.

Brennan: Please Booth? I'm ready.
Booth: One lesson with Sweets doesn't turn you into the master interrogator.
Brennan: [to Sweets] Is master interrogator a real thing?
Sweets: Technically, no.
Booth: You gotta know exactly what you want to find out when you go in there.
Brennan: Really, if you can do it, I can.
Booth: Seriously. You think you can do anything I can do. [looks at Sweets, who says nothing]
Brennan: [confidently] Not the big strong physical things but otherwise, yes!
Booth: Fine. Be my guest. Be the big cheese. Fill the shoes.
Sweets: Take an earpiece in case you, you know, need help.
Brennan: Ok, but don't distract me unnecessarily.
[Booth and Sweets watch with dread as Brennan walks out]
Booth: This is all your fault you know that right?
Sweets: What? You're the one who said yes.

Brennan: I have been to 74 interrogations with Booth, 42 in the room and 32 observing. I should be able to do it.
Angela: What? Interrogate?
Brennan: Yes. I even engaged in a very interesting session with Sweets to improve my ability to manipulate people.
Angela: [chuckles] Ohhh. That wouldn't work.
Brennan: Why not?
Angela: Because what Booth has, you can't learn from Baby Boy Shrink. Booth's brilliant at pretending to be stupider than he actually is most of the time.
Brennan: Brilliant at stupidity?
Angela: Uh-hmm. Especially around you.
[...]
Brennan: Why would Booth do that?
Angela: Well, he knows that you like to be the smart one and so he lets you have that.
[...]
Brennan: You know, I am smarter than Booth.
Angela: [smiles] Ok. So maybe you should just let him have the people skills part of the job to himself then.
[Brennan determines that the murder weapon is a pair of scissors]
Angela: Hey sweetie. I think you'll find that the murder weapon was a pair of tailor shears
Brennan: Why?
Angela: Why don't you run this information by Booth and see how quickly he comes to the same conclusion?

Booth: Bones you all right?
Brennan: You haven't said anything about my interrogation.
Booth: [pauses] Ok, you know what? You did great. You did better than I thought
Brennan: I was terrible. Everybody's right. I lack empathy.
Booth: You got empathy. You're awkward. That's different.
Brennan: My stuff is bones. Yours is people.
Booth: Right. So...you're admitting that I'm better at something than you are.
Brennan: No–– [pauses] [smiles] Yes. A lot better.
Booth: [smiles] Thanks Bones

The Salt in the Wounds [4.17][edit]

Brennan: I'm not discriminating because he's a Muslim. I find all religions equally irrational!

Brennan: Pregnancy is unlikely without intercourse.
Booth: Yeah, 'thanks for the tip, Bones.

Angela: What's wrong with the moment?
Hodgins: Nothing.
Angela: But?
Hodgins: But it's nice, every once in a while, to think about the future.
Angela: So let me this straight: to be together, then it has to be all about the future?
Hodgins: Yeah.
Angela: So this, right now, this isn't together?
Hodgins: It was a moment. A great moment, but like all great moments, past.

[Booth and Brennan walk in on a baby shower being held in the multi-purpose room of a high school]
Booth: You have got to be kidding me. Didn't this school ever hear of sex education?
Brennan: Well if so there's gaps in the curriculum.
Booth: That's for sure.

[Booth confronts Clinton in the gym about getting half the girls volleyball team pregnant]
Clinton: Not all of them. I don't like to boast. A gentleman does not kiss and tell.
Booth: How old are you?
Clinton: [lifting a barbell] Sixteen. My personality is completely formed.
Booth: How did you get those four girls pregnant?
Clinton: You want pictures? Check the internet. That's what I did.
Booth: You know, I show no disrespect. I went to high school and high school has not changed. That fact is, what I remember, guys like you didn't get that many girls, you know what I'm saying? [adds on an extra weight to the barbell]
Clinton: Wait, you can't lift that. [Booth lifts the barbell up and down several times effortlessly]
Booth: All right. See, the point is, I can do that but I didn't get girls like that in high school. So what you're saying happened really didn't happen.
Clinton: Like a conspiracy. [Booth nods] The conspiracy is that they like me.
[...]
Clinton: Take my DNA and you'll find out the truth. I am the mack daddy supremo baby daddy of G.O. Dubb High school.

Angela: Have you ever noticed that a sunset looks more beautiful when you share it with someone that you care about?
Brennan: No, I haven't, but I'll pay better attention next time.

Cam: Some of us take coffee breaks, some of us take smoke breaks, Mr. Vasiri takes a spiritual break.
Brennan: Who smokes?
Cam: (defensively) Nobody. Not very often, anyway. Just very rarely, in times of great stress.

The Doctor In The Den [4.18][edit]

Booth: C'mon, Bones, you ought to take time to smell the primates!
Brennan: Why? They're malodorous and they throw their excrement.

[the girls have finished telling Hodgins how female lions are better than the males after discussing how obnoxious men are]

Hodgins: Wow. Before I flee for my life...

Booth: I'm thinking the victim wandered away from his car, he was drunk, and he ended up in this area. The same thing happened to a guy last year in the giraffe section.
Brennan: Giraffes are herbivores. They don't eat people.
Booth: That part is different, but the guy broke his arm. Did you know that giraffes can weigh up to two tons?
Brennan: Yes. Everyone knows that.
Booth: And they sleep less than two hours a day.
Brennan: That I did not know.
Booth: Yes! Pinky stumps The Brain!

Angela: Ooh, what is that smell? Are you wearing cologne?
Hodgins: It's urine. I found traces of uric acid on the victim's clothing.
Angela: Oh.
Hodgins: It was the pheromones you found pleasing.
Angela: Yeah, yeah. The pheromones in tiger urine?
Hodgins: Well, I assume it was tiger urine. The cat was probably marking its territory.
Angela: I was turned on by tiger urine?
Hodgins: [Laughs] Celibacy isn't easy, Ang.
Angela: Tell me about it.

Brennan: We're scientists. We can't quantify or rely on our emotions. They're arbitrary and indeterminate.
Saroyan: We know people through our feelings, Dr. Brennan. You trust Booth because of how you feel.
Brennan: No, I trust Booth because of past actions.
Saroyan: And faith in the future. I'm sorry, but feelings are important. Even to you.

[Angela walks in with her sport outfit]

Angela: Hey, I used the measurements of the injuries, drawing different scenarios on possible weapons.
Clark: [looking at Angela's outfit] And you did this while jogging?
Angela: Well yeah, I was..burning off a little of my extra desires on my way to work...sweet-pea.
Clark: Sweet-pea's an inappropriate workplace moniker
Angela: Don't worry Clark, I won't eat you...Not that I'm not tempted.[smiles]

Sweets: Angela? Can I borrow you for a little while?
Angela:[excitedly] To do what with?

[Sweets stumped by Angela's tone]

Angela: Sorry, that just..popped out..I need a longer run.
Sweets: Yeah, I understand

Angela (to a giraffe during a hypnosis session) Dude, you're blocking my light!
Cam: Anything of value yet?
Brennan: We're cataloging injuries. I thought you would be with Booth.
Cam: Questioning people isn't really my thing. Most of the time I just want to beat them until they tell me what I want to hear.
Brennan: I know, it gets frustrating, and hitting can quite often be effective.
Clark: You both work with the Justice Department?
Brennan: Yes.
Clark: Ironic.

[in a chat during coffee break]

Brennan: Welton cheated on you?
Cam: That's why I left
Brennan: Does that bother you?
Angela: Sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you that, most people don't like to be cheated on?
Cam: The only people who don't mind are just given up..
Angela:..Or are very very rational [looking at Brennan, Cam realized Angela's reference about Brennan] and are above those archaic notions of monogamy [Brennan nods a little]
Cam: Right, yes, of course, I'm not..quite..evolved..enough.
Angela: Despite the fact that I would love to have my legs wrapped around one right now, men are awful [Brennan gave an agreeing look]

[Hodgins walks in with information]

Hodgins: Hey? [The girls looked unhappily at Hodgins] Whoa...What'd I do?
Cam: You're a man
Angela:[to Hodgins] Hey, you wanna stay and have a drink?

[Cam snapped her fingers at Angela]

Angela: Oh! Yeah..we hate men
Hodgins: I gotta go..now

[Angela looked at Hodgins walking away]

Angela: He does have a terrific ass
Brennan: Oh, perhaps that's why you're always making him leave [smiles] [Angela smirks and nods]

Brennan: No lions?
Hodgins: Not in the whole park.
Booth: There are tigers. How much difference can there be between lion urine and tiger urine?
Brennan: There are no stripes in lion urine.

The Science in the Physicist [4.19][edit]

Angela: Celibacy is a lot like fasting.
Brennan: So you've become sexually anorexic?
Angela: At first you're out of sorts and agitated, and then you sort of..push through to a kind of clarity.
Brennan: Have you reached clarity?
Angela: No, I'm still at the agitated and horny stage.

Cam: [Discussing a dead man] It's obvious what happened. He was frostbitten while climbing Everest, struck by a meteorite, then dumped in the vacant lot in two garbage bags.

Vincent: The slowest meteorites travel at 25,000 miles per hour.
Hodgins: Uh-huh.
Vincent: I'm not just spouting useless facts. You do not have a chance at recreating those velocities with a glorified blow-gun. You simply want to fire a cannon at a dummy.
Hodgins: [holds out safety goggles] Are you staying or going?
Vincent: Another set of eyes taking note can never be amiss.

Hodgins: To eternity, to glory, to the future. [scoffs]
Brennan: You disapprove of the Collar Institute?
Hodgins: Up and forward are only two directions. Science should look in all directions. You taught me that.
Brennan: I did?
Hodgins: Every day.
Brennan: Thank you.

Broderick Mullins: A frozen cadaver would simply bounce if dropped. Any moron would know that.

Booth: You know what? You're the only smart person I really like.
Brennan: Thank you!

Brennan: You said I have a creepy mode.
Booth: I apologize, okay? I wasn't in my element.
Brennan: Every element is your element.
Booth: That's not true. We've just got to stop hanging out with geniuses, because you're going to figure out that I'm really stupid.
Brennan: What? Don't worry about that. I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.
Booth: Hmm.
Brennan: What I just said is true and yet it really sounded wrong. What I should say is I don't care how stupid you are... That's not any better?
Booth: No. No. Not at all. That's not even relevant.
Brennan: There is intelligence, which I have, and Mr. Nigel-Murray.
Vincent: Thank you.
Brennan: And Sweets, even though his is so misdirected as to be meaningless.
Booth: Right.
Sweets: Wow, backhand full of knuckles with that compliment.
Brennan: And Hodgins, and Angela not so much, but she's very talented.
Angela: Thank you, very much.
Brennan: You're welcome. But then there's another quality, which is the ability to use intelligence. That is what you have.
Booth: Thanks, Bones.

Cinderella in the Cardboard [4.20][edit]

Booth: Oh, I'm just saying that life is a lot more than what you cook up with your chemistry sets. Miracles do happen.

Booth: Why'd you tell Sweets? He's gonna come in here. He's gonna cry and stuff.

Angela: Where did this come from?
Wendell: Egyptology Department.
Angela: They let you borrow it?
Wendell: Well, no one was using it.
Angela: Tell me you're kidding.
Wendell: No... I left a note.

Wendell: What happened to your measuring tape?
Brennan: I don't know. Missing. There was a Post-It note from the Egyptology Department.

Brennan: I know intellectually jealousy is absurd, but I see that it's real for people... I even experience it myself.
Booth: So what are you jealous of?
Brennan: Angela. Hodgins. Cam. You.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: Because you all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is transcendent and eternal... I want to believe that, too.
Booth: Hey, you will... I promise. Someday you will.

Mayhem on a Cross [4.21][edit]

Brennan: Norway?
Cam: We don't have enough crucified corpses of our own, now the Vikings are sending them?
Clark: The annual murder rate in Norway is 0.7.
Brennan: Less than one murder a year.
Cam: In that case, they should solve the ones they have or they'll never get any practice.

Cam: The remains were found in the possession of a Norwegian black metal band.
Brennan: [looking at Edison Clark] What's Black Metal?
Clark: I don't know, it's Norwegian, that's a whole different kind of black.

Cam: This is definitely murder.
Brennan: There are other possibilities.
Clark: I...have to admit...none spring to mind.
Brennan: One possibility...drunken, death-obsessed, saint-worshiping, drug abusing teens rob a grave and reenact an ancient torture.
Cam: Ah, just another Saturday night. [smiles grimly]

Wyatt: May I say, Dr. Sweets, that this is probably the best work I have ever read on the dynamics of opposite personality types working towards a common cause.
Sweets: Okay, now I'm hearing a caveat.
Gordon Wyatt: Just a small one. It's just that Brennan and Booth aren't in any way opposites.
Sweets: Wow. Small? What is that, British understatement?
Wyatt: Yes, he's a man. She's a woman. He's instinctual. She's empirical.
Sweets: Opposites.
Wyatt: Superficial ephemera, Dr. Sweets.
Sweets: Wow. Okay, what about the sexual component in their relationship? Would you agree that they have both sublimated their attraction to each other out of fear of endangering their working relationship, because their working relationship is paramount to both of them?
Wyatt: Alas, I'm afraid I wouldn't agree with that. No.
Sweets: Wow. Which part?
Wyatt: Well everything you just said. Yes, one of them is acutely aware of their attraction. Struggles with it daily, as a matter of fact.
Sweets: Wow. I'm sorry I keep saying that. Which one?
Wyatt: It's your book, Dr. Sweets. I would never tell you what to write.

Cam: What about real names?
Hodgins: I imagine they play that pretty close to the vest.
Angela: Kinda ruins the magic when you find out Satan's name is Todd or Larry.

Booth: Ok, that's it guys, come on! [walks in showing his badge] FBI! Let's go! [shows the guitarist his badge]
[Guitarist spits on Booth's badge and hisses at him. Booth turns and looks at Dr. Wyatt and Brennan and then shoots the loudspeaker multiple times]
Brennan: [in shock] OH!!!
Wyatt: [sternly to Booth] Yes, now if you recall, it was shooting inanimate objects that had you brought to me for therapy in the first place.
Booth: I thought it was a justifiable shooting.
Brennan: I...agree!
Booth: She agrees. See?
Guitarist: [hesitantly] You gonna put your gun down?
Booth: Don't rush me, ok? [wipes his badge on guitarist's pants] I'm thinkin'!

[Inside the interrogation room]
Pinworm: [looks at Booth and Brennan seriously] Because we are the real thing, the genuine item. Our music isn't made to be enjoyed. It's made to be feared. It comes straight from hell.
Booth: [amused] All right. You don't know anything about hell.
Pinworm: Then you do?
Booth: Well, see, I was a soldier and a cop...
Brennan: I've identified hundreds of victims of genocide. I accept hell as a metaphor for what I've seen.
Pinworm: You haven't seen hell until you've been inside my head. Dreamed my nightmares. Your delusional, cozy reality doesn't even come close.

Booth: Are you okay, Bones?
Brennan: Yeah, I'm fine. Here. [Places Booth's handkerchief back in his pocket, then looks to Sweets] Why are you nodding?
Sweets: Nothing. Just Wyatt made an observation about you two and I think I just saw what he saw.

[Booth puts on a Noddy Comet gramophone record]
Booth: Noddy Comet, huh! [excitedly shows Brennan the record cover] Look at that, unbelievable!
Brennan: [amused] This is you singing???
Wyatt: Well, yeah, my alter ego, I supposed you might say. A bisexual spaceman with a taste for six-inch platform shoes, spandex, glitter and an exhibitionist's disdain for underclothing.

Wyatt: Might I offer a word of advice regarding young Dr. Sweets?
Booth: Might I try to stop you.
Brennan: Why do we need advice about Sweets?
Booth: We don't. Sweets is just fine.
Wyatt: He most definitely is not fine. I've read his book.
Brennan: Wait, did he say something mean about us?
Wyatt: On the contrary. You might as well know that he lost both his adoptive parents just before he came to work for your de facto crime fighting unit.
Booth: What are we, the land of misfit toys?
Wyatt: He's a good lad, Sweets, but this book he's writing, he's using it as the vehicle to get what he actually wants. Which is....[Booth looks at Wyatt]...a family.
Brennan: So he imprinted on us like a baby duck?

The Double Death Of The Dearly Departed [4.22][edit]

Booth: Can you get lost?
Brennan: Why?
Booth: I can be devastatingly charming if you aren't watching me.

[Hodgins is giving a toast]
Hodgins: This is a sad day for all of us, but I think it's important that we remember what we loved about Hank, you know? His sense of humor, of course. He was always quick with a joke, good or bad. Usually bad. But he...[Hodgins suddenly looks out the window and notices Booth and Brennan stealing Hank's body] Oh, my God! [Tries to recover] Uhhhhh... Oh. My. God, Hank. Hank is... Hank-Hank is...he's leaving us. Where is he going from here? Who knows? Oh. But, uh, uh... [smashes his glass on the floor] Oh..God... Hank. It's not fair, you know? You live life, and we-we... we die. And we don't - we don't love enough, and-and I- I got to not do that anymore 'cause I'm... I...I- I need to live and-and love, and...[Booth and Brennan are finally out of sight] Thank you.

Hodgins: King of the funeral!

Booth: [to Mrs. Reilly who is insisting on seeing her son's body] That's, uh, really not a great idea now, ma'am.
Mrs. Reilly: Why?
Angela: [cuts in for a tongue-tied Booth] The fact is, the...uh...undertaker, he didn't graduate at the top of his class...so... [Booth glances at her]
Mrs. Reilly: But I just saw Hank earlier.
Angela: Yes, yes you did. The puddy that they used to fill the face...has sort of...melted. His nose is sort of, going to the side. [Mrs. Reilly cringes] And his hair....is like Hitler.
Booth: Hitler.
Mrs. Reilly: [horrified] Hitler??
Angela: Listen, I really think it would be best if you let Mr. Tung fix him up before you see your son.
Mr. Reilly: [walks into the room] There you are.
Mrs. Reilly: [to her husband] Turn around Barney! You can't see Hank, not like this.
Mr. Reilly: Like what?
Mrs. Reilly: Like Hitler!

Booth: Just make sure when they put me in the ground, I'm dead.
Brennan: Yeah. No problem.
Booth: Right? Maybe, uh, you know, leave my body out for a few hours and check on me every once in a while.
Brennan: No, I'd rather refrigerate you, or else you would start to smell.

Booth: Nobody looks inside the casket, okay Mr. Tung?
Tung: How do I do that?
Booth: Just, um- w- Bones, how does he do that?
Brennan: Say someone enters and desires to gaze upon the visage of their dead relative one more time, in a vain effort to say goodbye to someone who can neither see nor hear them because there's no such thing as a soul—
Booth: Bones, just- ju- Bones, Bones. Just give him a reason not to show the body.
Brennan: We are encountering fluid seepage at the moment, and the body is not available for viewing just now.
Tung: I would never phrase it that way.
Booth: I know, it's perfect! It's so gross.

The Girl In The Mask [4.23][edit]

Officer Kopek: [referring to Brennan] Is she serious?
Booth: Always.

Hodgins: I rarely find motive in bird vomit.

Dr. Haru Tanaka: I am not familiar with the "blah, blah, blah."

Brennan: I myself have no one in my life whom I talk to that much. Outside of work, I mean. Perhaps that is good.
Ken Nakamura: How so?
Brennan: I can see how much pain you're in. Is it worth it? To have your own happiness so contingent on another human being?
Ken Nakamura: If I was willing to give up my life for Sachi, why would I not be willing to risk my happiness for her?

Nakamura: Most of the FBI agents showed up and told us how to handle our organized crime problem. Booth said nothing, two or three days just listening.
Brennan: [smiles] He was quiet? That...[chuckles] does not sound like Booth.
Nakamura: He asked a question. He asked, how would you gentlemen handle our organized crime problem. He was respectful.

Angela: So I googled Tanaka, three hundred hits, all Japanese, none with a personal pronoun.
Hodgins: We should just ask her.
Angela: Him.
Sweets: Uh, you people can identify human remains based on a tiny little finger bone but you can't judge the sex of the person standing right in front of you. Does nobody else see the irony in this?

Suspect: Yeah, so? I run a legitimate business.
Booth: You're a pimp. I don't like pimps!
Brennan: He really doesn't.
Booth: No.

Brennan: Will he recover? Your friend Ken.
Booth: From losing his sister? You don't recover from something like that. You just survive.
Brennan: People die. There's a fault in the design if we can't recover from it.
Booth: Fault in the design. What are we, coffee pots?
Brennan: I just mean that we should be designed so that we can handle the worst.
Booth: We are designed that way. We aren't sent anything that we can't handle.
Brennan: I'm not convinced that loving someone is worth it.
Booth: I have a son and it's worth it.
Brennan: Even if he died?
Booth: Whoa, Bones, don't even say anything like that. Don't even put that out there. It is worth it and everything around it is worth it. Every moment. Everything is worth it. Now eat your ice cream before it melts.

The Beaver In The Otter [4.24][edit]

Cam: Mr. Vaziri, do you have the x-rays?
Arastoo Vaziri: Yes. I have never seen so many foreign objects in human remains. Arrows, marbles, jacks, various coins and cutlery. My best guess is that a nuclear explosion occurred just as the victim entered a 99-cent store.

Booth: Greg Harmalard? The guy who organized the bonfire?
Robert: Yeah, Molly's boyfriend, he's in ROTC.
Booth: They like shooting things.

Brennan: They keep track of sexual conquests by putting stars on the wall?
Sweets: It's emotionally stunted.
Booth: Guys, it's a college fraternity.
Brennan: They seem like really terrible people.
Booth: They're college kids, okay? It's their job description to be bad. It's what they do.
Sweets: Yeah, but still. It's a community of young men mutually supporting bad decisions.
Booth: Look, these kids, they go out into the world. They're alone, they have no supervision, they have to be bad. It's just in order to figure out what it is. It's a scientific fact that their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.
Brennan: No, that is not a scientific fact.
Booth: What they've got to do is build their frontal lobes with exercise, and that comes from doing the wrong thing.
Sweets: Okay, so you're theory is that they've got to be bad to be good.
Booth: Exactly. It's the facts of life, my friend. Okay, so whats transmissions did you get from the brothers?
Brennan: Booth, he is not a radio.
Booth: Well, he kind of is. That's why I brought him along, Bones.
Sweets: What I did observe, using my eyes and my training, is that these two frat brothers weren't actually upset about Beaver's death.
Brennan: How do you know?
Sweets: Well, real grief comes and goes in waves. These guys had their face set in sadness the whole time. They were lying.
Brennan: I believe you're just guessing.
Sweets: Okay, fine. I'm just a magic eight ball. [walks away]
Booth: I think you hurt his feelings.
Brennan: [incredulous] Did you believe him?

Saroyan: I am saying no to this experiment.
Hodgins: Yeah, I got that after the part where you said no seven times in a row.
Cam: I find that you don't pay attention to the first six.

Brennan: What are you going to do?
Booth: Something personal.
Brennan: What is it?
Booth: Personal. Personal means personal. You know, not for the public.
Brennan: I'm not the public!

Booth: Jared wants me to go to India with him.
Brennan: Indiana?
Booth: India, okay? Taj Mahal, cows, tigers, cobras, Slumdog Millionaire.
Brennan: I know. Are you going?
Booth: We don't like each other.
Brennan: So, not going?
Booth: Well, he's my brother. I still love him.
Brennan: I'm confused. You are going?
Booth: Jared should not go to India alone. He'll get in all kinds of trouble.
Brennan: You said he's never been alone.
Booth: Exactly! He'll be eaten alive.
Brennan: If you go with him, then he won't be alone. You won't let him be bad and his frontal lobe always be the size of a raisin. That's what you said. It makes no scientific sense.
Booth: Yeah. Got it.

Jared: You think it's a good idea for me to go to India?
Booth: Yeah, I do. Alone. Our whole lives as kids I was always standing behind you, you had the Navy stand behind you, but this time, yeah, I think you should stand alone. You know, as your big brother...
Jared: So come as a friend.
Booth: No, I'm not your friend. I'm your big brother.

Brennan: So, um, do you really think you have to be bad to be good?
Booth: Yeah. I do.
Brennan: Well, I've never done anything "bad".
Booth: [nods] I believe you.
Brennan: I mean, I've made mistakes, of course, but I've never purposely done anything bad.
Booth: And I believe you.
Brennan: I don't want my frontal lobe to be a dried-up raisin.
Booth: [smiles in bemusement, grins and turns to Brennan] You know what, we're gonna do something bad now.
Brennan: [mischievously] What?
Booth: [grins] Have you ever dined and dashed? You know the concept, right? We're gonna run outta here without paying the bill.
Brennan: No, that's stealing.
Booth: That's why they call it bad. Are you ready...
Brennan: No I can't...really? No....are you serious??? [grins excitedly as Booth prepares to run] Oh my god!

The Critic In The Cabernet [4.25][edit]

Sweets: It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.
[...]
Sweets: The point of the exercise is not to explain, but to respond. Okay? Children can do this.
Brennan: Because it's childish.
Sweets: Can we just try it, please?
[...]
Booth: Hunger.
Brennan: Sex.
Booth: Whoa.
Brennan: Horse.
Booth: Cowboy.
Brennan: Child.
Booth: Baby.
Brennan: Booth.
Booth: What, do you think I'm a baby?
Brennan: You're a father.
Booth: Oh. Mother.
Brennan: Birth.
Booth: Happy.
Brennan: Sperm.
Booth: Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?
Sweets: No, keep going.
Booth: Ok. Egg.
Brennan: I want a baby.
Booth: Whoa!
Brennan: Horse.

Angela: Brennan, this is crazy.
Brennan: Why? I'm intellectually gifted, financially secure. Statistically, I could expect to have an exceptional child.
Angela: Fine. Yes. Absolutely. But do know how this is supposed to work, right?... You get naked together. You devour each other in a passionate frenzy.
Brennan: Booth would think that would create an emotional bond between us.
Angela: [sarcastic] Of course that's ridiculous.
Brennan: I knew you'd understand.
Angela: Then why use Booth at all? Why don't you use Fisher ... and his discount sperm?
Brennan: No, Booth has a bigger mandible and a more prominent zygomatic than Fisher, as well as a more pronounced ratio between the width of his clavicles and his ilia.
Angela: So, it's because Booth is hot? Now we're getting somewhere.

Booth: I'm just donating.
Cam: So you decided?
Booth: No, no. I am deciding. I-N-G.
Cam: I know you, Seeley. You're going do it. You want to do it. You're not really doing it, but it's still doing it, even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Cam: And what will it do for you?
Booth: She'll get what she wanted!
Cam: A piece of you?

[Booth is alone at the sperm bank when Stewie Griffin from Family Guy appears on a TV]
Stewie: Why are you here at the bank, Booth?
Booth: [startled] AH!
Stewie: You’ve got a hot doctor friend. Go to her and make a direct deposit like a man!
[Booth turns off the TV]
Booth: [to himself] That’s impossible.
[The TV suddenly turns itself back on]
Stewie: And yet we converse.
Booth: [Yelps and backs himself up against a wall]
Stewie: [looking at some magazines on a table] Ooh, look! A pile of porn! Delicious! Give me a peek, Booth. Mmm? Just a little peek at a booby? Please?
[Booth unplugs the television and the screen goes black again. As he turns around, the TV turns itself on again.]
Stewie: What’s your problem? You’re threatened by a cute, harmless baby? Grow a set! You do want her to have your baby, don’t you?
Booth: Of course I do, it’s just... I want her to have a baby because it’s what she wants.
Stewie: And you could just walk away like a heartless cad while she changes poo all by her lonesome?
Booth: It’s what she wants!
Nurse: [speaking from outside the room] Are you okay in there, Mr. Booth?
Booth: Uh, I’m fine. Just, uh, fine, thank you. [to Stewie] Listen, could you just go away now, okay? I don’t need your help.
Stewie: You know, you’re not a bad looking fellow, and if you’d just keep an open mind...
Booth: Go back to cartoon land, wherever you came from. Leave!
Stewie: You sure? I’m good at pretend games.
[Booth uses the remote control to turn the TV off.]
Booth: [Shakes his head] That wasn’t possible.

Sweets: But right now I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Doctor Brennan.
Booth: God, you know, don't say it like that.
Sweets: I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization.
Booth: Saying it like that is worse.
Sweets: Okay, well I could go with baby daddy.

Stewie: So are you going to let her have this baby alone?
Booth: I didn't say that.
Stewie: You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.
Booth: No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!
Stewie: And the sun shines again. Good man, Boothy.

The End in the Beginning [4.26][edit]

Voiceover (Hodgins): People say you only live once. But people are as wrong about that as they are about everything. On the darkest moment before dawn, a woman returns to her bed. What life is she living? Is the same life this woman was living half an hour ago? A day ago? A year ago? [cuts to Booth] Who is this man? Do they lead separate lives or is it a single life shared? ... A storm approaches. It is still over the horizon, but there is lightning in the air. Are either of them aware of the gathering turbulence? Can they feel the crackle of electricity in the wind or are they aware of only the power they generate between themselves?

Booth: They should've said more than "There's a body."
Zack: They found him laying in the bathroom.
Brennan: Is it terrible?
Fisher: Uh, when Zack saw it he...he screamed. I heard him from the kitchen.
Zack: Yelped. Not screamed.
[...]
Zack: I was taken aback.
Fisher: It was a scream.
[Cam leads Booth and Brennan to the body]
Voiceover: She has never seen a dead body before. He was in the Army and has seen too many.

Wendell: Zack screamed when he saw the body so he's off the hook, right?
Zack: Yelped!
Fisher: He screamed like slutty girl #1 on a teen horror flick.

Brennan: Cam says everybody thinks I'm a cold fish.
Booth: What you are is Iceland: cool to the touch, but underneath you're all volcano!
Brennan: I don't like people thinking that I'm a cold fish.
Booth: Look, if you were really a cold fish, you wouldn't care.
Brennan: You used logic on me! That's sweet! [They smile.] Cam says the reason I didn't hear the gunshot is because I'm cheating on you.
Booth: Jared thinks, you know, I'm the killer, and he's helping me get away with it.
Brennan: So you're a murderer; I'm unfaithful. We are a very exciting couple!

[Booth answers Caroline's call and puts it on speaker]
Booth: Hello! You've reached Bonnie and Clyde.
Brennan: Murder, Inc.
Booth & Brennan: How may we help you?

Max: Oh, he's a man of principle, and I mean that as a terrible insult.

Brennan: So did the police try to convince you I was having an affair with Arastoo?
Booth: It's what they do, you know? They drive wedges.
Brennan: It wouldn't be irrational to think I was having an affair with him. He is very handsome.
Booth: Yeah, I'd feel it if the energy was bad between the two of us. I'd know. The same way that you would know that I couldn't murder someone.
Brennan: I believe you would murder someone for me, and I believe you'd lie about it so I wouldn't have to carry the burden.

Voiceover:You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, and that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. You see two people and you think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.

Season 5[edit]

The Harbingers In the Fountain [5.1][edit]

Booth: I do not like cats.
Sweets: Well, that's consistent with the person you were before your brain surgery.
Booth: I don't own a nightclub, I'm not married to Bones, you are not a singing bartender and I hate clowns. So, can I go back to work now?
Sweets: When our sense of reality is challenged - you know - really challenged, it can take some time to regain our footing.
Booth: Look, it's been six weeks since I put my brain box through the blender, there. I am back, baby, huh! Special Agent Seeley Joseph Booth!

[Angela has enlisted the services of a psychic, Avalon Harmonia, to perform a tarot reading on Brennan]
Avalon: This man was lost. You brought him the light that showed him the way home. Without it he would have died.
Angela: Booth was in a coma. Brennan read him the book that she was writing. When he woke up he thought that they had a whole different life together, he thought they were married. He thought that for days.
Avalon: You were joined at that time. You're still joined.
Brennan: [Getting up to leave.] Nothing either of you is saying makes sense.
Avalon: [Turns over another card] Were you pregnant?
Brennan: [Dismissively] What? No, of course not.
Avalon: I mean in your book.
Brennan: [Stares, surprised, for a moment] No, I deleted the book. I'm tired, Angela, I'm going to go check in at the office then go home. Nice to meet you, Miss Harmonia. [Leaves]
Angela: [About Brennan] Underneath the icy exterior beats a very warm heart.
Avalon: Her life is at a very critical turning point. Between great happiness - [She turns over a card.]
Angela: [Reading the card] That's "Death".
[Avalon gives Angela a meaningful look but says nothing.]

Cam: What's really on your mind?
Booth: [Sighs, troubled] All right, um, that place that, uh, I went to, you know, in my coma dream? It was just, Bones and I, it was so real.
Cam: [Bluntly] You're in love with Dr. Brennan.
[Booth is shocked, Cam just smiles gently.]
Booth: [After a pause] What I'm wondering is, am I the same guy?
Cam: A sweet, kick-ass FBI murder solver with hard fists and a lion heart? Mmm, yep, you're still him. My advice, for what it's worth, is forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.
Booth: Right, and tell Bones how I feel.
Cam: Yes. Except, be sure about your feelings, because if you crack that shell and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.

Sweets: Do you know what you're looking at?
Booth: Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you haven't been this close to one in a long time.
Sweets: It's a PET scan of your brain.
Booth: Hmm. Then I was wrong.
Sweets: This is called the ventral tegmental area, and this is the dorsal caudate body. Now these two areas have been proven to be linked to romantic love and sexual arousal.
Booth: If this is your version of dirty pictures, they're not working for me right now. [Closes the laptop computer.]
Sweets: No. [Reopens computer] This scan was taken before your operation. The green and blue areas indicate low activity. The same scan while you were in the coma: lit up like the fourth of July. You were dreaming of being in love, of being married, right? [changes image] The same scan, three days ago. Before your operation you were not in love. After your operation you were. Conclusion: your feelings are not real and will fade away, like every other symptom. Now, I think you and I both know that Dr. Brennan's hyper-rationale is really just a cover for a very vulnerable and sensitive core.
Booth: Well, great. So we're talking about Bones' brain, too, here now.
Sweets: So, if you breach those defenses and it turns out you don't really love her -- [puts PET scans on table] -- I left you hard copies.

Avalon Harmonia: Dr. Brennan, how are you feeling?
Brennan: Well, they gave me medication, so I feel how I imagine people of average intelligence feel all the time. I came here to see if you ran away.
Avalon: No, I'm here looking for clues. Something I might have missed.
Brennan: In your cards? Because that is a waste of time.
Avalon: You say that after I sent Agent Booth to save your life.
Brennan: Well, you knew where the bodies were buried. You knew Dr. Leacock would attack me.
Avalon: [turns over a card] You were an abandoned child. [turns over another card] The world scares you, so you wrap it up neatly in bonds of reason, education and proof. All riddles are solvable to you, except for one.
Brennan: Yes, the riddle of how you knew where your sister was buried.
Avalon: No. The riddle you can't solve is how somebody could love you.
Brennan: [laughs dismissively] Well, I'm beautiful and very intelligent.
Avalon: The answer to the question you're afraid to say out loud is: yes, he knows the truth about you, and he is dazzled by that truth.

The Bond In The Boot [5.2][edit]

[Booth and Brennan discover a rotting corpse in the trunk of a James Bond style car]
Booth: Whoa! Ok, that is going to kill the blue book value.

Harold Prescott: I was told to assess whether you'd be the best agent with whom to entrust some very sensitive information.
Booth: [looks straight at Harold] This is my case.
Harold: [intimidated] State is supervising, Agent Booth. We...[Booth looks at him]...I approve the investigator.
Booth: Oh, you, I, ok. [sarcastically] An ex-Army Ranger with multiple commendations and a pristine record in the FBI isn't good enough for you or them?
Harold: You shot a clown.
Booth: It's a mechanical clown. [smiles mockingly] You tell me you've never wanted to do that?
Harold: [nervously] This one has to be done with discretion. I mean, um, it's not just your career, it's mine too. I mean, you're old but I'm still–– [Booth stands up and eyeballs him] [hands file over to Booth]
Booth: Right. Sit down. [Harold obediently sits down]

Cam: It appears Mr. Bray has lost his scholarship. No scholarship means no internship at the Jeffersonian.
[...]
Hodgins: We got drunk together last week. It carries great meaning for men.
Cam: He's one of us. Even Booth likes him.
Angela: Well, how did he react?
Cam: I haven't told him yet. I want to see if there are other funding options.
[Wendell walks in unnoticed]
Wendell: [points at Angela's monitor] What's that?
Angela and Cam: [stunned] HEY!!!
Hodgins: [grins awkwardly] Dude!! What's new? [Wendell looks at them strangely]

Sweets: Do you want my advice?
Brennan: No.
Sweets: Okay, if you really want to help Booth, you should let him teach you about plumbing.
Brennan: I'm a wealthy, accomplished woman. Why would I want to learn a menial skill?
Sweets: Well, for Booth, so he can regain whatever he feels he's lost. I think, for once, it would be beneficial if you were the student.

Sweets: Perhaps he's a double agent. I mean, Rutledge certainly fits the profile. They're usually intelligent male officers, who had poor father figures resulting in repressed anger and revenge fantasies.
Harold: Double agent?
Sweets: By betraying his country Rutledge is essentially choosing a new father. One who might treat him better than the last.
Brennan: Yes, but that would also fit Booth and he's not a double agent. Are you?
Booth: Stop. Watch it, Sweets!
Sweets: All elephants are gray, Agent Booth, but not all gray things are elephants.
Booth: [whispers] That's good for me, right?
Brennan: [whispers] Yeah.

Brennan: Shouldn't we be honest with each other?
Booth: We're honest! I mean, aren't you? I mean, I am.
Brennan: So you have no problem with me making so much more money than you.
Booth: No. [Brennan makes a face] Well, yeah, but it's -- it's a little weird. I mean, you're loaded. You're really loaded, and you still don't even have a flat screen. That's just kind of weird, to be honest. It's a little French, if you ask me.
Brennan: Don't you feel that your life would be different if you were wealthy?
Booth: Sure, but better? I wouldn't have to fly coach but what life throws us, it's what makes us who we are, right? Fighting through stuff. The good things, they're not any sweeter if you're rich. [looks at Brennan] Parker gives me hug because it's my weekend and me and you when we solve a case. I mean that's not about money, right?
Brennan: [smiles] No, no it's not.

Rutledge: I'm afraid protocol in the intelligence community isn't as simple as someone like you is used to. [Brennan looks to Booth]
Booth: Someone like me? Look, Rutledge, the more you tell us about your agent's assignment, the easier it will be for us to track down the guy who murdered him.
Brennan: That's what "someone like him" does.
[...]
Rutledge: As far as what assignment he was working on, that assignment is classified. And far beyond what I am able to share with...
Booth: With someone like me.
Rutledge: Yes.
Booth: FYI, you know what? I have Level 3 clearance and my SSBI was renewed two months ago, which allowed me to get this warrant. [shows Rutledge a warrant]
Brennan: [impressed] Well played Booth!
Booth: Thanks Bones!
Rutledge: [reads the warrant] Right. She doesn't have clearance. [points to Brennan] You can wait in the lobby, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: [as she is about to leave] You know, I can keep a secret.

Brennan: Rutledge said the bug was checked out in your name.
Mandy: I got the bug because I was afraid Greg was cheating on me.
Booth: So why didn't you mention this before?
Mandy: We weren't supposed to date! I guess it's not like the FBI. We're not allowed to sleep with someone we're working with.
Brennan: Is she talking about us?
Booth: We're not.
Brennan: No!
Mandy: Oh, it's okay. I'm CIA. My lips are sealed.

Hodgins: What kind of creep breaks up with someone over e-mail?
Angela: [chuckles] Like there's an acceptable protocol for crushing someone's soul.

Cam: [discussing the victim's multiple injuries] Anyone who can take that kind of abuse makes James Bond look like a weenie.
Wendell: [amused, looks up at Cam] Weenie?
Cam: [embarrassed] I'm sorry. I have no idea where that came from.

The Plain in the Prodigy [5.3][edit]

Booth: You know, when I was a kid, Bones, I always wanted to be a hobo. I wanted to ride the rails, play the guitar --
Brennan: Be malnourished, riddled with preventable disease.
Booth: You know what? You could make Santa Claus cry. You really could.
Brennan: [notices Booth's "Cocky" belt buckle] Hey, you're wearing your belt buckle again! Cocky.
Booth: Yeah. Ever since the whole coma thing I just kept staring at it thinking to myself, why would I wear something like this?
Brennan: Because you love it. You always have.
Booth: Yeah, that's what I landed on, Bones.
Brennan: Oh, well I'm glad you did, because I like it. It's Boothy.
Booth: Boothy?

Clark: I'm more of a lab rat, Dr. Brennan. Perhaps somebody more outdoorsy would be better.
Brennan: Clark, if there's spinal damage that corresponds to the compression fractures on the long bones, we could have cause of death. I need those bones. You're the most qualified. Don't scratch your neck with the gloves!
Clark: [affects a Southern accent] Well, is it all right if I get a drink of water, boss? You know, it's awful hot out there, and them tools is mighty heavy.
Brennan: Of course you can get water. Why are you talking like that?
Clark: Nevermind. I'll go.

Cam: Where's Dr. Brennan?
Hodgins: Doing an isotope analysis since the victim might be from another country or if that makes sense.
Clark Edison: [analyzing the victim's bones] His cavity suggests his drinking water wasn't fluoridated.
Cam: When do teenagers start having sex?
[Clark, Angela and Hodgins look at her, stunned.]
Angela: [wide-eyed, in bewilderment] Hello!
Hodgins: [amused] If they could? They start in the morning and go until they drop.
Clark: [uncomfortable] Please tell me this is about the case.
Angela: This is about Michelle, isn't it? Is she having sex?
Clark: [to himself] Working here is like being on The View.
Cam: I meant what age.
Clark: [to Cam] Dr. Saroyan, um, may I be excused to attend to something more case-related?

Brennan: You just said you were having sex when you were sixteen.
Booth: That's different!
Brennan: Oh, so there's a double standard?
Booth: Of course! You know what, Cam needs to shut that down.
Brennan: I said that Michelle should wait until she's at least seventeen and a half.
Booth: Is that how old you were?
Brennan: No, I was 22.
Booth: Twenty-two?! twnent--, why?
Brennan: Don't -- why do you sound shocked?!
Booth: No, it's just that that's a good age. Twenty-two??
Brennan: It was an important decision! I gave it a lot of thought. I finally found a man who could provide a skillful introduction.
Booth: You make it sound like it was a class that you took. You know, the first time you should be in love. You know, totally goo-goo for the other person.
Brennan: Were you when you were sixteen?
Booth: Well part of me was.

Michelle: I'm scared. Is that weird? I mean, it's just sex, right? It's all over the TV and everywhere.
Cam: Whoa, there's no such thing as 'just sex', Michelle. Every time you give a bit of yourself to the person you're with. So it's okay to wait as long as you want.
Michelle: I don't want to lose Perry.
Cam: If Perry doesn't understand how you feel, he doesn't deserve you.

Booth: Michelle's family to me. I'm her number one uncle.
Perry: Really? She, she didn't mention...
Booth: I'm also a trained sniper. [subtly reveals the gun in his shoulder holster]
Perry: [intimidated at the sight of the gun] Ok, wow, oh...
Booth: [puts his arm around Perry] Listen, Perry, all right? You're a red-blooded young man and uh, Michelle's – she's an attractive young girl. So I assume that you...
Perry: What? No, no, no!
Booth: Because Michelle deserves your respect, you understand?
Perry: I do! I do respect her. We were just going to the movies tonight.
Booth: All right. And if you behave anyway less than a gentleman to her, I'll find you. I think we understand each other, right?

The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood [5.4][edit]

Cam: Why are you standing there like a security guard? (Parker steps out from behind Booth).
Cam: Parker, hey!
Parker: Hi!
Brennan: [to Parker] The remains we've been called to examine were apparently barbecued. Would you like to see?
Parker: Totally!
Booth: No, no, no. A person did not get barbecued. Did they, Dr. Brennan?
Bones: Yes. In a luau pit, which is why I'm surprised you'd bring Parker long.
Booth: No, I...Rebecca and her boyfriend won a night at the Green-brier, so little kid's with me. I got him.
Parker: Let's go see the cooked person!
Booth: Geez, you know our deal.
Brennan: Well, what's your deal?
Parker: We're not allowed to talk about the bad parts of Dad's work until I have armpit hair.
Booth: You don't have any armpit hair last time I checked. Not for a long time, kid (Angela appears in the background.)
Cam: Angela, would you mind...?
Angela: Oh, no, sure. I get the situation here. You're with me, Parker.
Parker: I want to see the barbecued body.
Angela: Well, I agree that does sound awesome, but I have face paints that your dad will never be able to get off, no matter how hard he scrubs. They're basically tattoos.
Parker: Okay, I'm with you.
Booth: You have a good time, all right? (Booth hugs Parker).
Booth: I'll come pick you up in a little bit, all right? (Cam and Bones walk to the exit).
Booth: Have fun..fun with the face paints, kid. (To Angela) Hey, that's not true about the face paint, is it? (Angela smiles as she walks away with Parker)
Angela: You're with me, Baby Booth.

Cam: Were you guys aware that Arastoo doesn't really have an accent?
Booth: Yeah, he does. It's thicker than Ahmed the rug merchant. [to himself] Was that racist? It sounded racist.

Sweets: [watches Cam walk into his office without knocking] No, no, no. You can't just walk in here!
Cam: Arastoo Vaziri, our Muslim intern, he's been faking his accent. At first I go where everyone else goes, you know? [singsong voice] Terrorist!
Sweets: Wouldn't a terrorist fake not having an accent?
Cam: Is it crazy or just weird? Weird I can deal with, but crazy? [shakes head and begins to leave the office]
Sweets: Wait. What do you want me to do?
Cam: Crazy's your department.

Paula Lindbergh: I was afraid this would come up when I heard you took Trey in for questioning.
Booth: You're right, so start talking.
Paula: I should never have made Elliot move to the suburbs. In a way, I emasculated him.
Brennan: Oh, God. She's a therapist. She talks like a therapist.
[...]
Brennan: Interlocking lines of persuasion between members of the collective result in multiple duplicities.
Paula: Oh, my God. She's an anthropologist. She talks like an anthropologist!

Booth: It takes a village, Bones.
Brennan: I beg your pardon?
Booth: A village to raise a kid properly! It takes a village!
Brennan: Metaphorically. It doesn't mean we must all grow up in hamlets of 800 people or less.
Booth: Thanks. Will you be my village?
Brennan: Huh?
Booth: I need Parker to know that I lead a full and rewarding life.
Brennan: But you don't.
Booth: What?? Yes, I do!
Brennan: No, you don't. You work too much, you don't socialize, all which prevents you from having a sex life.
Booth: Okay, let's take a hint from the suburbs and just make it look good.
Brennan: Wait, you to know if I'll help you fool your son into thinking your life is gratifying?
Booth: Yeah! Will you do it?
Brennan: Well, how?
Booth: Come to dinner with us, have fun, laugh at my jokes.
Brennan: That might actually turn out to be fun, thus becoming a self fulfilling desire.
Booth: Right! So, you'll do it?
Brennan: [smiles] Yes! I will be your hamlet of 800 people or less.

Arastoo: [irritated, with an American accent] I am a scientist! Okay? Just like the rest of you. I can deal! So please just back off and let me do my job!
Cam: Wow.
Arastoo: [switches back to Jordanian accent] I apologize for my outburst.
Cam': Oh, you aren't even going to try to unring that bell are you?
Arastoo: [as he's leaving] I have to pray.

Parker: My friend's dad just got a new girlfriend. He goes with his dad to her place all the time to swim.
Angela: Oh, so he likes her. Well, that's good.
Parker: Do you have a boyfriend?
Angela: No, I'm on a celibacy kick. It's been five months and nine days, which in celibacy time is 400 years.
Parker: What does celibacy mean?
Angela: It's, um... I don't have a boyfriend, no.
Parker: How about my dad?
Angela: I don't think he has a boyfriend either.
Parker: No, he really, really needs a girlfriend. Really.
Angela: Why?
Parker: To sex up.
Angela: That's very succinctly put.
Parker: Could Dad sex you up?
Angela: Don't think I haven't considered that, but I'm sort of on the sidelines for now. But thank you for thinking of me. Okay. Ready?
Parker: Mm-hmm.
[She holds up a mirror]
Angela: Done.
Parker: Cool. How'd you do that?
Angela: I'm good. [high-fives Parker]

(The Jeffersonian. Medical-Legal lab - Angela's office. Parker is playing a video game, Booth and Angela stand talking.)

Booth: Whoa-whoa-whoa, wait a second. You and Parker discussed my sex life?
Angela: Well, we discussed your lack of sex life.
Booth: Angela, neither you nor him, especially him, know anything about my sex life.
Angela: Well, he knows that daddy ain't getting any, and he's concerned. He thinks you need a girlfriend... to have sex.
Booth: He said that?
Angela: Well, his exact words were, "To sex up." I think you need to talk to him honestly about your love life.
Booth: You kidding me? No offense, but I'm not talking about…
[Cam enters]
Cam: Hey...
Booth: What?
Cam: Want to run our friendly neighborhood suburbanites through the National Gun Permit Database, see if any of them own a .44? Hodgins found that in the pit. (She hands Booth the bagged bullet).
Parker: Hi, Dr. Saroyan. Do you have a boyfriend?
Angela: See? This is exactly how it started with me.
[Cam looks puzzled and amused]
Booth: (Walking to Parker). Come on. Let's go. Come on. I gotta get you back home, or your mom's gonna kill me, all right?
[They turn to leave – he looks at Parker's painted face]
Booth: Let me see this stuff. (To Angela). Does this stuff come off?
Angela: Oh, seriously. That's your big worry right now?

[Royal Diner. Booth and Bones sit at a table opposite Parker they all have plates of food and drinks]
Booth: This is fun. Isn't it fun?
Brennan: Yes. I'm having fun. (Whispering to Booth) Is he?
[Booth holds his drink in front of him to hide his face from Parker. Whispering to Bones]
Booth: Bones, you can ask him yourself.
Brennan: (To Parker). Hey. Are you having fun?
Parker: Milk shakes are fun, man, and I'm having a milk shake. (He holds up his glass). So, yeah, I'm having fun.
Brennan: That's an excellent syllogism.
Parker: She thinks I'm silly?
Brennan: What...what's wrong?
Parker: He needs a girlfriend.
Brennan: Well, why doesn't he have one?
Parker: I don't know. That's another thing we can't talk about until I have hair under my arms.
Booth: Hey, I got a good idea. What do you say we all go bowling, get out of here, huh?
Parker: Couldn't you be his girlfriend?
Booth: Buddy, you really gotta quit that.
Brennan: That would be inappropriate.
Parker: Why?
Bones: Because... (She pauses). ...we work together.
Parker: That's a stupid reason.
Booth: (Hiding his face with his drink and whispering). You know what? Bones, I'm really not comfortable with the questions that you're asking.
Brennan: (Also hiding her face with her drink and whispering) Booth, could you maybe trust me for a second, trust that I can say the right thing? In the time that I've been with you, I've learned a lot about how to deal with people. (To Parker). Your father is very, very good with people.
Parker: Then why doesn't he have a girlfriend?
Booth: And we're off. (Bones glares at him). Okay. All right, all right.
Brennan: Can I ask you a question? Why do you think your father needs a girlfriend so much?
Booth: (Hiding his face again). Okay, look, Bones, there's a whole gender-parent dealy-bob thing going on here. You're just going to confuse him.
Parker: So I can have a pool.
Brennan: [discreetly to Booth] He doesn't sound confused.
Booth: A pool?
Parker: Lasky's dad got a pool with his girlfriend.
Booth: Oh, you mean Lasky with the, uh, third nostril?
Parker: Lasky's dad got a girlfriend. Then, they got married and moved to a house with a pool. Maybe, if you got married, you'd move to a house with a pool that I could swim in.
Brennan: Well, he seems extremely clear on why he wants you to get a girlfriend. I don't know why you didn't just ask him.
Booth: So, the whole reason you wanted me to get a girlfriend was so that you could have a pool?
Parker: Mm-hmm. Why else would I care?
Bones: There is a pool in my building... (She starts removing a key from her key chain). …that the two of you can use as my guests anytime. (She places the key on the table. Booth takes it).
Parker: Awesome. That's awesome, right, Dad?
Brennan: No, not awesome. Simple Socratic method of solving a problem.
Booth: Nope. Mm-mm, Parker is right. You're awesome, Bones.
Brennan: Yeah. I'm awesome. (Parker nods.) Cheers. (Bones raises her glass and Parker clinks his own against hers).

A Night at the Bones Museum [5.5][edit]

Cam: What are you doing here, Sweets?
Angela: He's Daisy's trainer. If she attacks, he can put her down.

Angela: When I was in Rio, some kid graffitied a mummy in the National Museum. Next day, choked on his own tongue.
Cam: [stunned] Seriously?
Angela: Death shall come on swift wings to he who disturbs the peace of the mummy.
Cam: I guess I'd be angry too if someone pulled my brain out through my nose and stuck it in a canopic jar.

Angela: Hey! How could you not tell me you were on a date when I texted you?
Brennan: It was just drinks!
Angela: Celibate. Seeking crumbs. Spill.
Brennan: He's Booth's boss's boss. His name is Andrew.
Angela: Wait, this is his boss's boss? Was Booth upset?
Brennan: Yes. I don't know why.
Angela: Brennan, this could screw up the natural order of things, and Booth wishes that you were going out with him.
Brennan: I drink with him all the time, but with Andrew there is the potential for sex.
Angela: And not with Booth?

Sweets: Dr. Saroyan, I'm having some serious problems with Daisy. Can I ask your advice?
Cam: No.
Sweets: No, really.
Cam: Really. I have a sixteen year old, and believe me, when it comes to dating advice, I am batting a red hot zero.
Sweets: But you've been through this like a million times yourself!
Cam: Did you just call me old?

Booth: Bones doesn't feel pressure to act or do or say anything that she doesn't want to, and no one, no one, can make her. That's what makes her Bones.

Brennan: I have to speak. I hate these things.
Booth: What are you talking about, Bones? You're great at these things. Listen, you changed history. How many people can say that?
Brennan: You can. Every arrest you make changes history. You make the world safer.
Booth: With your help. So, Andrew. You were going to take him to this thing. At least that's what you told me.
Brennan: I was, yes, but you and I -- this was our case. I guess what goes on between us, that should just be ours. Isn't that what you said?
Booth: Yeah.

The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken [5.6][edit]

[Inside Angela's office]
Booth: I thought Hodgins would have something on this whole "suspended animation" thing. [hands Angela a folder]
Angela: [amused] Hey, you listen to Hodgins?
Booth: I listen to Wendell.
Brennan: [looks at the file Angela is reading] Woah...what is DARPA?
Angela: Uh, it's a Department of Defense agency. The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency. Hodgins says they're into some pretty weird stuff, like creating super-soldiers who don't need sleep and can kill with their laser beam eyes.
[...]
[Angela shows Booth her reconstruction of the victim's face]
Booth: [chuckles, looks at Angela facetiously] Yeah, what's that supposed to be?
Angela: Half man, half chicken.
Booth: Come on!
Brennan: I believe this to be fairly accurate.
Booth: Ok, so you want me to go ask the Defense Department if their experimental super-soldier is half man half chicken???

Hodgins: DARPA created a chicken soldier?
Wendell: I do not see the United States military making chicken soldiers. Eagle, maybe.
Hodgins: That's why we couldn't find his so-called fingers, because they're transformed into talons. I mean, talons would be much better weapons.

Protesters at chicken farm: Pluck you! Pluck you! Pluck you!

Booth: So how do you treat your chickens?
Security: Like delicious birds that people love to eat.

Josh Parsons: Are you here to protect them while they mistreat and torture the chickens on this farm and the people who live downwind of its foul emanations?
Booth: You practice that speech much, pal?
Brennan: We found Nick Rabin's body.
Booth: As of now, you are our number one suspect.
Parsons: Please, I didn't kill anyone. I'm an extreme pacifist.
Brennan: That's an oxymoron. You're either extreme or pacifist. You can't be both.

Booth: Dr. Sweets says you're the type of guy who couldn't kill except in self defense.
Josh: I never attacked anyone.
Booth: Oh really. 'Cause you tarred and feathered me.
Josh: It was corn syrup and paper feathers.
[...]
Josh: I will absolutely not turn over to you any information which was entrusted to me by the courageous individual who risked his or her job to aid innocent creatures who are unable to defend themselves.
Booth: [losing his patience] You know what? If you do not hand over the original footage I'm gonna charge you with assaulting a federal agent. [gets up to leave]
Sweets: Hmm, and that's what, a $200,000 fine and one year in a federal prison?
Booth: You know, if you're locked up, who's gonna speak up for the chickens, huh, pal?

[Sweets, Booth and Brennan are having lunch at the diner]
Sweets: [shows Booth the menu] Hey, today's special: chicken. Ironic.
Booth: Right... [discreetly aside to Brennan, shields his face with menu] Everything ok there Bones? I know when something's wrong with you. Something's wrong. What can I do to help?
Brennan: Angela and I had a fight.
Booth: [puts menu down] Nothing I can do to help!
Brennan: You want to hear about it?
Booth: No!
Sweets: Why not?
Booth: Why? Because her and Angela are best friends and Bones is gonna want me to take her side and agree that Angela was wrong. And then, you know, the two of them are gonna make up and then they're gonna be mad at me. So, no thank you!
Sweets: It's very interesting.
Booth: [to Sweets] You know, the way you say "very interesting" is very irritating. [to Bones] I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you, I'd kill for you, but I am not getting in the middle of two best friends.
[...]
[Brennan gets up to leave]
Booth: [grabs her hand] Woah, woah, listen, Bones. Everything is gonna be ok between you and Angela. All right? You two are like sisters.
Brennan: [sadly] I'm just not used to not getting along with people.
Sweets: Seriously? 'Cause it seems like–– [groans as Booth cuts him off by kicking him extremely hard under the table]
Brennan: Thanks, Booth.

Brennan: Angela'll come around.
Sweets: You're certain that she will.
Brennan: Angela will see the rational nature of my argument.
Sweets: She will come around.
Brennan: I already said that.
Sweets: [smiles] Hey, crazy thought. What if this time you're the one who came around?
Brennan: Saving one pig isn't a rational act. Are you suggesting that I point that out to Angela more clearly? Because that would make this conversation very much like a professional consultation.
Sweets: I'm suggesting, in a very friendly conversational way, that you help her save that one pig.
Brennan: But we agreed that that's a meaningless act.
Sweets: Meaningless by your definition, not by Angela's.
Brennan: My definition is correct.
Sweets: Yes, and if life were simply a debate, you would win hands down. But we know it isn't a debate. It's something much tougher. You know, our very work shows us that those people that call the world an abattoir, a slaughterhouse, they have a point. You handle that knowledge by imposing this gossamer web of rationality over the ugliness. Angela has a very different way of handling it. Sometimes you don't save the world, Dr. Brennan. Sometimes you just make your friend happy.
Brennan: Even when it's irrational? [Sweets nods]

Booth: I'm losing it. I'm not up to speed here. I woke up this morning and I realized that I didn't even know if I liked brown sugar on my oatmeal.
Brennan: Next time, call me. You like brown sugar on everything!
Booth: I'm the one who is supposed to know if people are lying. Who do I call for that?
Brennan: Sweets.
Booth: Sweets?
Brennan: You said he's like a human lie detector test.
Booth: I don't like things at half speed, you know? I'm a full speed kind of a guy.
Brennan: Well, even at half speed, you're twice as fast as anyone else.

Brennan: You noticed something! See! You've still got it!
Booth: You're not going to ask me what I saw?
Brennan: Do I want to know?
Booth: No. Do you want to know anyway?
Brennan: Nope. It can wait. I trust you.

The Dwarf in the Dirt [5.7][edit]

[At the firing range]
Carson: Booth, right?
Booth: Huh?
Carson: You're a legendary shot. I'm Carson.
Booth: I'm concentrating.
Carson: Heard you could shoot a hole through a dime on the run.
[Booth continues firing a round. He retrieves his target and his shots are all off target.]
Carson: Excuse me. Guess I got the wrong guy.

Sweets: There have been a few changes in Booth.
Wyatt: Since the brain tumor?
Sweets: Yeah, is that why he came to you? He doesn't trust me? Oh, right. How could I forget about cook/client privilege.
Wyatt: Chef/client privilege!
Sweets: Has he also told you about how now when he climbs stairs he leads with his right foot rather than his left? He holds his phone to a different ear. Coffee in his left hand.
Wyatt: How wretchedly observant of you.
Sweets: Not me: Dr. Brennan.

Todd Moore: You two think I killed Bryce, tossed him into a sink hole so I could take over the franchise?
Wyatt: Well, I was there when Agent Booth identified himself as FBI and you ran.
Sweets: Running away from the FBI is always suspicious.
Moore: [slams his hands on the table] I'm Canadian. My work visa expired a week ago. I thought you were gonna ship me back to Sudbury. Have you ever been to Sudbury? [Wyatt and Sweets shake their heads] You would've ran too.

Brennan: The only markings we know for sure came before the sinkhole are these three little nicks on his ribs.
Vincent: Could he have been stabbed?
Brennan: With what?
Vincent: The world's dullest knife.
Brennan: Perhaps something along the lines of a dull hatchet.
Vincent: To a little person a hatchet would be the equivalent of an ax. Assuming the accomplice was already lying in wait, surely he would have had the forethought to bring a more suitable weapon.
Brennan: Like a gun.
Vincent: Or a giant sword. Or a gun.

Wyatt: It's the most ill-conceived, sackless, vomitous, gargoyle of gastronimity I've ever encountered! It's preposterous!

Wyatt: I don't think Booth has brain damage.
Sweets: What's his problem?
Wyatt: May I ask why you didn't publish your book on Booth and Brennan?
Sweets: Is there a connection between my book and Booth's marksmanship?
Wyatt: I believe you didn't publish it because you're afraid of how Brennan and Booth would react to its conclusion.
Sweets: My book concludes that Brennan and Booth are in love with each other.
Wyatt: It's a scrummy conundrum, isn't it?
Sweets: I believe as a reaction to the childhood traumas of abuse and abandonment, Dr. Brennan utilizes her intellect to armor herself from intense levels of emotion, like love.
Wyatt: And Booth?
Sweets: Well, subconsciously he's sensitive to her vulnerability. He knows that acting upon his feelings for her would amount to a kind of assault.
Wyatt: I couldn't agree with you more.

Brennan: Maybe I should start packing heat again.
Booth: Packing heat?
Brennan: Yes, it's a colloquialism. I'm quite a good shot.
Booth: Hey, if the leprechaun was shot, where would the bullet be?
Brennan: I assume somewhere in the six tons of crap Hodgins hasn't sifted through yet.
Booth: Wait, wait a second. Did you just call forensic evidence crap?
Brennan: It's colloquial again. What do you think?
Booth: I like it. It shows that you're adapting.

Wyatt: Sometimes you have to help people against their wishes.
Brennan: I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to help him.

Wyatt: When you were in the coma, you got a glimpse of another world.
Booth: Great, and how does that help me aim my gun?
Wyatt: Temperance Brennan. You're in love with her. You're building a world around her. Family.
Booth: We're not compatible. She sees the world one way, I see it another way.
Wyatt: Of course! It's absolutely ludicrous, the idea of you together, but the heart chooses what it chooses, doesn't it? We don't really have a say in the matter.
Booth: She doesn't love me. I would know if she loved me.
Wyatt: May I counsel patience on this front. Hope and patience.

Wyatt: When it comes to a man and his gun, a woman is the natural cure.

The Foot in the Foreclosure [5.8][edit]

Angela: Booth must be cute with his grandpa, huh?
Brennan: His grandfather calls him "Shrimp". Booth seems to like it, which I don't understand.
Angela: Well, it's because it makes him feel loved, like when he actually was a shrimp.
Brennan: So the moniker is a sign of affection?
Angela: Very good, Brennan. You never had a nickname?
Brennan: Oh, no, just what Booth calls me; just Bones.

[Booth receives a call from a police officer about his grandfather Hank]
Hank: Wait a minute... [grabs phone from the officer] Seeley, I'm fine. I just took a subway to see my friend Willy Louis. I mentioned him to you. We were in the 82nd together.
Booth: [trying hard to keep his cool] Yeah. I remember, Pops.
Hank: Well, the son of a bitch up and died on me! They had the funeral three weeks ago and nobody even told me.

Brennan: But on her last visit with him, she weighed 234 pounds.
Clark: Baby had back. [disapproving looks from Brennan and Cam] Sorry... I don't know where that came from.

Booth: Are you sure you're all right?
Hank: Just stop asking me that. You never got lost. Just because I'm maturing people think I'm going senile.
[...]
Hank: Don't worry. If you ever need a little privacy with the bone doctor I'll make myself scarce.
Booth: Ok thanks but there's nothing going on between us.
Hank: You gay?
Booth: [stunned] What? No!

Hank Booth: Did I take these blue pills?
Booth: You took the yellow pills.
Hank: I feel like a damn chemistry experiment! They didn't have this stuff fifty years ago and everybody was fine!
Brennan: Actually, medicine has increased life expectancy quite a bit since 1959. Fifty years ago, you'd probably be dead.
Booth: Bones!
Hank: No, I like her. She's real. She's got balls.
Brennan: Well, ovaries, actually.
Hank: All right, you've got steel ovaries.
Brennan: Thank you.
Booth: Will you two, please!

Booth: Meg was dating?
Stephanie: No one special. I would've known. She used to meet different guys at Club Jiggle.
Booth: Club Jiggle?
Stephanie: For thin people who....let's say they appreciate people my size. [Booth looks at her in bemusement] I went myself a couple of times but it was too freaky. These skinny guys saying they wanna fondle my kankles and eat brisket out of my navel. Skewed me out.
Booth: [speechless] Brisket?

[Booth and Brennan are driving to interview a suspect with Booth's grandfather Hank sitting behind.]
Brennan: Being overweight wasn't always stigmatized. During the Middle Ages in Italy, the wealthy and influential members of society were called popolo grosso, meaning literally, fat people.
Hank: Is she always like this?
Booth: Well, Pops, she always has the facts, Pops. Always.
Hank: You should go on a game show. You'd clean up.
Booth: I tell her that all the time, but you know, she's already loaded.
Hank: She's got talent, charm, beauty, money and you're just friends? [Booth looks back at him in bemusement, speechless] I didn't raise you very well.
[Booth and Brennan look at each other awkwardly, still speechless.]

Brennan: [gets off the phone with Hank] He said he's gonna teach me how to kick your ass.
Booth: [scoffs] Hah! That'll be the day. I don't think so.

Hank: Everyone needs someone. Don't be scared.
Brennan: Scared, what? I'm not scared of anything.
Hank: It all goes by so fast. You don't want any regrets.
Brennan: I don't understand.
Hank: Yes, you do.

The Gamer in the Grease [5.9][edit]

Booth: Fishing is not a sport!
Brennan: What? Monuments to sporting events in ancient Egypt include fishing, as well as swimming and wrestling.
Booth: Come on! No sweat, no sport!
Brennan: Well -- oh! Boris Spassky at chess. He used to perspire profusely.
Booth: Why do you got to make things so complicated? Let me break it down for you, okay? Basketball, football, hockey: that's a sport. Board games, fishing: not a sport!
Cam: You'll probably go easy on the fried food after this one.
Brennan: Well, the International Olympic Committee is considering adding chess as a sport.
Cam: Not a sport.
Booth: See! Not a sport!
Cam: Neither is ribbon twirling, bridge or synchronized swimming.
Booth: Synchronized swimming, that's not a sport, that's for sure.
Cam: Oh, God. I'm in the middle of something, aren't I? Oh, look! Dead guy!
Booth: Yeah, look at that. The Colonel's not going to like this one.
Cam: Male, no sign of clothing, all other stats still unknown. He was found at the bottom of this grease receptical by those lovely gentleman over there.
Brennan: The remains are covered in flesh. Why am I here?
Cam: I don't know. I told Booth. Oh, God. In the middle again!

Fisher: He was beaten and stabbed. Somebody really went after this guy.
Cam: Those injuries didn't kill him. There's grease in all levels of the bronchi, which means our victim was alive when he was tossed into the vat. Cause of death is drowning and cooking, or vice versa.
Fisher: Saturated fats; they're a killer.

[Angela walks into her office and catches Hodgins, Sweets and Fisher watching a trailer of Avatar on her big screen monitor]
Angela: What's with the blue people?
Hodgins, Sweets & Fisher: The Na'vi.
Angela: I beg your pardon?
Fisher: Denizens of a lush planet called Pandora.
Angela: [walks in front of the monitor] You boys are not allowed to watch movies on my monitor.
Hodgins: Angela, this is so much more than a movie.
Sweets: Yeah, I mean we're sorry but the screen is so big!
Fisher: You got porn on this thing?
Angela: [unimpressed] Get out. Out!

Booth: Steve Rifton, 26-year-old mailman reported missing by his wife twelve days ago. You figured out he was a mailman and guess what? He's a mailman!
Brennan: Why are you surprised?
Booth: It doesn't surprise me. It amazes me sometimes how you can figure that stuff out. It's a mailman! You figured that out!
Brennan: [smiling] I'm good at my job.
Booth: Wait until you see what I've got here. Okay, here --
Brennan: Marked in red.
Booth: Right. Is Steve Rifton's postal route. And here --
Brennan: Marked in black.
Booth: Right, is the grease truck's route. See what I've done here?
Brennan: Obviously you've created a geographic Venn diagram.
Booth: No, no, incorrect. What I've shown is here is they've overlapped in the same area.
Brennan: You need to Google "Venn diagram."

Fisher: There's a lip here. I'm thinking a smooth, rounded edge.
Hodgins: Okay, Sweets said he had an appointment he can't miss, so --
Fisher: Follow me on this. The mailman is delivering his package to the "lady of the house", if you catch my drift. The husband comes home, finds the nearest blunt instrument, which is a cast iron frying pan. And WHAM! The postman who rang twice never rang again.
Hodgins: Yeah, yeah, that totally works. If the husband is a peacock wrangler who fights crickets after work in a creeping red Fescue field.
Fisher: Peacock?
Hodgins: Yeah, what I thought was silk turns out to be the thread from the after feather of a peacock.
Fisher: You and your particulates always ruining the day for me.

The Goop on the Girl [5.10][edit]

Brennan: I have to remove your clothing now.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: Well, there may be particulates.
Booth: Particulates.
Brennan: Evidence for Hodgins and flesh for Cam.
Booth: You know, the bomber said something about answering the call. What do you think that means?
Brennan: Many terrorists think they're acting upon divine instruction.
Booth: I don't think he was a terrorist. I just think he was a bank robber.
Brennan: There's spatter on the back of your collar.
Booth: Spatter?
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: I can take my own shirt off.
Brennan: No, don't! You'll compromise the evidence.
Booth: Right.
Brennan: I'm having Christmas dinner at my place this year with my dad. Considering you've been shunted aside by your own family, I'd like to invite you.
Booth: That's a sweet invitation.
Brennan: So, will you come?
Booth: I don't know. I was thinking about going up to Quebec to see Parker. I don't really care what Rebecca thinks.
Brennan: If you do that won't she retaliate by insisting upon coming to all your special times with Parker?
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: You have a perfect acromion. Stand up.
Booth: Whoa! Is there stuff on my pants?
Brennan: Vascular tissue on your cocky belt buckle.
Booth: All right. Slides right off. And now we're done.
Brennan: Nope. I have to remove your pants.
Booth: All right, you know, I'm just going to start reciting some saints. St. Joseph, St. Peter, St. Paul, St. John --
[Cam walks in]
Cam: [Sees what's going on] Anyone for mistletoe?
Brennan: I'm recovering evidence.
Booth: Just evidence! That's all!

Angela: [seeing Booth on a cart being pushed by Brennan only in his boxers] Uh, are we doing an experiments on Booth? Because if so, I'd like to help.
Booth: Make fun of the naked guy. Knock yourself out.

Daisy: [scraping evidence from a witness's hair] I'm not used to evidence talk so it's a little disconcerting.

Hodgins: Where's your chest hair?
Booth: [retorts] I'm highly evolved.
Brennan: His pubic extension is entirely within normal––
Booth: [cuts Brennan off] Enough!

Cam: [walks in and sees Sweets with Daisy] Clear out, Sweets. We have to identify our Christmas in December bomber.
Daisy: Bye, Lancelot! Colon, end bracket, colon, capital D!
Sweets: Semi-colon, end parenthesis, less than sign, numeral 3!!
Daisy: Colon, capital P! [Sweets waves and leaves]
Cam: [in amazement] Oh, dear God. I'm going to yak.

Brennan: [to an uncooperative suspect Booth is attempting to handcuff] I should warn you that he's very hard to resist.
Booth: Thanks, Bones.

Booth: You were in the military, right? You trained in explosives.
Owen Thiel: So what? Explosives and ordnance is part of basic training.
Booth: [sarcastically] Don't think that they meant for you to use your "basic training" experience to, uh, rob banks.

Booth: So I decided to take you up on your offer.
Brennan: What offer?
Booth: You invited me to your house for Christmas dinner. You forgot you invited me.
Brennan: No, it's just -- no! My dad brought by my second cousin and I really didn't like her.
Booth: Well that makes sense.
Brennan: Why do you say that?
Booth: Because she's family. Ninety percent of the time, family just gets under your skin. That's the difference between family and friends.
Brennan: She's unapologetically dogmatic, she lives her entire life based on the quotations of Benjamin Franklin.
Booth: Maybe she feels the same way about you and your mania of logic.
Brennan: Mania?
Booth: Okay, enthusiasm.

Brennan: [referring to Booth who dropped by to discuss the case] That's my partner. He's FBI.
Margaret: His eyes are too small to be really handsome.
Brennan: Well, I have to admit, I find him pleasing to look at.

[Booth is coming out of the elevator and walking to his office when Owen Thiel comes up to him]
Thiel: Agent Booth..
Booth: [continues walking] I'm busy.
Thiel: Look, what you said about my broadcast blowing that guy up, I was hoping you could put me in contact with his mother.
Booth: [waves him off and continues walking] Stay away from her.
Thiel: [follows Booth] It was a coincidence. No way I could've known in a million years! But still––
Booth: [turns to Owen] If you don't feel responsible then why do you want to talk to this victim's mother?
Thiel: Hey, I was Army, man. Just like you. I served my country.
Booth: You don't even remember what this country stands for.
Thiel: Maybe you forgot.
Booth: [looks up] Sorry?
Thiel: Freedom of speech. I've a right to be heard.
Booth: Legally? Yeah! Maybe you should think about saying something worth hearing.

Angela: [walks out and sees Cam] Woah, you look peeved.
Cam: I went to wash my hands just now but there was no soap in the dispenser. There had to be–– [walks into room and sees Hodgins] Hodgins!
[Hodgins turns around and reveals a bomb vest strapped on himself]
Hodgins: [smiles] Hey! [sees Cam] Uh, you look irked.
Angela: [cuts in for a speechless Cam] She's mad about the soap.
Cam: [points to the bottles of soap on the table] Your analysis of the emulsion bomb included detergent.
Angela: You didn't actually get permission to recreate the bomb did you?
Cam: [still in shock, shakes head] Oh my god!
Hodgins: I needed to do this so Angela could recreate the explosion.
Cam: [turns to Angela] You told him that???
Angela: Don't let him turn this around on me.
Cam: [to Hodgins] I do not want an explosive device in my lab.
Hodgins: Relax, I did not connect the initat–– [takes pliers and cuts wire]
Cam: NO!!
Hodgins: [nonchalantly] It is perfectly safe!
[Hodgins cuts the wire and nothing happens, much to Cam's relief]

Brennan: Sometimes people are terrible.
Booth: I know.
Brennan: Cam says that the victim's mother is burying him on Christmas morning.
Booth: I heard that.
Brennan: It's just him and his mom, right?
Booth: He worked alone and never had any time for friends. What's wrong?
Brennan: Max told me that being alone at Christmas means that nobody loves you. She's burying her son. Alone. On Christmas. I think that's heartbreaking.
Booth: You know, when I say heartbreaking you say the heart is a muscle, so it can't break. It can only get crushed.
Brennan: Isn't it heartcrushing?
Booth: You want to go to his funeral?
Brennan: Yes, I would. Then she won't be alone.
Booth: You know what, Bones? Sometimes I think your heart muscle is bigger than people give you credit for.

The X in the File [5.11][edit]

Brennan: Her skeletal robusticity and large areas of muscle attachment suggest extremely good health.
Cam: A couple of weeks in the desert and no critters got at these remains?
Wendell: Perhaps there was a lot of green radiation from alien hyperdrive systems? [Cam and Brennan look at him strangely] Or something not crazy.
Brennan: The man who found them remarked that he saw several set of orange eyes staring at him from the darkness.
Wendell: Orange eyeballed aliens?
Brennan: Tapetum lucidum of the American coyote glows orange when light strikes the retina. What he saw were likely coyotes, not orange eyeballed aliens. [pauses] Oh, you're being facetious. That was funny.

[Booth is interrogating Marvin Breekman and has his laptop open video-conferencing with Sweets through his earpiece.]
Booth: So Mr. Breekman, you were abducted by aliens five years ago?
Marvin: Yes.
Booth: If aliens are so advanced why would they need probes?
[On Booth's laptop screen. Sweets is looking peeved that Booth is not following his suggestions.]
Marvin: I think they like it.
Booth: [subtly mocking] Why would you hook up with aliens if they like to anally probe you?
Marvin: There are two races of aliens and they do not see eye to eye.
Booth: [looks at Marvin] Right.
[...]
[After questioning Marvin]
Booth: [looks at him, unconvinced] I don't believe you. I think you're lying.
Sweets: [via earpiece] Sometimes I think you just pull me into these interrogations to show off. Wait Booth–– [Booth ignores Sweets and shuts his laptop]

[Booth is walking down the hall when Delmy barges in, startling him]
Delmy: Do you know who I am?
Booth: No. Do you know who I am?
Delmy: [following Booth] FBI? Military intelligence? That's an oxymoron, you know. A term that contradicts itself. I'm Delmy Polanco. I'm the most important UFO blogger in the world.
Booth: [continues walking, sarcastically] Important blogger? Talk about oxymoron.
Delmy: What can you tell me about the alien body?
Booth: I don't know anything about the alien body.
Delmy: Definitely FBI. I can practically smell the suit.
Booth: I don't wear a suit all the time, you know.
Sheriff: I see you've met Delmy.
Delmy: I'm looking for info into a foil-wrapped body with alien features, pieces of which have already been sent to the Jeffersonian Institution in Washington DC.
[The sheriff and Booth both look at her in confusion]
Delmy: [raises right hand] I'm invoking the Freedom of Information Act, which means you have to tell me what I want to know.
Sheriff: The Freedom of Information Act is not a magic spell, Delmy. It merely gives a citizen the right to request information.
Delmy: I'm gonna post all this on my blog tonight. And by tomorrow morning this whole town will be swarming with UFO nuts.
Booth: [glances at the sheriff] Trespassing again?
Sheriff: [smirks] Well, this facility is clearly marked private property. [takes out and shows Delmy his handcuffs]

Brennan: Oh, good! You got here for the good stuff!
Booth: What good stuff?
Brennan: The MRI. It's an older model but entirely serviceable.
Booth: Okay, for future reference, that's not the good stuff.
Brennan: Sure it is! Look at all those remodeled lateral muletas fractures. Also, signs of inflammation to the tendon fibers here and damage to -- [looks up to see the body appearing to sit up and screams in reaction]
[Booth draws his gun only to have it pulled from his hand by the magnet in the MRI. Brennan shuts the machine down; the body and the gun fall to the ground.]
Booth: [stunned] You know, I won't say anything about the scream if you don't say anything about the gun.
Brennan: [still in shock] Those terms are satisfactory.
Booth: Right.

Delmy: If I give it to you will you drop the trespassing charges and let me go?
Sheriff: If you don't hand it over I'll just charge you with obstructing justice and he'll charge you with interfering with a federal investigation. [looks at Booth, who smiles at her] Yeah...and maybe even murder. And you will pray for the good old days where all you were worrin' about were silly little trespassing and burglary charges.
[Delmy takes photos out of her bra and hands them to the sheriff and Booth]
Sheriff: Holy cow....[looks at photos] Oooo...I gotta get better at frisking!

Sweets: Dr. Hodgins, I'm kind of in the middle of --
Hodgins: You were right, Sweets. Everything is not fine. It's not fine at all!
Sweets: This is a good time.
Hodgins: I don't know if I want to crawl into a hole and die or run over Wendell and Angela with a truck.
Sweets: You know, it's natural to have these feelings.
Hodgins: I'm a better man than this! I want to be happy for them, I really do.
Sweets: It's easier for us to accept loneliness as long as the person we were once with is also alone.
Hodgins: Then when she finds happiness with someone else, oh man, it's like being stabbed in the heart.

Angela: [to Wendell regarding a melon with her face on it] Call that thing by my name one more time. I dare you.

Brennan: It's ridiculous to think that there's anything on this planet worth seeing which merits crossing what are literally astronomical distances.
Booth: Maybe aliens are anthropologists. Maybe they just want to study our religion, and sex, and love, and our funny languages and line dancing.
Brennan: That's an interesting possibility I hadn't considered.
Booth: Well they're living creatures. They like to reach out, Bones.
Brennan: Living creatures like to reach out and eat each other.
Booth: Oh, so what are you saying? That the aliens just want to come down here and drink our spinal fluid?
Brennan: Well, if the aliens are advanced enough to fly faster than light, then they can probably make spinal fluid.
Booth: Well you just said that aliens are nice.
Brennan: I did not!
Booth: You just basically said that aliens are nice anthropologists.
Brennan: I don't think so.
Booth: You think that aliens are you!
Brennan: [laughs] You got me! I'm one of them. I was sent down as an advanced scout.
Booth: Ha! I knew it! No probing! No probing!!
Brennan: [laughs] Hey, probing is a valuable way to gather information.
Booth: I know how you people like to probe!

The Proof in the Pudding [5.12][edit]

Cam: Strange question, I know, but I've gotta ask. [pulls EPT test from behind her back] Are you, by any chance, pregnant?
Brennan: No, I haven't had sexual intercourse in quite some time.
Cam: Do you want to know why I'm asking?
Brennan: You're holding a home pregnancy test. I assume it's positive and you're worried about losing the most important person in this lab.
Cam: No. Very modest. I'm asking because Michelle was here earlier this afternoon and the only other two people who you use that bathroom, beside me, are you and Angela.
Brennan: Well, Angela is currently sexually active.
Cam: Very true.
Brennan: With Wendell!
Cam: Very, very active!
Brennan: And even if they use condoms, Wendell is young! His sperm is likely to be extremely motile.
Cam: You are so cheering me up right now.

Brennan: Bone graft. It looks like a repair to a screw hole.
Cam: Huh. I count three metal plates.
Brennan: Indicating multiple corrective surgeries.
Cam: Which could help us positively identify these remains.
Brennan: Mr. White told us to regard identification as a zero priority.
Cam: I'm not as good as you are at doing as I'm told.
Brennan: [smiles] Thank you!

White: How did you get past the guards?
Booth: Uh...sniper training. They trained me how to walk really, really quietly.

Booth: [on the phone with Hacker] Any luck finding out what's going on?
Hacker: Nobody knows anything. Whatever this is, it's locked down pretty tight. You have any idea who these guys are?
Booth: Nahhh, they took me down with classic Secret Service protocol.
Hacker: Secret Service. Do yourself a favor. Don't tell any Reagan jokes or mention the Bush shoe incident. They get really mad.

Angela: A baby...I mean, you're linked to that person for the rest of your life, like way more than if you're married. I mean, you're linked to another human being. A soul.

[Sweets, Cam, Hodgins, Brennan and Booth are in Angela's office looking at a facial reconstruction which strongly resembles John F. Kennedy]
White: [walks in] You are not permitted to identify the victim.
Brennan: [jumps in] In order to recreate what happened to happened to the skull, we need to encase it in flesh.
Angela: [to White] It's totally non-descript. As you can see.
Sweets: [looks at White then at the screen] You who I kinda see? Ricky Martin.
Hodgins: [plays along] Alex Trebek. [White shakes his head in frustration]
Cam: James Garner.
Brennan: [smiles] I see Booth.
Booth: You think that looks like me??
Brennan: [grins at Booth] Yes, I do.

Hodgins: Hey, uh, nice job with Bush and the whole flying shoe incident, by the way. I wanna compliment you on that one.
[White grabs Hodgins and punches him in the back]
Booth: [confronts White] Hey! You wanna try me instead of some big-mouth scientist? Huh?
[White stares at Booth and backs off]
Booth: [mutters] Yeah. Didn't think so. [turns to Hodgins] That Bush comment? To him?? [pulls Hodgins up] You're lucky he didn't paralyze you for life.

Booth: Hey, guys! Guys, listen, I'm going to need some science jibber-jabber to distract these guys.
Brennan: Oh, you know who can do jibber-jabber?
Booth: Who?
Brennan: Me!
Booth: Perfect! My lucky day.
[...]
White: You want my permission to shoot a cantaloupe with my side arm???
[...]
Brennan: Because you have forbidden us from taking samples in order to estimate the osteoconductivity of the oblique taphonomic remodeling pertaining to the mid-saggital plane, encephalometric transaction — or translation, if you will — of the intramatrix can be deduced by correlating the force-displacement values with the osteogenic and geogenic hydrogel nanocomposite we placed inside the surrogate.
White: Which is the cantaloupe?
Brennan: [smiles sweetly at an unamused Agent White] You understand me perfectly.

Cam: You two don't understand. Booth is a very patriotic man. He believes this is the greatest country ever.
Brennan: Being the best doesn't mean being perfect.
Sweets: It's naive to think that a country the size and influence of the US doesn't pursue secret agendas.
Cam: Kennedy's assassination wasn't a secret agenda, it was a black stain. A dark moment in history. Do you know how many people Booth has shot for his country?
Brennan: Approximately fifty.
Sweets: Wow. That's a lot of blood to have on your hands. It's the kind of thing that would keep a person awake at night.
Cam: And Booth did that because he trusted that it was right, and who did he trust?
Sweets: The government.
Brennan: [realizes] Oh.
Cam: If they lied about the murder of a president, they can lie about anything.

Andrew Hacker: [on the phone to Booth] Booth, are you being held against your will?
Booth: [scoffs] C'mon. I can get out if I wanted to.
Hacker: That's not the question I asked you. I asked you, is an agent of the FBI being held by persons unknown against his will?
Booth: Yeah. We all are.
Hacker: Then on behalf of the FBI I am annoyed by their arrogance.

[Sweets, Hodgins and Angela watch on as Booth single-handedly takes on the three GSA agents assigned to lock down the lab.]
GSA Agent: [corners Booth] What've you got, feeb?
[Cam cringes as Booth kicks the agent in the groin and subdues him.]
Booth: [handcuffing the agent] Good old American classic on that one, pal.
Angela: [laughs and applauds] Oh my god!
Hodgins: Man, you Butch Cassidy'd them!
Sweets: [cheers] That was totally ninja! Maybe some anger issues there but you kicked ass!
[Hacker enters building with SWAT]
Hacker: [via megaphone] Stand down and drop your weapons! This facility is officially under the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
[Booth looks at him incredulously]
Hacker: [embarrassed] Aw man. Ten seconds earlier and I would've been the hero right?

Hacker: I've been speaking with Mr. White here from the General Services Administration and we've come to the conclusion that any reports we all write should be carefully worded. As in, there shouldn't be any words in it.

Cam: Were you aware that JFK had scarlet fever in childhood?
Brennan: Hodgins informed me of that fact, yes.
Cam: Scarlet fever can cause osteomyelitis.
Brennan: It's very rare, Cam. It can happen in approximately one in a hundred cases. It's statistically unlikely that it was Kennedy.
Cam: You're a good person. I will never forget what you did for him.
[...]
Booth: [offers Brennan his arm before crossing the street] Shall we?
Brennan: [smiling] We shall.
Booth: You know, you must think I'm crazy for being so happy that it wasn't JFK.
Brennan: I'm very impressed. You wanted the truth, even if it was going to hurt you.
Booth: I learned that from you.
Brennan: Really?
Booth: Yeah. I mean, sometimes you have to go with your brain over of your gut.
Brennan: That's nice, but I prefer that you always go with your brain over your gut, because your gut cannot think.
Booth: Your brain can't digest a breakfast burrito. I'm just saying, to each their own!
Brennan: To each their own.

The Dentist in the Ditch [5.13][edit]

Hodgins: The spider eggs were on the body before it was encased in the clay. The heat in the lab caused the eggs to hatch and when you shone your flashlight they headed for the light.
Mr. Nigel-Murray: Based on mandibular indentation, the victim is late-twenties, early-thirties.
Cam: Dr. Hodgins, I can still see one in his mouth.
Hodgins: These badboys are frontinella communis. They're non-poisonous.
Cam: Yeah, but still with those gross spider faces and legs, though.
[...]
Hodgins: Are you okay there, Dr. Saroyan?
Cam: I'm just itchy all over. I'm gonna go burn all of these clothes and maybe my hair.

Brennan: You think your brother's girlfriend is hinky? Is that slang for pretty or buxom?
Booth: No, it's just slang for iffy.
Brennan: Well, iffy is already slang. I don't see the need for slang for slang.

Angela: Four years ago Jared's girlfriend was a hooker?
Brennan: An escort. I believe in the hierarchy of prostitution, an escort ranks equal to high class call girl.
Angela: And now she teaches grade school?
Brennan: Mm-hmm. I don't see any other injuries that could be cause of death. Apparently the rule is, once a sex worker always a sex worker.
Angela: You know, it really would have been better if Booth never ran her record.
Brennan: He said it was my influence. That it was the rational thing to do.
Angela: No, sweetie, he's rationalizing. Which makes what he did irrational, because he's rationalizing that Jared can't make rational decisions for himself. You do the same thing all the time. Maybe that's what he learned from you.

Hodgins: Do you know what Vincent Nigel-Murray is? He's a genius.
Brennan: Yes, but so are we all. Except for Angela.
Angela: Oh, right, and yet who do you turn to when you need pretty pictures?

Brennan: When Booth and I first met, I didn't believe that such a thing as love existed. I maintained that it was simply brain chemistry, but perhaps Booth is correct. Perhaps love comes first and creates the reaction. I have no tangible proof, but I'm willing to accept Booth's premise.

The Devil in the Details [5.14][edit]

Booth: Right now I'm worried about a safe distance between you and me.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Why? Because we're going to a church, and you tend to get blasphemous in churches.
Brennan: You're afraid if God smites me with lightning you could get hit?
Booth: Yeah, I'm usually standing right beside you.
Brennan: The Greek god Zeus also used lightning to incinerate his enemies, although Zeus apparently had better aim than your god.
Booth: Exactly. Stuff like that. Just don't say stuff like that.

[Angela tells the team that the victim has been identified.]
Cam: Is his last name Lucifer?
Hodgins: Can we please call him Hellboy until we find out otherwise?
Angela: We found out otherwise. [pulls up file on computer screen] Neal Lowry. Turns out he's the only missing guy with horns. Go figure.
Brennan: Where was his last known residence?
Arastoo: I'm guessing Mr. Stephen King's basement.

[In Brennan's car en route to a mental health facility.]
Sweets: Oh did I mention that I interned at a mental health facility in Philadelphia?
Booth: [mildly sarcastic] You interned and you lived in?
Sweets: You know that old saying about how all psychologists need psychological help? It's not true.

Hodgins: Are you asking me to do an experiment?
Cam: With Arastoo.
Hodgins: Why are you saying his name like that?
Cam: Like what?
Hodgins: Arastooooo. You're chewing on his name.
Cam: Arastoo said that he looks at the devil every day.
Hodgins: Maybe he has low self-esteem.
Cam: Or — you know what they call us, right?
Hodgins: They, being?
Cam: Muslims. Some Muslims. The ones over there trying to kill us.
Hodgins: Yeah, they call us the great Satan. Oh.
Arastoo: [walks in] Look here, what I found. Radiating microfractures in the cartilage of the victim's vestigial tail.
Cam: Radiating microfractures plus a ruptured intestine?
Hodgins: What does that mean?
Cam: He was slammed into something.
Arastoo: Perhaps, in fact, he did wrestle with an archangel and lose. As it should be. The devil lost, as he always must.
Cam: The devil lost?
Hodgins: As he always must. [leaves the room]
Cam: [out of Arastoo's earshot] What if Arastoo means us?
Hodgins: Arastoo is a very sweet, gentle guy, you know?
Cam: I know, but maybe in his heart he looks down on us! Do you want to work with someone who thinks you're the great Satan?
Hodgins: No! I don't want to be the Great Satan. I don't even want to be a minor demon.

Hodgins: [After Aristoo demonstrates his great proficiency with nunchucks] What are you...a Persian ninja?!

Brennan: You have faith that you will retain your faith? Why?
Booth: Because, Bones. The sun will come up and tomorrow is a new day.
Brennan: I know that feeling.
Booth: Really?
Brennan: Mm-hmm.
Booth: You know what it feels like to get your faith back?
Brennan: When I see effects and I am unable to discern a cause, my faith in reason and consequences is shaken.
Booth: Then what happens?
Brennan: Two plus two equals four. I put sugar in my coffee and it tastes sweet. The sun comes up because the world turns. These things are beautiful to me. There are mysteries I will never understand, but everywhere I look I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause. Even if I can't see it. I find that reassuring.
Booth: And life is good again.
Brennan: It is very good.
Booth: Yes, it is.

Dr. Copeland: I've listened to you take shots at my profession, and that's okay. I'm a big boy, a tolerant man, but I want you to think about something. I spend every working hour of every day trying to help people who are living in Hell. That's an honorable way to spend a life. Perhaps more honorable than figuring out what happened to dead people who are already beyond pain and suffering.
Bones: Intentions, however misguided, do count. I understand that.
Dr. Copeland: I hope you won't think I'm too picky when I point out that that wasn't an actual apology. But perhaps it's the best you can manage.

Hodgins: The accelerant was common motor oil, available at any gas station.
Cam: Well, at least it wasn't brimstone, available only from Hell.

The Bones on the Blue Line [5.15][edit]

Hodgins: Page 187. [places Brennan's new book on the table] Would you mind reading it aloud?
Angela: Page 187. [playfully] I am not reading the sparky bits to you! You get somebody else to do that, sicko.
Hodgins: Okay, fine. Read it to yourself, then. [watches as Angela reads] That's that thing that I do. Nobody does that thing. It's my thing that I do.
Angela: Right.
Hodgins: It's not a well known thing. It's, you know, my thing that I do.
Angela: Right. I remember. I was there.
Hodgins: You told Brennan about that thing that I do!
Angela: It's a very good thing.
Hodgins: It's my thing! That I do! Did you tell her that it was my thing?
Angela: You mean did I give you credit?
Hodgins: Yes! Did you?
Angela: No.
Hodgins: Good, because I don't need her looking at me thinking about that thing I do.
Angela: Well that's good, then.
Hodgins: But now that thing I do is in print and every guy that reads that book is going to give it a shot. [sighs] Oh, well. You know I've got other things that I do. [Angela laughs] My advice: only sleep with guys that can't read, because otherwise you'll never be rid of me.

Daisy: [blurts] I'm very worried about Lance! [realizes what she just said] I didn't mean to say that out loud. I just thought it so hard that it popped out of my mouth.
Brennan: [looks at her strangely] Apology accepted.

Booth: [notices Sweets looking distracted] Sweets?
Sweets: [snaps out of it] Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
Booth: You sure you're ready to come back to work?
Sweets: I'm fine.
Booth: That guy in the subway, one way to look at it is that he died happy.
Sweets: [looks at Booth curiously] What?
Booth: You think about. Guy gets this great news. What does he do? He shares it with a stranger.
Sweets: You're gonna think I'm stupid for saying this but the whole thing, it felt like a message
Booth: Right, a message. I believe in messages.
Sweets: Yeah, it was like a message. "Go ye forth and live life to the fullest". Something like that.
Booth: [smiles] Live life to its fullest. Maybe we should do that more often. Moment to moment, day to day.

Brennan: I believe my books are popular because they introduce the reader to the world of forensic anthropology. Why aren't you writing? You usually write down everything.
Riku Inagawa: Why did it take so long for Dr. Reichs to have sex with Agent Andy?
Brennan: For the same reason that she used stable isotopes to determine that the victim spent her childhood in east Timur. The oxygen isotopes we ingest through food and water are incorporated into the hydroxocarbonic appetite of bone. You should be writing this down.
Inagawa: Will she ever tell Andy about her affair with Ryan?
Brennan: That was inconsequential fluff, Miss Inagawa.
Inagawa: It's why they fight in chapter six.
Brennan: They identify the lotus tooth in chapter six.
Inagawa: That is when their passion is released. Page 187.
Brennan: Why are you only asking about things that mean nothing?
Inagawa: Those are the things that mean everything.

[Angela is driving her car with Daisy in it]
Daisy: Where are we going?
Angela: Cam asked me to get you of the lab.
Daisy: Why??
Angela: Because you keep sighing and moaning.

[Inside a pawnshop.]
Booth: Do you own a gun, Mr. Ceraficki?
Ceraficki: Of course, I own a gun! This is a pawn shop! I never have to use it. I mean, I wave it around from time to time, but --
Brennan: Why is he allowed to carry a guy after being arrested on a concealed weapon charge?!
Ceraficki: That was mistake. I accidentally put it in my pocket, you know, when I left work.
Booth: [ignores Ceraficki] Could I see the gun, please?
Ceraficki: She's right over here. [turns to get his gun]
Booth: [takes his gun out and points it at Ceraficki] Real easy there, pal! I don't want any sudden movements. No mistakes. That's it.
Inagawa: That is very sexy! Big Andy with a gun, protecting Kathy!
Brennan: No, no. He is not Andy and I am not Kathy. [smiles] It's even more exciting when he shoots someone with it.
Booth: [sternly] Bones.
Brennan: Well, it is, Booth, and it's very impressive! He never misses.
Inagawa: Andy sometimes misses!
Brennan: Yes! See?
[...]
Booth: Can I see that box of ammo right there?
[Ceraficki puts a box of bullets on the counter.]
Brennan: Ah ha! Gotcha, dirt bag! [Booth looks at her]
Ceraficki: Got me for what?
Booth: [to Inagawa, who is scribbling in her notebook] Don't write "dirt bag". [looks at Brennan in disbelief at what she just said]
Brennan: [incredulously] What? Got him.

Booth: I still can be surprised by people.
Brennan: Is that good or bad?
Booth: Bad, I think. I don't know.
Brennan: Well, if she's convicted, even with good behavior, she'll be in prison for the next fifteen years.
Booth: He said they're soulmates and he'll wait for however long it takes for her to get out.
Brennan: Soulmates?
Booth: Soulmates. Yeah.
Brennan: The idea of soulmates actually originated with Plato.
Booth: Yeah, from the clay that kids play with.
Brennan: No! The anc-- aw. [laughs] You're joking.
Booth: Me, joke? No. [smirks]
Brennan: The ancient Greek philosopher. His theory was that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs and two faces. Zeus was threatened by their power and split them all in half. Condemning us all to spend our lives trying to complete ourselves.
Booth: [smiles] I don't believe that's true.
Brennan: [laughs] I agree. It's ridiculous.
Booth: Right? [they smile]

The Parts in the Sum of the Whole [5.16][edit]

[In a flashback, Zack and Hodgins are performing an experiment to see if a baseball bat killed the victim. Their colleagues have gathered around to watch.]
Zack: [as Hodgins is about to hit him with the bat] Woah, woah, woah. Why are you the deliverer of the blow while I am the recipient?!
Hodgins: [unamused] Because you grunted when you picked up the bat.

[In a flashback, Brennan punches the judge who was Booth's prime murder suspect]
Brennan: Is this very bad?
Booth: [grins] I have been wanting to do that for years! You are so fun! That's great!
[Later]
Caroline Julian: That woman punched a federal judge. In the nose! Twice!
Booth: Well, self-defense. He was panicking, all right? We got it right.
Caroline: Fire her! And cut out ties! If we're lucky, Hasty sues her and not us.
Booth: Oh I can't do that.
Caroline: She should never have been in the field. I'm sympathetic. I have let a pretty face lead me down the paths of unrighteousness. [glares at Booth] Yours for example.
Booth: Nah, it's not like that.
Caroline: Of course it is. Watching you two together is like being at prom. But it's not high school now Booth. It's grown-up time. The beautiful scientist is fired! [Booth looks at her in astonishment] She just doesn't know what hit her. That oversight is what you must rectify. My advice? Get her drunk first.

[In a flashback]
Angela: [to Zack] I have a little math problem you can't solve. Can God create a bigger rock than he can roll? Think about it.

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Brennan: Are you a student here?
Booth: Special Agent Seeley Booth from the FBI.
Brennan: I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian Institution.
Booth: Do you believe in fate?
Brennan: [smiling] Absolutely not. It's ludicrous.

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Booth: I'd ask you out if I could.
Brennan: Why can't you?
Booth: Well, FBI rules again. No fraternizing with other agents or consultants.
Brennan: That's too bad.
Booth: I'm glad you think so.

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Booth: Listen, I've got something to confess.
Brennan: Is it the fact that you're a direct descendant of John Wilkes Booth? I already know that.
Booth: Wait, wait a second. How do you know that?
Brennan: From your bone structure.
Booth: Keep that under your hat for now, okay?
Brennan: [laughs] Okay.

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Booth: Hey excuse me, you know what, you really need to learn how to speak to human beings.
Brennan: I speak six languages .. two of which you've never even heard of.
Booth: You know what, you're a cold fish.
Brennan: You're a superstitious moron!
Booth: Get a soul!
Brennan: Get a brain!

Booth: I'm a gambler. [Brennan gives him a quizzical look] I believe in giving this a chance. Look, I wanna give this a shot.
Brennan: You mean us? [Booth nods] No, the FBI won't let us work together --
Booth: Don't do that, that is no reason -- [he kisses her, but after a moment she pushes him away]
Brennan: [close to tears] No! No!
Booth: [desperately] Why? Why?
Brennan: You -- you thought you were protecting me, but you're the one who needs protecting.
Booth: Protecting? From what?
Brennan: From me. I -- I don't have your kind of open heart.
Booth: Just -- just give it a chance, that's all I'm asking!
Brennan: No, you said it yourself: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.
Booth: Well, then let's go for a different outcome, here! All right, let's just hear me out, right? You know when you talk to older couples who, you know, have been in love for thirty or forty or fifty years, all right? It's always the guy who says, "I knew." I knew, right from the beginning.
Brennan: Your evidence is anecdotal.
Booth: I'm that guy. Bones, I'm that guy! I know.
Brennan: [crying] I -- I am not a gambler. I'm a scientist. I can't change! I don't know how. I don't know how. [Booth looks crushed] Please don't look so sad.
Booth: All right, okay. [sighs, then hangs his head.] You're right. You're right.
Brennan: Can we still work together?
Booth: [Booth hesitates, Brennan gives him a pleading look] Yeah. [wipes away a tear]
Brennan: Thank you.
Booth: But I gotta move on. You know, I gotta find someone who -- who's gonna love me in -- in thirty years, or forty or fifty.
Brennan: I know.

The Death of the Queen Bee [5.17][edit]

Brennan: I used to come here to find animals to dissect. I didn't have a boyfriend.
Booth: Well, maybe because you were cutting up little woodland creatures.

Officer Becky Conway: Have I arrested you before, hon?
Brennan: No. You were my lab partner in Chemistry at Burtonsville High.
Officer Becky Conway: Are you absolutely sure? I have an excellent memory.
Brennan: Positive. Though you are thinner now, which is better for you cardiovascular system. In High School, you were quite overweight, hence the derision from the other students.
Officer Becky Conway: Yeah. I remember you now. The creepy girl.

Hodgins: You know you get very bossy when you don't have any flesh to play with.
Cam: I *am* the boss.

Brennan: 33. She was 33.
Angela: Well, how do you know that?
Brennan: Because I'm the one who broke her jaw... with a tennis racket. This is one of my classmates... Evelyn Simms.

Brennan: Why are you so suspicious of Mr. Buxley?
Booth: Why? Because, you know, he's psycho. He has access to the shop. And he has a huge knife.

Booth: Bones, you're tearing up.
Brennan: This is the prom I never got to go to.

Carrie Turner: So, you actually look normal now.
Brennan: Thank you. I heard Evalyn ruined your career!
Carrie Turner: ...But you're not, are you?

The Predator in the Pool [5.18][edit]

Catherine: A seasoned law enforcement agent who still has empathy for victim. I'm glad to know you're out there.
Booth: At your service.

Brennan: [examining the remains] Where is the nearest place a tiger shark, a hammmerhead and a red snapper could co-exist?
Andrew Hacker: How about the aquarium? [Brennan and Catherine look at him]
Hacker: [jokingly] Hey you don't get to be the Deputy Director of the FBI by just dressing well and kissing ass. [no response from Catherine or Brennan] [chuckles] Ok that's most of it but I'm probably right about the aquarium.

Catherine: I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?... Maybe this weekend? Unless of course, I'm a suspect, cause I know you can't date me if I'm a suspect, right?
Booth: I ... I can't date anyone who's a suspect.
Catherine: I understand.
Booth: Yeah, right. It's FBI, rules regulations.

Brennan: He emailed me and said he had tickets to a play.
Booth: He emailed you for a play??
Brennan: I believe that play is Andrew's code for sex. Is it okay for us to talk like this?
Booth: Yeah!
Brennan: Well, when he invited me to the play I thought it was code for sex, so I said no.
Booth: Oh.
Brennan: But I said yes to coffee.
Booth: Maybe that's a code.
Brennan: Angela informed me that coffee isn't a code for anything.
Booth: I have a date, too.
Brennan: [surprised] Good.
Booth: Catherine Bryar.
Brennan: Everyone at the aquarium is a suspect.
Booth: And once she is eliminated as a person of interest --
Brennan: Why did Andrew call?

Brennan: What's wrong with these angelfish?
Marilyn Stoddard: They've been listless the past few days. Most likely from something they ingested.
Booth: Or someone.
Brennan: We should take these fish back to the lab.
Stoddard: No, you can't! These are a gift from Morocco!
Brennan: They need to be tested for trace evidence in a murder investigation.
Booth: We'll get them back to you. Don't worry.
Brennan: I may or may not get them back to you.

Booth: [aside to Sweets] Just tell me if any of these kids is a killer.
Sweets: It's pretty tough to tell your average nine-year-old from your average psychopath.
Booth: Don't say that, all right? I have a kid nearly that age.
Sweets: Children are still forming their sense of ethics at this age. Like I said, they're basically sociopaths.

[Booth and Hacker are discussing the suspect, a Russian mobster known as "Vladov the Impaler"]
Booth: Well, I'm not afraid to bring this guy in.
Hacker: You should be. You value your pension, you should be.
Booth: Ok, well, I'm not, even when you sound like Yoda.
Hacker: You want me with you when you talk to him?
Booth: Why?
Hacker: Vladov the Impaler? The nickname is self-explanatory.
Booth: Nah, I can handle it.
Hacker: Good. But I truly hope you don't get eaten by a sharks because your successes have done wonders for my career.

Brennan: I'm going to have coffee with Andrew.
Booth: Alright, have a good time.
Brennan: Thank you!
Booth: I'm going to see someone too.
Brennan: Dr. Catherine Bryar.
Booth: Case is closed.
Brennan: She's very nice. The two of you seem compatible.
Booth: Maybe. We'll see.
Brennan: She's easily as pretty as I am. I mean, using me as a standard.
Booth: Bones, you are the standard.
Brennan: Andrew is not as handsome as you, using you as a standard. He is however, taller. Catherine isn't as smart as I am.
Booth: Well, I'm not as smart as Hacker.
Brennan: You once said he was a doofus.
Booth: He is a doofus, a smart doofus.
Brennan: I hope you have a good time together.
Booth: Yeah, you too.
Brennan: [smiles] Thanks.

The Rocker in the Rinse Cycle [5.19][edit]

Cam: Check this out. [Cam, Booth and Brennan look into an industrial size washer at human remains] Good luck on the ID. Too bad they didn't do him on the delicate cycle, huh?

Booth: No. No. Uh, let's -- you think, we can go twenty minutes on this case without talking about testicles?
Sweets: Please.
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: Great.
Brennan: Booth has made a social contract with a marine biologist.
Sweets: Sorry?
Booth: [laughing] It's amazing that you go from injured testicles to the woman I'm dating. [turning to Sweets] And you, you're supposed to say, "Oh, that's interesting," in a very annoyed way.
Brennan: It's a logical transition.
Sweets: But it is very interesting.
Brennan: Booth and I are friends. Catherine is an intelligent, attractive woman, and I'm intrigued by their developing relationship.
Booth: That's nice. I think.
Sweets: Yeah. I think it is nice.
Booth: Thank you, Bones.
Sweets: Wow. You two seem to be handling dating very well. I'm impressed.
Brennan: Well, you've known me for two years, Sweets. You should expect to be impressed by me.

Brennan: Booth seems to like Catherine, don't you think?
Cam: I do. I'm glad. It's been a long time since he dated anyone.
Brennan I know. It's important for Booth to share his life. I prefer being alone.
Cam: But you're seeing Hacker.
Brennan: Yes, I like him. But not like Booth. I mean, not like Booth wants to like someone.
Cam: All organisms evolve and develop along patterns only recognized in retrospect. Your life doesn't exist outside the laws of nature.
Brennan: Then in ignorance, I await my own surprise. Although the odds of it to evolving into a commitment to another person are remote.

Booth: We have some unanswered questions about Kurt Cobain's death and maybe you can give us some insight.
Suspect: [jumps up in excitement] Seriously?
[Booth grins and takes out his handcuffs]
Brennan: I believe he was being ironic but if you do have information about this Cobain person I'm sure the FBI would appreciate that too.
Booth: [stares at Brennan] Thanks Bones.

Brennan: Our partnership is so important to me. You know that, right?
Booth: Sure. Yeah. Die for your partner. That's the way I look at it.

The Witch in the Wardrobe [5.20][edit]

Clark: Dr. Brennan wants me to identify the best solvent to remove polystren from the bones. So I put myself in the mindset of Dr. Hodgins and came up with this experiment.
Cam: I have a new appreciation for Dr. Hodgins.

Angela: (while Hodgins is giving her a massage) Oh, thank you God! Oh!
Hodgins: God is a little formal. Hodgins is fine.

Sweets: So, I've been thinking about dead cats.
Bones: That ... doesn't seem like a good use of your time.

Booth: (upon seeing a naked ritual) Why is it that when these things happen, they always happen to the people you don't want to see naked?

Clark: Those naked ladies were trippin'.

The Boy with the Answer [5.21][edit]

Heather Taffet: You're so brilliant, Dr. Brennan. Why couldn't you find something as simple as the number?

Booth: Are you okay?
Caroline: Oh you mean because this case is a career killer? I'm cute, I can always find a job.

Caroline: So, how's your girlfriend holding up?
Booth: She's fine. She's not my girlfriend.
Caroline: Oh! So those looks between you --
Booth: Nothing.
Caroline: Right. Hope you're more believable on the stand.

[regarding Max trying to kill Heather Taffet]
Max: I was doing it for you.
Brennan: No, I don't want you to kill people for me. Just buy me a sweater like a regular dad.

Brennan: I'm tired of... all of it. I'm tired of dealing with murderers and victims and sadness and pain.
Booth: Bones, it's what we do, all right? We catch the bad people, make the world a better place.
Brennan: No Booth. That's what you do. And somehow I get caught up in it.

Heather Taffet: [to Brennan after Taffet's conviction] This isn't over.

Brennan: I have the sense that everything's changing.
Booth: Not everything. Look, we're still partners, and Taffet, she's put away. You feel good about that, right?
Brennan: You almost died, Booth. That could happen again. What if next time I can't get to you?
Booth: That's not going to happen again.
Brennan: [scoffs] I envy your ability to substitute optimism for reality.
Booth: You know what? Maybe you just need to take some time off. Go to a beach. Lay in the sun.
Brennan: I might need more than a little time.
Booth: [shakes his head] Don't make any decisions about your future right now.
Brennan: I'm just saying --
Booth: You know when a dentist gives you anesthetic and tells you not to operate any heavy machinery or make any important decisions within twenty-four hours? All right, this case was bigger than a root canal. Come on. Let's just go back inside and have one more drink. Come on, just one. [takes her hand and tries to pull her inside]
Brennan: No, I'm tired, Booth. I'm going to go home. [hails a cab]
Booth: All right. Come on, let's get you in the cab. I know, it's been a long day. [Brennan gets in the cab] All right? Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, right?
[The cab pulls away from the curb, Brennan looks over her shoulder at Booth as she rides away]

The Beginning in the End [5.22][edit]

(Booth and Parker are driving home from Parker's baseball game.)

Booth: Where did you learn how to throw a fast ball like that, huh? You were amazing.
Parker: You taught me.
Booth: No! No. Hey, I'm not that good. Right? Yeah.
Parker: Dad?
Booth: Yeah?
Parker: Are you going back to be a soldier?
Booth: Uh, why are you asking me that?
Parker: Mom said the Army called our house, looking for you.
Booth: I'm not in the Army anymore, Bub. I'm out, okay? I made a decision to stay with the FBI to be with you all the time.
Parker: So... it's my fault?
Booth: What's your fault?
Parker: It's my fault people will die?
Booth: No. That's-that's not what I meant.
Parker: I want you to save lives.
Booth: Yeah, well I do that here.
Parker: No, here you catch people that kill other people. There you would make it so people won't die. Isn't that better?
Booth: It was just a phone call, buddy. That's all. It's over with, alright? I've got an even better idea. What do you say we go get one of those huge, giant, root beer floats that you love so much, huh?
Parker: Sure.
Booth: Yeah, alright. That's my kid.

[After entering the apartment of the victim which is full of insects crawling and flying around]
Cam: I think I'll be happier downstairs with the dead stuff.

Brennan: The term garbage is relative. The only intrinsic value things have is what we give them. It seems odd now, but in Holland tulip bulbs were once as valuable as houses. Maybe we all overvalue things that are essentially worthless.
Angela: Well that was more than a comment on this case. What's going on, Brennan?
Brennan: What separates what I do here from what this man did?
Angela: So, going to Malulu is worth more?
Brennan: Maluku. Yes. The murders will never stop, but this find has real finite value. I'd be able to answer questions about our origin! Evolutionary tract! It has implications for history, science!
Angela: Listen, you're allowed to make life changes without picking a fight with your old life.
Brennan: But I need a break in my life. I'm worried all the time. Worried that Booth might get hurt on a case and I couldn't prevent it. Worried about what our partnership means.
Angela: So you want to get away from Booth?
Brennan: No, it's just -- I just need some perspective so that I can view my life with some objectivity.
Angela: Have you talked to him about it?
Brennan: The army wants Booth to go to Afghanistan to train soldiers in the apprehension of terrorists.
Angela: Is he going to go?
Brennan: Even though he said that he wasn't, it felt like he wanted to. Perhaps it's all for the best.
Angela: [scoffs] You two at opposite ends of the world? I don't think so.

Hodgins: [Booth has just hung up on him] You hung up didn't you. Booth? Yeah ok... [turns around and screams in surprise at the sight of Angela's dad] Ah! [embarrassed] That wasn't a scream. That was a yelp. Perfectly understandable. [regains composure] It's a crime scene so technically no one should be here.
Angela's dad: You're not afraid of me, are you?
Hodgins: [still shaken] You? No.

Daisy: So you’re coming?
Brennan: Agent Booth and I are partners, I have to discuss it with him first.
Daisy: He’s probably gonna go be a big hero in Afghanistan.
Brennan: He says he doesn’t wanna go.
Daisy: Lance said that Booth has the psyche of a true warrior, that is a miracle he hasn’t gone back long before this. Maybe you’re holding him back the same way he’s holding you back... I should’ve not said that... but sometimes my mouth just has a mouth of its own.

Booth: I don’t do really good with change, I guess.
Bones: Well, you’re better than I am
Booth: The pyramids are better at change than you are. …It’s a joke. Hey, I was being affectionate.
Bones: Oh. [Pause] Will you go back to the army?
Booth: It’s what best for me right now.
Bones: I’ll only be gone for a year.
Booth: Me too. So, hey, what’s a year?
Bones: It’s the time it takes for the Earth to make a full revolution around the sun.
Booth: In the scheme of things. You know, the grand scheme of things. I’m just saying a year, you know, it’s not too bad.
Bones: Right.
Booth: Right?
Bones: We can come back, pick up where we left off. Nothing really has to change
Booth: No, things have to change. You know what? Hey, I taught you about eye contact, you taught me about evolution. So… here’s to change.
Bones: To change.

Cam: You've been here all night?
Brennan: Is it morning?
Cam: Yes.
Brennan: I've been here all night.

Cam: Are you really leaving the Jeffersonian?
Brennan: Yes, for a year. I can provide you with a list of forensic anthropologists who can do this job.
Cam: [smiles] No, Dr. Brennan, you can provide me with a list of forensic anthropologists.
Brennan: I don't know what that means. [watches as Cam walks away]

Booth: Sorry, I couldn't get a pass. I had to sneak off the base to come say goodbye. Listen, Bones, you've got to be really careful in that Indonesian jungle, okay?
Brennan: Booth, in a week you're going to a war zone. Please, don't be a hero ... please, just don't be you.
Booth: [takes her hand] One year from today we meet at the reflecting pool on the mall. Right by the...
Brennan: ...Coffee cart. I know. One year from today.

Brennan: (about her and Booth's trips) Perhaps it's all for the best.
Angela: You two at opposite ends of the world? I don't- I don't think so.

Parker: I want you to save lives.
Booth: Yeah well I do that here.
Parker: No, here, you catch people that kill other people. There, you would make it so people won't die. Isn't that better?

Cam: (at the airport) I've ... really enjoyed working for you, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: In fact, Dr. Saroyan, I worked for you.
Cam: We both know better.

Caroline: If it's gonna be your last case together, then do it properly.
Bones: It's not our last case.
Booth: We'll be back in a year.
Caroline: Tight as a drum, that's what I want. And trust me, the way you two are running from each other, you'd better be damn sure of these little trips you're taking. [edit]
Sweets: Daisy's going to, uh, Indonesia. She doesn't really care if I go with her.
Hodgins: Ooh. Ouch!
Booth: Sweets, no offense but, you might be better off without her.
Sweets: Dr. Brennan was asked to head up the expedition, will you be better off without her?

Angela: Listen, you're allowed to make life changes without, picking a fight with your old life.
Brennan: But I need a break from that life. I'm worried all the time. Worried that Booth might get hurt on a case and I couldn't prevent it, worried ... about what our, partnership means ...
Angela: So you want to get away from Booth?
Brennan: No, it's just (pauses) I just need some perspective so that I can view my life with some objectivity.

[In the interrogation room]
[Booth sets the gnome in front of Rocky]
Rocky: You mind turning him around?
Booth: Why? Because the gnome knows what you did and you don't like him staring at you with his soulful little eyes?
[...]
Booth: You attack him with a kitchen knife or machete?
Rocky: No, no. He saw. [points to gnome] I pushed the guy and I took the gnome. That's all.
Booth: You expect him to answer, Rocky? [glances at gnome]
Rocky: He already did. He said, shut up and get a lawyer.
Booth: [mockingly] Smart. Smart gnome.

Sweets: You don't think the success might make them change their minds?
Caroline: You know what? You're a nice kid, but today is a good day for you to grow the hell up.

Sweets: So what, I should just go? I should just, give up my career and my life and my friends and my practice, and go to Indonesia?
Hodgins: Hey, I'm about to risk dismemberment just to impress my scary father-in-law.
Sweets: How are you gonna get past the dogs?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna start the car?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna get the car through the gate?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna evade the angry bikers?
Hodgins: Ugh, I haven't got a clue.
Sweets: Okay. Good plan, what do I do?
Hodgins: Survive and tell the story of my love.

Angela: Okay, what I did was modify my mass recognition program -- patent pending -- to scan the photographic reconstruction of the crime scene, to find areas of comparatively less chaos.
Hodgins: Awesome.
Cam: (surprised) You understand what she's saying?
Hodgins: Not in the least, but I am so turned on by her brain. I'd like to see her brain totally naked.
Sweets: It's a terrible image. It's just terrible.

Season 6[edit]

The Mastodon in the Room [6.1][edit]

Brennan: [lifts large boa constrictor from the back of a Jeep] I find it interesting that I'm only afraid of snakes when Booth is around to be jumped upon.

Brennan: So, was it dangerous in Afghanistan?
Booth: No, what I did was mostly administrative.
Brennan: Because you seem really very heavily armed in this photograph.
Booth: How about you? Any headhunters or cannibals?
Brennan: Daisy and I were attacked by some armed guerrillas! But I beat them up and we got away.
Booth: [amused] You beat up armed guerrillas?
Brennan: I had to; you weren't there to save me.
Booth: [smiles] Aw, Bones.

Caroline: So you are positively absotively certain it isn't Logan Bartlett?
Booth: [deadpan] Absotively, that's not a word.
Brennan: [nods in agreement] Yes we are certain.
Caroline: [mildly sarcastic] So you people come back from the far flung corners of the Earth, out pass the outer suburbs of Timbuktu and you solved the case in a shake?
Brennan: [confused] What's a shake?
Caroline: [sigh and sarcastically] Three jiffys and a cha-cha.
Booth: [moving his hands] Cha-Cha-Cha!

(Royal Diner. Morning. A plate of pancakes is served on the counter for Parker and Booth)

Booth: Ah…Look at that, huh?
Parker: Dad?
Booth: Yeah.
Parker: Did you kill anybody?
Booth: Why are you asking me that?
Parker: My friends always want to know. What should I tell them?
Booth: You tell your friends that your dad does his duty the best that he knows how. Alright? Someday, me and you are gonna talk all about it, alright?
Parker: When?
Booth: Y’know, when you’re older; when you’re a man.
Parker: Are you going away again?
Booth: No. Never.
Parker: Because of me?
Booth: Because of you. It’s the best reason ever. Huh? Drink your orange juice, here we go; let’s eat up. Mm?

Angela: So what is the deal with Booth? Is it weird seeing him again?
Brennan: Not at all weird; very nice.
Angela: Are there any old surges, feelings? Anything like that?
Brennan: Booth fell in love in Afghanistan.
Angela: Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry.
Brennan: Why? Are you in love with Booth?
Angela: A little bit, but that's not what I mean. Don't tell me that you're happy about him finding someone else.
Brennan: I'm very pleased for him. A committed, romantic dyad is exactly the kind of relationship Booth seems to require to be happy.
Angela: Did you think about Booth at all while you were away?
Brennan: Yes, I did. A few times I actually dreamed about him.
Angela: Oh, well there you go! Dreams are very meaningful.
Brennan: I dreamed about the work we do. I dreamed about catching murderers and getting justice for people who were killed. What does that mean?
Angela: [facetiously] It means you're going to die loveless and alone.
Brennan: I don't follow your reasoning.

Booth: Why do we only solve crimes when we have a dead body?
Cam: Seriously? Because I'm a pathologist and she's a forensic anthropologist. [points to herself] Fresh dead. [points to Dr. Brennan] Long time dead.

Booth: Welcome home, Bones.
Brennan: Thank you. Welcome home, Booth.

Wendell: If you don't mind me asking, Dr. B, why do you keep staring at the X-ray?
Brennan: Because I'm suffering the nagging certainty that my eyes are seeing something which my brain refuses to process.

Brennan: What happened? You're no longer in the Jeffersonian, all my interns—gone.
Cam: What happened is you put your own desires ahead of everything else when you left.
Brennan: Are you angry with me?
Cam: Yes, I am angry, Dr. Brennan. We had a great thing going. You just … you let it fall apart.

Brennan: (about Hannah) Is it serious between you?
Booth: Serious as a heart attack.
Brennan: Heart attacks are very serious.
Booth: Yes, they are. Very serious.

Sweets: [answers his cellphone while playing the piano] Talk to me.
Caroline: That is no way for an adult holding a PhD in psychology to answer the telephone.
Sweets: [smiles] Ms. Julian? I'm on sabbatical.
Caroline: Doing what, installing elevators? Because I can hear the music.

Brennan: [in Booth's car] I find this reassuring.
Booth: What?
Brennan: Us. Sitting like this, going to check out a possible crime scene. [grins at Booth] You refusing to wear your seat belt.
Booth: Woah, hey, going gets rough. You know, I'm not wasting ay valuable time looking to release a seat belt cache.
Brennan: Man of action.
Booth: That's right. Like a jungle cat.
Brennan: You should say "like a flea" when referring to lightning-fast reflexes.
Booth: [protests] I'm not gonna I'm like a flea.
Brennan: [innocent] It's more accurate.

Sweets: Hey, uh, Booth, can I ask you a personal question?
Booth: Oh, that depends. About you or me?
Sweets: Me.
Booth: Shoot.
Sweets: Okay. Daisy just wants to pick up where we left off. And I don't know whether to—
Booth: Move on?
Sweets: Yeah, like you did.
Booth: You know what? You asked my opinion, right? I'm gonna give it to you. You listening? Give yourself a chance to be happy, move on.
Sweets: And that worked for you?
Booth: Yeah, it did. It did.

The Couple in the Cave [6.2][edit]

[Booth and Brennan are following a park ranger into the cave (the crime scene) inside a forest.]
Brennan: So have you talked to Hannah since you got back?
Booth: Yeah. A couple of times, since she's waiting for her new assignment, probably southern Iraq.
Brennan: I find it anomalous that you would leave her since you believe so emphatically in the mythic powers of love.
Park ranger: [turns to Booth] Do you understand what she's saying?
Booth: [deadpan] Just nod.
Brennan: I'm just saying that you wanted to fall in love, and you did in Afghanistan.
Park ranger: You were in Afghanistan?
Booth: Yeah, just got back.
Park ranger: I was stationed as a staff sergeant in Kandahar serving with my brother in '04.
Booth: I'm a––well, I was a Ranger.
Park ranger: [looks back at Booth] You guys were awesome. [sadly] My brother didn't make it back.

Cam: So what was it like to meet Hannah?
Brennan: Oh, she seems very pleasant and attractive. Her face fits comfortably within the Golden Ratio.
Hodgins: So you guys did math together?
Brennan: No, the Golden Ratio is a formula that determines beauty; 1 to 1.618. For instance, the width of the mouth to the width of the cheeks --
Angela: So she's hot?
Clark: I see some particulates here, Dr. Hodgins, you know, if we still care about finding what happened to these poor people.
Cam: I just assumed that when you guys got back from your trip you'd be a real couple.
Brennan: We were never a couple.
Clark: Dr. Saroyan, you assured me that you would try to keep this workplace professional.
Cam: And I will, Dr. Edison.
Angela: No, no. You were a couple, you just weren't having sex. Were you jealous?
Brennan: Of course not. I'm happy for Booth. Why would I be jealous?
Clark: [back turned to the rest of the team] Because it's obvious you and Agent Booth were attracted to each other! I mean, a blind man could see that. [the rest of the team turn and glare at him, unbeknownst to him] I just couldn't understand why you two didn't rip each other's clothes off. I mean, just get all butt naked and-- [stops in horror when he realizes what he's saying, turns around and sees everyone looking at him] [panics] Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god....um, I'm sorry....it just popped out!

Park ranger: It's just that I thought there was something more I could've done for my brother. Maybe he'd still be here. Guess I'm still trying to do that something extra, is all.
Booth: We always feel that way when we loose someone.

Hodgins: [trying desperately to appease Angela] Goddess on high, mother of my unborn child, love of my life.

Booth: Now let's get on your little shrinky mojo so you can pick up any leftover crazies that the other doctor might've missed.
Sweets: [mocking, looks at Booth] My shrinky mojo. That's how it works. [stares at Booth in annoyance]
Booth: Stop staring at me like that.

[Brennan, Booth and Hannah are at the bar when Hodgins calls Brennan with information about the case. Brennan puts him on speaker mode.]
Hannah: This is fascinating.
Hodgins: Who's that?
Booth & Brennan: Hannah.
Hodgins: [runs to his speaker] Hey, uh, hi! It's nice to meet you. I'm, uh, Hodgins, Dr. Hodgins. I am a big fan. I just read the piece where you stuck it to CENTCOM in 2009.
Hannah: [smiles] Thanks.
Hodgins: Hey, maybe while you're here, you can find out why every time there's a big story [Booth looks embarrassed] and I mean like an earthquake, government corruption, there's always some celebrity story that takes focus.
Booth: [getting annoyed] Hodgins!
Hodgins: [continues on] The BP oil spill, Lindsay Lohan goes to jail and the country takes their eye off the ball.
Booth: Hod-gins!
Hannah: Media is used to distract us all the time.
Booth: [discreetly to Hannah] You're taking him seriously???
Hannah: Michael Jackson's funeral is on 24-hrs a day and nobody finds out about the coup in Honduras. Smells fishy to me.
Hodgins: I love this woman.

Hodgins: All right!
Cam: I was told these were for you.
Hodgins: Yes, these are the tires from Lupe Rojas' car. She denies going to the park, but Booth doesn't believe her.
Cam: And if she's lying the tread should contain insect and plant matter that could place her there.
Hodgins: Exactly. You know, you could be my lovely assistant!
Cam: Yes, but since I'm your boss, you're my lovely assistant.

The Maggots in the Meathead [6.3][edit]

Brennan: The tox screen showed copious amounts of alcohol, over the counter stimulants, and men's beauty products.
Booth: I'm sorry, men's what now?
Brennan: Hairspray, hair gel, tanning spray and some sort of aerosolized perfume.
Booth: Cologne. Men wear cologne.
Brennan: You don't.
Booth: Well that's because it smells like perfume.

Brennan: Eureka! A gathering of Guidos!

Hannah: I was thinking I wanted to get him something when I moved in; a present, and since you know him so well --
Brennan: A telephone! Get him a telephone!
Hannah: I was thinking something a little more personal.
Brennan: A vintage rotary phone. Booth loves them and hasn't been able to find the right one.
Hannah: Really?
Brennan: Yes! He's been looking. Booth says that's what a phone is supposed to be: indestructible and heavy enough to knock someone out.
Hannah: [laughs] Yeah, that sounds like Seeley.
Brennan: His grandfather kept his rotary phone until it fell apart. Booth loved the feel of the bakelite, the tick-tick-tick of the dial as it turned. He says the mechanics make it human.
Hannah: And lucky for me, he has a partner who knows him so well.
Brennan: Booth and I have become close, by necessity. Congratulations again. I'm happy for you both.
Hannah: Thanks.
Brennan: One thing, Hannah. I want you to be sure about this.
Hannah: The phone?
Brennan: No, although I understand the misunderstanding. No, about you and Booth moving in together. Booth will give himself to you completely, and it would be very painful for him if you aren't as serious about the relationship as he is.
Hannah: I am, but thanks, though. You're a good friend, Temperance. Seeley is very lucky.

The Body in the Bounty [6.4][edit]

Dr. Jude the Science Dude: This rib was broken before this man was killed. Amazing!
Brennan: This injury occurred perhaps a week before the victim was killed.
Dude: Whatever made him die was not the same thing that broke his rib.
Brennan: There were two injuries: one that broke off a piece of the rib --
Dude: And another approximately a week later which propelled the bone into this heart and killed him dead.
Brennan: Killed him dead is redundant.
Dude: But it's clear, and what do we say about clarity? It's a barbarity that clarity is a rarity!
Brennan: That's very true.

Caroline Julian: [after Booth releases a bounty hunter going after their suspect] What'd you do that for?!
Booth: [matter-of-factly] Double the pressure on Braverman. I don't care who gets him first.
Caroline: I hate it when you're all adult and sensible. Give me a little bile and revenge. Just what I appreciate in a man.

Angela: Sweetie, you go on the show and millions of little girls are going to look at you and say to themselves, I can be like her, a scientist, or an astronaut or a brain surgeon, blah-de-blah. You know, shoot for the stars. All that.
Brennan: Even with the "blah-de-blah" it seems very important to you.
Angela: Yeah. If I have a daughter I'm going to name her Temperance.
Brennan: You are?
Angela: [nods] I mean, we won't call her that. It's awful. Maybe it'll be her middle name but I want her to love you.
Brennan: Well, you love me.
Angela: Yes but not everyone is as willing to look as hard for your inner child as I am. And this kid is half Hodgins, remember?

Brennan: It was an accident. The rib fracture broke off in the fight at the pool hall. [to the bounty hunter] You had no idea that your beanbag gun would kill him.
Booth: Bones, what are you, a defense lawyer now?
Brennan: [quoting Dr. Jude] "A kind mind is a fine mind."
Booth: She cut off his head! That wasn't an accident.
Brennan: I have no rebuttal for that statement.

The Bones that Weren't [6.5][edit]

Sweets: Anacostia? That's a really tough part of town.
Booth: Not compared to downtown Kabul, it's not.
Brennan: Or the surface of Venus which is covered by clouds of sulfuric acid and hundreds of active mega volcanoes.
[Booth and Sweets give her the "seriously???" look]
Brennan: [incredulously] What? We were talking about tough neighborhoods.

Brennan: Dr. Hodgins, would you come over here and be a corpse?
Hodgins: Yeah.
Angela: [to Brennan] Sweetie, y-you do mean pretend to be a corpse, right? 'Cause the way you're holding that knife, you're looking a little slashery.

Hannah: Don't worry, Seeley, I'm fine.
Booth: You got shot, Hannah, you're not fine.
Hannah: I've been shot before. So have you, right?
Booth: It's not like you build up an immunity to gunshot wounds.

Brennan: Your fluidity makes it appear that you have no bones, and I am an expert on bones, so I find that very impressive.
Russell: Well, thank you. I take that as a great compliment while being intimidated by law enforcement.

Brennan: You stayed up all night?
Angela: Yes.
Brennan: Is that good for the baby?
Angela: Well, what he doesn't know, doesn't hurt him, right?

The Shallow in the Deep [6.6][edit]

Brennan: [knocks on Booth's apartment door] Booth? [knocks again] Are you there?
Booth: No, I'm in South Beach working on my tan. [opens door]
Brennan: You need Sweets to sign your post Afghanistan ready for duty report. Did you forget?
Booth: Me?
Brennan: Well, generally you wear more clothing, and you've been avoiding it for weeks.
Booth: Well, I couldn't sleep. Hannah got up at the crack of dawn. [cracks back]
Brennan: Do you always have this pronounced release of gas in the morning?
Booth: Is it that bad?
Brennan: Synovial gas. That's what the cracking is.
Booth: Synovial gas? What's that mean?
Brennan: Well, there comes a point where a body can't hide all the abuse it's taken.
Booth: What do you mean 'certain point'?
Brennan: Booth, you've been shot, beaten, and jumped out of airplanes. The skeletal damage alone --
Booth: Oh, God. I'm falling apart.
Brennan: You're fine. It's your skeleton that's falling apart.

Daisy: Dr. Brennan, about this morning..
Brennan: What about it?
Daisy: I don't want you think that Lance and I are dating again because we're not. That was purely accidental intercourse.
Brennan: You had intercourse accidentally? What were you trying to do, Miss Wick?
Daisy: I was returning a book.
Brennan: [confused] And..your pants fell off?

[monitoring the transfer of the slave ship remains into the lab]
Angela: This is incredible, I can't believe this is an actual slave ship! Where did they find it?
Brennan: Off the coast of Maryland. This could shed an enormous light on the slave trade.
Cam: Or give me nightmares, one or the another.

Cam: [found something amongst the slave remains] Over here! Now! Uh..not kidding even a little bit, Dr Hodgins!
Hodgins: Yeah? What you got?
Cam: That! [pointing to the skull covered with pink-colored "slime"] What the hell is it?
Hodgins: Wow...some kind of organism anchored to the bone. [examining the skull] Interesting!
Cam: Alien sea-life hitchhikes in on a slave ship, and that's all you can say? Interesting?
Brennan: But I think in this context, interesting is a way of acknowledging lifeforms beyond Dr Hodgins' expertise.
Hodgins: Temporary condition, I assure you. [announcing to the people on the forensic platform] Hey, listen up! Hold any other bones with pink slime and bring it over here. [reexamining the skull with a magnifying glass] It's possible that alien is an inappropriate adjective. I think we maybe looking a N.T.I here.
Cam: What's he talking about?
Brennan: I have no idea.
Hodgins: [looks up at Cam and Brennan] N.T.I.? As in "non-terrestrial intelligence"?
Angela: Oh no...
Hodgins: [goes back to examining the pink skull] If alien lifeforms were going to exist somewhere here on earth, the ocean floor would be it.
Cam: Please tell me you're kidding.

Booth: [after Sweets asks for advice about his relationship with Daisy] I don't know. How am I supposed to know?
Sweets: Years of experience? The perspective of age?
Booth: [head on his desk] [sigh] Age. How is that I went to sleep Han Solo and I woke up Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Sweets: [confused, to himself] I have no idea what you're talking about.

Daisy: Has anybody else noticed this is like a giant jigsaw without the edge pieces?
Angela: One person gets killed and it's murder. Millions get killed and it's history.
Daisy: [looks at a set of skeletal remains] I'm trying to think of them as just bones. It's easier.

Hodgins: It turns out that our feathered friend is the Osedax mucofloris, otherwise known as the bone-eating snot flower.
Angela: [laughs in disbelief] You've gotta be kidding.
Hodgins: [smiles] Not kidding. Allow me to demonstrate. [opens a box of cannoli] Voila.
Cam: [looks on with dread] Oh no.
[Hodgins uses the cannoli and a straw to demonstrate how the "snot flower" male impregnates a female by inserting its sperm into the female in the manner of a blood-sucking parasite. Daisy, Angela and Cam are getting grossed out.]
Hodgins: Now each female has maybe about a dozen dwarf males inside of her. Basically sperm holders. [passes the cannoli to the ladies] Cannoli? Anyone?
Angela: Never again. I cannot even tell you.

Daisy: [barges into Sweets' office] You have to back me up with Dr. Brennan. She hasn't said anything but I know what she's thinking. It's an emergency
Sweets: Wh––what am I supposed to say??
Daisy: You have to explain what happened this morning.
Sweets: Sex is a normal part of the adult experience. You don't need to apologize for it.
Daisy: Did you know what happened when I was little? My dad and I saw these two deer "going at it" on the side of the hill and I asked him what they were doing. And he said, the nice deer in the back pushing his friend up the hill.
Sweets: [bemused] Seriously?
Daisy: And now, we're those deer, only that no one is explaining that you were pushing me up hill.

Booth: Scuse' Me, we're looking for Hunter Lang.
Captain: Err..he's one of our bartenders. Nadi, they're looking for Lang.
Nadi: Oh! [looks at Booth] Jealous husband?
Booth: [grins and shows his badge] FBI!
Nadi: Oh! Well, ca-can this wait? We'll be back by 10.
Booth: How about we come with you?
Nadi: [looks at Sweets] Only if he comes to. [points at Sweets, Booth and Brennan looks at Sweets]
Booth: That was the plan.
Nadi: [smiles] Done! [Sweets looks at Booth and Brennan in dismay and confusion]
Sweets: I'm sorry, what just happened there?
Brennan: If this was the Malukus, I would say it was some sort of virgin offering.
Sweets: Virgin?
Brennan: Quasi virgin offering.

The Babe in the Bar [6.7][edit]

Angela: Well, maybe you should talk to Sweets.
Cam: Sweets? Why would I do that?
Angela: He might be able to help you deal with Michelle.
Cam: I don't want to talk to a child about a child.

Nigel-Murray: Oh, you know, there are many fine universities in England, uh, Oxford and Cambridge, of course, but th-th-there's also...
Cam: You so much as mention leaving the country to my daughter, and I will choke you on your own trivia, and stuff your lifeless body in a locker.
Nigel-Murray: Then again, Georgetown's lovely.

Vincent: Definitely looks like murder.
Brennan: There's nothing definite here, Mr. Nigel-Murray. It's possible the victim had a grand mal seizure while voluntarily lying in the chocolate.
Cam: But let's call it murder, just for fun.

The Twisted Bones in the Melted Truck [6.8][edit]

Hannah: I don't want to mess anything up between you and your son.
Booth: Look, I love you, all right? He's gonna love you, too. And don't think of him as a kid. Just think of him as a short guy who … who's not allowed to drink.

Booth: The point is, like, they have to meet sometime, right?
Sweets: Well, yeah, if your relationship with Hannah is serious, then
Booth: It is serious.
Sweets: I wasn't questioning that
Booth: It sounded like you were.
Sweets: No, I wasn't.
Booth: Well, it's serious.
Sweets: Then they have to meet.

(Booth, Parker, and Hannah sit in uncomfortable silence on the park bench. Parker is bouncing a basketball on the spot.)

Booth: Okay, oh! (He grabs the basketball away from Parker) So, uh, hey Hannah here was in a real, live camel race. Why don’t you tell him all about it.
Hannah: I almost won but the camel stopped right before the finish line. He decided to take a nap. Right there. On the racetrack.
Booth: That’s funny, isn’t it?
Parker: Can I go shoot some baskets? (He takes the ball back from Booth)
Booth: No, you can’t shoot some baskets right now. Listen, hey, tell her about your science fair at school. He came in second.
Parker: Do I have to?
Booth: Yeah, tell her about the volcano you made. It was so cool! We built that...
Hannah: (Interrupts) Seeley, can I talk to you for a sec?
Booth: Yeah.

(Hannah and Booth take a few steps away.)

Hannah: (Sighs) This isn’t working.
Booth: All right, just give him a minute. He just needs time to warm-up.
Hannah: Give me a few minutes. Alone. Look, I’m taking your advice. He’s just a short guy who can’t drink.
Booth: Look, I didn’t want this to be…
Hannah: I’m a journalist. I’ve cracked tougher nuts than Parker.
Booth: Right.
Hannah: ‘Kay?

(The two of them walk back to Parker.)

Booth: All right, tell you what, I gotta go get my phone from the car, okay? Stay here with Hannah.

(Hannah sits down and Parker immediately scoots further away from her.)

Hannah: You don’t know who I am so you don’t trust me. Maybe you hate me a little. Or even a lot. I might be trying to steal your dad. Wouldn’t it be better if you knew for sure what was going on? So you have a real reason to hate me? So, here I am. Just ask me anything you want, anything at all.
Parker: (After a pause) Were you really on a camel?
Hannah: Yes.
Parker: Do you sleep with my dad?
Hannah: Yes.
Parker: If you got married, what would I have to call you?
Hannah: Hannah. That’s my name.
Parker: Would you have kids?
Hannah: No. There are children already in this world who need good homes. If I decided to have a child, I’d adopt one of those kids.
Parker: That’s a good answer.
Hannah: I thought so, too.
Parker: Do you like dogs or cats?
Hannah: Dogs.
Parker: Burgers or hotdogs?
Hannah: Both.
Parker: What’s your favourite ice cream?
Hannah: Chocolate.
Parker: I like strawberry. (A beat, then) Do you have any questions for me?
Hannah: What’s your middle name?
Parker: Matthew.
Hannah: Would you ever wanna ride a camel?
Parker: Sure. I’m a kid.
Hannah: What’s your favourite TV show?
Parker: The Wizards of Waverly Place. When the dad married the mom, he had to give up his magical powers. I would never give up my magical powers for a girl.
Hannah: I don’t blame you. (She moves a little closer to Parker and this time, he doesn’t move away) Why didn’t you win first place in your science fair?
Parker: ‘Cause Ben Bradley cheated and his dad did his entire project for him. They used a potato to turn on a light bulb.
Hannah: Creep.
Parker: Totally.
Hannah: (About the basketball) Can I see that? (Parker tosses it to her) How do I do that… spinny thing? (She attempts to twirl the ball on her finger)
Parker: Wait, no.
Hannah: Aw. How’s that?
Parker: You have to spin it faster.

(Parker shows Hannah and Booth smiles as he watches from afar.)


Hodgins: [after trumping Daisy on discovering how the remains "melted"] I am king of the lab and you are my serf.

Daisy: You know why your name is Sweets?
Sweets: [smiles] Why?
Daisy: [romantically] Because you're so sweet.

The Doctor in the Photo [6.9][edit]

Booth: Bones, what are you doing here?
Brennan: What are you doing?
Booth: I don't know; following you to a bad part of town and saving your life. You know, the usual. Your turn.

Brennan: How-how come I understand every word you say? Always? I don't have that with anybody else. Sometimes I just hear … noise.
Micah: Well, I guess I've been here so long, I speak the secret language of the Jeffersonian, hmm?

Micah: By the power vested in me by the Jeffersonian Institution, I declare you sleep-deprived. There's a cab waiting to take you home to bed, hmm?
Brennan: Do you really have that power?
Micah: I saw this lecture where this New Age guru type said the only power people exert over us is the power we allow them to exert.
Brennan: Well that's incredibly stupid.
Micah: I agree. You wave a gun in my face, you got power whether I like it or not.

[Brennan has Micah listen to Lauren Eames' voice on the DVD.]
Brennan: It sounds exactly like my voice. She is me.
Micah: She isn't you. She's her and you're you. You're alive and she's dead. Ergo, ipso, facto, Colombo, Oreo.
Brennan: Those last two words, one is the capital of Sri Lanka and the other is … a cookie.
Micah: [smiles] It sounds like Latin.

Hannah: I-I can't imagine going from being a woman to being a mom.
Booth: When Parker was born, everything changed in my life, everything.
Hodgins: Like what?
Angela: Everything. Everything means everything.

Brennan: I made a mistake.
Booth: Nah, I told you my opinion, I mean, you got it right.
Brennan: Not everything. She died with regrets.
Booth: Come on, Bones, everybody has regrets.
Brennan: I heard her, you know? Micah says that all we get are these dim, staticky messages from the universe.
Booth: Who's this Micah guy?
Brennan: The night watchman, but he attends a lot of lectures. Anyway, the point is … she never gave him a chance.
Booth: Micah.
Brennan: No, no, the helicopter pilot. He offered himself to her, but she never gave him a chance. That was her regret. I got the signal, Booth. I don't wanna have any regrets.
Booth: Um, I'm with someone, Bones. And, uh, Hannah? She's not a consolation prize. I love her.You know, the last thing I wanna do is hurt you, but those are the facts.
[Brennan begins sobbing]
Brennan: [in tears] I understand. I missed my chance. My whole world turned upside down. I can adjust.
Booth: I did.
Brennan: Yes, you did.

Micah: We don't actually fear death. We fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disapper without a trace.

The Body in the Bag [6.10][edit]

Clark: I would be very happy to discuss this whole mess with Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth and this new woman. What the hell is that about?! I mean, come on. The potential emotional fallout, it could be cataclysmic! Am I right?
Hodgins: Okay, we should really focus on these bone fragments so that you can determine the weapon. Okay?
Clark: Oh, sure! But my money's on Dr. B and Booth!

Clark: She was killed by a blunt force trauma to the occipital bone. The bone shards were jammed into her brain.
Cam: This was one angry, violent death.
Clark: Dr. Brennan would say it's impossible to know the assailant's state of mind, but I'm gonna go on record right now and say this was one psycho dude.

Brennan: We found traces of rhinoceros's horn in Paisley's shower. In Chinese medicine, rhinoceros's horn is only used by men.
Booth: Which puts you in the shower.
Ming Tsou: No, th-the rhinoceros's horn was a blue string, like a necklace. I told Jenny it will help her back.
Brennan: That's not true. Rhinoceros's horn is cold and only used by men because they are hot.
Booth: We are.

Brennan: Please roll up your pant leg.
Ming Tsou: What? What are you doing?
Brennan: We have a video of the man with Jenny that night. I'd like to compare your tibia with the one on the video.
Ming Tsou: No. You could make a mistake.
Brennan: I don't make mistakes.
Ming Tsou: [looks at Booth]
Booth: She doesn't.

Clark: Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spy on you two, I just -- wow, that is so amazing. You guys! [hugs them]
Angela: Thanks. Wow, that's really sweet.
Hodgins: Yeah, and weird. What is going on? It's like you've eaten the real Clark.
Clark: Change is growth, man. I just wanted to come by and tell you guys that you did a great job on the case.
Angela: Thank you.
Clark: [waves to Angela's belly] Bye!
Angela: Goodnight, Clark.
Hodgins: That's totally weird, right? And he was in the NSA, so he could be completely messing with us!
Angela: Or he's just turning into a normal guy. Don't get all paranoid on us! [laughs]

The Bullet in the Brain [6.11][edit]

Caroline: [sees Booth and Brennan talking] Don't just stand there! We got a shrink who needs shrunk and a headless child killer in a puddle of brains! [leaving the crime scene]
Booth: Wo-Who's gonna take the witness statements?
Caroline: Doesn't matter! That shot came out of nowhere, straight from God!

Caroline: You'd think when a highly-trained world-class sniper witnesses an assassination we'd have it all sewn up.
Booth: You'd say the same about the United States attorney.
Caroline: I'm too short to see a damn thing.

[Booth is observing the suspect, who is fidgeting and sweating profusely, in the interrogation room through the glass]
Caroline: [comes in] So what do you think? Is he our sniper?
Booth: Harvey Morster didn't do it.
Caroline: He has an alibi?
Booth: I didn't ask.
Caroline: Then how do you know?
Booth: You just know.
[Later, in Booth's office]
Booth: Look, he is all wrong. We're looking for a trained sniper. [to Sweets] You tell her?
Caroline: He tested as an expert marksman.
Booth: Maybe he made a good shot once in a while, all right? But he was all sweaty and nervous.
Caroline: You can't exonerate a man for "excessive perspiration"!
Booth: [claps to get Sweets' attention] Sweets! Help me out here.
Sweets: [looks up] Uh...what do I know?
Booth: What do you know? You know the profile! Tell her!
Sweets: Agent Booth is right. Most professionally trained snipers are methodical, controlled, clean, patient, willing to kill under morally acceptable circumstances.
Booth: No no no. A sniper does not make the morality call, all right? He's just the hand that pulls the trigger.
Sweets: With the faith that the target is a threat to innocent life.

Brennan: He was a sniper and so are you. Lead members of a closed community always intersect. You must know the man who did this.
Booth: [realizes] I do.

Jacob Broadsky: Go ahead! Jump the fence! Don't wait for a warrant.
Booth: I don't need a warrant. This land belongs to Seeley Booth!

Caroline: We all just people, cherie. You're an expert with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Now, who's Heather Taffet?
Sweets: Dead serial killer?
Caroline: Ya damn straight! Dr Brennan has her head all rigged up, spinning like a Christmas tree! [Sweets nods in agreement].
Caroline: It's over. She can't get to any of us anymore. [Sweets smiles in relief]

The Sin in the Sisterhood [6.12][edit]

Hodgins: Mother Nature cleaned these bones.
Wendell: She did a crappy job.
Hodgins: Shh... She can hear you.

Cam: How many chances does he deserve?
Booth: Nine.
Cam: That’s cats.
Booth: Applies to men and cats.

Brennan: It’s as if this man spent a great deal of time on his hands while engaging in a repetitive motion.
Wendell: ...I get it!
Brennan: This motion would be reminiscent of a primate having intercourse!
Wendell: We are looking for a horny farmer, yes we are.

Hodgins: Who let Cam shoot a gun?
Wendell: The Second Amendment.

The Daredevil in the Mold [6.13][edit]

Sweets: You think I'm too young to get married?
Booth: Yeah.
Sweets: "Yeah". Just like that?
Booth: Just like that. Too young.
Sweets: But love and commitment don't have age restrictions. Daisy's ready.
Booth: [grins] Yeah.
Sweets: So?
Booth: So?
Sweets: I can't imagine my life without her!
[Booth downs a shot, Sweets takes a drink of his beer]
Booth: Let's just talk about something. How about sports, how about those Capitals?
Sweets: [shakes head] I want to get married.
Booth: How about action films? Let's talk action movies...
Sweets: [sighs] I don't want to be your age and wind up like you.
Booth: [looks at Sweets in disbelief] What'd you say??
Sweets: I don't! You've never been married. And that's...that's sad...
Booth: What??
Sweets: ...to me. I don't want that to be where my life is headed.

Hodgins: So who was our victim? A mouldy crash test dummy?

Angela: [referring to severely molded flesh] Ew and ew. What are you doing, babe?
Hodgins: I am going to shake them through these filters until they give me what I want.
Angela: You're getting that mad scientist look in your eyes.
Hodgins: I always wanted to be a mad scientist! I'm living the dream, baby! [kisses her cheek] Baby! [kisses her belly]
Angela: So what do you want our kid to be, anyway? I mean, if we could decide and make it happen without being those annoying parents that we hate.
Hodgins: Anything I want?
Angela: Anything.
Hodgins: A musician. Hard rock and 50s West Coast jazz. Who is also an astrophysicist specializing in extra terrestrial studies. Who also has a secondary degree, not necessarily a doctorate, in 20th century political theory and its relationship to corporatism. Ooh, who also does killer stand-up on the weekends. What about you? What do you want our baby to be?
Angela: [smiles] A mad scientist sounds good to me.

Booth: Marry me. I want you to be my wife.
Hannah: Oh, Seeley. I love you. I really do. I'm just not the marrying kind.
Booth: I am.
Hannah: I know! I know you are. I just thought we would have more time before we got to this. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. What happens now?
Booth: What do you think happens now?
Hannah: Can't we just go back? I'll walk in here, you tell me how good I look, I'll say thank you, we'll have a nice dinner like this never happened. We'll just go back. Okay. Your turn. What happens now? [nods] I'll get my stuff out of your place.
Booth: How much time do you need?
Hannah: To get out of your place or get over you? [moves to walk away, but stops] I do love you, Seeley. I don't think we're done, but I can see we're done for now. I'm just not the marrying kind.
Booth: You already said that.
Hannah: I've said it plenty of times before. I guess you weren't listening.

Brennan: Hannah called me.
Booth: Let's just -- I really -- I don't want to talk about that, okay? I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm done.
Brennan: So, what happens next?
Booth: What happens next. You like evidence, right, Bones? Well, here's the evidence: the evidence is that there's something wrong here. I fell in love with a woman. I had a kid. She doesn't want to marry me. Well -- and then the next woman, well, she's --
Brennan: Me.
Booth: Yeah, and now -- what is it with women who just don't want what I'm offering here?
Brennan: Booth --
Booth: No. You know what? Drink. Drink. I just really -- I'm just mad. I'm just really mad at all of you. I'm just mad. Okay, so you want to know how this is going to work? Okay, this is how this is going to work. Me and you are partners. That's what we do; we're partners, and I love that! That's great. We're good people who catch bad people. Right? Yeah, and we argue. We go back and forth, we're partners, and sometimes after we solve a case we come here and we celebrate. That's what we do. We celebrate. So as far as I can see, that is what happens next? Are you okay with that? Great, because if you are, I'll tell you what. You stay here and you have a drink with me. All right? Maybe we have a little small talk, chit chat, and if you're not, well, you can leave. There's the door, and tomorrow I'll find you a new FBI guy.
Brennan: Those are my only choices?
Booth: Yeah, those are your only choices.
Brennan: Then I'll have a drink.

The Bikini in the Soup [6.14][edit]

Hodgins: Ok, look, I know you and Hannah broke up, but for most people Valentine's Day––
Booth: [cuts Hodgins off] You don't wanna finish that sentence.
Hodgins: No. No I don't.

Brennan: [answers mobile phone] Brennan. Oh, hello, Douglas. No, I can't tonight. I'm busy. I'm sorry. Okay, goodbye!
Clark: So you have plans tonight? That's nice!
Brennan: No. No. A date on Valentine's Day comes with the expectation of affectionate companionship and probably sex. I have no intention of engaging in either.

Angela: So this one must be a tough one, huh?
Booth: What? The case?
Angela: Valentine's Day. I mean, so soon after your breakup with Hannah.
Booth: Not really.
Angela: Really not really?
Booth: Really. Can't we just focus on the case?
Angela: No twinges at all?
Booth: It's over, okay? Hannah and I are done. I've moved on.
Angela: Okay. So what are you gonna do?
Booth: Nothing! Valentine's Day is not a holiday. It's just made up by these greeting card companies and florists.
Angela: Well, then, maybe you should find somebody else who's doing nothing so that you two can do nothing together.

Booth: So do you want the good news first or the bad news?
Brennan: Is the order at all relevant?
Booth: You know, people like to get the bad news first so the conversation ends in happiness.
Brennan: All right, then. What's the bad news?
Booth: Well, the court refuses to compel a DNA sample from Ericson based on what we have so far.
Brennan: [mobile phone rings] Do you mind? It's not work related.
Booth: Go right ahead.
Brennan: Brennan.
Booth: I'll be right here.
Brennan: [to person on the phone] For Valentine's Day?
Booth: Oh! A Valentine's date, huh?
Brennan: A secret service agent from my gym.
Booth: Of course.
Brennan: [laughs to person on the phone] No, it's not my mother. [to Booth] He thinks that you're my mother.
Booth: Look, I'm not her mother!
Brennan: [to person on the phone] Okay, I don't have a mother. Could I phone you back to tell you no? Thanks! [to Booth] All right, what's the good news so that we may end this conversation on a happy note.
Booth: Ericson has a son in prison for insider trading.
Brennan: Why is that good news? It seems the entire family is degenerate.
Booth: Bones, it's good news because it means the son's DNA is on file with CODIS.
Brennan: Right. So Cam can compare it to the sample from under the fingernails to see if there's sufficient alleles in common to match the dad.
Booth: See. Always start with the bad news first then go with the happy. Are you happy now?
Brennan: It's good news.
Booth: Are you happy?
Brennan: I'm happy!

The Killer in the Crosshairs [6.15][edit]

Brennan: The bullet severed the C-5.
Booth: Right. Severing the spinal cord from the brain stem. The gold standard for snipers. We call it 'disconnecting the computer'.
Caroline: You can never have too many cute phrases for taking a life.

Brennan: The ID says that the victim was Walter Crane.
Caroline: I bet this is someone we'd both be trying to put away.
Booth: It doesn't matter who this was. Snipers don't get to make the call and Broadsky doesn't get to make the call. [Caroline looks at him] This ends now. Broadsky is mine.

Brennan: But you said that Broadsky works alone. Isn't that what snipers do?
Booth: [sarcastically] Wow, really, you're gonna say it like that? Ok, not all snipers are the same. I am not him.
Brennan: [surprised] Nothing I said made any such allusion.
Caroline: Ok, ok, kids, let's take a breath.

Booth: We're gonna get this guy and he's not gonna keep doing this.
Brennan: Your words are quite ironic.
Booth: What do you mean?
Brennan: I imagine Broadsky would say the same thing as he stalks his prey.
Booth: Except I'm the good guy, he isn't.
Brennan: But you both led a life in which you were paid to take lives.
Booth: Why are you doing this?
Brennan: I'd just like to understand. I admire your certainty but since good and bad are such subjective concepts, how could you ever be sure you're doing the right thing?
Booth: Ok, well, it's not subjective to me. I mean there's good and there's evil. Life is all about taking sides. Broadsky? Well, he joined the wrong team.

Caroline: [referring to the victim] Real name, Walter Coolidge.
Booth: [looks at the victim's photo] Alright, makes sense if Broadsky will go after a guy like him.
Caroline: That's right, Broadsky goes after bad guys.
Booth: [slams the file down] Doesn't make him right!
Caroline: Of course it doesn't make him right! It just bleeds off a little of our motivation to catch him right away.
Booth: [reading the file] Coolidge flipped on Ortiz and sent him to prison. Is he still there?
Caroline: No.
Booth: Why? Thought he got 'life'?
Caroline: Ortiz isn't currently in prison because he's sitting in your interrogation room.
Booth: You're the best!
Caroline: Tell me something I don't know.

[Inside the interrogation room at FBI headquarters]
Booth: I need to know how you got in touch with him.
Ortiz: [smirks] Why would I tell you?
[Booth looks to Caroline]
Caroline: I can arrange to have you transferred to a lenient security federal penitentiary.
Booth: And if you don't she'll send you to Angola.
Caroline: [deadpan] And no internet. Which I suspect is the spicy part of your sex life.

Hodgins: Anyway, Angela's father...
Sweets: [smile fades from his face, with dread] Oh God.
Angela: What?
Sweets: Are you gonna ask me some interpersonal family question? Or...
Angela: Why is that so strange? You are a shrink.
Hodgins: [to Sweets] He wants to name our baby. We're not supposed to have any input. Now that is weird! Right?
Sweets: Um, well you know it's complicated, of course, as all family issues are. [pauses] No, I'd rather not shoot from the hip on this one. Perhaps some research and reflection....
Angela: [chuckles] You are avoiding this.
Sweets: [denying] No! I'd just be remiss if I didn't consult my books, you know? I have so many books.
Hodgins: [grins] You are afraid of him
Sweets: Come on, afraid? [discreetly] Yes I'm afraid.
Angela: He is a very sweet man.
Sweets: He kidnapped Hodgins and gave him a tattoo while he was unconscious, Angela!
Angela: But he loves that tattoo now. Don't you, babe? [smiles and looks at Hodgins] [Hodgins fidgets and looks at her uncomfortably]
Sweets: I don't....[shakes head] I have a lot of work to do... [gets up to leave] I'm gonna get take-out or something.
Hodgins: You are running away!
Sweets: I'm walking.

Booth: [sighs] I don't get it. Broadsky was a good man. I don't understand what happened to him. I mean, what gives him the right to make these kind of calls?
[...]
Sweets: Being the cause of someone's death, no matter what the circumstances, leaves a man with a great burden. And people deal with that burden in different ways. Some celebrate it. They relish the power as a way of justifying what they've done. Others like Broadsky, they justify another way. They feel that it's their destiny to mete out justice. They convince themselves that they have the moral high ground to make these calls. It's the only way they can live with what they've done.
Booth: What about me?
Sweets: From my perspective, you're a healthy man. You can accept what you've done and the pain and sadness and regret that comes with it. You know, not everybody has the strength to deal with that reality. It's a testament to you that you've built this life with family and friends who love and respect you. Booth, that can't be easy.

Caroline: Cher, did the man get to you?
Booth: You know what? It would actually help if you wanted to put the man in prison.
Caroline: Oh, I most definitely do.
Booth: Well, you're the one who says that you can't argue with the choices Broadsky makes on who he's gonna shoot.
Caroline: Yeah, I can't fault that, but now the man has crossed a line.
Booth: Causing a suicide?
Caroline: No. Man sneaks into your house, threatens you with a gun. That's unforgivable. He should be lethally injected just for that.

[Caroline and Booth barge into the interrogation room]
Caroline: Mr Winkler, I'm Caroline Julian with the Justice Department. Seeley here assures me you're the sweetest, most considerate arms dealer he has ever met.
Winkler: Actually, I'm more of an arms maker.
Booth: Oh, did you make a smart bullet prototype for Jacob Broadsky?
Winkler: In my line of work, discretion is paramount.
Booth: Discretion can also be an accessory to murder.
Winkler: I know my law, Seeley. [looks at Caroline] I can't be charged for simply selling ammunition.
Caroline: [looks at Winkler sternly] Well, you see, Cher. I am the law. And I can charge your scrawny ass with whatever I want. I like the challenge.
[...]
Booth: He's killed three people. So far. Three.
Winkler: Counting the service, a lot more than that if my memory serves. [smirks at Booth] How many for you, Seeley, huh?
Booth: Really? [picks Winkler up by his collar] You want me to add you to the list?
Winkler: [looks to Caroline] Th-th-this is abuse!
Caroline: [nonchalantly] I don't see anything. Must have something in my eye. [sits down]
Booth: [furiously, at Winkler's face] Give me something on Broadsky or I swear I'll make your life a living hell!

Brennan: [on the phone with Caroline, talking to Booth] Caroline is asking if we see anything?
Booth: The answer's still no and tell her to stop asking.
Brennan: [to Caroline] Booth says stop asking.
Caroline: I don't wait well, I'm an action person. Waiting makes my teeth hurt!
Brennan: [to Booth] Her teeth..hurt.

Brennan: Why are you mad at me?
Booth: Forget it.
Brennan: No, you can't say "forget it" to your partner. You taught me that.
Booth: I just don't like the idea that my partner thinks that me and Jacob Broadsky are alike.
Brennan: You are similar in many ways.
Booth: [sarcastically] Great! Thanks, Bones.
Brennan: But not in the most important way. How can I put this in a way that you will understand?
Booth: Try to say it in teeny tiny words.
Brennan: Okay. Broadsky is bad. You are good. That's as simply as I can put it.
Booth: [laughs] You don't believe in absolutes like good or bad, all right? You think it's where people stand.
Brennan: From where I stand, you are good and Broadsky's bad.
Booth: Thanks for standing there, Bones.
Brennan: I'm standing right beside you, Booth, like always. Like I always will. I'm being metaphorical, of course, because we are currently sitting.
Booth: Thank goodness, because I thought I'd shrunk.
Brennan: [laughs] That's funny, because you made a joke based on relative position, which goes back thematically to our discussion of situation morality.
Booth: Ha! That's not why it's funny.
Brennan: Tell me another one!

Caroline: He [Broadsky] was in your apartment?!
Booth: Yes.
Caroline: Why didn't you, I don't know, jump up and judo/karate/kung fu the man?
[...]
Caroline: But now, the man has crossed the line
Booth: How? Causing a suicide?
Caroline: No. Man sneaks into your house, threatens you with a gun? That's unforgivable. He should get lethally injected just for that!

Hodgins: These are the bills found with the victim's body.
Booth: All hundreds, right?
Hodgins: Yes, but guess what I found on them?
Booth: Blood, on account that he was shot to death with a high-powered rifle?
Hodgins: Yes, blood, of course blood. But guess what else I found.
Booth: [irritated] Does this look like a guessing face?

Vincent: Please tell me that this meat is not human.
Brennan: No, it's venison. We found it frozen in the suicide victim's cabin freezer.
Vincent: I'm confused. Are we investigating a murder, or preparing lunch for the Palin family?

Hodgins: So the name that came to you?
Billy Gibbons: It could work for either a boy or a girl, that's the beauty part.
Hodgins: Great.
Billy Gibbons: Staccato Mamba.
Hodgins: [shocked] Staccato Mamba? [still in shock] Yeah, I-I didn't see that one coming.

Angela: I mean, this is a computer chip. You can program it.
Brennan: Which suggests you can program the bullet.
Angela: Yeah, which means we're looking at something from the future.
Brennan: Time travel is physically impossible.
'Angela: Yeah, but so is a bullet that you can program like a computer. Like we didn't have it bad enough with the old kind.

Booth: I'm coming after you. I'm gonna catch you, and next time I have you in my sights, I'm not aiming for your knees.
Broadsky: Good to know, because if that moment comes, I will not hesitate to make that sweet son of yours fatherless. He'll be the collateral damage.

Broadsky: You and me both—we've always been on the same side.
Booth: No, you're off the reservation, pal. You want to do the right thing, you give me that gun, and you let me take you in.
Broadsky: I'll tell you what. The day I wake up and there are no more bad people that need killing, you're the one I come to.

Hodgins: I actually have a question for you.
Sweets: Oh, great. Shoot. [deadpan] Probably not a term I should use during a murder investigation, huh?

Caroline: Funny thing about Witness Protection…
Booth: What's that?
Caroline: …It sort of comes with a built-in motive for murder attached, doesn't it?
Booth: [laughs] That's why they need protection.

The Blackout in the Blizzard [6.16][edit]

Angela: [walks in tiredly] Ugh...
Wendell: [sees Angela in her oversized outfit] Holy cow!
Angela: [sighs] I heard that.
Wendell: Oh! No, no, no, no! Heh! It was, um, it was an exclamation of admiration. [clears throat, Angela smiles sarcastically] I wasn't actually ––
Hodgins: Stop now. Save yourself.
Wendell: –– commenting on your size.

Angela: [laughs upon seeing Hodgins rapidly pumping the handle to a dynamite igniter, then laughs harder when he accidentally breaks the handle] Wow. Maybe you should think of a way to get electricity that doesn't involve rare, historical items worth upwards of fifty thousand dollars.
Hodgins: Yeah, I'll just blame Wendell.
Angela: [smiles] Okay.

Brennan: [Booth explains why he wanted the row of seats] And these seats were there and you're sentimental about it.
Booth: My dad and I were there. [pauses] He quit drinking for two weeks. Long enough to remember I was his kid. [Brennan looks at him intently] [pauses] Best day of my life.
Brennan: Did you think that you could reclaim a part of that day?
Booth: It's just history, that's all. [wistfully] It's our one perfect day.

Booth: [looks at Sweets] "World's Greatest Grandpa"?
Sweets: Yeah, uh, Mrs. Ross gave it to me. It's a lot comfier than my jacket.
Booth: You do realize that Mr. Ross is dead, right? I mean, don't you find it odd that Mrs. Ross is dressing you up in her dead husband's clothes?

Booth: [Brennan is sitting on him in the elevator fixing his back. one hand is on his knee and the other rests on his thigh.] Wow. that feels great. Ahhh it's like you're untying the knots.
Brennan: It's Thai massage. It combines deep tissue with acupressure it's quite effective.
Booth: [laughing in pleasure] Yeah...Right...I can feel that [brennan moves her hand down right next to his crotch. booth laughs] Oh ho ho ho wee hee stop...you know before Sweets comes back.
Brennan: Why?
Booth:Well... [indicates their...position]
Brennan: Ohh I understand you think... he'll interpret our physical contact as another sign that we...
Booth: [sighs and gets up] Yeah... yeah yeah yeah...ohh but I gotta tell you my back feels... wow so much better thanks!
Brennan: No problem.
Booth: Yeah...You know... I can see how Sweets could... get confused.
Brennan: [realizing what he's talking about] W-we both did tell him how we felt about each other.
Booth: In the past.
Brennan: [nodding] In the past...And we... both thought about it, he knows that.
Booth: It?
Brennan: Sleeping together. It would be odd if we didn't.
Booth: Right uhh...so we're talking about this now?
Brennan: We seem to be. [both laugh] I always assumed that we'd be very compatible. Didn't you?
Booth: Well...yeah...
Brennan: Because we're both so physical.
Booth: Right...the way we throw ourselves into a case.
Brennan: We both have excellent stamina. [laughs] Making love would be..quite satisfying.
Booth: Yeah...but then what? I mean...as a couple, me and you would never...
Brennan: [awkwardly] No.. it wouldn't work...

Brennan: [suggestively to Booth, glancing at Sweets] Booth needs to say something to you...
Sweets: No he doesn't.
Booth: Yeah, right, about earlier. Look, I'm sorry.
Sweets: It's ok.
Booth: Thanks.
Brennan: [confused] What? What's ok? Booth didn't say anything.
Booth: We're guys.
Sweets: Everything's fine now, Dr. Brennan.

Angela: So this is why you broke into the cafeteria?
Wendell: Yep. I learned how to do this in grade school. I won my science fair.
Angela: Oh my God. You were that kid.
Wendell: Meaning what?
Angela: The showoff.
Wendell: And this is how you thank me.
Hodgins: This is spudtastic! Is this for the victim's cell phone?
Wendell: Yeah. I'm connecting groups of potatoes in series to increase voltage, then we can connect these potatoes together in parallel to increase amperage.
Hodgins: Spudsational! Totally spudtacular! Can I help?
Angela: If you stop making spud jokes.
Hodgins: Sorry. My sincerest potatologies.

Booth: So, what do you think the chances are that me and my dad actually sat in these seats watching the game?
Brennan: Hmmm. Let's see, 60,000 seats -- are you going to stop me?
Booth: No, I just like watching you do the math, that's all. I'm just glad the power's back on. These pills that I have to take, they look huge.
Brennan: They're an extremely potent anti-viral. As long as you just don't skip any doses you'll be fine.
Booth: Yeah, as long as I don't choke to death. I can't get these to open.
Brennan: [takes the bottle] How's your back?
Booth: It feels great since you magically fixed it.
Brennan: It wasn't magic.
Booth: Well, me and you, we both have different definitions on that word.
Brennan: [laughs] That's true. You think that microwave ovens are magic.
Booth: Well, I'll tell you what. Cooking a baked potato in five minutes? That's magic.

Booth: I'm just angry. I'm really angry. [sees Brennan looking at him warily] Not at you.
Brennan: [sighs] Okay.
Booth: I just need time, that's all. I just need time to kind of hang back and find that inner peace before I, you know, get back out there. You know what we're talking about here, right?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: You and me, you know, and love, happiness, and life and fate.
Brennan: I don't believe in fate, but I know what we're talking about. I am improving.
Booth: Improving?
Brennan: Yes, I'm quite strong.
Booth: Yeah, well you've always been strong.
Brennan: You know the difference between strength and imperviousness, right?
Booth: [smiles] Not if you're going to get all scientific on me.
Brennan: [chuckles] Well, a substance that is impervious to damage doesn't need to be strong. When you and I met I was an impervious substance. Now I am a strong substance.
Booth: I think I know what you mean.
Brennan: A time could come when you aren't angry anymore and I'm strong enough to risk losing the last of my imperviousness, maybe then we could try to be together.

The Feet on the Beach [6.17][edit]

Angela: Cam got her daughter into Columbia behind her back.
Hodgins: 'Cause she didn't want her to go to that little school up in Maine.
Angela: Oh. Wow. Honey, this is bad parenting. We will never do anything like this, promise me now.
Hodgins: What do I do now?
Angela: You give it to Cam
Hodgins: I mean, do I say anything?
Angela: No. [shakes head] It is not your business.
Hodgins: Can I give her a disapproving look?
Angela: [snickers] Of course! [Hodgins gives her a "disapproving look"] That's a good one.

Booth: Hey, Bones! Bones, Bones, just when you go over there, be nice. They're Canadians.
Brennan: Are you referring to the broad generalization that Canadians are polite?
Booth: Yes, I am.

Brennan: More expertise is required instead of just feet.
Booth: Yeah, gosh. You really are not going to stop until this Canadian foot guy is paralyzed from head to toe.
Brennan: Would you accept an agent who specialized in murders that only occurred in February?
Booth: Okay, that's different.
Brennan: Not to me.

Booth: I'm glad that you apologized to the Canadian. I'm proud of you, Bones!
Brennan: I didn't apologize.
Booth: I thought --
Brennan: The word apology derives from the ancient Greek apologia, which means a speech in defense. When I defended what I said to him you told me that wasn't a real apology.
Booth: Why don't you think of a word that means you feel bad for making someone else feel bad.
Brennan: Contrite! From the Latin contritus, meaning crushed by a sense of sin.
Booth: There it is! Contrite! I'm happy that you contrited to the Canadian.
Brennan: Right. Would you like to hear some more things that I feel contrite about?
Booth: There's more?
Brennan: Yes. I feel contrite that I think your socks are silly.
Booth: What?!
Brennan: Also, I am contrite in the way that I think you are foolhardy in the way that you approach a cup of coffee.
Booth: How do I approach a cup of coffee?
Brennan: You drink it without checking the temperature and then you complain all day that your tongue is burnt! I feel contrite that I think that's stupid.
Booth: Let's recap: foolhardy and stupid.
Brennan: There's more.
Booth: Bones, you don't have to apologize for things that you think.
Brennan: Oh!
Booth: Believe me, if we had to feel sorry for every single thought...
Brennan: Like what?
Booth: Oh, believe me, I'm not going to fall down that path.

The Truth in the Myth [6.18][edit]

Booth: Do you even own a TV?
Brennan: Of course! It's in the closet.

Booth: [looks at a laughing Brennan] Now what?
Brennan: Perhaps you could see your dark side if you mooned a mirror. [laughs] Because "moon" is a term that refers to exposing
[...]
Booth: I know.
Brennan: Get it? It's pretty clever, right?
Booth: It's clever. I'd laugh, but I'm afraid of driving off the road.
Brennan: I understand.
Booth: Yeah, right? [smiles]
Brennan: Safety first. I understand. [laughs]

Brennan: [chuckles] Don't be ridiculous. Yetis don't exist.
Booth: I was in Nepal. Rangers have a secure training base there. I was doing field exercises, about to rendezvous with my platoon and I saw it. About 30, 35 feet in front of me.
Brennan: You were in the snow and in unfamiliar terrain, alone. Hallucinations are common.
Booth: It was over ten feet tall, it was huge. I looked straight in its eyes, pointed my rifle at it and it ran. This was no hallucination.
Brennan: Booth, I'm sure you thought––
Booth: [cuts Brennan off] Hey, why don't you just trust me here? Why can't you just use that brilliant scientific mind of yours and at least admit the possibility of what I'm saying here is true.
Brennan: You––you serious?
Booth: [resignedly] Just forget it. You know, you talk really good game, Bones, but when it comes down to it you're no different than people who were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.
Brennan: [protests] That's not true.
Booth: Hmm.

Angela: You really had to volunteer us for this, huh?
Hodgins: Yeah! I thought coming out to the woods would be nice, you know? A little fresh air.
Angela: Honey, let me explain something to you: there's a human growing inside me. Vegging on the couch and eating pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream is actually all I want to do.
Hodgins: Recent studies show that mothers who gain excess weight during their pregnancy makes their babies more prone to childhood obesity.
Angela: [smirks] Huh, that's interesting. I read a story that says that husbands who suggest their pregnant wives are fat are far more prone to being slugged by them. [Hodgins grins sheepishly at her]

Booth: Can I see your hands?
Coleman: My hands?
Booth: [irritated] Yeah, you know, the things under your arms there. [raises his hands] Your hands?

Booth: Bones, at any time did you think that the chupacabra was real?
Brennan: [laughs] No.
Booth: Then why did you believe that I saw the Yeti in Nepal?
Brennan: Because what I said you saw was totally rational.
Booth: I never saw it. You see, what you did was rationally explain something that never happened.
Brennan: You never saw the Yeti?
Booth: Or did I?
Brennan: No, you didn't! You did? Are you trying to confuse me?
Booth: I might be!
Brennan: Okay, what is your point?
Booth: That things are confusing. Just because you can explain something doesn't mean that it's explainable.
Brennan: You mean explicable?
Booth: Sure, like us. We don't make any sense at all.

Booth: [toasting] Here's to stupidity and greed. The two elements that keep us employed.

The Finder [6.19][edit]

[Booth's trying to get Brennan's ID back from Walter, both of them scuffling around the bar]
Walter: [calling for help when Booth pushes him down on the table] Leo! LEO!!
Leo: You provoke this upon yourself. [rising to leave] Let me know how things turned out.[leaves]
Ike: Cold beer while you wait? [offering cold beer to Brennan who's watching the two guys scuffling]
Brennan: [holds the beer bottle] Wait for what? [Booth and Walter still scuffling in the background]
Ike: The boys to get reacquainted. [cheers at Brennan's beer bottle and drinks]

Walter: Uh, pudge here is a..blind at one eye. [referring to person in the video]
Brennan: [surprised] How can you tell?
Walter: Oh, it's the way he holds that scrap, or whatever it is to the light.
Booth: 'Whatever it is' is a map...
Brennan: [correcting Booth] It's a chart fragment, Mr Sherman.
Walter: Oh, uh, please...call me Walter. [smiles at Brennan, Brennan smiles back]
Booth: Seriously? Focus, can we? Thank you. Really? [gesturing and giving a look at Walter]
Walter: [looks at Booth and looks back at Brennan] Are you two sleeping together?
Brennan: [chuckles] No! [looks at Booth]
Booth: No.
Walter: [to Brennan] Would you sleep with me? [Brennan looks at Walter shocked and amused]
Booth: [to Walter] You know what, you find the map, maybe you get a shot.[Brennan smacks Booth's arm] What? [mutters 'sorry' to Brennan]

Brennan: [rising to leave, talking to Walter] Uh..can I get your cell number, please?
Walter: What? No! [panicking] Who..who told you to get my cellphone number?
Booth: Oh, oh...just relax, don't be paranoid.
Brennan: In case, I obtained any..helpful informations from the victim's remains back in D.C.
Ike: [chuckling] Wh-What exactly you'd expect to find from a cracked-up bag of old bones?
Booth: Oh look, Bones has her thing, just like Walter here, alright? [leaving with Brennan]
Brennan: Except my thing is real, not some imaginary finder power! [gesturing mockingly]
Booth: Oh! [laughs]

[Walter answers his cell in the toilet]
Walter: Who is this?
Brennan: [at the other end with a surprised, confused look] It's..Dr Brennan at the Jeffersonian. Don't you have caller ID?
Walter: Caller ID doesn't tell you who's calling, it tells you the phone company wants you to think who's calling. Eh, did you guys find out that the victim was terminally ill?
Brennan: Yes...His mitral valve is completely calcified. How did you know?
Walter: He had pyramids on the ceiling of his bedroom.
Brennan: Wh..Pyramids indicate heart disease?
Walter: Of all the things humans created, pyramids stood the test of time best. Dying people invest all sorts of meaning in it. So..uh, did you find any signs of torture?
Brennan: Yes, I did. Three fingers were dislocated shortly before death. It's possible, given his heart condition, the victim died with his secret intact.
Walter: Nope, he told the killer where to find the map.
Brennan: What...Did you know where?
Walter: Poor man's safety deposit box. [looks at the victim's pawnshop's receipt]
Brennan: I..I don't know what that means.
Walter: Pawnshop. You got anything else?
Brennan: No, I'm done.
Walter: Yup, me too. [flushes the toilet; Brennan gives a confused look after hearing the flushing sound on the other end]

Walter: My work's done. [passes receipts to Booth]
Booth: What's this?
Walter: Itemized invoice from my expenses, mostly fuel for Ike flying me back and forth.
Brennan: But we haven't solve the murder!
Booth: Yes, two murders.
Brennan: Two murders! We haven't solve two murders!
Walter: You hired me to find the missing chart fragment. Eureka! [takes off the cover] Ta-daa! [reading map locations] Bingo! Mission accomplished, [gesturing to the map] I found it.
Cam: Ah, technically, I found it..in her throat
Walter: Britney's body was submerged under 80 feet of water in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, I brought her here to you..I..pretty sure that's the impressive part. [leaves]
Brennan: That's true. If it weren't for Walter, her remains will never be discovered.
Booth: [gives a look at Brennan] Seriously?

The Pinocchio in the Planter [6.20][edit]

Booth: Good job with the poop clues, Hodgins!
Hodgins: Secret is in the soil. It always is.
Booth: Ok, well, why don't you ask the dirt who killed him and why nobody saw it, huh?

[Booth and Brennan are faced with a suspect who is dressed as a clown]
Booth: (gives handcuffs to Brennan) Just cuff the clown.
Brennan: Me?

[Hodgins walks into Angela's office without her noticing]
Hodgins: I do not like that painting.
Angela: [turns and sees Hodgins] What?
Hodgins: I am attempting to open an honest dialog between us.
Angela: [curiously] By insulting my painting?
Hodgins: By stating what I think, regardless of the consequences.

The Sign in the Silence [6.21][edit]

Brennan: How about an encyclopedia?? Ooh! Or..a microscope?
Booth: C'mon Bones! Angela and Hodgins are having a baby, not a graduate student. I GOT IT! Uh-Huh! Stuffed animal! That's it!
Brennan: How'll that benefit a child?
Booth: Bones, they're having a kid. His major past time is gonna be about pooping his pants, okay? Mr. Poo-poo pants!
Brennan: One of my foster families..I had a..stuffed dog.
Booth: And you liked it, right?
Brennan: It frightened me actually. It was the family's pet for many years before they had it stuffed.
Booth: [pause] Oh! We'll..we'll forget about the whole stuffed animal thing. I..I got it, we'll get em' one of those mobiles for the crib.

Brennan: Can you sign? Because we'll need to communicate with her.
Meacham: Yes, but as of yet, she hasn't responded and who were you? [Brennan gives a suprised look]
Caroline: [to Meacham] Dr. Brennan is the best forensic anthropologist in the country..
Brennan: World! [Caroline surprised and Cam smiles at the reply]

Booth: Hey! You got anything?
Caroline: We've been checking on the hospitals and morgues for stabbing victims within a 50miles radius where Jane Doe was found, we've got nothing!
Booth: Yeah, well, I've got something. You know the bloody money that we found on the girl, assuming she stole it from the victim..this..[types the computer]..could be good news.
Caroline: You're cute when you try to make me happy.
Booth: Right..[hits one of the computer keys, image comes out in the screen] Look at that, look at all the 20 dollar bills.
Caroline: [looking at the computer screen] Okay..and what's that? [pointing to another image beside the bills]
Booth: I don't know what that is, we found it in her pocket. Angela's gonna reconstruct..but take a look at the serial numbers on the bills.
Caroline: They're sequential. Bank robbery?
Booth:No, ATM. ATMs get sequential bills from the banks. We can trace the number to the ATM, we should be able to find our victim.
Caroline: Now you're just downright handsome! [Booth smirks]

[creating the scenario of the case in the Bones room]
Cam: Okay, I still don't understand.
Brennan: They were face to face.[moving to a bigger space, gesturing Arastoo to participate, Arastoo obliged]. Duvall Price knocks her down.[Brennan lies down on the floor as Amy] He landed of top on her [gesturing Arastoo to be Duvall Price and get on top of her] Mr Vaziri?
Arastoo: [Awkwardly obliged, holds his body with his hands on top of Brennan] This is very awkward.
Brennan: [Below Arastoo] Mr Vaziri, this is a part of your job.
Arastoo: And I would like to quit this part of the job.

Hodgins: That's why nature invented false labor. Parents...need a dry run.

Angela: [in pain] Ouuuuhhh! [holds her belly, gasping for air] Oh-ouuuhhh!
Hodgins: [looking at Angela in pain] Oh god!
Angela: Oh, don't worry! It's nothing, it's nothing! Ouuuuhhh!![shouting in pain]
Hodgins: [goes to Angela] Okay, that is definitely something! OH MY GOD! [panicking] OH GOD! Okay! BABY! OH, OKAY! [looks at outside, shouting] BABY! Okay! Okay! [looks back at Angela, shouting and gesturing at Angela's belly] BABY!
Angela: [gasping in pain] According to the birthing class, that is SOO not how you're suppose to react right now!
Hodgins: Right! Right! [trying to calm down] Uh...I should..I should..
Angela: GET THE CAR!!
Hodgins: Go get the car!! Okay, I'm..[running out of the room, stops to tell Angela] I'm gonna get the car! [runs and stop again, returns back] KEYS! Oh, I need keys! Where're my keys..[feeling his pocket, looking around the ookey room] where the hell are my keys!? [Angela looks at Hodgins, frustrated and in pain] Don't look at me like that, babe! I know what I'm doing, okay!? I'm gonna...I'm gonna get the keys! I'm totally...[looking for his keys] and completely...calm..WHERE THE HELL ARE MY KEYS!?
Angela: Oh wow! Men are so not made for this!

The Hole in the Heart [6.22][edit]

Agent Shaw: No offence, maybe you should stay behind me.
Sweets: Of course. I don't measure my manhood the same way you do. [mutters to himself, embarrassed] That came out wrong.

Sweets: Broadsky wants you gone the same way you want him gone.
Booth: Broadsky wants to kill. I don't. You know what, I'll do what I have to do.
Sweets: I hope so. [with dread] Because with you gone, we're next.

[Vincent is wearing his T. Rex contraption and wants to test it with an arm wrestling competition.]
Vincent: [excitedly] Are you ready to represent the human race?
Hodgins: [scoffs] Always.
[Cam walks in and catches them.]
Cam: Life or death huh?
Hodgins: [speechless] .....
Vincent: Dr. Saroyan, you are about to witness the first confrontation between man and dinosaur.
Hodgins: I'm the man.
Cam: Thanks for the hint.
[Vincent's contraption subdues Hodgins]
Cam: Ooo. Careful. If you break Hodgins you'll be responsible for raising his unborn child.
[Hodgins realizes the contraption's weakness and defeats Vincent]
Hodgins: [stands up, triumphantly] Yes!!! That is one for humanity and zero for the tyrant lizard!

[Broadsky is held at gunpoint by Booth]
Broadsky: You really so damn positive you're the good guy in this?
Booth: Yeah. Positive as you are. Difference is, I'm right.

Broadsky: Do the math, Seeley. I'm doing good work.
Booth: You kill people. No judge, no jury. Just you making the call.
Broadsky: My conscience is clear. And since you're trying to stop me, you're playing for the wrong team.
Booth: Oh, you threatening me now?
Broadsky: Self-defense, Seeley. Sometimes, that means a very aggressive offense.
Booth: You forget who you're dealing with, Jacob?
Broadsky: Not for a moment. And don't you forget, you never see the bullet that takes you down.

[In the conference room at the FBI headquarters. Everyone is in shock.]
Angela: I can't believe he's dead.
Brennan: The bullet severed his aorta. It's amazing he lasted as long as he did.
Sweets: [to Brennan] I think Angela means she's struggling with the concept that we'll never see Vincent again.
Angela: Can we just be sad for a minute without.... [Sweets nods understandingly]
Hodgins: [in a daze] He was the sweetest guy. With all his facts...
Cam: [smiles] And his confessions. I mean, if those were the worst things he ever did.

Agent Genny Shaw: The kid who was killed in the lab, was he a friend of yours?
Booth: Yes, he was.
Shaw: I'm sorry for your loss.
Booth: Well, you know what, don't be sorry. [smiles] Just help me get revenge.

Hodgins: [urgently] Dr. Brennan, listen. If he is playing dueling snipers with Broadsky, you've got to get to the point real fast.

Booth: Uh, how are you feeling?
Angela: Oh, boy. Like an overstuffed turkey shoved into an overhead bin of an overcrowded flight. How about you?
Booth: Me? Like I'm chasing a ghost.

Booth: [Applying pressure to a wounded Vincent Nigel-Murray] Open your eyes, Vincent! Stay with me!
Vincent: [pleadingly] I... ple-please don't. Just don't make me go. I-I don't want to go. I love -it's been lovely. Being here with - with you.
Brennan: No! You can stay here as long as you like, Vincent. You're my favorite! Everyone knows that. Right, Booth?
[Vincent's pleas stop and he goes still. Realizing there's nothing more he can do, Booth takes his hands off him.]
Brennan: You have to keep the pressure on!
Booth: [realizes that Vincent is dead] No, I don't, Bones.

Hodgins: You know, Vincent gave me a great piece of advice? He said, "The busiest shopping hour in the entire year is between 3:00 and 4:00 on Christmas Eve." So, I never shop during that time.
Sweets: Oh, he told me that Quebec City in Canada has the same amount of street crime as Disney World. So, safe place to visit.
Cam: Vincent informed me that the crack of a whip was actually the tip breaking the sound barrier.
Angela: He told me that the top of the Eiffel Tower is actually six inches shorter in the winter time. So, it's better to climb it then.
Brennan: Vincent's favorite song was "The Lime in the Coconut".
Sweets: Seriously? 'Cause that's like … that's my jam.
(The team breaks out into singing "Coconut" as they load Vincent Nigel-Murray's remains into a hearse.)

Booth: [having been woken by Brennan] What's wrong?
Brennan: He kept saying 'don't make me go.'
Booth: What?
Brennan: Vincent. He was looking at me and he was saying 'don't make me leave.' [crying] He said that he loved being there. Why would he think that I'm the one making him leave? What kind of person am I?
Booth: Come here. No, no, no, Bones. You got that all wrong, all right? You got it all wrong.
Brennan: No. I heard him. You did, too. Don't make me leave. That's what he said.
Booth: He wasn't talking to you.
Brennan: I was the only one there. And you. He wasn't -- he wasn't talking to you.
Booth: I think he was talking to God. He didn't want to die.
Brennan: No, Vincent was like me, Booth. He was an atheist.
Booth: Okay. He was talking to the universe, then. He didn't want to go. He wasn't ready, Bones. He wanted to stay.
Brennan: If there was a God then he would have let Vincent stay here with us.
Booth: That's not how it works.

Angela: What is going on? I mean, is this about Vincent?
Brennan: Yes.
Angela: Yeah.
Brennan: And I got into bed with Booth last night. [looks at Angela's dumbfounded expression] Why aren't you saying anything?
Angela: Because I -- I don't wanna yell 'Hallelujah!' so close to losing Vincent!
Brennan: I think I did it because of Vincent.
Angela: Wait. Whoa. What exactly happened after you -- after you crawled into bed with Booth?
Brennan: [pause and thinks for a moment, then gives a happy smile]
Angela: [smiling in anticipation of Brennan's answer]
Hodgins: [walks in the room with speed, bringing information and interrupting before Brennan could say anything] I've got the GC mass spec result back on the bullet that killed Vincent.
Angela: Honey! No! Not right now! I'm sorry, I love you, but go tell Cam! Go! Away!
Hodgins: Uh-- [walks out of the room, stops in the doorway and tries to talk]
Angela: [raising her voice] AWAY!

Hodgins: [has just given a long, detailed scientific explanation of the GC mass spec results on the bullet that killed Vincent] And you know what that means...
Cam: ...of course, but remind me anyway.

The Change in the Game [6.23][edit]

Wendell: You know, the only perimortem injury that I could find is this fracture to the nasal bone.
Hodgins: Who dies of a broken nose?
Wendell: Exactly. If I can't figure out the cause of death, Dr. Brennan's gonna be tossing me into that machine.
Hodgins: Right.
Wendell: You're supposed to say, "No, she'll understand."
Hodgins: Oh, but she won't.
Wendell: Ah, that is so funny.

Angela: I'm pretty sure any day the Guinness people are gonna come and measure me.
Hodgins: You look beautiful.
Angela: Yeah, for a water buffalo.

Wendell: Watch this. I'm about to Brennanize you.
Hodgins: Brennanize?
Wendell: Transverse fracture to the metacarpal and the right thumb, chondromalacia patellae of the left knee, a notch in the notch of the left ulna --
Hodgins: A notch in the notch?
Wendell: That's correct. With exostosis of the medial surface.
Hodgins: So what is that? Some kind of repetitive stress stuff?
Wendell: Yep, like this. [moves right arm upward repetitively]
Hodgins: Wow.
Wendell: Yeah, I'm thinking some kind of ritualized offering to like the sun, you know?
Hodgins: Yeah, yeah. Like a figure kind of on a high throne, right? Like a Satanic or an Illuminati slave!
Angela: Boys. You're bowling.
Hodgins: What? Okay! You're ready! The hot sauce worked!
Angela: Uh, no, not yet. Just relax.
Wendell: Bowling!
Angela: Bowling, yes.
Hodgins: Well, that would correspond with the high level of polyester in his garment.
Angela: And the fact that he was found in a bowling alley.

Hodgins: All right. So, breathe through your nose.
Angela: Do not tell me what to do.
Hodgins: All right.
Angela: But, but, but coach me like we practiced!
Hodgins: Those are mutually exclusive!
Angela: Don't argue with me!

Hercules: We are doomed! We only needed two pins and you left them both standing!
Booth: I've still got another ball.
Max: Yeah, right. A seven-ten split.
Brennan: It's highly improbable, statistically approaching the impossible.
Tina: Sometimes when you speak it's like you watch PBS on purpose.

Angela: Have I ever told you how wonderful your voice is? It's like hot tea and honey. Any child with a father who has a voice like yours is just --
Hodgins: Have I ever told you how good you smell, and how soft your skin is, and how every time you take my hand I feel your whole life vibrating with mine?

Brennan: They looked so happy.
Booth: Shoot yeah. They had a baby!
Brennan: Their whole lives have changed. You'd think they would be a little more apprehensive.
Booth: Well, you know, having a baby. That's a good thing.
Brennan: You really think that?
Booth: Yeah, it's a great thing. Why? What? Oh, come on, Bones. The baby is fine. He's healthy. They have a healthy baby, all right? They love each other. This is the happiest day of their lives, okay? What?
Brennan: I'm -- I'm pregnant. You're the father. [She watches as Booth smiles, and smiles back]

Season 7[edit]

The Memories in the Shallow Grave [7.1][edit]

Booth: [notices Brennan crying while examining a body] Everything okay, Bones?
Brennan: Of course. I'm merely experiencing emotional inconsistencies due to hormones secreted during pregnancy.
Hodgins: Angela used to cry at the ShamWow commercial.
Booth: Maybe the dead bodies are finally getting to you.
Brennan: Of course not.
Booth: Let me get a picture of this one. [takes out his cell phone and starts taking pictures]
Brennan: [still crying] Stop it, Booth!
Booth: Relax, okay? It's just -- you're normal.
Brennan: I'm not normal! I'm extraordinary!

Hodgins: [looking at the beetles crawling all over the corpse] Come to papa, my little friends!
Cam: Really? They’re beetles. Not puppies, Dr. Hodgins.

[Booth and Sweets are walking to Booth's office]
Sweets: So there's no extra stress between you and Dr. Brennan because of the pregnancy?
Booth: [chuckles, turns around the face Sweets] We're not gonna talk about that.
Sweets: Why not? It's shrinky stuff!
Booth: [smiles] We're fine. We're fine!
Sweets: All right, ok, I'm not trying to be pushy here but it must be very difficult that you and Dr. Brennan haven't agreed on a living arrangement yet.
Booth: Ok, you know what, I've been shot at, I've been stalked, I've been kidnapped, I almost drowned, ok? I'll be able to find a place for us to live. [pats Sweets on the shoulder] So go have some coffee, all right?

Angela: Is it true that you were crying at the crime scene?
Brennan: Only as a result of increased hormonal output, not at sadness at the victim's death.
Wendell: Probably chorionic gonadotropin.
Brennan: Exactly.
Wendell: Still, I mean, you crying. I would have loved to see that.
Brennan: Why?
Angela: It's sort of like an eclipse. It doesn't happen that often.
Brennan: Booth took a picture of me, but since I have a picture of him cooking an omelet naked he agreed never to show it to anyone.
Wendell: Smart move.
Angela: [stunned, somewhat amused] I'm sorry. Naked? Wow. [Brennan looks at her and smirks] Okay, listen, I am your best friend, so I think I should take a peek at that.

Brennan: Violence would be a logical extension of his belief. The Bible features a vengeful God who capriciously slaughters the creatures he creates. Sweets would characterize him as a sociopath.
Booth: Wait! God is not a sociopath!
Brennan: Let's just say, I don't want him babysitting for our child.

Cam: [walks into Hodgins lab to see him holding his and Angela's son] What is this?
Hodgins: [surprised, grins at Cam] Uh, it's a very small, bipedal primate from the Hominidae family.
Cam: You both know the rules.
Angela: Yeah, we do, but he doesn't. He missed his dad, so --
[...]
Cam: He's not allowed in the lab. I don't want to see him here again.
Angela: Your daughter visits.
Cam: She's eighteen! She's not going to spitup on the mass spectrometer. [Michael smiles at her] Tell him to stop looking at me like that. [Michael continues to smile] Would you tell him to stop?
Angela: He likes you.
Cam: Well, don't let the smile fool you. I'm still very upset. Sweet, baby boy. [Michael smiles]
Angela: Who's that?
Hodgins: That's my boy.

Booth: I also did some research on the Internet and I found about 20 tribes that say you would have to move in with me. And one where I actually get to shoot you in the leg with an arrow.

Booth: Look, Bones. I love you. That's not rational. Us having a kid, that's not rational. But here we are.

Hodgins: So, I was sifting through the soil at the bottom of the grave and I found fibers coated in linseed oil.
Wendell: You said her clothes had absorbed the oil.
Hodgins: Her clothes are made of polyethylene terephthalate.
Wendell: Can't you just say polyester?
Hodgins: I did.

Booth: I just...I want our kid to know that I'm not my dad. I just want him to know that I was a good dad who gave him a real home. Our home.
Brennan: Why didn't you just say that?
Booth: Just didn't think you'd understand.
Brennan: [shakes head incredulously] I don't. I know you're not your father.

Brennan: What are these x-rays?
Wendell: The paint had hardened, so I x-rayed each glob to see if there was anything inside.
Hodgins: We didn't want to break it open in case it would destroy evidence.
Brennan: What about 6F3?
Hodgins: It looks like tree sap or resin.
Brennan: Enlarge the image, please.
Wendell: That's not sap.
Cam: It looks like chewing gum.
Hodgins: Okay, even if it is, the dye and the polyethylene, the paint would have destroyed the DNA.
Brennan: We don't need DNA, do we Mr. Bray?
Wendell: Of course not. I should have seen that. I'm sorry.
Cam: Excuse me, the boss here needs an explanation.
Brennan: Look at the image. There is a clear impression of the tooth in the gum. That's as clear as a fingerprint.
Hodgins: If I freeze the paintball I should be able to extract the gum without compromising the shape.
Brennan: I'll tell Booth.
Wendell: She's having that baby so the next generation will have someone to make them feel dumb.
Hodgins: Seriously.

Booth: We can have whatever life we want. You know that, right?
Brennan: [smiles] New memories, new life.

The Hot Dog in the Competition [7.2][edit]

Hodgins: Dr. Brennan, are you sure you don't want a chair? The way you're squatting, I'm worried that little guy in there is going to drop right out.
Brennan: Thank you, but my uterus and cervical plug are quite healthy. Also, I'm not having a boy. It's a girl.
Booth: [smiles] A girl. [becomes alarmed] Excuse me?
Brennan: The fetus inside my womb has female genitalia.
Hodgins: You guys are having a girl? That is so awesome!
Booth: Okay, wait. Just wait one second. Can I have a word with you here? You're guessing, right? What we're having?
Brennan: No, I had an ultrasound at the doctor's this morning. Are you displeased with the results?
Booth: No, I'm thrilled, but you can't just spring something like that on me in public. Why didn't you tell me that you had a doctor's appointment?
Brennan: Ultrasounds are poorly pixelated and black and white. You only like movies that are in color.
Booth: I would have loved this movie! It would have been my favorite movie of all time!
Brennan: I had no idea that our child's genitals were so important to you.
Booth: [annoyed] Bones, I am the father.

[In the interrogation room]
Tobin: [to Booth, glances at Sweets] What's with the scrawny guy? Thought he'd be dealing with that pregnant chick who took me down. [smirks] I liked her.
Booth: You really don't wanna go down that road, buddy.
Sweets: No, you really don't. The little girl she's carrying is his daughter.
Tobin: [smile fades from his face] Oh.

Brennan: Did your interest in forensics stem from a plan to murder your stepfather?
Finn: Yes, ma'am, it did.
Brennan: Dr. Saroyan mentioned that he was physically abusive to both you and your mother.
Finn: He had a temper. Probably why I behaved like I did. I could never find a way to make the mad go away.
Brennan: So did you murder your stepfather, Mr. Abernathy?
Finn: No, ma'am. I did not.
Brennan: What stopped you?
Finn: I read a paper you wrote: postmortem dismemberment analysis. I knew no matter how careful I was I'd never get away with killing him. At least not with ya'll around.
Brennan: I like to think that's true.
Finn: I took it as a sign from above to keep me on the straight and narrow. I haven't so much as talk in church since.
Brennan: What happened to your stepfather?
Finn: Last time I saw him I told him he was a dead man if he ever touched my mama again. I guess the son of a bitch didn't know I was bluffing.
Brennan: I can imagine how it must feel to know people are thinking that you did something like that.
Finn: I appreciate that.
Brennan: [affects southern drawl] You must never walk out again, you hear? There ain't gonna be no more second chances. [smiles at Mr. Abernathy] I love John Wayne movies.

Brennan: I owe you an apology.
Booth: An apology? Wait a second, is this you apologizing to me or me apologizing to you for something that I don't understand?
Brennan: I understand how upset you must have felt not to be included at the ultrasound. While I wish I could undo what I've done to you, I can't.
Booth: That's okay. An apology is enough.
Brennan: Really? Because I have more.
Booth: Oh. I'll always take more. What do you have in mind?
Brennan: Well, the doctor made me a DVD of the ultrasound. While the resolution is not ideal, I feel certain that you will enjoy seeing this.
Booth: Of course I'm going to enjoy seeing it. [whispers] Oh, wow. [He stands up] Look, that's the heartbeat.
Brennan: [smiles] You're happy.
Booth: Of course I'm happy! Look at that! She kicked!
Brennan: [laughs] She has your prominent mental protuberance.
Booth: Is that a good thing?
Brennan: Yes. It's a very good thing.

Cam: (freaking-out on seeing a python emerge from the intestines of a dead woman during an examination) Somebody kill that thing!
Brennan: (wide-eyed,on her cellphone to Hodgins) You can come back to the lab. We discovered the warm place where the python was hiding. (Finn pulls the python from the corpse, and holds it up to his face.)
Finn: (to Cam) Oh, I got to say, Ma'am, this is the best damn job, ever.

Prince In The Plastic [7.3][edit]

Angela: (to Hodgins) You! You're a genius scientist person, right? So get over here and put this thing together, or there will be BLOOD.

Brennan: (about their living arrangement) We're still arguing about it. I want at least an acre of land, and he wants something called a man cave.
Booth: Wait, really? Really. You really want to get him involved?
Brennan: He asked a question.
Booth: Just tell him that it's crazy for him to carry a gun, that's all.
Brennan: But it is not.
Booth: It is.
Sweets: (to Brennan) Thank you.
Brennan: At the very least, he could draw fire away from you and get shot himself, which would reduce the likelihood of me becoming a single parent.
Sweets: We, we, we don't have to go through every eventuality.
Booth: You're not getting a gun.
Sweets: Then I'll make sure you don't get a man cave.
Booth: You're not going to get a gun.
Sweets: Well, then, you won't get a man cave.

Brennan: I'm not good playing with toys. What if I can't connect with our child?
Booth: Okay, you connect with me, right?
Brennan: You know I do.
Booth: Okay, our child is half of me, so at the very least, you can connect with the me half. Get it, right? Listen, you're gonna be a great mom.

Bianca: And I'm going to need each of you to sign a non-disclosure form before we enter.
Booth: Oh, I can't do that. I'm with the FBI. What we do is disclose.
Bianca: Well, then, I can't allow you to stay here.
Daisy: Well, we can always shut the building down while we wait for a warrant if that's what you'd prefer. I'm sure the press would love a story like that. [Booth glares at Daisy]
Bianca: Fine.
Daisy: [to Booth] That was relevant, wasn't it?
Booth: [glares at her] I cop, you squint.
Daisy: Well, then permission to squint, Agent Booth.
Booth: Squint away.

[Booth and Sweets are in the car waiting for their suspect]
Booth: It's not that I don't want you to carry a gun, Sweets. Do you understand that? It's just that I am concerned about your welfare!
Sweets: Yeah, 'cause you think I'm incompetent. Guess what? I aced my last practice round at the range.
Booth: That's a practice range, all right? There's a difference. But you know, when the real guns come out there's no time for thinking. It's just reaction. You understand? That's why they put people through Hogan's Alley.
Sweets: You think I'm not aware of that? [Booth gets out of the car] Oh, what, you're just gonna walk away? End of discussion?
Booth: [pokes head through the window] Perp. [points to suspect] Huh? You see what I mean Sweets? You're too busy talking.

Sweets: I'm here for my test, sir.
[The range master turns around and is revealed to be Booth.]
Sweets: What, what are you doing here?
Booth: Called in a favor. I'm running this one.
Sweets: Booth, that's not fair. You don't want me to have a gun. It's gonna affect my performance.
Booth: That's the point. You wanted to have my back. If something like this rattles you, I can't trust you. [smiles] So, ready?
Sweets: Let's rock and roll.

The Male in the Mail [7.4][edit]

[Two postal workers are pilfering items from the dead letter office. One of them, Ronald, opens a box and finds some remains.]
Tom: That's an animal. I found a dead cat once. Early retirement is looking good. [Ronald finds a skull and screams] That's it. I retire. Welcome to the US Postal Service, kid.

Cam: The body fluids, along with the packing materials, transformed the tissue into an adipocerous gel.
Clark: I'm pretty sure my middle school served this for dessert.
Cam: Unless we can separate them, the packing material is going to contaminate any tests I run on the tissue.
Clark: And I need to separate these bones before there's anymore chemical damage to them.
Hodgins: I have got just what you need, Clark. This little puppy is a plycimer laser. Now, who wants to hear it bark?
Cam: Aren't those used for eye surgery?
Hodgins: There's gotta be an eye in here somewhere, right? Now, I've set it so that it'll zip through the goop and separate it from the cardboard.
Cam: Can't we just cut the box open?
Hodgins: But I already signed this out, and it's much cooler. Trust me.

Booth: You really want to help? I got a great idea. What do you say we talk about something else? Let's talk about you.
Brennan: [pause] My breasts are very sore. Would you mind if I spent the evening naked?
Booth: Sure, yeah that's fine with me. No complaints here, that's great. See, now, isn't this a better conversation?

Brennan: I should be able to help Booth, shouldn't I?
Angela: Yeah, but what he's going through... [shakes head] It's not your fault.
Brennan: But you would be able to help Hodgins. Booth could help me. [Angela looks up at her] What would you do?
Angela: [smiles] Booth loves you, Brennan, not me. It doesn't matter what anybody else would do. You have to figure out what you can give him that nobody else can.

[Booth is cooking in the kitchen while Hank is sifting through documents.]
Hank: Probate forms, insurance claims, pension documents, social security forms. You gotta sign these.
Booth: Me? Why do I have to sign these? I haven't seen him in twenty years
Hank: You're next of kin.
Booth: So are you, so is Jared.
Hank: Your father made you sole executor and beneficiary.
Booth: [scoffs] Huh. Beneficiary. Having him for a father wasn't exactly a benefit, Pops
Hank: Seeley...
Booth: Look, you were my father, all right? He was never there for me. You raised me, not him. He was never there. Understand? You don't have to defend him to me.
Hank: I wasn't. I was just trying to remind you that he was my son. [Booth looks up at him] Good or bad, he was my son. I gotta tell ya, I'm a little disappointed that you don't seem to see the hurt I'm feeling.
Booth: [mumbles] Sorry, Pops.
Hank: You don't think I know what it was like for you? You don't think I don't feel responsible? I raised him. Don't you feel responsible for your boy? Now, Seeley, we're family. We're gonna get through this together.

[Sheila Burnside is in the FBI Interrogation Room with her lawyer Bob Fisher.]
Bob Fisher: Do not talk! Not... one... word!
Sheila: [regarding herself and Oliver] We did it a few times, but it didn't mean anything!
[...]
Sheila: [to Booth] I'm a slut, not a killer.
Bob Fisher: [to Sheila] Shut. Up.
[...]
Booth: Where was your husband the night Oliver died?
Sheila: Hugh wouldn't kill anyone.
Bob Fisher: I hate my job.

Hank: [reading a letter from his son - Booth's father] "I didn't write a letter to Seely because I knew he'd rip up anything I sent him - and he should. If you can find a way, let him know ... I love him. He and Jared deserved a better father than me. A father ... a father as good as I had. Thank you for raising him to be the man I could never be."

Hank: [to Booth] Son, listen. I know you wish some things could've been resolved. Closure, they call it. But life is just a lot of loose ends. So smile, love that woman you have and love that new little girl that you're gonna have.

Booth: [to Agent Shaw] What we do is teamwork. You thinking that the only way I'm going to respect you is if you hand me this "final piece of the puzzle" is not teamwork. It's ego.

Brennan: Do you miss your father, Booth?
Booth: Why? He's been gone for twenty years. No.
Brennan: Are you going to open the box?
Booth: You know I don't really want to talk about this.
Brennan: But I do, and I might say the wrong thing, but for the time being we're sharing our lives and that means you can't shut me out, Booth.
Booth: What's the point? [Brennan retrieves and places the box in front of him] Seriously? Bones.
Brennan: Quantum physicists have postulated that the way we experience time is an illusion; that it doesn't happen in a linear way. That past and present, in reality, there's no difference.
Booth: Bones, what are you trying to get at?
Brennan: You do have some good memories of your father. You told me that. There was the time when the river froze and he woke you up at midnight to skating, and the time you were sweeping up at his barbershop when he put on Louis Prima and pretended that the electric razor was a microphone. And the World Series, your one perfect day together. Those good times with your dad are happening right now. They'll always be happening. You deserve to keep those alive.

The Twist in the Twister [7.5][edit]

Cam: [spies Hodgins yawning while examining evidence] Is death getting dull to you, Dr. Hodgins?
Hodgins: Oh sorry, it's Michael. Apparently our baby believes that sleep is only for the weak.

Cam: [watching Angela swiping a card over and over again] Um, is she trying to get on the platform with a buy ten get one free yogurt card?

[Fisher, Angela and Cam are discussing a victim.]
Fisher: The only difference between "try" and "triumph" is a little "umph".
[Angela and Cam look at Fisher strangely]
Fisher: My mom puts motivational sayings up on the fridge. Oh God, she's destroying me. [walks out]

Brennan: [opening the tornado cover door] You lied to me! I could have missed this!

Hodgins: [sees the "Gramps" tattoo on Michael's arm] He's tattooed? You tattooed MY CHILD?
Billy: Relax. It's a press on. For now.

The Crack in the Code [7.6][edit]

Hodgins: Look, all I'm saying is that John Wilkes Booth was secretly a member of Knights of the Golden Circle affiliated with Rome. [shrugs and smiles at Cam]
Cam: Ok...a little friendly advice. Do not mention Booth to Booth. They are related and he'll shoot you. [Hodgins turns and sees Booth and Brennan walking in]
Booth: What've we got here?
Hodgins: [awkwardly] Hi!
Booth: Hi.

[Booth and Sweets are interrogating Sam]
Sam: I have an important job preserving our national heritage.
Booth: [deadpan] You kill cockroaches.
Sam: Obviously you don't understand museum hygiene. Mama roaches, they have like forty babies a pop. They eat the paint, the wallpaper and drop their roach feces all over the historical artifacts.
Sweets: No kidding.
Sam: I'm our nation's front line of defense.
Booth: Against roach poop.
Sam: It's very stressful, which is why I need my smokes.

Caroline: [frustrated at a journalist] I have a whole bunch of comments and they all have four letters!

Brennan: The mighty hut appears to be leaking.

Pelant: It's the giant flaw in our system: trying to make the system more secure, we make it more complex. But the more complex we make it, the more insecure we actually are.
Booth: Well, it turns out I'm not a complex guy. I'm a simple guy. And simple guys take down guys like you.

[Sweets has walked in the Jeffersonian lab wearing a bright blue motorcycle helmet]
Caroline: Why is that man wearing an Easter egg on his head?

Caroline: This set of orders was passed down through channels that even the Almighty Himself would need an atlas and a double-shot of bourbon to navigate!

Brennan: We have a house, Booth. You found our home. [smiles]
Booth: We have a home.

The Prisoner in the Pipe [7.7][edit]

Brennan: At this stage of my pregnancy, my IQ could be anywhere from eight to ten points lower than normal.
Daisy: Which is why we all need to pitch in every way we can. I'm becoming a certified doula. [squints as Hodgins' headlamp shines in her eyes]
Brennan: You aren't getting anywhere near my cervix, Miss Wick.
Daisy: Just saying. Should you find yourself in need, I could stop at the perineum.

Booth: Sweets, just get on with this so we don't have to look at that thing.
Sweets: [surprised] What do you have against a cappuccino machine?
Booth: This is a diner. I come here because there is no cappuccino machine. [Sweets looks at him in bewilderment] [continues ranting] And some things, they need to be sacred, right? Preserved. All right? In this country, there is a line between coffee and foamy crap. And when that line gets blurred..people, they just become animals.
Sweets: You ok?
Booth: [raises voice] No! No, I'm not ok! I'm not dunkin' my donut into some cappuccino. [other customers start looking at Booth] That's not why I joined the Army. [Sweets is looking very embarrassed and puts his hand on Booth's shoulder attempting to calm him down] I didn't join the Army for that.
Sweets: [sheepishly grins at the waitress] I'll take two regular coffees, please. Thanks. Two black.

Cam: I ran a tox screen on the ocular fluid and it came back negative, which eliminates poison as cause of death. Do you have anything?
Brennan: There's a fragment of the right ninth rib with striations that are consistent with a stab wound, but there's so little evidence it would be irresponsible of me to form a conclusion at this point.
Angela: Come on. Just this once.
Brennan: [wriggles under the pressure] No.
Cam: [grins, goading] You can do it. Just say it's a stabbing.
Brennan: I can't.
Angela: We'll think you're cool if you do.
Brennan: Well I want to be cool, but I can't.
Angela: It's okay, honey. We still love you just the same.

Booth: [looking at welcome home sign] What is that? Welcome stapes?
Brennan: [laughs] It's the smallest bone in the human body.
Angela: We didn't know her name, so --
Brennan: Thanks. She's so lucky to have all of you.
Angela: So, what is her name?
Booth: Well, we named her after Bones' mom.
Brennan: Christine. Our daughter's name is Christine. Christine Angela.
Angela: Oh my God.

The Bump in the Road [7.8][edit]

Booth: [cradling Christine, excitedly] She winked at me!
Brennan: She probably has something in her eye. Do you have the shopping list?
Booth: Yeah I have the shopping list right here. Why do you have to be like that, huh? She could've winked at me.
Brennan: She's six weeks old, Booth. She's developmentally incapable of making the decision to wink at you.
Booth: Well, she could be just like you, you know, brilliant and crazy about me. [grins at Brennan]
[Brennan winks at Booth mischievously, Booth winks back.]
Booth: Hey, that's a good one. [turns to Christine] See that? Mommy winked too!

Brennan: Did you wash the nipples?
Booth: Yes, I did in the shower, but I don't think day care is gonna check.

Finn: [to his ex-girlfriend Lily] I'm sorry but I have to work all weekend. Yeah, this is my boss. [nods in Cam's direction] She says there's fields to plow. [Cam looks up in surprise]
Lily: Oh.
Cam: Yes. Finn has to...hitch the horses to the wagon and use that plow to....unearth the...the...he's got work.

Hodgins: I found more papers in her bra.
Angela: Well, these papers from her pockets are all faded. I have no idea what was written or printed on them.
Hodgins: It must be something important.
Angela: Why do you think that? I mean, you have papers in your pockets and so do I.
Hodings: Yeah, but do you also stuff papers into your bra?
Angela: [smiles] Not since high school.
Hodgins: She was hiding it, right? That means they're important. You know, maybe even secret.
Angela: You think this is some kind of government conspiracy?
Hodgins: Ang, in 1963 the positions of the Soviet nuclear fleet were sewn into the lining of a hunting cap.
Angela: The video spectral comparator should be able to tell us what was once on here.
Hodgins: You never know, I mean, these markings could be code. See? Here.
Angela: Yeah, it's a UPC code on a coupon.
Hodgins: Ten cents off any three pack of tapioca pudding.
Angela: [points at the screen, in mock horror] Oh my God. Oh my God! Terrorists are trying to corner the market on tapioca pudding and take down America!
Hodgins: [deadpan] You're mocking me.
Angela: [grins] You're quick.

Bates: [embarrassed] The panties are mine, ok?
[Brennan raises her eyebrows and Booth looks at him strangely. looks around and discreetly pulls down part of his pants.]
Booth: [shocked] Oh!! [Brennan smirks]
Bates: They don't chafe like man pants.
Booth: [awkwardly] Well, yeah.
Bates: [pleads] Don't tell my wife. I only wear them on the road.
[...]
Bates: I didn't kill anyone. I just like to feel pretty. [Booth and Brennan stare at him in bemusement]

[In Cam's office]
Michelle: I may be your daughter but I'm also eighteen and that means if I can vote and go to war I can certainly choose who I date! [storms out]
Cam: [calls after her] Yeah but you can't drink! You're still not allowed to drink!

Brennan: You shouldn't hit people. You should use your words! That's what all the books say.
Chad: [in disbelief] Are you serious?
Booth: [deadpan, to Chad] Well, you know, she's a new mom.

The Don't in the Do [7.9][edit]

Booth: [Brennan has asked him about her outfit] You're an airplane propellor and I'm about to walk into you so I am going to take a step back.

The Warrior in the Wuss [7.10][edit]

[Booth has fallen down a ravine while Brennan and Hodgins are looking for the corpse's skull]
Booth: [picks the skull up out of the water and treats it like a puppet] "Hey look, you found me!" Can we go to the airport now?

(Booth is sat on Parker's bed next to Parker who is holding his baby sister Christine)

Booth: I'm so glad your back buddy! And so is Christine.
Parker: She's so little.
Booth: Yeah, Oh, I think she's smiling at ya.
Parker: Ya think?
Booth: Yeah.

(Booth laughs softly and looks around)

Booth: So, what do you think of ya room, it's just like your old one.
Parker: It's awesome.

(Christine starts crying and getting fussy)

Parker: I think you should take her.
Booth: Right, okay. Easy.

(Booth stands up and takes Christine)

Parker: I don't want her to hate me.
Booth: She's not gonna hate you. You're her big brother. Come on, huh?

(Christine starts crying)

Booth: It's alright.

(Parker walks over to his toys)

Booth: So, what do you think of that i got the old RC truck out. I found it.
Parker: Do you think it still works?
Booth: Of course it does. Me and Christine we put some batteries in it this morning, and we took it for a few laps.

(Parker scowls before putting it back)

Booth: Look. Bones had to go to the lab, so maybe later, you, me and Christine, we can make some spaghetti meatballs, huh?
Parker: Christine can't really do the things you say, Dad.
Booth: I know. But we're all just really happy that your back.

(Parker smiles)

Parker: You like her?
Booth: I love her, just like i love you, okay?

(Booth hugs him and kisses his head, Parker hugs him back before pulling away)

Parker: Can i just lie down? I'm tired.
Booth: Sure. Yeah. Uh, probably just jet lag, right? Before you know it you'll be back in American time, alright?

(Booth walks out the room and stops outside, looking at him)

Booth: Hey, buddy. i'm really glad your back.

(Parker smiles)

Parker: See ya.

(Parker closes the door and Booth looks at the door in confusion)


Booth: Hey, buddy? You here, just had a quick break wanted to see if you wanted to grab a bite...

(He knocks on the door to Parker's room, then opens it)

Booth: -or something... Parker? Parker? Great..

(Booth sighs, Parker walks in)

Parker: Dad..?

(Booth turns around)

Booth: Yeah. There you are. Where were you.
Parker: What are you doing home?
Booth: I came home to see you, of course. Obviously. And i was gonna pick up my gym bag.
Parker: I haven't seen it.
Booth: Right. Of course you haven't seen my gym bag. Why would you of seen my bag..? Where were you just now?

(Booth looks at him in confusion)

Parker: Uh.. No where, just out exploring the woods out back.
Booth: Out back, exploring the woods? Right, then why didn't you tell the babysitter where you were?
Parker: Because i'm not a baby, Christine's the baby.

(Booth's cell rings and he answers it)

Booth: Booth... Great so is there gonna be something else or is this all about worms..? All right, so he was beaten up.

(Booth looks at Parker laying on the bed as he's on the phone and sees his shoes clean, before speaking on the phone again)

Booth: The karate teacher, I'll tell you what, i'll come by and pick you up and we can see if his hands match his wounds and stuff. Alright, see you in 15.

(Booth hangs up and looks at Parker)

Booth: Hey.. Buddy, i have to get back to work, okay? Stay tight and i'll see you later on. And if you go anywhere you tell the babysitter... right, sitter. You tell the sitter where you'll be.

(Parker nods)

Parker: Yeah.

(Booth looks at him unconvincingly)

Booth: Kay'.

(Booth looks to the bottom of his shoes before leaving)


(Bones knocks on Parker's door)

Bones: Parker? I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk with me and Christine?

(She knocks again as she gets no reply)

Bones: Parker? Parker, you okay?

(She opens up the door, and looks in confusion as she sees one of his toys that him and Booth made together, broken. She looks towards his closet and walks over picking up her lab coat, and sees his car broken and pictures all cut up.)


Parker: I haven't done anything wrong! I swear.
Booth: You've been destroying things, you've been lying to us.
Bones: You've stolen pictures.
Parker: I haven't stolen anything!
Booth: It's best to stop right now, bud. You don't wanna make it any worse.
Parker: You don't understand.
Bones: I do. There's an anthropological necessity for you to seek superior status within the family structure.

(Booth looks at her and frowns)

Parker: I don't understand.

(Booth looks at him)

Booth: Well.. she just means that we understand that it's hard for you to accept Christine.

(Parker stands up angrily)

Parker: No! No! I like her. She's my sister, I love her! You guys are ruining everything.
Bones: Us? What did we do?
Parker: It was supposed to be a surprise, you would see it when you put Christine to bed! I may as well show you now.

(Parker walks off towards Christine's nursery, Booth looks at Bones and smiles softly before they follow him, they head over to the crib)

Parker: I wanted to make her something, that's all.

(Booth and Bones smile in amazement as they look at the mobile he made)

Parker: See? It's Christine's family.

(He points to a picture of Bones and Christine)

Parker: Here's a picture of Temperance.

(He points to Booth's FBI patch)

Parker: Dad, there's your FBI patch.
Booth: That's the patch you took from my Gym bag.

(Booth and Bones look at each other and smile)

Parker: Yeah, but it was an extra. I made sure.

(Parker points to a picture)

Parker: See, and here's a picture of all of us.
Bones: It's beautiful, Parker.

(Christine moves her arm hitting the dangling stuff, Booth smiles, Bones places Christine in her crib)

Bones: Let's see how Christine likes it.

(Parker hands Booth the remote control)

Parker: Turn it on, Dad.
Booth: Alright.
Parker: I used the motor from our truck.
Booth: Right, from the RC truck.
Parker: M-hmm!

(Booth switches it on and music plays and it starts moving around)

Booth: Wow! Look at that.

(Bones smiles and places a hand on Parker's back)

Parker: I got the music from the chip in a greeting cart.

(Christine gurgles waving her hands looking at it as it moves, Parker points to another picture)

Parker: And i got that picture of my face in the middle. That way, Christine will know me the next time i come to visit.

(Christine giggles loudly, Booth puts a hand on his shoulder and Parker smiles)

Booth: I'm sorry, Buddy.
Parker: It's okay.

(Booth and Bones look at each other with a smile, before they all look at Christine giggling away)

Parker: She likes it.
Bones: She loves it.

(Christine giggles loudly and Booth smiles squeezing Parker's shoulder softly, Parker smiles looking up at his father, they all turn to look at Christine giggling away)


Sweets: What part of "stop the car" don't you understand?
Booth: Just put your seatbelt back on! CLOSE THE DOOR!

The Family and the Feud [7.11][edit]

Caroline: [pushing in a flatbed trolley stacked full with boxes, books and files] Those hillbillies have been going at it tooth and nail since the 1800's!
Booth: [in amazement] That's all the Mobleys and the Babcocks?
Caroline: You know it, cher. They used to just kill each other and call it a day. Then they moved on to mule theft, aggravated assault and, lately since we're civilized, nuisance lawsuits.
Brennan: Tribal feuds tend to be generational because the feud itself becomes a cultural identity for them.
Caroline: For Lady Justice it's a boil on her butt. That's why she never sits down.
[...]
Booth: [looking through the notes] Wow...look at all these weapons charges.
Caroline: Well, you wanted to be G-Man.

[Booth is confronting an armed Nobert Mobley.]
Booth: Norbert! Easy. Point the gun up. Up.
[Booth takes the shotgun but Mobley refuses to let go of it and they struggle over the gun.]
Booth: What are you? Crazy?! Give me the gun!
Mobley: No! It's my gun!
Booth: I'm FBI!
Mobley: It's my land! You got no rights!
[A shot is fired out of the gun. Booth wrings it out of Mobley's hands.]
Booth: [looks at Mobley] You are crazy.
[Mobley swings a punch at Booth but misses. Booth knocks him to the ground with the butt of the shotgun. Brennan comes up behind Booth with her gun.]
Mobley: [sees Brennan] How about you let her cuff me? [smiles at Brennan] She's pretty.

Hodgins: You think you could drop a hint to Booth about me getting some more field work? [Caroline glares at him] What? Is it so terrible to have a dream?
Caroline: No. Not when you're in bed.

Sweets: You seem irritated.
Booth: Well, you're irritating me, ok?
Sweets: Oh.
Booth: Didn't they teach you, you know, how not to be irritating at shrink camp?
Sweets: It was a university.

[Hodgins is cooking truffles in the room using lab equipment.]
Daisy: These two families are tearing each other apart for no reason.
Hodgins: And you think that you are going to be able to repair the damage when no one else could in the past 120 years.
Daisy: Perhaps it's too big of a challenge for you. Fear of failure. It happens.
Hodgins: [pauses] Excuse me?
Daisy: I was thinking I could see what chemicals are in the old bones and you can analyze the soil and water table. But if it's beyond you...
Hodgins: Don't...no, that is not it.
Daisy: Oh, it's the truffles! They take precedence! I understand.
Hodgins: Fine. I will help you. But don't diss my truffles.
[Daisy tries Hodgins' truffles. She gags and quickly spits it back out.]
Hodgins: Are you out of your mind?!
Daisy: I love truffles but those taste awful!
[Hodgins tries some himself and spits it out.]
Daisy: You are a scientist. Not a cook!

The Suit on the Set [7.12][edit]

Hodgins: That's not fair. His ooky room his ookier than mine.

[Sweets and Booth are video-conferencing. Sweets is in his office while Booth is pacing around the set and looking at all the props.]
Sweets: You know, the criminal records are not surprising. The entertainment industry has its own set of norms. Not only is bad behavior rarely punished, it's often rewarded. [pauses] Wow. Why does your office look like the command center in some super villain submarine?
Booth: I guess my bubble-head bobby wasn't flashy enough.
Sweets: I still think it's an excellent idea to question people there. The actors might suddenly see their fictional world as real. It might work to your advantage.
[...]
[While Booth is talking with Sweets, Blaine Conway, who portrays Andy Lister, a fictional portrayal of Booth in Brennan's book, comes from behind and tackles him. Booth instinctively and quickly subdues him.]
Blaine: [groans] Woah. Wow. I do my own stunts but you are awesome!
Booth: [annoyed] What the hell are you doing?! I could've killed you! [pulls Blaine up by his tie] Get up!
Sweets: [in disbelief after witnessing what just happened] Unbelievable! No sense of mortality at all! Completely delusional!
Blaine: [points to screen at Sweets] Who's the big head?
Booth: It's the FBI shrink.
Blaine: [to Sweets] I was just trying to show him how I'm gonna play Lister. I mean this guy's like Steve McQueen man. [points to Booth] I gotta do him justice!
[...]
[Blaine leaves after being questioned by Booth and exits the set doing an exaggerated impression of an FBI agent.]
Booth: [to Sweets] You see what I gotta deal with? His belt buckle says "cooky".
Sweets: I can see the McQueen thing.
Booth: Yeah?
Sweets: A little bit.

Liam: Look, I would be an idiot to kill Hanson. Ok? The guy paid me buckets to write CRAP.
Booth: [offended] Hey!
Brennan: Crap? You're writing my film!
Liam: Sorry to burst your bubble but the only reason he green-lighted your film was to get into Cherie Redfern's pants. So...
[Booth looks at Brennan in dismay and surprise]
Brennan: The icepal is stupid.
Booth: [to Liam, nods in agreement] Yeah, it is dumb.
Brennan: So...
Booth: It is kinda dumb.
Brennan: ...stupid.

Booth: Looks like Mandy Oh really wanted that job.
Brennan: [makes a face] Uh-oh! [laughs]
Booth: [grins] Yeah, that's funny. Mandy Oh. Right.

Booth: Hey Jocco, pal. Let's talk.
Jocco Kent: [ignores Booth] Shooting.
[...]
Booth: I said I want to talk to you now. That means stop.
Kent: What are you gonna do? Arrest a man who's grossed a billion dollars in the last five years?
Booth: Great idea. Stand up. Put your hands behind your back. Let's go.
[Kent throws a plastic bottle at Booth and does a "kung fu" stance. Booth stares at him in bewilderment.]
Booth: Really??
Kent: Back off!
[Blaine charges Kent down and rugby tackles him from out nowhere, to the shock of the crew and Booth]
Booth: What are you doing?
Blaine: I'm in character. I figure that's what you'd do.
Booth: [in disbelief] What???

[Booth is arresting the murderer]
Barry: [excitedly] We just caught a murderer! We just caught a murderer! This is awesome. [Booth looks at him in bewilderment] I mean, not for you.

The Past in the Present [7.13][edit]

Caroline: [at Pelant's parole hearing] This isn't a court of law. We don't need proof. That's why I like it.

Booth: Sometimes you gotta work a little out of the system, Bones, for the greater good.

Max: You two don't understand what happens when the system turns on you! I do!

Brennan: I love you, Booth. I don't want you to think that Christine is the only reason we're together.

Season 8[edit]

The Future in the Past [8.01][edit]

Angela: Brennan didn't use binders. She could remember...
Clark: I'm not Dr. Brennan. I use binders! People like my binders!

Sweets: I don't where Booth is.
Flynn: I don't think you're being completely honest with me.
Sweets: Then you have trust issues stemming from...[rolls eyes] I don't know....a bunch of psychological crap.

Booth: [in baby talk to Christine] Organic content decomposing changes the appearance of plant life, right? Doesn't it?
Brennan: [surprised] Yes!
Booth: [to Brennan] Well, you know, I missed you so I was reading some of your books. They're thick. They're really ... they're heavy.

Pelant: You're not capable of killing me.
Hodgins: People change.

[Booth arrests and handcuffs Pelant]
Pelant: It's too tight.
Booth: Not for me it isn't.

Max: This guy, Pelant. He needs killing, Booth.

The Partners in the Divorce [8.02][edit]

Pamela Bartlett: Someone was bound to kill Richard.
Brennan: Why? Was your husband an attorney for organized crime or terrorists?
Pamela: Much worse. Richard was a white shoe divorce lawyer.
Brennan: I believe the shoes were ox blood. [Booth looks irritated in the background]
Booth: [discreetly to Brennan] What she means is that her husband is a lawyer for rich people. No shoes.
Brennan: Oohhhhh.

[Booth and Brennan enter a law firm undergoing renovation]
Foreman: [sees Booth and Brennan] Uh, this is a hard hat area so I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Booth: [flashes his badge] FBI. I need a hard hat.
Brennan: And directions to Margot Sandoval's office and I need a hard hat too.
Foreman: [with dread] This is gonna slow me down.
Booth: That's a shame.
Foreman: Yeah. A little mercy, all right? I'm doing renovations for a bunch of lawyers who threaten to sue me everyday. [removes hard hat] I'm going bald with the stress.
Booth: Well, you know why I have good hair? Because I don't let lawyers stress me out.
Brennan: That's true.
Foreman: Ok, ok fine. Who do you need to see again?
Booth: Richard Bartlett.
Foreman: You're gonna lose a few hairs after you meet Bartlett. Trust me.

Brennan: Is everything all right?
Booth: Ah, I just don't like being in a divorce lawyer's office, that's all.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Well, 'cause it reminds me that things, you know, fall apart.
Brennan: [attempts to joke with Booth] Then it's a good thing we're not married, right? [Booth glares at her]
Booth: [sarcastically] You are not a very reassuring person, Bones.

Angela: [to Brennan] I don't wanna hear any anthropological crap. I just want to know how my best friend is doing.

Booth: Marriage is about working through the tough times.
Brennan: More often, marriage is about divorce, which is why Bartlett could afford three homes and a plane.

[Dr. Saroyan enters the Ookey Room for a update from Dr. Hodgins.]
Dr. Saroyan: You found something, Dr. Hodgins?
Dr. Hodgins: Ho, ho, yeah! I did a microscopic analysis of the victim's stomach contents. Did you have any suspicions about what I might find?
Dr. Saroyan: I knew it was meat, but there were so many additives-
Dr. Hodgins: Delicious additives: curry paste, sea salt, red pepper, red poblano chili
Dr. Saroyan: I got the "Poblano Chili", where is this leading, 'cause you seem very excited?-
Dr. Hodgins: Capers and tarragon; which I would never think to combine-
Dr. Saroyan: Dr. Hodgins, this is not "Top Chef".
Dr. Hodgins: Well it-it sorta is, because, what we have here, is an expertly-prepared burger.
Dr. Saroyan: And this has meaning, why?
Dr. Hodgins: Because who-ever made it was masking the meat, which came from Rattus norvegicus.
Dr. Saroyan: Excuse me?
Dr. Hodgins: Yeah! Richard Bartlett's last meal... was a rat burger.
Dr. Saroyan: Yeah...

[FBI Interrogation Room, Dr. Sweets is interrogating Chef Paulo Romano, who served the victim ratburgers.]
Romano: I got nothing to say without my Lawyer present.
Dr. Sweets: Mmm, mmm, well legal representation is your constitutional right, but, I'm telling you, the minute a lawyer gets here, I can't help you.
Romano: Ha, ha. You say that, but you don't mean that––
Dr. Sweets: ...you served your divorce lawyer... a rat burger.
Romano: Says you.
Dr. Sweets: The ingredients, aside from the rat, forensically matched your kitchen.
Romano: (Plays along, amused) What ingredients?
Dr. Sweets: "What ingredients?" (Starts pulling out evidence from a box, identifying each one.) Curry paste. Corsican Sea Salt. Red Peppers. A fairly rare Russian Tarragon. Majorcan Capers. Red Poblano Chillies. Oh, this is the pan you used.
Romano: All you're doing is convincing me I need a lawyer.
Dr. Sweets: You prepared the rat. You didn't just dice it up and toss it into the pan. You treated it like a fine fillet. You really hated Richard Bartlett.
Romano: Now that's a fact.
Dr. Sweets: He was your divorce lawyer, wha––? You won!
Romano: At first, I thought he was my savior... Then I got his bill. That bastard charged me so much, I would have been better off giving half to my wife.
Dr. Sweets: So, you served him the burger as revenge.
Romano: Every Tuesday night. For two years. With a year and a half to go.
Dr. Sweets: Excuse me?
Romano: He was gonna eat Rat for as long as I was married. Three and one-half years. For poetical reasons.
Dr. Sweets: He figured it out, somehow, called you to his office, threatened to sue you, take away your restaurant, and you killed him...?
Romano: Ok, now your just being insulting.
Dr. Sweets: Because I'm accusing you of murder?
Romano: 'Cause you're insulting my cooking!! He loved that burger. You can check my emails. All Bartlett does is rave about that burger. Why would I kill him? Now, I never get the satisfaction of seeing that bastard's face, when he finds out that he had Rat, every Tuesday night.

Brennan: I love you and I'm willing to do irrational things to prove it. [she and Booth kiss]

The Gunk in the Garage [8.03][edit]

Booth: You've got to be kidding me! Eight hundred bucks for a stroller?
Brennan: I have done extensive research, Booth. This is the best stroller on the market. Plus, the design is beautiful and it's cerise.
Booth: It has a name?
Brennan: It's a color. Cerise is a color.
Booth: Look, I only paid five hundred bucks for my first car.
Brennan: I can afford it.
Booth: No! We've been through this. All our expenses are split, right down the line.
Brennan: You're too sensitive. It's just money.
Booth: Rich people always say that. That's what they say. Mm-hmm.
Brennan: Didn't you say you would be getting a raise soon?
Booth: And until then Christine will be fine in a cheaper stroller that's in a color people have heard of like -- [looks over to see Brennan looking at him] -- don't do that. Not that look, please. Don't give me the sad eyes.
Brennan: Please?
Booth: No, come on. No! I'm not looking! I'm driving!
Brennan: Come on.
Booth: [to himself] Just keep driving. [looks over] You were never able to do this look before the baby. What did the baby do to you?

Angela: Okay, I'm no coroner, but I'm saying the cause of death was a humongous explosion.
Cam: The coroner concurs.

Sweets: I'm a psychologist, a profiler.
Agent Olivia Sparling: You've got to be kidding. I'm working with a shrink.
Sweets: I'm more than just a shrink ok? The Bureau gave me a gun. [lifts his blazer to reveal a gun] I should take the lead on questioning people. It's kinda my thing.
Sparling: Just don't shoot me.

Caroline Julian: You're gonna have to justify your department's expenses at the quarterly budget review.
Booth: Me? No not me. I work in the field.
Caroline: That's why you are doing it. Big burly agent like you will intimidate those pencilnecks. I'd wave your gun around a little too if I were you.
Booth: There's gotta be someone else here.
Caroline: No, sorry cherie, but there is no one burlier and cuter than you.
Booth: Stop.
[...]
Caroline: You just go through all the supplies we used last quarter, cost, manpower, techs and such, then estimate the cost for the coming quarter.
Booth: Supplies?
Caroline: Kevlar vests, ammo, toner for the printers.
Booth: Toner?
Caroline: The government doesn't function without toner, cherie.

Booth: If I get this promotion I wouldn't be in the field as much. But hey, that could be a good thing.
Brennan: But you'd be behind a desk. You'd hate that.
Booth: But I would get a raise and I will love that.
Brennan: A desk job? It's like caging an animal. You're meant to run free, Booth.

Sweets: Sparling doesn't seem to trust how I as a psychologist perform my job.
Booth: She thinks you're an idiot?
Sweets: I wouldn't say that but in layman's terms...yes.
Booth: Look, you're the psychologist. Point your little shrinky brain at her and pull the trigger.

Sweets: [Booth hung up on him] Hello? Yeah? [explaining to Sparling] He usually hangs up without saying goodbye. It's our thing. It's 'cause we're close.

Caroline: You said there was a casualty. Who was it?
Booth: Sweets. He'll be fine.
Caroline: Sweets. That boy's got the goods. But you better not tell him I said that.
Booth: [smiles] No problem. As far as the world is concerned, you're a horrible person.

Brennan: I'm sorry you're not getting the promotion.
Booth: Thank you.
Brennan: You're welcome.
Booth: You know, for lying to me, thank you. I mean, I know it's a white lie, but I mean look at you, being all sweet and lying to me.
Brennan: I didn't want you to get the promotion?
Booth: Why? Because I'm a man of action and not someone who's going to rot behind a desk?
Brennan: No, because who else will take me out into the field?
Booth: That's a good point, Bones.
Brennan: But truthfully, I am sorry that you're disappointed.
Booth: I'm not disappointed.
Brennan: [smiles] Because you're a man of action who would rot behind a desk?
Booth: That's right! A man of action!
Brennan: Can I start buying you things now?
Booth: No, you can't, but I'll tell you what: you can buy Christine stuff.
Brennan: I know you'd like a new grill.
Booth: Christine would love a new grill. She would love it.
Brennan: Baby girls need new grills.
Booth: Baby girls, and a new tool set! [motions to the food] And what is this?
Brennan: It's quinoa.
Booth: Quinoa?
Brennan: Quinoa.
Booth: And what is that?
Brennan: It's a grain. It's a lot of protein --
Booth: When I get the new grill we can grill steaks!

The Tiger in the Tale [8.04][edit]

Hodgins: Dr. Saroyan, have you seen the excrement that I left on my desk?

Hodgins: What kind of lunatic wants a wild animal as a pet?
Cam: I think "lunatic" pretty much describes who we're talking about.

Daisy: I could call in an anonymous tip like "I hear roaring at night."
Angela: I was thinking more along the lines of looking at satellite photos on the internet and seeing if any of the farms shout "tiger."
Cam: That is brilliant.

Brennan: When I am President, killing tigers will be a death penalty offense.
Booth: Whoa. The President isn't actually a dictator, Bones.

The Method to the Madness [8.05][edit]

[At the crime scene]
Cam: [about Sweets] He's going through an "early life crisis". Good luck.
Booth: Good luck??? I don't need luck. This is not about luck. [Cam looks at him] This is about a friend extending to another friend. Like an olive branch. [frustrated] Stop. Can we just stop and deal with this here, the remains...

[Hodgins hands Cam a bag of remains and human organs spill out onto the floor.]
Booth: Ohhh. No guts, no glory.

Booth: [shows Sweets into Parker's room] Parker won't be visiting us for a couple of months so...sorry about all the junk and toys.
Sweets: Oh, no...beats the hell out of my office. Look at all this stuff. Kids from broken homes really rake in the material goods by way of compensation. [Booth stares at Sweets]
Booth: Right. [takes a photo from a case file and hands it to Sweets] Take a look at this. Take a closer look, all right?
Sweets: [takes photo from Booth] What? [looks at photo and grimaces in disgust] Oh my god!! This corpse is so mutilated!!

Hodgins: I am starting a pool on how long Sweets lasts with Booth and Brennan. I say he's out tonight. [...] So are you in on the pool?
[...]
Cam: I give Sweets four days.
Hodgins: [...] So, Angie? How long do you give Sweets.
Angela: [chuckles] I say he lives with them permanently from now on.
[...]
Hodgins: [...] What do you mean "from now on"?
Angela: I mean for the forseeable future. They will adopt him.
Hodgins: I don't have a box for "infinity".

Cam: Our killer is sick and smart. I hate that combination.

Adam: [chops a piece of meat with his cleaver in front of a bewildered Booth and Brennan] Yeah I'm Adam. Whadya want??

Hodgins: What kind of freak feels nostalgic over human sacrifice?
Fisher: I'm gonna go ahead and plead the fifth on that.

Booth: A man doesn't fold another man's underwear!
Sweets: Are those Captain America boxers?

Booth: Bones
Brennan: Yes
Booth: Is Sweets in our bathroom?
Brennan: Yes. Should I have put a note on the door?
Booth: Well, a little warning would've been nice. What's he doing in our bathtub?
Brennan: Jets.
Booth: Our jets. In our bathtub.
Brennan: Societies in Japan and Turkey encourage public bathing. [Booth looks at her, unamused] In modern day Finland...
Booth: Finland?!! Woah, woah, this is not Finland!
Sweets: [comes out with only a towel wrapped around his waist while Booth turns and glares at him] Sorry, Booth, I should've locked the door, huh?
Brennan: [innocently] Because you've played on so many sports teams and spent a lot of time in the Army I assumed you were comfortable with male nudity.
Sweets: You know, fear of nudity is called gymnophobia.
Booth: Oh, listen, psychology and anthropology, I liked it better when you two were fighting, all right? [glances at Sweets] Are we done with our bathtub?
Sweets: Yeah
Booth: Yeah. [turns to Brennan] I like to soak in our tub. After work. [turns to go up the stairs]
Brennan: If you'd seen Booth's x-rays you'd understand. The list of bones that he hasn't broken is shorter than the ones that he has. [Booth puts his arms up in frustration, glares at Brennan]

Angela: The artisan world. That is why I studied art in the first place. To pursue my true passion.
Hodgins: [jokingly] Hey! I thought I was your true passion.

Sweets: Artisans go into business because they're passionate about the products they create.
Booth: That is so un-American.

The Patriot in Purgatory [8.06][edit]

Booth: All I did was get her to watch a basketball game instead of another rerun of Nova.
Sweets: That's it?
Booth: Yeah. Next thing I know, she's reading all about Phil Jackson.
Sweets: Well, you really didn't do much then, did you?
Booth: [mocking] Oh really. I didn't do much. I did get her to stop watching Nova.
Sweets: You're right. Good point. Sorry.
Booth: And because of that, her squint squad has identified eighteen sets of remains. [shows Sweets a stack of files]
Sweets: That's impressive.
Booth: [smiles] Good. I'm so glad you feel that way because it is your responsibility to notify all the surviving relatives. [dumps the files into Sweets' arms]
Sweets: What??? Me?
Booth: Criminal victims, missing persons, all comes under the FBI.
Sweets: What about you??
Booth: Me? [scoffs] I'm a special agent. I beat up bad guys and I leap over things.
Sweets: [unamused] You're describing Superman.
Booth: Exactly. You ever hear of Superman picking up a telephone? [smirks and goes into his office while Sweets walks away, grumbling to himself]

Hodgins: I have looked into every 9/11 conspiracy. All of them. None of them hold up. Or, I should say, only one of them does. We were attacked by extremists who hated everything we represent. We might not be angels but no one deserved to die that day. No one.

Booth: We went to Afghanistan because of those attacks. No matter how bad it got we would never leave anyone behind.

Arastoo: This was not the work of religion, it was arrogance, it was hypocrisy, it was hate. Those horrible men who hijacked those planes hijacked my religion that day too. They insulted my God. So no, this isn't too difficult. It's a privilege to be able to serve this victim, to be able to show him care and love that was so absent that day.

Fisher: 9/11 was a trauma to us all - not like this guy or the people who died that day. But it still changed us, right? A-and we act like it doesn't matter. Clearly Wendell is freaking out and you ... [motions to Arastoo] you went nuts earlier. The first rule of the looney bin is to get it all out in the open. So, that's what we're going to do, alright? I'll go: I was in High School. It was my Senior Year. I was [chuckles] breaking into my history teacher's desk to steal a test I hadn't studied for and he walked in. He was crying. He couldn't care less what I was doing. That's when I found out. So I ... I talked with him. I had a stolen test in my hand, and we both sat...and we cried. Next? Oh, c'mon!
Clark: I was working. It was, uh, before school - coffee shop. Everyone was just staring at the TV. No one said a word. the cook came out to watch with the rest of us. I still remember the smell of food burning on that grill.
Finn: I was nine. I got in the way of my stepfather hitting my mama. He stuck me with some scissors. My mama wanted to take me to the hospital. But my hurt didn't seem like nothin' when we heard what had happened.
Arastoo: I was at morning prayers. I didn't believe that day. I didn't believe in anything.
Fisher: Wendell?
Wendell: I was, uh, with my aunt ... from that morning until the next few days. My uncle was a firefighter in New York. He never came home.

Booth: For years, Tim Murphy was homeless. He was forgotten. He was one of those people on the streets that we try not to look at because the sight of them is just too painful. But we're all cut from the same cloth. Tim knew that. He knew just how connected all of us are. He knew that if it wasn't for his three buddies, that Tim wouldn't be alive on September 11th to save the lives of Diane, Warren and James. And we wouldn't be able to tell Tim's son that Tim didn't die a broken man living on the streets, Sean, but he was as brave and noble as the rest of us. We lay him to rest today a hero.

Brennan: I dug out remains from the rubble of the towers. [pauses] For two weeks I was methodical, scientist. I did what was asked of me. I did my job. I never shed a tear. I was proud of that. [tears up] All these years I've never let myself feel... [starts crying]
Booth: [sympathetically] Bones, we all deal with things in our own way, ok?
Brennan: I could avoid it all before I met you. I had no one in my life. And now I think of those people and I think of you. Any one of them, it could've been you. [Booth embraces her as she sobs into his chest]

The Bod in the Pod [8.07][edit]

Brennan: It's a container of some sort...[examines pod]...filled with gelatinzed human remains.
Hodgins: [looks on with fascination] At first I thought pod people.
Booth: Of course you did.
Hodgins: Hey, there's still a lot of questions remaining about the events at Area 51, you know. Do you know that UFO spottings--
Booth: [annoyed] Let's just keep it close to earth here, bug boy. Just simplify the investigation.
Brennan: [to Booth] Reminds me of a ship in a bottle. My dad gave me one when I was little.
Booth: Right. So this, uh, kinda brings up all these "warm and cuddly" memories for you. That's nice.

[Hodgins slices open the pod with a laser beam.]
Arastoo: So what now? Do we just tip it over and let it drain into a tub? Or insert a tube? Or...
Hodgins: Safety first. You want to make sure everything's safe in there.
[Hodgins puts his head to the hole and takes a whiff.]
Hodgins: I've never smelt anything like that before. [gags] I mean, I suppose that that could be, um....[faints]

Brennan: Sweets has trust issues involving finding a home. Since he grew up an orphan, the anger he's sublimated has paralyzed him from developing a healthy perspective on what having a home means. That made him bond with us and our home so he didn't have to deal with his own emotional insecurities.
Booth: Bones shoots from the outside! Three points!
Sweets: Where's that psychobabble coming from?
Booth: Well, you left one of your psychobabble books in our bathroom.

Booth: [to suspect, who is gloating over the fact that there's no evidence to convict him of murder] She's gonna find something. She always does.
...[later]
Booth: You made one big mistake.
Suspect: Yeah, what was that?
Booth: You pissed off my partner here.

The But in the Joke [8.08][edit]

[Booth and Brennan are standing over Seth Zalinsky, who is lying on the ground stuck to the corpse]
Booth: [standing over Seth] Hey there, Michelangelo, can you hear me?
Brennan: [to Booth] You shouldn't call him that, Booth. If he had a head injury he might think that's who he is.
Seth: Something's poking in my back and something smells terrible!
Paramedic: Do you know your name?
Seth: Yes!
Booth: Ok, what is it.
Seth: I'm not saying.
Brennan: [to Booth] Told you. You confused him.
Booth: No I didn't––
Seth: I'm not confused! I'm just not tellin' you my name.
Booth: See, he's not confused.
Paramedic: Vitals are stable. No sign of concussion....
Seth: Who are you??
Booth: Who are we? [shows his badge] FBI, that's who we are.
Seth: Since when did FBI cover billboard vandalism??

[At the Jeffersonian platform. Brennan, Cam and Fisher are observing Seth on the autopsy table being scanned.]
Fisher: Are we allowed to laugh?
Cam: Ummmm...no. [looks at Brennan] What are we calling the one that's still alive?
Brennan: Well, Booth calls him Michelangelo.
[...]
Fisher: [looking at computer screen] Large rugged pelvis suggests the victim was a Caucasian male.
Seth: I have a large rugged pelvis? [grins] Booyah!!! [Cam smiles]
Brennan: Not you. The murder victim.
[...]
Seth: Everyone here is this combo of smart and dumb.

Brennan: Now you don't have to unfold and refold a map.
Booth: Wait a second, I like maps. What's wrong with maps?
Brennan: Well, maps cannot tell you the amount of traffic to expect en route to your destination. See? Now we can relax and talk about interesting things.
Booth: This is not how the cowboys settled this country.

Fisher: [pulls the corpse off Seth] It is with great pleasure that I divorce these skulls.

Fisher: I don't know if you're aware, but I do a bit of stand-up myself.
Brennan: I imagine you are not very skilled at it, as you are not a humorous person.
Fisher: My routine is dark, disturbing and uncomfortable. Just the way a comedy show should be.

Fisher: I don't do jokes, Dr. Saroyan. I do raw, unfiltered honesty.

[Backstage before open mike night at the comedy club]
Sweets: Are you nervous?
Booth: I've had people try to kill me, Sweets. I don't think cracking jokes makes me nervous.

Brennan: 1,250,000.
Booth: What???
Brennan: That's how long it would take to check out every toilet in DC.
Booth: [turns to Brennan] Bones, once you start with the math you don't stop, right?
Brennan: [smiles] You think everyone's like that, don't you?
Booth: [humoring Brennan, smirks] Yeah I think so, definitely. Go math. Math people forever, right?

[Booth is undercover as a stand-up comic while Sweets and Fisher are watching in the audience]
Sweets: Oh my god, Booth is funny.
Fisher: Almost funny.

The Ghost in the Machine [8.09][edit]

The Diamond in the Rough [8.10][edit]

Brennan: [after Sweets suggested she and Booth go undercover as dancers] [excited] I love going undercover!
Booth: [not pleased] Why??
Brennan: Because it's fun and exciting!

Wendell: You're the king of the lab. Or at least you used to be. Apparently, now, you're just another clueless tech.
Hodgins: [folds his arms, amused] Ok, all right, I see what you're doing there and I'm far too evolved for you to try for it to work.

Cam: [walks in and is surprised to see Brennan in her dance dress] This....is..a good look. You going to the hootenanny later?
Brennan: Hootenanny is an informal gathering for singing and dancing. I am training for an extremely rigorous ballroom dance competition.
Cam: Ohhh...
Brennan: Booth and I intend to win the rumba competition.
Cam: And catch a murderer?
Brennan: Yes. Of course, that's the main objective. [dances on her way out]
Wendell: [in shock] Wow.
Cam: [turns to Wendell] Just..um, go with it.

Booth: [after Brennan gives him a passionate kiss] Wow, what was that for?
Brennan: [flirtatiously] Just felt like high school in here. Didn't you ever sneak away into the closet? [she and Booth kiss again]
Booth: The backseat of a car is more my thing.

Wendell: [to Cam] Something is going on here that I don't know anything about, so walking away. Running away.

[Booth and Brennan are in a dance audition]
Brennan: Do I have to do anything special when it ends?
Booth: No.
Brennan: Why not?
Booth: Because it's never gonna end, Bones. It's always gonna be just like this. Just like this.

The Archaeologist in the Cocoon [8.11][edit]

Clark: Crime, you. Ancient history, me. Remember?
Brennan: Yes, but I would think you would want nothing more than my expertise.
Clark: And I'm well aware that you would think that. But I don't want to take you away from your murder.

Brennan: I don't believe this. I taught you.
Clark: And I'm grateful. I promise, you'll be thanked when I'm published.

Brennan: I don't want to pass my failings on to Christine, Booth.
Booth: What failings?
Brennan: Hyper-competitiveness, arrogance, insensitivity to the feelings of others.
Booth: You know what? Thumbs up to the self-realization there Bones. Actually, two thumbs up.
Brennan: You should make a similar effort.
Booth: What?
Brennan: Not to pass on your failings.
Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean? What failings?
Brennan: [to Christine] It's time for bed.

The Corpse on the Canopy [8.12][edit]

[Sweets, Booth and Flynn go to Booth's office. The Enigma machine is emitting smoke while receiving a message.]
Flynn: What the hell is that?
Booth: Enigma machine. Hodgins sent it over.
Sweets: Why???
Booth: Why? Because it's Hodgins.

Booth: I need that warrant.
Caroline Julian: You wanna take on a private army with an FBI tac squad?

The Twist in the Plot [8.13][edit]

Sweets: I'm sleeping in Parker's room. Kinda hard to bring home a woman when you're sleeping in Wolverine sheets.

Booth: Gotta tell you, kinda hard to feel bad for anybody who would ride around in a glorified scooter.

Booth: [after Brennan tells him she wants a sky burial] Vultures and hammers? That's your last message to the world, to me, to Christine? Vultures and hammers....I'm gonna go get the car.

Booth: You want us to sprinkle your ashes over a volcano?
Brennan: Yes. That way at least if I'm dead you can have a nice trip together and foolishly risk your lives.
Booth: Which will bring us closer together!
Brennan: Yes.

Dr. Craig: [Booth enters the interrogation room reading a case file] This room is even scarier than the last one. [Booth looks up at him] And you're even scarier than the psychologist.

Daisy: We agreed that we shouldn't get back together, but what if we're wrong?
Cam: You're grieving. You two had something alive and vibrant and now it's gone.
[...]
Cam: Have you ever seen anything come back to life and be as good as it ever was?
Daisy: No.
Cam: So feel sad. Cry. You lost something wonderful, but keep moving forward. It'll get better, I promise. And, uh, stop copying Dr. Brennan. It's a little creepy.

Booth: Hey there, Christine. It's me, your father. Dad, Dada, Daddy. If you're watching this right now, I'm dead. Um, if I was a good father to you, you're sad right now. If we had some sort of, like, falling out, let's just forget about it and move on. It's just-it's not worth it. You know, personally, I'm doing everything I can to get into Heaven right now, but your mother believes, well, she thinks that, I tell you what. Why don't you ask her. It's complicated. These are the last words that I'm going to-to speak in this world, so here it goes. I like God. I really like God, and I think that he likes me. you know I, um, I love Canadian beer, and hockey. They kinda go hand in hand. I really love loud music and really sad music. I love this country. And I'm proud to have served in the military. I'm the luckiest man in the world because I got to spend time with your mother. And with you. And that's true, you know? It's true, whether I died today or 50 years from now. It's true. Okay? I love you. And I want you to-to love life. Dive into life. Be courageous. Question things and-and be happy. And don't forget to laugh. Oh, and one last favor. Help your mom to be happy, because if she's alone, then she's gonna forget. That's it. That's...from me, to you.

The Doll in the Derby [8.14][edit]

Angela: We should be paying for this.
Wendell: No, no, you guys are broke now. It's on me.

Angela: Hey, you think maybe we can kiss like one more time?
Booth: You've had your fun.

Booth: Really bad with the whole undercover thing. You really are.
Angela: Really?

Angela: Hey, you fell in love with a wild woman, didn't you?
Hodgins: Yes, a beautiful wild woman.
Angela: And that's how I will remand. Because nobody screws with Smacky Kennedy.

Hodgins: Posing naked for a hot art student. That is still a big regret of mine.
Wendell: Done it. Not a student though.
Hodgins: Really??
Wendell: [awkwardly] I don't want to talk about this anymore.

The Shot in the Dark [8.15][edit]

Brennan: [to her mother] If this was real, I'd tell you I love you. And I miss you.

Christine: The advice I gave you back then, use your head, be rational, don't let your heart lead you, use your brain. That allowed you to survive, and it held true. But I have another piece of advice for you. It's time for you to find some of that little girl that you locked away so deep inside yourself.
Brennan: Why?
Christine: Because it's not about surviving anymore. It's about flourishing. It's about living a full life.

Brennan: [To Booth] I don't understand it, but for some reason I feel like it's you who keeps calling me back here.

Christine: [to Bones] Maybe that's why you took my advice and you never changed yourself for another person again. So you'd never be hurt. You tucked your heart away and you used your brain.

Christine: [to Bones] I told you that you were too dreamy and emotional, making decisions on what you felt instead of using your brain.

Hodgins: Stepping in on the bone stuff. This could be dangerous.
Edison: Yeah, well my middle name is danger. It's actually Thomas.
Sweets: Thomas? His name is Thomas Edison.

Cam: Thank God you weren't 5 minutes later.
Booth: It's a miracle, right? Bones, she doesn't believe in God. You know? It's the only explanation, right?
Cam: Well, for some reason you got it into your head to see the woman you love.

Hodgins: When you eliminate the possible, you are left with the truth, no matter how improbable.

Christine: [to Bones] This is your one small problem that you think that you can understand things that are simply not understandable. They throw you for a loop.

Brennan: I have to get back. I have a daughter.
Christine: I know how you feel. Once I had to leave my daughter behind too. I'm pretty sure it killed me.

Christine: [to Bones] You are still the most stubborn creature on God's green earth.

The Friend in Need [8.16][edit]

[Cam, Brennan, Finn and Hodgins are analyzing a teen's remains packed inside a suitcase.]
Cam: The boy didn't climb into a suitcase and throw himself of a bridge
Hodgins: I don't know. Could be a jackass stunt gone wrong.
Cam: You're suggesting cause of death is stupidity?
Finn: Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

Sweets: So the way we play this is I'm the understanding psychologist and you be the flinty FBI agent?
Booth: [dismisses him] Just be what we are.

Sweets: You knew you had to tell someone who would listen. And you were right. You can't just "will" something like this away. You have to deal with it or it'll stay with you forever.
Kat: What do you know? Were you raped?
Sweets: [takes a deep breath] No, no. [pauses] Um...when I was a boy I was in a bad foster home. I was beaten. The foster dad, he did it for sport. I thought it was me. You know, I thought, if I just behaved better. So that's what I tried to do. Until someone helped me see it wasn't my fault. It wasn't. And no matter how hard or painful it is, it was better to face what happened.

Bones: My IQ is quantifiably higher than yours.
Booth: You know what, you're the brains of the outfit.
Bones: You have your strengths, Booth.
Booth: Well, I try
Bones: Trying is one of your strengths.

Bones: Booth, do you ever let me think I'm the smart one when you've figured it out already?
Booth: No.
Bones: Because that would be ridiculous.

Bones': Booth, do you ever let me think I'm the smart one when you've figured it out already?
Booth: No.
Bones: Because that would be ridiculous.

Sweets: You've been reading my psychology books again.
Bones: You leave them in the bathroom. They're good reading in the tub.

Bones: [to Cam and Angela] In high school I did a report concerning the effects of alcohol on muscle coordination. It was quite amusing.

Cam: Are you suggesting cause of death is stupidity?
Abernathy: Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

Booth: You're not always the smartest, Bones.
Bones: But I am.

The Fact in the Fiction [8.17][edit]

Bones: I confess that in a moment of weakness I took the opportunity to make Dr. Wells feel bad about himself.
Booth: He deserves it. Trust me. It's probably the first time he's met someone that's smarter than him.

Booth: If you could travel through time where would you go?
Bones: I'm already there. Here.
Booth: What?
Bones: Here. The difference between past and future is nowhere to be found in the laws of physics. Everything I want or need is here. Right now.

Wells: [to Angela] Do I look humble? I'm trying to be less of a douche.

Angela: It's not crazy that I'm worried about, actually. It's arrogance. We're a team here and you can be traded.
Wells: Wherever I go, I'm always the smartest person and it always creates problems.
Angela: Well maybe you should try being less of a douche.

Wells: Just because something is theoretically impossible doesn't mean that it's not possible.
Bones: I believe that is exactly what it means.

Angela: Would you tell your significant other the truth or would you...
Cam: I would tell him...that I wanted to have tea with Jesus.

Hodgins: You're talking about doing another experiment, aren't you?
Wells: Perhaps I am your brother from another mother.

Wells: You shy away from randomness and that prevents you from casting a wide net.
Bones: Are you saying that I'm narrow-minded?
Wells: Your words, not mine.

Sweets: But still, to face a pack of wild animals alone...
Booth: I'm sure you could just bore them to death with your shrinky talk.

Hodgins: Is she looking at me like an angry schoolteacher?
Booth: Yeah. Yeah, she does that a lot.

The Survivor in the Soap [8.18][edit]

Angela: [observing Cam and Arastoo through the glass from her office] Hey, if I didn't already know about Arastoo and Cam.
Hodgins: You do not know. Only I know. This is as far as Arastoo and Cam are concerned.
Angela: Oh come on! Look at them!
Hodgins: [looks at Cam and Arastoo] She's signing a requisition.... [to Angela] Look, you only know because I confirmed it.
Angela: [snaps] She would've figured out that I would've known if I didn't have to hide the fact that I already knew!
Hodgins: Ok I'm gonna run away now .[leaves]
Angela: I'm surprised they have their clothes on.

Alex Radswell: People come to this country looking for a new start. Somebody messes with that, they're messing with the United States of America.

Arastoo: Symchay Conteh wasn't just a refugee from Sierra Leone. He was a child soldier. A small boy taught to kill. Who's the victim in that case?
Brennan: When you were growing up in Iran during the war with Iraq...
Arastoo: I was privileged, sheltered. I dealt with power outages, food shortages and propaganda. I had it easy.
Brennan: No one has it easy in war.
Arastoo: I'm not the victim here, Dr. Brennan. I'd like to focus on Symchay.

Singer: You think I killed him?
Booth: The photo you took of him is the centerpiece of the show.
Singer: But I didn't know that! People change between the age of seven and twenty four! [Brennan looks at Booth] You know, I have seen enough death, thanks! I have no interest in killing anybody myself.
Booth: Have you gotten any help, Miss Singer? [Singer looks at Booth in surprise] I'm a veteran. I can recognize posttraumatic stress disorder.
Singer: Yes. I got help. I had trouble sleeping, I had dreams, I got depressed. But I have my work and I never killed anybody. [to Booth] Can you say the same thing?
Booth: No, I cannot.

[Booth comes downstairs to find Brennan in the living room looking at some photos.]
Brennan: I couldn't sleep.
Booth: What are those?
Brennan: Some pictures I took in Central America and Darfur. [shows Booth a photo of a mass grave] It was impossible to identify all of them.
Booth: [picks up a photo of a child soldier] And these soldiers?
Brennan: They were helping us. I was grateful at the time but..look at them. [points to the photo] Look at him, Booth. He couldn't be more than fifteen! [looks at photo] I thanked him.
Booth: You had a job to do.
Brennan: In Afghanistan, when you see boys like this, do you let them fight?
Booth: It was different. There was a protocol.
Brennan: I should've made sure that he could put down that gun and have a normal life.
Booth: What's normal in a war zone, Bones? Really.
Brennan: Not this. We can never let this be normal, even if they're on our side.

[Booth is handcuffing Hamilton is his office.]
Booth: [to Radswell] Relax, we've got him ok?
Radswell: Hey, I'm not a cop, Booth. [to Hamilton] I hope you get killed in jail.
Brennan: I agree with Mr. Radswell.
Booth: I don't. [looks to Hamilton] I actually want to see him go through the whole system.

The Doom in the Gloom [8.19][edit]

Daisy: [discussing cause of death] But we can't be certain certain. Just mostly certain. [Cam looks at her in bewilderment]
Brennan: "Certain" is an absolute, Miss Wick. You can't be "mostly certain".
Cam: "Mostly certain" is good for me.

Cam: [sees Hodgins is about to do an experiment with a shotgun and comes over] Oh no no no no no....what–– [sees Hodgins and Daisy] Really?
[Daisy hands Cam mufflers]
Hodgins: [aiming shotgun at test dummy] Fire in the––
[Shotgun shoots out flames like a dragon's breath and the test dummy catches on fire]
Hodgins: ...hole. [in awe] [turns back to Cam and Daisy, who are both stunned and speechless] Sorry. Trigger was a little more sensitive than I thought.
[Cam watches on as the test dummy burns]

[Sweets is on the phone with an insurance agent.]
Sweets: Sorry.
Booth: Nah, it's ok. You're all good with the move? You need any help?
Sweets: No, but thanks.
Booth: [looks at Sweets] All right. You sure checked the building out for asbestos and plumbing leaks and cracks and the foundation...
Sweets: Yeah. All good.
Booth: 'Cause I don't wanna hear any crazy excuses from you that you've gotta move back in.
Sweets: [smiles] Not gonna happen. I'm set.
Booth: [unconvinced] You're ok living in a building full of shrinks.
Sweets: Hey, you know, we have a lot in common, plus we have the skills to work out our disagreements in a healthy and constructive manner. [pats Booth on the back, grins] I'm gonna miss you too, Agent Booth.
Booth: [unamused] Right. Yeah. Well, I see all the time here at work. Plus I get my tub back and I won't have to look at the stupid pomegranate juice in my refrigerator.
Sweets: You still haven't tried it yet.
Booth: No, I haven't. That's called shrink juice.
Sweets: [shrugs] It's just pomegranate juice.
Booth: Why don't you gather all your new neighbors together and you can have a shrink juice party? [walks into his office]
Sweets: That's good.
Booth: [shuts office door] Enjoy that!

[Cam and Angela see Hodgins setting up a cannon he "borrowed" from the Civil War collection for an experiment.]
Angela: This is not necessary, Hodgins. I already double-checked the figures. A cannonball fractured our victim's leg.
Hodgins: [while working] And I am not doubting that, Angie.
Cam: Then, why exactly are you doing this?
Hodgins: [excitedly] Have we all forgotten the concept of the double blind study?
Cam: [unimpressed] Doesn't apply to artillery.
Hodgins: Theories are improved as more evidence is gathered, so that accuracy and prediction improves over time. [Cam shakes her head] For that we need independent strands of evidence from a single foundational source. You cannot argue with that.
Angela: [subtly to Cam] So he's never shot the cannon?
Hodgins: Excuse me for loving my work. Goggles and ear protection, please. [hands Angela and Cam goggles and mufflers]
[...]
[Hodgins fires the cannon]
Hodgins: We have corroboration which is exactly what we want as scientists.
Cam: [grins] Of course. Now clean up this mess.
Hodgins: One more?
Cam: No.
Hodgins: It's all set up.
Cam: No. [turns and walks away with Angela]
Hodgins: [pleads] I made another cannonball!
Cam: No.
[...]
Angela: [out of Hodgins' earshot] That was actually awesome.
Cam: Totally. He must never know.

Hodgins: [grins at the sight of Booth in the "ookey room"] I cannot believe you're here. You hate the lab.

[Sweets' housemates Janet and Chrissie have come to help Sweets move]
Chrissie: [to Booth and Brennan] Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Sweets.
Brennan: [stunned] Ohhh–– We're not....
Booth: [shakes head] Woah...
[...]
Janet: [to Sweets on the way out] Your dad is hot!
Brennan: [grins at Booth] Apparently you're hot, DAD!
Booth: Wow. Really. Did you just see that?

The Blood from the Stones [8.20][edit]

Hodgins: [describing the particulates in the corpse] This is like Congress, only functional.

Cam: And now Andrew can get a good shot of Dr. Brennan's sidekick analyzing the particulates way over there.
Hodgins: Uh...um...I'm not a sidekick. I'm king of the lab!

[Booth flashes his badge to the storekeeper of a jewelry shop]
Storekeeper: [nervously] Oh! Look how shiny that badge is.
Booth: Yeah that's really shiny.

Brennan: Do you think Dr. Edison is more likeable than I am?
Cam: Ohhhh. [takes a deep breath] Likability is so subjective.
Brennan: Not always. Pol Pot couldn't have been likable.
Cam: Maybe at parties.

[Inside the interrogation room, Metro PD Commander Joe Dinko is in for questioning. Booth and Caroline Julian are staring at him.]
Joe Dinko: I'm a cop. I know all about using the uncomfortable silence to make a suspect talk.
Caroline: Then why don't you talk first? [looks at Booth, sarcastically] This is gonna a walk in the park.

Booth: [to a suspect who keeps dodging his questions] Our stairwells are soundproof. You could break your neck trying to run away from me.
[...]
Booth: Where's the money?
Marcos: What money?
Booth: If you say "what money" I'll drag you to the nearest stairwell.
Caroline: [watching from the observation room] I'm in a totally different place.

The Maiden in the Mushrooms [8.21][edit]

[Hodgins catches up with Finn on the Forensic platform.]
Hodgins: Finn, I've got the results.
Finn: From the victim's fingernail?
Hodgins: What? No, no, no, I'm still working on that. No, I have a molecular breakdown of your Grandma's secret sauce.
Finn: Oh, forget it. I've moved on.
Hodgins: No, you haven't, your still pissed, and I don't blame you. That stuff is awesome!
Finn: My Grandmother used to put it on my Catfish...
Hodgins: Oh, you're kidd...you're killing me here. I'm not gonna let that hot sauce die. [walks over to monitor] Now, look at this. I-I took a swab of the bottle and I ran it through the Mass-Spec, right, and I almost got everything. We've got Red and Yellow Peppers, ok, Cayenne, Tomatoes, of course, Garlic, Onions, Cumin, Salt, Brown sugar, Vinegar--it's just-it's just this one compound I cannot identify, and I hoping you'd know what it was.
Finn: Yeah, it's the one thing you'll never find.
Hodgins: Alright, but I've already got a portion of the molecular chain...
Finn: Love! It's love, Hodgins. That's not gonna show on your Mass Spec. Come on, let it go. [walks away]
Hodgins: No...Finn, come on...hey. I'm just one compound away.
[Finn leaves the Forensics Platform]
Hodgins: I'm gonna burn the crap outta your mouth and you are gonna love it!
[Another lab technician looks at Hodgins and wrinkles his nose, weirded out by the comment. Hodgins feels awkward for saying that so loud]

[In the interrogation room]
Sweets: You seem to feel that anger is good solution to your problems, which I totally understand.
Suspect: Yeah?
Sweets: [nods, speaks rapidly] Yeah, sure. The release of adrenalin and noradrenalin in your system causes you to feel optimistic that your impulses are causing you to make, huh, reasonable risk assessments. It's a common correspondence bias.
Suspect: [irritated] Are you screwing with me?
Sweets: [earnestly] No. I'm simply pointing out that your lack of self control can cause you to make extremely poor decisions––
Suspect: You said you're on my side!!
Booth: [raises hand to calm suspect down] No, he said he understood why you'd go psycho!
Sweets: [glances at Booth] Ok, I wouldn't use that word but––
Booth: [impatiently to Sweets] I know. That's why I'm here.

Booth: Where were you on the 17th?
Gordie: I was at...at home, I think.
Booth: You think. You have someone to back up your story?
Gordie: My mom.
Booth: [deadpan] Your mom. You live with your mom. I bet Rebecca found that hot.

[Booth and Brennan are watching unaired footage of a drunk Judge Trudy]
Booth: Oh...wow...she wobbles and....oh...wow...ok, so what do you think, Bones?
Brennan: The judge might suffer from a neuromuscular disorder.
Booth: [stares at the TV and then at Brennan in disbelief] She sloshed! [Brennan shakes her head, unsure of what Booth meant] Drunk!
Brennan: Oh. That.

Trudy: This line of questioning is absurd. Move on with it.
Booth: This is not your fake courtroom, Trudy. I call the shots here. You're more than a social drinker, aren't you? I can tell by the way your hand is shaking.
Trudy: I have the occasional drink. Occasional.
Booth: [sarcastically] Right. Bet you had the "occasional" DUI. For me it was gambling, for my father it was drinking. I know a problem when I see one.

Finn: I hope this is important, I'm trying to find cause of death... [Smells the fried catfish.] What's that smell?
[As Angela prepares a table, Hodgins turns to show Finn.]
Hodgins: It... is Catfish, "Opie".
Finn: Oh. That wasn't neccessary, "Thurston".
Hodgins: But it was. [Points to the chair waiting] Come here, sit down.
[Finn sits down to the fried Catfish. Hodgins' hand moves to his pocket.]
Hodgins: And this... [Pulls a bottle of the hot sauce out of his pocket] This is the hot sauce.
Angela: Taste it, you are gonna love it.
[Finn reluctantly obliges]
Finn: This is... [drinks some of the sauce] Oh, my god! How did you do that?
Hodgins: Aframomum melegueta; it's more commonly as "Guinea grain". It's native to swampy habitats along the West African Coast. I have no idea how your Granny got a hold of it, but...
Finn: She used to trade with a Herbalist in the woods...Damnit...If you hadn't brought my Granny back from the dead! [starts laughing]
Hodgins: Hey, I told you I'd find it, right?
Angela: And you were right. The secret ingredient was Love. That's the only explanation for Hodgins spending so much time, and effort to do this.
Hodgins: Eat. Go, eat.
[Finn pours the hot sauce on the catfish and starts eating]
Hodgins: Hey, we shouldn't keep this stuff a secret, I mean the world would love this.
Finn: Aaaa. Very true, very true.
Angela: You should slow down a little bit, Finn. You don't wanna get a bone stuck down your throat.
Finn: [Holds up a catfish bone] Not from a baby Catfish.
[Bends the catfish bone to emphasize that it is flexable. As he looks at it, he has an epiphany on the victim's cause of death.]
Finn: That's it!
Hodgins: What?
Finn: Cause of death.
[Finn gets up, hovering between going and eating his catfish. He grabs the bottle of hot sauce before he leaves. Angela and Hodgins look bemused.]

The Party in the Pants [8.22][edit]

Cam: Either rats ate the rest of his underwear or I'd say our victim was a stripper.

Booth: You were a stripper?
Brennan: It was only once.

Brennan: Based on your robust frame, muscular build, and symmetrical features, you could make a good income as an exotic dancer.
Wendell: Well, then I wasted a bunch of money on grad school.

Angela: [to Hodgins] You know, if I had any non-crime related cash right now, I would be stuffing it down those pants of yours.

Booth: I'm just angry, that's all it is. [he and Brennan sit down on a bench] I just feel like him.
Brennan: Who?
Booth: My dad. I feel like my dad. You know, he would blame her for everything. My mom would apologize and he would just stare at her.
Brennan: You are not your father.
Booth: [looks at Brennan, sarcastically] Really? Because, you know, I grew up in a household of violence and hatred. Look at me now. I look for that everyday – murder, cruelty. [sighs]
Brennan: Everyday you try to stop it. Everyday you prove what a good man you are.
Booth: Why didn't I stop her? Why didn't I stop my own mom?
Brennan: 'Cause it's difficult. Isn't that what you said about my dad? How long did it take me to forgive him? You think I still don't get angry?
Booth: Maybe it's just simpler this way, Bones.
Brennan: Is that what your religion says?
Booth: [sarcastically] Really? You wanna bring that into this conversation now?
Brennan: The Jesus myth is all about forgiveness, isn't it?
Booth: It's not a myth.
Brennan: Absolution, the ability to transform ourselves. So you grew up suffering. In the myth, Jesus suffered and he forgave those––
Booth: Not a myth.
Brennan: Please, Booth. Water to wine, raising the dead, walking on water, these defy the basic laws of physics, but forgiveness, that's its value. That's why the myth has endured.

Cam: When did empowerment become stuffing dollar bills down a man's pants?
Brennan: The 1970s. I already said that. You should pay closer attention.

The Pathos in the Pathogens [8.23][edit]

[Sweets and Angela are discussing via video-conferencing about the victim cheating on her boyfriend]
Angela: If Hodgins did this to me...
Sweets: You'd want to kill him.
Angela: No. I would kill him. [Sweets cringes]

The Secret in the Siege [8.24][edit]

Booth: I thought you'd want some weird tribal wedding where I'd have to pay for you in giraffes.
Brennan: No, no one offers giraffes. The archaic Catholic wedding ritual is important to you, and even as an Atheist, I can see the beauty in it. Plus, I speak Latin.

Brennan: It's clearly irrational, but I feel I could never find a better man to spend my life with. And I'm...
Angela: Happy.
Brennan: And I thought that should be recorded for the world.

Brennan: I want to marry you. Will you marry me, Booth?
Booth: Are you serious?
Brennan: Yes. I've been afraid, I've been stubborn, and I've been in love. And marriage would make you so happy.
Booth: You're sure? You're not just saying this because of Pelant and everything that's going on here?
Brennan: Positive. All of this just made me see things more clearly. I love you. I want you to be my husband. I want to...I want to spend the rest of my life with you. [Booth is still stunned] Say something.
Booth: Yes. Of course. Yes.

Brennan: [to Booth] I want you to be happy. That's all I want.

Brennan: You are not allowed to die. Do you understand?
Booth: Yeah, I understand.

Booth: [to Bones] We're smarter than he is. Well, you're smarter. You're the smartest person in the world. Ever. I mean, since the beginning of time.

Angela: Hey, we're gonna get him, Hodgins. You know that we will.
Hodgins: I should've killed him when I had the chance.

Season 9[edit]

The Secret in the Proposal [9.1][edit]

Booth: I lied to the woman I love.
Aldo: That's not a quick lie from the grain, that's a whopper lie from the heart.
Booth: It's still a sin.
Aldo: You want the truth? Go home and tell Temperance the truth.

Booth: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. [does the sign of the Cross] It's been... [downs a shot] Woah, this is definitely not the good stuff, Father.
Aldo: Don't call me "Father", Master Sergeant. I'm not a priest anymore.
Booth: I'm not in the Army anymore, so that makes us even.

Sweets: [to Caroline] Have you noticed that dead bodies always save Booth from confronting his demons?

Booth: Hiya Bones.
Brennan: I called you earlier.
Booth: Yeah, I forgot to charge my phone.
Brennan: Christine wanted to talk to her daddy.

Cam: Okay, I don't usually get involved, Seeley. You got cold feet, I understand but if you don't warm up those feet real fast, you're gonna lose her. Forever.
Booth: Mind your own business, Camille.

Booth: Listen, Bones. About not answering the phone.
Brennan: I know you were lying. And you didn't come home last night.
Booth: I was working. I have my regular hours, plus I'm trying to catch Pelant.
Brennan: Angela agrees. She says you're lying too.
Booth: Well, Angela doesn't know everything. [pauses] I'd die for you. I love you.

Angela: Don't hang up. It's me.
Booth: Why would I hang up on you?
Angela: Because we don't like each other ever since you broke my best friend's heart.
Booth: Let's move on.

Booth: We can talk about Christine.
Brennan: Christine is doing very well. She recognizes all her colors, and I think she's following along when I read to her.
Booth: Or when I read to her too. You're talking as if I'm not even there.
Brennan: It feels like you aren't there. Which I realize it's like an illusion but that's how it feels.

Brennan: The truth is best. You taught me that.

Booth: We're gonna get past this.
Brennan: I don't even know what all of this is!
Booth: Hey, look. I love you. You love me. Everything is gonna be okay.
Brennan: I know you want me to accept what you're saying on faith because you're a man of faith, but I believe in sequences and patterns and this sequence doesn't end well unless something disrupts the pattern.

Booth: Freeze! FBI!
Danny: Ooh, FBI. I'm shaking.

Booth: Stop telling Bones I'm lying to her.
Angela: What's the problem, Booth? What, you need one more fling before settling down?
Booth: I'm not a fling kind of guy. And you know that.
Angela: Maybe Brennan isn't as attractive to you now she's become a mom.
Booth: You're not helping the situation.
Angela: You're ruining her very fragile heart! You should be ashamed of yourself!

Daisy: Would you care to high five?
Brennan: I would not.
Daisy: I can do it myself.

Bones: How long have you been with Hodgins?
Angela: Working together 10 years. Sleeping together 5 years. Married 3 years.

Angela: Love is not chemistry.

Aldo: Booth loves you.
Brennan: Booth told you that?
Aldo: He confessed it to me. Not being married is a sin to him.` I'm not sure a non-believer can understand that kind of sacrifice.
Brennan: I wanted to marry him.
Aldo: Not as much as he wants to marry you.

Brennan: [concerned] You were shot at!
Booth: I get shot at my whole life.

Brennan: Booth, I have to tell you something.
Booth: Look, alright...look Bones please. You just have to give me a little bit more time that's all, please.
Brennan: I'm not leaving you. [Booth hugs her] I have absolute faith in you. I trust you. I know you love me and Christine and I'm sorry I lost sight of that temporarily. You're a good man. You have your reasons and when you can you'll share them with me. I'm sorry.
Booth: Look, I'm sorry.
Brennan: We'll be fine. But next time it's your turn to ask me to marry you.
Booth: I will, as soon as I can, I will.
Brennan: I know. [They kiss]

The Cheat in the Retreat [9.2][edit]

Booth: It's you're lucky day, Bug boy!

Angela: I should probably leave before Booth gets home.
Bones: Yes, you should.
Angel: Really?
Bones: Angela, you're being very mean to him. Anger is a reasonable response.
Angela: Why aren't you mad at him? I mean he forces you to propose to him, he accepts then he changes his mind.
Bones: He has his reasons.
Angela: Yeah? What reasons?
Bones: I don't know.
Angela: Then why aren't you angry at him?
Bones: I don't know why Mars lost it's magnetic fields. I'm not angry at Mars. (Booth walks in as they're talking)
Angela: That's fine. I'll be angry at both Booth and Mars for you. (She turns around and notices Booth) Ooh.. Awkward. (To Bones) Bye sweetie. (To Booth) Bye.
Booth: Bye. That's the best word I've heard all day.

Booth: Ya know what I'm thinking? (He smirks as she grins)
Bones: Undercover! Buck and Wanda!
Booth: Not Buck and Wanda. This is a job for Tony and Roxy.
Bones: Tony and Roxy! Okay! You got it baby.
Booth: How you doin' baby.

Bones: I have a secret I'll share!
Booth: Thank you.
Bones: I never told you how much I hate it when you wear that beer hat in the bath. You look foolish, and sometimes it makes me think I married a child!
Booth: You kidding me, right?
Bones: No, Tony. I ain't!
Booth: We'll talk about the hat after you lose that stupid African fragility statue out of our bedroom. Ya know on top of that why don't we cut off his-

Sweets: Thank you. Dr. Montenegro, where did you get you're degree again?
Angela: The same place you got that degree in sarcasm.

El Carnicero en el Coche [9.3][edit]

The Sense in the Sacrifice [9.4][edit]

Caroline Julian: [to the "squints"] Pelant thinks he's smarter than all of us, which might be true but he's not smarter than all of us put together.

[Brennan and Cam show Booth and Flynn the corpse]
Flynn: Wow...that's....wow.
Brennan: [excitedly] This is actually a fascinating exercise. Did you know this is the first time I've burned human bone?
Booth: [unamused] Not the right tone, Bones.
Brennan: Oh. Yeah.

Flynn: I'm not about to argue with a woman who could solve a murder using only a tooth and magnifying glass.
Brennan: I have solved a murder using only a tooth but I use significantly more sophisticated equipment than a magnifying glass...
Flynn: [cuts Brennan off] I'll do exactly what you say.

Brennan: Do you wish you were going with him?
Booth: I wish I killed Pelant three months ago.
Brennan: It'll be better to catch him alive.
Booth: Better for who?

[Booth is sitting next to Brennan, who is tucked in bed]
Booth: I wish the call would come in.
Brennan: We could have sex?
Booth: Huh?
Brennan: Well our bodies need to relieve tension so we can sleep.
Booth: Wow, way to take the romance out of it.
Brennan: Well, I'm just being practical. I just know I sleep best after several orgasms. (She lies down, snuggling into the duvet)
Booth: [mischievously] Well is that some kind of challenge. [Booth leans down kissing her]
Brennan: Maybe. [They kiss some more until both of their phones ring breaking them apart]

Angela: He's telling us that this is our fault.
Brennan: But it's not.
Hodgins: We were trying to piss him off. Well, we succeeded and we got Flynn killed!
Brennan: We did not kill Hayes Flynn, Pelant did. The only we can do is try to catch Pelant using the evidence in front of us.
Angela: What if we don't? What if this just goes on forever??
Cam: [solemnly] It won't. In fact, I almost feel sorry for Pelant.
Hodgins: [in disbelief] What?!
Cam: He killed someone who saved Booth's life.
Brennan: Cam's right. Booth will never give up.

Brennan: The absence of evidence is, in itself, evidence.

[Booth and Brennan share a passionate kiss in front of his office door. Several agents turn and stare at them.]
Brennan: [in a low voice] We agreed to avoid public displays of affection at the FBI.
Booth: To hell with the FBI.

Pelant: [grins at Brennan] I know you. You'll find me. It's in the stars.

Brennan: Do you think he'll kill Pelant the next time he has a chance?
Cam: Usually I'd say no but the way Booth's turning Flynn into a saint, feels like he's working himself up for something. But Booth's a complex man. I'm not sure any of us can tell what he's really thinking deep down.

[Inside Aldo's bar]
Brennan: Booth wants to kill Pelant, which is fine. He's a very bad man, he's murdered...we don't know how many people. What if there's someone worse and we need Pelant to catch that killer?
Aldo: [rolls his eyes] Oh god... [looks at Brennan] It's these ethical dilemmas that drove me out of the priesthood.
Brennan: I need to know what Booth is going to do.
Aldo: So you can protect Pelant.
Brennan: He's more valuable alive than dead, that's all.
Aldo: It depends which Booth is there.
Brennan: [confused] Seeley Booth, the one I love.
Aldo: No, I mean, like all of us, he has two sides to him. There's one side that wants to save the world and one side that wants to take care of the people he loves. Those two collide, well, that's what you called a "tortured soul".
Brennan: There's no such thing as a soul.
Aldo: Says you, but Booth values nothing higher than his soul, yet he's willing to sacrifice his soul by killing Pelant.
Brennan: Why?
Aldo: [smirks] You, of course. It's always gonna come down to you.

Booth: [sarcastically to Sweets] What, you're gonna say that you found something that indicates that Flynn was Freudian delusional with synergistic narcissism disorder, huh?

Booth: [seriously] Look, we gotta make a deal and this deal has got to stick, all right? From now, I will do all the fighting and the shooting and the apprehending of killers, ok? You can do all the smart stuff, right? Stay in the lab, play with your bones...and all that good stuff. You know, I don't come to your lab there and play with your telescopes––
Brennan: I don't have a telescope.... [turns and looks at Booth, concerned] What's wrong?
[...]
Booth: [swallows] Look, the main reason I wanted to kill Pelant is because he kept me from marrying you.
Brennan: I thought it was something like that.
Booth: And if I told you why we couldn't get married he was gonna kill innocent people.
Brennan: You made the right choice. It's alright. [He smiles and takes her hands in his]
Booth: Bones, If I ask you to marry me, will you say yes?
Brennan: If I say yes will we get married?
Booth: Yes. [They smile at each other before kissing]
[Unbeknownst to them, Angela, Hodgins, Cam and Caroline are watching via the security camera and smiling.]

The Lady on the List [9.5][edit]

Booth: That's pretty good, if I was you and I was marrying me I wouldn't wanna put anything on the list either.

The Woman in White [9.6][edit]

[During the wedding rehearsal inside the church]
Hodgins: Angie, it's just a rehearsal. You can't keep crying.
Angela: I can and I will.
[...]
[Sweets and Cam rush in with cardboard cut-outs of Park and Max to stand-in at the altar]
Sweets: Can't forget the best man.
Cam: He'll be dressed on the day.
Booth: [to the vicar] My son is flying in later, so hey.
Brennan: That's my dad.

Brennan: Oh, I'm sorry. Am I allowed to kiss him now?
Vicar: It's really just a rehearsal Dr. Brennan, so..
Brennan: Because we are sleeping together. Sleeping together is a euphemism for sex.
Booth: No. Not here. [turns to the vicar] I'm really sorry, father.
Brennan: You don't have to apologize, Booth. It's not like he's gonna be jealous.

[Vicar's phone rings during the rehearsal]
Vicar: [answers the call] Yes?....I do last rites but I don't do murder. [passes phone to Booth] It's for you...
[...]
[Booth and Brennan drive off to the scene of the crime.]
Hodgins: $25 on the wedding being canceled by lunchtime tomorrow.
Sweets: Yeah, 50 bucks says it's canceled before the sun goes down.
Cam: Worst friends ever.

Booth: [annoyed with Sweets] Go do something else somewhere else.

[Booth is walking to his office and is joined by Sweets]
Sweets: [reading a letter from evidence off his tablet] "I see your hands and my body trembles with memory. Your touch is like coarse silk against my bare skin, pulling me ever closer..."
Booth: [looks around, embarrassed] You can't read that at my wedding! There's gonna be kids there.
Sweets: No no no. It's from Angela.
Booth: Oh. Well, that figures.
Sweets: It's text from the letter found on the victim.

Bones: I don't have to sleep to be more beautiful.
Hodgins: No. But it does help you to be pleasant.

Booth: London is a long flight, you must be tired.
Parker: I'm fine! I can't wait till Christine wakes up from her nap.
Booth: Yeah, she's sleeping, huh.
Parker: And if you have to go to work?
Booth: No! I don't have to go anywhere. I'm exactly where I want to be. Right here with my son.
Parker: Mom packed my tuxedo. That's what i'm supposed to wear right?
Booth: Yeah! Yeah, we're gonna look like a bunch of waiters out there.
Parker: I'm glad your marrying Bones, ya know? Mom's happy for you too.
Booth: Thanks, I'm happy. I'm happy your here. Alright? So, i have this list of things I need to get done, right?
Parker: Mhm!
Booth: I need you to make sure I don't forget.
Parker: Me?
Booth: Yeah, you. That's what the best man does. I'm asking you to be my best man.
Parker: Really!?
Booth: Alright!
Parker: Thanks dad.
Booth: I love ya. Alright, here's what we gotta get!

Booth: You know, I just thought...look, you know, before I get married you'll be able to give me some advice here.
Aldo Clemens: I'm not a priest anymore, Booth.
Booth: I know, ok, I know that, but the "real ones", they don't know me like you.
Aldo: We could've done this at the bar.
Booth: Come on, Aldo. Will you just cut me some slack here?
Aldo: Ok. I'm jealous. [Booth looks at him] What you and Temperance have, it's the reason we draw breath. You screw this up, Booth, and it'll be worse than any hell God can dream up for you.
Max: I agree.
[Booth turns around and sees Max.]
Max: [to Aldo] I'm Max. I'm Tempe's father. [shakes hands with Aldo] This guy, he thinks I'm still a crook.
Aldo: Aldo. He still thinks I'm a priest.
[...]
Max: [to Booth] I tell you what, I've never seen anything more right. I'd be proud to call you my son. I only wish that Tempe's mother was here to watch her walk down the aisle.
Booth: [nods] Me too.

Hank: I'd like to make a toast before we go.
Booth: No no no Pops. You do that at the rehearsal dinner, ok?
Hank: Just a little one, Shrimp. A private one. I've been waiting for this day ever since I met Tempe.
Max: I'm doing that to him.
Marianne: Then I'm going to sing a song. A little one. Actually, two.
Parker: I'm pretty hungry.
Brennan: We should hurry. We don't want to be late to the dinner...
Booth: Yeah.
Marianne: [jokingly looks at Max and Hank] You know what? We're getting in trouble for loving them.
Hank: Better not to listen. [turns to Booth] You're a lucky man, Shrimp. You found a woman who's willing to stand up to you and call you on your crap.
Booth: My what??
Hank: You can be stubborn and if she's willing to stick around and try to civilize you, then you better listen and make adjustments, 'cause that's love.
[...]
Marianne: Seeley, what you have here is the final piece of the puzzle. It's what's going to make you whole. Tempe is the woman I always wished I could be and the one that every mother prays that her son will find.
Max: [dramatically] Now I'm gonna cry. How can I do a speech if I'm gonna cry.

Hank: You should elope!
Booth: [groans] Ooohhhh.
Parker: What's that?
Hank: It means going to the justice of the peace to get hitched. No fuss, no bother.
Booth: Pops, forget it. I owe Bones fuss.
Marianne: Eloping is romantic.
Parker: [grins] Chicks dig romantic dad!
Hank: That's true!
Booth: [horrified] What do you mean chicks?!

[Brennan is in Booth's office]
Booth: Look, I know what this wedding meant to you...and the flowers, and the dress...
Brennan: I don't care about any of that. It's you who I'm worried about.
Booth: Me? [comes around from behind his desk to face Brennan] Why me?
Brennan: The church! I know how important that is to you.
Booth: I didn't ask for that. That was your idea this time around.
Brennan: Because of you!
Booth: Bones! I would wear elephant tusks on my head and have a squirrel monkey do the wedding ceremony if that's what you wanted.
Brennan: You really don't care?
Booth: [shakes head, smiles] No.
Brennan: [smiles] And neither do I. As long as you're there. We've waited long enough.

Brennan: [as Max "hands" her to Booth] This is not one man ceremonially handing over a woman to another man as if she's property, Okay?

Booth: I worked really really hard on my vows, but now that we're here. Look, hey. Do you remember the last time that we were here? We were standing right around in this spot. It was right in the beginning before we really knew each other. I was trying to get away from you because eh... you were irritating me. And you chased me down, and you caught up to me. And you know we had been chasing each other for a long time. And we had been chasing each other through wars and serial killers and ghosts and snakes and.. and chasing you has been the smartest thing I've ever done in my life, and being chased by you, has been my greatest joy. But now... [He places the ring on her finger] We don't have to chase each other anymore. Because... we caught each other.

Aldo: And Temperance, will you be speaking from your heart as well?
Brennan: No, I will be speaking from my mouth.

Brennan: When Hodgins and I were buried alive we each wrote a message to someone we loved in case our bodies were ever found. Hodgins wrote to Angela. [Hodgins and Angela share a smile] And I wrote to you. [She hands her flowers to Angela and takes out a note to read] 'Dear Agent Booth, you are a confusing man, you are irrational, compulsive, superstitious and exasperating. You believe in ghosts and angels, and maybe even Santa Claus. And because of you I've started to see the universe differently. How's it possible to simply look into your fine face gives me so much joy. Why does it make me so happy that every time I try to sneak a peak at you, you're already looking at me. Like you, it makes no sense. And like you, it feels right. If I ever get out of here. I will find a time and place to tell you that you make my life messy and confusing, and unfocused and irrational and wonderful.' This is that time. This is that place. [They stare at each other] Did I do that wrong?
Booth: No.

Bones: You can kiss me now.
Booth: Aldo didn't say that I can kiss you.
Aldo: As usual, she's right. Go.

Booth: Everything that happens now.
Bones: And everything that happens next.

The Dude in the Dam [9.8][edit]

Wendell: [in shock] Oh my god it's moving!
Hodgins: [chuckles] Yeahhhh it means that the larval development is almost complete. When the time comes, it'll detach its anal hooks and slide out to greet the world.
Wendell: Dude, you have totally lost the plot. Angela is going to divorce you.
Hodgins: [grins] Nah, I know my Angie. When she sees this little bottle fly––
Wendell: [in disbelief] Listen to yourself!!
[...]
Hodgins: Ah, Wendell, um...truthfully, Angie is a little unsupportive of me being a bottle fly surrogate...
Wendell: [mockingly] What a shock.
Hodgins: I was wondering if you wouldn't mind being with me when the little guy comes out?
Wendell: You want me to be your midwife???
Hodgins: I was thinking, more like birthing partner
Wendell: [speechless] I'm going insane.

Booth: Excuse me, we're not done now.
Creach: [grins] Well now, you wanna take this on? Seriously?
[Booth grins back, amused. Creach tries to brush past Booth but is effortlessly subdued.]
Booth: Oh, ok. Here's the biggest problem with guys that are pumped up on 'roids, huh. They look bigger but they're a lot dumber.

Angela: There's nothing worse than a woman's scorn than one with access to a three-sided hoe.

Brennan: Have either of you read Tess Brown's books?
Cam: No, I've heard she's terrible.
Wendell: Bitch.

[Awkward Silence]

Wendell: That might be a little harsh but why read her when I can read you?
Brennan: Very true

The Fury in the Jury [9.9][edit]

Booth: I just hate the guy. Really hate him. Murder's bad enough but soccer? [in mock anger] Come on, that's anti-American!

Hodgins: Can you blink once for guilty?

Brennan: [grins] Beaten, shot and possibly drowned. This is very interesting.
Cam: You've clearly been bored.

Cam: There's nothing like digging my hands in decomposing flesh to get my mind off my troubles.

Sweets: Trial's over.
Booth: That's good.
Sweets: Yeah. Apparently one of the jurors argued with the defense attorney during a summation?
Booth: [grins sheepishly] I'm sure it wasn't Bones.

Angela: [discussing the Kidman trial with Cam] Justice is so...
Cam: ...unjust.

Booth: [on the phone with Brennan] We miss you, Bones, ok, this is the longest we've been apart in a long time.
Brennan: I know. Our honeymoon was far more enjoyable than jury duty.

Brennan: I never asked you, have you ever served on a jury before?
Booth: Oh...uh...no I have not.
Brennan: Why not?
Booth: Why? Because, you know, when I tell the defense that I'm FBI, they...they reject me.
Brennan: Well, why wasn't I rejected? I work for the FBI.

The Mystery in the Meat [9.10][edit]

Brennan: The diner must've employed a more accomplished chef while we were on our honeymoon.
Booth: [looks at her, shakes head] No, Bones. There's no new chef. It's the same chili as always.
Brennan: I don't understand. You said...
Booth: We're married, Bones. The sun is brighter, the air is [sniffs] crisper, the food tastes better than ever.
Brennan: Air quality and the sun's thermonuclear core have nothing to do––
Booth: Love, Bones, love. It changes everything. [Brennan looks at him blankly] I mean, don't you feel different now that you're married?
Brennan: My left hand does. [looks at her wedding band] I'm very aware of the ring but....I'll adapt.
Booth: [mildly sarcastic] Thanks, very big of you.
Brennan: It's nothing, really, because...I love you. [smiles]
Booth: Right, good answer. [cellphone rings, answers phone] Booth......you found the body in what––?!?!? [gags and spits his stew out]
Brennan: Everything all right?
Booth: I lost my appetite.

Caroline Julian: My boss doesn't like this one. Federal programs paying for cannibalism isn't sitting pretty on Capitol Hill.

Booth: What kind of sick mind serves a person to kids?
Caroline: [deadpan] Maybe one of 'em wasn't ready for a pop quiz.

[Daisy and Oliver Wells are on the platform sifting the beef stew when Cam walks in]
Oliver: [grumpily] Revolting.
Daisy: [cheerily] All part of the job. [grins at Cam] It doesn't faze me in the least.
Oliver: [to Cam] Have you had this one tested for mental illness?
Daisy: [cuts in] Yes, and I passed.
Oliver: [to Daisy, sarcastically] I find it very hard to believe.

[In Booth's car en route to the crime scene]
Booth: Bachelorette party, seriously?
Brennan: Yes, I told her it was a little late for that. Then she asked me if she was still in my top 10 people.
Booth: Oh boy.
Brennan: Which she is, even though you don't like her any....
Booth: [uncomfortably] Ah, geez
Brennan: [looks at him] Why do you keep uttering non-specific and meaningless exclamations?
Booth: You're saying no to Angela because of me?
Brennan: Well, I know how you feel and I didn't want to make you feel even more uncomfortable because––
Booth: Look, Bones, Angela is your best friend and obviously I can't come between you two.
Brennan: Well, if I have to choose––
Booth: You don't have to choose. You can have both. You should have both. Look, you know, let her throw you a bachelorette party 'cause that's what a best friend does. You can't deny her that.
Brennan: You sure?
Booth: Yes. I'm positive.
Brennan: [smiles] Sounds like fun. [pauses] Angela said there would be excessive alcohol consumption and flirting.
Booth: Oh, wow. [at a loss for words]
Brennan: More exclamations.
Booth: Let's just, you know, focus on our work for a while, ok?
Brennan: [perplexed by Booth's reaction] Sure.

[Booth is helping a drunk Brennan into the house and onto the couch]
Brennan: Although I did not start the fight, I felt obligated to finish it. You would've been very proud...
Booth: [grins] Ok, come on...let's just try to get inside, all right? Just sit down. [helps Brennan through the living room and sits her down on an ottoman] You know how many favors I had to call in so you guys wouldn't get arrested?
[...]
Booth: Did you have fun, or was it all about the fighting?
Brennan: [still drunk] We danced on the bar.
Booth: Wow.
Brennan: Does that sound like fun?
Booth: Sounds like a blast.
Brennan: I told Angela it was your idea that I should go. [Booth raises his eyebrows] She feels bad that she hated you and I told her that you're the best person ever [grabs Booth's jaw and grins at him] even though that can't be confirmed empirically but I don't give a crap. Then I told her some of the things that we did in the bathtub last week.
Booth: No no no no. You didn't say about the bathtub did you?!
Brennan: You wanna do some of that right now?
Booth: If we did that you would drown. Let's just get some sleep, ok?

Booth: You recognize this?
Suspect: It's a marinade injector.
Booth: Why do you recognize it?
Suspect: I designed it. With Howard. Is this what killed him?
Booth: The question is, did you use this to kill Howard?
Suspect: No.
Booth: You disliked him.
Suspect: I dislike almost everyone. I dislike you and I don't even know you.

Oliver: [about Brennan] She is no fun at all, is she?
Daisy: You've never seen Dr. Brennan dressed as a cowgirl drinking flaming sambucas fighting biker chicks.

The Spark in the Park [9.11][edit]

Brennan: Did you see the person who stole your identity?
Cam: [uncomfortably] Yes, and I struck her.
Hodgins: [smirks] Awesome.
Cam: Oh you have no idea. [Brennan look at her in amusement]

Arastoo: [amazed] What are the chances of lightning hitting a corpse?
Cam: Don't ask that question in front of Dr. Brennan. She'll force you to find the answer.

Cam: I'm more of a wrath and vengeance type.

Arastoo: [to Cam] I was persecuted in Iran. I lost my home, my cousin was killed, so I have an idea of what it means to want vengeance. And I held onto that anger. I became that anger until that's all I was, until I decided to let it go and realize that sometimes the world is an unjust place that we have to accept. If I decided to forgive I wouldn't have the life I have now. I want to be able to have you.

Sweets: I think I found the victim's drug connection.
Booth: What? How?
Sweets: I trolled her online school chat rooms.
Booth: You spied on kids.
Sweets: I could call it "surveillance" if it makes you feel better.

The Ghost in the Killer [9.12][edit]

Sweets: Aw man....yacht clubs, sailing, prep schools. You're dealing very well with the loss of your fortune.
Hodgins: Truthfully, I thought it would be harder. But, I don't know. When I'm at work, I'm not thinking about money, you know? When I'm with Angela and Michael Vincent, it never crosses my mind. I mean, even with you, the coffee's good, the company....
Sweets: I'm impressed.
Hodgins: As long as a person has enough, they don't need more. And I've got more than enough.

Brennan: So you don't believe me either?
Clark: It's not about belief, it's about the evidence. You taught me that.

Angela: [looks at Hodgins lovingly] You really are a wonderful guy, even if you did sleep with a binky.

Big in the Philippines [9.13][edit]

Booth: The First Lady handpicked this location to kick off her urban green thumb campaign.
Brennan: And now she's handpicked you to investigate a death on the property.
Booth: No, no, no. She handpicked the FBI, and then they picked me.
Brennan: So the First Lady secondhand-handpicked you.
Booth: Yeah...I guess so.

Angela: [notices Wendell's cast] Wendell, what happened to you?
Wendell: Oh, um, hockey game. I got checked.
Angela: What is it with men that they're willing to die for a ball?
Wendell: It's a puck.
Angela: Yeah, I mean, it's still round.

[Cam is sifting through a bucket of the victim's remains. Hodgins, Brennan, Wendell and Angela are examining evidence and bones.]
Cam: I don't think we need bones to let us know that the victim was a male.
Brennan: We have no other way, Dr. Saroyan. [points to her bucket of evidence and fishes out some remains with tongs]
Hodgins: I think we do.
Angela: [disgusted] That mangled piece of meat is his...
Cam: Yeah.
Wendell: Breaking my arm seems like nothing now.

Harriet: Nowadays you gotta stick your tongue out or point a phone finger at your hoo-ha to get someone to even notice.

Brennan: I thought your belief in God gave you the sense that the universe had some kind of loving plan.
Booth: Well, God tests us to see what we're made of so we can appreciate what we have.

Cara: This room looks like the place they bring people they think are guilty.
Booth: Right...why didn't you say that you were on a date with Colin Haynes on the night that he was murdered?
Cara: I go on lots of dates.
Booth: [sarcastically] You threw a drink in his face. How often does that happen?

Booth: Sometimes you just have to dance to the music that's given to you.

Wendell: I was leaving and I came here to say goodbye but, uh....I had to fight. I'm not going down. Maybe I want to be remembered in the right way...by the people that I care about. Maybe I want to be remembered as someone who fought back.

The Master in the Slop [9.14][edit]

Brennan: I am outstanding and without peer in my field. I assume that is why your government wanted you to observe me.
[Dr. Filmore jots something down on a notebook]
Brennan: What are you writing now?
Filmore: Oh, just an observation that Americans are hubristic and Canadians must deal with this challenge in future cooperative interest.
Brennan: Facts are not hubris, Dr. Filmore.

Filmore: You know, in Canada, we have a saying: Wait your turn. If you are truly deserving, that honor will eventually come to you.
Brennan: That's why I don't live in Canada.

Brennan: Booth, do you think I'm being small-minded about Cam getting the award and not me?
Booth: [sighs] Huh. Yes.
Brennan: What?
Booth: You might want another answer but I can't give that to you.
Brennan: But I'm clearly the best scientist.
Booth: And are you the worst scientist because Cam's getting the award?
Brennan: Of course not.
Booth: See? Yeah, you're just being petty because you want to win.
Brennan: [protests] I thought you would take my side.
Booth: I am on your side, ok? I'm on your better side. [smirks] [Brennan frowns and breaks into a smile at Booth's smile.] Much better side.

Brennan: There's a strong connection between chess and the logic and thought needed to plan and execute a murder.

Sweets: Like a lot of brilliant people, Magnuson had a huge ego. Left little room for others.

Booth: Yeah, murder...such an inconvenience, right?

Brennan: Booth is right. It is like the queen sacrifice Marshall used against Levitsky in 1912.
Booth: What???
Sweets: He wouldn't see that coming. [looks at Brennan] How'd you know about that?
Brennan: I play too, not like you, of course. I've been trying to teach Booth but he keeps referring to the knights as "horsies". [Booth covers his face with his palm in frustration]
Booth: That's great, can we just move this along. Ok, chess is a one-on-one game, but in a real war, you need a platoon and that's what we are right now, ok? So let's move out!

The Heiress in the Hill [9.15][edit]

Brennan: [to Booth] We're married now. Sharing everything is part of that, isn't it?

Angela: So I was online looking at dream houses, which got me thinking about adding an extra room...
Hodgins: ...and you want a studio––
Angela: Which could double as a bug room
Hodgins: Oh...phft. Listen, I promise I will do it. As soon as I find a suitable bank to rob.
Angela: You know, we'd make a pretty good team. You could drive the getaway car.

Fisher: I was watching the news and wondering if it even worth getting dressed.
Hodgins: [smirks] Oh we've missed you, Fisher.

Booth: Look, if you can't bury a body deep enough you cover in lye so the animals don't dig it up. It's classic Al Capone.
Sweets: You think it was a mob hit?
Booth: Oh... [rubs face tiredly] What, a girl in her twenties?
Sweets: It's sexist! Nowadays a girl in her twenties could be as much a mobster as a guy.
Booth: [deadpan] Wonderful in how far we've come.

Booth: Take the files. Go shrink them. Shrink it down.
Sweets: I don't "shrink" files. I read them.
Booth: Just shrink it down.

Fisher: [to Hodgins] Sometimes the looney bin is the right place to be, and I was grateful for it. [...] Sometimes people look at you in there like you’d done something wrong rather than just having a disease.

Fisher: [realizing he overlooked a discrepancy] Well, I feel inadequate.
Brennan: You work with me, Mr. Fisher. I'd have thought you'd be used to that by now.

Booth: All I'm saying is, this is your money from your hard work. Not mine.
Brennan: Men are so foolish when it comes to money. It's why we have so many wars. You like your loot covered in blood and sweat. It's the only way you can do it.
Booth: [sarcastically] Ok, great, so I'm Attilla the Hun now?

The Source in the Sludge [9.16][edit]

Man 1: [notices a bag floating in the lake] What is that?
Man 2: That is probably a bag of morality.

Brennan: That's your third cup of coffee.
Booth: I like the coffee here.
Brennan: One more reason why you're more likely to die before I do.

Booth: I'm trained in the "danger business". You're...you're top dog. [makes dog purring sounds] In the lab.
Brennan: I'm licensed to carry a weapon. I know martial arts.
Booth: [deadpan] You shot me once.
Brennan: A ricochet! That doesn't count.

Daisy: [while examining the corpse] Who would throw lampreys in with a body? [Brennan and Cam look at her] I'm not supposed to know that, am I?

[Cam and Hodgins are observing the lampreys in a tank]
Hodgins: These guys haven't evolved in 360 million years.
Cam: Sounds like they could run for Congress.
Hodgins: Look at them. They're doing what they do best, relaxing and watching life go by.

Angela: [to Hodgins] Not many people can deal with what you have. And then there are these 360 million-year-old creatures who have stayed the course. Just like you. No matter what evolution threw at them. Just makes sense that you'd take a shine to them.

Booth: Let's go get Aziz.
Brennan: I'm coming with you.
Beck: [looks at Booth] Ah...I don't think that's a good idea.
Brennan: [to Beck] I'm Booth's partner and I wasn't talking to you.
Booth: [to Brennan] I think maybe you should stay back. It could be a little dangerous.
Brennan: Two well-trained people questioning one man? Am I the only one who isn't afraid?

Sari: [video recording] Ignorance is no match for a curious mind and hatred and oppression are no match for the human heart. Compassion and love will guide us and freedom will be our reward.

Brennan: The universe demonstrates that no matter how we protect ourselves we'll never be completely safe. But, with reasonable caution, we can still be together in the field when appropriate.

The Repo Man in the Septic Tank [9.17][edit]

The Carrot in the Kudzu [9.18][edit]

The Turn in the Urn [9.19][edit]

The High in the Low [9.20][edit]

Brennan: You're very set in your ways.
Booth: I'm not set in my ways. Never had been, never will be.
[Booth gets a call about a body.]
Brennan: Ok, I'll drive.
Booth: [stunned] I always drive.
Brennan: I know, but since you're not set in your ways, it'll be a nice change. [leaves]
Booth: [whines to himself] What'd you mean "nice change"?!! I always drive the car.

Booth: Look, what's the big deal? I know you helped put the mental part of the test together.
Sweets: Right, but that doesn't mean I can give you the answers, Booth.
Booth: I'm not looking for the answers, ok? I'm just....trying to see what kind of questions are gonna be on the test.
Sweets: The test is the day after tomorrow. Don't you feel ready?
Booth: [grins] Come on, I was born ready.

Cam: [marvels at Angela's new holographic projector] I feel like I should be wearing silly glasses eating popcorn.

The Cold in the Case [9.21][edit]

Brennan: [explaining cryonics to Booth] It's a low temperature preservation of humans with a hope that resuscitation may be possible in the future.
Booth: It's nuts, ok? When you die, it's ashes to ashes, not ashes to ice.
Brennan: We all search for immortality in our own way. It's what binds tribes and religions.
Booth: Just please tell me that...you're not gonna want me...to...freeze you.
Brennan: No. But one day you might be able to download my accumulated consciousness onto a memory chip.
Booth: [uncomfortable] Listen, let's just, you know...keep each other in here. [points to chest (heart)] That's worked just fine for a long time.

Booth: [to the boss of the cryonics facility] Wait a second, who licensed you guys? Frankenstein?

Angela: They're dead when they're frozen, aren't they?
Hodgins: Yes, but they keep oxygen circulating while putting in the cryoprotectants to save the cellular integrity of the remains.
Cam: And they use propofol to keep the remains from animating during the process.
Angela: [shocked] Animating? You mean like, the "walking dead"?
Hodgins: [grins excitedly] Yeah, it's actually––
Angela: [cuts Hodgins off] If you say "cool", you won't have sex for, like, a year.
Hodgins: Revolting.

Sweets: [smirks] You're missing a good old-fashioned murder, aren't ya?
Booth: [amused] Oh come on, aren't you? We're all sitting around here hoping that someone recorded a confession in some frozen lady's head.

Booth: From a military angle, they're having me review all these shootings, they're looking at my skill sets.
Brennan: Your gut is telling you some things.
Booth: Yeah. The base over there, it's a staging ground for counter-terrorism activity and covert operations.
Brennan: You think they might be asking you to be a sniper again?
Booth: I won't do it. I have a new life, I've a family. They can't make me do that again.
Brennan: You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Booth.

The Nail in the Coffin [9.22][edit]

Hodgins: The truth is, the family was always strange, you know? They were living under a cloud.
Cam: A very wealthy cloud.
Hodgins: Yeah, tons of money and all that's left is murder, sadness and secrets. I'm telling you, I'm doing a hell of a lot better broke.

Brennan: You know, I wrote seven pages on your problem-solving skills
Booth: Wow
Brennan: Which I said were excellent.
Booth: [smirks] Thanks, Bones.
Brennan: Although, I admitted to being skeptical about your reliance on your gut, but I explained it by referencing studies showing that gut instincts are merely highly developed observational powers so it's probably your eyes more than your gut.
Booth: [smiles] You know, you're amazing. You know that?
Brennan: Yeah. However, I'm not sure what exemplary quality you're referencing. My intellect, or...
Booth: Your support. Your...thanks. Thanks.
Brennan: [seriously] How could I not support you? You believed in me even when there's no tangible evidence the "Ghost Killer" existed
Booth: [smugly] Guess it was my gut.

Clark: Dr. Brennan, I just had to say how much I appreciate how accepting you've been about me working with you on this case.
Brennan: [astonished] Yes....that is...rare for me...isn't it?
Clark: [smirks] Yes it is. And I know Pelant told you you'd never be able to catch this "Ghost Killer" without his expertise but I'm determined to prove him wrong.

Sweets: I've been through almost a thousand pages Kessler compiled on the murder case, as well as McNamara's business dealings. Kesller suffers from post-traumatic embitterment disorder, dysthymia as well as a cold morbidity....
Deputy Director Stark: Ok, ok, the guy's a sick bastard, I get it.

Brennan: There was one question asking if we had a relationship outside of work, so...
Booth: You should probably just skip that one.
Brennan: Oh, um, I wrote all this. [hands Booth a file with some papers in it]
Booth: You wrote all this? [looks at file] Woah! About our sex life?
Brennan: Well...are you suggesting it isn't interesting?
Booth: [denies] No, no!
Brennan: They told me to be thorough. I also put that you never throw your socks into the hamper.
Booth: [reads file] "In case the floor is cold." [looks away awkwardly] I put the socks on so my feet stay warm. But they don't care about that!

External links[edit]

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