- What do you think I was doing the whole time you were out there man? I told you Dignan got fired, out on his ass. But you didn't think about that, did you. In the end it's easier to think about yourself than it is to think about Dignan.
- You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig!
- What a lemon! One minute it's running like a top, and the next it's broken down on the side of the road. And I can't fix a car like this, because I don't have the tools! And even if I did have the tools I don't know if I could fix a car like this!
- Okay. There, you see the star is me, right there, and I'll be in there. The X is Anthony. Bob, you're the zero out here in the car.
- We'll get him. We'll get him. Man, dont worry about that, we'll get him. And when we do, we'll blow up his car, do something. I can guarantee you that. What makes me furious is thinking about the look on Bob's fat face, thinking he pulled one over on us. I tell you another thing. If our paths cross again, you're gonna see a side of Dignan that you haven't seen before. A sick, sadistic side, cause I'm furious at Bob.
- Pointless act! You don't give a 500 dollar tip to the housekeeper! That's inappropriate! That's inexcusable! That, I don't forgive! What were you thinking? What were you thinking?
- On the run from Johnny Law... ain't no trip to Cleveland.
- You, my dear friend, are a damn fool.
- Here are just a few of the key ingredients: dynamite, pole vaulting, laughing gas, choppers - can you see how incredible this is going to be? - hang gliding, come on!
- They'll never catch me... because I'm fucking innocent.
- Isn't it funny how you used to be in the nut house and now I'm in jail?
- How does an asshole like Bob get such a great kitchen?
- Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
- Son of a bitch! Anthony! Anthony! Bob's gone. He stole his car! He flew the coop while we were sleepin'!
- Shh, wait for my instructions. When we go through the next gate, you'll have thirty seconds to take out the tower guard. Thirty seconds. Have the car running at the northwest checkpoint. Bob and I are gonna scale the barricade, and then we're gonna tunnel through to no-mans-land. And Bob, remember, shield me from the bullets, they won't shoot civilians! Are you ready? Let's go! Let's go! Now! Now! Now! (smiling) Isn't it funny how you used to be in the nut house and now I'm in jail?
- Bob gets the Spirit Award.
- One morning, over at Elizabeth's beach house, she asked me if I'd rather go water-skiing or lay out. And I realized that not only did I not want to answer that question, but I never wanted to answer another water-sports question, or see any of these people again for the rest of my life.
Future Man 
- He looks like a little banana. Where are you from pal?
- Bob: Wha - why is there tape on your nose?
- Dignan: Exactly!
- Kumar: Man, I blew it. I blew it, man!
- Anthony: Kumar, what were you doing in the freezer?
- Kumar: I don't know, man; I lose my touch, man!
- Dignan: Did you even have a touch to lose, man?
- Dignan: Bob Mapplethorpe, potential get-away driver: go!
- Bob: Well, I think there's a real air of mystery about me.
- Dignan: Don't complicate it. Your number one strength is you have a car you can provide. Sell yourself! Start over. Ready, go!
- Bob: Okay, alright. I'm a risk taker! I'm growin' an entire crop of marijuana plants in my parents back yard! I think that shows...
- Dignan: Wait, you're growing an entire crop of marijuana in your back yard?
- Bob: Dignan, look. I'm just not very good at this selling-yourself stuff, okay? So, I'm just gonna tell you the truth. I really wanna be a part of this team. And I'm the only one with a car.
- Dignan: That's good. That's good. 'Cause that hits me right here.
- Anthony: So, did you enjoy your first visit to the nut house?
- Dignan: Hey, hey, shh, shh, shh. Come on. Be sensitive to the fact that other people are not comfortable talking about emotional disturbances. Um, you know, I am, I'm fine with that, but... other people.
- Guy in bathroom: Hey, you're in the Army, yes?
- Dignan: No, I just have short hair.
- Anthony: You told, you told your friend Bernice I'm some kind of jet pilot?
- Grace: What was I supposed to say, they stuck you in an insane asylum?
- Anthony: It wasn't an insane asylum, Grace. I explained to you back then that it was for exhaustion.
- Grace: Exhaustion?
- Anthony: Yes, exhaustion.
- Grace: You haven't worked a day in your life. How could you be exhausted?
- Anthony: She thinks I'm a failure.
- Dignan: What? She said you were a failure? What has she ever accomplished with her life that's so great, man? Nothing.
- Anthony: Which part of Mexico are you from?
- Inez: Paraguay
- Abe Henry: I don't mean to offend you, Bob. But your brother's a cocksucker. Does that offend you?
- Bob: No, that didn't offend me.
- Abe Henry: Good.
- Stacy: You're really complicated, aren't you?
- Anthony: I try not to be.
- Dignan: Why are you here right now? You're always at lunch at this time!
- Workers: Not always.
- Dignan: Yes! Always!
- Future Man: What the hell are you wearing?
- Dignan: It's a jump suit.
- Future Man: Clay look at this guy...
- Clay: He looks like a rodeo clown...
- Future Man: He looks like a little banana. Where are you from anyway, man?
- Dignan: I'm from around here.
- Future Man: This guy used to mow our lawn.
- Clay: No shit.
- Future Man: Yeah he was great, clipping the hedges, sweeping up, mowing the lawn. What was the name of your little lawn mowing company?
- Dignan: The Lawn Wranglers.
- Future Man: (laughing) Let's go. Keep up the mowing, Kimosabe.
- Dignan: Fact: I learned more in the two months I spent with Mr. Henry and his crew than I learned in 15 years of academic study. Fact: I can guarantee you after Mr. Henry sees us pull this job, he's going to take a personal interest in our future. Fact: Mr. Henry drives a Jaguar...
- Anthony: Fact: The picture's not doing it for me right now, Dignan.
- Dignan: Well, does the fact that I'm trying to do it, do it for you?
- They're not really criminals, but everybody's got to have a dream.
- Owen Wilson - Dignan
- Luke Wilson - Anthony Adams
- Robert Musgrave - Bob Mapplethorpe
- Lumi Cavazos - Inez
- James Caan - Abe Henry