Brimstone

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Brimstone (1998–1999) is a short-lived Fox television series, featuring a dead detective whose mission (assigned by the Devil) is to return 113 spirits who have escaped from Hell to Earth.

Season 1[edit]

Pilot [1.1][edit]

[Ezekiel Stone arrives in NYC to hunt down a 100 year old priest who kills little children.]
Det. Kane: You know, you go to hell for something like that.
Stone: Already been there.

Desk Clerk: Where have you been?
Stone: Out of the country.
Desk Clerk: Whereabouts?
Stone: Down under.

Desk Clerk: The elevator's busted, but you're only on the third floor.
Stone: Long as I'm going up.

The Devil: God's universe doesn't work like the American legal system. You do something, you pay for it.

[Stone defends killing his wife's rapist]
The Devil: Yes, yes, now that's what I like to hear. The indomitable spirit and righteous indignation of the human species. I've heard it a billion times defending a billion atrocities, and it's still music to my ears.

Det. Kane: Tell me what you know about this case.
Stone: You wouldn't believe me if I did.
Det. Kane: What makes you so sure?
Stone: Because you seem like an intelligent man.
Det. Kane: You know what? Maybe I'm not as bright as I look. Try me.

Det. Kane: [At crime scene] Three out of four.
Det. Hirrsh: What?
Det. Kane: What do you know about the Bible.
Det. Hirrsh: What part?
Det. Kane: Revelations, chapter four--
Det. Hirrsh: Sorry. Wrong Bible. I'm the Old Testament. You go your way, I go Yahweh.

[A museum docent hits on Stone.]
Stone: I'm very, uh, flattered. But I'm married.
Docent: Oh, well. It's too bad. [She leaves]
Stone: ...Not to mention dead.


Heat [1.2][edit]

[Stone goes after a young Provencal woman who burns people alive when she feels strong emotions.]
[The Devil, in the guise of a guidance counselor, escorts a young coed out of his office.]
The Devil: [to Stone] Sweet kid. I'm trying to get her on the wrong path.

Albright: You're a cop, aren't you?
Stone: Why do you say that?
Albright: The coat's a little weird, but it's that look of desperation, and the eyes, devoid of life. Who else but the LAPD would pay your salary?

[the Devil and Stone meet in an elevator for a conference]
The Devil: You know, before they invented the elevator, I had to walk all the way from hell.
Ezekiel Stone: Glad to hear it.
The Devil: Second throughts, Ezekiel?
Ezekiel Stone: Can't you find someone else to torture?
The Devil: Millions of them. They can wait. Everyone's in such a rush. I say, stop and smell the burning flesh of sinners.

The Devil: 113 wayward children sent back to my loving embrace. Or one bereaved husband whose heart was in the wrong place, will wake one morning to find himself easily replaced.

Encore[edit]

Ezekiel Stone: Get out of my head.
The Devil: As if you could wrap your brain in barbed wire to keep me out. That is a delightful image, however.

Repentance[edit]

[Stone meets the Devil in an elevator]
Ezekiel Stone: Going up or down?
The Devil: Guess.

The Devil: Nobody beats the Devil. Are you listening? Did you hear what I said, Mr. Stone? Nobody beats the Devil.


Poem [1.5][edit]

[Stone pursues a Chinese poet returns from Hell to kill women for their blood.]
Ms. Chao: How did you find me here?
Stone: I'm a detective.

Stone: Where were you ten minutes ago? I could've used your help.
The Devil: Help? I don't feel as if I know you well enough.
Stone: What's with you? Do you want me to catch these freaks or not?
The Devil: Of course. I want you to catch every last one. But I'm the Devil, old boy; I can't change my stripes.

The Devil: [to Stone] Love? The most delicious emotion of all. Without love, you and I would be out of a job.

Landlady: I want your badge number.
Stone: 666.

Executioner[edit]

Slayer[edit]

Ashes[edit]

[as Stone goes through someone's mailbox]
Ashe: Pardon me for interrupting you here, but that happens to be a federal crime. Is that within your jurisdiction, too?
Ezekiel Stone: I answer to a lower power.

The Devil: You don't have any friends, Ezekiel. You're not only really dead, you're really most sincerely dead.
Ezekiel Stone: Isn't that from "The Wizard of Oz"?
The Devil: I HATE that movie.

[about roses]

The Devil: Did you know, the thorns were originally my idea?

Ezekiel Stone: You loved her, didn't you?
The Devil: I never loved anyone but God, and that was a long time ago.

Lovers[edit]

[Stone tries to convince the Devil to let him have a car]
Ezekiel Stone: It's not New York any more. Nobody wants to walk around here. Plus, the buses suck.
The Devil: Now wait a minute. Fifteen years in Hell, now you're back on Earth and you're complaining. Oh, because you have to walk. You're not going Hollywood on me, are you, Zeke?

[after Stone has sent two souls back to hell]
The Devil: Good work, Ezekiel. Two birds with one "Stone."

Ezekiel Stone: Why don't you try and just enjoy some of the beautiful things in this world? Just one. Try it on for size.
The Devil: Believe me, it won't fit.

Carrier[edit]

[Stone brushes his teeth]
The Devil: Four out of five dentists surveyed agree, tooth decay is no longer a problem... once you're dead.

The Devil: Please, Ezekiel. My job's not to decide who lives and dies. My business is with the soul. And I have never damned a soul who didn't thoroughly deserve it. Mother Nature is a completely different story. She kills indiscriminately, good and evil alike. Why she gets all the good press, I'll never know

Faces[edit]

[Going through Stone's mail]
The Devil: Junk mail, mostly. One of my lesser triumphs.

The Devil: I have always advocated family values, all the way back to Cain and Abel.

It's a Helluva Life[edit]

The Devil: Vanilla? Where's the waitress? I only eat Rocky Road.

Ezekiel Stone: You really push a man to the brink.
The Devil: I am the brink.

Ezekiel Stone: Do you know anything about faith?
The Devil: Faith? I was present at its creation.


The Angel: Yours is a divine purpose, Ezekiel.
Ezekiel Stone: [referring to the Devil] He'd freak if he heard that.
The Angel: Good. Let him freak.

Mourning After[edit]

The Devil: If it means anything, I'm sorry. Sort of. Well... no, I'm not.

External Links[edit]

Wikipedia
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Unsorted[edit]

Ezekiel Stone: You know, I gotta tell you, I'm getting a little tired of breaking into desks and rifling through filing cabinets. I feel like I'm on a rerun of "Magnum P.I."

Ezekiel Stone: You know, you should be grateful. You should be happy. Every week I send one of your sinners back to Hell. You do nothing but complain.
The Devil: Don't get so cocky, detective! You know what over-confidence leads to, don't you? You get bit in the ass!

Ezekiel Stone: [seeing The Devil disguised as a motorcycle cop] Don't you know it's against the law to impersonate a police officer?
The Devil: What do you think you're doing, Ezekiel? You're impersonating a human being.

The Devil: [mocking Ezekiel Stone for buying flowers for Lt. Ash] Will you listen to yourself? Take your head out of Cupid's ass, Ezekiel. You've got more pressing business to take care of.

Ezekiel Stone: [reading his own headstone] "Ezekiel Stone, Beloved Husband, Detective NYPD, Died Defending The Citizens Of New York. The City, She Weepeth Sore in the Night, Her Tears Are On Her Cheeks."

The Devil: More tears have been shed for answered prayers than for those that go unheard.

[the Devil interrupts Stone as he's having breakfast]

Ezekiel Stone: What do you want?
The Devil: Your every waking moment consumed with holding up your end of our bargain.
Ezekiel Stone: Man's gotta eat.
The Devil: A living man, perhaps. But, for you, this would be classified as recreation. Like those idle thoughts of yours replaying that sweet bygone day over and over. As if, you're expecting a different outcome. Some people would call that insane.
Ezekiel Stone: Yeah? What would they call a conversation with the Devil over breakfast?

Father Horn: The Devil, he appears to you as a man?
Ezekiel Stone: Yeah. He looks a lot like a kid I used to beat the crap out of in sixth grade... I'm sure that's on purpose.

Ezekiel Stone: What the hell do you know about love?
The Devil: Love, the most delicious emotion of all. Without love you and I would be out of a job.


The Devil: Thanks to global warming, it gets more and more comfortable for me up here every day.


[From the opening credits]

Ezekiel Stone: I was a cop. When my wife was raped, I caught the guy who did it, and I killed him. Two months later, I died. I went to Hell. A hundred and thirteen of the most vile creatures... escaped.
The Devil: They think they'll beat the Devil. Nobody beats me!
Ezekiel Stone: So how am I supposed to send them back?
The Devil: The eyes: windows to the soul. Destroy the eyes, and the damned get a one-way ticket back home to Hell. But it's not Hell you should be scared of. It's losing your second chance at life on Earth!
Ezekiel Stone: Time to give the Devil his due!

The Devil: 113 wayward children,

Sent back to my loving embrace
Or 1 bereav'ed husband
Whose heart was in the wrong place
Will wake one day to find himself
Easily replaced.