Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 1

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997–2003), created by Joss Whedon, was a television series about Buffy Summers, a teenage girl chosen by fate to battle against vampires, demons, and other supernatural foes. She is often aided by her Watcher and her loyal circle of misfit friends. Season 1 aired on The WB in 1997.


Welcome to the Hellmouth[edit]

Buffy: I'm Buffy. I'm new.
Xander: Xander. Is - is me. Hi.
Buffy: Um, thanks.
Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there.
Buffy: Great! It was nice to meet you. [walks away]
Xander: We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.

Buffy: [to Giles] To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?

Giles: The influx of the undead, the... supernatural occurrences, it's been building for years. There's a reason why you're here and a reason why it's now!
Buffy: Because now is the time my mom moved here.
Giles: Something's coming, something, something, something is - is gonna happen here. Soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?

Willow: Well... when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty. Or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not that bad.
Willow: No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.

Buffy: [about the mausoleum] Well, this is nice. I-it's a little bare, but a dash of paint, a few throw pillows... call it home!
Darla: Who the hell are you?
Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief! I'm telling you, having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.
Xander: Buffy, we bail now, right?
Thomas: Not yet!
Buffy: Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!
[The vampires close in on Buffy. She turns to Darla.]
Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way.
Darla: That's fine with me!
Buffy: Are you sure? Now, this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...

The Harvest[edit]

Giles: For as long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One...
Buffy: He loves doing this part.
Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.

Giles: [To Willow] Well then help me in researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, hell on Earth. Quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. [about a computer] It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. [everyone stares] That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Buffy: Welcome to the New World.

Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
Willow: I know. And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day.
Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.
Willow: We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't.

[Vampires are terrorizing The Bronze, including a sired Jesse McNally]
Xander: We've gotta get in there before Jesse does something stupider than usual.
Giles: Listen to me... Jesse is dead. You have to remember that when you see him, you're not looking at your friend. You're looking at the thing that killed him.

Giles: It may be that we are all that stands between the Earth and utter destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, ya know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: [to himself as the others are walking away] The Earth is doomed.

Witch[edit]

Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?

Willow: You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!

Xander: I laugh in the face of danger! Then I... hide until it goes away.

Joyce: Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. [finds her picture] Oh, look! There I am.
Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

Giles: This is madness. What could you have been thinking? You are the Slayer. Lives depend upon you. I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, instead of which you enslave yourself to this-this... cult.
[we see Buffy is wearing a cheerleading outfit]
Buffy: You don’t like the color?

Teacher's Pet[edit]

Giles: God, every day here is the same.
Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful. However can we escape this torment?

Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.

Giles: This computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office... One assumes it is entirely legal?
Buffy: [in unison] Of course.
Willow: [in unison] Entirely.
Giles: Right. Wasn't here. Didn't see it. Couldn't have stopped you.

Principal Flutie: We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, [jumps back] but not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching.

Cordelia: I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats.

Never Kill a Boy on the First Date[edit]

The Master: [reading from the writing of Aurelius] "There will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great warrior. And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him. And he will lead her into Hell." As it is written, so shall it be. "Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelius shall greet him, and usher him to his immortal destiny." As it is written, so shall it be. "And one of the Brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate." Oh, wait...
[He grabs one of the Brethren by the throat]
The Master: That's not written anywhere. The Anointed will be my greatest weapon against the Slayer. If you fail to bring him to me... If you allow that girl to stop you...
[He throws the vampire into a coffin]
The Master: Here endeth the lesson.

Giles: [about Owen's book selection] Oh, Emily Dickinson.
Buffy: We're both fans.
Giles: Yes, she's quite a good poet. I mean for a...
Buffy: [defensively] A girl?
Giles: For an American.

Willow: Buffy has a really important date.
Buffy: Owen!
Giles: All right, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.

Giles: Well, you know what they say; ninety percent of the vampire slaying game is, is waiting.
Buffy: You couldn't have told me that ninety percent ago?

Buffy: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.

The Pack[edit]

Xander: We just saw the zebras mating. Thank you, very exciting!
Willow: It was like the Heimlich... with stripes!

Buffy: What is it with those guys?
Willow: They're obnoxious. Professionally.
Xander: Well, every school has 'em. See, you start a new school, you get your desks, some blackboards and some mean kids.

Willow: [to Xander] You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, "Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?" We've been through this.

Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles.
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it?
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course you'll have to kill him.

Giles: Testosterone is a great equalizer - it turns all men into morons.

Angel[edit]

Willow: [about Angel] So he is a good vampire? I mean on a scale of one to ten. Ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, one being someone who's... not.

Xander: I know you have feelings for this guy, but it's not like you're in love with him, right? [Buffy looks away] You’re in love with a vampire?! What are you, outta your mind?
Cordelia: What?!?
Xander: [to Cordelia] Not 'vampire' ... [to Buffy] How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates 'em!

Angel: The elders conjured the most perfect punishment for me. They restored my soul.
Buffy: What, they were all out of boils and blinding torment?
Angel: When you become a vampire, the demon takes your body, but it doesn't get your soul; that's gone. No conscience, no remorse, it's an easy way to live. You have no idea what it's like to have done the things I've done...and care. I haven't fed on a human being since that day.

Buffy: I invited you into my home and then you attacked my family.
Angel: Why not? I killed mine. I killed their friends... and their friends' children... For hundreds of years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart.

Darla: [about Angel] I made him. There was a time when we shared everything, wasn't there Angelus? You had a chance to come home, to rule with me in the Master's court for a thousand years, but you threw that away because of her. You love someone who hates us. You're sick. And you'll always be sick. And you'll always remember what it was like to watch her die.

I, Robot... You, Jane[edit]

Giles: I'm just going to stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the Middle Ages.
Jenny: Did you ever leave?

Giles: I-I-I really don't know how to advise you. Things involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element.

Jenny: You kids really dig the library, don't you?
Buffy: We're literary.
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.

Xander: Are we over-reacting? He's in a computer, what can he do?
Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: ...Alright, yours was best.

Xander: Hey! I got to hit someone!

Jenny: Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much?
Giles: The smell.
Jenny: Computers don't smell, Rupert.
Giles: I know. Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower, or a a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell musty and-and-and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is a - it, uh, it has no no texture, no-no context. It's-it's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then-then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible, it should be, um, smelly.

The Puppet Show[edit]

Giles: He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but he would have none of it.

Principal Snyder: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.

Sid (the dummy): [about his present condition] Lets just say there was me, there was a really mean demon, there was a curse, and the next thing I know, I'm not me any more. I'm sitting on some guy's knee, with his hand up my shirt.

[Marc has tricked Giles into getting into a craftily disguised guillotine.]
Giles: Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
Marc: No, no this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just come pouring out.
Giles: What exactly is the trick?
Marc: What trick?

Buffy: What about the whole "it's a demon" theory?
Giles: I'm looking into that, but my investigation is somewhat... hampered by our life in the theater.
Buffy: Uh, priority check, Giles? (holding up her hands) Talent show, murder.
Xander: Yeah, we can't do the talent show, it's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it!
Giles: Principal Snyder is watching us all very closely. Now, if he chooses, he can make all our lives extremely difficult. A Slayer cannot afford that! We will find this murderer, but in the meantime... the show must go on.
Buffy: This is so unfair.

Nightmares[edit]

Joyce: You want to go to school?
Buffy: Sure! Why not?
Joyce: Okay. Good day to buy that lottery ticket.

Xander: Well, the Hellmouth, the center of mystical convergence, supernatural monsters: been there.
Buffy: Little blasé there, aren't you?
Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!
Buffy: Thanks for having confidence in me.
Xander: You da man, Buff!

[Xander knocks The Clown unconscious]
Xander: You were a lousy clown! Your balloon animals were pathetic! Everyone can make a giraffe!

Xander: Our dreams are coming true?
Giles: Dreams? That would be a musical comedy version of this. Nightmares, our--our nightmares are coming true.

The Master: [to Buffy] What's the fun of burying someone if they're already dead?

Out of Mind, Out of Sight[edit]

[The class is discussing 'The Merchant of Venice'.]
Ms. Miller: But has Shylock suffered? What's his place in Venice society?
Willow: Well, everyone looked down on him.
Cordelia: That is such a twinkie defense. Shylock should get over himself. People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she's trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing.

Principal Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.

Giles: Buffy told me you don't feed from humans anymore.
Angel: Not for a long while.
Giles: Is that why you're here? To see her?
Angel: I can't. It's, uh... It's too hard for me to be around her.
Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic... in a maudlin sort of way.

Willow: 'Have a nice summer', 'Have a nice summer'. This girl had no friends at all.
Giles: Once again I teeter at the precipice of the generational gap.
Buffy: 'Have a nice summer' is what you write when you have nothing to say.
Xander: It's the kiss of death.

Cordelia: So, are you saying she's invisible because she's so unpopular?
Buffy: That about sums it up.
Cordelia: Bummer for her. It's awful to feel that lonely.
Buffy: Hmm. So you've read something about the feeling?
Cordelia: Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.
Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.

Prophecy Girl[edit]

Angel: [about the prophecy] Well, there's gotta be some way around it.
Giles: Listen, some prophecies are-are a bit dodgy. They're-they're mutable. Buffy herself has-has thwarted them time and time again, but this is the Codex. There is nothing in it that does not come to pass.
Angel: Then you're reading it wrong.
Giles: I wish to God I were. But it's very plain. Tomorrow night Buffy will face the Master, and she will die.

Buffy: [about the prophecy in which she will die] So that's it, huh? I remember the drill. One slayer dies, the next one's called. I wonder who she is. Will you train her? Or will they send someone else?
Giles: Buffy... I...
Buffy: [whimpering] Does it say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt? [as Angel steps close to her] Don't touch me! Were you even gonna tell me?
Giles: I was hoping I wouldn't have to, that there was some way around it. I...
Buffy: I've got a way around it. I quit.
Angel: It's not that simple.
Buffy: I'm making it that simple. I quit. I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop The Master from taking over.
Giles: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
Buffy: [enraged, throwing books at Giles] The signs?! Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!
Giles: I don't suppose I am
Angel: I know this is hard.
Buffy: What do you know about this? You're never gonna die
Angel: You think I want anything to happen to you? You think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
Buffy: I already did. I quit, remember. Pay attention!
Giles: Buffy, if the Master rises...
Buffy: I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.

The Master: You're dead.
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
The Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.

The Master: Where are your jibes now? Will you laugh when my Hell is on Earth?
Buffy: You're that amped about Hell? Go there!

Buffy: It's just...been a really weird day.
Xander: Yeah. Buffy died and everything.
Willow: Wow. Harsh.
Giles: I should've known that wouldn't stop you.