Castle (TV series)

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Castle is an American comedy-drama television series starring Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic, produced by ABC Studios. A mid-season replacement, its ten-episode first season premiered on ABC on March 9, 2009.

Contents

[edit] Season 1

[edit] Flowers For Your Grave [1.1]

Castle: [to his daughter Alexis] I just want someone to come up to me and say something new.
Beckett: Mr. Castle?
Castle: [turning around holding a pen ready to give an autograph] Where would you like it?
Beckett: [holding badge] Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight.
Alexis: [taking the pen from him] That's new.
Ryan: [pointing to inscription on Castle's book] From the library of Katherine Beckett.
Beckett: Do you have a problem with reading, Ryan?
Esposito: Yo, check it, girl, you're totally a fan!
Beckett: Right. Of the genre.
Ryan: Right, the genre, that's why you're blushing.
Beckett: What are you, twelve?
Castle: [to Beckett] Well, you're not bridge and tunnel. No trace of the boroughs when you talk, so that means Manhattan, that means money. You went to college, probably a pretty good one. You had options. Yeah, you had lots of options, better options, more socially acceptable options, and you still chose this. That tells me something happened. Not to you. No, you're wounded, but you're not that wounded. No, it was somebody you cared about. It was someone you loved. And you probably could have lived with that, but the person responsible was never caught. [realizing he's overstepped] And that, Detective Beckett, is why you're here.
Beckett: Cute trick. Don't think you know me.
Castle: [hesitant] The point is, there's always a story... you just have to find it.
Beckett: Half of the guys are waiting for prints. You don't just jump the line.
Castle: Oh, I think somebody feels threatened.
Beckett: I'm not threatened.
Castle: No, no, I get it. I can call the mayor and you can't.
Beckett: We have procedure. Protocol.
Castle: Yeah, and you always come to a complete stop at a red light and you never fudge your taxes. Tell me something: do you ever have any fun? Let your hair down? Drop your top? A little "cops gone wild"?
Beckett: You do know that I'm wearing a gun?
Beckett: You wanted to see me, sir?
Montgomery: Yeah. I just got a call from the mayor's office. Apparently, you have a fan.
Beckett: A fan, sir?
Montgomery: Rick Castle. Seems he's found the main character for his next set of novels: a tough but savvy female detective.
Beckett: ... I'm flattered?
Montgomery: Don't be. He says he has to do research.
Beckett: Oh no.
Montgomery: Oh yes.
Beckett: No way.
Montgomery: Beckett, listen.
Beckett: Sir, he is like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush, totally incapable of taking anything seriously.
Montgomery: But he did help solve this case. And when the mayor's happy, the commissioner's happy. And when the commissioner's happy, I'm happy.
Beckett: How long, sir?
Montgomery: [motioning to his door] It's up to him.
[Beckett turns to find Castle standing in the doorway, smirking]

[edit] Nanny McDead [1.2]

Castle: Three men huddled around a computer... that better not be porn. And if it is, I want in.
Castle: Well, apparently, in an actual homicide, they don't know who did it until the guy gets caught.
Police rep: Mr. Castle, be advised: if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...
Castle: My lifeless remains cannot sue the city?
Police rep: Your heirs, Mr. Castle, your heirs.
Beckett: Mrs. Peterson? Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about Sarah Manning.
Mrs. Peterson: Of course. Please come in.
Beckett: Thank you.
Castle: Richard Castle, just... N.Y.
Castle: [his murder theory] You see him every day, only you never notice him. But he noticed Sara. She's young, beautiful, the kind of girl that a guy like him would never have a chance with. We all know girls like that don't we? Well, at first, it's just a game. Figure out her schedule. When does she do her laundry? When is she alone? Until it becomes something more, something that he can't control. Well, he uses the stairs, obviously, to avoid the elevator's cameras. And then he just waits, concealed in the shadows. When she comes into that laundry room, he pounces. When he looked into her vacant, lifeless eyes, he wanted to tell her he never meant to kill her. All he ever wanted was to be noticed. That's when he felt the heat of that dryer on his skin. So he picks up her limp body in his arms and gently places it inside. He almost smiled at his good fortune when he found the quarter in his pocket, slipping it into the slot. Buying him the time to do what he does best... disappear.
[pauses, then continues] Just saying, better story. Coffee?

[edit] Hedge Fund Homeboys [1.3]

Castle: Who was murdered, and was it gruesome?
Castle: [after getting pinched on the ear by Beckett because he was listening to her phonecall] Next time, put it on speakerphone.
Castle: Reading the paper? You are going to lose all of your wired teen hyper texting nano gizmo street cred.
Alexis: I'm a rebel. I kick it old school.

[edit] Hell Hath No Fury [1.4]

Beckett: [interrogating a suspect] Witnesses don't place you in the club until one in the morning, and Horn was murdered between eleven and twelve.
Castle: [watching Beckett from behind one-way glass] Here it comes, and...
Beckett: So, where were you between eleven and twelve, Mr. Creason?
Castle: Booyah.
Creason: I was asleep.
Castle: Asleep!? You are lame! [heard from other side of glass] You are so lame! You're a lamey, McLamester! You're so l-l-l- [back in room] LAME!
Castle: [describing his character based on Beckett] She's going to be really smart, very savvy, haunting good looks, really good at her job...and kinda slutty.
Ryan: You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life, and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?
Esposito: "Roadkill?"
Ryan: It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... it's trickle-down economics at its finest.
Esposito: Yeah, well I prefer not to be trickled on.
Ryan: ...you know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?
Esposito: Don't you say it, bro.
Ryan: 54th and Lex.
Esposito: That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.
Lanie: Getting a drink with me after work instead of getting your freak on with writer boy?
Beckett: What? He is annoying, self-centered, egotistical, and completely-
Lanie: Fun. And take it from me, girlfriend, you need some fun. I mean, how bad can he be?
Beckett: [answers phone] Beckett.
Castle: [excitedly] Guess who's got a date with a prostitute!
Beckett: What kind of a name is "Nikki Heat"?
Castle: A cop name.
Beckett: It's a stripper name.
Castle: Well, I told you she was kind of slutty.
Beckett: Change it, Castle.
Castle: Wait. Hang on a second. Think of the titles. "Summer Heat", "Heat Wave", "In Heat"...
Beckett: Change the name!

[edit] A Chill Goes Through Her Veins [1.5]

Beckett: [about a frozen body] She's melting.
Castle: Maybe we should be looking for ruby slippers.
Castle: All right, so you and I are married.
Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment Guy: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle & Beckett: Yes.
[parked outside the home of a grandfather who killed his daughter's murderer]
Castle: You could just leave it like this. Sam's dead. The captain's happy. Those kids look pretty happy.
Beckett: That's the difference between a novel and the real world, Castle. A cop doesn't get to decide how the story ends.
Beckett: This is for the life I saved [pointing at the watch on her left arm which belongs to her father]. And. This is for the life I lost [picking at her necklace which belongs to her dead mother].

[edit] Always Buy Retail [1.6]

Castle: I had sex with my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife. Meredith, Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell: the hell of a deep-fried twinkie.
Ryan: Deep-fried twinkie?
Castle: Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty,
Ryan and Esposito: Ah!
Castle: But a deep-fried twinkie everyday is... [gags]
Beckett: Castle!
Castle: What?
Beckett: Crime scene. Dead body. A little respect here.
Castle: I don't think he can hear me.
Beckett: Okay, how about a little self-respect then?
Castle: ...Fine.
Beckett: If she's so bad, why did you have sex with her this morning?
Castle: Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.
Beckett: How shallow are you?
Castle: [soberly] Very.
[hiding behind a kitchen island while getting shot at]
Beckett: [to Castle] Stay down!
Castle: You stay down!
Beckett: I can't shoot him from down here.
Castle: Yeah, and he can't shoot you either!

[edit] Home Is Where The Heart Stops [1.7]

Ryan: Why do you writers always call them "perps?"
Castle: Isn't that what you call them?
Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...
Esposito: ...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...
Ryan: ...chud, turd...
Esposito: ...destro, scall...
Ryan: ...skexy, slicko, slick...
Esposito: ...mope...
Ryan: ...sleestak...
Castle: [writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!
Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.
Montgomery: I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."
Castle: Classic.
Beckett: The next time you show up at a crime scene without me, I'll show you how my taser works.
Castle: Promise?
Alexis: My, dad, nervous for a date?
Castle: It's not a date - it's an undercover operation.
Martha: I don't know why you won't tell me where the party is.
Castle: Because you'll show up.
Castle: [after a fistfight] I tried to stay in the car. I really did!
Castle: How often are people killed in neighbourhoods like this?
Beckett: Same as anywhere else Castle. Just the once.

[edit] Ghosts [1.8]

[talking about a poker game]
Judge: [to Beckett] Do us a favor. Beat his pants off.
Castle: Yes, beat my pants off if you dare.
[talking about a poker game]
Beckett: I'm gonna make you hurt.
Castle: Oh, you're gonna get hurt.
Beckett: What are we playing for?
Castle: Pride...or clothing.
Beckett: I think I have a bag of gummy bears in my desk...

[edit] Little Girl Lost [1.9]

Beckett: It's Sunday morning. Shouldn't you be slinking home from a scandalous liaison?
Castle: Wouldn't you be jealous if I were?
Beckett: In your dreams.
Castle: Actually, in my dreams, you're never jealous. In my dreams, you just join-- [Beckett shoves bear claw in Castle's mouth]
Beckett: Oh, do you want to see grumpy? How about the cover art for your new novel?
Castle: Nikki Heat cover art? That's only available to... [Beckett starts walking away] oh my God, you subscribed to my website? Wait a minute... are you Castlefreak1212? Castlelover45?
Beckett: You do realize that most people would be creeped by crazy anonymous fans?
Castle: Like you?
Beckett: It was strictly professional curiosity.
Castle: So what did you think of your alter ego Nikki? pretty sweet, right?
Beckett: "Sweet?" She's naked!
Castle: She's not naked! She's holding a gun... strategically.
Beckett: [Castle and Beckett in elevator at the police station] Six months.
Castle: Six months what?
Beckett: [about FBI agent Will Sorenson] We dated for six months.
Castle: I didn't ask.
Beckett: Yeah, I know. You were not-asking very loudly.
Castle: I know. I'm like a Jedi like that.
Beckett: Oh, for God's sake. [referring to Sorenson and Castle] Why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with?
Castle: I'm game.
Sorenson: He's quite a guy. If only he knew how big a fan you really are.
Beckett: Yeah, well, he's not going to know.
Sorenson: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed? How his novels got you through your mother's death?
Beckett: Is there anything you don't remember?
Sorenson: Not when it comes to you.

[edit] A Death in the Family [1.10]

Beckett and Castle find the plastic surgeon's office; she and Castle walk past a well-endowed woman; Castle stares
Beckett: Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?
Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.
Beckett: I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.
Castle: Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!
Castle: [Regarding Alexis' date] Boy, I can't believe my little girl is going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.
Beckett: What do you mean?
Castle: You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.
Ryan: I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.
Castle: What did he do?
Ryan: Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.
Castle: [to Beckett] What did your dad do?
Beckett: [pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.
Castle: How was your date when you finally came out?
Beckett: You know what, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.
Castle: Nope! And now it's my turn...
Ryan: What are you planning?
Castle: Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...
Martha: Nothing you say will change how we feel. What men don’t understand is the right clothes, the right shoes, the right make up, it hides the flaws we think we have, and make us look beautiful to our selves, that’s what makes us look beautiful to others.
Castle: Used to be all she needed to look beautiful was a pink tutu and a plastic tiara.
Martha: we spend our whole live trying to feel that way again.

[edit] Season 2

Richard Castle: [Season tagline] There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers. I'm the kind that pays better.

[edit] Deep in Death [2.1]

Esposito: [About the bachelor-party cop twins' uniforms at the photo shoot] Hey, Beckett, how come you don't wear a uniform like that?
Beckett: Because I don't want to be paid in singles.
Ryan: Guy in a tree; Mom and Dad bickering. Seems like old times!
Esposito: Mm-hmm!
Castle: [About what he found about Beckett's mother] What was I suppose to do? Not tell her what I found?
Lanie: [Surprised] What you found?
Castle: Oh she didn't tell you, did she? Three people were killed the same way her mother was, right about the same time. One of them was a former law student of hers, another one a documents clerk, the third one a lawyer for a non-profit.
Lanie: Wait, the M.E. at the time didn't make the connection?
Castle: If he did, he buried it.
Lanie: Did you talk to him?
Castle: He died four years ago. So you see why I had to tell her.
Esposito: You know what I don't get? Who would steal a dead body?
Castle: Oh, plenty of people. Organ harvesters, cadaver-less med students, Satanists. [pause] Mad scientists looking to create their own monster.
Beckett: Or the guys who killed him might have left some evidence behind.
Castle: Boring. How about a spy having swallowed a microchip that the enemy spies murder him over before the CIA can get ahold of him?
Castle: You want me to put on some music? Whenever they do this sort of thing on CSI, they always do it to music in poorly lit rooms. Kinda reminds me of porn.
Beckett: [to Lanie who is examining a body in a tree] How's it going up there?.
Lanie: I got tree branches poking my boobs and a spotlight shining up my booty.
Esposito: Could be worse. You could be wearing a skirt.
Lanie: [pause] When I come down, Im'ma smack you.
Esposito: I'm looking forward to that.
Beckett: *in a Russian accent* Sometimes when I am bored, I go to Glechik Cafe in Little Odessa and pretend to be Muscovite.
Esposito: Now that's kinda hot!
Castle: She may have built up a wall between us, but I am going to build a door in that wall. Or put up a ladder. [thinking] Or dig a hole.

[edit] The Double Down [2.2]

Beckett: [written on a therapist's body] "Psycho the rapist your out of time"?
Lanie Parish: Looks like a patient lost their patience.
Castle: Also his command of grammar. "Your" should be You-apostrophe-R-E as in "you are." That's not even a tough one, not like when to use "who" or "whom."
Beckett: You really think that's the take-away here, Castle?
Castle: I'm just saying - whoever killed her also murdered the English language.
[After Beckett discovers that Castle placed a bet with Esposito and Ryan over who would solve their murder first]
Castle: Listen, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, I just-
Roselyn: Beckett, you are never gonna believe this.
Beckett: Oh, the bar on "unbelievable" is pretty high right now.
Roselyn: The vic's husband took out a three-million dollar life insurance policy on his wife last month.
Beckett: [to Castle] $100 on us.
[After Ryan and Esposito catch a break in their case]
Castle: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Beckett: Are we really rooting against solving a murder?
Castle: Well, I don't want to shave my head! Do you?
Beckett: Why would I shave my head?
Castle: You're in on the bet, aren't you?
Beckett: Yeah, but I didn't realize-
Castle: [imitates electric razor]
Castle: It's a common mistake, but it's not ironic that Dr. Cosway's not here for you to lean on. It's just simply tragic. It would be ironic if her death made you feel better.
[Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito are at dead ends in their respective cases]
Beckett: We'll start over. Fresh eyes. You take our murder, we'll take yours.
Esposito: All right.
Castle: [a thought strikes him] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that again.
Beckett: You take our murder, we'll take yours.
Castle: Could it be that easy? You take mine, I'll take yours.
Esposito: What are you getting at, Castle?
Castle: Strangers on a Train.
Ryan: The Hitchcock movie?
Castle: I'm partial to the novel by Patricia Highsmith, but yes. We have two strong suspects, but with airtight alibis, right?
Esposito: Right.
Castle: We know they're connected. What if the connection is the killers?
Beckett: Jason and Eric committed each other's murders.
Castle: And made sure they had an airtight alibi for the murder they knew they'd be suspected of. It's not our victims that are connected, it's our murderers. Crisscross!

[edit] Inventing the Girl [2.3]

[A murder calls Castle away from an ad-hoc play rehearsal with his mother]
Alexis: Take me with you!
Castle: To a crime scene?
Alexis: It'd be educational. Please?
Castle: Find your own hiding place.

[edit] Fool me Once [2.4]

Castle: You don't think Fletcher's telling Jerry the truth?
Beckett: That he's suddenly a con-man with a heart of gold? No. That's just another con.
Castle: Wait, you don't think people can change?
Beckett: No. I've seen too many repeat offenders to believe for one second that a guy who promises never to beat his wife again actually won't.
Castle: That's a pretty bleak attitude.
Beckett: Not bleak - realistic.
Castle: [on CIA Agent Gray] This man is a machine. I've interviewed serial killers, hitmen. Agent Gray?
Beckett: Mm-hmm?
Castle: By far, the most dangerous man I've ever met. [looks around and whispers] He once killed a North Korean agent with a melonballer.
Agent Gray: [suddenly appearing behind them] It was an ice cream scoop, Castle. And that information was supposed to remain private.
Castle: Sorry.
Beckett: I hate this case.
Castle: I know, isn't it great?!
Conman's fiance: He wasn't a con man. He was in the CIA.
Castle: [thrilled] Best case ever.
Beckett: [half-interrupting him] Shut up.

[edit] When the Bough Breaks [2.5]

[Castle has arrived late to a crime scene]
Esposito: Yeah, it's too bad, too. Your kind of case, bro'.
Castle: Yeah?
Ryan: Yeah, body was found down that manhole over there. Half eaten.
Castle: Eaten?
Ryan: Yeah, it was covered in some kind of green slime.
Castle: Whoa...
Esposito: Yeah, it was creepy. It's as if someone or some thing is down there.
Castle: [Catching on] Ha, that's... okay. Very funny. Great. [To Beckett] Was there a body down the manhole?
Beckett: Yeah.
Castle: Okay, thank you. An adult.
Beckett: Yeah, you should have seen what else was down there. Two metal canisters with bio-hazard stickers and yellow powder inside of them.
Castle: You opened the... [the detectives smirk] Alright. Will someone please tell me what's really going on here?
Ryan: We're gonna check nearby trash cans for the murder weapon.
Castle: What was the murder weapon, by the way?
Ryan: Some kind of death ray.
Esposito: Turns your insides out.

[edit] Vampire Weekend [2.6]

[Castle enters the room, dressed as Mal from Firefly]
Alexis: Hey.
Castle: Hey... I was just trying on my Halloween costume.
Alexis: What exactly are you supposed to be?
Castle: Space cowboy.
Alexis: Okay. A: there are no cows in space. B: didn't you wear that, like, five years ago?
Castle: So?
Alexis: So, don't you think you should move on?
Castle: I like it.
Castle: [to Alexis] If any of those senior boys bother you... father won't be quite himself. [activates pumpkin drill, laughs maniacally, coughs]
[Castle relates a traumatizing childhood experience that spurred him to become a mystery writer]
Castle: It must have just happened, because the tide hadn't washed away the blood. We had just played hide-and-go-seek the day before.
Beckett: What happened to him?
Castle: They never found out.
Beckett: I'm so sorry, Castle. [he smirks] ... you made that up?
Castle: It's what I do!
Beckett: You know what? You are so getting it for that one!

[edit] Famous Last Words [2.7]

Castle: What?
Beckett: Nothing... it's just I'm so used to seeing you act like a 12-year-old all the time, it's refreshing to see you as a father.
Castle: It makes you want me, right?
Beckett: ...And there's the 12-year-old again.

[edit] Kill the Messenger [2.8]

[After a SWAT team breaks into an apartment]
Esposito: Where's Nidal Metar? Shakir Nidal Metar! Where is he?
Tenant: There's no Shakir Nidal Metar here! Only Sally Neidermeyer!
Beckett: Ma'am, did you send a package by bike courier this morning?
Tenant: Yes, I did!
Beckett: "S. Nidal Metar?" S. Neidermeyer! Some bozo at the courier company wrote the name wrong.
Castle: Our bad. Uh, we can -
Ryan: - Yeah, we can fix this.
Castle: [lifting the door] Sorry.
[They screw the door back into its frame]
[as Det. Beckett speaks with the victim's sister]
Castle: How does she do that?
Montgomery: Better than anyone I know.
[M.E. Perlmutter eats his lunch on an examination table in the morgue]
Castle: Are you sure it's sanitary to be eating here?
Perlmutter: Do you know the strength of the disinfectants we use here? This is the cleanest room in the city. [offers his sandwich to Castle]
Castle: I couldn't.
Perlmutter: Homemade.
Castle: I couldn't.
Montgomery: If there's one thing I hate, it's a dirtbag in uniform.

[edit] Love Me Dead [2.9]

Jessup: [Regarding his handcuffs] Hey, you guys mind if I take these things off? I'm starting to feel like a stereotype riding around in the back of a police car wearing them.
Beckett: Sure. Do you want my key?
Jessup: Nah, I got it. Thanks. [Undoes his handcuffs]
Castle: How did you do that?
Jessup: I've always been good with locks. When I was in the joint, I was thinking how can I take this and make it more productive, you know? So, I've been applying for locksmith schools, but, you know, they won't let me in on account that I'm a felon. Can you believe that?
Beckett: A felon who wants to be a locksmith. What could possibly go wrong there?
Jessup: You don't have to be mean about it.
Castle: Yeah. Wow.
[Beckett glares, beat, Castle relocated to back seat with Jessup]

[edit] One Man's Treasure [2.10]

Castle [after seeing Alexis dressed maturely for work]: Did that ever happen to you with me? One day you look and see your boy all grown up?
Martha: I’m still waiting for that moment, actually.
Castle: ...I set you up for that, didn’t I?
Castle [to Beckett]: That was pretty cool, the way you filled in the story there. I think I must be rubbing off on you... That sounded dirtier than I meant it.

[edit] The Fifth Bullet [2.11]

Martha: What if it doesn't work out? What if it does?
Castle: That's the cost of living.
Castle:This is dead. You're not. Time to start making new memories
Martha: How did you get so smart?

[edit] A Rose For Everafter [2.12]

Kira Blaine: Of all the murders, in all the cities, at all the weddings, and you walk into mine.
Beckett: [to Ryan and Esposito]: Aren't you guys supposed to be running background checks?
Esposito: We are.
Ryan: On the bride. All day yesterday, I kept feeling like I'd heard the name 'Kira Blaine' before and then it hits me - the dedication of Castle's second book [points to cover of book] "A Rose For Everafter"
Esposito: [reading from book]: For Kira Blaine - you make the stars shine.
[Esposito and Ryan turn and grin at Beckett, who is staring at them]
Beckett: [pause] When I'm not here, do you guys braid each other's hair and debate who's the coolest Jonas brother?
Esposito: No. But it's totally Nick.
Ryan: Absolutely Nick.
Lanie: [amused] Girl, I’m gonna smack you! You work side by side everyday. He writes a sex scene in his book about you that had me reaching for ice water. Now, little miss bride shows up. Don’t tell me you’re not the least bit jealous.
Beckett: Oh, please. You’ve been inhaling too many autopsy fluids. [Beckett begins to leave the room.]
Lanie: Honey, just because you can’t see whats goin’ on [Voice escalates as Beckett starts leaving] doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t see what’s going on!
Beckett: [from outside the room, in a singsong] Shut up!
Lanie: [to Sophie, the corpse] Mm-hmm. I see it. You may not, but I do.

[edit] Sucker Punch [2.13]

[Beckett has discovered who killed her mother, only to have to shoot him to save Castle's life]
Beckett: It wasn't your fault, you know.
Castle: I overstepped. I came down here to say that I'm sorry... and that I'm through. I can't shadow you any more. If it wasn't for me --
Beckett: If it wasn't for you, I would never have found my mom's killer. And some day soon I'm gonna find the sons of bitches who had him kill her. And I'd like you around when I do. And if you tell anyone what I'm about to say there's gonna be another shooting, but... I've gotten used to you pulling my pigtails. I have a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun.
Castle: ...Your secret's safe with me.

[edit] The Third Man [2.14]

Esposito [to Castle]: Why do you care about some mother-freaking snakes on a mother-freaking plane?
Castle: There are two things in abundance in South Africa: racial hatred and diamonds.
Ryan [about Beckett and Castle]: Do they know they're finishing each other's sentences?

[edit] Suicide Squeeze [2.15]

Castle: Well, the pen is mightier than the sword, but a baseball bat can be pretty effective too.
[after hearing Castle comes from a line of mind readers]
Beckett: Con artists and circus people, huh?
Castle: Yeah, and mind-readers.
Beckett: Really? So tell me what I'm thinking.
Castle: Ah! You're... You're thinking... You don't care and you want me to stop talking?
Beckett: Ooh, that's uncanny.
Castle: It's in the blood.
[after accusing a suspect with a lot of evidence]
Beckett:So you can play dumb, or you can play ball.
Castle:Pun intended.
[after being told they were investigating someone's trip to Cuba]
Beckett:I don't know me in a swimsuit under the hot, blistering sun.
Castle:I'd be happy to rub lotion on you.
Castle: What is it with professional sports? Even the agencies are on steroids.
Beckett: Fox's client list is a veritable who's-who of star athletes. Five percent of their endorsements and salaries? You could pay for half of lower Manhattan.
Castle: ...did you just use the word "veritable?"
Beckett: Yes, I did.
Castle: Sexy.
Beckett: You should hear me say "fallacious."
[after meeting Joe Torre]
Beckett: That was Joe freaking Torre!

[edit] The Mistress Always Spanks Twice [2.16]

Castle: Maybe our killer has a sweet tooth.
Beckett: Given the state of undress I would say it's more likely a sexual fetish.
Lanie: I can do the chocolate. I will even do the whipped cream bikini, but caramel? I prefer slippery to sticky.
Castle: [To Ryan] Does she know we can hear her?

[edit] Tick, Tick, Tick...(1) [2.17]

Castle: Ask me why I’m here.
Beckett: You know, I ask myself that question every day.
Castle: Quick, who do you want to play you in the Nikki Heat movie?
Lanie: [As if it’s the most obvious answer in the world] Halle Berry.
Castle: See? Some people are just great at that game! You know who we could get for you? Angelina? No. Kate Beckett… Kate Beckinsale. We’ll call you K-Becks!
Jordan: What is he doing?
Beckett: He, uh, touches things.
Castle: Night vision goggles. Think I have the newer model though. Maybe in my third book, Nikki Heat will cross paths with a good looking yet cold-hearted FBI profiler. Call it Federal Heat. [Both Beckett and Jordan glare at him] …Or maybe not.
Jordan: So how long have you two been sleeping together?
Beckett: Um, we’re, we’re not sleeping together. We, he just observes me.
Jordan: Yeah, I’ve seen the way he observes you.
Castle: No, she’s right. Aside from my second wife, this is most sexless relationship I’ve ever been in.
Jordan: I’ve been profiling people for a long time. I’m hardly ever wrong.
Beckett: Well, this time you are. Wrong.
Jordan: So if you’re not sleeping together, why do you keep him around?
Castle: You know I can hear you.
Beckett: He’s actually proven to be surprisingly helpful.
Jordan: Huh, I’ll take your word on that. [Sees Castle playing with a Taser ] Put. The Taser. Down.
Castle: [After Tasering a running suspect] See, I’m helping.
Jordan: Yeah, I’ll buy you an ice cream later.
Castle: I’m here to protect you.
Beckett: What, with your vast arsenal of rapier wit?
Castle & Beckett: [Simultaneously] She’s a taxidermist!
Lanie: It’s so cute the way you two do that.
[Castle grins, Beckett rolls her eyes]
Castle: Nikki will burn. I can see the poetry in that. [Beckett looks at him] The terrible, homicidal poetry.
Castle: It’s a fact of life. People we love leave us. Unless you chain them to a radiator, which for some reason is illegal.

[edit] Boom! (2) [2.18]

Beckett: If you keep quoting Jordan, I’m gonna turn the radio way up. [Walks off]
Castle: [To Ryan and Esposito] Jealous.
Martha: Oh, Richard, darling, you’re just in time. I made dinner. [Holds up a takeout container]
Castle: Mother, what are you doing here?
Martha: Oh, we’re eating. You know, something families do a couple of times a day.
Beckett: Agent Shaw
Agent Shaw: Just writing you a note. Dunn is being transported to The Tombs, where he'll enjoy his stay in the Intensive Management Unit with the state's most dangerous criminals.
Becket: Well, he's getting his 15 minutes. It's what he wanted this whole time.
Agent Shaw: Yeah, but it'll be on our terms.
Beckett: I want you to know that I learned a lot from you on this one.
Agent Shaw: You did most of the heaving lifting. Honestly, the thing that impressed me most is that you came in with Castle.
Beckett: You know, some people would call that foolish.
Agent Shaw: You made a tough decision on your feet, used the resources at hand. I'd say that's heroic and somewhat poetic. In the end, Dunn did actually face Nikki Heat. She is, after all, part you, part Castle. He cares about you, Kate. You may not see it, you may not be ready to, but he does.
Beckett: Yeah, well, the situation with Castle is complicated.
Agent Shaw: Ah.

[edit] Wrapped Up In Death [2.19]

Ryan: Got an apartment up on four, and guess who’s got the keys. [Jiggles them]
Beckett: [Snatches the keys] I do.
Castle: You know, we might wanna swing down by the museum, see if any of his colleagues can shed some light on who might wanna drop a gargoyle on Medina’s head.
Beckett: Either you are being a good cop or you just wanna go to the museum.
Castle: They have dinosaurs there!
Beckett: [Chuckles] Let’s go.
Castle: Do you believe that people get what they deserve?
Beckett: Well, if they do then I must have done something pretty terrible to be punished with you.
Castle: Funny.
Ryan: Still no luck with the curse, huh?
Esposito: Look on the bright side, Castle, you die, your book sales skyrocket.
Castle: Great.
Castle: [Cuts himself while trying to cut a tomato] What’s the difference between curse and clumsy?
Alexis: I’ll get a bandaid.
Castle: Get two.

[edit] The Late Shaft [2.20]

Beckett: [Watching Castle on tv] Wow! Camera does really add ten pounds... to his ego!

[edit] Den of Thieves [2.21]

Castle: [About the body] That is so cool. Do you mind if I take pictures?
Lanie: Knock yourself out, but if any of them end up on the internet, I will hunt you down and hurt you.

[edit] Food to Die For [2.22]

Castle: What broke?
Alexis: Stupid glass.
Castle: Remind me to get smarter glasses.
Castle: This is both literally, and figuratively, cool.
Castle: What’s a good time?
Beckett: Well, if you don’t know by now, it’s probably too late to show you.
Castle: Then we can take over the world! [Laughs evilly]
Alexis: Not helpful.
Castle: But evil!
Castle: [Drops his watch into liquid nitrogen] Hey, I froze time!
Maddie: [To Beckett] You’re hot for Castle. You wanna make little Castle babies!
Beckett: Maddie! He can hear us!

[edit] Overkill [2.23]

Ryan: Beckett’s a good cop. She can canvass and make googly eyes at the same time.
Castle: Wilder, Daemon Wilder?
Esposito: Yeah, you know him?
Castle: I know of him, this is a photo of one of his ad campaigns. He runs a line of boutique men's skin care products.
Ryan: You mean like bathroom stuff?
Castle: He's got a toner; totally alcohol free. Fantastic. He's got a shaving cream that is ridiculous.
Esposito: I'm good with the drug store stuff man.
Castle: No no no no, hang on. This stuff will change your life. (squirt)
Esposito: It's hot...
Castle: It's hot.
Ryan: It's hot?
Castle: It's HOT.
Ryan: It's hot! How do they do that?
Beckett: Guys. (all look)
Beckett: A man has been murdered here.
Castle: And... we are honoring his legacy.
Lanie: Hm. It's like Sex And The City, only with boys.
Clerk: Here you go sir.
Beckett: I cannot believe that you asked for samples.
Castle: She said anything we needed!
Beckett: (Hmph)
Castle: Besides, it's not for me; it's for Ryan and Esposito.
Beckett: Don't you mean Charlotte and Miranda?
Castle: Wait a minute, that would make me Carrie.
Beckett: You are SO metro-sexual for even knowing that!
Castle: I only watched that show out of the corner of my eye when my mother had it on! That did not come out right...
Suspect: Hey look, it's her! (pointing at a picture)
Beckett: You're sure this is the woman who rented the room?
Suspect: Yes.
Beckett: Rebecka Strong. She's a lab tech at the company.
Castle: Mmm, she's got cruel eyes. I bet she enjoyed watching Wilder suffer...
Rebecka: (uncontrollable sobbing) Ishoodhavestaydoutovitwhatwasithinkinggggg...
Castle: What did she say?
Beckett: What was I thinking, I should have stayed out of it. It's cry talk.

[edit] A Deadly Game [2.24]

[Hans finds out Castle is not the person he was supposed to meet and grabs his shirt]
Beckett: NYPD! Hands up! [Castle puts his hands up] Not you Castle!
Castle: Right.
Esposito: So... Castle's last case, huh?
Beckett: Mm-hmm.
Esposito: Ryan and I thought we'd do a little going away party.
Beckett: Yeah. Well, it's not like he's leaving forever.
Esposito: You sure about that? Why do you think he's been following you around all this time? What, research? The guy has done enough research to write 50 books. Look... whatever the reason is, I'm pretty sure it doesn't include watching you be with another guy.

[edit] Season 3

[edit] A Deadly Affair [3.1]

Ryan: [Looking at a cardboard cut-out of Castle] He really is ruggedly handsome.
Beckett: CIA’s a popular theory with you.
Castle: Yes, well, law of averages demands that I’ll eventually be right.
Beckett: I’d forgotten how helpful your insights can be.
Castle: You look good.
Beckett: You look good too... for murder!

[edit] He's Dead, She's Dead [3.2]

Beckett: Why is it so important to you that I believe all this stuff about fates and psychics and Santa Claus?
Castle: Because if you don't believe in even the possibility of magic, you'll never ever find it.
Beckett: My gut says it’s not him. But we still have to look into his alibi.
Castle: Oh, so you don’t believe in fate, yet your gut has magical properties. That’s cool. Scully.
Martha: Richard. Whatever mistakes I’ve made in my life, I raised a good man.
Castle: Oh, let me guess, you don’t believe in fate. Soulmates?
Beckett: No.
Castle: Unicorns, fairies, double rainbows? Didn’t you ever think your dolls used to get up at night and play with your toys?
Beckett: Sorry.
Castle: Mmm… Let me guess. You were one of those annoying 6 year olds who stopped believing in Santa Claus because you figured out he couldn’t travel faster than the speed of light.
Beckett: I was 3, and we didn’t have a chimney.

[edit] Under the Gun [3.3]

Alexis: [Bringing Castle breakfast in bed] Breakfast time!
Castle: Oh! What did I do to deserve this? Other than, you know, being... me.
Alexis: Isn't that enough?
[Alexis kisses him on the cheek, Castle chuckles]
Castle: Okay, what do you want?
Alexis: Nothing! Why do I have to want something?
Castle: March, 1999, you wanted a Hello Kitty backpack. I got French toast with a whipped-cream smiley face. October, 2004, you wanted a set of mint condition, Empire Strikes Back lightsabers. I got an omelet shaped like Darth Vader.
Castle: You were a girl once.
Beckett: [Smirks] Still am...
Castle: [Holding up a picture of Alexis sitting on a Vespa ] Can you tell me why my daughter wants one of these so badly?
Beckett: Old bikes are what girls want when we realize we're never gonna get a pony.
Beckett: [About Alexis wanting a scooter] You know what this means, though?
Castle: No. What?
Beckett: Well, Alexis is entering her "wild child" phase.
Castle: [Smiles indulgently] My daughter? Hah, I don't think so.
Beckett: Oh yeah, Castle, all girls go through it. And the good girls are the worst.
[Castle's smile slides off his face]
Random: I wasn't running away! I was jogging.
Beckett: So what were you doing climbing down the side of a building?
Random: Uh, Cross-training. [Nods sagely] Better cardiovascular workout.
Beckett: Did you kill Carver for the map?
Royce: Oh, come on, kid, you know me better than that.
Beckett: [Coldly, hurt] I don't think I do. Because the man I knew wouldn't betray me like this.
Royce: I gotta go.
Beckett: Mike. I was in love with you.
Royce: Oh, Kate. Don't.
Beckett: You were the only one who understood the obsession that drove me. Who didn't tell me that I would get over my mother's murder and that she wouldn't want me to do this.
Royce: [Shaking his head, sadly] Just — just trying to do right by you, kid.
Beckett: I dreamt about you. The night I shot the guy that killed my mother, I dreamt that I was the one who was on the ground dying, and that you came up to me and told me to stand up, 'cause there was still work to be done. [Longingly] When I woke up that morning I just wanted to call you, but we hadn't talked in so long.
Royce: You should've called. I never forgot.
Beckett: I'm going to catch Carver's killer, Royce. And then I'm going to recover Lloyd's score. And when I arrest you, you're going to realize that what you destroyed today was worth a hell of a lot more than money. [She hangs up. Speaks to Ryan, suddenly distant, and unemotional] Did I keep him on long enough?
Ryan: [Shocked] Uh, uh...
Esposito: Yeah, we got an address.
Beckett: All right, let's go.
Castle: Wh-what? All of that was just an act, to get a trace?
Beckett: Of course. [She turns and walks out, her face contorting with silent tears]

[edit] Punked [3.4]

Ryan: He didn't kill Goldstein, but he did kill squirrel-stein. [Holds up a dead squirrel] What're the odds, huh?
Castle: Oh no, they took his clothes too!
Ryan: Could you...? [hands dead squirrel to officer]
Officer: Awwwww!
Ryan: Yeah I know, I'm sorry.
Castle: Wonder what’s up with Alexis. She seems a little out of it.
Martha: Isn’t it obvious?
Castle: What?
Martha: Oh, she’s in love.
Castle: Alexis?
Martha: Oh, come on, darling. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s not a little girl anymore.
Castle: Thank you, mother. I think if Alexis were in love she would’ve told me.
Martha: Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. The fact that she hasn’t told you is how we know it’s real.
Castle: [Warningly] Mother.
Martha: Okay. And the fact that she mentioned it to me last night.
Castle: Who is he? Where did she meet him?
Martha: Oh, I don’t know. She wouldn’t say. No, diva's honour. She didn’t tell me anything. She didn’t even tell me his name.
Castle: [Sulkily] Can’t believe she told you and not me. I’m supposed to be her go-to guy.
Martha: Oh, darling, of course you are. It’s just, you know, it’s first love. It’s magical, ethereal. It defies logic.
[Castle’s phone rings. He ignores it, still sulking]
Martha: Richard, your phone.
Castle: [He shrugs] Mmm.
Martha: [Picks it up] Ah, Beckett. Maybe it’s a nice murder, darling. Brighten your day.
[Castle starts to smile]
Martha: Good boy.
Castle: [Answers] Castle.
Castle: So, I wear boxers. What do you wear? Thong? Cheekies? I told you mine! Bloomers? Granny panties? [Eyes opening wide] Commando?
Castle: How do you know you're in love?
Beckett: All the songs make sense.
'"Castle'": [ as the suspect runs away]: Quick! He's heading for the time machine!

[edit] Anatomy of Murder [3.5]

Beckett: Are you getting mail here now?
Castle: Only when I don't want my daughter to see it. [opens the envelope to show 2 tickets for Taylor Swift concert] Laa...
Beckett: You're a Taylor Swift fan?
Castle: They are for Alexis. Cost me an arm and a leg, but Alexis will be thrilled. Apparently she and Ash have a song.
Beckett: Yeah, well we have a song as well.
Castle: We do?
Beckett: Uhuh. "You talk too much" by Clarence Carter.
Esposito: That was a nice thing you guys did in there.
Castle: Well, I just thought that after everything Greg did for her, they deserve a chance. Besides, if it were you and I in Amy's shoes, we'd still be rotting in prison.
Esposito: Huh, speak for yourself, bro. I'd escape.
Castle: What, you'd just leave me in there?
Esposito: It's the law of the jungle. I gotta look out for numero uno.
Castle: Wow. Nothing like a hypothetical prison term to let you know who your friends really are.
Beckett: Don't worry Castle, I'd get you out.
Castle: Don't we usually get to the victim before the funeral?
Beckett: What have we got?
Esposito: Mourners found a body in the caskett
Castle: And that's unusual how?
Esposito: Well, the family was bidding a fond farewell to Mr. Mank here and discovered that he wasn't going to the grave alone.
Castle: Is it just me, or is Mr. Mank smiling?

[edit] 3XK [3.6]

Montgomery: An FBI profile was as close as we came to ID-ing a suspect. Feds say he's a white male, 25 to 45 years old,
Castle: [To Beckett] Could be me.
Montgomery: Has a dysfunctional relationship with his mother,
Castle: Still me.
Montgomery: He has a menial, unimportant job.
Beckett: [To Castle] Definitely you.
Castle: Just for that, I base my next book on Esposito. [Beckett glares at Castle]
Martha: It's like when I was doing Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and I thought my understudy was trying to poison me.
Castle: Oh, yeah, the daily blood tests I paid for. Wait, she did poison you. The Swiss chocolate she gave you was a laxative.
Martha: Eh, added a certain urgency to my performance. But the point is, you indulged my paranoia. So therefore I'm going to be in the park - five 'o clock - at a discreet distance to make sure that Alexis' secret admirer is not an axe murderer.
Castle: Tell me you've arrested Gates
Beckett: Not even close. I mean, I don't know how, Castle, but he killed Kim Foster and he's gonna do it again.
Castle: There's been no developments? Usually you call me with news. [He stops in realization, his eyes grow wide. Beckett cringes, knowing she's been caught] You called to seek my council!
Beckett: [Very slightly sheepish] I wouldn't say it exactly like that...
Castle: No, no, no! You're hoping I had some wild theory. Some sort of penetrating insight that would lead us to a breakthrough.
Becket: Well... do you?
Castle: [Stops, as if trying very hard to come up with something. Exhales exasperatedly] Gah! I got nothing.
Castle: Oh, it's really not complicated. You were raised by a single mother. She was blonde, she was beautiful, but she never wanted you. When you were, what, twelve? She died, suddenly. Let's say drug overdose. You went foster care, the bad kind. So much hate. So much hate towards your mother for abandoning you that you kill these women to get back at her. But you leave them looking peaceful because as much as you hated your mother, you loved your mother. Am I getting warm?
Jerry: You're drawn to death. You like to be around it, because it thrills you. Now, where does that come from? Your own suppressed impulses? [Leans forward] How close to death do you want to get, huh?
Becket: Tell me something, Castle. Why did he let you live?
Castle: As punishment, for me ruining his plan. Now he's gonna kill again, all 'cause I couldn't stop him. I feel so... [shakes his head despairingly]
Beckett: I know the feeling.
Castle: I know you do.
[Beckett puts her hand on his knee. He clasps her hand in his own, his thumb stroking the back of her hand.]

[edit] Almost Famous [3.7]

Martha: This is... the best thing that has ever happened to you. Rejection is the bedrock of a great acting career. Until an actor has suffered, he hasn't really lived.
Alexis: Thanks, gram.
Martha: You're welcome. And besides, auditions are like men. There's another one right around the corner.
Castle: Ladies, I am not a stripper. Though I can understand how you’d make that mistake.
Beckett: Castle?
Castle: (He’s surrounded by women.) Hey, honey. Oh, you found me. I was just telling Denise here about you. (The women start to disperse.) This is, uh, my girlfriend, who’s idea it was to come here tonight. She’s very adventurous, you have no idea... there’s... (The women leave. Kate sits down.) Thank God you found me. Oh, my God, these women are like piranhas.

[edit] Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind [3.9]

Castle: [holding a DVD] Wait! That's it? I mean, no pomp? No circumstance? What's on this could shape the foundations of our very existence. We need to pause and savor-
Beckett: [taking the DVD] Please, let's just stick it in and get this over with.
[Castle and Beckett had been captured, interrogated and injected by government agents the night before]
Beckett: Those men knew who killed Marie and they refused to tell us.
Castle: They also refused to confirm that J. Edgar Hoover liked to wear dresses.
Esposito: [walking up and checking out the injection marks on their necks] Abducted by government agents, huh? [grins] Come on. What were you two really doing?
Beckett: [rolls eyes] It's not a hickey, Esposito.
Esposito: You both have one.
Castle: I wish it was a hickey. [Beckett looks up with a small smile] It's from the injectors.
Esposito: Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Castle: They were Men in Black!
...
[Ryan walks up to Castle, Beckett and Esposito]
Ryan: Hey. Are those hickeys?
Esposito: Yes.
Beckett: No.
Castle: I wish.
Beckett: [Showing a photo to two Chinese men she holds at gunpoint] Have you seen this man?
Castle: [In Chinese] My partner is crazy and may start firing at any moment.
[They point]
Beckett: Go. Go! [They run] Semester abroad?
Castle: No. A TV show I used to love.
Beckett: Huh. Nice job.
Castle: Thanks.
[A captured suspect begins chewing on something]
Castle: Cyanide capsule! [pries the object from the suspect's mouth, inspects it with a flashlight, sees it's chewing gum] ...Ew!

[edit] Last Call [3.10]

[After entering a sewer discovered next to a basement.]
Beckett: This must be part of the old sewer system.
Castle: Probably the exact sewer system --- This is incredible, isn't it?
Beckett: Yeah! Aside from the fact that it's damp, cramped, dark, and we're almost certainly walking in rat poop. [high pitched] Awesome.

[edit] Nikki Heat [3.11]

[Castle walks into the station carrying two coffees. Natalie is writing on the "murder board", Beckett eyes at her uneasily]
Natalie: [Takes a coffee] Thanks, Castle!
Castle: [Stunned at her audacity] Tha—that's, I was— uh... you're welcome?
[Beckett looks shocked and distraught]
Castle: So, where are we?
Natalie: Ryan and Esposito are digging into Tanya Wellington.
Castle: [Directly addressing Beckett] Mmm, what about Duke Jones? Did his neighbour confirm his romantic evening?
Beckett: He—
Natalie: [Cuts her off] So did a couple of other neighbours, who complained about the noise. So it looks like Duke Jones allibis out.
Beckett: [Put out] What she said. [To Castle] Can we talk for a second?
Castle: Sure.
[Beckett loops her arm through his and quickly leaves the room, ending up frantically dragging him into another room]
Beckett: She took my coffee, Castle!
Castle: It's just coffee.
Beckett: Then what's next? My soul?! Everything I do, she does. Even when I'm thinking I can feel her in my head like some kind of a brain-eating parasite from one of her movies!
[Natalie walks in dressed up as Beckett, with a brunette wig and similar suit. Castle's and Beckett's jaws drop.]
Castle: Just like I dreamed it! [They both stare at him] Did I say that out-loud?
Natalie: Is Castle gay?
Beckett: [So shocked that she spits out her coffee] I'm sorry, what? No. No!
Natalie: Then you two are an item, but you're sworn to secrecy, right?
Beckett: No, we are not an item. Why?
Natalie: [Sighs] Last night I invited him back to my place. And he said something to me I have never heard from a man before.
Beckett: What?
Natalie: "No."
Beckett: [Raises her eyebrows] No?
Natalie: I don't get it! He's into you, but you're determined not to give into these feelings that you clearly have for him. So he fantasizes about you through his writing. It's literally verbal masturbation.
Beckett: Uh—okay, so what does this have to do with me?
Natalie: [Indicates her "Beckett costume"] I am not wearing this getup for my health. You're Nikki Heat, he's Jameson Rook. I need to sleep with him in the name of character research. Can you talk to him?
Beckett: And say what?
Natalie: [Shrugs] I dunno, give him permission or something.
[Beckett is momentarily speechless]
Beckett: I have to go. Over there. [She disappears in a random direction]
Beckett: [Watching Natalie at the murder board] Do I really do that?
Castle: Yes, and it's adorable.
Beckett: If it's so adorable, why didn't you sleep with me? [Castle looks momentarily puzzled] Her me, not me me.
Castle: Oh, well a fictional character that I wrote, based on you, played by Natalie Rhodes? It's just way too... meta.
Ryan: [Ryan walks in] We should have a code word so we all know what Beckett to kill when the clone army attacks
Beckett: Unless we make a preventive strike
Castle: Get through to Jenny yet?
Ryan: She's still not picking up
Beckett: Don't worry, you'll be laughing about it soon enough
Castle: We are
Ryan: Thanks. So I've been running through all Stacy's clients files. Three couples had filed for divorce within the last month, can you believe it? You marry the love of your life and next thing you know they're cheating on you
Beckett: Ryan
Ryan: Sorry, anyway two of the guts have rock-solid alibies and the third divorce has nothing to do with cheating
Esposito: [Esposito walks in] What you guys doing?
Ryan: Hiding from creepy Beckett
Beckett: We are not hiding

[edit] Poof! You're Dead [3.12]

Castle: I never pegged you for a magic fan. You know any good tricks?
Beckett: I do this one thing... with ice cubes.
Castle: I wonder how Zalman did it. Must’ve whipped something from Jerome’s pocket with a receipt for his weekend of sin.
Beckett: Like this? (Holds up Castle’s phone.)
Castle: (Gasps.) You had your hand in my pocket and I didn’t even feel it? Do it again.
Beckett: [To a suspect who is also a street magician] We need to talk to you about Zalman Drake.
Chuck: Abracadabra. [throws smoke bomb at his feet, vanishes]
Beckett: [Opens the lid of the platform he was standing on, pulls him out] Alakazam, jackass.
Beckett: So where’s Esposito?
Ryan: Ha, take a wild guess.
Beckett & Castle: Lanie.
Ryan: Can’t believe they still think that none of us know.
Castle: Well, let’s let em keep thinking that a while longer. The bubble bursts soon enough.
Beckett: Not if you’re in it with the right person.

[edit] Knockdown [3.13]

Raglan: [Indicates Castle] Lady, what part of "no cops" did you not understand?
Beckett: He's not a cop.
Raglan: Well, who the hell is he, then?
Beckett: Someone I trust.
Martha: I Heard about the shooting on the news. Could have been you. You know that, don't you?
Castle: Yeah, but I'm fine, wasn't me.
Martha: Richard, this isn't one of your books, you don't know the ending! You were just lucky yesterday.
Castle: [Somewhat nonchalant] You're overreacting, mother. Where is this coming from?
Martha: [Shocked and furious at his flippant attitude] How the hell can you ask me something like that? Think about how much you love Alexis, and that is how much I love you, and don't you dare ask me where this is coming from! You have gotten through most of life on your wit, and charm and no small amount of talent. But that is the real world out there, and you can't charm your way out of a bullet.
Castle: You think I should quit?
Martha: I think you should be honest with yourself about why you're doing this. You had written 22 novels before you met her, and you didn't need to spend every day in a police station in order to finish them.
Castle: It's not about the books anymore.
Simmons: You painted since the last time i was here. You'd have been about 16 wrestling some pimply kid in the back of his daddy's wagon. Wondering if you were gonna give it to him or not.
Castle: Hey that's enough!
Simmons: He's sweet on you. Makes him brave.
Beckett: There is no statute of limitations on murder Mr. Simmons.
Simmons: And here begins what is known as the initial confrontation. During this phase of the interrogation the interrogator may invade the suspect's personal space in order to increase his discomfort. You want to invade my personal space?
Beckett: Look at me. 12 years ago Johanna Beckett lead a big take back the neighborhood campaign in Washington Heights.
Castle: That musta pissed you off.
Simmons: And this would be theme development. Presenting the crime through the eyes of the suspect.
Beckett: Johanna Beckett was murdered, along with two of her colleagues. They were professional hits, carried out on your orders and you had your pet homicide detective John Raglan bury them. Look at her face. Tell me you don’t remember her.
Simmons: You know Detective Beckett, I think I do remember her. Bled out in an alley like the trash she was.
Beckett: Mr. Simmons, you’d better watch it…
Simmons: Rich bitch from uptown on safari in the Heights. Somebody should’ve warned her not to feed or tease the animals.
Beckett: You…
Simmons: If they had, she might not have gotten eaten. From what I hear though, she was pretty tasty.
Beckett: Ah!
Castle: Woah, Beckett!
Beckett: Back off Castle! Remember your old life Vulcan. Savour it. Because I am gonna take it all away.
Beckett: Castle, there's something I need you to do
Castle: Name it.
Beckett: Go home.
Castle: Forget it. Fear does not exist in this dojo.
Beckett: Look, I signed up for this when I put that badge on, you didn't. It's not your fight.
Castle: [Suddenly incensed] The hell it isn't! [Calmer, but completely serious] I don't hang around you just to annoy you, I don't ride off to murder scenes in the middle of the night just to satisfy some morbid curiosity. If that was all this was I would've quit a long time ago.
Beckett]: Well, then, why do you keep coming back, Rick?
Castle: [Swallows] Look, I may not have a badge—unless you count the chocolate one Alexis gave me for my birthday—but I'll tell you this: like it or not, I'm your plucky sidekick.
Beckett: Plucky sidekick always gets killed.
Castle: Partner, then.
Beckett: Okay.
Beckett: There was, uh, a lawyer named Johanna Beckett, Are you familiar with her? She was murdered in the alley about seven years into your incarceration.
Pulgatti: [Wistfully] You look just like her, you know. When you first walked in here, it was like I was looking at a ghost. The way she talked about you, I should've known you'd become a cop. I sent letters to every lawyer I could find, and your mother was the only one who wrote me back, the only one willing to take a chance on me. She didn't care that I was a thug.
Beckett: [Smiles weakly] All she cared about was the truth
Beckett: How’s the hand?
Castle: Uh, excruciating. How’s Ryan and Esposito?
Beckett: Hmm. Mild hypothermia. Wounded pride. Guess which one’ll heal first. [She finishes bandaging.] Thank you. For having my back in there.
Castle: Always.

[edit] Lucky Stiff [3.14]

Castle [Shows up in Beckett's apartment]I know what you would do if you won the lottery.
[He lets himself in].
Beckett By all means, please come in. So, What is your big insight into a financial decision I would never have to make?
Castle You would use the money to honor your mother's legacy. On the way over here I called the dean of your mom's old school and we talked about starting a scholarship in Johanna Beckett's name. One that will provides a full ride for students planing on dedicating their careers to those in the legal system without a voice, the kind of people your mom championed. And, with your blessing, I would like to host a fundraiser to fund it.
Beckett [Soft angry voice and face expression]You just can't stay out of my personal life, can you?
Castle [Looks at her with fearful eyes]
Beckett'' [Suddenly smiling and showing great emotion in her face] Thank you, it's really sweet.
Castle Definitely have to invite The Mayor, and all his campaign contributors...[He walks off towards the dining room]
Beckett With teary eyes, smiles and follows him

[edit] The Dead Pool [3:21]

Montgomery: You really think she (Bridget McManus) could overpower Zack (Zack Lindsey)?
Ryan: Uh, no, but her brothers could. In grand Irish tradition, she has four of them, each over 6 foot, each with his own claim to fame... Assaults...
Castle: Oh.
Ryan: Ag. Assault...
Castle: Bad.
Ryan: A.D.W.,
Castle: Ee.
Ryan: Battery...
Castle: Mm.
Ryan: Assault on a city employee, parking enforcement.
Castle: Doesn't count.
Montgomery: Easy.
Ryan: Dude.
Castle: I... just jokes.
Castle: He wants to learn more about my writing process.
Martha: And by "writing process" you mean your procrastination until the very last second...
Alexis: And then writing out of a desperate panic in a caffeine-induced haze.
Martha: That one?
Castle: No, not that one. [Alexis giggles] The one where I find authenticity by doing hands-on research with the NYPD.
Castle: This place looks like my first apartment. We used to have cockroach races. I wonder if that's how Kafka got the idea?
Beckett: For all we know, Bridget was lying.
Ryan: [Walks in, looking vaguely disheveled] Well, she wasn't lying about her brothers. Talked to all four of them, one Irishman to another... and another. Anyway, they alibied out, they were in New Paults when Zach was killed.
Becket: All of them? [Ryan nods] For what?
Ryan: [Furtively] They were at a sporting event, of sorts. [Starts to leave]
Becket: [Stopping him] Which was...?
Ryan: Leprechaun toss. [Esposito smirks] Don't ask! Anyway, the, uh, older brother, he got first place. [Realizes his jacket sleeve is torn] Aww, man!
Castle: Well, the "merits" of Irish culture aside...
Ryan: Hey!
Castle: Sorry. Perhaps this suggests Bridget was telling the truth about our elusive Estonian.
Alex Conrad: Hey, uh, if it's not overstepping, just in the interest of keeping it real, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions for the case I'm coming up with for Seriously Dead.
Becket: [Hands him her card] Why don't you just give me a buzz when the two of you are done.
Conrad: [To Castle] I mean, if it's okay with you.
Castle: [Glares at Beckett] Why wouldn't it be okay?
Becket: Okay.
Conrad: Okay.
[Cut to Castle at home with Martha and Alexis]
Castle: It's so not okay! After everything I've done for him, he goes and tries to steal my muse!
Alexis: Muse thievery, what's the punishment for that? Five to ten in mythology jail?
Beckett: Yeah, speaking of mentor, I heard that you guys were pretty hard on Conrad last night.
Castle: Hard on him? No, no, it was just a little friendly hazing.
Beckett: To hear him describe it, it sounds like someone was trying to teach him a lesson.
Castle: [Laughs in a forced manner] What? Why would I want to do that?
Beckett: Because you didn't want him to spend time with me?
Castle: That is completely-
Beckett: True?
Castle: [Drops his false humour] Yes. Fine, it's true. I'm jealous. There, I said it. I-I want you all to myself, and to have you spending time with another writer? That upsets me! And if that makes me petty, so be it. Guilty as charged.
Beckett: [Smiles] Actually, I kinda think it's sweet.
Castle: You do?
Beckett: I do. And that's why you don't have to worry about me hanging around with Conrad anymore. From now on I'm a "one writer" girl.
Castle: Thank you.
Beckett: Always.

[edit] Season 4

[edit] Rise [4.1]

[Beckett's boyfriend Josh blames Castle for her getting shot]
Castle: He's right, you know. This is my fault.
Martha: Richard Castle, don't you dare blame yourself. You did not shoot her.
Castle: No, but I put her in the crosshairs.
Alexis: You act like this is all about her. But you were standing right next to her; you could have been shot. I could have been shot! You need to grow up, dad. You're a writer, not a cop. Stop pretending.

[edit] Heroes and Villains [4.2]

Castle: Mother, prepare to feast on the finest omelette in the land... (He looks up and sees what Martha is wearing.) Before you join the convent...
Martha: No, I am making costumes for my Shakespeare class. So, what do you think?
Castle: I seem to remember asking you to make me an ET halloween costume, and you told me you didn’t know how to sew.
Martha: Details. Besides, you were 32 at the time.
Castle: Whoa. You smell that? Wafting scent of printed pages. Comicadia. Beckett, this place is the premier comic book shop. It’s the Vatican to a Catholic. It’s Mecca to a pilgrim. Upstream to a...
Beckett: I know, Castle! I bought my first comic here when I was 14. Sin City. Dame to Kill For.
Castle: Hard core! Okay, whoa, okay. If you could be any comic book character in the world, who would you be?
Beckett: Elektra.
Castle: Oh. A ruthless assassin who hides from her emotions.
Beckett: No, maybe it’s because she’s got badass ninja skills.
Castle: Oh.
Beckett: What about you? Iron Man, Spiderman? No wait, I know, Annoying Man.
Castle: Try billionaire industrialist Bruce Wayne, aka, the Dark Knight. He’s brooding, he’d handsome, and he has all the coolest toys.
Beckett: Wow, digging deep on that one.
Ryan: Haven’t you ever wanted to be a superhero? Going out there, prowling the city, knocking some heads.
Esposito: I do that now.
Castle: Paul is the writer, Lone Vengence is the subject. That’s their relationship. It’s you and me all over again, but I’m Paul and your Lone Vengence.
Beckett: Really, Castle? Is that how you see me? Like a sword-wielding killer?
Castle: Depends. Will you be scantily clad?
Beckett: In your dreams.

[edit] Head Case [4.3]

Castle: She grew up so fast.
Martha: Well, what do you expect? Her to live here forever?
Castle: Well, her, yes. You...
Martha: Watch it.
Alexis: How do you do it, dad?
Castle: Do what?
Alexis: Well, that letter that you have framed in your office.
Castle: [fondly] My first manuscript rejection.
Alexis: Yeah. How can you stand having it there?
Castle: Because it drives me. And I got twenty more of those before Black Pawn ever agreed to publish In a Hail of Bullets. That letter... that letter reminds me of what I've overcome. Rejection isn't failure.
Alexis: It sure feels like failure.
Castle: No, failure is giving up. Everybody gets rejected. It's how you handle it that determines where you'll end up.
Alexis: My whole life has been about making sure I could get into any college I wanted. What's it about now?
Castle: Give it time. You'll figure it out.
Esposito: Yo, Ryan, 'sup man, where you been?
Ryan: Down at the college running down that break-in in Hamilton's office. So listen to this- (looks down at the desk) What the hell is this?
Esposito: That, my friend, is Beau Randolph’s alibi.
Ryan: A dead pigeon?
Esposito: CSU found it on the roof of his building with a slug on his belly from his .45.
Ryan: Seriously? Randolph really did come up there, huh?
Esposito: Just writing him up for animal cruelty right now.
Ryan: Maybe there’s still time to cryogenically freeze the little guy…

[edit] Kick the Ballistics [4.4]

Castle: You know, Ryan, none of this is your fault. The fact that he used your gun...
Kevin Ryan: That weapon was issued to me by the city of New York. I let it out of my hand, and now a girl is dead. So please do not tell me that it's not my fault.
Kevin Ryan: When I started in Narcotics, I was so green. I-I didn't know how things worked. One day, there's this major bust - street gang cooking meth. They're stacking up guys in the bullpen, taking their statements one by one. Place is a zoo. I'm answering phones in the squad. Girl on the line, name of Alisha, asking for my lieutenant. So I call out across the bullpen "Hey lou, Alisha's on the phone for you."
[Beckett snorts with laughter]
Kevin Ryan: It was her tip that got these guys nailed, and all of them just heard me call out her name. Searched all day and all night, looking for her before the gang could get word back to the street that she was a narc.
Beckett: Well, did you find her?
Kevin Ryan: I did. Got her into witness protection, but... that was the stupidest thing I'd ever done as a cop. Until the day Jerry Tyson got the drop on me and stole my weapon.

[edit] Eye of the Beholder [4.5]

Beckett: (While watching Castle making coffee.) Well, I, uh, I think we all ended up with what we wanted.
Serena: Yeah?
Beckett: Um, you know, after you and Castle went on that date...
Serena: More like a sting.
Beckett: He never thought that you were involved. He believed in you, even when I didn’t.
Serena: Why are you telling me this?
Beckett: I just... I think that you should know what kind of person you’re dealing with.
Castle: Here we are, ladies. (He hands them both a cup of coffee.)
Beckett: Thank you.
Serena: Thank you.
Castle: Anything wrong?
Beckett: Uh, no. I should, um, just gonna go and file some stuff. (She leaves.)
Serena: (Handing the coffee back.) And I’m going back to my hotel. I would ask you to come, but, it’s like I said. I don’t steal things that belong to someone else. (She leaves.)
Beckett: (Popping back around the corner.) You guys didn’t go out?
Castle: No.
Beckett: Why?
Castle: Because I can’t afford it. Museum just slapped me with a bill for the exhibit I broke. (He shows her the bill.)
Beckett: Whoa!
Castle: I know! Think they’d cut me some slack after the whole ‘helping to solve the murder’ thing.
Beckett: I guess the least the NYPD can do is take you out for a hamburger.
Castle: I accept.
Beckett: Let’s go.
Castle: I could put Alexis through college on this.
Beckett: Yeah, and med school.
Castle: Thank God I’m rich.

[edit] Cast

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