Castle (TV series)

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Castle is an American comedy-drama television series starring Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic, produced by ABC Studios. A mid-season replacement, its ten-episode first season premiered on ABC on March 9, 2009.

The show revolves around a mystery writer, Richard Castle (Fillion), becoming involved in investigating murders after a copycat killer uses his novels as inspiration and he decides to base a series of novels on the lead investigator, Detective Kate Beckett (Katic).

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Flowers For Your Grave [1.1][edit]

Castle: [to his daughter Alexis] I just want someone to come up to me and say something new.
Beckett: Mr. Castle?
Castle: [turning around holding a pen ready to give an autograph] Where would you like it?
Beckett: [holding badge] Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight.
Alexis: [taking the pen from him] That's new.

Ryan: [pointing to inscription on Castle's book] From the library of Katherine Beckett.
Beckett: Do you have a problem with reading, Ryan?
Esposito: Yo, check it, girl, you're totally a fan!
Beckett: Right. Of the genre.
Ryan: Right, the genre, that's why you're blushing.
Beckett: What are you, twelve?

Castle: [to Beckett] Well, you're not bridge and tunnel. No trace of the boroughs when you talk, so that means Manhattan, that means money. You went to college, probably a pretty good one. You had options. Yeah, you had lots of options, better options, more socially acceptable options, and you still chose this. That tells me something happened. Not to you. No, you're wounded, but you're not that wounded. No, it was somebody you cared about. It was someone you loved. And you probably could have lived with that, but the person responsible was never caught. [realizing he's overstepped] And that, Detective Beckett, is why you're here.
Beckett: Cute trick. Don't think you know me.
Castle: [hesitant] The point is, there's always a story... you just have to find it.

Beckett: Half of the guys are waiting for prints. You don't just jump the line.
Castle: Oh, I think somebody feels threatened.
Beckett: I'm not threatened.
Castle: No, no, I get it. I can call the mayor and you can't.
Beckett: We have procedure. Protocol.
Castle: Yeah, and you always come to a complete stop at a red light and you never fudge your taxes. Tell me something: do you ever have any fun? Let your hair down? Drop your top? A little "cops gone wild"?
Beckett: You do know that I'm wearing a gun?
Castle: Oooh.

Beckett: You wanted to see me, sir?
Montgomery: Yeah. I just got a call from the mayor's office. Apparently, you have a fan.
Beckett: A fan, sir?
Montgomery: Rick Castle. Seems he's found the main character for his next set of novels: a tough but savvy female detective.
Beckett: ... I'm flattered?
Montgomery: Don't be. He says he has to do research.
Beckett: Oh no.
Montgomery: Oh yes.
Beckett: No way.
Montgomery: Beckett, listen.
Beckett: Sir, he is like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush, totally incapable of taking anything seriously.
Montgomery: But he did help solve this case. And when the mayor's happy, the commissioner's happy. And when the commissioner's happy, I'm happy.
Beckett: How long, sir?
Montgomery: [motioning to his door] It's up to him.
[Beckett turns to find Castle standing in the doorway, smirking]

Esposito: [To Beckett] A control freak like you with something you can't control? No, no, that's gonna be more fun than Shark Week.

Beckett: Richard Castle, you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice!
Castle: [Smiling] You forgot making you look bad.

[After they make the arrest]
Beckett: Well, guess this is it.
Castle: Oh it doesn’t have to be. We could uh… go to dinner, debrief each other.
Beckett: Why, Castle? So I can be another one of your conquests?
Castle: Or I could be one of yours.
Beckett: [extending her hand] It was nice to meet you, Castle.
Castle: [shaking it] It’s too bad. It would have been great.
Beckett: [stepping closer and leaning toward his ear] You have no idea.

Nanny McDead [1.2][edit]

Castle: Three men huddled around a computer... that better not be porn. And if it is, I want in.

Castle: Well, apparently, in an actual homicide, they don't know who did it until the guy gets caught.

Police rep: Mr. Castle, be advised: if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...
Castle: My lifeless remains cannot sue the city?
Police rep: Your heirs, Mr. Castle, your heirs.

Beckett: Mrs. Peterson? Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about Sarah Manning.
Mrs. Peterson: Of course. Please come in.
Beckett: Thank you.
Castle: Richard Castle, just... N.Y.

Castle: What about the guy in 8B?
Beckett: Who?
Castle: [his murder theory] 8B. You see him every day, only you never notice him. But he noticed Sara. She's young, beautiful, the kind of girl that a guy like him would never have a chance with. [looks at Beckett pointedly] We all know girls like that don't we? [continuing] Well, at first, it's just a game. Figure out her schedule. When does she do her laundry? When is she alone? Until it becomes something more, something that he can't control. Well, he uses the stairs, obviously, to avoid the elevator's cameras. And then he just waits, concealed in the shadows. When she comes into that laundry room, he pounces. When he looked into her vacant, lifeless eyes, he wanted to tell her he never meant to kill her. All he ever wanted was to be noticed. That's when he felt the heat of that dryer on his skin. So he picks up her limp body in his arms and gently places it inside. He almost smiled at his good fortune when he found the quarter in his pocket, slipping it into the slot. Buying him the time to do what he does best... disappear. [pauses, then continues] Just saying, better story. Coffee?
Montgomery: Let see what we can find out about those neighbors. [walking away and turning back briefly] And someone better tell me who the hell lives in 8B!

[after Brent tells Beckett his alibi]
Brett: Am I under arrest or something?
Beckett: No. You can go. But, just don’t leave town until we speak again. Do you understand?
Brent: Yeah. Yes, ma’am.
[after Brent leaves the interrogation room]
Castle: “Don’t leave town”? Don’t you need probable cause for something like that?
Beckett: Only he doesn’t know that, does he?
Castle: You can lie like that? That is so cool. [begins taking notes]

Hedge Fund Homeboys [1.3][edit]

Reading the paper? You are going to lose all of your wired teen hyper texting nano gizmo street cred.
Castle: Who was murdered, and was it gruesome?

Castle: [after getting pinched on the ear by Beckett because he was listening to her phonecall] Next time, put it on speakerphone.

Castle: Reading the paper? You are going to lose all of your wired teen hyper texting nano gizmo street cred.
Alexis: I'm a rebel. I kick it old school.

Castle: Style section. Anything I need to know?
Alexis: The ‘70s are back.
Castle: Hmm. They’re like the Highlander, they just won’t die.

Beckett: Do you know the school?
Castle: Oh, I’ve been kicked out of all of New York’s finer educational institutions at least once. The irony is, now that I’m rich and famous, they all claim me as alum and want money
Beckett:[sarcastically] It is just so rough being you.
Castle: My cross to bear.

Castle: [In order to get Brandon to admit to his crime] If only Max had been strong enough just to man up... If only Donny realized he didn't belong with you guys anymore, he and Amanda were through, well, then none of this would have been necessary. (Lowered voice) Weak people just don't get it, do they, Brandon? Sometimes they just have to be led to the truth.
Brandon: (Whispers) Exactly. [Unknowingly admitting to his crime]
Castle: [Smiling at Beckett] Did he just say "exactly"?

Hell Hath No Fury [1.4][edit]

Beckett: [interrogating a suspect] Witnesses don't place you in the club until one in the morning, and Horn was murdered between eleven and twelve.
Castle: [watching Beckett from behind one-way glass] Here it comes, and...
Beckett: So, where were you between eleven and twelve, Mr. Creason?
Castle: Booyah.
Creason: I was asleep.
Castle: Asleep!? You are lame! [heard from other side of glass] You are so lame! You're a lamey, McLamester! You're so l-l-l- [back in room] LAME!

Castle: [describing his character based on Beckett] She's going to be really smart, very savvy, haunting good looks, really good at her job...and kinda slutty.

Ryan: You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life, and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?
Esposito: "Roadkill?"
Ryan: It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... it's trickle-down economics at its finest.
Esposito: Yeah, well I prefer not to be trickled on.
Ryan: [grinning] You know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?
Esposito: ...Don't you say it, bro.
Ryan: 54th and Lex.
Esposito: That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.

[Talking to Alexis about the case while chopping onions]
Alexis: I don’t get it. If Creason didn’t do it, then how does the rug fit in?
Castle: Killer probably heard about the feud between the two of them and tried to shift suspicion, which is stupid, because without the rug, it would’ve just looked like a mugging gone wrong.
Alexis: So by trying to look smart, they were actually being stupid.
Castle: I think you just described the human condition.

Lanie: Getting a drink with me after work instead of getting your freak on with writer boy?
Beckett: What? He is annoying, self-centered, egotistical, and completely-
Lanie: Fun. And take it from me, girlfriend, you need some fun. I mean, how bad can he be?
Beckett: [answers phone] Beckett.
Castle: [excitedly] Guess who's got a date with a prostitute!

[Alexis walking in as Castle is working]
Alexis: Hey
Castle: Hey. Finished your homework?
Alexis: Yeah.
Castle: You wanna finish mine?
Alexis: Well, that depends. How much you offering to pay me?
Castle: Oh, I taught you well.

Beckett: What kind of a name is "Nikki Heat"?
Castle: A cop name.
Beckett: It's a stripper name.
Castle: Well, I told you she was kind of slutty.
Beckett: Change it, Castle.
Castle: Wait. Hang on a second. Think of the titles. "Summer Heat", "Heat Wave", "In Heat".
Beckett: Change the name! [advancing on him] Change the name!
Castle: [backing away] No.
Beckett: Yes.
Castle: No.
Beckett: Change it!
Castle: [grabbing the cardboard cutout to shield himself] No.
Beckett: Castle?!
Castle: I’m sorry. I have artistic integrity, Beckett.
Beckett: “Artistic integrity?” Change the name, Castle! Today!

A Chill Goes Through Her Veins [1.5][edit]

Maybe we should be looking for ruby slippers.
Beckett: [about a frozen body] She's melting.
Castle: Maybe we should be looking for ruby slippers.

[After finding out the victim’s husband was shot in a mugging]
Esposito: Yeah. What are the odds?
Castle: Long, unless they’re connected.
Esposito: Well, four years between murders. One’s a popsicle, one just got popped. How could they possibly be connected?
Castle: Maybe he and his wife got into something they couldn’t get out of. Maybe something to do with a drug habit.
Ryan: So some skell waits four years to finish the job?
Castle: Maybe he finally figured out what happened to his wife and was about to go the police with it.
Ryan: I don’t believe it.
Castle: Give me 250 pages, I bet I could make you.
[Ryan chuckles]
Beckett: We’re solving a murder, Castle, not writing a book.
Castle: I would call it, A Chill Runs Through Her Veins.
Esposito: Ooh, I like that.
Castle : Heh! [Two slap hands] “Bam” said the lady, another bestseller for me.

[Talking about the case while staring in a refrigerator]
Alexis: If I was putting a body in a freezer, it’d be because I was trying to hide it.
Castle : Until you stop paying for the storage space.
Alexis: Did I stop, or did something stop me?
[Castle turns toward Alexis in realization while she shrugs]
Castle: [closing the refrigerator] It’s family moments like these I will never forget.
Alexis : [scoffing] With a good therapist, hopefully, I will.

Castle: All right, so you and I are married.
Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment Guy: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle & Beckett: Yes.

[After discovering that Wyler was paying to keep Melanie’s body hidden]
Beckett: Why did you stop paying?
Wyler: Look, I’m truly sorry about what happened to Melanie. But what was I supposed to do? Keep paying for the rest of my life?
Beckett: [coldly] The DA will make sure of that, Mr. Wyler.

[parked outside the home of a grandfather who killed his daughter's murderer]
Castle: You could just leave it like this. Sam's dead. The captain's happy. Those kids look pretty happy.
Beckett: That's the difference between a novel and the real world, Castle. A cop doesn't get to decide how the story ends.

Beckett: This is for the life I saved [pointing at the watch on her left arm which belongs to her father]. And. This is for the life I lost [picking at the ring which belongs to her dead mother].

Always Buy Retail [1.6][edit]

Beckett : [Looking over at Castle at the crime scene, who looks dazed] Hello?
Castle: [snapping out of it] Hmm?
Beckett: You okay?
Castle: I had sex with my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife. Meredith, Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell: the hell of a deep-fried Twinkie.
Ryan: Deep-fried Twinkie?
Castle: Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty,
Ryan and Esposito: Ah!
Castle: But a deep-fried Twinkie everyday is... [gags]
Beckett: Castle!
Castle: What?
Beckett: Crime scene. Dead body. A little respect here.
Castle: I don't think he can hear me.
Beckett: Okay, how about a little self-respect then?
Castle: ...Fine.

Beckett: If she's so bad, why did you have sex with her this morning?
Castle: Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.
Beckett: How shallow are you?
Castle: [soberly] Very.

Beckett: [following Castle across the street] Castle? Castle!
Castle: [stops in front of a electronics shop] I’m on TV.
Beckett: Are you having a breakdown?
Castle: Not a breakdown, a breakthrough. And I really am ruggedly handsome, aren’t I?
Beckett: Still waiting for the breakthrough.

[Meredith makes a surprise at the precinct]
Castle: [introducing the team] Meredith, these are Detectives Ryan, Esposito and Detective Beckett.
Meredith:Oh, Beckett. Your new muse. Alexis told me all about it, and I simply had to stop by. You know, I was his inspiration once.
Beckett: Were you, now?
Meredith: Still am, from time to time. Right, kitten?
Beckett: [grinning]Kitten?
[Ryan and Esposito snicker in the back]
Castle: I had this dream one, only I was naked and far less embarrassed.

[Complaining about Meredith’s return]
Martha: …And this whole theater thing, it’s ridiculous. You know, she hasn’t landed a role in months. Uh-huh. That’s right. I made a couple of calls. Why do you think she’s moving back to New York? She can’t get arrested in LA!

Castle: We’re looking for a yoga studio nearby with a class that ended about 3:00.
Beckett: Maybe the woman was on her way to yoga class.
Castle: You ever try doing a half-moon pose cranked up on caffeine? Completely throws off your chi.

[hiding behind a kitchen island while getting shot at]
Beckett: [to Castle] Stay down!
Castle: You stay down!
Beckett: I can't shoot him from down here.
Castle: Yeah, and he can't shoot you either!

Martha: You don’t choose the theater. The theater chooses you!

Home Is Where The Heart Stops [1.7][edit]

Ryan: Why do you writers always call them "perps?"
Castle: Isn't that what you call them?
Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...
Esposito: ...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...
Ryan: ...chud, turd...
Esposito: ...destro, scall...
Ryan: ...skexy, slicko, slick...
Esposito: ...mope...
Ryan: ...sleestak...
Castle: [writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!
Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.
Montgomery: I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."
Castle: Classic!

Castle: [shouting over Beckett's gunfire] Wouldn't it be more of a challenge if they weren't standing still?!
Beckett: [stops shooting] OK Castle, you show me how it's done.
Castle: Whoo!
Beckett: All yours. [Castle clears his throat as he takes a one handed stance with his right hand] It's not a duel, Scaramouche. [Beckett turns Castle around] Here. Square off of the target. Feet shoulder distance apart. OK, gauntlet your right fist in your left palm.
Castle: [Castle accidentally fires into the wall] Oh! Shot too soon.
Beckett: Yeah, well, you know we could always just cuddle, Castle.
Castle: Oh, funny, and a smile. Good. [Castle fires again, missing the target]
Beckett: [sounding dubious] Well, that's better.
Castle: Hmm. You know I, uh, came down to ask you if I could, uhhh, take home some of those stolen property photos.
Beckett: Photos of the jewellery? Why?
Castle: I dunno, I just thought it might spark something. [shoots again, hitting the target in the groin area] Oooh! That kinda hurt!
Beckett: Tell you what. You put any of the next three in the ten ring and I will give you the files.
Castle: Yeah?
Beckett: Yeah.
[Castle quickly fires three shots right in the 10 ring. Beckett stares at the target, stunned, then glares at Castle.]
Castle: [smugly] You're a very good teacher.

Beckett: The next time you show up at a crime scene without me, I'll show you how my taser works.
Castle: Promise?

[Beckett stomps down on the killer’s hand, forcing him to drop the gun]
Beckett: Go ahead. I need the practice.

Alexis: My, dad, nervous for a date?
Castle: It's not a date - it's an undercover operation.
Martha: I don't know why you won't tell me where the party is.
Castle: Because you'll show up.

Castle: [after a fistfight] I tried to stay in the car. I really did!

Castle: How often are people killed in neighbourhoods like this?
Beckett: Same as anywhere else Castle. Just the once.

Ghosts [1.8][edit]

[talking about a poker game]
Martha: [After picking up her cards, she scoffs and puts them back down] Phooey. I fold.
Esposito: If you don’t mind me saying, Mrs. R., you fold a lot.
Martha: I just don’t believe in stringing along a bad hand. Why waste time?
Castle: Actually, Mother’s game isn’t really Texas Hold ’Em. It’s strip poker. Keeps things humming along, if you know what I mean.
Martha: Well, frankly, I prefer strip because even when you lose, you win. [winks]

[talking about a poker game]
Judge: [to Beckett] Do us a favor, Detective. Beat his pants off.
Castle: Yes please, beat my pants off if you dare.

[After Castle wins the game and begins gloating]
Judge: [annoyed] Don’t you ever get tired of winning, Castle?
Castle: [still gloating] Yeah, you’d think so, right? But no.

[talking about a poker game]
Beckett: I'm gonna make you hurt.
Castle: Oh, you're gonna get hurt.
Beckett: What are we playing for?
Castle: Pride...or clothing.
Beckett: I think I got a bag of gummy bears...

Little Girl Lost [1.9][edit]

Yin needs Yang, not another Yin. Yin-Yang is harmony. Yin-Yin is…a name for a panda.
Beckett: It's Sunday morning. Shouldn't you be slinking home from a scandalous liaison?
Castle: Would you be jealous if I were?
Beckett: In your dreams.
Castle: Actually, in my dreams, you're never jealous. In my dreams, you just join-- [Beckett shoves bear claw in Castle's mouth]

[Montgomery is informing Beckett and Castle on the abduction]
Beckett: I don’t understand, sir. If this isn’t a murder, why am I here?
Montgomery: The feds requested you to be on the task force.
Castle: Feds?
Beckett: FBI has jurisdiction over child abduction cases.
Castle: Then why call me?
Montgomery: ‘Cause I like pissing off the FBI

Beckett: Oh, do you want to see grumpy? How about the cover art for your new novel?
Castle: Nikki Heat cover art? That's only available to... [Beckett starts walking away] oh my God, you subscribed to my website? Wait a minute... are you Castlefreak1212? Castlelover45?
Beckett: You do realize that most people would be creeped out by crazy anonymous fans?
Castle: Like you?
Beckett: It was strictly professional curiosity.
Castle: So what did you think of your alter ego Nikki? pretty sweet, right?
Beckett: "Sweet?" She's naked!
Castle: She's not naked! She's holding a gun... strategically.

Beckett: [Castle and Beckett in elevator at the police station] Six months.
Castle: Six months what?
Beckett: [about FBI agent Will Sorenson] We dated for six months.
Castle: I didn't ask.
Beckett: Yeah, I know. You were not-asking very loudly.
Castle: I know. I'm like a Jedi like that.

Beckett: Oh, for God's sakes. [referring to Sorenson and Castle] Why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with?
Castle: I'm game.

[Castle about to be sent out to drop off the ransom money]
Beckett: Be careful, okay?
Castle: Do I detect actual concern for my well-being?
Beckett: Screw this up and I’ll kill you.

Sorenson: He's quite a guy. If only he knew how big a fan you really are.
Beckett: Yeah, well, he's not going to know.
Sorenson: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed? How his novels got you through your mother's death?
Beckett: Is there anything you don't remember?
Sorenson: Not when it comes to you.

Castle: [Reading a text] It says, “Cross the street, then west on East 47th.” That’s left, right?
Beckett: Right.
Castle: Right, right? Or right, left?
Beckett & Sorenson: Left!

[After Sorenson leaves]
Castle: Nice guy. I can see how it wouldn’t work, though.
Beckett: Really?
Castle: Sure.
Beckett: Huh.
Castle: Handsome, square-jawed, by-the-book.
Beckett: And that’s a bad thing?
Castle: Yeah, he’s like the male you. Yin needs Yang, not another Yin. Yin-Yang is harmony. Yin-Yin is…a name for a panda.
Beckett: Any more wisdom, Obi-Wan?

A Death in the Family [1.10][edit]

[Beckett and Castle find the plastic surgeon's office; she and Castle walk past a well-endowed woman; Castle stares]
Beckett: Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?
Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.

Beckett: I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.
Castle: Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!

Castle: [Regarding Alexis' date] Boy, I can't believe my little girl is going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.
Beckett: What do you mean?
Castle: You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.
Ryan: I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.
Castle: What did he do?
Ryan: Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.
Castle: [to Beckett] What did your dad do?
Beckett: [pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.
Castle: How was your date when you finally came out?
Beckett: You know what, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.
Castle: Nope! And now it's my turn...
Ryan: What are you planning?
Castle: Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...

Martha: Nothing you say will change how we feel. What men don’t understand is the right clothes, the right shoes, the right make up, it hides the flaws we think we have, and make us look beautiful to our selves, that’s what makes us look beautiful to others.
Castle: Used to be all she needed to look beautiful was a pink tutu and a plastic tiara.
Martha: We spend our whole lives trying to feel that way again.

Castle: [Trying to convince Beckett that she isn’t to blame for Sorenson being shot] You think this is your fault? Yeah, you pushed for it. Not because it’s your job, but because you care. Most people come up against a wall, they give up. Not you. You don’t let go. You don’t back down. That’s what makes you extraordinary.

Season 2[edit]

Richard Castle: [Season tagline] There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers. I'm the kind that pays better. Who am I? I'm Rick Castle. Castle. Castle. I really am ruggedly handsome, aren't I? Every writer needs inspiration, and I've found mine.
Kate Beckett: Detective Kate Beckett. Beckett. Beckett. Nikki Heat?
Martha Rodgers: The character he's basing on you!
Richard Castle: And thanks to my friendship with the mayor, I get to be on her case. I'd be happy to let you spank me. And together, we catch killers. We make a pretty good team, you know? Like Starsky and Hutch; Turner and Hooch!
Kate Beckett: You do remind me a little of Hooch. [End of season tagline]

Deep in Death [2.1][edit]

Esposito: [About the bachelor-party cop twins' uniforms at the photo shoot] Hey, Beckett, how come you don't wear a uniform like that?
Beckett: Because I don't want to be paid in singles.

Ryan: Guy in a tree; Mom and Dad bickering. Seems like old times!
Esposito: Mm-hmm!

Castle: [About what he found about Beckett's mother] What was I suppose to do? Not tell her what I found?
Lanie: [Surprised] What you found?
Castle: Oh she didn't tell you, did she? Three people were killed the same way her mother was, right about the same time. One of them was a former law student of hers, another one a documents clerk, the third one a lawyer for a non-profit.
Lanie: Wait, the M.E. at the time didn't make the connection?
Castle: If he did, he buried it.
Lanie: Did you talk to him?
Castle: He died four years ago. So you see why I had to tell her.

Lanie: [examining Castle after the car crash] He'll live.
Ryan: What no brain damage?
Lanie: If he has some, it happened way before tonight and was probably self inflicted.
Castle: Ahh, good times.

Esposito: You know what I don't get? Who would steal a dead body?
Castle: Oh, plenty of people. Organ harvesters, cadaver-less med students, Satanists. [pause] Mad scientists looking to create their own monster.
Beckett: Or the guys who killed him might have left some evidence behind.
Castle: Boring. How about a spy having swallowed a microchip that the enemy spies murder him over before the CIA can get ahold of him?

Castle: You want me to put on some music? Whenever they do this sort of thing on CSI, they always do it to music in poorly lit rooms. Kinda reminds me of porn.

Beckett: [to Lanie who is examining a body in a tree] How's it going up there?.
Lanie: I got tree branches poking my boobs and a spotlight shining up my booty.
Esposito: Could be worse. You could be wearing a skirt.
Lanie: [pause] When I come down, Im'ma smack you.
Esposito: I'm looking forward to that.

Beckett: *in a Russian accent* Sometimes when I am bored, I go to Glechik Cafe in Little Odessa and pretend to be Muscovite.
Esposito: Now that's kinda hot!

Castle: She may have built up a wall between us, but I am going to build a door in that wall. Or put up a ladder. [thinking] Or dig a hole.

The Double Down [2.2][edit]

Beckett: [written on a therapist's body] "Psycho the rapist your out of time"?
Lanie: Looks like a patient lost their patience.
Castle: Also his command of grammar. "Your" should be You-apostrophe-R-E as in "you are." That's not even a tough one, not like when to use "who" or "whom."
Beckett: You really think that's the take-away here, Castle?
Castle: I'm just saying - whoever killed her also murdered the English language.

[After Beckett discovers that Castle placed a bet with Esposito and Ryan over who would solve their murder first]
Castle: Listen, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, I just-
Roselyn: Beckett, you are never gonna believe this.
Beckett: Oh, the bar on "unbelievable" is pretty high right now.
Roselyn: The vic's husband took out a three-million dollar life insurance policy on his wife last month.
Beckett: [to Castle] $100 on us.

[After Ryan and Esposito catch a break in their case]
Castle: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Beckett: Are we really rooting against solving a murder?
Castle: Well, I don't want to shave my head! Do you?
Beckett: Why would I shave my head?
Castle: You're in on the bet, aren't you?
Beckett: Yeah, but I didn't realize-
[Castle imitates electric razor]

Castle: It's a common mistake, but it's not ironic that Dr. Cosway's not here for you to lean on. It's just simply tragic. It would be ironic if her death made you feel better.

[Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito are at dead ends in their respective cases]
Beckett: We'll start over. Fresh eyes. You take our murder, we'll take yours.
Esposito: All right.
Castle: [a thought strikes him] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that again.
Beckett: [confused] "You take our murder, we'll take yours".
Castle: Could it be that easy? You take mine, I'll take yours.
Esposito: What are you getting at, Castle?
Castle: Strangers on a Train.
Ryan: The Hitchcock movie?
Castle: I'm partial to the novel by Patricia Highsmith, but yes. We have two strong suspects, but with airtight alibis, right?
Esposito: Right.
Castle: We know they're connected. What if the connection is the killers?
Beckett: Jason and Eric committed each other's murders.
Castle: And made sure they had an airtight alibi for the murder they knew they'd be suspected of. It's not our victims that are connected, it's our murderers. Crisscross!

[Beckett, Castle, Ryan, and Esposito figure out how the murderers committed the crime]
Beckett: Except it’s all circumstantial. The DA will never buy it without hard evidence or a confession.
Esposito: Oh, we’re gonna get a confession.
[Beckett and Castle both scoff as they look at each other and then back at Ryan and Esposito]
Castle: Not if we get one first.
Ryan: So, bet’s back on?
Beckett: [getting in his face] You bet your britches the bet is back on.

Inventing the Girl [2.3][edit]

[A murder calls Castle away from an ad-hoc play rehearsal with his mother]
Alexis: Take me with you!
Castle: To a crime scene?
Alexis: It'd be educational. Please?
Castle: Find your own hiding place.

[Explaining why they should continue ad-hoc play rehearsal]
Martha: If it’s a hit, who knows how long it could run? Then I could take it on the road.
Alexis: You mean you’d leave us?
Martha: Well, only for nine months of the year. [noticing Alexis’ concerned expression] Oh, don’t look so sad. [noticing Castle’s dreamy expression] And, you, don’t look so happy.

[Beckett and Castle working to learn the victim’s identity and where she might have been]
Castle: Well, she’s tall, she’s gorgeous, 10 pounds underweight. Her hair is fried, she’s wearing too much eye makeup. She’s a model. Which means she was probably at a club last night. It’s is, after all, Fashion Week, when all the hottest women in the world descend upon the hippest nightspots like locusts. Only, locusts eat.

Esposito: Castle, hey, is your, your girl here?
Ryan: Rina.
Beckett: Rina used to baby-sit Alexis, fellas. So, as far as Big Rick here is concerned, she might as well be wearing a chastity belt.
Castle: Thank you for that visual image. That’s… And also, thank you for calling me “Big Rick”.

[Castle discovers why Beckett was upset with him]
Castle: Wait, is that why you’ve been so upset? Because I let her [Cosmo reporter] read it before you?
Beckett: I am the inspiration. I should be reading it before a reporter does.
Castle: Why didn’t you just say so?
Beckett: Why didn’t you just give it to me?
Castle: Why didn’t you ask?
Beckett: Why didn’t it occur to you?
[Brief pause, and then he realizes she has a point]
Castle: You’ll have it by tomorrow.
Beckett: Good.
Castle: Good.

[After Castle leaves, Beckett turns on her computer, only to find a snapshot of her modeling for tennis agency]
Ryan: Looking good, Detective Beckett.
[Looks over and sees Ryan and Esposito grinning at her.]
Beckett: How did you guys…
Ryan: We’re detectives
Esposito: Called your dad.
Beckett: [Rising up and walking over to them] Okay, okay, you guys have had your fun. I was 17 and I thought that modeling would be an easier way to make money than waitressing.
Esposito: Right.
Beckett: It was one summer, no big deal. [Turns and walks away, but snaps her fingers and turns back] And if you guys tell Castle about this, I will kill you.

Fool me Once [2.4][edit]

Castle: You don't think Fletcher's telling Jerry the truth?
Beckett: That he's suddenly a con-man with a heart of gold? No. That's just another con.
Castle: Wait, you don't think people can change?
Beckett: No. I've seen too many repeat offenders to believe for one second that a guy who promises never to beat his wife again actually won't.
Castle: That's a pretty bleak attitude.
Beckett: Not bleak - realistic.

Castle: [on CIA Agent Gray] This man is a machine. I've interviewed serial killers, hitmen. Agent Gray?
Beckett: Mm-hmm?
Castle: By far, the most dangerous man I've ever met. [looks around and whispers] He once killed a North Korean agent with a melonballer.
Agent Gray: [suddenly appearing behind them] It was an ice cream scoop, Castle. And that information was supposed to remain private.
Castle: Sorry.

Beckett: I hate this case.
Castle: I know, isn't it great?!

Conman's fiance: He wasn't a con man. He was in the CIA.
Castle: [thrilled] Best case ever.
Beckett: [half-interrupting him] Shut up.

[When Beckett tells Castle she hasn’t read Heat Wave yet]
Castle: You were all over me to get a copy of that book. Do you have any idea how many hoops I had to jump through, just so my editor wouldn’t send an armed guard to watch over you while you read it? The least you could do is to… [pauses and looks at her] Oh. Oh! I see what you’re doing.
Beckett: I’m not doing anything.
Castle: Oh, yes, you are. Yes, you are. You’re trying to push my buttons, but it’s not gonna work.
Beckett: Really?
Castle: Mmm.
Beckett: ‘Cause it seems to be working just great. [smirks]

[Castle explaining his ‘case-breaking’ information]
Castle: Well, I went a little Daddy Dearest on Alexis. And it got me thinking, if I can go this crazy over a violin teacher, how crazy would I go if my daughter was about to marry a scam artist? Crazy enough to kill, maybe?
Beckett: That is…
Castle: Inspired?
Beckett: No.
Castle: Brilliant?
Beckett: Mm, mm.
Castle: Genius?
Beckett: Uh, uh.
Castle: What?
Beckett: Thin!
Castle: Oh.
Beckett: We don’t have the slightest indication that Elise’s father knew that Flectcher was a con artist.
[Ryan and Esposito walk in]
Ryan: Maybe not. But Castle here suggested that we check gun registration records for Gerry Finnegan.
Esposito: And guess who happens to own the same caliber handgun as our murder weapon?
Beckett: Who?
Esposito: Gerry Finnegan.
Beckett: Shut the front door!
Castle: No time for dirty talk, go get changed.

Castle: What good news?
Elise: Nothing.
Susan: Fletcher’s alive.
Castle: Best case ever!

[After Castle and Beckett figure out the case and realize who the killer is]
Mrs. Finnegan: But what about the phone call from Steven?
Castle: Well, she must’ve faked it somehow.
Mrs. Finnegan: Why?
Castle: Because…
Beckett and Castle: The con is still on!

Beckett: It’s really a kind of psychopathy. To be so cold that you can look someone in the eye, tell them that you love them, and then rob them blind without the slightest remorse.
Castle: [Blinks and holds up his hands] Whoa, I just flashed back to the eighth grade. [Indignant] Sherry Ort. Broke my heart, stole my lunch money.
[Cell phone rings and Beckett answers it]
Beckett: Beckett.
Castle: [raving on] Then she laughed about it with her friends.

When the Bough Breaks [2.5][edit]

[Castle has arrived late to a crime scene]
Esposito: Yeah, it's too bad, too. Your kind of case, bro'.
Castle: Yeah?
Ryan: Yeah, body was found down that manhole over there. Half eaten.
Castle: Eaten?
Ryan: Yeah, it was covered in some kind of green slime.
Castle: Whoa...
Esposito: Yeah, it was creepy. It's as if someone or some thing is down there.
Castle: [Catching on] Ha, that's... okay. Very funny. Great. [To Beckett] Was there a body down the manhole?
Beckett: Yeah.
Castle: Okay, thank you. An adult.
Beckett: Yeah, you should have seen what else was down there. Two metal canisters with bio-hazard stickers and yellow powder inside of them.
Castle: You opened the... [the detectives smirk] Alright. Will someone please tell me what's really going on here?
Ryan: We're gonna check nearby trash cans for the murder weapon.
Castle: What was the murder weapon, by the way?
Ryan: Some kind of death ray.
Esposito: Turns your insides out.

[At the book launch party for "Heat Wave", Beckett learned earlier that Castle had an offer for writing three books about "a certain british secret agent"]
Beckett: [Having read the dedication in the "Heat Wave" book] I was just, eh, the, eh, the dedication, wow, thank you...
Castle: I meant it, you are extraordinary. Listen, I was thinking - [Beckett listening in anticipation] what if the wife got onto the affair?
Beckett: [Surprised] Melissa Talbert? Our killer?
Castle: Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn...
Beckett: Well ... Anything's possible, I didn't see it that way.
Castle: Huh, you're saying that because you've never been scorned...
Beckett: What makes you say that?
Castle: Well, come on, what man has ever turned you away?
Beckett: [Looking uncomfortable] So, any word on a certain british secret agent who shall not be named?
Castle: I got the official offer!
Beckett: [Looking disappointed by the expectation of their relationship ending] Wow, congratulations!
Castle: I haven't accepted it yet.
Beckett: But you're going to, aren't you?
Castle: Wait, you think I should?
Beckett: Yeah, I mean is there a reason why you wouldn't?
Castle: So you'd be OK if I didn't write another "Nikki Heat"?
Beckett: [Laughing] I mean, why wouldn't I? It's not like I asked you to write the first one...
Castle: You know, a lot of people would be flattered if someone chose to write a book based on them...
Beckett: Flattered? Do you have any idea how much grief I've had to put up with over this "Nikki Heat"-thing?
Castle: Gee, I'm sorry...

[after the case is solved Castle and Beckett come down a staircase]
Beckett: Thank you, Castle, I, uhm, never would have been able to solve this case without your help.
[awkward pause]
Beckett: Well, uh, good luck on your new book, I know that you'll do it proud.
Castle: Thanks [reaches out for Beckett] you take care of yourself [they shake hands] and...
[both cellphones ring]
Castle: My agent...
Beckett: It's the ... uh ... station... I, you know you better get that...
Castle: Yeah - hey Paula!
Beckett: Beckett
Castle: Ahah, really? [to Beckett] First day, "Heat Wave" sales through the roof!
Beckett: [to Castle] I'm on hold for Captain Montgomery
Castle: [to Beckett] Reviews are raves!
Beckett: Yes, Captain
Castle: Would I be interested in doing three more "Nikki Heats"?
Beckett: Yes, I am aware that the mayor is facing a tough re-election this year...
Castle: I'm sorry, how much?!?
Beckett: No, I would love to help the department out in every way I could...
Castle: No, no, forget the other offer, for that kind of money I'll do a dozen "Nikki Heats"!
Beckett: [flabbergasted] He wants me to what?
Castle: Oh, well that was kind of a one-time only situation with her and me...
Beckett: Three books? That would take forever!
Castle: You already spoke to the mayor?
Beckett: [to Castle, whispering] I can kill you!
Castle: [looking flabbergasted]
Beckett: No, no, no, no sir, I wasn't talking to you! I, uh, no need to thank me sir, I am happy to help his honour out in any way I can... [hanging up]
Castle: Uh-huh, you know what, I think ... I'm gonna, Paula, I'm gonna ... I'll call you back... [hanging up]
Castle: [to Beckett] I had nothing to do with that phonecall!
[Beckett's phone ringing]
Beckett: What? [listening to the phone] OK, I'll be right there! [starting to walk away]
Castle: [looking confused] Where are you going?
Beckett: That was Esposito, there's been a murder. [turning around] Are you coming or what?
Castle: [hastens towards Beckett]
Beckett: Do you really expect me to believe you had nothing to do with that phonecall?
Castle: I swear I had nothing to do!
Beckett: Swear a little harder Castle, I don't believe you!
Castle: I swear!
[Episode ends]

Vampire Weekend [2.6][edit]

[Castle enters the room, dressed as Mal from Firefly]
Alexis: Hey.
Castle: Hey... I was just trying on my Halloween costume.
Alexis: What exactly are you supposed to be?
Castle: Space cowboy.
Alexis: Okay. A: there are no cows in space. B: didn't you wear that, like, five years ago?
Castle: So?
Alexis: So, don't you think you should move on?
Castle: I like it.

Castle: [to Alexis] If any of those senior boys bother you... father won't be quite himself. [activates pumpkin drill, laughs maniacally, coughs]

[Castle relates a traumatizing childhood experience that spurred him to become a mystery writer]
Castle: It must have just happened, because the tide hadn't washed away the blood. We had just played hide-and-go-seek the day before.
Beckett: What happened to him?
Castle: They never found out.
Beckett: I'm so sorry, Castle. [Slowly he looks up at her and smirks. In realization;] You made that up?
Castle: It's what I do!
Beckett: You know what? You are so getting it for that one!

[Castle, Beckett and Esposito staring at Ryan’s familiarity with vampires and covens]
Ryan: What? [reluctantly] I used to go out with a girl who was into the lifestyle.
Esposito: What happened? Did the relationship suck?
Castle: Oh!
[The two chuckle and tap fingers]
Ryan: She wanted to have sex in a coffin. I'm opened-mind, but not that open-minded...

Famous Last Words [2.7][edit]

Castle: What?
Beckett: Nothing... it's just I'm so used to seeing you act like a 12-year-old all the time, it's refreshing to see you as a father.
Castle: It makes you want me, right?
Beckett: ...And there's the 12-year-old again.

Castle: Does he look like a killer to you?
Beckett: Everybody looks like a killer to me, Castle. Job requirement
Castle: Do I look like a killer to you?
Beckett: Yes, you kill my patience.

Esposito: Found your stalker. Franco Marquez, aka Frankie Markie. Hayley filed half a dozen complaints against him. It says here that he even tried to break into her apartment. And when she filed against him, he showed up in court and called her a...[sees Alexis] B-I-T-C-H.
Castle: She can spell, Detective.
Ryan: Probably better than you

Castle: And you will go off to school.
Alexis: But I was just helpful.
Castle: Yes, but if I let you out of class every time you were helpful, you'd never go.
Alexis: But I won't be able to focus on school today. I just can't concentrate.
Castle: Which will make you just like all the other kids in your class.

[Beckett speaking to a drunk Sky, who slipped on the ground]
Sky: What do you want? ‘Cause I’m talking to my sister.
Beckett: I’m Detective Kate Beckett. I’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s okay.
Sky: You’re a cop?
Beckett: Yeah. Is that a knife?
Sky: Am I breaking the law?
Beckett: Yeah.
Sky: Bad?
Beckett: Pretty bad.
[After a moment, Sky hands Beckett the knife and bottle]

Castle: [walking in] I was just thinking, if she was using again, that would explain why she left her producers, but not why she was killed, who killed her, or why she went to the po…lice. [noticing Beckett’s expression as she put down the phone] What I just said was not confusing enough for your face to do what it’s doing.
Beckett: That was Perlmutter. That tox results just got back from the lab. There were no drugs in Hayley’s system. She was 100% clean and sober.
Castle: Then why was she giving a wad of cash to Tony the drug dealer?
[Beckett grabs a bowl of mints, sets it down in front of Castle and the two thoughtfully chew on one]

Beckett: So, someone attacked her, someone she was afraid of. She tries to shoot them. And in the struggle, the assailant breaks her neck, drags her down an alleyway, hangs her upside-down, paints a smile on her face, which- [realizing how ridiculous she sounds] apparently was a lot like a music video that has nothing to do with our murder,
Castle: You thought you sounded so smart when you started that sentence, didn’t you?

Castle: If you killed someone, you would tell me, right?
Alexis: Of course. I’d need help hiding the body.
Castle: Ah, haha. That’s my girl.

[talking about Haley’s final song, Threshold]
Castle: Yeah. Sound pretty. Little creepy, though.
Martha: Very creepy.
Alexis: How’s it creepy?
Castle: “Death, she grows near”? It’s kind of like Final Destination, but in song form.
Alexis: She doesn’t mean “death” death.
Castle: Well, what other kinds of death are there?
Alexis: Allegorical, metaphoric, symbolic, spiritual, emotional, sexual –
Castle: Okay, okay, that’s quite enough. I think I’m paying far too much for her education.

Kill the Messenger [2.8][edit]

[after a SWAT team breaks into an apartment]
Esposito: Where's Nidal Metar? Shakir Nidal Metar! Where is he?
Tenant: There's no Shakir Nidal Metar here! Only Sally Neidermeyer!
Beckett: Ma'am, did you send a package by bike courier this morning?
Tenant: Yes, I did!
Beckett: "S. Nidal Metar?" S. Neidermeyer! Some bozo at the courier company wrote the name wrong.
Castle: Our bad. Uh, we can -
Ryan: - Yeah, we can fix this.
Castle: [lifting the door] Sorry.
[They screw the door back into its frame]

[as Det. Beckett speaks with the victim's sister]
Castle: How does she do that?
Montgomery: Better than anyone I know.

[M.E. Perlmutter eats his lunch on an examination table in the morgue]
Castle: Are you sure it's sanitary to be eating here?
Perlmutter: Do you know the strength of the disinfectants we use here? This is the cleanest room in the city. [offers his sandwich to Castle]
Castle: I couldn't.
Perlmutter: Homemade.
Castle: I couldn't.

Montgomery: If there's one thing I hate, it's a dirtbag in uniform.

Beckett: [arriving on the scene of the crime] So, what do we got?
Castle: May I?
Esposito: Be my guest.
Castle: Thank you. Our victim’s name is Caleb Shimky…
Esposito: Shimansky.
Castle: Is that a name?
Esposito: Yeah, it’s a name.
Castle: And he was pulling a Kevin Bacon in Quicksilver when all of-
Beckett: I’m sorry, a what?
Castle: Quicksilver. [Beckett shakes her head] Kevin Bacon is a bike messenger who failed as a-
Beckett: [turns to Esposito] Esposito, take him to school.
Esposito: The victim is Caleb Shimansky, an on-duty bike messenger. Masked suspect in a black 4-door plows into him, killing him instantly. The suspect steals the messenger bag, jumps in his ride and jets off.
Beckett: [looking back at Castle] See, that wasn’t so hard.
Castle: No, no, it’s good, if you like the dull, non-best-seller version.
Esposito: I thought I gave it some flair.

Beckett: Well, it says here that Olivia went to a party earlier the night she was killed.
Montgomery: Says here the Pierson Club.
Castle: Pierson Club? That’s high society, that’s crème de la crème. My money goes in banks, their money buys banks.

Beckett: Were the two of you dating?
Dilahunt: Uh, no, just friends. What? Can’t a guy and a girl just be friends?
Castle: Please.
Dilahunt: Are you two together?
Castle: [simultaneously] Not yet.
Beckett: [simultaneously] Absolutely not.

Montgomery: Never let the job get in the way of the job.

Blake Wellesley: I speak for the entire Wellesley family when I say you can expect our full cooperation in this investigation.
Castle: But? You can tell, there’s a “but” coming.
Blake: Not a “but”, a “however”. Like I said, we’ll cooperate, however, we request these unannounced interviews come to a stop.
Beckett: Here we go.
Montgomery: Beckett, let’s hear him out.
Blake: I apologize if I’m coming off like one of those guys, Detective. It’s just that these impromptu visits are a bit awkward. My nephew Trent said you spoke to him when he visited my mother. Mother became very confused, very upset. I’m sure there’s a better way to facilitate this.
Beckett: Like what?
Blake: Well, I propose that all further interviews be coordinated by me and conducted at my offices. What do you think?
Montgomery: Thank you for your offer, Mr. Wellesley. It’s very nice of you.
Blake: [rising up from his seat] Not at all. I’ll give you my number-
Montgomery: Hold on. I, too, have a “however”. Thank you for your offer, however, my detectives will conduct their investigation in any manner they see fit.
Blake: Captain, I can get the commissioner on the phone in under a minute.
Montgomery: Well, tell him I said hi, and I could really use a raise. [Rising up] I think we’re done here. [Lets out his hand to shake, but Blake walks away. After he leaves…]
Castle: That was awesome!
Montgomery: Whatever you guys are doing, keep doing it. They’re circling the wagons.
Castle: [rising up, and pointing at Montgomery with a grin] Awesome!

Martha: What will Chet think if he expects 1980s Martha, and present-day Martha shows up?
Castle: You tell anyone I said this, and I’ll deny it. And I’m only gonna say it once; 1980s Martha was pretty great, but present-day Martha is pretty spectacular, too.

Alexis: I can’t believe how many lives were ruined over one woman’s need to protect her family’s reputation.
Castle: You will never have this problem. Between Grams and myself, our family reputation’s already in ruins.
Alexis: Mmm. Lucky me.

Love Me Dead [2.9][edit]

Jessup: [Regarding his handcuffs] Hey, you guys mind if I take these things off? I'm starting to feel like a stereotype riding around in the back of a police car wearing them.
Beckett: Sure. Do you want my key?
Jessup: Nah, I got it. Thanks. [Undoes his handcuffs]
Castle: How did you do that?
Jessup: I've always been good with locks. When I was in the joint, I was thinking how can I take this and make it more productive, you know? So, I've been applying for locksmith schools, but, you know, they won't let me in on account that I'm a felon. Can you believe that?
Beckett: A felon who wants to be a locksmith. What could possibly go wrong there?
Jessup: You don't have to be mean about it.
Castle: Yeah. Wow.
[Beckett glares, beat, Castle relocated to back seat with Jessup]

Beckett: [walking toward the exit] Night, Castle.
Castle: [jumping up from his seat, slightly panicked] Going to meet Alexis?
Beckett: Yeah.
Castle: Can I come?
Beckett: [turning around] No!
Castle: But I want to.
Beckett: Why are you so worried, Castle? I thought you were the cool dad. [gives him a disappointed look]
Castle: [dejectedly] I am.

Castle: Thanks.
Beckett: For what?
Castle: For not saying “I told you so.”
Beckett: Oh, that starts tomorrow. [grins]

One Man's Treasure [2.10][edit]

Castle [after seeing Alexis dressed maturely for work]: Did that ever happen to you with me? One day you look and see your boy all grown up?
Martha: I’m still waiting for that moment, actually.
Castle: ...I set you up for that, didn’t I?

Castle [to Beckett]: That was pretty cool, the way you filled in the story there. I think I must be rubbing off on you... That sounded dirtier than I meant it.

Montgomery: [looking in the room] Is that our vic’s wife?
Beckett: Fiancée.
Castle: [pointing to the other room] The wife is over there.
Montgomery: Come again?
Beckett: [tilts her head toward one room] Fiancée.
Montgomery: Mmm-hmm.
Beckett: [tilts head toward the other room] Wife.
Montgomery: Hmm. [chuckles] Oh, boy.
Castle: I know, isn’t it delicious?

Beckett: …but changing your identity? The math doesn’t quite add up for me.
Castle: You know what math doesn’t add up for me? Two wives.
Beckett: One wife too many for you?
Castle: Two wives too many.
Beckett: Seems like the common denominator in that equation is you.

Castle: Well?
Beckett: Alexis? She’s fine.
Castle: You know, her first day at preschool, I hid outside in the bushes all day just to make sure she was all right.
Montgomery: First time my son went to summer camp, I followed the bus all the way to the Adirondacks.
[Two laugh together]
Beckett: You two are both either very sweet or very creepy.

Ryan: …Maybe it was a pride thing.
Castle: Yeah, but you factor in the sublet, not to mention gas, that’s a high price to pay for pride.
Beckett: Yeah, well, never underestimate the fragility of the male ego.
Ryan: Oh, see, that’s just a stereotype-
Castle: Don’t. Don’t. That’s… She is baiting us, all right. Just ignore her, and she’ll lose her witchy powers.
Beckett: You wish. All right, let’s go off to Parker’s office. [As they rise, Beckett looks around and checks her pockets]
Castle: Lose something?
Beckett: Um, where… where, um… Where’s my broom?
[Castle laughs sarcastically]

Castle: A wife and fiancée catfight! Please tell me we can stop for popcorn on the way.

The Fifth Bullet [2.11][edit]

Martha: What if it doesn't work out? What if it does?
Castle: That's the cost of living.

Castle: This is dead. You're not. Time to start making new memories
Martha: How did you get so smart?

Darius: This is crazy. I told you already, I was in class when Mr. Fink was killed.
Beckett: Nobody remembers seeing you there.
Darius: I sat in the back.
Castle: The naughty kids always do.

A Rose For Everafter [2.12][edit]

Kira Blaine: Of all the murders, in all the cities, at all the weddings, and you walk into mine.

Beckett: [to Ryan and Esposito]: Aren't you guys supposed to be running background checks?
Esposito: We are.
Ryan: On the bride. All day yesterday, I kept feeling like I'd heard the name 'Kira Blaine' before and then it hits me - the dedication of Castle's second book [points to cover of book] "A Rose For Everafter"
Esposito: [reading from book]: For Kira Blaine - you make the stars shine.
[Esposito and Ryan turn and grin at Beckett, who is staring at them]
Beckett: [pause] When I'm not here, do you guys braid each other's hair and debate who's the coolest Jonas brother?
Esposito: No. But it's totally Nick.
Ryan: Absolutely Nick.

Lanie: [amused] Girl, I’m gonna smack you! You work side by side everyday. He writes a sex scene in his book about you that had me reaching for ice water. Now, little miss bride shows up. Don’t tell me you’re not the least bit jealous.
Beckett: Oh, please. You’ve been inhaling too many autopsy fluids. [Beckett begins to leave the room.]
Lanie: Honey, just because you can’t see whats goin’ on [Voice escalates as Beckett starts leaving] doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t see what’s going on!
Beckett: [from outside the room, in a singsong] Shut up!
Lanie: [to Sophie, the corpse] Mm-hmm. I see it. You may not, but I do.

[After Alexis tapes Castle to a chair and then tapes his mouth.]
Alexis: Okay, we’re off. And after, we might go shopping. [hugs him and comes away with his wallet and grabs a few bills] So, you don’t mind, right? [Castle exclaims] Oh, come on, Dad. We both know you’d have no respect for me if I didn't.
[Castle gives an agreeing nod]

Castle: Bridesmaid dresses are supposed to be hideous.
Esposito: Really? Why?
Beckett: So that the bride looks more beautiful in comparison.
Castle: Ah, see? Not a woman alive who doesn't think about her wedding day, not even Kate Beckett. Tell me you never tore a picture of a wedding gown out of a magazine.
Beckett: [pointedly] I've never torn a picture of a wedding gown out of a magazine. [walks away and smirks]
Castle: You’re lying. She’s lying
Ryan: Mmm-hmm.

Lanie: So, how’s everything going in the bridal suite? Not the day they had planned.
Beckett: Yeah, or the surprise guest. [Lanie gives her a questioning glance] Apparently, Castle has a history with the bride.
Lanie: Ancient, modern, or sexual?
Beckett: Seems like all of the above.
Lanie: You okay with that?
Beckett: Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? [Now Lanie gives her a skeptical glance] Just keep me posted on the labs.
Lanie: Mmm-hmm

Castle: Hello, Sheila.
Sheila Blaine: Richard. Figures you’d be at the heart of this mess.
Castle: Detective Beckett, this is Sheila Blaine, mother of the bride. So, I guess I didn't end up homeless or teaching at a third-rate college in New Hampshire after all.
Sheila: There’s still time.
Castle: I've missed our special talks. [to Beckett] Sheila didn't approve of struggling artists. [back to Sheila] You must like Greg, though. He’s from money, right?
Sheila: It was never about the money, Richard. It was about character. And you would know that, if you had any. [walks away]
Beckett: Wow! Just imagine, if things had worked out, you’d be spending Thanksgivings with her.
[Castle shudders]

Beckett: Do you recognize these files, Mr. Murphy?
Ted Murphy: You went to my office?
Beckett: We got a warrant first. Don’t worry.
Murphy: Look, a layman like you couldn't possibly understand the financial and the legal complications of an estate like Greg’s.
Castle: I think he just called you stupid.

Kira: [to Beckett] He’s all yours.

Sucker Punch [2.13][edit]

[Beckett has discovered who killed her mother, only to have to shoot him to save Castle's life]
Beckett: It wasn't your fault, you know.
Castle: I overstepped. I came down here to say that I'm sorry... and that I'm through. I can't shadow you any more. If it wasn't for me --
Beckett: If it wasn't for you, I would never have found my mom's killer. And some day soon I'm gonna find the sons of bitches who had him kill her. And I'd like you around when I do. And if you tell anyone what I'm about to say there's gonna be another shooting, but... I've gotten used to you pulling my pigtails. I have a hard job, Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun.
Castle: ...Your secret's safe with me.

[Beckett, unsure if she can continue the case, speaks to her father]
Jim Beckett: Your mother always said that life never delivers anything that we can’t handle. I mean, she lived by that, you know. Called it “Johanna’s Immutable Law of the Universe.” And for years, I thought she was wrong. Because I couldn’t handle losing her. Now, I can almost hear her whisper, “I told you so.”
Beckett: [smiling] Four of Mom’s favorite words.
Jim: Look, she was a devout believer in the truth. And if she were here right now, she’d tell you the truth can never hurt you. You know, this may be your mother’s way of reaching out to you, Katie. And reminding you that the truth is still your weapon to wield. Not theirs.

Beckett: Montgomery’s post-incident evaluation. You come off like Steven Segal.
Castle: Should I be flattered or insulted?
Beckett: Both.

The Third Man [2.14][edit]

There are two things in abundance in South Africa: racial hatred and diamonds.
Esposito [to Castle]: Why do you care about some mother-freaking snakes on a mother-freaking plane?

Castle: There are two things in abundance in South Africa: racial hatred and diamonds.

Ryan [about Beckett and Castle]: Do they know they're finishing each other's sentences?

Ryan: If this squatter was so meticulous about putting things back, why’d he leave all this for us to find?
Castle: You’re right. It makes no sense.
Beckett: [surprised] What? No grand theatrical theory to spin for us?
Castle: Honestly, I got nothing

Castle: So, how was your day?
Alexis: I had a truly great day. I got pulled out of class and called to the vice-principal’s office.
Castle: Why? What did she want?
Alexis: You. Here’s her number.
Castle: Her number?
Alexis: Oh! And my German teacher, Fraulein Sonnenberg wanted me to tell you, auf Deutsch, “Du hast Sexappeal.” She’s two years from ordering off the senior menu, but here’s her number, too.
Castle: Fraulein Sonnenberg?
Alexis: Too old? That’s okay, ‘cause my friend Sloan thinks you’re real choice. She is 17, but she’ll be legal in three months. Hey, maybe we could double?
Castle: [beginning to grin] Oh? You hate me a little bit right now, don’t you?
Alexis: Just a little.

Suicide Squeeze [2.15][edit]

Castle: Well, the pen is mightier than the sword, but a baseball bat can be pretty effective too.

[after hearing Castle comes from a line of mind readers]
Beckett: Con artists and circus people, huh?
Castle: Yeah, and mind-readers.
Beckett: Really? So tell me what I'm thinking.
Castle: Ah! You're... You're thinking... You don't care and you want me to stop talking?
Beckett: Ooh, that's uncanny.
Castle: It's in the blood.

[after accusing a suspect with a lot of evidence]
Beckett: So you can play dumb, or you can play ball.
Castle: Pun intended.

[after being told they were investigating someone's trip to Cuba]
Beckett:I don't know...me in a swimsuit under the hot, blistering sun.
Castle:I'd be happy to rub lotion on you.

Castle: What is it with professional sports? Even the agencies are on steroids.
Beckett: Fox's client list is a veritable who's-who of star athletes. Five percent of their endorsements and salaries? You could pay for half of lower Manhattan.
Castle: ...did you just use the word "veritable?"
Beckett: Yes, I did.
Castle: Sexy.
Beckett: You should hear me say "fallacious."

[after meeting Joe Torre]
Beckett: That was Joe freaking Torre!

Castle: We should get a warrant, run his subscribers against any hate mail that the Vegas might have gotten.
Montgomery: You sure you got no cop in the Castle family tree?
Castle: No, us Castles are mostly con artists and circus folk, sir.
Montgomery: No, I think there’s a little cop in there somewhere.

[Castle’s theory on the suspected killer]
Castle: Maybe it was the Cuban government all along. They hated Vega for defecting, so they sent a beautiful spy for him to fall in love with. It works. He smuggles her back home, and bam, he’s dead.
Montgomery: Sounds like a Castle story.
[Esposito scoffs]
Castle: I’ll call it “Corazon de Fuego.”

The Mistress Always Spanks Twice [2.16][edit]

Castle: Maybe our killer has a sweet tooth.
Beckett: Given the state of undress I would say it's more likely a sexual fetish.
Lanie: I can do the chocolate. I will even do the whipped cream bikini, but caramel? I prefer slippery to sticky.
Castle: [To Ryan] Does she know we can hear her?

[After learning where Mistress Venom worked]
Beckett: [On the phone] Hi, my name is Kate, and my boyfriend has been a very bad boy. [Castle smirks] Yes, that's right. His name's Ricky.
Castle: What're you doin'? [Chasing after Beckett who is still on the phone]
Beckett: Actually, a friend of mine recommended a Mistress Venom - is she available tonight? 4pm? Sure, that's perfect, thank you.
Castle: OK, that's very funny, now call her back!
Beckett: Uh-uh Castle, this is the perfect way to get Venom without tipping our hand. [Starting to walk away and turns around] What's the matter Castle, you afraid of a little role play? [Smirking]
Castle: Yeah, you better run!

[At the dungeon]
Receptionist: Welcome to Lady Irena's House Of Pain, how can I serve you?
Beckett: [Shouting at Castle] Well, answer her! [to the receptionist] You see what I have to deal with? My boyfriend Ricky has an appointment at 4pm with Mistress Venom.
Receptionist: Will you be joining her?
Beckett: Oh yes! I've been dying to watch him squirm!
Receptionist: Mistress Venom will be delighted to have an audience. Follow me please.
Beckett: Do you think we could gag him?
Castle: [Looking concerned] Remember, my safe word is Apples!

[Castle, Beckett and Esposito looking at the suspect in the interrogation room]
Beckett: Castle, why don’t you sit this one out? I think Mr. Caraway will respond better to a strong…[zips up her jacket] …female hand.
[After Beckett walks away, Castle grins with Esposito]
Castle: Sam-I-Am. In a box. With a fox. We’re gonna need some popcorn.

[When Alexis tells Castle and Martha that she’s giving up on cheerleading]
Castle: Well, we both learned a valuable lesson today. You learned that you can expand your horizons and grow. I learned that, if that involves short skirts and boys, [sternly] I’m not going to like it.
Alexis: Fair enough.

Tick, Tick, Tick...(1) [2.17][edit]

Castle: Ask me why I’m here.
Beckett: You know, I ask myself that question every day.

Castle: Quick, who do you want to play you in the Nikki Heat movie?
Lanie: [As if it’s the most obvious answer in the world] Halle Berry.
Castle: See? Some people are just great at that game! You know who we could get for you? Angelina? No. Kate Beckett… Kate Beckinsale. We’ll call you K-Becks!

Jordan: What is he doing?
Beckett: He, uh, touches things.
Castle: Night vision goggles. Think I have the newer model though. Maybe in my third book, Nikki Heat will cross paths with a good looking yet cold-hearted FBI profiler. Call it Federal Heat. [Both Beckett and Jordan glare at him] …Or maybe not.
Jordan: So how long have you two been sleeping together?
Beckett: Um, we’re, we’re not sleeping together. We, he just observes me.
Jordan: Yeah, I’ve seen the way he observes you.
Castle: No, she’s right. Aside from my second wife, this is most sexless relationship I’ve ever been in.
Jordan: I’ve been profiling people for a long time. I’m hardly ever wrong.
Beckett: Well, this time you are. Wrong.
Jordan: So if you’re not sleeping together, why do you keep him around?
Castle: You know I can hear you.
Beckett: He’s actually proven to be surprisingly helpful.
Jordan: Huh, I’ll take your word on that. [Sees Castle playing with a Taser ] Put. The Taser. Down.

Castle: [After Tasering a running suspect] See, I’m helping.
Jordan: Yeah, I’ll buy you an ice cream later.

Castle: I’m here to protect you.
Beckett: What, with your vast arsenal of rapier wit?

Castle & Beckett: [Simultaneously] She’s a taxidermist!
Lanie: It’s so cute the way you two do that.
[Castle grins, Beckett rolls her eyes]

Castle: Nikki will burn. I can see the poetry in that. [Beckett looks at him] The terrible, homicidal poetry.

Castle: It’s a fact of life. People we love leave us. Unless you chain them to a radiator, which for some reason is illegal.

[When FBI Agent Jordan Shaw arrives to take over the case]
Beckett: Agent Shaw, my people have already secured the area. CSU is on the scene, and we are canvassing the park, so as happy as I am to see the cavalry, there’s really not much left here for you to do.
Jordan: Detective, the gods in the marble halls have sent me here to catch a killer, which I will do with or without your help. Okay? Now, can I see the body?
Castle: That is so going in the movie. Can you say that again, but start from “marble halls”?

[Jordan uses her APP to send a fingerprint to the lab]
Castle: [impressed] Wow, there’s an app for that?
Jordan: That’s why I joined the FBI, Mr. Castle. [waves the app] For the toys.

Boom! (2) [2.18][edit]

[After a bomb has exploded in Beckett's apartment, Castle races inside to find Beckett alive in her bathtub]
Castle: Kate? Kate! You're alive...oh, and you're naked.
Beckett: Castle, turn around!
Castle: You know, your apartment is on fire. Now might not be the best time for modesty.
Beckett: Castle, hand me a towel.
Castle: [looks around the burning apartment] The towels are on fire.
Beckett: What about the bathrobe?
Castle: The...do you have anything to wear that's not flammable? [starts to turn around]
Beckett: Castle!
Castle: Sorry.
Beckett: Gimme your jacket. Don't look.

Beckett: If you keep quoting Jordan, I’m gonna turn the radio way up. [Walks off]
Castle: [To Ryan and Esposito] Jealous.

Martha: Oh, Richard, darling, you’re just in time. I made dinner. [Holds up a takeout container]
Castle: Mother, what are you doing here?
Martha: Oh, we’re eating. You know, something families do a couple of times a day.

Beckett: Agent Shaw
Agent Shaw: Just writing you a note. Dunn is being transported to The Tombs, where he'll enjoy his stay in the Intensive Management Unit with the state's most dangerous criminals.
Becket: Well, he's getting his 15 minutes. It's what he wanted this whole time.
Agent Shaw: Yeah, but it'll be on our terms.
Beckett: I want you to know that I learned a lot from you on this one.
Agent Shaw: You did most of the heaving lifting. Honestly, the thing that impressed me most is that you came in with Castle.
Beckett: You know, some people would call that foolish.
Agent Shaw: You made a tough decision on your feet, used the resources at hand. I'd say that's heroic and somewhat poetic. In the end, Dunn did actually face Nikki Heat. She is, after all, part you, part Castle. He cares about you, Kate. You may not see it, you may not be ready to, but he does.
Beckett: Yeah, well, the situation with Castle is complicated.
Agent Shaw: Ah.

Dunn: This isn’t over, Heat.
Beckett: It’s not Heat. It’s Beckett! You have the right to remain silent, so shut the hell up.

Ryan: Hey, we’re thinking maybe you could talk to Montgomery about finding some room in the budget for those smart boards.
Beckett: Sure. While they’re at it, maybe they can buy us Batmobiles.
Esposito: That’d be cool.
Ryan: Yeah.
Beckett: Our murder boards are just fine.
Esposito: For a caveman.

Wrapped Up In Death [2.19][edit]

Ryan: Got an apartment up on four, and guess who’s got the keys. [Jiggles them]
Beckett: [Snatches the keys] I do.

Castle: You know, we might wanna swing down by the museum, see if any of his colleagues can shed some light on who might wanna drop a gargoyle on Medina’s head.
Beckett: Either you are being a good cop or you just wanna go to the museum.
Castle: They have dinosaurs there!
Beckett: [Chuckles] Let’s go.

Castle: Do you believe that people get what they deserve?
Beckett: Well, if they do then I must have done something pretty terrible to be punished with you.
Castle: Funny.

Ryan: Still no luck with the curse, huh?
Esposito: Look on the bright side, Castle, you die, your book sales skyrocket.
Castle: Great.

Castle: [Cuts himself while trying to cut a tomato] What’s the difference between curse and clumsy?
Alexis: I’ll get a bandaid.
Castle: Get two.

[At the museum]
Castle: Man! I love this place! When Alexis was little, we used to come here every Sunday. We would run around here for hours pretending like we were on safari in Africa or looking for dinosaurs in China.
Beckett: You know, Castle, sometimes I forget that you have such a capacity for pure innocence in your life.
Castle: Yeah. Plus it was a great place to pick up chicks.
Beckett: And then you open your mouth and you ruin it.

Montgomery: You had to mess with the curse, didn’t you? Trying to be funny. You know what kind of hell I’d catch if Castle got eaten in the line of duty?
Ryan: Don’t tell me you really believe in that stuff, sir.
Montgomery: You know what I believe in, Detective? That there’s no upside in screwing with things that you can’t explain. First year in homicide, right? My partner tackles a suspect through the window of a gypsy smoke shop. Owner’s furious. Threatens all kind of hexes on our houses if we don’t personally go and clean it up. And we tell her, “Yeah, take it up with the city.” Two hours later, my partner drops dead. Heart attack.
Esposito: And you think it was the hexes?
Montgomery: No. The man ate bacon with every meal. But, next morning, I went over there, fixed that window. And you know why?
Ryan & Esposito: [look at each other for a moment and then back] Because there’s no upside in screwing with things you can’t explain?
Montgomery: And don’t you ever forget it.

Castle: If something were to happen to me, I want you to watch out for Alexis. She looks up to you. And if her boyfriends get frisky, you can shoot them.
Beckett: Nothing’s gonna happen to you.
Castle: But if it does…
Beckett: Okay. [smiles]
Castle: And would you also go into my closet and get rid of my porn collection before she finds it?
Esposito: Don’t worry, bro. I got you covered on that.

Beckett: Charles, we have your fingerprints on a sarcophagus, so you can either start telling us the truth now, or after spending an afternoon in the holding cell, entertaining a meth addict through the violent phase of his withdrawal.

The Late Shaft [2.20][edit]

Beckett: [Watching Castle on tv] Wow! Camera does really add ten pounds... to his ego!

[Watching Alexis pack her bag]
Castle: Um…You’re going orienteering, not library-ing. You sure you want to take that many books?
Alexis: Over-ambitious for a five-day trip?
Castle: You’re going to be responsible for your own pack. I think you’re supposed to be more Sacagawea than a scholarly reader. Besides, look at all those pages. The trees might want revenge.

[Bringing in Manning’s body]
Lanie: You know how many strings I had to pull for this, Castle?
Castle: If I’m wrong, I’ll reimburse the city.
Lanie: To hell with the city. It’s me you’re gonna owe. I take spa certificate, jewelry, and cash.
Castle: Duly noted.

Beckett: “FTW”?
Castle: “For the win.” Means, “My tweet kicks your tweet’s butt.” Come on, Beckett. You got to keep up, hang with the cool kids.

Beckett: So, how was your date with your little starlet?
Castle: [scowling] How could you tell this time?
Beckett: Like I said, Castle… [pulls a long strand of hair off his jacket] …trained detective.

Den of Thieves [2.21][edit]

Castle: [About the body] That is so cool. Do you mind if I take pictures?
Lanie: Knock yourself out, but if any of them end up on the internet, I will hunt you down and hurt you.

Ryan: [to Esposito] I’m your partner. That means I’m with you ‘til the wheels fall off.

Food to Die For [2.22][edit]

Castle: What broke?
Alexis: Stupid glass.
Castle: Remind me to get smarter glasses.

Castle: This is both literally, and figuratively, cool.

Castle: What’s a good time?
Beckett: Well, if you don’t know by now, it’s probably too late to show you.

Castle: [Drops his watch into liquid nitrogen] Hey, I froze time!

Maddie: [To Beckett] You’re hot for Castle. You wanna make little Castle babies!
Beckett: Maddie! He can hear us!

[Castle’s idea of solving Alexis’ problem]
Castle: Or maybe by this weekend, I’ll figure out a way to take this tank of liquid nitrogen and build it into a weather machine. I’ll make it rain! You friends will have to cancel their trip. You won’t have to choose, and then we can take over the world! [Laughs evilly]
Alexis: Not helpful.
Castle: But evil.

Castle: High school friend, huh? I bet she knows where all your bodies are buried.
Beckett: You can dig all you want, Castle. My secrets are safe with her.
Castle: How can you be sure?
Beckett: Because whatever she knows about me, I know worse about her.

Castle: You ask me, she should have followed her heart, left David, gone with Wolf.
Beckett: You know, I can see the virtue in staying. I mean, guys like Wolf, they come in, they upset the apple cart. Of course he makes you feel alive, but eventually, you know he’s just gonna let you down. So why risk it?
Castle: Because the heart wants what the heart wants.

Overkill [2.23][edit]

Ryan: Beckett’s a good cop. She can canvass and make googly eyes at the same time.

Castle: Wilder, Daemon Wilder?
Esposito: Yeah, you know him?
Castle: I know of him, this is a photo of one of his ad campaigns. He runs a line of boutique men's skin care products.
Ryan: You mean like bathroom stuff?
Castle: He's got a toner; totally alcohol free. Fantastic. He's got a shaving cream that is ridiculous.
Esposito: I'm good with the drug store stuff man.
Castle: No no no no, hang on. This stuff will change your life. (squirt)
Esposito: It's hot...
Castle: It's hot.
Ryan: It's hot?
Castle: It's HOT.
Ryan: It's hot! How do they do that?
Beckett: Guys. [all look] A man has been murdered here.
Castle: And... we are honoring his legacy.
Lanie: Hm. It's like Sex And The City, only with boys.

Clerk: Here you go, sir.
Beckett: I cannot believe that you asked for samples.
Castle: She said anything we needed!
Beckett: Hmph!
Castle: Besides, it's not for me; it's for Ryan and Esposito.
Beckett: Don't you mean Charlotte and Miranda?
Castle: Wait a minute, that would make me Carrie.
Beckett: You are SO metro-sexual for even knowing that!
Castle: I only watched that show out of the corner of my eye when my mother had it on! That did not come out right...

Suspect: Hey look, it's her! [pointing at a picture]
Beckett: You're sure this is the woman who rented the room?
Suspect: Yes.
Beckett: Rebecka Strong. She's a lab tech at the company.
Castle: Mmm, she's got cruel eyes. I bet she enjoyed watching Wilder suffer...
Rebecka: [uncontrollable sobbing] Ishoodhavestaydoutovitwhatwasithinkinggggg...
Castle: What did she say?
Beckett: "What was I thinking? I should have stayed out of it." It's cry talk. There’s not a girl alive who hasn’t heard it from a sobbing, heartbroken girlfriend.

[Alexis is critiquing her father’s work]
Alexis: I think you've been writing too long not to know that it’s “I” before “E” except after “C.” Ever heard of spell-check?
Castle: Yes, of course. She’s got red hair, she’s wise beyond her years, and she’s about to tell her dad what she thinks of the latest chapter of his new book.

A Deadly Game [2.24][edit]

[Hans finds out Castle is not the person he was supposed to meet and grabs his shirt]
Beckett: NYPD! Hands up! [Castle puts his hands up] Not you Castle!
Castle: Right.

Esposito: So... Castle's last case, huh?
Beckett: Mm-hmm.
Esposito: Ryan and I thought we'd do a little going away party.
Beckett: Yeah. Well, it's not like he's leaving forever.
Esposito: You sure about that? Why do you think he's been following you around all this time? What, research? The guy has done enough research to write 50 books. Look... whatever the reason is, I'm pretty sure it doesn't include watching you be with another guy.

Beckett: Oh yeah, and your ex-wife called. She said that you’ve been avoiding her because you’re late delivering your manuscript of Naked Heat. That’s a catchy title. When were you gonna tell me?
Castle: I was waiting for the perfect time. It just never happened.
Beckett: She’s naked on the cover again, isn’t she?
Castle: Kind of, yeah.
Beckett: [sarcastically] That’s great. No one’s gonna make fun of me.

Lee Copley: [Giving Beckett and Castle his alibi] No, I wasn’t at home, but I was in bed…With his wife.
[Castle and Beckett blink in surprise]
Beckett: I’m sorry. What?
Lee: …I was in bed with Roger’s wife.
[Castle and Beckett turn away for a moment in disbelief and then turn at each other]
Castle: [To Lee] Let me get this straight. Your alibi for killing your friend is you were…doing his wife?
Lee: [after a moment]…Yeah.
Castle: Wow.

Mrs. Farraday: So, yeah. I was seeing Lee. Yeah, I was with him that night.
Beckett: Well, if things were that bad, why not just get a divorce?
Mrs. Farraday: Are you serious? My house is too nice.
[Later]
Castle: I can see why Roger needed a little extra fantasy in his life.

Season 3[edit]

Richard Castle: [Season tag line] There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers. I'm the kind that pays better. Who am I?
I'm Rick Castle. Castle. Castle. I really am ruggedly handsome, aren't I?
Every writer needs inspiration, and I've found mine.
Kate Beckett: I’m Detective Kate Beckett. Beckett.
Killer: Ah!
Castle: Beckett?
Beckett: Could you get some backup, please!
Castle: And thanks to my friendship with the mayor, I get to be on her case.
Beckett: *gasp*
Castle: Do I look like a killer to you?
Beckett: Yes, you kill my patience.
Castle: And together we catch criminals.
Kate Beckett: I hate this case
Castle: I know. It’s it great? [End of season tagline]

A Deadly Affair [3.1][edit]

Ryan: [Looking at a cardboard cut-out of Castle] He really is ruggedly handsome.

Beckett: CIA’s a popular theory with you.
Castle: Yes, well, law of averages demands that I’ll eventually be right.
Beckett: I’d forgotten how helpful your insights can be.

Castle: You look good.
Beckett: You look good, too.
Castle: Yeah?
Beckett: For murder!

[Castle explaining to Beckett why he had the gun at the murder scene]
Castle: Maybe you missed the part where I said she was shot dead. When I heard the noises coming from the next room, I thought whoever killed her was coming back. So I picked up the gun to defend myself. It seemed like a very good idea at the time. That’s when you, Esposito and Annie Oakley [gestures to the viewing room] come bursting through the door.
Montgomery: Annie Oakley?
Ryan: I kind of almost shot Castle. What? He had a gun.

Castle: Do you know what these bodies are? A sign.
Beckett: A sign?
Castle: A sign. A sign from the universe telling us we need to solve this case together. You don’t wanna let the universe down, do you?
Beckett: You’re not gonna go away no matter what I do, are you?
Castle: I respect the universe.
Beckett: Okay, fine. I will let you join me on this one case as long as you promise to do what I say, when I say it, and not to do any investigating on your own.
Castle: I promise. You won’t regret this.
Beckett: I already do.
Castle: Starting now.

He's Dead, She's Dead [3.2][edit]

Beckett: Why is it so important to you that I believe all this stuff about fates and psychics and Santa Claus?
Castle: Because if you don't believe in even the possibility of magic, you'll never ever find it.

Beckett: My gut says it’s not him. But we still have to look into his alibi.
Castle: Oh, so you don’t believe in fate, yet your gut has magical properties. That’s cool. Scully.

Martha: Richard. Whatever mistakes I’ve made in my life, I raised a good man.

Castle: Oh, let me guess, you don’t believe in fate. Soulmates?
Beckett: No.
Castle: Unicorns, fairies, double rainbows? Didn’t you ever think your dolls used to get up at night and play with your toys?
Beckett: Sorry.
Castle: Mmm… Let me guess. You were one of those annoying 6 year olds who stopped believing in Santa Claus because you figured out he couldn’t travel faster than the speed of light.
Beckett: I was 3, and we didn’t have a chimney.

Castle: I’m not saying I can speak with the dead. I’m just willing to admit that there are people in this world who are more sensitive than me.
Beckett: Now, that’s not hard to believe. [Walks away]
Castle: [To Ryan] Walked right into that one.
Ryan: [nodding] Mmm.

Alexis: Can either of you look back on a relationship that ended because the thrill was gone and admit that maybe you gave up on love too soon? Dad, you’re back with your ex-wife.
Castle: Ooh! No, she’s right. Yeah, with Gina, the thrill was long, long gone, but now, it is back with a vengeance. Of course, it brought along its friends, high-maintenance and shopaholic.

[Reading a letter from the victim that had just arrived]
Beckett: “To whom it may concern, I feel that my murder is imminent-
[Castle squeaks and the others turn to glance at him briefly]
Beckett: [Continuing with the letter] “And although I have no idea yet where or when this event will occur, I have had a vision of my death. In the vision, I could not breathe. I saw a man dressed in black, the number 7-5-1-8 and I could hear a furious pounding from what seemed to be far away. I’m sorry I cannot be more specific
Castle: [Excitedly] The psychic predicted her own murder!

Under the Gun [3.3][edit]

Alexis: [Bringing Castle breakfast in bed] Breakfast time!
Castle: Oh! What did I do to deserve this? Other than, you know, being... me.
Alexis: Isn't that enough?
[Alexis kisses him on the cheek, Castle chuckles]
Castle: Okay, what do you want?
Alexis: Nothing! Why do I have to want something?
Castle: March, 1999, you wanted a Hello Kitty backpack. I got French toast with a whipped-cream smiley face. October, 2004, you wanted a set of mint condition, Empire Strikes Back lightsabers. I got an omelet shaped like Darth Vader.

Castle: You were a girl once.
Beckett: [Smirks] Still am...
Castle: [Holding up a picture of Alexis sitting on a Vespa ] Can you tell me why my daughter wants one of these so badly?
Beckett: Old bikes are what girls want when we realize we're never gonna get a pony.

Beckett: [About Alexis wanting a scooter] You know what this means, though?
Castle: No. What?
Beckett: Well, Alexis is entering her "wild child" phase.
Castle: [Smiles indulgently] My daughter? Hah, I don't think so.
Beckett: Oh yeah, Castle, all girls go through it. And the good girls are the worst.
[Castle's smile slides off his face]

Random: I wasn't running away! I was jogging.
Beckett: So what were you doing climbing down the side of a building?
Random: Uh, Cross-training. [Nods sagely] Better cardiovascular workout.

Beckett: Did you kill Carver for the map?
Royce: Oh, come on, kid, you know me better than that.
Beckett: [Coldly, hurt] I don't think I do. Because the man I knew wouldn't betray me like this.
Royce: I gotta go.
Beckett: Mike. I was in love with you.
Royce: Oh, Kate. Don't.
Beckett: You were the only one who understood the obsession that drove me. Who didn't tell me that I would get over my mother's murder and that she wouldn't want me to do this.
Royce: [Shaking his head, sadly] Just — just trying to do right by you, kid.
Beckett: I dreamt about you. The night I shot the guy that killed my mother, I dreamt that I was the one who was on the ground dying, and that you came up to me and told me to stand up, 'cause there was still work to be done. [Longingly] When I woke up that morning I just wanted to call you, but we hadn't talked in so long.
Royce: You should've called. I never forgot.
Beckett: I'm going to catch Carver's killer, Royce. And then I'm going to recover Lloyd's score. And when I arrest you, you're going to realize that what you destroyed today was worth a hell of a lot more than money. [She hangs up. Speaks to Ryan, suddenly distant, and unemotional] Did I keep him on long enough?
Ryan: [Shocked] Uh, uh...
Esposito: Yeah, we got an address.
Beckett: All right, let's go.
Castle: Wh-what? All of that was just an act, to get a trace?
Beckett: Of course. [She turns and walks out, her face contorting with silent tears]

[Beckett finds a bug in the victim’s calculator]
Castle: A wireless RF transmitter, to be precise. Not to be confused with the more advanced infrared signal burst device.
Beckett: Book research?
Castle: Nanny Cam.

[Searching for the suspects in a cemetery]
Ryan: You know, if this were a horror movie, we’d be the first ones killed, splitting off like this.
Esposito: Yeah, except we are not a couple of top-heavy coeds out looking for fun. We’re highly trained officers of the law with enough firepower to take out a horde of undead.
Ryan: Hispanic and cocky. Yeah, you’d definitely die first.

[A standoff at the cemetery…]
Beckett: Well, then maybe we should make sure the treasure’s even there before we start shooting. Castle, do you mind?
Castle: Why me?
Beckett: ‘Cause you’re the only one without a gun.
Castle: [Looks around at everyone else] Good point.

Punked [3.4][edit]

Ryan: He didn't kill Goldstein, but he did kill squirrel-stein. [Holds up a dead squirrel] What're the odds, huh?
Castle: Oh no, they took his clothes too!
Ryan: Could you...? [hands dead squirrel to officer]
Esposito: Awwwww!
Ryan: Yeah I know, I'm sorry.

Castle: Wonder what’s up with Alexis. She seems a little out of it.
Martha: Isn’t it obvious?
Castle: What?
Martha: Oh, she’s in love.
Castle: Alexis?
Martha: Oh, come on, darling. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s not a little girl anymore.
Castle: Thank you, mother. I think if Alexis were in love she would’ve told me.
Martha: Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. The fact that she hasn’t told you is how we know it’s real.
Castle: [Warningly] Mother.
Martha: Okay. And the fact that she mentioned it to me last night.
Castle: Who is he? Where did she meet him?
Martha: Oh, I don’t know. She wouldn’t say. No, diva's honor. She didn’t tell me anything. She didn’t even tell me his name.
Castle: [Sulkily] Can’t believe she told you and not me. I’m supposed to be her go-to guy.
Martha: Oh, darling, of course you are. It’s just, you know, it’s first love. It’s magical, ethereal. It defies logic.
[Castle’s phone rings. He ignores it, still sulking]
Martha: Richard, your phone.
Castle: [He shrugs] Mmm.
Martha: [Picks it up] Ah, Beckett. Maybe it’s a nice murder, darling. Brighten your day.
[Castle starts to smile]
Martha: Good boy.
Castle: [Answers] Castle.

Castle: So, I wear boxers. What do you wear? Thong? Cheekies? I told you mine! Bloomers? Granny panties? [Eyes opening wide] Commando?

Castle: How do you know you're in love?
Beckett: All the songs make sense.

Castle: [ as the suspect runs away] Quick! He's heading for the time machine!

[Trying to identify the gun with the aid of an expert in antique guns]
Beckett: And how many people would own that kind of antique pistol?
Abe Sandrich: They’re considered collectibles, so they don’t have to be registered.
Castle: Making it pretty smart to kill someone with one.
Abe: Oh, yeah. Guns may be old, but they got plenty of killing left in ‘em

Anatomy of Murder [3.5][edit]

Beckett: Are you getting mail here now?
Castle: Only when I don't want my daughter to see it. [opens the envelope to show 2 tickets for Taylor Swift concert] Laa...
Beckett: You're a Taylor Swift fan?
Castle: They are for Alexis. Cost me an arm and a leg, but Alexis will be thrilled. Apparently she and Ash have a song.
Beckett: Yeah, well we have a song as well.
Castle: We do?
Beckett: Uhuh. "You talk too much" by Clarence Carter.

Esposito: That was a nice thing you guys did in there.
Castle: Well, I just thought that after everything Greg did for her, they deserve a chance. Besides, if it were you and I in Amy's shoes, we'd still be rotting in prison.
Esposito: Huh, speak for yourself, bro. I'd escape.
Castle: What, you'd just leave me in there?
Esposito: It's the law of the jungle. I gotta look out for numero uno.
Castle: Wow. Nothing like a hypothetical prison term to let you know who your friends really are.
Beckett: Don't worry Castle, I'd get you out.

Castle: Don't we usually get to the victim before the funeral?
Beckett: What have we got?
Esposito: Mourners found a body in the caskett
Castle: And that's unusual how?
Esposito: Well, the family was bidding a fond farewell to Mr. Mank here and discovered that he wasn't going to the grave alone.
Castle: Is it just me, or is Mr. Mank smiling?

Esposito: I found something unusual. Almost every morning she bought coffee.
Ryan: A doctor that drinks coffee, wow that is unusual.
Esposito: It is. The coffee shop is twenty blocks from her apartment.
Castle: Maybe it was on her way to work?
Esposito: Nope, complete opposite direction.
Castle: Boyfriend in the neighborhood?
Esposito: Only one way to find out. (walks away)
Ryan: Great, now he's mad at me.

[Ryan telling Castle what he found after checking up on Greg’s alibi]
Ryan: …So I spoke to more members of the staff and that’s when I found…the others.
Castle: The others?
Ryan: The other women in what I call... [pulls out a second board] the Galaxy of Greg. Each one of these women orbits Greg and considers him to be her special friend.
Castle: Well, that totally makes him McSteamy!

3XK [3.6][edit]

Montgomery: An FBI profile was as close as we came to ID-ing a suspect. Feds say he's a white male, 25 to 45 years old,
Castle: [To Beckett] Could be me.
Montgomery: Has a dysfunctional relationship with his mother,
Castle: Still me.
Montgomery: He has a menial, unimportant job.
Beckett: [To Castle] Definitely you.
Castle: Just for that, I'm basing my next book on Esposito. [Beckett glares at Castle]

Martha: It's like when I was doing Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and I thought my understudy was trying to poison me.
Castle: Oh, yeah, the daily blood tests I paid for. Wait, she did poison you. The Swiss chocolate she gave you was a laxative.
Martha: Eh, added a certain urgency to my performance. But the point is, you indulged my paranoia. So therefore I'm going to be in the park - five 'o clock - at a discreet distance to make sure that Alexis' secret admirer is not an axe murderer.

Castle: Tell me you've arrested Gates
Beckett: Not even close. I mean, I don't know how, Castle, but he killed Kim Foster and he's gonna do it again.
Castle: There's been no developments? Usually you call me with news. [He stops in realization, his eyes grow wide. Beckett cringes, knowing she's been caught] You called to seek my council!
Beckett: [Very slightly sheepish] I wouldn't say it exactly like that...
Castle: No, no, no! You're hoping I had some wild theory. Some sort of penetrating insight that would lead us to a breakthrough.
Beckett: Well... do you?
Castle: [Stops, as if trying very hard to come up with something. Exhales exasperatedly] Gah! I got nothing.

Castle: Oh, it's really not complicated. You were raised by a single mother. She was blonde, she was beautiful, but she never wanted you. When you were, what, twelve? She died, suddenly. Let's say drug overdose. You went foster care, the bad kind. So much hate. So much hate towards your mother for abandoning you that you kill these women to get back at her. But you leave them looking peaceful because as much as you hated your mother, you loved your mother. Am I getting warm?
Jerry: You're drawn to death. You like to be around it, because it thrills you. Now, where does that come from? Your own suppressed impulses? [Leans forward] How close to death do you want to get, huh?

Beckett: Tell me something, Castle. Why did he let you live?
Castle: As punishment, for me ruining his plan. Now he's gonna kill again, all 'cause I couldn't stop him. And I feel so... [shakes his head despairingly]
Beckett: I know the feeling.
Castle: I know you do.
[Beckett puts her hand on his knee. He clasps her hand in his own, his thumb stroking the back of her hand.]

Lanie: That was fast
Castle: 911 has that effect on people

Almost Famous [3.7][edit]

Castle: You know, ever since I’ve been following you I’ve been dreaming of the day you’d say, “Let’s go to the strip club and get this dirt bag.” Just never imagined it would feel like this.
Beckett: Let me know if you need any singles.

Martha: This is... the best thing that has ever happened to you. Rejection is the bedrock of a great acting career. Until an actor has suffered, he hasn't really lived.
Alexis: Thanks, gram.
Martha: You're welcome. And besides, auditions are like men. There's another one right around the corner.

Castle: Ladies, I am not a stripper. Though I can understand how you’d make that mistake.

Beckett: Castle?
Castle: [surrounded by women] Hey, honey. Oh, you found me. I was just telling Denise here about you. [The women start to disperse.] This is, uh, my girlfriend, who’s idea it was to come here tonight. She’s very adventurous, you have no idea... there’s... [The women leave. Kate sits down.] Thank God you found me. Oh, my God, these women are like piranhas.

[After Castle is awoken by Alexis’ and Martha’s voice exercises early in the morning]
Alexis: I mentioned to Gram last night that I was thinking about trying out for Grease at my school.
Castle: Oh! The ole “Gram goes overboard because acting is in your bones” routine.
Alexis: Apparently.
Castle: Yeah. Yeah. Rookie move, telling her about the audition.
Alexis: I wasn’t sure I’d have time with all my other clubs, so I thought it might be fun. I didn’t know she’d wake me up when it was still dark outside.
Martha: An actor learns to make sacrifices for his craft. Besides, we’ll all have plenty of time to sleep when we’re dead.
[Both Castle and Alexis yawn]

Castle: Tell me again why Ryan and Esposito couldn’t come with you?
Beckett: We all agreed as Volunteer Assistant Homicide Detective, you could really sink your teeth into this avenue of investigation. And they called “not it.”

Murder Most Fowl [3.8][edit]

Beckett: Okay Castle, I'm here; what's so important?
Castle: Your first clue is: "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime".
Beckett: Oh, Jeez, Castle, I haven't even had my coffee yet - (he hands her a cup of coffee) Thank you.
Castle: From the Sherlock Holmes stories, Silver Blaze. Holmes unmasks the murderer because of what didn't happened. The dog didn't bark. That's how he knew: the dog must have known the killer.
Beckett: Okay, yes, I remember the story.
Castle: Then you know that the hardest form of detection is looking for the thing, it isn't there. Byron said that Len was going to verify the hawks. Verify, as in provide proof, which means...
Beckett: He would've had a camera!
Castle: Which we didn't find. And if he was taking pictures...
Beckett: We should be able to figure out what he was up to!

Castle: You know, I understand ferrets as a pet. Snakes, spiders, even a hairless mole. But a rat?
Beckett: There are probably kids in the city who keep cockroaches as pets.
Castle: You’re probably right. Strangest pet you ever had?
Beckett: You.

Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind [3.9][edit]

Castle: [holding a DVD] Wait! That's it? I mean, no pomp? No circumstance? What's on this could shape the foundations of our very existence. We need to pause and savor-
Beckett: [taking the DVD] Please, let's just stick it in and get this over with. I mean, the fact of the matter is there probably nothing of any value on that CD to our investiga-
[image of a craft in space comes up on the screen]
Castle: You were saying?
Beckett: [in whisper] No way!

[Castle and Beckett had been captured, interrogated and injected by government agents the night before]
Beckett: Those men knew who killed Marie and they refused to tell us.
Castle: They also refused to confirm that J. Edgar Hoover liked to wear dresses.
Esposito: [walking up and checking out the injection marks on their necks] Abducted by government agents, huh? [grins] Come on. What were you two really doing?
Beckett: [rolls eyes] It's not a hickey, Esposito.
Esposito: You both have one.
Castle: I wish it was a hickey. [Beckett looks up with a small smile] It's from the injectors.
Esposito: Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Castle: They were Men in Black!
...
[Ryan walks up to Castle, Beckett and Esposito]
Ryan: Hey. Are those hickeys?
Esposito: Yes.
Beckett: No.
Castle: I wish.

Beckett: [Showing a photo to two Chinese men she holds at gunpoint] Have you seen this man?
Castle: [In Chinese] My partner is crazy and may start firing at any moment.
[They point]
Beckett: Go. Go! [They run] Semester abroad?
Castle: No. A TV show I used to love.
Beckett: Huh. Nice job.
Castle: Thanks.

[A captured suspect begins chewing on something]
Castle: Cyanide capsule! [pries the object from the suspect's mouth, inspects it with a flashlight, sees it's chewing gum] ...Ew!

[Examining the altitude chamber]
Beckett: What would happen if a person went inside?
Ms. Holder: Without protective gear?
Beckett: Mmm-hmm.
Ms. Holder: Your lungs rupture from gas expansion, and all the liquid in your body evaporates.
Castle: So, all the horrible effects of outer space, without the view.

Castle: Where do you come down on deficit spending during an economic downturn?
[Hands Beckett her coffee]
Beckett: [Taking the coffee] Thank you. I take the theory that’s held by most economists, that deficit spending is acceptable as long as it focuses on public investment, like infrastructure, defense, education, research.
Castle: Wow! Where did that answer come from?
Beckett: A semester of Economic Theory at NYU. Where did that question come from?
Castle: Trying out conversation starters.

Last Call [3.10][edit]

[After entering a sewer discovered next to a basement.]
Beckett: This must be part of the old sewer system.
Castle: Probably the exact sewer system --- This is incredible, isn't it?
Beckett: Yeah! Aside from the fact that it's damp, cramped, dark, and we're almost certainly walking in rat poop. [high pitched] Awesome.

[Examining a body they found in the river]
Lanie: …so I’d say no, this was no boating accident.
Castle: [Bending down] Then we’d better close the beaches.
[Lanie and Becket give him confused looks]'
Castle: “No boating accident”? Chief Brody? Hooper? [The women are still confused and Castle rises back up annoyed] Seriously?

Nikki Heat [3.11][edit]

[Castle walks into the station carrying two coffees. Natalie is writing on the "murder board", Beckett eyes at her uneasily]
Natalie: [Takes a coffee] Thanks, Castle!
Castle: [Stunned at her audacity] Tha—that's, I was— uh... you're welcome?
[Beckett looks shocked and distraught]
Castle: So, where are we?
Natalie: Ryan and Esposito are digging into Tanya Wellington.
Castle: [Directly addressing Beckett] Mmm, what about Duke Jones? Did his neighbor confirm his romantic evening?
Beckett: He—
Natalie: [Cuts her off] So did a couple of other neighbors, who complained about the noise. So it looks like Duke Jones allibis out.
Beckett: [Put out] What she said. [To Castle] Can we talk for a second?
Castle: Sure.
[Beckett loops her arm through his and quickly leaves the room, ending up frantically dragging him into another room]
Beckett: She took my coffee, Castle!
Castle: It's just coffee.
Beckett: Then what's next? My soul?! Everything I do, she does. Even when I'm thinking I can feel her in my head like some kind of a brain-eating parasite from one of her movies!

[Natalie walks in dressed up as Beckett, with a brunette wig and similar suit. Castle's and Beckett's jaws drop.]
Castle: Just like I dreamed it! [They both stare at him] Did I say that out-loud?

Natalie: Is Castle gay?
Beckett: [So shocked that she spits out her coffee] I'm sorry, what? No. No!
Natalie: Then you two are an item, but you're sworn to secrecy, right?
Beckett: No, we are not an item. Why?
Natalie: [Sighs] Last night I invited him back to my place. And he said something to me I have never heard from a man before.
Beckett: What?
Natalie: "No."
Beckett: [Raises her eyebrows] No?
Natalie: I don't get it! He's into you, but you're determined not to give into these feelings that you clearly have for him. So he fantasizes about you through his writing. It's literally verbal masturbation.
Beckett: Uh—okay, so what does this have to do with me?
Natalie: [Indicates her "Beckett costume"] I am not wearing this getup for my health. You're Nikki Heat, he's Jameson Rook. I need to sleep with him in the name of character research. Can you talk to him?
Beckett: And say what?
Natalie: [Shrugs] I dunno, give him permission or something.
[Beckett is momentarily speechless]
Beckett: I have to go. Over there. [She disappears in a random direction]

Beckett: [Watching Natalie at the murder board] Do I really do that?
Castle: Yes, and it's adorable.
Beckett: If it's so adorable, why didn't you sleep with me? [Castle looks momentarily puzzled] Her me, not me me.
Castle: Oh, well a fictional character that I wrote, based on you, played by Natalie Rhodes? It's just way too... meta.
Beckett: [mouthing] Meta?
Ryan: [Ryan walks in] We should have a code word so we all know what Beckett to kill when the clone army attacks
Beckett: Unless we make a preventive strike
Castle: Get through to Jenny yet?
Ryan: She's still not picking up
Beckett: Don't worry, you'll be laughing about it soon enough
Castle: We are
Ryan: Thanks. So I've been running through all Stacy's clients files. Three couples had filed for divorce within the last month, can you believe it? You marry the love of your life and next thing you know they're cheating on you
Beckett: Ryan
Ryan: Sorry, anyway two of the guts have rock-solid alibies and the third divorce has nothing to do with cheating
Esposito: [Esposito walks in] What you guys doing?
Ryan: Hiding from creepy Beckett
Beckett: We are not hiding

Poof! You're Dead [3.12][edit]

Castle: I never pegged you for a magic fan. You know any good tricks?
Beckett: I do this one thing... with ice cubes.

Castle: I wonder how Zalman did it. Must’ve whipped something from Jerome’s pocket with a receipt for his weekend of sin.
Beckett: Like this? (Holds up Castle’s phone.)
Castle: (Gasps.) You had your hand in my pocket and I didn’t even feel it? Do it again.

Beckett: [To a suspect who is also a street magician] We need to talk to you about Zalman Drake.
Chuck: Abracadabra. [throws smoke bomb at his feet, vanishes]
Beckett: [Opens the lid of the platform he was standing on, pulls him out] Alakazam, jackass.

Beckett: So where’s Esposito?
Ryan: Ha, take a wild guess.
Beckett & Castle: Lanie.
Ryan: Can’t believe they still think that none of us know.
Castle: Well, let’s let em keep thinking that a while longer. The bubble bursts soon enough.
Beckett: Not if you’re in it with the right person.

Knockdown [3.13][edit]

Raglan: [Indicates Castle] Lady, what part of "no cops" did you not understand?
Beckett: He's not a cop.
Raglan: Well, who the hell is he, then?
Beckett: Someone I trust.

Martha: I Heard about the shooting on the news. Could have been you. You know that, don't you?
Castle: Yeah, but I'm fine, wasn't me.
Martha: Richard, this isn't one of your books, you don't know the ending! You were just lucky yesterday.
Castle: [Somewhat nonchalant] You're overreacting, mother. Where is this coming from?
Martha: [Shocked and furious at his flippant attitude] How the hell can you ask me something like that? Think about how much you love Alexis, and that is how much I love you, and don't you dare ask me where this is coming from! You have gotten through most of life on your wit, and charm and no small amount of talent. But that is the real world out there, and you can't charm your way out of a bullet.
Castle: You think I should quit?
Martha: I think you should be honest with yourself about why you're doing this. You had written 22 novels before you met her, and you didn't need to spend every day in a police station in order to finish them.
Castle: It's not about the books anymore.

Simmons: You painted since the last time I was here. You'd have been about 16 wrestling some pimply kid in the back of his daddy's wagon. Wondering if you were gonna give it to him or not.
Castle: Hey that's enough!
Simmons: He's sweet on you. Makes him brave.

Beckett: There is no statute of limitations on murder Mr. Simmons.
Simmons: And here begins what is known as the initial confrontation. During this phase of the interrogation the interrogator may invade the suspect's personal space in order to increase his discomfort. You want to invade my personal space?
Beckett: Look at me. 12 years ago Johanna Beckett lead a big take back the neighborhood campaign in Washington Heights.
Castle: That musta pissed you off.
Simmons: And this would be theme development. Presenting the crime through the eyes of the suspect.
Beckett: Johanna Beckett was murdered, along with two of her colleagues. They were professional hits, carried out on your orders and you had your pet homicide detective John Raglan bury them. Look at her face. Tell me you don’t remember her.
Simmons: You know Detective Beckett, I think I do remember her. Bled out in an alley like the trash she was.
Beckett: Mr. Simmons, you’d better watch it…
Simmons: Rich bitch from uptown on safari in the Heights. Somebody should’ve warned her not to feed or tease the animals.
Beckett: You…
Simmons: If they had, she might not have gotten eaten. From what I hear though, she was pretty tasty.
Beckett: Ah! [Grabs Simmons by the jacket and slams him against the glass, shattering it]
Castle: Woah, Beckett!
Beckett: Back off Castle! Remember your old life Vulcan. Savour it. Because I am gonna take it all away.

Beckett: Castle, there's something I need you to do
Castle: Name it.
Beckett: Go home.
Castle: Forget it. Fear does not exist in this dojo.
Beckett: Look, I signed up for this when I put that badge on, you didn't. It's not your fight.
Castle: [Suddenly incensed] The hell it isn't! [Calmer, but completely serious] I don't hang around you just to annoy you, I don't ride off to murder scenes in the middle of the night just to satisfy some morbid curiosity. If that was all this was I would've quit a long time ago.
Beckett]: Well, then, why do you keep coming back, Rick?
Castle: [Swallows] Look, I may not have a badge—unless you count the chocolate one Alexis gave me for my birthday—but I'll tell you this: like it or not, I'm your plucky sidekick.
Beckett: Plucky sidekick always gets killed.
Castle: Partner, then.
Beckett: Okay.

Beckett: There was, uh, a lawyer named Johanna Beckett, Are you familiar with her? She was murdered in the alley about seven years into your incarceration.
Pulgatti: [Wistfully] You look just like her, you know. When you first walked in here, it was like I was looking at a ghost. The way she talked about you, I should've known you'd become a cop. I sent letters to every lawyer I could find, and your mother was the only one who wrote me back, the only one willing to take a chance on me. She didn't care that I was a thug.
Beckett: [Smiles weakly] All she cared about was the truth

Beckett: How’s the hand?
Castle: Uh, excruciating. How’re Ryan and Esposito?
Beckett: Hmm. Mild hypothermia. Wounded pride. Guess which one’ll heal first. [She finishes bandaging.] Thank you. For having my back in there.
Castle: Always.

[Sniper shoots Raglan]
Beckett: Everybody on the ground now! Back away from the window! Away from the window!
Castle: You're hit.
Beckett: I'm fine. It's not my blood. (into radio) One Lincoln Forty, I have shots fired on 4th and Main. I need backup and an ambulance.
Dispatch: One Lincoln Forty, repeat your last transmission; you were broken. One Lincoln Forty, repeat.
Beckett: Castle?
[Castle shakes his head, Raglan's dead.]
Dispatch: Dispatch to One Lincoln Forty, repeat. Dispatch to One Lincoln Forty. One Lincoln Forty, are you there?
Beckett: One Lincoln Forty. Please be advised, this is now a homicide.

[After Lockwood abducts Ryan and Esposito]
Hal Lockwood: Now, I’m going to make you a deal. You tell me what I need to know, one pro to another, and I will put a bullet in your brain. You don’t, you jerk me around, and you will be begging me to before this night is up.
[Ryan and Esposito turn to each other briefly]
Esposito: I’m going to have to go with option B.
Ryan: Oh, yeah. We’re definitely going to jerk you around.

[While torturing Ryan]
Lockwood: Yeah, you know, they always start off with bravado. The begging comes later. See, this is ice cold water. It’ll burn like hell when it hits his lungs, but he won’t lose consciousness right away. But all this stops when you tell me how much the cops know!

Lucky Stiff [3.14][edit]

Castle [Shows up in Beckett's apartment]I know what you would do if you won the lottery. [He lets himself in].
Beckett By all means, please come in. So, what is your big insight into a financial decision I would never have to make?
Castle You would use the money to honor your mother's legacy. On the way over here I called the dean of your mom's old school and we talked about starting a scholarship in Johanna Beckett's name. One that will provide a full ride for students planning on dedicating their careers to those in the legal system without a voice, the kind of people your mom championed. And, with your blessing, I would like to host a fundraiser to fund it.
Beckett [Soft angry voice and face expressionless] You just can't stay out of my personal life, can you?
Castle [Looks at her with fearful eyes]
Beckett' [Suddenly smiling and showing great emotion in her face] Thank you, it's really sweet.
Castle Definitely have to invite The Mayor, and all his campaign contributors...[He walks off towards the dining room]
[With teary eyes, Beckett smiles and follows him]

[Interrupting the Page brothers song recording]
Page: What the hell, yo? That was slamming.
Castle: [Speaking into the intercom]
Three armed cops and a writer makes four.
You’re under arrest, so get on the floor.

Castle: The butler really did do it!

The Final Nail [3.15][edit]

[As Castle and Beckett argue in the room]
Ryan: What’s going on?
Esposito: Mom and Dad are fighting.
Ryan: Who’s winning?

[After telling Damian that they also found the man who killed his father years ago]
Damian: Wow, this is… It is pretty overwhelming. I got a plane to catch, so maybe we should just talk about this later.
Castle: Michael told the cops you got in touch with him. Asked him if he wanted to make a lot of money for one night’s work. You gave him your Rolex and your car as a down payment. When your inheritance came through, he got a half million dollars and a one-way ticket to Los Angeles. He still has your Rolex…and a map that you drew of your father’s house, with a path leading straight to his bedroom.
Damian: Rick, he’s lying.
Castle: [voice hardening] Tell me you didn’t do it.
Damian: Ricky, I…
Castle: Tell me I haven’t been believing in you all this time for nothing.
[doorbell rings]
Castle: That’s them. Detective Salazar and some New York detectives. They’re here to take you in. [rising up from his seat] I told them you’d be a gentleman.

Beckett: "Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy." F. Scott Fitzgerald said that.
Castle: Then it must have been Ernest Hemingway who said, "Man, I sure could use a drink right about now."
Beckett: Lead the way. I’m buying.

Setup [3.16][edit]

[As Esposito, Beckett and Castle move toward the body]
Esposito: Everything points to him being popped for cash and car parts.
Lanie: Not everything, baby
Beckett: [whispering] Did you just call him “baby?”
Lanie: Ooh. Did I?
Castle:' [mouthing] You did.

Lanie: He was killed at 11:15
Castle: So specific. I’m impressed.
Lanie: His watch broke when he fell.
Castle: You shouldn’t have told me. Less impressed.
[Lanie gives him an annoyed glance]

[As they open Amir’s storage unit]
Castle: What do you think is in there?
Beckett: I don’t know. May be empty, like Al Copone’s vault.
Castle: No, think of all the amazing things that are found in storage units at times like this. [spreading his arms out] "Ark of the Covenant, Dr. Jones?"

[Speaking with Homeland Security agent Fallon about the case]
Montgomery: Just so I’m clear, are you taking over?
Fallon: This is your case. I’m just here to lend support however I can.
Esposito: Yo, Cap. ICE just sent over the immigration papers for Amir Alhabi. He got a degree in electrical engineering from a school in Damascus.
Fallon: What was he working on in Syria?
Ryan: I got that one. I just spoke with the State Department. They debriefed Amir when he first landed here. They say he was working on a weapons program for the Syrians.
Montgomery: Nuclear weapons?
Ryan: Yeah
Fallon: Okay. Now I’m taking over

Castle: What’s your take on Fallon?
Beckett: Smart cop, driven, killer instinct. As a person, kind of a douche.

Countdown [3.17][edit]

[As they are freezing to death]
Beckett: Castle.
Castle: Yeah?
Beckett: [Reaching up to him] Thank you for being there.
Castle: Always

[Explaining how they found Beckett and Castle]
Ryan: We thought you must be out there doing something incredibly stupid against orders, so we sent patrol units everywhere we figured you’d be moronic enough to go. Found Beckett’s car, and we searched the area until we found the light from the storage container. [Bumps fists with Esposito]
Castle: Well, I’m glad my stupidity’s predictable.

Fallon: You two. Are you always this stubborn and insubordinate?
Castle: Only when we’re trying to save the world.

Castle: He’s not wrong, you know. Used to be we go to war, everybody sacrifices, everybody pitches in. Now, you don’t even see it on the news.
[Montgomery gives him a critical look]
Castle: I’m not defending him. I’m just saying I understand the anger.

[Fallon and Beckett interrogating Radford in order to find the bomb]
Fallon: Do you see yourself as a great hero, doing this for a mighty cause? You think that’s how people are going to see you? Because, I’ll tell you right now, brother, if you let this happen, you’re going to go down in history as America’s greatest mass murderer. Is that what you want?
Radford: When this bomb goes off, do you think they’re going to be looking at me? People will see this as an act of terrorism, so they will be looking for a terrorist. Not a patriot. Not one of their own.
Fallon: Is that what you think you are? A patriot? There’s a word for people like you, it’s not “patriot.” It’s “traitor”.
Radford: The powers that be have no use for a traitor. So when they find their terrorist, and they will find their terrorist, what do you think will happen to me?
[Fallon shrugs]
Radford: Well, let me tell you, because I know them, I know how they think. I will become a footnote in one of your files, buried so far back no one will ever find it, because anything more would be an inconvenience to their self-serving, rabble-rousing narrative.

[After the failed interrogation]
Fallon: We needed him to break, I saw an opening, I took it.
Beckett: You violated his rights.
Fallon: I can think of probably a dozen federal lawyers that would disagree with that. He was never in any real danger. I removed the bullets from my clip. The gun wasn’t even loaded.
Beckett: Well, mine was.
Fallon: Yeah, well, I was pretty sure you weren’t going to shoot me.
Beckett: You know, next time I wouldn’t be so sure

Beckett: You should have seen his face. Because he stopped, he looked at me, he grabbed all the wires, and then he just yanked them.
[Laughter]
Ryan: All of them?
Castle: I figured one of them had to be the right one.
Montgomery: You know, the Mayor wants to give you guys a medal. I didn’t have the heart to tell him you had no clue what you were doing.

Fallon: …But thanks to you two, we won’t have to add the murder of innocent New Yorkers to that allegation
Beckett: Well, we were just doing our job. Actually, I was doing my job. I don’t know what the hell he was doing.
Castle: Hey! But that’s true.

One Life to Lose [3.18][edit]

Castle: It’s a crime scene, Mother. For trained professionals
Martha: Richard Castle, you are neither trained nor a professional

[Checking Mandy’s alibi with Peter Connelly]
Connelly: Yeah, she showed up at my apartment last night. She was wearing a fur coat.
Beckett: So?
Connelly: Just a fur coat. And I nearly had a heart attack when she let it slip open.

Johnny Dimes: Sarah Cutler was a client. What do you mean, she’s dead?
Castle: She’s dead. Only really has the one meaning.

Beckett: …Maybe Sarah was having an affair.
Castle: Well, that makes perfect sense. Sarah was separated from her husband, Vince. And after long, grueling days at work, she’d go home to a cold, empty apartment. Feeling lonely, betrayed, she seeks comfort in the arms of this mystery man.
Beckett: And she decides that she wants her husband back, so she writes his mistress, Mandy Bronson, off the show in order to save their marriage.
Castle: And her next step would be to get rid of the other man.
Beckett: So maybe the other man didn’t go off quietly into the night.
Ryan: Do you two practice this when we’re not around?

Castle: You know, I can see why she fell for Gloria’s con. Sarah was motherless, childless. She was taking young writers under her wing. She was looking for family.
Beckett: Wow, Castle. That’s a refreshingly down-to-earth theory.
Castle: Just trying to keep you on your toes.

Castle: …Except he has an alibi. Everyone has an alibi.
Beckett: Yeah, well, somebody out there doesn’t, and we are gonna find them.
Castle: [looking at his watch] Maybe we should sleep on it.
[Beckett looks up at him]
Castle: [feigning outrage] Separately. Katherine Beckett, I never…

Law & Murder [3.19][edit]

[Seeing a suspect on surveillance footage giving a coffee to the victim]
Castle: Looks like he makes a killer Cappuccino! [Beckett gives him a glance] Too soon...

[The D.A. is furious about his administrative assistant is being called in without informing him]
Montgomery: You called the D.A.'s personal assitant without informing me ?
Beckett: Sir, I'm sorry, I was...
Montgomery: Smart move! Well you see what just happened? He could have called and ask why his assistant was here, but he came in personally.
Beckett: He wanted to stop the interview!
Castle: He's hiding something!

Castle: Ordell Williams was right, it's a consp... [seeing Beckett writing "Conspiracy" on the murder board] ...iracy...
Beckett: I agree. I know, weird...
Castle: Yeah, weird, but ... good, because that's just the tip of the iceberg. Are you ready for the Titanic?

Slice of Death [3.20][edit]

[Seeing the victim’s body in the oven.]
Beckett: Okay. That is really…
Castle: Well done.
Lanie: Another couple of hours, maybe. But luckily for me he’s only half-baked.
[Beckett gives her a look]

Ralph Carbone: You gotta be kidding me!
Nick Jr.: Dad, these are the cops.
Castle: You must be Authentic Nick.
Ralph: The one and only.
Beckett: Nick? I have the proprietor listed as Ralph Carbone.
Ralph: Yeah, that’s me. Everybody calls me Nick.
Beckett: Why?
Ralph: Because that’s what everybody calls me.

Ralph: They’re thieves. They live off of our name. And they’re not even real Nicks. I’m the only real Nick.
Castle: And your real name is Ralph.
Ralph: Exactly.

Beckett: You have a lot of imaginary friends growing up, didn’t you?
Castle: Still do.

Beckett: Castle, never underestimate the power of a woman on a mission.
Castle: No, I don’t. And I have the alimony checks to prove it.

The Dead Pool [3.21][edit]

Montgomery: You really think she (Bridget McManus) could overpower Zack (Zack Lindsey)?
Ryan: Uh, no, but her brothers could. In grand Irish tradition, she has four of them, each over 6 foot, each with his own claim to fame... Assaults...
Castle: Oh.
Ryan: Ag. Assault...
Castle: Bad.
Ryan: A.D.W.,
Castle: Ee.
Ryan: Battery...
Castle: Mm.
Ryan: Assault on a city employee, parking enforcement.
Castle: Doesn't count.
Montgomery: Easy.
Ryan: Dude.
Castle: I... just jokes.

Castle: He wants to learn more about my writing process.
Martha: And by "writing process" you mean your procrastination until the very last second...
Alexis: And then writing out of a desperate panic in a caffeine-induced haze.
Martha: That one?
Castle: No, not that one. [Alexis giggles] The one where I find authenticity by doing hands-on research with the NYPD.

Castle: This place looks like my first apartment. We used to have cockroach races. I wonder if that's how Kafka got the idea?

Beckett: For all we know, Bridget was lying.
Ryan: [Walks in, looking vaguely disheveled] Well, she wasn't lying about her brothers. Talked to all four of them, one Irishman to another... and another. Anyway, they alibied out, they were in New Paults when Zach was killed.
Becket: All of them? [Ryan nods] For what?
Ryan: [Furtively] They were at a sporting event, of sorts. [Starts to leave]
Becket: [Stopping him] Which was...?
Ryan: Leprechaun toss. [Esposito smirks] Don't ask! Anyway, the, uh, older brother, he got first place. [Realizes his jacket sleeve is torn] Aww, man!
Castle: Well, the "merits" of Irish culture aside...
Ryan: Hey!
Castle: Sorry. Perhaps this suggests Bridget was telling the truth about our elusive Estonian.

Alex Conrad: Hey, uh, if it's not overstepping, just in the interest of keeping it real, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions for the case I'm coming up with for Seriously Dead.
Becket: [Hands him her card] Why don't you just give me a buzz when the two of you are done.
Conrad: [To Castle] I mean, if it's okay with you.
Castle: [Glares at Beckett] Why wouldn't it be okay?
Becket: Okay.
Conrad: Okay.
[Cut to Castle at home with Martha and Alexis]
Castle: It's so not okay! After everything I've done for him, he goes and tries to steal my muse!
Alexis: Muse thievery, what's the punishment for that? Five to ten in mythology jail?

Beckett: Yeah, speaking of mentor, I heard that you guys were pretty hard on Conrad last night.
Castle: Hard on him? No, no, it was just a little friendly hazing.
Beckett: To hear him describe it, it sounds like someone was trying to teach him a lesson.
Castle: [Laughs in a forced manner] What? Why would I want to do that?
Beckett: Because you didn't want him to spend time with me?
Castle: That is completely-
Beckett: True?
Castle: [Drops his false humor] Yes. Fine, it's true. I'm jealous. There, I said it. I-I want you all to myself, and to have you spending time with another writer? That upsets me! And if that makes me petty, so be it. Guilty as charged.
Beckett: [Smiles] Actually, I kinda think it's sweet.
Castle: You do?
Beckett: I do. And that's why you don't have to worry about me hanging around with Conrad anymore. From now on I'm a "one writer" girl.

Castle: Thank you.
Beckett: Always.

To Love and Die in L.A. [3.22][edit]

[Castle and Beckett have been caught breaking into a house in L.A.]
Beckett: Are you arresting us?
LAPD Detective Kyle Sieger: Much worse. Somebody wants to have a word with you. [pulls out his phone] You're on speaker sir.
Montgomery: [via phone] Breaking into people's houses, that's your idea of a vacation, Beckett?
Beckett: Sir, I can explain, I was...
Montgomery: No you cannot. What you can do is get your ass on the next flight out.
Castle: Uh, we have a dinner reservation at Sebago, is the morning ok?
Montgomery: Oh this is all a big joke to you, isn't it Castle? But when Beckett is working mall security, I guess following her around isn't going to have quite the same allure. Both of you, come home now.

[after a failed meeting with the killer]
Castle: So what happened? [Beckett stomps up and pokes him hard in the chest] Ow!
Beckett: I was trying to keep him from seeing you, and so I pushed too hard and he made me. He called me green Castle, what the hell were you doing?!
Castle: I saw his phone in the cabana, I thought it was worth the risk.
Beckett: You took his phone?
Castle: No! No, I took a picture of his recent call list.
Beckett: What? Where is it?
Castle: Don't...don't poke me.
Beckett: Poke you? I want to kiss you.

Montgomery: [to Ryan and Esposito] Gentlemen. Where are we with Violet Young?
Esposito: Just got off the phone with her mother. She says she remembers Violet having a roommate who lives near Canal Street.
Ryan: Ya, we're gonna head over there and see if Violet reached out to her.
Montgomery: Well let me know. You heard from Beckett?
Esposito: No sir.
Ryan: Ya, me neither.
Montgomery: She's not answering her cell?
Esposito: Maybe she's airborne.
Ryan: Hmm, that would explain her phone being turned off.
Montgomery: You know, I'm trying to decide who is the worse liar...him [Esposito] or you [Ryan]. Go find Violet Young and help Beckett put this thing to bed, alright?

[Beckett is calling Mannis' cell phone, unaware that Ryan and Esposito have already encountered him]
Esposito: [over phone] Yo.
Beckett: Esposito?!
Esposito: Beckett?
Beckett: Are you with Mannis?
Esposito: Ya I just shot him. Why are you calling him?
Beckett: Look, we need to know where and when Gans is selling those bullets.

Ganz: You should have stayed out of this, Royce.
Royce: You have no idea the hell that’s about to rain down on you.
Ganz: Scary. [Shoots Royce, killing him]

[After they are left alone in the hotel suite]
Beckett: I’d like to start the investigation.
Castle: We haven’t even ordered room service yet.
Beckett: Castle, I’m not here for room service. I’m here for justice. [Walks past him and out the door.]
Castle: Wow. In L.A. for all of a minute and already she’s sprouting cheesy movie dialogue. Must be something in the air.

[After meeting with Gene Simmons]
Castle: This is so weird.
Beckett: What?
Castle: I’ve dressed up as him for Halloween.
Beckett: [scratching the back of her head] I did, too.

[After Montgomery orders Beckett to return to New York]
Castle: Would Montgomery really fire you?
Beckett: Yeah.
Castle: So we’re going back to New York.
Beckett: Hell no.

Esposito: [via phone] What’s up, girl? How’s the weather in your world?
Beckett: Sunny, chance of ass-kicking.

Esposito: Where’s the deal going down?
Mannis: I’m hit, man. Call an ambulance.
Esposito: Well, my partner’s on that.
Ryan: 9-1- What…what comes after that one?

Castle: You know what I thought when I first met you?
Beckett: Hm?
Castle: That you were a mystery I was never going to solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you, I'm still amazed at the depth of your strength and your heart... and your hotness.
Beckett: You're not so bad yourself, Castle.

[After shooting Ganz in the leg and cornering him under the beach walkway]
Ganz: I knew you were a cop.
Beckett: My name is Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. Michael Royce was my friend. You shot him and left him in an alley like a piece of garbage. Consider this poetic justice
Ganz: He said something about hell raining down on me. I never imagined hell looked like you.

[Beckett reading Royce’s last words in his letter to her]'
Royce: “And now for the hard part, kid. It’s clear that you and Castle have something real. And you’re fighting it. But trust me, putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we’re alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, ‘if only’”.
[Beckett glances over at a sleeping Castle]

Pretty Dead [3.23][edit]

Montgomery: It’s my 30th anniversary
Beckett: Oh, sir, congratulations.
Castle: Thirty years of marriage and you don’t know what to buy her?
Montgomery: If you stayed married long enough, you’d know it’s hard to stay original after the first 10.
Castle: That’s fair.

Castle: Still no luck on the gift?
Montgomery: I keep coming up empty.
Castle: The best thing to give a woman is something she said she wanted when she didn’t think you were listening.
Montgomery: What if I wasn’t listening?
Castle: Gift certificate?

Beckett: Bad boyfriends and pageant queens? This is like Debbie Winokur all over again.
Castle: You having flashbacks?
Beckett: I was my own private Vietnam. Our place smelled of hairspray, perfume and cigarettes. I’m surprised that we didn’t spontaneously combust.
Castle: I love the smell of hairspray in the morning. Smells like…victory.

[Speaking to Alexis about the possibility of a long-distance relationship with Ashley]
Castle: I think that nothing is certain. And that you could be ending something that might’ve worked if you’d just given it a little more time.
Alexis: What if I’m just cutting my losses on something that was never meant to be?
Castle: Then we can be the father-daughter version of Grey Gardens. Life is a journey. And there is no predicting the outcome. The only thing you can control are your choices. And they’ll… They’ll define who you are. I would just hate to see you so focused on the problem right in front of you that you completely miss the entire picture.

[After the killer, Justin, attempts to flee and crashes into a clothing rack]
Castle: A word of advice, Justin. When the lady says stop… Stop.
[Beckett smiles]

[After Beckett and Castle relate the case to Montgomery]
Montgomery: Good work, you two.
[Esposito and Ryan clear their throats from the back]
Montgomery: Oh, good work, you all. [Gives them a mock wave]
Esposito: Thank you.

[After Montgomery tell the team he plans on retiring next year]
Montgomery: And for crying out loud, lose the long faces. Smile please? That’s an order.
[All laugh]

Castle: Ashley. What are you doing here?
Ashley: Hey, Mr. Castle.
Alexis: Hey, Dad, guess what?
Castle: [Smiling] What?
Alexis: I’m going to Stanford.
Castle: [Blinks in confusion] What?
Alexis: I’m applying for early admission. And since I’ve been taking extra classes each semester since my freshman year, I have enough credits to graduate in the fall.
Castle: [Sitting down, stunned] …What?
Alexis: Yeah. This way, Ash and I will be together in January, in college!
Castle: [In greater confusion] What?
Ashley: That was actually her idea, sir.
Castle: [In disbelief] What?

Knockout [3.24][edit]

[At Lockwood’s arraignment after he killed McCallister]
Beckett: I don’t know what you think you accomplished, but this doesn’t change a thing. You hear me? Whoever hired you, he can’t hide from me.
Lockwood: No, sweetheart. You’ve got it ass-backwards. You can’t hide from him.

Beckett: So this third cop wasn’t Lockwood’s target. His third cop was the one who was holding Lockwood’s leash. He’s the one who’s behind this whole thing. Okay, I want us to pull reports with Raglan and McCallister’s name on it.
Ryan: We did all that already.
Esposito: Months ago. There’s nothing.
Beckett: No, no, no. I’m not talking about arrest reports. I’m talking about performance evaluations…
Esposito: We went through everything. We looked at every cop we could find who could have worked with them. None of them were our third guy.
Beckett: [Angrily] Well, then check it again. And when you’re done with that, check it again.
Ryan: Beckett, we want him as bad as you.
Beckett: The hell you do! Nobody wants him as bad as I do, okay? Nobody. So check it again!

[When Castle tells Montgomery his concerns about Beckett]
Montgomery: Castle, did Beckett ever tell you how we met?
Castle: No.
Montgomery: I was working late one night, went down to archives to locate some old reports, and there she was with a flashlight and a bankers box open on her lap, studying this unsolved. She was a patrol cop then, she wasn’t even authorized to be down there. When I asked her what the hell she was doing, she told me this was her mother’s case. And she’d found some things that didn’t add up. Now, I could’ve written her up right then.
Castle: Why didn’t you?
Montgomery: Because I knew it wouldn’t stop her. It was there in her eyes, man. And I thought, “With this kid’s tenacity and some training, I mean, she’d make a hell of a Homicide.”
Castle: That tenacity’s gonna get her killed.
Montgomery: I cannot make Beckett stand down, Castle. I never could. And the way I figure, the only one who can is you.

Beckett: Castle, if you’ve got something to say, just please say it.
Castle: Beckett, everyone associated with this case is dead. Everyone. First your mom and her colleagues, then Raglan, then McCallister. You know they’re coming for you next.
Beckett: Captain Montgomery’s got a protective detail on me. [Walks toward the window] Wasn’t that hard to spot.
Castle: That’s not going to be enough to stop Lockwood, you know that. Think about what they’re up against. Professional killers? I’ve been working with you for three years, you know me. I’m the guy who says we can move that rubber tree plant, but you know what, Beckett? I don’t think we’re gonna win this.
Beckett: [Voice rising] Castle, they killed my mother. What do you want me to do here?
Castle: Walk away.
[Beckett in disbelief at his words]
Castle: They’re going to kill you, Kate. If you don’t care about that, at least think about how that’s going to affect the people that love you. You really want to put your dad through that? And what about Josh?
Beckett: And what about you, Rick?
Castle: Well, of course I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’m your partner. I’m your friend.
Beckett: Is that what we are?
Castle: [Anger rising in his voice] All right, you know what? I don’t know what we are. We kiss, and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other’s arms, but we never talk about it. So, no, I got no clue what we are. I know I don’t want to see you throw your life away.
Beckett: Yeah, well, last time I checked, it was my life, not your personal jungle gym. And for the past three years, I have been running around with the school’s funniest kid. [walks past him] And it’s not enough.
Castle: You know what? This isn’t about your mother’s case anymore. This is about you needing a place to hide
[Beckett stops and turns to him]
Castle: Because you’ve been chasing this thing so long, you’re afraid to find out who you are without it.
Beckett: [Yelling] You don’t know me, Castle. You think you do, but you don’t.
Castle: [Moving toward her] I know you crawled inside your mother’s murder and didn’t come out. I know you hide there. The same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don’t love. You could be happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy. But you’re afraid.
Beckett: You know what we are, Castle? We are over. Now get out.

Montgomery: We speak for the dead. That’s the job. We are all they’ve got once the wicked rob them of their voices. We owe them that. But we don’t owe them our lives.
Beckett: He [Castle] said that we can’t win this.
Montgomery: He’s right. I’ve spent most of my life walking behind this badge, and I can tell you this for a fact. There are no victories. There’s only the battle. And the best that you could hope for is that you find some place where you can make your stand. If this is your spot, I will stand with you.

Lockwood: [To Montgomery] Look at it this way, if you and Raglan and McCallister hadn’t sinned so spectacularly, then God wouldn’t have sent a punishment like me.

Montgomery: This is my spot, Kate. This is where I stand.

[After Beckett is shot]
Castle: Kate… I love you. I love you, Kate.

Season 4[edit]

Rise [4.1][edit]

[Beckett's boyfriend Josh blames Castle for her getting shot]
Castle: He's right, you know. This is my fault.
Martha: Richard Castle, don't you dare blame yourself. You did not shoot her.
Castle: No, but I put her in the crosshairs.

Alexis: You act like this is all about her. But you were standing right next to her; you could have been shot. Hell, I could have been shot! You need to grow up, dad. You're a writer, not a cop. Stop pretending.

Beckett: After my mother was killed, something inside me changed. It’s like I built up this wall inside. I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t wanna hurt like that again. I know I’m not going be able to be the kind of person that I want to be, I know I’m not gonna… I’m not gonna be able to have the kind of relationship that I want, until that wall comes down. And its not gonna happen till I put this thing to rest.
Castle: Well, then I suppose we’re just gonna have to find these guys and take them down.

Heroes and Villains [4.2][edit]

Castle: Mother, prepare to feast on the finest omelet in the land... (He looks up and sees what Martha is wearing.) Before you join the convent...
Martha: No, I am making costumes for my Shakespeare class. So, what do you think?
Castle: I seem to remember asking you to make me an ET Halloween costume, and you told me you didn’t know how to sew.
Martha: Details. Besides, you were 32 at the time.

Castle: Whoa. You smell that? Wafting scent of printed pages. Comicadia. Beckett, this place is the premier comic book shop. It’s the Vatican to a Catholic. It’s Mecca to a pilgrim. Upstream to a...
Beckett: I know, Castle! I bought my first comic here when I was 14. Sin City. Dame to Kill For.
Castle: Hard core! Okay, whoa, okay. If you could be any comic book character in the world, who would you be?
Beckett: Elektra.
Castle: Oh. A ruthless assassin who hides from her emotions.
Beckett: No, maybe it’s because she’s got badass ninja skills.
Castle: Oh.
Beckett: What about you? Iron Man, Spider-Man? No wait, I know, Annoying Man.
Castle: Try billionaire industrialist Bruce Wayne, aka, the Dark Knight. He’s brooding, he’d handsome, and he has all the coolest toys.
Beckett: Wow, digging deep on that one.

Mike: We just got your Derrick Storm graphic novel, I mean, the art, the writing, it is, in a word, awesome!
Castle: Tell me, what’s your favorite part?
Kate: You don’t have to answer that question. His ego does not need anymore feeding.
Mike: Definitely where Derrick Storm escapes from the two bad guys by crashing the taxi cab.
Castle: Taxi cab!
Mike: Oh, I’m sorry, Detective Beckett, I should’ve said spoiler alert.
Kate: Oh, no, that’s okay, I won’t be reading it.
Mike: Really? I saw your name on our list. You preordered a copy.
Castle: Did she now?
Kate: I was just being supportive.

Ryan: Haven’t you ever wanted to be a superhero? Going out there, prowling the city, knocking some heads.
Esposito: I do that now.

Castle: Paul is the writer, Lone Vengeance is the subject. That’s their relationship. It’s you and me all over again, but I’m Paul and you're Lone Vengeance.
Beckett: Really, Castle? Is that how you see me? Like a sword-wielding killer?
Castle: Depends. Will you be scantily clad?
Beckett: In your dreams.

Head Case [4.3][edit]

Castle: She grew up so fast.
Martha: Well, what do you expect? Her to live here forever?
Castle: Well, her, yes. You...
Martha: Watch it.

Alexis: How do you do it, dad?
Castle: Do what?
Alexis: Well, that letter that you have framed in your office.
Castle: [fondly] My first manuscript rejection.
Alexis: Yeah. How can you stand having it there?
Castle: Because it drives me. And I got twenty more of those before Black Pawn ever agreed to publish In a Hail of Bullets. That letter... that letter reminds me of what I've overcome. Rejection isn't failure.
Alexis: It sure feels like failure.
Castle: No, failure is giving up. Everybody gets rejected. It's how you handle it that determines where you'll end up.
Alexis: My whole life has been about making sure I could get into any college I wanted. What's it about now?
Castle: Give it time. You'll figure it out.

Esposito: Yo, Ryan, 'sup man, where you been?
Ryan: Down at the college running down that break-in in Hamilton's office. So listen to this- (looks down at the desk) What the hell is this?
Esposito: That, my friend, is Beau Randolph’s alibi.
Ryan: A dead pigeon?
Esposito: CSU found it on the roof of his building with a slug on his belly from his .45.
Ryan: Seriously? Randolph really did commit murder, huh?
Esposito: Just writing him up for animal cruelty right now.
Ryan: Maybe there’s still time to cryogenically freeze the little guy…

Gates: What about the victim? And closer to an ID?
Beckett: Based on blood, Dr. Parish determined that our victim is a male, so we’re looking for missing persons reports of men in that area.
Gates: Men? You’ve narrowed the victim pool down to men?
[Beckett tries to respond, but can’t]
Castle: Uh, well, in New York City, that actually eliminates over four million women, so…
[Gates glares stonily at him]
Gates: Mr. Castle, I don’t know what the mayor sees in you, but I know how you’re alike. He’s term-limited. [walks away]
Castle: Maybe if I sent her flowers-
Beckett: No. No.

Castle: Where do you start when you don’t know who the victim is?
Beckett: You… [frowns] Ah, you know you could… [stops trying and sighs]
Castle: We really need to find the body, don’t we?
Beckett: Yeah, pretty much.

Kick the Ballistics [4.4][edit]

Castle: You know, Ryan, none of this is your fault. The fact that he used your gun...
Kevin Ryan: That weapon was issued to me by the city of New York. I let it out of my hand, and now a girl is dead. So please do not tell me that it's not my fault.

Kevin Ryan: When I started in Narcotics, I was so green. I-I didn't know how things worked. One day, there's this major bust - street gang cooking meth. They're stacking up guys in the bullpen, taking their statements one by one. Place is a zoo. I'm answering phones in the squad. Girl on the line, name of Alisha, asking for my lieutenant. So I call out across the bullpen "Hey Lou, Alisha's on the phone for you."
[Beckett snorts with laughter]
Kevin Ryan: It was her tip that got these guys nailed, and all of them just heard me call out her name. Searched all day and all night, looking for her before the gang could get word back to the street that she was a narc.
Beckett: Well, did you find her?
Kevin Ryan: I did. Got her into witness protection, but... that was the stupidest thing I'd ever done as a cop. Until the day Jerry Tyson got the drop on me and stole my weapon.

Eye of the Beholder [4.5][edit]

Beckett: (While watching Castle making coffee.) Well, I, uh, I think we all ended up with what we wanted.
Serena: Yeah?
Beckett: Um, you know, after you and Castle went on that date...
Serena: More like a sting.
Beckett: He never thought that you were involved. He believed in you, even when I didn’t.
Serena: Why are you telling me this?
Beckett: I just... I think that you should know what kind of person you’re dealing with.
Castle: Here we are, ladies. (He hands them both a cup of coffee.)
Beckett: Thank you.
Serena: Thank you.
Castle: Anything wrong?
Beckett: Uh, no. I should, um, just gonna go and file some stuff. (She leaves.)
Serena: (Handing the coffee back.) And I’m going back to my hotel. I would ask you to come, but, it’s like I said. I don’t steal things that belong to someone else. (She leaves.)
Beckett: (Popping back around the corner.) You guys didn’t go out?
Castle: No.
Beckett: Why?
Castle: Because I can’t afford it. Museum just slapped me with a bill for the exhibit I broke. (He shows her the bill.)
Beckett: Whoa!
Castle: I know! Think they’d cut me some slack after the whole ‘helping to solve the murder’ thing.
Beckett: I guess the least the NYPD can do is take you out for a hamburger.
Castle: I accept.
Beckett: Let’s go.
Castle: I could put Alexis through college on this.
Beckett: Yeah, and med school.
Castle: Thank God I’m rich.

Demons [4.6][edit]

Beckett: I'm sure there's a perfect explanation for all of that.
Castle: There is. They're heeeeerrrrre!

Beckett: Alright Castle, I appreciate your work, I do, but, what does it have to do with our case?
Castle: Just getting to that. It seems that in almost all of these killings, the killer claimed there was a - ready for this? - that a demon was responsible.
Beckett: (In a sarcastic tone) A demon? Really?
Castle: I'm not making this up! It's in the books!
Beckett: Fine! A demon killed Jack Sinclair. So what's our next move? Are we gonna stake out the house, wait for the demon to show up and zap him with our proton pack?
(Esposito laughs and Beckett goes away)

Castle: Listen, if you're not scared, just say it.
Beckett: No!
Castle: Come on, I know you want it.
Beckett: I don't wanna say it, Castle...
Castle: For me, please...
Beckett: I ain't afraid of no ghosts... (Ghostbusters theme playing)

Castle: So, if Barry’s not our guy, I think it’s time we revisit the possibility that our killer’s-
Beckett: If you say “ghost,” I’m sending you home.
Castle: [Looks over at Esposito in consideration and then back to Beckett] Apparition American.

Castle: I can tell you this: Any relationship that lasts longer than a breath mint is gonna have challenges, but if a relationship doesn’t work out, it’s usually not because of the challenges, it’s usually because the relationship wasn’t strong enough to begin with. Does this help?
Alexis: Not really. (Snuggles close to Castle) But this always does.
Castle: I promise you this: if two people believe in something, really believe, anything even the impossible, is possible.

Cops & Robbers [4.7][edit]

[Beckett's on the precinct, her phone rings]
Beckett: What do you want Castle?
Castle: Tell me you need me.
Beckett: (A moment of silence) Excuse me?
Castle: I'm stuck in the bank, helping my mother get a loan with my banker. Please tell me there's a murder somewhere we can be solving.
Beckett: Uh, sorry, there's no dead bodies, just a lot of paperwork, but you're welcome to come and do your share, for once.
Castle: The only thing worse than being here is being there doing paperwork. [looks around the bank] I think this bank is about to get robbed.
Beckett: What?
Castle: Two people just came in wearing doctor's scrubs, both with suspicious bulges in their jackets.
Beckett: I think it's just your writer's imagination getting the best of you.
[a third person in scrubs walks in and jams the front door with a U-lock, all 3 "doctors" pull out guns]
Robber: Everybody down now! Everybody on the floor, right now! [Beckett's eyes widen in surprise as she hears this over the phone]
Castle: It's not my imagination! It's not my imagination!

[Talking to the fourth gunman over the phone as the bank is being robbed]
Beckett: Listen to me. So far, nobody has been hurt and nothing has been stolen. So if you just leave the same way that you came in, you can just disappear.
Robber: You gonna promise not to come look for me?
Beckett: I don’t look. I hunt. And trust me, you don’t want that.

Esposito: I don’t get it. This is a little, old, retired librarian. What could possibly be in her safe-deposit box that would be worth doing all this?
Ryan: Nazi gold, cold fusion, map to Atlantis.
Esposito: Hey, Castle Jr., could you maybe start thinking like a cop, please?

Castle: Even as a hostage, I help you solve murders. Beckett, I think… I think you have the perfect partner.
Beckett: [chuckles] Yeah, except he doesn’t like doing paperwork.
Castle: Touche.

[Beckett talking to the robbers]
Beckett: Listen to me, jackass. I do not control traffic, so you're gonna have to give me 20 minutes.
Robber: Now you got one minute, Kate.
Beckett: No. I've got 20. Do you hear me? 20. Because if you pull that trigger, I will walk through those doors and personally put a bullet through your skull.
Robber: Okay, Kate. You got 20 more minutes.
Cop: Well, that's one way to negotiate.

Heartbreak Hotel [4.8][edit]

Castle: The last time I saw you in your PJs after eight am, I think you were four.
Alexis: We’re off today. Teacher’s retreat. I didn’t feel like getting dressed.
Castle: This wouldn’t have anything to do with Ashley, would it?
Alexis: Did I do the right thing, breaking up with him?
Castle: Oh, sweetie, I don’t know. That’s something only you can answer.
Alexis: It sucks. I miss him a lot.
Castle: Yeah, well you’re not doing yourself any favors sitting around reading Pride and Prejudice. That’s just gonna make it worse. Might as well be listening to Adele.
Alexis: Hey, she totally gets it. And so does Jane Austen.

Castle: Do you keep former guests in the system?
Sullivan: That’s how we flag gamblers with priors.
Castle: What about me?
Sullivan: Let’s see. Richard Castle. Resident New York City. Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest in 2003. And, uh, wow. Apparently last time you were at the Sapphire, you accidentally set a mattress on fire and the drapes were covered in jam.
Castle: (Laughing.) That was a good fun night.
Castle: Well, how about just a low-key evening with your girlfriends? You guys can have a John Hughes marathon and fill out a Cosmo quiz.
Alexis: Dad, the ‘80s just called. It wants its plan back.

Castle: You know, the man owned a casino. A guy like that, you’d think he’d have a driver.
Esposito: Especially since he was expecting trouble. He came heavy. [Holds up a bagged gun] It’s a .357 Magnum with all six still asleep in the cylinder.
Ryan: He didn’t even pull it out of the glove box. If he did, we’d be standing over the other guy.
Castle: Yeah well, you got to know when to hold them. And, when to fold them.
Esposito: Know when to walk away. Know when the run.
Lanie: [giving Esposito an irritated glance] Detective Esposito, a little respect, please. I mean, there is a dead body here.
Esposito: What’d I do?
[Lanie rises up and walks away]
Castle: You broke up with her.
Esposito: We broke up with each other. That’s different.
Castle: Yeah, you would think it would be different. But, no.

Esposito: Did you see that? He [Ryan] just sidestepped me. What’s that about?
Castle: It’s almost as though the thought of marriage fills him with an impending sense of doom. [Laughs] No, no, wait, that’s me.

[After Castle catches the elevator]
Esposito: What are you doing?
Castle: What’s it look like? Do you think I was going to pass up a road trip to the Boardwalk Empire, the East Coast epicenter of dancing, gambling, showgirls and sin?
Ryan: You do realize we’re going there to investigate a murder, don’t you?
Castle: [putting his arms around their shoulders] Gentlemen, if I’ve learned one thing, it’s to not let a little thing like murder get in the way of having a good time. And also, shotgun.

Kill Shot [4.9][edit]

Kate: Hey.
Castle: Hey.
Kate: What are you doing?
Castle: Just waiting for my partner. Maybe you’ve seen her. Pretty girl, thinks she can leap tall buildings in a single bound, carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, yet, still manages to laugh at some of my jokes.
Kate: She sounds like a handful.
Castle: Tell me about it. Anyway, if you do see her, tell her she owes me about a hundred coffees.
Kate: Castle? Thank you.
Castle: For what?
Kate: For not pushing, and giving me the space to get through this.
Castle: Always.

Beckett: [Heading to the evidence room] Espo, what are we doing back here?
Esposito: I want to show you something. [Pulls out a rifle]
Beckett: What is that?
Esposito: The rifle that shot you.
Beckett: You are way out of line.
Esposito: Just look at it.
Beckett: [Backs away] What the hell are you doing?
Esposito: I’ve been where you are, I know what you’re going through.
Beckett: Javi, I’m fine.
Esposito: You’re not fine. You’re just trying to act like you are. [Holds up the rifle] This is just a tool. It’s a hunk of steel. It has no magical powers, and the person that fired it is not some all-powerful God. Just a guy with a gun. Just like the guy we’ve hunting now. And like every other bad guy, he’s damaged goods.
Beckett: [After a moment of silence] So am I.
Esposito: That’s right. And that’s okay. You think it’s a weakness? Make it a strength. It’s a part of you. [Hands the rifle out to her] So use it.

Cuffed [4.10][edit]

Lanie: I told you, it’s none of your business.
Castle: Of course it’s none of my business, that’s why I want to know.
Kate: Know what?
Castle: What she and Esposito were fighting about.
Kate: That’s none of your business.
Castle: That’s the point.

Castle: Do you know what Lanie and Esposito were fighting about?
Kate: Everything. They both want to be together but neither of them wants to admit to it.
Castle: Ugh, why do people do that to themselves?
Kate: Maybe they just don’t see it.
Castle: How could they not? It’s so obvious.

Castle: I’ve always liked your legs. But now I respect them.
Kate: Yeah, yours aren’t so bad either. You know, for the next police picnic, we should do the three-legged race together.
Castle: You’re on.

Castle: What’s gonna happen with that tiger anyway?
Esposito: Shoot it.
Kate: She’ll get transferred to a sanctuary.
Esposito: Or that.
Kate: Probably end up in a zoo. Why, you wanna go visit her?
Castle: No. No thanks, I’m good.
Kate: Alright, you guys get some rest.
Esposito: You too.
Kate: That has gotta be the strangest brush with death I’ve ever had.
Castle: Me too. But I’ll tell ya, after that experience, if I ever have to be hitched to someone, it would be you.
Kate: Hitched?
Castle: Hitched? No, I didn’t say hitched. I said cuffed. Handcuffed, not hitched. (He helps her into her jacket.) The colloquial or any other connotation or meaning.
Kate: It’s okay, Castle, I understood what you meant, and for what it’s worth, if I ever have to spend another night handcuffed to someone again, I wouldn’t mind if it was you either.
Castle: Really?
Kate: But next time, let’s do it without the tiger. (She walks past him.)
Castle: Next time?
(Kate glances back, and then keeps walking. Castle grins.)

Beckett: What is so special about our victim that our killer burned off his fingerprints?
[Castle starts to speak]
Beckett: Don't say spy.
[pause; Castle starts to speak again]
Beckett: Or Mob hit.
Castle: Mob hit of a spy?

Castle: Still too high.
Beckett: Not if I climb on your shoulders. [When Castle gives her a look] What? We’ve done it before.
Castle: Yeah, you say that like it was pleasant. And we weren’t handcuffed.
Beckett: Who’s got no faith now? Come on Castle, we have no idea when they’re coming back or even if they’re coming back at all.
Castle: [Looks down at her heeled shoes] Last time you were wearing sneakers.
Beckett: Fine. [Tries to pry them off, but can’t] Think I’m gonna need your help.
Castle: [muttering as he works to pull them off] “Lift up my shirt.” “Pull off my boots.” Under normal circumstances, I would like where this was heading.
Beckett: You can fantasize later after we get out of the room.
Castle: Just so you know, not as much fun if I have your permission. How do you run in these things?
Beckett: Shut up and pull.

[As they are trying to escape the tiger]
Beckett: She’s playing with us. She’s gonna knock it over. What are we gonna do?
Castle: There’s only one thing to do. Scream like little girls
Castle & Beckett: Help! Help!

Til Death Do Us Part [4.11][edit]

Castle: Let me ask you two something. If you found out a man was cheating on you, how would you kill him?
Martha: Knife. To the heart.
Castle: All right, what if you don’t have the stomach for that?
Alexis: Shoot him.
Castle: You don’t have the stomach for that, either.
Martha: What's wrong with our stomachs?
Alexis: There’s always poison.
Martha: True. Watch him writhe. And suffer.
Alexis: Die like the rodent he is.
Castle: Wow. All these years writing about murderers, I had no idea I was living among them.

Martha: Darling. Beauty does not happen by accident.
Alexis: That’s why when it goes unappreciated by cheating scum, (she holds out her butter knife) we want revenge.

Castle: Even their hypothetical fury is unnerving. William Congreve had it right when he talked about scorned women.
Beckett: Yeah well, you haven’t heard what I would do.
Castle: Yeah, I don’t think I ever want to know.

Pablo: You know, you have some beautiful eyes.
Beckett: Seriously?
Pablo: What? It’s a numbers game. I strike out 90% of the time.
Beckett: Thus restoring my faith in my gender.

Esposito: I don’t know what this dude Bailey was into, but whatever it was he had it going on.
Ryan: Really? This impresses you? These women are pathetic for falling for this guy and Bailey? Bailey was just a con man, and a liar.
Beckett: Thank you. At least there is one real man amongst us. Ryan, why don’t you take The Situation down to The Magic Bottle and see if we can get an ID on Lisa.

Castle: So. What are we gonna do?
Beckett: About what?
Castle: Well we have to tell Ryan about Jenny.
Beckett: What? Why? Castle, if we were getting married would you want to know about all the guys that I’ve slept with?
Castle: All?
Beckett: Seriously? You sign women’s chests at book readings. You cannot be shocked that I’m not a virgin.
Castle: I – it’s just the word –all- suggests a lot. How many are we talking … exactly?
Beckett: Are you really asking for my number?
Castle: You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.
Beckett: (amused) Men. You all wanna know, but you don’t wanna know. Listen, every woman has her secrets, including Jenny. And sometimes, for the sake of a relationship, it is better not to share.

Dial M For Mayor [4.12][edit]

Castle: Officer and a gentleman. That could be the name of our crime blog.
Kate: Crime blog? The way that you help me write police reports? Got a feeling I’ll be writing that one on my own.

Castle: So we can narrow our suspects down to rich men with impeccable taste.
Kate: Are you saying you’re a suspect?
Castle: Alexis is my alibi.

Beckett: If his staff wants to minimize damage, they’ll step back and let me do my job.
Castle: [chuckles] Step back? These are politicians. They can’t order at a restaurant without two compromises and an ultimatum.

Mr. Smith: You're a writer, finish this sentence, 'If Weldon had been run out of office–'
Castle: I'd be gone from the Twelfth Precinct."
Mr. Smith: And then who'd keep Beckett from looking into things she shouldn't? Who'd keep her out of harm's way?
Castle: So you did this to protect her? Why?
Mr. Smith: You play chess, Mr. Castle? Sometimes a well-placed pawn is more powerful than a king.

An Embarrassment of Bitches [4.13][edit]

Castle: Buttons? You have a friend named Buttons? A human friend.
Alexis: Her mom called her that when she was little and it stuck.
Castle: Now, so is she.
Alexis: Buttons and I bonded over being rejected from Stanford. In fact, we applied to a lot of the same schools, so we were planning to visit a few campuses together this weekend. Make a road trip out of it.
Castle: Whoa. Okay, whoa. Where are you staying, who’s driving, and who’s chaperoning?
Alexis: We were going to take your Ferrari and hook up with some boys we met on Craigslist.
Castle: Not cool.

Castle: Her last name is Dutton? (Alexis nods.) Your friend’s name is Buttons Dutton?
Martha: That is unfortunate.
Alexis: What’s so wrong with that?
Castle: Come on, it’d be like calling me Rassle, or Tassle, or (answering his phone) No Hassle Castle. Hey... No I was just making up one... Please don’t call me that.

(A group of paparazzi surround Castle.)
Photographer: Hey, that’s not Jason Bateman.
Castle: That’s getting old.

Castle: We could keep him here at the precinct. I mean, we could use a mascot.
Esposito: I thought that’s what you were.
Castle: That... what’s that? What's that buddy? Esposito’s sense of humor fell down a well and can’t get out?

Castle: You think she’s wearing a wire?
Esposito: Dude, look at that outfit. Where’s she gonna put a wire?
Castle: Well, if I had to be creative, I’d guess... (noticing Kate’s look.) That’s rhetorical.

Castle: …But it made me think, all those times when you were little, how you begged me for a dog, and I refused because-
Alexis: You said you’d be the one who’d wind up having to feed it. And it was hard enough remembering to feed me every day.
Castle: Yeah… [Blinks in confusion] I don’t remember that last part.
Alexis: It was subtext. [Castle gives her a look] Barely.
Castle: Anyway, I want to make it up to you. I want to get you a dog. Only question is, what kind of dog do we get? What are we gonna name it? Whose room is it gonna sleep in?
Alexis: Whoa, Dad, slow down. I’m leaving for college soon, remember? You can’t have a dog in your dorm room.
Castle: Right. I know, I’ll just take care of him here, you can come visit him whenever you can.
Alexis: So…this dog you want to get, you know, for me? This wouldn’t be an enticement to come home from college more often, would it?
Castle: Don’t pretend like you’re smarter than me. I taught you subtext, young lady.
Alexis: Don’t worry. I’ll come back and visit so much you’ll be sick of me.
Castle: Promise?
Alexis: Yeah. Someone has to leave food out for you once in a while.
Castle: Speaking of, I’m kind of hungry right now.
Alexis: Kibbles ‘n Bits?
Castle: Peanut butter on a spoon?
Alexis: [Laughs] Chinese.
Castle: I’d like a sandwich. Welcome home.
Alexis: Yeah.

The Blue Butterfly [4.14][edit]

Castle:(After he reads about Joe and Vera's first meeting) The Blue Butterfly! It's a necklace! That's why Stan was killed? Why am I narrating?

Castle: And it happened backstage, right upstairs. They were stealing a moment together, which was dangerous, because she was Dempsey’s girl. As they stared into each other’s eyes, Kate’s heart quickened...
Kate: Did you just say Kate? Are you picturing the PI as you and me as the gangster’s moll?
Castle: What? No. and I didn’t say Kate, I said fate. Fate’s heart quickened. I was being poetic.

[After reading the statement]
Ryan: But if Sally wasn’t Vera’s sister, then who was she?
Castle: Sally set up the PI. It’s a classic film noir twist.
Ryan: But why?
Castle: [Gleefully] I don’t know.
Ryan: What was Sally up to?
Castle: I don’t know
Ryan: Do you think she was connected to Dempsey?
Castle: I don’t know. Isn’t this great?

Pandora [4.15][edit]

Castle: It’s 9 o’clock. What kind of passion is she finding at this time of night?
Martha: Um... (Rick’s phone rings, it’s Kate.) Aha! There, your better half.
Castle: Don’t change the subject!

Castle: And if I did tell you, well then I’d have to kill you.
Esposito: Yeah? Good luck with that.
Castle: Yeah, realistically that’s not...

Lanie: No ID, but lots of causes of death.
Castle: You mean other than gravity.
Lanie: Oh, yeah. See that bullet wound?
Beckett: So he was shot before he fell?
Lanie: And stabbed.
Beckett: Shot and stabbed?
Lanie: And choked and has a pencil jammed in the side of his neck.
Castle: Gives new meaning to the term “overkill.”

[As Lanie and Alexis arrive to the crime scene]
Alexis: Just so you know, I’m not letting this victim out of my sight.
Lanie: Crazy.
Alexis: What is?
Lanie: The fact that Richard Castle, a man unburdened by regret and guilt, has a child that carries the weight of the world.

Linchpin [4.16][edit]

Castle: How could they get a court order that fast?
Kate: I don’t know. Maybe you should ask your girlfriend.
Lanie: Girlfriend?
Castle: Yes. Okay? We slept together. It was a long time ago. What’s the big deal?
Kate: There is no ‘big deal’, sleep with whoever you want. The more the merrier!
Alexis: (Clearing her throat.) I have those, uh, toxicology reports you wanted.
Lanie: Oh, yes, just set them there, sweetie. Thank you.

Castle: (To Alexis, as they return from the precinct) So, how was your day at precinct?
Alexis: Great. And here I thought the dead bodies were going to be the grossest part.

Once Upon a Crime [4.17][edit]

Castle: First Alexis is interning for Lanie, now my mother is taking over my office. I feel like my whole life is being invaded.
Kate: You’ll get used to it. I did.
Castle: It is not the same thing. It’s similar, just much less invasive.

Castle: (To Beckett) A girl wearing a red outfit in the middle of the woods, claw marks on her face. Am I the only one who is seeing this? (Beckett is puzzled) She is Little Red Riding Hood.
Beckett: (Sarcastically) Great, I'll call an APB on the Big Bad Wolf.
Castle: You have a better theory? (Ryan suddenly calls Beckett from far)
Beckett: Ryan, I want you to see if any animal here can cause these marks.
Ryan: Like a wolf? A Big Bad one?
Beckett: Really?

Castle: There’s this whole adult role playing subculture obsessed with fairy tales. (Kate looks at him.) Not that kind of adult role playing, although, there is that one too.
Kate: And you know this how?
Castle: Did a little research. Hmm. Bo Peep. Anyway, these people get dressed in the outfits, they play the characters, they even re-enact the stories. Maybe that’s what Amy was doing when everything went horribly and tragically wrong.
Kate: Castle, that is a surprisingly reasonable and grounded theory.
Castle: Yeah. In fact, I am a little disappointed in myself.
Esposito: We all are, bro.

Castle: (Reading from Martha’s play.) ‘Richard always had a dark imagination. He was destined either to become a serial killer or a mystery writer.’ Mother, really?
Martha: Oh, it’s just a slight exaggeration.
Castle: And according to this you’re responsible for launching my writing career by... you slept with my first publisher?
Marcus: Mr Castle, I’m sure your talent would’ve gotten you there eventually.
Castle: My talent did get me there. I didn’t get published because of her.
Martha: Technically, I slept with him after your book was out. This is just to be more salacious.
Castle: Wasn’t he practically my age?
Martha: Honey, you know I’ve always loved younger men. They have so much energy, enough to keep up with me. Most of the time.
Castle: I’m gonna erase that image from my mind with a bottle of scotch. (He pours some scotch into a glass.)
Martha: Oh, darling, I invited Beckett to the reading tomorrow night, so you two might wanna make a date of it.
(Castle pours some more scotch into his glass.)

Kate: What was I supposed to do? Say no?
Castle: Yes.
Kate: Why are you so against your mom’s play?
Castle: Because she’s rewriting history. My history. Trust me, I lived through it. She’s making it sound like it’s her own personal fairy tale.
Kate: Oh, so you don’t like it when someone writes their own version of your life. Interesting.
Castle: Okay, are you referring to the Nikki Heat books? Because this is completely different.
Kate: How is it different?
Castle: Well, for one thing, I’m not claiming that what I write is actually true.
Kate: Well, I don’t think she is, either. Come on, Castle, you said so yourself, everyone needs a fairy tale. What’s the harm in letting your mom have one of her own?
Castle: Okay, let’s... let’s change the subject to something less likely to give me an ulcer.

Castle: He covered his bases.
Kate: I know. It’s really starting to piss me off.
Castle: Yeah. And you get cute when you get angry. (Kate looks at him.) But not when you get angry with me. (Kate smiles.)

Kate: And like any psychopath, he’s a great actor. Oh, speaking of...
Castle: Psychopaths or actors?
Kate: I was thinking about your mom.
Castle: Oh, so a little of both.
Kate: I think we can make the play.
Castle: Really? You wanna venture into the dark scary woods?
Kate: Don’t worry, Castle, I got a gun. I’ll protect you from the big bad wolf.
Castle: You’d use your gun on my mother? I’m touched. Thank you.

Castle: Speaking of fairy tales, my mother is ready to give her encore performance.
Kate: Time to go back into the woods?
Castle: Still got your gun?

Martha: I turned down the role. Turned my back on fortune. And, it was the best career move I ever made. For an even greater role came my way. The part, perhaps the greatest role that I have ever played. That, of mother.
Kate: (To Castle.) That’s sweet.
Castle: You’re right, that is sweet.
Alexis: Shh.
Castle: Sorry.
Martha: Now, if Richard had only been able to embrace the role of son with the same level of commitment...
Castle: And, into the woods we go.
(Kate takes his hand.)

A Dance with Death [4.18][edit]

Kate: This is the weirdest spending spree I have ever seen. Odette spent tens of thousands of dollars on clothes but nothing in her size according to these receipts. Everything’s in size four.
(Castle arrives and puts a coffee down on Kate’s desk. She notices and smiles up at him.)
Esposito: And I went through her apartment. I didn’t see a hundred grand worth of new clothes. Maybe she hid ‘em.
Castle: Sounds to me like the old gas card scheme.
Kate: What do you mean?
Castle: Your parents put you on a strict allowance, but they give you a gas card so you can fill your car. You fill your friend’s cars and they give you cash. Some of my buddies in boarding school nearly doubled their allowance.
Kate: Uh huh.
Castle: Not me, of course. (Kate just looks at him.) That... (Esposito gives him a look.) Don’t tell my mother.

[When Martha mentions to Castle her plan to invite a movie critic to dinner]
Castle: You aren’t forgetting her blistering review of your performance of Maggie in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, are you?
Martha: That was 1983. I think I’m over it.
Castle: [Quoting the critic’s review] “Martha Rodgers as Maggie the Cat is more of a helpless kitten, mewing and flapping her hands when she doesn’t get her way.”
Martha: You memorized it?
Castle: I couldn’t help it! You walked around the apartment quoting it for months. Mother, I’m just saying, maybe it’s not a good idea to ask an important favor of someone who’s been so…unkind to you in the past.
Martha: The operative word here is “past.” I think I can rise above. Besides, my acting school is more important to me than some old grudge.
Castle: Well, that’s very mature of you, Mother.
Martha: Thank you. [Begins to walk away]
Castle: [Quoting again] “If Tennessee Williams knew what crimes Martha Rodgers had committed against this audience in his name, he would have her arrested for assault.”
Martha: [Exhaling] Rising above.

[Lanie, Alexis, Castle and Beckett walking into the autopsy room]
Alexis: Based on my reading of the coroner’s report, I can see why Graham Morton’s death was ruled natural causes. However-
Castle: Ooh! There’s a “however.”
Lanie: A very big “however.” [To Alexis] Tell them.
Alexis: There were some anomalies I found suspicious. Evidence of petechiae in both eyes. Fresh bruising on the right side of Mr. Morton’s nose, which could have happened if, say, someone was holding a pillow over his face. [Castle and Beckett look at each other and then back] All in all, I think there is ample evidence that Mr. Morton was murdered.
Castle: [To Lanie] Ample?
[Lanie nods]
Castle: [Grinning] Murdered. [Grabs Alexis and hugs her] I am just so proud.
Alexis: Dad. Work. Boundaries.
Castle: [Letting her go] Right.

47 Seconds [4.19][edit]

Martha: Honey, do you ever wonder why I never visited you in the precinct the first year you were working there?
Castle: I always thought it was because of the harsh lighting.
Martha: Well, that was a consideration.

Gates: I have a special task for you. I hear that you’re quite the speed reader, and in the time that I’ve known you, you’ve shown, well, on occasion, an exceptional attention to detail.
Castle: That’s the first time you’ve ever payed me a compliment. Go on.
Gates: We’ve conducted over a hundred interviews so far. Someone needs to review them swiftly looking for information that can help us ID our suspect. And I believe you’re my best man.
Castle: (He turns to Kate.) I think she’s finally starting to like me.
Gates: No, I’m not.
Castle: (Whispers.) Wearing her down.

Kate: Okay, so you remember what happened after the bomb went off, but not before.
Bobby: It must have been one of those traumatic amnesia things.
Kate: Bobby. Don’t lie to me.
Bobby: I'm telling you, it was all a big blank. It was the trauma.
Kate: It was not the trauma. You don’t get to use that excuse.
Bobby: I swear, I don’t remember.
Kate: The hell you don’t remember. Do you wanna know trauma? I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it. And so do you.
(Castle is watching from the observation room.)
Castle: All this time. You remembered?

The Limey [4.20][edit]

Kate: I’m telling you, something happened. Something changed. It’s been weird between us lately.
Lanie: Lately? Kate, it’s been weird for four years.
Kate: No, this is different. He’s different. It’s like he’s pulling away.
Lanie: Well, can you blame him? He’s probably tired of waiting.
Kate: Waiting for what?
Lanie: What do you think? The guy is crazy about you, and despite your little act, you’re crazy about him. (Kate looks at her.) Oh, what, was that supposed to be some big secret?
Kate: Yes. No. Do you think he knows?
Lanie: You remember how he used to be? Girl on either arm. You really don’t see that guy too much anymore. Why do you think that is? He’s waiting for you.
Kate: Yeah, but Lanie...
Lanie: I know. You’re dealing with stuff. But you cannot ask him to wait forever. Unless, of course, you’re okay with him pulling away.
Kate: What if it doesn’t work? What if it ends up like you and Javi?
Lanie: Well, at least we gave it a shot. And so it didn’t work out, so what? Now we can move on, give or take the occasional booty call.
Kate: I just, I don’t wanna lose what we have, you know?
Lanie: Girl, please. What exactly do you have, really?
Kate: A friendship.
Lanie: No. what you and I have is a friendship. What you and Castle have is a holding pattern. How long can you circle before the fuel runs out?

Lanie: Don’t think you were saved by the bell, Kate Beckett. As your friend, I’m not gonna let this drop.
Kate: So, what? You think I should tell him how I feel?
Lanie: Yes. You hunt murderers for a living, you can do this.
Kate: Okay. Okay. I just, I have to find the right time.
Lanie: No time like the present.
(Castle drives up in his Ferrari with a blonde in the passenger seat.)
Lanie: What the? On second thought, maybe you should wait a bit. What’s that? Ryan’s calling, I gotta go.

Kate: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Castle: Yeah, that we should throw a party and hire a bunch of models.
Kate: No. that maybe Naomi somehow got into that party last night and that that’s where she met her killer. That’s what I was thinking.
Castle: Weird. We’re usually more in sync than that.

Colin: What’s she like? Your captain?
Castle: You ever see that Youtube video with the grizzly bear that decapitates a moose with one swipe of its paw?
Colin: Comforting.

Castle: Ryan, you’ll be here, front door, dressed as a flower delivery boy. Esposito, you’ll be here, dressed as a hobo.
Esposito: Question. Why does a brown man gotta be a hobo?
Castle: You want the flowers?
Esposito: Hobo it is.
Castle: You boys will cause a distraction here, whilst I rappel down the side of the building with Nikolai.
Ryan: Who’s Nikolai?
Castle: He’s a Romanian gymnast I found on Youtube. He’s extremely flexible, and fits in the duffel bag. Using a glass cutter, I...
Colin: Excuse me, gents. Has anyone seen Detective Beckett? (He walks in wearing a suit. Kate walks in from the other side, wearing a dress.)
Ryan: Wow. Are you guys going out?
Colin: I pulled some strings and got us into a party at the British consulate tonight.
Kate: Nigel will be there, we’ll get his prints and he won’t even know it.
Colin: Cheers, lads.
Ryan: Or they could do that.
Castle: Yeah, sure. You want to do it the easy way.

Castle: Hey there.
Beckett: I feel like I just walked into a bad episode of Miami Vice.
Castle: Okay, first, there are no bad episodes of Miami Vice. Second, who died?
Beckett: You, from the looks of it. You look like you just got run over by a truck.
Castle: Yeah. A truck delivering a shipment of awesome.

Beckett: [Examining the victim’s body] Hey Lanie, how does it look?
Lanie: Like you waited too long.
Beckett: [Pointedly] The vic.
Lanie: She was strangled. But she went down with a fight. Prelim suggests a sign of a struggle. She took one to the face.
Beckett: Well-dressed, attractive woman in a seedy motel and a guy who flees the crime scene. This might have been a one-night stand gone wrong.
Lanie: Are we talking about the victim or Castle?

Headhunters [4.21][edit]

Slaughter: Speaking of partners, I’ve seen pictures of yours. She’s smoking hot. You’re tapping her, right?
Castle: What? No.
Slaughter: Oh. What’s wrong with you?
Castle: There’s nothing wrong with me. We’re just friends.
Slaughter: A man needs a friend, he gets a dog. Woman like that, you storm the beaches or die trying, come on.

Castle: You’re not gonna mangle anyone today, are you?
Slaughter: I like to keep my options open.

Slaughter: Detective. You ever wanna go on a date that ends in hot sex after a drunken fist fight, you know where to find me.
Kate: Yeah, in never gonna happen land.

Undead Again [4.22][edit]

Perlmutter: Oh, our intrepid heroes have arrived. And Castle.
Castle: Ah, Perlmutter. I will treasure these special moments we’ve shared.

Castle: That’s a lace cuff. Hand-stitched. Pearl buttons. I’d say this was circa 1870.
(Everyone looks at him.)
Castle: I did a lot of research on the era. I was writing a book. A comedy about the Civil War. Turns out – not so funny.
Perlmutter: You don’t say.

[After listening to the 911 phone recording]
Castle: Now, Charlie made this 911 call moments after the attack. Does it sound like he’s faking to you?
Beckett: It sounds like Charlie’s having a psychotic break. What if his guilt made him snap and he created a fantasy in which zombies killed David and not him?
Castle: I’m not so sure. I mean, his voice does have that authentic ring of pants-wetting terror.
Beckett: You do not believe in Charlie’s story.
Castle: I believe he believes it.
Beckett: Okay, well, whatever you believe, all evidence points to the fact that Charlie Coleman is our killer.
Esposito: Maybe not all the evidence. CSU analyzed that bite mark on Charlie’s arm. Turns out that it matches the bite mark on our victim.
Beckett: Maybe Charlie bit David and then he bit himself?
Esposito: Well, I was thinking the same thing, but CSU also says that the bite marks weren’t made by Charlie’s teeth.
Castle: Oh, wait, um… Sorry. Let me make sure I understand so that I might properly relish this moment. You’re saying the evidence shows that Charlie and the victim both were bitten by an as yet unknown third party?
Esposito: That’s what I just said-
Castle: Perhaps even a mindless, shuffling undead third party?
Beckett: Castle, just stop. There’s no such thing as a zombie.

[After watching the security camera tape which reveals the killer as…]
Castle: My friends… that, is a zombie.
[walks out and announces]
Castle: Our killer’s a zombie! [Slaps hands with a woman walking by]

Martha: You’re rather upbeat, considering you said this was your last case with Beckett.
Castle: That’s because I am going out with a bang. I have one word for you, Mother. Zombie.
Martha: Too much makeup?
Castle: You look lovely. I’m referring to our victim being killed by one of he walking undead. And I mean that literally. A zombie. Security camera caught him in all his putrefying glory.
Martha: Whoo. I don’t suppose you downloaded this video, by chance?
Castle: Absolutely not. That video is police property. It would be very, very wrong of me to get a screen grab of it and e-mail it to myself.
Martha: Well, it’ll be our little secret, darling.
[Both move over to the tablet on the nearby table]
Castle: I’m actually surprised at your interest in this case, Mother.
Martha: Well, I really do know the difference between a first-rate makeup job and actual decay. You wanna see some real zombies, check out the red carpet at the Tony Awards.
[Notices the chest piece to his Laser-Tag and picks it up]
Castle: I thought I… I thought I put this away.
[Martha steps away from him. Castle notices and immediately realizes he’s been set up]
Castle: [Looking around] Where is she? Where is she?
[The chest piece beeps and Alexis swoops down on a hook-rope in her Laser Tag suit, cackling manically]
Alexis: [Speaking villainously] You were a fool to buy my act yesterday, and now you’ve fallen right into my trap.
Castle: [Dramatically] You will pay dearly for your treachery. [To Martha] Et tu, Mother? For luring me here?
Martha: Why, whatever do you mean?
Castle: Mmm. [Back to Alexis] That’s my girl.
Alexis: [Unhooking herself from the rope] So what’s this about a zombie?

Beckett: He won’t leave?
Ryan: Charlie’s pretty convinced about this whole zombie thing.
Beckett: Yeah, but that’s just… That’s ridiculous.
Castle: Or is it? Charlie has not been wrong yet. Maybe our killer is Patient Zero, out there right now in the streets of New York, building an army of the undead.
Beckett: Castle, what we are looking for is not a zombie, but a very smart criminal who murdered David Lock and is now making our only witness look crazy. And he also dressed up in makeup and a costume to hide his identity.
Castle: Unless that’s not costume or makeup.
Ryan: I mean, he does look like a real zombie.
Esposito: A real zombie? I’m embarrassed for you, bro.
Beckett: Okay, then explain this. Why would a zombie go after a currency trader at 4:00 am in a garage?
Castle: This one’s easy. The more intelligent the victim, the more delicious the brains.

Beckett: What did you find at the crime scene canvass?
Esposito: Nada. Only in New York can some guy dress like a frigging zombie and walk down the street unnoticed.

Ryan: I’m telling you, that guy was dead.
Esposito: Remind me never to choke on a chicken bone in front of you.
Ryan: Hey, you checked that guy! So did the paramedics.
Beckett: Whoa, you guys! I’m sure that there’s a medical explanation for it.
Castle: Oh, there’s an explanation, alright.
Beckett: Besides that one.
Castle: Come on, you were there, you saw it. He rose from the dead.
Beckett: He didn’t rise from the dead, Castle. He wasn’t dead in the first place.
Esposito: He’s not a zombie, Castle. He’s just a murderer.
Castle: Well, then, what was his motive for murder, Detective Esposito? Kyle sold insurance. He had no criminal record. There’s no evidence he even knew our victim.
Beckett: He’s a human killer, with a human motive
Castle: Or he’s a zombie killer, with a zombie motive

Kate: (Running from the room.) Castle, call for backup!
Castle: (He grabs the phone, then looks at the keypad.) How, how do I...?
Perlmutter: Nine. Nine.
Castle: Nine. (He presses it.) Is there a police code for ‘zombie on the loose’?

Ryan: Castle, do you really believe in all this zombie stuff, because I would swear on my nana’s grave that Kyle Jennings was dead.
Castle: No. You know what I do believe in? Driving Beckett crazy.
Ryan: Yeah, I have to say, it’s good to see you guys hitting it off again.

Kate: You think he remembers?
Castle: When a life altering moment occurs, people remember.
(After a pause.)
Kate: Well, maybe it’s too big to deal with. Maybe he... can’t face it just yet.
Castle: You think he ever will be?
Kate: Hopefully. If he feels safe.

Castle: How does somebody put something like that behind them? He’s gonna need therapy.
Kate: It helps. First he won’t even be able to deal with it. It’s gonna take everything that he’s got to just put one foot in front of the other and get through the day.
Castle: I didn’t know you were seeing a therapist.
Kate: Yeah, well, I didn’t wanna make any excuses, I just wanted to put in the time, do the work. But I think I’m almost where I want to be now.
Castle: And where is that?
Kate: In a place where I can finally accept everything that happened that day. Everything.
Castle: I think I understand.
Kate: And, um, that wall that I was telling you about... I think it’s coming down.
Castle: Well, I’d like to be there when it does.
Kate: Yeah, I’d like you to be there too.
Castle: Only, without the zombie makeup.
Kate: I don’t know. I kinda think that the zombie makeup suits you, Castle.
Castle: Yeah, I make it work.
Kate: Tomorrow?
Castle: Tomorrow.

Always [4.23][edit]

Kate: Of course you don’t understand why she’s taking her graduation speech. You were probably the guy that had nothing on but boxers underneath his gown.
Castle: That is so insulting. If you must know, I was naked underneath.
Kate: Oh, I’m sorry. I stand corrected. So, how is the father of the graduate taking it?
Castle: I already have a plan to drown my sorrows after the ceremony. My mother goes off to the Hamptons, Alexis will be doing her all nighter. I will be distracting myself with a double feature of The Killer and Hardboiled.
Kate: Wow. That is a double feature.
Castle: You like John Woo?
Kate: The bloodier the better.
Castle: (He stops walking.) You wouldn’t wanna... join me, would you?
Kate: Actually, I’d love to. (She keeps walking, then stops to look at him again.) You coming, Castle?
Castle: Yeah. (He follows, smiling to himself.)

[Castle is at Beckett's apartment telling her to stop with her mother's murder investigation]
Castle: Kate.
Kate: What's wrong?
Castle: You, um, You have to stop. This investigation, you--you have to stop.
Kate: Castle, we already talked about this. I'm fine. I'm in control.
Castle: No, you're not. They are. And if you don't stop, they will kill you, Kate.
Kate: What are you talking about?
Castle: Before Montgomery went into that hangar, he sent a package to someone, someone...he trusted. It contained information damaging to the person behind all this. Montgomery was trying to protect you. But the package didn't arrive until after you'd been shot. Montgomery's friend struck a deal with them. If they left you alone, the package and the information inside would never see the light of day. But they made one condition-- you had to back off. And that's the reason you are alive, Kate, because you stopped.
Kate: How do you know this?
Castle: In order for the deal to work, someone had to make sure yo weren't pursuing it.
Kate: Are you a part of this?
Castle: I was just trying to keep you safe.
[Beckett is shocked and in disbelief]
Kate: By lying to me about the most important thing in my life?
Castle: That lie was the only thing that was protecting you.
Kate: Castle, I didn't need protection. I needed a lead, and you sat on it for a year. Now who is this person? How do I find him?
Castle: He's a-a voice on the phone. He's a shadow in a parking garage.
Kate: You met with him? How do you know that he's not behind my mom's murder? How do you know that he's not involved? And how the hell could you this?
Castle: Because I love you. But you already know that, don,t you? You've known for about a year.
Kate: Are you kidding me? You're actually bringing this up right now, after you told me that you just betrayed me?
Castle: Kate, listen to me --
Kate: Listen to you? Why should I listen to you? How am I even supposed to trust anything that you say
Castle: How are you s-- Because of everything that we have been through together! Four years, I've been right here! Four years just waiting for you to just open your eyes and see that I am right here. And that I'm more than a partner. Every morning, I-I bring you a cup of coffee, just so I can see a smile on your face. Because I think you are the most remarkable... maddening... challenging... frustrating person I've ever met. And I love you Kate, and if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all, just don't do this.
Kate: If I care about you? Castle, you cut a deal for my life like I was some kind of a child. My life. Mine. You don't get to decide.
Castle: You keep going with this. They're gonna decide. They're gonna come for you Kate.
Kate: Let them come. They sent Coonan and he's dead. They sent Lockwood and he's dead. And I am still here Castle. And I am Ready.
Castle: Ready for what. To-To die for your cause? This isn't a murder investigation anymore, Kate. They've turned it into a war.
Kate: If they want a war, then I will bring them a war, straight to their doorsteps.
Castle: Well, I guess there's just nothing I can say is there?... O.K. Um. Yeah, You're right Kate. It's your life. You can throw it away if you want to, but I'm not gonna stick around to watch you. So, this is, uh, over. I'm done.

Ryan: Hey, Javier. Man, this just feels wrong. We need to tell Gates.
Esposito: Why? So she can send Beckett home? You think that’s gonna work? You think that’s gonna stop her? She’s gonna investigate this case, Kevin, whether she’s on it or not. The least we can do is make sure that we have her back.

Castle: How’s your speech coming?
Alexis: I have watched or read every graduation address ever written and compiled all the best advice into one speech. And then I read it out loud, and guess what I sounded like? A pompous ass. I’m 18 years old. What the hell do I know?
Castle: [Embraces her] Hey, look, everything you know, everything you will know is what’s true for you.
Alexis: And I know everything’s changing. Everything’s going to be different. And I’m so scared.
Castle: Of what?
Alexis: Moving on.
Castle: Write about that. [Kisses her forehead] That feels true.

Castle: Beckett. What do you want?
Kate: You. (She steps inside and kisses him.) I’m so sorry, Castle. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. (She kisses him again.)
Castle: (Pushing her away slightly.) What happened?
Kate: He got away, and I didn’t care. I almost died and all I could think about was you. I just want you.

Alexis:(While giving her graduation speech.)There's a universal truth we all have to face whether we want to or not. Everything eventually ends. As much as I've looked forward to this day, I've always disliked endings. The last day of summer. The final chapter of a great book. Parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable. Leaves fall. You close the book. You say good-bye. Today is one of those days for us. Today we say good-bye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. We're moving on. But just because we're leaving, and that hurts... There are some people who are so much a part of us they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, Our North Star, and the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us... always.

Season 5[edit]

After the Storm [5.1][edit]

Kate: Made you a coffee.
Castle: So it wasn’t a dream?
Kate: No. you definitely weren’t dreaming.
Castle: And you were right. I had no idea.
Kate: So you liked it?
Castle: Yeah.
Kate: Even the part where...
Castle: Especially that part. I love that.
Kate: Good. Me too.

Martha: Richard! I’m home!
Castle: Oh my God! (He pushes them both off the bed. They jump up.) Oh God!
Kate: You said she was at the Hamptons.
Castle: She was in the Hamptons. She’s not supposed to be here.
Martha: Darling, we need to talk.
Castle: Hide.
Kate: What?
Castle: Hide!
Kate: Are you serious?
Castle: Get in the closet.
Kate: No, I’m not going in the closet!
Castle: Get in the closet!

Kate: Castle, I hear footsteps, he’s coming. Hurry.
Castle: Man, if we got murdered right now, I’d feel so ripped off.
Kate: Yeah. Me too.
Castle: At least... at least we had last night. We should have done that four years ago.
(Door opens to reveal Esposito)
Esposito: Done what four years ago?

Kate: You got an extra piece?
Esposito: Yeah.
(Esposito hands her his backup.)
Castle: Nice. What about for me?
Esposito: Oh, you mean an extra extra piece?
Castle: (Under his breath.) Wow.

Gates: How do you explain the fact that Maddox, the killer we’re searching for and the man who shot you last year, is the one lying there dead?
Castle: Bad karma.

[Kate Beckett confronts Senator Bracken]
Beckett: Whoever it is you think I am, whatever it is you think about me, you have no idea what I am capable of, or how far I will go. I am done being afraid. It's your turn now. [swings pistol at the Senator's face] That's going to leave a nasty scar. Every time you see it, think of me.

Smith: You’re alive.
Castle: Join the club.

Castle: Kate, tell me you didn’t…
[Group sees Senator Bracken walk away alive]
Beckett: We reached an understanding.
Esposito: What about your mom?
Beckett: I’ll get justice for her, just not today. Till then, I’ll get it for others.

Gates: Your resignation has been accepted. The matter’s settled.
Beckett: Sir, I have the top case-closure rate in the precinct. And now that the man that shot me is dead, that particular case will no longer be an issue.
Gates: Really? Because it seems to be the gift that keeps on giving. I’m told we put a Michael Smith under guard at the hospital. What was his role in this?
Beckett: I don’t know.
Gates: I don’t believe you. You’re covering for someone and I know who it is. But I don’t intend to dig up the past and tarnish Roy Montgomery’s reputation. The fact is, I admire your loyalty. I hope you feel that for me someday.

Cloudy with a Chance of Murder [5.2][edit]

Lanie: Welcome back.
Kate: Thank you.
Lanie: What are you... you doing something different?
Kate: No. why?
Lanie: I don’t know. Something’s changed.

Lanie: I figured out what’s different. You’re having sex.
Kate: Excuse me?
Lanie: Oh, don’t try to deny it. There’s a glow. I know that glow. So, who’s the guy?
Castle: Yeah, Beckett, who’s the guy?
Kate: Nobody that you would know, okay?
Castle: Are you sure? I know a lot of guys.
Kate: I’m sure.

Kate: Isn’t she the reporter that shows up to cover stories in her bikini?
Castle: I don't... is... I didn’t notice that.
Kate: You wanna try it again? Make it sound a little more convincing?
Castle: No. I’m good.

Kate: Do you actually buy this whole ‘just friends’ thing?
Castle: It’s possible.
Kate: Yeah, it’s possible. But it’s not probable.
Castle: I don’t know. You and I were just friends for four years.
Kate: Except you were trying to sleep with me that whole time.
Castle: What?
Kate: Mmm hmm.
Castle: Excuse me, it was you that was trying to sleep with me.
Kate: What?
Castle: Don’t tell me you dress like that for Esposito.
Esposito: What’s for me?
Kate: Nothing.
Castle: (At the same time.) Don’t worry about it.

Castle: The direct tox monitor, of course.
Kate: You have no idea what that is.
Castle: No, not a clue.

Ryan: Hey, guys. I found out who Mandy-
Esposito: Yo. Are you…wearing makeup?
Ryan: No.
Esposito: Really? Because an hour ago, you and I both had black eyes, and now you don’t.
Ryan: No, this is not makeup. This is tinted moisturizer.
Esposito: [Sarcastically] Oh.
Ryan: Jenny just stopped by. She happened to have some in her purse and I figured since… [stutters a bit] Fine. Just judge all you want.

Castle: Look, I tried everything to get away. I-I hid under the counter. I was hiding in the bathroom. At one point I tried to pull a Cape Fear up under the piano.
Beckett: Yet when I walked in, she was straddling you on the couch
Castle: Right? She’s like the Terminator of sexpots.
Beckett: What is that even supposed to mean? She just keeps on coming?
Castle: What? That’s… [grabs her arm and pulls her to the side] The only reason I went on the date in the first place was because you made a big deal about being single in public.
Beckett: Castle, I have 12 missed phone calls from Chip the sportscaster because he thinks that I’m single, but that doesn’t mean that I’m gonna let him mount me in a Speedo just to prove it.
Castle: You didn’t tell me he called.
Beckett: Really? You’re gonna play the jealousy card now?
Castle: Okay, look, I’ll make it up to you, all right? Whatever you want.
Beckett: What I want is not to have this image of a bikini-clad woman stuffing her boobs in your face. So good luck with that.
Castle: Don’t I even get credit for figuring out who the killer is.
Beckett: No!

Beckett: Can we say that we will talk about dating other people, but we won’t actually date other people?
Castle: Yeah, I can…No, I can do that.
Beckett: Okay, good. ‘Cause I have a gun and you don’t really have a choice.
Castle: Clearly, I don’t have a choice.

Secret's Safe with Me [5.3][edit]

Castle: My little girl is going to college.
Martha: Seems like just yesterday you were checking under the bed every night promising her that monsters aren’t real.
Castle: I lied. Monsters are real. They’re the boys in her freshman dorm.
Martha: Oh, speaking of which, before Alexis leaves, don’t you think you should have then, um... talk with her.
Castle: You mean the sex talk? Mother, I covered that ages ago. I learned so much.
Martha: I mean the you and Beckett sex talk.
Castle: Mother, Beckett and I haven’t...
Martha: Save it. Richard. I knew the morning I walked in here and the poor girl was hiding in the closet.
Castle: How did you know that?!
Martha: Mothers know these things. But I don’t think you want Alexis to walk in unannounced and find you and Beckett... out of the closet. And by out of the closet...
Castle: I know, I know what you mean by out of the closet.
Martha: So, don’t you think you should tell her?
Alexis: Tell me what?

Beckett: Even on the worst days there's a possibility for joy.

Beckett: Yeah, well, the key to Wendy’s murder might be in that junk and we’re about to lose it. There’s no way I can get a warrant in time.
Castle: May not have a warrant, but I got something better. Checkbook.
Manager: Auctions are cash only, hotshot.
Castle: Oh, no. What are we gonna do? Is 2 grand enough?
Beckett: What are you doing with 2 grand in your pocket?
Castle: I’m a best-selling author. Why wouldn’t I have 2 grand in my pocket?

[Bringing in the stuff from the locker auction]
Castle: You are so going to owe me for this.
Beckett: Castle, I don’t know if the department’s gonna be able to reimburse you for all of this.
Castle: [Whispering] That’s not the owing I mean.

[Watching Gates with the collectable doll]
Esposito: Who knew that Gates had a softer side? It’s, um…
Ryan: Creepy. Very, very creepy

[To Angelica when they learned who the killer is]
Castle: I’ve worked a lot of murder cases, waiting patiently for the day I could unequivocally exclaim… [Turns around and points to Kirby] “The butler did it!”

Murder He Wrote [5.4][edit]

[After seeing a bloodied man stumble into the pool.]
Castle: Call 911
Beckett: [Scowling at him] You think?

[Trying to find out who Beckett’s boyfriend is.]
Ryan: We’re thinking the most likely scenario is that it was the last guy that she was with.
Esposito: Doctor Joshua Davidson.
Ryan: Mm-hm.
Esposito: It’s him, isn’t it?
Lanie: Okay, I get that you don’t have a life, Javi, but you’re married, Kevin, so what’s your excuse?
Ryan: I-
Lanie: Whoever Beckett’s boyfriend is, is none of your business.
Esposito: Come on, Lanie. You must know who it is. She went back to Josh, didn’t she?
Lanie: Is this how you interrogate people? ‘Cause you ain’t doing nothing but pissing me off.

[Over the phone]
Ryan: Hey, Castle. Yeah, I’m gonna put you on speakerphone so you can weigh in on this.
Castle: Weigh in on what?
Esposito: Well, we’re in the morgue with Lanie trying to figure out who Beckett’s boyfriend is.
Lanie: I have nothing to do with this nonsense. [walks away]
Castle: Yeah, until you’re bagging their mangled bodies when Beckett finds out.
[Beckett smiles]
Esposito: Pfft! Like we’re afraid of Beckett. [Chuckles]
Ryan: Besides, how’s she gonna find out?
[Castle quickly snatches the phone away before an infuriated Beckett can grab it]

Beckett: Why are you even helping them?
Castle: Oh, come on. The good news is, they’re completely fooled about us.
Beckett: Yeah, well, I don’t understand why they even care.
Castle: Ah, why do people care about Brangelina?
Beckett: Oh, so we’re Brangelina now?
Castle: No. No, no, we’re Rick-ate. No, we’re Kat-ick.
Beckett: Mmm…
Castle: Cas-kett. Ooh, that’s good! ‘Cause of the whole murder thing. Caskett?
Beckett: Mm-hm

Probable Cause [5.5][edit]

Castle: Jewelry. I never would've thought of that.
Beckett: I guess I'll have to remind you when my birthday's coming up.
Castle: Why, Detective Beckett, was that a hint you just dropped?
Beckett: Why, Mr. Castle, I do believe it was.
Castle: Shameless.

Beckett: They still haven’t found the body.
Castle: They won’t. He’s not dead.
Beckett: Castle, what are you saying?
Castle: This was never about me. This was about him. Those initials in her datebook, he’s not that careless. He wanted us to find that place. He wanted us on this bridge. Tessa’s murder, the frame up, all of it was to get us here so we could help him do what he couldn’t do for himself. Disappear, so he can start killing again.
Beckett: You think he planned this?
Castle: How does a wanted man stop being wanted? [Thumbs the bridge] It has to be public, and it has to be final.
Beckett: Do you know how crazy that sounds?
Castle: No one’s gonna be looking for him anymore.
Beckett: You shot him. He’s dead. It’s over. [Walks away]
Castle: For now.

The Final Frontier [5.6][edit]

Castle: I am a fan of good sci-fi. Star Trek. Battlestar. That Joss Whedon show.

Castle: Perlmutter. Good to see you.
Perlmutter: Ah. If only the feeling were mutual.

Beckett: Perlmutter.
Perlmutter: Detective Beckett.
Castle: Perlmutter.
Perlmutter: And non-Detective Castle.

[Castle is talking to Beckett about the investigation of a murder at a sci-fi convention, and they are at that convention]
Castle: She was betrayed by someone she trusted. Maybe that was Captain Max--
[Suddenly sees Alexis and two friends just walked by in very skimpy but futuristic outfits]
Castle: OH MY GOD! ALEXIS???
Alexis: [shocked to see him as well] Dad? What are you doing here?
Castle: What are you doing here...dressed like that?
Alexis: We're Havakura...it's a tribe of female assassins who--
Castle: --don't wear clothes??
Alexis: You're overreacting...and you're embarrassing me.
Castle: I'm embarrassing you? I'm the one who's dressed! [Takes off his jacket, grabs Alexis and tries to put it on her]
Alexis: Dad!
[Beckett grabs his arm and pulls him away; Alexis and her friends leave]
Beckett: Castle, come on. Let's go.
Castle: Are you kidding me? Do you see what she's wearing?
Beckett: Yeah. It's not that bad!
Castle: "Not that bad"? How am I going to un-see that?
Beckett: I've worn worse.

Beckett: So I was a Nebula 9 fan. Big deal.
Castle: Oh, you were beyond a fan. You dressed up in costume. You.
Beckett: Okay, yes. I was a sci-fi loving, costume-wearing geek. And you know what? Not ashamed of it or of Nebula 9. Despite what you think, it was an awesome show.
Castle: Hmm. I’ll tell you what. I’ll forgive you your terrible taste if you try on that Nebula 9 costume for me.
Beckett: In your dreams.
Castle: Look at my life. My dreams come true.

[After hearing the description of the wound of the victim]
Beckett: Are you saying-?
Castle: She was killed by a phaser?!
Perlmutter: Well, as much as it pains me, Mr. Castle is…largely correct. She was killed by a high-intensity laser beam.
Castle: A real sci-fi murder at a sci-fi convention. This keeps getting better.

Castle: Well, let’s go back to the e-mails of the crazed Nebula 9 fans. And when I say ‘crazed fans,” I’m not referring to you. You are a megafan.
Beckett: Nice one. Coming from the guy with the life-sized Boba Fett in his bathroom.
Castle: Point taken.

[After shooting the laser gun which actually fires]
Castle: ‘Zap,’ said the lady. You are so busted.

[Coming out of the elevator, meeting Beckett and Esposito]
Castle: Hey, tell me, guys, do you think my hair is thinning? [Showing his head]
Beckett: You're not losing your hair, Castle!
Castle: OK, so if I wake up bald tomorrow, you'd still be attracted to me?
Beckett: [looking puzzled]
Castle: Oh my god, you wouldn't!
Beckett: I didn't say that!
Castle: No, but you were thinking it! I can see it in your...
Esposito: [Looking at Castle's head] With that pumpkin head? Dude...

Beckett: Stephanie Frye, you’re under arrest for the murder of Anabelle Collins.
Castle: Oh, oh, oh, oh. [To Gabriel] May I?
[Gabriel nods and both men fold their arms]
Castle: And may fortune guide your journey.

Swan Song [5.7][edit]

Ryan: We found blood-stained overalls in his van. We sent them to be tested to see if they match the blood from our vic.
Esposito: Oh, they match. Trust me, bro. You don’t have to worry about this creep hurting anyone ever again. [To the camera] That’s a gift, from me to you. You’re welcome, America

Ryan: Well, looks like our stalker was telling the truth. Prelim shows that the blood on his overalls was his. Sorry, partner.
Esposito: Huh. Well, at least grabbing the guy up wasn’t a total bust.
Ryan: I don’t know. Seems to be the definition of a total bust.

Castle: This all points to one thing.
Ryan: Drugs.
Castle: Drugs… Drugs.
Beckett: That’s an interesting theory, but that’s pure speculation.
Castle: Actually, it’s not. Pure speculation would be Swan purchasing thermonuclear technology to have a scientist make him an amplifier that went all the way to 12. This, musicians buying drugs… [Into the camera]…that’s just Monday morning’s crossword.

Esposito: Element of surprise is key. See, I can be circumspect. Folks would be lost without me. [Walks toward a door]
Castle: [Laughing into the camera] He went the wrong way.

Castle: You were writing songs for him?
Sam Spear: Yeah. Here, look. [Grabs the song paper and hands it to Esposito] I already started. I got pretty far on that one.
Esposito: Let me see that. [Looking it over] I do like the vocal line on this.
Castle: You read music?
Esposito: What, you think ‘cause I’m a cop, I can’t sing?
Castle: No, I think you can’t sing because I’ve heard you sing.
Esposito: That karaoke machine was busted. I’m gonna sing for y’all later

Castle: So John Campbell was in town…with a few days to kill. [Grinning at the camera] See what I did there? That was good. Use that. Not the part where I said, ‘See what I did there.’ Cut that out. Do a hard fade to black. [Snaps fingers] Musical sting.

[As Beckett leads the cameraman]
Beckett: Look, I know I’m not the easiest person on the planet to get to know, but you guys have been patient, and I’ve got something to show you. It’s a secret. Actually, Castle doesn’t even know about it. It’s this place that I love to go to. And once you see it, I think you guys will understand me a whole lot better. [Opens a door] Go ahead. All the way to the back.
[Camera walks into a janitor room and turns about to see Beckett give a raspberry and then shut the door]
Cameraman: Hey! Hey!

After Hours [5.8][edit]

Castle: I’m just saying, there have been worse dinners.
Beckett: Like what?
Castle: Well, the dining scene from Alien comes to mind.
Beckett: Honestly, a creature bursting out of my dad’s chest might have lightened the mood.

Castle: Well, this looks like the work of a pro.
Beckett: Someone had a priest assassinated? It’s like a Vatican conspiracy. Ah. It’s The Da Vinci Code.

Ryan: Nun walks into a precinct... It’s like the beginnings of a bad joke. [Begins fixing his tie]
Esposito: You wanna borrow a comb of something?
Ryan: Shut up.
Esposito: You know what this reminds me of? Watching one of those body-switching movies where the guy looks like a grown man, but he’s actually 12.
Ryan: Hey! Let me tell you something. Catholic school is like combat. Unless you’ve been there, you don’t know.
Esposito: Uh, I have, been there, in combat. And it’s way worse than some old lady.

Martha: Captain Gates? Captain Gates.
Gates: What are you two doing down here?
Martha: Well, after I got a call from Detective Esposito, I became very concerned, so I checked in with-
Jim: I can’t reach Katie. What’s the situation?
Gates: There’s no cause for alarm. It’s just that we’re having trouble pinpointing their precise location-
Martha: Oh, please stop. You are a terrible actress. There is no way that anyone would’ve called me if they weren’t really worried, and I wanna know what is going on here.
Gates: Okay. They went to interview a witness and we lost contact. But we’re doing our best to find them. So I suggest you both go home and I’ll call you the second I know more.
Martha: I am not leaving until I know what has happened to our children.
Jim: Neither am I.
Martha: All right, where is that fancy coffee machine that Richard bought for the precinct? Over there?
Gates: The break room.
[The two walk away and Ryan approaches Gates]
Gates: [Whispering] I don’t want to have to tell those two that I lost their kids. Tell me you have something on Dolan.

Castle: I also found a box of tools and a broken CB radio. But I think I can get it to work.
Leo: Great. You have an engineering degree or electronics experience?
Castle: No. But I’ve seen every episode of MacGyver.

Leo: [To Beckett] Nervous?
Beckett: No. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to send a message. They can hear static when I press the button, so I thought I'd send an SOS, but...
Leo: It's okay to be worried.
Beckett: [About Castle] He's gonna be fine. He's, um, he's smart and he's resourceful, so...
Leo: Larger than life, from another world.
Beckett: How did you...
Leo: Please, we're in a basement. Sound carries, I heard.
Beckett: That was a personal conversation.
Leo: About how different you two are, and that worries you, right?
Beckett: I don't want to have this discussion right now.
Leo: And those differences that are so charming now, they may end up just pulling you apart.
Beckett: Who are you, Dr. Phil?
Leo: No, Just a guy that may die tonight realizing that life's short. Trust me. Living your life for now makes a lot more sense than worrying about the future.

Secret Santa [5.9][edit]

Ryan: [His wife Jenny wants to have kids] But I come to work, I watch the news every day - it seems like the world's falling apart. How am I supposed to bring a kid into that?
Esposito: The world's always falling apart, bro. Since the beginning of time. But having kids, making a family, that's what keeps it together.

Ryan: Hey, so I heard from Air Traffic Control, but you’re not gonna like the news. They have no record of anyone flying over the park during the time our guy hit the ground.
Beckett: How is that even possible?
Castle: Santa had his sleigh in stealth mode

Gates: My mother-in-law is a licensed pilot, as she keeps reminding me. Part of a larger effort to make me feel inferior. I’m sorry. Did I just say that out loud?
Ryan: Sounds like she’s staying with you, Captain?
Gates: One day soon, your in-laws will visit, too. And when they do, think hotel. [walks away] Oh, Lord, I hate the holidays.
Castle: [Whispering] Yet another quality she has in common with the Grinch

Esposito: …he didn’t go all Santa for the money. Back in the day, he used to pull down a half a mil a year. As Santa, he made a tenth of that.
Ryan: You can make that much as a Santa? Maybe I should switch jobs, huh?
Esposito: What? Gain 200 pounds and have a bunch of rug rats sitting on you lap with dirty diapers?
Ryan: [With a disgusted face] Yeah, thanks for the visual.

Beckett: He might have been robbed.
Castle: Uh, robbed and then launched into space?
Beckett: And how is that less plausible than your sleigh?
Castle: I think you mean less “clausible.”

Gates: [Looking down at her ringing phone] Oh. Speaking of people having their homes stolen.
Beckett: Is that your mother-in-law again, sir?
Gates: Detective, if you happen to receive a report of a homicide tonight at my address, do me a favor. Ignore it.
Beckett: [Laughs] Yes, sir.

Significant Others [5.10][edit]

Beckett: Good Morning, Lanie.
Lanie: Not from the way you sound. What's wrong.
Beckett: Men are clueless.
Lanie: Men… or just Castle?
[Both women glare over at Castle]

Beckett: Did she have a grievance with Michelle?
Ryan: Oh, I’d say so. The morning of Michelle’s murder, a judge came down with a ruling in Samantha’s contentious divorce case. She lost big.
Castle: How big is big?
Ryan: Uh, Upper East Side apartment big, cars and boats big, half of her multi-million dollar net worth big.
Castle: That’s big.

[After Beckett accepts Meredith’s offer for dinner between the two of them]
Castle: Is this a bad as it seems?
Esposito: No, it’s much worse. Much, much worse.
Castle: No, okay, hang on. Let’s take a step back from this, let’s just think about it. Just dinner.
Ryan: Just dinner between your ex-wife and your new girlfriend. That’s deadly. Castle, you have two worlds.
Esposito: Two.
Ryan: Right now, they’re both coming together.
Esposito: Uh, oh.
Ryan: What happens when worlds collide?
Esposito: Boom
Castle: Okay, guys, you are taking this a little too far.
[Castle turns to leave, but Esposito grabs his arm]
Esposito: Castle. Meredith knows things about you.
Castle: So?
Esposito: So…
Ryan: So…
Esposito: So is there anything Meredith knows that you don’t want Beckett to know?
[Castle looks away briefly before turning back in realization]
Esposito: Boom
Ryan: Two worlds colliding.
[Castle hurries out of the room]

Under the Influence [5.11][edit]

Castle: Here’s something that doesn’t add up. Tyrese Wilton’s phone. Why would Shane tell Joey to steal a phone worth a couple hundred bucks? Especially when there had to be so much bling at that party?
Esposito: Dude, nobody says “bling” anymore. Try “shine.”

[Esposito confronts Shane in the bar]
Shane: You keep showin’ up here like this, my boys are gonna think you’re sweet on me.
Esposito: Not anymore, they won’t. You are walking on grand larceny and accessory after the fact. Wow. Now that kind of luck does not last long.
Shane: I guess I gotta go play the Powerball tonight then.
[Esposito pulls up two guns and places them on the table in front of him]
Esposito: This is my gun. And this one will be yours. You ever go near Joey, or any other kid ever again, the story’s gonna go like this. ‘You pulled that piece on me. Now, I had to defend myself, so, I killed you’. You understand me? Or should we play out that story… [Pushes one of the guns toward Shane] …right here, right now?
Shane: [Sighs] Ah. I hear you.
Esposito: Good.

Esposito: [Handing Joey a card] Here. If you need anything, day or night, call me at that number.
Joey: Okay. You’re all right. For a cop.
Esposito: I know. Now get out of my car

Death Gone Crazy [5.12][edit]

Esposito: Yo. How's the in-breast-igation going?
Ryan: And that's why you're still single.

Ryan: I, uh, never thought I'd say this after graduating the sixth grade, but our bra research is in!

[Examining the murder weapon, a bra]
Lanie: This is a 36-D Sultura.
Beckett: Oh, that’s high-end.
Lanie: Definitely. One of these could run you $200, $250.
Esposito: Two hundred and fifty dollars for a bra?
Lanie: Oh, but its okay to spend that on a pair of sneakers, right?
Esposito: A pair of sneakers is practical, okay? They gotta support your, um..
Castle: [Shaking his head] Eject.
Esposito: Okay.

Recoil [5.13][edit]

[Speaking privately]
Bracken: Well. Hard to miss the irony of this situation.
Beckett: [In monotone] Senator Bracken, do you have any enemies? Is there anyone that you can think of that would like to kill you?
Bracken: I get threatening letters and e-mails all the time, comes with the office. My chief of staff keeps a file.
Beckett: Anyone with a legitimate claim?
Bracken: A man doesn’t get to my position with upsetting people along the way. Most of them aren’t crazy enough to wanna try to kill me. Present company excluded.
Beckett: [Sitting down] You know, Senator, I’m not the one that you should be worried about right now.
Bracken: It’s just us here, Detective. A shooter on the loose, me in the crosshairs? Must be a dream come true for you.
Beckett: In my dreams, I’m the one that gets to pull the trigger. But you know what? If you’re not comfortable with me leading this investigation, you’re welcome to step outside and tell everyone why.
[Bracken settles back]
Beckett: Well, then I guess we’re stuck with each other. So, then let me make one thing clear. This man killed Melanie Rogers, and when someone commits murder, whoever he is, Senator, I will bring him to justice. No matter how long it takes.

Castle: Considering what he’s capable of, you would think Bracken would have more formidable enemies.
Beckett: Oh, obviously you never saw the letter that I sent him.
Castle: I did, actually. I like the way you dotted the “I” on “kill” was a little heart. It was a nice touch.
Beckett: Well, I was trying to give it a personal feel.
Castle: Well done.

Castle: Any reason why he’d [Noah] suddenly want you dead?
Bracken: I assume because someone paid him a great deal of money.
Castle: You don’t seemed shocked.
Bracken: There’s another world out the, Mr. Castle, one that most people don’t see. Run by money, influence, power. And the people in it will do anything they can to stay on top. But I assume that you already know that.
Castle: I wouldn’t have done it, you know, what she did. I’d stood and watch.

Reality Star Struck [5.14][edit]


[After Captain Gates held a small excursus about "Wives Of Wall Street"]
Castle: You're a fan of "Wives Of Wall Street"?
Gates: Oh yes, the best show on TV, why?
Castle: I don't ... I just assumed that, uh, a woman like you would prefer more ... sophisticated fare.
Gates: [Indignantly] Excuse me, what did you just say?

Target [5.15][edit]

Castle: [Beckett is talking to Stevens, with no luck] I'd like a minute with him. [Beckett leaves the room]
Douglas Stevens: [Castle closes and locks the door to the room] I just said I don't wanna talk, so you can't question me. I have rights. I'm not going to say anything without a lawyer.
Castle: I'm not a cop
Douglas Stevens: Then who are you?
Castle: You remember the girl with the red hair? I'm her father. Please know, I will do whatever it takes to get her back. The police outside are my friends... my daughters' friends too. So it's just you and me.
Douglas Stevens: If you touch me I'll press charges...
Castle: I don't care. Where are they?
Douglas Stevens: I'm just a driver. I, I don't know anything...
Castle: You know Henson ditched the van for the black Yukon. So where did he go? Where did he take the girls? [Stevens refuses to answer] I won't ask you again, where did he take the girls? [when Stevens still refuses to answer, Castle closes his eyes for a few seconds, then slowly opens them]
Douglas Stevens: [Beckett standing watch, hears Stevens' screams] *Stop!* [continues screaming]

[Over the phone]
Castle: Have them trace every IP address that accessed that site after 2:36 p.m.
Beckett: Which might take time, depending on-
Castle: What if she doesn’t have time?
Beckett: Castle, listen to me-
Castle: Don’t. Don’t promise me you’ll find her unless you can do it, because I would never forgive you…any more than I’d ever forgive myself.

Beckett: Tell me what happened with Douglas Stevens.
Castle: [gravely] I appealed to his humanity
Beckett: I didn’t think you had that side to you.
Castle: When it comes to the people I love, I do.

Hunt [5.16][edit]

Hunt: What do you say kid? You been playing cop for years. You ready to play spy?

Esposito: Paris? What the hell is he doing in Paris?
Beckett: He thinks he can find her.
Ryan: What, so he's Liam Neeson now?
Esposito: Liam Neeson? The dude's barely Ashley Judd.

Beckett: Ms. Degarmo, I’m gonna ask you again. What else can you tell me about Roger Henson’s murder?
Degarmo: I don’t have to tell you nothing. I know my rights. You can’t keep me here.
Beckett: He’s dead. Tortured. I’m just trying to find the people that did it to him.
Degarmo: Listen, bitch. I don’t talk to cops. Now go get me my lawyer, and then go to hell
[Beckett kicks the chair, sending Degarmo to the floor]
Beckett: [Rising from her seat, enraged] Do you have any idea what this is all about?! You think I’m some beat cop busting you on possession charges?! My partner’s daughter is missing, and you…! [throws the photos of Henson at Degarmo] …are in my way. Now, you don't talk to cops? I'm not a cop today, honey.

[After being rescued]
Castle: [after his phone gets shot to pieces]What are you doing?! That was a 200 dollar phone!
Hunt: That's how they track you. Now get in the car.
Castle: Hey, I'm not getting in the car!
Hunt: Don't be an idiot, I'm the good guy.
Castle: Oh, you expect me to trust you.
Hunt: Well, you're alive, aren't you? What are you gonna do; stay out here in the woods with all the dead guys?
Castle: Fine. I'll get in the car.
Hunt: Given that you're feeling so bad about your 200-buck phone, you might wanna pick up that 3 million dollar briefcase ...take it with you.
Castle: At least tell me your name.
Hunt: Hunt. Jackson Hunt.
Castle: Sounds made up.
Hunt: [grinning] It is.

Castle: You’re telling me you’re a spy?
Hunt: “Intelligence asset” is the term.
Castle: My dad’s a spy.

Scared to Death [5.17][edit]

[As Castle and Beckett walk into the autopsy room]
Perlmutter: Ah, Detective Beckett, and Defective Castle

Castle: Okay, does anyone have a better solution? Because we need one. If not for me, at least for Beckett.
Beckett: Castle, that’s so sweet. You want me to outlive you?
Castle: Of course. Who else is gonna tell my tale of sacrifice and selflessness?

Beckett: Okay, so both of our victims stayed at that inn at the same time. So, maybe they were having an affair.
Ryan: Well, in 2008, Val would’ve been 24. Jason would’ve been 66. An affair would’ve been-
Castle: Gross.
Ryan: I was gonna say unlikely.

The Wild Rover [5.18][edit]

Esposito: Deep cover? I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.
Beckett: Espo, he didn’t even tell Jenny.
Esposito: Yeah, but I’m his best friend. She’s just the wife.
Beckett: Thus proving why there is no Mrs. Esposito
Esposito: Hey. It’s hard to find a woman for this much man.

[After Ryan reveals his identity to Bobby S and informs him that his partner heard where they were located]
Ryan: Why don’t we meet my partner, huh? You Javi, where you at?!
[After a long moment, Esposito emerges from the back, cocking a shotgun]
Esposito: Right here, bro.
[Bobby S and his men begin to draw their guns]
Ryan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, he is former Special Forces. You do not wanna draw on him. Wanna meet the rest of my crew? Hey, Beckett!
[Emerging from the other end, weapon drawn]
Beckett: You called, Ryan?
Ryan: Don’t let the looks fool you, boys. You don’t want to mess with her either. Castle!
[Castle comes up behind Beckett, unarmed]
Castle: Seriously? I didn’t… I didn’t bring my vest.

[Interrogation room]
Ryan: Maggie. You know, I pegged you for a lot of things. Never a killer.
Maggie: Yeah, I pegged you for a lot of things, but never a narc.
Ryan: Actually, see, I’m a homicide detective. Which is why I know that you killed Jimmy the baker.
Maggie: Jimmy the who?
Beckett: Oh, God. Are we actually gonna play this game? It’s late, I’m tired. Officers went through your house and they found your gun.

[Returning to his home]
Ryan: Sorry, Jenny. I know it wasn’t fair to you.
Jenny: Just tell me the truth. Is this part of your life, this undercover part, over?
Ryan: Yeah, it is now.
Jenny: Good, because I need to know that you’re gonna be here. And I need to know that I can depend on you. Especially after the test result we got back from the fertility doctor.
Ryan: Oh, no. Bad news?
Jenny: Yeah. We took all those damn tests for nothing. [Ryan begins to look crestfallen] I’m already pregnant.
Ryan: You’re pregnant. [laughs] You’re pregnant! Uh… Let’s pop some champagne.
Jenny: Yeah.
Ryan: No, no, we can’t pop any champagne.
Jenny: No, we can’t.
Ryan: Do you know why?
Jenny: [simultaneously] I’m pregnant!
Ryan: [simultaneously] Because you’re pregnant!
[The two kiss]

The Lives of Others [5.19][edit]

Ryan: [To Beckett] Staring at the phone won’t make it ring. I learned that in junior high.

After revealing the whole scene across the street was staged
Castle: It was all fake? Nothing was real - you let me think I was crazy, you let me think you were gonna die!
Beckett: But Castle, you were so bored over the past couple of weeks, stuck at home with no case to solve, and I saw that this apartment was for rent, and I thought that...
Martha: Richard...
Castle: No ... no ... this is ... without a doubt ... the greatest birthday gift of my life!

The Fast and the Furriest [5.20][edit]

Esposito: I may have an explanation for those facial wounds. Turns out our victim worked at a retirement home called Haven House.
Castle: Vicious, bloodthirsty old folks? Is that your theory?
Esposito: This home is not for people, Castle. It’s a primate sanctuary, mostly for apes and chimpanzees and monkeys who have retired from the movie business.
Ryan: I always wanted a monkey when I was a kid. Big Curious George fan.
Castle: Yeah, wait till George grows up. An adult chimpanzee can reach 200 pounds, tear off a man’s face, hands and naughty bits.

Esposito: Gentlemen! I hate to rain on your parade.
Castle: Do you?
Esposito: No.

Beckett: Castle. Castle, please. No more Wookie calls.
Castle: It’s not Wookiee. I’m not doing Wookiee. I can’t do Wookie. Alexis does a really cute Wookie.

Beckett: You know, Castle, there’s a bit of poetic justice in this.
Castle: Poetic justice, how?
Beckett: Well, I mean, think about it. You set a trap for Alexis and now someone or something, has set one for you.

Kurt: A few months ago, I came out of hiding to find Anne. I told her I was innocent, that I didn’t kill Justine and I begged her to look into the case. And she agreed to because she believed me.
Beckett: Yeah, well, I’m a little more skeptical.
Castle: I can vouch for that.

[When Alexis explains what happened to her allowance money]
Castle: Well, why didn’t you just come to me?
Alexis: Because I didn’t want the speech.
Castle: Well, I don’t…What speech?
Alexis: That people like us need to be careful with the kind of money we have. People might try to take advantage.
Castle: Oh, that speech. Yeah.

The Squab and the Quail [5.21][edit]

[As Eric is leaving on the elevator]
Eric: You know, that’s an extraordinary woman you have there.
Castle: I know.
Eric: Do you?

Still [5.22][edit]

Castle: We don’t know that you’re standing on a bomb. It could be nothing.
Beckett: Didn’t feel like nothing. Something gave way under my feet. Felt like a trigger plate.
Castle: Could be wonky floorboard.
Beckett: With a metallic click?
Castle: Loose nail. That’s how floorboards get wonky.

Castle: What is we replaced Beckett with something of equal weight, you know? Just the old Indiana Jones bag-of-sand-golden-idol trick.
Beckett: Remember how that turned out?

[After escaping from the bomb]
Gates: Oh, for heaven’s sake, Detective. Just kiss the man.
Beckett: Sir, you know?
Gates: What? Do you think I’m an idiot? I needed to maintain plausible deniability, which I can continue as long as you two both act professionally at the precinct.
Castle: I know I can, but, Captain, she has a long history of coming on to me at work-
Beckett: I don’t think it’ll be a problem, sir.

The Human Factor [5.23][edit]

Beckett: Well, we don’t have a body, we don’t have a crime scene, we don’t have any witnesses, but-
Castle: At least we have each other.
Beckett: We still have a homicide to solve.
Castle: And that.

Castle: Do you think the military took him out?
Beckett: I don’t see how they could.
Castle: Because they wouldn’t cross that line?
Beckett: Because in my experience, huge bureaucracies don’t act with that kind of efficiency.
Castle: That’s comforting.

Beckett: How many drones were in the air this morning?
Hooper: That information is classified.
Beckett: Colonel Fortis, was there a drone flying over New York City at 8:15 a.m.?
Col. Fortis: That’s classified.
Castle: Okay, how about this? Did anyone else have access to the drones? Any federal agencies? Corporations?
Castle & Col. Fortis: That’s classified
Beckett: Okay, then I’d like to take a look at your flight logs-
Col. Fortis: This meeting is over.
Hooper: Keep in mind, the waivers you signed prohibits you from discussing what was said here.
Castle: Nothing was said here.
Hooper: Well, then we shouldn’t have a problem.
Castle: Touche.
Beckett: [noticing a man in the next room] That man over there, he was at the crime scene. Who is he? Does he work for you?
Castle: Don’t bother. It’s classified.

Stack: So what do you want to know?
Beckett: Why don’t we start with who are you?
Stack: Jared Stack. Special Investigator for the Attorney General’s office.
Castle: I’ve never heard of it.
Stack: [whispering] You’re not supposed to.
Beckett: And what’s your connection to Dale Tanner?
Stack: Tanner was under scrutiny by the FBI, DHS and the Pentagon, not to mention the NYPD Counter-Terrorism Unit. Somebody objective needed to look into his death, so they picked me.
Beckett: When did you realize that he was killed by a drone and not a car bomb?
Stack: Once our people examined the wreckage.
Castle: Why the fake ID?
Stack: I didn’t know where this was headed. The AG needs deniability.
Castle: “The secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions.” It’s Mission: Impossible.
Stack: Pretty much. I’m even wearing a mask.
Castle: Really?
Stack: [whispering] No.

Stack: The fact is, we’ve lost a number of drones, some of them have fallen into enemy hands.
Beckett: So one of our enemies killed Tanner? With a drone?
Castle: That theory is highly improbable. And coming from me, that’s saying something

Castle: That’s Warburg? I was expecting-
Ryan: Dr. Evil?
Castle: Or someone a little less nerdy.

Castle: Warburg is here. I can feel it.
Beckett: Castle, you’ve said that about every place we’ve been to so far.
Castle: Yeah, but this time I mean it. The Force is stronger with this one.

Beckett: I don’t understand what a car driving through the desert has to do with Dale Tanner.
Warburg: [holding the photo up] Intelligence reports said there were three high-ranking Afghan militants in this car. It was the right make and model, traveling at a high rate of speed. So the drone pilot was given the green light to strike. But then, he saw those red dots on the trunk, and he had a feeling. So he aborted the mission. There were no militants in that car. The red dots were roses; because the young couple driving down that desert road had just gotten married. That’s when I knew I could no longer be a part of the drone program.
Castle: But I don’t understand why. The pilot didn’t fire.
Warburg: Because the next generation of drones won’t have pilots. The new AI software will give drones decision-making capability. They’ll assess the data and take lethal action all on their own.
Castle: Really will be rise of the machines.
Warburg: Those new drones would turn that car to ash without hesitation. That’s why, when lives are at stake, we need a man who sees roses. We need the human factor.

[Answering the cell-phone]
Castle: For Richard Castle, press one. For Beckett, press two
Esposito: Yo, how about I just talk, jackass

Stack: Detective Beckett, and Mr. Castle. Both the President and the Attorney General have asked me to convey their thanks for your work on this case.
Castle: [raising his hand] I don’t suppose the President’s appreciation could come in the form of a blurb for my book?
Stack: Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.

Watershed [5.24][edit]

Esposito: Crystal Sky? That name’s so fake it sounds like something out of one of your books.
Castle: Right? [chuckling at first, but then stops] Whoa. What is that supposed to mean?
Esposito: What do you means, “What is that supposed to mean?” Derrick Storm, Nikki Heat, Jameson Rook? Would it kill you to name someone “Gonzales” every once in a while?

Castle: Maybe Erika was some kind of Erin Brockovich, you know. A crusader for good, delving into the seedy underbelly of the legal system in order to uncover some seamy truth.
Beckett: Or maybe she was just hired by a rival firm to steal privileged information.
Castle: Now why must you be so cynical?
Beckett: It’s in my job description.
Castle: Which is why you need me.

Esposito: So no one at the law firm knew what she was looking for either?
Beckett: Either that or they’re covering something up. But the only evidence of what she was up to is on that missing laptop.
Castle: So without it, we’re dead in the water. Much like Erika.
[Castle and Esposito glance at each other]
Castle & Esposito: Too soon.

[In the interrogation room with Martin]
Beckett: Do you have any idea how many people have sat across that table confess their sins to me? What makes you think you’re any different? Any smarter? [Turns around] You’ve only been in this room for one hour. But this room… This room has been my life. My home. [Turning back] And I will not let you sit there and let you lie to me in my own home.

[Beckett meets Castle at a swing set in a park]
Beckett: I'm sorry...I shouldn't have kept secrets.
Castle: It's who you are. You don't let people in. I've had to scratch and claw for every inch--
Beckett: Castle--
Castle: Please let me finish. I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, about our relationship. What we have. Where we're headed. I've decided I want more. We both deserve more.
Beckett: I agree.
Castle: So whatever happens...whatever you decide...[Castle gets off the swing and kneels in front of Beckett] Katherine Houghton Beckett...[he pulls out an engagement ring and holds it up] will you marry me?
[Fade to black--end of episode, end of season]

Season 6[edit]

Valkyrie [6.1][edit]

Castle: Kate, I'm not proposing to you to you to keep you here or because I'm afraid I'm gonna lose you. I'm proposing because I can't imagine my life without you.

Esposito: If your hero’s fictional cop buddies are anything like your real cop buddies, then they’d have real work to get back to. So, bye bye now.
Castle: What if our hero was offering Knicks floor seats?

Dreamworld [6.2][edit]

Castle: So then…apart from the fact that I’m dying, I’m fine.

Beckett: Thanks for backing me up with Castle
Rachel McCord: Is he always such a character?
Beckett: [Smiling] Yeah. That’s what I love about him.

McCord: You want a coffee?
Castle: Ah, no. I’d rather die that drink any more of that sludge. [McCord makes a face and Castle winces] Too soon?

Castle: …Tell you what, though. Next time I say I’m dying to see you, let’s keep it metaphoric.
Beckett: Deal.

[After Beckett learns that nothing will be done about Reed]
McCord: You want everything to be black or white, I get it. But, in this town, it rarely is, and to do this job, you’re going to have to make peace with that. But hey, that was a hell of a hunch about Mrs. Reed. [Beckett stands up and McCord follows] You should feel really good about this.
Beckett: Yeah, well that was Castle.
McCord: But you were smart enough to act on it. That was your call
Beckett: And you backed me up without even knowing my play.
McCord: That’s what partners do. [Turns and walks away]
Beckett: [Turning back to the emergency room] Yeah. That’s what partners do.

Need To Know [6.3][edit]

Number One Fan [6.4][edit]

Kate: Castle. Are you asleep?
Castle: Yes.
Kate: Then why did you answer me?
Castle: I'm sleep-talking. Also known as somniloquy. Just ignore me.
Kate: I don't know what to do.
Castle: I have some ideas.
Kate: No, Castle, I'm talking about my life. I don't know what to do about my life. I haven't been out of work since I was 15. I cannot believe that the FBI fired me, and I can't get my job back at the NYPD because of the commissioner's stupid hiring freeze. I might as well just apply to become a mall cop.
Castle: Ooh. You would look great on a Segway. You know, Beckett, you don't have to decide right away.
Kate: Come on, Castle. What are you saying? What am I gonna do, just sleep in every morning and screw around until the phone rings? What kind of life is that?
Castle: Mine.
Kate: (realizing) Sorry.
Castle: I just mean that, you're with me, now. You don't have to work.
Kate: I don't need to work? Does that mean you're my...sugar daddy?
Castle: Oh. Hold on, that didn't...come out...actually, I'm still sleep-talking. I can't really be held responsible for whatever I say.
Pi: [Bursting into the room without knocking] Wow, even when you're fighting you two are super cute.
Castle: Pi...
Pi: Morning Mr. C, Mrs. C-to-be

[After a hostage tries to disarm Emma, a shot went off and hits Castle]
Sergeant Roman: All units: Full breach! Go go go!
Emma: Oh my god, I killed Richard Castle!
[SWAT team enters the doctor's office and disarms Emma]
Sergeant Roman: We're gonna need the EMT right away! Let's go!
Kate: [Kneeling over Castle] Castle?
Castle: Cheeseburgers! Cheeseburgers... How much worth ... [Pointing at the bulletproof vest] She dotted the I!
Kate: Yes! [hugging Castle]
Castle: Aaah! Chest! Oouh, that hurts!
Kate: Yeah, well, getting hit by a projectile travelling at a thousand feet per seconds can ... sting a bit...
Castle: Yeah, that's gonna leave a mark...
Kate: All that matters is you're OK now...
Castle: Oh, I'm better than OK Beckett, I know who the killer is!

Mr. Vance: [on the phone] No, I'm having breakfast with the judge
Ryan: Hi, Mr. Vance, I'm detective Ryan...
Mr. Vance: [still on the phone] No, he's a friend of a friend. [Chuckling] Yeah...
Ryan: [Taking the phone out of the hands of Mr. Vance] He's gonna need to call you back.

Captain Gates: You ordered Aron Stokes in for questioning? Are you serious?
Esposito: You told us to build our case, and Mr. Stokes is where it went.
Captain Gates: This is a very powerful man who happens to be golfing-buddies with the police Commissioner.
Castle: So because he has a standing tee time with your boss, he gets away with murder?
Captain Gates: I'm handling the interview
Ryan: What? No, sir, this is our case...
Captain Gates: Yes, and it will be your jobs if there's any blowback. I am not gonna have you two risk your careers.
Kate: Captain, I don't have a career to risk. How about I back you up in there?
Captain Gates: Okay...
Castle: Captain, I too have no career to risk, why don't I ... [Gates sharply looks at him with her arms akimbo] maybe I should ... you know, I'm gonna do is I'm gonna stay here, I think you guys got this handled...

Time Will Tell [6.5][edit]

Doyle: Look, after the bloody energy wars of 2031, funneling
Castle: Energy wars!
Doyle: Yeah, you know faschists control the power, trying to control the world's energy supply for a select few - don't worry, we defeat them - turns out, that one of these new sources of power is a tachyon generator as it opens doors in time-stream continuum, allowing us to travel back in time! But of course because of the possibilty of abuse, it was technically regulated against, secret from the public...
Beckett: We have a witness that saw you leaving Shauna Taylor's apartment shortly after she was killed...
Doyle: I'm getting to that - look, I'm a temporal anthropologist. What we do is travel back in time and we study culturally significant eras - ancient Egypt, middle ages, man I've been to Nazi Germany!
Castle: Aren't you worried about the Butterfly Effect, a slightly change in something in the past thus altering the future?
Doyle: No, we're careful. The timestream is mostly self-correcting, you know? Any small changes like a little ripple [...] [snipping his fingers] doesn't matter, but if someone wants do do something big, if someonebody wants to do something massive, then yes, of course, you're damn right you can change the future! And by the way, that's exactly what just happened!

Doyle: [agitated] Whatever chain of events has just started now will result in billions of deaths that did not otherwise occur, you understand me?

Beckett: [on the phone] This is Detective Beckett, got a suspect at large, I'm gonna need patrol sweeps of the area along with a full CSU team at the scene.
Doyle: Real trauma, that one - can't believe you married her...
Castle: How did you know I marry her?
Doyle: One of your book jackets: you know, "Richard Castle lives in New York with his wife Senator Beckett and three children"
Castle: Senator...
Beckett: [turns around astounded] Three kids?!?

Beckett: Who the hell is Paul Deschile?
Ryan: He's a 21-year old at Hudson getting his post-doc in theoretical physics
Beckett: Alright, get him into protective custody!
Ryan: He's on leave this semester, the university has no idea where he is, so in turn look for his parents...
Doyle: [agitated] Detective, it's him! Deschile!
Castle: You know him?
Doyle: [still agitated] Of course I know him, everyone knows him! Oh man, if he's killed...
Beckett: Yah, OK, I'll call you back - Doyle, sit down!
Doyle: No wonder billions of people die...
Castle: Hey, who the hell is Paul Deschile?
Doyle: [getting really agitated] The energy wars I told you about! The other side, a group of faschists, they were worse than the Nazis, the..they were slaughtering people by the ten-thousands, Okay? They were winning, until Deschile! He and his team they, they created an energy shield which was able to stop their weapons and completely turn the tide! Detective, listen to me! Ward is still obviously fighting for the faschists! They're trying to win the war by re-writing history! If he kills Deschile, there will be no energy shield, and without that energy shield, we lose that war! Ward's gonna kill Deschile, and that is why billions of people die!
Beckett: OK, we don't have time for this - take him to holding, please...

Get A Clue [6.6][edit]

Like Father, Like Daughter [6.7][edit]

A Murder is Forever [6.8][edit]

Disciple [6.9][edit]

Castle: I love when you get angry... [Beckett sighs] I mean at other people...

The Good, the Bad, and the Baby [6.10][edit]

Under Fire [6.11][edit]

Deep Cover [6.12][edit]

Limelight [6.13][edit]

Esposito: Hey Castle, looks like your lovelife made the paper again...
Castle: Ah, what? Alright, alright, who am I gonna hook up with now?
Ryan: [Reading an article in the paper] Novelist Richard Castle and New York Police detective Katherine Beckett, both native New Yorkers, are pleased to announce their engagement.
Castle: No, nah, nonononono, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't do this...
Beckett: [Coming forward] Actually, I did.
Castle: I thought you...
Beckett: I know Castle, I like my privacy, but I do realize that you're somewhat famous...
Castle: [Indignantly] Somewhat?
[Ryan and Esposito make the "little" gesture]
Beckett: Yes, and if we're gonna be together, I have to come to terms with that. And if they're gonna write about you, I want it to be the truth, I want it to be about us. [Hugging Castle]
Castle: Well, there's no one that... [Esposito and Ryan grinning in the background, waiting for Castle and Beckett to kiss, Castle giving them the looks, they turn away] There's no one I'd rather share a headline with, but just for the interest of accuracy, let's see if we are getting married in space?
Beckett: No, it's not gonna happen...
Castle: [looking disappointed] Be pretty fun, space...

Dressed to Kill [6.14][edit]

Smells Like Teen Spirit [6.15][edit]

Room 147 [6.16][edit]

In the Belly of the Beast [6.17][edit]

The Way of the Ninja [6.18][edit]

The Greater Good [6.19][edit]

That '70s Show [6.20][edit]

Yvonne: Just turn off your cellphones, pretend like it's 40 years ago and you shouldn't have any problems. [breathes deep] Actually, you [pointing at Beckett] will have a problem...

Leone: [About Beckett] I mean, have you ever seen a cop with an ass that fine? If this does women's lib, I'm all for it!
Beckett: [indignantly] Excuse me?!?
Castle: To be fair, you do have a very fine ... nevermind ...

Ryan: [after watching the "documentary" about police work in the '70s] So, good old days of police brutality...

Leone: Come on baby, once you go white, nothing else seems right!
Lanie: Iiiii'd rather be dead than end up in your bed

Beckett: [addressed to Leone] Stop talkin', start walkin'!

Law & Boarder [6.21][edit]

[Castle putting up a Scrabble board]
Beckett: Hey! So, uhm, where's your mom?
Castle: Ah, she and Alexis went to dinner and a midnight sing-a-long with Grease, why?
Beckett: Cause, I'm ready for a rematch! [Tossing the stones from the table]
Castle: Why did you do that?
Beckett: New game: Poker!
Castle: You wanna play Poker against me?
Beckett: Strip Poker!
Castle: I'll deal! [Later, clothes laying on the couch] Your bet!
Beckett: I think I'm gonna go All In!
Castle: Me too! But, all I have left for bet with is this shirt.
Beckett: I'll take that bet - what have you got?
Castle: Who cares? [Both throw away the cards and start kissing] This is so much better than Scrabble!
Beckett: Yeah...

Veritas [6.22][edit]

[Beckett broke into a warehouse and found a car with blood on the passenger's seat]
Beckett: You killed Jason Marks and the blood in the car is gonna prove it!
Simmons: Well, then that's a good thing you have a warrant - You do have a warrant, don't you Detective? [Beckett not answering] Aww, I see, that's a shame, because now aaall that evidence has become fruit of the poisoned tree. My lawyers and I thank you!

[Lanie is calling Beckett]
Beckett: Lanie, hey!
Lanie: [looking concerned] Hey, we have a problem...
Beckett: What's wrong?
Lanie: I found a bullet in Vulcan's body, lodged in his spine, a .40 caliber, the killer must've missed it.
Beckett: How is that a problem? If ballistics gets a match then...
Lanie: Ballistics did get a match. The bullet came from a pistol that was registered to you! Kate, Vulcan Simmons was killed with your gun!
Castle: How could it be from your gun? You have your gun!
Beckett: That's my backup piece. I have a .40 cal in my safe at home.
Castle: You're being set up!

Castle: Yeah, but Smith is dead! He died in hospital!
Esposito: Maybe it's just how he wanted this to look.
Castle: Smith did have the resources to fake his own death, and that is the only way Bracken would stop hunting him!
Ryan: [Looking surprised] Bracken? Is that what this is all about?
Castle: We believe Vulcan's drug money was funding his campaign. We were trying to find a link, but maybe we got too close.

[Castle and Beckett meet with Smith in the parking garage]
Smith: I'm going to great lengths to keep alive. I'd like it to stay that way.
Beckett: And yet you came back.
Smith: I can survive in the shadow, I just don't wanna live there forever.
Castle: You need to take Bracken down, same as we do.
Beckett: There has to be a way!
Smith: Yes, and I thought I found it. I got to one of Bracken's men, he told me there was something the Senator was afraid of: a recording made by a former associate to protect himself. A recording in which Bracken admits to murder.

Smith: Detective, you are radioactive! You can't even help yourself.

[Beckett found a tape inside the Elephants on her desk after being detained, later everybody sits around a tape recorder]
Raglin: [On tape] Bracken, shut the door!
Bracken: [On tape] You've got balls to get here!
Gates: Is that?
Castle: Senator Bracken, back when he was still assistant DA.
Montgomery: [On tape] Look, we just want to make sure we're all on the same page.
Beckett: And that's Montgomery.
Montgomery: [On tape] You took us for a lot of money, Bracken. We want insurances!
Bracken: [On tape] Hey, be happy I haven't busted the three of you for your little Mafia extortion ring!
Montgomery: [On tape] Whoa, relax!
Bracken: [On tape] Nono, you want insurances? Here you go: I assure you that as easily I pinned Bob Armond's murder on Pulgati, I can just as easily pin it on the cops who did the deed!
Gates: Bracken just admitted to blackmailing!
Castle: He sure did!
Montgomery: [On tape] Pulgati knows he's been framed, what if someone gets onto this?
Bracken: [On tape] Then I'll handle them!
Montgomery: [On tape] You? How?
Bracken: [On tape] I know people, Roy! Dangerous people! Anyone gets too close like this bitch lawyer Joanna Beckett has been poking around, I'll have them killed! I had people killed before.
[Beckett realizes that's the tape Montgomery used to protect him and her]

[Beckett confronts Senator Bracken in front of reporters]
Bracken: [nervously] You can't... You can't be here.
Beckett: I found the tape. I found it. It's over. Senator Bracken, you are under arrest for conspiracy, fraud, and the murder of my mother Johanna Beckett. Turn around please.

For Better or For Worse [6.23][edit]

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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