Chad Vader
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- For other uses of "Star Wars", see Star Wars.
Chad Vader is a Star Wars fan film series that has gained popularity on the internet.
Contents |
[edit] Chad Vader
- What is thy bidding, my Master?
- Strike me down with your hate and claim your refund!
- I sense a disturbance in the store....
- Can someone have this droid repaired?
- I searched my feelings--all of them!
- I spy on people every day, and I don't need to go where they are to do it.
- I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.
- What do you mean error 412?! I've checked the manual--there is no such error! Now do my job! DO! MY! JOB!!!
- Admiral, you came out of light-speed too close to the system! [Imitates laser sounds]
- Your baby is ugly!
- And now, witness the true product scanning power of this fully armed and operational laser check-out system!
- [before he and Jeremy begin their lightsaber duel, Jeremy takes out an oddly constructed Lightsaber handle] I see you have constructed a new lightsaber...it looks like a piece of crap.
[edit] Jeremy
- There's something alive in here. I've got a bad feeling about this....
- RACCOON!!!!
- There's a guy sleeping on the meat!
- Lord Vader, there's a dog loose in the store!
[edit] Clarissa
- Why don't you do something with your life and stop being so lame?!
[edit] Clint
- And once more, I hate you. You're a total A-hole. A total asshole.
[edit] Margret
- Everything is happening exactly according to plan....[evil laugh]
- [after she tells Chad Libby was deported] She left this for you. I was gonna burn it, but I couldn't find any matches.
[edit] Other
- Weird Jimmy: I believe in you Chad! And I also believe in elves.
- Robbie Johnson: I'm gonna go that that store across the street. I wanna stay drunk forever!
[edit] Dialogue
[edit] Season 1
[edit] Day Shift Manager
[Chad walks over to Store Clerk who is stocking items]
- Chad: What is the meaning of this?
- Clerk: [not even shaken] The meaning of what?
- Chad: I ordered this task to be completed an hour ago!
- Clerk: Yeah, you did.
- Chad: You have failed me for the last time!
- Clerk: That's what you said the last time.
- Chad: I have been too forgiving in the past. Do not fail me again!
- Clerk: Because that will be the last time.
- Chad: Yes...no....I don't know....continue stocking! [walks away]
- Chad: May I speak with you a moment, my Master?
- Randy: It's just Randy, okay, Chad?
- Chad: Yes, my Master. (Chad kneels.)
- Randy: And don't kneel! It's...weird.
- Chad: I have grave news.
(Flashback)
- Chad: Tammy, I need you to work an extra shift on Saturday.
- Tammy: No. (Tammy walks away.)
(End flashback)
- Chad:...and then she walked away!
- Randy: Okay. So?
- Chad: Our plans to make this station fully operational on Saturday may be jeopardised!
- Randy: Look, uh, just get someone to take her shift, okay, Chad?
- Chad: As you wish, Emperor.
- Randy: It's Randy! RANDY! I'm not an Emperor!
[edit] The Date
- Chad: I sense potential in you, young one.
- Jeremy: Yeah!!!
- Chad: I shall take you on as my apprentice, Jeremy. Together we shall decimate the competition and conquer the food retailing industry!
- Jeremy: That would be awesome!
- Chad: (swinging his lightsaber) Yes, it SHALL be awesome! (Chad's lightsaber smashes through a display case.) Oh, um...clean that up, Jeremy. (Chad walks away.)
- Clarissa: So, I've always wondered, what's up with the suit and the helmet?
- Chad: I--I was in a biking accident.
- Clarissa: You ride a motorcycle?
- Chad: No, a bicycle. I lost control on a road and I went over an embankment, down a hill, into a volcano.
- Clarissa: Oh my gosh!
- Chad: But my brother--I have a famous brother--he sent me this suit. I can never remove it or I will die.
[edit] The Night Shift
- Chad: Hello, Lionel. I am Lord Vader, the new night shift manager.
- Lionel: 25 cents a can.
- Chad: What?
- Lionel: Tomato sauce. It's on sale. That lady bought like...10 cans. She saved a lot.
- Chad: Uh, what lady?
- Lionel: She was here about an hour ago. She saved a lot.
- Chad: Yes.... Well, I must return to my--
- Lionel: Muffins. Swiss cheese. Roast beef.
- Chad: Okay...?
- Lionel: Say, do you like light bulbs?
- Weird Jimmy: You're doomed! Doomed! DOOMED!
- Chad: This is bullshit.
[edit] Dog in the Store
- Hal: Excuse me, where are your live chickens?
- Chad: We do not carry that item.
- Hal: I found some frozen ones, but they won't work for my voodoo ritual.
- Chad: We do NOT carry that item.
- Hal: But where are they?
- Chad: I told you already! We do NOT have live chickens. Does this look like a chicken coop? Do not ask me where they are because they are NOT here!
- Weird Jimmy: She dumped you...didn't she? [referring to Clarissa]
- Chad: How did you-
- Weird Jimmy: You and I have a lot in common, Chad. I used to be the Day Shift Manager here, at Empire Market. Then they made me the Night Shift Manager...just like you. Soon after, I developed som mi-minor problems. [snickers] Now...my life is over.
- Chad: Well, I must go back inside now.
- Weird Jimmy: Chad...it doesn't have to be like this. You always have a choice.....UNLESS YOU'RE ME!! [laughs like a mad-man]
- Chad: Return the day shift to me, Randy. You do not realize the power I posess! Together we can rule Empire Market as General Manager and Day Manager!
- Randy: Come on, Chad. You've had a rough first night. Let's go into my office--
- Chad: You will join me or die!
- Randy: Do you really mean that, Chad?
- Chad: No. Please give me my day shift back.
[edit] Drunk
- Bartender: That job meant a lot to you, huh?
- Chad: Yes, she did.
- Bartender: She?
- Chad: Clarissa. My supposed former girlfriend is out on a date with my arch-enemy Clint.
- Bartender: But you know, they're sitting right over there.
- Chad: Yes, I know...
- Clarissa: I saw you following us.
- Chad: No, you didn't. Stop lying.
- Clarissa: Chad--
- Chad: How does it feel to be such a liar?
- Clarissa: Why don't you do something with your life and stop being so lame?
- Chad: I can't help it, Clarissa. I'm lame! LAME!
[edit] New Job
- Chad: You think you have won this round, eh? Wait until I send a service droid to your house to destroy your communication--
- Telemarketing Boss: Hey, Chad?
- Chad: Hmm?
- Telemarketing Boss: It's not working out.
- Chad: Fine. If you want to fire me after one phone call, fine. I don't care....
[Chad was just fired from his second job]
- Ghost: Chad, chad! I's me, the ghost, remember?
- Chad: What do you want?
- Ghost: Why are you here? Don't you know that the store is where you belong?
- Chad: I am NEVER going back to that place! [to people talking see Chad in a fury with the Ghost, but don't see who he is talking with] EVER! [Chad runs away screaming]
[crash offscreen]
- Ghost: He's all right! My- my fault.
- Chad: [offscreen] My knee!
- Resturant Boss: (In Spanish) Hey, Chad.
- Chad: (In Spanish) Yes?
- Resturant Boss: (In Spanish) It's not working out.
- Chad: (In Spanish) What a suprise!
[in a reference to the opening scene of episode 1] Thursday; Chad is wiping down the Mayor's desk]
- Mayor: What is the meaning of this?
- Chad: [startled] The uh, meaning of what, Mr. Mayor?
- Mayor: I ordered this task completed an hour ago!
- Chad: Oh, I umm....you did?
- Mayor: [darkly] You have failed me for the last time.
- Chad: Uhhhhhhhh...I don't get it.
- Mayor: [normal] Chad, it's not working out.
- Chad: [sighs] FIRED AGAIN!
[edit] Trapped in the Trash
- Ben (Ghost): I have some information for you.
- Chad: Really? What?
- Ben (Ghost): Clint hates you.
- Chad: (sarcasm) Oh, I had NO idea!
- Jeremy: The power switch! Too weak...!
- Weird Jimmy: What, this? Oh, I don't know, I have to consult with Mop! (Holds a silent conversation with his mop) Nope, sorry! Can't do it!
- Jeremy: No!
- Weird Jimmy: Just JOKING!
[the power goes out]
- Clint: What, you think I'm afraid of the dark?
- Chad: You will be. [draws lightsaber] You WILL be...
- Clint: Let's end this.
[edit] Chad Fights Back
- Chad: Turn and face me.
- Clint: [annoyed] What now?
[Chad uses the force to throw a lemon at Clint]
- Clint: A lemon? That's all you got?
- Chad: It's all I need....
[after Chad gets his job back]
- Randy: Now, Chad you're going to need to make some changes in your attitude.
- Chad: WHAT?! Uh...I mean...Yes, my master. [bows]
[edit] Season 2
[edit] The Takeover
- Randy: Hello everyone, uhh, welcome to Empire Market.
- Champion J. Pepper: Hello. I'm Champion J. Pepper.
- Randy: Yes, I know. We've known each other for years, Mr. Pepper.
- Pepper: I know that. I just like to introduce myself every time I enter a room. It's a new thing I'm trying out.
- Randy: I...see.
[edit] Laser Trouble
[a mouse droid appears]
- Chad: Ahh, that cute little guy. By the end of the month, I hope to construct a fleet of these cleaning droids. It will increase our maintenance efficiency by 18%.
[Hal walks over to the mouse droid]
- Hal: Excuse me, do you have diapers...for fresh babies?
- Mouse Droid: [begins to spark] EXTERMINATE-IMPURITY!!
[Hal runs away in fear]
- Chad: Uhh...still working the bugs out...
- Mouse Droid: EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!
- Chad: ...and this is...Weird Jimmy.
- Margret: Well look at you!
- Weird Jimmy: I'd prefer you didn't.
- Margret: What does Weird Jimmy do?
- Chad: He...uhh...excellent question.
- Weird Jimmy: What I do before noon, would make a grown man cry and skip his breakfast. I swoop down in the night, with claws and a beak, like the shadow of a scary dream bird! When you wake up, all sweaty and nervous, you better pray to whatever god you believe in that you NEVER know the darkness that I have seen!
[pause]
- Margret: So you're the janitor?
- Weird Jimmy: [normal tone] Pretty much, yeah.
- Chad & Margret: Let's move on.
[edit] Into the Basement
- Chad: Is this man bothering you, Libby? [referring to Lloyd]
- Libby: Not really.
- Chad: Hey Lloyd, let me see that cookie for a second.
- Lloyd: [gives the cookie to Chad] Sure thing, Chad.
[Chad throws the cookie at Jeremey's helmet causing Lloyd to go get it, Chad takes Lloyd's seat]
- Chad: He was bothering me! [laughs] That's a good one. Do you like jokes? I have more.
- Libby: [shaking her head] No, I don't really like jokes or conversation. I prefer to sit in silence and pray.
- Chad: Umm....yeah.
- Libby: It was a joke, Chad.
- Chad: Oh! [forced laughter]
[edit] The Basement Strikes Back
- Jeremey: [recalibrating the boiler] I think it's done! I think I finally did something right!
- Weird Jimmy: That's what the last guy said. Right before everything went GLOOM!!! [laughs]
- Weird Jimmy: Hey, guys. What would you do if I told you there were three killer robots waiting for us outside this door?
- Chad: [giving normal response] Oh, I would hide and probably cry. You?
- Jeremy: I would fight and smash!
- Weird Jimmy: Well you're gonna need to do that.
[edit] The New Employee
- :Chad: Robbie, how are you?
- Robbie Johnson: Happier than I've ever been in my entire life! I'm back where I belong. Forever!
- Margret: I want you to personally supervise Robbie's training, Chad. He's your...apprentice if you will.
- Chad: What about Commander Wigstrom? He's my-
- Margret: You are to stop wasting time with Jeremey and focus on Robbie, is that clear?
- Chad: As you wish.
- Margret: Is. That. Clear?
- Chad: Yeah. As you wish mean o-
- Margret: Good. Dismissed. [Chad and Robbie leave] Everything is happening exactly according to plan! [evil laugh]
[edit] First Kiss
- Robbie Johnson: All this food looks so foreign and exotic. I think I'll have the....pasta.
- Chad: I'm going to start this special meal off with a delicious chocholatinee.
- Libby: I'm sorry Chad, Maggy said we couldn't order any alcohol.
- Chad: Of course. How silly of me. I'm going to start this special meal off with some delicious....water.
[edit] Goodbye, Chad
- Chad: Clarissa. Looking lovely as ever!
- Clarissa: When are we gonna go on that second date?
- Chad: No-can-do. I'm seeing someone! Heh heh. Audious, moochacha!
- Chad: [after reading Libby's farewell letter] Gone. Libby! NOOOOOOO- a marshmallow hits him in the face] Huh?
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: Chad Vader!
- Chad: Who the hell are you?
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: It is I, Marshmallow Bandit-o.
- Chad: [not even shaken] Uhh-huh.
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: You would do well to cower before my might! I am your arch-nemesis.
- Chad: You picked the wrong day to mess with me, nerd. [the Marshmallow Bandit-o spits a marshmallow at Chad] Don't make me destr- [the marhmallow hits him in the face] Eww.
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: [laughs]
[edit] Bandito Beatdown
- Marshmallow Bandito: You may wonder, the details of my descendent abilities.
- Chad: [immediatly] Nope.
[Chad is chasing the Marshmallow Bandito with his lightsaber]
- Marshmallow Bandito: Today, I flee my enemy! But soon, I'll-
[Chad uses the force to throw a package of paper towels at the Marshmallow Bandito]
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: OW! I am defeated! I just want a ride home [Chad throws more stuff] Ahh!
- Chad: You like marshmallow's huh? Well here's some marshmallows. Here's all you can eat!
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: I don't even like marshm- [Chad stuffs a marshmallow into the Marshmallow Bandito's mouth]
- Chad: Eat! Eat! [stuff more into his mouth; and laughs evily with pleasure] Yeah! They're free this time! [laughs even more and is stuffing marshmallows into the Marshmallow Bandito's face; his laughter slowly turns to crying] LIBBY!!
- Jeremy: ....they went out. And they didn't even invite me. I just feel so betrayed!
- Weird Jimmy: So you ratted him out. YOU TRAITOROUS SWINE!!
[edit] Showdown
- Jeremey: Becoming general manager? That would fulfill Grandpa Wigstrom's dying wish!
[flashback]
- Grandpa Wigstrom's Voice: My boy! I want you to manage something, like a store! That is my wish for you.
- Jeremey's Voice: Your dying wish, grandpa?
- Grandpa Wigstrom's Voice: I'm not dying! Who said I w- GAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
- Jeremey's Voice: Ah! I didn't do it!
- Lloyd: Hey! Chad have you met the new employee yet?
- Chad: Nope. Is he cool?
- Sean Banditson: CHAD VADER! The Marshmallow Bandito returns!
[Chad grunts in annoyance]
- Sean: Although, now you can refer to me as Sean Banditson...my real name.
- Chad: Wait! You're not the new-- Oh no!
- Sean: Rent was due, and the white make-up made me get a rash. So now I am here to make minimum wage, and make your life a maximum hell! [laughs evilly]
[edit] Training Videos
- 'Weird Jimmy: [talking about mopping: The most important aspect of mopping is the grip. You have to hold your mop as if it were a shovel, or a Civil War rifle, of a knife.......a giant knife...
- Chad: [nervous laughter] Uhh...Jimmy?
- Weird Jimmy: But more imortant than the grip is listening to your mop, because mops talk. [Chad sighs and shakes his head] They tell you where the dirtiest parts of the floor are.....and the dirtiest parts of your soul.....
- Chad: What is he doing? Jimmy. Wake up.
- Weird Jimmy: A lot of people don't believe me when I say there are such things as elves...
- Chad: ARGH! The Goddamn elves again!
[edit] External links
- Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager Official Page
- Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager online at AtomFilms
