- Gavin: my father-in-law got me to screw a good man, a decent man, out of his money. And my wife cheers me on.
- Uncut version of the confessional.
- Gavin: [God's] watching us. He's peering down at us, you know? Sometimes God likes to watch a love story, sometimes God likes to watch a football game, you know? He channel hops. Sometimes God likes a war. Sometimes God likes to put two guys in a paper bag and just let 'em rip.
- Priest: God loves you.
- Gavin: That is a joke. God is a pathetic joke for losers, and you know it.