Condorman is a 1981 adventure/comedy superhero film from Walt Disney Productions. Inspired by Robert Sheckley's The Game of X, the movie follows comic book illustrator Woodrow Wilkin's attempts to assist in the defection of a female Soviet KGB agent.
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- Krokov: Have you seen this report on this Condorman? Or this man Wilkins? He is an AMATEUR, do you hear? He is NOT an agent of the CIA! He is a WRITER OF COMIC BOOKS!
- Woody Wilkins: Who can save Princess Juliet - held captive by the evil Count Lorca? Who can save the city? Who?
[pauses to put on goggles; in a deeper voice]
- Woody Wilkins: Who... this is a job - for CONDORMAN!
- Harry Oslo: [as Condorman drops into the Seine] Flap, Woody! Flap!
- Harry Oslo: Woody, you're a great cartoonist, and you're a great comic book writer - but you're a lousy bird.
- Turkish waiter: Your order, sir?
- Woody Wilkins: [indicates Natlia's drink] I'll have one of those.
- Turkish waiter: One Istanbul Express.
- Woody Wilkins: Yes. A double.
- Turkish waiter: [surprised] A double? Nobody orders the double, sir!
- Woody Wilkins: Okay. Make it a triple.
- Woody Wilkins: [sitting up in the snow after falling from a cable broken by the KGB] I think they're gone! We can move now!
- Harry Olso: I... may... never... move... again.
[collapses into snow]
- Natalia: [Natalia has just discovered that Woody is not a real agent] Harry, who are you?
- Harry Olso: Huh?
- Natalia: [holds up one of Woody's comic books] Woody is Condorman, I am Laser Lady! Who are you?
- Harry Olso: [looking resigned] How'd ya find out?
- Natalia: [indicating the gaggle of children around her] The children here read comic books, too.
- Harry Olso: [sighs] Let's take a walk.
- Woody Wilkins: Condorman - vulture of the Western world.
[takes drink, looks surprised, spews jet of flame]
- Woody Wilkins: [after accidentally firing his machine-gun walking stick] That's a hair-trigger!
- Woody Wilkins: Rupel for your thoughts...
[puts arm around Natalia]
- Natalia: [puts her arm around Woody] When I parted from Krokov, I promised myself I would never love again... a man of deception. But now I know there is deception, and deception...
- Woody Wilkins: I don't understand...
- Natalia: But I do.
- Natalia: When I go to America, and reading the Sunday funnies, and eating my Big Mac, and planning for the senior prom...
- Woody Wilkins: [interrupts] You may have missed the prom...
- Natalia: ...I would like it very much, if I could pick up my American telephone, call my friend Woody, and say... come over and be *diplomatic* with me.
- Woody Wilkins: I'll bring the dip, if you bring the dostoevsky.
- Natalia: [looks at Woody, confused]
- Woody Wilkins: That's a yes.
- Krokov: [turns on the lamp] Hello, Natalia. Welcome home.
- Natalia: Sergei. I didn't expect you.
- Krokov: I'm sure you didn't, my dear. Nor did I expect you to travel to Istanbul to meet our American friend.
- Natalia: As I was going to tell you about. The meeting was supposed to be a civilian operation, eh? They sent a *top* agent. He was good.
[steps behind the dressing screen to change clothes]
- Natalia: Very smooth. And very tough. Almost as tough as you, Sergei.
- Krokov: And his name? Surely, when you were finding out how... tough... and how smooth he was, you found out his name?
- Natalia: He called himself Condorman.
- Krokov: Condorman? Quaint. But he is good. The way he handled those tree turks was impressive. But, you were stupid to be seen by a Chinese agent. And I cannot afford costly mistakes. Oh, my dear Natalia, that is why I have changed my mind about talking you with me to Monte Carlo. You need to be... re-educated, on the, teachings, of our masters.
- Michael Crawford as Woodrow "Woody" Wilkins
- Oliver Reed as Krokov
- Barbara Carrera as Natalia Rambova
- James Hampton as Harry
- Jean-Pierre Kalfon as Morovich
- Dana Elcar as Russ
- Vernon Dobtcheff as Russian agent
- Robert Arden as CIA Chief