Criminal Minds

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search

Criminal Minds (2005–) is an American CBS television show about an elite squad of FBI profilers that analyzes the country's most twisted criminal minds and anticipates their next move before they strike again.


Season 1[edit]

Extreme Aggressor [1.1][edit]

Gideon: Joseph Conrad said, "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."

Hotchner: This is Special Agent Spencer Reid.
Gideon: Doctor Reid.
Hotchner: Dr. Reid, our expert on...well, everything.

[dog barks and Reid jumps]
Hotchner: It's ok, it's what we call the Reid effect; it happens with children, too.

Hotchner: This is Dr. Reid.
Heather’s Brother: Doctor? You seem too young to have gotten into medical school...
Reid: They're PhD's, three of them.
Heather’s Brother: Are you a genius or something?
Reid: I don’t believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute. [gets a weird look] Yes, I’m a genius.

Gideon: Hotch tell 'em we're ready!
Morgan: We're ready? (looks to Reid as Gideon exits the room) Reid, are you good with this? We’ve got a woman who’s only got a few hours left to live, an incomplete profile and a Unit Chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Gideon: [enters the room then grabs an apple and walks back out saying] They don’t call them nervous breakdowns anymore.
Reid: It's called a major depressive episode.

Gideon: Emerson said, "All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle."

Gideon: "Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
Reid: Samuel Beckett.
Morgan: "Try not. Do, or do not."
Reid: Yoda.

Reid: [referring to Gideon] Do you know why he always introduces me as Dr. Reid?
Hotchner: Because he knows people see you as a kid and he wants to make sure they respect you.

Gideon: Winston Churchill said, "The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you will see."
[Accurate for show quote, inaccurate according to Winston Churchill page]

Hotch:[to Morgan] ...guess what Gideon means?
Reid: [Walking past] Mighty Warrior. Appropriate.

Gideon: Nietzsche once said, "When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you."

Garcia: You've reached Penelope Garcia in the FBI's office of supreme genius.
Morgan: Hey it's Morgan. I need you to work me some magic here. I got a program called Deadbolt Defense and a girl with only a couple hours to live. So what do you know?
Garcia: Then you've got a problem. Deadbolt's the number one password crack resistant software out there. You're going to have to get inside this guy's head to get the password.
Morgan: I thought I was calling the office of supreme genius.
Garcia: Well gorgeous you've been rerouted to the office of too frickin' bad.

Morgan: He put bombs in metro train stataions, book stores and movie theatres!
Girl 1: Oh um...The Mad Bomber, George Metesky!
Morgan: Nice! Winners sit...Losers drink!
Girl 2: Hang on! Metesky wasn't a serial killer. None of his bombs ever killed anyone!
Morgan: Wait you think all we do is Serial Killers? Trust me we deal with the whole spectrum of psychos! We profiled the DC Sniper, the Unibomber. We do arsons, murders...
Girl 2: Supervisory Special Agents trying to get Trainees drunk?

Compulsion [1.2][edit]

Gideon: Einstein once said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited; imagination encircles the world."

Elle: Chemical accelerant could mean chemistry student.
Reid: It could also mean chemistry professor.
Elle: I say student. You need self-confidence to lecture in front of a classroom full of 30 college kids. Arsonists are socially incompetent. This guy doesn’t go on dates, doesn’t go to parties, doesn’t feel comfortable in front of groups. [Reid looks at Elle, realizing he fits the description] And of course he’s a total psychopath.
Reid: Of course.

Gideon: No badges. I don’t want to satisfy the unsub’s need for attention by letting him know the FBI is here. Try not to look official. [looks at the team] Try to look less official.

Garcia: Okay, you know how on Star Trek when Captain Kirk asked McCoy to do something totally impossible and McCoy says, "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!"?
Morgan: Hey, what are you telling me? Not to expect a miracle?
Garcia: No, I'm saying I'm not a doctor.
Morgan: That's my girl.

Morgan: You know, there’s got to be a faster way to do this. How about we just change the first question to "have you recently dated a homicidal pyromaniac?"

Elle: Well, what is the most sinful place on campus?
Morgan: Come on, Elle, when I was in college it was everywhere.

Gideon: You rely too much on precedent, you never allow for the unexpected.

Gideon: James Reese once said, "There are certain clues at a crime scene which, by their very nature, do not lend themselves to being collected or examined. How's one collect love, rage, hatred, fear...? These are things that we're trained to look for."

Patrol Guy: You’re one of those FBI guys. A profiler, right? Like, one look at the crime scene you can tell what kind of shampoo a killer uses.
Gideon: You’re a bit skeptical.
Patrol Guy: Maybe a little.
Gideon': Your girlfriend thinks you’re going to break up with her.
Patrol Guy: You’re kidding, right?
Gideon: Well, you keep adjusting your necklace. That tells me you're not used to wearing one or somebody else probably bought it for you, bought it recently, and the Chinese symbol on it means "forever yours."
Gideon': You broke up with her. No more necklace.
Patrol Guy: Yeah, I kinda wanted to date someone else.
Gideon: What's her name?
Patrol Guy: Brian
Gideon: Oh. Well, that's... That's a pretty good reason.

Garcia: If I figure it out, does it earn me a night of passionate love-making?
Morgan: Most definitely, Sweetness. With Reid.

Gideon: Faulkner once said, "Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."

Won't Get Fooled Again [1.3][edit]

Gideon: Samuel Johnson wrote, "Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those who we cannot resemble."

Elle: I may have something. Barbara Keller was having some trouble insuring some coins she bought. The insurance company thought they might be fake.
Hotchner: So the insurance company is blowing up annoying clients?

Morgan: My bomb fragments- let’s start putting this bad boy together.
Garcia: Why bother, don’t you just dust for prints and...stuff?
Morgan: [chuckling] Garcia, what are you doing in the FBI?
Garcia: I didn’t get into medical school.
Morgan: Why does that not surprise me?
Garcia: [punches Morgan] Ouch. That's what my father said.
Morgan: Now pay attention!
Garcia: Aww. It's like school!
Morgan: What you think it's bull? Seriously the way that they put these together can tell us something about the UnSub! I mean the Unabomber always put something wooden in his bombs. It's their singature...I mean they think that they're artists or something! The sign their work!
Garcia: Now you sound like Gideon!
Morgan: (punches her shoulder lightly) Okay. Ouch!
Garcia: Signature behaviour! If Walker got tips from Bale about bomb making then he may have told him how to steer clear of the police!
Morgan: Uh-uh! Someone's been taking notes!
Garcia: Medical school, schmedical school!
Morgan: Don't hurt yourself Garcia!

[Piecing together the bomb]
Garcia:: If there was a longer rod, it could've fit here and gone all the way through...
[Morgan looks at her in surprise]
Garcia: Tetris.

[Garcia is arranging her lunch nicely and was about to take her first bite]
Morgan: You ready to do some work?
Garcia: [dumps sandwich back onto plate] Why not? I haven't slept this week, might as well give up eating too.
Morgan: Aww, poor baby. Try not to let the tears hit the paper, it gets a little messy.

Hotch: I spent a good chunk of my childhood looking for a 1944 penny worth thousands.
[everyone stares]
Hotch: Yes, I was a little bit of a nerd, is that so surprising?
Elle: Not to me...

Plain Sight [1.4][edit]

Gideon: French poet Jacques Rigaut said, "Don't forget that I cannot see myself. That my role is limited to being the one who looks in the mirror."
Morgan: Come on Baby blow!
Elle: (laughing at Reid who is having trouble blowing out his candles) I thought you were full of hot air, Reid.
JJ: They're trick candles, Spence! They come back each time!
Morgan: (pulling on his hat like a baby) Aww, Mommy to the rescue!
Reid: Mommy?
Elle: (puts her hand on his shoulder) Ignore him!
Hotchner: (watching them interact) Isn't it amazing he knows what he knows and he's only 24?
Gideon: Imagine what he'll know by fifty!
Agent: Agent Hotchner?
JJ: (looks at Elle smiling) Hope you like chocolate!
Morgan: You blew wax on the cake man!
Reid: Sorry! (sees all the people crowding him then runs over to Gideon)
Gideon: You having fun?
Reid: (dully) Yes, yes i'm definately having fun!
Gideon: (smiles apologetically) You make a wish yet?
Reid: (eyes the "cake" hat nervously) Can I take this hat off?
Gideon: (looks at the others) I wouldn't!
JJ: (calls to Spencer) Hey, Spence? (holds out a slice of cake on a plate) First piece for the birthday boy!
Reid: (goes to walk away but walks back to Gideon) She's the only person in the whole world who calls me Spence.?! (laughs nervously)
JJ: (calls from off screen) Hey Spence? Get over here! (as Spencer sits at his desk) Did everyone get some?
Elle: (as she's eating) Mm! (as JJ goes to take a bite) There's a cherry in it! (then JJ raises her eyebrows surprised)
Morgan: (as Spencer goes to eat some cake) Hey, JJ? (as she looks at him) Why don't you feed it to him?
Spencer: (sighs audiably)

Morgan: Why the Tommy Killer?
Hotchner: You know the rock opera? Well, this unsub glues his victim's eyes wide open.
Reid: He wants them to see him.
Gideon: And feel him.

The Poem between Death and the Lady
'Fair Lady, throw those costly robes aside,
No longer may you glory in your pride;
Take leave of all your carnal vain delight,
I'm come to summon you away this night.'
'Talk not of noon! you may as well be mute;
There is no time at all for vain dispute,
Your riches, gold, and garments,jewels bright,
Your house, and land, must on new owners light.' - Death and the Lady by Lesley Nelson-Burns

Reid: You should see what comes up when you type "death" into a search engine.
Morgan: No wonder you can't find a date.

Gideon: Finding new ways to hurt each other is what we're good at.

Morgan: I hate not having a plan. We’re looking for a needle in a haystack.
Reid: Actually, it’s more like we’re looking for a needle in a pile of needles.
Morgan: What?
Reid: A needle would stand out in a haystack.
Morgan: [chuckling] Okay, then we're not looking for someone who stands out.
Reid: No, we're looking for a particular needle, in a pile of needles.
[Morgan gives him a look while he's busy looking through binoculars]

Reid: Do you think it's weird that I knew that ballad?
Elle: Reid, I don't know how you know half the stuff you know, but I'm glad you do.
Reid: Do you think that's why I can't get a date?
Elle: Have you ever asked anyone?
Reid: [Reid shifts his eyes] No.
Elle: That's why you can't get a date.

Gideon: There’s someone else on the plane that’s a huge Skins fan.
Reid: Who?
Gideon: The only person in the world who calls you 'Spence.'
Reid: [Looks back after getting up and moves his chess piece] Checkmate.

Gideon: Rose Kennedy once said, "Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them."

Broken Mirror [1.5][edit]

Gideon: Euripides said, "When a good man is hurt, all who would be called good must suffer with him."

[after seeing another agent flirt with Morgan and girls stare at him]
Reid: Must be tough, man.
Morgan: [laughs] Not really.
Reid: What do you mean? You don't DO anything and these women are throwing themselves at you.
Morgan: Strictly off limits, Reid.
Reid: There's no code of conduct that says agents can't socialize.
Morgan: See, my code of survival says never mess with a woman who carries a gun. (The next shot is of Elle Greenway)

Reid: I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.
Morgan: I never said that. When have I ever said that?
Reid: Every day since I met you.
Elle: This morning at breakfast.
Hotchner: Yesterday when he beat you at cards, um, we've got one minute.
Morgan: Anybody ever heard of sarcasm?
Elle and Reid: Mmhm.

Mr. Davenport: [talking to Reid] Excuse me, c-can you actually read that fast?
Reid: Our conscious mind can process sixteen bits of information per second; our unconscious, however, can process eleven million.
[Mr. Davenport glances between Gideon and Reid with a nervous look]
Reid: Yes, I- I really can read this fast.

Kidnapper: [on the phone] If you hang up, I'll rip her open-
Gideon: I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number. [disconnects the call]
Mr. Davenport: What the hell are you doing?!
Gideon: Saving your daughter, Mr. Davenport.

Elle: [regarding Cheryl, claiming that she can feel when something is wrong with her twin] You think Cheryl's a whackjob because she claims she can feel her sister's anxiety?
Morgan: I never said whackjob.
[Reid walks in]
Reid: Actually, there may be a physiological basis for it.
Morgan: Don't ask.
Reid: Reversed egg symmetry,monozygotic eggs split late between nine to twelve days, the DNA matches right down to the very last stranded code. There are sporadic documents of shared physiological pain.
Morgan: And you believe it?
Reid: No. I'm just saying it's possible.

Gideon: Euripides said, "When love is in excess, it brings a man no honor nor worthiness."
Patricia: No, no, no, no. Do not start with the "I love yous"
Her boyfriend: I do!
Patricia: You only say it when you're drunk!
Her boyfriend: I'm not drunk. I'm just buzzed a little bit!
Patricia: Um..."Buzzed a little bit" is what drunk people say to convince themselves that they're ot drunk! (he goes to kiss her) No, no, no! Touch your fingers to your nose! (he goes to use her fingers) Your fingers! (giggling she runs away from him) Walk a straight line! (sighing he holds his arms out to balance himself then walks over to Patricia and kisses her in pursuasion) Okay you can drive!
Her boyfriend: Alright!
Patricia: Slowly though no speeding!
Cheryl: This is where she fell! Trish is a fighter! She wouldn't have gone quietly! Not even with a gun pointed at her!
Elle: There are nail marks in the seat!
Morgan: So you think your sister is still alive?
Cheryl: I Know my sister is still alive!
Elle: You know in the way...twins know?
Cheryl: Not the "I-can-feel-my-twins-pain" crap! If you stick Trish with a needle I don't cry out but if something is wrong...I can feel it!
Cheryl: What's he doing?
Elle: He's role playing!
Cheryl: How does that work?
Elle: He's trying to get a feel for the kidnapper!
Cheryl: That doesn't sound very scientific does it?

L.D.S.K. [1.6][edit]

Gideon: Nietzsche wrote, "The irrationality of a thing is not an argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."

Hotchner: Shakespeare wrote, "Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable."

Reid: Look at me! Without a gun, I look like a teacher's assistant!

Elle: Reid failed his qualification.
Gideon: He can retest in two weeks.
Elle: Yeah, but he's gonna be embarrassed, so let's not mention it.
Gideon: Yeah, let's not.
Morgan: Not a word. [Reid enters the room] Hey, We're all here for you. I'm serious. If you ever need anything… [places a whistle around Reid's neck and blows on it] …just blow on that.

Philip Dowd: What kind of FBI agent doesn't carry a gun?
Reid: I'm a profiler
Philip Dowd: Profiler, huh? They sent you to figure me out?
Reid: We did , that's how we found you.
Hotch: Shut up, Reid.

Hotch: You know why they took away Boy Genius' gun?
Philip Dowd: Why?
Hotch: He failed his qualification. Twice a year I gotta listen to him whine about re-qualifying, so I tutored him, and he fails again.
Philip Dowd: You think you got it rough? These people have done nothing but undermine me since I got here.
Hotch: Put him next to the barricade. That way, when they blast their way in, both of our problems are solved. That sort of thing could ruin a cop's career.
Philip Dowd: You are one sick dude.
Hotch: How do you think I found you?

Hotch: [to Dowd] Can I ask you a favour?
Philip Dowd: You could ask.
Hotch: I figure the chances of my getting out of here alive are pretty slim.
Philip Dowd: So?
Hotch: [about Reid] I wanna kick the snot out of this kid. He's made my life miserable for three lousy years.
Philip Dowd: Knock yourself out.

Hotch: [to Reid, as he kicks him in the stomach] I'll school you now, smart guy! It's front sight, trigger press, follow through! It's not that hard; a Dalmatian could do it! Let go. Let go!

Philip Dowd: [about Hotch kicking Reid] Feel better?
Hotch: I think he got the message.

Hothchner: [about a head shot Reid accomplished] Nice shot.
Reid: I was aiming for his leg.
Hotchner: Well, I wouldn't have kept kicking, but I was afraid you didn't get my plan.
Reid: I got your plan the minute you moved the hostages out of my line of fire.
Hotchner: Well, I hope I didn't hurt you too badly.
Reid: Hotch, I was a twelve year-old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a nine year-old girl. [tries to return the gun]
Hotchner: No, keep it. As far as I'm concerned, you passed your qualification.

Reid: I know I should feel bad about what happened. I mean, I killed a man. You know, I should feel something.... but I don't.
Gideon: Not knowing what you feel, that’s not the same as not feeling anything.

Gideon: This is going to hit you, and when it does, there's only three facts you need to know: You did what you had to do, and a lot of good people are alive because of what you did.
Reid: What's the third?
Gideon: I'm proud of you.

[Garcia calls Morgan on his cell phone]
Morgan: Yeah, Morgan.
Garcia: Isn't this spooky?
Morgan: Isn't what spooky?
Garcia: That right now you were thinking about me, and out of the blue your phone rings? And it's me. Huh? How's that for a spiritual connection?
Morgan: Umm… Do I know you?
Garcia: Why do you hurt me? [Morgan laughs]

Gideon: I don't care if you carry a gun or not. Deadliest weapon we have is a thorough and accurate profile.
Reid: Of course, you believe that.
Gideon: Footpath Killer... he had a shotgun to the back of my head. I'm here, he's not.

Elle: What do we call them then?
Hotchner: L.D.S.K.
Reid: Long Distance Serial Killers.
Elle: How many of these guys have we caught using a profile?
Gideon: None.

Det. Calvin: So what's the profile on one of these guys?
Gideon: Arrogant, conceited, feels superior to everyone around them.
Det. Calvin: [laughing] You've just described every surgeon I've ever met.

Garcia: [answering the phone] Rainmaker. How wet do you want it?

The Fox [1.7][edit]

Gideon Dr. Thomas Fuller wrote,"With foxes we must play the fox."

Gideon: "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Morgan: Sherlock Holmes was a fictional character

JJ: [discussing Hotch's newborn baby] He's so gorgeous.
Haley: Thank you.
Reid: You find baldness and wrinkles attractive?

Reid: Nobody gets therapy these days without a healthy dose of medication.
Garcia: What are you implying, Reid?
Reid: That everyone is medicated.
Garcia: Did you just make a joke?
Reid: No, I mean, statistics, they-they show it–
Garcia: Reid, next time just say yes.

Morgan: That's what everybody says until they find the body in the basement.

Morgan: You move, I'm gonna break your neck.

Reid: Are you hacking into the government's HMO database? Is that legal?
Garcia: Of course not. We'll both go to prison and you'll be someone's bitch.
Reid: Really?

Natural Born Killer [1.8][edit]

Gideon: Hemingway wrote, "There is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else.”

Hotchner: You were just responding to what you learned, Vincent. When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive and violent's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers.
Vincent: Some people?
Hotchner: What's that?
Vincent: You said some people grow up to become killers.
Hotchner: ...And some people grow up to catch them.

Reid: What are these tapes?
Morgan: I don't know. Why don't you and Garcia go take a look, let us know.
Garcia: Yeah, movie night. I'll go make popcorn.

[Garcia enters the room with a cardboard box.]
Morgan: Please tell me you brought some breakfast.
Garcia: Trust me, sugar. You're not going to want to eat when you see what's in here.

Elle: Here's something...[puts her coffee cup on Garcia's desk]...What can you tell me about Vincent Sartori?
[Garcia chucks coffee cup in the bin]
Elle: I was still drinking that.
Garcia: Not only is this equipment expensive, it's also extremely sensitive.
[Reid and Elle share a weird look]

[Elle is speaking about a criminal's sealed records]
Elle: Can you get into those records?
Reid: Despite the fact that they were probably expunged, she can find the faintest echo of deletion, successfully recreate the file, thereby sending us all to prison for computer felony fraud counts.
[Elle and Garcia share a weird look]
Elle: We can make bail.

Gideon: We have a word for you.
Vincent Perotta: You got a word for me?
Gideon: Oh yeah. Actually, we have a few. Psychopath. Paranoid personality disorder.
Vincent Perotta: That's quite a mouthful, Jason.

Garcia: You're breathing on my neck.
Reid: I'm sorry. Sorry.
Elle: You two having fun?
Garcia: Oh, yeah. Sifting through the life and times of Freddy Condore with Dr. Reid here is a party I wouldn’t want to miss.

[after revealing photos of murdered people on board]
Gideon: I believe you're an extremely impotent man.
Vincent Perotta: [rattling his handcuffs] Take these off, we'll see!

Hotchner: Paranoid personalities develop in childhood.
Vincent Perotta: You know, you just saved me thousands of dollars in therapy bills.

Gideon: Carl Jung said, "The healthy man does not torture others. Generally, it is the tortured who turn into torturers.”

Derailed [1.9][edit]

Gideon: Robert Oxton Bolt once wrote, "A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind."

Reid: [to Dr. Bryer] The voices, they helped you right? While the other kids were outside in the playground, you were inside studying, reading, learning. The voices wouldn't stop. They helped you understand things that other people couldn't realize. Then, as you grew older, it became almost a responsibility, right? A responsibility to use that ability, to use your knowledge.

Reid: The voices, they won't stop. They've been talking to you since you were a child.
Leo: He's telling you I'm not real. He is lying to you.
Dr. Bryar: You're lying to me.
Reid: That's Leo speaking; that's not even Dr. Bryar. Why won't you let him think for himself, Leo?
Dr. Bryar: You...can you see him?
Reid: Yeah, he's right there.

Reid: I know what it's like.
Dr. Bryar: Make it stop!
Reid: I know what the voices are like.

Reid: Tardive dyskinesia.
Morgan: Once more for those of us without an encyclopedic memory?

Reid: Could you guys do me a favor?
Morgan: Anything.
Reid: Could at least one of you look like you're going to see me again?
Hotchner: See you when you get back.

Morgan: Dammit, Reid, I said don't take the vest off.

Elle: [complaining] Gideon, will you tell him that I don't need to go to the hospital?
Gideon: Regulations are regulations. You're all right?
Elle: Yeah, I'm fine, 'dad.'
Gideon: Elle?
Elle: Yeah?
Gideon: Don't ever call me 'dad' again. [walks away]
Elle: [to Reid] What do you think he'd feel about 'mom?'
Reid: Let me know when you're going to do that so I can run.

Elle: Um, Reid, you probably saved my life in there.
Reid: Probably? I totally saved your life. [smiles] And I'm pretty certain that it was caught on tape.

Morgan: And remember, play into the guy's fantasy, believe it yourself.
Reid: Actually, did you know that dentists and surgeons have been secretly recruited to implant these during otherwise normal medical procedures? This has been happening on and off since the late 1930s. [Morgan looks at him] Told me to believe.

Morgan: Come on, Reid, what are you talking about? A magic trick?
Reid: Yeah, I'm talkin' about a magic trick!

Reid: Albert Einstein asked, "The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?"

The Popular Kids [1.10][edit]

Gideon: Sir Peter Ustinov said, "Unfortunately, a super abundance of dreams is paid for by a growing potential for nightmares."

Morgan: So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook? No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at the physics mistakes.
Reid: Actually, there aren't that many scientific errors in Star Trek. Especially considering how long ago it was made. There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.
Morgan: Right.

Gideon: [after finding out the local kids found a dead body in the woods and watched it decompose over a long period of time without reporting anything] This was a human being!

[Reid is pouring piles of sugar into his coffee]
Derek Morgan: Easy there, tough guy. Have some coffee with your sugar.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I need something to wake me up.
Derek Morgan: Ooh, late night?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Very.
Derek Morgan: My man!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Not that kind of late night!

Reid: What happened?
Morgan: Him bringing us down here was way too much of a coincidence.
Reid: No, I got that, but you had to tackle us both?
Morgan: You're welcome, Reid.

Adam: Looks like you're out of shape.
Cherish: Oh yeah? Let's see you do 3 backflips in a line and the splits.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Melted wax?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Candle wax?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Candles are used in rituals.
Jason Gideon: They're also used on birthday cakes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, they were originally used to protect the birthday celebrant from demons for the coming year. As a matter of fact, down to the fourth century, Christianity rejected the birthday celebration as a pagan ritual.
Sheriff Bridges: What kind of a doctor are you?

Gideon: Playwright Eugene Ionesco said, "Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together."

Blood Hungry [1.11][edit]

[Gideon walks in using crutches]
Hotchner: What happened to you?
Gideon: Oh, I got a list of things I try before it's too late.
Elle: And orthopedic surgery is one of them?
Gideon: No skydiving, apparently it's all about the landing.

Gideon: Garcia?
Hotchner: Penelope...? The tech with the glasses...?
Gideon: The room...the one with all the screens...? [Hotchner nods] She's great.

[Morgan walks in and startles Elle]
Elle: Dude!
Morgan: "Dude"? You're way too tense.

Hotchner: How is it having Gideon around?
Garcia: You can have him back whenever you would like.

Hotchner: Sometimes what we don't do is every bit as powerful as what we do.

Gideon: Harriet Beecher Stowe once said, "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."

What Fresh Hell [1.12][edit]

Gideon: The poet W. H. Auden wrote, "Evil is always unspectacular, and always human, and shares our bed and eats at our table."

Journalist: Come on, JJ. Gimme something. For old times' sake.
JJ: [sighs] Okay... [looks around, steps closer, whispers] You may wanna rethink that tie.

Garcia: Penelope's house of "how may I save your ass today?"

Elle: [About Billie's parents getting back together and her dad having terminal cancer] Bille's not used to him [her dad] being there... So maybe it would be better if they stayed apart.
Gideon: No, it wouldn't.
Elle: How do you know?
Gideon: I know... I just.. know.

Gideon: Hey Hotch, did you send flowers to that tech room girl Garcia and say they were from me?
Hotchner: Yeah.
Gideon: Why?
Hotchner: Jason, people need to know that they're important and sometimes you forget that.
Gideon: I already sent her a gift, an MP3 player. It lasts longer, unless you drop it or the batteries die, whichever comes first.
Hotchner: So she got two gifts?
Gideon: What if she thinks I'm sweet on her!

Gideon: "Measure not the work until the day's out and the labor done." -Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Poison [1.13][edit]

Gideon: Roman philosopher Lucretius wrote, "What is food to one, is to others bitter poison."

Gideon: Confucius warned us, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

Gideon: Mr. Fisher?
Eric Fisher: Shrink or cop?
Gideon: Well, I’m an FBI profiler, so I guess I’m a little of each.

Riding the Lightning [1.14][edit]

Gideon: "Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed." Genesis 9:6

Gideon: Albert Pine said, "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal."

Hotchner: How many others are there?
Jacob Dawes: I only have a few hours left and, though I like you – and I do like you – I’d like to be alone now. [puts out his hand] Good meeting you, Hotch.
'Hotchner: [ignoring his hand] I’m not done yet.
Jacob Dawes: Oh, me neither.

Hotchner: Are there more bodies?
Jacob Dawes: If I told you that, what would I have left for myself?
Hotchner: You could help these families get closure before you die.
Jacob Dawes: Oh. Pass.

Gideon: I think you're innocent.
Sarah Jean Dawes: We're all guilty of something.

Warden: Any last words?
Jacob Dawes: Bring it on.

Sarah Jean Dawes: I used to tell Riley that no matter where we were, the Man in the Moon would be looking down on both of us.

[Jacob Dawes playing poker with Hotchner]
Jacob Dawes: Dead man's hand. I should have had that. But then, of course, I would have lost.

[Garcia doesn't want to meet the Dawes]
Garcia: They slaughtered 13 young girls with blonde hair, (points to self) HELLO!

Sarah Jean Dawes: You have a lovely smile. But you don't smile much.
Gideon: Neither do you.
Sarah Jean Dawes: What's your excuse?

Jacob: Well, who are you?
JJ: My friends call me JJ.
Jacob: Well, hel...(starts to stand up)
Hotch: (firmly) Sit down!
Jacob: Hello, JJ.
JJ: You're not my friend. You can call me Jennifer.

Hotchner: You’re a diagnosed psychopath.
Jacob Dawes: Sexual psychopath.

Unfinished Business [1.15][edit]

Gideon: Norman Maclean wrote, "It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us."

Reid: What do you think of Ryan?
Hotchner: He hasn't changed much.
Reid: I think we can learn a lot from him.
Hotchner: What could you possibly learn that you don't already know?
Reid: Hotch, repetitive thinking is a death knell for the brain. For complete brain usage, diverse stimulation is the key.

Ryan: [reading second note] In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.
Gideon: He's quoting Sir Francis Bacon now.
Ryan: I used this specific quote in my--
Reid: In your book on page 184. I read it on the plane.
Ryan: And you remember the page number and the quote?
Morgan: Don't ask.

Ryan: Miss me?
Gideon: No.
Ryan: Just here to buy a book then, huh?
Gideon: What can I say? Profilers, they fascinate me.

Gideon: Hmm...You look comfortable up there. Why don't you come back to the BAU for a guest lecture?
Ryan: I'm retired, remember?
Gideon: Hell of a way to relax. 323 pages on the one that got away.
Ryan: He hasn't gotten away - and you didn't count that eight page prologue.

Morgan: [about Max Ryan] I heard he was forced into early retirement.
Hotchner: No, he chose to retire.
Reid: He’s written a new book about the Keystone Killer case.
Hotchner: He moved to Philadelphia to be closer to the crime scene.
Elle: That's retirement?
Morgan: BAU-style.

Morgan: So they've been here all night?
Hotch: Apparently.
Elle: Where else would any of us be on a Saturday night? It's not like we have lives or anything.
Morgan: Speak for yourself.

Max Ryan: Is there anything worse than cop-shop coffee?
Gideon: Day-old cop-shop doughnuts?

Morgan: [about the Keystone Killer] What? He got away?
Max Ryan: Would we have woken you up if we caught him?

Harbin: Hey! Ryan! You got old.
Ryan: Haven't we all?

Morgan: Isn't that too young for a massive stroke?
Reid: Technically, you're never too young for a stroke. Eighty percent of strokes are ischemic. The other 20% are hemorrhagic, which usually result in death. Ischemic strokes occur when plaque builds up in the arteries, causing restricted vessels to be blocked by a blood clot.
Morgan: Okay, but doesn't it take years for that type of plaque to build up?
Reid: Uh, typically.
Morgan: Well, then like I said, he was too young.

Elle: Abraham Lincoln once said, "In the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

The Tribe [1.16][edit]

Hotchner: Nietzsche wrote, "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe."

Blackwolf: [to Gideon] You look like a college professor. [to Reid] You look like his student. [to Hotchner] You look like FBI.

Blackwolf: We don't do massacres. You do.
Hotchner: Me personally?
Blackwolf: Your government.

Officer: Are you trying to tell us that Indians wouldn’t be so brutal?
Blackwolf: No, I’m saying that Indians wouldn’t be so confused.

JJ: That’s Hotch’s brother? I don’t see it.
Hotchner: Sean, listen to me. All I’m saying is that you’re 25 years old.
Sean: You know what? Don’t profile me, Aaron! [storms away]
JJ: [looking at his butt] Now I see it.

Elle: Brother…as in that’s Hotch’s brother?
Garcia: Maybe Hotch is adopted?

Gideon: Are the Ga'he good spirits or bad spirits?
Blackwolf: They're both. Like men.

Blackwolf: Samuel, tell the men from the FBI who the Ga'he are.
Reid: The Ga'he are mighty spirits who dwell in desert caves.
Hotchner: Reid. Is your name Samuel?
Reid: Sorry.

Reid: She's answering every question with just her name and Social Security Number.
Hotchner: Like a prisoner of war.

Gideon: What do you see?
Blackwolf: There's a saying: "Once too much blood has been spilled on the same ground, the ground develops a thirst for it."

[Blackwolf examining the dirt of a crime scene]
Reid: I notice you don't carry a gun.
Blackwolf: Twenty-one feet.
Reid: What?
Blackwolf: Ask Agent Hotchner there. He's the real gun-hand.
Hotchner: Why do you say that?
Blackwolf:You carry two guns.
Hotchner: [To Reid] The maximum distance an attacker with a knife can close in the time it takes to react, draw your sidearm, and fire is twenty-one feet.
Blackwolf: Inside twenty-one feet I win. Outside twenty-one feet, I have other options besides shooting a man.
Reid: Like negotiating.
Blackwolf: Like running.
Hotchner: Why do you say I carry two guns?
Blackwolf: Your right instep print's heavier than your left, and since you don't appear to have a clubbed right foot...
Hotchner: You can't tell that from my footprints. There's no perceptible difference between them.
Blackwolf: Your problem isn't with your prints. It's with your perception.

[Hotch draws his gun]
Blackwolf: Put that away.
Hotchner: What?
Blackwolf: You don't need it. Use your baton.
[Hotch exhales]
Blackwolf: There are many paths to the same place. Trust me.
Hotchner: Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie.
[Hotch whips out his baton]

Gideon: Children?
Hotchner: They're fine. We got them out before they got here. We took down these four.
Reid: Without firing a shot?
Blackwolf: Captain America here shot number five.
Hotchner: You're welcome.
[Hotch and Blackwolf pause to trade looks]
Hotchner: Number six is cut up pretty bad. I don't think he's gonna make it.
Blackwolf: At least I didn't shoot him.
Morgan: Think I'd rather be shot.
Hotchner: There's an old Apache saying: 'You can take many paths to get to the same place.'
[Blackwolf smirks as Hotch walks off]

A Real Rain [1.17][edit]

Gideon: W. H. Auden said, "Murder is unique in that it abolishes the party it injures, so that society must take the place of the victim and on his behalf demand atonement or grant forgiveness."

Morgan: Do you have any idea how many cases run through there every year?
Garcia: 122,998.
Hotchner: [after Morgan returns to PD] Do you have any idea how many cases...
Morgan: 122,998 cases a year.

Hotchner: You’re a genius.
Garcia: You’re just saying that ‘cause it’s true.

Gideon: [discussing the unsub and how he is perceived by the public] He's a hero.
Reid: The exact same thing happened with the Goetz New York subway shootings in the early eighties.
Gideon: You weren't even born.
Reid: I read a lot.

Reid: I'm looking forward to seeing New York.
Morgan: You've never been to New York?
Reid: We've never had an unsub there.
Hotchner: [to Gideon] I thought you were going to talk to Reid about taking some vacation time.
Gideon: What's vacation time?
Morgan: Reid, it's a one hour flight...
JJ: Well, if we have some time, we'll show you around.
Morgan: It's a three-hour train ride, man!

Elle: You guys, we're here in New York, and even when we aren't talking about our case, we end up talking about another profiler.
Hotchner: You’re right. So, Elle, you seeing anyone?

Reid: [to the waitress, after having difficulty with his chopsticks] Excuse me, could I get a fork perhaps? [group laughs] Did you know that experts credit Confucius with the advent of the chopstick? He equated knives with acts of aggression.
Morgan: You don't know how to use them, do ya?
Reid: It's like trying to forage for dinner with a pair of number two pencils. It’s absolutely incredible. 1.3 billion people stay nourished because of these things.
JJ: Come here! (takes his chopsticks off of him and ties them with a hairband)
Hotch: The old "hairband trick"?
JJ: The old "hairband trick"!

Officer: So are we looking for an ex-con or some nut job with an Amazon account?

Female Officer: [after hearing the unsub's profile] So we're looking for a small, angry, white guy with a day job?

Hotchner: Ok, here's what we know. Blitz attackers are almost always male.
Morgan: Well, he got picked up in the pouring rain by a New York cabbie, so we definitely know he's not a brother.

Garcia: [answering the phone] Fount of all knowledge, check my flow!

Reid: An unsub's signature is his own extremely rare combination of MO and ritual. An unsub kills to satisfy an inner need, and he'll continue killing until that inner need, which is based on a ritual, is lived out perfectly. Because reality never lives up to fantasy, this becomes an impossibility.

Gideon: Gandhi said, "Better to be violent if there's violence in our hearts than to put on the cloak of non-violence to cover impotence."
Hotchner: Gandhi also said, "I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary. The evil it does is permanent."

Somebody's Watching [1.18][edit]

Gideon: Diane Arbus once said, "A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know."

Reid: Gideon, there are actually people taking photos of us from the next yard.
Detective Owen Kim: Welcome to LA.

Lila Archer: I wish, um, things had been...more normal when we had met.
Reid: Lila, believe me when I say this, I've never known a normal day in my entire life.

Reid: [Elle looks at a very wet Reid as he tries to dry off his gun] I... I fell in.
Elle: Yeah, sure. There's plenty of photos of that.

JJ: The media is calling Natalie Ryan’s murder the biggest celebrity homicide since Sharon Tate.
Elle: What does that mean for us?
Hotchner: That everybody will be watching.

[Reid is trying unsuccessfully to convince Lila to come out of her swimming pool]
Lila: Really, Spencer, you should live a little.
Reid: Live a little? I've known you for 48 hours and I feel like I've aged 10 years!

Lila Archer: You don´t like me.
Reid: What?
Lila Archer: You don't like me.
Reid: No! I do...
Lila Archer: I like you.
Reid: I like you, too. It's just I'm a... I'm a federal agent, you know? I'm supposed to protect you.
Lila Archer: Then keep me close.

Reid: Hey, Morgan? Has there ever been a girl that you wanted to be with for, you know, more than just one night?
Morgan: Excuse me?
Reid: I've never seen you with the same girl twice.
Morgan: What, are you calling me a dog?
Reid: No, no, not at all. I'm just trying to figure out if this feeling I have is ever gonna go away.

Garcia: [answering phone] Oracle of Quantico. Speak if you deign to hear truth.

Lila Archer: [Lila takes a sip of Reid's soda] You don't mind sharing with me, do you?
Reid: No.
[Lila takes off her robe. She is wearing a bikini underneath. Reid stares at her as she walks away]
Morgan: [mimicking Lila after she shares Reid's drink] You don't mind sharing with me, do ya?
Reid: Shut up. [turns and walks away]
Morgan: Go get 'em, lover.

[At an art exhibit, the artist Pinky accompanied by Gideon]
Pinky: One of my earliest works, totally boring.
Gideon: Oh, I don't think so. I mean, nothing's just a picture. If viewed correctly--whatever that means--one can see world views, obsessions, manifestations of the subconscious.
Pinky: If I weren't a lesbian, I'd jump your bones. [Gideon has a blank stare] I've always had this thing for middle-aged men, and you have these piercing, discerning eyes which remind me of my father, who was a shrink, and I'm like, 'I am so hot.' [Pinky is called away by someone] Don't go away. [Pinky walks off]
Lila: [looking at a painting with Reid] This will make you feel anything.
Reid: Like what?
Lila: I can't tell you how to feel.
Reid: Right now I feel pretty good.
Gideon: [walks past Reid] We're leaving.
Reid: We're still looking at the exhibit.
Gideon: Now. [Reid turns to Lila and back to Gideon] Now. Now.
Reid: I guess we're leaving.
Gideon: Reid, now.

Parker Dunley: Spencer. Spencer Reid. Dude, dude. Look at you. You look just the same. Look at you dude, nothing’s changed. [to Gideon] Spencer was the only twelve-year-old in our graduating class. [to Reid again] Just the same.

Reid: Do I look twelve years old to you?
Gideon: Fourteen?

Reid: You should also probably change all your phone numbers.
Lila: I'm unlisted.
Reid: Anytime you call an 800 number or an 888 number, your phone number's put into a databank that's then sold to telemarketers. If someone gets your cell phone number, they can go online and research all your records.
Lila: Hanging out with you can be really depressing.

Gideon: Bernard Shaw once said, "An American has no sense of privacy. He does not know what it means. There is no such thing in the country."

Machismo [1.19][edit]

Hotchner: Anthony Brandt wrote, "Other things may change us, but we start and end with family."

Jessica: You’re holding him like a cantaloupe.
Hotchner: Why? You think you can do better? Here you go, smartypants.
[Baby quiets down in her arms]
Hotchner: Fine. Let’s see you profile a disorganized psychopath.

Haley: Go, it’s all right. I’m not mad. [walks away]
Hotchner: You heard her. She said it was all right.
Jessica: You’re one hell of a profiler.

Morgan: Nothing like jet sleep, right?
Elle: Yeah, kind of like a night of drinking without the drinking.

[Garcia rattles off some bad Spanish]
Morgan: Easy there, Garcia. I think you just offended somebody’s mother.
Garcia: Shut up you. I took French. What can I say?
Morgan: Penelope, your last name is Garcia.
Garcia: Yeah, I know. It’s my stepfather’s name. Do you want my genius or not?

Elle: [upon seeing the skeleton] Hotch!
Hotchner: A little late.

Hotchner: Serial killers make lousy tourist attractions.

JJ: At least you get to spend your birthday weekend in Mexico.
Hotchner: Yeah, what's 'doghouse' in Spanish?
Reid: La ca-sa del pair-o
Elle: La casita del perro.
Reid: That's what I said
Elle: Face it, chico, you are only a genius in English

Gideon: In my experience, evil is not a cultural phenomenon – it's a human one.

Hotchner: Mexican proverb: “The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.”

Charm & Harm [1.20][edit]

Gideon: The French philosopher Voltaire wrote, "There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts."

Morgan: Why are you acting so weird?
Elle: We're sitting with a guy who knows that there are 800 kernels of corn on the average cob...
Reid: ...Arranged in 16 separate rows.
Elle: And you're calling me weird?

Gideon: [after finding Gregory's fake IDs] Look at all these driver's licenses, he could start his own DMV.

[Elle's phone rings]
Morgan: Aww, that must be the boyfriend.
Elle: Yes, it is. [answers phone] Hey, Gideon.

Elle: You really don't know someone till you take a road trip with them.
Morgan: What are you trying to say?
Elle: Look at this car, man. There's empty soda cans and fast food wrappers everywhere. You're a slob. You know, back at Quantico your desk was all neat, but I bet if you looked in those drawers, you'd find a mess.
Morgan: Okay, we have been on the road way too long.

Doug Gregory: Are you telling me that young boys aren’t curious?
Gideon: Sure, they’re curious, but not all peek into windows.

Reid: How old was he when this happened?
Doug Gregory: Ten.
Reid: Were they close?
Doug Gregory: She was his mother!

Hotchner [on the phone]: Hotchner.
Garcia: Who's the answer to all your dreams?
Hotchner: I'm gonna put you on speaker.
Garcia: Oh, you completely suck!

Garcia: Aaron, do you have any idea how many people drown every day?
Hotchner: Well, yeah. They’re more in the summer for obvious reasons, but I think it averages to about 6500 a year, which is... 17 a day?
Garcia: Is this Reid?
Hotchner: Why, are you impressed?
Garcia: I am, slick, I am! You've been doing your research, haven't you?

Gideon: The author François de la Rochefoucauld wrote, "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves."

Secrets and Lies [1.21][edit]

Gideon: Albert Einstein said, "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

Gideon: Only beach you’ll see is on a postcard I send you from my vacation.

Gideon: Do you want my help?
Bruno: Yeah.
Gideon: Then I need my team.

JJ: What do you suppose this is about?
Reid: Call me cynical, but considering it's 2 a.m., I doubt it's good news.
JJ: You are a genius.

Elle: [to Gideon] You said you would send a postcard from a beach. You lied.
Reid: Yeah. You hate the beach.

Gideon: One thing I've learned over the years profiling CIA agents, spies are some of the smartest liars in the world. Be smarter.

Garcia: Hey, you do know what this means? We can find out if Princess Diana's death was really an accident!
JJ: I think that's exactly the kind of thing that got you on that list.

Reid: [after learning the CIA staged the victim's suicide] Boy, I'm glad not to have that job.

Garcia: You work for the CIA?
Gideon: Not officially.

Gideon: George Orwell said, "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."

The Fisher King (Part 1) [1.22][edit]

Gideon: Writer Elbert Hubbard said, "No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one."

Morgan: [about Reid] He look okay to you?
Elle: He looks about the way I would if I was gonna spend two weeks with my family.

JJ: [about the incredible Sir Kneighf] Please don’t tell me you have a crush on a fictional character.
Garcia: He’s not fictional. He’s the online alter-ego of a real person.
JJ: Hmmm, you don’t even know anything about him, even if it is…him.
Garcia: Look, we meet online at specified times that he is never late to. We spend hours adventuring and chatting, during which time I have his undivided attention, and he lavishes me with flattery. When was the last time you had a date go that well?
JJ: See if he’s got a fictional brother. Uncle, grandfather...

Morgan: Well, you all right there, Greenaway?
Elle: Go away.
Morgan: See you tomorrow?
Elle: Afternoon.
Guy: Afternoon?
Elle: Don't speak.

Elle: [after Reid explains the medieval significance of the word "none"] Reid, do not ever go away again!

Jamaican Cop: Where is the victim’s head!?
Elle: Well, I must have dropped it on my way in here.

Killer: [on videotape] You will understand why it must be this way. You may even thank me.
Elle: Don't hold your breath, scumbag.

Season 2[edit]

The Fisher King (Part 2) [2.1][edit]

Gideon: "The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body; after all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind." -French writer François de la Rochefoucauld.

Hotchner: He's delusional. He thinks he's a mythological king.
Gideon: But delusion and this level of organization are almost mutually exclusive.

Reid: [discussing a Chaucer poem] My mom used to read me that. It's widely considered as the first Valentine's poem.
Garcia: Your mom read you Valentine's poems? Hello, therapy.

[After the room the unsub was in blows up setting the building on fire]
Hotchner: What the hell was that?
Reid: He had a bomb.
Morgan: You didn't think we needed to know that?
Reid: I told you to go downstairs.
Morgan: You didn't say "bomb!"

Morgan: Detective, I've seen kids missing for a decade and their rooms look exactly the way they did the day that they left. Parents don't just pack up their kids' stuff and put them in boxes in the garage. Parents don't give up, ever. What the hell is going on here?

[Reid is sitting alone after unintentionally telling Garcia that his mom is institutionalised. She gets close to him.]
Garcia: She's ok. Your mom. They just picked her up, she should be at the airport by now.
[Reid takes the Valentine poem his mom read to him and that the Fisher King sent]
Reid: I forgot she used to read me this poem [smiles], it's funny, hah.
Garcia: Funny?
Reid: I should've realized this sooner. Nobody knows the fact that JJ collected butterflies except for me. People tell me their secrets all the time. I think it's because they know I don't have anyone to betray them to. Except my mother. I tell her pretty much everything. [Laughs]
Garcia: [smiling] I don't think anyone would mind
Reid: Did you know that I write her a letter everyday?
Garcia: That's nice
Reid: Depends on WHY I write her
Garcia: What do you mean?
Reid: I write her a letter so I won't feel so guilty about not visiting her... [looks down] Did you know that schizophrenia is genetically passed?

Diana Reid: You know I'm terrified of flying.
Reid: I know, mom, I'm sorry.
Diana Reid: Then why did you have those fascists arrest me?
Reid: Mom, they're not fascists and you were not arrested. I'm trying to protect you.
Diana Reid: By forcing me to do the one thing that frightens me more than anything else?

Randall Garner: If you want the grail, you must ask the question.
Reid: She's not a grail. She's your daughter. Her name's Rebecca.
Randall Garner: My daughters died in a fire and my son and my wife.
Reid: Rebecca lived.
Randall Garner: No. Your mother, she explained it all to me.
Reid: My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic who'd forget to eat if she wasn't properly medicated and supervised.
Randall Garner: She made me realize none of it was real. I didn't lose Rebecca. She... she never existed in the first place.

Reid: Mom, we found her. Rebecca's safe. You helped us save her life.
Diana Reid: Is it time for lunch yet?
Reid: What?
Diana Reid: I'm giving a lecture to everyone on Tristan and Isolde. They're all gathering in my room after lunch.
Reid: Can I attend the lecture too?
Diana Reid: Have you read any of the material?
Reid: I've had them read to me.
Diana Reid: Wonderful. That's the best way, isn't it?
Reid: Yes, ma'am, by far.

Randall Garner: Ask the question. I'll be healed and you may take the grail. Just ask the question, Sir Knight.
Reid: I can't.
Randall Garner: Heal me.
Reid: Mr. Garner, a Fisher king wound cannot be healed by somebody else. It's... it's not a wound of the body. It's a wound of the memory, a wound of the mind. It's... it's a wound that only you can find, and a wound that only you can heal.
Randall Garner': Just ask the question.
Reid: There's only one question that matters, Mr. Garner. There's only one really important question. Can you forgive yourself?

Reid: "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." -Rose Kennedy.

Elle: Dad it's been hard growing up without you...
Lt.Greenaway: Baby don't!
Elle: No. I want to say it! That day...I wasn't mad that day! I knew you had to work but I just wanted you to teach me to ride my bike!
Lt.Greenaway: were eight!
Elle: No I was being selfish and childish! I said "I hate you, Daddy!" I should have said...
8 year old Elle: I love you, Daddy!
Lt.Greenaway: I love you too, Peanut!

P911 [2.2][edit]

Gideon: Theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children."

Morgan: [to Reid] Come on, genius, do something genius-like.

[After Elle picks a locked drawer open]
Reid: Wow, did they teach you that in FBI school?
Elle: Nah, they taught me that in Brooklyn.

[After the team has just caught a paedophile who was auctioning off a seven-year-old child]
Katie: Peter's real name is Dustin Powers. He abducted him in Newark, New Jersey, when he was one.
Gideon: Sometimes it seems there's no punishment enough.

Elle: (describing the room in which 'Peter' is being kept) It's like a ship in a bottle. He has built the room around the boy.

Katie: I gave up on him. A year ago, I gave up on looking for him – there were so many other kids.
Gideon: Katie, I’m sure you did what you could.
Katie: Do you ever ask yourself how you make a decision like that? How you come to the conclusion that it’s time to move on to the next kid? I mean, how do you give yourself that kind of permission? What’s happened to that boy in the year that I stopped looking for him?

Elle: (running from the car) Hotch? You already got him?
Hotchner: I told you to stay out of the field.
Elle: Yeah, I know, but Reid said that you wanted us so I…
Reid: (indignant) No, I didn’t!
Elle: Yes, you did.
Hotchner: I’m sure you didn’t, Reid.
Elle: (to Reid, sarcastically) Thanks.

Reid: 40,000 images of child porn are posted every week on the internet along with the appearance of 20 new children. The appetite for babies as young as 4 months old has soared. Many of these children have been kidnapped and sold into pedophile rings.

Elle: Well, if it isn’t Dr. Reid.
Reid: Elle, wow!
Elle: Nice haircut.
Reid: Thanks, uh, I like your haircut, too.
Elle: Is that a boy’s regular?
Reid: Yeah, it is. What, do you not like it?
Elle: (laughing) It’s totally you.

Hayden Rawlings: This is all just research.
Katie: That's not research. That's a hundred years in a federal penitentiary.

Elle:(trying to convince Hotch to let her do the case with them) Hotch, yesterday I found myself looking forward to watching a soap opera...
Reid: Which one?

[Dustin ('Peter') is being introduced to his mother for the first time since his abduction when he was 1]
Dustin's mother: (seeing the action figure Dustin is holding) What's his name?
Dustin: His name is Jack. He's a soldier. He protects me.
Dustin's mother: (to the figure, shaking its hand) Hello, Jack. My name is Jackie.
Dustin: ...Really?
Dustin's mother: (tearful) Really. (smiles)

Morgan: I've always wanted to meet her!
Katie: (walks in laughing) Really? (they look at her except Gideon) I've heard she's a bitch!
Gideon: (chuckles before answering) No-one ever called you that Katie!
Katie: (sighs) Well, not to my face!

The Perfect Storm [2.3][edit]

Gideon: Mark Twain wrote, "Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."

Reid: Strange. In this case, the abused actually became the abuser.
Garcia: Doesn't happen a lot?
Reid: One in eight.
Garcia: We found the one.

Joey Daven: This is my third strike. I am not going down for this! [draws a gun]
Morgan: Whoa whoa whoa! [draws gun, Gideon slowly draws his gun, then the officer shoots Joey Daven]
Officer: I had to do it, he wouldn't put the gun down.
Morgan: He didn't want that third strike.

Hotchner: Philosopher Kahlil Gibran wrote, "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

Psychodrama [2.4][edit]

Hotchner: "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." -Oscar Wilde

Hotchner: Well, there's one thing I didn't tell the trainees.
Gideon: What's that?
Hotchner: We don't get paid enough.
Gideon: You got that right.

Elle: (reading the headline) Stripping Bandit. That's terrible. That makes it sound like the bandit's doing the stripping.
Reid: What would you call him?
'JJ: Pervert.
Elle: Scumbag.
Morgan: I'd call him an ass.
Hotchner: Hey, focus, please.

Elle: (handing key to Morgan outside Sheppard's locked motel room) Key?
Morgan: (getting ready to kick down the door) No, I got one.

Elle': (via phone to Morgan inside JJ's Paradise) Hardcore or not, you've got the wrong scumbag.

Haley: (via phone discussing Jack's medical condition) At home with my mom. I didn't want him here while we were talking. Look, I know this job is important to you, but we're important, too.
Hotchner: You don't have to tell me that.
Haley': I don't want you to wake up some day in some random city and realize that you don't know your own son.

Hotchner: How are we doing?
Agent Wallace: Five minutes.
Hotchner: Make it three.

Garcia: (after removing her high-heeled shoes from her aching feet) Why must your beauty be so painful?

Hotchner: It doesn't make sense. They're children.
Gideon: He's playing out a fantasy.
Hotchner: Yes, but it's his fantasy and it's someone else's children.

Garcia: Um, pals, don't be ticked, but I think I might have missed the glaringly obvious. How would you make yourself taller without being a different person entirely or having some weird Chinese surgery?
Elle: Heels!
Garcia: Yeah but we would have seen heels! So lifts!
Hotch: (confused) Lifts?
Garcia: Yeah! All tucked up inside his boots!

Hotchner: It took you nine minutes to call 911.
Bank Manager: I was collecting the tapes.
Hotchner: Before you called 911?

Garcia: Hey, I got four bank robberies' worth of security footage, what do you want me to do with them?
Hotchner: You know your digital perspect whatever software?
Garcia: Digital Perspective Analysis rendering?
Hotchner: Yeah.
Garcia: Honey, not only do I know it, I helped develop it.

Garcia: [after Hotchner asked her to review surveillance footage] Honey, if he opens his mouth I'll tell you the length of his teeth.
Hotchner: Just keep it clean. And don't call me "honey."

Gideon: Ready?
Morgan: Let's go rob a bank.

Gideon: Save one life, we save the world.

Hotchner: "The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours but that this humiliation is seen by everyone." -Milan Kundera

The Aftermath [2.5][edit]

Morgan: Oh, one last thing. Look up the words "sexy" and "brilliant" in that computer of yours, and tell me what you come up with.
Garcia: Look at that. It's me.
Morgan: You are a goddess, woman. Ciao. [to surrounding fertility clinic patients, most of whom are paying rapt attention] ...It was a work call.

Gideon: Doesn't anybody ever go home?
Elle: You're here.
Gideon: Exactly. Trust me, you don't want to model your social life on mine.

Maggie Callahan: (glancing in Gideon's suitcase) You stole a bathrobe?
Gideon: They're complimentary.

Hotchner: (after Lisa Blake's rape) How bad were her injuries?
CSU Tech: She’s lucky, they’re relatively minor.
Hotchner: Do me a favour? Don’t tell her that she’s lucky.

Morgan: (on the phone) I'd like to make a request.
Garcia: With that sultry voice? You name it.

Callahan: I figured you wouldn't be sleeping, either.
Gideon: What are you doing here?
Callahan: I took a room on the hall.
Gideon: You live four blocks away.
Callahan: Exactly. Why be separated from the work?

Reid: Hotch is married; Morgan's... you know... Morgan.

Reid: Elle, he's dead. You're--you're right here. You won.
Elle: [holds up glass] Then here's to winning.

Reid: I thought maybe... you might want to talk.
Elle: Don't go all profiler on me.
Reid: Elle, you got shot in your own home, and then came back to the BAU like nothing even happened. Thinking you might want to talk isn't profiling, it's Psych 101.

Gideon: Helen Keller once said, "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it."

The Boogeyman [2.6][edit]

Hotchner: Plato wrote, "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

Reid: Garcia, I'm sitting in the dark alone, thanks.
Garcia: While you're waiting for a potential murderer to come home? Kind of dangerous. Kind of sexy.

Morgan: [after spooking him] You really are afraid of the dark.
Reid: Yeah, well, I'm working on that.
Morgan: Yeah, well, maybe you should work harder.

Garcia: Reid, seriously, people that go inside that house never come out. Spoooky.
Reid: Garcia, could you at least pretend not to enjoy that rumor so much since I have actually entered that house?

Morgan: The only thing I was afraid of was the dark.
Reid: Some of us still are.

JJ: The woods were the only thing I was afraid of when I was a kid.
Morgan: Seriously? I thought you grew up in a small town.
JJ: Yeah... surrounded by woods.

Reid: Did you guys hear that Elle was cleared?
Morgan: Self-defense.
Reid: So it was a good shoot?
JJ: Well, she hit what she was aiming for.
Reid: That's not what I meant.
JJ: I know.

Gideon: Why'd you hurt those kids?
Jeffrey: Because I wanted to.

Morgan: [about Elle] She almost died. I'd be drinking, too.

Morgan: [while in Finnegan's house looking at hunting trophies] When this is all said and done, I'd like to hang his head on my wall.

Gideon: Unopened bowls of creamed spinach thrown into the trash, each one wrapped with duct tape.
Reid: One with each tray.
Morgan: So we're looking for a guy who really, really, hates spinach.
Reid: Who doesn't?

Elle: I really wanted to be a part of the team.
Hotchner: You were.
Elle: But when I needed the team, I was all alone. I was alone in the one place that I have the right to feel safe, and that's my home.

Elle: You know, when I first joined the team, I couldn't figure out why you never, ever smile. Now I think I'm actually gonna miss that.
Hotchner: [after Elle has walked away] I'm gonna miss you too.

Morgan: So, why the woods, JJ?
JJ: Hmmm?
Morgan: Your fear, you said it was of the woods.
JJ: Err, I used to be a camp counselor when I was a teenager, in the woods up around Vermont. I had the night shift, you know, tuck the girls in, turn off the lights, you know, the typical drill. Everything seemed fine. The kids were asleep, you know, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Until... I noticed that there was some blood, on the hallway floor. So I followed the blood trail down the hall to the camp director's cabin, walked up to his bed, and... he was just lying there, under his covers, dead. Someone stabbed him. I ran out of there so fast, out the door, down the hall. I can just remember it being really dark. Once I got to the door, there was another counselor there; I guess she heard me scream. They caught the caretaker on his way out of town. I guess he still had the knife on him. Anyway, I guess that's probably when I decided I didn't like the woods.
Morgan: You're serious?
JJ: [sips coffee looking serious and pauses] No!
[shakes head]
JJ: I mean you fell for that?
[they laugh]
JJ: Come on! I don't know why I'm afraid of the woods! I am. Why is he still afraid of the dark?
Morgan: Yeah, Reid why are you still afraid of the dark?
Reid: Because of the inherent absence of light!
[they laugh]
Morgan: JJ, that was pretty good. Just know that paybacks are a bitch.
JJ: I'm shakin'.

[after they find Finnegan dead in the woods]
Reid: (holding up an animal trap) His heart probably gave way while he was setting this.
Medical Examiner: Yeah, karma's a bitch.

North Mammon [2.7][edit]

JJ: Legendary basketball coach John Wooden said, "It's not so important who starts the game, but who finishes it."

Chief Yates: Listen, these people...they're my friends. They're my neighbors, good people. I don't want anybody assuming that they're involved.
Hotchner: We just got here. We're not assuming anything.

Hotchner: I thought everybody wanted to become a profiler.
JJ: Sorry.

Garcia: He who seeks the "Queen of All Knowledge," speak and be recognized.
Reid: Garcia, we're sending you some cigarettes.
Garcia: Why not a flesh-eating virus? It'll be faster and far less painful.

Reid: We need some butts rushed to the lab for DNA analysis.
Garcia: Reid... I love it when you say 'butts.'

JJ: "The ultimate choice for a man, in as much as he is given to transcend himself, is to create or destroy, to love or to hate." -Erich Fromm

Empty Planet [2.8][edit]

Gideon: Robespierre wrote, "Crime butchers innocence to secure a prize, and innocence struggles with all its might against the attempts of crime."

Garcia: Je suis toujours ici pour toi, mon cher.
Morgan: Drives me crazy when you talk that "voulez coucher" stuff to me. [teasing] Stop it.

Gideon: [to Morgan] Ever talked to someone who wants to continually show you he's smarter than you?
Morgan: [motions to Reid] Every day.

JJ: [while playing gin] Oh I'm beating you, genius.
Reid: Genius Doctor Reid let you win.

Ursula Kent: [reading the bomber's manifesto] Aside from the sections of my novel that were blatantly plagiarized, I didn't recognize anything. It's just page after page of the ravings of a lunatic.

Morgan: Hey, dollface, ready to work some magic for me?
Garcia: Challenge me, you beautiful behavioral analyst.

Reid: [Referring to the bomber's phone call warning of an attack "where it all began"] So Seattle's "where it all began."
Morgan: We just need to figure out what "it" is, and off the top of my head I can think of grunge music and overpriced coffee.

Dr. Cooke: A cognitive scientist at MIT once said, "Coincidences seem to be the source for some of our greatest irrationalities."
Reid: Our minds see coincidences and seek out--
Gideon: I understood him.

Reid: I need to stop by a bookstore and pick up a copy of Empty Planet. I'd like to reread it before we talk to the author... I haven't read it since I was six.
Morgan: Six? I was still riding my Big Wheeler at six years old.
Reid: Do you mind? It will only take ten minutes.
Gideon: To buy it or to read it?
Reid: Uh... both, actually.

Garcia:...A guy went crazy on a bunch of computers at a science lab, screaming, "We will soon be the slaves and the machines will be the masters." [Looking around at her many computers] Yikes. That would totally suck for me. [Whisper] I'm surrounded in here.
Morgan: Come on, what are you worried about? You've got me to protect you.
Garcia: Hah! Now that gets my blood up.

The Last Word [2.9][edit]

Gideon: Elbert Hubbard once wrote, "If men could only know each other, they would neither idolize nor hate."

Hotchner: Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Remember that all through history, there have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time they seemed invincible, but in the end they always fall. Always."

Lessons Learned [2.10][edit]

Gideon: Dale Turner mused, "Some of the best lessons are learned from past mistakes. The error of the past is the wisdom of the future."

Reid: Yet the words 'holy' and 'war' never appear together in the Qu'ran.

Gideon: We receive comfort from our prayers.
Jind Allah: We?
Gideon: Human beings. [pause] I say something wrong?
Jind Allah: You placed us on the same level.
Gideon: Aren't we?
Jind Allah: Well, here, I am thought of as less than human.
Gideon: And in your jihad, I am.

Jind Allah: Who is your worst enemy, Agent Gideon?
Gideon: It's not a who, it's a what. Ignorance.

Agent Bingaman: Two weeks ago, word got out that one of the other detainees was spilling secrets. Jind Allah managed to have a three-minute conversation with him in the shower line. That night, the other detainee committed suicide.

Jind Allah: Is it your intention, Mr. Gideon, to become a man of faith and revert to Islam?
Gideon: I am a man of faith. I have repented, I pray regularly, and I practice charity. I have never committed violence against you, so how is it that my faith would allow you to live and worship as you please, and yours would take my life and snuff it out?

Jind Allah: There is no such thing, Gideon. They were infidels. And they were engaged in activities that spread American policies over the entire world. Your incessant need to own things... material things. Your capitalism rests on the back of third-world countries. No one's hands are clean. No one is innocent.

Gideon: Those people tonight, they were innocent. They never hurt you.
Jind Allah: They hurt me by existing.

Gideon: How can you ignore the fact that Mohammed preached passivity while he was at Mecca. Do no violence.
Jind Allah: His later message from Medina was perfectly clear. When violence come upon you, you must fight back with violence.

Gideon:(about the dead SWAT agent) What do you say to his family?
Jind Allah: I say, "Where were you to mourn when my son was murdered?"

Morgan: We lost a SWAT agent.
Garcia: Oh, God.
Morgan: Don't worry, I don't think you're gonna get rid of me that easy.

Jind Allah: What kind of name is Gideon?
Gideon: American.
Jind Allah: I forgot, in your culture you put your country first. And your god last.

Morgan: We've got 48 hours to do what the CIA couldn't do in two months.

Reid: (to Prentiss about the chess game) I was winning.
Prentiss:(about Gideon) Actually, he would have had you in three.

Haley: (discussing the terror alert) It's bad, isn't it?
Hotch: No, I'm sure it'll be okay.
Haley: Don't lie to me.
Hotch: Yeah, it's bad.

Garcia: Dream on, JJ. No one wants the other kids peeing in their sandbox.

Gideon: Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "In order to learn the important lessons in life, one must, each day, surmount a fear."

Sex, Birth, Death [2.11][edit]

Reid: T.S. Eliot wrote, "Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act, falls the shadow."

Gideon: This last victim definitely had a message. You don't dump a body across from the Capitol Building by accident.

Reid: I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.

Reid: There's nothing in the juvenile records.
Garcia: Okay, so think like a high school student.
Reid: I was 12 and hadn't gone though puberty yet when I was in high school.
Garcia: Okay, reset. I'll think like a high school student, you think like a profiler.

Reid: You're not him. Who we are is constantly evolving. I'm a lot older than you and I'm changing. This job changes me... you changed me.

Reid: [Regarding saving Nathan's life] How many people's lives did I risk in the future?
Gideon: Profiles can be wrong.
Reid: What if it's not? What if next time he kills somebody?
Gideon: Then you catch him.

Reid: T.S. Eliot wrote, "Between the desire and the spasm, between the potency and the existence, between the essence and the descent, falls the shadow. This is the way the world ends."

Profiler Profiled [2.12][edit]

Morgan: "All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets." -writer Cory Doctorow.

JJ: Nothing's happening.
Reid: Shhh, watch! [the rocket launches, JJ and Garcia scream, and it hits Prentiss in the head]
Prentiss: Ooh, ow, what...?
Reid: [laughing] I'm so sorry, Emily!
Prentiss: What was that?!
Garcia: Don't you recognize a rocket when you see one?
Reid: I was merely demonstrating a physics law. I-I didn't mean to...
Prentiss: Ooh, show me!
Reid: All right. Uh, turn around, please.
Prentiss: Turn around?
JJ: Yeah, he's not gonna show you how it's done.
Reid: A magician doesn't reveal his secrets.
Prentiss: I thought you said it was physics?
Reid: Physics... magic!
Garcia: Trust me, it will not do you any good to argue with him.

[Reid prepares the trick whilst the girls look away]

Reid: All right, all right, turn back and observe.

[The girls turn back around and watch the rocket as it fizzes and bubbles. Suddenly the rocket launches and this time it lands on the floor in front of Hotch, who bends down to pick it up. The girls turn away as Hotch walks towards Reid's desk holding the rocket]

Hotch: Physics magic?
Reid: Yes, sir.
Hotch: Reid, we talked about this.
Reid: I'm sorry, sir.
Hotch: [smiling] You're really starting to get some distance on those. [Hotch walks away and the girls turn back to Reid]
Prentiss: So he does have a sense of humor?
Reid: Sometimes.

Hotchner: We can't have people on this team who have secrets.
Gideon: Oh, come on, Hotch, we all have secrets! Would you want us profiling you?

Reid: "One begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." It's one of Sherlock Holmes' favorite quotes.

Det. Gordinski: Did you get any sleep?
Morgan: You know I didn't.
Det. Gordinski: I slept like a baby myself. Didn't want to get out of bed.
Morgan: Really? So that wasn't your doughnut-eatin' ass on the other side of the glass all night, then?

JJ: [to Garcia, regarding Morgan's sealed criminal record] Unseal it.
Garcia: [in a somewhat desperate voice] But its a SEALED file.
JJ: Garcia, helping him.
Garcia: Right. HELPING him. HELPING him...

Morgan: According to Gordinski, you're the one who told them I drove Damien home.
Carl Buford: Was that supposed to be a secret?
Morgan: No, that wasn't.
Carl Buford: I don't follow.
Morgan: All these years, I kept my mouth shut. I let you go on being a hero. Carl Buford, my mentor.
Carl Buford: What are you talking about?
Morgan: God, I was so afraid of you. I was afraid of the police. Afraid of losing everything I was gaining. But that's how you work, isn't it? You make sure there's a hell of a lot to lose, don't you?
Carl Buford: I don't know what you think you remember...
Morgan: [interrupting] No, no. It's not what I remember that's going to hurt you, Carl. Our business was over way too long ago to matter. You're protected by a statute of limitations and that's gonna be my fault.
Carl Buford: Then good night.
Morgan: You set me up. You knew Damien Walters wanted James to call me about you. So you killed him? You killed him because you knew I would come after, you didn't you?
Carl Buford: Now you're just taking crazy.
Morgan: God, I should've told somebody about you when I was a kid! When you were helping me. Well you know what happens in places like this: once that dam breaks, the flood comes. One kid steps up and breaks the dam, just one, and then another one, and another one, because they're not afraid of you any more. They know they're not alone. James Barfield is your dam.
Carl Buford: Whatever lies James told you...
Carl Buford: I did nothing to you. And James...
Morgan: One by one they're gonna pile up accusations until you can't say they're all lies.
Carl Buford: Do you have any idea how many kids I've helped get out of this neighborhood? Hmm? How many lives I've provided. Look at you! You'd probably be dead by now.
Morgan: Yeah, well it wasn't for free, was it?
Carl Buford: I pulled you outta the gutter.
Morgan: I pulled MYSELF outta the gutter. All the way to the F.B.I. I DID THAT!
Carl Buford: You saying I had nothing to do with who you are?
Morgan: No, Carl. Actually, I'm saying you have everything to do with making me who I am. Because of you I'm somebody who gets to spend the rest of their life making sure guys like YOU go down!
Carl Buford: Look, Derek, I never hurt you. You could have said no.

Sarah: What are you even doing in my mother's house?
Detective: [Referring to Emily and Reid] They asked me!
Reid: Not really.

Reid: Actually, law enforcement officials are just as probable statistically to commit a crime as anyone else. You look at the cross-section of a society, there's a general population and a small fraction of this percentage.
Prentiss: He's not actually saying he believes Derek is involved in this.

Desiree Benita-Morgan: You're Doctor Reid right?
Reid: Hmmm?
Sarah Morgan: Derek talks about you.
Reid: He does?

Derek Morgan: Does he ever take you to his cabin?
James: What?
Derek Morgan: Fishing in Wisconsin? Camping? Two things you wished you had a real father for.
James: Sometimes.
Derek Morgan: Yeah, he's good like that.
James: You know about the cabin?
Derek Morgan: James, I told you. I used to be you.
James: What do you mean?
Derek Morgan: The first time you weren't even sure what was going on. He brushed up against you. You thought it might have just been an accident. But then, at the cabin, he let you sit and drink with him. You thought that was kinda cool. Made you feel grown. Gave you a glass of wine, maybe a little shot of something harder. And then he took you swimming, only he told you to jump in without your swimsuit on. He did things to you, James, didn't he? He did them to me, too. You do whatever you think you gotta do to keep him happy because he's the closest thing to a father you've got. But what he's doing to you is wrong and you don't have to let it continue, man.

James: Damien always said I should call you.
Derek Morgan: What? Damien knew?
James: I didn't think you'd believe me.
Derek Morgan: James, I got your back forever.

Carl Buford: [as he's being arrested] Wait. Wait. Derek, isn't there something you can do for me?
Morgan: You go to hell.

Prentiss: When we ask a question, it isn't to denigrate or demean anything he's done. We just have to know everything, so we can figure out where to look next.

No Way Out [2.13][edit]

Gideon: Aristotle said, "Evil brings men together."

Hotchner: [introducing the team to the sheriff] Aaron Hotchner. This is Derek Morgan and the guy who sometimes forgets his manners is Jason Gideon.

Garcia: What are you doing?
JJ: I'm mapping out where all the victims were found, starting with Gideon's first case file.
[JJ jabs a pushpin to the map]
Garcia: Ow! Stabby!

Frank: [to Derek] If I had your looks, do you know how much easier my life would be?

Frank: Jason... from Greek mythology... to heal. Gideon... a hero from the Old Testament who led the Israelites against the Midianites. Your parents had great ambitions for you. I'm Frank… Germanic… third century. Derived from the name of a type of spear. I wonder what aspirations my parents had for me.

Mark Davis: But that man... he also killed the school bus driver.
Sheriff Georgia Davis: How? We had the whole town shut down. There was no way out.

Frank: [to Gideon and Morgan] But you know what's an even more interesting question? What the psychopath's got in the bag, Jason.

Frank: [to Morgan] Beauty can cover a multitude of sins, but underneath we all look exactly the same.

Frank: Do you think me insane?
Gideon: Do not play me. You know exactly what you are. A psychopathic sexual sadist. You get off on the brutal torture of others.
Morgan: And you knew the moment we arrived in this town, you had no way out.

Prentiss: All of these killings… the work of just one man?
Gideon: Most prolific serial killer ever.

Frank: My hope is that one day you'll feel the way I do too.
Gideon: If I ever find myself feeling the way you do, I'll kill myself.
Frank: Call me first. I'd love to pick your brains.

Prentiss: These wind chimes are made of bone. I think it's human rib bones.

Sheriff Georgia Davis: [discussing Jane's story of captivity] What about the fact that she could see herself?
Gideon: A mirrored ceiling.
Prentiss: So his victims could see themselves being dismembered.
Sheriff Georgia Davis: Every time I think it can't get any worse, it does.

Gideon: [to Frank] I thought I'd seen the very worst of what humanity had to offer, 'til you.

Reid: A psycho with a whistle. That's not too weird.

Garcia: [looking at photos of convicts with prison tattoos] Oh, this is SO not a way to a girl's heart!

Gideon: Did you kill the children, too?
Frank: You've been profiling me for a long time, Jason. You know that I don't kill kids. It does nothing for me.

The Big Game [2.14][edit]

Gideon: Condemned murderer Perry Smith said of his victims, the Clutter family, "I didn't have anything against them, and they never did anything wrong to me, the way other people have all my life. Maybe they're just the ones who have to pay for it."

Prentiss: [watching Morgan dance between two women] Hey, Morgan, be careful. The one in the back could steal your wallet!
Morgan: That's all right; I'll be a broke, happy man!

Reid: Ask me any, any question.
Man: Return to Tomorrow.
Reid: Return to Tomorrow, season 2, production number 51. An alien entity, Sargon, takes over Kirk’s body while two others take over Spock and Dr. Mulhall’s.
Man: Alien races appearing?
Reid: Trick question. A race is never identified. Sargon is a disembodied mind.
Man: And the Dr. McCoy quote?
[Reid pauses, thinking]
Woman: Five, four, three, two...
Reid: “I will not peddle flesh, I’m a physician.” Drink!

Reid: Referring to oneself in the third person is common for an unsub. Ted Bundy gave detailed accounts of the murders, but he never admitted doing them, he'd just say, "the killer."

Tobias: This is a warning, not a show. What's wrong with you people?

Morgan: The unsubs are right about one thing. The world is pretty screwed up.

Reid: You seem unhappy.
Gideon: I am unhappy. I'm tired of people using religion... to justify the terrible things they do.

Reid: You can't scream with your throat cut.

Reid: May we come in?
Tobias: I´m sorry. I don´t let anyone in the house.
Reid: Actually, I really have to, you know, go.
JJ: You do?
Reid: Yeah, for thirty minutes.
JJ: Why didn´t you say something in the car?

Revelations [2.15][edit]

Hotchner: There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins. --Ecclesiastes 7:20

Tobias: They're gone.
Reid: Who are they?
Tobias: It's just me now.
Reid: Who are you?
Tobias: I'm Raphael.

Reid: You don't have to do this.
Tobias: [as Raphael] I'm just an instrument of God.

Garcia: You know, they do have hotels in Georgia.
Hotchner: If we're gonna figure out where Tobias Hankel's taken Reid, the answer is in this house. There's no sense splitting time between here and a field office.
Garcia: Right.
Hotchner: Think of this house as a witness. If it could talk, what would it tell us?
Garcia: My guess is it would tell us to get the hell out.

Reid: You're not Raphael.
Tobias: Do I look like Raphael?
Reid: Thank you for burning those. You're keeping us safe.
Tobias: Don't try to trick me.
Reid: I would never try to trick you.
Tobias: You're a liar.
Reid: I'm not a liar.
Tobias: Lying's a sin.
Reid: I'm not a liar.
Tobias: This'll be over quickly if you just confess your sins.
Reid: I'm not a sinner.
Tobias: We're all sinners.
Reid: And the Lord spake unto Moses saying 'speak unto all of the congregation of The Children of the Lord and say unto them, ye shall be holy for I the Lord your God am holy.'
Tobias: You know Leviticus?
Reid: I know every word of the Bible. I can recite it for you.
Tobias: The Devil knows how to read too.
Reid: I'm not a devil. I'm not a devil, I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid. I have a mother and I have a father just like you and they taught me the Bible. Let me, let me just recite the Bible.
Tobias: It's time to confess, Spencer Reid [whips Reid's foot repeatedly]

Morgan: [Regarding Hankle brutally torturing Reid] I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick.

JJ: [about Reid being kidnapped] I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is, well, Reid.

Hotchner: [desperately] We're not getting any closer.
Gideon: Reid's brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive.
Hotchner: You know I always take advantage of Reid for his brain, but I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally.
Gideon: You lead by example.
Hotchner: What kind of example is that?
Gideon: [softly] He'll make it.

Reid: Tobias?
Tobias: Yeah. Sorry, I had to leave for a while.
Reid: You can leave again, and you can take me with you.
Tobias: My father would be angry.
Reid: Not if he can’t find us.
Tobias: He always finds me.
Reid: If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they’ll save us.
Tobias: We can't be saved.
Reid: We can. We can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I’ll save us both.
Tobias: Listen to me, it’s not worth fighting. Tell me it doesn’t make it better.

(Reid doesn't say anything and Tobias injects him with Dilaudid)

Hotch: I'm not a narcissist.
Gideon: Aw, come on, you can't take anything he said--
Hotch: That's not what I'm talking about-- No, stop, stop. All right, everybody, right now, what's my worst quality?

[Everybody stares at Hotch in an awkward silence]

Hotch: Okay, I'll start...I have no sense of humour...
JJ: [hesitantly] You're a bully?
Hotch: I'm a bully.
Morgan: [gamely] You can be a drill sergeant sometimes.
Hotch: Right...
Prentiss: [quickly] You don't trust women as much as men.
Hotch: Okay, good, I'm all these things, but none of you said that I put myself above the team, because I don't--ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism--he knew I would remember that. And he also quoted Genesis 23 verse 4. Read it.
JJ: I am a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property for a burial place among you that I may bury my dead out of my sight.
Hotch: He wouldn’t get it wrong unless it was on purpose.
Morgan: He's in a cemetery.

Tobias: [after Reid shot him, regarding his second personality] You killed him.
Reid: [sorrowfully] Tobias.
Tobias: Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?
Reid: I'm sorry.

Hotch: [gently] Reid, you all right?
Reid: [while hugging Hotch] I knew you'd understand. [Reid turns and hugs JJ]
JJ: I am so sorry.
Reid: It's all right, it wasn't your fault.

JJ: We think Tobias Hankel may have murdered his father.
Mickey Bates: Good for him!

Tobias: You came back to life. There can only be one of two reasons.
Reid: I was given CPR.

William Reid: I'm not gonna have this conversation in front of him.
Young Reid: Statistically, children who grow up in two-parent households attain three more years of higher education than children from single-parent households.
William Reid: We're not statistics, Spencer.

Garcia: It's the internet, sir. Once something's out there, you can never take it back.
Gideon: The entire history of man, you can never undo anything.

Gideon: (to the webcam) Reid, if you're watching, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? He's perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He cannot break you.

JJ: Any more sign of Reid?
Garcia: He just posted the last murder online. It had over 17,000 hits in the first 20 minutes.
JJ: I wanna see it.
Garcia: No, you don't.
JJ: Don't tell me what I want and don't want. (Garcia looks at her in surprise) If I can't watch this, I have no business being in the field.
Garcia: JJ, it's not a competition.
JJ: I need to see it.
Garcia: If you stop being affected by things you (pauses for a moment) lose parts of yourself, you know?

Reid: If you tell me where we are, my friends will come and they'll save us.
Tobias: We can't be saved.

Reid: You don't have to do this.
Tobias: I'm just an instrument of God.

Fear and Loathing [2.16][edit]

Gideon: "From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate." -Socrates

Mayor Hughes: What do you think is gonna happen if I go to the press and tell them the killer is black?
Morgan: Hey, the best way to stop all this is to find the killer. We just gave you a way to do that.
Mayor Hughes: By telling everybody to look for an anonymous black man? They're gonna say that's racial profiling.
Gideon: It's not racial profiling. Racial profiling is targeting suspects because of their race. We gave you a complete profile which includes race.
Mayor Hughes: Look, the point is I've never even heard of a black serial killer, and neither will the African-Americans in this community already upset by what's been happening here.
Hotchner: You can believe in black serial killers or not, but the fact is they do exist, and it's only a matter of time before he kills another girl.

Morgan: [to Reid] You all right?
[Reid doesn’t move.]
Morgan: Reid.
Reid: Hmm?
Morgan: I said, are you all right?
Reid: I'm fine. [glances behind him] Thanks for broadcasting it.
Morgan: Hey, talk to me. Whatever you say to me in confidence is between us, you know that, right?
Reid: I don't have anything to tell you.
Morgan: Reid, listen to me. What you went through out there nobody expects you to re-- [Reid interrupts]
Reid: I can still do my job all right? I'm not gonna freak out.
Morgan: You think I don't know that?
Reid: It's the crime scene photos.
Morgan: Crime scene photos?
Reid: The dead girls in the leaves.
Morgan: Reid, we've seen worse.
Reid: I know, I know we've seen worse, but for the first time I know, I look at them and, I look at them and I know what they were thinking, what they were feeling like right before...
Morgan: [Morgan nods] It's called empathy... and that's a good thing.
Reid: [Reid appears troubled] It's not. I mean, it's got me all messed up. I don't know how to focus. I can't do my job as well. [Reid pauses] So, what do I do?
Morgan: You use it. Let it make you a better profiler, a better person.
Reid: [Reid seems relieved] Better person.

Reid: “The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." -Cicero

Distress [2.17][edit]

Gideon: "Our life is made by the death of others." -Leonardo da Vinci

Garcia: Are you lonely in the Lone Star state? And are you wearing chaps?
Morgan: Only in your dreams, Garcia
Garcia: Oh, not necessarily. I have Photoshop.
Morgan: Hey, hey, behave. Focus your little twisted mind for me, okay?

Morgan: Garcia, I had better never find any Photoshopped pictures of me on your computer.
Garcia: Oh, trust me my vision, you will never FIND them.

JJ: How do we find a man who's trapped inside his head?

Hotchner: [construction work in the background] What's that?
JJ: [with mouth full] One of the detectives' wives made us cookies.
Emily: Wow, homemade cookies!?
JJ: Yeah. I guess that's what they mean by (in a southern accent) 'southern hospitality'.
Reid: What are you saying?
Emily: 'Southern hospitality'.
Reid: [runs over to window and shuts it] How can anyone hear with all this work going on?

Morgan: He's reliving the worst moment of his life. He's got to be terrified.
Reid: Yeah.

Gideon: The first recorded war was 2700 BC. Probably earlier wars, but writing hadn't been invented yet.
Hotchner: Almost five thousand years of killing each other.
Gideon: One thing human beings have been consistently good at.

Max: Look, if this is Roy, you're not gonna find him. He's trained and skilled in survival. He knows how to hide.
Gideon: We think he has a gun.
Max: Well, he doesn't miss.

Gideon: Someone has to go down.
Morgan: Aw... See, this ain't cool! (takes off his sunglasses and lowers himself into the manhole leading into the sewer) I'm putting in for hazard pay.
Gideon: (humorously) Good luck with that.

Det. Fuller: (watching Morgan walk away) Where's he going?
Gideon: Find out when he comes back.

Reid: (at the homeless shelter) Do you keep a list of everyone who comes through here?
Angie: We have a sign-in sheet, but we don't force anyone to sign if they don't want to. Some who do don't even use their real names. Elvis eats here a lot.

Prentiss: What is the matter with you?
Reid: What do you mean, what's the matter with me?
Prentiss: I have never seen you act like this.
Reid: Oh, really? In the months that you've known me, you've never seen me act this way? Hey, no offense, Emily, but you don't really know what you're talking about, do ya?

Hotchner: We're looking for a homicidal serial criminal in a neighborhood populated by criminals. The challenge will be separating him from the rest.

'Reid: I'll map out the area and see if I can find any place the victims would have visited in the neighborhood.
Prentiss: Good. Maybe we can find a connection between them. I'll help you with that.
Reid: I can handle it.
Prentiss: (looking a little taken back) I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't.
Reid: Well, isn't that what "I'll help you with it" means?

Roy Woodridge: It wasn't safe.
Gideon: I know.
Roy Woodridge: Is the boy all right?
Gideon: Yes, sergeant. Yes, the boy's all right.

Dana Woodridge: He has a hard time with loud noises. He can't be in crowds. He has nightmares and wakes up in cold sweats. The smells are the worst. If he smells something burning, like a barbecue or gas or fire, he gets sick.

'Det. Fuller: This guy may be messed up, but that doesn't change the fact that he has killed four innocent people. Now, why don't we just do a grid search?
Max Weston: You set a grid search, and he confronts one of your men, you'll be planning a funeral.

Hotchner: We did everything we could for him, you know.
Gideon: Yeah. Sometimes knowing that just isn't good enough.

Garcia: Why isn't Derek answering his phone?
Reid: Yeah, he's probably stuck underground somewhere.
Garcia: Underground?
Reid: I'll explain later.

Hotchner: "If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace." -Thomas Paine

Jones [2.18][edit]

Gideon: Robert Kennedy once said, "Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live."

Garcia: What was the thing that Jack the Ripper took from one of his victims, besides, well, you know, her life?
Emily: Oh, uh...
Garcia: Mmm. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Emily: I don't know.
Garcia: A kidney. How horrifyingly fantastic is that?
Emily: Mm-hmm, and are you going anywhere with this?
Garcia: Just that I found an unsolved murder that happened four months ago in Galveston, Texas, with the same MO -- the victim missing that very organ. I amaze myself.
Emily: Yeah, me too. Great work.

Ethan: My music makes me happy. It doesn't take a profiler to see that you're not.
Reid: It's not easy. And it's not -- I ... don't think you'd believe some of the things that I've seen.
Ethan: John Coltrane. He was a genius too. Died of cancer. But most people think it was the booze and the heroin that did him in.
Reid: What are you trying to say?
Ethan: You look like hell.
Reid: I'm fine.
Ethan: Come on man, I'm a jazz musician in New Orleans, I know what it looks like when someone's not well. It's maybe the one time I can tell you something you don't already know. [points at Reid's drink] It may make you forget, but it won't make it go away. And if I can tell... You're surrounded by some of the best minds in the world. If you think they don't notice...[mimes trembling hands] well, for a genius, that's just dumb.

JJ: You're the best ever.
Garcia: Awww... And you're the most perceptive!

Reid: I missed that plane on purpose.
Gideon: I know.
Reid: I'm struggling.
Gideon: Well... anybody who's been through what you've been through recently... would.
Reid: This is all I was groomed for. I never even ... I never even considered another option.
Gideon: Now you're questioning whether or not you're strong enough to be here?
Reid: Yeah.
Gideon: I have been playing at this job in one way or another for almost 30 years. I've felt lost. I've felt great. I have felt scared, sick, and insane. I don't know, I guess the day this job stops gnawing at your soul... and your hands, your hands stop feeling cold, maybe that's the time to leave.
Reid: I guess I just needed to figure out if I could step away from this job.
Gideon: And?
Reid: I'll never miss another plane again.

Ashes to Dust [2.19][edit]

Hotchner: "The torture of a bad conscience is the hell of a living soul." -John Calvin.

Reid: Statistically 94 per cent of all serial arsonists are male, 75 per cent are white and few, if any, are ever caught.
Prentiss: Few? You don't have a percentage?
Reid: 16 per cent. And those 16 per cent set thirty-plus fires before they're ever apprehended. [to Prentiss] I'm trying to be more conversational.
Prentiss: Oh. It's not working.

[JJ introduces Reid to Det. Castro as he clumsily drops everything he’s carrying.]
Det. Castro: A genius, you said?
JJ: Yeah, uh, his coordination drops off when he’s thinking.

[During the profile briefing]
Det. Castro: Okay, this scumbag has issues. We all get it. But why fire?
Reid: He's, uh, like a drug addict. Only fire's his drug, and each time an addict needs a fix, they need more of the drug to get off. So his crimes will most likely get much worse. Be almost impossible for him to quit without help.
Hotch: Thank you very much.

Garcia: Brace yourselves. I'm going to teach you the meaning of L.U.S.T.
Gideon: Did she say lust?
Garcia: Mm-hm. I cross-referenced every known fact on the victims, and I just found a website that links both Dennis Cutler and Mathew Jarvis' companies on a list of businesses guilty of L.U.S.T.
Hotchner: I'm missing something.
Garcia: Leaking Underground Storage Tanks. The website belongs to a recently formed San Francisco chapter of the Earth Defense Front.

Gideon: When he arrives, bring the fake bodies right past us nice and slow. I want him to get a good look.
Lt. Vega: Remind me never to play poker with you guys.

Prentiss: All those people, no booze or music. That's either a very lame going-away party, or an EDF meeting.

Hotchner: I catch killers. I save lives. I'm a hero until my key hits my front door and then I'm just the father and the husband who's never there.
Gideon: Yeah, I got that one.
Hotchner: Here's the thing. When I'm home, I'm in this silent panic because I know that I have to be as good as I can, as fast as I can because any minute the phone is gonna ring and my time is up.

Hotchner: Gandhi said, "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

Honor Among Thieves [2.20][edit]

Prentiss: An old Russian proverb reminds us, "There can be no good without evil."

Reid: These tattoos are like books on their skin. It tells their whole life story.

Natalya: I am just like my mother. When she is upset, she cooks.

Arseny Lysowsky: [to Gideon and Reid] Would you like something to eat? This borscht is exquisite. It is my mother’s old country recipe.
Reid: Didn’t you forsake all your relatives when you swore the Thieves' Code?
Arseny Lysowsky: I didn’t forsake her recipes.

Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss: How are you enjoying your assignment to the BAU?
Prentiss: Well, "enjoying" is an odd description.
Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss: Is it?
Prentiss: We deal with some pretty horrible things.
Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss: I thought that was where you wanted to be.
Prentiss: It is.
Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss: Then you do enjoy it.

Anton Gorban: I mind my own business.
Gideon: You've been watching us since we got here.

Garcia: [answering phone] Your friendly neighborhood Oracle of all things knowable and unknowable, at your service.

Garcia: [regarding Lysowsky] He served 23 years in four remote prisons at Perm. That is a remote region of the Northern Ural Mountains, for those of you playing the home game.

Morgan: How could I have not seen this?
Reid: How could any of us, man?

Reid: They didn't wait?
Gideon: They cut off his ear. They increased the ransom and left a note.
Reid: How much money do they think they have?

SSA Josh Kramer: [to Gideon regarding the lack of statement from the victims] 'Cause we're dealing with criminals.
Reid: Obviously.
SSA Josh Kramer: Not just the kidnappers, genius.

Prentiss: "Happy families are all alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." -Leo Tolstoy.

Open Season [2.21][edit]

Gideon: "One man's wilderness is another man's theme park." Author unknown.

Prentiss: [in a bar, acting very excited] Ladies, this is Brad –- a real FBI agent!
Garcia: Really?
Prentiss: Really!
JJ: No way!
Garcia: That's exciting! What's it like at Quan-ti-co?

JJ: Must be tough keeping all those secrets.
Brad: It’s a skill, like anything else. Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. The FBI’s good at keeping secrets and kicking criminal ass.

Prentiss: Can we see it?
Brad: See what?
Prentiss: Your badge.
Garcia: Please?
Brad: Sorry, that's...
Prentiss, JJ, Garcia together: Classified
Prentiss: [she holds up her badge] Tell me Brad, does it look anything like this?
JJ: [hold up hers] Or this?
Garcia: [holds up hers] Or maybe this?
[Brad hurries away]

Johnny (Unsub): No! Don't shoot him! He's all I have left...

Prentiss: The British historian James Anthony Froude once said, "Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself."

Legacy [2.22][edit]

Hotchner: "Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity, nothing exceeds the criticisms made of the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed." -Herman Melville.

Morgan: [to Mona, a homeless woman] Be careful, you hear me? This world needs all of its beautiful ladies, and that means you, too, momma.
[Mona smiles and walks away]
Emily: You’re a good guy.
Morgan: You think?
Emily: Yeah, you make the people around you feel good.

Hotchner: You have Chaplin on film?
Gideon: My great-granddad was an accountant at one of the first movie studios.
Hotchner: He was in California?
Gideon: No, no, no. Chicago. Essanay Studios closed, 1920. Back then four out of five movies made in the U.S. were made in Chicago. They closed down, they let my grandpa take, ehh, a couple of extra prints home.
Hotchner: [amused] They let him?
Gideon: [laughing] Well, that’s the family story... we’re sticking to it.

Reid: You see, the word "coincidence" implies more...
Morgan: Hey! Hey, kid. We do not need a vocabulary lesson right now.
Reid: Right. Sorry.

Morgan: What did you guys get?
Hotch: Well, Reid got propositions from every prostitute we talked to, but we didn't find anybody who thinks they've seen the unsub.

Hotch: "Nothing is permanent in this wicked world—-not even our troubles." -Charles Chaplin.

No Way Out (Pt. 2): The Evilution of Frank [2.23][edit]

Gideon: "I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, my enemies for their good intellects." -Oscar Wilde.

Hotch: I got a request... from Safeguard for personnel files on certain agents.
Gideon: So it's an annual evaluation? Who cares?
Hotch: It's six months early, Jason. It's... not a routine evaluation. I think it's an assessment of the BAU. They're redistributing funds. They're making cuts in all departments.
Gideon: So, what are they gonna take? The jet? I prefer trains anyway.
Hotch: Well, I think we may lose more than that. It's been a hard year for us, Jason. You know what happened to Morgan in Chicago. We both know about Reid's issues. Elle Greenaway--suspect killed. It all adds up.
Gideon: To what?
Hotch: The only file they didn't request was mine.

Gideon: [to florist] Thirty dollars? What, are you kidding me?
Florist: Shoulda seen the price of the roses.
Gideon: Thanks. Hey, Hotch, you're the best unit chief I know.
Hotch: Jason, I'm the only unit chief you know.
Gideon: You need a break. Go home, kiss your family, and-- [sees Jane across the way and whispers] Impossible
Hotch: What?
Gideon: Well, I--I thought-- Never mind.
Hotch: We both need a break. Jason?
Gideon: Yeah?
Hotch: Button mums are something you give your mother.
Gideon: Yeah. Good night.
Hotch: Good night. Have fun.

JJ: [to Reid] No matter what happens this time, we don't split up, clear?
Reid: Crystal clear.

Hotch: Frank.
Frank: Agent Hotchner. We haven't had the pleasure of a formal meeting.

Hotch: Once again the team had battled a monster, and won.
Erin Strauss: The future of the BAU is not in the balance here. The residual impact as a result of investigations into the crimes and criminals you pursue is. Every cause has its effect.
Hotch: You think I don't know that?
Erin Strauss: I believe you are no longer effective in your post.
Hotch: The modern furniture, strategically placed magazines, the framed diplomas, the art in the wall...they're all in conflict with your family photos. You have three children but you favor the middle one, your son.
Erin Strauss: What do you think you're do--
Hotch: Of course, you love all your children, but not like your son.
Erin Strauss: That's enough!
Hotch: The bonsai you obsessively nurture is to compensate for feelings of failure as a mother...
Erin Strauss: Agent Hotchner, I said that is enough! My position is not in question here. As your superior, I am questioning your ability to lead your team...
Hotch: My team? Let me tell you about my team. Agent Morgan fought to protect his identity from the very people who could save him. Why? Because trust has to be earned, and there are very few people he truly trusts. Reid's intellect is a shield which protects him from his emotions, and at the moment his shield is under repair. Prentiss overcompensates because she doesn't yet feel she's a part of the team; she needn't worry. Every day, Agent Jareau fields dozens of requests for our team, and every night she goes home hoping she has made the right choices. Garcia fills her office with figurines and color to remind herself to smile as the horror fills her screens. And Agent Gideon in many ways is damned by his profound knowledge of others, which is why he shares so little of himself, yet he pours his heart into every case we handle. I stand by my actions, and I stand by my team, and if you think that you can find a better person for the job, then good luck.
Erin Strauss: Agent Hotchner.
Hotch: How do I know you favor your son? I'm good at my job.

Season 3[edit]

Doubt [3.1][edit]

Gideon: Spree killings in a confined area are a race. He's racing to kill as many as he can; we're racing to stop him.

Gideon: How long can you hold that lawyer off?
Hotch: Are you kidding? I was a prosecutor; I can hold him off for days.

Prentiss: [about Nathan Tubbs] I'll sleep when he confesses.
JJ: We all will.

Morgan: I know how bad cops wanna believe they got the right guy. I've been on both sides of that.

Gideon: Two more dead. Was it a price that needed to be paid? Is death ever worth it? Was the world always this gray? Is it only in the movies that it's black and white? Is that just an illusion? I used to know. I used to understand my place, my direction, where I was headed. Profiling requires belief. Belief in the profile. Belief in yourself. After Sarah, I no longer trust myself at home. But after Tubbs (letting the unsub go, causing the death of the unsub and a girl), I no longer trust myself in the field. And without that, I have nothing.

Section Chief Strauss: You’re suspended for two weeks without pay pending an investigation of your conduct. And, Agent Hotchner, if it was solely up to me? You would never get these credentials back.
Hotch: Always a pleasure.

Gideon: And that was the last domino. The death of that girl. Hotch being suspended over something that was my fault. I said at the begining of the letter that I knew it would be you to come up here. I'm so sorry the explanation couldn't be better. And I am so sorry that it doesn't make more sense. But I have already told you. I just don't understand any of it anymore. [holds gun in his hand] I'm sorry.

In Name and Blood [3.2][edit]

Hotchner: George Washington said, "Let your heart feel for the affliction and distress of everyone."

Morgan: What if we don’t want a new unit chief?
Hotchner: Well, maybe the next one won’t be such a drill sergeant.
Morgan: Look, man, are you a pain in my ass? Yes, sir! But wantin' to hang out with you and needin' you to lead this team are two very different things.

Section Chief Erin Strauss: None of you will ever move up the chain of command, you know that.
Hotchner: Why would I ever want to leave the BAU?

Morgan: Garcia, baby girl, please tell me something I want to hear.
Garcia: You are a statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder.
Morgan: How about something I don't already know?
Garcia: [after an intentional pause] I have a sweet tooth?

Haley Hotchner: Aaron, stop! Don’t make me the monster here. I feel sick about these women, but when this case is over there will be another one, and another one, and another one. It is never going to stop.
Hotchner: This is who I am.
Haley Hotchner: No, this is what you do!
Hotchner: I’m trying to do the right thing –- here and there -– and I would really appreciate a little support.
Haley Hotchner: Oh, that’s right, because you always need to be the hero.
Hotchner: Don’t give me that.
Haley Hotchner: No, obviously a happy life isn’t enough for you.

Hotch: [standing outside Prentiss' apartment] Can I come in? [Prentiss lets him in and shuts the door behind him] The team needs us. They're working a case in Milwaukee. Gideon hasn't shown up, and don't tell me you quit or I put in for a transfer.
Prentiss: You put in for a transfer?
Hotch: They're both still hung up in the system, so technically we're in dereliction of duty by not being there.
Prentiss: I'm sorry, I can't go.
Hotch: Right. Sorry I barged in.
Prentiss: Wait. Wait. Can I ask-- Why are you really here?
Hotch: I told you. [Prentiss gives him a look] I think Strauss came to you and asked for dirt on me.
Prentiss: Why would she do that?
Hotch: I think if your eyes are on top leadership at the FBI, you want to know who might stand in your way.
Prentiss: And... what could I have told her?
Hotch: That one of my agents might have murdered a suspect in cold blood. Or that another might have a serious drug problem, which I didn't report, and if Strauss had any evidence, my career would be over. I think she put you on our team and expected something in return. And to your credit, you quit rather than whisper in her ear.
Prentiss: I told you. I hate politics.
Hotch: Come to Milwaukee. I'll make you a deal. If your ready bag isn't here, packed, I won't bug you any more. If it is, I want you on that plane with me. One more case.
Prentiss: [sighs] I already turned in my badge and my gun.
Hotch: That's just hardware.

Garcia: [answering phone] Talk dirty to me.
Strauss: This is Section Chief Erin Strauss.
Garcia: [horrified and red-faced] Ma'am, I think it goes without saying that I was expecting it to be someone else.
Strauss: I need a list of every grade school in the Third Ward and Wauwatosa.
Garcia: Yes, ma'am. Uh... The Third Ward has one public grade school, but there appears to be four private schools that draw from that area.
Strauss: And Wauwatosa?
Garcia: That would be nine, ma'am.
Strauss: And how many students?
Garcia: Thirty-two hundred.
Strauss: Can you also get me a list of every guidance counselor that deals directly with the student body in that area?
Garcia: Certainly, ma'am. And again, I'd like to ap-- [Strauss hangs up]
Strauss: You need to present these counselors with a profile of a troubled kid.

[At the latest dump site]
Hotch: [to Reid] Morgan says you're worried about Gideon.
Reid: I keep on calling him, he doesn't call back.
Hotch: He's probably at his cabin. That's where he goes when he... needs to get away. Reid, I need your head in this.
Reid: I know.

Hotch: So what’s around the dump site?
Det. Vic Wolynski: Here’s the old, uh, printing press of Quad Graphics, and the paving yard, and then the, uh, concrete factory where we found the body. None of them visible from the highway.
Prentiss: You don’t end up there by accident.
Hotch: So we go back to the schools, we eliminate the Third Ward, and we target problem kids whose fathers have held blue-collar jobs over the last ten years.
Reid: What if he’s not a problem kid?
Morgan: What?
Reid: Forget it. It’s off the textbook profile.
Hotch: What is it, Reid?
Reid: Sometimes when a parent is unstable, especially if the other one’s out of the picture, you’ll do anything to be the perfect child.
Prentiss: Like help your father abduct women?
Reid: They’re never late for school. Even with the abductions, the disposals of the bodies, it’s always timed perfectly so the kid’ll be on time to school. I don’t think the killer would care. I think the kid would.

Garcia: [answering phone] FBI Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia speaking.
Hotch: Garcia, I need a list of parents from the Wauwatosa school district. Eliminate any two-parent households or any fathers holding white-collar jobs that aren't labor management.
Garcia: You'll see it flying over the transom momentarily.
Hotch: And one more thing--the glitches in the transfers and resignations stop now.
Garcia: Yes, sir.
Hotch: And Garcia...
Garcia: Yes?
Hotch: Thank you.

[Gideon at an eatery]
Gideon: Here you go.
Waitress: You got enough to eat, honey?
Gideon: Oh yeah.
Waitress: Travellin'?
Gideon: Yeah.
Waitress: Where you headed?
Gideon: Nowhere in particular.
Waitress: How would you know when you get there?
Gideon: [smiles] That's a good question, [reads the name of the waitress] Rose. That's a very good question. Have a great day.
Waitress: You too.

Reid: (to local cop) You worked the Jeffrey Dahmer case.
Cop: Yeah, 18 years ago.
Reid: I read up on it.
Cop: And you remembered my name?
JJ: He remembers everything.
Morgan: It's what he does.

Gideon: I guess I’m just looking for it again –- for the belief I had back in college, the belief I had when I first met Sarah and it all seemed so right. The belief in happy endings.

Scared to Death [3.3][edit]

Hotchner: The Taoist philosopher Lao Tse once wrote, "He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still."

Reid: Wittman's place is on the fourth floor. [gets in the elevator] Can you get in there?
Hotch: I'll… meet you guys up there.
[The elevator stops and Morgan bounces a bit, causing it to shake]
Reid: Don't do that.
Morgan: Why isn't it moving?
Reid: I don't know. [Morgan starts pushing buttons] Don't—Stop it! Don't—
Morgan: What? What's the problem?
Reid: Don't do that!
Morgan: Why not?
Reid: Cause there are six elevator-related deaths per year, not to mention ten thousand injuries that require hospitalization. Chill out.
Morgan: Those sound like pretty good odds to me. What- what are you scared Reid? You're scared.
Reid: I'm not scared. I don't wanna be in an elevator with you to be honest.
Morgan: [Starts to pushing buttons] How about if I push that? What if I push— [Elevator suddenly falls and both become visibly freaked] Whoa. Whoa. Ok.
Reid: Um… Hit the—Hit the— [Morgan hits the alarm button and Hotch hears the alarm bell sound] Push it!
Morgan: I'm- Push, pull, push, pull. I'm doin' it. Nothing's happening.
Reid: Pry- Pry the- Pry the door open. Just—yeah.
Morgan: [Grunting in an effort to get the door open] It's stuck, man. Uhh [falls back against the elevator wall] No, no, no, no. Not today. No, not today.
Reid: [In high-pitched-voice] Hotch.
Morgan: [Starts pressing the alarm again] HOTCH! [The elevator finally opens and he stumbles out] Hallelujah.
Hotch: Was that the alarm? You guys ok?
Reid: [Walking out slowly] I'll get back to you on that.

Hotch: Fire, hanging, asphyxiation. Now we've got a drowning.
Reid: I think it's someone who's afraid of drowning.
Hotch: What do you mean?
Reid: Yeah, it hit me when Morgan freaked out when we were stuck in the elevator.
Prentiss: You got stuck in an elevator?
Morgan: I freaked?
Reid: Well, that’s not important. Here's what is. If you look at the M.O.s of the victims, what do they all have in common? They could all be classified as anxiety disorders. It's right out of The Diagnostics and Statistical Manual. It lists five subtypes of phobias.
Hotch: Most of these are environmental and situational.
Reid: Exactly.
Hotch: So it's all about fear. These people are being killed by their fears.

Prentiss: So Hotch is even more intense now that Gideon's gone.
Reid: Yeah, I've noticed.
Prentiss: Do you think that's gonna change?
Reid: Certainly think we'll find out.
Prentiss: What about you? You ok?
Reid: Oh, I'm—I'm great.
Prentiss: Do you wanna talk about it?
Reid: What's there to talk about, really?
Prentiss: Gideon.
Reid: Oh, no. He uh—He left a letter explaining everything. Just like my dad did when he abandoned me and my mom.
Prentiss: He addressed it to you.
Reid: Yeah, yeah. You know, Gideon stood toe to toe with some of the, the sickest people on this planet. I think that took a lot of courage, right?
Prentiss: Yeah.
Reid: So, why'd he do this? It's addressed to me, but I'm—I'm not—I'm not the only one that he abandoned.
Prentiss: But why is it addressed to you? [Reid looks at her] I think you need to read that letter again.
Reid: I have an eidetic memory, Emily.
Prentiss: Ah, yeah, I know, and an IQ of 187, but what do you remember about your father?
Reid: What do you mean?
Prentiss: Well, he gave you ten years before he left, and yet, you've erased all those memories. And—it's too painful. I get it. But then, Gideon leaves. I think you need to read that letter again, and ask yourself why, of all the people he walked away from, did he only explain himself to one person… you.

Dr. Stan Howard: [to Hotchner] I think your greatest fear is that you can't save everyone. It is worse than I thought.

Hotchner: Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

Children of the Dark [3.4][edit]

Prentiss: "In the city, crime is taken as emblematic of class and race. In the suburbs, though, it's intimate and psychological - resistant to generalization, a mystery of the individual soul." - Barbara Ehrenreich

Prentiss: These guys are killing the Cleavers.
Reid: Strange.
Hotch: The pattern?
Reid: No, the Cleavers. Of all the names for a 1950s idyllic TV family. I mean it’s rife with violent implication. Kind of makes you wonder how the writers really felt about suburbia, huh?
Hotch: Focus, please!

Morgan: Hey girl you're on speaker. Behave.
Garcia: Or what, you'll spank me?
[Morgan gets an exasperated look]

Seven Seconds [3.5][edit]

Hotchner: Dostoyevsky once said, “Nothing is easier than denouncing the evildoer. Nothing more difficult than understanding him.”

Morgan: [examining camera surveillance footage] Well, can't you get a better angle?
Garcia: Sugar, I'm not London here; I can only work with what they have. And, believe me when I tell you, the 1980s just called. They want their security system back.

Officer: Thing is, there's still a man out there who hasn't been caught.
Hotch: I know. And there always will be. But today we made a difference.

Morgan: (while watching a video of Katie) Oh, you are breaking my heart, baby girl. Where are you going?
Garcia: And who are you with?

Prentiss: (to Katie's aunt, while holding up her disfigured doll) This is how Katie sees herself. Self-loathing. Dirty. Disgusting. That is what your husband made her feel. . . Do you have any idea how terrified she must have been? How confused? While you lay awake, protecting an animal, who will always have those urges, and always has . . . you have robbed Katie of her childhood--are you gonna to steal the rest of her life from her as well?

Hotchner: G.K. Chesterton wrote, "Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed."

About Face [3.6][edit]

Hotchner: Erasmus wrote, "What else is the whole life of mortals but a sort of comedy, in which the various actors, disguised by various costumes and masks, walk on and plays each one his part, until the manager waves them off the stage?" .

[referring to Garcia]
Rossi: She's different.
Hotchner: You have no idea.

Rossi: I'm just saying... sharing is a learned skill.

Garcia: [answering phone] Speak and be recognized by your empress, mortal.
Rossi: Is this the technical analyst girl?

Reid: That particular mask is known as a False Face. It's most commonly worn during Halloween and Mardi Gras.
Morgan: Creepy. I rest my case.

Hotchner: She could buy a gun that easily?
Det. Yarborough: This is Texas.

Section Chief Strauss: I really don't understand this, David.
Rossi: What's to understand, Erin?
Section Chief Strauss: You've been retired for nearly 10 years.
Rossi: BAU is a man down. I'm offering to help.
Section Chief Strauss: You've written... how many books? World tours, speaking engagements, big payday private consultations. You've made quite a name for yourself.
Rossi: Well, this is getting boring.
Section Chief Strauss: You know you won't be in charge. Agent Hotchner's the SAC. I'll be seeking his endorsement.
Rossi: I'm not looking for anyone's permission here.
Section Chief Strauss: So you're coming in... in a subordinate position?
Rossi: Is that a question?
Section Chief Strauss: The question is, why?
Rossi: To help.
Section Chief Strauss: A completely selfless act.
Rossi: That so hard to believe?
Section Chief Strauss: Yes.
Rossi: I missed you too... Erin.

Identity [3.7][edit]

Rossi: "An earthly kingdom cannot exist without inequality of persons. Some must be free, some serfs, some rulers, some subjects." Martin Luther.

Emily: [teasing Reid about coloring in a map] You know, I could have gotten you a coloring book at the airport.
Reid: I'm creating a topographical map weighing down and geocoding all key locations looking for algorithms.
Emily: [nods, confused] Yeah, that's exactly what I thought you were doing.

Garcia: [reviewing Goehring's records] He also appears in a federal database for -- get this -- aggressive militia groups.
JJ: Aggressive militia groups. Is there any other type?
Garcia: Uh-hmm. That's your federal government at work. We specialize in redundancy.

Trailer Park Manager: What the hell do you want? Can't you read?
Reid: I'm not a salesman. I'm with the FBI.
Trailer Park Manager: FBI? You're not serious! You look like a pipe cleaner with eyes. I could snap you like a twig.
Rossi: But then... [steps into frame and flashes credentials] ...he isn't alone.

Reid: A popular theory among leading astrophysicists estimates that the hyper-matter reactor would need about 10 to the 32nd joules of energy to destroy a planet the size of Earth. Now, Lucas said it took 19 years to build the first Death Star, right, but if you look at the new essential chronology there’s a test bed prototype for a super laser that’s been… Where you going?
Morgan: Taking back the last five minutes of my life.

Militia Man: (to Reid) Piece of advice, pipe cleaner--the way you wear that gun, you're begging someone to take it off you.

JJ: We're investigating a missing woman--
Bar Owner:(interupts) Bobby, be a gentleman. Pull up a chair for the little lady.
JJ: No, I'd prefer to stand.
Bar Owner: I'd prefer it if you both left my bar.

Lucky [3.8][edit]

Morgan: “Fantasy abandoned by reason produces impossible monsters.” - Francisco Goya

Morgan: 16th century English novelist Thomas Deloney wrote, "God sends meat and the Devil sends cooks."

[After fixing the computer of a complete stranger, he proceeds to introduce himself]
Stranger: James. James Baylor. My friends call me Colby.
Garcia: Penelope. Garcia. My friends call me Wonderful.

Morgan: [to Garcia] Good morning, princess.
Garcia: Good morning.
Morgan: Pump your brakes. [motions to Garcia to approach him] Every day I say 'Good Morning'. Every day you say 'I'll show you a good morning, hot stuff.' Everyday. Not today?.
Garcia: I hate profilers. You know that?
Morgan: Spit it out.
Garcia: Well, I met a guy...
Morgan: You did what? Where?
Garcia: Coffee Shop. Smoking hot. I fixed his computer and then he asked for my number.
Morgan: And you just...?
Garcia: Gave it to him. Can you believe that? A complete stranger. Did I mention he was smoking hot?
Morgan: Uh, yeah, yeah. I think you did.

Morgan: My mother took us to church every Sunday until I moved out. This whole devil thing doesn't spook me at all.
Reid: Maybe that's because you never truly bought the God part either.
Morgan: No offense, kid, but you don't know what I believe.
Reid: Well, I mean, logic dictates that if you believe in the one you have to reconcile the existence of the other.
Hotchner: People's reactions to Satan is what gives it appeal to these offenders. It has power and it would be a mistake to underestimate it.

Garcia: Wow. You are some profiler. You could tell how wrong he was from what little I told you.
Morgan: Garcia, I didn't mean--
Garcia: [sarcastically] I wonder, was it that he was too handsome, or too interested in me, that tipped you off on how wrong he was?
Morgan: ...Garcia...I-
Garcia: [voice rising]Just 'cause you wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on me doesn't that a more perceptive, less superficial guy wouldn't. Hey, Derek, you want snappy? [angrily] You suck!!!

Emily: Hey, what's going on with you and Morgan?
Garcia: I told him about this guy I met at the coffee shop...
Emily: Oh.
[Emily hangs up the phone and walks over to Morgan who has been eavesdropping behind her]
Emily: When a woman tells a man about her feelings, she doesn't want him to fix her, she wants him to shut up and listen.

Father Marks: What happened to you? Only someone who grew up with religion could have so much contempt for a priest he hardly knows.
Morgan: When I was a kid, something bad was happening to me. And I went to church every day. And I prayed. I prayed for it to stop, and you know what God did? Nothing.
Father Marks: He never gives us more than we can handle.
Morgan: Your God expects way too much of thirteen-year-old boys.

Penelope [3.9][edit]

Garcia: William Shakespeare wrote, "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."

JJ: She's in surgery, there's no word.
Reid: This is crazy.

Emily: Where's Morgan?
JJ: He's not answering his cell.
Reid: I'll call him again.

JJ: [Morgan walks in] She's been in surgery a couple hours.
Morgan: I was in church; my phone was off.
Reid: There's nothing you could have been doing here.

Hotchner: David and I'll go to the scene. I think the rest of you should be here when she wakes up. I don't care about protocol, I don't care whether we're working this officially or not--we don't touch any new cases until we find out who did this.

Hotch: [considering if the killer shot Garcia just to steal her purse.] Why does he risk coming into an enclosed courtyard?
Rossi: World's boldest purse-snatching?

Morgan: [Referring to Garcia] I asked her to go out last night but she was pissed at me; she blew me off.
Reid: So you ended up at church?
Morgan: Yeah, what does it mean? On one hand, if she had gone out with me, she would have never got shot. On the other hand, what are the odds the first time I pray in 20 years she's on the table?

Garcia: [To Reid and Morgan] When I was in the ambulance I could hear the song "Heroes" playing in my head. I kept flashing in and out of consciousness and I remember thinking, "Wait. Is David Bowie really God?"

Garcia: Have fun getting out of the wormhole.

Garcia: Go. Be free, my love.
Morgan: Hey, I'm not going anywhere.
Garcia: Oh, I'm fine. I got my goon squad parked out front.
Morgan: Goon squad or not goon squad, that couch right there is going to be my best friend until we catch this guy. Now leave it alone.
Garcia: Okay... But if you're thinking of trying to take advantage of me, let me call my doctor so you can revive me afterwards. [They both laugh]
Morgan: Hey, silly girl.
Garcia: Hmm?
Morgan: I love you, you know that, right?
Garcia: I love you, too.

Emily: [To Garcia] Oh, don't worry about your reinstatement papers: he'll sign them as soon as his hands stop shaking.

Morgan: [Handing Garcia a gun] Take this and stay put.
Garcia: No, no, no, I don't believe in guns!
Morgan: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

Morgan: (points at the door to Garcia's room) What she doing?
Emily: (laughs reading a magazine) Do you really want to know? (looks at Reid who is craning his neck to get a better look)

Kevin: (chasing Garcia) This is way too easy!
Garcia: Right where I want ya!
Kevin: (staring at the screen as it says 'connection lost') Oh Boy.
Garcia: (smiling at her laptop) Have fun getting out of the wormhole!

True Night [3.10][edit]

Garcia: Honey, I know you love me, but the prospect of you whirling around here trying to fix this is actually more frightening than getting shot.

Reid: "Superman is, after all, an alien life form. He is simply the acceptable face of invading realities." Author Clive Barker.

Reid: You should have listened to me.
Morgan: It wouldn't have saved that much time, Reid. Let it go.
Reid: The interchange between to 405 and 101 freeways is consistently rated the worst interchange in the entire world.
Morgan: Why do you know that?
Reid: It's in the government report.
Morgan: So what?
Reid: So, you work for the government. You don't read the reports?
Morgan: On traffic patterns in a city twenty-five hundred miles away from where I live?
Reid: Twenty-two hundred and ninety-five miles.
Morgan: Do not make me smack you in front of all these people.

Reid: Sometimes for an artist, the only difference between insanity and genius is success.

Morgan: [on the phone with Garcia] Just leave it alone until I get there. Hey, hey, hardhead. Don't make me spank you when I get back.
Reid: Don't listen to him Garcia, he's all talk. [Morgan smacks Reid's head] Ow! JJ, he just hit me!
JJ: [not looking up] Boys, behave or I will ground you both.

Garcia: Hey, do you know who Frank Miller is?
Morgan: Frank Miller... Sounds familiar. Un-sub?
Garcia: [laughs] No, graphic novelist. 300? Sin City?
Morgan: Oh, right, right, right. Cool movies.
Garcia: He said something once and it makes me think of you. "The noir hero is a knight in blood caked armor. He's dirty and he does his best to deny the fact that he's a hero the whole time."

Birthright [3.11][edit]

Hotch: The American poet Anne Sexton once wrote "It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was."

Hotch: You ok?
JJ: You stop caring, you're jaded. If you care too much, it'll ruin you.
Hotch: Just know that you did everything you could. Sometimes we get it right with a little luck and most of the times we don't. That's the job. It's never perfect. It's still better to care.
JJ: You really believe that?
Hotch: I believe it's never perfect.

JJ: Wordsworth wrote, "A simple child. That lightly draws its breath. And feels its life in every limb. What should it know of death?"

3rd Life [3.12][edit]

Hotch: "No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies." Daisy Bates

[Reid is looking through Mr Vaughan's computer]
Mr Vaughan: Um... Can I help you?
Reid: Um... hey... um... I was just, uh, checking to see if Lindsey had contacted anyone- P-predators tend to do that.
Mr Vaughan: Is that right?
Reid: Yeah, um, statistically, uh, forty three percent of predators-
Mr Vaughan: Lindsey doesn't like computers.
Reid: Oh. [pause] Cool.
[walks out quickly]

Hotch: "It is a wise father who knows his own child." William Shakespeare.

Limelight [3.13][edit]

Rossi: "I know indeed what evil I intend to do, but stronger than all my afterthoughts is my fury, fury that brings upon mortals the greatest evils." Euripides.

Rossi: "For we pay a price for everything we get or take in this world, and although ambitions are well worth having, they are not to be cheaply won." - Lucy Maud Montgomery

Damaged [3.14][edit]

Rossi: "...within the core of each of us is the child we once were. This child constitutes the foundation of what we have become, who we are, and what we will be." Neuroscientist Dr. R. Joseph.

Garcia: There is really no acceptable excuse for violence, but for you I am making an exception. [opens the front door] Oh my God, Agent Rossi!

Rossi: What kind of a researcher are you?
Garcia: I'm not a researcher. I'm a technical analyst.
Rossi: What the hell does that even mean?
Kevin: (entering room, naked, just out of the shower) You left the middle of my back totally unloofahed.

Garcia: (barging into JJ's office without knocking) I might be in big trouble.
JJ: [looking at her files, sarcastically] Come on in.
Garcia: (staring at a picture on the wall) I can't believe he showed up at my apartment.
JJ: It's not like I'm doing anything here...
Garcia: (turns around in annoyance) We just had a seminar on fraternization last week!
JJ: (looks up after listening silently) I really have a lot of work to do, Garcia...
Garcia: (asks her a question she can't resist) So you don't want to hear how Agent Rossi showed up at my door in the middle of the night while I was enjoying a post-coital shower with fellow FBI technical analyst Kevin Lynch?
JJ: (JJ looks at her in a professional manner and motions to the chair) Sit.

JJ: (pretending to be a counselor) So, you were in the shower with Kevin Lynch?
Garcia: (frustrated) Come on, JJ. I'm being serious. I need your help.
JJ: (looks confused) With what?
Garcia: Agent Rossi. We're not supposed to date fellow Bureau employees.
JJ: (checks to see if anyone's listening) From what I hear, Rossi is the reason most of these fraternization rules even exist. (waves her hand like she's swatting a fly laughing) He's not gonna say anything, relax. (realizes what Garcia says) Wait, what was Rossi doing at you apartment?
Garcia: (laughs) Well that's a good- (panics) I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
JJ: (confused) Why?
Garcia: (talking faster) I didn't press the issue. (describes her attire at the time) I was all naked and drippy.
JJ: (creeped out) Right. (realizing something) Doesn't showering with someone always seem like a better idea before you're actually doing it?
Garcia: (agreeing) Yeah, it can be a bit of a work out.
JJ: (sitting forward to get another file) I mean there comes a point where a girl's gotta wash her hair alone, you know...

Morgan: You got any idea what Rossi was working on?
JJ: I think Garcia might know. He stopped by her place last night.
Morgan: What?
Prentiss: Why?
Garcia: I'm really not supposed to say cause he said he wanted to keep it between us.
Prentiss: He might need our help.
Garcia: He didn't ask anyone for help!
Prentiss: Penelope, Rossi is a guy who color-codes his handwritten notes in his notebooks; Blue pen for evidentiary items, red pen for supposition and theory. The guy is a fussy, anal retentive neat-freak who never leaves anything out of it's place. I would say this - [gestures to Rossi's messy office] - is a scream for help.

Garcia: [mortified that Kevin will talk with Rossi about their relationship] If you get within a hundred feet of Agent Rossi, I will unleash an unrecoverable virus onto your personal computer system that will reduce your electronic world into something between a Commodore 64, and a block of government cheese. (Kevin gasps in horror at the mental image she placed in his head)

Rossi: Did anything come back yet on that print?
Garcia: No. No matches. Nothing on file. Sorry.
Rossi: What about my notes?
Garcia: Those I have. Do you have a PDA cause I can send them to you.
Rossi: What's a PDA?
Garcia: It's a personal digital.. never mind.

Rossi: When we arrived on the scene, before any of the other units got there, I could hear them. Before I even got out of the car. It was a warm morning and the windows were open in the upstairs bedroom. And their voices floated out into the street. They were crying and calling for their mommy and daddy. Three terrified children screaming for their murdered parents. I've seen so much death and pain, but it's been 20 years and I can still hear them screaming every night. Crying. If I can't tell them for sure that whoever is responsible will never do it again, that screaming might never stop.

(Kevin sneaks up behind Garcia)

Garcia: What are you doing here?
Kevin: I work here too.
Garcia: Yeah, in your own office two floors down.
Kevin: I can't come over and visit?
Garcia: Are you insane?
Kevin: What's wrong?
Garcia: Haven't you forgotten last night?
Kevin: I will never forget last night.

Morgan: I can't believe people actually pay good money to play these fixed games.
JJ: Men.
Morgan: Excuse me?
JJ: It's not people. It's men.
Morgan: Is that a fact?
JJ: Only a man would waste 50 dollars trying to win back a three-dollar stuffed animal.

Reid: I find that I do some of my best work under intense terror.

Kevin: Agent Rossi we need to talk... about Penelope... man-to-man.
Rossi: Man-to-man?
Morgan: What about Penelope?
JJ: [in a sing-song voice] Garcia and Kevin sitting in a tree... [walks away]
Morgan: Get out of here... you serious? [walks away]
Prentiss: Just when I thought that nothing scandalous was ever going to happen around here.
Reid: What? What does that mean?
Prentiss: Didn't you hear JJ?
Reid: The song meant something? No. No, I missed it!
Prentiss: Yeah! It... it... it... You know what? Never mind.

Hotchner: "There is no formula for success, except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings." Arthur Rubinstein.

A Higher Power [3.15][edit]

Rossi: "There is no refuge from confession but suicide; and suicide is confession." - Daniel Webster

Prentiss: Is there any possibility that, while we've been talking, you've been multitasking?
Garcia: What? Find Redding's address?
Prentiss: I love you, Penelope Garcia.
Garcia: Get in line!

Prentiss: "The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering." - Ben Okri

Elephant's Memory [3.16][edit]

Rod Norris: [speaking to a creaking tree] You wake me again tonight... there'll be a chainsaw for you.

John: Here... Take this. It's my one-year medallion. Took me six years to get it. For the past thirteen years, I've never left home without it. Because I know if I forget that, I'll lose my gun, my credentials, my home... everything. Hold on to it.
Reid: I only have ten months.
John: I know.
Reid: It's your most prized possession.
John: It is.
Reid: You're just giving it to me?
John: No... In a couple a months, when you get your year, you can give it back to me.
Reid: I really don't understand.
John: You will.

Reid: Sorry I'm late.
Rossi: I hope she was worth it.
Morgan: I hope it was a she.

Reid: "A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ." John Steinbeck

Garcia: [drinking coffee] The kid's tech savvy, sir. But fret not. I am tech savvier. Is that a word? That sounds like a word. If it is a word, I'm it.
Prentiss: D.C. time, Garcia.
Garcia: 11:17 a.m.
Prentiss: D.C. Decaf.

Reid (while giving the profile): Otherwise he's a textbook case. His life was one torment after another. His teachers gave up on him. His classmates bullied him and his father blamed him while giving him access to guns. Given these conditions, you're actually quite fortunate.
Hotch (to Reid shortly thereafter): So what. All adolescents profile like sociopaths.

Morgan: Reid. [Reid turns to look at him] You know, you’re not the only one who identifies with him. You said I was a high school jock. I was, but not at first. My freshman year I was five foot three. I weighed a buck twenty soaking wet, so trust me when I tell you I got my ass kicked every day. So the next summer I hit the weights. And I got lucky. I grew six inches. But it was never about vanity, Reid. It was about survival.
Reid: I was in the library and Harper Hillman comes up to me and she tells me that Alexa Lisbon wants to meet me behind the field house. Alexa Lisbon’s, like, easily the prettiest girl in school.
Morgan: So what happened? Alexa wasn’t there?
Reid: She was there; so was the entire football team. They stripped me naked and tied me to a goal post. So many kids were there, you know, just watching.
Morgan: Nobody tried to stop them?
Reid: I begged. I begged them to, but they just, they just watched. Then finally they got bored and they left. It was midnight when I finally got home and my mom didn’t-- Mom was having one of her episodes, so she didn’t even realize I was late.
Morgan: You never told her what happened?
Reid: Never told anybody. I thought-- It’s one of things that I thought that if I didn’t talk about it I’d just forget, but I remember it like it was yesterday.
Morgan: [Sighs] Ah, Reid, you don’t need an eidetic memory for that. You know, we forget half the things they teach us in school, but when it comes to the torment and the people who inflicted it, we’ve all got an elephant's memory.
Reid: Owen just wants to forget. I know what that’s like.

Reid: "We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered." - Tom Stoppard

In Heat [3.17][edit]

[Garcia enters her apartment and flips the light switch but the lights stay off]
Kevin: I turned the breaker off. [Garcia gasps, startled, and Kevin strikes a match and lights a candle]
Garcia: Kevin, you scared me. It's becoming your thing.
Kevin: Well maybe you scare too easily.
Garcia: What's this?
Kevin: Oh. Uh, since you couldn't make dinner, I thought I would bring dinner to you.
Garcia: Oh, Kevin. Oh.
Kevin: Wanna start with dessert? [Holds up a strawberry and puts it in his mouth]
Garcia: Oh, I always said I wanted to try this when I was a grown-up. [Leans in and takes a bite out of the strawberry]
Kevin: [Muffled:] You're too stressed out.
Garcia: What? [Takes the strawberry out of his mouth]
Kevin: You're too stressed out.
Garcia: You didn't like that?
Kevin: No, that's why you scare so easily. You're so stressed.
Garcia: I have a stressful job.
Kevin: Ya know, maybe we should get away.
Garcia: You mean like a vacation?
Kevin: Yeah. Yeah. You deserve a week in the land of no keyboards.
Garcia: I don't know what I'd do with myself.
Kevin: Well, I can [holds up a can of whipped cream] think of a couple things.
Garcia: Oh, that is something else I have always wanted to try. [They kiss]

JJ: "There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses." - George Bernard Shaw

[Right after the team get in South Beach, Florida]
Reid: Ha! It's always this hot?
[Morgan and Rossi look at two women walking in the street]
Morgan: Every day, all day.
Rossi: That's South Beach.
Reid: That's not what I'm talking about.
Hotch: They know.

Garcia: [to Kevin] Your lechery sounds better in Italian.

Prentiss: He could be suffering from Cluster B.
Det. Tina Lopez: Cluster B?
Reid: Uh... a cluster of personality disorders. It's also called the erratic, dramatic, emotional cluster, an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that differentiates itself markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture. It manifests itself-
Morgan: [cutting in] This guy's a sick dude.

Garcia: [via phone to team] Prints belong to Deacon Rogers, Odessa, Texas. He's had a couple of minor arrests - one for marijuana possession, one for "lewd behavior", which I'm guessing is code for "gay" in Texas.

[After seeing JJ and Will kissing]
Morgan: Well, finally.
Prentiss: I thought that she was never going to admit it.
Reid: Yeah, it's been, like, a year?
Morgan: Yeah, something like that...

JJ: "If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find." - John Churton Collins

The Crossing [3.18][edit]

Prentiss: Author Christian Nestell Bovee once wrote, "No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities."
Quoting Intuitions and Summaries of Thought (1862), Volume I, p. 143

Hotchner: [looking at a family photo showing an emotionally abused wife] You know, sometimes you can see it, but...they all look pretty happy.
Rossi: Happiness is easy to fake if you only have a split second. You should see how many happy-looking photos I have of me with my exes.

Rossi: Hey, Hotch, what the hell do I know? The only people I ever made happy were divorce lawyers.

JJ: Susan B. Anthony said, "A woman must not depend on the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself."

Tabula Rasa [3.19][edit]

Hotch: "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France

[about a photo]
Reid: It's remarkable. Something like this makes you question everything you thought you knew.
Garcia: Yeah. Like the monolith in 2001.
Reid: So there was actually a time when something like this was socially acceptable?
Garcia: Oh, you're young. The eighties left a lot of people confused. This is especially sad, though.
[the photo is revealed to be of Prentiss in high school, dressed in punk clothing]

Det. Jarvis: You're a little young, aren't you? No offense.
Reid: None taken. In fact neuroprocessing speeds reach their maximum at around age 15, so when it comes to being affected by crime scenes and other graphic visual input we are all really the same age.

Garcia (speaking over the phone to adoption services): Yes, I know, 54 Native Americans. Ma'am, I have all that. What I really need now is identifiable information. (pauses, as JJ steps into the room) Yes, I know what a closed adoption means. Do you know what a court order means?
JJ: We don't have time for court orders.
Garcia: Right. Well, you know what Ma'am, I am done being nice. If you look to your cursor, you'll notice that it's moving on its own. That's me hacking your secure network. Now I've got her file, now I've got her social, and now, because you're grumpy, I'm going to send your boss those Jamaican vacation photos. Check you out, no tan lines.

Mr. Corbett: ... Poetry was something they shared. It's Wordsworth. "What though the radiance that was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight, though nothing can bring back..."
Reid: "Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind."

Lo-Fi [3.20][edit]

Hotch: Voltaire said, "The man visited by ecstasies and visions, who takes dreams for realities, is an enthusiast. The man who supports his madness with murder is a fanatic."

Prentiss: [speaking about Hotch and Joyner] They, um, liased when she was at Scotland Yard.
JJ: [Nodding] Of course.

Reid: I'd like to get a map of the borough, I wanna do a comprehensive geographical profile of the area in order to ascertain the unsub's mental map before it's clouded by our own linkage points.
Detective Preston: I see you brought your own computer.

Rossi: We think we might have a serious problem.
Hotchner: What is it?
Rossi: We have multiple unsubs. They're disciplined, they're using counter-surveillance. They know the FBI movements, there's a hierarchy. What does that usually equal?
Hotchner: Terrorism.

Season 4[edit]

Mayhem [4.1][edit]

Hotch: "Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime." - Ernest Hemingway

Morgan: There's something I really want you to know, Garcia.
Garcia: Save it! Just get out!
Morgan: No, no, no, I'm not quite there yet.
Garcia: Morgan...
Morgan: Just listen to me.
Garcia: Morgan, please.
Morgan: You know what you are, Garcia?
[The scene changes and then comes back to Garcia]
Garcia: Morgan!
[The ambulance where Morgan was driving that had a bomb in it explodes]
Garcia: Derek? [looks like she's close to crying]
[The scene changes again and then comes back to Morgan]
Morgan: Garcia? [Garcia sighs with relief] I'll tell you what you are to me. You're my God-given solace. Woman, you promise me one thing: whatever happens, don't you ever stop talking to me...
Garcia: I can't right now 'cause I'm mad at you.
Morgan: I can wait.

Morgan: I'm your ride.
Hotchner: I thought Agent Davis was driving me.
Morgan: She was. I had her reassigned.
Hotchner: Don't you have something better to do?
Morgan: (smirks) Than to annoy you for three hours? Hell, no.

Hotchner: Your actions, as incredibly brave as they were, were still the actions of an agent who doesn't truly trust anyone.
Morgan: Hotch, I did it for this team.
Hotchner: My opinion doesn't matter, the job's yours if you want it.
Morgan: Hotch! Your opinion matters to me.
Hotchner: My life matters to me, and I have, and always will, entrust you with it. Would you do the same for me?

Det. Cooper: Whoa, Whoa. Mets tickets? Most people assume I'm a Yankees fan.
Prentiss: (smiling) I'm not most people. (walks away)
Det. Cooper: Nope, no, that girl is not.

Reid: So far, these guys have accomplished nothing.
Det. Brustin: Nothing? My partner was shot - Cooper? Eight innocent people were killed, two agents blown up, not to mention Emily's suicide-by-cop, is that not enough?
Rossi: (gesturing towards a photograph of The Two Towers) That was memorable. This isn't.

The Angel Maker [4.2][edit]

Hotch: "We all die. The goal isn't to live forever. The goal is to create something that will." Chuck Palahniuk

Hotch: Wendell Berry said, "The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it."

[poking Reid gently in the cheek after he has mentioned how it was quicker to solve the Bacon Cipher longhand instead of using a computer]
Emily: He's so lifelike...

[on plane]
Reid: What if he has a twin?
Morgan: Oh Reid, please tell me you're not talking that good twin evil twin stuff?
Reid: No, no... I'm talking evil twin, eviler twin... just think...
[everyone gives Reid a funny look]

[about a possible cipher hidden in one of the Angel Maker's letters]
Rossi: What do you need to crack it?
Reid: The ability to clone myself and a year's supply of Adderall.
Rossi: I'll put on the coffee.

Prentiss: Hey, you ever get groupies at your book signings?
Rossi: Sometimes. If Barry Manilow isn't in town.
Prentiss: Any of them look like that? (hands Rossi a photo) Shara Carlino. She visited Ryan over 70 times.
Rossi: Waits an average of three hours for a 10-minute visit, mandatory strip search… Would you endure that for a guy?
Prentiss: For Barry Manilow maybe.

JJ: Anyone need directions back to the air strip?
Morgan: Town's only got one road. We'll find it.
Prentiss: Yeah, Morgan doesn't like to follow directions. You didn't know those things?
Reid: Yeah, he likes to 'vibe it.'
Morgan: Okay, smartass, you drive. (throws the car keys to Reid)
Prentiss: Oh, great.
Reid: Sweet.

Rossi: She did everything she could to deny the truth.
Sheriff Merrill Dobson: What? That he was a killer?
Rossi: That they'd never be together.

Rossi: They have parachutes on board, right?
Reid: They should, it's standard on all federal air transport.
Rossi: Maybe we can give one to the elephant in the room, get him out of here?

Minimal Loss [4.3][edit]

Reid: "To follow by faith alone is to follow blindly." Benjamin Franklin.

Prentiss: "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." Ayn Rand.

Emily: They've started wiring up the place!
Morgan: Where's Reid?
Emily: He's in the main church area. (starts sobbing) God! (realisation comes over her face) Cyrus has him!
Rossi: (appearing next to her suddenly) Prentiss, we have to get out of here!
Emily: No, We've got to get Reid! (pushes past Morgan to be held back)
Morgan: I'll get Reid!
Jessie: Cyrus never ordered this! (shock) You lied to me!
Jessie's Mom: No sweetie. Cyrus lied to you! Now come with... (tries to pull Jessie with her)
Jessie: No I can't! (runs off) He's my husband!
Jessie's Mom: (screams trying to run past) Jessie!
Morgan: I'll get her for you! (Morgan and the SWAT team kills Cyrus and helps Reid up as Jessie walks in, holds out his hand) Hey darling, come with me… you’re safe now! (Jessie sees Cyrus’s dead body and then notices the detonator and picks it up, her thumb ligers over the button)
Reid: Run! (they all run out as the building explodes)

[outside Emily watches as the building explodes and she jumps in horror at the thought of Reid inside]

Emily: (shouts) Morgan! (whispers as tears roll down her cheeks) Reid? (she notices two figures emerge from the smoke) Oh God! (wipes away tears before walking over to meet Reid)
Reid: Em…(coughs violently before opening his arms for a hug which Emily returns sobbing on his shoulder)
Hotch: I think all the children are out!
Rossi: (looks around) Where’s Jessie?(Reid and Emily break apart but he keeps his arm protectively around her)

(Prentiss walks in and sits opposite Reid)
Emily: Hey
Reid: (Looks up from his book) Hey
Emily: (Takes his hand and he looks up) Reid, I need you to listen to me. What Cyrus did to me was not your fault. It was my decision (pauses as she thinks about her actions) and I would do it you hear me?
(Reid looks at her bruise and sighs)
Reid:(whispers) Thank You.
(Reid strokes her hand then looks at his book smiling whilst Emily looks out the window "pink-cheeked")

Reid: (sees Emily’s bruises from Cyrus’s beatings) Oh Emily… I’m so sorry!
Emily: (realises Reid has seen her bruises, harshly) Believe me it’s not as bad as it looks! (sees his face crumple in disbelief, un-folds her arms and whispers) I’m fine… Really!

Paradise [4.4][edit]

Hotch: Thomas Fuller wrote, "A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell."

Hotch: Roman poet Phaedrus wrote, "Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many. The intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden."

Prentiss: Well, "roadside hotels" definitely go on my list. [No response from Reid or Rossi] Of things to never do again.
Reid: You have a list?
Rossi: You don't?

[Hotch, JJ and Reid are talking to Garcia via. phone.]
Reid: Thanks Garcia.
Garcia: You, my fine furry friends, are welcome!
[Garcia hangs up]
Hotch: Remind me to have her drug tested.

Catching Out [4.5][edit]

Prentiss: "Plenty sit still. Hunger is a wanderer." Zulu proverb.

[on feeling JJ's baby kick]
Reid: Doesn't that freak you out?
JJ: No. Why, does it freak you out?
Reid: Very much so.

[Reid looks back after watching JJ through a window.]
Prentiss: So, are you considering it?
Reid: Considering what?
Prentiss: Having baby geniuses someday.
[Reid gets a thoughtful look on his face.]

Rossi: What if he's already inside a house?
Hotch: Then we'll find more bodies in the morning.

Prentiss: "Beyond the East the sunrise, beyond the West the sea, And the East and West the wander-thirst that will not let me be." Gerald Gould

Prentiss: (chasing after him) So is there anything you want to tell us?
Morgan: (sighs) Nope.
Prentiss: (pointing) Your forehead's sweating.
Morgan: (looks away) No, it's not.
Prentiss: (to Reid) Oh! And he's avoiding eye contact!
Reid: (peering at Morgan) Yeah! His blink rate just sped up.
Morgan: (gets in the elevator and turns to face him) Y'know what, you guys, I don't feel like that burger after all.
Prentiss: (in a baby-ish voice) You can't run from us!
Morgan: Oh, watch me!
[Morgan waves goodbye as the elevator closes, leaving Reid and Prentiss behind. Prentiss laughs]

The Instincts [4.6][edit]

Hotch: Amos Bronson Alcott said, "Who speaks to the instincts speaks to the deepest in mankind and finds the readiest response."

Reid: Bob Dylan once said, "I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay."

Dr. Spencer Reid: Dr. Norman said I could sleep on the couch in your room tonight if you want.
Diana Reid: [to Dr. Norman] If you try to keep him here any longer than that, I'll scratch your eyes out!
Dr. Norman: [to Spencer] One night; no more.

[Dr. Norman walks away]

Diana Reid: It helps if they think you're crazy. They don't argue.

Memoriam [4.7][edit]

Reid: "What was silent in the father speaks in the son, and often I found in the son the unveiled secret of the father." Friedrich Nietzsche.

Reid: "There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance." Gilbert Parker.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [walks into his hotel room with a box, surprised to see Rossi and Morgan there] What are you guys doing here?
Derek Morgan: Hey. What's it look like we're doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, breaking into my room and watching Days of Our Lives.
'David Rossi: The Young and the Restless.

David Rossi: [referring to Reid's father] He's keeping tabs on you. That's saying something.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, that he Googled me. That makes up for everything.

JJ: If anything happens to us, it's up to you and Garcia to make sure this boy makes it into Yale.
Reid: [to baby Henry] Yale, Henry? You want to go to Yale? That was your godfather's safety school. Don't worry, I can get you into CalTech with one phone call.

Garcia: What? What wincing?
Jordan: Yeah! I noticed this earlier!
Garcia: Earlier? How often?
JJ: In the past hour? Every ten minutes!
Garcia: JJ! You're in labour!

Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen I'm not a doctor, I don't even play one on Tv but I believe young JJ is going into labour!
Emily: Are you alright?
Hotch: I'll get the car!
JJ: But I have to call Will!
Garcia: From the car, Honey!

Masterpiece [4.8][edit]

Rossi: "Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles..." Mark Twain.

Rossi: "Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love." Martin Luther King, Jr.

[at an FBI recruitment talk given by Rossi and Reid]
Student: [to Rossi] What did you study?
Rossi: Criminal justice, although "sports appreciation" was full up at my community college. [gestures to Reid]
Reid: I hold doctorates in Chemistry, Mathematics, and Engineering. I also have BAs in Psychology and Sociology.
[everyone gapes at him]
Another student: How old are you?
Reid: Twenty-seven, as of last month.

[during a lecture at a school about joining the FBI]
Reid: [after telling about the studies he's undergone] I'm also completing an additional BA in Philosophy. Which reminds me that I have a joke.
[Rossi looks at him sceptically]
Reid: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Rossi: [whispers] Don't.
Reid:: Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.
[chuckles, the group remains silent]
Reid: [awkwardly] An existentialist...
Rossi: [interrupts] Okay, before he does his quantum physics knock-knock joke [the group laughs] do we have any other questions about opportunities in the FBI?

[after the lecture]
Rossi: You do know that we actually want them to join the Bureau?
Reid: What? Yeah.
Rossi: We want these kids to think it's a cool place to work.
Reid: I understand that...
Rossi: [referring to Reid's existentialist joke] Existentialism?
Reid: Existentialism is known as...
Female Student: Hey? Reid.
Reid: [absent-mindedly] Hi. [continues speaking to Rossi] That was a funny joke, what do you mean?
Rossi: Yeah, to Sigmund Freud.
Reid: I tell them they shouldn't send me here and they keep sending me here, I don't know why.
Rossi: Because you're young.
Reid: "Young" or "Jung"?
Prof Rothchild: [butts in] Dr Reid, wouldn't they sit in the dark and hope that the bulb decided to light again?
Reid: Excuse me?
Prof Rothchild: An existentialist would never change the bulb, he would allow the darkness to exist.
Reid: [realizes] Yeah, that's pretty good.

Prof Rothchild: [upon being told that Reid has more important things to do than interview him] You have something more important than me?
Rossi: My dry-cleaning is more important than you.

Prof Rothchild: [after being told his rights by Morgan] Next time, bring Dr. Reid back with you.
[outside the interrogation room]
Reid: I never have any normal fans...

52 Pickup [4.9][edit]

Prentiss: Author Harlan Ellison wrote, "The minute people fall in love, they become liars."

Rossi: P. J. O'Rourke wrote, "Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."

[Reid has taken Morgan's advice and done a magic trick to charm the bartender, Austin, and show her the sketch of their UnSub]
Austin: Okay, how'd you do that?
Reid: That's privileged information.
Austin: So...what should I do if I see him [the UnSub]?
Reid: You should definitely call us. Even if you just think you see him, you should call us.
Austin: [smiling flirtatiously] And if I don't see him?
Reid: Excuse me?
Austin: Can I still call you?
Reid: [squeakily] Yeah. Yeah, you can call me.
Austin: Cool. [Reid turns to leave] Oh wait...I don't have your number.
Reid: Oh, it's behind your barrette.
[Austin reaches into her hair and pulls out Reid's card. He smiles and leaves. She watches him go, smirking]
Morgan: See? That's what I'm talking about. That's called Game!

Jordon: Is, um, this the guy you were telling me about?
Prentiss: Viper, meet SSA Jordon Todd from the BAU. Jordon, this is Viper, God's gift to women.
Jordon: Wow; God sure has a sense of humour.

Dr. Spencer Reid: How are you doing?
Derek Morgan: Well, I gave out all my flyers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How many phone numbers did you get?
Derek Morgan: None. I'm working a case here, kid.
[Reid gives him a look]
Derek Morgan: Okay, four were offered, but I didn't take any of them.
[Reid gives him another look]
Derek Morgan: Alright, look, let me school you a little bit. What you have to do with these ladies, just take control of the conversation. When you're talking what makes you feel like an expert?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, statistics.
Derek Morgan: No, trust me. No. Something else.
Dr. Spencer Reid: When I do magic.
Derek Morgan: See, that's perfect. Chicks dig magic.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I think I'm just going to stay home tonight and man the tipline. Clubs aren't really my thing.
Derek Morgan: Not a chance kid, I need a wingman. Come on.
David Rossi: Actually, there is another angle we need to pursue.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We still don't know what made the unsub change his victimology. What made him stop killing prostitutes and move into the clubs.
David Rossi: The answer might be something in Viper's class. But to figure that out we need to profile the teacher.
Derek Morgan: You need to bait him, then, with somebody he sees as a challenge.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We need to study his style up close and personal. It's gonna take someone he's already attracted to.
Emily Prentiss: Aww. Aww, this is really gonna suck.

Viper: You see, eye contact is a very powerful gauge. That's why you tend to look away from someone you're attracted to, because you know, instinctively, what a dead giveaway it is. But your brain goes there anyway; images, fantasies.
Jordan Todd: Don't flatter yourself.
Viper: The eyes don't lie. They dilate. It's a chemical response we can't control.
Emily Prentiss: Okay, 15 seconds.
Jordan Todd: What do you see?
Emily Prentiss: No, no change. No dilation.
Jordan Todd: I guess, chemically, we aren't a match.
Viper: Only because you have someone else on the mind. Once that happens, the attraction center in the brain shuts down.

Viper: Your turn.
Emily Prentiss: No.
Viper: You scared I might be right?
Emily Prentiss: No, Paul. I'm baffled. I cannot figure out what the unsub could have learned from you.
Viper: What do you mean? He took my look, my words, everything that makes me successful with the opposite sex.
Jordan Todd: Really? Because that guy could get beautiful women into his apartment. I wouldn't let you on my facebook page.
Emily Prentiss: Oh, you're on facebook?
Jordan Todd: Yeah, you should friend me.
Emily Prentiss: I will.
Viper: Hey, hey, hey! I gave him the routines that made him what he is.
Emily Prentiss: It must all be in the salesmanship then.
Jordan Todd: Because we've been watching all the women in the club...
Emily Prentiss: -and not one of them has looked at you. So who do you really go home with, Paul? Or, or do you go home alone?

Brothers in Arms [4.10][edit]

Morgan: "We are all brothers under the skin, and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it." Ayn Rand.

Morgan: "... for he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." William Shakespeare.

Normal [4.11][edit]

Hotchner: "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." H. L. Mencken.

Morgan: [holding JJ's baby] Look, look, what's he doing? He's smiling at Derek Morgan.
Garcia & Prentiss: [glance at each other] Gas.

Rossi: "There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were." President Dwight Eisenhower.

Soul Mates [4.12][edit]

Reid: "No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore." Sigmund Freud

Morgan: British historian C. Northcote Parkinson said, "Delay is the deadliest form of denial."

Detective: (About Reid) Where did you get this kid?
Rossi: He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI.

Bloodline [4.13][edit]

Prentiss: Winston Churchill said, "There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues of human society are created, strengthened and maintained."

Hotchner: Mario Puzo wrote, "The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other."

Cold Comfort [4.14][edit]

JJ: "And so, all the night-tide, I lay down by the side. Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride. In the sepulchre there by the sea. In her tomb by the sounding sea." Edgar Allan Poe

Rossi: "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." Stuart Chase

Garcia: You are just jealous because you don't have the magic ingredient!
Prentiss: I have the magic's called Splenda.
[Garcia laughs]

Garcia: Reid, we need a DOB on Prentiss!
Reid: 7:12 AM, October 12th, 19...
Prentiss: Hey!
Garcia: Libra! I should have guessed!
Emily: (when Garcia mentions being particularly cold, she stares at her coffe mug) Yeah? I have a sign! (sticks her middle finger up at Garcia and they all laugh).

Zoe's Reprise [4.15][edit]

Rossi: "I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn." Albert Einstein

Eric Olson (the UnSub): I always knew I'd end up back in prison, just a matter of when. You can come interview me if you want. I read in one of your books that's how you build your behavioural database, right? Maybe you can learn something from me. I've got a lot of questions myself. I'll be honest with you if you're honest with me. Because the one thing that you always ask is the one that I don't understand. Why?

Rossi: Austrian novelist Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach wrote, "In youth we learn; in age we understand."

Pleasure is my Business [4.16][edit]

Hotchner: "The prostitute is not, as feminists claim, the victim of men, but rather their conqueror, an outlaw, who controls the sexual channels between nature and culture." Camille Paglia

Demonology [4.17][edit]

Prentiss: Leonardo da Vinci said, "He who does not punish evil, commands it to be done."

Prentiss: Is Hotch still here?
Garcia: Oh, I'm pretty sure he lives here.

Prentiss: It's like the end of "The Dead." When Gretta remembers the boy she loved when she was younger, and she says, "I think he died for me."
Rossi: You know, James Joyce also said, "There is no heresy or philosophy so abhorrent to the church as a human being."

Morgan: Rossi, don't tell me you believe in evil.
Rossi: Don't tell me you do this job and you don't.
Morgan: I believe there are evil acts, but those are choices - brain chemistry. What do you think, Hotch?
Hotch: I think, deep down, we're all capable of unspeakable things. Where it starts or what you call it, I don't know.

Omnivore [4.18][edit]

Hotchner: "Fate is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity." Roman author Publilius Syrus

Hotchner: "Men heap together the mistakes of their lives, and create a monster they call destiny." John Hobbes

Hotchner: It's over.
Foyet: Stop. I'll kill him-
Hotcher: You need him to write your story.

Foyet: I said I'll kill him-
Hotchner: You kill him, I kill you.

Rossi: Hey. What's going on with you?
Hotchner: He called me tonight at my hotel and offered me the deal.
Rossi: What did you say?
Hotchner: I hung up on him. And then he does this.
Rossi: So you think this is your fault?
Hotchner: It is.
Rossi: (offers his gun) Well, here, use mine. You've convinced me. No, no, you hung up on him. You practically killed them yourself. Go on, get it over with. Don't worry about us, we'll catch this guy on our own.
Hotchner: Dave, I had ten years to do something about it.
Rossi: Shaunessy made the deal. The killings stopped. He closed the case and sent the BAU away. For ten years, you worked on other cases, active cases.
Hotchner: But I kept coming back to this one.
Rossi: I was retired! I should blame myself for every victim who died while I was on my book tour? Look, if you want to end up like Shaunessy, like Gideon, blaming yourself for everything, you go ahead. But that voice in your head, it's not your conscience. It's your ego.

House on Fire [4.19][edit]

Hotchner: Tennessee Williams said, "We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out."

Hotchner: "I have loved to the point of madness; That which is called madness, That which to me, is the only sensible way to love." Françoise Sagan

Conflicted [4.20][edit]

Reid: "Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always gotten there first, and is waiting for it." Terry Pratchett

Reid: Stephen King wrote, "Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win."

JJ: National media's picked up on the story. We're gonna need to make a statement when we land.
Hotch': We want to make people aware without obviously causing panic.
JJ: Stress hyper-vigilance, the whole buddy system. Yeah, I'm all over it. I just don't think anyone's gonna listen.
Reid: What do you mean?
JJ: Come on, drunk college students don't exactly want to hear they shouldn't talk to strangers.
Reid: Right.

[goes to sit]

Prentiss: [to Garcia on the webcam] Was there any DNA left on the scene?
Garcia: Uh, yeah. Too *much* DNA. This portion of The Garcia Show will be brought to you by the letter "I" for icky. The lab has recovered over a hundred different trace samples as multiple guests create a cesspool of DNA. Also, there is no way to determine the exact time of "secretion" or to eliminate anyone actually working at the hotel.

Adam Jackson: Hey, can I ask you a question?
Reid: Yeah.
Adam Jackson: Um... you've seen bad stuff right?
Reid: I have. Yeah.
Adam Jackson: How long before you can close your eyes without it being there?
Reid: [long pause] I'm afraid I still don't know.

Adam Jackson: We've been friends since I was just a kid.
Reid: Are you lovers?
Adam Jackson: [scoffs] No.
Reid: Well then why does she pay for everything you have?
Adam Jackson: It's not like it's a hand out. I'm working at the hotel so I can pay her back.
Reid: Does she pay for the drugs also?
Adam Jackson: I - I told you, I get migraines.
Reid: So, take a prescription.
Adam Jackson: I thought you were different.
Reid: What does that mean?

Morgan: What's this really about?
Reid: Tobias Hankel.
Morgan: Tobias Hankel drugged and tortured you for two days. He almost killed you.
Reid: No, the altered persona of his father did those things to me. The real Tobias saved my life. He brought me back from the dead.
Morgan: So you think because of Tobias you owe Adam?

Garcia: But, I also looked at the days leading up to both murders and wouldn't you know it, jackpot jackpot. (Narrating a video) That would be William Browder, AKA victim number one; I would like to call him jerkface, seemingly making advances at damsel in distress AKA hotel employee Madison Cook. See jerkface grab damsel; see Adam Jackson, let's call him white knight, intervene. See jerkface knock white knight down, see white knight pause, see white knight go postal.

A Shade of Gray [4.21][edit]

Rossi: Dr. Burton Grebin once said, "To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself."

Rossi: André Maurois wrote, "Without a family, man, alone in the world, trembles with the cold."

The Big Wheel [4.22][edit]

Hotchner: "In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present." Francis Bacon

Morgan: "No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible." George Chakiris

Garcia: [referring to Vincent, the serial killer] Well, he sure does like his blondes... Not a good date, though; too stabby.

Alice: [after realising that Vincent is a killer] Vincent?
Vincent: I have to change my glasses...

[on the ferris wheel]
Vincent: Remember you said that you wished he killed you? You can never, ever wish to be dead. Never wish for that. I saw my mom die too. And like my father, I did some bad things. I did some bad things.
Stan: What are you talking about?
Vincent: You're gonna hear things. You're gonna hear bad things about me. But you can never, ever wish to die, Stan. Because you're special.
Stan: How am I special?
Vincent: [taking Stan's hand] Because you helped me to see. To see.
Stan: (crying) Can we go around one more time?
Vincent: I don't think so.
Stan: I-I wish you were my dad.
Vincent: (last words) Forgive me...

Roadkill [4.23][edit]

Hotchner: "I'm not sure about automobiles. With all their speed forward, they may be a step backward in civilization." Booth Tarkington

Prentiss: Well, I think it's safe to assume that our UnSub is male.
Hotch: I agree with you, given what we know about aggressive driving and road rage.
Prentiss: And the fact that men have an unnatural bond with their cars.
JJ: That is true.
Morgan: Wait a minute, I don't know about "unnatural".
JJ: I once dated a guy who washed his car more than he washed his hair.
Rossi: A nice car needs love.
JJ: And a woman doesn't?
Rossi: I'm not qualified to answer that.

JJ: "The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still, small voice of conscience." Mahatma Gandhi

Amplification [4.24][edit]

Reid: "It will become fine dust over all the land of Egypt and it will become boils breaking out with sores on man and beast through all the land of Egypt." Exodus 9:9

Reid: [to Morgan, waking up from the anthrax attack] Are you eating jello?
Morgan: Hey kid. Hey Doc, he's back!
Reid: Is there any more jello?

Reid: "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it." Helen Keller

To Hell... And Back (Part 1) [4.25][edit]

Hotchner: Flannery O'Connor said, "If there were no hell, we would be like the animals. No hell, no dignity."

To Hell... And Back (Part 2) [4.26][edit]

Reid: Do you ever get the feeling that a case isn’t going to end well?

[after seeing the pairs of shoes of the 89 victims]
Det. Benning: God...
Morgan: I don't think God has been here in a long time.

Hotchner: Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? Eighty-nine murders at the pig farm, the deaths of Mason and Lucas Turner make 91 lives snuffed out. Kelly Shane will go home and try to recover, to reconnect with her family but she'll never be a child again. William Hightower, who gave his leg for his country, gave the rest of himself to avenge his sister's murder. That makes 93 lives forever altered, not counting family and friends in a small town in Sarnia, Ontario, who thought monsters didn't exist until they learned that they spent their lives with one. And what about my team? How many more times will they be able to look into the abyss? How many more times before they won't ever recover the pieces of themselves that this job takes? Like I said, sometimes there are no words or clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day.
The Reaper: You should have made a deal.
Hotchner: Sometimes, the day just...
[Screen fades to black, then a gunshot is heard]
Hotchner: ... ends.

Season 5[edit]

Nameless, Faceless [5.1][edit]

Rossi: Karl Kraus said, "A weak man has doubts before a decision. A strong man has them afterwards."

Morgan: We're not working a case, why call us to a crime scene?
Rossi: I was hoping you knew.
Prentiss: JJ said the police told her it was urgent.
Morgan: Four hours of sleep after what we went through in Canada, it better be.

Garcia: [to Reid on the phone]Okay, do you want biological information or full medical charts?
Reid: Can you get the full medical charts?
Garcia: [to Reid] You know, for a smart boy you sure ask a lot of dumb questions.

JJ: [quoting Reid, who is on crutches due to his gunshot wound] Kicking down doors is Morgan's job anyway.

Haunted [5.2][edit]

Hotchner: Emily Dickinson wrote, "One need not be a chamber to be haunted, one need not be a house. The brain has corridors surpassing material place."

Rossi: [about Hotch] He was evaluated.
Morgan: Come on, we wrote those questions. Hotch knows exactly how to answer them.

Garcia: [talking about Reid's leg] Does it hurt?
Reid: It really only hurts when I think about it, which is pretty much all the time.
[Reid reaches for cookie]
Garcia: No, no, no, go away you.
Reid: What?
Garcia: These are for Hotch.
Reid: I get shot in the leg and I don't get any cookies? You know he's going to hate the attention.
Garcia: It's cookies, not cake.

Reid: I've been thinking about it; the whole time I've known Hotch, I don't think I've ever seen him blink.
Garcia: I know. It's weird.
Reid: It's classic alpha male behavior.
Garcia: Do you think he stared down that Foyet?
Reid: Maybe. Could be what saved his life.
Garcia: Do you think he stared the whole time, like with each stab? [Mimicking stabs]
Reid: I have no idea.
Garcia: Is he okay?
Reid: I wouldn't be, but... I'm a blinker.

[talking about Darrin Call]
Rossi: He obviously had the same routine every day.
Prentiss: Except for today. He finished his cereal, walked to the pharmacy and killed three people.

Hotchner: "There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser so terrible as the conscience that dwells in the heart of every man." Polybius

Reckoner [5.3][edit]

Rossi: "Justice without force is powerless; force without justice is tyrannical." Blaise Pascal

Reid: What's this?
Hotch: You told me you were cleared to fly. You lied.
Prentiss: Naughty boy.
Reid: No I didn't. I am a doctor, so technically it wasn't a lie.
Garcia: What was it then?
Reid: ...A second opinion?
Garcia: You're my bitch now.
[Morgan laughs]

Garcia: [to Hotch via webcam with Reid] I got something that might help us with that...
Reid: Technically, we have something that might help us with that.

Reid: [to Prentiss via webcam with Garcia] Anything less than 10,000 dollars keeps the IRS off your trail.
Garcia: [desperately] I know that too.

Rossi: I work with a kid who could solve this in five minutes.
Ray Finnagan: He must be smarter than both of us.
Rossi: That's for sure.

Finnegan: Hey, that kid. the smart one. I can sure use his help.
Rossi: Reid?
Reid: Reid here!
Finnegan: Ten letters. Crater creator?
Reid: Ten letters. Crater creator?
Garcia: Arctangent!
Rossi: Did you get that?
Finnegan: Damn, she's smart!

Rossi: "I have always found that mercy bears richer fruit than strict justice." Abraham Lincoln

Hopeless [5.4][edit]

Morgan: Kingman Brewster, Jr. said, "There is no lasting hope in violence, only temporary relief from hopelessness."

Hotch: [to detective Anderson] I know what it's like to to work a case that makes you question humanity and you have to rise above it all.

Morgan: William Shakespeare wrote, "These violent delights have violent ends."

Cradle to Grave [5.5][edit]

JJ: Journalist William D. Tammeus wrote, "You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around and why his parents will always wave back."

Garcia: [when looking at adoption date] Yeah, according to this, blue-eyed, blonde-haired bundles of joy pay top dollar.

Garcia: [to Reid over speaker] Super skeezy. I've got a spreadsheet from one of them expecting compensation for the baby I'm having.
[Morgan walks in]
Morgan: Something you wanna tell me Garcia?
Garcia: Aw, that's the sad part my prince. The genetically perfect offspring of Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan wouldn't fetch top dollar.

The Eyes Have It [5.6][edit]

Morgan: "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee." Matthew 5:29

Morgan: You know you should have waited for backup
Hotch: Would you have?
[Prentiss gives them both weird looks]
Hotch: What?
Prentiss: [smirks] Nothing

Garcia: [spots Morgan's necklace] Hey, what's that? I haven't seen it before.
Morgan: Penelope, there's a lot of my stuff that you haven't seen before.
Garcia: Wow, you are a tease.

Morgan: All due respect Ms. Strauss but both of you have trusted me to step in as Unit Chief. I have decided that I don't want Agent Hotchner's office. That's where he belongs.

Morgan: Woman, you have lost your mind...but you're the best.
Garcia: I completely agree

Morgan: "Dwell in peace in the home of your own being and the messenger of death will not be able to touch you." Guru Nanak

The Performer [5.7][edit]

Reid: "In all the darkest pages of the malign supernatural, there is no more terrible tradition than that of the vampire - a pariah even among demons." Writer Montague Summers.

Garcia: Password was Cullen.
JJ: Of course.
Reid: Colan?
JJ: Cullen, the vampire family from Twilight.
Reid: What's Twilight?
JJ: Do you ever read anything other than technical books?
Reid: Not much in English.

JJ: I am gonna go talk to Tara's BFF before the media requests come in and gets too crazy.
Reid: What's a BFF?

Prentiss: [referring to a minor celebrity the team suspects of involvement with a recent murder spree] Garcia, can you get us an address?
Detective Kim: That's going to take a little while, celebrities are protected by layers of privacy, it's like finding information on a deeply...
Garcia: [cutting in] 22423 Greenvale Circle Holmby Hills, GPS coordinates are uploading to you now and his name is Paul Davies, by the way.
Prentiss: Run him for a criminal record too.
Garcia: You got it.
Prentiss: Thanks PG.
Detective Kim: Hate to think what she could find out about me.
Prentiss: Oh, I prefer not even to consider it.

Prentiss: Is he gonna be okay?
Morgan: He's got a gun.

JJ: You remember Detective Owen Kim?
Hotchner: From the stalker case?
JJ: Yeah. You remember that case, don't you, Spence?
Reid: I do remember that case.
JJ: Yeah, you ever talk to, Lila?...any more?
Reid: You know, I think we should probably focus on this case right now. It's a little more pertinent.

Prentiss: Writer Cyril Connolly said, "Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self."

Outfoxed [5.8][edit]

Morgan: "Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else unless it's an enemy." Albert Einstein

100 [5.9][edit]

Hotch: "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." Friedrich Nietzsche

Strauss: [with false solicitude] Are you all right?
Garcia: [nervous and stammering] I'm just not comfortable with any of this. It's not OK.
Strauss: [sits across from Penelope] What do you mean?
Garcia: In my opinion? Everyone is asking the wrong questions. Doesn't anyone care what The Reaper did to them? The people he hurt? All anyone seems to care about is... it just isn't right.
Strauss: Do you think Agent Hotchner was acting... agitated or unreasonable?
Garcia: He... no. No! He... he was freaked out about his family... which, considering what happened, was perfectly reasonable.

Strauss: [Strauss is questioning Rossi] Once the team located George Foyet's potential apartment, why didn't the BAU enter immediately?

[Rossi is looking down at his cell phone and ignoring the question]

Strauss: Agent Rossi?
Rossi: [clearly disinterested] Hmmm?
Strauss: I asked you a question.
Rossi: [holds up his cell phone] Gold is still going up. But knowing when to get out, that's the trick.[smirks]
Strauss: [irritated, shutting off recorder] What are you doing?
Rossi: [disgusted] What's the point of all this, Erin? Why?
Strauss: So this never happens again.
Rossi: [contemptuously] There is nothing a bureaucrat can do to make sure that "something like this" never happens again.
Strauss: So we just wait for the next bloodbath?

Reid: When you're being tortured, there's no end in sight except giving them what they want.
Strauss: And Kassmeyer didn't do that?
Reid: He withstood everything that Foyet had.

Strauss: [Pretiss enters interrogation room where Strauss is waiting] Agent Prentiss.
Prentiss:[snarling icily] Ma'am.
Strauss: We understand that Agent Hotchner managed to separate himself from the rest of the team.
Prentiss: [with sarcasm] He didn't "manage" to do that. When Marshall Kassmeyer was in the ambulance...
Strauss:[interrrupting] ... Agent Hotchner volunteered to ride along...
Prentiss:[interrupting back] ... to get answers before he lost consciousness.
Strauss: Why didn't you go with him?
Prentiss: It didn't seem necessary.
Strauss: Did he tell you that?
Prentiss:[angry] Is that what you're looking for? A way to blame this on him? What good could that possibly do?
Strauss: Agent Hotchner was looking for an opportunity to separate himself from the team, and he found one.

Prentiss: That isn't the truth!
Strauss: He was desperate and he didn't want someone with a clear head to stop him.
Prentiss: Is there a question in there somewhere?

Hotch: [Hotch is on his way to his house after learning that Foyet has gotten to Haley and Jack... his cell phone rings, it's Haley] Foyet?
Haley: [Foyet is with Haley] Aaron? You're OK?
Hotch: [stunned by the irony... pauses] I'm fine.
Haley: But... he said that... Oh, Aaron.
Hotch: He can hear us, right?
Haley: Yes... I'm so sorry.
Hotch: Haley... show him NO weakness... no fear.
Haley: I know... Sam told me all about him. Is he, um...
Hotch: [lying] No... Sam is fine.
Foyet: Aaron, Aaron, Aaron... is that why your marriage broke up? Because you're a liar?
Hotch: Don't listen to him, Haley!
The Reaper: I have Sam's service phone right here. They sent out a mass text about his death. Take a look if you want.
Hotch: He's trying to scare you!
Foyet: Did you even tell her what this was about? About the deal?
Hotch: He's just trying to make you angry.
Foyet: Well she should be! She's gonna--

[covers Jack's ears and lowers his voice]

Foyet: D-I-E because of your inflated ego!
Hotch: Ignore him, Haley!
Foyet: Oh sure, you don't want her to know this part, either.
Foyet:[to Haley] You know, all he had to do was stop lookin' for me and you wouldn't be in this mess.
Hotch: Don't react!
Haley: What is he talking about?
Hotch: [pauses] Tell Jack I need him working the case.
Haley: What?
Hotch: Tell Jack I need him working the case!
Haley: Jack, did you hear that?
Jack:[comes to phone] Hi, Daddy.

Hotch: [Aaron is on a cell phone, trying desparately to get home, where Foyet is waiting and getting ready to kill Haley] Jack, hug your mom for me.
Jack:[they embrace] Mama hugged me too tight.
Haley:[she releases Jack] I'm sorry.
Jack:[Jack sees Haley's tears] Why are you sad?
Haley:[trying to smile and sound upbeat] I just love you so much!
Jack:[Haley hugs Jack again] I gotta go... I'm working on the case.
Haley: OK.

[Jack leaves the room, Foyet watches him]

Foyet: He's so cute. He's like a little junior G Man. [calls after Jack] I'll be right out, Jackie-boy!
Hotch: Is he gone?
Haley: [drying tears] Yes.
Hotch: You're so strong, Haley! You're stronger than I ever was!
Haley :[Foyet comes up behind Haley, she's anxious] You'll hurry, right?
Hotch: [fighting tears] I know you didn't sign on for this.
Haley:[much more calm] Neither did you.
Hotch: I'm sorry for everything.
Haley: [realizing she's about to die] Promise me that you will tell him how we met, and how you used to make me laugh.
Hotch: Haley...
Haley: He needs to know that you weren't always so serious, Aaron. I want him to believe in love, because it... it is the most important thing... but you need to show him. Promise me!
Hotch: I promise.

Hotch: [concluding his remarks in the investigation regarding George Foyet's death... he's talking about Haley's murder by Foyet to Strauss] ... and there was nothing that I could do for her. She was already...
Strauss: [puts her glasses on and reads report, uncharacteristically choking back tears] She died fairly quickly... one of the wounds severed her aorta, and they don't think that she...

[removes glasses] and they don't think she suffered much. Agent Hotchner, what do you think would have happened if George Foyet had gotten up from that floor? If you didn't kill him?

Hotch:[quietly] I don't have to think. I know that he would have tried to kill my son too.
Strauss: That's good enough for me.

[turns recorder off and turns to other two investigators]

Strauss: Any questions?

[both shake their heads]

Strauss: Agent Hotchner, I'm so sorry for your loss. And, if you or your son need anything...
Hotch: Thank you.

Hotch: Poet Haniel Long said, "So much of what is best in us is bound up in our love of family that it remains the measure of our stability because it measures our sense of loyalty."

The Slave of Duty [5.10][edit]

Hotchner: W. S. Gilbert wrote, "It's love that makes the world go round." And if that's true, then the world spun a little faster with Haley in it. Haley was my best friend since we were in high school. We certainty had our struggles but, if there's one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son Jack. Haley's love for Jack was joyous and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn't here today. A mother's love is an unrivaled force of nature and we can all learn much from the way Haley lived her life. Haley's death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives, to measure who we are and what we've become. I don't have all those answers for myself, but I know who Haley was. She was the woman who died protecting the child we brought into this world together, and I will make sure that Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him, and how much I loved her. If Haley were with us today she would ask us not to mourn her death, but to celebrate her life. She would tell us... she would tell us to love our families unconditionally and to hold them close because in the end they are all that matter. I met Haley at the tryouts of our high school's production of the 'Pirates of Penzance'. I found our copy of the play and I was looking through it the other night, and I came upon a passage that seemed appropriate for this moment. "Oh dry the glistening tear, that dews that marshal cheek, thy loving children hear, in them thy comfort seek, with sympathetic care, their arms around thee creep, for oh they cannot bear, to see their father weep."

Hotchner:"Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." Oliver Wendell Holmes

[Prentiss kneels over Joe the UnSub, pinning him to the ground]
Prentiss: Fantasy's over. Is that what you did to them? You hit them to shut them up and then forced them to play along with your sick delusion?
Joe: I love them.
Prentiss: You're finally gonna meet your soul mate Joe, in prison. Only you're not gonna be able to push them around the way you did those women. And when he comes over you in the middle of the night, when you're least expecting it you do me a favor, play along.

[standing at Haley's grave]
Rossi: I had a feeling I'd find you here. Have you told her yet?
Hotchner: Told her what?
Rossi: That you're coming back to the team, that fighting the bad guys is who you are.
Hotchner: I don't have to tell her, she already knows.

Rossi: Scars remind us of where we've been; they don't have to dictate where we're going.

Hotchner: "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Retaliation [5.11][edit]

Prentiss:"Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure." Tacitus

Schrader: "It's madness for the sheep to talk peace with a wolf." Thomas Fuller

Morgan: How many shots did you fire?
Emily: Three.
Morgan: You emptied your clip.
Emily: No...I did?

[after Prentiss gets hit by a truck]
JJ: How are you?
Prentiss: I feel like I got hit by a truck.

Prentiss: Washington Irving said, "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love."

The Uncanny Valley [5.12][edit]

Reid: Mildred Lisette Norman wrote, "Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness, possesses you. And in this materialistic age, a great many of us are possessed by our possessions."

[Reid reads a series of books outdoors while next to Eric, who is playing chess against himself]
Eric: We missed you out here.
Reid: Oh thank you. Thanks, I uh, I had to take a little break.
Eric: How come?
Reid: Used to play with a co-worker friend of mine, he's probably the best mind I ever went up against. One day he just, decided that he didn't want to play anymore.
Eric: So you gave up too?
Reid: Just the opposite. I attempted to play through every permutation of moves on a chess board.
Eric: That's an infinite number of games.
Reid: It's not infinite. It's just, it's exponentially large.
Eric: You couldn't have played through them all.
Reid: There's an average of forty moves per chess game and I'll tell you something. The more I play, the more I realize that every single match, every single chess game is really just a simple variation on the exact same theme, you know? Aggressive openings, patient mid-game, inevitable checkmate, and I realized when my friend quit he was tired of repeating the exact same patterns and expecting a different outcome.
Eric: So you have a life time of chess strategy in your head and you're just sitting on it?
[Reid's phone rings]
Reid: I still use it, I just uh, I apply it differently. I have to go, it's good seeing you.

[Reid refers to two female serial killers]
Reid: They didn't care about race or hair color, it's men that do.
Garcia: [on webcam] Damn straight, men do.
Morgan: Well hello Red. Look at you. Guys. [moves laptop for better view of Garcia's new red hair]
Prentiss: Wow.
JJ: Wow.

Garcia: Okay, guys, I just got Samantha Malcolm's medical records and, oh my God, she was doomed. Like Emily Brontë doomed, like Shakespeare doomed, like red-shirted ensign in Star Trek doomed...

Reid: These girls are what, like nine... nine or twelve years old, I'm assuming?
Doctor: My PHD is on the effect of trauma on prepubescent girls. I do not appreciate what you're implying.
Reid: Oh, I'm not — I'm not implying anything. I'm making an inference. An inference is an educated guess, and based on that, I form a hypothesis. For instance, my hypothesis here is that after you raped your daughter, you submitted her to electroshock treatments to make sure she stayed quiet.
Doctor: This is outrageous.
Reid: And then, out of guilt you bought her toys... more specifically, you bought her a line of dolls. Because that's what serial molesters do, they give gifts. So you continued the pattern with your other patients, and then once they left your care you added their toys to your collection.
Doctor: I'm sorry. You can't back up your story... Doctor.
Reid: This, this is why I love my job, Doctor, uh, because my lab - it's a jury of your peers, my tests will be Jenny Larson, Abigail Moore and Lynda Kraus. The DA will put them on the stand and I'm gonna personally bring these dolls in and we're gonna watch how they react.

Reid: Isaac Asimov wrote, "In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate."

Risky Business [5.13][edit]

JJ: "Life is a game; play it. Life is too precious; do not destroy it." Mother Teresa

[on the jet]
Garcia: So I'm gonna snoop through dead kid's computers?
Rossi: This plane seldom makes pleasure trips.

[Morgan sees a kid texting, which interrupts Reid's lecturing]
Morgan: Hey kid, not a good idea. Let me see it. [reads the phone's text] 'What planet is this dude from? He doesn't want us to win the contest.'
Reid: Um, I think the more accurate statement would be "he doesn't want us to participate in the contest," at all... This was Ryan's desk, right? This is where Ryan sat? You guys remember Ryan, he played football, took, took Shauna to prom, I'm assuming some of you were probably even friends with Ryan. Ryan, wanted to win the contest too, but when Ryan choked himself, he cut off all the oxygen to his brain which sent a distress signal to his heart, slowing it down. Then his brain, in an effort to preserve itself, shut off all non-essential bodily functions. His arms gave out, his legs gave out, which means that he couldn't loosen the tie around his neck, at which point panic set in, and in Ryan's case, it escalated to cardiac arrest, which means that his heart stopped. Brain damage began, and within four minutes, he was completely and totally brain dead. He died scared and probably in a lot of pain, and unable to stop what he thought he had complete control of, all because he wanted to participate what I consider to be a pretty, pretty lame game. So, I mean, your, your text is actually completely accurate, I don't want you to win the contest because I don't... I don't want you to play the game.

[watching Garcia talk to a suspect]
Rossi: She's good, established rapport when Morgan and Reid couldn't.
Hotchner: Should bring her out all the time.

Reid: What is that?
Prentiss: It's called a star puzzle. It's basically impossible to figure out. You have put all of the pieces back together to form a perfect star. But the origin of it, is um, kind of a romantic tale. There, was this young prince who wanted to win the heart of the fairest maiden in the land, so he climbed to the top of the tallest tower in the kingdom and he caught a falling star for her. Unfortunately, he was so excited that he dropped it and it smashed into all of these pieces, so he frantically put it back together again to prove his undying love to her and he succeeded. And they lived happily ever after.
Reid: That doesn't make any sense.
Prentiss: [pauses and gives Reid a glare] What do you mean?
Reid: You can't catch a falling star. It would burn up in the atmosphere.
Prentiss: Yeah, but it's not literal Reid. It's a fable.
Reid: But there's no moral uh, fables have morals.
Prentiss: Ok, so it's just a romantic little story. The point is, [Reid picks up the unsolved puzzle] it's basically impossible to do because you have to take all of those pieces and fit them together exactly... [Reid puts the solved puzzle on the table] There's a lot to hate about you Dr. Reid. [Morgan laughs]
Rossi: Play poker with him sometime.
Morgan: Try playing chess with him.
Garcia: Or Go.

JJ: Hotch.
Hotchner: JJ, you don't have to.
JJ: [plays with her necklace] My sister, gave this to me when I was eleven. She just came into my bedroom one afternoon and told me that no matter what happened, she loved me. This was her favorite necklace, so I told her I couldn't take it but she insisted. I, of course was secretly very happy because I always wanted one just like hers. That's the last time I, ever...
Hotchner: I'm sorry.
JJ: I think about her everyday. It does get better Hotch. Losing someone is never easy, but one day you'll remember her and you won't hurt. You'll be happy.
Hotchner: Thank you. Thank you for everything.

JJ: "Experience is a brutal teacher. But you learn -- my God, do you learn." C.S. Lewis

Parasite [5.14][edit]

Rossi: "If I am what I have and if I lose what I have, who then am I?" German psychologist Erich Fromm

Morgan: Hey baby girl, it's me. You're on speaker.
Garcia: Oh sugar I don't care who hears it. It's always been you.

Rossi: CIA assigns an agent two or three aliases at most. Any more than that, it's difficult to get the names straight.

Morgan: You're not enjoying this, are you?
Reid: I like a good paper trail. I find it meditative.
Morgan: Is it really that hard for you to be normal just one time?

Prentiss: "Oh! what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" Sir Walter Scott

Public Enemy [5.15][edit]

Rossi: "Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy" F. Scott Fitzgerald

Hotch: There are lots of ways sons defeat their fathers.
Reid: I just keep getting PhD's.

Rossi: William Shakespeare wrote, "When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry."

Mosley Lane [5.16][edit]

JJ: Nietzsche wrote, "Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man."

Sarah Hillridge: There is a moment in the morning when I just wake up and there is a split second of peace. And then it all comes back. All of it.

Sarah Hillridge: How long have you been doing this, Dr. Reid?
Reid: Five years, seven months, and nineteen days.
Sarah Hillridge: In your experience what normally happens?
Reid: Charlie was eight when he was taken, which means developmentally he was in middle childhood. He had a stronger sense of right and wrong and a growing understanding of his place in the world. Mentally, he had the ability to talk about his thoughts and feelings, while having less focus on himself and more concern for others.
Sarah Hillridge: So, you think he's gonna be okay?
Reid: With a mother like you, who did all this, I do. I'm a doctor. I put my faith in facts and statistical probabilities, but today eight parents are gonna have closure. Three children are going home with their families - all, because you believed your son was alive. This is as close to a miracle as I've ever seen.

Sarah Hillridge: [walks into the briefing room where JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia are] I have been trying to think of something to say, and thank you doesn't even come close.
JJ: You don't have to thank us.
Sarah Hillridge: Yes I do. Do you know how long it's been since someone believed in me? [pause] You are just surrounded by darkness. Why do you do it?
[They look out at the families]
Prentiss: Cause of days like this.

JJ: Emily Dickinson wrote, "Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all."

Solitary Man [5.17][edit]

Prentiss: Tennessee Williams said, "We're all of us sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins, for life."

Rossi: So, how long is it gonna take you to get in that ditch?
Reid: Get in that ditch? I got shot in the knee, remember? My doctor said I'm not allowed to do any climbing.
Rossi: It's a ditch.
[both pause, Reid takes a good look at Rossi's shoes before going into the ditch]
Reid: New boots huh? Italian leather?
Rossi: Yeah, what could I tell ya?

Rossi: Do you have any ideas why?
Reid: [long pause as Reid thinks] No.
Rossi: Well, I guess there is a first time for everything. [walks off]
Reid: Hey Rossi, I'm gonna need a little help getting out of this ditch. Rossi? Rossi? Hey... I got it.

Morgan: Cristopher Lasch said, "Family is a haven in a heartless world."

The Fight [5.18][edit]

Hotch: Mother Teresa said, "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

Cooper: I have a medical condition. I am allergic to bureaucracy

Mick: So what are you wearing?
Emily: A gun.

Mick: You know, I could have just missed.
Emily: With your ego? Not a chance.

Rite of Passage [5.19][edit]

Prentiss: "A lion's work hours are only when he's hungry; once he's satisfied, the predator and prey live peacefully together." -Chuck Jones

Hotchner: "Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." -Helen Keller

Reid: [after getting excited about using MP5's] Hey guys, here's the thing, I don't think I technically have authorization to carry a weapon like that.
Morgan and Hotch: You don't.

Sheriff: [about Garcia] If you are looking for a gift to get me, one of her would be greatly appreciated.
Rossi: We're pretty sure they broke the mold.

Emily: [After walking into a very smelly trailer] Oh God!
Morgan: At least we know we are in the right place.
Reid: [While everyone else is covering their nose, and gagging] You guys, breathe though your nose like normal, smell is the weakest sense, in a few more minutes you won't even notice it.
Emily: What about the taste?
Reid: I think that's in your head.

Hotchner: [After the Unsub has been shot down by Morgan using a MP5] Are you alright?
Morgan: [Getting out of car] Yeah.
Emily: No! [turning to Morgan] Are you out of your mind? You blew out my ear drum!
Morgan: What did you want me to do? He was coming right at us.
Emily: (annoyed) I told you I had him!
Morgan: He was shooting at us, Emily!
Emily: You could have given me a heads up!
Morgan: A loaded MP5 and a lunatic shooting wasn't enough?

Prentiss: Hey, where's Hotch?
JJ: Budget meeting.
Morgan: Maybe he'll get us a raise.
Rossi: They're cutting, not raising. I just hope they don't take the coffee.
Reid: I'd quit.
Rossi: Oh, yeah. That'll save 'em, like, 50 bucks a week.

Hotchner: Try not to shoot that in the car.
Rossi: You mean try not to deafen you?

Reid: Contrary to popular belief decapitation is not that easy.
Rossi: Hmm. You don't often hear popular and decapitation in the same sentence.
Emily: (walks into a room and smells decomposing bodies) Oh! God!
Morgan: (follows her gasps of disgusts) Well at least we know we're in the right place!
Reid: (from the "living room") Hey guys come look at this!
Emily: (sarcastically) I'm ready for the "smell weakness" to kick in any minute, Reid!

...A Thousand Words [5.20][edit]

Rossi: "A sincere artist tries to create something which is, in itself, a living thing." painter William Dobell

[After getting a case right before the weekend]
Morgan: There goes my beach house frontal.
Emily: And my non-refundable tickets to a Sin-to-Win weekend in Atlantic City.
Morgan: Sin-to-Win?
Emily: Yeah, and I always win BIG.
Reid: I didn't have any plans.

Policeman: Why is it that when a man kills himself, he makes a big mess, but when a woman kills herself, there is no mess?
Rossi: A woman thinks of who has to clean up the mess afterwards. Men don't give a damn.

Morgan: [after finding a journal with minuscule handwriting, with Prentiss] Hey, Reid.
Reid: What's up?
Morgan: Our man here was a prolific journaler.
Prentiss: With teeny tiny handwriting.
Reid: He probably had counseling at some point, where journaling was part of his therapy.
Prentiss: That's what we were thinking.
Reid: [after a pause] And?
Morgan: Well, you know, the two of us (Prentiss and himself), it would take us like 3 days to read all this stuff.
Reid: You guys owe me.

Rossi: Its like 110 out here, and it feels like a refrigerator compared to the warehouse.
Morgan: How's Reid doing?
Rossi: It doesn't even seem to faze him--he's sitting in a corner turning pages.
JJ: Yeah, Reid goes to another place when he reads.

[Reid and Prentiss are playing cards]
Prentiss: Three cards, please.
Reid: [deals cards] Three cards for the lady . . . and I'm gonna take one card.
Prentiss: Ooh, one card. Straight or a flush, Dr. Reid, what are you trying to fill in?
Reid: Well, considering the odds of filling in an open-ended straight are five-to-one against, while a one-card flush draw is more like 4.5-to-one, I guess . . . [grimaces dramatically] you'd say if I was smart, I'd be drawing to a flush. Hmmm. . . . I think I'm gonna go all out on this. [smiles]
Prentiss: [goes all out as well] So, are you?
Reid: Am I drawing to a flush, or am I smart?
Prentiss: Either.
Reid: Well, I'm, you know, provably a genius, but, uh . . . actually, I was--I was drawing to a full house, eights over sixes.
Prentiss: [sighs] I always forget you're from Vegas.
Reid: Yep! [moves to take the winnings]
Prentiss: Oh, I'm sorry, not so fast. I, too, have a boat--jacks over threes.
Reid Wait, you drew three cards to a full house? That's like 100-to-one against!
Prentiss: 97-to-one. Looks like you're out!
Morgan: Hey, Prentiss, Sin-to-Win.
Prentiss: I'm sorry, what?
Morgan: Come on now, I gotta know. What the hell is a Sin-to-Win weekend in Atlantic City?
Prentiss: Derek, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you, but there are some questions that if you have to ask them, it means you probably couldn't handle the answer. [gets up and walks away]
Morgan: There is a whole other side to that woman.
Reid: [dealing card combinations, confused] I never lose.
Morgan: Whole other side.

Hotch: Gandhi said, "I have seen children successfully surmount the effects of an evil inheritance. That is due to purity being an inherent attribute of the soul."

Exit Wounds [5.21][edit]

Garcia: "Nature, in her most dazzling aspects or stupendous parts, is but the background and theatre of the tragedy of man." John Morley

[All agents are in a meeting when Rossi walks in late with an undone tie]
Morgan:[to Rossi] Wow! What are you working on wife number 4?
Rossi: I see you people way too much!

Hotch: I guess we'll have to double up.
Morgan: I am not sleeping with Reid.
Garcia: [Grabs Morgan's hand] Dibs

[Garcia and Kevin talking on phone]
Kevin: What do you mean, you're sharing a room with Morgan?
Garcia: Oh, you're jealous.
Kevin: Jealous? Why? Because you're bedding down with a muscle-bound, modern-day 007?
Garcia: Mmm, he's more like Jason Bourne.
Kevin: Oh, what's there to be jealous about?
Garcia: He took the floor.
Kevin: OK. Just... just make sure he keeps his weapon holstered, OK?

Garcia: What's the difference of being strong and being jaded?

Garcia: I kinda love you Derek Morgan.
Morgan: I kinda love you Penelope Garcia.

Garcia: Ralph W. Sockman said, "Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength."

The Internet Is Forever [5.22][edit]

Hotch: "The single biggest problem with communication, is the illusion that it's taken place" - George Bernard Shaw

JJ: Well... hello [Reid walks into the room with a new, very short haircut]
Hotch: [staring as Reid sits down next to him] What, did you join a boy band?
Reid: No.

Rossi: Can somebody explain to me the appeal of these sites? "Eating sushi tonight yum." "Boss is keeping me late tonight grrr." Whose life is so important that we'd be interested in this kind of detail?

Prentiss: Social networking sites?
Garcia: Yeah. Facebook, Twitter, you name, an online life-sharing time suck. The victims were on it. And if you look at each of their last posts, they say kind of the same thing. Going out of town, going on a business trip, going on vacation. But, when you look at the time and date stamp of each of these, cue the Twilight Zone music, because they were all posted the morning after the women went missing.

Rossi: "The internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn't understand - the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had." - Eric Schmidt.

Our Darkest Hour [5.23][edit]

Morgan: Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote, "And out of the darkness came the hands that reached through nature, molding men."

[After Detective Spicer explains he blames himself for his parent's deaths]
Morgan: I lost my father when I was nine years old; he was shot and killed right in front of me . . . and there was nothing I could do. So I choose to look at it like this: We all have people in our lives. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad. But they shape us, detective. That's why you're here right now.

Reid: Evil can't be scientifically defined. It's an illusory moral concept that doesn't exist in nature. It's ordinal connotation has been inextricably linked to relgion and mythology.

Billy Flynn: Think they'll remember me now?
Detective Matt Spicer: You destroyed me, is that what you want to hear?
Billy Flynn: [shrugs] Well, it's...better.
Detective Matt Spicer: [to Morgan] Promise me she'll be okay, Morgan.
Billy Flynn: Yeah. Promise him.
[Morgan, beaten, shakes his head]
Kristin Spicer: Do it! Promise him!
Detective Matt Spicer: Promise me, Morgan.
Derek Morgan: Okay. Okay! I promise.
Detective Matt Spicer: I love you, Ellie.
[Billy Flynn looks at Morgan, smiling, and shoots Spicer in the chest. Spicer falls to the floor, apparently dead]
Derek Morgan: No! Spicer! [to the UnSub, angrily] What is wrong with you?!
[Billy Flynn smacks Derek with the gun and grabs Ellie, she and Kristin scream indistinctly]
Billy Flynn: [holding Ellie] I don't usually take much to kids... [smells at Ellie's hair] But this one's, just, special.
Derek Morgan: [angrily] We will find you, you sick son of a bitch!
Billy Flynn: [mockingly] Is that another promise?
[he leaves with Ellie while Kristin screams desperately and the screen cuts to "To Be Continued"]

Season 6[edit]

The Longest Night [6.1][edit]

JJ: [Speaking to Billy Flynn over the radio system] But I am a mother. And I, I know what your mother did to you when you were little. What she was... What-- What she made you watch, what she let men do to you and it makes me so...'s just... not fair. And -- and no one, no one can make that better. I wish I could. I do. But if I could somehow go back there and make what was happening to you stop, I could just pick you up, and tell you that all would be okay. That's what moms are supposed to do...They are not supposed to be the cause of your pain; they are supposed to make it go away. They are supposed to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be alright. They are supposed to tell you that thunder is angel's bowling, and that it is okay to be afraid of the dark and that it is not silly to think that there are be monsters in your closet and that it is ok that if you want to climb into bed with them just this once, because it is scary in the room all alone.They are supposed to say that it is okay to be afraid, and not be the thing that you are afraid of. But most importantly, they are supposed to love you no matter what. What happened to you isn't fair, it is not right. But... I am supposed to empathize with you, sympathize, understand. But I can't. That would be a lie. The truth is... I don't understand what you've done. I don't sympathize with you killing people all these years and I especially don't understand you taking Ellie. What I can do, is to tell you what a mother should tell you. That you cant take away your pain by hurting someone else. That it doesn't make all the nights you have been scared and alone any better if you scare someone else the way you are scaring Ellie. What happened to you, it isn't fair, but what you are doing to her isn't fair either. And if anyone should understand what that feels like, it's you. You have the power. You can do what you want to do. But for once, you could choose to use that power to do for Ellie what should have been done for you. You can choose letting her go. You can choose teaching her that yes, there are monsters, and it is okay to be afraid of them, but it is not okay to let them win, and it is not okay to be one.

Morgan: [Confronting Billy Flynn, the UnSub]Shoot me. You know you can't do it. I study you guys for a living. I know more about you than what you know about yourself.
Billy Flynn:Well, you may not be afraid. But they are. [Pointing to the hostages]

JJ: "A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another, the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another, it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden." The Buddha

JJ [6.2][edit]

JJ: Jean Racine said, "A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy."

(Reid grabs a bottle of antacid from Prentiss' desk and takes one)

Prentiss: Again with the dairy?
Reid: I can't help it. I love dairy.

Prentiss: I don't think it's about the case.
Garcia: Do you know something?
Prentiss: Do I know something?
Garcia: She just repeated the question. You always say that's a sign.
Morgan: Do you know why JJ's in there?
Prentiss: I have no idea.

Prentiss: No...
Morgan: Wait a minute, I thought Hotch was supposed to...
JJ: It's above his paygrade; Strauss' too.
Reid: They can't just take you away
Prentiss: So we do nothing?
JJ: It's done
Morgan: It can't be that simple
JJ: It is
Morgan: This job is hard enough. What are they trying to do, bury us?
Prentiss: You're too good. That's the problem
Rossi: It's true. You're on everybody's wishlist. Our loss is somebody else's gain.
Reid: They can't just take you away...

JJ: You're still here?
Garcia: Figured you'd get to me eventually. (pauses) You're leaving? (pauses) You could have told me. I would have done something. I would have made it impossible for them to let you go. I would have put something in your file.
JJ: It's not up to me. Or Hotch.
Garcia: Don't they understand that we're a family? That that's why this works is because we're a family? Do they even care?
JJ: I don't know
Garcia: I can't believe... Okay. No. That's.... I'm supposed to say that this is a great opportunity. Which it is. I don't know the way this place works without you. You're like the glue around here. Who's gonna make us feel safe?
JJ: There's plenty of big strong men around.
Garcia: See that, right there? Your total ignorance to how awesome you are? It's one of the 5000 things I love about you.
JJ: I'm still going to be in the city. Okay? More than normal probably.
Garcia: Sure. Then we'll make a plan. Breakfast every Tuesday. Then life gets in the way. And what if I only see you on birthdays and holidays?
JJ: I won't let that happen.
Garcia: Ok. It better not because I know where to find you. You wanna walk out together?
JJ: There's, there's one more thing that I have to do before I go. (hugs each other for one last time)

JJ: I'm thankful for my years spent with this family, for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me and lead by their example wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes: this isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson or because I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept; things we don't want to know but have to learn; and people we can't live without but have to let go.

Remembrance of Things Past [6.3][edit]

Rossi: Marcel Proust said, "Remembrance of things past is not necessarily the remembrance of things as they were."

Rossi: Mark Twain said, "When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now, and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the latter. It is sad to go to pieces like this, but we all have to do it."

Compromising Positions [6.4][edit]

Garcia: Abraham Lincoln said, "Whatever you are, be a good one."

Garcia: How often do I tell you I love you?
Morgan: Everyday. It's implied.

Prentiss: "We all wear masks, and the times comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin." Andre Berthiaume.

Safe Haven [6.5][edit]

Morgan: "All humanity is one undivided and indivisible family, and each one of us is responsible for the misdeeds of all the others. I cannot detach myself from the wickedest soul." Mahatma Gandhi

Jeremy Sayer: [Holding Knife at Hostage] Have You ever wondered what is under your skin?

Morgan: "But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost

Devil's Night [6.6][edit]

Hotch: Niccolo Machiavelli said “If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared”.

Hotch: Thomas Kempis wrote, "Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility; for it thinks all things are lawful for itself, and all things are possible."

(Jack walks into the room, dressed in a makeshift suit)
Hotch: Woah, that is definitely not Spiderman!
Jack: He's not a real superhero.
Hotch: He's not? Ok, I give up. Who are you supposed to be?
Jack: I'm you, Daddy!
Hotch: (smiles) Let's go get some candy, my little G-man.

Middle Man [6.7][edit]

Hotch: "The herd seek out the great, not for their sake but for their influence; and the great welcome them out of vanity or need." Napoleon Bonaparte

Hotch: "Without heroes, we are all plain people and don't know how far we can go." Bernard Malamud

[Garcia distributes new iPads to the team]

Emily: Whoa!
Garcia: Welcome to the 21st century. Yay. Technology. Behold every one has a new tablet.
Reid: We've gone paperless?
Garcia: Fear not, Doctor of the Dark Ages, I went old school for your anti-technology quirk—paper files, hard copy photos—but the, uh, abacus is your responsibility.
Hotch: Garcia, not that I don't appreciate your efforts, but exactly where did the funding for these come from?
Garcia: I did a thing...
Hotch: "A thing?"
Garcia: Best not talk about the thing?
Hotch: We'll talk about the thing later.

Reflection of Desire [6.8][edit]

Garcia: I believe humanity was born from conflict. Maybe that's why in all of us lives a dark side. Some of us choose embrace it. Some have no choice. The rest of us fight it. But in the end, it's as natural as the air we breathe. At some point, all of us are forced to face the truth. Ourselves. For me, that day has come.

[Reid, Hotchner, and Prentiss are at the train station where the latest victim was abuducted.]

Reid: You're here to target a woman but you don't want to attract attention.
Hotch: Well, standing in the middle gawking at passing women is going to attract attention. [sees Reid gawking at passing women] Like you're doing now.
Reid: [snaps out of trance] What's that?
Prentiss: And just like that, [snaps fingers] an IQ of 187 is slashed to 60.

Garcia: "Fame will go by and, so long, I've had you, fame. If it goes by, I've always known it was fickle. So at least it's something I experience, but that's not where I live." Marilyn Monroe

Into the Woods [6.9][edit]

Morgan: Ralph Ellison said, "I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me."

Hotch: Elise Cabot said, "Evil endures a moment's flush, and then leaves but a burnt out shell."

What Happens at Home [6.10][edit]

Hotch: "When we were children, we used to think that when we grew up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable." writer Madeleine L'Engle

Rossi: "Children begin by loving their parents. As they grow older, they judge them. Sometimes they forgive them." writer Oscar Wilde

25 to Life [6.11][edit]

Morgan: "There is no such thing as part freedom." Nelson Mandela

Morgan: "All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." Galileo

Corazon [6.12][edit]

Reid: "No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks."-Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

Walker: What is wrong with you?
Reid: (holding his eyes) I'm sorry, it's just so bright in here for me.

Reid: "The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or touched, but just felt by the heart."-Helen Keller

The Thirteenth Step [6.13][edit]

Prentiss: Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, "What really raises one's indignation against suffering is not suffering intrinsically, but the senselessness of suffering."

Prentiss: William Glasser said, "What happened in the past that was painful has a great deal to do with what we are today."

Sense Memory [6.14][edit]

Morgan: "Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game." -Paul Rodriguez

Morgan: Considering the wide divergence of abduction and dump sites this guy could be anywhere, LA is over 500 square miles.
Reid: Uh, 498.3 (looks away)
Morgan: (Chuckles)

Prentiss: (On the phone) Reid?
Reid: Emily, you are not going to believe this.
Prentiss: No?
Reid: They're showing Solaris tonight, the original, in the theaters. Do you wanna go?
Prentiss: Did Morgan put you up to this?
Reid: What?
Prentiss: Did Morgan tell you to call me?
Reid: No, Morgan would have no idea what Solaris is.
Prentiss: So, uh... You just called me out of the blue?
Reid: Well, I mean the original one is in Russian, so you and I are the only ones who can really enjoy it.
Prentiss: Isn't Solaris 4 hours long?
Reid: It's 5, the best sci-fi medatation film of all time but, for some reason, they never really show it in the theatres. You wanna go with me?
Prentiss: Sorry, handsome, I'm gonna have to pass. I'm just gonna hang out with Sergio tonight.
Reid: Oh shoot, I didn't realize --
Prentiss: Relax, Reid. Sergio is my new cat. But, um... Thank you.
Reid: For what?
Prentiss: For being you.
Reid: Aw, thanks. I don't really know how to be anyone else...
Prentiss: Yeah. That's what I love about you.

Prentiss: "Nothing revives the past so completely as a smell that was once associated with it." Novelist Vladimir Nabokov

Today I Do [6.15][edit]

Rossi: "It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head." -Sally Kempton

Prentiss: "There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul." -Ella Wheeler Wilcox.

Coda [6.16][edit]

Reid: "Tomorrow you promise yourself will be different, yet tomorrow is too often a repetition of today." -Author James T. McCay

Seaver: Is that the one where they fly around in the phone booth?
Reid: First of all, it's a police box. Not a phone booth. Second of all, Doctor Who started a quarter of a century before Bill and Ted even went on their bodacious adventures so really they should have just called it Bill and Ted's Excellent Rip-off. At least then they would've made-
Seaver: I'm really sorry.
Reid: For what?
Seaver: Asking.

Morgan: Kid definitely likes to draw, but I can't quite figure out what it is he's drawing.
Hotchner: That's a dog.
Morgan: How can you possibly know that that looks like a dog?
Hotchner: Maybe a father knows.

Prentiss: I knew you were watching me.
Doyle: What's the expression? Keep your friends close, your enemies under surveillance.
Prentiss: I've been here for two hours. You should know better than to keep a lady waiting.
Doyle: Seems hypocritical, seeing as I had to wait seven years.
Prentiss: Hello, Ian.
Doyle: Hello, Lauren. Oh wait, Lauren Reynolds died in a car accident, didn't she?
Prentiss: What do you want?
Doyle: You. Oh, not today, don't worry about that. But soon.
Prentiss: I've got a Glock leveled at your crotch. What's to stop me from taking you and the little ones out, right now?
Doyle: You'd never make it back to your car, and you know it. Tell me, does the lovely Penelope know the truth about you? Or is she too busy watching movies with Derek to care? Here you are, all alone, while Aaron sits at home with his son. And why didn't Dave and Ashley invite you to their game night? Maybe they thought you'd be on the Metro with Dr. Reid. (laughs) Well, that one does have some quirks.
Prentiss: Come near my team, and I will end you.
Doyle: I don't have a quarrel with them. How long that remains the case, depends entirely on you. They're innocent, you're not.
Prentiss: I was doing my job.
Doyle: I think you did a little more than that. You took the only thing that mattered to me, so I'm going to take the only thing that matters to you--your life." (puts a matchbook with a four leaf clover on it on the table between them) "Honore de Balzac once said, 'Most people of action are inclined to fatalism and most of thought believe in providence.' Tell me, Emily Prentiss, which do you think you are gonna be?

Valhalla [6.17][edit]

Prentiss: Lao Tzu said, "When I let go of what I am I become what I might be."

Prentiss: Journalist Dorothy Dix wrote, "Confession is always weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets and takes its own punishment in silence."

Rossi: The more players we get on this board the sooner Erin will get her nose in it.
Hotchner: Strauss already knows.
Rossi: I'm surprised she wasn't in the SCIF.
Hotchner: She's on vacation.
Rossi: Oh great, now she'll never take another one.

[Prentiss drops her bag onto her desk, startling Reid]
Prentiss: I'm sorry.
Reid: Thought you were in there.
Prentiss: Are you ok?
Reid: Yeah, I'm sure these victims overlap somehow. Garcia pulled their phone numbers but so far I haven't found anything.
Prentiss: You just jumped.
Reid: I've been having these really intense headaches lately.
Prentiss: Have you seen a doctor?
Reid: Yeah a few, but none of them have been able to figure it out.
Prentiss: Oh, I'm sorry. Does anyone know?
Reid: You.
Prentiss: I won't tell anyone.
Reid: I know. They just worry, you know? Not that you're not gonna worry, but they'll just make me feel like a baby, you know?
Prentiss: I do.

Lauren [6.18][edit]

Prentiss:"The secret to getting away with lying is believing with all your heart; that goes for lying to yourself even more so than lying to another." -author Elizabeth Bear

Garcia: [In a message to Emily via phone] Hotch told me to try all your numbers and I have this as an old listing, and you probably don't even use it anymore, but if it is you and you're out there: come home, please. God, Emily, what did you think? That we would just let you walk out of our lives? I am so furious at you right now! [Emily starts crying] Then I think about how scared you must be, hiding in some dark place all alone. But you're not alone, okay? You are not alone. We are in that dark place with you, we are waving flashlights and calling your name. So, if you can see us, come home. But if you can't then...then... you stay alive. Because we're coming.

Clyde Easter: Agent Hotchner, you took an oath to protect the laws of your country, I took an oath to protect the secrets of mine.

JJ: Psychoanalyst Walter Langer wrote, "People will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it."

With Friends Like These... [6.19][edit]

Reid: Lizette Reese said, "The old faiths light their candles all about, but burly Truth comes by and puts them out."

Reid: You know that profile kinda makes it sound like schizophrenia leads to serial killing.
Morgan: That's not what we said at all, Reid.
Reid: You know, my mom has schizophrenia. There are many different types.
Morgan: I know that.
Reid: Catatonic, disorganized... Just because someone suffers from inability to organize their thoughts, or they can't bathe or dress themselves, doesn't mean they stab someone in the chest 30 time postmortem.
Morgan: Reid, what's really going on?
Reid: Our unsub's hallucinations aren't fractured like a typical schizophrenic. They're vivid and clear, leading me to believe that we're missing an important variable. Rather than making crazy conjectures, I think we should be trying to figure out what it is.
Morgan: Okay, listen to me. I know this is a scary age for you. It's when schizophrenic breaks happen. Have you talked to anybody about this?
Reid: Emily.
Morgan: Have you seen a doctor?
Reid: They all say I'm fine.
Morgan: Why don't you believe them?
Reid: Because predicting one's chances of developing a genetic condition are like finding a penny in an ocean... I have terrible headaches. I can't sleep at night. I can't focus on our cases. I... I only read five books last week.
Morgan: Come on, kid, you gotta cut yourself some slack. You're also depressed about Prentiss, and I get it- we all are. Reid, I miss her every day. But if your mind was splitting, do you really think you'd be able to figure out that this team is missing a variable?
Reid: I'm just speculating that we are. Need to prove it.
Morgan: Okay, then you do that. The moment you are wandering around the streets aimlessly, that's when I'll be concerned about you. Come on, pretty boy. Let's get to work.

Reid: (at the crime scene) Look at the stab wounds.
Morgan: There's gotta be over 50 of them.
Reid: 71.

Morgan: Siddharta Buddha said, "It is not his enemy or foe that lures him to evil ways."

Hanley Waters [6.20][edit]

Morgan: Poet Antonio Porchia said, "Man, when he does not grieve, hardly exists."

The Stranger [6.21][edit]

Hotch: Stephen King wrote, "Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters."

Seaver: "Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events." – Adrienne Rich

Out of the Light [6.22][edit]

Rossi: Agathon said, "Of this alone even God is deprived, the power of making things that are past never to have been."

Hotch: Doménico Cieri Estrada wrote, "Bring the past only if you're going to build from it."

Big Sea [6.23][edit]

Rossi: "The sea has never been friendly to man. At most it has been the accomplice of human restlessness." -Joseph Conrad

Hotch : Until we get a confirmation, we can't make any assumptions based on her behavior.
Morgan: I'm not saying that we throw away our profile. I'm just saying let's expand our thinking.

Morgan: Maybe he meets them in transit. How did they get there?
Garcia: Right, right, ok... Um, there's nothing there either.
Hotch: But how is that possible? These people are starting their lives over. The whole point is to travel.
Morgan: Even if they paid cash, Garcia, there'd be a name on a ticket.
Garcia: Yeah, no, I agree with you. But my binary boxes are never wrong. So, however these folks got from Point A to Point Unsub, there's no record of it.

Morgan: "We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch - we are going back from whence we came." -John F. Kennedy

Supply & Demand [6.24][edit]

Hotch: "And yet to every bad, there's a worse." -Thomas Hardy

Rossi: "What lies in our power to do, lies in our power not to do." -Aristotle.

Season 7[edit]

It Takes a Village [7.1][edit]

JJ: Queen Elizabeth I said, "The past cannot be cured."

Reid: A young boy's life was at stake, I ran the probability of his survival and it wasn't good. If you want to punish me for taking a risk then I encourage you to do that, but do not put the rest of my team on trial for something that I suggested.
Crammer: Calm down agent!
Reid: This IS calm and it's Doctor.

Prentiss: The only people I know who could accomplish that mission just walked out. They do their jobs with integrity and most importantly they honor their oath; "I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God."

Cramer: Do you realize what you've done?
JJ: Yes, we put an international criminal with terrorist connections in federal custody.

Rossi: Well, that's a good look. Seen Jack yet?
Hotchner: No.
Rossi: Well, he'll love that beard.
Hotchner: Yeah, we Skyped every day. Not a fan.

Prentiss: I haven't seen Ashley.
JJ: Oh, well, she transferred to Andi Swann's unit.
Prentiss: Good for her!

Proof [7.2][edit]

Reid: "If it is a miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a fact, proof is necessary." -Mark Twain

JJ: It's amazing that no one witnessed her abduction.
Reid: Emily was buried six feet under and wound up in Paris, so I guess anything's possible, right?
JJ: So that is what this is about.
Reid: You know, maybe our unsub's a little bit like Bundy. He feigns an injury in order to get her to help him.
JJ: Look, Spence, if you wanna talk about this--
Reid: Maybe he tried another tactic and was like, "Wow, you're really pretty. You should be a model. I can take you photo."
JJ: I'll take that as a no.
Reid: Either one would disarm her.
JJ: Charm's quite the killer.
Reid: So are tears. Whatever his ruse was, the unsub most likely used it to get her into his vehicle.
JJ: Well, if Abby was last seen at a bus stop a few miles away, then he definitely has means of transportation.
Reid: Hopefully the disposal site'll tell us more.

Rossi: Again he's disposing in an area frequented by homeless people.
Reid: This is equidistant between the last two dump sites.
JJ: Well he burned her tongue with the chemical this time.
Rossi: So he removed her ability to taste.
Detective Bonner: Why would he do that?
Reid: Historically this type of torture was used to prevent someone from revealing a secret.
JJ: Maybe she offended him.
Reid: Wonder what that's like.
Rossi: Her lips are extremely chapped.
Reid: She was probably forced to repeatedly participate in some sort of kissing fantasy.
JJ: And when things go awry, he takes the offending sense away.
Reid: He tortured her in these clothes, which means the eighties are essential to his delusion.
Rossi: Maybe that's when this rejection occurred and he held on to the clothes all these years.
JJ: And now he's attacking girls who remind him of women from that time.
Reid: He's fixated on her type and remakes them to fit his fantasy.
Detective Bonner: But why start now?
JJ: Something probably triggered it, and instead of dealing with it, he's acting out. [Looks at Reid, who looks back at her and walks away]

JJ: Spence, we've got to talk about this.
Reid: Don't want to talk about it.
JJ: I get it, OK? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily.
Reid: I have a lot going on, alright?
JJ: You, you know what I think it is? You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro-expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception.
Reid: You think it's about my profiling skills? Jennifer, listen, the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house 10 weeks in a row crying over losing a friend and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.
JJ: I couldn't.
Reid: You couldn't? Or you wouldn't?
JJ: No, I couldn't
Reid: What if I started taking Dilaudid again, would you have let me?
JJ: You didn't.
Reid: Yeah, but I thought about it. [Walks away]
JJ: Spence. I'm sorry.
Reid: It's too late, alright?

Hotch: Reid. If you wanna be mad at someone, be mad at me.
Reid: I can't. I didn't come to your house crying for 10 weeks.

Prentiss: Are you pissed at me too?
Morgan: Come on! How can I be? You're here

Rossi: Scott Adams wrote, "Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge."

Dorado Falls [7.3][edit]

Reid: "Men are not prisoners of fate but prisoners of their own minds." -Franklin D. Roosevelt

State Trooper Brian Long: We've located John Owen, the missing employee. He's been at a Doctor Who convention in San Diego since Saturday. It was a scheduled vacation.
Rossi: Lucky guy.
Reid: I'll say! That's supposed to be an awesome convention.

Rossi: "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for a moment that we're not alone." -Orson Welles.

Painless [7.4][edit]

Reid: "You may leave school, but it never leaves you." -Andy Partridge

Hotch: "Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." -Kahlil Gibran

Reid: Someone with an axe to grind against the principal would, maybe as a surrogate for his tormentors in high school he can't punish. Who were yours?
JJ: I don't even remember.
Reid: You don't even remember? Wait. Were you one of the mean girls?
JJ: What? No.
Reid: Valedictorian, soccer scholarship, corn fed but still a size zero. I think that you might have been a mean girl.
JJ: I was actually one of the nice girls. Even to guys like you.
Reid: Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.
JJ: Oh yeah, you played basketball?
Reid: No, I coached basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.
JJ: Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?
Reid: Yeah, it took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.

Rossi: I'm SSA David Rossi of the FBI. That's R-O-S-S-I. So if anyone has any questions feel free to ask them now.

Morgan: Alright, feel free to call me if you have any other background questions. My phone number is 702-555-0103.
Reporter: And what's your name, sir?
Morgan: It's Doctor Spencer Reid. R-E-I-D.

Reid: Actually most feel empathy just fine, which makes me think the rest of our profile is still accurate. Loner, invisible, outcast, boiling rage (his phone rings again) SON OF A BITCH! (answers) Hi, this is Doctor Spencer Reid. I actually can come to the phone right now with a very special message that your mother is a--
Hotch: Reid.
Reid: (hangs up) I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I don't know what got into me. Where were we?
Hotch: I'm going to have Garcia check into medical records. What causes asymbolia?
Reid: (noting Morgan's smirk) Severe... trauma produces legions in the insular cortex usually after a stroke, but this unsub's so young, it's probably caused by an external factor.
Rossi: Like a bomb going off next to him?
Reid: (accusing tone, directed at Morgan) Yeah, like a bomb going off next to him. (whispered, to Morgan) I will crush you.
Morgan: What?
Reid: What?

Recording of Reid on Morgan's MP3 player: We interrupt your regularly scheduled music selection with an important announcement: Never wage a practical joke war against an MIT graduate because we have a history of going nuclear. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the dulcet sounds of me screaming in your ear. AHHHhhhhhAAAHHHHHHhhhhh!!!!
[Morgan yanks off headphones]
Morgan: Ok, kid, that was cute, but is that all you got?
[Reid pretends to be asleep and snores loudly, then smiles when Morgan's phone rings and he answers]
Morgan: [answers phone] Hey, baby girl--
Reid's voice on Morgan's phone: AHHHHH!!!!
[Rossi waves a white napkin and offers it to Morgan]
Morgan: [refuses to accept the white flag] Uh, huh. All right Reid, it's on. Just know that paybacks are a bitch.
[Reid snores loudly once again]

Hotchner: How did you get by in Paris?
Prentiss: I played a lot of online Scrabble with a girl named "CheetoBreath." (turns to look at JJ, who is eating a bag of Cheetos).

From Childhood's Hour [7.5][edit]

Reid: "From childhood's hour I have not been as others were; I have not seen as others saw." -Edgar Allan Poe

Rossi: "All things truly wicked start from an innocence." -Ernest Hemingway

Morgan: Somebody's got a little extra pep in his step, that's all.
Prentiss: Probably doubled up on his vitamins.
Morgan: Oh he doubled up on something...

Morgan: Talk to me, mama.
Garcia: First off, you are on restriction from my inner Lamborghini.
Morgan: Garcia...
Garcia: I mean it. My high-performance engine may purr like a puma on the prowl, but this time Derek you have seriously overheated my engines and I will require some cool down laps upon your return. If you know what I mean by that.
Morgan: Baby girl you're on speaker.
Garcia: I knew that.

Reid: How about ten pairs of shoes? I mean, that has to be enough, right? Ten?
JJ: Uh, Spence, it's different with the ladies. We need them to match our belts, our handbags, our skirts, and fashions change with the seasons.
Garcia: Yes, boys are so boring: pants, shoes and out the door.
Prentiss: Although it's not like men don't have their things. I dated a golfer once. He had twelve putters in his closet. But this conversation is reminding me I need new boots.
Garcia: Oh, they're having a sale at DeMill's on those tall boots with the kitty heels. You wanna go?
Prentiss: Yeah.
Morgan: You getting any of this, kid?
Reid: No.

Epilogue [7.6][edit]

Rossi: "To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable." Erich Fromm.

[Garcia hands Hotch a case file]

JJ: So don't miss that face. No matter how many cases we solve, there's always more.
Prentiss: Insert Dr. Reid's statistic about active serial killers at any given time here. [JJ looks over her shoulder at Reid] Reid?
JJ: [Whistles] Spencer...
Reid: There's something wrong.
JJ: [Turning her head to look at Rossi] Why do you say that?
Reid: He's been reading the same page for 16 minutes and 24 seconds.
Prentiss: Maybe it's a really good article.
Reid: It's never taken him longer than 11 minutes, 17 seconds to turn a page.
Prentiss: [Shocked] You time how long it... [JJ looks at her] What's your theory?
Reid: I'm extrapolating probabilities as we speak.

[They all get up and walk over to Rossi as Morgan walks in]

Morgan: Oh, hey. Rossi, you think you could help me with a consult for Wildwood PD?
Rossi: Uh, sure.
JJ: Now, that I noticed.
Morgan: Somethin' goin' on?
Prentiss: How did it go the other night?
Morgan: What happened the other night?
Reid: You ok?
Rossi: Why wouldn't I be?
JJ: You seem distracted.
Rossi: I'm considering a purchase. [Gestures toward the newspaper that has an ad for Second Life Thrift Store]
Morgan: Come on, now, Rossi, you know we're not buyin' that. What's really goin' on?
Rossi: [Sighs] Look, it was a late night with Ringo and not enough coffee. I mean, the guy's a world-class drummer, but don't think I didn't wipe the floor with him in Rock Band.
JJ: [Looks back at Prentiss] All right, what do you think?
Prentiss: He could be telling the truth. I only played him to the easy level.
Reid: I can't tell.
Rossi: And you never will.
Hotch: Let's get started.

Prentiss: I take it that wasn't Ringo inviting you to another party on the phone yesterday.
Rossi: It was Carolyn. She has ALS.
Prentiss: [Unsure what to say at first] Rossi, I'm-- What do you need?
Rosssi: It's not what I need, Emily. It's what she's asking me to do. The disease is acting quickly. Carolyn is already suffering, and she doesn't want to go out that way. She wants to die on her own terms. And when this case is over and we get back... she asked if I would help her do it.
Prentiss: What are you gonna do?
Rossi: I don't have a choice.

Garcia: Jake Shepherd saw the light, like literally. He spoke of a gentle light and a silhouetted figure bathed in warmth who welcomed him but told him it wasn't his time.
Jake's mom: He woke up a changed man. He believed.
Hotch: If this unsub is so obsessed with death, then Jake Shepherd was the perfect person to talk to. He'd been there and back again.
Morgan: But come on, guys, gentle lights, shadowy figures? Those are the lights in the emergency room and the doctors hovering over the patients. And we all know that. No on actually sees the "afterlife".
Reid: I did. ...Before Tobias Hankel resuscitated me, I had that exact experience, and I wasn't in an emergency room. I was in a shed.
Morgan: Reid, you never told me that.
Reid: I'm a man of science; I didn't know how to deal with it. There's no quantifiable proof that God exists, and yet in that moment I was faced with something that I couldn't explain. Still can't.
Hotch: What if this unsub has had a similar experience and this is his way of looking for answers?
Rossi: If that's the case, why kill Jake Shepherd? Why not just talk to him?
Prentiss: He wanted to see if he had the same experience as before.
JJ: Once isn't enough?
Prentiss: Not if Jake didn't see the same thing the unsub did. He wants to know if the experience can change. I can relate to that. (everyone stares) ...Reid felt a warmth and saw a light. When I coded in the ambulance, all I felt was cold and darkness. And I would like to think that there's a different future waiting for me.
Reid: (sadly) You actually died?
Prentiss: (looks troubled, but does not respond)
Morgan: All right, but resuscitation is hit or miss. He can't guarantee that he can actually bring anyone back, let alone that anyone will remember what happened in their moment of so-called death.
Rossi: Reid, what's the best way to make sure his victims had an experience?
Reid: ...Keep them dead longer.

Prentiss: It's not your time, Chase.
Reid: You're under arrest.

[Rossi meets Caroline at her hotel and they hug]

Caroline: You look like hell. You wanna talk about it?
Rossi: Not really.
Caroline: You can't save everyone, David. You know that.
Rossi: I lost you once. I don't want to lose you again.
Caroline: [Looks at him sadly] You have to let me go.
Rossi: I can't. Life is worth fighting for.
Caroline: Fight how? Fighting for what? For what? Look at me. Pretty soon I'm not even gonna be able to walk. I want to go out as I am, as I've lived, not-- not who I'm going to become.
Rossi: I can't help you. What you're asking, I can't.
Caroline: I know. I knew you never could. You spout all that profiler talk, but, really, the best way to get to know someone is to marry them. You are the best man I've ever known. That's why I wanted you to be with me tonight.
Rossi: What have you done?
Caroline: Oh. Oh, shh. Just come sit. [Pats bed] It won't be long now. [Rossi pulls out his phone] No. Don't. They won't get here in time. Please.
Rossi: I have to try.
Caroline: No, don't! Don't. Don't let me die in a hospital. David... Please. [Rossi hugs her again] It's fast. It's fast. I'm already tired. Do you th-- Do you think he'll be there?
Rossi: I know he will.
Caroline: Oh.

Rossi: "The timing of death, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it." Mary Catherine Bateson.

There's No Place Like Home [7.7][edit]

Hotch: "For the man sound of body and serene of mind there is no such thing as bad weather; every day has its beauty, and storms which whip the blood do but make it pulse more vigorously." -George Gissing

JJ: "Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." -Arthur Golden
Will: (to Henry) Guess who's on the phone!
Henry: (throwing himself back on to his pillow and throwing his arms above his head) Mommy!
JJ: (to her son Henry on the phone)(laughs) Hey! Hey little man. are you? I heard you went to the doctors!
Henry: When are you coming home mommy?
JJ: (to her son Henry on the phone) Tomorrow. Are you ready for story time?
Henry: Yeah
JJ: (to her son Henry on the phone)Daddy, you ready? Once there was a baby star. He lived up near the sun. And every night at bedtime, that baby star wanted to have some fun. He would shine and shine, and fall and shoot and twinkle oh so bright. And he said, 'Mommy, I'll run away if you if you make me say good night.' And then his mommy kissed his sparkly nose and said, 'No matter where you go, no matter where you are, no matter how big you grow, and even if you stray far, I'll love you forever, 'cause you'll always be my baby star.'
Henry: Night mommy!
JJ: (crying) Goodnight!

Garcia: (answering phone call from Morgan) P.G. at your service, don't let the name fool you.

JJ: (to Hotch after she says she needs to go home because Henry is sick) Can I borrow the jet?
Hotchner: I think the budget oversight committee might not appreciate my generosity.

Garcia: Okay, ugh, see this is why I can't talk about how my day was at dinner, or breakfast, or lunch. Spencer, you scare me.
Rossi: Join the club

Hope [7.8][edit]

Garcia: "Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." -George Isles

Garcia: We are each on our own journey; each of us are on our very own adventure encountering all kinds of challenges, and the choices we make on that adventure will shape us as we go. Those choices will stretch us and test us and push us to our limit, and our adventure will make us stronger than we ever knew we could be. There's a quote by my favorite author Joseph Campbell, and it goes like this: "Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy [7.9][edit]

Morgan: "Things do not change; we do." -Henry David Thoreau

Morgan: "Beware, so long as you live, of judging men by their outward appearance." -Jean de La Fontaine

Reid: What drove them to suicide?
Erin Strauss: A freshman cadet, Bailey Shelton, hung himself two weeks ago in his room.
Hotch: Identical bed sheet, hangman's knot.
Rossi: Who takes sheets camping?
JJ: They would if it was the plan. Could be a domino effect.
Rossi: The campus would have been on high alert after the first one, so the kids wait until they're alone in the woods.
Morgan: They must have made some kind of pact.
Hotch: And there's something else. Six kids went on the trip, only five were found.

Rossi: "Leaves of three, let them be."
Garcia: Aw man. Poison ivy.
Prentiss: [scratching her arms] [looks at Rossi] You know, if I've got it, so do you.
Rossi: I'm Italian. It knows better.

Reid: A man like Massey sets rules but is the first to break them. He's been left alone to run these kids' lives, and nobody questions him.
Garcia: Man, it sounds so sad and scary when you put it like that.
Reid: His policies are a combination of many other philosophies. I'm not sure where his actual leadership lies.
Garcia: Only that it does… lie, that is. It's a joke.
Reid: Oh, good joke.

Erin Strauss: I'm sorry, I just don't have the patience for this. He's clearly hiding something.
Morgan: All due respect, ma'am. Have you been drinking?
Erin Strauss: What? What are you talking about?
Morgan: Strauss, we have one shot at this.
Erin Strauss: You think I don't know that?
Morgan: Well, if he smelled what I can smell on your breath right now, the credibility of this investigation would be compromised.

Reid: You'd think the laundry room would be closer to the dorms.
Garcia: It's not in the basement?
Reid: It's on the opposite side of campus. That's so strange.
Garcia: Yeah.
Rossi: Leaves of three, let them be.
Garcia: Oh man, poison ivy. Alcohol swabs, stat.
Prentiss: Thank you. (to Rossi, scratching her arm) You know, if I've got it, so do you.
Rossi: I'm Italian; it knows better.

Reid: (discussing ghosts) I do know a three-year-old boy that once met a friendly apparition named Leverett Saltonstall.
Garcia: He was nice?
Reid: Very nice.

The Bittersweet Science [7.10][edit]

Hotch: "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die." -Joe Louis

Hotch: Hermann Hesse wrote, "Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go."

Rossi: (discussing Beth with Hotch) Is she cute?
Hotchner: Yes, she is, but I need to be focused on my training. I don't need to be distracted.
Rossi: Yes, you should be distracted. Distracted is good. What's her name?
Hotchner: Beth.
'Rossi: I like it. And you know what they say about riding a bicycle.
Reid: Who's getting a bicycle?
Hotchner: (smiling) Nobody.

Garcia: (via Webcam)Okay, Rossi, out with it. Is Hotch dating anyone?
Rossi: (Leans in to the webcam) I. Don't. Know
Reid: You know, statistically, widowed men start dating much faster than females, but Hotch is refuting the data. It's been two years and 19 days.
Garcia: Venus has aligned with Mars, which means love is in the air and maybe we will have weekends off.
Morgan: (sees Hotch and clears throat to warn Garcia)
Garcia: What? Is he standing there? He's standing there, isn't he?
Hotch: Hello, Garcia.
Garcia: Hello. Someone talk about the case.

Prentiss: We saw the bodies, all of them have stress breaks in the same places.
Rossi: That's consistent with years of fight training.
Hotchner: Fight training. You think he's a boxer?
Rossi: It makes sense. A fighter would have the endurance it takes to commit this kind of overkill on this many people with a pipe or with his hands.
Morgan: It would explain why at the first crime scene he lined the bodies up in the corner, like in the ring.
Hotchner: It makes sense about the bloodlust, but what triggered the killings?

Morgan: Penelope, how's the greatest computer tech this side of the Mississippi?
Garcia: Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee, Garcia's going to find what only her screens can see, what do you need?

True Genius [7.11][edit]

Morgan: "Three can keep a secret if two are dead." -Benjamin Franklin

Prentiss: Hey are you going to tell me what's up?
(Reid looks down)
Prentiss: Reid, it's me
Reid: Do you ever wonder if you lived up to expectations?
Prentiss: I beat it, I figured I'd be a bored socialite by 25.
Reid: I thought I would cure Schizophrenia by the time I was 25. You know, when I was a kid people told me that I could do anything.
Prentiss: You're afraid you've let people down?
Reid: No, I'm afraid I let myself down.
Prentiss: By not curing Schizophrenia?
Reid: No, just because, I don't know why I'm in the FBI.
Prentiss: I see; you're a genius, but you have the same job as me, Morgan, JJ.
Reid: Yeah, exactly. Wait, no. That's not what I'm saying. Sometimes I just get this feeling like like maybe I should have done something more with my life.

JJ: So how old would Zodiac be by now? The murders took place in the late...60s?
Garcia: Yeah, December 20, 1968, to October 11, 1969, to be exact. But he was suspected of other crimes and he sent letters and codes to newspapers until 1974.
Morgan: Well, at the very least the Zodiac would have to be about 60 by now.
JJ: Yeah, but it doesn't take a lot of strength to pull a trigger.
Morgan: No, but it takes a lot of skill not to get caught for 40 years

Reid: "There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy." -Dante.

Unknown Subject [7.12][edit]

Hotch: "We do not suffer from the shock of our trauma, but we make out of it just what suits our purposes." -Alfred Adler

Hotch: Sergio?
Prentiss: He is the perfect man. He doesn't hog all the covers, and he poops in a box.

Reid: Fourteen is when we start to make our own musical choices. Our cognitive development evolves at that age and we start to form our own cultural identity.
Morgan: We stop listening to the music that our parents played and we start listening to the music that our friends listen to.
Reid: Our musical experiences imprint on us. Our hormonal surges as teenagers may make the choices seem more personal and passionate, and later on in life we might experiment with other musical selections, but no music ever impacts us as much as that we listen to at age 14.

JJ: (naming the music of her youth) Evanescence, Linkin Park and Nickelback.
Morgan: So Herman Scobee's into that new metal goth stuff.
JJ: Yeah, his tramp stamp probably spells out Massengill. This guy doesn't even have any "Rage Against the Machine." (Morgan stares at her) What? I rock.

Prentiss: "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." -Henry Ellis.

Snake Eyes [7.13][edit]

Hotch: A Chinese proverb says, "At the gambling table, there are no fathers or sons."

Prentiss: You could stake us the buy-in.
Reid: Yeah, you're a best-selling author.
Rossi: No.
Prentiss: Why not?
Rossi: One: it's against regulations, and I'd like to hold onto this job for a little while longer.
JJ: It's a minor administrative violation.
Rossi: And two: I prefer to spend my money on actual things, like single-malt scotch, a fine cigar, beautiful artwork.
Prentiss: Poker chips are things.

Rossi: All right, fine. I'm a decent poker player, but I can't promise that I can stay in the game long enough to--
Prentiss: You know what, I bet you're a great poker player, but what if we sent in Reid?
Reid: I am banned from casinos in Las Vegas, Laughlin, and Pahrump because of my card-counting ability.
Rossi: I know I'm not a genius like Boy Wonder here, but poker is not black jack. It's about bluffing, reading human nature, head games. It's not math.
Reid: That's not entirely accurate. There actually is a mathematical equation for knowing when to raise and when to fold. If P represents the size of the pot at the time of play, the P times N minus 1 with N representing the estimated number of players at the final round of betting--
Rossi: Ok, fine, I surrender! Just try not to lose all of my money.

Rossi: George Augustus Sala said, "A gambler with a system must be, to a greater or lesser extent, insane."

Closing Time [7.14][edit]

Hotch: "For trust not him that hath once broken faith." -William Shakespeare

Hotch: "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough." -Frank Crane.

A Thin Line [7.15][edit]

Morgan: "Equality may, perhaps, be a right, but no power on Earth can ever turn it into a fact." -Honoré de Balzac

Prentiss: "I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it's for or against." -Malcolm X.

A Family Affair [7.16][edit]

Morgan: Eckhart Tolle said, "Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath."

Emily: Oh. Still no sitter?
JJ: My sitter is not available. Apparently, I have a better chance at winning the lottery than getting a sitter on a Saturday night.
Reid: What's going on tonight?
Emily: Oh, it was ladies' night, but..
JJ: I forgot to book a sitter.
Reid: I'll do it
JJ: Spence--
Reid: What? I've seen an episode of Mr. Belvedere.
JJ: You've never baby-sat by yourself before.
Emily: Well.... He could do a couple of hours.
Reid: What could possibly go wrong?

[The team is at Hotch's triathalon. Emily, JJ and Garcia are wearing glasses; they're hungover.]

Reid: [Cheering] Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! [Garcia looks at him] A couple hours, a couple hours! And you guys didn't come home until sunrise!
JJ: Why are you yelling?
Prentiss: Make him stop.
Morgan: Ok, hey Jack, Jack. Earmuffs for a minute, earmuffs. What did you guys drink last night?
Garcia: The Green Fairy. You're in the FBI. Could you get the entire crowd to stop cheering?

JJ: "Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I Love You, Tommy Brown [7.17][edit]

Morgan: "It was once said that love is giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them not to."

Morgan: "For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth." - Bo Bennett

Foundation [7.18][edit]

Prentiss: "Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin." -Barbara Kingsolver

JJ: You know Angel's going to keep that forever. What you shared--I know that wasn't easy for you.
Morgan: None of this is easy.
JJ: I just can't help picturing little Morgan, all alone--
Morgan: JJ, I'm here today because of what that man did to me.
JJ: I know. I'm just sorry.

Morgan: "Nothing fixes a thing so intently in the memory as the wish to forget it." -Michel de Montaigne.

Heathridge Manor [7.19][edit]

Prentiss: "We are each our own devil, and we make this world our own hell.” -Oscar Wilde

Hotch: "All that we see or seem. Is but a dream within a dream." -Edgar Allen Poe.

The Company [7.20][edit]

Morgan: "Worse than telling a lie is spending your whole life staying true to a lie." -Robert Brault

Garcia: You know in the entire time I have known you, you are like, the glistening hero in the movie of life.

Divining Rod [7.21][edit]

Hotch: "Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires." -William Blake

Prentiss: "It is only in love and murder that we still remain sincere." -Friedrich Dürrenmatt

Profiling 101 [7.22][edit]

Rossi: Philosopher Voltaire said, "To the living we owe respect, but to the dead we owe only the truth."

Rossi: Irish statesman and author Edmund Burke wrote, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

Hit [7.23][edit]

JJ: "Fear is met and destroyed with courage." -James F. Bell

Run [7.24][edit]

Prentiss: "I've always heard every ending is also a beginning. We just don't know it at the time. I'd like to believe that's true."

Season 8[edit]

The Silencer [8.1][edit]

Hotch: "As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do." -Andrew Carnegie

Hotch: "A man is known by the silence he keeps." -Oliver Herford.

The Pact [8.2][edit]

Rossi: Ralph Steadman wrote, "Evil is always devising more corrosive misery through man's restless need to exact revenge out of his hate."

Garcia: I––I don't even understand. It's a vacation, Rossi. Everyone likes vacations!
Rossi: Vacations are overrated.
Reid: You should go to Florida and get some sunshine.
Rossi: [deadpan] It's for old guys.
Morgan: What about a safari in Africa?
Rossi: Too hot.
Reid: How about Italy?
Rossi: Too many relatives.
Blake: You sound hermetic.
JJ: [to Dr. Blake] No, Rossi just likes his wine and stogies.
Rossi: And I go crazy if I have nothing to do.
Morgan: You know, Rossi, if you don't use 'em you loose 'em.
Garcia: Thank you! This is what I've been telling him.
Rossi: See this? [holds hands in a frame hold around his face] This is my "I don't care" face.
JJ: That's your normal face.
Blake: If I were you I'd give my vacation days to a colleague in need.
Rossi: [snaps fingers in an "aha!" moment] Garcia, see how many people in the Bureau have spouses in the military serving overseas.
Garcia: [grins at Rossi] I am on it. Altruism is sexy.
Hotch: Yes it is.

Rossi: Paul Brown said, "If you win, say nothing. If you lose, say less."

Through the Looking Glass [8.3][edit]

JJ: The German author Goethe wrote, "Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their true image."

Hotch: "One of the deep secrets of life is that all that is really worth doing is what we do for others." -Lewis Carroll

God Complex [8.4][edit]

Reid: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote, "When a doctor goes wrong, he is the first of criminals. He has the nerve, and he has the knowledge."

Blake: What I do know is what kind of medicine you practiced. What do the eyes go for in Beijing? Eight grand? The skin you sent to Moscow? That netted you what? Fifteen? So when you looked at the last picture, I know what you saw. You saw an amateur who could make a lot more money if he took more than the right leg. After all, you did. [turns to leave]
Smith: Listen, Agent...
Blake: [stops and turns to Smith] Actually, it's "Doctor". Unlike you I still have my degree. You have a good day, Mr. Smith.

Rossi: [about the unsub] It's almost ironic. Most amputees have a healthier psychology than this unsub.

JJ: "Body and soul cannot be separated for the purposes of treatment, for they are one and indivisible. Sick minds must be healed as well as sick bodies." -Dr. Jeff Miller

The Good Earth [8.5][edit]

Reid: "I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." Edgar Allen Poe.

JJ: Alfred Austin said, "Show me your garden and I shall tell you what you are."

The Apprenticeship [8.6][edit]

Morgan: "Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher." -Japanese Proverb

Reid: "The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your own riches, but to reveal to him his own." -Benjamin Disraeli.

The Fallen [8.7][edit]

Rossi: "You never find yourself, until you face the truth." -Pearl Bailey

Rossi: "I am not concerned that you have fallen / I am concerned that you arise." -Abraham Lincoln.

The Wheels on the Bus [8.8][edit]

Hotch: "I'm not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life." -Jean Giraudoux

Morgan: "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." - Frederick Douglass.

Magnificent Light [8.9][edit]

Blake: "A great deal of talent is lost to the world for the want of a little courage." - Sydney Smith

Morgan: "The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive but in finding something to live for." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The Lesson [8.10][edit]

Reid: William Shakespeare once wrote, "Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind."

Reid: Thomas Merton wrote, "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another."

Perennials [8.11][edit]

Reid: "I have never yet heard of a murderer who was not afraid of a ghost." - John Philpot Curran

Rossi: "The doctrine of the immortality of the soul has more threat than comfort." - Mason Cooley

Zugzwang [8.12][edit]

Reid: "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - []
Reid: (angered) Maeve is a somebody and this... bitch is a nobody!

Magnum Opus [8.13][edit]

JJ: "My blood alone remains. Take it, but do not make me suffer long." -Marie Antoinette

Reid: "Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over." -Nicole Sobon.

All That Remains [8.14][edit]

Hotch: "Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing." -Anaïs Nin

Hotch: Alan Lightman said, "The tragedy of this world is that no one is happy, whether stuck in a time of pain or of joy."

Broken [8.15][edit]

Blake: "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are stronger at the broken places." -Ernest Hemingway

Carbon Copy [8.16][edit]

Rossi: "Immitation is the sincerest form of flattery." -Charles Caleb Colton.

The Gathering [8.17][edit]

Reid: Barbara Grizzuti Harrison once said: "All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination."

Reid: Oscar Wilde said "I can resist anything except temptation."

Restoration [8.18][edit]

Rossi: "I am dead. Only vengeance can restore me." -Terry Goodkind

JJ: Okay, Derek, close your eyes. Try to remember--
Morgan: JJ, come on. I taught you the 'you're in a safe place now' speech.
JJ: Then I should be pretty damn good at it, right? Now close your eyes.
Morgan: Okay.

Morgan: I know you remember that cabin. And me and all the other boys you took up there remember it too.
Buford: The man you carry so much rage for no longer exists.
Morgan: Yes he does. He's sitting right in front of me. You're just hiding behind a religion that hasn't figured you out yet.
Buford: You still got that mouth on you. I always liked that mouth. You were always direct.

Buford: You still like mint chocolate ice cream?
Morgan: The attorney general has offered you immunity. You won't be prosecuted for the names on the list as long as that list is complete.
Buford: Or was is butter pecan?
Morgan: You leave even one name off that list, that's it. No deal.
Buford: Are you threatening me?
Morgan: With my hand on the Quran. See, right now, you're in here for serial murder. And I bet that gives you a lot of cred out in the yard, but what do you think the brothers in here would do to you if they found out what you're really guilty of? So let me be direct, Mohammad: start writing.

Morgan: "For darkness restores what light cannot repair.' ― Joseph Brodsky

Pay It Forward [8.19][edit]

Rossi: ˝A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen˝ - Edward De Bono

Hotch: ˝There is no present or future; only the past, happening over and over again now.˝ - Eugene O'Neill

Alchemy [8.20][edit]

Rossi: "Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?" Alfred Lord Tennyson

Reid: J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, "I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil."

Nanny Dearest [8.21][edit]

Hotch: "Children are educated by what the grown-up is, and not by his talk." - Carl Jung

JJ: "Alone, all alone; Nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone." - Maya Angelou

#6 [8.22][edit]

Blake: "We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." - [W.] Somerset Maugham

Brothers Hotchner [8.23][edit]

Hotchner: "Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof." - Richard Bach

Hotchner: "Cruel is the strife of brothers." - Aristotle.

The Replicator [8.24][edit]

Rossi: "Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise." - H. G. Wells

Hotchner: "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.” - Richard Bach

Season 9[edit]

The Inspiration [9.01][edit]

Rossi: "Who knows where inspiration comes from. Perhaps it arises from desperation. Perhaps it comes from the flukes of the universe, the kindness of the muses." Amy Tan

Hotch: Josh Billings once said, "There are two things for which we are never really prepared for: twins."

The Inspired [9.02][edit]

Morgan: "We are not only our brother's keeper, in countless large and small ways we are our brother's maker." Bonaro Overstreet

Hotch: "They mess you up, your Mom and Dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had. And add some extra, just for you." Philip Larkin.

Final Shot [9.03][edit]

Rossi: "Our most basic common link is is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal." -John F. Kennedy

To Bear Witness [9.04][edit]

Morgan: "Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too was a gift." -Mary Oliver

Hotch: "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live." -Norman Cousins.

Route 66 [9.05][edit]

Hotchner: "Life is a dream. Realize it." Mother Teresa.

In the Blood [9.06][edit]

Reid: "After all, what is man but a hoard of ghosts? Oaks, that were acorns, that were oaks." -Walter de la Mare.

Garcia: Mitch Albom said, "Death ends a life, not a relationship."

Gatekeeper [9.07][edit]

Rossi: "If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins." - Benjamin Franklin.

Reid: "The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them." - Frank Clark.

The Return [9.08][edit]

Morgan: Alfred Hitchcock said, "There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it."

JJ: "The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse." - Edmund Burke.

Strange Fruit [9.09][edit]

Rossi: "The universe doesn't like secrets; it conspires to reveal the truth to lead you to it" - Lisa Unger.

The Caller [9.10][edit]

Reid: "Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil." - Aristotle

Rossi: "We cannot despair of humanity, since we ourselves are human beings." - Albert Einstein.

Bully [9.11][edit]

Blake: "Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet". - Vietnamese Proverb

Blake: "Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." - Helen Keller

The Black Queen [9.12][edit]

Morgan: “People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.” ― Thomas Szasz

Garcia: “To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.” ― Bill Watterson.

The Road Home [9.13][edit]

Morgan: “Beware the fury of a patient man.” ― John Dryden

Song near the end when Rossi is saying goodbye to his friend: Guiding Light by Foy Vance

Rossi: “Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” ― Paul Boese.

200 [9.14][edit]

Prentiss: “Why should we look to the past in order to prepare for the future? Because there is nowhere else to look.” ― James Burke

JJ: Nietzsche said, "When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you."

Mr. and Mrs. Anderson [9.15][edit]

Blake: Author Jennifer Smith wrote: "Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story."

Garcia: "Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you." ― Mike Murdock

Gabby [9.16][edit]

Hotch: "It's often said there is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on this world."

JJ: "A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them." ― Victor Hugo

Persuasion [9.17][edit]

Reid: "The secret of my influence has always been that it remained secret." ― Salvador Dali

Rossi: "Illusion is needed to disguise the emptiness within." ― Arthur Erickson.

Rabid [9.18][edit]

Reid: "It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know what sort of disease a person has." - Hippocrates

Morgan: "Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil." - Baltasar Gracian.

The Edge of Winter [9.19][edit]

Morgan: "No one is ever a victim, although your conquerors would have you believe in your own victimhood. How else could they conquer you?" - Barbara Marciniak

Morgan: “There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain, the mind must leave reality behind.” - Patrick Rothfuss.

Blood Relations [9.20][edit]

Blake: “The past is never dead. It's not even past.” - William Faulkner

What Happens in Mecklinburg [9.21][edit]

Reid: Albert Einstein said, "In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same."

Fatal [9.22][edit]

Hotch: A proverb states: "He that was born to be hanged will never be drowned."

Rossi: "A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." - Jean de la Fontaine.

Angels (Part 1) [9.23][edit]

Rossi: "The name written on her forehead was a mystery: Babylon the great the mother of prostitutes and of the abominations of the earth." - Revelation 17:5

Demons (Part 2) [9.24][edit]

Reid: "When truth is buried underground it grows, it chokes, it gathers such an explosive force that on the day it bursts out, it blows up everything with it." ― Emile Zola

Reid: “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell

Season 10[edit]

X [10.01][edit]

Rossi: "I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind." ― Edgar Allen Poe

JJ: "Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed." - Irene Peter

Burn [10.02][edit]

Morgan: "The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see." - Winston Churchill

Garcia: "It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go." - J. C. Watts.

A Thousand Suns [10.03][edit]

Hotchner: "If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst forth at once in the sky, that would be like the splendour of the Mighty One." - from the Hindu Holy Book, Bhagavad-Gita

Rossi: "We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed, a few people cried, most people were silent." - J. Robert Oppenheimer

Closing song: "We Congregate" by Rocco DeLuca

Video on the "table read" of this episode:

The Itch [10.04][edit]

Hotchner: "What's the matter, you dissentious rogues, That, rubbing the poor itch of your opinion, Make yourselves scabs?" - William Shakespeare

JJ: "Getting rid of a delusion makes us wiser than getting hold of the truth." - Ludwig Borne.

Boxed In [10.05][edit]

Hotch?: "There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world." - Jean Baudrillard

JJ: "Always kiss your children goodnight; even if they're already asleep." - H Jackson Brown, Jr

If the Shoe Fits [10.06][edit]

JJ: "Deep vengeance is the daughter of deep silence." - Vittorio Alfieri

Reid: "When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking." - Albert Einstein.

Hashtag [10.07][edit]

Morgan: "Naivete in grownups is often charming; but when coupled with vanity it is indistinguishable from stupidity." - Eric Hoffer

Morgan: "For there is a fellowship more quiet even than solitude, and which, rightly understood, is solitude made perfect." - Robert Lewis Stevenson.

The Boys of Sudworth Place [10.08][edit]

Reid: Wayne Dyer once said, "How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

Morgan: "Our moral responsibility is not to stop the future, but to shape channel our destiny in humane directions and to ease the trauma of transition." - Alvin Toffler

Fate [10.09][edit]

Rossi: "Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." - John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Rossi: "When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be." - Julia Glass.

Amelia Porter [10.10][edit]

Reid: "Remove my sin, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." - Psalm 51.

Callahan: "The soul that has conceived one wickedness can nurse no good thereafter." - Sophocles.

Opening and closing song: "Lord Remember Me" by Ruthie Foster

The Forever people [10.11][edit]

JJ: "Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Anonymous [10.12][edit]

Callahan: "Death is the only god that comes when you call." - Roger Zelazny
Rossi: "As life runs on, the road grows strange with faces new - and near the end. The milestones into headstones change, Neath every one a friend." - James Russell Lowell

Nelson's Sparrow [10.13][edit]

Rossi: "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." - Harriet Beecher Stowe

Hotch: ""When a good man is hurt, all who would be called good must suffer with him." - Euripides

Hero Worship [10.14][edit]

Reid: "The most heroic word in all languages is revolution." - Eugene V. Debs

Reid: “True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.” - Arthur Ashe

Scream [10.15][edit]

Callahan: William R. Alger once said, "Men often make up in wrath what they want in reason."

Hotch: ""Nothing can drive one closer to his own insanity than a haunting memory refusing its own death." - Darnella Ford

Lockdown [10.16][edit]

Hotch: "When the prison doors are opened, the real dragon will fly out." - Ho Chi Minh

Rossi: Dwight D. Eisenhower once wrote, "If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom."

Featured songs: "The Gospel Whiskey Runners" by Muddy Waters, "Echo" by Handsome Jack, "Ancient Light" by Allman Brown.

Breath Play [10.17][edit]

Rossi: "There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror." - W. Somerset Maugham

Callahan: “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” - Dr. Haim Ginott

Rock Creek Park [10.18][edit]

Reid: "The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

Beyond Borders [10.19][edit]

Hotch: "....No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." - Terry Pratchett

Jack Garrett: "Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success." - Henry Ford

A Place at the Table [10.20][edit]

Rossi: "When one has not had a good father, one must create one." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Hotch: "We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future." - George Bernard Shaw

Mr. Scratch [10.21][edit]

Hotch: "Your memory is a monster, it summons with a will of its own. You think you have a memory, but it has you." - John Irving

Protection [10.22][edit]

???: "???." - ???

???: "???." - ???

The Hunt [10.23][edit]

???: "???." - ???

???: "???." - ???


External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: